i hate pickles like whoa.

ole! {willows third birthday party}

2013-08-03T20:21:00.000-05:00

you know what's crazy?

willow isn't into princesses.

or dress up.

or super heroes.

she's into cheese dip.

and chips.

and salsa.

so a fiesta birthday party it was.

we had it at home like last year and it couldn't have been more special.

she had 48 people there to celebrate with her.

i don't say the number to be impressive but so that

when she gets on her futuristic computer as an adult,

she can look back on these little blog posts

(which will practically be the equivalent of stone tablets by then, right?)

and remember how much she was loved.

i didn't take a single picture but luckily

nana snapped a few.

p.s. could not imagine doing this without my mom.

she was in the kitchen the whole time making sure

there was plenty of everything at all times

and the kitchen was sparkling after everyone was gone.

thank you momma :)

and thank you daddy for being the official door opener!

the food table.

we had lemonade and sweet tea.
i dipped those little cups in sprinkles for the lemonade but
pretty sure no one took one. ha!

these were the party favors.
a little clear "take out box" of gummy bears
and a balloon.

beef or shredded chicken tacos.
refried beans.
mexican rice.
corn.
guacamole//queso//salsa.

sweet friends l to r.
ms. dinah, ivey, leigh, jamie and scott.

adelle, sophia, allie, otie and cole.

love this pic. and this family.
david, chapel, susannah, finley and solomon.

hannah, henry and mr. bill.

sweaty girl on the trampoline.
we had some pool noodles
and punch balloons to play with outside.
and a water table.
and lots and lots of mosquito spray. ugh.

sweet little birthday girl.

pretty cupcakes that nana made.

she loves her josie blue.
(her little outfit got wet playing in the water table)

the best babysitter ever, leyna.

we waited until everyone left to open presents.
she loved EVERYTHING!

and the happy birthday willow...

it was such a fun, laid back night and
i am always so touched by the friends who
take the time to celebrate with us.
xo

willows birth.day {3}

2013-07-24T17:04:00.003-05:00

i have mixed emotions about willow turning three.

part of me is so sad that there are only 15 more years until she leaves home.

but the other part is SO excited for what's to come!

for her birthday, we wanted to give her more of an "experience" since

there is nothing that she NEEDS.

so here is a glimpse of our day.

{she was lucky enough to have her cousins staying with us for a couple weeks to celebrate with her!}

this was coming out of our bedroom.

she slept with us so we set this up outside our door.

(please ignore the messy laundry room.)

my sweet little 3 year old.

first up was a trip to the mall and

a whole bag of quarters to ride

as many rides as she wanted.

usually she gets coins for one ride

so this was super exciting!

happy girl.

and barney came too!

some photo booth fun with the boys.

then she got to go to build a bear for the first time.

she seriously was only interested in the glasses but

finally picked a cat that she named "cody".

so proud of her new cat

and her new glasses.

they played on the toys and ate lunch at the mall

until it was time to go to pump it up!

this is the PERFECT place for this girl who loves

to jump and climb.

this was daddys first time and

she LOVED him being there!

tired and worn out from the FUN!

after a quick rest, we met nana and poppy

at willows favorite mexican place and

opened presents and had cupcakes.

she LOVED when they sang to her!

making a wish.

my family :)

she of course wanted to send her

balloon up to levee and meadow!

after that we went to nana and poppys house

and we all got our faces painted by tyler!

this was such a special day and we cant wait to celebrate with

our friends in a few days!!

a few favorites.

2013-07-07T14:10:00.001-05:00

two of my bff's and i kind of keep a group text going of beauty "help me!'s" and favorite products. here's a few of mine.

in the summer i almost NEVER wear makeup. so when i do have a hot date, i want to keep it light and fresh.

^^
this bb cream (bb=beauty balm) is perfect. when i first tried it, i hated it and gave willow my tube to "paint" with. but i switched brands and gave it another shot and love it. i squeeze about a dime size on the back of my hand and use a foundation brush to apply it. (make sure u cover your lids, also)

^^
after that (yes, after), this concealer is such a pretty highlighter. i may do a video on this because it's such a pretty effect. i use it under my eyes and along the whole eye/cheekbone area. also the bridge of my nose.

^^
i found this while looking for a detangler for willows hair and this is great. i use it as a finisher on mine too. rub a small amount into your hands and then rake it through. always do from the ears down if you have oilier hair. it smells soooo good.

^^
really, i just wanted to be like all my cool friends and use dry shampoo. i sweat like a boy when i workout so i HAVE to wash my hair every day. i use this to add body to my roots or if im refreshing my hair for night time.

all of these things can be found at walmart or target.
will you share some of your favorites with me?

happy birthday, meadow

2013-06-27T22:46:00.001-05:00

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why." -Mark Twain

As a little girl, I never dreamed (or could have dreamed) of all the things I'd get to do in my life. There have been SO many good moments/days/years.

But there have been some incredibly tough times too.

Was the reason that I was born really to deliver two babies that I will never get to hold again until heaven? And then miscarry two more much earlier?

Maybe.

A year ago tomorrow, our precious little girl, Meadow Grace was born right into heaven, just 8 months after her big brother, Levee. Going through it once was so hard but the second time just wrecked me.

I'm a very logical person and I like to figure things out, so not having a "why" was so incredibly difficult for me. I thought that if I just knew why it happened or what I was supposed to be learning from it, THEN I could be okay. I think I held my breath for a good 4 months after it happened because I didn't think I would be okay if I breathed. But I was. And I am.

God's our daddy, ya know? And just like I would never let Willow hurt alone, He never let me hurt alone either. He provided so many different people and situations to help me heal.

The only picture that we have of her is this sonogram. It's framed in our kitchen but when I take the time to really look at it, my breath catches in my throat and tears well up because I see how real she was/is.

Even though I'll never understand "why" God chose me to be their momma, I am so thankful that He did. And if He chooses me to be the momma to more then that's okay too.

My heart aches to hold a warm baby again and it aches to give Willow that baby brother or sister that she prays for. But if I've learned anything, it's that God's plan is better than I could ever dream of and His timing is perfect.

Happy Birthday, Meadow. Watch for the pink balloons tomorrow from your proud sister!

Levee's Story

2013-06-24T18:34:00.000-05:00

Friends have told me to keep a journal of this time, and the only thing I could think of is Why in the world would I want to relive this?? But it's been on my heart the last couple of days to write this down, because I don't ever want to forget this life changing event and how God used this to work tremendously in our lives.

{I've added a few pictures to this. We want to share him with you. But although Levee is absolutely perfect to us, please know he was born at 24 weeks so he doesn't look "full term" and they may be difficult for some to look at and that's okay!}

On October 4th, I started having a bit of extremely light spotting, not enough to even make me question it. I mentioned it later to W and to my mom and of course did the google search. For once, Google put me at ease and I was convinced it was just a urinary tract infection since I'd had one pretty much my whole pregnancy with Willow. I was still feeling movement from Levee so I was content. I told W that if it was still going on the next day, I would call the Dr's office. It was, so I called as soon as they opened and left a message for the Triage Nurse. She called me back almost immediately and told me to come right in. Willow was in her nap so I assured W that everything would be fine so he should stay home with Willow. This was the first appointment he'd missed. We did the routine weight check, blood pressure check and the whole time I was joking and making small talk with the nurses. I was still feeling movement from Levee (or so I thought). The sweet sonographer came and got me and again, I was smiling and laughing with her. I just knew things were fine. She first checked my cervix and that was fine. Then she put the warm gel on my growing belly and thats when I heard the LOUDEST sound of my entire life. Complete silence. My chest got tight. I didn't see that familiar flicker that I always hold my breath for. I said "I don't see a heart beat, do you??" and she said "I'm so sorry, I don't". I always thought if I were in that situation, I would be strong. But I covered my hands with my face and started to sob. She kept searching and I was pleading with her "But I just felt him move" and with tears coming down her face she kept saying "I'm so sorry". After what seemed like both eternity and mere seconds, she said that she was going to go and get Dr Wooley. That just made it seem so real to me. He came in and for the first time, he showed real emotion. He just said "Oh Kimberly, this is not good" and put his hand on my leg. I was just sobbing so hard and then I thought, maybe HE will find a heartbeat. They both looked at Levee and took measurements but of course there was nothing. I was watching the screen the whole time and when she would scan his face, it was so hard to look at. I asked Dr Wooley if there was ANYTHING I could have done or shouldnt have done and I could tell by the look in his eyes that he meant it when he said absolutely not. He said it looked like it had been several days based on his measurements. They both stepped out so that I could call W. That was the hardest call I've ever had to make. He answered and said that he was already on his way. I was crying and said "I'm so so sorry" and he assured me it was okay, then something in his voice changed and he said "What is it?" and I told him that there wasn't a heartbeat. Again, in the voice of a hero, he said everything was going to be okay and he'd be right there. They took me to Dr Wooleys office and I sat there and cried while I waited. When W got there, we hugged so tight and cried hard together. I was so so happy to see Willow and I knew I had to be brave for her. Dr Wooley came in and explained everything to us and that he would be discussing with his colleagues what would be the safest route for them to take.

We were completely numb. I crawled into bed when we got home and went in between feeling blank and feeling so so sad. I told W that I didn't want them to take Levee out of me but at the same time it was so hard carrying him knowing it was just his tiny body. I carried him for 3 days knowing he wasn't alive. My mom had flown out that morning to Pennsylvania but shortly we arranged for her to come home to be with me for the surgery. My dad came over that night and my fill-in mom, Ms Alicia. I laid a blanket out in the back yard and laid out there looking up at the sky for hours and just felt so much peace.

It helped so much that they were there that night just to visit. In the next few days, my best friends from childhood informed me that they were coming to me. Liss had lined up people to take care of Willow the whole time we'd be in the hospital. Em made food for us and grocery shopped.

On Thursday, we met with Dr. Sullivan who would be doing the surgery. We had to have another sonogram which was awful. Of course I thought maybe just maybe there would be a heartbeat this time. But she was looking at his positioning so she could have her plan. I also had blood taken in case I needed a transfusion. They let us know how risky the surgery was for me and I was afraid. I asked the Dr if I was going to die and she said that Dr. Wooley had hand picked her because she was a great surgeon. Fair enough :)

Friday morning October 7th, we got up early. We had to be at the hospital at 5:30. I was so thankful I wouldn't have to wait all day. It was quiet in our car as we drove into the Labor and Delivery parking lot. I was still being brave. Then we got off the elevators on our floor and I saw the sign for the Well Baby Nursery. It hit me that Levee would never be in there. We stood in the hallway and hugged and cried and then my parents came out from the Waiting Room to be with us. Ms Alicia was there too. We all walked in together and I checked in. I changed into my gown and got in the bed. The nurses were SO kind. None of them could get a vein to start my IV so they had the Anesthesia nurse come in. Poor guy says "You ready to have a baby today??". We felt so bad for him and when he realized he was almost in tears. There was a shift change at 7 and in walks a pretty nurse with curly blonde hair. Everyone said how familiar she looks but it wasn't until she and my dad run into each other in the hallway that we find out they had just gotten home from a mission trip to Colombia together. What a blessing to have her with me the whole time!! She comes back with her OR gear on and then prays with me before we go in. My precious friend Jenny was there by that time to take priceless pictures for us. She took one last picture of my tummy with Levee in it. I will cherish that one.

The epidural went in without a hitch. They even said they should've video taped it to show patients how its done. They got everything draped and after a few adjustments and tilting, i was finally numb. I started to cry and told the sweet anesthesiologist that I just cant believe he's not going to be alive. She put her hands on both sides of my face to catch the tears. Then she gave me some medicine that helped to soothe me. I let the team know to keep an eye on W because for a while, we were nervous about seeing Levee. So they put up an extra drape. He came in and the emotions were so drastically different than when he walked in to the OR to meet Willow. During the procedure I noticed a song was playing. I later learned that it was "You lift me up" by The Afters. I also learned that there is NEVER music in that OR and that nobody knew who turned it on. I know :) I remember the moment that the Dr said "he's out". My heart sank. They had taken my son, it was over. After they cleaned him up, they brought him over to us and he was SO precious and tiny. I remember commenting on his little tiny toenails.

My next memory is being in our room and them bringing Levee in to us. He was wrapped in the "love pouch" that had been made for him and the fluffy white blanket that Liss had picked out.

I'm told we spent several hours with him but I was in and out from the medicine so time isn't clear. I remember taking him out of his blanket and holding him in the palms of my hand. He had on a little white crocheted hat with a blue ribbon. He was perfectly formed. He has 10 fingers, 10 toes, you could count his ribs and see that he was a BOY ;)

I wrapped him up before it was time to say goodbye so that we would be warm and snuggley.

The peace that was covering our room is indescribable. I thought it would be sooo traumatic letting him go. It was hard, so very hard, but we also knew without a doubt that he was healthy and happy with his Heavenly Father. The next morning when W and I woke up, he said "do you feel different?" and I asked if he meant, do I still feel at peace? It was amazing because we were just under this big blanket of peace and we had just lost our precious son. God is so incredible. W and I have been through so much in our short time together and God has used these things to being us so much closer and make us so much stronger. W said it best when he said he feels like we are literally stitched together. It's also brought us so much closer to God. And the comfort of knowing we will see our baby again someday is what gets us through the dark moments.

We had him cremated. I couldn't bear to see a baby coffin. His ashes are still on my bedside table but eventually we will plant a tree for him. He will always be our son, Willow will always be his big sister and one day we will all be together again. O glorious day ;)

lets go camping!

2013-06-21T07:21:00.000-05:00

willow and i surprised W for Father's Day weekend and took him camping at Roosevelt state park. it couldn't have gone better! our awesome//fun friends let us tag along so we had built in play dates.

my mom watched willow while I packed and loaded the car. we picked up W at work and I handed him willows "let's go camping" book. he was SO surprised and excited!

it was about a 45 minute (easy) drive and finding out spot wasn't too tricky.

we were surprised at how CLOSE our neighbors were so that was a bit disappointing. especially since they yelled & fought ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

we went to our friends cabin to grill supper and broke out the glitter pinecone craft. it was an afterthought but I'm SO glad we had it! the empty glitter tubes were perfect for catching lightening bugs.

we borrowed air mattresses and had 2 fans going so we were very comfortable. The fans also helped block some of the noise.

willow slept GREAT and woke up so happy. I had convinced myself that willow might get up in the night and get out without us realizing it, so I slept with one eye open!

I packed an ice chest full of our favorites so she had her regular Greek yogurt/strawberry breakfast.

we went for an early morning swim at the lake. the water was so warm and we were the only ones there so it was so beautiful and peaceful.

check out that huge waterslide across the water! it was awesome and willow went down at least 100 times between the 2 days.

the pool was great and in the morning it wasn't crowded. we went back at about 3 and it was packed.

we cooked over the fire and made s'mores. I didn't pack enough food because I didn't think we'd be staying so we bummed food from our friends!

after we ate, we took a nice walk around the campgrounds to help walk off the s'more hangover.

the next morning we went to the lake while W put the tent away and loaded the car and then we went back to the waterslide for the grand finale.

I'm so excited that we pulled it off! We can't wait to go back!!

Here was my packing list:

3 changes or clothes for each (I put the whole outfit//underwear in a big ziplock and then put the dirty outfit in when we changed)

Jammies

Small bottles of soap & shampoo

Deodorant

Toothbrushes & Toothpaste

Baby Wipes

Toilet paper

Paper towels

Tent

Lawn chairs

Blankets, Pillows, Air mattresses (one queen and one twin) & Pump

2 Fans

Extension cord and an extra cord that allowed for 2 plugs

Snacks (Granola Bars, Crackers, Chips, Energy Balls, Fruit)

Chicken (already seasoned)

Potatoes (cut and seasoned)

Foil

Knife

Skewers

Silverware

Pot holder

Yogurt

Hummus

Swimsuits

Towels (wish I had brought more!)

Floaties

Sand toys

Scooter

Small stroller

2 flashlights

Extra batteries

Lighter

Charcoal (already had lighter fluid on it)

Bug spray

Sunscreen

*I packed the snacks/food type things in one large Tupperware and the clothes/blankets, etc in a large/deep Tupperware so it was easy to load/unload.

you made me a momma.

2013-05-11T19:43:00.001-05:00

little sweetie. you made me a momma.

we had such a fun day today at the zoo. all three of us. you were usually more interested in balancing along the paths or picking up treasures than seeing the tigers and giraffes up close but that's what makes you so beautiful. you're you! we had so much fun climbing through (and on top of!) the big dinosaur eggs and topped off the day with a ride on the carousel (you rode the zebra) and the train.

then this evening, you crawled onto my lap with heavy eyelids and laid your head on my shoulder and instantly fell asleep. my gaze fell on a picture on the wall of me holding baby levee and the tears came. i've held 3 angels in my life. two in my arms and one just in my belly but you are the first one who's heartbeat i've felt against me. i've gotten to hear you belly laugh, kiss your boo-boo's, teach you things, color and paint with you, run and play and swing and slide with you, smell your hair, play with dollies, listen to your sweet sweet prayers...and i just have so much gratitude to Jesus for letting me be a part of this little life. and it's just the beginning of it!

you told me yesterday that "my levee, my brother is in heaven with Jesus" and then your little eyebrows furrowed and said "i can't hold my brother". you said that meadow is in heaven too. i asked if you were so excited to go there soon and you said "i'm cited! and mommy and daddy and willow and my levee and meadow!". you always refer to him as "my levee" and it just makes me long for that sweet day that our whole family is together and we can know your brother and sister like we know you.

you are such a miracle, willow.

you are such a gift to your daddy and i.

thank you for making me a momma.

thank you Jesus for making me THEIR momma!

call the po-lice

2013-04-30T17:58:00.001-05:00

yall. something crazy happened a few weeks ago.

willow & i go on long walks through our neighborhood.

we have our own litle routine...walk up heart attack hill (it's no joke, people), check out the bulldozers, count the turtles under the bridge, swoon over the giant water front houses and then go sit on the bank by the water. theres some beams that she likes to balance on and then we'll pick grass and toss it into the water.

i always leave our stroller on the walking trail instead of pushing it through the grass and mud.

on this particular day, i noticed a youngish man stop by the stroller. he was on the phone and kept looking at us. he was standing RIGHT BY the stroller and im wondering if he's actually considering stealing it?! a few minutes later he was gone but two POLICE CARS pull up behind us!!! see, willow almost always has a babydoll strapped in next to her and this day was no different. this poor man thought i had LEFT MY BABY in the stroller in the hot sun and very kindly reported me to the cops! HA!! they clearly saw that it was a doll...you know, because it didn't blink...or stop smiling...and was PLASTIC!!!

it was so nuts but made for quite an unforgettable day!

here's a pic of the not so real looking baby doll :)

the double stroller.

2013-03-25T15:18:00.000-05:00

i did it.

for the past 17 months, willow & i have been battling the cracks and hills of our neighborhood in a regular/great for pushing around the mall/nothing fancy stroller.

see, we have a cadillac of a double jogging stroller. double. stroller. we got it when levee was coming. it was on the must list. but then levee didn't come home with us and that double stroller has been sitting in our garage collecting dust and a dried up bee. really. i feel shame and embarrassment when I think about pushing willow in it. i know that those emotions probably don't make sense but I never doubted that levee would be cruising around in it too and I feel embarrassed for that. i feel like if I was seen pushing one child in a stroller that was clearly meant for two, a big flashing sign would be above me saying "haha! she only has ONE child!!" and i was too ashamed to do it.

i even tried to tell myself "well, it probably just looks like the other child is at school"...or "you have so many kids that you needed one on one time with this one"...so silly, right? i still couldn't do it though.

but u know what? today WE DID IT!!! it was a quick walk (unlike our typical hour long leisurely walks) but i'm really really proud! and u know what else? i could not be more thankful for this PRECIOUS one child! :):)

little miracle

2013-03-19T15:16:00.002-05:00

we realize more & more as time goes on just how much of a miracle willow really is. the doctors who have worked with us through her birth & our losses are truly amazed that she's here & so healthy. words can never express how thankful we are for her & the part she is playing in the world. BIG things are in store for this little girl. that i am sure of :)

||q&a||

2013-03-05T22:36:00.001-06:00

trying to keep the little girl awake in the car, i did a little q&a of her favorites...

color? crayon

food? cheese & beans

letter? triangle (A..it has a triangle in it ;)

shape? hexagon

song? seek you (kari jobe)

thing to do? children's museum

place? zoo (haven't been since last summer but nana talked about it yesterday)

it was so cute to see her think hard and then answer. she's always have a big smile on her face when she did. :)

2013-03-01T14:32:00.001-06:00

this girl is doing a "day in the life" post so here is our version. all of our days are SO different so ill just pick a thursday.
we own our own business & most people don't know that I actually do work work from home. (yup, I said work twice..ya know, to really drive the point)
willow gets up around 6:30. i am a morning person but not a get up before the rest of 'em early riser. i get willows breakfast ready (yesterday was a "smiley face banana" & yogurt..I really like this age of her knowing what she wants! i started williams hot bath (whoa, so spoiled ;), ate an orange and got a diet coke from the fridge in the garage (brrr!) while willow is eating, I open emails, reply to clients, book appointments, do purchase orders, accounting, code receipts, & whatever else needs to be done.

i always get ready for the day before w goes to work. i like him to leave seeing me dressed & "put together" (makeup ((usually)), shoes and everything) so he knows that we are set up for a fun, productive day. he may not even notice but it's a big deal to me! :)

w works different hours every day but yesterday his appts started at 10.
willow brings me the "Jesus book" (ha!) & I read our devotion out loud :)
we do some "school work" every day from a preschool workbook. she loves "school".

willow & i headed to the gym at about 10:30. i wasn't sure how she'd do so I just did a quick workout but she cried so hard when we left because she had SO much fun playing.
we ran to target to get a few things and I let her have popcorn! we've only done that once before but it was a fun treat for her :) daddy had a break at work so he came to see us & we all went to the indoor play area at the mall. it was so cold & we needed to get some wiggles out.

w went back to work (thursdays are his late nights, til 8:30). we came home, ate lunch & made brownies and she played in the playroom while i started the dishwasher & did some laundry. naps are RARE these days so I just accept it and go with it instead of getting too frustrated.
im strict about not being on my phone when she's awake and really being intentional about being her mommy so I don't just watch her play, I really like to get down with her & pretend & interact with her.
on warmer days (like wednesday) we go outside during this time (jump on the trampoline, wagon rides, etc) until its time to start supper.

she really likes to help with supper and by this time she's so tired from not napping, it's nice to have something new to involve her in. she washes veggies & pours in spices. (or sometimes just wants to be held)

after supper, it's bath time. she's suddenly decided that baths aren't fun so I make colored ice cubes to try and lure her in. ;) if I've forgotten to make new ones, she picks out a color of food coloring to put in the water.
around 7 i laid her in bed & we had our prayer time. i told her I was going to mop the kitchen floor and would come back to check on her but she was sound asleep before I got back. :)
i always stay dressed until after w gets home. a loooooong time ago (i was maybe 10?) our pastor was talking about how ladies need to take care of themselves & look nice for their husbands & ive never forgotten. i don't even own sweatpants because I would probably be too tempted. ha!
before w gets home i do the same office work from this morning over again.
he had already eaten so I usually take a shower and we hang out for a while. on normal nights, we might play a game (we've been on a monopoly kick) or watch tv.

almost every night he offers to give me a massage & almost every night I turn him down. it's HIS time to be taken care of! :)
tell me about your day! i love hearing about other people's lives!

::lately::

2013-02-27T16:26:00.001-06:00

little climber

feeding baby

holding sweet little maci

ICECREAM!

play date with parker

kissy faces for daddy

free cookie for being cute

fun chalkboard wall at orange leaf

so much fun at the park

yard work

more fun at the "other park"

living room.

2013-02-21T12:43:00.001-06:00

this is our real life living room.
meaning, we just had a play date here so it
looks like it often (okay, always) does.

^^ this is walking in from the front door.
christmas lights are permanent.
they make us happy, so they stay.

^^ looking back at the front door.
we spray painted the light {500 coats of} orange.
william is a VERY talented artist and
one of his paintings is to the right.

^^ switched out the knobs on the entertainment center to make it a little more "us".
the "x" & "o" are from a local salvage market.
hot pink branch beside it from an old window display at the clinic.
some cool records on the floor.

^^ sweet little girl tucked into the couch.
rug from urban outfitters.

^^ curtains made from fabric scrap strips.
wish they showed up better but it's storming out so bad lighting.

^^ the big back wall is a huge invitation to color on with chalk.
all of our walls are, really.
it's just regular matte paint but wipes off with damp paper towel.
i like to switch up the inspirational sayings {usually found on Pinterest}

xo

a favorite snack.

2013-02-10T12:24:00.001-06:00

one of our favorite snacks to make together are these

no bake energy bites.

or as willow calls them,

oatmeal balls.

we tend to always have the ingredients on hands so its just a matter of measuring, pouring, mixing & rolling.

then just store them in a fridge for a quick (and healthy!) snack!

::lately::

2013-02-09T14:51:00.002-06:00

last minute super bowl party

with our small group.

bff elissa came for a visit with the girls.

finally got to hold precious baby Charlotte.

trip to see her favorite

chiropractor "dr. boo".

making our very own

"dazzle berry lemonade"

just like yo gabba gabba.

silly faces (this is 1 of 20 or so, ha!)

while living outside as usual.

fun at the children's museum

with "baby emma".

precious girl at the doctor.

(i didn't even have to talk,

she answered all of her doctors questions while w & i about died from the cuteness!)

feeling miserable with a tummy bug.

getting a much deserved foot massage.

starting to feel better,

helping mommy make cookies.

finally back to her happy self,

playing outside!

bye bye passy.

2013-02-02T13:38:00.001-06:00

ahhhhh y'all this was SO HARD for me!

i loved everything about her passy.

the different speeds that she sucked on it, the way it would quiver & then fall out when she slept, the way she flipped it every few seconds, the way she said the word, the way it SMELLED!

ive never been a momma that stresses about time lines. she had her bottle until she was two. so what?

but when she put her ENTIRE passy into her mouth to be funny i knew it was time.

i read up on it and knew with her soft heart, that her choosing to give it to someone she loves was the best way for us.

so last Saturday i told her that her beloved great grandma radaker's tummy hurt & did she want to send her all of her passy's to her to help her feel better? she did so we got a box and walked through the house gathering passys & put them all in the box. taped it up & walked out to the mailbox and she put it in & raised the flag.

this process was the key. she was choosing to give them, we weren't taking them.

that night was awful. after 3 hours she finally fell asleep. she woke up at 5 & I couldn't put her through the trauma of going to sleep again so we stayed up.

she asked for it a few times over the next few days and we'd say "who did you give your passys to" she'd say "grandma Radaker" & we'd remind her that they are helping grandma feel SO much better & it was so sweet of her.

she didn't ask for them at night and a week later she hasn't mentioned them!

this girl has an incredible memory so I know she hasn't forgotten about them, she's just knows where they are and why.

im so so relieved that its behind us!

::lately::

2013-02-01T12:58:00.000-06:00

we had a fun time learning all about "A" this week!!

i am constantly surprised by how much she wants to & can learn!

we went to the "new park".

started a new trick on the trampoline.

kitchen fail..my heart shaped carrot turned out like a PAC man.

every meal this week was her "FAVORITE"

fun play date with her sweet friend.

silly silly after bath laughs.

a is for apples

2013-01-28T14:14:00.000-06:00

ABCs? nailed them.

counting? boom.

so now we're working on recognizing letters/numbers and associating them.

this sounds crazy to me to be doing with a 2 year old but in this competition driven world, it seems necessary in order to not be left behind.

so we're keeping it fun & light around here. and she's loving it. :)

today our fun project was making cinnamon apples. from picking them out at the store (counting) to washing & cutting them, she was totally involved.

lately

2013-01-23T15:24:00.001-06:00

fun parties.

winter wonderland.

lip gloss.

birthday parties.

playing outside.

children's museum.

instagram//@shefacepaints

: on my heart :

2013-01-09T12:30:00.001-06:00

dear willow,
my sweet, precious girl. there is so much that i want to say to you. so much that i want you to know. about me, about my heart, , about how i feel about you, who i want you to be...
i want you to be you. more than anything. i want you to move mountains. you have a firey little spirit and a sensitive soul. you look just like your handsome daddy but you are so much like your momma. this thrills me but is gut wrenching at the same time because i know you will have to learn some hard lessons before you "get it" but you'll be even stronger for it. and i pray that i am right here every single time to wipe the tears from those beautiful blue eyes.
you will want to help the most troubles souls. and you will. but your little heart will hurt at the same time. you'll want to give everything you have. give it! you will feel so full and happy. God will always provide.
i'm praying that your little heart will always love Jesus. that you will always always trust Him and His plan for your life. it's an extraordinary one. seek Him. He loves you so much!
you might have a lot of friends or you might have just a few. don't feel pressured to conform. make your choices with your head and your heart.
someday you'll be interested in boys. and they will certainly be interested in you. wait for the one that takes your breathe away. the one that is selfless and humble and makes you feel so important. the one who boldly loves Jesus.
and never forget how much your momma loves you. at one time your heart beat inside of me and now it's walking around and i'm learning to release it to Jesus a littleit every day. but i'm always your momma. your safe place. and no matter what, you can always come home.
with all of my heart,
momma

willows sweet little playroom

2013-01-04T19:16:00.001-06:00

i was pregnant with levee when we bought our home and we designated this as his room. but after time, toys just migrated into this empty space and now it's a sweet little play room with a whole lot of special memories.

this is looking into the room.

it's packed full but somewhat still organized.

her new "balance beam" is in the center to practice her gymnastics moves. ;)

we added these shelves to get the majority of small toys off of the floor.

her new dollie crib built by poppy for christmas.

(nana made the bedding)

this little kitchen was my sisters and mine when we were little.

i still remember the christmas morning that santa brought it!

our little art project that willow and i did this summer.

"sweet land of liberty...of thee i sing"

come play sometime!

Willows Bed

2013-01-02T21:38:00.001-06:00

Willow is a realllllly lucky girl.

I emailed this picture I saw on Pinterest to my dad {Poppy} and in

NO time it was in her room.

He was able to use scrap wood from another project and all we had to purchase were the drawers and drawer guides and paint.

It's so big that he had to put it together in her room and if we ever have to sell,

they'll be getting two houses for the price of one. ;)

This is the final result.

SO much cuter than the inspiration pic!!

He added three drawers under the bed part that we keep her clothes in,

all of the steps have drawers (for extra sheets, jammies, etc)

and a rail on both sides of the stairs.

He left both ends of the top bunk open so we can easily get a mattress in and out.

{We got the mattresses from Sams. They are Serta and SO comfortable!}

I added some pink Christmas lights to the railing so that the steps are always lit and Willow and I made the sparkly heart window decorations.

She LOVES it and I just know she will love it for many many years.

I can just imagine lots of little girls up in the top bunk giggling together. :)

be the good.

2012-12-18T17:37:00.001-06:00

my friend, Leigh lit a spark in me.
she's the type of girl that just does kind stuff without thinking about it.

it started with a $20 bill that neither of us wanted to claim & she suggested we use it to do something for someone else.

the idea made me want to do MORE.
so instead of making a list of things I "wanted" for my 29th birthday this month, I made a list of 29 things that I could do for other people.

I can't think of a birthday present that would fill me up in the same way that this did. and involving willow in everything has made some really special & beautiful memories for me.

the last thing was to give out some gift cards to Walmart. my dad & I went last night to get a few things & it was a mad house. I'd been carrying these cards around for a while but I knew last night was the time. I didn't know how to pick who needed it so as we were leaving I handed it to the greeter & asked her to give it to anybody that she wanted & to just tell them "merry Christmas". the look on her face was so so neat & I probably won't ever forget it. something SO TINY.

after such a dark week last week with the precious children in conn, its been such a blessing to be a small part of the good that does still exist.

and then this morning, W surprised me with my wedding ring that I thought was ruined. (it got caught in the garbage disposal) our neighbor was able to fix it with tools he had in his garage. it took him minutes & was so simple to him but W & I both stood in our kitchen and cried because of the GOOD. :)

big fat chewy chocolate chip cookies

2012-11-13T12:44:00.001-06:00

you know those cookies
from Mcalisters?

and then you search for the
"mooshiest" one?
you know you do.

then you make cookies at home
And they end up being
flat blobs of flour.

well, i have searched high and low
for the BEST chocolate chip cookie recipe.
high and low.

and i found it.
make these immediatley.

(they will just be SLIGHTLY brown around the edges when you take them out of the oven but they will set up. the magic time for me was 16 1/2 minutes)

let me know how they turned out!

i hate pickles like whoa.

ole! {willows third birthday party}

willows birth.day {3}

a few favorites.

happy birthday, meadow

Levee's Story

lets go camping!

you made me a momma.

call the po-lice

the double stroller.

little miracle

||q&a||

{{day in our life}}

::lately::

living room.

a favorite snack.

::lately::

bye bye passy.

::lately::

a is for apples

lately

: on my heart :

willows sweet little playroom

Willows Bed

be the good.

big fat chewy chocolate chip cookies