I have thoughts, my thoughts are good

Need someone to do nothing with

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 00:41:00 +0000

"I can always find someone to do something with...but I have no-one to do nothing with."

The most poignant quote I've heard recently. And pretty much is how I feel about my life right now. Sadness.

Can't Help but share the Ridiculousness

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 01:26:00 +0000

Behold Spongebob Burger King

10 Types of Clients

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 22:34:00 +0000

Amen. This post = my life.

Oh but it gets better in the comments. I could have written this comment in particular.

What a great way to start your day!

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 22:25:00 +0000

So this happened a little while back.

I was walking to work and I passed a guy who said "Hello" to me in such a way it sounded like he knew me. So I looked up and said hello back. Turned out I didn't know him. Oh well. I was still nice.

Dude then comes after me & tells me how I am the most beautiful girl he has seen and would love to take me out, he gets off work at 5....

Me: "I have to go to work"
Dude: " That's ok. I'll talk fast."
Me: "I have a boyfriend" ( Yes we do lie when we don't want to be bothered)
Dude: "I don't care about that"

And it continues until he insists that I take his number.

The caveat here is that dude looked normal, handsome even, had a slight English accent and more or less looked like he had his shit together. And had I not been trying to get to my office which is in the GHETTO, I might have considered talking to him. As it was, I WAS walking through the ghetto when he came after me which immediately made me wish I had mace.

So this goes out to you Charles (I think that was your name). You totally made my morning and props to you for having the balls to try and pick up a girl on the street. Seriously, if I worked on 3rd Street instead of 9th, you would probably have a much better shot.

Bill O'Reilly is talking out of his ass as usual

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 01:17:00 +0000

Some people love papa bear, some for the entertainment value of it, some because they are dumb. And granted this article has a bit of comic value but it truly shows how misguided and how much "artistic" license Fox takes with editing. Especially how it makes the Castro look like a den of sin. And STRAIGHT sin for that matter.

And technically everything they are saying is true. Massage parlours, prostitution, ok but how different is that from New York or Chicago or ANY big city?

Wouldn't walk in the Presidio at night? What, afraid of the deer?

Misses Palin! I made A teliscop for YOU!

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 01:55:00 +0000

Priceless my friends, priceless. You betcha doggonit.

Being sick blows my ass

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:52:00 +0000

Especially when it is a day away from the largest lindy exchange ever held and you find yourself in the midst of a fever.

That's right.

While I'm not as bad as I was yesterday, I still had to give all my guests away because getting out of towners sick just doesn't feel nice. And am thinking that I won't be able to go to most of the events this weekend :( WTF yo.

There is nothing more infuriating than looking forward to something that will be amazing only to have it snatched away by some fucking virus. God. Damn. It.

I'm not your admin, bitches

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Wed, 28 May 2008 18:29:00 +0000

So today we had a kick off meeting for a PPC campaign. This client has been especially hard to nail down so we scheduled this meeting about 2 weeks ago. I have been the main contact for them for the most part but seeing as I know nothing about PPC and my co-worker (we will call him Bill) is a lead generation guy, it only makes sense that he would run the campaign, be the main contact and do the project management. And seeing as he has one lonely project, he has the time and room for it.

So under this reasoning I schedule the call number (because I haven't taught him how to do it yet) and send it out to the internal team and basically say "This is all I am responsible for." And that is the last time I touch it. Maybe I should have pressed the fact that this is NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY, but I thought that someone as quick as this guy would get it.

Apparently not, because he totally flaked on the meeting this morning and also didn't send the call info to the client. Part of me is glad that he didn't send it because if he had and he wasn't there, I would have been sitting there with my pants down because I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS PROJECT. This is a learning project for me. And he knows this.

Now mind you I haven't gotten any shit about this from the boss (yet) and honestly the only thing I could have done differently is taken initiative and sent the info to the client. But that is the whole point of this exercise. I am not his admin yet I find myself being his admin and manager and it is fucking weird. Dude is supposed to be more experienced in this field than I, so essentially he is supposed to play the role of the head of the "department". Yet I find myself managing him and the department. And managing MY manager is not my role.

I also do the majority of the work involved in any given project. At least on the keyword side. Which is fine since I am more comfortable with that but I'm not really learning from him. Rather he corrects my mistakes and I cover his ass because he can't keep track of what is going on further than 2 assignments. Dude has two things on his plate that I BET YOU he hasn't looked at yet and need to be looked at yet he is researching "san francisco moving" to see what comes up in Google. Um which client is that for? YOUR OWN??? Dude you are at the office. I know you have private clients but if you want/need to keep them, you should be doing that on your own time. Or be on contract.

The funny part is a feel kinda bad because he sounded so exasperated this morning. I mean he totally owns that he flaked but clearly didn't think it would be such a big deal when it clearly is. But then I get pissed at myself for feeling sorry for him because WEEKS ago I washed my hands of this. I am done babysitting him when it comes to small details. He is really good at selling and producing but managing, yeah no.

And you know what, I actually don't care if I need to manage the "department" but then I need to have less responsibility when it comes to production. Because I end up spending my evenings in the office because I have had distractions all day and wasn't able to get production work done. If I need to keep calendar and schedule his meetings and run projects than I can. However it wasn't what I was hired for and I would rather not slide back into an admin position. What am I saying? Rather not? I DO NOT want to be an admin again!!! I'm smarter than that shit! I AM NOT YOUR ADMIN, BITCH!!!!

So I'm walking down Valencia...

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 00:14:00 +0000

Looking all dressed up since it is right after work and we just happened to have a client meeting. I thought about going home because I thinking I'm a *bit* dressed up to go to a Mission bar but then I said fuck it. I look good, why should I dress down and waste time? I have things that are going to be dressier later and who really cares and if they do if they say anything they get a big ole asshole star next to their name in my mental black book. So I'm going to go rock my overdressed look.

So anyway walking the street, there is a cafe with two guys outside talking and they stop talking and watch me. I walk past and as I walk past I hear in a degrading low toned voice...

"Professionals"

I'm still smiling at the absurdity of it. Mostly because

A. I work at a web design company the ratio of jeans and tee shit days to dress up days are 10:1.
B. The longer I live here, the more I like horizontal striped sweaters and
C. Eff you. I would love to be an artist/writer/art student but in order for me to pay bills I need to have a J-O-B and I've worked in service and I like being paid well more than I like being ironic. That's my value system. You are welcome to yours provided you don't judge me on mine. Because then you will be exposed for the jack ass that you are in this passive-agressive manner. :D

I remember being the kid who scoffed at the cheerleaders for no other reason that they were cheerleaders but for God Sake that was high school. Can we please grow up?

Facebook ads: creepy, useless & offensive!

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 00:48:00 +0000

So I was Facebooking pretty much all day yesterday. That and uploading pictures from recent and not so recent adventures. At any rate, on one last scan of my profile right before I left for the day, I noticed an ad that said "Jesus hates sin" Really? What a surprise! I haven't heard that message before! However, since these ads are supposed to be targeted through data mining, my curiosity was piqued. Why would I be targeted for such an ad? Well it had a picture of the Golden Gate Bridge below the title and some intro about how some guy had a dream about an earthquake willed by God hitting San Francisco....

What. The. Fuck.

So naturally I clicked on it. This shit can only get better.

Sure enough it does. The landing page is nothing but the whole dream story, actually a "vision" because a bunch of other people had the same dream and how they will pray for the faithful to be protected if this is the beginning of the apocalypse.

Seriously. WTF?!

The story is hosted by a website that is supposed to be an advocate for widows and orphans in Romania. If they are paying for this, I would be DAMN surprised. There is no obvious way to generate revenue on the site and I'd hate to think that money that could be going to WIDOWS AND ORPHANS IN ROMANIA isn't being spent on Facebook ads. But, I think it's the guy who had the dream. I'm guessing it is worth it to him to pay to try and scare people WHO USE FACEBOOK AND LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO IN TO FINDING GOD BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. This guy clearly isn't thinking straight as all it is going to do is be offensive to even the most laid back of people.

I don't normally complain about things like this, data mining I mean and being targeted for specific things. It's always going on and if I minded I wouldn't but in the info up there. But this is a required customer service complaint.

BTW here is their answer
Hi DMBfanatic,

We are sorry to have posted something on the site that was offensive to you. We do our very best to hold our advertising to the highest standards and in line with our Terms of Use. We will certainly keep your feedback in mind as we continue to improve the site and our advertising.

Thanks for contacting Facebook,

Rose
Customer Support Representative
Facebook

Very satisfying, I must say. Highest standards aside, it's their image that they are playing with and their audience they are alienating. Shit like this is not going to be blamed on the advertiser, it will be blamed on the facilitator.

But who knows? Maybe he is also targeting people who have "random play" as a relationship status or identify as liberal in their political views. Maybe the guy who is running the ad is just doing his part to spread the word of God. At any rate this ad is offensive, utterly useless when it comes to generating revenue and a clear sign that Facebook doesn't approve the ads it hosts. Hey Facebook! If you haven't checked lately, you demographic is fairly young, intelligent and doesn't give a FUCK about you or your sponsors unless they can actually offer them something useful! When the next latest and greatest social networking site comes along, everyone will go over there and be done with you! Despite being addicted to changing my status, I have many problems with Facebook (like why can't I join a UCSC alumni group without a valid UCSC email address? That's just dumb) but this tops the list.

Next post: musings on religion. This shit has put me in a mood for philosophical debate.

Thoughts on religion and how a few bad apples can make the rest of the demographic look like assholes

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 22:09:00 +0000

I was beginning this discussion with a guy I met in Austin this weekend, and in light of my Facebook encounter, I feel like I need to continue the discussion if not with him than with myself.

He was saying that he has a problem with religion. I don't. To me religion is nothing more than an idea that is sold through Fear Uncertainty and Doubt, just like many other things that are sold in our culture, like insurance. However some whole-heartedly accepted as a good idea because it is such a lovely idea. True love for instance, such a wonderful idea, to think that there is someone out there made just for you. It's ingrained in us at a very young age with stories of Cinderella, sleeping beauty and other Disney movies where love wins out. Makes you feel all gushy inside and that one day it will happen for you, if only you believe and hold out, it will fall in your lap. And plenty of people profit off of it: Hallmark, the chocolate, jewelry, flower, and wedding industries. In addition to that there are whole counter industries dedicated to helping you gain a more realistic view of the world: Therapists, self help books... But still despite it's many flaws in thinking and lack of evidence that it exists, people still believe in it. Why? BECAUSE OF FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. What if I end up alone? That can't happen. It won't happen. I will find someone for me who loves me. Disney tells me so. Thus the belief is born

Fact of the matter is that there are people who never find their true love or even an acceptable substitute. And that is ok. You come into this world alone and you die alone. It's just those people who come along for the ride, for better or for worse that count and will provide comfort. And that is more than just a lover. It's your community. This is where religion comes in because it provides community and can be a comfort to the unknown. What happens when I die? Well you don't know that just like you don't know that you will not die without spending your life with someone, like you don't know if you should buy that outrageously priced earthquake insurance because you may never have need for it even if you live in San Francisco (although according to Facebook ad guy, if I ever by a home here I better buy as much as I can!). Who knows?? And that's why I don't have a problem with religion. It is a comfort to people to believe they know what is going to happen and to prepare accordingly. Being a control freak, I completely understand.

I also don't have a problem with religion because most of the ideas behind most religions are good ways to live your life. Do unto others, forgiveness, gratitude, love thy neighbor, judge not lest ye be judged and other general good qualities that should be practiced on a more wide spread basis. If only religious people actually did follow the tenets of their religions on a more consistent basis, I think the world would be a better place.

Unfortunately, that isn't the case. And while my Austin friend has a problem with the ideas, I just have a problem with people. Human nature can be incredibly generous and absolutely horrid at the same time. And it is that human nature that takes an idea like religion and twists certain ideas into something that suits your needs and ignores those that aren't convenient. Don't like gay marriage? Well we got good ole Leviticus for that. Let's just focus on that specific passage and ignore EVERYTHING else in the phatty book that says not to judge and to treat others as you would wish it. Manipulation at it's finest. That's why letters like this are so funny. Pointing out the hypocrisy and the false thought in the arguments that are made in the name of God is the most satisfying thing I can think of.

And then people, for the most part, are dumb sheep. If someone is charismatic and has something to say to an agreeable audience, they will listen and carry the message. Hence situations presented in Jesus camp. Those kids aren't thinking for themselves. Odds are they never have they've been drilled so much. What is going to suck is there will come a point in their life when their faith is shaken because someone they look up to will let them down in a massive way (Like Ted Haggard) or some similar event (because that is life) and they will have to think about everything they have been taught to accept. Some will come through it with their faith, maybe more balanced, some will be completely fucked up and some will be closed minded assholes because they refuse to deal. And that is a tragedy.

So you see the problem is people. People who believe without thinking and attempt to brainwash others and fight for things in the name of God because that is what He would want. I'm sorry but isn't God unknowable? Last time I heard he hasn't spoken to anyone recently. Unless we are counting George Bush because he seems so worthy. Personally I think he is closer to the anti-Christ. Charismatic and carrying the word of God? Sounds like a match. But that is off the point.

I find it unfortunate that it is those people who take religion to the extreme (like Facebook ad dude) make religious people look like freaks or people to stay away from. These perfectly lovely people who are religious and pray and thank God for what they have and help others and have an enthusiasm for life that they want to share with everyone and are HAPPY are made to look like back water hicks. Not enlightened when it is more likely that they are more enlightened than anyone who scoffs at religion as a silly superstition. Maybe it is but so are the stupid forward emails that I get in my email inbox that tell me if I don't send it off in 5 minutes I'm never going to find me true love. Sound familiar?

It isn't religion that is the bad thing. It's intolerance. And that goes both ways. From both the religious fanatics and the people who scoff and don't pay attention. While it may be awkward from someone who isn't used to it, it isn't funny when some gives thanks for what they have verbally or asks for the universe (I say that because I can't ask God but I can ask the universe) to keep an eye on them and those they care about. It's appropriate. What isn't appropriate is telling other people they are bad for not giving thanks and that their children are gong to hell because they aren't baptized. That is just assholey.

Religion is the opiate of the masses. And like any drug or anything that is comforting and enjoyable, everything in moderation.

Business card quote

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 21:29:00 +0000

To all of you who gave me your two cents, thanks so much.

The winner is.... “To achieve the impossible, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought.” - Tom Robbins

Yay!

And to all of you who provided suggestions that we not at all appropriate, thanks anyway. I had a good laugh.

It's Weight Watchers Time!

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 06:26:00 +0000

I'm in my roommates room right now watching him pack. I just stepped on the scale and weighed 180 lbs. Even though I had hella pasta to eat tonight, that is bullshit. It's fucking Weight Watchers time TOMORROW!!! Thank God he is going for a month. He's always the one who talks me into beer.

That's all. Happy Halloween

Reason #356 I love Europe

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 20:07:00 +0000

Love it, love it, love it. Clever and sympathetic. Everyone and everything wants to be useful, loved and have a purpose. I feel better knowing that there are some people helping other entities find their purpose. :)

To the jackass who stole my laptop

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 19:40:00 +0000

I'm sure you are using MY laptop right now to read this blog and I want to tell you right now how much you SUCK!!! Not so much for taking my laptop but because it has my entire life on it since college. You know all the papers I wrote. All the pictures I took. All the music I collected during the Golden Age of Napster. My resumes which I now will have to re-write even though I may not be looking for a job at the moment. God I hope I have a spare hiding somewhere in my email or monster account that has been updated recently. And the crowning achievement of your suckiness? You now have my gramdmother's eulogy. I know this particular document is going to have some much meaning to you and that was your motivation in breaking into our house and stealing all our laptops.

You know what? You can totally keep the laptop. I don't actually care about it. But if you could let me know where I could leave you a flash drive so you can also upload all the crap that is mine on to it and if you then can mail me the flash drive (since you know where I live) I'll be okay with that. I can't say my other roommates will be ok with it but I know in a small way I'm glad that I will no longer be chained to apple programs that would involve a reformatting of files when I finally got a new computer.

So really thank your dude who stole my laptop. You have not only freed me from the Apple cult but you have freed me of my past. No more will I be able to look back at the person I was in college, whether it was good or bad. No longer will I have the physical memories of the shit job I had in Yosemite, nor the 40oz dash in Colorado, nor the many MANY times I went away to London and took maybe 5 pictures because I'm just not that good at it. None of my ex-husband, ex-lovers who I should probably forget but haven't had the desire to erase those pictures and ex-friends who I can't forget anyway because they shaped my life so much. That you so much for freeing me...

P.S. I want my fucking "The Secret" movie back too!!!

I'm over men

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 02:54:00 +0000

But the only other option seems to be become a lesbian or a crazy cat lady. And I don't think either is a real option because in the end, I just don't like pussy :)

So I suppose I have to keep trying even though the men I seem to come across are crazy nice and considerate or total assholes. No happy medium? My roommate says I'm a player, and it's true. I have some rules. But to me they seem like no brainers. I mean, don't call/text 5 times in a day if I met you yesterday. Or call me every goddamn day prior to our first date. It's crazy clingy. I know you want your space, I most definitely want mine. Not that I wouldn't be happy to hear from you if we fucked last night, because THAT'S considerate.

And trust me, my world does not revolve around you, so if you are going to be late or something, cool call me and let me know. I like that. I don't need a minute by minute update. Also if you call me everyday on a spur of the moment thing to hang out I'm going to think that you don't respect my time and my life. Like I don't have anything better to do. Now to be fair I do this too but it more in the spirit of "I want to do this thing and you are the first person I called because I like you best. But if you are busy, no worries, there are other people in my phone. Seriously, if you see me walking down the street and then call me to hang out? Dude. Presume I have plans.

Another thing is DON'T ASK A GIRL ON A "LET'S STAY IN BED" DATE FOR YOUR FIRST DATE!!!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry this was brought on by seeing this guy I had a crush on for ages and ended up sleeping with as soon as he started paying attention to me. And then doesn't call me EVER. Oops my bad. So I see him on a date with some girl, fine whatever. It was just a realization of how silly a mistake that was. But insists on coming up and talking to me and dancing with me. Maybe to show he is a nice guy or something. Seems to me that he should be paying attention to his date as that ship has already sailed for me. So you want to be super nice and chatty to my face when we are at a dance venue because I'm a fun dancer but never talk to me outside of that? FUCK YOU. Not just fuck you, but FUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUU. No more dance for you!

I feel a little better now.

SEO dork

noreply@blogger.com (dmbfanatic) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 00:48:00 +0000

Look at me! I'm an SEO dork!!!

63%

Are you an SEO Expert?

and even more dorkiness!

Yes I am fully into this now and find it
1) interesting
2) completely based on common sense
3) something you get better at by doing it (ie you don't have to go to school)
4) makes me look brilliant
5) makes everyone want to pick my brain and sometimes even makes me the interesting one at parties (no not really)

However as I delve deeper into the intricacies of link bait, social media and analytics (I love GA!) I can feel myself getting sucked in by wanting to maintain a blog, my yelp reviews, reading things on Digg (actually not so much. People on there irritate me) and generally having no social life beyond my computer screen.

Well until the next Yelp event or SEO meetup. One thing I find we have in common is we sure like our alcohol.