I Heart Shiny Things

It's All About that MIRADA

2012-06-01T01:15:00.000-07:00

In my observations of life, I've come up with the 3 gazes one gets as a 20 something lady on the town. As a degree holder in Sociology ("People Watching") I'm basically a professional, therefore everything I state below needs to be published in some sort of scholarly journal.

The word for gaze or look is better embodied is Spanish: mirada. It's that "mirada" that says it all. With one look, I can tell what people are thinking...and if I can't? Then you're Bella Swan and I'm Edward Cullen and lets get "moody" together. My Science theory is a bit difficult to explain so I'll try my best and use examples from the short-lived"Should-have-won-all-the-Emmy's" show "Roswell."

1. The Back and Forth Glance

This look is fun and innocent. It's those times you spot a "fox" and you both exchange looks but no one really initiates things. Either you're too shy (not boozed up enough) to walk up and be a fiercely confident Sex & the City type, or he has a Shrek of a girlfriend. In any case, it's just fun to look.

Roswell: In episode 1, Max and Liz kept throwing their back and forth glances.

2. The "You're my meal tonight" stare down

(aka The Creepy One)

When you're out with your friends you get approached by all types of folks, but there is a certain type that comes up to you and makes his way through your bubble and gives you that stare down as if you were a buffet and they hadn't eaten in a week. It dehumanizes you to the core! You say "Get outta here with that mirada! It's not mutual!"...But if they wanna buy me a drink I'll give them a fake name and tell them my sign"

Roswell: In the "Heatwave" episode, Liz gets approached by this guy and he calls her a "Babe-o-rama" and offers her jello shots. Get outta here! You're gross and so is your shirt.

3. The Mutual MIRADA

This one look is a mix between a glance and a stare down. It's the moment when you can really communicate with your eyes, no words necessary. You both are on the same page. Intensity levels may differ, but overall it's epic...

Roswell: Max & Liz had a billion mutual miradas. Intense!

IHST Babes Heart Booze

2012-05-31T23:07:00.000-07:00

This brilliant idea belongs to IHST. But, you can borrow it.

After coming back from California, I was determined to have a little bit of fun with my friends. I didn't drink for an entire week. Not even a glass of wine, NADA. The Sahara had nothing on me.

We created some fabulous drinks when I came back home!

Swag-ria (Not Sangria, Swag-ria. Only the grown and stylish are allowed to drink this one)

Mix in some 2 cups of Chardonnay (Sutter Home will do. We're not picky)
Mix in some original flavored vodka (about 2 cups as well? I don't know, we just poured)
Mix in some Organic Mango Lemonade (organic, because we're from Portland)
Chop up an entire orange
Chop up an entire lemon.

There you have it. A nice thirst quenching citrus-based alcoholic beverage. DELICIOUS!

La Niña Fresa (top right corner)

Mix in 2 cups of Chardonnay (again, Sutter Home will do. You can find this at your local gas station probably)
Mix in some original flavored vodka (again, we just poured)
Mix in some Organic Strawberry Lemonade (again, pretentious Portland bought juice)
Chop up tons of strawberries and soak them in vodka for awhile. Then use them as a garnish/more party juice

Folks, if you are ballin' on a budget, we highly recommend this. We didn't spend money OUTSIDE of our house because we were already pretty jubilant after our concoctions.

Martha Stewart who?

How To Remember People Aren't Good For You.

2012-05-31T01:20:00.001-07:00

I'm an emotional unicorn. It's true. Ask SCruz. I believe everyone is inherently good, serial killers can be rehabilitated, and that racists are just potential friends that are just scared of trying new things (oh, you know, things like: skydiving, bungee jumping, and miscegenation) I may come off as a sassy brown girl, but that is only because at the very center of my core, I am made of cupcakes, rainbows, and butterflies. Think of my sarcasm and overly critical demeanor as a type of moat around my heart. If you somehow pass this moat and other various obstacles I give you, I can become your doormat.

This isn't something I'm proud of. Boss Beezies can't let people get in their way! They plan ahead, make moves, and hope to some day rule the world! If I plan on being the empress of the universe, I can't let stupid asses get in my way. By stupid asses, I mean overly dramatic lady friends or boys. I'll keep it really real, its mostly boys.

One of my methods of keeping losers at bay: baptizing them with new aliases in my phone. I've been doing this since about 2006. Below is an actual message I received while in California last week.

"Don't Bother" is an actual person and he earned his nickname after years (yes, YEARS) of being annoying like a fly buzzing around your face. I can swat him away all I want, but he's going to pop up. Usually, when I least expect it. His mission in life is to remind me periodically that he is alive, doing well, and make feeble attempts to "back burner" me.

I'm not a back burner, I am the comal you leave on the front burner because you need tortillas for dinner every night. I know that last sentence has the potential to be taken out of context in an inappropriate way, but what I mean is: I'm important. By calling him, "Don't Bother," I am reminded of that, and then he truly becomes nothing. Nada. The fact that this person has no real name in my phone means that he shouldn't be a real person in my life.

As a self-identified emotional unicorn, I need this mechanism in my life as a form of self-preservation. I don't do this because I'm cruel, but I have be this way so people don't play me for a fool. These people have earned their nicknames because they attempted to derail me mentally or emotionally. No thanks. In the classic words of my dad when I would break my curfew (the Brown man who taught me how to respect myself), "me quieres ver lo pendejo? The answer of course was always "NO!", however I should probably start texting the same question back.

After sharing my method to Scruz, she started doing the same thing in her phone (and in life). Below is an actual list of names we use/used for people:

Loser Face
Lame Ass
Whatever. (This was actually one of the nicer ones. I put the period at the end to remind myself that it was over. Point. Blank. Period.)
No (as in, "No, don't do it, girl. Just....No.")
Seattle #1
Tahoe
Really?

But of all people, I'd really just want to get a phone call from the one and only, "Mr. Big" from Sex and the City. The king of the pseudonym.

Behind the Music

2012-05-04T10:17:00.002-07:00

Behind the Music got a little life pumped back into it’s VH1 lungs recently. As you should know by now, I’m so down for a doc (cool form of saying documentary). It all started when we, by good fortune, caught the new Pitbull Behind the Music. The opportunity to learn more about Mr. 305?!? Mr. Worldwide!? YES! I’m just captivated by stories and how things come to be. I’ve been watching all the episodes they’ve been cranking out this year. Overwhelming amount of different emotions and feelings. Here is rundown of what I’ve learned or felt:

Pitbull sported some crazy braids and ponytails
The Game fell for a school teacher! And I realized I liked his tats, the one on the face isn’t that cool though…
Brandy had an eating disorder and doesn’t like to be called a murderer
I could hear Nas speak all day, his voice captivates my Salvi soul
Biggie Smalls mom scares me, she sounds like a creepy ghost story teller
Suge Knight scares me
Aaliyah and her brother had such a beautiful relationship! I was on the verge of tears with this one

I wish I could work for Behind the Music. I really want to meet the guy who narrates the show. Next to Morgan Freeman, he's epic. So VH1, you should ask me to participate in your story gathering.

Marb$ & $Cruz: (Thug) Passion Iced Tea Lemonade

2012-04-26T22:50:00.003-07:00

On one of the most beautiful weekends Portland has had all year, $cruz and I decided to venture out into downtown Portland and do absolutely nothing. We are two single 26-year olds that live in a 2-bedroom that has been described as a "girly funhouse"; the world is our oyster.

We spent an entire day (and night) having a blast. It kicked off at Maya's Taqueria in downtown Portland. Our adventures always start off with one of us saying, "Let's have one drink." Initially, we did have that one drink:

Isn't the above picture absolutely gorgeous? The epitome of being lazy under the sun. All that was missing was a hammock and a beach. When we were ready to pay, our waiter said, "otra ronda!"(another round!). After much arm twisting and several guns pointed to our heads, we caved. After that, it was like Stefanie and I reenacted 9/11--one mighty tower collapsing after the other.

During our much needed single-lady-we-don't-have-a-mortgage-babies-are-cool-only-as-nieces-and-nephews, we created several inventions. When I say, "inventions", I mean we created drinks on-the-go and were resourceful. We bought ourselves some vodka at a liquor store and poured them into a Passion Iced Tea Lemonade from Starbucks. Ladies don't drink out of paper bags during the day. We drink fruity beverages with vodka and straws because we're civilized. We created a name for this amazing invention: (Thug) Passion Iced Tea Lemonade. No Alize or Cristal was involved in the process, but it's just as thug. In honor of the Tupac hologram, it was only fitting we called it (Thug) Passion Iced Tea Lemonade.

I hope Stefanie blogs soon so she can share with you some other gems and other drink recipes that will make your mouth water. Think of us like brown girl Martha Stewarts keeping it real with all of you.

Tupac Hologram loves Thug Passion Iced Tea Lemonade

And just so that we can put (Thug)Passion Iced Tea Lemonades into context....

Shit Marb$ & $cruz Never Say

2012-04-03T23:30:00.001-07:00

This idea of, “Shit (insert some group of people here) Say” isn’t new of course. I’m sure everyone is completely over that craze by now. In typical IHST fashion, $cruz and I had a conversation about the things people would never hear us say. The idea of uttering these statements out loud was laughable. Absolute crazy talk! The ridiculousness of it all was so amusing, we had to share. Both of us will be doing our own interpretation from our brainstorming session. Lucky you!

Shit We Would Never Say: Television Edition

1. No, I don't feel like Eveyln from Basketball Wives every time I get into a random fight.

2. "It's okay, don't fast forward during the commercials when we're watching Basketball Wives"

3. "No, I don't find parallels to my life and Sex and the City"

4. "Burger is the one that got away"

5. What? That's not me and my friends.

Shit We Would Never Say: Night out Edition

1. "No, I'm not jealous of you drinking, I love being the designated driver."
2. "Let's start with appletinis"
3. "Animal print is the way to go tonight"

4. "My kitten heels are on point tonight"

Shit We Would Never Say: Dudes/Dating/Situations Edition

1. "I love how he can't dance"

2. "I think it's demeaning when he calls me, girl"
3. "He really knows how to wear those flip flops"
4. "Cologne makes men not sexy."

Shit We Never Say: Usual Everyday/Miscellaneous/Portland Living Edition

1. "So I went to work early...."
2. "Bagels and coffee makes me sick"
3. "yes, I do have time to sign your petition."

Mexicali Fashion Week.

2012-03-24T16:56:00.000-07:00

This is a text I got from my homie, Julio.

To preface this let me explain that he and I share a common bond. We have family in Mexicali, and to us, that is the Mexico we know from childhood. Although my family originates from Guadalajara, I'm much more familiar with border culture (tortillas de harina and saying soda instead of refresco for instance).

At first I was like, there's no Fashion Week in Mexicali, silly...let's enlarge this picture.

Cowboy boots with the Coach print. First off, anything Coach is lame. Nothing screams, "I'm trying so hard to flaunt status with this ugly ass print. But really, I live in the suburbs, wear french acrylic nail tips and tan a lot." Coach is expensive, dumb, and generic. This is trying to say, "soy ranchera, pero classy, don't get it twisted."

Needless to say, Julio comes through with the comedic fashion material. I'm glad he keeps an eye out while perusing the pulgas! Now I leave you with this jam...wait at about 1:50 minutes in...

Best Friends 4-Ever

2012-03-20T16:46:00.006-07:00

Growing up, television not only served as somewhat of a babysitter, but also a front row seat to lives that were much cooler than mine. Even to this day, I find “wanting to hangout” with fake people that don’t really exist.

If I could create my own “Entourage” I would have a “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” friendship with the following folks:

1. Maria and Liz from Roswell

A BFF dynamic I was so jealous for. I could fit right in, the 3 alien loving musketeers, that’s us! They seemed so innocent and silly yet had hot dudes to make-out with. I could totally roll with them. Plus I could borrow Maria’s funky jewelry and have Liz help me with math because I’m such an ignorant when it comes to numbers. In return, I would lie to their parents and say they are staying at my house, but in reality they would be off on another alien adventure. I wouldn’t be able to go on these said adventures; I could never lie that hard to my Salvi parents.

2.DJ Tanner from Full House

DJ was the epitome of cool back in the day. Like anything she did was fierce, she was just born that way...she didn’t try. She embodied (and looked like) my older sister in so many ways…but white. I always felt that in real life DJ and Kimmy would never REALLY be friends. Like Kimmy wouldn’t appreciate DJ’s style (think crispy bangs and Michael Jackson-esque jacket she wore to the dance where they spilled beer on her—She didn’t do it Uncle Jesse!). On the other hand, DJ and me would be super cool and chill and just go to the mall. Like she’d be down to get a milkshake and go to The Gap. Oh and of course, be annoyed by her little sisters following us. Pff, kids.

3. David and Keith from Six Feet Under

I would be David Fisher’s confidant. I need to have a gay best friend, and the Jacks from the Will & Grace type shows are exhausted. I’d be exhausted. Instead, I love that David has his secrets and his insecurities and is super chill and just ultimately just wants to be happy, and he doesn’t really have a lot of friends and is not too close to his family on certain subjects (I’m talking about his sexuality here). I’d be his friend that would lend an ear, go to his dinner parties, go to his choir performances, and go to the gay club when he needed to let that out. But when he’s “in a relationship” with Keith, it would be great for me too. See, Keith would help me with car troubles and help me move. I would totally fit in perfect.

4. Lisa Turtle from Saved by the Bell

I had to throw in Saved by the Bell, you know this. Even as a child I knew that Lisa was the token girl of color at Bayside. Ya we had Slater, but he was a dude. Lisa didn’t have another girl of color to vibe off with. Lisa was somewhat of an outlier. She was the third wheel girl most of the time. So obviously I fit that mold hardcore to be her BFF. Yes Lisa was a bit on the spoiled side, but I think I would have grounded her because my parents fled from a war and all. I would bring her back down to earth, she would channel more of that candy striper time rather than being a total insensitive princess. Lisa and I would totally rage at parties, have people complement our style, like we’d be a powerhouse.

Let's Spring Forward

2012-03-16T16:25:00.004-07:00

Daylight savings made its arrival to my heart last weekend. It's exciting when it starts getting darker later and later...it reminds me of being young and WAITING for summer and that meant not being in school. Now, as a member of the senior citizen community, I now have to find new things that make me happy. Therefore, this spring I hope to

conquer some baby goals.

1. Take more leisurely post-work walks

I usually get out of work between 5-6pm, so in the fall/winter time it's like pitch black and sad outside. But now the sun goes down around 7ish. Enough time to take a nice stroll. I want to shoot for 2 times a week.

2. Wear more rings to make my hands look lady like and not like a baby

I feel that I have the hands of a child, which is why I try to have my nails long and done most of the time. I feel that adds lady sassy-ness. But rings really fem up your hands. I'm

not talking about fat crazy rings but more simple rings here and there.

Think this:

3. Master that "peachy glow" look

I'm obsessed with that sun kissed bronzed peachy/pink look. I think it's so beautiful. I want to fool the world and pump some life into my look. *I tried googling a look, but only white famous people came up...but I think you know what I'm talking about*

So that's all I have as of now. I'm excited and happy for spring :)

HATER JUEVES: NW Rain

2012-03-15T15:54:00.004-07:00

Born and raised in Oregon 97% of my life has been full of rain. Oregonians go nuts when the sun actually does come out. People dust off their summer gear and decide that the world needs to see their disgusting feet. The temperature can still be a good 45 degrees, but if the sun is out it's like attack of the board shorts and tank tops. As if Portland just transformed to Spring Break MTV (mind you, think the summer style of 1996).

Growing up I never really cared one way or another about rainy and cold weather. Obviously I did not care looking a hot mess and was depressed about school stuff any way. But for the last year or two, I've been insanely mood affected by the weather. After I left the world of school, I jumped out of my bubble and focused on all of my surroundings. Not only did the sad sad rain make me insanely upset but I got a case of the "freezing colds" (a term I coined because it seems medically legit). I'm not sure what happened, but I'm always super cold...like to the point it hurts my life. So when there are sun breaks I'm insanely happy.

The Northwest would be so much more beautiful if there was more than one month of sun a year. I'm so down for global warming if it means we can get perfect sunny warm weather year round.

Cheap Gas=Soul Selling

2012-03-08T11:30:00.003-08:00

Gas prices have been going crazy as of late; it hurts enough to fill up one’s gas tank but when a gallon of gas can buy you a super fat fancy coffee…life choices become difficult. In our neighborhood, gas is more on the expensive side, so awhile back I used my handy “gas buddy” app on my phone to find the cheapest gas for me. I found one just a few blocks from our casa. Significantly cheaper! So this has been my go to spot…

But with cents off the gallon, I pay in other ways. This particular gas station (on Interstate & Killingsworth) is home to many short brown men. Some have slick man ponytails, others have dad sneakers. Every time I go here, the gas attendants lay on the creepy and say weird stuff in Spanish. I’m not alone in this struggle. Marb$ has had her experiences. We could be in glasses and hoodies or dressed fancy, doesn’t matter…they want our sexy. I don’t understand why little raza dudes are so confident in their ways. Like, I win by 4 or 5 inches of height and they’re like “yaaaaa!”

Just to give you a little taste of what we’ve experienced…

I drive up to the gas pump
I roll down my window
Raz man approaches he says “Hola”.
I say “Hi, fill it up, regular, card…” No eye contact
He completes his duty of filling up the gas tank
Gives me my receipt and says “¿Solo eso quieres?” (translation: Is that all you want?)
I say a big fat “YES” and roll up my window and speed off

Marb$ got her gas from the same spot, and got this poetry:

“No te vayas eh…” (translation: C’mon, don’t go…)

I’ve gotten a few lingering hand touches at receipt time, weird stares, more than one gas attendant crowding near my car, etc.

But why do I keep going back? Because it saves me money in the end! If they want to give me free gas for life, I might contemplate letting them take me to a discoteca and buying me a margarita. What can I say, I’m a lady and I loathe giving up money to gas.

When Texting Goes Wrong

2012-03-06T01:04:00.004-08:00

Think of this post as a continuation of the previous post. An ongoing discussion on man-habits. These are of course opinions, and I am entitled to mine.

I’ve had a couple of conversations with people regarding the use of emoticons and boys. I’m attracted to masculine energy, and unfortunately, intricate emoticons translate to unicorn and puppies type of energy. Are you a self-identified hetero-male with the knowledge to translate a range of emotions via your keyboard? That sucks.

When I see a <3 or a classic rose @}---->---- I’m instantly repulsed. Anything more than a smiley :) articulates: “I love kittens, tea parties, and rainbows. I will not protect you during a mugging or when some dude grazes his hand over your ass at some bar. My winky-face emoticon indicates that I will get into a fetal position when these situations arise ;-)” Do you see what just happened? That’s what goes through my head when I see a winky-face emoticon. Don’t holler at me, keep it moving.

We've only just begun to scratch the surface with texting. Below is a list (in no hierarchal order) of texting DONT'S I have compiled.

Numbers for Letters. Exampe: "I miss u 2." Or "2gether we can get through this" and of course, "U R Da Biggest H8er."

Saying, "K", for, "Okay."

Condensing words to acronyms. For instance, "Shaking My Head" to, "SMH" or, "IKR" from, "I Know Right." (I actually just learned, IKR today. I'm not with it anymore)

"Laughing" via text is tricky. I can appreciate a standard, "HaHa." None of this, "LOL" or "ROFL." And please, this goes for anyone over the age of 25, dont' use, " hee hee" or the Spanish version, "jijijijiji" Nothing is more unattractive, than a, "jijiji" from a dude that is trying to holler at you. To me, jijijijiji looks like Christmas stockings. Tell me you see it too.

If you truly respect yourself as a beautiful, intelligent, woman trying to make it in the world, remember: A guy uses emoticons it means you emoti-can't. Walk away and don't look back.

Gentleman Shopping: Marb$ and $cruz Interact With Boys

2012-02-29T22:30:00.003-08:00

This will probably go down as one of the greatest social experiments of all. I’m considering some sort of thesis out of this. Avid followers, you all know, we are awkward. That’s putting it mildly. I’m the type of person that speaks their mind and makes jokes when they are put in weird situations, and $cruz likes to push peoples buttons. Even her drink order can sometimes emasculate others because it’s the main ingredient in gasoline.

Your girl Marble$ has been going out every chance she gets--even if its at the super Mexican places where people wear cowboy hats and pointy boots. I’m there. My new mission is to have fun and open myself up to possibilities. What I didn’t prepare myself for was the flirtatious advances (or sometimes lack of) and interactions. $cruz, of course, is more than willing to try and play wingman (or lady). We went out with some our amigas on both Friday and Saturday this weekend. Below are just some of the real-life interactions that took place. Which one of us had these interactions? You will never know and I will never tell!

Friday Night- February, 24, 2012 (insert Law & Order gavel sound)

IHST Blogger #1: “Where do you work?”

Gentleman #1: “At a warehouse”

IHST Blogger #1: “Of course you do.”

Gentleman #1: “What’s your sign?”

IHST Blogger #1: “Really?”

Gentleman #1: “Oh did you say (insert zodiac sign that we cannot reveal)? I know what that means”

Gentleman #1: “Let’s shake hands”

IHST Blogger #1 initiates handshake featured below:

Gentleman #1: “That’s not how ladies shake hands”

IHST Blogger #2 is approached by a stupid ass with a faux-hawk

Stupid Ass (pointing at IHST Blogger #2): “Yo, Yo, Yo, you be lookin’ hella 17 up in this club.”

IHST Blogger #2: “What?”

Stupid Ass: “You look so young! are you even 21?”

IHST Blogger #2 walks away and rolls eyes.

Later on:

IHST Blogger#2: “How is it that you get hit on like crazy, but then I’m told I’m a little kid? You’re Salma Hayak and I’m Benjamin Button. I’m aging backwards!”

IHST Blogger #1 laughs mercilessly because IHST Blogger #2 speaks the truth.

Saturday Night- February 25, 2012 (insert Law & Order sound again)

IHST Blogger#2 was approached by a 6’4” individual. Wasn’t dress super fly in any way, but allowed conversation because she did not want to seem racist and gives all people the benefit of the doubt. Tidbits from the conversation:

Gentleman #2: “I go to a Christian university, do you have a religion?”

IHST Blogger #2: “I was raised Catholic, but I don’t believe in the social construction of religion.”

Gentleman #2: “What are you?”

IHST Blogger #2: “What ‘am I? Like I’m an animal?”

Gentleman #2: “No, your nationality.”

IHST Blogger #2: “I was born in the US. So American”

Gentleman #2: “Okay, your ethnicity.”

Gentleman #2: “You’re thick”

IHST Blogger #2: “So I’m fat?”

Gentleman #2: “No! Healthy, not fat at all”

IHST Blogger #2: “So not quite obese yet? I’m not at risk for heart attack or stroke is what you’re saying” (at this point, IHST Blogger #2 wanted to shake this fool)

Gentleman #2: “I like that you’re taller than most girls. Because sometimes a small girl looks weird when you’re dancing with them”

IHST Blogger #2: “yeah, it could look like you’re dancing or grinding with a child.”

*About five minutes later, he said goodbye. Apparantly this was supposed to be taken as some sort of diss, but once he said that the cologne he was wearing was Infinity by Mary Kay it was over. If you don’t mess with Armani, Prada, or Chanel for men, don’t bother. If my dad has a better cologne collection, there is something wrong. My dad speaks limited English and enjoys McDonald’s breakfast, and even then he’s all about Calvin Klein--so up your game!

IHST Blogger #1 fell in love while in line for the bathroom. IHST Blogger #1 also met someone with a neck tattoo while dressed in a button-up, tie, and sweater vest. Decisions, Decisions.

IHST Blogger #1: “someone tried to cut in front of me in line for the bathroom, and HE defended my honor”

Until next time!

Wife Shopping? Olive Garden Edition

2012-02-23T16:01:00.008-08:00

One Saturday, some gals desired some fine Italian food. Where shall we go? Where do I feel the most like "family?"

Olive Garden it is.

We ventured, mid-day, to hit up the Olive Garden. We were so pumped for all the pre-food (salad/soup & breadsticks). Not only did we go to town on pre-food, our waitress was a beast and kept bringing the food and drinks. She was a refill master. Needless to say we had a feast like kings. By the time our for real meals came, we could hardly eat it. So we had to get boxes. But the Olive Garden wants to embarrass you (much like real family). They make you walk out with giant grocery store style paper bags. It's like we went to the Costco of eateries. They're so offensive in size that we made a mad dash to the car.

Once we arrived to the IHST headquarters (our super filthy place) we found no room in the fridge for such giant bags. It was full of old expired stuff. Instead, we used our produce drawer to house our leftovers. We make our mama's proud.

HATER JUEVES: Washington Drivers

2012-02-23T14:14:00.002-08:00

I’m about create some Pacific Northwest beef, but I need to profess this hate. I live near the border…the border of Oregon and Washington that is. I am an Oregonian, I will never identify with those of Washington, don’t clump us together! When they preach border control, this is the border I wish for. Build that tall wall, let us create a moat with snapping alligators and sharks.

But why all the hate you ask? I guess I should clarify. I’m sure Washington is home to some lovely people. But once you’re a Washington driver in Oregon you become the worst drivers ever. With such proximity to Washington near where I live (North Portland), there is an abundance of Washington plate cars driving all around me.

I have a mild case of road rage, I admit this. But when I say mild I mean pretty close to bashing my fists into my windows. My friends have witnessed my losing of patience. Every time I have an “episode” I see the plates (9 times out of 10, no lie) and it’s that neighbor state. I have such little patience when it comes to driving. If we’re not on the same page then you’re my enemy. So don’t be afraid to use that gas pedal, don’t leave your blinking turn signal on for no reason, get out of the left lane if you’re on a leisurely drive, basically go away. Next time you see Washington plates, remember this. Washington drivers go back to where you came from, you can’t sit with us!

Gal-entine's Day

2012-02-16T21:56:00.000-08:00

Normally, I'm not usually down for sappy shiz like Valentine's Day. However this year, I felt like everyone around me was super into it, and I got peer pressured into caring about what I was doing. I was mostly interested in the "caring-about-your-friends" aspect. I came home from work and was in the mood to just do SOMETHING. We ended up eating @ Cha Cha Cha on Hawthorne (because the location on Broadway has rude people working the cash register and their limes aren't juicy. Big no-no). The place was empty because couples were celebrating at fancy places with waiters. Waiters and edible fruit roll-up underwear for dessert.

It was such a non-romantic atmosphere, the PDX cops were there. They weren't hot cops, so don't get too excited. One of them looked like they could have been related to Pumba from The Lion King. He handcuffed Stefanie and he told her she had the, "right to remain sexy." No, that didn't happen, but it she wished for it.

We ordered some sort of fruity cocktail situation and ate good food. We ended things with a car sing-dance party. It was our own personal tribute to Whitney (RIP, girl).

The next day, we kicked it up a notch with a grocery store Moscato and donuts. Shame? Oh right, I don't have that.

I know there are a ton of "Shit (insert whatever stereotype) Say" However, I do appreciate a well-made video like the one below, "Shit Bitter Females Say." "I gotta catch up on Love & Hip Hop anywayz, BITCH."

IHST VALENTINE'S DAY!

2012-02-13T22:44:00.000-08:00

Last year, our conversation IHST hearts and special edition Brown Man Valentine's Day cards were extremely popular! We analyzed the heart of the Brown Man, particularly famous Brown man figures in Latina/o culture (or Chicana/o culture, whatever you like to identify as, mija).

This year, the focus is on actual things that have either been said or texted to us. This is an ode to the contemporary (presumably heterosexual) males of today. Long gone are the days of "gentleman callers" and "courting". It's a cut-throat zoo with roundabouts and many things left unsaid. It's hard out there for a pimp, and by "pimp", I mean awkward Brown girls who don't know how to "flirt" or be/play dumb.

The games people play and their non-direct shenanigans are all hilarious. We are all guilty. So here we go...

Treat Yo'Self: Sephora Edition

2012-02-08T22:24:00.000-08:00

For Christmas 2011, I received a $75 gift card to Sephora. This amount of money allotted solely for makeup is like giving a drug addict all the cocaine they can snort in a week.

I entered Sephora like I was Charlie in the motha-effin Chocolate Factory. Charlie took his grandpa to the chocolate factory, and I took $cruz to help me (the resemblance is uncanny). It didn’t take much arm-twisting, $cruz likes to watch other people spend their money since she does so in a vicarious fashion. Plus, she knows how to indulge in luxury items, and her peer pressure works.

The main reason I took $cruz was because of her peer pressure ways. She’s good at making me spend my money on things I don’t need, but then flips it to make it seem like if I don’t buy something, I may die. You see, I’m cheap. Frugal is too cutesy of a term and doesn’t do my cheapness justice. This is why I buy things that break, such as ikea clothing racks, ikea chairs, purse chains, you name it, I get the cheap version of it. I was perfectly content with buying Sephora brand lipsticks and eyeliners, but Stefanie insisted and said, “buying the actual Sephora brand is like buying Equate products from Wal-Mart” It’s true.

So here is what I got:

Amazing color. Pink Petal!

Best eyeliner I've had! Use with an angled brush!

Dior LashPlumping Serum is $28 and it WORKS. Makes my eyelashes long and huge!

I have student loans, car payment, rent, and other things I have to worry about. It's nice to indulge, especially when I didn't even pay for any of these items.

New Year's Makeup!

2012-02-08T21:40:00.000-08:00

I meant to post this a while back, but then I put this post on the back burner. My bad! I was pretty proud of my makeup on New Year's! My eyelashes were doll-like and enormous and my Priscilla Presley hair was on point. Stefanie wanted to channel the black eyeshadow a la Kris Jenner and the rest of the Kardashian Klan. No lie, that black eyeshadow is bold and I think Stefanie did a nice version of it.

Some photos that helped with my own personal inspiration for the night:

60's hair

Beyonce in Telephone

And yes, I got mad baby hairs like crazy. That's what happens when you're super ethnic like us.

Stefanie was trying to channel this:

Let's get fancy!

Because Breakfast is Amazing

2012-02-07T01:07:00.001-08:00

I am in no way shape or form a morning person but I am a Ron Swanson and a lover of breakfast food. I do love the comfort and warmness that breakfast food provides. I'm always so down with breaky type food. It just screams: "take a minute, sip that coffee, enjoy life for a minute." I need moments of "slowing down" when I can get them.

2:30pm IHST Breakfast

Cup & Saucer Cafe

(near the IHST headquarters)

3000 Northeast Killingsworth Street

Portland, OR 97211

Fabulous Life Additions

2012-02-07T00:51:00.000-08:00

Revlon's Lip Butters

These little hybrids are amazing. It's a fuse of lip balm, a bit of color, and a teeny bit of gloss. These are perfect for everyday looks. And butter?!!? Who doesn't love some butter...

The Body Shop's Body Butter

Tragedy happened in my life. For years now I've maintained my lotion/perfume routine creating my own fragrance. A dash of Bath & Body's Dancing Waters or Rain Kissed Leaves and as alway...Chanel Chance: Eau Fraiche. But guess what happened? Bath & Body Works decided to discontinue both Dancing Waters and Rain Kissed Leaves. How did that leave me? DEVASTATED. I'm so particular with scents and to change it up is super hard for me.

I searched for new smell within the store, but I just couldn't find that balance of clean and sweet. It was just attack of the super fruity or baked goods smells. I huffed and puffed out of the store and took my money elsewhere...The Body Shop. I treated the lady who worked there like garbage as if it was her fault Bath & Body hated me. But after smelling super fruity smells (not my thang) and weird vanilla/musk smells (not my thang either), I found my new lotion...It's got that balance of clean and sweet! Don't discontinue this or I will go into each Body Shop in the Portland metro area and knock down everything from the shelves.

My new keyboard cover!

Revamps my laptop, a little makeover. I found this cover on Ebay for 85 cents! Amazing!

J.Cole

2012-02-06T23:57:00.000-08:00

I've been on a hardcore J.Cole binge. I've been absent from the reggaetron and the slow jams. Yes, I can't believe it either. I must say why I'm fan girling so hard on J.Cole is that a lot of his music is like watching a movie or reading a book. Puts me in a trance. He's quite the storyteller and has a very interesting way of captivating people and their journeys. He does pepper in the occasional "BET approved jams" but a lot of his music comes from a deeper place.

I was surprised to find out he was a super smart and even graduated college magna cum laude. Like that's for real. He's not one to give off the traditional hots like a Channing Tatum, but more so he has a great mind. Recently I even had a dream where he and I did a workshop together at a conference. Like that's where my mind goes.

My favs:

Best Friend

(this has Aaliyah!!!!! Therefore it has to be awesome)

Nobody's Perfect

Daddy's Little Girl

Hello Kitty = Stop.

2012-01-16T23:54:00.000-08:00

It's no secret that I love Hello Kitty. If you follow the blog, you'll see plenty of posts dedicated to Hello Kitty products. As much as I do enjoy Hello Kitty stuff, it needs to stop. My room is starting to look like a 2nd grader's dream house. On February 2, 2012, I will be 26 years old. Disgusting, I know. Unfortunately I have to grow up. So, Hello Kitty, keep it moving. We're breaking up. I need some time to grow.

BAAANGS!!!

2012-01-08T17:24:00.000-08:00

As you may remember, in December of 2009, I gave up my bangs (Click hair to remember)
Lately I've been getting this strange desire to get my bangs back. I know! Even after all the trouble I went through to grow them out. I'm a loca.

But now there's a fix for this! Clip-in bangs from eBay! I did my research and made sure to get my EXACT hair color so my bangs would blend in. Although I wanted them a bit more blunt, I think the side-swept thing makes me look more grown up. What do you think?

Te gusta?!

Style Icon: Basketball Wives Earrings

2012-01-08T16:23:00.000-08:00

I feel like I am in need of a big earring collection. I wear the regular gold hoops for work, and I even began wearing studs a few years ago to be taken seriously. NO MORE! I need to keep it real. When it comes to earrings, I'm a human peacock. Big earrings is part of the reason why we founded I Heart Shiny Things. We heart large-and-in-charge earrings that make people wonder if they make our ears hurt. Big earrings are sometimes like heels; they hurt you sometimes, but if you're a real boss, you wear them the whole night. Neosporin that shit in the morning--you'll live.

After ~~binging-watching~~ catching a few episodes of Basketball Wives (I'm late on the Basketball Wives/Real Housewives thing. But $Cruz keeps me updated and answers my annoying questions). I came to a lot of realizations. Yes, their depictions of women of color are AWFUL, but yet why can't I keep my eyes away? I also watch just see what their wearing and their earrings. Not so much for the labels or the status of expensive items, but purely for aesthetics. I swear.

I really found myself attracted to these earrings below:

First of all, bamboo earrings and I are ride-or-die. Forever in my heart. But bedazzled with crystals? I HATE bedazzled things! They are so gaudy (even for me!) I decided that I would sleep on this life-altering revelation and see if I still felt the same in a couple of days. Well... I still heart them. While perusing eBay, I fell head over heels:

I can't WAIT for their arrival!