I Lift Up My Eyes to the Hills...

"God Is Not The Author Of Confusion"

2013-05-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

Our day began with going to the main building of MD Anderson. I don't know if overwhelming is the right word to use. Tony's description-it's like the first day of high school and everyone is wondering around trying to find their lockers and classrooms. It's amazing that this is an everyday scene at this hospital. We were able to find our destination fairly easily. When we walked up to the check in desk we were greeted by a very friendly guy named Eric Colemon (same name as our son-in-law). He told me I looked familiar and said Happy Birthday! He knew my birthday is on Christmas and his birthday is the day after. It was encouraging to be greeted by friendly people. We didn't have to wait long before I was taken back for vital signs, then put into a room to wait for the doctor. We were met first by a "fellowship" (resident) doctor. He went over all my information and was very helpful. He seemed to think since I had an appetite and was feeling better that the chemo I have been on must be doing some good, contrary to what the doctor we saw on Tuesday who didn't agree with the chemo combination I am on. We met with several ladies that had us sign paperwork allowing MD to do further testing with tumors that were sent off April 2012 and to do a more in depth genetics/DNA. Here is where things get a little tricky. We brought paper work from when my surgeon sent off my tumors and also the report was sent from my original genetics testing, but they couldn't find any record showing we had brought this information. We gave everything including previous CT scan disks to the first doctor we saw on Tuesday but nothing had been uploaded into the system. Later the clinical trial doctor came in along with a young man that manages the clinical trials. She immediately told us about a clinical trial that I qualified for as early as June. We asked her about my CT scan that was done yesterday and she said there was nothing to compare it to. We told her that 4 scans were brought with us and given to the doctor on Tuesday. We also informed her my cancer marker from Tuesday had gone down almost 50 points from 2 weeks ago. She began to back track and seemed flustered and said we could take my CT scan done yesterday back home and have my oncologist compare it to the past CT's to see if there was progression in my disease. This left Tony and I completely confused of why we were at MD Anderson in the 1st place and we could have stayed home to have a CT scan done to compare. We thought the purpose of coming to Houston was to get a second opinion and to see if they agreed with my treatment plan I am currently on or did they have a better solution. The fact that none of my information that was faxed or we hand delivered had been looked over or compared to the current CT I had yesterday had us questioning why we were even here. The clinical Dr then agreed that if I was feeling better and had an appetitite, why change the current treatment.

We know God is not the author of confusion and will make our paths clear on which direction we are to take. Maybe coming to Houston has confirmed to us that Highlands Oncology is doing a good job and ultimately our faith and hope remain in Jesus and His healing power. I am not leaving Houston discouraged. I am going to continue to trust in the One that has created me and know His plans will never fail me. I do not have a peace at this time that MD Anderson is the proper solution for me. If we are to eventually seek further testing, we feel Cancer Treatment Center in Tulsa might be our best option. I will hand deliver my latest CT report to Highlands as soon as we land at home tomorrow and wait to see how the past CT reports compare.

We fly out tomorrow morning and I'm excited to be back home. All the prayers for me and Tony have been felt this week. We have a peace and calm that God has been with us through the ups and downs and His purpose will prevail. It would be easy to grumble and complain but that is not what glorifies my Savior. He has a purpose and a plan over my life and I have complete confidence that this week was not wasted. He showed us some new direction to take and our eyes will remain on Him. We will continue to keep our hope in Him and not in man wherever He leads us.
We were blessed to be able to spend time with our family this evening and have a great home cooked meal. Thank you Kacee!! We will always cherish anytime with our family and the extra blessing of seeing our grandchildren. The time with them has made our trip to Houston worth it.

Psalm 107:19-22 "Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their distruction. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderous works to the children of man! And let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving, and tell of his deeds in songs of joy!"

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it"

"His Eye Is On The Sparrow"

2013-05-22T20:36:00.001-07:00

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

There is no way I could continue in my "pity party" after all the words of encouragement I received from text, email, Facebook, blog and phone calls. The prayers of so many helped me rest last night and I was able to wake up this morning refreshed and refocused on what God has for me and not what I think should happen for my day. Yesterday while waiting on our shuttle, I was sitting on a bench crying and 2 little sparrows came over by us and Tony reminded me that God watches over those little birds, and that God's love is even greater for me. This morning Jordan sent me a text with the following song attached. I did not talk to Jordan all day yesterday and she hadn't even read my blog. God used so many last night and today to get my thoughts back towards Him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H74FBgOZTDw

The appointment scheduler called us this morning and said that our insurance was telling MD Anderson they had to wait 3 days before doing a CT scan on me. I'm not sure I will ever understand the insurance world when a doctor puts in a request and they can refuse treatment due to their policy world. God took care of our insurance and soon after my conversation with the scheduler, I had a CT scheduled for this afternoon. I also have an appointment tomorrow morning at 10:50 to meet with the clinical trial doctor (Dr Wheeler for prayer by name).

It is so easy to get caught up in your own world that you forget so many are hurting around you. Coming to MD Anderson has opened my eyes to see that this "cancer" world is ugly and the fight for survival is bigger than my mind can comprehend. We've seen so many people that are hurting and barely getting around. This is an on going battle, but I'm thankful the battle is not mine, but the Lord is fighting it for me. I win in the end no matter what. I had a sweet lady sit next to me today and we had a great visit about God's promises and goodness and she reminded me of those truths. The incredible thing about her name is that it is the same as my grandmother Vera Mae who impacted my life immensly when I was growing up regarding spiritual matters. I've never known anyone else with that name and I know God brought her into my path today for a great reason. It was His reminder in a big way that He does have everything in my life under control. I met another man from Canden AR that was told over 13 years ago that he only had 3 months to live and he's still alive and doing well today. These two were placed in my path today and I thank God for his reminder. All 3 of us shared of how this journey is not ours but it is for the Lord and to keep our eyes on Him and to make Him known.

We were able to go to dinner tonight with our kids who live in Houston (Chris & Kacee) and grandchildren (Addison, Cadence and Jaxon). So thankful to have this time to spend with family and grandchildren who always make your life more complete and happy. Thank you for such love and encouragement from so many and I am so grateful for all that God reminded me today of how great He really is!!!

Psalm 103:1-5 "Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not his benefits, who forgives all your inquity, who heals all your disesases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satifies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."

"Anticipation, Frustration, Disappointment"

2013-05-21T17:25:00.001-07:00

We arrived at MD Anderson at our scheduled time of 9:30am. I had filled out a lot of paper work prior to my visit. We waited about 15 minutes before my name was called. We met with a lady and signed documents and returned to the waiting area. After 3 1/2 hours of waiting we finally saw a doctor. She was not the doctor my original appointment was set up with, but asked me a lot of questions, then left the room to consult with my doctor. They soon both returned, did a physical exam and told Tony and I they would meet us in the conference room. I'm not sure what I expected to hear, but my heart was very discouraged after our meeting. We were basically told that with my diagnosis "clear cell carcinoma"', an uncommon residual of Ovarian cancer, would be better turned over to a clinical trial. The chemo drugs I have been on would not be effective. Tony and I left to go eat lunch and my heart was very heavy. It could have been the fact that it was 2pm and we had not eaten lunch. There is so much to be grateful for but at that moment all I could see was darkness of sick people all around me. When you let your guard down, Satan moves in quickly to steal your joy. I was mad at myself for being so emotional and couldn't seem to get it under control. I went to have lab work drawn then returned upstairs to meet with a scheduler for tomorrow's appointments.

We met with the scheduler and were sent to have an ultrasound on my leg. Since having chemo last week my right calf muscle has felt like an on going leg cramp and they wanted to rule out a blood clot. I did not get done with my ultrasound until after 5pm. The radiologist could not get in touch with my doctor. I was told there are small blood clots in my leg and that my doctor would have to give me a treatment plan. We left MD Anderson feeling very defeated today. I felt like a "number" that was lost in some sort of processing. We do not have any other appointments scheduled at this point. I was told a CT scan would be done tomorrow and a meeting with the Phase 1 doctor for a clinical trial study would happen tomorrow as well. We are not sure what the next step is. I do know that I had set my expectations so high for coming to Houston and after a long crazy day yesterday of trying to get here along with the tiredness of the day of waiting, my emotional roller coaster went crazy. We returned back to our hotel a little after 6pm emotionally drained. We've decided to call it an evening and refresh ourselves with food and rest and praying for a better day tomorrow. We know God is in control and will trust in Him and not in man.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it"

"Faith Is The Refusal To Panic"

2013-05-20T22:32:00.000-07:00

Our day began headed to the airport for a morning flight to Houston. Soon after our arrival we were notified that the plane we were scheduled to leave on was still in Dallas. Our connecting flight to Houston would not be possible. All other later flights from DFW to Houston were booked. The American Airlines ticket agent was very understanding about our need to get to Houston, so she worked with United and got us on a direct flight later in the evening. We almost got on a 11:15am flight but a couple that was originally scheduled for the flight showed up at the last minute and filled the last two spots. Our United flight was scheduled to leave at 6:30pm. We went home for lunch then I went in to work for a few hours. We arrived back at the airport and boarded the plane at the scheduled time. We knew it was important for everything to be on time with all the bad weather headed our way from Oklahoma. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until we got to the runway and we weren't going anywhere. Within a few minutes we were told that our plane would be headed back to the terminal due to bad weather. Tony and I were thinking that an airplane ride might not be for us and that driving all night might have to be an option.

I went and sat with our bags while Tony waited at the ticket counter to see what our options might be. The skies outside were extremely dark and threatening. I heard a loud noise and thought someone was rolling a cart down the main aisle, but quickly realized it was the wind blowing extremely hard and everyone began running to the bathrooms. It was like a scene you see on television, where the wind and rain come in extremely fast and all those round you are taking cover. I didn't like the fact that Tony and I were separated. All the women and men were going to the appropriate restrooms. My phone rang about 10 minutes later and it was Tony asking me if I wanted to meet him in the family bathroom across the hall. I was happy to be with him again. We didn't have to wait long before they called off the tornado warning. We returned to our gate and were told there was a chance our flight would still be able to depart. Within 30 minutes we were back on the plane and able to depart Northwest Arkansas.

The view from the plane was the most incredible light show ever. It was as if God was showing off His power and majesty all around us. Words cannot describe what we saw from the skies!

My friend Joni Hartman felt led today to start a prayer chain for me and Tony for the next several days while we are in Houston. She sent out an email and put it on Facebook asking for people to take an hour time slot to pray for us. She called me before our original 6:30 flight to tell me that every hour time slot was filled and that some of the time slots had several people praying. That means 24 hours a day we are being prayed over. How do you comprehend such love of others and also know that it ultimately is God's mercy and grace being poured out over you? We serve an incredible God that continues to lavish His love upon us. May we all be diligent to pray for families in Oklahoma that have lost loved ones and looking for lost individuals.

We are not sure what lies ahead for us on this journey but we do have the calmness and peace that no matter what, God is in control. We are not guaranteed tomorrow but we only have the very second we are living in, to bring Him glory and honor. This life is not about us, but it's about leading others to a saving knowledge of our Savior. Ephesians 2:4-5 "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ-by grace you have been saved." John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life."

We have safely landed in Houston and so thankful for God's provision to get us here. We are also grateful that David and Jordan will be staying at our house all week taking care of Oscar, the dog, and our home.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"A New Chapter Begins"

2013-05-19T20:29:00.001-07:00

A new chapter in my life will begin this week as we embark on a journey to MD Anderson. I have been asked if I was nervous or scared and I am thankful to say, "No I am not." I am actually excited to see all that God has for me. My first appointment will be Tuesday morning at 9:30am. I was told to expect to be there for several days and I'm not sure what the plan will be, but one thing I do know, God already has the plan figured out and all I have to do is to continue to trust Him.

God's love has been poured out over me this weekend and my heart continues to be overwhelmed by His goodness and grace. My prayers is that I won't get so caught up with others blessing me, that I forget to be a blessing to others. There are people all around us daily that are hurting and if we keep our eyes and ears open, God will show us their needs.

I had two of my dearest friends that I grew up with come in town on Saturday. They drove 8 1/2 hours to hang out with me for the day and had to leave early Sunday morning to return home. Judy Lynn and I became friends in 4th grade and Deborah Mae and I became friends in 10th grade. (Debbie claims I was mean to her in 9th grade so that is why we weren't friends until the 10th grade) We've always called each other by our first and middle names. We did not go to school together but attended the same youth group and have remained friends throughout all these years.

Judy Lynn, Deborah Mae, Me (Janet Leigh)-1981

Judy Lynn, Me & Deborah Mae-1981


Judy Lynn, Me & Deborah Mae

We had a large group of people come to our home tonight to pray over us before we leave tomorrow.
Ephesians 3:16-19 "that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Apart from God, I would have no way of understanding how much love has been poured out over me and my family. Just when I think we've been blessed more than I can comprehend, more blessings continue to fall upon us. We had so many come to our home tonight and pray and several brought gifts with them for me to take to Houston.

Judy Lynn gave me an amazing purse and Deborah Mae bought me a new pair of shorts. Maureen Mangrum made me my first quilt ever!! I know she prayed over the quilt while she was making it. My heart is full tonight from such love and grace!! Others brought me snacks, roses and a new testament Bible to give to someone that I may have a chance to share Jesus with while I'm away. Thank you to all that came to our home tonight to pray and for so many that couldn't come but continue to pray for me. My life has been strengthened and will be forever changed by the love shown to me by others. I am blessed!!!!!!!!

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"MD Anderson Bound"

2013-05-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

I had decided that today was the day I really wanted to hear from MD Anderson. I got on their website and found a place to request an appointment and decided it wouldn't hurt to fill out the information (just in case my paper work didn't make it to them). I was able to put in my name, address, phone number and was looking for the box to check for my diagnosis, when my phone rang with a number from Houston, Texas. I was so excited to hear that the lady on the other end was from MD Anderson. She asked if it was a good time for her to call and I told her it couldn't be a more perfect time. I posted on my blog yesterday how I feel God is telling me "He's got this" and He reminded me of that in a big way with me trying to take over this morning to push everything through more quickly. I am so thankful to say my appointment is next Tuesday, May 21st. We are so excited for this opportunity that God has given us and are trusting Him for all the details. I must remind myself when I become inpatient, that He really does have everything under control and His timing is always perfect.

I had both chemo drugs today for treatment. My friend LaDonna went with me. She has a lot on her plate and has 4 kids, but wanted to take time out of her busy schedule to spend with me. Thank you Ladonna for being a blessing to me today. Everything went very smoothly and so thankful that I have friends that want to go and spend time with me. God continues to bless me immeasurably more than I could ever imagine.


Me &LaDonna

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Making A Difference"

2013-05-13T18:24:00.000-07:00

My youth pastor and his wife from my high school days came to Bentonville today on their way to Springfield and had lunch with me. Kevin and Pam came into my life my sophomore year of high school & they are still serving at the same church I grew up in. Kevin is now serving as the Pastor & they have been at Trinity Baptist for 34 years. There are times in your life when you can go back and have markers of when God moved and impacted your life and used others to help in your journey. Kevin and Pam both made a difference in my life and are still part of it today. My parents still attend this same church and many times when I can't be there for my parents, the Kennedy's are there to serve their needs. I remember Pam taught me how to pray and not be afraid to speak to God out loud in front of other people. I can still remember it like it was yesterday and I will always be grateful to her for that moment in my life. We have many great memories together. My relationship with them has helped me realize that you can impact other's lives and make a difference no matter what age you are. I think about the young people God has placed in my life over the past years and pray that I can make a difference the way Pam and Kevin made for me.

Pam, Me & Kevin. Thank you for blessing me today!!!!

God continues to show me that He is in control, and as Hudson would say "Hudson's got it", but instead it is God telling me "He's got this". We are waiting on our phone call from MD Anderson and praying we will have an appointment to go there by next week. God provided the resources in a big way today for us to go and not have to worry about the finances. This journey has been more than I could have ever expected with blessings upon blessings from the Lord. God has used so many people to show us how much He truly loves us and I don't think a day has gone by that He hasn't shown me His great love. It would be my fault if I missed His blessings because they are truly there every morning and day. Great is His faithfulness!!

I will be going to Highlands tomorrow for chemo and I'm believing and trusting that God will watch over me, but most importantly, use me to help encourage others the way He continues to encourage me.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"A Blessed Mother's Day"

2013-05-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

I am thankful for Mother's day, for being a mom and my mom still being alive. Motherhood is something I couldn't wait to experience growing up. I always thought the Lord would come back before I would be a mom. I am thankful He has allowed me these last 27 years of life to see my children grow up and become the young adults they are today. It was a blessing to be able to attend church today and see all the little babies being dedicated to the Lord. No one can prepare you for how fast time goes by raising your children until it really happens. I believe that is why grandparent hood is so special, because you appreciate the time and how fast it is fleeting and try to enjoy every moment with grandchildren.

Jenna's parents invited our family over for lunch today. Chuck, her dad, always does an amazing job of boiling crab legs, shrimp, potatoes and corn. My appetite was so good today, that I ate more than I usually do and enjoyed every minute of it.

After lunch we all went out on the lake in the Kerby's pontoon boat. We couldn't have asked for a more peaceful relaxing day. It was like God gave us the whole lake to ourselves and we all enjoyed time together. What a blessing having the family together on such a special day. Thank you Chuck and Mary for always making us feel so welcome and for the amazing meal that comes along with it.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"God's Confirmation"

2013-05-10T20:21:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought a year and a half ago, that I would be excited to say that I was going to MD Anderson? I don't know if excited is the correct word, but I do have a complete peace about going and the opportunity that will be before me. I called my surgeon and oncologist today to see about getting a referral and wanted a peace about the direction of going to Tulsa or Houston. By noon today, the oncologist nurse called me to let me know the referral was being sent and that my doctor would be calling me later in the day. Around 5:00pm I received her phone call and she was on board with sending me to MD Anderson without any hesitation. She believes this is a positive move for me. I was told that MD Anderson should contact me within the next week. I truly feel this is confirmation from the Lord in Him directing my path. Everything moved so quickly today, just from a phone call made this morning. Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Thank you to all that prayed over this decision and the encouragement that my family has received about this next chapter.

Tony and I were blessed to drive to Bartlesville, OK today to see our family. Chris (Tony's son) and family were there for a wedding. They live in Houston and we wouldn't have missed an opportunity to spend time with them being so close. We were able to eat lunch with them and hang out while the kids swam. It is amazing how fast time goes by. When Tony and I married, Chris was only 14 years of age and now he has his own family and is the pastor of an amazing church in Houston. We will be blessed to spend more time with them while at MD Anderson and thankful for God's timing and provisions.

Chris, Kacee, Addison, Cadence & Jaxon

Cadence, Jaxon & Addison

Cadence & Addison

Thank you Pate family for blessing us today. I am so thankful God allowed me to feel so good to make the drive and hang out with our amazing family. Proverbs 17:6a "Grandchildren are the crown of the aged"

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Second Opinion"

2013-05-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

It has been a great week and I have felt good, even after having chemo two days ago. I have carried on with life as "normal" as possible. I had forgotten that I was tested on Tuesday for my CA 125 (cancer markers) and had not heard from the doctor about the results. I called this morning and had a peace that no matter the outcome of the number, I would be okay. My numbers are up again, 395.8 from 392 a few weeks ago. I didn't go into panic mode, I just thanked God immediately that He was in control. I sent a text to Tony, Bryan, Jenna and Jordan to let them know the results. Here is what I said to them "CA 125 is up more but I'm trusting God and thankful for feeling so good. My eyes will remain on Jesus!!! His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness!!!!" Jordan responded back with this verse; Romans 4:20-21 "No distrust made him (them) waver concerning the promise of God, but he (they) grew strong in their faith as he (they) gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised." She added; "May this be said of our family." Tony soon after sent me a link to a Youtube video so I opened it up and figured he had sent a Christian song or something inspirational. (Tony is great about finding a song for any word you could imagine) What's funny is that I put my cell phone on speaker so I could hear the song and there was an advertisement about Monster's Inc going to Disney World & Land and they would be open all night starting Memorial Day weekend. I was so confused why he would send me that link until I realized that it was a commercial ad that I could skip. I hit the skip button and below is the link he had sent me;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41cEmcaYnV0

It is Dean Martin singing "Houston". This was Tony's way of telling me, we are going to get a second opinion whether it be in Houston or elsewhere. Our family has a peace that God will lead us in the right direction. We are looking into MD Anderson in Houston and Cancer Treatment Center in Tulsa. I would welcome any input from those that have been to either place. I am going to talk to my doctors next week about a referral and see what direction they would recommend. We keep saying "one more month" before we go elsewhere, and now it has been at least four months since we originally said those words.

It is a blessing not to be in a panic mode or to have any fear in my situation. I know no matter what happens in my life, I win in the end, knowing where I will spend eternity. I don't have to hope I get into Heaven but I have a calm assurance that I placed my life and faith in Jesus and I have the faith that He died for me, forgave my sins and I am a follower after Him. Philippians 4:4-9 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

Only God and God alone can give me the peace and calm I have in my life. I will continue to keep my eyes on Him and I am looking forward to the direction He will lead our family in this next chapter of our lives.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Transformations"

2013-05-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

I have felt so blessed this past week and weekend. I have never appreciated food and drinking fluids so much. My appetite has been great and I can swallow so much easier. I was feeling so good over the weekend that I started a couple of painting furniture projects and finished them. After my home-makeover, I was excited to re-do a few of my pieces. I now have a new appreciation for those that do this for a living. I don't think they sell their furniture for a high enough value for the time and effort it takes to transform the pieces. My DIL, Jenna, thought it was therapeutic when she got to the staining portion. I have to admit, I never found the therapeutic portion in my projects. I was so happy and thankful for the transformation, but I enjoy it better when someone else does it for me, aka, Maegan.

Below are my before and after pictures:

"Before"

"After"

"Before"

"After"

"Before"

"After"


I forgot to take a picture of the before of this piece, but it's my favorite

I had chemo today and I was thankful that when I stepped on the scales, I had gained a few pounds. I was blessed to have my friend Theresa with me today and also Jonathan and Amanda Waters joined us for their lunch hour. Jonathan's mom passed away almost two weeks ago and I know it had to be hard to be back in the place he had spent so much time with his mom. She was diagnosed with cancer in September of 2012 and she fought hard with so much horrific pain. We are thankful she isn't hurting anymore but I know the family and friends have a huge hole in their hearts.

Amanda, Me &Jonathan (thank you for being a blessing to me today)

Me & Theresa (my chemo prayer partner and friend)

Highlands seemed to have so many patients today, more than we normally see. We saw several that seemed to be in a lot of pain and not doing well. I met one lady today that was diagnosed in 2008 with Ovarian Cancer and is still on the journey of fighting this disease. I met another lady today that was diagnosed in September 2012 with Uterine cancer and she is praying today was her last treatment. I also was able to see Robyn Cole's mom today and she should be at the end of her treatments soon. I am thankful to know I am on God's journey and no matter if it's a few months or whatever time He allows, He is in control of it all and not me. Psalms 68:19 "Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation." He is my hope and salvation and I will trust Him!!

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"My Eyes Remain On Jesus"

2013-04-29T20:22:00.001-07:00

I had a dear friend call me the other day after reading my blog, with the concern I had about my cancer markers going up. God always puts people in our paths at the right time when we need them, whether we choose to recognize it is Him or do not even consider where the encouragement comes from. She reminded me of the story of Peter walking on the water and he was doing fine until he took his eyes off Jesus, then he began to sink. How many times have I taken my eyes off Jesus and started sinking? Recently there have been 3 people that I have been praying for that have passed away. My human side feels some panic and wonder what is God's timing for me? I want nothing more than to hang on to this life and enjoy more time with family and friends. I wonder what it would be like to talk to those 3 that recently have gone to Heaven what they would say to me? This is where my faith and my eyes must remain on Jesus and His perfect plan for me. I don't want to be a "sinking" Christian, I want to be able to keep my eyes on the One that already knew the number of my days here on this earth before I was ever created. Psalms 39:4-5 "O Lord, make me know my end and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting I am! Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you." I pray my life here on earth counts for His glory. Everyday He chooses to bless me with, is one more day than I deserve. I know without a doubt when my time comes to an end and I'm in Heaven with my Savior, nothing this world has to offer can compare to eternal glory with Him. Thank you Susan for your words of encouragement and the reminder of where our eyes should always be.

Since Thursday night, I've had some pain in my lower leg and was concerned it might be a blood clot. I called Highlands today and I knew they would want me to go in for an ultrasound. Only a few people knew there was an issue going on. I had a dear friend text me today to see if she could take me to my appointment. It ended up being two dear friends, Shonda and Lyn both taking me. When we arrived at Highlands, while sitting in the car, they prayed over me.


Shonda, Me & Lyn

I am so thankful to say there were no blood clot found in my leg. I'm not sure what is causing the pain but I can rest knowing that my eyes will remain on Jesus and He will continue to take care of me. Thank you Lyn and Shonda for hanging out with me this afternoon and for your prayers and friendship.

I am not scheduled for chemo this week. My doctor is trying to keep me on schedule and this is an off week for me. So thankful to have an appetite and to be feeling good. I continue to be blessed by so much encouragement and I can say:

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"How To Express Gratitude"

2013-04-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

I've tried to think all week of how to express my gratitude to those that took part in my home makeover. The problem is, I don't know who all to thank and no one seems to know everyone that contributed behind the scenes with the financing. I could send thank you notes to those I know that took part. I'm always afraid when you start mentioning names or sending notes, someone will be left out. I know the ones that helped did not do it for recognition but out of love. The love was not only their own, but what God allowed them to give to glorify Him. Thank you sometimes seems like such a small thing to say to those that bless your heart and haven given so much of themselves, whether financially, emotionally, physically or spiritually.

I do know the process started with Maegan Kufahl and from there the ideas of planning began with several ladies. Sheena Ober and Maegan were the decorators and the two of them together transformed my house into a cozy warm home. I have no idea how much time they put into the planning but I do know they spent 12 hours last Friday making the transformation into something amazing. Thank you Maegan and Sheena for giving so much of yourselves when you already had plenty on your plate with your own lives. Thank you to all those that stopped by to help move furniture. Thank you to all those that stopped by to see the transformation taking place. Thank you to all those that gave financially to help with the makeover and for those that have given toward a fund to help with other needs we may have.

I now have a hard time wanting to spend time in the other parts of my home. I just want to sit in my main living area and stay there all day enjoying the beauty and quietness of God's peace and love. I know a lot of time and thought when in to the makeover and there is no way that the before and after pictures do the rooms justice.

Psalms 30:11-12 "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!" Because of God and my friends, family and others loving, caring and praying over me that has kept me from mourning or being depressed about the storm our family has been going through. How can I not praise Him with all the goodness He has shown to me through others. He uses others to bring Him all the glory. Apart from Him, I could not have the hope and peace in my life. He continues to renew my faith daily and I will forever give Him thanks!

"Before"

"After"

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Young Old Friends"

2013-04-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight we were blessed to have some friends that we adore and have known for 18 years come for a visit. We became friends with Dan and Tara in Texas before they ever had children. They now have 5 children with baby number 6 due in June. What a blessing to be able to spend time with them and their family tonight in our home. They were visiting Branson and decided to drive over to see our family. For those of us that live in Northwest Arkansas, we know that a trip from Branson is not the easiest drive, especially if you get car sick,are pregnant, or are traveling with small children. The last time we saw them was when they lived in the Nashville area and had 3 children. They now live in St. Louis and pastor a church there. Thank you Dan and Tara for taking the time to drive "over" from Branson and spend the evening with us. Thank you for praying over us before you left. We love and appreciate your friendship and are thankful that time or distance hasn't kept our lives apart. We were blessed!!

Sydney, Josiah, Dan, Tara, Tori and Elijah (Rachelle not with them)

Tony, Me, Tara and Dan

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"He Is My Provision"

2013-04-24T20:17:00.001-07:00

I am so thankful to have been feeling so good since Friday through today. I almost feel like a normal person but not sure if I know what normal really is. I received a phone call this afternoon from my doctor about my CA 125 (cancer markers). I was so excited to hear from her because in my heart I really felt like the numbers would have continued to go down since I was feeling so much better. The news she gave me really took me by surprise and caught me off guard. My numbers have gone up higher than they have ever been. I went from 239 to 392. I tried to pretend like I was okay, but inside my heart melted with disappointment. The doctor wasn't concerned with the increase. She was more happy that I look so much better and have been feeling good. I sent Jenna a text with my numbers and she read that inflammation and infection can have a significant impact on your cancer numbers. With my recent sickness that put me in the hospital and having to miss a recent chemo treatment could explain why my numbers are up. Tony and I had said if my numbers continue to go up, we would "jump ship" and head elsewhere (MD Anderson in Houston). My spirit and heart tells me to stay here and continue to wait upon the Lord. Tony took off work early to come by my work and check on me. He took me home for a few minutes so I could regroup then I headed back to work. On the way back up to the office the song "Lord Our God" came on the radio. I didn't want to listen to it because I knew I would get emotional again, but I listened anyway. When I got back to the youth group, the band was practicing for worship and guess what song they were singing? "Lord Our God". This song has become my anthem since I went to Passion 2013 in Atlanta in January.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls4syJMNmWw

He is the Lord my God and He is forever faithful. I know without a doubt, He will finish what He began and even through the desert, He is my provision. In the silence and in the waiting, I still know that He is good. All His plans are for His glory! I won't move without Him, He is the light of all that I need. He is the Lord my God!!!

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"God Is Always Faithful"

2013-04-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

Today began with several answered prayers awaiting me. As I was getting ready to go in for chemo today, Tony called to let me know that our insurance company was helping pay for the chemo drug that originally we were told would not be paid for. God is always faithful!! I had prayed and asked that I would run into someone that I have specifically been praying for. Supposedly this person has been having chemo treatments every Tuesday but I have not seen her, so my eyes were on the lookout today. God allowed our paths to cross and I was able to speak to her and pray over her. God is always faithful!! I spoke to another lady I have been praying for that is always alone and she was not feeling well today. God gave me boldness to ask if she knew the Lord as her Savior and she said yes. God is always faithful!! At the end of my treatment, we were able to go back to where she was sitting and pray over her. God is always faithful!! There was a lady that I recognized but wasn't sure how we knew each other so on my way out, I stopped and talked to her. She is one of the first ladies I had chemo with but we didn't recognize each other because we both have hair now. Her name has been one of the ones I pray for daily but had no idea how she's been doing. She is doing really well and we were so happy to see each other. She remembered my surgery from last year on April 30th and said my name was on her church's prayer list. God is always faithful!!

I am so thankful for His faithfulness!! Theresa and my son-in-law David both went with me today for my chemo treatments. It was such a blessing having them both there. I am so thankful and blessed that David wanted to spend time with us. I'm not sure how many son-in-laws would take the time to hang out with their mother-in-law, but it was a reminder of how blessed I truly am. David and Theresa were both a part of the prayer time over the two ladies. A funny fact; we all had on green shirts with grey sweaters/pull overs. Jordan came up to join us for lunch and she had on a green scarf. Great minds think alike!


David, Jordan, Me & Theresa-thank you for being great chemo buddies!!

Jordan sent me this message today through a text:
" Another song for you. Claiming victory today!!! Please watch the whole thing before you leave today. The louder the better. This is a victory song in Jesus' name!

I have attached the link below and you will be blessed to listen to it. Don't turn it off too soon, it sounds like it is going to end when Kari Jobe starts singing "yeah yeah yeah" but keep listening because it has more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r37Tp11CzMU&feature=youtu.be

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"Blessings Continue To Pour Out"

2013-04-21T21:07:00.000-07:00

I was blessed to spend the weekend in Dallas with a lot of my family. Bryan & Jenna had planned a trip and had asked us to go with them. I've had to cancel 2 of my recent trips (Hawaii & Branson) so we weren't sure if I'd be able to go on this trip. Friday came and I felt good and was excited to get in the car and travel. The car was packed to the brim. When you travel with a 2 year old and 8 week old, there are plenty of necessities.

Saturday we went to the Dallas Aquarium and Zoo. My nephew Aaron lives in the area and spent the day with us. Later in the evening the rest of my family that lives in the Dallas Metroplex came to our hotel and spent the evening with us. When this trip was planned I had no idea that we would be spending time with my niece, nephews and family. It was such a blessing that they chose to take the time and hang out with us. We were planning on playing games but spent time visiting instead. Thank you Aaron, Micah, Amanda, Miranda, Chris and Christopher for sharing the evening with us. I was truly blessed.

Family at the Dallas Aquarium

Hudson, GPa, Me, Jenna & Bryan (Rhett in stroller in the back ground)

Chris, Christopher,Miranda,Me,Micah, Amanda, Aaron

We headed back home today and stopped at my brother and sister-in-law's house for lunch. Traci made a great meal and we enjoyed several hours of more family time. I had no idea that this trip would be spent with so much quality family time. God has continued to show me great love through my family and this weekend He showed me even more. I met a lady named Angela at the hotel breakfast this morning that has breast cancer and we shared part of our journey and prayed together. I am so grateful that not only our children but my entire family and friends have been there for me.

David (my brother) & Me


Me & Traci (my sister-in-law)

I wrote this blog on the way home in the car and had no idea that more blessings were in store for me when I got home. Jordan and David had taken care of our dog while we were gone over the weekend and I called her when we were about 30 minutes away and she told me they were at our house letting the dog out again. I asked her to stay until we got home so we could all see them. I was the last one that walked through the front door and found the most unbelievable surprise awaiting me. My living room, dining room and kitchen had been completely transformed into a new home while I was away this weekend. I am in total shock and words cannot express how happy, excited, overwhelmed, amazed and whatever else comes along with disbelief of what my friends have done for me. My home is the most beautiful home I have ever seen and I don't want to go to bed tonight. I want to sit in my new living room and continue to soak in what has been done. How can words tell those that have done this for me how grateful I am? I don't understand the love of God and His faithfulness because He continues to pour out blessings upon blessings on me and to Him be the glory, great things He has done!!!!!


My Newly Transformed Home!!

Psalm 9:1-2 "I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. I will be glad and exult in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High."

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Post Chemo Day"

2013-04-17T20:18:00.000-07:00

I've had several people checking in on me today to see how chemo went yesterday and not seeing a blog post were concerned that I was not doing well. God is always faithful and has seen me through each night and day and continues to show me His mercies every day.

I went in yesterday for chemo. There was an issue getting blood return from my port but within an hour everything was a go and there were no other complications. I received one of my chemo drugs and will get both chemo drugs next week. God is so faithful in everything in our lives. I was able to work in the afternoon. Last night I was having issues with nausea and had to take some medication. I woke up very early this morning with nausea again and had to take more medication and was able to sleep in. I am thankful to say that I was able to be at work all afternoon and be with the youth tonight for both service times.

I had a sweet friend I have never met that reads my blog that sent me a book written by John Piper called "Don't Waster Your Cancer". It is a very quick easy read, the size of a small pamphlet. It was an encouragement to me to remind me that this journey I'm on is not about me but about bringing glory to God. Everything that happens in our lives doesn't take Him by surprise but He has a purpose for it all. We may never fully understand the reasons for why things happen the way they do but if we know and trust in Jesus to be our Savior, we win in the end no matter how things turn out in this life.

I am grateful for life today and that God gave me grace to live another day on this earth. I don't know what tomorrow may bring, but I am thankful I don't have to worry, He already has a plan for me.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"You Revive Me"

2013-04-15T19:52:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was a very special day. I was able to attend church and what a blessing to be around the body of Christ and be encouraged. Jordan was able to sing a solo and if I had a soloist voice, the song she sang would have been the one I would have chosen to sing. I feel so blessed to have a daughter that gives her talent back to the Lord and to be used by Him. Below is the link to her the song she sang. It's called "You Revive Me".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HB3jqWn5NT8

Tomorrow I go in for chemo. My stomach and lower abdomen have some issues with fluid build up so I'm trusting that the chemo will take affect and kill the tumor cells. Everyday is a new blessing from the Lord so I'm believing God will give me rest tonight and I am thankful for the day He gave me. I was able to go back to work and catch up on things. "You revive me Lord and all my deserts are rivers of joy". I'm alive today because He chose to breath on me.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Praising Him For My Night & Day"

2013-04-12T21:08:00.000-07:00

I was able to go to bed last night with no nausea and very minimul fluid on my stomach. What a praise for all that God continues to do for me. I woke up several times during the night with a heart of gratitude to be feeling so good. I had an appointment today to get my 3rd Neutropen shot (to rebuild my white blood cell count) and to have chemo. After the 2nd shot yesterday, my numbers were so high, I didn't need the 3rd shot today. The doctor said I would have probably been fine with just 1 shot. She also gave me the option to treat with chemo or wait until next week. I decided it would be best to give my body a rest after a long week and start back up next Tuesday. She agreed that was probably the best decision.

Jordan went with me to the doctor and I decided we both needed a treat, so we went and had pedicures together. What a wonderful and relaxing day it was and it has been the best I have felt in quiet some time. I don't want to take how I feel for granted and realize God has done some miraculous things in my body. I couldn't help but smile in my heart today every time I reflected on everything that happened yesterday. His steadfast love endures forever!!!

Tonight we were blessed to have Hudson and Rhett spend some time with us. Jordan also hung out with us while David was away. Hudson always likes to hang out with GPa so Jordan and I spent time with Rhett. She and I played Banana-Grams and Hudson checked in on us a few times.

Thank you Jesus for ALL You continue to do for me.
"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Not To Us, But To Your Name Give Glory"

2013-04-11T19:38:00.000-07:00

I don't even know how to begin blogging tonight. My heart is overwhelmed with emotions. A group text was sent out last night to our youth group about meeting at our house tonight for prayer. I am part of that group text so I knew something was up. I thought what an amazing thing to have our youth come to my house and pray over me. Jordan took me to Highlands today for a shot and said there were some adults in the church office talking about coming to our house as well. I soon found out this was more than just our youth group coming and Jordan informed me that there would be a lot of people coming to our home. Flowers were delivered to me this afternoon and after receiving them, I was sitting on my couch spending time alone with Jesus and was so overwhelmed that people were coming to pray over me. As I was talking to Jesus, I told Him that I knew if He was physically here walking on the earth, that He would be at my house tonight and would be able to touch me and heal me. At the very moment I said those words to Him, the front door blew open. People can say it was a coincidence but I know Jesus physically showed me He was with me and would continue to be with me. My heart was over joyed as I got up to shut the door and I thanked Him for the physical part of seeing He was with me. Shortly before 7:00pm cars began parking on our street and the people started circling the house. Our house backs up to Wal-mart, so people parked in the Walmart parking lot and came through our back gate as well. Below is a testimony of what God did. No one came inside our home except for family. As people were praying outside, I sat in a chair in the middle of our living room and my family circled around me on their knees praying. The power of the Holy Spirit was so evident all around us. It is so hard to put into to words the gratitude my heart has at this moment. This night was not about me, but I believe it was about God's people seeing what only He can do. Psalm 115:1 "Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness."


This last picture was captured by one of our neighbors. Thank you Jamie!

Psalm 116:7 "Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8m0LowihOXY

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"The Lord Our God"

2013-04-10T20:11:00.000-07:00

His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness. The doctor came in to my hospital room early this morning and went over my lab work and procedures from yesterday. My abdominal X-ray showed signs of improvement therefore leaving her to believe I do not have a blockage but my issues have been from inflammation. They are not sure if it is all related to chemo or to a virus and chemo combination. We waited until after lunch to see how I was feeling before making a decision about being discharged. The medication I am receiving at the hospital can also be taken at home. When I weighed out the pros and cons, my bed @ home won hands down with uninterrupted sleep opposed to blood work and vital signs being checked every few hours during the night time hours. I will see my doctor Friday to see if I will be having chemo before the weekend or postpone until next week.

There is no place like home for healing. Today was a cold rainy day and Tony brought me home and built a fire in our fireplace. We had our dear friend Beth bring us homemade chicken noodle soup, cornbread muffins and apple crisp/ice cream for dessert.

I don't know how much longer this journey will carry on but I do know I serve a Savior that isn't finished with me yet. Below is a song that Jordan tagged me on Facebook today. We heard it back in January when we went to Passion in Atlanta and she told me then, this was a song written for me. Here are a few lyrics: Promise Maker, Promise Keeper, You finish what You begin, our Provision through the desert, You see it through to the end. The Lord our God is ever faithful never changing through the ages, from this darkness You will lead us and forever we will say you're the Lord our God. In the silence and the waiting, still we can know you are good. All your plans are for your glory. Forever we will say you're the Lord our God!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVgpiyvOqRU

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Hands Are Being Held Up"

2013-04-09T15:16:00.000-07:00

What started as a quick trip to the ER has turned in to a 3 day stay at the Hospital, so far. I arrived on Sunday with severe dehydration from 10 days of on and off vomiting and diarrhea. I was immediately put on sodium chloride IV drip and after lab results I was told my potassium and magnesium were low. Yesterday, was a very difficult day. I suffered from nausea,diarrhea, a bloating stomach all day and ended the day throwing up. Several tests revealed concerns for bowel obstruction or imflamed bowels. I'm not sure what news we were expecting, but I wouldnt have guessed that diagnosis. The doctor said Ovarian Cancer can cause these issues.

My children put out a plea for friends, family and others following our journey to help stand in the gap with us by praying, fasting and believing in healing over my body. This is one of Jordan's posts;
"Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun." Exodus 17:11-12

There are days when Satan wants you to feel all alone and that the journey you're on is never going to end. The great thing is, I already know how my journey ends and there is nothing that can seperate me from His steadfast love. Jesus already won the victory for me. What a blessing to know that the days I'm weary and worn out, there are many holding up mine and my family's hands and interceding on our behalf to the Father. We are so grateful for so much love and support.

Today has been a much better day already. I almost feel "normal" again. The doctor thought my stomach should be drained of fluids again, but when I went for the procedure, the radiologist felt there was no need. I've had very little nausea and a small amount of diarrhea today. This is a huge difference from the past 10 days. Some could say it's a coincidence and timing of getting better, I choose to say my God is listening, hearing and answering prayers for me and my family. His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness!!!!

"Today is the day the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Virus vs Chemo

2013-04-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

I have been struggling for over a week with nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. In my mind I was assuming it was all related to chemo. I went to Highlands yesterday for IV fluids. Today I'm in the ER waiting to be seen. The ER waiting room was full and when I told the receptionist I was on chemo, she gave me my own private waiting room. That proves there are advantages of having chemo. Tony and I were grateful not to be among all the flu and other illnesses going on in the main waiting area. We were put into a regular ER room within a very short amount of time. Now the waiting begins to see how long and what they find out.

Within 1 hour of walking into the ER I was hooked up to IV fluids. I am being admitted into the hospital and will probably go home tomorrow. I was told my Magnesium was low and that I needed fluids to rehydrate. I am thankful to have a husband watching over me and made me get some medical attention. I was willing to wait it out another day, but he knew better. I am blessed!

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"A Good Day For Chemo"

2013-04-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness!!! For some reason God keeps reminding me of this constantly. I am thankful I don't have to worry about tomorrow or my yesterday, I have today and He gives me grace for whatever comes my way. I may not see the grace at the moment, but I trust that it is there and I'm not walking alone at any moment, He's always with me.

I woke up very nauseated and had some stomach issues so I wasn't sure if chemo would take place today or not. I knew my blood work would let me know if treatment should happen. Praise the Lord every one of my blood levels were exactly where they needed to be. I had no Hi's or Low's on any of my levels that they are usually concerned about. They give pre-meds before my chemo treatment, and there was nausea medication that helped settle down my stomach. I was able to get both chemo's today. My friend Theresa took me to Highlands and stayed with me. She prayed over my chemo as it started and there were no complications or side effects. How great is our God!

Here's something I read in one of my daily devotional books this morning:

Hope and courage go hand in hand. When you are waiting, waiting, waiting for longed-for answers to prayer, it takes courage to continue hoping in Me. The world, the flesh, and the devil all tell you it's easier to just give up and give in to dull disappointment. In a sense, this is true. To keep praying with positive expectation requires a lot of effort and perseverance; giving up is momentarily easier. However, a resigned, I give-up attitude is always hurtful in the long run. Often, this leads to cynicism-and eventually despair. So it's well worth the effort to keep your hopefulness alive. Courage comes from the French word for "heart." Since I live in your heart, you can call upon Me to help you live courageously-facing adversity or danger with confidence and determination. I am well aware of your circumstances, and I take pleasure in helping you cope with them. So stand firm in my strength, beloved, refusing to give in or give up. I take pleasure in you always, but especially when you are bravely hoping in My steadfast Love.
Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid, for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."