I need to find my ZEN...

2013 Flew By, Work Vs. Life

2014-01-02T16:00:00.002-06:00

Again, time has passed me by. I read my last post and could feel all of those emotions all over again. I thought 2013 being an odd year would have been a year for me to catch up at work and create the department that I have been promising my boss I would create. Instead our sales team proved to be working very hard and my team acquired multiple services and transitioned those services in record breaking time. Last year my team proved their intelligence and commitment. I couldn't ask for a better team.

Not everything is perfect nor should it be. There were unforgettable break down moments. I thought that 2013 would be a little more refreshing and it disappointed me in the sense that I still do not feel content with where I am in life and what I have accomplished. I didn't think it was possible but I yearn for more in my life.

I want to be someone who makes a difference. I want to be someone that continually moves up and grabs every chance that comes there way. Doesn't everyone? No. I found that there are so many people out there that do not need to be more. They are content with taking on life slowly as it comes to them. For example, my brother has an amazing work record. He has been offered jobs that I would have died to be apart of. Jobs that that are not easy to get. He has chosen first to be a good father and husband. He turns job after job down because he doesn't want to leave a cushy position that makes sense for his family for a position that will work him like a horse that he is not compassionate about. It takes a real man to say no. I would cave in because I need the challenge and I have a need to prove my worthiness. I feel like this need absolutely controls my life and that is sad to me. My brother has told me two things that have stuck with me.

1. Don't burn yourself out. I have done this M and it is not worth your health and missing out on life.
2. When I interview, I pay close attention to the hours that the boss puts in. If the boss is putting in tons of hours that means two things: 1-He will expect that and more out of you. 2-When you get promoted to his job you will be still putting in long hours.

He has said #1 to me many times to which I rolled my eyes. Until now a little too late because I truly feel burned out, tired, and defeated. #2 He has only said once and only needed to say once because I listened. It didn't stick because of the amount of times he said it. It stuck because I was LISTENING. He is right. Where did he get this. It seems so simple yet that never occurred to me. Maybe it didn't matter to me in the past.

I yearn to take over chaotic tasks because I master successfully managing crazy situations. My boss tells me all of the time that he doesn't worry about me because he knows bottom line I will not fail. Is this bad? I don't think so but what is bad is peers taking advantage of me. Being a yes woman has caused me to have a little life outside of work. I didn't experience 2013 with family I experienced 2013 with work. I worked and worked and worked to only being told negative criticism on what I am all doing wrong. So there were in deed some real set backs for me. Things that made me rethink what is important. I am still trying to realign what is important and how to feel worthy again.

Today is the first day of my Christmas vacation that I have felt, clear headed, creative, inspired, and energized. Sadly, I only have three days left of the 17 days off. Yes I know 17 days sounds crazy but they gave us 7 days of Holiday off, 1 day for a funeral, and I took the 3 remainder week days off for PTO. I hope that I can continue to refill my soul these next few days so that I can start my 2014 in a refreshed matter. This year calls for change. Change must happen.

M

The beginning of 2013 an odd year...

2013-06-20T23:44:00.000-05:00

This year has started off extremely busy. I was promoted last August as Manager. Although very excited it has been quite draining and never a dull moment.

I haven't written in two years. Time truly flies when work takes over your life. I don't regret the amount of work I have put in but maybe do regret missing out on the little things that I should have stopped to enjoy. After all that is who I am. A person that falls in love with the little things. Things like coming home to a fresh cut lawn. The smell is satisfying but more importantly I always think to myself that lawn looks beautiful, taken care of, and tidy. I feel like I can be proud of it even though I had nothing to do with mowing it. Somehow seeing that it is done and taken care of allows me to relax and smile.

Maybe some of the anxiety I now live with almost daily stems from coming home to a house that I have forgotten how much I love. I walk in and all I see is unfinished rooms. Walls with no pictures up, a kitchen with no decorations, a yard that still needs to be cleaned up. Nobody said owning a house would be easy but it's been over two years. I would at least like to have pictures up.

I did get my dog. Max a 20 pound poodle from the Humane Society. The most undog like dog I have ever been near. I can't express how lucky I am to have the pleasure of being blessed with his presence. Never in my dreams did I ever think I would own a poodle. He isa white, fluffy, ball of joy. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world and I tell myself that he will live longer than I because I could never replace him nor want to nor imagine a day without him. He fills a void in me that nothing else could.

I looked forward to this year because it was what we call an odd year and in the type of business world that I work in that means less chaos. This was not true. Not true at all this year. I have learned more than I ever thought I would learn in this position. I am so proud of everything I have accomplished in the last two and half years. I can say and believe that I made it where I am because of me and only me. I found it to be quite an eye opener this year realizing how much others think they are the reason I am successful.

I have a friend that every time we talk this friend tries to play mind games by apologizing to me for helping me get my manager position and apologizing that I have to work so much. I let it go because apparently this person needs that in order to feel worthy of the position that they use to have. One of these days I will speak up and express my gratitude. I would say thanks even though you almost didn't even give me a chance to interview for the specialist position. I would pat you on the back for being able to watch me beg and plead for the chance. I would thank you for pissing me off which lit a fire under me to research the job, classes that I could attend, anything to intrigue you to give me at least the chance to interview. I would thank you for letting your lead interview me. I would thank you for leaving the choice up to him. I would thank him for believing in me. I would thank you for allowing me to take the same class you did so I could ace it knowing you didn't even get an A. I would thank you for admitting to me numerous times you didn't think I would make it, you didn't think I would be able to do what I have done today. I would thank you for comparing me to your loser female friend who couldn't keep a job or a man and that would ultimately be a nobody. I would thank you for over working me. I would thank you for giving me duties that were clearly your role. I would thank you for putting pressure on me to sneak behind my leads back to get jobs done so that the pressure was off your back. I would thank you for showing me what not to do when approaching other departments in order to resolve issues. I would thank you for planting a negative seed about my mentor that truly cares to watch me succeed today. I would thank you for showing no sensitivity while leaving no later than 5 everyday while I panicked and taught myself how to write programming languages and carry the team. I would thank you for allowing a co worker to stay employed while he continually verbally abused me and other women in the office and argued with every man in his reach. I would thank you for my many many break downs of bawling that occurred like a helpless child from pure exhaustion, feeling unworthy, not good enough, and tired of staying strong so that people including you didn't walk all over me. I thank you for continually telling me that you would want to tell me job well done but didn't want me to get too big of a head. Thank you for putting so much pressure on me that I learned how to manage the team and become successful. I would thank you for suckering me into thinking you were a true friend but most of all I would like to thank you for being my example of what I didn't want to be as a manager in my interview for your job.

See now, during my interview I was asked what kind of manager I wanted to be and I said "Can I tell you what I don't want to be?" A little surprised he said "Yes". I went on to explain everything I had learned that I didn't want to be. I went into detailed examples of how bad management affects your team and the environment that the team sits in. I explained that it would be my job to keep the weight of the world off of my employees shoulders as much as possible. That interview lasted over two hours. I still believe today that it was my passion in the examples of what not to do that got me my promotion.

So here it goes. In a very nonsarcastic way, you are right. You helped me get my job and for that I do thank you.

M

2011-04-13T13:51:00.001-05:00

Well today is a stressful Wednesday... in a couple days on Friday I am suppose to close on my new home!!!! YAY It has been a very long and drawn out process, and I am sure it will be worth it in the end. I am just waiting on the painters to finish and final inspection to take place. I can't wait to get my keys on Friday. We have so much planned for this weekend so I am just praying that everything goes smoothly. It sure as hell hasn't been smooth sailing yet. We are planning on redoing the hardwood floors and repainting the bedrooms before we move in. I have so many plans but still brainstorming some creative ideas...

Spare bedroom: light pastel yellow walls, with black furniture, black and white photos, black comforter, with yellow/orange decorative pillows!

Office: Dark red walls, wood desk, more modern couch bed maybe a nice futon (in future)... that's all I got.

Master Bedroom: Taupe walls, green and blue bed spread, frames, and decorations... I want a spa like feeling!

We are waiting to see what plants will spring up and then make a decision on our landscaping...

Decisions Decisions
At least they are happy and fun Decisions!!!

Life As We Know It

2011-03-21T16:43:00.000-05:00

Big NEWS! On April 15th, 2011 I will be closing on a house! Aaron and I will take the big step into irritating the buhgeezes out of each other DAILY. I am sooooo excited. I am so happy that we get to share this experience together. Our family and friends have volunteered so much help with moving and updating the house. I am so blessed. The house is perrrrrrfect. It is everything I want. It has an adorable deck that comes off of the dining room. I can imagine morning breakfasts out there, morning teas and coffees, and night caps..... ahhhh the list could go on and on! Ohhh and finally being able to grill... mmmm.... I love grilling.... Aaron loves grilling. This house also comes with a fenced in backyard! So I think we all know what that means.... A DOG!!!!!

I did also get my car! She is definitely my baby. I got a PT Cruiser/ Dream Cruise, 2005, Convertible, GT, Turbo, Infinity audio system, 6 CD disk changer, heated seats, and leather! I never envisioned myself driving a PT Cruiser but this car is truly my baby.. and I love her. : )

Life is definitely good but busy busy!!!

Goodbye My Sweet Not Paid Off Love

2011-02-03T12:13:00.000-06:00

That title sounds a bit odd... doesn't it? I usually type in the title after I am done writing in my blog but I decided to do it backwards today. Well that is my definition of backwards. Anyhow.... my car said goodbye in a very selfish and untimely point in my life. Yes that is right my car, my only car died! When I tried to revive my only car, it spit a bill that was more than I still owe on that lovely... lovely... selfish car in my very red... frustrated... and angry face!

So in short my baby, my little car that has endured so much wear and tear has officially saluted its horrible, horrible timing goodbye upon my life. You see I was right in the midst of finally relaxing and enjoying my house search. When I say relaxing I really do mean the most relaxation that this body is capable of providing when the thought of literally signing this said body's life away in a huge amount of debt.... commonly called scared shit-less. So the past three days were miserable and I got all bent out of shape and the world literally blew up in my mind and left me slithering across the dry desert hopelessly trying to piece back together my mind and my life and everything that has to do with me. I didn't answer my phone when friends called, I didn't do anything I sulked for three long days. What was I going to do? Was I still going to be able to buy a house? I WANT A DOG! I have no idea what I want for a new vehicle. I don't have time to research what is worth a dime anymore! Why did my car hate me? A bit dramatic I am... I know. My sister loves to remind me of this every time my mind convinces me that my world has shattered, and every time she wins. I then take a deep breath and realize that life will move on. The world I am told will not stop and grieve with me and stand by my side as I send my car my last goodbyes to the grey, sad, lonely, car cemetery.

So to conclude my misery... today I woke up feeling great. I have positively put myself back together. I truly owe that to my mother and sister for coming to pick me up, I needed some girl talk. I have picked out a few vehicles that sound exciting to look at AND set up an appointment on Saturday to tour some lovelier, beautiful houses. I am feeling excitement right now! Ahhhh… that is definitely a divine feeling. The End.

WHERE IS THE PEACE?

2011-01-31T12:36:00.001-06:00

Why are people these days such loose cannons?
Why do people carry so much anger?

I am taking a college class for work and I am assigned to a group for a project. There is of course one black sheep in each group. It happens every single time I am in a group, we have a slacker. Well our slacker this time around is really trying my patience. We will call him Mr. A for Mr. Anger ... or maybe for something else that starts with an A. Just kidding!

So Mr. A has been nothing but a nuisance. He barely shows up for class, when he does he is late. He treats our teacher (one of the best teachers I have ever had) incredibly inappropriate. He expects to be able to hand in his homework late and it be accepted. He is a thug wanna be, well who knows, these days he could very well be one. He argues with everyone in my group. He has not done anything and when he tried, he put us back three classes, because he would not listen to what the teacher and the group was trying to tell him.

So last week we had to redo what he had done. When he showed up to class he expressed his anger in an annoying improper English language with every other word containing the F-bomb. I at this point feel very targeted and nervous. So I do what I do best ignore and keep moving forward. After we finally put a stop to his pointless arguments he took his tantrum to the opposite side of the row.

At the end of class he decided that he would no longer just mumble extremely out of line obscenities and expressed them in a very loud and angry way. He told each and every one of his group’s members to f-off in many ways. I at one point thought to myself... huh wow I am impressed I have never in so many different ways have been told that I am hated. This went on for quite some time. Most of the time I felt it was directed at me. I simply kept staring straight at my computer and typed away. He then accused one member of doing anything I said to "get with me"! Ugggghhhhhh this really made me mad! So I finally yelped back EXCUSE ME! He actually quieted down. Then the other group members took over and explained to him that everyone has the right to their own opinion, but we are a group so we are going to use the most logical opinion and proceed. They also explained to him that he is taking everything too personally and that we are doing this project to pass a class and that is it. He finally quieted down after awhile.

Let's just say I high tailed it out of there. I waited by the doors, trying to get my lovely significant other on the phone, because my classmate just made me feel threatened. Thankfully one of the group members came up to me and walked me to my car. He too agreed on the tension and the anger.

Today I received an email from my teacher expressing concern. She had heard what happened. I replied and told her and she has since then expressed her apologies and said that is unacceptable.

All I can keep thinking is Thank GOD that the majority of people are not Mr. A. I feel bad for him in a way. He is obviously trying to better himself by going to college. I fear that he will not make it which means he will most likely never change. This also means he might blame this class and everyone in it for his failure. Which in return will fuel anger in his many children's lives.

If I could speak my real opinion to him it would be to treat others the way you want to be treated. Treat females the same as a male. Love life and enjoy the life that you are given. Educate yourself, don't take advantage of it, you might lose the opportunity to make something of yourself. If this world is to me the way I have always thought of it to be then he should at the least be kicked out of this class. Then what? He becomes a lost soul in gang land... Should I be threatened in a class or should the society throw him back on the streets?

Time-outs VS. Spankings

2011-01-24T14:59:00.000-06:00

This topic was discussed over the past weekend. This topic has now been added to THE LIST. The List that should not be discussed in certain settings and the number one setting is while consuming cocktails. My List contains:

Religion
Politics
Women Vs Men
Children's Punishment

Uggghhhhh what a topic it is. So here we go.... do you believe that children should be punished verbally or physically or maybe even both?

Here is my opinion and please remember that this is my opinion. I think there are steps in punishing children. I will go ahead and answer the question that is going through parent's minds right now. NO, I do not have any children but please remember at one time I was a child so YES my opinion does matter.

Step 1 - Tell the child to stop, look them directly in the eyes and explain to child what is wrong with what they are doing, and most importantly the HARM that can come from what they are doing. (From experience: If you don't explain why I am being punished and what could happen if I continue on this path I will not understand why it is wrong) Do NOT yell from across the room. Stop being lazy get off your tush and do something about the issue.

Step 2 - Clearly identify the punishment if they do it again. Make sure they are listening and say for example: M if you pinch your sister again you will sit in time out for 15 min. Do you understand me?

Step 3 - Child repeats the wrong doing parent reacts exactly as stated. If the child does said issue again then back into time-out. After so many times the child will realize that this punishment will happen again and again until he or she stops doing wrong.

That sounds like to me the right way to handle situations. It is the right way to stay patient with your child. So arguing whether the timeout is more sufficient than a spanking errrrrkkkks me. Why in the world would a person not try the timeout before the pop on the tush? I get that there is multiple ways to teach your child between right and wrong. I personally know people that had spankings and are completely fine, and I personally know people that were "spanked" that did not turn out fine. There is a huge difference between a spanking and a beating. I get that but why use violence at all if talking to your child works just as well. Do not argue with me yes a swat to the butt is touching another human being using fear and motion which is defined as violence. Maybe not getting the crap kicked out of you violence but the fear violence. Depending on how you approach the spanking is how it affects you mentally as an adult.

I also heard one comment this weekend that was personally said, whoopee a timeout was never threatening at all as a child but a pop in the tush taught him a lesson to stop. Is this a boy thing? I don't get how you can say being pulled from your toys, friends, TV, video game, sitting in a corner facing a wall for what seems like an eternity would be nothing. I like to think that I am a pretty open person but really I don't get this statement nor do I believe this statement. Which makes me rethink and ask myself am I a close minded person. Was this person molded out of fear? Should children be feared into doing right?? What kind of life is that to live?? This person is a fine man. In fact he is a really great person. He turned out wonderfully.

So what does that tell me.....? It tells me absolutely nothing.
It tells me that everyone has a right to their opinion.
It tells me that everyone parents just a little different.
It tells me that as a responsible adult you should marry someone with a similar belief.

Home Sweet Home

2011-01-13T12:47:00.000-06:00

Have you ever wanted something soooooo bad but it seems so far out of reach?

I have it is called a house. Saying the word house gives me butterflies....

I just came to the realization yesterday that me buying my own home (A REAL HOME!!!!) could be a possibility in the near future : ).... FINALLY!

I finally have stability, and my debt is sooo close to being paid off. My credit score is sitting well. I have finally made a plan to save money for a down payment. Everything seems to be working out so well it is scary. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.

Here are some photos I found on the Internet:

I love the porch on this one.

I love the castle look and I can only imagine how cute those rooms are in tower part of the house : )

I love brick houses.... love them!

Obviously these are all way too big and expensive but ideally a brick home with a porch, and cool wow factor and I am sold!

Not too difficult right??? I think when I get to buy a home it will bring such a comfort and secure feeling that it might be in the process of finding my peaceful state of mind. I am starting to feel it now. I could be in this dreamy state daily while sweet thoughts float through my head.

Hack... Hack.... Uh-Choooo... Happy New Year

2011-01-05T11:01:00.002-06:00

Being sick for seven days lying on a couch has drained every bit of energy out of me. I mean come on give me a break walking down my stairs in the speed of a snail is taking a little too long. Then when I finally reach my car I have to sit and take short fast breathes while I can hear my heart beat out of my chest! I call this absolutely ridiculous and completely unacceptable! I may not be in great shape but I am begging the energy fairy to return it to me. I want it back and I want it back NOW.

So I spent Tuesday through Monday on a couch.... feeling like Satan was playing a miserable game with my life. It was like he was deciding whether I deserved an hour of not hacking all the mucus in the world or was losing my voice for two days enough torture??? Oh yes that is right. I lost my voice in the midst of my New Year's Eve. Yes I know I just said I spent numerous days on a couch but on New Year's Eve I decided that the sickness did not have a hold on me completely. So I spent the evening at my sister's place. She had family and friends over. Mucho fun. I took as much medicine as I could plus a five hour energy drink begging Satan to give me one evening of my vacation to celebrate a New Year... and Satan decided he would tease me... he gave me a few hours then poof my voice was gone! Uggghhhhhh! Now my family and friends will tell you I am definitely not one to be incapable of speaking.

How frustrating, but in the end I lived through it and I am back to work. I went to the doc yesterday she gave me medicine and miraculously I feel already ten times better. Except for this nasty cough that I have. Should have I gone to her sooner? I know that is what you are thinking, but I am me and I guess that is what happens when I am a stubborn jerk that thinks I can beat out this cold that really wasn't a cold and turned into a sinus infection.

Happy New Year!!!!

Children ...

2010-12-28T10:07:00.002-06:00

I am one tired human being. I feel like I have been around the world and back in a few days. So sleepy. I should have taken today off of work to rest and unpack, but I didn't.

My many Christmas' were great. I think they turned out as lovely as can be that is. We had some obstacles, but they were worked through rather well.

Here is an obstacle... and obstacle with myself...

For example check out me and my nephew... playing ... happy... heart filled moment...

And then... scared out of mind... fright... ear drum popping ... record breaking screams...

LOOK at my face I have no idea what to do. I laugh so hard everytime I see this photo.

This spells out NOT READY FOR SCREAMING CHILDREN!

So my sister filled me in on a conversation that she was having with my brother. She was asking him if he was sure he didn't want any more kids. His response was, no three is plenty. My sister was teasing him and reminding how much fun it is to have children and then out of nowhere the oldest of the three says "No, how about we just trade babies"!!!!! I was rolling in laughter when I heard this. There is quite an age difference between the two girls and the one year old boy. The oldest is 10 years older, she is laid back, smart, and likes her space. Her space has been invaded by a one year old boy who pulls hair, and wants all the attention in the world from HER parents. I know she loves him to bits, but this I am sure has been a major change in her life.

I love my nieces, nephews, god-child, and all the little nose dripping, sticky handed, screaming children that belong to my family and friends. It has been so much fun watching them grow. When I am done spending a day with them I always reconsider wanting children and not because they are bad but because those cute little bodies are so breakable. I am concerned that I will damage my child. Ha I will say the wrong thing at the wrong time. I won't have patience every day. I love spending time with them but being a mother AHHHHHH!!!! Thinking about being a mother really scares me. Would I end up in a loony bin? Would I love them too much that I would never give them room to grow? I am a firm believer that some people should never have children. Am I one of those? I have always been told that I will be a great mom. When I think about children the only thought that drifts through my mind is everything I don't want to be as a mother.

Soooooo it is a good thing I have chosen the path that I did such as school, jobs, living on my own, paying all my bills, saving money, and found a career? All the things that are needed to build a safe and secure family foundation. Right? So now in the future if I am ready to make that scary, crazy, life alternating decision..... then I can of course, only if I was married. That would be a completely different subject though wouldn't it?

Tootles!!

Have a Very Merry Christmas!

2010-12-23T13:51:00.000-06:00

It is the last day of work before I am off to a crazy three day Christmas adventure! I will be driving with my significant other into Kansas tomorrow morning. Saturday morning another three hour drive back into Nebraska. After lunch on this glorious Christmas Day we will be on our way and also adding another three hour drive back to my hometown where we will thankfully reside ..... until the next morning. Sunday we have our final and fourth Christmas.

I love the holidays, but it sure drains me. It is the only time of the year that I get to see all the people that have played a role in my life. These people shaped me to be who I am today. I hope they are all very happy with their results! *snicker* *snicker*

I have quite a huge family. On my dad's side their are 14 grandchildren.... and many many many great-grands. Every Christmas my grandmother hangs a stocking for each and everyone of us. That includes her children, the husband and wives, and even the girlfriends and boyfriends. I think the count is at 46 stockings!!! All hung down a staircase. My grandmother is hands down an amazing individual of course my mother is too. Look at that I just felt guilty for saying that and had to make sure I put my mom in there too. They are both wonderful women and have taught me so much in life. My mom's side has 15 grandchildren, but we do not get together as we do on my dads.

So anyways I think you can get the point. I am a busy girl with lots of family, and I love each of them very much. As I am sure you all do as well. I will be back next week and I am sure I will have some very interesting stories! I want to wish everyone a very very MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The BOOM BOOM Man!

2010-12-22T11:24:00.003-06:00

So I was getting ready this morning listening to music and I could hear someone pounding on my door. So I walked into my kitchen and turned off my radio and just stood there for a min……… do duh do……do duh do...... then I hear a BOOM BOOM BOOM…. and I thought jeez is that necessary!!!! Knock my door down why don’t you. So I planned on not answering and started to walk back to my bathroom. Mostly because I was not dressed the part to answer a door to a door banging stranger and secondly because he was about to BREAK MY DOOR DOWN. So I started to walk away and then heard the beating on my door again so I walked up to my door and yelled "what" and “who are you” and he screamed “SECURITY”, and I yelled “I am not opening this door, I am trying to get ready and not dressed appropriate.” He started to yell and then slowly became calmer and said “YOU are not allowed to play your music that loud during the day”…… this is where I wanted to giggle. Did he really just say that? I almost said “Oh so I can play it that loud at night?” He seemed to be a very intelligent security parking lot roamer. Then he yelled slightly quieter, "this is two days in a row that I have gotten a complaint on you." So I yelled “Ok….. Super sorry I really had no idea I was bothering anyone I will be more careful.”

I think his banging probably disturbed my whole apartment building. Are you seriously treating me like a criminal for having my music too loud? I get that it is a disturbance and I can promise I won't turn it that loud again, but to act with such rage??? I honestly had no idea it was being heard by neighbors. It is not midnight, it is not three in the morning, it is 8:45 in the morning. Four more months and this lease is up....... ahhhhh I think moving out of this building will give me a calmer life and maybe it might just help me find my Zen.

Have you ever had to deal security at a place where you were renting? Even if you were properly dressed would you have answered the door?

Good Morning Sunshine....

2010-12-21T12:27:00.000-06:00

I woke up this brisk morning and realized that today I was supposed to be at work promptly an hour early because of a College Class I am taking during work hours. So I am rushing to get ready as quickly as my body can move.

Usually on days like this I slip in the shower, I get soap in my eyes, I can't find the pants I was planning on wearing, and the shirt that I finally decided on (in my thoughts while rushing to take a shower) doesn't seem to look as glamorous as my positive little dome thought it up to be. My makeup hates my face and puts up a battle for some unknown reason. My hair decides to stick up every other direction but the right and normal direction. On the way down to my car (down three flights of stairs) I realize that I forgot my lunch and my badge to get in the building!!!!

None of these things happened! Well..... I forgot my badge and had to run back up the darn stairs, but hey I will take that any day.

Today was nice, this morning was beautiful. : )

Ohhhh Zen.... where are you???

2010-12-20T16:39:00.000-06:00

Zen.... what is Zen?

Is it peacefulness?
Is it finding beauty in rather dull objects?
Is it calmness?
- I have no calmness in my life.
- If I did have calmness, would I even know how to enjoy it?

Objective:

Finding a peaceful place.

Learning how to be calm.

Seeing good in bad.

Lose the negativity.

Be happy with what I have and learn to let go

of the bad that has happened to me.

Shouldn't be too hard!!! : )

Hello people!
I am M. This is my first blog. Feel free to comment anytime. My goal for this blog is to find ..... well it is to find my ZEN! I have always been told that I am a girl that needs to stay busy or I will not be happy. I am willing to change that. I feel that I maybe missing too much in the world. I have blinds up and I only see whats going on in front of me. I miss the beautiful flower that is blooming, because all I see is the task that is at hand. What do you think about people finding their Zen?