xniquet's middle finger technology

1. The Pain of Sleeping

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 04:11:00 +0000

3:59 fucking AM and I don’t have no fucking clue as to why am I doing right now. I’m still fucking wide awake at this fucking ungodly hour with bloodshot eyes and body as tired as a fucking flaccid dick that has gone through countless pieces of cunts. I'm watching the fucking hands of time as it fucking moves towards the breaking of dawn as I struggle to fucking sleep.

Feeling raped by the deprivation of sleeping…

Why can't I sleep? Why God? Why can't I fucking sleep? Sleep God why? Why the fuck God? Fuck why? Fuck? WhySleep? Fuck God.

FUCK! It must be her.

It is funny how I used to vow that I will never again to lose any sleep on the count of her dumb ass, yet here I am here with my eyes wide open and my brain on overdrive.

Why the fuck would anyone wanna lose sleep on someone they don't fucking give a rat's ass ?

I've did everything from reading to meditating to conjuring bodily fluid with the help of my hand and porn. I mean I could still go on doing the five fingers shuffle till I fall asleep but I would rather reserve some of my man juice in case a random hot chic decides to knock on my door to ask for direction to my night “club”. Then again, I read somewhere that a fucking kid died because he went over his jack off limit and I would never ever wanna be found dead that way because some kid has already done that and it would be so un-fucking-original.

Counting sheep are fucking lame.

Maybe I’ll count the amount of girls I've slept with. You might be thinking that half of them are hookers but you’re wrong. Not because it is I am against prostitution and human trafficking, it’s because I don’t fucking believe in paying for sex.

Hmmm… I guess that would take too much of my fucking brain juice to recall who or how they look like. Moreover, that could lead to some serious masturbation and that is the last thing that I fucking wanna do.

NEXT: 2. The Pain of Waking

WTF We Have in Jesus

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 13:12:00 +0000

For

Kim Jong iL

(1941 maybe 1942 - 2011)

A big chunk of my fucking life, I've been a fucking Christian.

No, wait...

I think I've got it wrong, even though I've spent a considerable amount of time in church but I wasn't always a fucking Christian and I definitely wasn't into Jesus and all of His splendid bullshit. So, I should fucking say that ever since I was young, I've been in and outta church so frequent that if the church and homosexuality were the same fucking thing, you would think that I'm a fucking fag.

Hey, don't fucking crucify me just yet? Let this brother-in-fucking -Christ explain his-fucking-self...
I'm not saying that the church is fucking gay in any way but I do think that the church is somewhat a breeding ground for homosexuality.

Look at the early church's monasteries; how they put a bunch of males together and teach them about brotherly love. If that isn't a nudge towards homosexuality, then I don't fucking know what is.

Imagine these monks, sworn to have a life of chaste; they will never ever have the chance to savor the nectar of a woman's pussy that flows beneath the bush and between the labia, foul yet sweet to taste; gross yet inviting to look at; nasty yet delicious in every fucking way!

Take away the fucking vagina from a man's equation and where the fuck is he going to stick his dick in?

I guess the next best thing is the anus. Not only it is just an inch away from the vagina but in a fucking monastery, I'm sure there is an abundance of anuses to go around. The vagina and anus may have different function and secretion but they're a perfect fit for penises.

Do you ever wonder why they use altar boys instead of girls to service their clergyman? But enough of this gay shit because when I started writing this shit I had other shit in mind.

Like I say, I spent a lot of time in church when my fragile little brain was beginning to take form. So it’s no wonder I was mentally scar with all the bullshit that they fucking dump on me.

But I am fortunate that it hasn't turned me into queer.

My brain might have gone through the trauma but I'm still straight.

But every tale a survivor tells doesn't always have a happy ending. Even to this fucking day, when I'm doing my own shit like jacking off or something, I would unconsciously sing or hum hymns. Sometimes when I'm just sitting there with my guitar jacked into the amp, my riffs would suddenly turn into a fucking hymn.

If you're thinking…

"Yeah, that is so messed up" and I have to totally agree with you. I mean that is like the worst thing that could ever happen to a self proclaimed Satanist. Seriously, I have a fucking reputation to fucking keep.

But as messed up as my early days in church have made me, it is my inherent nature that refuses to fucking give in, for hymns that usually comes outta this foul mouth fucker are usually like this:

I assure you this is not Tourette syndrome but just the fusion between my past and current personality. Or it could be that God has finally come to his fucking senses and that he wants me take church music into a new direction and be the first person to come up with a church hymn album that carries a parental advisory sticker.

If this blog post makes your blood boil, you would be happy to know that the author of this blog post is going straight to hell...

along side murderer, rapist, lawyers, politicians and free thinkers.

Whole World Brings You Down

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 11:46:00 +0000

For Lisa (1988 – 2011)

STAY

Tell me the story again
How did you fell apart in the end
Was it then when you ran to the edge
And wanted to jump off that ledge

WAIT

I can see you slipping away
Just stay with me
I’ll find you reasons that fit
And please don’t tell me it’s just too late

PAIN

Has always been your friend that you try to hide
Fueling and gearing you towards the end
If only you tell me what you need
I’ll try to stop the bleeding and no, you’re not too far gone

WHEN

When did all the gold around you rust
Turning all the love you had to dust
Alone you sat, watching the night do what the night could to you
I know it took the best of you

FAITH

I know it is easier said than done
Especially when it's so hard to trust anyone
But sometimes faith is a place inside of you
That you can run and hide

BELIEVE

If the Whole World Brings You Down
And you’re falling faster than the speed of sound
Just look to the side
And I’ll be sinking down with you

CRAZY

You can that me that I am that
But that isn’t going to save me
From holding my breath with you
Till all the lines in this world turns blur

More Suicide Notes from You (updated 11/26/11)

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 12:37:00 +0000

[to say something / leave a suicide note click here ]

[read on]

Hey, I was thinking that a more effective way of cutting the wrist, to commit suicide, is this: cutting diagonally across the wrist..

I was imagining its like the pruning of a rose, or tried rose. A gardener knows it's more effective to cut the stem diagonally:

i.e., step #6, "Always prune to a healthy bud. Make sure your cut is at a 45 degree angle going away from the bud."

http://www.weekendgardener.net/how-to/prune-roses.htm

I think this through experience, I am not a cutter but I was hospitalized due to delusions from having bipolar 1 and it's a personal story, but I believe cutting diagonally is the effective way to cut, for the purpose of committing suicide. Please don't post this online. Or the picture I'm attaching. But then maybe it's an alarming clue to these wrist cutters: If you fuck up and cut diagonally by accident, instead of "across the street" then you'll be fucked up dead. You're the first I tell this too. I am scared that I may spread this to others. What do you think?

Should I spread this? I would do this in an effort to bring awareness, that across the road may turn into a diagonal cut and either way, it's a sign of death, internally as well as physically. My wish is to bring awareness and care, I don't know? A change in a culture's perspective of cutters. They cut but the last thing they need is disappointments, pressure, and name calling.

Best regards,

Adriana Adrie Silva

"This blog has made me unashamed of the fact that i cut myself i am no longer afraid of people saying what they want me to do and being dissapoinment at me, now i cut with pride tho the pain i feel will never die i will sooner than it could ever happen" kenneth S D

"I've never been good enough to keep you happy, clearly. 2 years of trying and you've just told me that i've never once made her happy.Pills and hanging never work. so this time i'm jumping. lets see how 30-40 storeys work for me. the rest of you? you don't even matter" Fenn

"Dear xniquet

I'm a 25 year old man from Germany who tried to commit suicide several times. I would like you to give me some hints for cutting my wrist.

At my first try to commit suicide I tried to cut my wrist, but I didn't really know, where the artery is. I thought, if I touch my wrist and feel the pulse, that's where the artery is. Many years later I read, that it's in the middle of the arm. So my first question is: How can I make as sure as possible to not miss the artery?

I learned that it's a burning pain, if you try to kill you this way. So what can I do to minimize the pain?

Which Instrument should I use?

Any additional hints?"

Night Sky

"My real name is D. I don't know how I got here but I guess this journey started when I was young.. Bullying turned into self loathing. After almost 8 attempted Suicide attempts using the drugs valium and oxycotin I got to a point where my body could not take any more. I could no longer supply my attempts so I turned to cutting. It is unknown but certain why and how but this page has gven me a feeling of life and I feel glimpses of happiness on here, I feel pathetic writing this because i doubt anyone who reads it will care. And even if eyes are laid on this text that beholds my dark life I feel that they will be the wrong ones. My existence, to me is uncertain, I don't know weather I'll be alive.. All I want to be is happy. My life beyond this text is an image of a different story.. I just hope you keep my identity hidden, and remember me when gone.. Thank you for I feel like I know you more than o know myself." anonymous

" i never really had an opinion on suicide untill now. i recently just fucked up my life and i need to die."
madeline ramona

"Life has no meaning when you go unnoticed your whole life... I'm ending this misery people find joy in. No one will read this but it will explain to those unaware. I won't miss you nor will you miss me. Farewell hell hole." Stevie

"Fuck you all." Holly

"This website is amazing.thankyou for making it. it really helps me find new ways to harm myself. i hate life and this website is great for me" sadgothgirl

"i love this blog. im on it everyday. :D" Sara

"i just wanna say sorry to anyone who believed in me, i cant live being all but invisible unless a guy wants something. Thanks and bye" The unwanted girl

"I'm not making any self important rants about how much potential i had or how i was abused. Same old story. No more days. Bye. " Will

"I WANT TO DIE!! i Cut And Burn Myself but i don't think i could kill myself because of what it would do to my friends and family.... i just want to die but for no one to care..." Dell

"I love everything about your blog. You express your emotions in a very beautiful, deep way. Everything has a sense of desire, love, and hate. You can just feel the pain and sorrow in every post. They are dark, but beautifully amazing. I love them all. You are awesome. Forever human wreckage, Callie." Callie

"I slit my wrist .. When you cause me pain .. I slit the left vain .. You break my heart .. That’s where it starts .. When you pretend To care
Well how do you dare .. It’s just not fair .. So I remain So damn silent See my stain .. It was very violent .. I’m just a shadow .. A part of the past .. A part that could never last .. My trickling blood Is dripping fast .. I hear a thud I just lie and stare .. I cry .. And wonder why .. Why should I be the one to go .." coleen

"It seems that no matter what I do, I can't make him happy at all. He has such a wonderful way with words that every word brings a stinging pain. His insults hurt and yet he loves me so much...Today was suppose to be the perfect day I worked day and night for it to be perfect. I fucked it up...I fucked it up again like I do everyday. Why am I such a screw up? No matter how much I try to make people happy I fuck up their lives. I just wanted to be happy, I just wanted to help. Would my death help them live happier lives? By trying to make others happy I in turn ruined their lives. Im an abomination to this world. There are enough horrible people in this world. No one will miss this one" Natarina

"this nigga got yall wanting to kill and starve yall self but i bet you his fat ass aint cutting and starving his self making eveybody who listens to what he says a bunch of asses. YES!!! everbody who listens to this trick ass nigga is an ass hole. Remember that oh and you can email me al leroyia2k@yahoo.com thankyou looking forward to what you have to say........."Shakia

"I don't care about life. I'm pretty messed up. I have an amazing girlfriend i love, but I'm still suicidal. i don't know why. I don't do anything to protect myself from death. I cut even though she hates it. I just want to die, but i don't want to hurt her. Isn't death really just what everyone wants? some just keep it secret." Colin

"I hate being alone.i have absolutely no one. id rather be dead and not have to suffer." Katie

"i think your honest down to mother fucking earth and you don't sugar coat the truth, i like you!"
Beckayy

"hey, its me again. i just wanted to say thank you and sorry to everyone who ever believed in me or cared for me. thats all. thank you" Dom on x's suicide

"WAKAKAKAKAKAKA you damn 9 stoopid right??? Bush Licker WTF!!!! LOL........."
EB on King of Fucking the Ladies

"I hate this fucking world, im a fucking hypocrite, i do things that i say im against, every time i love it just falls to pieces, i dont want anything anymore. ive been depressed for a few years. but it seems like forever. ive been in hospital and death. lol. i just ant die, no matter how much i want it, ive hung myself, ssrwoned myself, slits wrists, overdosed, and i still cannot die. im scared of pain but i keep trying, i dont want to try anymore. i want someone to kill me. ill pay ill beg ill do whatever jus as long as they kill me in the end. i need a gun, itll be easier. none of that head bullcrap, but stragith to the heart, cos thats whats missing and hurts. i dont know. just please anyone if you can get me a gun, or find sum1 cold enought to kill me contact me on dominicacca666@hotmail.com, im begging you. i need it thanks for listening"Dom on x's suicide

"Hey, love your blog. I recently started cutting (maybe like, a week ago) with scissors, but it wouldn't break skin all the way even though i pressed down pretty hard and slid. Then i did it with a pretty sharp knife, and still it wouldn't break skin. It just gets brown (I guess the blood beneath the skin?) , and then gets really red."

wtf am i doing wrong, i feel so stupid" steph on How to Slit Your Wrist the Right Way

"OMG no Fen way i really have to follow those steps to become anerxic... thank u so much for the steps they r helpin me cope so well its been quite hard ...my parents nd bf dont understand *sigh* if only they were more like u nd me r u sure i cant die from this i mean it does start eatin away ur organs nd malnutrient has proven to kill ppl nd 20% of girls have died of anerxica STUPID STUPID STUPID. FEN RETARD Y DONT U DO UR RESEARCH ND IF UR AN EXPERT ON THIS Y DO U LOOK FAT IN UR PICS. SOO ur basically sayin that ppl r ugly bc of their fat but ur an exception some expert u.... u r a coward u only say that bc u want to bully ppl into thinkin that they r ugly well guess again ur the ugly one bc of how ur sayin it is ok for someone to b anerxic.o nd if u r anerxic i feel sorry for u learn to eat nd learn that it is a mental disease nd get some help u need it either way. thank u for readin this" Wateverbabs on How to be Anorexic"You are a sick person. I've suffered from this disease of depression and suicidal desires. this is exactly why people think that all this shit is ok. its not. you only get the one life you got and telling people how to take it isnt right. i don't know how you sleep at night getting suicide notes all the time. but from having had those moments and knowing how sick a person is to have that desire to not be here, to take themselves away from those who care about them...to be that selfish in a sense....is not alright to promote in anyway. i don't know how you can sleep at night knowing that you are aiding people in killing themselves, and are the encouragement for some in the first place and when you're that low a little bit of that goddam "encouragement" is all a person needs to say..."i'll be outta here in a few days"...i really don't know how you'd be able to sleep at night knowing what you're doing by posting this shit. it's offensive and wrong." Anonymous"i love your site!! X3 i really needed to find new stuff because the saftey pin doesnt do its job anymore. im a wimp when it comes to pain, but i also crave it. ive also decided that suicide is my backup plan to life. if i'm not alive when i'm seventeen you'll know why! thanks again! :D" Rissi on x's suicide"jayson warren.. the boy iv wanted since i was 12... i am now 15 and just been dumped by him. not for the first time either.."Nicola

you. are. awesome. Psymon

Cool shits you have there, I dig ya man. Marcus

nice blog layout...n ur very expressive :D YANz

kinda spooky ur blog theme uhh..haha..serious but i like it.. sixtyoldman o

oh me lord. i really love your blog layout!Faa

"It's stories like this that remind me to appreciate what I have, even when it seems like nothing in life is going right.. it could always be worse. Thank you X, for the awakening. xo" Raivyn on Going Home"please, i want to know how many stories up (you can jump off of) you have to be to reach terminal velocity... won't anyone help me?" jorden laing on the most painless way to commit suicide

"ZOMG IT'S X! :D" Chingy

"very impressive BUT gross. :D" claudine on Icky Art

"r u the 1 who design the holy crap? OMG! u r genius! who on earth could see crap as an art piece, thts y, u r jz 1 of a kind." Anonymous on Icky Art

"You memang pandai buat..I like your posting how to protest peacefully he he he..keep in touch." dog lover on Prollydicks:What to do during election

"Hell yeah. This is such an awesome post, I LOVE IT! Guys, they just do not get it, they really don't. I'm gonna go Digg this and try to get it in front of as many eyeballs as possible." Sheree on How to get into a Hot Girl's Good Book...

"you did a great thing.. thanks for the lesson! but i never got my email." Cynthia Parker on it really works: how to hack Gmail password part 2

"You have a striking blog design! great blog!"technicaldotcom

"Bad bad...bad influence." mlmaestro on how to get laid with unknown women you just met

"love all the post,especially the latest one about demons..im hantu sarong yayy!!"flux

"I wonder where's the REST of your blog entries? A little confusing to navigate through your blog but it would be great to show the rest of your entries. The anorexic post was quite an eyeopener and so are the rest of your suicidal entries." Sixthbane

"Did not want to fuck around with guns and stuff, but now see that Carbon Monx is the way to go! Am going to air proof my garage and get out of here within the next few days. Thanks Again" Glenn Seiler on the most painless way to commit suicide

"Fuck you,you GAY!I hope you get rape by a group of fucking gays!Your fucker!" Evolna

"I have tried with my friend and he can like do it well but this was my first time and stuff. We were on webcam to each other and he was showing me how to do it properly. So I was really scared and stuff but I have finally cut myself for the first time. My scar is pretty cool but I keep on hetting blackouts. By the way I am a girl." Anonymous on How to Slit Your Wrist the Right Way

"please stop spreading such destructive material! anorexia has a death toll, and in the name of all the people i love that suffer, have suffered, or have DIED from from this disease, PLEASE SHUT UP" Katharinec on How to be Anorexic

"Oh wheee, i wanna try.. for suicide cuz i'm serious on trying to suicide.. might be fun ya know.. be right backs.. i'll try immediately =)" Suicider on How to Slit Your Wrist the Right Way

"why would you promote something like this when you already have evidence that it may have caused negative consequences? i hope you called that person. suicide is not funny. seriously, what are you thinking?" Katharinec on i am a murderer

[to say something / leave a suicide note click here]

Sweet Sweet Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 14:37:00 +0000

"I would love to apologized for taking this long to post these pictures nevertheless here they are and I have to say that these set of pictures are the best I've seen this far." - xniquet

DANI:

PICTURE 046

PICTURE 047

Picture 046 to 047 by Dani

ALEX Anonymous :

"Was layed off, cheated on, gave away my apt, arrested for 5150 and drunk all in the same exact week. Used a double edged Winchester boot knife. I severed two tendons, muscle, fat and lost so much strength I couldn't slash the right wrist. After bleeding out on the floor for over an hour I woke up dissapointed I was alive. For once I genuinely needed help but nobody answered my call when I needed a ride to the hospital. My life is better now. Better than before I attempted suicide. I must have killed the bad part of me. I'll email more pics"

PICTURE 048

"Here's one of two severed tendons."

PICTURE 049

"Swollen while in the ER. Notice the difference of how tight the wrist band is."

PICTURE 050

"As you can tell I also tried down the road. Twice. The amount of force it takes is overwhelming and not as easy. Anyway it's been a journey. Side affects are numbness and loss of strength. I was lucky that particular DR was in the ER that day. Otherwise who knows I'd probably lost all function of my hand that I write with. There are people you can call. Or just go for a walk. Suicide is cool but when you fail you wish you never attempted. Keep my name anonmous thanks."

PICTURE 051

Picture 048 to 051 by ALEX Anonymous

JOCELYN ISABELLA ADAMS:

"Idk if you even need these anymore,but I was Google-ing tryin to figure out what I did wrong when I slit my wrists,& I found your page.The pics of my left wrist/arm aren't too deep & I stitched myself,the one on my right wrist only got me stitches & a 3 day stay on the crazy floor of the hospital."

PICTURE 052

PICTURE 053

PICTURE 054

PICTURE 055

Pictures 052 to 055 by Jocelyn Isabella Adams

"Calling all practicing wrist cutter! I am creating a new gallery for those who love to slit their wrist therefore I am collecting pictures of wrist being slit or wounds resulting from wrist slitting. If you could send it those pictures and your name too, I can add it in the gallery, just so the others can see how cool you really are. "

Please send pictures and your name to:

other sent in pictures:

In Pain We Are Not Alone

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 14:06:00 +0000

" New article WTF We Have in Jesus will be up shortly - xniquet "

Taken from WTF We Have in Jesus :

… I'm not saying that the church is gay but I do think that the church is somewhat a breeding ground for homosexuality. Look at the early church monasteries, how they throw a bunch of guys together and teach them about brotherly love. … Take away the vagina from a man's equation and where he is going to stick his dick? I guess the next best thing around is the anus…

PICTURE 041

PICTURE 042

PICTURE 043

PICTURE 044

PICTURE 045

Pictures 041 to 045 by Dani

Please send pictures and your name to:

other sent in pictures:

New Pictures from You's

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Thu, 14 Jul 2011 03:08:00 +0000

" I'm, sorry for taking my time because I went on a hiatus but nevertheless your pictures are still here. - xniquet "

PICTURE 037

PICTURE 038

Picture 037 -038 by Jackie Gates

"I slit my wrist. hit an artery. obvious suicide fail. some of these are just for blood.. :P -jackie"

PICTURE 039

PICTURE 040

Picture 039 to 040 by Ray

Please send pictures and your name to:

other sent in pictures:

My Bad Girlfriend

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Sun, 10 Jul 2011 08:12:00 +0000

Let me tell you about my girlfriend...

My girlfriend has a magnetic pussy that attracts dimwit dicks like me to do her dirty deeds.

She shakes her ass and wave her tits like some fucking magic wand as she cast some enchantment spell on me then she butt fucks me emotionally anyway she please...

While her worm tongue loves spitting fictitious tales about us because I found out that...

She lied about everything.

She lied about her and she lied about me…

She lied about her collecting stamps when clearly it was her ex's and their STD.

She lied about a baby being on the way when she had been slacking on her gym days.

She lied about always wanting me to be there but it has became obvious that she only calls me when she's going shopping.

She lied to her friends saying everything's fine, that she had me hooked by my balls and she could reel me in any time.

She lied about her tits saying they were real but they're about as fake as the way she feel.

She is so full of shit; she should be a septic tank.

Any sane guy would rather get hit by a truck than stay with her and be fucked. I guessed I'm just a demented motherfucker sliding down a razorblade while using my balls as brakes.

But darling Carin, let me tell you something...

Every time I tell you I'm almost in heaven when you gave head, that is because your head sucked so much, it got me thinking I would rather be better off dead

Every time I tell you that I want you, it means I've just finished getting aroused by porn and I'm too lazy to rub one out myself.

Every time you bring me along your shopping spree I was there because of your friends were there too

Darling, the Truth is...

I was sleeping with you just to get to your other friends and now that I've slept with every single one of them behind your back, I guess it is time to move on and get myself another bad girlfriend.

P.s. Darling, don't flatter yourself because you made me cum every time you give head, I was merely trying to choke you with my semen.

Spreading Joy

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Wed, 25 May 2011 14:15:00 +0000

The year was 1995, most of you were still in diapers, learning to control your bladder & bowel and sucking on your mommy's titties counts as breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I was in my teens and was coming outta my obsession with the Cobain’s grunge movement. To some of us, grunge music fucking died the day Kurt decided to paint the wall with his brain details. I was lucky I didn't fell into the whole Boy Band plague that was spreading like a fucking disease. If I did, you wouldn't be reading xniquet's middle finger technology, instead this blog would be in pink (ahem!) and called 'I'm Justin Bieber's Whore', indirectly indicating that you who reads it would be gay or just somewhat damaged in the head.

Leisure was going into a video arcade and converting all my weekly lunch money into 20 cent coins, just so I can beat the crap outta M.Bison but I often get my ass served on a silver platter, courtesy of Sagat's Tiger uppercut.

Still in high school, I was a nobody; I wasn't smart, I wasn't a jock. I was your average Joe that no one would notice. Even if I was a wraith that haunts the school, no one would ever notice that the school is haunted.

The only sport I did with was munching a pack of Doritos’s while watching Stone Cold Steve Austin open a can of whoopass and placing a fucking sharpshooter on Bret 'the hit-man' Hart on TV. On important events like Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania, I would usually hang out at those Mamak restaurants because they usually buy the Videotape for those events and use them to attract customers like me. I would be there when they air it and I'll make sure my short glass of "the tarik" (milk tea) would last the whole 3 hour duration of the show.

Honestly then, I was a pretty down to earth guy. I go to church on Sundays and I would say grace before I eat but only when there's people around. It's not too much of a “between me and god” thing, it was just for show.

Occasionally, I would jack off to my dad's dirty videotape that was wrapped in old newspaper that he hides in his tool box. If you think that is nasty, wait till you see the video, the girls in the video hardly shave. Nothing is more repugnant than watching a guy fuck a girl with bushy armpit hair.

You know back then getting a boner was as easy as popping the lid off a soda. When you are young, everything seems to be extra sensitive, it doesn't take much, in fact I remember the first time a girl try to nibble my ears, I almost had a Spontaneous Semen Combustion in my pants but now it would to a hell lot more than just tongue fucking my ears.

Other than that I was a really promising young lad, born and raised to be nothing more than just a mere peasant.

But look at me now...

1995 was indeed a year for a lot of “Firsts” for me but I don't really wanna go there because this fucking piece of memoir is about Joy

I knew Joy since I was 10. Joy was the typical girl next door but she didn't really live next to me. To go to her place, you would have to walk a couple of blocks down my house and then take a public bus to town and then walk across a big ass sky bridge to the other side of a huge ass road and wait for a blue color bus then switch a couple more buses and cross a couple more sky bridges before you reach her fucking house.

But that didn't stop me from seeing her every Sunday. That's because she and her parents attended church every week. I don't know what the fuck their reasons were but mine was simple...

TO SEE JOY

I must have undressed her a million times in church during those long, dry and boring sermons, and I think I might have stick my long hard penis into her too during one of them long ass extended Easter Sunday service.

That was as far as how our sexual relationship went for the first 5 years but it all happened inside my head.

You see according to rule of the nature, I had no chance in hell dating a girl like Joy because If I was a 5, she would probably be an 11.

But a twist of fate landed the both of us in one of them Baptist Convention Bible Camp and it changed everything. I guess locking up a bunch of teenage together and the nonstop bombardment of bullshit Christian value into their fragile little mind would make any teen horny like hell. (I would say it was the Boy Girl Relationship 101 talk) It was then that I find myself making out with Joy on the last night of Bible camp during Pause & Ponder time that everyone should be spending in solitary.

I didn't hit a home run that night but it was really-really close. I was about a cunt hair away from plugging in my unit. But it was still good because I got to inspect every inch of her body and I have to say that Joy was perfect almost seraph-like , well except for that big mole on the right side of her breast which was really distracting but she was still consider what we guys like to refer to as a “Good Fuck”.

There she was clad only in her skin, on her back and wide open, waiting to spread her joy to this desperate, burnout, over-masturbated degenerate’s worthless life.

And I stood up like a man on a mission to receive the joy which I have been thirsting for. So I thrust my holy trinity namely Index, Middle and Ring into her moist unknown which made her squall so loud that I thought I was a fucking talented finger fucker.

The harder the scream the harder the thrust; I almost believed my god given talent was finger fucking.

But I found out that she was actually screaming in pain because three fingers were more than she can take. I think I did hear her scream stop but I thought it was like one of them porn moment when the girl pretends to not want it but with a little persistent and roughing her up a little and she would be like 'hell, fuck me harder...!'

1995 was also the year that I learned that things that happen in porn don’t really take form in the real world.

On our way back from the camp, I sworn she was walking funny, like there's something coming outta her ass.

And so that was the beginning of the end of us. What we were or could have be went straight into oblivion.

She never talk or even look at me ever since.

FIN.

Epilogue:

You know, a couple of years back, I was invited to my friend's wedding that was held in a Baptist church in Penang. As I look across the crowded room in the reception hall, there she was, standing next to a young pastor. She was still as beautiful as ever and that smile of hers was made for spreading joy to those who feast their eyes upon.

I wanted to go up to Joy and say hello but my feet just wouldn't allow me to do so. Not after what I've done to her.

I was glad I didn't because later my friend told me that the pastor besides her was her husband. I kept my fucking mouth sealed about me and the pastor’s wife. I imagine he wouldn't take it nicely because he seems to have a shit load of respect for that pastor.

As for Joy, what we had ended that night and I will never be anything more than just a cock stain in her life.

A Far Cry Beneath This Weary Heart

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Thu, 19 May 2011 16:04:00 +0000

"I'm over her"

... is probably the purest variant of self denial ever known to men. I don't blame the low life fool who does that to his own wretched life because I was once in his pathetic shoes.

That makes self denial the best form of masturbation that we all yearn after we crash and burn in a love story that sank faster than the fucking Titanic.

The manual stimulation of your pride for your over-rated dignity.

Yes, our pride is somewhat like a genital that needs to be pinch, rub, lick, stroke, suck and whatever freaky stuff you fucking do in the shower that you think we don't know.

But when the pleasure is over and when it's time use the paper toilet, that’s when we fucking realized that we're just kidding ourselves.

Masturbation is fun but it just ain't the real thing.

I was fucking minding my fucking business and doing my fucking dirty deed when in a fucking instant I just fucking realized that I was in that “familiar territory”. What if today is the fucking day that I fucking bump into her?

What if she is with someone new?

Could be her brother or father or an ape dressed like a man.

What if she’s wearing a fucking ring?

She probably bought it to scare away them horny pursuer

What if she is carrying a baby?

Probably a lost kid she found near the vending machine.

An endless array of what if’s swirls inside my fucking head as self denial mind try to strategize how am I to react if I really come face to face with the devil and all of her splendors.

Maybe when I see her coming, I should pretend to be talking on my cell and use it to call my other cell phone, so that it would appear that I have fucking moved on and my hectic life leaves no space for her. What do you mean pretend? I am that fucking busy and my saturated life doesn’t even have a place for a speck of dust. I have places to go to and come back from.

But every time a someone that looks like her comes near, I swear my heart wanted to popped right outta its socket. But as soon as I realized that it wasn’t her, my balls would unravel and I would chuckled at my foolishness. I secretly let out a sigh of relief.

Seriously, there is no fucking way; she would fucking bumped into me, alone, pigging out in a KFC outlet with my mouth and fingers so greasy that it would put any Chinese food to shame.

I would rather die than be caught in that fucked up situation.

I died that day.

There she was standing in front of me, looking different but still the person I adore. The ring, the child and the someone new came true like they were some sort of biblical prophecy.

My self denial defense mechanism was telling me to pick up my cell and call myself but I seriously doubt it’ll be convincing.

The masturbation has gotta stop.

I'm the paralyzed soul

I’m the crippled love

I’m the loathsome low life that has awakened up from all pinching, rubbing, licking, stroking and sucking. What kind of heart would I have if it doesn’t look back? I must admit that I really never had the choice, when it came to her.

She smiled and they walked away, leaving me and my greasy mouth & fingers, petrified. Staring at my half ate fried chicken, I really cannot remember a time when my favorite food in the world would be so tasteless.

Is this closure or just a chunk of my flesh being torn away? If only she knew that I am still trying to put one foot in front of the other, step away and get on with my worthless life.

Hidden Scars [updated 18/5/2011]

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Tue, 10 May 2011 14:07:00 +0000

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"My name is Faye Scarlet Robinson, i am 14. i dont do it for scars, nor for show. i do it, and then i keep it hidden." by Faye Robin

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The Tweet That Turned Into a Blog Post

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Sun, 08 May 2011 14:49:00 +0000

I'm falling into words I've never knew, I've never thought I would bravely say those 3 words to you, but it was in my heart and it felt new.

Was it true for you?
Was it new for you?

I know you want to pretend and play the game of "we should just be friends". But it couldn't possibly stay that way because it is just impossible for me to hold these strong yet peculiar feelings in and to go on pretend.

Do you feel the same?
Do you want the same?

I know that you've been hurt many times but in the end, I want you to know that I am not one of those low life mutants that you once call your boyfriend. You know that I would gladly bare it all if you would just take in what I have to offer.

I'm glad you feel the same.
I'm glad you want the same.

Everything was great but things started to go wrong when I pull down my pants and boldly say those three words, you screamed and you left me dangling there.

Where did I go wrong?
What did I do wrong?

Maybe it was my choice of words but seriously where in the fucking world do a guy who only wants head would say...
...because the general term of
...should be use instead.

But if it is any consolation, from the moment I saw you, I knew you were the one...
whom I want for head.

My End

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Fri, 06 May 2011 02:45:00 +0000

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by Jonboy

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I Like.

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 14:38:00 +0000

I like the sweet scent of your wavy hair as it sits right next to my pillow still bound to its scalp that I severed from your head.

I like it when young couples fall in love only to fall out of it faster than the speed of light because the girl was caught cheating with me.

I like the sound of your laughter but not as much as I like the sound of your pitiful cries begging for mercy after I've abused, tortured and put you through hell that doesn't even have a name.

I like being honest, truthful and trustworthy and if you believe in that, you've just been duped.

I like a self confident woman with beauty and integrity that has been cooked to perfection inside a pressurized pot and then served in the finest china with a side of turnips.

I like the fact that you love performance art and that you would still dance for me after I soaked you in gasoline and set you on fire.

I like that you've asked me to watch over your younger sister and I promise that I would not only watch over but from the top, under and behind her every time I bang her like a drum.

I like that you’ve always remember the very first time you had sex with your girlfriend; it was at the garden’s gazebo under the starry night sky where you two make sweet loving all night long but the only thing that you missed out is that you were too hammered and the person who mounted your girlfriend all night long was me.

I like that you have kept me so close and went out of you way to be been such a good and faithful friend to me all these years and also the fact you are just too dumb to figure out that I've always been the one sleeping with your girlfriend...my bad, it’s been too long, she's now your wife.

I like it that my best friend is getting married to a beautiful girl who has a face of angel; a face so soft and smooth because I used to cum on it. Who am I kidding? I still do it even to this day.

I like that you believe that technology today connects people thus making them closer and your constant status updates on your Facebook, Twitter and Foursquare has given me the chance to get closer to your wife but the only thing that connects us are our genitals.

I like it that your kid and I have some resembling features. Come again, who did you say your wife was?

*Out of boredom I read a blog that was on my blog roll and came across a blog post that I thought would be nice to steal. It’s such a pity that she has stopped writing and left her blog for dead because it would be nice to steal more ideas from her blog. *

My Dad is a Taliban

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 03:18:00 +0000

* If you can't stand having your precious God being mock at. I suggest you fucking leave *

What I meant was my dad is a Taliban of his church but he isn't a jihad monger that has a closet full of explosive rigged clothing as his wardrobe.

So, let me rephrase the sentence again; my mum always said that my dad is like a Taliban.

A Taliban holds a fucking AK in one hand and raises his Quran in the other, while my dad holds a cigarette between his fingers in one hand and the bible on the other.

Can you imagine that hymns of worship to the fucking almighty and dangerous second hand smoke actually come out of that pie hole for half a century?

50 years, 30 sticks a day, look where it has landed him? If you wanna know, that's half a million sticks of cigarette.

I know he isn't proud of it but I can assure you that he fucking enjoyed every single drag of nicotine that went in his lung.

But I don't blame him for that because god fucking made us with this insatiable lust for self destruction.

We all have our own poison and most of us haven't really realized it until it is too late.

I fucking think God has a sick sense of humor almost sadistic. He gave us life only to watch us die. Why did he even create us in the first place?

No No No...

If you are gonna say that if we all confess our fucking sins to Jesus and do all the fucking bullshit the fucking bible says, we can go to heaven and spent our entire eternity praising God in heaven.

*to all Christians who is celebrating Easter today, I'm sorry for calling your most sacred book the fucking bible, it should be the Holy fucking Bible instead.*

Now, who in the fucking right mind would wanna spend a whole fucking eternity sucking God's cock in heaven? I would rather take my chances down in hell.

To some, they reckon religion teaches us to be all good and shit but did it ever occurred to you that the single most influential force that drives a person to kill another person is their religion.

No, it’s not Charlie Manson or Adolf Hitler but God who is the biggest murderer of all time.

So ask yourself this the next time you close your eyes and put your hands together or when you're holding your joss stick or while you're bend over and on your fucking knees. What the fuck are you doing? Why are you praying to the single most destructive entity ever known to men?

If you are going to say the holy fucking bible tells me so, I suggest you read some Dan Brown, now that's a motherfucker who knows history.

Anyway, Happy Easter & don't choke on your fucking eggs.

The Heart-Shaped Cuts

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 13:22:00 +0000

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by Jackie Gates

" I use big ass blades. i dont have the pic i wanted, i had to get 10 stitches x.x - Jackie"

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Memoirs: SYL

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 10:22:00 +0000

The greatest justice Facebook has ever done is to let "ugly-pork-chops turned choice-cut-models" get even with their ex-boyfriends that have left them while they were still a lump of saturated fat.

Having their newly formed body’s photo taken by little men with cameras much bigger than them; then posting up shameless picture of themselves portrayed as 'models' on Facebook. Making their ex-boyfriends remorsefully wished they should have never dump them.

But then again, I speak for all the asshole ex-boyfriends like me that the only regret we ever have is that we shouldn't have met before the transformation. It’s like moving into an un-renovated house; eating a banana that isn't ripe; going in a toilet when the shit odor is still there; or penetrating before it is properly lubed.

It's unpleasant but we've moved on and we are not coming back for seconds.

But if there's any consolation, even though you've haven't caused a ripple here but you have definitely raised a lot of cocks in the process. Cocks that belong to nerds that prowl on the Facebook in search of pictures of girls who likes to be clothed in more skin than fabrics to be added to their "for masturbation" folder.

Congratulations, you've given Facebook a new function: a free amateur soft-core smut page; a masturbation catalogue for 30 year old nerd who still uses their parents' computer.

I'm sure that there’s one or two of your pictures are in these nerd's folder. Stored away safely, so that their parents won't caught them jacking off to it. And since, it’s a global kinda thing, I'm pretty sure someone, somewhere is stroking his penis to your picture even as you are reading this.

Then again I'm not here to judge or criticize these models-wannabes’ pictures even though it's gross and shameful. Hey, who am I to tell someone that she can't be a model in this life or the next. I'm not here to say that their pictures are fucking distasteful. No, I'm not here to inform them that they're just masturbation material.

And I'm certainly not here to point to my readers who these girl(s) are.*pssst...you can email me to find out *wink *

I'm sorry if I've got carried away talking about smuts but they do excite me in a dirty way.

So here I am, sitting and staring at a picture of a face. Someone which I never had and never wanted to have, not because she grossed me out but because she was my best friend's girl and according to the 'bro code', even a tinge of thought about her would amount to betrayal and I was not about to take my chances.

What she and I had was the purest kind of friendship; we could talk, hang out and enjoy doing stuff without having any sexual tension between us. Nothing we did would sex us up because we both knew our places. You know, these days it’s hard not to spend a lot of time with a girl and not think about fucking them but she was the one exception. You might be thinking that she's probably was some fugly pork chop or the hunchback of Notre dame but on the contrary she was a major hottie. She walks in a room filled with guys and I can guaran-damn-tee you that there would be blood pumping into these guys' penises.

She can easily raise cocks but somehow not mine.

But that was a long time ago; she sorta faded into oblivion after her broke-up with my bestie. I've never had the chance of talking to her after my bestie officially labeled her a bitch and barred us all from ever having anything to do with that fucking Medusa.

I thought it will be for the best that I let my bestie get her outta his system before I go see her and pick up where we left off or maybe even more.But days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months into years. I've never seen her since, not even a cunt hair trance of her.

15 years passed and now my bestie is married and we never spoke of her again.

Somehow I just couldn't get rid of her chokehold on me. Once a while I think about her and when I'm not thinking about her, my subconscious mind would dream about her. Lately, it has gotten worse for every time I'm in a crowd, there would be someone with her face in it. You know the 'what could have been' is bitterly corroding me from the inside out.

I've been in a relationship limbo for far too long and maybe it’s time for me to reach up for that something more that I've always been scare to try.

It wasn't easy but I managed to find her on Facebook but I never had the courage to add her because I'm really not sure how she would react to a person who didn't stood up for her when her ex continuously called her a bitch in front of everyone.

But when I've finally grown a pair and gathered my guts to make myself known to her in Facebook, her account went missing; maybe she disabled it or something.

The only lead I have of her is that she is currently in LA.

So, here I am and I know there's millions in LA...

Maybe I'm just crazy

Maybe I misunderstood

Maybe I'm wishful thinking

But maybe, just maybe the next time the face I see in a crowd belongs to her and not someone else.

Dirty Old Man

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Sun, 20 Feb 2011 02:32:00 +0000

Have you ever felt like everyone around you has changed but you still remain the same?

Maybe it is just a post valentine syndrome or it could be that I'm noticing that almost all my peers are moving on with their life and I'm still here singing the same song, dancing to the same tune. I have yet to rearrange my fucking life.

Getting married, growing fat, having kids, going home early, being safe, eating tasteless food, listening to Jazz on a regular basis...blah, blah, blah ...and the fucking list goes on.

You may fucking laugh at how ridiculous lame and old your friends have become and you can always choose to mingle with other younger friends. But everything has an expiry date, eventual your younger friend has to move on and you find yourself in the company of even younger friends. The vicious cycle goes on until one day you fucking realized that you're that creepy old guy in the group.

Here's a hint to get it in your thick skull if you don’t:

You know, you’re that creepy old guy that doesn’t belong in that group when your friends call you old man, uncle, sir or the Ancient One.

Well, I am not quite there yet but I feel like I am getting there. It is inevitable, some of us choose not to think about it but eventual one day, you’re gonna wake up and look in that fucking mirror and realized that you are looking at the Ancient One.

But for now I’m still young and single and I’m ripping through young girl’s vagina like a piece toilet tissue.

But that day will come and my knees ain’t gonna be what they used to be after a whole night kneeling in between a girl's spread legs; or the minutes that it takes to erect again after a banging session is turning into hours. But that won’t deter me from partying like a Dirty Old Man.

You know the best thing of being a Dirty Old Man is that you get to fuck girls 20 to 30 years younger than you and you won’t be labeled as a pedophile.

Memoirs: The Shape Shifter 2 – Sounds of Impalement

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 10:02:00 +0000

Hello again, it has been an exceedingly long period of time since I penned down my thoughts but by and by I am glad that I am able to do so and resume my chilling tale of my rambunctious encounter with a shape shifter that goes by the name of Joyce but I reckon Joseph is a more suitable name for it.

*Paused* Please pardon my manners for I have just regurgitated in my own mouth thinking about it.

A lot of changed since I last wrote but I assure you none of my potency has depleted; I am coming to you from the sunshine state of California, seated in a diner; I'm having shots of caffeine over some slapjack while the background music is playing something from Dana Fuchs (Hmmm... I wonder if she gets her name misspelled all the time) but I would rather have something from the Ozzman. To be honest, I have grown increasingly fond of the song 'Crazy Train' because it sort of sums up what I am in this century.

*Longer pause* It's been far too long, my writer's lobe has been left unattended to and it is tremendously hard for me to concentrate with my brain all tangled up like a pretzel. But with the help of my friends in this century, I was able to conform to today's current writing standards; I was told just by adding a magic word to my writings, it would seem modern and updated. Let's see if you could spot what word I was referring to...

... if you ever fucking doubt me when I say that she was a fucking criminal through and through. Her fucking crime was being too fucking beautiful; her beauty could easily turned a crooked toothpick into a erected towering timber and believe me if a fucking rubber condom is used to denote the times that I wanna fuck her, I would be telling you that I will be wearing a whole fucking rubber tree.

All crimes must not go unpunished; her hideous atrocity must not go on un-noticed.

I am Azrael, God's little fucking angel of death and I am here to rain down fire and brimstone on her from my fucking erected flaming sword I keep in my crotch.

I am Vald the Impaler and my long hard sharpened stake made of meat is ready to impale her for all her iniquities.

My grandsire have always said that I have the blood of a vigilante in my fucking veins but today I can fucking assure you it flows in my penis for I have sacrificed myself to be her judge, jury and fucking executioner.

I really don't have to tell you what when down that night after we have left the club and into a private room. All I can fucking say that it was the sound of crucible; the shriek of agony; the scream of calamity; The fucking sound of impalement ringing from my torturing device that I like to call my meat stake.

I've pray earnestly to God and He has granted me strength... penile strength, all night long.

They say that time flies by so quickly when you are having fun and so it is too when you are torturing someone. It felt like only seconds when I gave my last thrust into the void that lingers between her legs, making her squeal like a pig at the end of its death march to the butcher pen.

I wish I could do more harm to her but alas I am only a mere human.

Morning comes and it was time for me to leave but I couldn't leave without stealing a peek at the beauty of my victim.

But I was in shocked when I did so, because the woman sleeping on the fucking bed now isn't the person I left the club to get acquainted with my dick. I am staring at a completely different person.

Whatever happened to her beautiful violet colored eyes and flawless eyelashes that captivated me? Her eyes looked like they belonged to a fucking pug.

The fuck happened to her perky breast? Now any man boobies would put her tits to shame.

Is that her hair or a stack of hay on her head??? And her face... I am just lucky I didn't turn into a fucking stone after I gazed upon it.

Oh fuck me; last night I didn't fuck an Aphrodite but it was a Troglodyte.

Right about then, I was having a 'derection' and I could feel that my penis was permanently shrunk by an inch and a half but it's alright. You can shrink my penis a dozen more times and I can still assure you its size and length is still way above any standard penis. (Standard Japenese penis doesn't apply here).

Later that day, I told my cohorts about my fucking encounter with the shape shifter and they told me that I was fucking lucky that it didn't grow a penis in the morning.

Or did it?!!! *glump*

This is just too much for me to fucking handle right now, so will you all excuse me for I am going to go back to my place to have a fucking heart attack.

TTFN "

if you've missed the first part of the Shape Shifter, here it is

Memoirs: Thou Shall Not Fuck Your Cousin

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Sun, 05 Dec 2010 14:05:00 +0000

Here I am sitting in a chapel, anxiously waiting for her to march down that aisle and into the arms of the one she has chosen.

I wonder how she looks.

They say a bride looks the prettiest when she walks down that aisle because of the radiating happiness that comes from within her.

But we all know that's bullshit. That fucking look on her face is the look of satisfaction, the look of a woman who has got her vagina stuffed to her fill by her husband to be. That's the look of woman who has been liberated from her sexual deprivation; in a matter of minutes, she knows she can get dick action from her other half anytime she wants to. Regardless of how she fucking looks; even if her legs feels like cactus; or her cunt smells like the gutter behind a Chinese restaurant; or her armpit that she haven't attended to has chunks of talcum powder stuck on her curly armpit hair. Yeah, she's all set to go. Once they said their vows, her fucking husband is obligated to fuck her.

As you look to the altar, do take notice of the guy too; you might notice that he isn't as enthusiastic as the bride, because he is simply handing over his dick on a silver platter; when this ceremony is through, his penis is legally bound to a life of penis solitary.

The wedding march is playing, all heads turn and there she was looking like an angel. I am fucking sure that is what that is going through the minds of the many gathered here, but this rotten twisted brain of mine was thinking something else.

It was wondering how she is in bed? But then again it will never happen because she was my fucking cousin and I think there is an unsaid rule in our family that state:-

THOU SHALL NOT FUCK YOUR COUSIN

So I concentrate to the things above her neck and try very hard not to stare at her half exposed breast.

And a million thoughts races through my fucking skull…

That face, that smile is something that I’m going to hold dear for a fucking long time. Even though I have never been that close to her, most of our interactions are just courteous act by a well-mannered cousin; our banal conversations works better than a tranquilizer that could put an elephant into a coma. You may not have known this part of me but yes, underneath these foul-mouth chuckle head, there is a gentleman. If you don't believe me, get your sister or mother in something sexy and I guarantee you they will get an erecting even if they dressed up like a Skank ho, now if that isn't being well-mannered, then I don't know what is.

It was her that pulled me through all those painful yearly family reunion that I fucking downright detest attending straight to my very dark and rotten core. I 'm just going to be really honest with you; normally I would only be happy for someone when misfortune strikes because I take delight in another person's misery.

But this is an exception for me; it’s been so long since I am actually happy for another human being.

Let’s hope this one fucking last.

Memoirs: Everyone Keeps a Pocketful of Horrid Secrets

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Tue, 02 Nov 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Evening finds me, home alone, jaded and depressed. My only solace would come if only I could get a shuteye.

Yet...

Morning mocks me as I woke up from a dream that I had of you.

Now…

Daylight haunts me as I realized that you not here anymore. How you fucking left me, and the life that I fucking toil for all disappear.

Sometimes you just haven't a fucking ass clue as to why things around you gets fucked up beyond your fucking imagination. Just when you fucking think that it is safe to let your fucking guard down, someone or something would just walk right up behind you, pull down your pants and fucking rape you right in the ass without even the courtesy of giving you proper lubrication before going in.

Eventhough I've never been cocked in the ass but I am sure coming home to find your fiancé in the arms of a total stranger holds the similar kind of fucked up feelings, far worse than snapping a thick yellow rubber band on your genitals.

I've faced rejections and I’m cock sure you fucking had your share too. But this one is special because I'm not even a cunt hair close to competing with your new lover...

Your new lover could be a better friend like the one you never had;

Your new lover could read a girl's mind far better than any guy;

Your new lover could feel the things that you feel;

Your new lover could share things that I never could;

Your new lover could understand your troubles and needs like I never could;

And you could definitely share your slutty dress, your 5 dollar whore-like lingerie, your deceiving push-ups, your fake ass eye lashes and your cheap perfume...

But one thing your new lover could never be...

This is written by a man who thought he could finally move on and settle down to have a normal life but nothing is what it seems.

Yeah, you might fucking look into your faithful girl/boyfriend’s or wife/husband's eyes and you fucking say you placed your fucking trust in them and that you think they won't ever betray you. [That is what they all said at first]

But how sure can you be, can you fucking see what the fuck is behind closed doors?

The late night working overtime, the frequent business trips, the so-called other gender outings; are they really what they are supposed to be? The increasing number of phone calls that tells you not to wait up for them; don't tell me there isn't a tinge of doubt in you.

Maybe he is on his knees fucking a stranger or maybe it is someone you know and is very close to. Maybe, she is spreading her legs wide apart for her boss or co-worker who could afford to buy her things your pathetic paycheck could never. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he could cum harder when he is with her? She moans louder and is so much more moist down there when another man other than you is fucking her.

Don't shove these thoughts aside because you and I know that we will never be 100% sure that these are just wild and ridiculous thoughts.

I've had a couple of married women before and usually they'll call their husband after we finished fucking. I guess it is an act of guilt to atone for the wrong doings or should I say the wrong fuckings they have committed.

So, I'm really sorry to say this, if you're always getting phone from your other half saying that they miss you for nothing. You know you' fucked! Or should I say your other half has been fucked.

Everyone keeps a pocketful of horrid secrets from their other half, what makes you think yours is a fucking saint?

So ask yourself this today, why doesn’t she spread her legs as wide as she used to? Or why all he gives you these days is just a half ass erection that could barely fill the void between your legs?

Love and Shit that You said About Me

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 07:26:00 +0000

[to say something / leave a suicide note click here ]

[read on]

"Dear xniquet

I'm a 25 year old man from Germany who tried to commit suicide several times. I would like you to give me some hints for cutting my wrist.
At my first try to commit suicide I tried to cut my wrist, but I didn't really know, where the artery is. I thought, if I touch my wrist and feel the pulse, that's where the artery is. Many years later I read, that it's in the middle of the arm. So my first question is: How can I make as sure as possible to not miss the artery?

I learned that it's a burning pain, if you try to kill you this way. So what can I do to minimize the pain?
Which Instrument should I use?
Any additional hints?"

Night Sky

" i never really had an opinion on suicide untill now. i recently just fucked up my life and i need to die."
madeline ramona

"Fuck you all." Holly

"This website is amazing.thankyou for making it. it really helps me find new ways to harm myself. i hate life and this website is great for me" sadgothgirl

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"i just wanna say sorry to anyone who believed in me, i cant live being all but invisible unless a guy wants something. Thanks and bye" The unwanted girl

"I'm not making any self important rants about how much potential i had or how i was abused. Same old story. No more days. Bye. " Will

"I WANT TO DIE!! i Cut And Burn Myself but i don't think i could kill myself because of what it would do to my friends and family.... i just want to die but for no one to care..." Dell

"I hate being alone.i have absolutely no one. id rather be dead and not have to suffer." Katie

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Beckayy

"hey, its me again. i just wanted to say thank you and sorry to everyone who ever believed in me or cared for me. thats all. thank you" Dom on x's suicide

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EB on King of Fucking the Ladies

you. are. awesome. Psymon

Cool shits you have there, I dig ya man. Marcus

nice blog layout...n ur very expressive :D YANz

kinda spooky ur blog theme uhh..haha..serious but i like it.. sixtyoldman o

oh me lord. i really love your blog layout!Faa

"ZOMG IT'S X! :D" Chingy

"very impressive BUT gross. :D" claudine on Icky Art

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"Bad bad...bad influence." mlmaestro on how to get laid with unknown women you just met

"love all the post,especially the latest one about demons..im hantu sarong yayy!!"flux

"Fuck you,you GAY!I hope you get rape by a group of fucking gays!Your fucker!" Evolna

"Oh wheee, i wanna try.. for suicide cuz i'm serious on trying to suicide.. might be fun ya know.. be right backs.. i'll try immediately =)" Suicider on How to Slit Your Wrist the Right Way

[to say something / leave a suicide note click here]

Memoirs: Too Many Religions but Only One Asshole

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 03:42:00 +0000

[For Cen]

The parents of a concern maiden came to me one day. They were strong believers and they’ve pledge their allegiance to God’s only and fucking begotten son but it seems that they are concerned about their precious daughter who is now dating a Mussie. They didn’t want to get involve with their daughter’s love affair but unlike those lukewarm bible bashers, they believed that their daughter should be in a healthy relationship with another Jesus freak and they’ll be damn if their daughter would one day give birth to another Jihad monger.

So I invited them over for stew and at the same time we had a Muslim and a Catholic for dinner.

At the end of the dinner party, the parents’ concerns have been put to rest and they went home to give their daughter their blessing.

I was glad that we had stew that night. I made the stew from all the ears, nose, pieces of face and belly of the Muslim and Catholic. I’ve added onions, carrots, turnips, celery, salt and pepper to the stew. It was good. So you see no matter what faith you fucking embrace, we are all the same when we become stew and end up in someone else’s belly. So who are we to judge a person by his/her religion? May it be Catholic, Buddhism, Islam and Hinduism…etc. Once you eat them, they will just end up as shit.

P.s. Seriously the color of their blood is exactly the same too. I couldn’t tell the difference when I was cleaning the blood stain off the wall after I fucking butchered them.

P.s.s. The Shape Shifter 2 will be up next.

Memoirs: The Shape Shifter

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 04:40:00 +0000

(Kept in shorthand)

I am actually from the year 1905 and even though I am of humble birth but unlike some of you, I am not confused when it comes to Father's day because I can precisely and accurately identify who my biological father is and I need not guess who he is from a list of candidates. A certain unforeseen event during one of my laboratory experiment has landed me in this current era where all the ladies dressed up like they were working in brothels.

This is one of the many memoirs that I kept here in this era; this is a horrific account of my encounter with a shape shifter which was able to manipulate her own aging process…

One day before the seventh day of the seventh month; I had the privilege… Na! The pleasure of accompanying my working counterparts to a ball. I assumed it was a ball because their exact words were "Let's go dancing". I was exhilarated because finally I was going to be able to put on my tuxedo and let my stylish top hat see the light of day again; everyone will finally get to see how devilishly handsome I looked when I am all suited up. But when I told them what I was going to wear, to my dismay, I was specifically asked not to overdress and anything lesser than what I had in mind will be good for me. Well, good for them I reckon; I can smell the stench of their jealousy from a mile away.

Nevertheless, I was really excited about the night because I was promised to be brought to the best club in town. In my head, I see images of a grand ballroom with shinny polished floor; there was a breathtaking chandelier above it which illuminated the whole place; the band were in shinny white tux and were playing my favorite dance pieces; waiters were going around carrying trays of glasses filled with champagne; and the ladies all looked stunning in their evening gowns.

But once again it was a major letdown. As our automobile pulled over, I was led into a smoky room with very poor lighting. The floor wasn't as shinny as I expected but instead it was filled with ashes and cigarette butts. Which Let me wonder how am I am going to show off my ballroom skill tonight? There wasn't even a humble chandelier hanging above our heads; just random colored light bulbs scattered all over the ceiling which would make you temporary blind if you look straight right at it. As for the band, I dare say that the owner of this establishment wasn't doing very well financially because he only manage to hire one person to be in the band and that person was just standing there the whole night trying to fix his broken musical instrument that was making awful noises. As for the ladies, they still looked like prostitutes who were on duty but the only difference is their dressing. They were clad in much lesser fabrics than usual especially at their bosoms.

Yes, it was just the beginning of the night and it was looking grave. But things started to change when I met this beautiful young lady named Joyce. She had long wavy hair and her straight fringe was just above her adulterated looking eyebrow. She wore a tight white dress that highlighted her perky breast and I would be lying to you if I tell you that the thought of groping her breast didn't crossed my mind even as I am writing this now. I am not trying to make you feel jealous or anything but I feel that Joyce was somehow taken by me too because I notice that she seems to take notice of my groin area a lot that night. But it was her beautiful violet colored eyes and flawless eyelashes that captivated me. She was like Venus, she was an Aphrodite. But little did I know then I was staring into the eyes of a shape shifter.

Talking about groins, a tingling sense around it I has; that means I gotta take a piss. So I am just going to leave you here today, but do come back to find out how I realized that I just had intercourse with a shape shifter.

Boxing My Past and Packing it Away

noreply@blogger.com (xniquet) — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 04:18:00 +0000

I know that you've wipe me off like yesterday's shit stain on your white cotton panties the very day I left… But I got something to tell you, today is the day where I removed the last of our scab; the final piece of fitting where we used to talk on, sleep on, fornicate on; a place where we sow our memories, affection, secretion on; now it's but a place of dirt.

Over the year, our relationship was more like what Moses is to the Red Sea; every time I came near you, your legs seem to part. You know what, if telling lies was a key; I think we both have used this key one too many times to unlock almost every bodily pleasure we can fucking get from each other.

I've been boxing up everything and anything that smells like you. The things that reminded me of you are nicely wrapped in yesterday's news, sealed so tightly that not even a tiny whisper or a faint odor of our sins could ever escape.

This isn't what it looks like...

but yes I'm throwing it all away. I'm purging myself of you I am cleansing you from my very soul; I'm casting out the you in me, and hopefully before I fucking die, there's not a single trace of you slithering inside my fucking veins.

You are my fucking past and I'm...

But today I’ve learn that throwing away the mattress that we used to commit our sins upon ain’t enough to kill you. The cock stain on the underwear may be gone but the stench still remains; yes the crust-like surface may seem healed but beneath this scab the pain still fucking lingers.