Katherine Heigl

2010-10-13T01:15:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago I went to a screening of the new rom/com "Life As We Know It." Now, let's get one thing straight: I'm straight. Also, I'm a guy in my early 20's. Me and romantic comedies just don't mix; we get along about as well as Heidi and LC. Now, I have no idea how well Heidi and LC get along, or who the hell Heidi and LC are, because I'm a 20 year old guy, so let's move on.

There is one reason and one reason alone why I'd go see this movie. Her name is Katherine Heigl. When she's on the screen, do you really think I care what the hell's coming out of her mouth? No, I'm concerned with how much money it's going to cost to me build a robot resembling her and who I'd have to vote into office to make sure our marriage was recognized by the state.

If Ms. Katherine was playing the part of a large, slobbering rodent in a sequel to Disney's G-Force, you better believe I'd be at the premiere. If she was on a show playing the voice of a bear who could see six seconds into the future, you know I'd be that show's biggest fan (I guarantee this will be on SyFy by next year). She could be hosting a 6 hour documentary on The Interesting (?) Life Of Kirk Cameron and I would soak up every minute of it. If Katherine Heigl were in a film with fucking Nicholas Cage I would still go see it, that's how serious I am about this, people.

What I'm trying to say is that Katherine is a very attractive woman.

There is one major, major flaw, however. Grey's Anatomy.
Grey's Anatomy is less a show about doctors and more a show about how quickly one can get a piece of that sweet, sweet, medical-practitioner-on-medical-practitioner action. Remember that slutty nurse that was on the cover of that one blink-182 album? She had more knowledge about the medical field and got laid less than the staff of Grey's Anatomy. If the writers wanted to kill the staff off, they could simply make one of the doctors HIV positive and everyone else would be infected by the end of the season

This is a huge, huge con for me. Just the knowledge that she was on that show makes me cringe.

But all in all, Katherine Heigl is babe-a-licious, and at the end of the day, isn't that all that really matters?

RATING: 3-1/2 OUT OF 5 STARS

Nacho Cheese Doritos

2010-10-12T04:55:00.000-07:00

Alright, here's the thing about Doritos: they're delicious as hell.

Doritos come in a large variety of flavors. I'm not quite sure how many - ChaCha says 17, AnswerBag says 32+ - so let's just say a shitton (or 907 shitograms for those outside the states). Only one of these flavors actually matters: Nacho Cheese.
When a Nacho Cheese Dorito is put inside your mouth, you're tasting what heaven tastes like. Literally. The streets of heaven are gold because it's covered in bright orange Nacho Cheese Dorito dust. Putting that savory triangle in your mouth is like licking the pavement of kingdom-come. And you know that's been on your to-do list for quite some time.

There is, however, once huge downside to all this: Dorito fingers.
No one likes Dorito fingers.
No one.

The fact is, I don't want to have to lick Dorito dust off my pants every time I want to indulge myself in some artificially-flavored goodness. I would, in fact, like to unduldge in that.

That aside, Doritos have changed me from the inside out and will continue to be a large part in my everyday life (until I see something more attractive, in which case I will abandon them like a man abandons his whale of a blind date found on Craigslist)

RATING: 4 OUT OF 5 STARS

I Rate Shit

Katherine Heigl

Nacho Cheese Doritos