I spend my days in conversation....

Life.....

2010-10-28T11:30:00.002-05:00

has been......well sort of crazy I suppose. Lots of bad and good things have happened to me in the last month. And honestly, the good are kind of weighing out any of the bad. Let's hope this continues.

Changes.

2010-10-17T22:20:00.000-05:00

I have found myself in a weird situation over the last couple of weeks. I have always been one to follow my heart and not always what my gut and brain are telling me to do. My entire life growing up, my mom would always tell me that if I ever lied to her about something she would always find out about it. Because "the truth always comes out".

And as much as I hate to admit when my mother is right........she usually is 95% of the time.

I'm not going to blog to the world details but I made a very big decision on Friday that would have affected my life forever had I not gone through with it. I'm ok. I'm actually not very upset at all. And I think that just makes it 100% clear to me that I had no business thinking I was ready for something with someone I can't trust at all.

I'm a strong and independent woman and I'm going to be just fine.

Rut, rut, rut.

2010-10-06T21:16:00.001-05:00

That is what I'm in. I have been a little bit better the last few days. It's hard to be upbeat when you are stuck in a situation that no one seems to want to resolve but you. I can't pretend that things are fine when they're not. I have never been that kind of person and I just can't bring myself to really ever be that way. It's not who I am.

Argh.

2010-10-02T01:01:00.001-05:00

I'm at my breaking point. And the worse part is....my heart is what's breaking the most. Ugh.

2010-09-13T11:14:00.000-05:00

If Megan Fox didn't annoy me before, she does even more NOW. Her acting ability is mediocre and while she is pretty, that's really all that she's known for. I used to think she was pretty cute until I watched an interview with her when Transformers was about to come out into theaters. She talks like a complete idiot and I just can't understand what the fuss is about her! I'm not going to lie, I definitely lol'd when I heard the rumors that she had a big toe for a thumb. Turns out she just has "toe-like" thumbs as seen here.

The reason I'm annoyed with her now is because she has been getting all of this press for the fact that people still can't believe she is married! Cause she is just not old enough and blah, blah, blah. She's 24 and Brian Austin Green is what. 36? 37? I think that's why people are making a big deal out of it. Oh, Hollywood drama.

That's my rant for the day.

Remember when?

2010-09-11T23:02:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine turned 27 today which only brought on the annoying reminder that I too will soon follow suit in exactly 3 months and 7 days. It of course makes me freak out a little bit and think that the last ten years have completely flashed before my eyes. In all reality, of course it hasn't. There were times when days seemed to take years to go by but of course when you look back it seems like it went by so much faster.

I remember when I was younger and thought that 25 was so far away and here I am about to turn 27.

Well, you know what they say, age ain't nothing but a NUMBAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Why get married? It's just a piece of paper."

2010-09-06T12:05:00.000-05:00

I had someone at work ask me that exact question last night. I was kind of caught off guard and I didn't really exactly know how to respond to her. I guess for some people, maybe it really is just a piece of paper. We live in a world where the symbolism of marriage has become so tainted for so many people. The divorce rate has steadily been either close to or at 50% for most of my life. But I also think that sometimes the rate is that high because we as a society (for the most part) want to be loved. We are taught from a very young age through movies and television that certain feelings we experience are the foundation for relationships and that the next step from there IS marriage.

I have been thinking a lot about what my co-worker said. She was married once before to her high school sweetheart. They started dating when they were very young and got married at 21. She told me the marriage lasted for less than a year because she caught him cheating on her with another woman. Since then, the concept of marriage has been tainted for her. She told me that it literally disgusts her at the thought of being married to someone. As I was listening to her explain her heartache, I could completely understand where she was coming from.

There was a previous relationship with ex #3 that I really and truly thought that the two of us were going to end up getting married. We dated off and on for 5 and a half years and I guess at that point you either get married or you break up, ya know? It got to the point for me that I knew if he were to ask me to marry him, I honestly couldn't see myself having a life with him anymore and I knew it was time to move on from that relationship. And that is exactly what I did. I am very grateful that I didn't marry him.

So I guess now I am finding myself pondering the reasons why I personally want to marry Mac. It hasn't been my dream since I was a little girl to get married and have the big fancy wedding that everyone would be jealous of. To me, our wedding is going to be a celebration of our love and us finding each other. It was kind of hard to try to explain my reasons to my co-worker last night, because she kept saying that "you don't have to be married to be in love, live together, or have kids". While this may be a true statement these days, I guess I just feel differently about that. My parents have been married for almost 34 years and they got married at 20 years old! These days people get married at 18 and 20 and are often divorced by the time they are 25.

I think probably because people change and grow into themselves differently. You either grow together as a couple or you grow apart. Now I am not knocking anyone I know that has gotten divorced at any point in their life but I would hope that they could at least see where I am coming from.

If you don't want it to be public, don't post it on Facebook.

2010-09-04T21:09:00.000-05:00

Seriously. I get really tired of the fact that people post stuff on their profiles and then get all bent out of shape when people find out about it. If you don't want anyone to know that you knocked up your girlfriend and that's why you're marrying her....DON'T POST IT PUBLICLY on Facebook and expect no one to find out about it. I am not going to pretend I don't find myself snooping around on there every now and then to see what people are up to that I don't talk to anymore.

Come on, we ALL do it. Some of us call it snooping and others call it "research". Lol. Either way, we are all guilty of it. I happen to have my profile private because I feel like if you are my friend, then you are important enough to keep tabs on me and know what is going on in my life. The Internet for me is a way of keeping in contact with people I don't get to see everyday or haven't seen in a long time. Whatever. For me it's a way to keep myself entertained. I don't have a profile to show off or brag about myself. It's purely for entertainment.

It kind of makes me miss the days where the only thing causing drama over the Internet was over instant messaging. Those were the days. When life was simple. :)

Once an asshole, always an asshole.

2010-09-02T18:28:00.000-05:00

I have always been the type of person that believes that everyone should get second chances. In some cases those second chances might turn into third or fourth chances depending on the situation. Regardless, I find myself to be a pretty forgiving person....sometimes TOO forgiving. I hate to think of this as a flaw because the ability to forgive is a GOOD thing, however, I feel like I still can't learn when someone is undeserving of my friendship until I get burned multiple times.

Today I had another reminder from a guy I used to consider a very close friend years and years ago. We haven't spoken in about 2 and a half years. I found out through mutual friends that he is engaged and has a baby on the way. I will be the first to admit that I was very shocked. He hasn't exactly been one to have his life together. Maybe now everything is working out for him and if so good for him!

I received a message from this old "friend" today and it was just to say something mean and completely hateful. It honestly, caught me off guard because I didn't expect it. I thought maybe he had something nice to say. Nope, of course not. Still the same asshole he always was. Just reminded me why I cut him out of my life in the first place.

2010-08-25T16:12:00.000-05:00

With everyday that passes, it's hard not to just sit back and reflect a minute or two on how much has changed in my life and what has brought me to where I am today.

I am glad I made a lot of stupid (STUPID) mistakes in my life because I learned a lot about myself through them. Mostly relationship mistakes are the ones that tend to stick with me the most. I tend to be one of those who "forgive but never forget". But nonetheless, I am glad these things happened to me even if at the time it was sometimes horrific for me to deal with.

I am ME and I'm proud of it.

Epworth United Methodist Church

2010-08-20T19:27:00.000-05:00

Mac and I had an appointment yesterday afternoon with his pastor at Epworth in Franklin. We took a tour of the historic church and the new location to decide where we want to have the wedding. I fell in the love with the new location and it got me a little excited about it. It made me feel a little bit nervous as well actually talking with him and talking about prepping for wedding plans. We are trying to plan everything a little at a time and get the church and reception location set in stone as soon as possible. Those are the two biggest things to worry about and then everything else will fall into place. *Hopefully!*

We plan to start house hunting soon. For now we have just been browsing online, taking a peek at houses in our price range and there are quite a few to choose from. Like several hundreds of houses. We plan to stay in Spring Hill because that will put us close to our families. We both have also grown up here and we really like the area.

Three weeks later and I still can hardly believe we are taking the next step in our relationship. I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

But this has never felt more right than anything else in my life. Crazy! But in a good way! :)

:D

2010-08-16T22:52:00.000-05:00

I had the day off today and I spent the majority of it looking up various wedding information. Researching catering companies and bakeries and photographers. I am almost positive we found someone to cater the wedding. It just depends on how many people will for sure be coming to the wedding. I stumbled upon an amazing photographer tonight and I am pretty sure we will be using him! Just have to see what Mac thinks of his work. It's totally in our price range and the wedding packages are by far better than anything else I have looked at.

I achieved the following so far:
- My half of the guest list.
- Potential Caterer (Enchanted Events Catering)
- Potential Wedding Cake (The Sweetest Day)
- Engagement/Wedding Photographer (Check him out! Epic Image of Nashville)

My mom is stressing me out a little. She keeps suggesting things that we don't want. She and my dad aren't even paying for the wedding so I'm not exactly sure why she's hounding me about the cost of things. (Gotta love my MOTHER!) My parents decided years ago that they felt it was more important for my sister and I to have a nice home when the time came for us to get married. So they plan to help fund our down payment on a house rather than to pay for a wedding. They plan to match half of what we can save ourselves. I think that sounds like a pretty good deal!

I just want to start planning this all a little at a time to try to prevent me from a stress overload. We are meeting at Mac's family church on Thursday to take a tour and meet with the minister. I have already seen a few pictures of the historic church and it got me pretty excited about this being the right location choice.

Ready, set, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Let the wedding planning begin!

2010-08-15T14:56:00.000-05:00

Almost three weeks later and I'm still sorta in shock about this whole engagement thing. We haven't really thought about much planning just yet other than setting up an appointment to take a look at Mac's family's church in Franklin. We are wanting to of course do this wedding as cheap as possible because we are also house hunting as well now. The day is about us and not about how much money we can spend on it to impress people. That is soooooooooooo not me!

For now, all I have done is contact some catering companies about pricing information and I also took a look at what it is going to cost to make my wedding invitations. (Which I am soooo stoked to get started on, even though I don't need to worry about those right now!) We are going to have to save money for a down payment on a house and a wedding so I'm sure this year is going to be a little stressful for us. We had agreed to pay off any debts we had before getting married and we are more than halfway done with that. My SUV will be paid off in April and my credit cards are just about paid off to that lovely $0 balance I have been working so hard to get to.

Wish me luck. I'm trying to not get stressed about money so I'm going to have to do whatever I can to keep myself calm and collected.

I'm engaged!

2010-08-02T22:40:00.000-05:00

Most of the online world already knows but I can't help but say it again. It just feels so weird. I've been engaged for almost 6 days now. My ring was done two days early getting sized so I got to pick it up today. I got there two minutes after they were officially closed but they let me pick up my ring anyway! I was sooooooooo glad! Props to the people over at Genesis Diamonds in Cool Springs. After going to five different stores, the fiance
(that's soooooooooooooooo weird to say!) decided to buy my ring there. I love, love, love what he picked out. I always knew I didn't want a huge ring and he picked out the perfect size for me.

I am so excited for the next step in our relationship. It's definitely an amazing feeling when you know you've found the one. I was so shocked and the engagement was so unexpected! Our 2 year anniversary was July 25th (Everyone always says it seems like we've been together longer but we've been friends for 6 years. So maybe that's why.) so we decided to celebrate by going out of town the week after to Gatlinburg for 4 days. The funny thing is that I got him a card for his birthday which was the day before our anniversary as well as an anniversary card. He didn't get me a card at all and I was so hurt that he forgot to get one. Little did I know that 3 weeks prior he asked my parents permission to marry me.

We got engaged on July 28th and I've been in shock ever since. I'm excited and a little overwhelmed already but I'm so happy because I know that in a year I will be marrying my best friend.

This picture doesn't do the ring justice but I took a picture with my phone at night. So I will take another with my camera in the daytime.

Just another manic Monday.....

2010-07-21T19:17:00.000-05:00

Monday was a crazy day for me at work. Usually, Mondays are somewhat steady in the retail world for me but are not out of control busy. It was nearing the end of my shift and I was playing catch-up with a lot of the tasks I was trying to get accomplished for the day before I had to leave. I happened to look up for a quick second towards the front doors and what should my wondering eyes happen to see? Ex #2 walking through the front doors with his new girlfriend (who is around 18 or 19 years old....by the way he's 30).

9 years ago he and I met working where I am now. He was 21 at the time and I was 17. It wasn't until I turned 18 that he even considered dating me. (Should have been a red flag to me at the time, but hey, what did I know back then? He had tattoos and drove a cool car and was 4 years older than I was!) The last time I saw him was two summers ago when I agreed to go to dinner with him after he had legally separated from his then wife. He wanted to make amends and catch up and I saw no harm in it so I went. Shortly after that Mac and I started dating so I hadn't seen Ex #2 other than some brief conversing via the Facebook world.

When I saw him walk in, my heart just kind of dropped. It is almost as if I can put myself back to all those years ago when he and I were still together. I can remember the relationship like it was yesterday. (Unfortunately!) He didn't see me, but my co-worker noticed him the same time I did. He went on to talk to another co-worker he happens to still be really good friends with and then he started to make his way over to my department. We made eye contact and he did the dramatic turn around to try to pretend he didn't see me. At that point I couldn't help but laugh out loud. It's been 7 years since our breakup and 2 years since we had seen each other on GOOD terms and he can't even offer a simple wave or "hello". Shortly after that his new girlfriend came over and stared me down as I was helping a group of customers.

I find the whole situation funny because now at least he knows I work there again and probably won't want to risk another "awkward" chance of running into me again. Saves me the fake polite conversation, I suppose!

2010-07-11T21:54:00.001-05:00

Baby fever is definitely kicking in for me......

Hardcore.

2010-07-07T22:31:00.000-05:00

Work has been nuts. Therefore so has my life in general. I have been so super exhausted that I haven't had time to work out, see my friends, see my boyfriend, or RELAX, or get a full night's sleep. Starting this week we will once again have a full manager staff.

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

Hi, my name is Amber and I'm addicted to my Blackberry.

2010-06-17T16:39:00.000-05:00

In the fall of 2008, I was excited about my upcoming upgrade I was eligible for with AT&T. For years, I had always chose your basic flip phone without all the bells and whistles other expensive phones had to offer. I never felt that I had a need for anything fancy. The year before, the ex-boyfriend had purchased an i-Phone shortly after they first came out. And I will be the first to admit that I was super jealous of all that it could do but at the same time it made me feel so technologically challenged that I had such a hard time operating it! I soon decided that a phone like this was not for me. He had given me his old cell phone and I was content with having something newer than what I had at the time.

So when it was finally time for my upgrade I contemplated the many choices of phones I had to choose from. I decided to try a Blackberry. And ever since then, I've been addicted to my phone. Email, internet, picture messaging, texting, and video all at my fingertips? Awesomeness!

The boyfriend: "Hey, what are you doing on your phone? Did you hear anything I just said?"

Me: "Huh? What? Oh, yeah. Sorry, I didn't hear a thing you said."

The boyfriend: "Seriously, I'm trying to have a conversation with you! Can you please put your phone up?"

Me: "Hold on, I have to finish updating my Facebook status. I'm almost done!"

I'm constantly connected to the world at my fingertips and it's hard not to get sucked in to the Blackberry (Crackberry) phenomenon. I use my phone more for everything else other than phone calls. The free applications only fuel my addiction and it doesn't look like it's going to stop anytime soon!

Best. Blog. Ever.

2010-06-11T00:02:00.000-05:00

I'm a HUGE fan of Jen Lancaster's books and her blog is just as hysterically laugh out loud funny. Her latest book just arrived in the mail for me today and I can't wait to crack into it. She's awesome. Check her out!

Somewhat of a rant.

2010-06-07T10:05:00.000-05:00

It's always refreshing to see people show their true colors AFTER you're not around for them to say anything to your face. *insert sarcasm here* It isn't that I really care what people have to say about me but at the same time I feel like if you're going to say something at least have the decency to not run your mouth like a teenager.

I have never in my life had to deal with such a two faced grown adult MALE that enjoys putting down others so that he feels much better about himself. It only makes me feel much better about the recent decisions I made in my life regarding my change of work environment! Probably one of the best decisions I have made for myself in a very, very long time. The only good thing I can say that came away from this is that I finally have grown the backbone I have been trying to find for years now. It has made me a stronger and more vibrant individual!

Life lessons learned and I'm not going to pretend that I'm not the slightest bit bitter about the backlash I am hearing. Because I am and anyone that knows me understands that it takes me a little while to get over being treated badly by people. But it's ok. I'm in a much better place now. Emotionally, mentally, and physically.

One day everything will come full circle and he will finally understand that it's not nice to treat those around you like they're scum. It doesn't make you anymore of a man to put down and talk crap about a WOMAN or anyone else for that matter.

You might be over six feet tall, but I will always see you for the wimpy little boy you really are.

Currently reading.

2010-06-05T19:55:00.000-05:00

Paul McCartney.....live in Nashville!

2010-06-02T23:21:00.000-05:00

FINALLY!!! July 26th! I am sooooooooooooooooo stoked. I just found out about it today and I'm not sure how I didn't before. My dad and I went to see him last year in Atlanta and it was amazing. We were far from the stage and I was a little disappointed at it raining outside halfway through the concert. But I was still so blown away from seeing him live that I cried through the first few songs! I just was in shock that I was getting to experience this.

So I spent a little more than I had planned for these tickets for my dad and I but it will be soooooooooooooo worth it. I knew that if I didn't buy them I would regret not spending the extra money later. I bought two VIP tickets with some extra money I had stashed away from a sales bonus I got a couple of months ago. Totally worth it.

Let the countdown begin!!!!!

Late night boredom.

2010-06-01T23:39:00.000-05:00

I've got a ton of things on my mind but I can't narrow it down to what I want to write about so I shall fill this entry with a survey stolen from Yoj.

Name the first grown up book you read. I read "Rose Madder" by Stephen King. The book freaked me out so bad and gave me nightmares. I believe I was 13 years old. I was trying to move up from reading my normal Christopher Pike and R. L. Stine books.

Name one song that you love but are embarrassed to admit it. There are soooooooo many of those. I love Hanson despite all the backlash I used to get for listening to them when I was younger. I STILL like them. They're good song writers and even better as adults. I made Mac go see them in concert with me back in October. Don't be hatin'.

What was the best meal of your life? Hmmmmm......I am not sure I've had the best meal of my life just yet.

What was the first concert you ever saw? My dad took me to see Hanson when I was 13.

If you have any pets what are their names? Two cats. I share custody of them with the 'rents. Zoe - 8 and Shelby - 6.

Name one album I should listen to. Hmmmmmm, I love new music. I would love a recommendation by a fellow music lover.

Name one movie you hated. I cannot stand "Dude, Where's My Car". I went to see it at the dollar theater we used to have in Cool Springs. And a friend of mine and I walked out because it was so horrible!

If you could punch one celebrity in the face, who would you punch? Just one? Dang. Heidi Montag. But only because she just had all that work done. Heh. (Jeanna, I have to agree. I think I would like to punch Spencer Pratt just a bit more.)

What is/was your favorite sitcom ever? As a kid it was Saved By the Bell and Full House. Still kind of is. I can always pick up and watch those any time!

What is/was your favorite reality show ever? I was a big fan of the Real World from '97 to the early 2000's and then I just stopped watching. I was big into American Idol when it first came on but now I could care less.

What is your favorite music video of all time? Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel

Name a book you just quit reading in the middle, something you just could not get through. "A Lion Among Men" by Gregory Maguire. It's the third book in the Wicked series and it was just so bad I couldn't finish. I love all of his books but this one just sucked it hard.

Is there an author that you have read everything that he or she has written? I can't say that I have yet of one author.

What book made you laugh so hard you embarrassed yourself? All 3 of Chelsea Handler's books. I love that bitch! Also, "I Was Told There'd Be Cake" by Sloane Crosby.

What is you guiltiest, guilty pleasure song? Justin Timberlake, "Rock Your Body"

What is the best new album you have heard this year? I am sad to say that I haven't listened to much of anything new this year.

Name one song that changed your life. I can't pick one song. But listening to the Beatles changed my life. Been a fan ever since I was 5. Proud to say I decided to enjoy them before it was "cool".

What is your favorite song of all time? "In My Life" by you guessed it! The Beatles!

What is your lucky number? I don't have one actually.

If you could fly anywhere in the world this weekend where would you go? The U.K. to see my British buddies! I miss them so much!

When you were little, what did you wish your first name was? I always wanted my name to be Jessica or Jennifer or Lindsey. Which is lame because everyone has that name!

What song did you dance to at your wedding? (if applicable) I haven't decided on this just yet. But it will be a Beatles song. Because it just wouldn't be me if it wasn't.

What kids show makes you want to poke your own eyes out?Hannah Montana. I love some of the other Disney shows but that one is just.....ugh.

If you had to make out with someone from a children’s television show who would you pick? Joe Jonas. Haaaaaaaaaaaaa. He's hot....what?

What is the best thing you have ever won? I won a $200 savings bond for an essay I wrote about the three C's of credit for Mrs. Davis' Economics class senior year. And in 2 years it will mature to it's full value! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Name a place that you have never been that you would like to visit? I have never been to California or Chicago.

What is your favorite blog to visit? I love me some Surburban Turmoil.

Name three occupations that you think you might like. A superhero. An abstract artist. A photographer.

Sleepless nights = no bueno

2010-05-28T04:38:00.000-05:00

It's 4:28 a.m. and I have to start getting for work in exactly 32 minutes. I worked until 10 and got home 15 minutes later. Got tired and attempted to lay down for bed. And yeah, as you can see that was completely unsuccessful.

This week so far has been kind of crazy. I started back at my new (old/original) store on Monday and I have sooooooo much work to do. I have to admit that I'm a little bit overwhelmed. I knew it was a little messy and I needed to do a basic overhaul of the department but I had no idea it was in such bad shape. We're short handed management wise, so for now I'm stuck closing more than I normally do. That makes it kind of hard to really get anything done. Plus, I have to get used to working in a high volume store again. Much busier than I remember it to be!

Closing all the time has also of course put Mac and I on opposite schedules. He closes when I have an early shift and I close when he's off or has an early shift. Go figure! So we haven't been able to spend any time together this week at all.

But overall, I am kind of excited about my new "project". I can't wait to see the finished product even though it's going to be a sloooooooooooooow process. Lots of broken things that I'm not really sure how to fix. (Lucky for me that my dad is an electrician and knows how to do a lot of plumbing! Comes in handy when having to fix a huge 3,100+ gallon fish system!)

I'll probably be M.I.A. for the next month working so hard. I have pretty much been worn out every single day I have left work this week. (And yet, I'm still awake?) I'm so looking forward to my two days off in a row and a 4 day work week next week. Though, I have a ton of stuff I could be doing at work!

Wish me luck at keeping sane these next few weeks! :)

2010-05-22T14:32:00.001-05:00

Today ends a chapter of my life. Another begins on Monday. ;)