Nathan–my bright blue boy

One of the blessings of having been a mom who raised my children with Biblical ideals and life ideals is that my children have grown into my  best friends who also hold my ideals. I love spending time with my children and find them to be the ones who spur me on in my own walk with the Lord.

Nathan and I were talking in Texas and he said, “You know, the older I get, the more liberal I am becoming. I see such broken people all around me in LA. Soul scars, life scars, few support systems, broken family background, and I want to just show them Jesus’ mercy and love and compassion because they have never felt it before. I don’t care what they are doing or have been, I just want them to experience the grace I have known my whole life and to know the one who can make them whole.”

“But then, I feel like I am becoming more conservative than ever. I see how important family and marriage and foundations and all of my old ideals are and I believe in them more than ever.”

I think I feel that way, too. I am more grateful than ever before to know Him, His forgiveness, His love, His call on the life of my family and the wholeness we have shared. I meet so many wonderful young moms who have backgrounds and scars that plague them. I want them to know they are not judged by their works from before, but they are beautiful and redeemed. They are not their past, but they are new in Christ and their children will stand on their shoulders. There is hope for their future. Jesus and one person make a whole person. I want them to know the grace and love of a savior who gave all he had for them and for me. I want them to have hope.

But then, I see, more than ever, how grateful I am for understanding the legacy of family as God designed it–of a safe haven of love and innocence where the soul of a child can incubate to build them into whole, healthy, vibrant adults–where children can be protected and loved and validated.  My heart goes out to children and youth who are looking for love in all the wrong places. I hope my family can provide safe haven for some who are so longing for a stable place to be and to belong. I want to teach more and more how to be healthy and whole as a family so more sweet children will grow up with a strong foundation of love and grace.

And so I understand anew this verse, “And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

Jesus, who was the embodiment of God, was the teacher of truth and the holiness of God and righteousness

But also, the one whose whole life and being embodied grace–the generous giving of Himself to those who were less than Him, so that others might benefit from his redemption and love and become whole.

Grace and truth together in one place.

For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;  naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’  Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You?  When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’  The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’

I love seeing this man, Nathan, my son, living out the secrets and the mystery of the secrets of the kingdom of God, and I am honored to have him as my friend and to call him my son.

Thought you might also enjoy Nathan’s blog article today. It made me smile and want to celebrate my day. Here it is. 

As I left for the Texas conference, I said, “Joy, do you think you could do your persuasive speech on youtube so I could share it this weekend?” and so she sat down in her bedroom, recorded on her computer and spoke her thoughts. I give you my sweet daughter, Joy.

There are many philosophies of discipling children and either sequestering them as young adults, or allowing them to foray into this world, and so I do not want to create division with this article. Each family must walk by faith and do what is best for their children.

However, Clay and I have always been about missions and discipleship and making an impact in our world. So, our pathways are covered with much prayer, dependence on the Lord, and humility, hoping that our labor will not be in vain. It is not our desire to offend or to separate, but to help educate others who want to know our own plan for discipleship in our home.

I learned long ago that either a person is growing and owning a purpose and dream and working towards goals or they are becoming passive, disinterested and slowing down, moving toward death of soul and faith. As a mom, this principle works itself out in this way. Whether I like it or not, this is the fallen place, (Jesus said in this world you have tribulation–Satan has been allowed to wreak havoc in this arena.) And so, I have to train my child with this in mind–that some day they will have to take their place in the battle, someday they will be in the war and either I am preparing them to fight back, to bring light to their darkness or they will become victims in the battle.

How is this accomplished? Of course a whole book could be written about this, (Educating the Whole Hearted Child), so there are many aspects I will not cover here today. We started out with our children giving them a strong foundation of purity, innocence, an understanding of goodness, righteousness, moral strength.We taught them our values and scripture that helped them tie these values to scripture. (The 24 Family Ways) We surrounded them with beauty, creation, scripture memory, feasts, relational love and serving of one another. They developed their soul appetites on what was good and right and true. This is the phase of investing in their foundation and pouring in an understanding of what is right and wrong.

Practically speaking, our children found our home to be a place that was a haven of fun, rest, goodness with dress up clothes and capes and swords and aprons, princess dresses and kitchens–lots of pretending at the areas that they would grow up to be. (mostly gathered from good will stores.)

They grew up on hundreds of books and stories that filled their souls and brains with captivating tales of goodness, bravery, heroism, faith, sweet family values, friendship and so the very soil of their soul grew in grace. We developed their appetites on reading and stories–to learn to love them, before they would ever be shaping their souls on media and machines. What children learn to love first they will love forever.

LIttle by little as they became older, we loosened the reigns of our own authority to give them some freedom make decisions within the boundaries of our advice and instruction and exposed them little by little to the world with us at their sides–having non-Christians over to our home; going into the world with them seeing us interact–(in political places, the arts, movies that we discussed, teaching them how to behave and giving them confidence of how to invest their messages that they had been building in a gracious way, getting jobs in the public arena.) We discussed and let them verbalize their own convictions based on articles we read together, issues we discussed that we knew they would encounter in the world, all at our dining table and in our home. We made time for them, mentored them, took them out for dates with mom or dad to have their own time of talking to us about all that was going on.

Next we looked for places to send them for training and exposure with others–Summit Ministries 2 week trainings–a must for our children–world view and apologetics camp to strengthen young adults in their convictions; a discipleship group at church, a discipleship Bible study with a godly friend; a world view class in the evenings with dinner with their peers in our home.

All of these plans prepared our children to be ready to take their place in their world as Daniels in Babylon–they perceived themselves as warriors, not as refugees who should hide and sequester themselves away. Jesus said, “Do not take them out of the world but keep them from the evil one.” We are to all take our stand bringing his light and redemption in a lost and broken world.” A light should not be put under a bushel, but lifted up so all can come to the light.

And so, Joy, struggling through years of training, learning how to manage people with different values that she encountered when discipling a group of girls younger than her for 2 years, sharing her faith in different arenas, putting up with disappointments of others compromising their morality, entered her university classes this year, armed with wisdom, knowledge and compassion for the lost–who do not even know what to believe or how to be whole. So I give you one of her speeches that she is giving in the tournaments this year. It came from years of intentional preparation and training.

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PLEASE JOIN US WEDNESDAY EVENING FOR A FACEBOOK PARTY, WHERE WE WILL BE ANSWERING QUESTIONS, AND DISCUSSING OUR PHILOSOPHY OF DISCIPLESHIP AND EDUCATION FROM EDUCATING THE WHOLE HEARTED CHILD! INFORMATION MAY BE FOUND HERE.

Reaching the finish line of our three mom’s conferences is sweet. Yes, I so enjoy seeing so many wonderful women who are investing their lives in the hidden corners of their homes where no one but God sees.

The crowds, hotel food, speaking–it is all a part of my life. But it is not the real part of me.

But, I like what is truly real–being home, eating warmed toast and cheese and raspberries with Joy, hearing all about her weekend, making her tea and sending her upstairs to be alone after her adrenalin-filled weekend–liking the joy of taking care of my very real, sweet daughter-friend. Caring for her centers me and gives me a feeling of what is truly satisfying.

I have to center my life on the real–the personal–the love that I need from a real live person who lives with me, knows me intimately and still loves me.

And so I love these words and this part of the story from the Velveteen Rabbit–but especially this line: Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” 

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?” 

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?” 

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” 

Don’t miss reading this story to your children–it is probably more for you than for them.

A favorite picture by Auguste Renoir–could be sisters, friends, companions in arms

“Anyone who imagines they can work alone winds up surrounded by nothing but rivals, without companions. The fact is, no one ascends alone.” 
― Lance Armstrong, It’s Not About the Bike: My Journey Back to Life

Here in Texas, I am at home. This is the place where we started Whole Heart Ministries. I find women who have been to all 15 years of our conferences. There are also new, fresh, faces and women who are vibrant and passionate and visionary.

Amongst me are those who have served and loved and given so much time over the years. They humble me–why would they be so patient and generous with their time and hearts over so many years?

But the strength of a being in a community of like-minded moms–800 of them–strengthens me and makes me want to be the best I can be. These around me give me hope.

If we surround ourselves with women who walk with the Lord, we will want to walk with the Lord better, longer, more fully.

In the company of so many kindred spirits, my soul if blessed indeed.

What could have been so important, that the creator, Lord of the stars and galaxies, the one who ruled over the affairs of dictators and leaders of men’s affairs, the most wise and educated of all, would come to the earth, in humble attire, bow his knee to the dust to wash 120 toes of the men he served, and invest three years of his life loving, teaching, eating with, encouraging, serving normal, fishermen and unknown women?

He wanted us to know that the love of people, personal time, servant leadership is the model for real influence. That is what is so important. Personal–I see your eyes, I am listening to your words, I care about you, I will teach you truth–these are what the God of the universe spent three years of His life–three years away from the “important” affairs of men–to do.

If it was so important to the one who created it all, shouldn’t giving up our personal time, serving, loving, looking in your eyes, listening to your heart and forming your convictions by taking time to teach you, be important to us as moms, stewards of our children’s souls. The personal matters more than all the other. Loving is the one thing he called us to do. Love is personal and focussed and requires us to lay aside everything else as He did.

When I first envisioned hosting a mom’s conference, I knew that there should be chocolate. A nice place–hotel with clean sheets, a lovely luncheon where moms could be adults and be pampered for at least one lovely meal–and then chocolate. So all of my friends and I have been hitting the grocery stores for the hal-price heart chocolates to give out to the almost 800 women who will attend the conference here in Texas this weekend.

We have 5 sweet girls passing out chocolate when all the mothers come–a tiny way to celebrate a moment of pleasure as we all meet for great fellowship. So we are buying out the heart chocolate this weekend.

But what kind of chocolate are you? I love almost all chocolate–but my very favorite is salted almond dark chocolate bars from choco love or the salted almond chocolates from Trader Jo’s or Safeway–or the chocolate that my friend LaDonne brings us every year from her wonderful chocolate store—yyyymmmmmm! Beyond compare! —you would be jealous this weekend if you knew how wonderful the chocolates are from The Wiseman House in Hico, Texas.(She spoils me every year–a chocolate angel.) Visit them–this chocolate is made fresh by hand—chocolate heaven!

You can see them here: http://www.wisemanhousechocolates.com/

But, now really, what kind of chocolate are you?

Joy and Sarah, my beloved cherished friends and daughters.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, for the law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2

You will never ever be good enough no matter how hard you try, and you will never be physically perfect enough to measure up to a world of false standards of beauty, because we were not designed to conformity to arbitrary standards.

I have been blessed with two lovely daughters. Yesterday, I had conversations with both of them–Sarah by skype and Joy sitting next to me in our living room last night–sharing hearts, insecurities, failures, flaws and love and redemption. I do not deserve these two women. Both of them expand the borders of my life in so many ways and I am challenged in my walk with the Lord, my integrity of life and in loving people because of who they are in real every day life.

Yet, my girls are living in a culture in which bodies and looks and clothing and personality and behavior are marketed in such a way as to promote the message that there is a certain kind of body, way of dressing, a size or weight or body type and when any one of us measures up to this false worldly standard of perfection, we will all fall short.

Now, as to looks, some are too skinny, too tall, too short, some too overweight, some have big chests, some small.

As to personality, some are charming, some are not, all personalities are flawed in some way because all are subject to this disease called sin.

But all of these arbitrary standards plague women every day. Even I, as an almost 60 year old fight insecurity every year as I have to stand in front of hundreds of women at conferences, with more weight than I would wish, or more wrinkles or the kinds of clothes I should wear–I am a normal women caught in the grips of cultures temptations by seeking measure myself by some arbitrary standard that God never established. Why in the world would a woman like me, aging as I am supposed to, ever struggle with the standards of a young, svelt 20 something woman as what I am supposed to look like? Because of the messages of the world being screamed in every movie, every show, every billboard, every advertisement. If it plagues me and I am a relatively reasonable woman, I know it plagues my beloved daughters, and you and your daughters.

There is also a standard of Christian conduct or Christian way of behaving that is portrayed as a more perfect way–and all else that is measured by these false standards falls short.

These kinds of standards create a sense of failure, insecurity and inadequacy in women–and I do not want my girls to have to believe those lies. There is no right Christian personality and no one will ever be able to keep the law perfectly.

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God–all–all–all–that means you and me. So that means that no matter how hard any of us try, we will fail. Perhaps we talk too much and make blunders with our lips. Perhaps we are too shy and don’t know how to be socially acceptable. Or as moms we get angry or frustrated with our children. Some have pasts that have left scars. Or fall short in loving and affirming in marriage, friendship, in ministry. Most of us are not spiritual enough and not quite sure what it means to really walk with God. The pressure goes on and on.

I do not want my daughters to bear such a legacy.

Yet, the whole point of Christianity and redemption is that we are saved from all of this death.As women, are beautiful because God designed us very intentionally with our personality, our skill set, our dreams and drives. He also designed us with a specific face and body and height and weight–all are beautiful when they live in the love and confidence of God’s affirmation. As to personality, they are extremely different and make different choices in life.

It is the grace and glory of God that we find freedom and joy and the life to live apart from the condemnation and criticism of this world. His desire for us as women is to greatly experience the “Life” of His reality of acceptance every day, because of how much He sacrificed so that we might live.

Yet,when it comes to my daughters, both are beautiful because both are beloved by their Jesus and by me. They are both righteous because Jesus knew they would never ever be able to be perfect or good enough on their own, and so he lived and died for them so that they would never have to feel so deeply disappointed in themselves.They will always have hope and deep acceptance when they walk with His hand in theirs leading and loving and blessing them moment by moment.

 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fineapparel—  rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. I Peter 4:3-3

As their mother, I hope I will make choices that lead them in this freedom and grace to love who He has made me, gentle and quiet coming from my heart, because I have made peace with who I am–so that they may love who He has made them.

I would never have been able to write or speak if I could only do it if I were perfect and flawless. But, my confidence and hope is in His perfection and His righteousness, so I can point others to Him, and don’t have to worry about my own adequacy–which will never be enough.

And so, I give them Jesus–His grace, His unmerited favor, His power to live life, His faithfulness to direct, correct and mature them little by little and His favor and unconditional love, which will never fail them. They will always be found acceptable and beautiful in His arena of blessing.

I want my precious daughters to live in the secure ring of our own family love, grace and acceptance and to have the freedom and grace in their hearts to know that who they are, as they are is quite enough and even lovely because of the grace of God so very reflective in and through each moment of their lives.

May He bless my precious girls, and me, and each of us to so live in this true feminine beauty of His love and acceptance that we never need dwell in the insecurity of not ever being able to be perfect or measure up to the arbitrary standards of this world. May His grace truly invigorate and fuel the moments of our lives each day and may others see what is really beautiful as we reflect His reality every day.

 Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. I Peter 4:8

 Six of us were tucked here and there between blankets on couches, with mugs of hot chocolate and marshmallows in hand and enjoying the crackling fire in our den. A freezing December day, with snow falling heavily outside, we sat warm in body and soul in the fine company of each other.

Gathering all my children home, from far corners of the world over the holidays, was just the gift I needed to fill my heart this Christmas.

After a seeming heavy sigh of great relief, one of my boys said, “You know, almost everyone I have met in my world of work comes from some kind of a broken background of abuse or divorce or unhappiness. And the background of instability and pain seems to paralyze them in so many ways. I hardly know anyone who came from a healthy background in their family.”

“It is so great to be back on our family culture of love—no matter what conflict or difficulty or failure or attitude, I know I can come home to unconditional love and have all of you here to support me, to accept me to help me. What a grace to grow up in a family culture of unconditional love. I never knew how blessed our family was until I left home. We have so very much to celebrate together now that we are together again. I am so happy to be here to be able to restore.”

A Culture of Love—I had never thought of it that way, but it spoke volumes to my mother heart. All of us as families create a family culture of some kind. The traditions we keep, the meals we make, the routines we practice, the values we espouse and hold, the movies that are our favorites, the church we attend, the generosity we practice, the way we invest time, the company we keep—all of these invest in crafting a family culture. We can also, inadvertently create a family culture negatively—a culture of anger, neglect, guilt, discord, disharmony, worldly values, and so on.

But, I have realized over many years, that crafting a culture of love requires that I as a mom become the conductor of a loving and generous heart that leads all of my children to understand gracious, generous, sacrificial, validating, forgiving love. To create such a culture requires planning, intention, mature responses, words of life and affirmation, patience and just lots and lots of unconditional love.

So often, we as moms are caught up in the immediate things—getting the tasks done, housework, homework, bills paid, child discipline.  Yet, it is the air our children breathe, the foundations we live by that will attach their hearts to ours and ultimately to God.

So often, we as moms are caught up in the immediate things—getting the tasks done, housework, homework, bills paid, child discipline.  Yet, it is the air our children breathe, the foundations we live by that will attach their hearts to ours and ultimately to God.

True influence and discipleship is formed intentionally by modeling ourselves after the ultimate lover—Jesus. He who bowed his knees to wash 120 toes, to embrace sweet wiggly children who were clamoring for attention, who touched the prostitute and gave her grace, who gave, Peter, his own failing disciple hope and affirmation even in the midst of his failures on the night he was crucified, and then ultimately gave everything, out of love, for our redemption, becomes our own source and inspiration of what it is like to form a culture of love.

Valentine’s Day is a great day to celebrate love and to cultivate our family culture of love. To be loved is a longing, a desire and need to our hearts and sense of well-being, as much as oxygen is to our lungs. To thrive and live productively, we all need love. God underlines the value of love over and over again in scripture.

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lays down his life for a friend.”

“These are the two greatest commandments, to love the Lord your God and to love your neighbor as yourself.”

“God is love.”

“If someone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.”

“Faith, hope and love remain, but the greatest of these is love.”

“Love is a perfect bond of unity.”

So, today, this day of celebrating love, is a perfect time to intentionally build on that foundation of what will truly build a family culture of love, which will give your children a place in their hearts to belong and thrive the rest of their lives.

I wish you God’s gracious, unconditional love and peace to have a lovely day with those you love!

You can see me today at: thebettermom.com

For by You I can run upon a troop; And by my God I can leap over a wall. Psalm 18:29

All of us have walls in our lives–walls that seem to stop our forward motion. If only I could have more money, had more help, had more friends, wasn’t plagued by this illness or difficult marriage, or or or.

I am a Pollyanna at heart and love peace and lack of contention and for everyone and everything in my wake to be in harmony.

But most of my life has been just the opposite–and every woman’s life is filled with disharmony-

fusses, messes, bills, discontent, meanness, injustice,

But, the glory of a woman who has Christ in her life is to mount up over that wall–to, by God’s grace, leap up over the obstacles–to see HIm take us through. If we believe in Him and HIs reality, we have no other choice than to live by the reality that we know to be true, regardless of our feelings, the circumstances or our friend’s or the world’s opinion of our circumstances. It is to God’s glory for us to live supernaturally.

My life’s call is to make Him a reality and when I accept the limitations of my own life in my own story and mount over by my God, to resolve to leap over my walls, by His grace and power. To do the impossible because “All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.”

God opens channels of ministry and a story for His glory that could never otherwise have happened, and that my heart would never be able to speak to, unless I had been able to mount up over each of the walls He sovereignly allowed, so that I would have a greater capacity for faith, compassion and understanding of others in this battle of life. But this it the moment, now, to take His hand and to mount up over.

The reason I have loved David over the years is that he mounted up over so many walls–and no matter what, he embraced God and believed that He was good, he wrote songs about Him, worshipped HIm and always believed that God listened to his prayers. Even though, his brothers looked down on him; the king whose kingdom he saved was against him; his wife turned against him and eventually left him;  he was sought for years and years by Saul and his army to be killed, all of his children and family were kidnapped by Philistines; his own son mounted an army and an attack against him; friends deserted him; and yet in all of this, David chose to be resilient, and wrote, “By my God, I can leap over a wall.

Because of this heart–a God-fast heart, he was chosen by God to have an inheritance forever–David, a man after God’s heart.

And so, it is to the honor of a Godly woman, in the presence of her children and friends, to mount up over the walls in her life with joy that comes from obedience; with strength that comes from trusting God; with beauty that comes from choosing to believe in God’s goodness and light in the midst of darkness.

It is why I chose to write Dancing with My Father—finding joy in a fallen world. It will probably be my magnum opus and my goal for life–to remain joyful, faithful, life-giving and strong, even when I feel weak or discouraged, because I am holding the hand of one who can mount up over any obstacle and will bless me and help me as I wait on Him.

If we say we are believers and servants of Christ, then our lives should be more excellent because He is the pinacle of excellence and lives inside of us and through us. But, when the walls are there, the secret is not to look at the wall in fear, but to have a heart that goes to Him and worships Him and says, “God, if you put this wall here, show me your way, your purpose, your strength, that in the story of my life, I may live faithfully at every point, every temptation, every test, and that now I may with grace, leap over this wall.”

And so, I think sometime in the near future, when I get past my conferences and past my book deadline, I may want to lead a book study from this blog, through my book, “Dancing with My Father”. The image for me, of dancing with my Father, was of hearing the music of HIs voice and learning to let Him lead me, through all of the circumstances, to a dance in which I was able to hold onto and manifest His joy–to hear the music of His own heart in the midst of the circumstances of this fallen world.

I love the quote, “Those who were dancing were thought to be crazy ty those who could not hear the music.” And so I want my life to be–crazy alive, dancing each day to the will and voice of God, with all my might as David was, until I see Him face to face.

And in light of this, I want to give away 5 copies of my book, Dancing with My Father.

 Leave a comment here and/or post on facebook or your blog and let me know through your comment and I will give away 5 copies of this book next Wednesday, February 22.

May you find His strength and grace today to leap over a wall.