I Thought Those Kids Were Gonna Make It

Falkow Breaks Up With Blog...

2014-06-08T15:47:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to say thank you to all who have been following along and all the Senior Correspondents around the globe for stopping by. We here at the ITTKWGMI offices are taking an indefinite hiatus. If you'd like to Dread Pirate Roberts this be-yotch send me an email.

I'll be over at Nancenet Designs if you wanna see what I'm up to or at NancyFalkow over at bandcamp.com

Little People, Big Break-Up News...

2014-04-15T14:11:00.002-07:00

Matt and Amy Roloff - Even I, with my short-sighted vision, could see these two failed to measure up - but seriously? I really thought these kids were gonna make it!

Country singer Trace Adkins and his wife Rhonda are divorcing after 16 years of marriage, she filed right after he went to rehab. I think there's a sad song in there somewhere.

Former figure skater Johnny Weir and husband of 2 years, attorney Victor Voronov, will now be skating on separate ponds.

Singer Brandy Norwood and her music exec fiance together- engaged, unengaged, the end.

Glee's Naya Rivera and rapper Big Sean - together 6 months, engaged, unengaged, the end.

Nikki Reed (Twilight) and Paul McDonald (American Idol finalist, does that make him a celebrity?) are separating after two years of marriage. Um, I got nothing here.

Lastly, I swore I wouldn't give these two (I'm not even gonna say their names) the time of day anymore, but, in case you hadn't heard, they split up. Again. FFS.

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it!

Thanks to my Senior Break-Up Analyst in NJ for her always breaking news tips, even if it takes me several weeks to write them up!

Apple, Moses, there's just too much to work with here...

2014-03-25T15:39:00.000-07:00

Out soon, a new Coldplay album packed with miserablist ballads about Gwenyth Paltrow, as after 11 years, she and Chris Martin are calling it quits. Let me be the first to say, I really thought these kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my crack Senior Overrated Actor - Musician Correspondent in Plymouth Meeting, PA for ever vigilant reporting.

Thicke as...

2014-02-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are calling it quits y'all. We've all seen their Oprah interview, these kids were making it right? I mean he met her when he was 14? Me thinks it went 1 foam finger too far. Sigh, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to the crack Senior Twerk-Related Correspondent in Killincarrig, Ireland for the news tip!

Shipwrecked...

2014-02-10T10:41:00.000-08:00

OK people I'm back and this time it's personal! There's been a load of breakups since last I posted so let's get to the most important one....

We were all truly bummed to hear that the good ol' Captain & Tenille (they are in their 70's yo) split up after 39 years? Did anyone else hear they split up for health insurance reasons? I think I read that somewhere whilst on our holiday. Anyway - love clearly didn't keep the together -- *I was contractually obliged to type that.

Real Housewife of NY Ramona "Crazy-eyes" Singer has split from Mario "I-have-no-idea-how-he-put-up-with-her-so-long" Singer. 27 years of putting up with her, oy vey, we here at the ITTKWGMI offices are Team Mario all the way! There's some drama here, just google it.

Heidi Klum and bodyguard/boyfriend of a little over 1 year or so, Martin Kirsten, have called it quits. Me thinks she won't be single for long. This story isn't nearly as exciting as when she split with Seal I tells ya.

Vanilla actress/singer Hilary Duff and hockey player Mike Comrie have ended their 3 year marriage amicably. Yawn.

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it.

I cannot thank my vigilant correspondents from around the globe enough for the amazing amount of reports I received regarding the Cap'n & big T, a special shout-out to my Couple-Duo-Musician-Relationship Correspondent in Englewood, NJ for the earliest report.

Roundup boredom...

2014-01-09T04:12:00.002-08:00

I'm just going to post a bunch of pictures of people you don't really care about that have recently broken up, because we all thought these kids were gonna make it...

Kelly Osbourne & Matthew Mosshart (after 2 years!)

Emma Watson & Will Adamowicz (college sweet hearts!)

Kate Upton & Maksim Chmerkovskiy (who???)

Ariana Grande & Nathan Sykes(ah, they've only been together since September)

Ryan Gosling & Eva Mendes (women rejoice everywhere)

It's official, I've phoned it in....

Khloe says No because of Blow...

2013-12-13T16:18:00.000-08:00

It's been quiet here in the ITTKWGMI offices, but we couldn't stay dark today when we learned of the sad news that Khloe and Lam Lam are no more. I mean, when they got married exactly 1 month after they met, how could we all not think that this was going to be a rock solid relationship? You go girl, he doesn't deserve your not 100% Kardashian fineness. But seriously, I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

And because it's been a while, here's a round up since last we've spoken...

Beautiful people Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs have separated after a decade of marriage. Apparently no one digs.

French actor Jean Dujardin and his wife of four years, Alexandra Lamy, have split. You may remember him from that silent movie I never saw. (That is all).

Francesca Eastwood had her marriage of one week annulled. She drunkly tied the knot Vegas style to Jonah Hill's brother Jordan Feldstein, who basically looks like Jonah circa 2007. Her father reportedly wasn't sure whether he loaded 5 or 6 bullets.

Malin Akerman (Children's Hospital and she is awesome) and her Italian muscian husband of 6 years Roberto Zincone have are separating. She's pretty.

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it, I am also sorry for Jordan Feldstein's sweat stains.

Blooms Wilt...

2013-11-04T03:00:00.002-08:00

After five years, Timbaland and his wife Monique Mosley are splitting. She will be seeking all kinds of cizzash to keep her in the lifestyle to which she has grown accustomed.

Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr have disembarked as well. Apparently 2 of the 3 years they've been married have been loveless and to go on would be a sham. He will be setting sail on the seven seas searching for romance again soon...get your bottice fastened ladies.

Thanks to my Senior I'm-So-Sick-of-Writing this Blog Correnspondents in Philly, Delgany and on the North Side for your timely yet used a week later newstips!

Breaking Up With the Kardashians...

2013-10-10T10:34:00.001-07:00

The curse of the reality show strikes yet again, Chris and Bruce Jenner are calling it quits y'all, after 22 years! And yes, I admittedly watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians-- uh, hello, he got himself his own place in Malibu this season, didn't we all see this break-up coming? Let's assume this will make good TV fodder for the next season, (I'll be watching). I really thought these ol' kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Decathlete-Momager Relationship Correspondent in St Louis for the newstip!

Pretty Woeful...

2013-09-26T03:33:00.004-07:00

Richard Gere and wife since 2002 Carey Lowell have split and are heading to Divorce Town. Apparently living apart for some time now, he likes peace and quiet and she's still digging the limelight. There are no hamsters being cited for the disturbance of this relationship.

And a few weeks back, Twerky Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth split again. He's already dating a new hottie and sources tell us, she's dating her big foam finger. (I'm sorry.)

I really thought all those crazy kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my ever vigilant Senior Sad and Fading Disney Star Correspondent in Philly for the news tip 2 weeks ago.

Unforgiven...

2013-08-29T15:12:00.000-07:00

Clint Eastwood (83)-- we really thought his 17-year marriage to former TV news reporter, Dina Ruiz was rock solid, 'til she started filming a reality series, managing a South African Boy band and he started talking to empty chairs at Republican conventions. They are now heading for Splitsville. I really thought those May-December kids were gonna make my day.

Thanks to my Senior Dirty Harry Correspondent in Delgany for this late-breaking newstip!

Who Didn't See This Cunning? Er, Coming?

2013-08-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

Well, it was reported to People Magazine that they're taking a break, so that's good enough source for us! Simmer down people, actors Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones are splitting after 13 stinkin' years! Ol' man Douglas is apparently hanging out in his fancy apartment in NYC while she's in their gazillion dollar home up state with kids.

Thanks to my Senior Actor-Actor Relationship Correspondent in Kilcoole for the very early news tip several days ago!

Is This Thing Still On?

2013-08-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

Oh look, I'm back and this time it's personal! It's been a lovely summer off for everyone here at the ITTKWGMI offices, but it's time to round-up what we've missed in the last month!

George Clooney and Stacey Keibler have definitely called it quits this time as he didn't want to commit to any mini-Clooneys. I think little babies with 5 o'clock shadows would be adorbs.

Documentary film maker Michael Moore and his wife of 21 years, Kathleen Glynn, have filed for the big D after 21, count 'em, 21 years of marriage! They stated that there was, "no reasonable likelihood that the marriage could be preserved." Mmmmm delicious preserves.

In the "Country Music People I Don't Care About" files - singers Jana Kramer and Brantley Gilbert have called off their short engagement and ended their lyin', cheatin', cotton pickin', dog dead under the porch relationship. But seriously, they were just busy y'all.

Lily Collins, (you may know her as daughter of Phil) and Jamie Campbell Bower - seemingly both actors, have split. But are doing press for their new movie amicably yo.

Actress and most hysterically funny film writer Kristen Wiig and Fabrizio Moretti (The Strokes) have called their only recently outed relationship quits. Always a bridesmaid...

G-d this is just so boring.

Actors Paul Wesley and Torrey DeVitto have filed for divorce. They are Vampire something or other related. Insert draining of blood pun here. Yadda.

I really thought all these humans were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Keeping Me On My Toes Correspondent in Philadelphia for one of the updates in this round-up. :)

Pie Taker and Pie Maker...

2013-07-08T14:20:00.001-07:00

Comic book villain Rupert Murdoch collects his marbles long enough to file for divorce from Wendi "Takes a pie for her man" Deng, his third wife. I hope she had a decent pre-nup!

TV sitcom middle child, now bitter, Jodie Sweetin has filed for legal separation from husband Morty Coyle after only 1 year. When filing for irreconcilable differences, she also noted in the margins she required less of a Full House.

After nearly throttling his wife in a "playful tiff" as he called it, multi-millionaire art collector Charles Saatchi and celebrity chef Nigella Lawson are dunzo. She's currently preparing a dish of hard cheese, sour grapes and humble pie.

I thought all these kids were gonna make it!

Thanks to my uber informed Senior Correspondent in Philadelphia for sending these tips that I've taken up to almost a month to write about!

Glee to Flee...

2013-06-12T03:41:00.002-07:00

Hey there Campers! It's been a while, and out of no where people are just falling apart!

Actress Jane Lynch has split from her wife of three years Lara Embry. They are sad about it.

Vladimir Putin announced on state television that his marriage to Lyudmila is over. After a recent career ruling Russia with his bare chested homo erotic poses taking it's toll on the marriage no one was surprised.

Funny Irish chat show host Graham Norton has split from his boyfriend, Canadian software designer Trevor Patterson after two-years together. He has requested new suitors Tweet him.

Gossip Girl's Penn Badgley has returned to our fair blog as he is splitting up with Zoe "Lenny's daughter" Kravitz. They'd been shacking up in NYC for the past 2 years.

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it.

Round Up, I've been lazy...

2013-05-11T12:04:00.002-07:00

I'm late on these, but it's only because I'm slightly losing interest in this blog, don't hate!

Chris Brown and Rihanna are done (again.) Why on earth, the girl who could have anyone, would go back to Angry Mc Puncherson is beyond me. So let's hope this is the end for these kids.

Kellan Lutz of the Twilight Thingys has split from Australian-model-actress-dancer Sharni Vinson, his girlfriend of about 18 months. Go run forth and bag him ladies, you know you loves him!

In other Vampire related news, Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev, The Vampire Diaries co-stars, have called it quits after 3 years. We don't know who these people are, nor do we care.

Crystal Bowersox, American Idol finalist (she was actually great) and Brian Walker have ended their 2 year marriage. Their marriage did however last longer than most American Idol related careers.

Character actors (just IMDB them if you actually care) Anna Camp and Michael Mosley have announced they're dunzo. Now they can go back to their regularly scheduled programs.

Country Music singing, 10-gallon hat wearing Jason Aldean and high-school sweetheart Jessica Ussery are getting a divorce. He was caught kissing an American Idol contestant (Brittany Kerr) and 7 months later they're done, ending their 11 year marriage. Hopefully his songwriting has rubbed off on her and she can write a song about this lying, cheating, mistreating cretin.

I really thought those kids were gonna make it. I really did.

Beam Him Up...

2013-04-27T09:33:00.002-07:00

New Star Trek actor Chris Pine and from what I gathered based on Google Image search, model, Dominique Piek have boldly parted ways after a yearish long relationship. Warp speed to the next model Chris. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Happy Birthday to Me....Why Don't You Download a Song for Charity!

2013-04-22T10:24:00.002-07:00

Dear I Just Thought Those Kids Were Gonna Make It loyal readers.

Today is my birthday, and I was hoping to celebrate that I'd be closer to my goal for JackandJill.ie

It only takes a few minutes, you get a lovely song and that feel good feeling, please consider donating today!

XOXOXO

Jane! Stop this Crazy Thing....

2013-04-15T08:16:00.004-07:00

Apparently 4th time is NOT the charm for British actress, Jane Seymour, who has confirmed the break-up from her actor-director husband, James Keach, after a 20 year marriage! I really thought those ol' kids were gonna make it.

Thanks to my Senior Old Guy Mc Bearderson Correspondent in Philadelphia for the late breaking newstip.

Heart of Stone...

2013-03-24T13:47:00.004-07:00

Amicable break-up alert. Joss Stone and childhood sweetheart Danny Radford have split due to "drift apart" syndrome. It happens yo. Can you believe she's only 25? I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Potential big break-up news coming people, stay tuned...

Are they or Aren't They?

2013-03-23T06:13:00.002-07:00

Malcolm Jamal Warner (you may remember him as Theo Huxtable) has split from actress Regina King after a 2-year relationship. Rumour has it, Theo had been borrowing his Dad's sweaters and Regina just couldn't take it anymore. (Although we're not 100% sure as Regina tweeted that we shouldn't believe everything we read and that they are good. So we'll chalk this one up to a maybe and stay tuned, I usually don't report unless it's official, but I was already half-way through writing it before I saw her tweet and....) I really think those kids are gonna make it.

Thanks to my crack 80's-Sitcom-Relationship Correspondent in Maine for the newstip!

Let's Hope 3rd Times the Charm...

2013-03-21T06:19:00.001-07:00

In case you missed it, Katy Perry (and both of her boobs) has split from on-again-off-again ManChild (did I just say that?) John Mayer. Rumour has it she's "left a window open" though, here's hoping it falls on his head when he tries to climb back in cause grrrrrrl, you can do better! However I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Seacrest Out...

2013-03-17T04:33:00.001-07:00

Golden boy Ryan Seacrest and golden haired dancer/(singer/actress?) Julianne Hough have confirmed their split. We don't know why, but we think it's because Ryan is planning on marrying his microphone. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Suddenly I See, A Divorce Lawyer...

2013-03-11T14:49:00.002-07:00

KT Tunstall divorcing drummer, husband Luke Bullen, who she had been dating since 2003. She was relieved she no longer has to help him carry his 26-piece kit from the car to the house after gigs anymore. I really thought those kids were gonna make it.

Break Up Squared...

2013-02-27T11:13:00.001-08:00

Power actor couple Rachel McAdams (34) and Michael Sheen (44) have called it quits. No official word, but I'm thinking it was the distance - she lived in Canada and he lived between Wales and LA, that's a lot of frequent flyer miles I tells ya, does time travelling count?

Also this happened.

Michelle Williams and BF of 1 year Jason Segel are dunzo. Also due to the long distance.

I really thought all these kids were gonna make it yo.

Thanks to my crack team of Senior Actor-Actress Relationship Correspondents in Delgany, North Carolina and NJ for the hot news tips that I ignored until I was finished having a playdate and cooking 3 different dinners.