I Totally Win

Like mother, like daughter... unfortunately

2009-09-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

Rachel is on a bit of a submission roll these days. She sends in this pair of photos of a mother and daughter pair with some in-your-face pairs of their own.

We spotted this tween in line for Indiana Jones. We couldn't figure it out, the acid washed cut-offs with the pockets that are longer than the denim; the midriff shirt; and wait, is she even wearing a bra? What kind of mother lets her 13 year old daughter out of the house dressed like a slutty high school senior circa 1992? Then we saw the girls cleavage rich leather handbag- i mean - mother. Really lady, I don't think the sun hat is helping at this point.

The sun hat is just so that google earth can't find her boobs. She's very modest.

Dash away all!

2009-09-04T09:33:00.000-07:00

Thanks again, to Rachel for this submission.

The Obvious - I truley believe only the stupidest and most attention desprate person on the planet would add extensions to only the sides of their head. I felt like grabbing one in each hand and shaking them while yelling out "On Dancer on Prancer..."

The less obvious but perhaps even more annoying - The Strap Perfect. I have one of these things, they are very useful in keeping bra straps underwraps when you wear a racerback shirt so you can avoid going out in public looking like a total skank. This skank decided to use hers under a regular tank-top so that we could all get a clear view of her bright blue bra straps.

I totally win.

I totally agree.

The sad thing about camera phones...

2009-08-30T23:53:00.000-07:00

... is that my phone was not ready quickly enough to get the picture I wanted, as this young man readied himself to go through airport security... and as I waited for him to zig (or zag, whichever you prefer) back toward me, the camera shut itself off. I waited until he was about to pass between both signs... snapped early. By the time the camera reset, he was obscured by about ten other people.

What you can't (entirely) see:
*The shirt has a fake vest printed on it.
*The hat is a ships captains hat
*Bright green back-pack.
*"WTF" faces of everyone near him.

I totally win.

Weight a minute

2009-08-28T16:18:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to the belief that there are very few instances in which it is acceptable for a person to not remain fully dressed in a communal gym. I also believe that people should remain full clothed at their place of work. Also, loud extended cell phone conversations are rarely acceptable in any public space... especially if the cause you to occupy the only available weight bench in the area.

I totally win.

He wasn't the only one about to be strangled

2009-08-28T08:53:00.000-07:00

So is was sitting in the theater enjoying some gummi bears while I waited for the movie to start.

With plenty of time before the show started, a very reserved and normal-looking family quickly came in and quietly found their way to their seats. They then sat down and prepared for the movie to begin.

Just kidding.

What actually happened was that with very little time to spare before showtime this family with every shade of wacky hair cut (mowhawk, combover, unneccesarrily long braid) slowly wandered in and very loudly debated with eachother over wear to sit. The man with the combover was the only one with any sense and chose to sit apart from the rest of his group. This prompted what I can only assume was some sort of wife or something to begin strangling him.

For a moment I began wondering if this was some sort of Improv Everywhere stunt. For a moment I also considered throwing my gummi bears at these people. The only thing stopping me from doing so was my undying love of gummi bears.

I totally win.

Can you win against a dog?

2009-08-26T15:17:00.000-07:00

Rachel sends us this picture along with the above question and the following description:

"Can you win against a dog? Because if so, I do. Two front casts to the elbows, pink socks (with little smiley faces) to keep the casts clean, blue circus collar so she doesn't bite at the casts, and (not pictured) a matching blue diaper. But I guess technically she had no control over these things. I did. Maybe it's you who totally wins."

I don't think I can award you the points for this one, Rachel, seeing as how you were the one who broke the poor dog's legs in the first place. What? She jumped out of your arms and onto the hard floor all on her own? A likely story. Tell it to Ugly Dog Protective Services. They should be arriving any minute now.

You look like a horse's ass.

2009-08-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

Look at this guy. Does he not realize that he looks retarded with his cell phone clipped to his pocket like that?

Fwavor FWAAAAVE!

2009-08-19T14:51:00.000-07:00

While not technically a person, I think it's safe to assume that compared to anyone who would actually buy these for their child I totally win.

"We wear these matching outfits so we can see each other more easily in a crowd."

2009-08-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

Camouflage worn by civilians is always the wrong answer.

Matching outfits tend to be the wrong answer as well.

However, through some ironic twist, camouflage outfits are even more wrong when they do not match.

Good Cheese comes from happy cows. Happy cows drink Starbucks.

2009-08-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

Why does being a snowboarder give you license to dress like a retard? I totally win.

"I'm so bored. I wish there was something to do."

2009-08-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

This picture would have been better if I'd gone at it from a different angle and been able to get the entirety of the vast arcade center in the background. It would have been even better if I had been able to photographically establish that this arcade actually sits at one end of a bustling seaside amusement park. As it is, we'll stick with the simplicity of a lone adolescent boy reading a book in front of a noisy ski ball machine.

I totally win.

Viva la Hoedown!

2009-08-16T13:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I have never once dressed like this to go to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I don't usually end up in costume until after the margaritas.

"Sorry honey, I thought you said we were wearing the pink outfits tonight. But hey, at least I remembered the lawn chairs!"

I totally win.

STOP CLAPPING! She's coming back to life!

2009-08-13T02:09:00.001-07:00

I'd have said "I do not believe in fairies" in hopes that she'd drop down dead, but we were at gay mardi gras, and it might not have gone over well. I think that Bitch Cassidy there might have kicked my ass.

I totally win.

The doctor is out... of his mind

2009-08-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

I recently started seeing a new doctor. I don't think I'll be going back to him though, since this experience was a little off-putting.

The waiting room was just like any standard family practicioner's waiting room would be: adorned with chairs, ferns, outdated magazines, and poorly framed generic photography. No reason for concern there.

However, as soon as the nurse led me into the examination room I started to get a somewhat

uncomfortable feeling. Something about my new doctor's organizational style made me a little wary of trusting him with my medical well-being. See if you can use these pictures I snapped after the nurse left to figure out what I might be talking about.

Piles of garbage everywhere, trash in the sink, loose papers on the counter, toppled over pictures, stacks of old magazines, and some sort of demon dog statue? In the exam room???

I totally win.

It's the most wonderful outfit of the year

2009-08-12T10:14:00.001-07:00

This woman was seen roaming around Disneyland (we love that place, but something about it just seems to attract the weirdos) during Christmas time 2008. Please note: There was not a cloud in the sky on this day.

Even though I totally win, I'm tempted to give this woman the point just for having the presence of mind to at least stick with a cohesive theme in her losingness.

Double our terror, double our fun

2009-08-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

These two ladies were found wandering around Disney's California Adventure in CA. It took us a while to get a good shot of these twins (lots of ducking in and out of shops and hiding behind trash cans). Eventually we made it far enough ahead of them that my friend could fake pose for a picture just so we could get them in the shot. I think the efforts were worth it.

I think that considering the nearly matching outfits, the horrible boots/socks/shorts combo, and the hair that cannot even be managed by an entire army of humongous, brightly colored scrunchies, it's safe to say that I totally win.