I was born to LOVE you, GOD. And my duty is to give LOVE to the World.

last words

2012-02-04T17:34:00.002+08:00

may this be my last words from me to you,

i am trying my best to help you, but still.. it will be all up to you..

for you are a man, and i am a woman..

our faith is being tried and tested..

we are shaken and tempted,

that is why we need to persevere..

the time is soon to come, very soon..

yet the final decision is not mine but GOD's..

i am hoping and praying to see you,

because it is still you whom i want to give my smiles,

the smiles i once gave you..

may we know, and be willing, and forgive unconditionally..

may we learn Christ love and be like Him..

i will be still, i will wait, i will endure, i will be praying..

i put all my faith, hope and love to Jesus..

for HE is my Lord, my Savior, my Brother, my Leader, my Protector and perfecter of faith.

many says i am a fool, still i believe.

my heart grieves, still i rejoice.

i will fight, this is me, this is how i love.

one day, i will know the answer.

i am excited and will know i have no regrets.

when that time comes there will be no turning back for me.

everyday

2012-02-04T10:02:00.003+08:00

to the one i love:

everyday, i still believe.

still your journey i would like to take and to live.

everyday, i still fight to strive.

still your face i would like to see when i have arrive.

everyday, i kneel and pray.

that GOD would give way to strengthen my heart.

everyday, it is everyday.

i trust you, for i trust Jesus who is at lead,

and GOD who is in control.

faith and hope.

and love is the greatest.

i ask GOD why?.. why there are so many trials and temptation..

but as i discern.. i praise GOD for HIS plans are perfect..

my faith is being tested and it makes me persevere..

for this reason i believe.. ;)

be ready

2012-02-02T23:04:00.005+08:00

just now.. im not sure.. and i am currently not that happy too..

GOD could possibly choose not the one i love for me..

HE could possibly pick the one who loves me..

i have to be ready when GOD finally decide..

i have to submit..

i just pray that my instinct is wrong..

i pray that the one i love will run the race faster ..

faster and soon finish it..

i still want him to win..

i still believe in him and trust him..

Jesus, you know the desire of my heart, i pray that he wins.

but again, i will still submit to the plan GOD has for me,

possible i may not love it, but certainly GOD knows the best for me.

still in the end i will rejoice.

so that's the feeling

2012-02-02T22:34:00.004+08:00

yesterday and today,

im feeling what he is feeling,

and by faith i am fighting,

fighting the uncertainty..

it is really hard,

and i thank GOD for this,

HE make a way for me to feel how it feels,

so it is this painful,

for a long time,

he was enduring,

and me also enduring,

both felt pain,

both love,

both suffer,

both are put under trial,

oh GOD,

oh GOD of Abraham,

GOD of David,

through Jesus please hear my cry...

help me and him fulfill your will my Father..

tho in human perspective it seems impossible..

but in YOU oh GOD who created all things,

nothing is impossible..

i believe in YOUR majesty and power..

for YOU alone are GOD.

misinterpreted kindness

2012-02-02T17:47:00.005+08:00

today, this is what i pray..

may the kindness that i am doing may not be misinterpreted..

many times when i showed kindness to people, i am judge and misinterpreted..

sometimes i get to suffer..

some thought maybe it is for a reason or for a purpose..

i am hurt.. or may be hurt.. but

i just kept telling myself it is between them and GOD if they will judge me that way..

as long as my intentions and motives are clear.. i am clear..

i always pray to GOD that and may my intentions be clear with what i do..

the feeling is like suffering for doing what is good..

then repeatedly i have to keep reminding myself that.. be Christ like.. be Christ like..

how can i say no to being kind.. that is my heart..

sounds proud.. but no.. the good that i do is from the heart, from GOD..

i don't know why.. i am just like that..

end times

2012-02-01T04:31:00.004+08:00

i had a dream..

in my dream, iam not scared..
it is the end times,

i can see the country am in,

i can see the nearby countries,

i saw buildings.. they collapse down..

and water grew everywhere..
no tall building stand still..

almost all died..

only some, very few survived through the use of life jacket..

they swim to survive,
the faces, the faces..

for my family, the building where we were, didn't collapse..

i was looking for life jacket to give to my sister and mother..

i was looking for ways to save them..

we made our last will and signed on it.. and we hugged one another..

i saw two people,

with a mark of heart on their neck,

a man and a woman,

they were looking for one another and

they will find each other..

love.

i woke up, i checked my phone and it was 3:59 am..

want to sleep again,

but i knew, Jesus and GOD wants me to talk to them..

that is why after praying i decided to write..

do good

2012-01-31T14:38:00.004+08:00

since last night.. been reflecting on this thought..

to suffer to do good is okey.. pleases GOD.

until this morning.. some of the chapter i reflected in the Bible is all about suffering for the name of Christ

James 5:7-12

1 Peter 4:12-19

Romans 8:18-27

younger brother in Christ

2012-01-31T11:03:00.003+08:00

again my love life dilemma, this younger brother in Christ keep showing his intention to me, keep inviting me out, and wanting to visit me at my house, words.. words and actions... well indeed he is doing what a man should be, but then again he is way 6 years younger than me, he once told me nothing is impossible and age doesn't matter, he said look at ahia harg and achi jerilyn, yeah i agree, but what's bothering me is that he is too focused on me, im not sure if his knowledge of the Lord and the words is in his heart or just knowledge. also, is he ready? ready for marriage life? since i am..may GOD give me wisdom, many temptation... my best friend told me, is he serious? as in as serious as i am... oh well, very promising love from these guys, but... everytime i'll pray to GOD, it is all temptation... GOD help me discern, may Jesus lead me and guide me in all times.

mt. pinatubo

2012-01-30T22:41:00.004+08:00

someone asked me out to mt. pinatubo...

this guy is from another church...

yesterday my best friend told me to stop entertaining guys, because they give me headache.

yesterday this guy asked me, told him.. lets see..

today.. he emailed me pictures of mt. pinatubo adventures...

i answered him, no... that I am not coming and joining his invite..

lets see his next move...

how hard it is to be me... what a lovelife i have.. this ain't easy...but still thank GOD after praying GOD is giving me wisdom to discern...

rat

2012-01-30T10:03:00.004+08:00

last last sunday.. i felt like a rat, being trapped.

i got a friend who i loved before... but things didn't worked out.
he mistreated me, he is so mean to me, he didn't love me, he didn't appreciate me, he is always angry at me, he always says not good things to me. he hurt me.
now, he is at chase of me for two years..

i can say, he have regrets, but he mistakenly interpreted that regret for love..

its like he just lost a diamond, and now he was trying his best to get it back again..

i kept telling him that sometimes we have to accept the past, that some things are over. the lesson there is.. while the person is still there, show them you love them, value them and treasure them.

anyway this is what he did last last sunday, he trickily planned for a date. he invited a couple and me..
at first i can feel that there's a plan going on.. but since i love the singer on that concert, i confirmed..
i appreciate the effort of his plan, that is why i also give chance to check him..

but all i can say, all he did turns me off..

why?

1st.. its a trap.. a double date.. and i hate it.. i felt like a rat in what he did..

2nd.. he seemed to talked to other guys that he had this plan and give way for him

3rd.. he lie to me

4th.. he is not a total gentleman

5th.. he is not a real man to me, and not a strong man for me and not an ideal..total failure..

all he did is not love.. its not out of love..

okey.. after discerning, got the answer.. now i have decided.. he is out of the list..

i didn't tell him anything because i don't want to hurt him, i just acted, after all action speaks louder than words. i started to ignore him and not mind him. end of the story.

tho this guy, his family likes me, and my family likes him, but again, i cannot teach my heart, my heart beats only to one person, and GOD is in control of it.

i only see this brother of mine as a brother, i love him as my brother. no more no less.

meet ... meet ...

2012-01-30T09:48:00.010+08:00

there is this guy who loves me so, he almost got it all, all the qualifications of a guy that i want and i've been wanting.
i like him, but never did i love him and i know that i can drop him anytime.

i love someone and simply i can't replace who i love, i just repeatedly go back to the one i love.

truly it is hard to teach one's heart. but like what i've said the love that i have is from GOD.

last saturday, an unsched event took place. i met the parents and some relatives.

i know his motives.
tho he haven't said anything. that is one super i don't like thing, the no words thing.

i know how to check a person and how to look at a person's heart. so i did to his family.
i find his dad nice and his mom so strong and a "matapobre".

that saturday night, when i got home, my mind is out of peace.
i know someday i will have problem with the mom. even that this guy is super okey.

also right now this guy, i can say that this guy don't really know me yet.

1st i don't love him for me to love the one he loves.
2nd i don't love him for me to bear with what i am foreseeing with his family in the future.

3rd i don't love him for me to foresee myself being with him in the future.
simply, i just don't love him.

sunday morning... pray and discern...pray and discern...

talked to 2 sister in church, shared my dilemma...

the older sister is married and sharing to me her hardship with her mother in law..

then im still not in peace..
our youngro group fellowship had a lazertag game yesterday..

i didn't join, instead i went to my best friend's house..

told her what happened... and when her husband came home, our favorite topic my lovelife..

her husband kept telling me not on this guy, he just opened up, he kept telling many things about that guy.. just the same point i was thinking that i shared to my best friend earlier when he still haven't arrived.

and i thank GOD, HE gave me an answer and Jesus lead me.. lead me to know the right things to know to discern.. after i have decided no to this guy, tho i like him so. after that i have peace.

then again, my heart is back to the one i love.. i decided to wait.. ^_^

soon

2012-01-27T13:37:00.002+08:00

few days, few weeks, I will soon know who... excited! ^_^

peace

2012-01-25T08:11:00.005+08:00

.. last week.. i had a storm in life.. but since I am with Jesus on this voyage, I am in total peace, because I trust..

Romans 5:1-11 ... what a peace and joy we have with Jesus..

my GOD holds my future, HE is in control, HE has a great plan for me, Jeremiah 29:11
and I have a good perfect leader my Brother Lord and Savior Jesus who is leading me step by step... no worries, no anxious hehe

a friend told me, once you have this great relationship with GOD through Jesus, you will know HIS will... ^_^

I am walking step by step... as Jesus leads me...

this world, ain't perfect, people will try to hurt us, but one thing the Bible teaches us, that we are no better than anypne in this fallen world, that we are all sinners, and we need to be holy, strive for righteousness and walk His walk. 1 Peter 1:13-25

whatever circumstance, specially if we have comments regarding other people even if we are right and we tell the truth, that they are bad or have hurt us, still we have to keep quiet, hold our tongue. James 3:1-12, and we still should show them true love and kindness. 2Peter 1:3-11, 1 Corinthians 13, Romans 12:9-21

1 John 2:15-17 Do not love the World, loving the world is like having an idol in our hearts, loving a person too much is like having an idol, loving money is also an idol, everything that is here on Earth is the world, part of the world, and fallen. so we repeatedly have to look up and focus on GOD and believe that by following Jesus is enough.

awaken

2012-01-24T07:14:00.004+08:00

daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not awaken love until it is so desires. Solomon 8:4

last night been thinking of this verse, again this morning, thought of it again, it is true, before I don't have the desire to be in a relationship, ot to commit, not ready then, now, I am ready.. I am ready..

before when I am not yet ready, I ran away with love..

now I am ready, I am looking for love..

hehehe excited.!

chance

2012-01-21T12:54:00.000+08:00

i want to be mad, because i have given all the chance.

failure to wait

2012-01-21T08:41:00.004+08:00

1 Corinthians 13

What is true love?
true love is Jesus, what He did..
true love is the Bible.

true love don't have expiration date.

true love waits, and know how to wait.

don't run

2012-01-21T02:18:00.002+08:00

this is what GOD said.. don't run.....

whatever happens... rely on HIM...

Be still and know that HE is GOD.

true love never expires, it is a gift from GOD, it never fails. 1 Cor 13

tonight i wanna run

2012-01-20T23:20:00.003+08:00

tonight been tough.. its like an acceptance.

I am walking away.. and will eventually run away..

that nobody can ever chase me.

because I don't wanna be chased.

faithful to GOD

2012-01-20T17:24:00.001+08:00

whatever happens mj, still be faithful to the service GOD have entrusted you.

I gave my words to GOD

2012-01-20T15:31:00.003+08:00

Just now, a friend called, she had a fight with her brother. then our conversation lead to she telling me about the badminton game they had yesterday.

The person I love was there, he played with his crush, painful.

GOD, lead me, I can move on with any guy, I have guys in-lined (I am not being boastful, and YOU know that GOD.)

But, I have given YOU my words, that I will endure all the things I will see and hear.

Ahia Jon was right, he was right, when he said, leave him, if he really loves you, he will decide and fight for you. and the person I love never did. instead he is gone looking for another woman.

I don't know how I come to love this person this much, and it hurts.

I cannot entertain guys who like me then I will just leave them hurting. I have to be firm tho it hurts. Need to stand alone for awhile, I know how it feels to love and to be hurt, I cannot hurt others. Need to stand alone with GOD, with Jesus.

Endure mj. endure mj. wait for the right one, tho it hurts to see the one you love like that. endure. do what is right. when the right one comes, you will be happy. you will be glad. you will rejoice in the Lord and understand why all of this have to happen. and you will appreciate that person so much. just wait. never compromise mj tho it hurts. never compromise.

I will stand on the promises of GOD.

government law

2012-01-20T13:52:00.004+08:00

if law can be bended and twisted, why bother make one...?

i have a client, he is having issues with his property title, i have gone to RD office and Court branch 4 to inquire and tell him the legal procedures, but he insisted that there can be other way, that his lawyer and cousin would have something in mind or idea or other procedure.

yesterday, I talked to the legal councils, they advice me that there is only this one legal way, government rules and law. I told that to my client awhile ago, after 2-3 hours he texted me that don't be assertive with what I know as brotherly advice.

I just told him, that is your opinion not mine, all I know I went to the legal government offices and inquired the government rules and law. I ended it telling him that whatever decision he will make I will respect, after all it is his not mine (property and decision) it is for GOD to judge not me, I did my part, that's all.

He seems not wanting to comply the law, sad. I felt little mad or irritated inside, you claim to be a Christian and many times it was said in the Bible to submit to authority.

Then this though came to me, government law and GOD's law. Possible GOD is so angry with us all not following HIS written law.

We are all sinner.. very bad. too bad.

in my anger

2012-01-20T12:39:00.012+08:00

in my anger.... GOD, please be in control of me, may I be like Jesus, humble and in control, may the Holy Spirit intercede me, that I may not offend others in my anger, a pure and righteous heart is all I pray... lead me brother Jesus.

friend One: Im not comfortable with my friend... how come we are going out this sunday with other friend "couple", i just pray that this is not a set-up.. for 2 to 3 hours, I've been thinking... sorry is the only word I can tell him, past is past, I cannot bring my heart back to him, it is with someone else that I am also trying to get and give it to someone who deserves it. the thing is he is not the only guy in the world, there are a lot more to choose from :P hahaha that is my secret.. :D

friend Two: Im mad at this person, this someone, i see him so yuck, so pathetic, so immature, so hungry with woman lustful. I didn't pray for a guy like him. I don't want to be with someone like that for the rest of my life, I pray that he will soon realize everything, while my heart is still with him, because if I have it back and give it to someone new..sorry will be the word, i don't know how to go back, like to my friend number one. I have endured and waited, don't know until when. now slowly my heart is opening, not my doing, not my will, but his, because he kept hurting me.

friend Three: someone new, hmm i have someone new in my mind, he is around since 2009, met him 2008, he is a good leader, gentleman, he is tall, white, chubby and I can say that he is a good matured Christian (noy just by knowledge but also by actions).. he tried to come to me many times, i always block his way, he again come to me last monday, oh how stupid for me to realize everything last thurs, now I pray, may Jesus open doors for me and him again. I will give a chance if he will be aggressive enough to chase me, I am ready to leave the person I love, for he haven't proven me his love, all he did is prove me that he is capable of hurting me.

friend Four: someone new, hehehe he is new in our church, I know I have to put walls because he is still new, he may shake if me and him didn't work out, I have to make sure that his faith is true, real and strong, else GOD might strike me with lightning, I need to usher people to Christ not make them stumble. Oh well, I like this guy, his sense of humor and his smile, by time, in HIS time, lets see.. hehehe right now, im on guard on my and his heart, walls up.

Jesus, let GOD know, and I know YOU both know that I am ready and wanting to be married soon. as in soon.

one answer

2012-01-20T11:01:00.001+08:00

let my yes be yes and my no be no

book of Jonah, my reflection

2012-01-20T09:02:00.007+08:00

Jonah is the most stubborn prophet, but GOD is with him in his ministry.

When GOD talked to Jonah, Jonah stubbornly ran away from the will of GOD, he traveled to Tarshish down to Joppa and took a ship, maybe he was thinking that he can flee away from the will of GOD. Along the voyage he knew that GOD was angry and after him, that is why HE sent them storms and waves. He told the truth to the sailors, they asked Jonah what to do, they also tried to save the life of Jonah by rowing back but they ended up doing what Jonah said to them to threw him out of the sea, the sailors are pagans, they believed in many gods but at that time they feared the One true GOD and i guess they believed in HIM.

When he was threw to the sea, Jonah was swallowed by a big fish, i think its a whale, a sperm whale, inside the fish belly he prayed to GOD. i think part of his prayer meant that he will want to obey GOD, then HE order the fish to vomit Jonah to the dry land to fulfill the will.

Jonah traveled 3 days to reach the place called Nineveh, and preach the message of the One true GOD, the King and the people believed him and they fast to repent.

Jonah obeyed GOD and so effective, for GOD is with him, but he was angry about it, he cried in anger and wanted GOD to take ways his life and that it is better for him to die than live, he don't want the Ninevites to get saved, he want them to perish yet GOD showed compassion and mercy to them for they showed fear toward HIM. GOD made Jonah realize that he has no right to be angry, for GOD is in control of everything and that everything is from HIM. in the end, i therefore conclude that the Ninevites are not so educated people.

so that is the book of Jonah, summarized with my own words, i felt like Jonah sometimes, I know the will of GOD, but I am trying to escape, for I am angry of the will, its making my life complicated, now.. what to do? I am really suffering and having a hard time fulfilling the will of GOD, I am trying to escape but GOD is not allowing me, He truly is in control, yet I am still unsure with HIS total will, all I need is to obey and not be angry, for whatever suffering I am into now, it is still under the will of GOD, from HIM and part of HIS will, to suffer is to fulfill, so be joyful.

Flesh, i hate you flesh. I love GOD more. Praise HIM. HE gave me you flesh, so if to deny you will bring HIM glory, so be it, to save my soul.
Jesus lead me please, for I do not know the plans has for me. I want to obey. so I will trust You.

too much pain

2012-01-19T21:49:00.000+08:00

I am enduring... may Jesus not forsake me... may GOD hear my cry...