I was born to LOVE you, GOD. And my duty is to give LOVE to the World.

Pain?

2014-06-19T01:04:00.004+08:00

Talk about pain?

Who said I don’t know pain…?

I once felt numb… because my entire nervous system choose not to function..

One month before Sept 22, 2013 I was already excited, because I am invited in a wedding, of my dearest love… the guy I loved, waited and fought for too long..

I was so excited what to wear on his special day, I want to look good and pretty, because I am happy for him..

I am happy for him, because that’s the only best choice I have

Few days before the Big day, I hesitated to attend, but almost all my girl friends told me to attend..

On the big day, inside the lower sanctuary of the church, I saw him then I wave my hand and told him congrats “Ahya” now I call him ahya (brother) again…no choice

When the ceremony started, the lights turned off, I can only see three person inside that sanctuary

The groom, The bride and Me.

I was paused for a moment, a familiar song…I heard my dream song, the song that he once dreamt of singing to me..

Everything seems perfect for the bride, my dream groom, dream song and dream event… only that the bride wasn’t me..

I was just silent the whole time… cant believe that the best thing I can do is just be silent.. and be happy for him… part of watching the ceremony, felt that my treasure was there being given to someone..

I want him to be married, because he is of age… sadly, he was, but not to me..

I again hesitated to attend the reception… but again my friends supported me and told me it was the best..

All I did, all I chose to do was the best… the best for him, the best last few things I can do for him..

during the reception, I was okey, I was calm, I enjoyed my food.. everything in me was and looks fine… except my internal organs they don’t lie, seems like I cant control my internal organs… my stomach started to produce lots of acid…and I went ot the bathroom for a long time… trying to hide, I don’t want to make a scene..ofcors…

I was able to arrive home and survived the day..

Whew!

Beware the flattering single man

2013-07-20T11:09:00.004+08:00

It was my first (and only) date with Holly Bond. A smart, attractive, successful woman from my church. The date wasn’t meant to have a romantic overture, and I think we both knew that. Holly and I had been friends for a while, and we got along well, so it only seemed natural to go out to dinner at least once.

After dinner, we were talking and I asked her if she was afraid her career might get in the way of marriage and kids. She said she definitely wanted a family, but she was be content to wait for God to provide what was best for her life.

“It would be a shame if you didn’t get married, Holly.” I said, and then I proceeded to explain why; showering her with compliments about her integrity, intelligence, success, and beauty.

It was something I had done with single women before, but when I finished my complimentary diatribe, Holly didn’t blush, and she didn’t thank me like other women typically did.

“Why did you say all of that?” asked Holly, almost sounding annoyed.

“Um – I said it because it’s true.” I said.

“So are you interested in me?” she asked.

I was taken aback.

“Well, um – I mean – I don’t think you have to be interested in a woman to compliment her.” I said, and then I continued complimenting her.

“Don’t do that Joshua.”, she said gently but firmly. “If the only reason we’re spending time together is to hang out, then you don’t have any business going there with me.”

I was stunned. No woman had ever corrected me for showering her with compliments, and I could hardly believe Holly was giving me the smack-down for doing so. I quickly offered my best, halfhearted apology, changed the topic, and tried to move on, but Holly had rattled me.

I knew there was probably a valuable lesson to be learned, but I wasn’t about to let an ingrate like Holly teach it to me. Instead, in the weeks following the date, I went around to my friends and retold the story in a light most favorable to me. They patted me on the back, assuring me that she was the one with the problem, and I moved on, missing an opportunity to grow up.

It was probably two years into marriage before I appreciated Holly’s correction on our date.

My wife had a number of single female friends who would share the frustration of spending time with guys who buttered them up with compliments, appeared to be interested, and then suddenly flew off the radar. It left these women feeling insecure and wondering what they had done wrong.

As I listened to these stories, I reflected on my date with Holly and began to understand why she pushed back so firmly when I went on and on with my complimenting.

She wasn’t an ingrate – not at all. She was smart. Smart enough to understand that I hadn’t shown sufficient interest to be caressing her with my words. Smart enough to realize that much-needed compliments from a halfway-interested guy can lead to useless attachments. And smart enough to believe that one day, God would send her a genuinely-interested man who would sweep her off her feet with words that were utterly sincere (that did, in fact eventually happen to Holly).

With all that in mind, let me say this to the single ladies out there who read this post: words come terribly cheap, and they can end up costing you a lot of pointless emotional energy. Don’t surrender your heart to a man who has done nothing more than tickle your ears.

And to the single men, I’d ask you to consider whether you’re actually interested before you drown a woman in compliments. I understand that a woman is ultimately responsible for guarding her heart, but you could help out a lot by guarding your mouth.

Author’s note: Holly and I are still friends today, and in retrospect, she says she was a little too hard on me during that date. I obviously disagree with her.

Beware the flattering single man

Written by Joshua Rogers

http://blog.christianconnection.co.uk/beware-the-flattering-single-man/

THE 11 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN DATING A BOY VS A MAN

2013-07-20T11:07:00.000+08:00

When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.

“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.” - Psychology Today

So games used to work on me because 1) I had unresolved daddy issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.

But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.

I learned to love myself. I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage. Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a girl to becoming a woman. And as a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up.

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life). A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

*To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games.

http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/

It Matters Whom You Marry

2013-04-24T12:51:00.005+08:00

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.

So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.

Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.

If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.

The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.

Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.

Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.

Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.

Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.

Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.

You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.

It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?

Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.

So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/08/15/it/

Guys, It Matters Whom You Marry, Too

2013-04-24T12:48:00.000+08:00

Just as a woman must think carefully about a potential husband, you must be careful about a potential wife. Careful evaluation in a number of areas will save you a lifetime of frustration. Right now, you might think she’s pretty, or playful, or nice to you. It’s not enough. One pregnancy can alter a figure, responsibilities at home can reveal laziness, and a disagreement about money can turn her against you. The church in North America has many men who are hampered in their abilities and success because they were distracted by a pretty face who now seems to bring more trouble than bliss.

Just as a girl can’t imagine how much of an impact a husband will have on her unless an older woman is very frank with her, so you can’t imagine how that attractive girl you know could impact your life unless someone is very frank with you. Marriage will impact nearly every area of your life. Ready?

1. It will impact your spiritual life. If the girl is not a believer, drop her now. You have no right to yoke yourself with someone who is not a believer, and a responsibility to obey Scripture’s clear and good direction in this (2 Cor. 6:14). Dating is for marriage, not evangelism. Some guys think it’s unkind, or unfair to break up with a girl just because she’s not a Christian. The reality from God’s perspective is that it was unkind and unfair to start the wrong relationship with her in the first place. So are you going to falsely “be nice”, or are you going to be true to her by being obedient to your God? Be honest with her that you have failed in walking in God’s ways, failed in showing that the gospel, new life in communion with Christ, is foundational to Christian marriage–and as such foundational to a dating relationship. Ask godly women in the church to befriend her and to minister God’s Word to her soul. What should you do? Pray. Keep her at arms length. No dates. Stay away without a hint of any promise of anything future, until other mature Christians are convinced that she is genuinely transformed–and not just professing faith for a relationship with you.

If she is a believer, is she growing, or stagnant? Does she love God and commune with him on her own? Is she eager to learn from his Word, or more excited about shopping and friends? Is she by grace faithful to God and you now, or is she promiscuous with her emotions and body towards other men? Will she support and encourage your initiative in leading family worship, or will she hinder it? Is she the type who is going to be up and getting the kids ready for worship on Sunday morning, or will you be struggling to get everyone in the car on time? Few of us men are capable of getting small children fed, dressed, and buckled into car seats by mid-morning without help, though God can grant grace in exceptional circumstances. Just because you are the man, just because you are the leader in the relationship doesn’t mean that you will be able to pull her along in sanctification. She will either be a drag on your holiness, or a catalyst, a sweet encouragement for your personal, spiritual development. That will also be true for any future children.

Think long and hard. Pray. Get counsel from wise men with great marriages.

2. It will impact your service in the church. Is the girl that you’re thinking of excited about your involvement in the local church? Is she going to encourage you to serve the congregation with your gifts, or is she going to complain that you’re not helping her do laundry instead? Is she going to free you up to build up the body of Christ in whatever ways you can, or is she going to make it the last priority? Is she going to be a Priscilla (Acts 18) or a Michal (I Sam. 6:16-20)? If you think that this will be an issue, look elsewhere for a helpmeet – you will have to answer to God for picking a woman who prevents you from serving Christ in his church.

This is especially important to think about if you are considering any sort of formal ministry. Far too many pastors are hindered in their work because of wives who take advantage of flexible work hours and a willingness to help–a characteristic of many ministry-minded men. These wives cripple the church. Their husbands are doing routine laundry instead of hospital visitation, ordinary child care instead of sermon preparation, and pampering their wives instead of shepherding souls. I review a lot of recommendations for students applying to seminaries. Increasingly, good churches realize that not only the student, but also his wife needs to be evaluated in her role as wife and mother. Ordinary, faithful men shine with a steady, loving and wise, supportive wife. While your wife can’t qualify you for pastoral ministry, she can most certainly disqualify you.

Tread carefully.

3. It will impact your reputation. Do you know what your girlfriend says about you to her friends? Her mother? Her facebook and twitter world? My wife was once visiting with a woman who repeatedly belittled her husband, not as an evil man, not as a bad father, but as an inept goof. It was this woman’s habit to talk this way, and it made people disrespect her husband. While it is your responsibility to behave in a respectable way, it is your wife’s responsibility to speak of you in a way that preserves and builds up your reputation, instead of revealing your shortcomings and faults to the world. The Proverbs 31 woman behaved and spoke in a way that enable her husband to trust her fully (v. 11). She did him good, not harm, all the days of her life (v. 12), partly with her words.

That does not mean that a wife should be hiding their husband’s serious patterns of sin from pastors or other people who need to know, but that they must be very careful to speak respectfully wherever possible about their husbands. Will the girl you are with build up your reputation or tear it down? Will she teach the children to respect you, or will your own family think little of you? Will she broadcast every failure that you have, or will she, in love, hide them from the world and help you fight them in private?

What will your wife do for your reputation?

4. It will impact your work life and finances. God created Eve to be a help suitable for Adam – a helpmeet. She is a pattern for all other wives. Is your girlfriend excited about the work you do, or does she not care? Is she able to help you where possible, or does she not want to be involved? The sort of work a wife/helpmeet does depends on her husband’s calling, but it should always be there. We know so many examples: a husband who lays flooring and goes through the knees of his pants has a wife who loves beautiful floors and keeps him supplied with new work clothes. A husband who is an accountant and works long hours every tax season has a wife who keeps dinner hot for him and has the kids in bed when he gets home. A minister who faces spiritual opposition in the congregation has a wife who listens and encourages. A small town doctor has a wife who figures out how to get bodily fluids out of scrubs. And we also know men whose wives hate their work, and frustrate their husbands in their callings. It’s a huge burden to the men, stunting them in their careers and the use of their gifts. Can your girlfriend help you? Does she want to?

What will she do with the money that you earn through your work? Go shopping all the time, or wisely budget? Will she ask your advice about financial decisions, or make big changes without considering you? Will she be reckless with money, or enable you to live within your means? Is she greedy, or eager to give sacrificially to the work of the church? Is she looking for ways to get extra money, or finding ways to bless others in need with what you have?

Think: this relationship has the potential to ruin you or free you.

5. It will impact your other relationships. What does your mother think of your girlfriend? Does she think that this woman will take care of her son? Be a good mother? Does your girlfriend respect your parents? Is she happy to have them as grandparents for your children? Will your girlfriend’s parents dominate your marriage? Will they dictate “advice” or allow you to be the head of your own household? You do have to leave your father and mother and cleave to your wife, but you still need to consider what effect they will have on your marriage, because they will have one, for better or for worse.

What about your male friends and mentors? Will the girl that you have in mind encourage you to be accountable to older godly men, or will she not care, and complain about privacy? Will she suggest that you call up your brother once in a while and see how he’s doing, or will she whine that you’re not spending time with her? Will she be happy on occasion to put the kids to bed alone so you can visit with a friend, or will you not have that opportunity?

Make a wise choice, not a foolish one.

6. It will impact your health. Scripture gives us so many warnings about nagging, pestering, quick tempered wives (Gen. 30:1-2; Prov. 21:9, 19; 25:24). Men married to women like these are willing to live on a roof in order to have some mental peace. Will the girl you are with be careful to not pester and nag, and mentally wear you down, or will she prevent frustration where she can by expressing her opinion and being content with your leadership? Is she going to respect you and tell you so, or will she treat you like one of the kids?

Is she going to encourage you to exercise and prepare decent food for you to help you maintain your physical health? Or will she complain about the time and effort that it takes?

Is she going to be available, within reason, sexually, or will she use her body as a tool of manipulation to get you to do what she wants? Is she going to begrudgingly approach the marriage bed, or will she treat it as a good gift that God has given the two of you to enjoy, as an expression of love and delight?

Heed Scripture’s warnings here.

So how will your girlfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a wife can bless or curse her husband. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. Of course, there is no perfect woman. But there are amazing ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great – I was married late and experienced some blessed years of bachelorhood. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I know men whose careers, families, personal development and even congregations have been destroyed by their wives. It’s heartbreaking and messy, especially for the husband. Don’t be so easy going about your choice of wife that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in a bad situation when it is 100% avoidable. Don’t marry someone who can’t follow your leadership. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love Christ as you seek to love her as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/09/12/guys-it-matters-whom-you-marry-too/

blessings in disguise

2013-04-01T23:04:00.001+08:00

Have you been worried of a certain thing? Or maybe about your family members' safety and health? I guess majority of us did.

Just few weeks ago, just like what i have shared from my previous blogs that my family is in a state of chaos, in deep worry about my mom's health. Then later on, by God's grace and mercy it turns out we have nothing to worry about. The worry feeling was later on replaced with gladness, seeing, hearing and knowing how my dad loves my mom.

My mom's so called sickness turns out to be the most awaited moment, for the family to know and for my dad to realize how much he loves mom and how much he don't want to lose her. From that incident on, my dad would always think of my mom and would show compassion to her, things he didn't do before to her.

Sometimes, the things we thought are troubles, could also be a blessings in disguise in our lives.

HOME is spelled UECM

2013-03-31T17:31:00.001+08:00

What is a home church?
The internet defines it as a place where a group of Christians meet and worship together, friend of mine defines it as place where he is comfortable to go to and listen to sermons. Me on the other hand, defines it as UECM.

During my teenage years in YGC, I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior through a mentor, who is now a pastor. I accepted, but my spiritual life didn’t grow from there. I attend Bible studies, asked questions and had more and more ideas who Christ is. But I didn’t pursue living a life like Christ did. I went from one church to another, through invites of friends who attend other churches, I enjoyed the camps and fellowships with friends; however eventually led me to back-slide.

When I reached the age of 22, I started to feel the emptiness inside. Being incomplete despite of all the achievements, I started to hunger for God’s words. That time, I knew, I needed GOD in my life and I needed a home church. I resigned from my work, and started to seek for a church. I prayed so hard for GOD to lead me. Then I start to church hopping every day-literally. I attended catholic churches from Monday to Sunday, because I felt so shy to go back to a Christian church after being gone for some time.

After a month of church hopping, one Friday afternoon, I met 3 of my good friends namely Claudette, Ryan Ching and CCK, in one unexpected occasion. Right there and then they invited me to attend the Friday Young-Pro fellowship of UECM, but I refused, so they invited me to attend the Sunday worship instead. I said “okey,Yes to the Sunday worship”. When I got home, I prayed about it. Even so,since I gave my words, I just went.

It was January 21, 2007 the first time I attended UECM. That day, I knew I am home. Thank GOD. Since then, I didn’t have to church hop everyday anymore, I never left, and year after years I grew with my spiritual walk, then eventually started serving.

In every home, we encountered problems and issues, but it is not a reason to leave home. As we mature, we should see it as a reason to pray and seek His wisdom more. You and I are sinners saved by grace, part of the body of home, we are family. I don’t know if I’ll ever leave UECM, only GOD knows! What’s important right now is that my relationship with GOD is established here.

How about you, have you found your home church? Or do you know someone who needs a home church?
Lets start inviting them home…

Taming my tongue

2013-03-23T23:33:00.001+08:00

he crushed me

2013-03-18T10:20:00.001+08:00

Its almost 3 weeks now, when a friend of mine treats me colder and colder…. from the beginning, I can sense that there is something wrong…

He started acting like not of a friend…he refuse to reply with my text messages… for 2 weeks I tried not to make a move to ask, but i cant help it, so i did, i asked him last Saturday… I thought his text message was a good reply, but it was not, he said it himself.

2 weeks ago I felt he don’t want me to ride his car… bec. I asked him if ill bring a car, or not, normally he will reply, but he did not.

It just so happened that the past 2 weeks, im really struggling with many issues, I needed a friend, just a friend..with all the problems.but he was never there, or should i say he refused to be there, I kept texting him because I needed him, but he never replied.If he replies, very limited. And very late. Always telling me im busy.

Yesterday, we talked, part we planned to meet to help me with my speech, but i insisted for a talk, I heard the words I fear to hear..For all he said, i can just summarized it to this…. I don’t love you mj, so pls give me a break!

But I never asked him to love me, I only asked him to be my friend..
he told me that he will help me with my speech.. he said he had no schedule that day and he can help me with it. By 4pm he changed his words, He will only be available up to 6pm… he will have a date, no words from me..
Before that, when we're on the way to drink milk tea, I asked him if he likes to share umbrella with me, he refused.

And on the way, in my heart I know, I like to treat him for a milk tea, i know he knew that that because i told him earlier, but as we arrive the tea shop, he immediately bought one for himself.

Then by 530pm, when we're already in a friend's house, he changed his plan.. of leaving 6pm.. he said, the speech is more important so he decide to stay, and not leave at all.

Then when we’re about to eat dinner, he told one of our friend that he will ride his car, the usual is, he rides my car. I felt so strange and so bad. Even our friends can tell there is something wrong, I know he sensed it that I'm not feeling good anymore, so he asked where i am passing by, tho he knows where, the he decided to ride my car.
It was ery painful, as a friend, I know he has someone else, that he loves someone else, I never intervened and instead supported him… but why did he act the way he acted? He acted as if he is not my friend. I didn’t asked him to love me as a lover, for I know who I am in his life, I only asked him to love me as a friend… but he acted like an enemy to me. So painful.
I love him as a friend, just a friend, but he misunderstood it…

tough week, tough love

2013-03-13T22:13:00.001+08:00

This week has really been a though week, 1^st my shoti left for Singapore, informing the whole family 5 days before departure. One thing that my dad told my shoti that makes me glad is when he told him that if he finds it hard there he could always go back home, what a father words, never did I heard such a care from my dad. The moment my shoti left, all I felt from my mom that shoti is the only child he have, that she has forgotten about me and shobe. It was hurtful, but im trying to understand, and that time she feels terribly sick, so she is so depressed at the same time. Her depression is causing her to make unreasonable decisions in life. she told me, and letting me know her plans of adopting a far relative, so that she will be able to help and have a companion, yes! Its not bad to help, but the responsibility of sending her to school at the same time the expense or having her is big burden for my part. I told them I can’t, but they seem blinded by the situation, her deceased, because they all thought she might have cancer. So they are like pressuring me and of course conflict arise the family for the past days. They can’t understand how I see things that I cant say yes to the responsibility because I am the one providing, so I know, I know I can’t and would be hard for me to provide, to hire a maid is okey, but to adopt someone is not okey that’s a very 2 big different thing. Then ofcorse I would like to open up to my 2 trusted friends, but they are both busy, yeah quiet hurting too. But I have no choice but stick to GOD, and realize that HE alone can give me comfort, strength and trust that I need. I move on in life, knowing I have GOD with me, life seems heavy, but since GOD is there HE provides people who will help pray with me, there goes these 2 sets of couples that by HIS grace and way HE provided and accidentally meant to met me in this times. Ofcourse GOD also provides me wisdom to handle the situation, first I almost fail how to handle it, I almost breakdown, but then as I pray and asked HIM to save me from this, HE did. My dad was crying over my mom’s health, the very first time I knew and saw my dad cried for my mom, he don’t want to see my mom suffer from the sickness we thought (cancer), he is so uneasy, full of worry and very troubled, it was a blessing in away, because I felt happy knowing that my dad loves my dad so much. Then came this day, my mom is cancer free. No cancer at all, very normal, it just happened she encountered an amature doctor, oh well still thank GOD that there’s this I know very experienced doctor to check my mom. And now, not that our troubles are over; I am also blessed with sale. Hehe indeed GOD is good if we will just stand firm with our faith.

M.A. is a girl...

2013-03-06T23:10:00.001+08:00

M.A. is a girl...
at first she tries to be close to me..
i questioned...
maybe.. maybe.. maybe..
then she seems nice, friendly and happy...
so i stopped doubting..
i liked her...
i wanted her to be my friend..
treated her like a sister...
one day, a group text which i 1st requested her to send,
then later on asked her not to send,
was sent...
i questioned...
i tried not to doubt...
the next day ,
she invited me to attend a food fair with her..
then told her ill not use my car..
"let ride the LRT i say"..
the day itself, when i was calling her,
she didn't answer..
that time, i started to ques her again...
then thoughts of her words came to my mind,
"achi mj is influencial, successful, well- known,"
i cannot stopped myself from questioning her..
she talks at the back of other people,
she talks about her friends,
as they say,
be careful with a person who talks behind her friends..
she will talk about you too..
then she speak and blame others for being irresponsible..
that stopped me.
I need to pray and discern for the friendship.

Singapore

2013-03-06T22:58:00.001+08:00

last thursday, i heard a news, news that saddens my heart, my brother is leaving for another country, to find for his path, a new life for him, a new hope for him.

at first i was so surprised, he informed the family 5 days before his flight, that's so sudden, but that decision is clear, clear enough for the family not to stop him for what he wants to do. the first day, i find it unfair, so selfish, why so sudden i asked my self, i felt sad, missing him already even if he is still here, the prayed to GOD that since i cannot do anything about it, and i cannot be emotional, it wont help, so i prayed and entrusted everything in HIS hands, i may not be present in my brother's life there, but i believe in the power of GOD that he will protect and guide my shoti. after that in my heart i know i have let go of my little grown up brother, no worries at all. just full hope that he will find what he is looking for in life. I am happy, where he will be happy. so then and there i decided to have the coming sunday going out as a family. but it didnt happened, we ended up eating as a whole family here at house :)

last monday and tuesday, we just spent the night as one of our last normal , used to be family, we enjoyed the night. just so us, family. I thought it like my brother is just getting married, heading to a new life. reality bites, this is his break, and as a sister i should be happy for him, support him more and pray for him more, not stopped him. and accept reality that life is like this, we all have to move on, we all have to get out of our comfort zones and go on with our lives. I believe that GOD hears my prayer, he will protect my brother, and that leaves me nothing to worry about.

other half

2013-02-26T19:24:00.000+08:00

everyone is different to one another, and we only need to find the other half who will understand our differences.

If I have hurt them?

2013-02-26T19:07:00.001+08:00

If I have hurt J**** last month, i didn't mean it... I only want him to go back attending toastmasters, i want him to be responsible, but he took it negatively, he got mad at me.

I f I have hurt A***** of his lunch treat last month... I have apologize. I am so stressed that time.

If I have hurt A*****, J****, K**** and K** with regards of the drinks, it is not my intention.

If I have hurt H****** regarding the text, a very strong text that says "I clearly indicate that I am not good in English" that meant that the time he mocked me, it is in appropriate. I shared to him my achievements because he is close to me, just be happy for me.

If I have hurt R***** last year for deleting my face photo on his camera, i asked for forgiveness and if he took me negatively, all this time, i think he have problem not me.

If A** got a problem with me regarding my post about friends last week, i think she have a problem not me. maybe she is guilty for not treating me one.

I can only, forgive myself if they don't forgive me, so that I can move on. GOD knows i didn't want to hurt them, but they were. i cannot dwell on my mistake. I can only move on and forgive myself for GOD has forgiven me. GOD knows my heart, I am true and pure. I may sin by mistake, but I don't take revenge and I don't talk at them at the back. I consider them friends, even if they don't to me.

worst of me

2013-02-26T18:04:00.001+08:00

it is a habit of me to show all my negative side, the worst of me, actually circumstance allowed me too.
it is where i will know that I will be loved and accepted at my worst, so that I will know who I will be worth it for me to show love too.
sometimes we give love, but people just take it for granted, and it all comes to waste.
I am not perfect, they are too.. we are all alike, sinner. but what's my difference between me and them, I always show my real self. never a time that I am plastic.
People may love me, if I am quiet, but that's not me. I am straight and open.
I'd rather be not love for who I am , than be loved for what I am not.

Jehu

2013-02-26T16:57:00.001+08:00

in the Bible 2 King chapter 9 and 10

the storey of Jehu, as I was reading the passage, I was so shocked of how he killed, he is a real murderer, he killed alot and ambush alot. but the LORD GOD of Israel blesses him, because HE kills the Ahab and all his household and followers, also Jezebel and all the worshipper of Baal.

I just find Jehu cruel, but... since GOD blesses him upto his 4th generations, so I am trying my best to see him as good, since GOD said so. ^^,

Unbroken

2013-02-20T12:14:00.000+08:00

parents

2013-01-17T13:15:00.002+08:00

Fact: GOD will never leave us and forsake us.

in this world, with the humans (the finite):
our parents will not leave us nor forsake us.

sabi nga nila: "ang asawa, boyfriend at kaibigan napapalitan ang magulang hindi."

our parents gave us this life we have now. so love them, honor them, respect them...

don't show your love to them when they are dead, they won't know it, show them while they are still alive... so that we will have no regrets ^_^

Save the last dance for me

2013-01-01T10:03:00.002+08:00

i haven't met you yet

2012-12-31T13:11:00.000+08:00

how to break a heart

2012-12-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

how to break a heart

2012-12-21T12:35:00.002+08:00

even her can't answer...

2012-12-18T12:14:00.003+08:00

i texted my best friend...
i told her i am sad..
she asked why...
i answered... she didn't reply.. i know she don't know what to say..

i opened to GOD my emotions... my sadness... and HE alone comforts me.

I told them, that i felt sad
i felt all alone...
i know in my heart i am ready... but still GOD refuse to give me...
i am blessed with many things i didn't asked for...
and i truly thank GOD about it..
i told them i accept what GOD has given me...
and be contented with it..
but to be sad is one thing i cannot control.. but pray over...

i know i need to have faith..
indeed i have faith, that is why i am thankful still..

I told my best friend that i know I am ready,
i want to get married and have my own family..
its my long prayer but GOD haven't answered..

i told them... i am always with many people..
i am always on the spot light...
i am always in the happenings..
but still i feel alone...

many non believer and believer are after me..
for the non believer they are truly aggressive...
but of course the answer is automatic NO..
for the believers...
who is still have the chance... not counted those who are already rejected... (even if they still wait and pursue...)
they would just come and get to know me...
but none really courted me...
i always got the sense that they are so afraid to be rejected...
felt like they are just fooling around with me...
feels sad...
feels like many admires me...
but none of them would want to take me home to be their wife..

whatever....

2012-12-14T11:37:00.001+08:00

whatever GOD give me, I will accept gladly..
it could be something happy or painful..
im no sure...
but one thing I am sure of...
GOD is with me...
and whatever happens...
HE is still my GOD...
that HE have a purpose, reason..
that HE knows what HE is doing..
and what HE does is the best...

happiness could last,
but should be guided by GOD still..
pain may last,
but should looked upto GOD still.

I will be still and know that HE is GOD... :)
do what is right,
do what is good,
good v.s. evil...
chose to be good...

may GOD my Lord, forgives my sins..
I am a sinner..
truly ...
but I know I am human,
and I will be forgiven over and over,
once I asked for forgiveness...

"When A Woman Loves A Man"

2012-12-10T17:21:00.001+08:00

"When A Woman Loves A Man"

When the stars are in her eyes
And the sun is in her smile
The only moment in a life
That happens the same time
Is when a woman loves a man

She'll be a mother and a child
Sacrifice her days and nights
And no other will exsist
She'll put her life in every kiss
When a woman loves a man

And you'll be amazed at when you're stumbling
She'll fight for you
And won't let you give in
She'll do all that she can
When a woman loves a man

A soothing breeze always blows
Somebody understands another soul
It's like the planets have aligned
Every sentence has a rhyme
When a woman loves a man

Oh, you'll be amazed how when
You're needing it
She'll fight for you
From the begining to the end
And she'll do all that she can
When a woman loves a man

It's the greatest gift of all
Knowing tht unconditionally
She'll catch you when you fall

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oooohh, yeah
When a woman loves a man

When the stars are in her eyes
And the sun is in her smile
She'll be a mother and a child
But all at the same time
When a woman loves a man

She'll be your air,
She'll bring you life
She'll make me sacrifice
When a woman loves a man