I was Thinking, or Not

Dim Jump Thumb

2025-06-04T08:26:00.002-04:00

Dim Jump Thumb

Tiny man with tiny plans

Where are you going to run to

When the game comes to an end

What will you do then tiny man

Gilded cage

Set the stage

Justice waits

Outside the door

All the power in the world

Will not save you from yourself

Bleeding from your brain

You can not keep your lies straight

When it ends as it always does

Will you pay the piper appropriately

Or will you take the coward’s way

Perhaps sooner than you anticipate

Given all that you have set to play

Time is closing in on your game

Pink Ladies in pink champagne

Is a quiet way out of this nightmare

Carry The Day Over

2025-06-03T12:55:00.001-04:00

Carry The Day Over

The way back to the places I’ve been

Is so littered with the trash I’ve tried hard to forget

There is no home to find my ground

When it is all washed away in the coming flood

Time ticks away like a grist mill

Churning my bones to coarse dust

Leaving me with only the memories

Of what might have been and never was

I would give a thousand tomorrows

For one moment more with you

A peace that I will never again feel

Is all that I can want for you anymore

What remains of the future is ours to take

We will fly on that westward wind one day

Through the purple skies into the azure skies

Where the dreams are particular and succinct

All those past that have passed before

Are gone and dried up wet scenes

I am still standing by the door

Holding onto the handle when you come on through

Jun 3, 2025

More Than Enough to Do

2025-04-28T09:11:00.001-04:00

From the Farm

More Than Enough to Do

Time has come to do the things that need being done

The gardens wet and untilled await my work

And the chickens must be moved to their summer grazing

There is so much that needs to be done

And the weather is not cooperative yet

It is warm and pleasant today

And we may have a tornado tomorrow

So much is left undone yet

No barn built, no pastures fenced in

No new coop, no hutch fixed

I am so far behind, no getting ahead

If only I had more of me to go around

One to fix the inside things

One to prettify the front yard

And at least one to tend the gardens

I would still be behind on too much

I would still not get to the grass out back

I would still not get to the shed clean outs

I would still have more than enough to do

From the Dead

2025-04-18T08:11:00.004-04:00

From the Dead

I surround myself in death

To feel like I’m still living

Though it is but one breath

That divides the living

From the dead

Bloody Margarita

2025-04-14T09:02:00.001-04:00

Bloody Margarita

They all beg for mercy

I give them no quarter

As pretty as they may be

They hold no interest to me

A moments entertainment

Nothing more, nothing less

Just a passing phase

A brief interlude they say

Silence is all that I ask

Kept them quiet in a box

They never seem to stay

All of them must go away

Vodka mixed with the blood

A bloody Mary or was it Tim

Too soon they all coagulate

There is not enough in one

Death’s Bloody Drum

2025-04-12T09:19:00.001-04:00

Death’s Bloody Drum

This is a work in progress. Most of the pieces are all raw unedited and still will need some work to finish them properly. No one cares, I know that, but there it is anyway. I have no date for release, but the drafts are here, there and everywhere, just waiting to be polished and packaged and put up for sale, someday.

Another Jane

2025-04-12T09:12:00.003-04:00

Another Jane

I am on the bus to nowhere

And she slips in beside me

Her lithe frame barely there

Her dress is tattered and torn

She tries to smile

Her sadness remains

No I don’t know her name

Just another lost soul

She gets off at the next stop

Shuffles along the aisle

The driver seems annoyed

I step up and pay her fare

I sit back in my seat

Watching her disappear

I think of her sometimes

When I feel I’ve had enough

When life gets me down

When if seems a waste

I think of her half smile

The sadness contained

Never seen her again

Likely dead in some alleyway

Buried in a potter's grave

Another nameless Jane

Art of Blood Sports

2025-04-11T13:55:00.004-04:00

Art of Blood Sports

Never served, too many already eating that grit

My daddy was a nurse, general’s aide forever PFC

Found out later, he really was a dandy man

Made no difference to me, I didn’t score that play

Knew too many that ate blood guts and gore

Smiled with rotted teeth, scars that do not heal

Smell of cheap whiskey with cloudy eyes

Streets are full of the forgotten heroes dying alone

I’ve known my own hell too

Though self constructed

Just as real to me you see

As age has taken most of my capacity

Them are all gone

Time is not kind

The wheel grinds

Their memories fade

And still old fat bastards play games

Churn the milk of human kindness

Not sweet cream butter for bread

But rotting bodies on the killing fields

Pass by Me

2025-04-11T09:27:00.004-04:00

Pass by Me

Why am I still here

Just a battered ram

Battered to the bone

Converted to a mule

Not a very good one at that

With a sway back

Hobbled legs and matted mane

Still I force myself to remain

To try to achieve anything

While I watch death dance

I wonder why she passes me by

The Whole

2025-04-10T12:04:00.002-04:00

The Whole

I am digging a hole in the ground

Where I can lay my body down

So, I do not have to deal

With the grinding of the wheel

And everything dying around me

For there is no more left in me

No more tears to cry

No more to care for

Just an empty haul

That is no longer whole

41025

Maybe on The Train

2025-04-10T07:52:00.004-04:00

Network, network, network, that is what they tell me. I am so far away from that anymore. Just trying to get through the day.

Morning comes much too early, and my work begins with sorting out the animals. Feed the rabbits and the chickens, make sure their water is still clean, Then I try to do some housework, it is all so overwhelming I just want to throw it all out, start over again.

We have chicks, but the numbers are so disheartening. Just four out of 18 eggs hatching, not really good results, but I guess that says all there is to say about me.

I will have to work harder. I will have to keep going. Day after day, as I feel the death all around me.

I don't even know what I am saying anymore. I've gotten off the train, but my thoughts are still sailing.

Another Farm Blog

2022-07-09T07:45:00.002-04:00

I am starting a new farm blog, just do not have a name for it. I also hate typing on this keyboard.

So, soon, a new blog, as soon as I fix the keyboard issue.

Peace,

A Sideboard Parasol

2021-12-06T12:23:00.002-05:00

A Sideboard Parasol

Never fear the written works

That is where I work out my quirks

In my head thoughts lead to death

So I free them to clear my plate

Therefore what is written here

Or likely written anywhere

Is just the ramblings of my fears

Unpronounced and internal fragments

Where fetid thoughts pass through

Try their best to confuse and obfuscate

But I am a smarter man, theses days

I’ve learned to use my struggles

It does not matter truth in here

Deep within this eternal abyss

It is swirling waves of fear and dread

Clogging up my mental capacity.

No matter what is reality,

The sun the moon, eternity

All of this I have seen

And there is no coming back,

From that.

Dec 6, 2021

James E. Doud

Dogs in a Box

2021-12-05T11:58:00.000-05:00

Dogs in a Box

The dogs, the dogs,

They live in a box,

Where they are fed.

The dogs, the dogs,

They beg, they beg,

To go, to go outside.

Outside, outside

Where they run away,

In their heads, they run.

They run, they run, away,

Tethered to their box.

Inside, inside, inside their box,

They sleep, they eat, and dream.

Inside the box, they are running free,

In their heads they are running free.

One day they will get away,

One day they will run free.

One day they will run through fields.

And I will put them in their box.

One last time.

Dec 5, 2021

James E. Doud

Pouring Ginger Beer into a Glass

2020-11-04T14:26:00.000-05:00

Here I am pouring Ginger Beer I made into a Glass. It is not a very exciting video, but the content of the bottle is more important to me than the video of it going into a glass. This was a twenty (20) day ferment, with about three days in the bottle. It has been charged with my own mix of ginger and 10X sugar, and left for three days. The first day, I tried some, it was very rough. Today, I can honestly say that it is much smoother, and I think if I were to ramp this up a bit, to about 3 gallons (7 liters) I could age some of this in a wine bottle for about 6 or 8 weeks and see if it gets much smoother by then.

I really think if I could start using a barley based mix it would come out with much more body, and about the same ABV. I can't say what this is, but probably close to 3-4% ABV like a cheap wine. That is what I got from it right off, is that it tasted like a cheap box wine. Now it has mellowed a little, and has more of a ginger beer flavor.

Now it would be really good for mixing with Vodka and a little mint, to make an excellent Mosco Mule.

As it is, it is about the right place for just drinking it, and not getting that hard alcohol hit from the nose to the tail. Now there is just a slight hint that it is not just a fizzy bubbly drink.

Campaign Site Comparison 2020

2020-10-08T11:48:00.002-04:00

Upon first opening the campaign websites I can say this much, the Trump site is about Trump and only him, the Biden site indicates that it is aware I am from NY State and it is a cleaner more upbeat presentation.

However neither one of them have any real answers to policy issues up front. They are both just asking for donations, and you have to dig for data.

This is a mistake, they both are reading my cookie data, both have access to marketing data, and neither one of them are making use of it properly. If they really want to swing voters, they really need to utilize the technology to really target the voter, by targeting their campaign sites appropriately to the user.

Just from my IP address they should at least know that I am from upstate NY, as my IP pings as Spectrum from Syracuse, NY. They should know I am a spectrum customer, as well. My location should at least reveal a few issues that would be important to me. If they continue further into the data available from my cookie data, they would know a lot more, and I know they look at that data, they apparently just do not know how to use it properly.

Nothing on either site provides a clear and concise direction out of Covid-19, out of our current economic condition, through various global issues, or for that matter any other issue, and certainly not health-care or cannabis regulations.

As far as I can see, it is business as usual, from either camp, and neither one will give a straight answer, because as I said before, they are suckled from the same teat.

Enough of This Web

2020-04-22T10:26:00.000-04:00

I think I have come to the point where the web is no longer useful to me. If I go to a page and it pops up their fucking "look at me" shit, or anything else, or they run those fucking video ads, I am done with it. This is limiting my experience on the web, to the point where I do not think I will be on the web for much longer.

Everything is all about the fucking mobile shit, really, I do not own a fucking phone, and likely never will again, at least until they really are smart phones, and figure out a better interface than this fucking touch shit.

Apparently going to school was a waste of time, because all that learning words and shit, I could have just stayed with the pictures of a child, and learned nothing about words, because apparently words are highly overrated.

I really think I have had enough of this world, it is rather pathetic, and the generations that are coming along are going to be so fucking stupid I will not be able to tolerate the dumbfucks. Hey , if you want to put up with all this shit, be my guest, I am done with it.

Fuck This Cheese

2020-04-22T09:40:00.001-04:00

First off, why the fuck do these fuckers have to keep ucking with this shit, really pick a fucking look and stay with it. Every fucking time I go to use this fucking thing they have changed it, so I have to figure out where everything is again. Stop fucking with shit. I think the problem is these fucking software people are to bored so they keep fucking with the shit, instead of finding something else to do. This is never a problem in the manual labor world, because they are way to busy and work too hard, to worry about making shit look different all the time.

So yea, what I really came here for is to say that I am never going to be a cheese maker, and I do not believe that anyone would have ever made cheese if it required you to stand there stirring the fucking shit for almost an hour. These fucking idiots that write this shit now days are so full of themselves and so full of shit, there is no way people who had few hundred other things to do, sat around stirring milk for nearly an hour. I just do not have the patients for this shit.

After All This

2020-03-24T15:10:00.003-04:00

Part 1

Upon a hill we may rise, to see the devastation that below us lies. After the sun set upon this civilisation, what remains is the remnants of the humans and the rise of what comes after. There are always echoes of the before, after the next wave comes. We thought all too much of ourselves. That was our short sightedness. I shall not claim glory, for what remains is often only the worried and tired, waiting for the inevitable end.

Part 2

Slit her wrist to see the blood. She sighs, it is better to see the in without, than to let the out in. It runs down her arm, thick and warm, not like blood at all, but more congealed. The light is dim, yet it reflects off the crimson trail on her arm.

It takes very little time for the pills to work. Combined with the alcohol it speeds the suppression to the brain, which slows the respiration. One breath labors to be known, the next may be the last or perhaps two more. She attempts to lift her hand, it no longer responds, or it does so slowly as to not matter that it does.

The light dims, her eyes cease to be of any use. They were never really all that good to begin with. Just another sip, but it can not be taken, for there is nothing but stillness from the machine that once held hostage her being.

Hollow is the sounds that she hears, the wail of a siren. Far, too far to do her any good. They come just the same, all decked out in whites, to prove their purity. One more breath struggles to be had, the rest is darkness. Even as her heart forgets to pump, even as the sound of voices frantic to dispel this course of action begin to fade. She smiles a small inward smile, that never reaches her cooling lips.

Too late to save her from herself. They lose, she wins. A minute victory, she will soon learn.

Part 3

“Pleased with yourself” he asks?

“Not really, disappointed more than anything” she says.

“Ah, so not what you were expecting, hmm” he says.

“Nothing like the stories, well, except the emptiness, that is definitely something I heard about” she says.

“You can not fill a full cup, just as you can not drink from an empty one” he says.

“So, is Schrodinger’s cat around here somewhere” she asks?

“And a sense of humor, how dull” he says.

“And you are” she asks?

“No one, just a traveler like yourself, though I have perhaps walked these paths more often, that is all” he says.

“Now you are dull, thank you, goodbye” she says, as she walks away.

The trees seem the same, only not the same, more ancient, is the best description. Something else, there is no sense of time, like whatever happens, it is all at once. Now, then, next, terms that hold no weight in this hollow hold. Another thing, the air seems still, stale, stagnant almost. Something like holding your breath, indefinitely.

Part 4

When the dust has settled down, and nothing left is what it was, can the creature that now comes, survive? Will it find this inhospitable world just too much to digest?

Part 5

As she strutted through the trees, into the bright light of day, knowing nothing of the haze, she found no air disturbed. The dust settled immediately. Her curiosity peaked, she followed the trail upon which she tread. No prints were left behind, just as strange no markings of previous passing marred the track.

What sloth had created this path, meticulous in design, as to lead away, leaving nothing in its wake. Dusk had come as she trudged, the endless grasses and flora not unfamiliar, yet somehow less distinct in its sameness. It was pitch before she found a crossroads. There she stood, not sure which direction she should choose.

Of the three that presented there, none were more significant than the last. She peered through the darkened alleyways, a moonless light presented no wealth of gain in any choice to be made.

Out of Here

2020-03-12T13:09:00.000-04:00

Thank you, and good night. I am done, you idiots are just too fucking stupid to even realize you do not know how to wipe your own asses. Sit in your shit and call it roses, fucking idiots.

Fuck Off
JD

You Are All Fucking Peasants as far as I can see

2020-03-12T13:03:00.001-04:00

Peasants are fucking stupid, and should not have the means to enter any part of the political process. These fucking retards that think breaking up Google is good for the company should look at the break up of Standard Oil, Bell Telephone, and those are just the big ones. Sure it might have seemed like a good idea at the time, and the workers thought they were going to get bonuses for being behind the break up, but all they actually got was unemployment checks. Look it up, you pictury fucktards. This is where the big tech companies made their mistakes. Peasants have to be miserable, if they are not mistreated, oppressed, and miserable, they will seek out a way to correct that issue, usually at the cost of those of us that are trying to get through this charade they call life, with relative peace.

I am out of this shit, you fucking people are far too sucking stupid to even save yourselves from your own ignorance. I am not talking about breaking up Google, or any other tech company, or any thing like that. I am talking about the shortsightedness, lack of vision, entitlement, and willful ignorance of these idiots that think they will get free blowjobs and spit shined shoes from anyone else but Google. Fucking idiots, all of you, deserve the government, and society you deserve.

Bernie Sanders has never been anything but a communist, hippy, want-to-be (the correct way to write "wannabe") with quite likely the worst math computation skills of any former wharf rat I have ever seen. He needs to stop taking acid and thinking that all the good ideas he comes up with when he is tripping his balls off, that they will work in this world. Fucking idiot.

Donald Trump, a fucking idiot that believes he is still on TV, and emulates characters like Tony Montana, and the early mafia gangsters. Not the reality of the mafia, that his father dealt with, but the Hollywood version that he watched on TV and theater screens.

Joe Bidden, one of the good ole' boys, or so he would like you to think, but just another political stooge, trying to convince you he is both centrist, and for the workers. He is none of them, and only his connection to Washington gives him any notoriety or he would just be another political junkie trying to get his knob polished by the peasants who should not even be involved in politics in the first place.

Well there is your front runners in the dog and pony show, and let us hope the peasants win this one, because I was getting damn sick of the bull market, and opportunity for everyone. It will be so much better when everyone is miserable, out of work, and standing on the soup lines, because maybe then they will be able to see beyond their own willful ignorance and stupidity.

Fuck You All
JD

From The Land Of Lost URL's

2020-01-06T12:25:00.002-05:00

I am back from the land of lost URL's, and I do not believe I will be going there again. This whole maintaining a URL is just too much to think about, and since I do not earn anything from the blog, why pay an additional 1.00 a month to just post a bunch of shit no one is going to read anyway.

Peace Out
JD

Can You See 2020 From Here

2019-04-26T07:20:00.001-04:00

Hey, let us all take an interest in this election, won't that be a hoot. I'm just looking into the Democratic front runners, but I will be looking at them and others for a while.

Let's hang out and see what tomorrow brings

In the first feel, Biden vs Sanders, it is a east coast vs west coast your of thing. They are both neocon Democrats with liberal tendencies. I think, just napkin thinking here, that Biden could have the edge, but Sanders has the cleaner past. They are not old boy southern Dems, or dyed in the wool blue bloods, or even staunch conservative whip politicians either, so what the hell are they.

Shall we dig a little deeper and find out? Of course we should, and the rest of the political scene. I am going to avoid the politics of the Republicans for now, it is just too volitile to touch right at the moment, even for me.

And one other thing, I am now looking at the markets again, so yea, that might skip into my account as well, just saying.

Peace
JD

Talentless

2019-01-14T09:47:00.001-05:00

At some point you come to realize that most your life was spent thinking you were creative, and the truth was hidden because the people you count on to be honest are not. If there is anything I learned from all these years wasted, it is that you can not trust the judgement of anyone, they all have their reasons to lie.

At least I can still do manual labor, but even that is rather outdated as the age of mechanism is upon us. The more I think about it, the more I wonder why did I waste so much time, when I could have been such a good ditch digger. Now there is nothing but waiting for whatever happens when I have no purpose. I do not think I care enough to wonder too much.

Peace
JD

Elderscrolls VI

2019-01-13T08:49:00.001-05:00

Bethesda must be under a lot of pressure to release the Elderscolls 6, especially after the debacle that Fallout 76, is and Fallout 4 was. They have been so focused on trying to make some type of micro-transaction system work, that they lost track of the goal of just make great games.

With the cash they had they should have bought a couple of the mid grade developers from the app world, and then they could have gotten on the app train. It is too late for that now, and they just do not have the in-house talent to get it done it seems.

So that leaves them with little option but to get back to the work they know they can do, making great games. At least that is the thought of a reasonable person. The trouble is the people that are at the top of the industry are not and have never been gamers. They just do not have a handle on what makes a great game. All they understand is charts of profit and loss. They see other companies making money from apps, so they want to make that money. They see mmo's and how much they make, and want to do that. They are not those other companies, and they can not do what the other companies do, but they haven't figured that out yet.

Now I am not against the mmo, no I play them sometimes too. The trouble is, if you are unable to make a decent mmo, no name will make it better. They tried, ESO did not work, FO76 did not work, they have not successfully built a mmo that worked. They need to come out with a game that is true to what they do, just to prove they are not out of the gaming business. For instance when will the next Sims be coming out? Not soon if ever, that brand is mostly dead, to complex and does not port into the console and app world well enough for the developer.

All the AAA developers seem to have started to fade, while indie developers sweep in to take their place. This happened before, it will likely happen again. Atarri is gone, except in name only. Most of the big names in games from the early days are gone. They were eclipsed by game studios like Bethesda when it first started to develope games.

Can Bethesda reinvent itself by going back to what they do best, make great games? If they came out strong with Elderscolls VI, without the issues of the previous title, and a great port to console not the other way around, they just might redeem themselves.

It remains to be seen if they can get out of their groin long enough to see the crown.

Peace
JD