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Cheltenham Festival 2012 - Racing Preview

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 14:24:00 +0000

By Dan Morris

A quarter of a million visitors, half a billion pounds gambled, half a million pints of larger consumed. The pinnacle in jumps racing - The Cheltenham Festival.

As bookies brace themselves for record pay-outs punters the world over will be getting caught up in the romance and the magic of the festival.

Over the last week I've spent considerable time looking over the cards and reading the form lines on most of this years races and have tried to come up with a portfolio of bets that should see a profit come Friday.

The only real question on everyone's lips, as four of the biggest names in jumps racing prepare to defend their titles and regain their crowns; they couldn't all win, could they?

Top trainer

Willie Mullins 11/10

It is nice to have an interest in most, if not all, of the race at Cheltenham but that is a sure fire way to the poor house. The top trainer market can offer some value and provide that sustainable interest across the entire four days.

While backing Willie Mullins is not going to make you rich quick, I think he has to be a strong fancy to come out on top at this years festival.

With a runner in all most every single race you are going to have something on your side, many of which have outstanding chances - non more so the the great Hurricane Fly.

Day 1 – Tuesday March, 13

William Hill Supreme Novices' Hurdle (Grade 1) 2m 110y

Steps to Freedom 5/1

The curtain raiser to the festival is one of the highlights of the racing calendar. The last three years it has been first blood to the bookmakers with the last three hot favourites getting stuffed.

This year it's a wide open contest but for me Steps to Freedom is of real interest. He comes into this race off the back of a very impressive bumper win at Aintree. This is a horse that is unbeaten over hurdles and has won in group class on the flat. He has won at Cheltenham and has done so on ground that was possibly a bit too soft for him on that day.

Steps to Freedom has beaten a number of class horses, most notable Prospect Wells. His gallop work has been impressive working alongside the like of Oscars Well and beating them easily. Doubts are raised over its recent absence – as much as 100 days – but his past form is enough for me to take a chance with what could be a well laid out horse by a very astute trainer.

Tetlami – 16/1 EW

Nicky Henderson has not had a Supreme Novices' winner for 20 years but I think Tetlami has a fantastic chance of a place here. He won five of his seven starts and is an unbeaten two from two over hurdles - both defeats coming on ground slightly too quick for him.

What I have been most impressed with is his ability to finish a race - he travels well throughout his races on the whole, but it was the way he quickened up the stiff hilled finishes in Cheltenham's NHF (Listed) race at the January meeting in 2010 and on his hurdles debut at Sandown in December, on the back of an eight month lay off. He was just hitting the front at the last in Sandown before he strongly dispatched of odds on shot Knight Pass and second favourite Black Thunder, both winners next time out.

He was equally as impressive over a sharp two miles at Kempton's Christmas Hurdle meeting, doing all his best work at the finish, suggesting a stiffer test was in order. He has since ran, and won easily, in a "Jumpers Bumper" on Kempton's all-weather track to keep him sharp for the big day.

Racing Post Arkle Chase (Grade 1) 2m

Sprinter Sacre – 5/4

This is not the most exciting of selections but Cheltenham is about picking winners and this is a horse who I watched set a course record in a well contested group one victory at Newbury – on the bridle.

Sprinter Sacre has the potential to be one of the most exciting novices of all time and has done everything that has been asked of him. Running in the The Stan James Supreme Novices Hurdle at Cheltenham last year he ran the best race he has ever ran but given his size and scope of the horse he was never going to make a competitive hurdler. He has an incredible engine and ample pace, if it is one thing that will win him this race it will be his inexplicable ability to quicken up the hill – something most of his rivals will fail to achieve

Barry Garrety believes Sprinter Sacre is in the same league as the great Moscow Flyer, many believe he will evolve into the best two mile chaser of all time. If these expectations alone are anything to go by, he will have this won three furlongs out.

JLT Specialty Steeple Chase (Handicap) (Grade 3) 3m 110y

Tullamore Dew – 14-1 E/W

The JLT Speciality Steeple Chase is the best handicap of the week and Nick Gifford’s horse Tullamore Dew gets the mod here. Narrowly denied by Massini's Maguire at Ascot in a strongly run race over three miles, he has proven he gets the trip – the only question is the mentality.

Ascot is a stiff three miles and will have been great preparation and the weather looks on his side. Tullamore Dew should love the ground and love the trip – it is in with a great place chance.

There’s no doubt this horse has the ability to win, the doubt being which horse will turn up.

Stan James Champion Hurdle (Grade 1) 2m 110y

Hurricane Fly – 5/4

Hurricane Fly will go off the hot favorite and currently heads the market in the Stan James Champion Hurdle. Willie Mullins' brilliant eight-year-old has won his last seven starts, all of which were Grade Ones, and showed he was as good as ever when destroying the opposition in the Irish Champion Hurdle at Leopardstown in January on his belated first run of the season.

He now bids to become the first horse to retain his Champion crown since another Irish-trained hurdler, Hardy Eustace, in 2005, and will be accompanied to post by his stalemate Zaidpour, himself unbeaten in four races this season.

The main threat in this race has to be the 2010 winner, Binocular after his impressive performance over Celestial Halo last time out but I am not convinced he is good enough to beat Hurricane Fly.

With an exceptionally high cruising speed and great turn of foot this looks the standout horse in the race and despite the stats being against him I think he will retian his crown and rewrite the history books with another impressive win here.

Zarkander W/O Hurricane Fly – 9/2

I can't really see Hurricane Fly being beat and at the odds it may be an idea to turn your attention to the Without Hurricane Fly market.

If so, I'd be siding with Zarkander who could be the only horse to considerably challenge Willie Mullins horse. While Paul Nicholls has never won the Champion Hurdle that wouldn't be enough to put me off this horse who has one a Triumph Hurdle and who came from last to first to win impressively at Newbury last time out.

At five years old, the stats aren't on his side but having had a recent breathing operation this hordee could be open to any amount of improvement and could be the value against the favourite.

Glenfarclas Cross Country Handicap Chase 3m 7f

Scotsirish – 2/1

Ireland have won all seven of the renewals of this quirky event which takes place in the middle of the course. They can take eight, with Willie Mullins in 2012.

In the cross country race that took place here in December, few would have forgotten how the majority of the field took the wrong course and gifted the race to Garde Champetre for his sixth win at Cheltenham. Scotsirish was one of those who went the wrong way whilst few would deny he looked to have the race at his mercy travelling really well coming into the bend. He can gain recompense for that on Tuesday when the best of the Irish pointers line up once again to take on the ups and downs on the track.

Day 2 - Wednesday March, 14

Diamond Jubilee National Hunt Chase (Amateur Riders) 4m

Teaforthree – 8/1 E/W

This is a race for ameture riders and not one to go made on but the course form of Teaforthree speaks volumes for his chance here. He was just a head in front of Alle Garde in the Albert Bartlett last season and is a great chance for Rebecca Curtis to taste Cheltenham success. he has certainly improved for the switch to chasing and has shown more than an ability for this track when second behind Join Together back in November.

He has won twice since, both at Chepstow, sandwiched in the middle the Feltham Stakes in which he was pulled up after trying to go with Grands Crus. That crazy pace killed his chance and Tony McCoy rightly identified when he had had enough and pulled him up. The win at Chepstow after probably justified that decision and gives us confidence in the ease of his win there. There is some 8/1 around for him and that could looks good as I think he could go off favourite and certainly if he were from one of the bigger yard she would already occupy that position. He looks like a very good chance indeed.

Teaforthree's other two efforts have seen him win in heavy ground and soft ground at Chepstow - both in relatively quick times considering the ground conditions. He never looked in trouble when beating Restless Harry in heavy ground but his better performance was his most recent. I was thoroughly impressed by the way he quickened out of the soft ground to beat Roalco Des Farges by nine lengths. His ability to increase the pace after making the running in soft ground bodes well for his ability to stay the four mile trip and his jumping ability is superb, rarely putting a foot wrong.

Neptune Investment Management Novices' Hurdle (Grade 1) 2m 5f

Battonier – 9/1 E/W

With Boston Bob now entered into the Albert Bartlett and doubts over Simonsig's staying power (as well as his price), value lies elsewhere in this race. Battonier ticks all the trends boxes, is on form, and has proven he can get up the Cheltenham hill.

RSA Chase (Grade 1) 3m 110y

Grand Crus 5/4(NAP)

Grand Crus is another obvious selection, but he is one of my favorite horses. His efforts in the Feltham at Kempton on boxing day is form alone to suggest this horse will win going away, the way he travelled and jumped superior to anyone else in the field and not to mention the performance he put in this time lat year against Big Bucks in the World Hurdle. The story shouldn't be too dissimilar this time around.

Since his career began he was always going to be an exciting chaser. Traditionally this is a minefield for punters and a graveyard for favorites - but have any been as good as this Paul Nicholls horse.

Grand Crus has a proven ability having jumped around Cheltenham, Newbury, Kempton, flat tracks, galloping tracks and comes into this race off the back of three runs. He has rarely been troubled in his three starts picking up a Grade two and a Grade one on his last two runs. Had a little bit left in the tank last time out, but I'm unsure exactly how much. His winning time was impressively faster than Kauto Star's C&D in the King George so he has to be taken seriously. The faster they go the better I feel.

Sportingbet.com Queen Mother Champion Chase (grade 1) 2m

Sizing Europe – 11/10

Of all the champions returning to defend their crowns at the Festival, Sizing Europe is the one that looks to have the best chance in the Queen Mother Champion Chase on Wednesday. His form is head and shoulders above the rest, he is going for a hat-trick at the meeting and his prep run could not have been more impressive. He should be long odds on in my opinion.

Sizing Europe probably only ran to a provable mark of 166 in the Tingle Creek but it was still visually impressive and he probably put up a mark of at least 177 in winning the Champion last year unless you can believe the first five to finish behind him all ran off form.

It is interesting to read some thoughts that Sizing Europe might be at least 11lbs clear. If so, anything around even money is a steal.

Fred Winter Juvenile Handicap Hurdle (Grade 3)

Ulck Du Vin – 7/1 E/W

Little to say about this horse other than I have a sneaky feeling this could be one of those Cheltenham festival Paul Nicholls handicap plots.

No real form lines to go on but I am willing to take a risk on this one with a potential profit to be made.

For me Vendor would be the danger, a horse that had been well backed and one that fits all the trend lines. He'll go off well handicapped and is reportedly as good as the likes of Grumeti and Balder Succes.

Day 3 - Thursday March, 15

Pertemps Final (Handicap Hurdle) (Listed) 3m

Our Father – 4-1 NB

For me this is one of the bets of the festival. Our Father is up 19lbs for his win at Ascot but that was a race he could have gone twice round and still won .

The Pretmeps is a race that the Pipe yard like to target and Our Father looks this years prospect.

He has only had four runs in his short career, on his debut in January 2011 he won a 2m 4f maiden hurdle at Chepstow by four lengths, both the second and third won races later that year. On his second start again over 2m 4f at Chepstow he found one too good but he was giving him 6lb and the front pair pulled well clear of the third.

On his fourth run over 2m 5f at Newbury he again found one too good and again conceded him 6lb and only went down by four lengths, there was a six length gap to the third and an even bigger gap to the fourth. His most impressive run was his last in December 2011 over 2m 6f at Ascot in a handicap hurdle, he had to give weight to all of his rivals bar one and won by one and half lengths, with the third placed horse a further 14 lengths back, the runner up has finished 2nd since in a graded hurdle and the third placed horse won next time out.

Ryanair Chase (Grade 1) 2m 5f

Nobel Prince 5/1

At Cheltenham I like horses that are proven at the course, in contrast I am put off by a horses that have yet to run at the track. Riverside Theatre is the clear favourite in this race and is a horse in excellent form. Having said this, his Cheltenham form is not so good and one I like is Nobel Price.

The Paul Nolan trained horse has excellent course form and has won at Cheltenham - that victory coming in the Jewson last year. Riverside Theatre is unexposed at the trip while Nobel Prince is open to any sort of improvement. Coupled with a recent breathing operation that looks certain to overturn his recent disappointment last time out; back at his ideal trip and with ideal ground and track I would be confident about a solid performance from Nobel Prince.

Ladbrokes World Hurdle (Grade 1) 3m

Oscar Whisky 4/1

Big Buck’s is the class horse in this race and without doubt the one to beat. He’s been an absolute star since returning to hurdles and will no doubt go very close in his bid to defend his World Hurdle crown.

At the prices I’m willing to side with Oscar Whisky who, on his day, has the beating of Big Bucks. If nothing else, this horse has course and distance pedigree having tasted defeat in the last two festivals. With stamina and a high cruising speed Oscar Whisky could well trouble Big Bucks and if the tactics are right Barry Geraghty could cause an upset – if he is produced late.

Byrne Group Plate Handicap Chase (Grade 3) 2m 5f

Divers 7/1 E/W

After winning the novices' handicap chase last year at the festival, Divers has been primed to challenge the Bryne Group plate this time around. His first run this season was a credible third behind Great Endeavour in the Paddy Power from 5lbs out of the handicap, before being totally outpaced last time out over hurdles. That run can easily be overlooked as it was run over an inadequate trip and the drop back down in trip will no doubt see this horse improve. Divers goes well on good ground and Ferdy Murphy is a shrewd trainer who tends to have a couple of well handicapped horses at the festival.

Interestingly, AP McCoy spoke personally with trainer Ferdy Murphy to request that he could ride this horse - his form in the Paddy Power Gold Cup probably had something to do with it. Murphy’s horses are hitting a bit of form and he reported recently Divers is in great nick.

Day 4 - Friday March, 16

JCB Triumph Hurdle (Grade 1) 2m 1f

Pearl Swan 7/1 E/W

I'm surprised more people aren't talking about Pearl Swan in the JCB Triumph Hurdle. I doubt he was 100% when he beat Grumeti, giving him 3lb. The turn of foot he showed was similar to that of Zarkandar on his debut and whatever the rights or wrongs of his disqualification, he showed a great deal of ability.

Albert Bartlett Novices' Hurdle (Grade 1) 3m

Boston Bob 2/1

The Irish have played a part in the story of this race with five of the last nine winners taking the trophy back across the sea. Willie Mullins has current favourite Boston Bob lining up following a hat-trick of wins this season including the beating of Gordon Elliots Mountbelbulben in a grade one at Navan and most recenty landing a grade two novice event ahead of some decent rivals at Leopardstown. He is just another in a long list of great chances Willie Mullins has prepared this season, and another that could go toward the Thomas Pink Trophy for the trainer with the most numberof winners over the four days.

Betfred Cheltenham Gold Cup Chase (Grade 1) 3m 2f 110y

Kauto Star 4/1

Kauto Star is the only horse to have won the King George 5 times, he's also the only horse to have regained the Gold Cup (this stat was widely used against him leading up to the Festival in 2009 but again he proved everyone wrong). He is the only horse to have won 16 Grade one races, he also achieved a rating of 193 when he won his fourth Gold Cup which is the highest rating given to a chaser. He is probably one of the best three mile chasers ever.

Having beaten Long Run at Kempton last time out.Kauto Star is an all round class act and on top form he jumps better, stays better, is faster, bigger and stronger than Long run in every conceivable way.Kauto Star continues to improve and Paul Nicholls has reported his star horse to have improved further. I’m not convinced Long Run has ever come up against a ‘top form’ horse and certainly not a ‘top form’ Kauto Star. For me the three time Gold Cup winner is one of my bets of the festival.

Kauto Star on his two runs this season has been a totally different proposition and back to his best. Others will no doubt disagree but my issue with Long Run is his jumping - he wasn't foot perfect in the Gold Cup last year. In the Betfair Chase, even though he wasn't 100% fit, the jumping was atrocious and after the final flight Kauto pulled a further 6 lengths ahead.

Now, should Kauto Star go on and win the 2012 Gold Cup, he would be achieving the nigh impossible and could quite easily be described as the best ever Gold Cup winner. To win the Cup three times, as Best Mate and Cottage Rake did in consecutive seasons is quite amazing, to do it without back to back wins over six seasons would be ridiculous.

Sun, Sea and Sand: What's the attraction?

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 20:37:00 +0000



By Dan Morris

So what, really, is the attraction of a sandy beach? I've never quite understood it. In fact, i don't think I ever will. 
Sand, is so, so irritating, not only does it get in, painfully, to ever crease and fold of your body but it makes life impossible. 

The simplest of tasks becomes an unbearable chore, from laying down your towel to eating a sandwich. When coupled with water, the very fabric of the 'seaside', it's truly a nightmare scenario.

I'm a huge fan of a day in the sun, however my complexion is not. Factor 30 is a very close friend of mine when the sun's shining bright but there's nothing more irritating than having just applied sun cream, only to feel the entire contents of Bournemouth beach stuck to your back. 

Sandy beaches are simply uncomfortable, but their alternative even more so; hang on let me just get my towel and lie here on this rockery, no thanks. 

I'm not a fan of the beach, at all. Relaxing in the sun, fine. A short paddle, great, but sand, not for me.

The inability to escape the heat, the fact your water bottle goes from cool to boiling in the blink of an eye and having to part with your hard earned cash to lie on anything other than the very thing I hate about the beach makes me resent it no end.

The last place on earth you will find me on a sunny bank holiday is "beside" the sea.

Non-alcoholic beer: My money saving tip

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 20:07:00 +0000

By Dan Morris

Non-alcoholic beer

I must recommend non-alcoholic beer as a means of saving money.

In the fridge this weekend, sat four rather inconspicuously looking cans of lager.

With the football on the box, what better way to enjoy your team getting thoroughly out classed by their local rivals than to do so enjoying a nice chilled beverage.

All I can say is, that inconspicuously looking four-pack is still sat in the fridge albeit minus one can.

I don't know what they do to this non-alcoholic beer which they don't do to their alcoholic alternatives (which seem to last five minutes), but it's a real recession-buster. Give it a go, you will literally never run out.

Will the real Jessie J please stand up?

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 13:31:00 +0000

Jessie J released her debut album on Monday

By Dan Morris

Arguably the biggest thing in the UK music industry right now, recent Brits 'Critics Choice' winner Jessie J released her debut album Who You Are this week.

On first listen, it's hard to imagine Who You Are becoming anyone's favourite album, anytime soon which is surprising giving the success of her debut single.

On the release of her new album, you'd have to forgive the 21-year-old, born Jessica Cornish, for attempting to capitalise on every piece of her current success with a hurried, patchy collection of Brit pop come R&B.

It tries all too hard to be something for everyone, from N Dubz to Joss Stone, from gang culture to love. It's nothing more than a commercial fantasy that looks to squeeze every ounce out of the UK market.

After the release of the hit, Do it like a dude, Jessie J was always going to go into the book as the female equivalent to Tinie Tempah - a rough/yet smooth image, bubbly personality appealing to a niche audience.

Unfortunately, the promise of Do it like dude is distinctly missing in Who You Are, with a mismatch of sounds that confuse the likes of Kei$ha, Rhianna and Lady Gaga.

Risqué vocals and synthesisers are all to prevalent lacking anything with a real 'WOW' factor.

Who You Are isn't completely bad, what it's not is confirmation of the real talent that warrants such high acclaim.

It's disappointing and lazy, much like her image, lacking any originality.

Outlandish costumes, massive heels, excessive makeup. A combination of Gwen Stefani-esque characteristics with a tendency to appear to be trying all too hard - all too hard to compete with Gaga.

Having been thrown in at the deep end perhaps Jessie J simply hasn't had the time to perfect her image and develop that originality, but at present her falseness is slapping me in the face.

In the midst of her brilliant talent, she's lacking something that Gaga oozes in abundance.

With ample room for improvement, I'm not giving up here, and I'll be first to predict she'll return with a summer anthem, but I can't help but think this was an exceptional opportunity missed - an opportunity to cement her place within the industry as an original artist.

Instead, it's nothing more than a second rate rip off of anything and everything that already exists in world pop - such a shame.

How do you know if someone has an iPhone? Because they tell you

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Tue, 15 Feb 2011 20:48:00 +0000

Apple's iPhone 4 (Picture courtesty of Apple)

By Dan Morris

Is it me, or are the ‘older generation’ getting altogether, far too comfortable using 21st century gadgets.

Are you over the age of 40? Do you own an iPhone?

Can I ask why?

Without trying to sound like a moron, do you have any real reason to buy such a gadget?

I’m willing to put it out there, that before the iPhone, you didn’t even know who Apple were, or what they where about. Granny Smith is not the boss of Apple. So what persuaded you to part with such an excessive amount of money for something you'll almost certainly only get 25 per cent of the use out of.

Perhaps we just have to hold are hands up to the marketing prowess of Steve Jobs and his increasingly growing empire, or alternatively we can put it down to the sheer nature of consumerism, whereby even the complete technophobes among us now own one - without really knowing why.

There’s that saying; how do you know if someone has an iPhone? Well, because they tell you, and even the older generation of iPhone users are no stranger to this stereotype. The thing is, every time I see them struggling to operate one, I feel compelled to ask: "WHY THE HELL DID YOU BUY SOMETHING YOU HAVE NO USE FOR?" - Of course I don't, but I sure as hell think it.

What's most annoying is the obvious reasons for having one; everybody has one. I don't begrudge people over 40 owning an iPhone but when they can't even download iTunes to make it work correctly, my patience runs thin. What's iTunes? Exactly.

Surely a Nokia 3310 would suffice, after all, these people don’t play mobile games, rarely send a text message, don’t Tweet and aren’t on Facebook. Oh wait, apparently they do all of the above.

Top 10 conclusions of 2010

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 13:21:00 +0000

By Dan Morris

Icelandic ash cloud caused major chaos in 2010

1. Icelandic ash cloud

If you'd have asked me the significance of a volcanic ash cloud 12 months ago I'd have looked back at you, baffled and bemused. However, given the media coverage of the Icelandic ash cloud in early 2010 I can now confirm it has the potential to close a continents airspace, ruin holidays and leave many, stranded in places far a field. This was the story of the summer, as British airports closed through safety fears leaving travellers stranded and the skies empty.

2. The Pope

The Pope's visit was arguably the most eagerly anticipated arrival in recent years. Pope Benedict XVI came to Britain for the first tine in 28 years. Complete with his entourage of security and his Pope mobile, he toured the UK at the expense of the taxpayer. With his visit brought major security fears and the UK was handed the bill. Put simply, the general public were paying to protect the Pope from the general public, couldn't we have just come to some sort of an agreement? The total costs were in excess of £20 million, in a recession. Yes, try not to laugh.

3. Comparethemeerkat.com

If we've learnt one thing from last year, it’s that to beat the recession you're going to need the help of a fury friend. The Meerkat has proved commercial gold as 2010 saw the birth of Alasandr Orlov, a meerkat from Meerkovo. For us, comedy genius that has made adverts interesting again. For conparethemarket.com, marketing genius. Simples.

4. England's 2018 World Cup bid

Hopes and dreams of hosting the World Cup in 2018 were shattered as FIFA president Sepp Blatter revealed Russia were the successful applicants. In typical British fashion we all believed we would win, when in reality we came last. We only received two votes and one of them was our own, that doesn’t even count - it's like letting yourself turn up. We played all our aces, sending over the world’s worst boyband and still lost. The reasons leave a lot to be desired, but FIFA had to give it to Russia because they've never hosted a world cup. There’s a reason they've never held a world cup and it has something to do with security, temperature and five different time zones, obviously FIFA don’t see them as a major issues.

5. Chilean Miners

39 men, one mile below the earths surface for 69 days. That's the story for the Chilean Minors that spent nearly two months, twiddling their thumbs wondering if they'll ever see daylight ever again. I say 69 I mean 68, for the other minor he was wondering how he was going to explain his mistress to his, worried sick, wife. We'll never know if he wanted to come out last but as the viewing faithful, willed him to just concede defeat and reside in the tunnel he'd spent the last two months. He emerged from the capsule, used to save him from obscurity, sporting Victoria Beckham-esque shades. There's keeping out the sun, and there's trying to keep a low profile, of which I'm sure this is the latter. But if we've learnt one thing from this series of unfortunate events it's this; cheats NEVER prosper.

6. 15% VAT

Those days are now a mere distant memory, but for those of you interested enough you'll remember VAT was slashed from 17.5% to 15%. Oh what's that, you didn't even notice. Fair enough, unfortunately that attempt to curb inflation and increase spending has now had adverse effects as frantic shoppers spent there last few days of 2010 buying everything they could, as it's now taken the inevitable hike, to 20 per cent. Thanks then.

7. General Election

It was the first time I could vote, have my say in who I'd like to lead our country and make the decisions that matter. I can't say I got my own way, far from it. But I suppose I shouldn't feel too hard done-by, did anyone? When Gordon Brown called a general election for May 2010, who'd have thought that come June we'd have, in power, for the first time in history, a coalition government. The tabloids have nicknamed them the ConDems - it's as laughable as their policies, I know. Needless to say after adopting a nation in turmoil and deep into a recession, they've not been too popular. Cuts have been paramount and the phrase 'reduce the deficit' has been rife.

8. Rise in tuition fees: Student protests

Three years as a student and I never once threw a fire extinguisher off a ten story building. There's one thing protesting and there is another thing causing chaos and destruction because you feel it is your right to cheap University fees. Well, actually it's not. University education is an investment not a government funded holiday and if you think every middle middle class family pays for their children to swan off for three years i'm afraid you're strongly mistaken. Rant aside, last years rise in tuition fees and subsequent student protests did nothing to alter the stereotypical student persona and they no doubt achieved more bad than good. On a possitve note, there will be less students and that can only help in the jobs market.

9. Big Brother

Last year saw the end of an era for one reality television show - Big Brother. Last summer saw us entertained by a wooden chest of draws and some of the finest drongos the world over but after a decade on the box, the original reality TV show left our screens in emphatic style with a fantastic final series. Sad to see it go, yes. Glad, yes but unfortunately I’m sure its absence has only made way for even more drivel, littering our television screens.

10. Royal engagement

Not really an awful lot to say about this other than Prince William finally decided he'd like to wed long term girlfriend Kate Middleton. 2011 will see the first Royal wedding for over a decade, and it will bring with it, not only an attractive Royal but also an extra day off. The 29th April will be a national bank holiday - so everybody's happy. When's Harry planning on getting married?

New year, a new blog: Where to start

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 15:19:00 +0000

By Dan Morris

Happy New Year Picture: http://www.psdgraphics.com/

After celebrating the new year with family and friends and reminiscing the year gone-by the only real fact of the matter is that in all fairness nothing’s really changed from 2010, so what’s the big deal?

Well I guess for many it’s the chance to start a fresh, perhaps turn over a new leaf and begin the new year in the way you’ve always wanted. Perhaps you even made a few new year's resolutions.

For me new year is the biggest anti-climax in the history of anti-climaxes. Whether it’s the mix of pointless resolutions or the over-priced, hassle ridden partying that I find annoying, I’m not too sure, perhaps it’s both.

But for the purpose of this, let’s talk new year's resolutions, to put it bluntly I find these little ‘resolutions’ pointless. Now, I know most of you out there set up these changes, with your best intentions in mind, however we all know that only 10% of resolutions make it past January and, as with mostly everything else in society it is followed by the cliché a few weeks or months later, of how that little ‘resolution’ became dissolution.

A recent article in the Guardian brought to my attention a study that even found that those who fail to live up to their goals become dispirited in the process and more despondent than before.

It's part of the new year ritual – an annual attempt to start afresh and turn over a new leaf. But making resolutions is a near pointless exercise, psychologists say. We break them, become dispirited in the process and finally more despondent than we were before.

I am not going to discredit those of you that actually keep the resolutions and make your new year a thoroughly good one with it. Yet, I am just slightly cynical to how many of you actually keep them.

I suppose the most annoying thing about new year's resolution, is the ritual part. I suspect most people make them because they feel they have too, with no real commitment or dedication to actually make them happen. After all should it really take the turn of the new year for one to decide it’s time for a change?

This may be a bit of a mental crutch that we all rely on more often than not, but then again I do not think we should wait for a whole year to go by before making resolutions. Action requires the present and in order to do a new action you need to do it now, not later, now. And I think in that sense we should keep that logic in mind.

In all fairness, you probably couldn’t pick a worse time to make a ‘change’ either. Say, for example, that you’ve promised to lose that bit of turkey weight picked up over Christmas. There’s nothing quite like awaking to an icy, grey, freezing cold morning to make you want to put your shorts on and run a mile.

In a nutshell, just don’t bother, not only will you inevitably break them but making resolutions is a near pointless exercise.

However, this said I’d like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very happy new year and best of luck with your new year's resolutions (well, those of you with them still intact that is)

Tax: We're all in this together (except those that know the loopholes)

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 21:32:00 +0000

Artful Dodger: George Osborne Picture: 38 Degrees

By Dan Morris

I've lived a very naive 21-year existence as far as tax is concerned. Ducking and diving my way out of paying any by holding down a weekend job and squeezing every last ounce out of the education system.

To me tax was something the general public, with proper jobs paid to fund my student alcohol addiction and fetish for dressing up as a smurf.

I thought the day I'd actually have to contribute my bit to the economy would never come and until the summer I thought base rate was a psychological study, not some sort of code that roughly translates to a 20 per cent deduction in my wages. How wrong was I.

Every month my pitiful wage is slashed by a man as mysterious as Santa Clause - the taxman. I have no say in the matter and it's very quickly become a fact of life.

Tax is actually quite an important economic factor, even I know that. And now my time has come, I don’t like paying it, but it’s just something I have to do. I’m playing my part – the last thing I’d want to be known as is a tax dodger. No one likes a tax dodger.

It was recently brought to my attention, by a certain Duncan Bannatyne, that the owner of Harrods, avoids paying tax. Yes, that's right, the owner of the world’s most expensive department store - no wonder he's so rich.

I believe Ken Bates, owner of Leeds United Football Club, also falls into this category along with a host of other public figures. It beggars belief that this is in fact legal, but apparently it is.

How? Well pull up a seat and I'll tell you:

Establishing residence in a low or nil tax jurisdiction is one of the easiest ways to substantially reduce your taxes. Basing yourself in a tax haven means that you'll get the benefit of low or reduced taxes overseas.

Located on the stunning French Riviera there is probably no tax haven more famous than Monaco and just a selection of the high profile people that reside there are: Paula Radcliffe, Richards Farleigh (Dragons Den), David Coulthard, Jenson Button, Roger Moore, Ringo Starr and Ken Bates in Monaco.

Simply; there is no income tax or capital gains tax in Monaco -- the main tax is a business profits tax that is levied on certain companies (but most expats structure their affairs so as to avoid it).

The Treasury has announced a series of measures to clamp down on tax avoidance in the UK. But I can’t help but think this will fall by the wayside. Check this.

Tax dodging costs the UK up to £120 billion every year, it comes to something when the very man that could do something about it is dodging £1.6 million of tax himself.

Now i’m in it. I can’t help but feel a little violated by the ‘we’re all in this together’ rhetoric from the coalition government. Mr Osborne really, are we?

This government has put a lot of effort into catching ‘benefits cheats’, and almost none into catching tax cheats, despite the fact that tax dodging robs the treasury of 15 times more income than false benefits claims.

I'm struggling to find why this might be the case, but perhaps it has something to do with the fact some front-benchers, including George Osborne himself, may be benefitting from tax loopholes. We certainly know that several prominent Conservative peers have off-shored their taxes – all legal of course.

One man, one envelope: What lies between England and the World Cup

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 12:37:00 +0000

Backing the bid: David Beckham . Picture Getty Images

Never has a day been so important to a nation.

Never has the congregation of 22 men been so significant.

Later today those very men will make a decision that will either transform a recession hit country or completely destroy any hopes it ever had.

Zurich is where the eyes of the world will be focused this afternoon.

David Beckham, David Cameron and Prince William can do no more. Together with the Football Association and the rest of the country they sit anxiously awaiting arguably the biggest decision in our sporting history.

For months, even years it's developed into something of a formality - it's our time.

Recent weeks have done their best to shatter that dream as stories of corruption have escalated to dizzy heights leaving the question on everyone's lips that of, what if?

Should we fail to win the bid, not only will it undermine the integrity of our home sport, but that of our Governing body.

It's time the sport we founded, nurtured and shared with the world to love and cherish, finally came home - if it doesn't our legacy will be in tatters.

From Plymouth to Newcastle, a nation would unite. 17 of the worlds finest stadiums would play host to 32 of the world's greatest teams. A spectacle like no other - and that's not to mention the boost to our economy.

Over the last 10 years no other footballing nation has ploughed more money into it's grassroots than ours. The power of a world cup would be invaluable to the epitome of the sports future development.

The carnival atmosphere at this summers competition in South Africa was like no other. Think of the party in 2018, if football finally came home.

We've plotted, we've pitched, we've canvased and we've pleaded. It's over to Zurich. One vote will define a decade gone-by and a decade to come.

This bid rests on one man, and one envelope and if FIFA president Sepp Blatter is to utter the infamous words we all want to hear, one man deserves a knighthood. In Beckham we trust, back the bid.

The hahaha scale: Together we can defeat LOL

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Thu, 25 Nov 2010 22:01:00 +0000

By Dan Morris

SAY someone tweets you, sends you a humorous text message or even writes an appealing status update, how do you respond? Please don’t tell me you write LOL.

It goes without saying that I am not the biggest fan of the phrase, in fact I despise it. Not only does it reminded me of the hours wasted, wallowing away on MSN messenger as an early teen but it’s clichéd, who actually means it when they use it?

Ok, so you are acknowledging that what you have read has humoured you in some way shape or form, but seriously are you laughing out loud – to yourself?

It’s overused and meaningless; I’ve witnessed people use it regarding the most serious of comments.

It lacks imagination and indicates a slender grasp on the English language.

Instead of writing LOL, I adopt what I like to call the hahaha scale.

Funny, sort of funny, not funny it has it covered: The hahaha scale

A scale which I will categorically predict you use, without even realising.

It’s a scale, albeit a trivial one, which is used to establish the necessary response to an interesting, entertaining, or downright hilarious instance – in fact it’s so versatile, it covers all eventualities.

The hahaha scale, concerns the necessary response to a particular occurrence, most will respond without even consulting the scale and hence its subconscious role within society.

It covers everything from a simple ha, to a full blown hahahahaha – each one has a meaning, you’ve just never given it the time of day.

There is without doubt a distinct difference between something that is actually funny, hahaha, and when you are just being sarcastic, ha.

For me LOL falls somewhere between, the actually funny marker and the mockingly funny, hahahahaha. It’s neither here nor there, no one quite knows what you mean and nor can they tell whether you’re being serious or not.

For these reasons alone it should never be used, despite the aforementioned.
Don’t get me wrong its cousins LMAO and ROTFL are far more nonsensical and none of which should be socially accepted – I defy anyone to actually, physically roll on the floor laughing, while continuing to type.

In a nutshell. Don’t use LOL, and next time you respond to a something with ha, check out the scale, I can assure you the comparisons will be uncanny.

New mixtape now live: Commercial Dance Mix

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 22:50:00 +0000

Commercial Dance Mix by iamdanmorris

The Royal PILF: His Royal Highness Prince William to marry Kate Middleton

dan_morris@hotmail.com (Dan Morris) — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 21:15:00 +0000

Prince William and Kate Middleton announce their engagement Photo: PA

By Dan Morris

APPARENTLY today is quite a significant, historic moment, one that will forever be remembered, I’m told not because one has finally decided to delve deep into the realm of the blogosphere but because we now have a Royal PILF (Princess…)

Broken today was the news that Prince William – the future king of England – is to marry his long term girlfriend Kate Middleton, and it goes without saying she’s one of the more attractive members of the Royal family.

I can’t help but acknowledge the fact that His Royal Highness has done remarkably well for himself; I’m looking for reasons as to how?

It interests me as to whether or not Miss Middleton needed time to consider such a proposition, I’m thinking the prospect of becoming the Queen of England would take all of zero seconds to ponder.

What I can say is she is sure to brighten up a dull and let’s face it ageing Royal family, Miss Middleton will certainly breath a new lease of life into an otherwise uninteresting ancestry.

Despite having grown up post Diana, I’m still aware of the furore that surrounded the nations princess; I’m told she was quite a looker too (in her day of course).

Partly, what made her such a national treasure was her image, something aside from the stereotypical royal.

As with Diana, there was a time when it would have mattered that the future queen of England was a ‘commoner’ but it seems not anymore.

There’s something quite exciting about the fact Miss Middleton is the daughter of an air hostess– it’s the Diana chronicles all over again…

She’s just a normal girl from a normal family – in County Durham - albeit for a matter of months, because that is now destined to change.

Perhaps I’ve over estimated this whole event but even I know the significance of such an addition to such an iconic part of British society.

Possibly the most interesting thing about this whole occasion is how well people seem to know them. Especially for a couple who have, quite possibly, kept themselves out of the media spotlight remarkably well.

Over the next twelve months a nation will watch with bated breath as the most eagerly anticipated wedding to date is mapped out with a fine tooth-comb.

The most important thing about a wedding as grandiose as this one will be getting it right – after all the world’s eyes will be on it.

Questions that we’ll want answering are, when and where. For sure the wedding is set to take place in the capital but does William want to marry in the Abbey where his mother’s funeral took place? Or St Paul’s, where she wed.

Tradition expects and so too does a nation, For Sky News the day can’t come soon enough.

Is there a more fitting way to revive a recession-battered nation’s spirits than an extra day off work as the focal point of the worlds attention is feast upon a Royal Wedding – probably.