The ibeatyou Blog

Easy Ways to Say Sorry for the STD!

gotgame — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 14:52:24 +0000

All the romance of Valentines Day has come and gone. And what do you have to show for it? Well… hopefully not a recurring rash.

If you’re too much of a p***** to call up someone on the phone and tell them to get tested, there’s an easy way out. You can always tell them ”Sorry for the STD” in the sweetest way possible- with cake.

Here are the best cake apologies for being a dirty whore:

Here. Have another piece and stop thinking about your lip.

Nothing says ‘Sorry for the herp’ like Prince Charming.

Seriously. My bad, so here’s a cookie. We all good now?

Somehow HIV retrovirus shaped cakes seem like a step to far.

And if you don’t want to spring for a whole cake, there are always cards. Pandas make everything better:

Valentine’s Day Traditions Around the World

gotgame — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 09:30:43 +0000

Helpful hint for the men out there: When your girlfriend says not to worry about Valentine’s Day because it’s a commercialized Hallmark holiday and all she really cares about is being in love with you EVERY day? She’s lying. You still have to get her something.

Luckily, there are plenty of Valentine’s Traditions from around the world, so maybe you can get out of having to buy a dozen red roses. Here are some of the best Valentine’s Day Traditions from other countries:

In Finland, February 14^th is “Friends Day.” It’s sweet to have a day that’s all about appreciating your buddies, but on this side of the Atlantic, Valentine’s Day is NOT the day to tell someone “you just want to be friends.”

In parts of Spain, all you have to bring to the table is a book. And that’s probably the tradition you should tell her about if your idea of romance is giving her a copy of the Kama Sutra.

Thanks to an old Valentines tradition in Scotland, we have the saying “wearing your heart on your sleeve.” Men and women would throw their names into a hat and select their Valentine’s partner at random by drawing a name. Usually, men paired up for a dance with the girl who drew their name, and the woman would pin her sweetheart’s name to her sleeve for the day.

In Korea and Japan, dudes are off the hook. On February 14^th, only the ladies give gifts. Women give men chocolates, but you don’t have to return the favor until March14th.

If you really really hate giving gifts on Valentine’s Day, move to Wales. In Wales, all you have to give your other half is a wooden spoon. Yep. A spoon.

If a spoon still sounds like too much of a commitment, try Saudi Arabia or Iran. They finally banned the damn holiday.

But you go ahead and try to make the “but Saudia-Arabia-banned-Valentine’s-Day” argument with your girlfriend and let us know how it goes.

15% of US women send themselves flowers on V-Day, and that’s just sad. Man up, throw down the cash, and save yourself a fight.

Top 10 Reasons Why Straight Men Love Sports

shelley — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 18:28:03 +0000

With the Super Bowl just a few weeks away, it got us thinking - why do guys love watching other big and sweaty guys jump on top of each other? That’s why we put together this list of the Top 10 Reasons Straight Guys Love Sports:

1. Girlfriends and wives won’t get on you for checking out the entertainment. What kind of guy DOESN’T love watching the Laker Girls?!

2. RAWRRR! Tackles!!!! Don’t you feel manly watching this, especially while you sit in your wifebeater and boxers while gnawing on some Domino’s Cheesy bread in a semi-prone position?

3. You think the girls, or rather the cheerleaders, will think you look sexy. . . News Flash: Sitting in a chair pumping your fist never looks hot.

4. Watching sports is a great excuse to eat as much crap as you want while chugging down those beers. Like I said before: Cheesy bread.

5. Who doesn’t love the feeling of winning, especially, when you yourself didn’t actually do anything? All you did was sit in a chair for several days in a row.

6. We know you’re all secretly hoping for a half time repeat of Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction, time delays be damned!

7. Actually, you really don’t love golf. You just want to beat your boss.

8. Just because you choked during that Big Game back in your old high school glory days doesn’t mean you can’t call out A Rod come playoff time.

9. You now get away with screaming your head off at the television and talking smack at an inanimate object. Stoopid TV that caused that fumble!

10. The Infamous Butt Tap. Express your manly camaraderie in ways that would never fly at the office. Enough said.

10 Lame Things Iowa is Known For

gotgame — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 18:27:50 +0000

When you sit down and try to think of the lamest part of the United States, what comes to mind?

Probably not Iowa. Iowa is so far off the radar, that sometimes people forget it’s even still around. So here’s your wake up call! Iowa is here to stay and you better recognize. To entice you to start thinking a little bit more about Iowa every day, here are the lamest claims to fame the state boasts:

10. Home state of MASH character Radar O’Reilly

9. The real Bridges of Madison County. Yep.

8. Being the #1 pork producing state. So much pork that they have their own Pork Queens.

7. Home of the statue of the world’s largest bullhead fish.

6. Iowa is the only state name that starts with two vowels.

5-3. Oh, come on. Like we were really going to be able to come up with 10 cool things about Iowa.

2. Field of Dreams was filmed in Iowa.

1. Flava Flav’s first fried chicken joint opened up in Clinton, Iowa this week

Check out Flava Flav’s whole interview and vote for the best celebrity business.

10 Worst Things To Do Naked

gotgame — Mon, 17 Jan 2011 16:36:44 +0000

There are a few things that are quite fun to do naked. Unfortunately, there are about a billion other times when you want to make sure you are wearing more than your birthday suit. Here is our list of the Top 10 Worst Things to Do Naked:

10. Paintballing

That’s gonna leave a mark…

9. Ride a Roller Coaster

I mean, unless you’re down with a lot of tidbits jiggling around.

8. Fencing

En garde!

7. Bungee Jumping

If you’re gonna take your life into your own hands, then put some pants on!

6. Skiing

Frost-bitten fun bits are never a good idea.

5. Welding

Not exactly the kind of hot nekkid experience you might hope for.

4. Hunting

The mosquitos.. the buckshot.. the wildlife..

3. Cooking

It sounds sexy, but hot oil splatter will put a serious kink in your romantic dinner plans.

2. Horseback Riding

So many dirty jokes write themselves for this one, but we’ll just go with a single word: Chaffing.

1. Jack-hammering

Did we miss any?

6 Seriously Creepy Christmas Characters

gotgame — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 19:21:22 +0000

Tis the season to celebrate sweet little baby Jesus, but not all the Christmas characters are so cute and cuddly. In fact, some of the characters from Christmas stories around the world are straight up scary. We’ve put together the creepiest Christmas characters from different cultures across the globe.

1. Krampus

If you are a little kid in Austria, you better get your s*** together because it is about to go DOWN. You don’t just end up on the naughty list if you’ve had a questionable year because Santa travels with backup in Austria. Bad little Austrian boys and girls are threatened with a visit from the Christmas devil. Krampus travels with whips and chains, and of course, a basket on his back to gather up those who have been really bad. Young men actually do dress up like Krampus and roam the streets in Austria and Hungary terrifying small children. Way to make Christmas traumatizing, Austria!

2. Knecht Ruprecht

Krampus’ German counterpart is called Knecht Ruprecht, or “Farmhand Rupert.” Rupert likes to travel around with switches to beat all the naughty children. He asks children if they can pray. Prayer-minded kids who pass his test get sweets and nuts. Children that can’t pray might get hit with his bag full of ash.

3. La Befana

In Italy, children get presents from a creepy looking witch named la Befana. The story goes that the Vatican couldn’t find any proof of the existence of Santa Claus (cue Captain Obvious). Since the Catholic Church wasn’t too keen on kiddies getting worked up over what they deemed to be a pagan image, they came up with a substitute: an old witch. Imagine getting presents from a scary bag lady instead of jolly old St. Nick. Nice choice, Pope!

4. Caganer

Let’s just cut straight to the point- “Caganer” means “the shitter.” While most people might be familiar with nativity scenes that include Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus and the three Wise Men, you get a bonus character in the manger if you’re in Spain or Italy. Caganer originated in Catalonia, but his defecating form has spread across the region. He’s usually positioned somewhere in the back of the scene, but that doesn’t really change the fact that he’s taking a crap at Jesus’ birth. The traditional caganer wears a red hat, but you can find figurines of famous politicians taking a dump as well.

5. Zwarte Piet

“Zwarte Piet” means “Black Pete” in Dutch. Black Pete is Santa’s Helper come Christmastime in the Netherlands. The creepy thing here is the undeniable politically incorrect black-face costumes that celebrators wear. Black-faced Black Pete is in charge of dancing to entertain the children. Welcome to the 21st Century, Holland. Jesus.

6. Christmas Spiders in Ukraine

Arachnophobes might want to steer clear of Ukraine during the holidays. Traditional christmas tree decorations include lots of spiders and webs. An old Ukrainian legend tells the tale of a woman that was too poor to afford Christmas decorations for her children, so she let spiders spin their webs in their tree to make things a little more festive. In the morning, the webs had turned to silver and gold.

Craziest Thanksgiving Food

gotgame — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 13:07:42 +0000

Thanksgiving is one of the only American holidays that comes with a traditional meal. In fact, the whole point of Thanksgiving seems to be to eat as much as possible: turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing and pumpkin pie. We’re thankful for all that food, but standard Thanksgiving meals started to seem a little boring. That’s why we put together a list of the craziest Thanksgiving food we could find. Some of it sounds awesome, but the rest of it sounds so gross that even canned cranberry sauce is starting to look good.

File under: Awesome. Chow.com make a Thanksgiving Turkey Cake that includes everything you could ever want in your holiday meal in one slice: ground turkey with cranberry, layers of sweet potatoes and mashed potato “frosting.”

Talk about taking it too far, the 12-Bird True Love Roast stays true to its name by including TWELVE different kinds of fowl. The turkey is stuffed with chicken, quail, pheasant, goose, aylesbury and barbary duck, poussin and guinea fowl, partridge, pigeon, and mallard duck. Pass.

Tired of eating turkey the traditional way? Try turkey “sushi” with cranberry and gravy instead of soy sauce and wasabi.

Let’s be honest, gravy is the best part of Thanksgiving dinner, so why not up the ante with some gravy soda? It’s vegetarian, we swear.

Thanksgiving and hot dogs are two of the most American things you can think of, so combining the two is the most patriotic way to down your turkey. A Thanksgiving Hot Dog is a turkey sausage with mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce replacing everyday mustard and relish.

Can’t decide between apple pie, cherry pie or pumpkin pie?? Introducing the Cherpumple. Yes. It is all three at once.

Thanksgiving is the one day a year when most Americans are willing to pass on pizza for something slightly more refined. But you don’t have to! Just sink your teeth into some Thanksgiving pizza.

Giblets. Most people throw away all those mystery turkey parts, but some people find them delectable. Innards! YUM.

What is your favorite, non-traditional Thanksgiving food?

Funniest Snooki Pictures

gotgame — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 13:51:37 +0000

23 years ago, we were given the greatest gift that a generation could hope for- the birth of Snooki. It seems only appropriate that Nicole “Snooki” Pilozzi, the girl who loves to smoosh, will have her birthday party later this week and it will be sponsored by LifeStyles condoms. Honestly, when it comes to Snooki, the jokes write themselves. But since they say that a picture is worth a 1000 words, we’ve compiled the biggest collection of funny Snooki pictures. Happy birthday, our little orange friend!

If you want to be taken seriously, go read a book.

She’s 4′8”! Like she could ever hurt anyone! LET SNOOKI GO!

Which is more ridiculous: a dog riding a miniature pony, or Snooki? Discuss.

Always accessorize your football with your bathing suit.

Which one is the monkey butt?

That hat makes you look ridiculous. It’s perfect.

NOT THE SITUATION! SNOOOOOKIIIIIIII! NOooOOoOOOOooo!

Please note: The Corona bottle is standard sized.

“Pickles is my thing.”

You say “fashion disaster,” we say “subtle and refined.” To-may-to/To-mah-to

Oopsie daisy! At least falling on your face is better than getting punched in the face.

If you have a better picture of Snooki enter it in our contest on ibeatyou.com!

Worst Pictures of Snuggies in Public

gotgame — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 13:36:44 +0000

In the great American tradition of bad fashion choices, snuggies reign supreme. With winter upon us, it is only a matter of time before the backwards robe takes over the infomercial airways once more. While a blanket with sleeves may be the perfect hibernation accessory, it is a sartorial choice that should remain safely behind doors. Unfortunately, in a nation that has embraced croc shoes, the snuggie has been spotted being sported in public. Intentionally ironic snuggie pubcrawls aside, we cannot stand for the snuggie as outerwear trend, that is why we have compiled photographic evidence the worst snuggie in public offenders:

Boy, can those indoor stadiums get cold! If you want to wear your snuggie on game day, stay on the couch.

Animal print trend: not for dudes, not for abandoned parking lots, not for snuggies. Got it?

We will put up with sweat pants on trips to the store, but snuggies in the frozen food section are taking it too far.

This is not helping the people at karaoke night take your singing career aspirations seriously. No snuggies on stage!

Congratulations! You found the only way to look more ridiculous than a palace guard with a foot tall fuzzy hat. Thanks for repping America abroad!

Somehow we’re not surprised that someone nerdy enough to buy a limited edition Street Fighter snuggie would then wear the aforementioned blanket with sleeves outside.

We don’t care how depressing and cold your cubicle is, come up with a snuggie-free copping mechanism.

We never thought we would say this, but we suddenly miss suburban moms in velour track suits.

The snuggie has overtaken national news…

Republican politicians…

…And Ocho Cinco! Don’t let yourself fall victim next!

Best Pet Halloween Costumes

gail — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 16:49:00 +0000

Halloween is just around the corner! Pets love to get dressed up- or at least their owners think so! Check out these awesome pet costumes:

Little Elvis:

This little pup’s ready for Graceland.

Scary Dinosaur:

This Mini Pincher loves causing trouble..RAWRRR!

CatPig:

Miss Piggy’s got nothin’ on you babe.

Banana Sundae:

Cute and Delicious!

Santa Kitty:

Mrs. Claws, meet…

Santa Bully:

It looks like this is as Santa Happy as this dog’s gonna be!

Diva Witch:

Even Divas need a little shut-eye!

Lady Bugs:

Sometimes the fun comes in twos!

Santa’s Reindeer:

Santa - “Wait!!! Can’t go anywhere without this cute little guy!”

Just Threw This On:

This one just likes wearing everything. Half alien thingy, half bad ass biker…A shmorgusbord of cuteness.

Love these pet costumes? Check out more awesome costumes and enter in your own pets here on ibeatyou!