Heroin Addiction, Detox, Ibogaine And Recovery

Great article about addiction

2015-07-19T11:05:00.000+01:00

Drug use is common, drug addiction is rare. About one adult in three will use an illegal drug in their lifetime and just under 3m people will do so this year in England and Wales alone. Most will suffer no long-term harm.

There are immediate risks from overdose and intoxication, and longer-term health risks associated with heavy or prolonged use; damage to lungs from smoking cannabis or the bladder from ketamine for example. However most people will either pass unscathed through a short period of experimentation or learn to accommodate their drug use into their lifestyle, adjusting patterns of use to their social and domestic circumstances, as they do with alcohol.

Compared to the 3m currently using illegal drugs there are around 300,000 heroin and/or crack addicts while around 30,000 were successfully treated for dependency on drugs in England in 2011-12, typically cannabis, or powder cocaine.

A powerful cultural narrative focusing on the power of illegal drugs to disrupt otherwise stable, happy lives dominates our media and political discourse, and shapes policy responses. Drug use is deemed to “spiral out of control”, destroying an individual’s ability to earn their living or care for their children, transforming honest productive citizens into welfare dependent, criminal “families from hell”.

This is a key component of the Broken Britaincritique of welfare and social policy advanced by the Centre for Social Justice and pursued in government by the CSJ’s founder Iain Duncan Smith in his role as secretary of state for work and pensions. However, the narrative has resonance far beyond the political arena and underpins most media coverage of drug addiction and the drug storylines of popular culture.

Most drug users are ..?

In reality the likelihood of individuals without pre-existing vulnerabilities succumbing to long-term addiction is slim. Heroin and crack addicts are not a random sub set of England’s 3m current drug users.

Addiction, unlike use, is heavily concentrated in our poorest communities – and within those communities it is the individuals who struggle most with life who will succumb. Compared to the rest of the population, heroin and crack addicts are: male, working-class, offenders, have poor educational records, little or no history of employment, experience of the care system, a vulnerability to mental illness and increasingly are over 40 with declining physical health.

The usual message. Imagens Evangelicas, CC BY

Problem cannabis use is less concentrated among the poor, but is closely associated with indicators of social stress and a vulnerability to developing mental health conditions.

Most drug users are intelligent resourceful people with good life skills, supportive networks and loving families. These assets enable them to manage the risks associated with their drug use, avoiding the most dangerous drugs and managing their frequency and scale of use to reduce harm and maximise pleasure. Crucially they will have access to support from family and friends should they begin to develop problems, and a realistic prospect of a job, a house and a stake in society to focus and sustain their motivation to get back on track.

In contrast the most vulnerable individuals in our poorest communities lack life skills and have networks that entrench their problems rather than offering solutions. Their decision making will tend to prioritise immediate benefit rather than long-term consequences. The multiplicity of overlapping challenges they face gives them little incentive to avoid high risk behaviours.

Together these factors make it more likely that, instead of carefully calibrating their drug use to minimise risk, they will be prepared to use the most dangerous drugs in the most dangerous ways. And once addicted, motivation to recover and the likelihood of success is weakened by an absence of family support, poor prospects of employment, insecure housing and social isolation.

In short what determines whether or not drug use escalates into addiction, and the prognosis once it has, is less to do with the power of the drug and more to do with the social, personal and economic circumstances of the user.

Heads in the sand

Unfortunately the strong relationship between social distress and addiction is ignored by politicians and media commentators in favour of an assumption that addiction is a random risk driven by the power of the drug.

It does happen. But the atypical experience of the relatively small number of drug users from stable backgrounds who stumble into addiction and can legitimately attribute the chaos of their subsequent lives to this one event drowns out the experience of the overwhelming majority of addicts for whom social isolation, economic exclusion, criminality and fragile mental health preceded their drug use rather than being caused by it.

Viewing addiction through the distorting lens of the minority causes policy makers to misunderstand the flow of causality and pushes them towards interventions focused on changing individual drug-using behaviour and away from addressing the structural inequality in which the vulnerabilities to addiction can flourish.

Until we re-frame our understanding of drug addiction as more often the consequence of social evils than their root cause, then we are doomed to misdirect our energy and resources towards blaming the outcasts and the vulnerable for their plight rather than recasting our economic and social structures to give them access to the sources of resilience that protect the rest of us.

Iboga- A Magic Bullet?

2015-03-18T11:42:00.000+00:00

Thoughts and random musings

I get the feeling, that this blog and therefore, my own thoughts and behaviours are, to the average reader, quite controversial.

When I first started writing this I was just the other side of my first Iboga experience.

Maybe I was in the happy cloud older Iboga initiates talk of?!

Either way I was so enthused and amazed at how easy, yet incredibly powerful, that first 'flood' was!

The blog continues, charting my journey through addictions and life. Two more full floods followed with lots of half assed attempts inbetween.

Looking back to that first trip I was so naive!

I mean I'd read everything I could find on the subject, I knew the pharmacology and the plants physical and psychological effects. I'd spent nearly two years plucking up the courage to do it.

From what I'd read online, I was expecting this incredible psychedelic, cathartic, energising, beautiful experience. One where I may get nauseous and would certainly get ataxia and wobble about the place. I did everything by the book, 18mg/kg HCL taken in two lots two hours apart.

I'd been preparing for a long time, reducing my methadone, eating healthily, hydrating, cutting out prescribed meds and other recreational drugs. I had a sitter (who was probably more terrified than me!) I had written everything down in case of an emergency and the doctors needed info. I even signed a disclaimer of sorts, proof that I had knowingly and willingly taken Iboga.

http://www.ibogaine.org/ibogaine_udi_bastiaans.pdf

Well, I don't remember much, it was amazing though. I do remember bits of it, my partner turning into a purple and green skull with dreadlocks, the drums, the fire, singing and clapping.

You pretty much lose all concept of time, I guess it was about 12 hours later I started to become lucid again.

It is a wonderful feeling, realising you are 36 hours into an opiate detox with zero withdrawal symptoms and no urge to score.

I got emotional, floods of years, happiness, regret, sorrow..

I called my mum and apologised for having worried her for so many years, how sorry I was for letting them all down. It was quite cathartic!

24 hours in and the main Iboga trip is wearing off, I can walk around a bit now, I sipped some juice.

48 hours in and I keep pinching myself, 'am I really clean?' ... 'Im not sick, I should be in the midst of a cold turkey!' .. Na, nothing!..

72 hours...

Start to get a runny nose, guts liquify. I calm myself and convince myself this is just the last of the methadone coming out, they're very minor symptoms and that I should stop being a pussy.

I call ibogaworld and literally beg them to send me some TA or HCL and I'd pay them back when I was better.

(I was, and still am, incredibly grateful to Michele and the ibogaworld team for helping me out like that)

They agreed but it would take ten days to get to me.

I trudge on.. Managing to grab snippets of sleep here and there.

Ok, by day five I'm sick as fuck.

The Iboga has worn off and in shitting and puking and sneezing.. How long does this go on for?!

I can deal with a bit, but this is fucked.

The Iboga on order is at least a week away still!

Day six and I can't cope any longer, it's too painful, I give in and score a bag.

I feel like a piece of shit for not being 'strong enough' to make it.

I justify this as a 'slip' and that ill make another attempt at an Iboga flood in a few months again (which I did do)

So, I learnt a lot from this, I learnt that despite all my hope and determination, methadone, no matter how you detox, is a bitch to get off.

I started hearing more and more stories from people that struggled and 'failed' when trying to get off methadone and suboxone with Ibogaine.

This made me feel a little less crap about myself anyway, it's apparently quite a common scenario.

I see this more and more often, desperate addicts thinking that Iboga is their one and only hope of cleaning up.

It does sound amazing, and don't get me wrong, it IS amazing.

BUT, it really isn't the silver bullet/golden ticket/last chance that people think it is.

Sure, some lucky people do get, exactly what they are looking for, when it all works out its amazing, these people completely turn their lives around. They also, often become very vocal advocates of Iboga, this is beautiful to see and they're doing a sterling job.

The down side to these people though is that they often only see the good and challenge anybody's opinion that doesn't match their own.

I've been told I was just weak and I could have got through that first flood if I'd tried harder.

They will not accept that Iboga just doesn't work the same for everyone.

I have a good friend that went to a provider for treatment, the HCL had zero affect and she spent three days shitting and puking up. Further doses made no difference at all and she eventually managed to crawl home to score.

We don't know why but on occasion Iboga doesn't do what we want it to. It doesn't seem to be down to dosing either.

It's quite possibly genetic.

Just like some people who were perfectly healthy and passed the ECG and blood tests before treatment, drop dead of a heart attack five days after flooding.

No one knows why. All we can do is try to negate the risks and work as safely and responsibly as possible.

I'd love to see some proper stats on this. I don't think there are many studies looking specifically at long term abstinence post Iboga.

I'm pretty sure they would be quite a lot higher than traditional detox and rehab; which from memory stands at about 5%. Same as methadone treatment.

I found this paper which documents a small sample. http://www.ibogaine.org/ibogaine_udi_bastiaans.pdf

I won't quote parts of it but have a read. Interesting stuff.

The problem with doing these type of trials is mainly that the patients drop out and stop reporting, or they relapse or they pass away.

It's a difficult thing to study.

Long overdue update!!

2015-03-07T20:00:00.002+00:00

A very long overdue post!

Wow, it's been such a long time since I've posted on here!

Such a lot has happened..

I did end up taking part in David Graham Scott's documentary "iboga nights", which was a loose follow up to his "detox or die"

I self treated with and ibogaine flood whilst he filmed and watched over me, checking my stats and administering my pre-prepared hcl doses.

The detox was successful and I stayed clean for s king time afterwards, with a lot of struggle and determination!

That was a few years ago now though!

I relapsed and got back on it big time after that, probably the worst I'd ever been before.

Injecting heroin and crack in my femoral vein, in the groin. In silly amounts.

A lot changed in my personal situation too, I ended up living on a boat on the canals in london for over a year, found lots of work on the boats too, which is what I still do now.

I painted a few narrowboats last summer and have a few already lined up for this year!

I'm clean again nowadays, although it's an ongoing battle, day by day, nearly twenty years of IV drug use takes its toll, physically and psychologically!

It's a bitch of a habit to break, and really doesn't get easier the older one gets.

I will start posting here again now anyhow, I have such a lot to catch up on, thought I'd let you all know I'm not dead somewhere :)

Until next time,.....!

Sid

The Future

2013-06-25T20:11:00.000+01:00

University

So I'm applying to do a music degree at goldsmiths next year.

It's a BMus, they do music or popular music. For the music course they want more things like GCSE's and a grade eight on your main instrument. Well, I didn't hang around at school long enough to get GCSE's, I sat my music one incidentally and got an A. Technically I hold up to grade six on piano but again I dropped out at about seventeen. So the popular music course is a little easier to get on, no qualifications necessary, just a talent and passion for music. I had a quick chat with one of the tutors and, reading between the lines, I have a pretty good chance of getting on the course. She told me they have to get 400 plus applicants down to 200 for interviews, they then get that down to just 50! Funnily enough I never even knew that university picks you, not the other way around! Haha. So she told me that a lot will come down to the personal statement, she recommended I start playing more live and to get some tracks recorded. I have just over a year to prepare anyway, pretty excited about it!

I might, in the interim year, go back to college and complete the final year of my counselling and psychotherapy diploma. I'd technically be able to practise as a counsellor then, which is a scary proposition! Haha

It would though go towards my final goal of being a music therapist, after three years getting a music degree I'd then go on to do some kind of therapist/counselling course. I think goldsmiths actually had a specific music therapy course. They have a pretty decent social sciences department anyway.

Music is really the only thing I get passionate about, it was my solace after I was abused aged eleven. We had a baby grand in the house we were renting at the time, which sounds terribly posh but believe me it weren't. I'd spend hours and hours lost in my own world. Literally working out how to play a triad chord, I learnt how to play by ear, listening to a song I liked on a loop, pressing keys until I found which ones sounded right. Stabbing out the melody and pressing base notes to match. I taught myself 'Eternal Flame' like this, 'Let it be' and 'Imagine'. It was around the time meatloaf had 'I would do anything for love' out and I remember playing it full blast and hammering it out on the piano, imagining I was on stage playing it live.. Mum noticed I was good and somehow found the money to pay a little old lady down the road to give me lessons. I had to suddenly learn these really basic classical pieces and read sheet music. I thought this was boring and would go home and play some twelve bar blues! To this day I hate playing from a lead sheet, once I know the chord progression for the song ill play it how I want to.

I took cello and trombone lessons at school, randomly.. Initially I wanted to play the bassoon but only because it looked like the coolest instrument in the orchestra! I taught myself guitar and by 14 I was busking Bob Dylan songs on the streets of Brighton with a harmonica around my neck. Not to sound like I'm bragging but I can pretty much pick up an instrument and work out how to play it in a few hours, ok, maybe we can strike the saxophone and oboe off that list! I taught myself piano accordion a few years ago. It was a 120 key piano accordion that I found in a skip! Seriously I have no clue how they play those things! I'm pretty musical anyway, I'd love to work with music somehow so therapy sounds great!

I should have a degree by the time I'm 36 and be fully qualified by 40! Haha.. I probably should have done it a few years ago but hey, never too late :)

Getting funded to do all this is a whole other issue though, I have no idea if I can get a student loan for this, especially the full three years.

It's £9,000 per year just for the tuition. I'd have to look into grants for living and housing costs. I guess they do those?

I read that you don't start to pay the tuition fees back until you're earning £26,000 annually. And then it works out about £5 per week which isn't too bad I think.

At least it's possible to get the damn things. In other countries you pay for your learning, most American families start saving for college from youngsters.

I can see why students are pissed off about fees increasing, by the time these kids graduate they're often £30k or more in debt!

It's a pretty hefty wedge of money to be stuck with before you even start to earn. Maybe I'm lucky being a mature student, the tutor I spoke with was saying it goes in my favour, my age, life experience etc make me a good candidate, I guess they like to mix it up a bit when it comes to new students. It would be pretty boring having just school leavers.

I'm really looking forward to it all anyway, I just have to pull my finger out before September and get some stuff recorded. I can do that easy :)

I did record my version of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' a while back. It's on YouTube

http://youtu.be/TbGS8BxjYfs

Complaining To Your Drugs Service & Injectable Script Progress

2013-06-24T14:15:00.000+01:00

East London NHS's Stance On Injectable Opiate Prescribing

So, this post is about my experiences dealing with the SAU, or, 'Specialist Addiction Unit' at our local hospital, Homerton (Hackney East London), a run down of the various letters sent back and forth on behalf of my friend and the unit's addiction consultant psychiatrist,manager and the clinical director...

The issues I raised and the hospitals responses are quite generic and I would have thought other drug services around the UK operate similarly, if you were looking into other treatment options for yourself.

I guess I've been acting as an advocate on her behalf, having someone fighting your corner, who also incidentally knows and understands how it all works, can work wonders for your self esteem and seems to have a positive effect on how well the professionals involved with your care behave ;)

This post may well piss people off, I know that a large percent of the general public probably view drug users and heroin addicts especially, as a problem for society, I'd go as far as to say sub-human, undeserving of love, compassion and tax payer money.
Sadly, the average citizen views heroin addicts as scumbags that would sell their own mother for a hit.
This isn't helped by the media, on the whole, if a news story concerns a heroin addict it will revolve around a mugging of an old lady for the £5 in her purse. The stereotypical dirty junkie.
This is also, probably the only time the public are told about heroin addicts, most don't know one or have any kind of contact with one. The message is clear, beware the scummy junkie, he'll mug you and won't think twice about it as he has no conscience or care for you.
Now, the reality...
There are an estimated 300,000 heroin addicts in the UK, that's just the ones that are registered for treatment and in receipt of maintenance scripts.
300,000 is a conservative estimate, for every addict in treatment there is a mother with kids too scared to access treatment for fear of social services getting involved, for every one in treatment there is one working in an office, holding down a good job, terrified of going to his/her GP for fear of being judged or losing their job. For every one in treatment there is another that can afford private healthcare, being prescribed MST from a private doctor or clinic..
My point is there is a huge amount of opiate addicts that slip under the radar, working, paying taxes, getting on with it! The 'functioning addict' I guess I'm one of them, I've always worked and supported myself and my drug use, I've always believed if one wants to use drugs then one must also support oneself and not expect others to pay for or support my habit.
Maybe people like me are in the minority, I don't know, I get the feeling there are lots of us though.
Now of course there are also your 'car crash, live to die' junkies.
These are the ones that commit crimes to pay for their drugs, most are in treatment, on scripts which for all it's negatives, gives you the option to use, being on methadone takes away the requirement to find money every day.
Sure, there are plenty that will steal, rob, lie, blag, do whatever it takes to get high.
In a society that criminalizes drug users and doesn't provide adequate prescribing of inject-able opiates, there are, unfortunately, those that will commit awful crimes.
I don't believe, in my heart, that the ones that mug old ladies actually want to do so, no-one gets off on stuff like that, it comes from a desperate place. I know they will have that on their conscience forever and so they should, I'm not condoning it in the slightest, I think it's disgusting, but I think simply punishing the person without any kind of constructive treatment is unhelpful and pointless.
It pisses me off that all addicts get bunched in with those that go that low.
Iv'e never in my life mugged anyone, Iv'e never stolen from my family, if anything I kept well away from my family when I was at my worst. I'm not trying to make out I'm mr goody two shoes but I am saying that despite the drug addiction, we still have a conscience, we are still human beings, we are your brother, sister, mother, father...
At my worst I spent a couple of years living on the streets in Brighton, I slept in car parks with a few other addicts. We would get up early and go begging or sell the big issue, I used to have to keep everything I owned in my sleeping bag, I'd make sure I had a hit made up ready from the night before for the morning.
Waking up sick in the freezing cold it's the only thing that keeps you going.
They were bad times but still I never mugged anyone, I begged for change and shoplifted occasionally. Only ever food though, I wasn't very good at shoplifting bigger goods and frankly couldn't be bothered.

So, my point is this.. Drug addicts are people too, people that have lost their way for whatever reason, usually some kind of abuse as kids. We're fellow human beings with feelings and dreams, don't judge us too harshly or quickly, this world needs more compassion and love not judgment and hatred.

So, onto the letter.. :P

So, a little background, if I maybe haven't covered it in previous posts...

She is a little younger than me, 30, with a long history of IV drug use, ten years plus.

More recently (the last few years) she's been injecting 'speedballs' so crack cocaine along with the heroin.

She has limited peripheral venous access having used the veins in her arms and legs for many years meaning the usual areas like arms and legs are thrombosed and the veins collapsed.

She is therefore a femoral/groin injector. She's been injecting in her groin for about three years too.

She has been in and out of treatment for around 15 years, various attempts at rehab (9-10 times?) methadone and subutex maintenance (small and large/optimised doses, the maximum being 130mg), DIY/home detox, 'community' detox (Home detox under the advice/support/comfort medications of GP), dihydrocodiene, morphine... Etc

In total in the entire length of using illicit drugs, the longest she ever managed to stay 'clean' was about a year, in 2004.

She is currently prescribed 60mg oral methadone, on daily supervised pick up.

She still uses heroin and crack cocaine on top 3-4 times a week, an average 'hit' for her is three bags of heroin and one crack-or about 0.6 grams heroin plus 0.2 grams crack. She will usually inject this amount three or four times in a day, costing around £30 per shot. She struggles daily with drug cravings and withdrawal symptoms. She doesn't feel her current treatment of 60mg methadone 'works' or is even keeping her out of physical withdrawal.

Traditional treatment has had little effect in the long term and she wants to try something new.

Ok, so in my opinion my mate is a perfect damn candidate for IV opiates, ideally heroin (diamorphine), although IV methadone would also be an option. She feels that her addiction is as much to do with the physical act of injecting as it is to anything else.

In her words she has, and always has had, a 'needle fetish' in other words, using IV drugs is almost a ritual, similar to rolling a joint or mixing a drink I guess. Some users become almost obsessive about how and where they prepare/cook and use. The act of tying off, finding a vein, pulling back and shooting becomes so ingrained, if you think about it from a CBT point of view, the reward is the hit. It's usually preceded by hours of hustling, shoplifting, sex work, whatever... Obtaining cash then obtaining the actual drug/s is all part of the addiction. This reward system is particularly strong when the user is in withdrawal, or has had to work extra hard to get the cash.... I can totally relate to and empathise with her, I was very similar..

I know for me at least, I was hooked on the whole process, running round scoring and finding a quiet corner or public toilet to shoot up in was all part of the attraction for me, maybe it's the knowing what you're doing is illegal/bad for you/dodgy.. Whatever, I got off on shooting a speedball in a public loo as much as the hit itself... Yeah.. Go figure mr psychologist ;)

Anyway.. As no other treatment has ever really worked, and she continues to inject illicit drugs on a near daily basis, with all the associated risks, I see injectables as a good option, it would be a method of harm reduction, she believes she can exchange her speedballs for a single, clean methadone or diamorphine shot. Cutting out the crack altogether. Pharmaceutical grade opiates are obviously also much less damaging to inject than adulterated street drugs.

After reviewing the NICE (National Institute Of Clinical Excellence) and NTA (National Treatment Agency) guidelines, she fits all the eligibility criteria so technically there is no reason she should be refused.

I put all this, in writing, to her consultant, the unit manager and the clinical director ..Who, by the way, holds the requisite home office diamorphine/dipipanone license.

Recently my friend has had a string of seemingly ever changing and frankly, bloody useless 'key-workers', I've been telling her to ask to see an actual doctor for months but apparently it's near impossible up there,.. at the 'SPECIALIST addiction unit' (Yeah, I'm annoyed, it was no better when I was there). They seem to specialise in doing as little work as possible, you might get asked to do the health assessment, otherwise it's just a case of handing out a blue script every two weeks and off you go.

We talked about the lack of specialty care at the unit, along with the high staff turnover and the de facto issue of confidentiality and continuity of care. We asked for an actual doctor to assess her for possible injectable prescribing and told them that we felt the unit was no longer even providing a basic duty of care to its clients any more. (Managerial talk for 'oh dear, duty of care is rather important')

Strangely enough, this seemed to get quite the reaction!

She was telephoned days later and informed that as her complaint was rather serious it was being referred directly to the trusts' complaint department.

She was asked to attend an appointment with a consultant from the neighbouring boroughs drug service to clarify the points she had raised.

She duly went along, as did I.

I have to say, we were pretty impressed with how the complaint was dealt with, the doctor asked her exactly what she was unhappy about and we discussed the possibility of injectables.

He told us that he'd be carrying out a thorough investigation of our SAU and the staff involved, and that he'd look into the injectables issue.

Fast forward two weeks...

She's called back again to see this consultant.

He agreed with her issue around not being able to see a doctor when requested and said he'd be hopefully putting a system in place with a time limit when a request is made.. He assuaged her other minor issues and moved into the IV script..

Long story short..

Yes, she fits most of the eligibility criteria,

yes on paper she would probably benefit from this intervention,

yes he agrees that studies from IV prescribing show very positive results,

yes yes yes pretty much..!

Oh, wait though.. We can't do it because we don't have the facilities/staff/money/home office licence/lives in the wrong part of London/worries she will inject in her neck/groin which rules out treatment..

Blah blah..

My take on it?

He thinks it's a good idea but his hands are tied with beaurocratic nonsense red tape and government guidelines.

Apparently, starting someone on any IV script (methadone or diamorphine) is a big deal. Most people with IV scripts are long term, inherited patients. Initiating new scripts is rare as hens teeth. These 'grandfathered in' patients are pretty much regarded as long termers that the doctors would rather not have to deal with.

The NTA guidelines state that the client must be observed for an initial period of time when initiating IV treatment, demonstrating safe and correct injection technique. (Not in the groin or neck, which is a whole other issue and personal gripe of mine, by the time a service user may be suitable for IV prescribing they usually have very limited venuous access anymore).

To do this means the unit needs a specialist nurse and a room.

See, to me that ain't really a big deal, but apparently it is.

The client would need to attend the unit and be observed twice daily for at least three months. They would get one take home a week for the Sunday and would need to return the empty ampoule, proving they weren't diverting their script (Again, really? why on earth would they 'divert' the drug they want and have fought tooth and nail for?!)

The prescribing doctor would require a home office licence, they would also want to be experienced and comfortable providing the script. (Funnily enough, there are barely any with the experience and confidence to do this)

Apparently it's quite a big thing to take on and the vast majority of doctors would simply rather not get involved.

I think, that really, it's just the fact that the government have made it so bloody difficult to provide this kind of treatment that no doctor wants to do it!

There was an outside chance of a referral to the maudsley hospital in south London. This is where the drug unit that did the RIOTT trials is based.

IF, and I mean IF, she managed to get a referral and was accepted, she would be under the same rigorous and thorough regime.

Having to travel halfway across London twice a day to inject in front of a nurse..and seriously..you'd need to be pretty bloody desperate to do that!

Currently we're waiting for the investigating consultants report.

It should be completed any day now, I'll update you all as we know more.

What came out of this all is the following;

-It is technically possible to get an IV opiate script

-There are only around 300 doctors in the UK with the necessary licence, these are not evenly distributed throughout the country.

-You're very unlikely to get injectables prescribed, particularly if you live outside the main cities

(Brighton and London both have provisions although they're near impossible to access)

-Be prepared to face a lot of hostility and red tape, whether its right or wrong, a lot will come down to the individual doctors personal beliefs/ethics/experience/preferences/prejudices etc

-Even if you manage to find a doctor willing to work with you, there's no guarantee the PCT will fund it, in comparison to traditional oral alternatives, ampoules are very expensive

-Our current Tory governments drug strategy is to go against all the evidence and previous experience and focus on abstinence based treatment. Ie: getting you off your methadone script as fast as possible (Yes, I'll be posting about this issue soon)

-Get some advocacy, it can really make a difference! Look up the methadone alliance, RELEASE and local users groups

-Do your homework, presenting a well researched, sensible and concise case will make a big difference

As I was saying before, the reputation and stigma attached to heroin/crack cocaine addicts is one I have to battle with on a near daily basis. Sadly this prejudice can often carry through to the very people that are meant to help us, doctors, nurses, drugs workers even.

Don't just lay back and accept the status quo, being ambivalent and passive with regards to the treatment you receive is what's expected of you.

Drug treatment strategies in the UK rarely change and are nearly always led by politicians that certainly don't have your best interests at heart. Drug treatment is a controversial area and MP's make decisions based on public opinion. Not on evidence based and patient centred choices.

Advocate for yourself and others, join your local drug users group, if there isn't one, start one!

As I've said many times before, addiction is not a 'one size fits all' problem.

There are many factors that contribute to a person becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol.

Addiction crosses all social boundaries and classes.

Ill leave you with this;

The consultant we saw told us he was very impressed we had written a letter of complaint. He told us it was a real novelty, to meet someone who wanted to bring attention to issues with their treatment.

He told us that most complaints come in the form of kicking off and shouting in the waiting room, the client storming off when he'd got what he wanted. End of story..

To get some real feedback and the chance to make the patient experience better was something he was more than happy to do!

So... Get writing :)

Love

Sid

Nearly Six Months, PAWS And Stopping Smoking!

2013-06-08T14:01:00.000+01:00

I've not been too good at writing posts recently, my only excuse is that when I cleaned up, life kinda took over!

It's coming up on six months now since my last Iboga flood.

Apart from a couple of minor slips, ie: one or two small shots, months ago, I haven't slipped back into a full time opiate habit, nor am I on any maintenance meds anymore! :)

As ever when coming off long term opiates, it takes quite some time for the body to heal and adjust. Often longer than you expect, actually when I got clean back in '06, I tapered myself off a 120mg a day methadone habit.

It took about 18 months of dropping 1-2mg each 4-5 days.

It was slow and arduous but it worked, I got three years opiate free after that too!

I'd never heard of Ibogaine at that stage, if I ever had to do a slow meth taper again I'd microdose with rootbark without a doubt.

Funny too, I'd not heard of the dreaded PAWS back then either, I think if I had I'd have probably talked myself out of the detox, or at a minimum suffered a lot more.

Looking back now, knowing more, I did struggle with it. From 120mg down to about 12mg was easy in comparison to that last 12mg!

I got so worked up convincing myself that the last drop, from 1mg to 0 I'd go into hellish cold turkey that I nearly talked myself out of it altogether! I started to do the addict thing of coming up with justifications why I should just stay on 12mg forever! Haha

As it happened, I actually swapped over onto subutex for the final bit. It wasn't easy, the transition is difficult and I got pretty sick. I was really pissed that I ended up needing a full 32mg to hold me, I thought I'd be ok at 16mg max!

It took about a week of pretty shitty withdrawal symptoms to stabilise, I then stayed at the 32 for a couple of weeks then started tapering.

It was much easier to taper with, I set myself a three month limit for taking subs, much longer and I've noticed people start to struggle getting off.

I got right down to 0.02mg, shaving the pills with a razor.

When I finally stopped altogether, I remember sitting at home that day waiting for the ct to hit me, I had subs on hand if it did... It never did!

Yeah, I was amazed.. But it just goes to show, if you have the discipline and willpower to taper it is possible..

Anyway. I'm getting off track..

I wanted to talk about PAWS, or Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms/Syndrome, like I said, I'd never even heard of it, so I didn't really know what to expect in the way of symptoms when I finally stopped.

Physically I had minor sweats and chills, goosebumps and sneezes that went on for maybe another week or two, my main problems were insomnia and depression.

For about a year after I stopped I was battling severe depression, I researched medications and antidepressants that were good post opiate addiction and the SNRI Venlaflaxine/Effexor came up. I asked my doctor and was prescribed Effexor. I can't say I felt on top of the world but if lifted me out of the suicidal zone.

It seems to take about a year to fully recover from long term opiate abuse, after that time I felt pretty much 'normal' and happy and had forgotten all about my past life really.

Why am I talking about this?

I guess because its kind of where I'm at again now, feeling sad and suffering a lot of anxiety.

Iboga rootbark helps me loads, I take about a gram whenever I feel I need it, which is usually about every two weeks. It seems to stop any drug cravings I'm having dead in their tracks and lifts my mood.

I actually even stopped smoking about six weeks ago too. Which is just crazy for me, I've always loved smoking and never had much intention to stop.

I bought one of those E-cigs from the pharmacy and never looked back, haven't smoked since! :)

Can't recommend them enough

That's all for now anyhow

Sid

Richard Branson Calls On The UK Government To Repeal The 1971 Drugs Act

2013-05-24T12:57:00.000+01:00

Yes, I'm surprised as you probably are!

Richard Branson, of Virgin Ltd, has recently posted a blog that urges the government to look again at our failing 'war on drugs' and urging that we look at other ways to deal with drug addiction, addicts, associated crime and social problems.

He includes a link to this petition, started by an MP from the Green Party in Brighton, which urges an immediate enquiry and investigation.

This is from the petition page:

Drug related harms and the costs to society remain high in Britain, with a growing consensus that the current enforcement led approach is not working. In recent months the independent UK Drugs Policy Commission has highlighted the fact that Government is spending around £3 billion a year on a policy that is often self-defeating; and the Home Affairs Select Committee has concluded Government action is needed "now, more than ever" to consider all the alternatives to our failing drug laws and learn from countries that have adopted a more evidence based approach. We are concerned that, in this age of austerity, nobody is checking whether Britain's current approach is value for money - or money wasted. We therefore call on the Government to commission an authoritative and independent cost-benefit analysis and impact assessment of the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971 within the next 12 months, in order to provide the evidence for Parliament to pursue a more effective drugs policy in the future.

This is positive news and I suggest you all sign and share it!

It seems the issue of our outdated and unfit for purpose drug policies here in the UK seem to be being talked about more often in the news recently. I hope and pray this is the start of the tide turning here.

As Portugal and holland have proven, the decriminalisation of drugs and the treating of addicts as people that need help, as opposed to criminals and lost causes, works!

UK Government Injectable Opiates Prescribing Guidelines

2013-04-04T16:16:00.000+01:00

Link here to the NTA (national treatment agency) UK injectable opiate prescribing guidelines

I've quoted below the most important parts... There is a lot of interesting information in the PDF so I would suggest reading through if you have an interest in the subject

This is taken from the PDF. The main message from the NTA is that the following eight principles should be adhered to when considering prescribing injectable opiates:

This link is the guidelines issued to my local NHS specialist addiction unit, it's specific to east London but the guidelines are probably applicable to most drug services nationwide.

        Principles guiding injectable maintenance prescribing

This guidance recommends that injectable maintenance prescribing should only be undertaken in line
with eight principles.

1. Drug treatment comprises a range of treatment modalities which should be woven together to
form integrated packages of care for individual patients.

2. Substitute prescribing alone does not constitute drug treatment. Substitute prescribing requires
assessment and planned care, usually with other interventions such as psycho-social
interventions. It should be seen as one element or pathway within wider packages of planned
and integrated drug treatment.

3. Within the substitute prescribing modality, a range of prescribing options are required for
heroin misusers requiring opioid maintenance. Some options may carry more inherent risks
than others (e.g. injectable versus oral options). Patients who do not respond to oral
maintenance drug treatment should be offered other options in a series of steps. This would
normally include:
• oral methadone and buprenorphine maintenance, specifically optimised higher dose
oral methadone or buprenorphine maintenance treatment, then
• injectable methadone or injectable heroin maintenance treatment (perhaps in
combination with oral preparations).

4. Injectable maintenance options should be offered in a local area that can offer optimised oral
methadone maintenance treatment including adequate doses, supervised consumption and
psycho-social interventions. This is essential to ensure oral drug treatment options have been
fully explored prior to a trial of injectable maintenance treatment and to ensure smooth
transition back to oral treatment if required.

5. Injectable and oral substitute prescribing must be supported by locally commissioned and
provided mechanisms for supervised consumption. Injectable drugs may present more risk
of overdose than oral preparations and have a greater value on illicit markets and hence may
require greater levels of supervision.

6. Injectable maintenance treatment is likely to be long-term treatment with long-term resource
implications. Clinicians should consider the move from oral to a trial of injectable preparations
carefully, including long-term implications for the patient and drug treatment systems and
involvement of services.

7. Specialist levels of clinical competence are required to prescribe injectable substitute drugs.
Heroin prescribing also requires a Home Office licence.
8. The skills of the clinician should be matched with good local systems of clinical governance,
supervised consumption and access to a range of other drug treatment modalities.

         Clinical eligibility

The expert group reached some consensus on eligibility criteria, precautions and outcome measures.
However, guidance on issues such as dose or the prescribing of combinations of oral and injectable
preparations will require further work.
The agreed criteria are set out in full and relate to factors such as:
• age and drug usage
• willingness to comply with conditions such as supervision and monitoring, engagement
in a range of care options, avoidance of some risky behaviours and of diverting prescriptions
into illicit markets
• persistence of poor outcomes within an optimised oral programme.

         Recommendations

The key recommendations are that:
• optimised oral methadone maintenance should be the maintenance treatment for
the majority of heroin users
• injectable heroin and methadone treatments should be considered only for the minority of
patients who are genuinely unresponsive to an optimised oral maintenance treatment approach
• injectable heroin and injectable methadone treatments based on this guidance should
be seen as a new drug treatment modality requiring the development of new integrated
care pathways.

         Key messages

The document has four key messages:
1. The prescribing of injectable substitute opioid drugs may be beneficial for a minority of heroin
misusers. The document makes preliminary recommendations on eligibility criteria.
2. Future maintenance prescribing of injectable heroin or methadone should only be undertaken
if it is in line with eight principles identified by the expert groups. This is essentially a new
standard of injectable drug treatment to that previously provided in England. Applying these
principles in practice, sets a high standard for delivery of this treatment intervention, in
recognition of the risks involved.
3. Services should be improving for patients already in receipt of injectable maintenance
prescriptions for heroin or methadone. Where patients are stable, maintaining this stability
is paramount.
4. Priority should be given to improving the effectiveness of oral maintenance treatment (on
methadone or buprenorphine) for the majority of patients in all drug action team areas in England.

         Clinical evidence

The following statements were agreed as consensus on ‘clinical evidence’ by the expert group based
upon many years’ experience of prescribing heroin and other injectable drugs.
Statements from the expert advisory group

1. We consider that the prescribing of injectable substitute opioid drugs, including heroin and
methadone ampoules, may be of benefit for a minority of heroin misusers. In principle this
should be part of a range of potentially available drug treatment options, provided it is set
in the context of a comprehensive drug treatment package.

2. We consider the prescribing of heroin and other injectable opiate maintenance treatment is
not a first-line treatment for dependent heroin users. Injectable opioid maintenance treatment
(including injectable heroin maintenance) is an exceptional treatment that should only be
considered for patients who have not responded to optimised conventional oral
maintenance treatment.

3. We consider that there may be greater inherent risks with injectable opioid treatment, when
compared with the better-studied oral methadone maintenance (and other treatments, such
as sublingual buprenorphine maintenance that has less risk of overdose). These include
greater risks of overdose, continued injecting harms and greater risks of diversion and abuse
of medication. Formal consideration of the risks and benefits of injectable opioid treatment
should be undertaken with all potential patients, particularly those who may be at highest risk.

4. We consider that these risks and dangers (to the individual patient and to society at large)
can be greatly reduced by adherence to practices and procedures which increase
compliance with treatment, and which reduce prescribing to inappropriate patients, erratic
use and diversion to the illicit market.

5. We consider the assessment of potentially suitable patients, and the subsequent initiation of
injectable opioid maintenance treatment, to be a task that requires considerable experience
and expertise in the addictions field, and which should consequently be undertaken by a
competent specialist doctor* working in an appropriately supported treatment setting.

6. We consider that the wider safe provision of injectable opioid maintenance treatment
requires substantial identifiable resources and facilities (as recently established in Switzerland
and the Netherlands). These are required in order to make possible the wider provision of
injectable maintenance treatment options and thereby achieve these greater potential benefits
to the patient and society whilst minimising adverse consequences.

           Cost and cost-effectiveness of injectable substitute prescribing

Injectable substitute drug treatment is a relatively expensive drug treatment option. Calculating cost
and cost-effectiveness of different types of drug treatment is complex and attempts to do so are
compounded by a lack of agreement on appropriate methodology. The NTA is engaged in further
work to provide more accurate and consistent unit costings of drug treatment modalities and options.
Strang et al (2003) estimated that injectable methadone represented 20 per cent of the methadone
prescription drug costs in 2001 for four per cent of treatments. Indeed injectable methadone and heroin
treatment has been estimated to cost between 5 to 15 times as much as oral methadone treatment,
depending on the content of treatment packages and arrangements to supervise consumption.
Surveys of clinicians indicate that the cost of injectable heroin in particular is a prohibitive factor. In
addition, it is recognised that the substitute prescribing of injectable heroin and methadone in the UK
appears to be a long-term treatment which may limit long-term cost-effectiveness.
The NTA will explore issues of cost in greater depth. However, cost factors indicate that commissioners
need to be able to ensure that the provision of injectable maintenance drug treatment does not
undermine the overall quality of care for all patients. Where adequate access to optimised oral drug
treatment options are not available to the majority of patients, it may be particularly difficult to
demonstrate this.
The potentially “high cost and low volume” nature of injectable maintenance drug treatment indicates
that it should be targeted at patients with high levels of need. These patients are, in any case, likely
to incur high levels of costs to health and social care systems.

          Inclusion criteria for injectable opioid maintenance

Clients should meet all of the following inclusion criteria in order to be eligible for injectable
opioid maintenance:
• The client should have a protracted history (> 3 years) of heroin dependence and regular
daily injecting.
• The client should be aged 18 or over.
• The client should be able to provide informed consent. This includes no active medical
or psychiatric condition impairing the patient’s capacity to provide informed consent
• The client should be willing to comply with the conditions of injectable opiate
treatment2, including:
• a treatment plan
• regular supervision and monitoring
• avoidance of persistent injecting in high risk areas (e.g. neck or groin veins)
• continuation of injectable treatment being conditional upon positive healthy response
to treatment (which includes other treatment elements in a package of planned,
co-ordinated care)
• diversion of the prescribed injectable drugs and “double scripting” being grounds
for discontinuation of injectable treatment.
• The client should first have received optimised oral maintenance treatment - an adequate
period (normally at least six months and for some this could be significantly longer) of
optimised conventional substitution maintenance treatment and associated package of care.
• There should be a persistence of poor treatment outcomes despite a current optimised oral
maintenance treatment episode. Indicators of poor outcomes may include:
• continued frequent (daily or almost daily) injecting of illicit heroin or other opioids
• patients at continuing high risk of the transmission of HIV, HBV or HCV to
themselves or others
• continuing injecting-related health problems (e.g. abscesses, cellulitis,
systemic infections), poor general health, poor psychosocial functioning and
drug-related criminality.
If the inclusion criteria are met injectable opioid maintenance treatment may then legitimately
be considered by the clinician, in consultation with the patient, key carers and the relevant
multidisciplinary team.
22

Getting Injectables Prescribed In The Uk

2013-03-04T19:22:00.003+00:00

I'm currently in the process of helping a good friend who's having trouble with our local drug service.

When I was using I know I could have done with someone on my side, advocating for me. So now I'm in a better position myself i thought I'd try and help.

So this is the situation, she is a long term user, around 20 years. IV heroin for most of it but speedballs, heroin and crack combined, for the last five years. Which I know from experience is a total bitch to kick.

When I first started using, I used to hang with a guy that did both. He used to infuriate me because after hustling money, we'd go to score the heroin, I'd be chomping at the bit to use it! But this guy wouldn't do heroin without crack! Seriously, we'd have to wait around for hours sometimes for his crack dealer. He just point blank refused to do just the heroin and I just didn't get it! .... Fast forward 15 years and now I get it! I fell into the speedball trap too towards the end. It really is difficult to do just the heroin. It's just not the same.

It's difficult to explain if you haven't experienced it, it's like toast without butter, or tea without sugar. Haha

It obviously also makes it that much harder to stop, you have a double whammy addiction!

I read somewhere about the physiological side of it. IV heroin or IV crack, alone, obviously induce a huge dopamine release, which gives the high.

Put the two together however and the dopamine release is around 400% more!

It's an awful addiction to have, at least with just heroin, psychologically, you're on a pretty even keel. Yeah you have ups and downs, when you're sick and skint you feel crap but trust me, once you've been on speedballs you appreciate the difference. The crash after a day of using is just awful. It used to take me a week to recover from a speedball binge. Not even wanting to talk to anyone else, physically feeling awful but the psychological side of it is like nothing else. Well, maybe like an amphetamine come down,.. a bit..

When it's time to stop, you're not only battling cravings and physical symptoms of normal opiate withdrawal, you get the extra fun of cocaine cravings and withdrawal! Cocaine cravings are pretty intense on their own!

Like I said, double whammy! .... Why did you think it was a good idea to try a speedball again? ;)

So anyway, my mate is an old school addict. Been at it a long time, been in and out of rehabs and programmes. Spent the majority of her addiction on methadone, 180mg at the highest. In drug service terms anything over 60mg is classed as an 'optimised' dose. 60mg is believed to be the minimum to achieve a 'therapeutic effect', the 'optimised dose'.

This has changed over the years, it wasn't too long ago that 60mg was considered a high dose!

Incredibly, in the United States, doses of up to 500mg daily aren't unheard of.

The most I have ever heard anyone being in here was 250mg.

She tried subutex but didn't get on with it. Some people just don't get on with buprenorphine. It's a very different drug to methadone and heroin, pharmaceutically and subjectively. It's a semi-synthetic, partial opiate agonist/antagonist.

It can feel quite 'chemically' to some people. If you're used to full agonist opiates like heroin or methadone, the crossover to subs can be difficult.

Right now she's frustrated with her treatment, she feels as though they have given up on her almost. A 'lost cause' .. It's very sad actually, this girl is an amazing person, really creative and kind. I've known her a long time, she's a little like me I guess, in that she's not really what you'd class as a 'junkie'. Having worked and supported herself, her kids and her habit most of her life.

Like me, getting caught up in opiates using them almost like a sticking plaster, to deal with emotional pain. Opiates are great at numbing those painful memories some of us damaged people have. They were almost a natural progression for me, I'd spent most of my teens struggling with feelings and emotions that I just didn't have the tools to deal with.

She's currently under the care of our local specialist addiction unit, at the hospital. This is where they send the people that don't respond well to traditional treatment, maintenance scripts which can be given by a key-worker at a community drugs service.

They are, by definition, there to provide a specialist service, in my eyes you would think that that involves using a wider range of medications and psycho-social interventions like psychotherapy and family counselling.

About a year ago, while I was still there actually, the budget was slashed.

Lots of NHS services were cut, obviously addiction services are an easy and obvious target and therefore one of the first to feel the pinch.

The consultant that ran the unit for years was fantastic, I've written about her before I think. A really amazing, caring doctor.

Part of the cuts included her having to incorporate the alcohol unit into the drugs unit. Splitting her time overseeing both units and pulling back on direct patient contact. She wasn't prepared to make this compromise and ended up resigning, it was a travesty actually and makes me mad to this day. Things at the SAU really went downhill after she left. Every week I'd hear clients moaning in the waiting room, keyworkers would change from week to week, it became impossible to see a doctor and you could just tell that most of the staff couldn't really care anymore, they'd be out the door by 4.30 whereas in the past stayed til gone five.

Rather than clients seeing doctors, nowadays everyone sees a keyworker, no matter what their needs or level of priority. The keyworker is like the liaison between the client and 'the team'

The team consists of registrars, keyworkers, one psychologist (to cover every client), the consultants, the manager, nurse and various other workers. They meet weekly to discuss the clients.

This may seem a sensible idea, and certainly streamlines things, but at what cost?

I know for me, when I was still there, I just felt a total lack of care or even interest. I had a different keyworker every appointment at one stage. They were obviously temporary agency staff, with no specialist training in the drugs field. One lady In particular was so obviously uninterested in me I played around a little and told her I was injecting benzos and that I was self harming again. To see her reaction. There was none.. She just wrote it down and moved on. I don't know what I was expecting really, maybe 'are you ok?' I guess..

Back to my mate.. She asked me to look up the government guidelines for injectable opiate prescribing.

I have an interest in this too because I was looking into it for myself before I stopped using.

It's a bit of a grey area, it's not a common practice, but technically it's possible to get an injectable script. The studies looking at injectable vs oral prescribing show positive outcomes, there is plenty of evidence from Europe, we all know about Zurich's incredible results with 'needle park'. They had a huge and very visible heroin problem some years ago, addicts would (infamously) stand out in the open, injecting eachother.

They rather bravely, implemented an injectable opiates policy. Set up a clinic where addicts could go and get a legal, safe and regular supply of heroin. There were conditions attached of course, the addicts had to attend the clinic twice daily and inject in front of staff where they could be monitored to ensure they were injecting safely and to stop overdoses. Incredibly they cut their new addict numbers by around 80%. By taking the 'glamour' out of IV drugs, they essentially stopped people wanting to start using. They have similar places in Canada although these are just safe spaces to inject, with staff on hand dealing with OD's and to offer safer injecting advice. They don't prescribe here just supervise. Many many lives have been saved and local HIV and Hep C rates have dropped.

Portugal have recently decriminalised the use of drugs, where before an addict would be punished through the courts and prison system, they started instead to offer them a place in rehab, or opiate replacement therapy. Again, they have proven the concept and cut drug related crime dramatically.

The glaringly obvious point here is that people will use drugs wether they are illegal or not, criminalising and punishing people for using DOESN'T WORK. Putting programmes and systems in place to help drug users is the only way to make a real difference.

Although I don't personally need medical treatment anymore, it's not long ago that I did, and I feel strongly about the UK's and the rest of the western world's outdated and useless drug policies. The 'war on drugs' hasn't, and never will, work.

I'm hopeful that things will change though, there is a small but rapidly emerging worldwide movement towards the decriminalisation of drugs.

UK drug policy does allow for the off label prescription of injectable opiates for addiction.

A home office licence is required to prescribe diamorphine though and there are only around 90 doctors that hold one.

No licence is required to prescribe methadone amps though.

I feel my mate is a good candidate for injectable prescribing, after reading the NTA and NICE guidelines she fits the criteria. The only other things in the way are practical things like being able to demonstrate good injection technique and having good venous access. It's also necessary to monitor people closely who start this treatment. Especially during induction. It may not be logistically possible to prescribe at your local unit and this will have an impact on their decisions to provide injectables.

Essentially though, the final decison rests with the prescribing doctor. it literally is as simple as the personal prejudice, preference, experience and maybe even the whim, of the consultant.

If you can demonstrate that you fulfil the criteria and you can show a good case for a realistic reduction in harm and improvement in illicit drug use, then there is really nothing stopping you pursuing it.

Cost is another major factor, we all know oral methadone is cheap as chips. As low as 20p per dose.

Currently there are around 5000 addicts receiving injectable methadone and around 450 diamorphine. Most of these people have been on it long term and were often inherited patients to the new doctor. Injectable scripts account for 80% of the total cost for methadone prescriptions.

Maybe some of you will think that I'm wrong. And that addicts shouldn't be given injectables. Maybe you're right. I just feel we should be given the option, if it works then all the better.

As I keep saying, addiction is a complex, difficult issue, it is not a 'one size fits all' problem and treatment should be tailored to the client. Utilising all the treatment options, including medications.

Trial results show a large amount of people either coming off opiates altogether or achieving a significant reduction of illicit drug use. That can't be a bad thing no?

If people aren't needing to commit crimes to get their drugs anymore doesn't society in general benefit?

Adulterated Heroin In Hackney

2013-02-26T13:31:00.001+00:00

http://www.release.org.uk/heroin-warning-february-2013

Release has received reports of dangerously adulterated heroin circulating in the Hackney area. It seems to be wide spread among local 'shotters'/street dealers. It is medium dark and appears to run on foil but we have had a couple of reliable reports from users and their friends suggesting that it has an opiate-type rapid onset of action (by smoking) but within twenty minutes to half an hour observers became concerned about disorientation, confusion, loss of co-ordination and loss of memory in users. The reports also state that the initial taste is usual, but the after taste is ‘strongly chemical’.

We suspect that it may be cut with a benzodiazepine and/or possibly Gabapentin/Pregabalin. There is a chance the benzodiazepine of concern is Alprazolam, a very strong form of benzodiazepines, or a pre-operative hypnotic benzodiazepine Midazolam (where users appear to be knocked for a couple of days). Benzodiazepines and opiates are dangerous mix in general, with profound effects on the respiratory system, and these benzodiazepines are particularly strong. With regards to potential cut with Gabapentin/Pregabalin, these are again very strong drugs, used in treatment of chronic pain/epilepsy and there are reports that these in combination with opiates can cause the above effects seen in this potential new batch.

We saw similar adulteration in the heroin shortage of 2010 which caused greater problems afterwards, when there was a high risk of overdose with batches that were not cut as strongly.

I've Been Offered A Free Trip To Thailand!

2013-01-07T19:56:00.001+00:00

Cool huh!?

There is a catch though...

I'd be going to Thamrabok monastery.
It's the one where you purge and sauna for a couple of weeks to detox.

It's a drug detox, apparently it's in the middle of nowhere and you pretty much spend the trip drinking purgative tea and throwing your guts up.

Sound appealing?

I might go actually, although I'm not technically dependant on anything, I do still have days that I really struggle with cravings.
I don't know too much about the place, I've heard a few stories though!

The people that come through the other side swear by it so it must do something right?!

Maybe going to somewhere like this will be the kick up the ass I need to keep clean and sober, looking to the future instead of dwelling on the past and shrugging off this depression and lethargy I've had for months..

There's a charity called 'East-West Detox' based here in the UK. Run by a chap called Mike that I met a couple of months ago when I was speaking at a confrence about ibogaine, recovery and addiction.
East-West cover the travel expenses to get addicts over there, quite impressive really!

-Edit- I discovered that I made a mistake, they apparently don't pay for the flights and food. You have to pay for yourself! They just facilitate the process. Sorry!

Thamrabok is another 'extreme' detox, honestly, after ibogaine I don't think I'd be shocked or anxious about doing it.
Ibogaine visions along with the total inability to control your legs and arms are pretty bloody intense. Ibogaine induced vomiting anyway, been there done that. At least with the thamrabok method your not tripping your nuts off at the same time!

It seems too good an opportunity to turn down really, I've not been out the country since my 21st birthday. I've always wanted to travel India, Thailand and Nepal.
Seeing it as a holiday probably is very far from the truth though.
I did skim read the website and your pretty much whisked from the airport to the monastery and whisked back at the end.
No 'stopping at go to collect £50'
Can you imagine how many clients they must have 'lost' over the years!?
Haha, Thailand, the land of cheap china white heroin and OTC ketamine.

I've been told to let them know if I want to go.
I also want to start my music degree this year so it would probably be best to squeeze thamrabok in first!

A New Year..

2013-01-02T13:24:00.001+00:00

My life feels like a merry go round sometimes. Only one that never stops to let you off!
Every new year and every birthday I promise myself 'not another year, this has to stop now and yet the next year here I am again, looking back at my own reflection with another years worth of lines and the beginnings of grey hairs.
I've been doing this ritual since I was seventeen. I guess things are better, im nowhere near as bad as I have been. Since my last Iboga flood I seem to have lost that obsessing for drugs thing. That's a relief and a novelty to be frank. I'm obviously not in the small percent of people that take Iboga and detox never to touch or crave drugs again.
I have to keep telling myself, it's not perfect but it's better. This time last year I was shooting crushed MST, plus heroin and crack on top. I do none of those anymore!
Actually, shooting the MST for so long has really left me with some quite scary health problems.

I wish I was better at taking my own advice sometimes. It's like I hear the words coming out my mouth when I'm trying to help others but I'm fucked if I can actually follow it myself!

I took a break from the big Facebook group I admin over the holidays. Since the creators and co admins, Cat Asche & Chris Bava died so unexpectedly last September in that awful car crash I've been trying to hold the group together. I was the only other admin in the group. I guess I felt responsible, and to a large extent, invested in the group. I've been a member for a few years, I've made some amazing friends there too, people that I'd say I'm closer to than people in my real life. I've witnessed some incredible acts of kindness happen there. From letting people stay at others homes, gifting ibogaine, donating towards members in hardship and just general support really. I mean there have been quite a few hairy moments with in fighting and tantrums but on the whole I love them all. Since Chris & Cat died the group has been in turmoil really. People jostling for a new position in the group, a lot of 'well I know what Chris and Cat would have said/wanted/done/agreed/disagreed with' etc.. Almost like a popularity contest at times. I've struggled at times because by taking over the role I seemed to automatically make a load of enemies. People that I've never met or spoken to suddenly abusing me and slandering me. All very bizarre and quite hurtful really, it's a strange thing, being an admin in such a large group of very bold personalities. It seems people view me as 'in authority' or something. I've been accused of being egotistical and power hungry, of only being interested in telling everyone I'm gay, of hating women and wanting to turn the group into my private domicile. Chris was excellent at refereeing, when arguments arose it often only took a paragraph from Chris and everyone would settle down. Because he was so patient and endlessly compassionate, he was able to placate people and settle any disputes whilst simultaneously being fair at all times, to both parties. He was wise, he cared and he had the time to spend every day having multiple pm's with people. There's no way I could ever love up to that! I wouldn't even try. In the weeks after they passed I spent days worrying about how best to continue the group, I came to the conclusion id need co-admins to help with the workload, vetting join requests and general day to day stuff. Chris used to pm new requests just to check them out briefly, the group has a huge proportion of silent members. I did the same, this would very often end up in long conversations about ibogaine and dosing and recovery, it really is a lot of work behind the scenes. Chris very rarely censored comments or booted anyone, it took a lot for him to remove someone. The problem is that he is obviously no longer with us, it seems that the previous light handed, laid back method of adminship no longer works. People seem to now think it's ok to troll, to offend other members with name calling and get away with it. In my opinion, part of my role is to keep the group safe and a place where anyone can ask for help. I did notice a drop in the amount of these kind of posts and a rise in the obnoxious, silly ones. This is why I think I might need to discuss with the group the possibility of some new small rules about abusing other people. It's not nice and it's not fair. There was an issue a few weeks back, a member that had been in the group a long time but rarely contributed was becoming abusive to a new member. She was obviously high, it was escalating, she was offering bad advice and offending other members so I stepped in and booted her. I pm'd her to say 'I took you out for 24 hours, your welcome to come back when you've calmed down' ... Well, the abuse I got was unreal, I was a cunt and a faggot, a women hater. I mean really vile stuff. Anyway, she went on to slander me in her group but that's another story! I thought it had blown over until people kept bringing it up in my group 'Sid booted her too early, I wasn't finished with her' etc.. This was just the most recent in a long line of unfair comments aimed at me, comments I'd let go for the sake of peace, and that as an admin I felt I should be somewhat impartial. That's why I left anyway, it was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. It was quite liberating actually, I felt free of the responsibility for a short time. People forget I think that I'm only a few months into recovery myself, I'm not the strongest person in the world and I don't have a thick skin (all necessary traits for a good admin apparently!) ... I heard the odd report of what's been going on, I was really quite shocked at the latest drama though! One of the older members had taken it upon herself to start some group polls. With the following questions posed: Should we boot out the current admins.? Another one asking: Should we all get a say in group decisions? .. Now, there is a reason the group isn't asked to vote on things like this, it would be a nightmare for one! 600 people voting Everytime a group picture was changed, or which posts are pinned. It would be silly, Chris himself said as much, 'the ISC is not a democracy, if you don't like it, leave'. I've no objection to the group having input but not to that extent. It's a closed group with admins, not an open group where everyone has equal privileges. Anyway, the polls flopped, the votes against her were 18 to 10 I believe, at which point she herself deleted them! ... The next thing we hear, she's started her own 'secret' group called 'ISC2'! With the 'about' saying 'this is the new ISC, for those jumping ship as its now falling apart' .. She then added 60 odd people without asking them, included in that list were Cat and Chris themselves and Chris's elderly mother! The whole thing is sick actually. I've no problem at all with splinter groups, nor did Chris! He in fact encouraged people to, and would join them and contribute! My issue is with the underhand and nasty way she's done this. It's so disrespectful to Chris and Cats memory, and legacy! Right now people are practically begging me to come back, I have rejoined, lets hope things get better. The ISC used to be such an amazing group and it would be very sad for the few louder members, claiming to be the majority, to destroy it.

That's all for now! I needed to vent.

Happy new year to you all!

Christmas N Stuff

2012-12-20T23:23:00.001+00:00

Hmmm, it's that time of year again.. The time for families to guilt trip each other into spending money they haven't got and everyone sits around wishing they were at home with a pile of gear.. ;)
I usually go to my mums, unfortunately she's working this year so were staying in London. I grabbed the opportunity to go volunteer for 'crisis at Christmas' .. I did it once before years ago, in fact I was a service user one year when I was homeless.. Crisis do great work, they have day centres up and down the country and work to help people who are street homeless.
Every year they do 'Crisis At Christmas' they open day centres across London and provide Christmas dinners, I think they cooked 16000 meals last year!
Besides the food they use a huge team if volunteers to provide healthcare, dentist, addiction key workers, complimentary therapists and counsellor.
This year I've volunteered as an entertainer! I'm playing a one hour set on piano!
I got myself a new keyboard a while back, I'd love to work full time as a pianist, at a piano bar or even session musician.

Music is the only thing I ever really gave a shit about, I've had so many different jobs I've the years! I never really followed my dream if being a pianist because I could t see a career in it for me. I don't have many regrets in my life, even getting on heroin was a huge life lesson.,! I do however, regret not staying at school, I really believe if I'd concentrate more on music I could have gone to an academy or uni to study for a degree, I have my grades up to 6 I think, I play be ear really, I can read music (although I'm really rusty) if I have to, but I picked up piano and guitar by sitting for hours playing and seeing what notes sounded good together! I discovered triads pretty early on :)
Before my friend Cat died she helped me by lending me some money towards buying my keyboard. She believed in me and wanted me to follow my dreams. It's with that in my thoughts that I've contacted goldsmiths to try and get on their music degree course, starting September 2013.
What I'd really like to do is music therapy, the degree will enable me to do a therapy course or just teach, I'd have to sit my grades up to 8 and do an access course too apparently..
It would mean 5-6 years study.. I'd be nearly 40 by the time I qualify! Although I'd be a 40 year old with a degree!
I'm trying to get some direction in my life anyway, it's time to do something I actually want to do I don't think I'm the kind of person that can do a job I hate. I've had some good jobs in my time too. I was the deputy general manager of one of the biggest clubs in London for a couple of years, good money but shit hours and a lot of stress! I'd much rather be teaching someone how to play piano!
I'm doing ok otherwise, I've been quiet this last few months because I've been trying to concentrate on myself. I'm still clean, I still use ibogaine root bark most days. Let me make it clear though, I am in no way dependent on it, physically or psychologically, I ran out a while back and I ended up sitting through some of the most intense cravings I've ever had! I had a couple of using dreams too... I hate them, they're always so vivid, usually I'm running around the streets, hustling up cash, then I go score, get home, cook up, I find a vein, pull back red and do it... That's when I wake up! Expecting a nice warm rush but nothing happens! Haha.. Pure torture! I don't think people who have never gone through opiate withdrawal understand just how intense and insidious the effects of detox can be! When you can't even get a moment of relief in the few hours of sleep you manage to grab things get hard!
I'm still trying to deal with the Facebook group i sort of inherited.. Who knew that as an admin you get so much abuse! I'm taking a break from it all for a few weeks. It all got a bit much, when I gained the admin ship I lost my support group, as an admin it feels there is this unspoken expectation to hold it together and be an inspiration to others struggling with their own recovery. People seem to forget that I'm newly clean myself!
It seems whenever you do good people just can't wait to try and drag you down!.. Or back into using as the case may be.
Just by being the third admin and inheriting full responsibility I gained a bunch of ready made haters and trolls.,! I wish I had a thicker skin, it's a steel learning curve, learning to let shit roll right off your back, I'm a pretty sensitive kinda guy.. It hurts when I, being called a cunt and fag for no other reason that I'm the admin of a support group

Anyways... I hope you all have bearable Christmases!

Here's a link to my (bad) attempt at playing 'Bohemian Rhapsody' on the piano!.. Man that's a hard song to Play! let alone sing 'gallileo gallileo' at the same time! haha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXSetKK5B1k&sns=em

Oh, and if you'd like to sponsor me at crisis, ie donate towards providing the food and services you can do so here...: http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SidSkid
Thanks to my family and friends I smashed my first goal of £100 and had to up it to £150!!

A Tribute For Two Amazing People

2012-10-29T16:57:00.001+00:00

I had some terrible news last weekend.
Two very close friends of mine were killed in a car accident..

I've been trying to come to terms with this all week, I can honestly say I've shed more tears over the untimely death of these people than I have for family members that have passed.

They were called Cat Asche and Chris Bava.
I met them (I say met, more started talking online) about three years ago, I started talking to Chris originally I think from the 'Mindvox' Ibogaine mailing list.
His comments always made me laugh and I usually agreed with him 100%
He was a character, he invited me to join his facebook group the 'Ibogaine Survivors Club' and I duly accepted the offer!

Boy, am I glad I did, I've met and become close friends with so many people through that group!
It's funny, and even difficult for people around me in my real life to begin to understand what these people mean to me, especially Cat & Chris!
I started contributing anyway, when I first joined I was at a stage with my using that I had become totally ambivalent about recovery. I'd sort of come to the conclusion that I'd just never be clean.
Over the weeks and months I started to change my mind, these people, just by recounting their stories, inspired me to have another 'go' at getting clean.
The rest is history so to speak.. I started thinking about trying another iboga detox, I was given very honest opinions and experiences of Iboga, I'd done one flood before but it didn't work, I was coming off a hefty methadone habit though, plus heroin and crack.
The more I've learnt about the way iboga works, I now understand that it struggles with the long acting opiates, methadone or subutex.
So, with the groups support I began to stop using methadone, I got my MST prescription and used 600mg morphine daily for the next 18 months or so.

It must have been around then that David Graham Scott contacted me, he told me he was in the process of filming a follow up documentary to 'detox or die', the film he was in ten years ago, coming off methadone with iboga very successfully.
It all sort of fell together, we planned my flood and filming for mid August.
Cat put a call out in the group for help with costs, I wasn't working and just couldn't afford the £600 I'd need just for the medicine.
Amazingly people donated towards it!
I blogged about this before! ... Anyways, the majority of the money came straight from Chris & Cat, they were so incredibly generous I was humbled really.

So, I do my flood, great, I had one slip a couple weeks later, I was so pissed at myself!
It was around this time I confided my slip in one person in the group I thought I could trust, I had no idea she was quite so unpredictable at the time but she preceded to tell people, including Cat & Chris.
She forced my hand, I was going to tell people in my own time, sadly I had to then write to people privately and make a public statement.. (I think I blogged about all this too but bear with me!)
I wrote personally to Cat & Chris, scared that they would reject me or be angry that they had given me money and I had let them, myself and the group down!
I actually left the group, my support group so that this girl wouldn't have to 'cover my lies' as she put it.
Chris had made me an 'admin' of the group some time before too so I naturally gave that up too.

So, You know what they did?

Put me straight back in the group, re-instated my admin role, gave the girl that caused the problem 24 hours to apologise, which she didn't so they took her out the group!
They then told me that I was a valuable member and that he wouldn't hear of me leaving and instead of being angry they offered to pay for my next treatment if I wanted to try again!
Just constant, unconditional love, acceptance and forgiveness with no judgement or anger!

I was so bowled over..!

Anyway, the point of all that was to illustrate what kind of people they were.
Chris had a very colourful past too! He was an international drug smuggler back in the day, really leading the life, sailing round the world, driving Harleys and living off China White heroin.
He had a wake up call when they got busted, he ended up doing six years in a federal jail!
He's often recount the story of at intake he told the guard that he had a hefty CW heroin habit on top of 80mg of methadone and that he would need some kind of maintenance medication. The reply was 'welcome to the big time son, here we go cold turkey!'
He had no choice in the matter!
I think he said he didn't really recover properly for a year!

So, during this time he met a guy that practised Siddha yoga, he talks of a spiritual awakening and he was hungry for more. It was a huge turning point in his life, when he got out he went to India and became a 'seeker'. Living in ashrams with guru's .. He often said he loved the 'Seva', basically service, helping others, he got a buzz from it. He was totally clean for 17 years.

After meeting Cat in Australia they moved back to the states and opened a nightclub in the LA artist district, they did this for a few years, putting on the annual burning man 'decompression' event.
During this time both of them struggled with their own demons, Chris relapsed on heroin and Cat methamphetamine mainly.
They had moved to Tijuana, Mexico a few years ago to clean up.
Chris underwent treatment with iboga a few times and readily admits it didn't work for him, he could see the potential though and advocated it's use for others after that.
He eventually got clean in an 'intervention' style Mexican rehab. The family took him down to this beautiful looking clinic which boasted equine therapy and a swimming pool and gym.
As soon as the family left he was basically bundled into a sub-terranian, cockroach infested cellar. locked up and left for three weeks!
Cat would call to see how he was doing and would be told 'Chris is doing great! He's been riding horses today and sends his love'

As horrendous as this sounds, he attributed his getting sober to this place, he was always saying 'when the addict is ready the solution will appear'

Cat & Chris spent the last few years opening their home to addicts coming for treatment in Mexico, they would arrange cheap treatments and feed and home people needing help.
They loved animals and would take in strays, they had eight cats in total and two lovely little dogs.
Chris would spend a lot of time in Zone Norte, the red light district of TJ, befriending the homeless deportees. There was a trust there and Chris started to photograph them with stunning results!
He had a blog here
They were both working with a small charity called Prevencasa which helped the deportees and sex workers with clean injecting equipment and clothes etc.
If anyone is looking for a way to donate and continue his work seriously consider donating to them!

They were both artists in their own right too, Chris's brother Mark was an amazing sculptor, Mark sadly died in the accident too.

It's come to light after their passing just how extensive their 'Seva' was. There are lots of people they supported financially and emotionally, never expecting anything in return, they were truly selfless people and we should all take a lesson from them!
Cat was the kindest, sweetest woman I've ever known, so gentle and caring. She was always there for me when I needed advice or support. I'm so glad I got to say how much I appreciate them in our last few messages and I got to give her some money back too which felt good, I was sold by someone that she was very touched I had as 'most people never bother' .. It made me cry hearing that actually.
Cat had lent me the money to pay for a new piano recently, she was really keen I got back into playing again, it's made me more determined than ever to play more music!
I'd asked her to request me a song and I'd record it for her. Sadly she never got to hear it but I recorded it the next day and uploaded it to youtube.. It's a bit messy with a few mistakes but it was a first take recording and I was trying hard not to cry! Here it is anyway

I could write more on these two, there was so much more!

Although what has happened is incredibly shocking and sad there were some blessings, they went together being the big one. I think one passing would have been too painful to bear.
They had also just gone to see Bob Dylan in concert so had had a great night!

They weren't even driving when this happened, they had pulled over to the hard shoulder for a rest and were ploughed into from behind by a little Honda doing 65mph.. (the driver survived)

It's been interesting to see peoples behaviour too, people that have acted with little respect and taken stuff from their house within a day of the news fills me with rage, people they had supported financially for the last six months too!
But in general the group has become tight and we've all supported each other.
As the only other admin at the group I've had to continue day to day admin duties, all pretty stressful!
Chris used to do it, and although he rarely chastised anyone publicly and he always managed to keep up the appearance of little intervention in the running of the group, they both spent hours and hours in PM with members and 'vetting' new requests to join as sadly facebook is full of trolls, people that just want to cause trouble.
I feel as though Chris has entrusted the group to me and I will do everything in my power to make sure the group continues.

Well, I only covered a fraction of what I wanted to here, I'll leave you with some of Chris's best quotes!

"Time, time ... so much to do and so little of it. :))" Chris Bava 09/22/12

"There's a thin line between breakdown and breakthrough." Chris Bava 10/10/2012

"Speaking of twilight zone, how about deceased people still posting on FB?! Christopher Hitchins still posts and a local Mexican artist we knew (who died last year) just updated his cover pic. It's kind of charming. I put a 'like' anyway smile" Cat Asche, 10/10/2012

"We're all going to lose parents, loved ones and family members .. that's life. As addicts we're or the addiction is always looking for a reason to re-establish or continue itself. You certainly can get by without having to shoot heroin, first make sure you prevent that from happening." Chris Bava, 10/11/2012

Test, whether it is or isnt who can say but it's life compressed in months .. and it seems to happen, if you can hit the warrior switch like I mentioned before in other words tell god to "bring it" it will all seem not so bleak and devastating .. anyway that was my trick ... and I'd say to myself "savage grace, savage grace" ... in the world of yoga they say it's the shkati burning away the samskaras .. they call it tapasya .. or doing austerities .. passing thru difficulties as a means of purifying .. it worked for me and believe it or not there's a kernel of truth to it." - Chris Bava

" No? Because the truth is we're aren't anybody .. whatever importance we ascribe to ourself is a fantasy, it has no importance to anything other than to a tiny blip in time .. primarily "our" time ... it's easier to let go as a the nobodies we are." - Chris Bava

Yes, and I think advice good or bad is about the same, worthless, if there is any benefit in the group it's not getting advice but maybe a kind of resonance with others that makes some people not have to feel so all alone ... everything else is fluff, entertainment while something else beneficial could be going on for a few who might otherwise be on the tipping point. Advice is the worst kind of helpfulness, unless someone specifically asks for it and even then, who really pays attention or uses it?" - Chris Bava June 24 2011

"All I know is one day you'll be whistling along with all the time in the world & at some point you'll wake up with a start to realize there's no going back and now you're like an asteroid hurtling helplessly through space toward your demise where the end could as well be today as tomorrow. Some days it's alarming, others exhilarating but time & life become vastly different from when mortality was just an abstraction, something far off and unimaginable somewhere on the other side of my universe. We're all doing time and living under a sentence of death, if you're lucky you'll find out that you're nobody or you'll be cursed in believing that you were somebody that did something remarkably important." - Chris Bava 9/23/2012

"Screwballs, and gangsters" had to go into centro yesterday to pick up a young man from Boston who is here for ibogaine treatment while waiting I crawled the car around the deep back streets on the city, Cat asked why I'm attracted to the worst sections of the city. I think I find the best stories there written on the faces, streets and walls ... life's pathos so obvious here. Mine breaks more for the animals too, for me the saddest thing of all is the innocent beautiful look in the eyes of birds and all the animals suffer illness & pain with such dignity, it seems.Maybe this tragedy will teach people humility, though I kind of doubt it. xocb " - Chris Bava , June 30, 2010 (he's referring to the animals hurt in the oil spill )

"I dont feel any need to sit for formal meditation, it sometimes just comes over me. I prefer the very late hours too (or very early) and seems regardless of when I go to sleep I wake up around 3 or 4. I think in India they called it the nectar hours when the world around you was asleep, considered an auspicious time to be awake. That was the thinking around the ashram anyway. Once you become tuned into a particular teacher, I like the concept of the teacher being not the person but the resonance between sage and seeker then I guess that resonance would be there whether the entity was or not." - Chris Bava, June 21, 2010

"it's not necessary to have daily interactions (with a guru) .. maybe a few to develop a kind of bond .. or even online .. by asking questions, something happens .. anyway, it's all about a bond .. I suppose that isn't confined to time and space but happens more often in time and space...a guru isnt a person it's a resonance, a principle that will inevitably cause a lot of trouble for you ... a good teacher will always." - Chris Bava, August 15, 2012

"Yeah, I understood your question and actually feel it silly to think somehow meditators will automatically be spared life's unfortunate circumstance because they sit regularly doing whatever they do to meditate. Delirium is as much part of the universe as daffodils and bliss, why is that one spared and the other isn't? The better question would be "Why not?" So, someone falls, becomes confused and then delirious in hospital they'd not only have to feel humiliated enough by the experience but also made to feel guilty because they somehow fell short of something they should've been better at or doing more of. Somehow they screwed up the deal and it was their fault. Since I turned 50 I've been saying intentional communities should to be set up, run by seniors for seniors in a loose, hip way that would appeal to our generation of fringe people. Probably doesn't help that hospitals look and feel the way they do, sterile, scary with staff too stressed out and busy to be personable and why the many who go to hospitals for a 'bad' acid trip wind up getting worse and given awful anti-psychotic medications. I bet that'd eliminate a decent portion of the nightmare. Community can do wonderful things. I used to be able to stay awake until all hours, and sleep few. Now I have no control, I fall asleep relatively early and wake up very early. I guess this lack of control comes with age, though I believe our sense of control is just an overlay on whats really in control anyway. xocb" -Chris Bava , June 22, 2010

Twitter...

2012-10-10T17:20:00.001+01:00

Just a quick post.

My old psychiatrist, Vanessa Crawford is now on twitter!
She is seriously the first and only doctor that I felt really gave a shit about me.
Sadly due to NHS budget cuts she left east London and went to work for another trust.
A real shame, she's sorely missed at my local addiction unit.

She's highly respected in her field, addiction, regularly giving talks at conferences etc
She's a credit to her profession.. If you hadn't noticed I think she's bloody marvellous! Haha

So, yes, she's on twitter now, under the username 'addictionpsych'
She's happy to answer questions about drugs, addiction treatment in the UK and so on
I highly recommend you follow her!

While your there, I'm on twitter too as 'exheroinjunkie'

That's all for now folks! :)

New Facebook Support Group

2012-09-22T17:16:00.002+01:00

Hi peoples!

I've just started a new support group on Facebook.
It's called 'We're Getting Better'

Try this link although it may not work..

It's not heroin/opiate specific and it's not gonna revolve around Iboga.
I simply want a group for people in all stages of recovery to feel safe to share and get some moral support.

It's a 'closed' group which simply means its private. No one on your friends list can see what you type.
This is really important obviously.
This is a place you can be free to share whatever you want without fear of judgment or ridicule.

So, if your on Facebook go join!
While your at it, friend request me! :) I'm 'Sid Skid'

Hope to see you there!

It's been nearly a month!

2012-09-17T12:42:00.001+01:00

Hi everyone!

So,

Where am I?!

Well, things are ok. It's been nearly a month now since I did another Ibogaine flood.
It's funny looking back at my blog entries over that first week!
I've left them as they are just to show quite how ataxic and clumsy the medicine makes you!
I mean, I don't even remember writing them! Haha..

So, a month...

My Ibogaine 'glow', always seems to last about a week, others report this 'floating on cloud nine' feeling for up to three months sometimes!
I think it must have been around day six or seven I started to feel a bit down, I was also trying to cope with minor withdrawal symptoms.
By minor I mean very low level chills and sweats, goosebumps, diorreah, sneezing etc.
Nothing unbearable, just annoying.
I was using iboga root bark to cope with this which always works very well, unfortunately I ran out!
I had less than I thought as I forgot I'd micro dosed for two weeks leading up to my flood to get my morphine tolerance/habit right down.
On that note, micro dosing co-commitantly with root bark works really well!
I was using up to 1200mg daily, I'd take 900mg (iboga rootbark)upon waking, in place of my morning shot and it worked like a dream!
By using this protocol I managed to easily cut down a 600mg IV morphine habit daily to 100-200mg!
I was also still shooting speedballs nearly every day too and managed to stop that too.
When I say 'easily' I really mean it.
Like, not only was I not in any withdrawal, I was actually high if anything!
Iboga not only potentate's opiates but it also seems to extend the effect.
After a week I was able to drag my first shot of the day out til mid afternoon! Something that just would not have been possible without the iboga.

Using the two together can be dangerous though. In the doses I've mentioned there shouldn't be any issues BUT, if your thinking about doing the same then please do some research first!
Because of the potentiating effect the risk of overdose is increased and this protocol must be used very carefully.

Anyhow, back to my current situation...

As I say, about a week after my flood I was feeling pretty crappy, physically.
I had ran out of bark and was waiting on more to arrive.

I ended up slipping and using once. Strangely, it just wasn't the same as before.
I just didn't enjoy it, like I couldn't get high?..
I've heard others report similar experiences too, not being able to get high after Iboga, or rather the drugs just don't cut the mustard any more.

So I used, once, a speedball...
It was crap, I didn't feel high. It relieved my PAWS for a few hours but more importantly, it really put me off using!
Over the course of three floods now, the way I think about drugs has changed dramatically.
I don't obsess and 'fiend' over them anymore, it's actually quite liberating!
I mean, I've been a live to die junkie for years! I didn't care about anything, least of all myself!
My health, both mental and physical, just weren't important. I didn't care what damage I was doing to my body and I'm sure I have.
My lungs are terrible and I know that shooting MST for the last two years has taken it's toll.
I'm quite badly asthmatic anyway but after coming off opiates I really noticed just how bad my breathing is.
Lately I keep finding myself short of breath, half a dozen times a day I find myself panicking because I can't catch my breath.. It's terrifying actually!
Opiates suppress the cough and breathing reflex, this is why they are used in cough syrups.
I just plain didn't notice how bad my breathing was!
I've been on about six courses of different antibiotics and oral steroids recently as I was aware I had a chest infection but it just didnt seem to want to shift.
I really noticed suddenly after stopping the morphine that my breathing went back to normal and the chest pains that were being masked by the opiates came to the fore.

I've just finished another course of amoxycillin anyway so fingers crossed I'll get better now.
I even ended up calling an ambulance at 5am the other day I was so panicked because I couldn't breath!

Anyway... Where was I?

Yes.. Nearly a month..!

Aside from the chest and my one very minor slip, I'm still clean!
I've stopped the benzos too, I was taking far more than I thought, the last thing I needed was/is a bloody benzo habit on top of everything else!
I'm even trying to stop smoking at the moment.. Mainly because I physically can't with my chest being so bad but also because I want to, for the first time in my life!
I've cut down from 40 plus a day to like, five or six which is pretty cool.. (I do have three patches on though)

So, to sum things up..

I'm very happy with where I am.
Things may not have gone perfectly to plan, no, I didn't manage to stay 100% clean after my flood, BUT;
I've had a huge shift in my thinking and behaviour!
I'm no longer shooting anything, I've been attending NA andf SMART meetings three or four times a week and even saw a clincal psychologist the other day.
Hes actually really nice, I don't usually get on with psychs, especially male ones for some reason but I like this guy.

I guess it depends on how you define success anyway I guess, in relation to my detox..

In my eyes, I had a minor slip and have since picked myself up, dusted myself down and worked hard at my recovery.

I had some drama recently I could have done without..
I'm a member of a great support group on facebook, it's a closed (ie private) group called Ibogaine Survivors Club
It's a place I feel safe and can be honest usually but the last few days something happened which really surprised and disappointed me.

Only a few people know about my slip and they're mainly people I know in real life that I felt able to tell.
I made a bad call a few days ago by confiding in another group member who I really thought I could trust.

Unfortunately after telling this person about my slip she decided to take it upon herself to 'out' me.
She literally went from a good friend, saying how happy she was that I felt I could confide in her and did a complete 180!
I was basically emotionally blackmailed.
She said that she could no longer post or share in the group as she didn't want to 'support my lies'
That I'd pushed her out of the group with my dishonesty etc etc..
Anyway, this ended up with me basically saying that I'd leave, which I did (after telling her to go fuck herself and what a nasty person she was)
It was horrible, these people are my friends but I did leave (I'm actually even an admin there) so she could continue to share.
How bad is that right?!

I wrote to the other admins of the group (the actual group 'owners') to tell them everything as I knew she would
Luckily they were not bothered in the slightest and I was talked into returning.
So yeah, she did as I thought and spent the day yesterday messaging the admins trying to get me into trouble.
Unfortunately for her I'd already told them everything so this all ended up backfiring and making her look like a douche and a gossip haha

Actually, the funny thing is that she started the whole thing off, me telling her, by saying in a private message that if she knew I'd relapsed she'd be on a plane to the UK to get some 'proper H' !(She's from Finland, apparently it's nearly impossible to get heroin over there)
It's only because she said that that I felt I could confide in her.
She swore blind that she wouldn't break my confidence!
She's literally spent the last two days messaging people in the group trying to get me into trouble, I've also been told that she's got a screw loose and that she prides herself on her ability to 'take someone down'
She has no qualms about snitching on people to the cops apparently.
I don't think she has anything on me luckily. She does though have my address as she sent me some Ibogaine a whole back.

I really can't be bothered with all this right now anyway, I'm concentrating on myself, staying clean and serene!

The whole thing is awful, of course I wanted to be honest with my support group!, I haven been intentionally lying and enjoying it. Far from it! Fact is its not quite a simple as all that, there is other stuff going on, it's not black and white.

Why all the drama!?

Anyway..
That's it for now

Hope you lot are all good!?
let me know in the comments.. :)

Sid

Day 12?

2012-09-02T11:35:00.001+01:00

Well, everything's fine so far!

No PAWS (I'm still taking around a gram of bark every morning though)

No physical cravings, just dealing with breaking that daily use routine

Someone mentioned becoming dependant on bark, well, it's better than heroin and trust me it's impossible to become addicted to bark, your body wouldn't let you.

There does come a point where the receptors are so flooded with iboga/nor-ibo that you reach a point that any more wouldn't help

I feel ok, not depressed as such, more just a bit flat which is to be expected after any long term opiate addiction
I think there's a lot to be said for really trying to change your habits, so easy to just lay on the couch and feel sorry for yourself, actually making an effort to go to meetings, therapy, exercise. Makes all the difference!

I gave up all my free will this time, handed over bank cards, cash, disposed of all the paraphernalia. No needles, cups, swabs etc in the house.

That was the hardest bit,handing over my power. Has to be done though

Day Ten?

2012-08-31T17:46:00.002+01:00

So, day ten I think!

I feel great, no cravings, zero withdrawal symptoms, not fiending

Fuckin amazing drug!

Will update at day 30 with a proper run down, apologies if I hasn't replied to comments, I have the brain of a five year old.

Anyway, the shit works!

Day Nine Update!

2012-08-29T19:29:00.000+01:00

So!

Day nine!

Cant quite believe it myself!

Aside from the lethargy and boredom I'm doing great!

No PAWS, no restless legs, no depression!

I know its only a week, but it's still a fuckin week!

I'm still taking bark micro doses every day and did a 200mg HCL booster earlier.

All in all, a very successful detox!

Day Three! Post flood! And a small quick Draft if my Notes

2012-08-26T22:50:00.001+01:00

Im wiring this to reduce harm reduction please feel free to copy and post
It's a general edit is the big lack I got together in case anything went wrong!

I'm hoping that, although I may not be popular for doing this, I know our average junks can afford minimum £2,500 per tx. So here's. All my notes I'll be undoing it too

(Make sure you include your EKG and blood rulers in the pack!

Dear A&E consultancy, in the case you ever need to see this, I wish to I for, all my state
Sex:
DOB:
Weight:
Height:
Medical conditions:
Prescribed meds:
KNOWN ALLERGIES
MY AVERAGE BASELINE OBS|

Ibogaine hydrochloride, hallucinogenic root bark from the shrub Tansrnante Ibos

A full syntheses Is now possible which brings the single, believed 'addiction interruptor' ibogaine alkaloid hydrochloride (HCL)
This is the heavy shit. For people with latge methadone or suboxone.

(Ialso included a list of attached contrasidicarions!
'safe' drigs that have been iasuswd in combo with ibo are, but no way limits too:Benzodoazepines, yehretoo, lidocaine

'danger drugs with ibo:
Opites! (ibo resers opiate tolerqnce to near zero and a few people have died like this!diazepam may help with anxiety

(A bit about ibo)
Ibo prolongs at, you MUST be have a BP and oxi cuff, ibogaine slows the hart right now ,I've dropped to 43 pm, toward he end.
I've also made a graph observing my starts, I've kept all the days and will keep writing out up now!The booklet consists of, on the front page, all my gp details, my weight, height, sex, dob, age

I did to though! I've stuck my dings up at that nasty bit of work Dr Sarah Metcalf, I'll never be going back again! Waney! I'm duckin clean!
Letter of absolvtion:
Goal of detox, to attenuate acute wd,

(so this is verbatim)
Detox goal, to detoxify from a fifteen year heroin addiction using an African shrub. It grows all over the world, mailmy Gabon or Cameroon.
My daily dose WAS

200mg split three ways over the day, every six hourse
I successfully and painless cutdown from 600,gbdakt to 100mgm in a week!

Impossible right!?
Sorry, anyway, back tommy letter/ER emergency letter.

Day three post flood! I'm on top of the world!

2012-08-26T20:57:00.001+01:00

Day four!

Well, I have to say, it was a painfree, comfortable, gentle detox.

I think what save me fro the PAWS though was for the two weeks leading up to my detox I was micro dosing root bark daily around the 2g limit before you get into psychoactive dose range..

Tolerance builds quick with RB and I know a few people that can easily manage 4000mg daily.,!

So, my experience, I had a sitter, checking my bp and pulse evy thirty minute. No visuals but just knowing that that 100mh HCL 'test' will get out out of trouble.

Last time I tried ibo I was on pretty hefty methadone dose.
Methinks such a long acting opiate, I think has a17,5 half life, so .you imagine taking that insidious disgusting deign day after day, 72 hours half life, on that half life builds up.

And that's why, looking back now I didn't do with research, I didn't/ couldn't afford it.

So here's a few titbits,,,

My conclusion is if your coming from methadone or suboxone, it's a VERY good idea to swap to a Sao, for a minimum two weeks pre-flood!
providers work in different ways, Sarah Glatt ont used 'TA' (total alkaloid extract From the iboga shrub. , around 15% stronger Usually)

Medical stuff, is ESSENTIAL, im not trying to put a downer on you or put you off, but, any provider with their salt will require an EKG, full Blood Count and liver function test, the physical should examine you liver too for size
So, essential..

READ READ READ READ READ READ GOOGLE GOOGLE IBOGIANE
AS for me I haven't slept for four days Now, benzos dontn touch the sides with rewards to heroin,

Anyway, I'm feeling very positive, I've been to a meeting and arranged a session with a psychologist next week :)

I think im doing great,day three, 72 hours since last hit, and ZERO,ZILCH withdraw symptoms at all, now shivering orrls, nothing! AMAZING!

The film maker Dacid Graham Scott,from the original 'Detox or die' has been with me the whole tome,time, looking after me, im a,little overwhelmed about the generosity of juarez Facebook friends have need so generous and kind and I'd love to pay back at some point!

We had a couple of hairy moments, my pulse Dropped to 42bpm at one stage

Anyways when im more together I'll pit s doc together onto ISC
Bp graph,medical conditions, absolving of provider met..

But for right now, I'm on top of the bloody world!

Trust me, this stuff works, I've had about 15 odd years and now I final positive, no depression,http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o6/piercingartiste/8951ba17c5841577731337c4eb129b02.jpg

Amazed!

Go google :)

And thanks for all the support!

Sent from my iPad

The Night Before!!

2012-08-22T19:50:00.000+01:00

Wow, so many mixed emotions, mainly positive I have to say!

Ive planned and planned, read and read, researched and read forum after forum about iboga,
I think I have a pretty good understandingmofmthe risks and benefits now.

It's an informed decision, I NEED to do this!

I should be taking my last dose of 100mg MST in a couple of hours, after a dinner of Dahl, rice and pakora I'll be taking a long bath, having some auricular acupuncture, meditating and having a chilled evening until an early night.

Davidmis nearly here, I'll bring him up to speed with all the medical stuff, doses etc with a view to taking the test dose early morning, my first 'low wave' dose (200mg-400mg HCL) an hour later, the longer I can wait between last morphine dose and flood the better, overnight is my best chance, I'll be able to get a minimum of 12 hours, hopefully more like 15-20 but will see how it goes.

Knowing the first dose will attenuate withdrawals is great,
I'm really looking forward to it all actually!

Will keep you all updated!

Wish me luck!

Sids

Template Letter In Case Of Emergency

2012-08-21T14:47:00.000+01:00

I've put this together after a few people requested I shared the letter absolving any sitters in case of emergency..

So here it is:
(Please feel free to suggest any additions, it's quite basic, I probably haven't covered a few things!)

To whom this may concern,

This letter is to confirm my intention to employ the psychoactive drug ibogaine hydrochloride (an full extract of the root bark from an African shrub, Tabernanthe Iboga)

My goal is to use a total dose of:

The current accepted amount needed to achieve therapeutic results (attenuation of acute opiate withdrawal symptoms) is between 15mg/kg and 22mg/kg

This would mean I am taking a total of: Mg/kg

My name is:

Age/DOB:

Weight:

Height:

Average baseline obs: Dia/Sys. Bpm

Allergies:

Health conditions:

Daily prescribed medications:

Daily recreational drug use:

Ibogaine can prolong qt interval, nausea is also a common side effect, it's important to ensure the pt I properly hydrated, sipping electrolytes and IV saline if nessacary.

Known contra-indications with ibogaine include (but are not limited to), anti-psychotics, SSR'S and SNRI'S, opiates

'safe' drugs include: Benzodiazepines, Tegretol, Lidocaine and adrenaline

Attached you will find a graph plotted with obs and all consumed medications including iboga

Finally and most importantly,

I have made an informed decision to use ibogaine to detoxify from opiates, I have not been co-erced or bribed.

I fully absolve any of my 'sitters' of any responsibility in the case of fatality.

These people are:

Printed Name:

Signed:

Three Day Countdown!

2012-08-20T20:12:00.001+01:00

Three Day Countdown!

Wow!, well, where do I start?!

For the last week I've been taking supplements (not nessacary but useful)

Omega 3,6,9

High dose vitamin C

Vitamin D

Vitamin B

Also, 75mg asprin a day (which will be stopped tomorrow)

I've been using daily rootbark now for the last week or so, starting at 300mg upon waking and I can now easily take up to 1200mg with no obvious psychoactive effects.

By using bark I've managed to reduce my MST intake from 600mg daily to between 100 and 200! - Iterally amazed!

Honestly, I've had a few slips, a few 'last shot ever' moments that have left me feeling flat, and skirt!

The combo of bark and the odd 5mg Diaz has worked wonders!

So, I have everything in place, medical equipment, detox protocol for dosing, other complimentary meds. I've established my vital obs baselines and have written a letter of intent to absolve any sitters of responsibility.

David is arriving Wednesday evening, I'll take my last shot of MST with him filming, stop eating and drinking and generally prepare myself for the next morning.

I'm hoping I'll get more than 12 hours before I take my iboga. Should be more like 18-24 by using bark.

Well start the treatment Thursday morning/afternoon

After the 'test dose' (200mg I'll be spreading a further 1200mg over the next 48 hours or so, in doses of between 200 and 400mg's (HCL)

This 'low wave' dosing is the safest way, especially with my current chest infection.

So, wish me luck, I'll have my head down for the next few days preparing mentally and physically but I'll try to keep you guys updated on here or my twitter (exheroinjunkie)

Basse