I was tempted to look at my life by the decade that passed and not just this year but I figured, this year had no doubt been the most eventful year of my life so far. Just this year I was able to cover a whole gamut of emotions and experiences, most of which turned me into who I am right now.

So at the beginning of the year, I looked like this:

January 2010 (Project May 1)
I wanted to do something drastic so I cut my hair unbelievably short and then sported bangs very few girls would dare to wear. I did so because I was deeply unsatisfied with the way I looked. (not that this was an improvement of course) but I guess I just wanted change. A drastic one. Add the fact that I was severely depressed with my weight so I guess I wanted to divert the attention towards my hair instead. I vowed that this year, I WOULD lose weight. I saw some pictures from 2006 and saw how skinny I was and it made me feel really bad. I remember crying over my weight in the bathroom. Ugh.

February 2010 (no more rice!)
And then it grew to this mess. I also bought new frames. During the first part of this year, I was restless. And maybe, I wanted attention. I was already in my Lose Weight Craze and I was hopping from one diet to another. I believe that diet and workout routines are subjective, what may work for one, may not work for another. I was already getting desperate by this time and tried everything from No-Dinner Diet to Organic-Thermo-Pills. Nothing worked. Until I decided to GIVE UP RICE FOREVER.

March 2010 (birthday month yay!)
My then-boyfriend surprised me by going to my office earlier than I (ever) could and then putting origami flowers on my desk. Officemates gave me V for Vendetta. It was also around this time I think that my then-boyfriend and I started to slowly drift towards different directions. The story of this, I’d rather not disclose but I just think it’s important to pinpoint when it started to happen.

April 2010 (Losing weight: SRSBZNS)
The biggest event that happened in April 2010 I think was that Red Box trip with friends. If I recall correctly, this is also the month I started going to Gold’s Gym. And it’s no easy feat considering that I go there EVERY MORNING before I go to work. I work out for an hour, shower there and then head to the office. As for food, I will have one of TSG’s sandwiches, eat the half for lunch and the other half for dinner. I WAS DEAD SERIOUS in losing weight already.

May 2010 (Progress)
We had our Office Outing during this month. It was also during this month that I went to Club Manila East (for the first time lol) with a couple of high school friends. I wore this and was pleasantly surprised that I had somewhat reached my goal. I was still dead-set on losing 10 more pounds but I was already pretty happy with the progress. This month also marked the impending doom of my then relationship. A lot of mistakes were made, a lot of hurtful words were said and.. well.

June 2010 (Single)
My then-relationship finally ended. We saw it coming from a mile away but were just too stubborn to admit it. I experienced for around 2 months how it was to be single and BOY WAS IT CRAZY. Losing weight and at the same time suddenly becoming single has opened a wide range of complications in my life. It was fun, sure, but it was also stressful and exhausting. I met a lot of people during this time and did a lot of game writing. I found myself and got myself back, I suppose. Throughout the first part of the year, I was so concerned with losing weight and being sad and lonely that I never really got to live my life. If I wasn’t working, I was working out and in between that, I was unhappy and jealous and paranoid. Come June of this year, I got to actually live.

July 2010 (Jeans and Dates)
As a single girl, I was going out A LOT. Whether it was with friends or on dates, I was all over the place. I enjoyed myself so much that I vowed to remain single for a long time. If I had doubts that something wouldn’t last, I wouldn’t waste my time. So fervent was this resolve that the date I had with Obie took me completely by surprise. I wasn’t looking for a relationship but I guess it found me.

August 2010 (Girlfriended!)
So I became Obie’s Girlfriend this month. A whirlwind of emotions and new experiences and things-I-could-not-believe. Real, genuine laughter that my lips missed for the better part of the year. It all came crashing delightfully in my life. I shifted from lonely to confused to stressed to exhausted and then to sheer and utter mind-numbing happiness. It’s not just because of being girlfriended, it’s that feeling that I am safe to enjoy my life and no one can hurt me.

September 2010 (Green Lantern, 100 Books, Dungeons and Dragons)
Then my geekery was amplified to inexplicable heights. I was a game geek for as long as I can remember and have only dabbled in other geekery for a little bit. But starting this month I got into all sorts of comic, book and game geekery. From DC comics, to suspense novels to Dungeons and Dragons to retro gaming. I wanted to do EVERYTHING.

October (Dad, Ink and Boyfriend’s Friends)
This is the month that I was pushed waaaay out of my comfort zone. I had lunch with my family (sans mom because she’s still in Canada) got ink’d and met up with Obie’s friends (and eventually got close to them too)

November (Firsts and Birthdays)
A very special and eventful month. On top of UNDAS and spending like the whole weekend at Andong’s place and night swimming in the cold November, and celebrating my 3rd month with Obie and Obie celebrating his 23rd birthday, Obie and I were also able to do a lot of new things and discover a lot of new things together. This was also the month wherein most of the people I know celebrate their birthdays. Hehe buncha scorpios.

December (Workaholic Awards and Realizations of Falling)
Always an emotional month for me. December 2010 is not an exception. The second to the last day of the year was spent with Obie and with important realizations on principles, perspective and that elusive concept of falling.

Goodbye, 2010. You have been my Transformation Year. I have changed so much in a year. I’ve worked so hard to become a better person and you rewarded me greatly. You rewarded me with more than I could have wished for. Thank you 2010. Thank you for the lessons and the tears and the heartaches. Thank you for the laughter and the warmth and the kisses. You cut me, folded me, pound me to become THE SUPERMACHINE THAT WILL FACE 2011 WITH GUNS BLAZING.
So yes, hello 2011, LET’S DO THIS.

We had a lot of those before… traditions. We would dress up in nice clothes, sit around the Christmas tree on Christmas eve, gorge on cake and pasta and ice cream while watching whatever Christmas Special was on TV. We will wait until the clock strikes 12, greet each other Merry Christmas and pick just one present to open. My brother and I would treat this picking like an art form. We would choose the present that would seem most likely to hold the gift that we are hoping for. It could be that it’s shaped like the packaging of an action figure he wanted or the shape of a book that I was hoping for. Sometimes we get it right, other times we don’t and we grudgingly go to bed and force ourselves to sleep so we can open the rest of our presents in Christmas morning.

We would put socks by our windows and then wake up to find them filled with coins and candy.

Time marched on and took all those traditions, as well as my extended family one by one. Relatives flew to another country, my grandmother followed them, my grandfather stayed in the province until 12 became 5. And the 5 people that remained in this house lived secluded; shut inside their rooms, myself included. My home was my room.

I started dreading Christmas.

At the time when everything is just bursting with good holiday cheer and relentless optimism, I found myself in a quiet home, so different from the Christmas I used to know. I remember what Christmas used to mean for me, and the traditions that shaped me as a kid and then I look at what I got now and I would cry. Sad that I don’t get to dress up in nice clothes, sad that I don’t get to sit around the Christmas tree, sad that I don’t get to strategically choose the gift that I will open first… I was sad because the way I saw it, I lost Christmas. Time and distance stole it from me.

In the years that followed, Christmas became a dreaded event. I was scared of the holidays because I know my friends and everyone else will be busy with their families and I would be left with nothing to do. I will be left in a quiet home with bright lights that cast shadows on the empty living room. And then I would cry. I didn’t want to, but I knew I would.

However, this year wasn’t so bad. I didn’t cry, for one. For 7 years I have holed myself up in my room, playing video games and reading books while the rest of the world hug and kiss and talk. This year, I still did all those things but I wasn’t sad anymore. I guess I learned to appreciate Christmas because it is Christmas and it makes people happy. It may not give me the happiness or warmth I knew when I was a kid, but I’m still pretty happy for the rest of the people in the world who are reunited with their families. I say Merry Christmas and I truly mean it.

Because Christmas isn’t all about dressing up on Christmas Eve, sitting around a Christmas tree and picking out a gift to open. It’s not just about putting socks by the window and waking up to see it filled with coins and candy.

Traditions reinforce the idea but as long as I have the idea ingrained in my system, I don’t need it to remind myself that Christmas what the holidays are all about: happiness. I shouldn’t feel bad about not having traditions or family reunions. I am happy, my brother and sister are safe, we’re in good health (although this cough should reeeeally leave my body soon ugh) and somewhere in London, and Canada and Saudi, people whom I’ve shared family traditions with are also safe and happy.

So I say Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas indeed.

The man wanted to make up for a mistake. I’m not going to take that away from him.

So I agreed and off we went to Megamall. On a Saturday. In December.

It feels kind of weird shopping with your boyfriend isn’t it? I can never understand women who would drag their poor boyfriends and husbands and make them sit and wait in a women’s clothing store while they try on clothes. It’s just cruel. I’m sure as hell those poor saps in Forever21 sitting on the circle platform aren’t enjoying themselves. Of course if your boyfriend is the type who actually enjoys looking at women’s clothing, (which raises some pressing questions) then good for you! But for the rest of the boyfriend population? I don’t think so.

skeptical Sorbs is skeptical

Obie was there while I browsed through racks of clothing. He looked at the stuff I was looking at, fiddled a bit on sequins and mainly browsed around The Dude Area.

I shopped for dresses, clothes, accessories, heck even make-up. And Obie was there all the way.

Honestly, I had difficulty shopping because I worried about him most of the time; Him being dragged around from store to store, looking at things that do not interest him. As much as possible, I tried to make my stall-visits brief and efficient.

And then the time came when I really had a lot on my hands that I couldn’t check out certain items. THEN, Obie came in handy. LOL. He carried my bags for me.

So the rare chance of The Boyfriend being A Boyfriend finally happened.

However, I STILL wouldn’t let him go through this again. I know that he’s an amazing boyfriend and he will probably tell me “it’s okay” but he won’t be fooling me. From here on out, I’ll be shopping on my own… for his sake and my sake. The whole fitting into stereotype was fun as a one-time thing. We felt… normal. lol. But that’s it, not gonna happen again. No sir.

I had amazing fun with him regardless. Most of the day was spent laughing and making complete and utter fools of ourselves. And eating. We did that one a lot.

So Obie, if you’re reading this, thank you. Museum trip next time please?

For The Gamer

Dragon Age Origins: Ultimate Edition (PS3)
Uh, I’m not sure if this is available locally, but I’ve been meaning to buy the rest of the DAO DLCs and this would be the perfect way to get them. (and then maybe I can give away my original DAO and DA:Awakening copies to those who need it haha)

Dragon Age: Origins Ultimate Edition (PS3)

IF it’s not available, I would be equally happy with:

Fallout 3: GOTY Edition (PS3)
GOTY editions are the best bang-for-your-buck editions. And Fallout 3 is made of love.

Fallout 3 GOTY Edition (PS3)

Fallout New Vegas (PS3)
Good god, I want this so hard.

Fallout New Vegas (PS3)

For the Reader

Blackest Night Hardcover (or the hardcover of the prelude to blackest night books)
Anyone who knows me would probably also know my deep and fervent love for Hal. Also, anyone who knows me or has been with me to the bookstore knows that I always look at this and stare at it and contemplate about buying it but alas, other pressing matters that need my monies more prevent me from buying this. *sigh*

Blackest Night Hardcover

For The Writer

Moleskine Weekly Diary Horizontal Large
What a mouthful. I try to stay away from the Daily planners because I don’t want to be too pressured to write everyday. I’m gunning for Moleskine because it has everything I need and nothing I don’t need. Both are quite important for me. hahaha

Moleskine Weekly Planner 2011 Horizontal (Large)

For The Girl

Plain Shirts. T-Shirts. Big Shirts. Small Shirts. (OR Comic Shirts!)
I can live on plain shirts my whole life, I swear. I like them tight, I like them loose, I like them round-necked, I like them all. The thing about comic shirts though is that most of them are 1.) Marvel 2.) They never fit well. *sadface*

That’s it, really. That’s all I want for Christmas. I’m not particularly picky. Not really. lol

To which he would reply, “Wait, so what do you think is ‘my type’?”

“You know… fair, skinny, chinita, the type of pretty you’d look at multiple times when she passes by you on the street.”

“You know what, that’s unfair.” he said.

And indeed it was.

I am Obie’s first girlfriend and that’s precisely the thing. When you’re the first, you’re not up against some horrible ex, you’re up against The Ideal. And what is The Ideal? For me that was the whole maputi-payat-chinita holy trinity. I immediately assumed that Obie, being a guy who was very reserved about the kind of girl that he wants to be with (when we asked him why he doesn’t have a girlfriend yet and why he wasn’t pursuing anyone, he replied with ‘if I’m going to get a girlfriend, I’m not going to waste my time and her time by making the wrong decision. I want my girlfriend to be IT.’) I assumed that he was aiming for The Ideal.

It’s funny because my opinion of The Ideal covers the physical traits alone. I believed men were willing to overlook personality flaws or incompatibility for the sake of a hot chick.

Maybe that’s true, but it sure isn’t true for all.

I found out that more than how you look like, what draws men or women towards you among other things would be Confidence. Charm. Class. Passion. Quirks. There are a lot of things about you that people can and will find attractive. It all sounds so horribly worn out but really, if you are confident and happy about yourself, it really does shine through. The edge about being happy and aware of your good traits over just being pretty is that this self-awareness does not only grab attention, it holds it. Arrests it, even.

Come to think of it, maybe I knew all these things already, I just didn’t believe it. Well, not until the most idealistic guy I’ve ever known told me that he likes me. :”>

The day started with a little Fallout 3. I’ve been buried in the game since last week and boyfriend goes ahead to try it. He fumbled a little with the controls, completely understandable since the game really is better played on the PC than on the PS3. We had fun, shot some radroaches, killed the Overseer and escaped Vault 101.

After that, we went to Greenhills to watch Harry Potter 7. Not before stuffing our faces with Teriyaki Boy stuff, sushi included of course (we do absolutely LOVE our sushi, whatever kind, face and presentation!) And because boyfriend had the liberty to pick the kind of sushi we were getting, there’s CHEESE in it. We ate until we could not eat anymore and then went to CBTL for some tea while waiting for the movie.

hihihi we can be juvenile

Watched HP7, lol’d at some parts and disagreed with the GP rating. =)) I teared up with Dobby’s death, he could not stop saying “procreate” whenever Emma Watson is on (oh and can you imagine his boy-tingles when he saw Hermione in office clothes?) I, on the other hand, enjoyed Ron and the Green Lantern Trailer.

After the movie, we decided to have coffee and doughnuts. So we scurried over to Krispy Kreme, got 3 doughnuts each (we are doughnut monsters) and started talking about the following:

- Kruffins: muffins with a hole *snicker*
- Memorieeeees (we love talking about this. shuttup.)
- Walking with carabaos
- Beach getaways
- The dangers of living alone in the city
- Bohol, Batanes, Sagada, Palawan, Davao
- Caving

By this time, our conversation was slowly transforming into hot, unbridled mind fuck. From talking about caving, we suddenly found ourselves weaving some sort of story. It all started with,

“I didn’t want to go inside because I was thinking, if I go through there, it would be so dark that no one would even notice that someone has already grabbed me from behind, knocked me unconscious and dragged me to this super secret unknown tribe in the middle of nowhere.”

And then idea after idea, my boyfriend and I just picked things up from the air and threw it in the melting pot. By the time we were done with this story, our brain was coming up with something else, something more.

So as the night grew deeper we started talking about:

- A sleep-deprived employee. He wastes his life away in front of the computer, orchestrating accidents and deaths. He is grim reaper incarnate.
- A witty man named Ezra whose job was to collect lost souls. He tears bodies open with his bare hands and takes out the human soul: a small rock with blinding light piercing through it.
- Normal people with superpowers but living with incredible consequences.
- Stories taking life, or life-taking stories. A thousand Snow Whites. A thousand Cinderellas. A thousand Wicked Witches.

There were plenty of little stories in between that we managed to conjure but what we ended up devoting our full focus on would be the story of the two writers.

We talked about that shit til morning.

I love stories. I love reading them and I love writing them. And I think it’s amazing that I get to share something I love with.. well, someone I love.

Also, I don’t know if this means anything to you guys but when we got out, we looked up and saw that it was a full moon.

—————-

Dear Past,

They’re going to reset time. Again. I don’t know how much memory I’m going to lose this time. I’m writing this because I am in-love. For the first time in my many lifetimes, I’ve fallen in-love. Pay attention Past, your happiness is on the line. I know that you think you would be happy with someone else but you won’t. You won’t ever be truly happy until you meet him. I’m helping you, Past. So you would know how to love an amazing man like him:

You have to know, he’s not easily swayed. Well he can’t be swayed, period. You can try engaging him in a debate but do not, not even for a second, think that you can change his mind. I had the experience of being on the opposite end of his opinion. He didn’t yield. The man didn’t even budge. I smile whenever I recall that.

He has this way with people. This Kosa kind of way with people. You would have to be made of stone to not warm up to him. It doesn’t matter what kind of person you are, he’s like clay. He will fit wherever you put him. Except maybe in between preppy hipsters. I’m glad I’m not one.

He won’t let you feel like you’re left out. If you find yourself with no one to talk to, you’ll be surprised to suddenly find him beside you, cracking jokes and turning everyone’s attention to you. I watched him do this plenty of times.

You have to understand that he’s easily stressed out. Also that he’s moody. So if the mood suddenly feels too awkward, don’t badger him with the ‘what’s wrong’ questions. Let him talk in his own time. I learned this one night on the way to Banchetto.

He’s very private to the point of being secretive. Do not take it against him. He just likes to reflect on things personally rather than airing out his dirty laundry. He will talk once he’s ready. Just trust him. I do.

He’s good at putting on a brave face. He may be panicking inside but you probably won’t ever see it. You won’t see him nervous. Or you would, if you’re lucky enough to be the girl he’s with on July 21, 2010. If you are, make that joke about the kiss. If he asks for wine, you know you’re doing it right.

As much as he would deny it, he does flirt with girls. It’s how he talks to you, how close he leans towards you, how he seems to be so interested and concerned with your life. I saw him flirt with a lot of girls before. He never flirted with me. Not even once. But that’s only because…

…he’s a decent person. He believes in justice and respect. This man has an ardent sense of right and wrong. Flirting with me who was committed to someone else at that time was wrong beyond reasonable doubt.

I’ve taught you everything I know so far. I know that you’re meant to be together. If you don’t do it, if you don’t make that call on June 23, 2010, if you don’t make that joke about going on a date, he won’t be yours. That will be a shame.

They’re preparing the Time Reset. I’m counting on you. I love this man and I know that he’s the right man for you. For us. Let me love him again, please.

Sincerely,
Your Future

Scenario 1: I was in the ladies room doing my lady thing (haha yeah) There were two other girls beside me fixing themselves in front of the mirror too. I didn’t know them. I figured they were probably from the office adjacent to ours. Then I felt one of them stare at me. Like really STARE. I awkwardly looked back.

Then she blurted out, “Huuuuyy… ang payat payat mo na!“

I laughed in a what-the-hell kind of way. Then the girl continued, “Ang laki na ng pinayat mo simula dati! Ano sikreto mo!!“

Not wanting to be rude to a stranger I replied, “Uhm.. diet and exercise?”

She looked like she didn’t believe me.

Scenario 2: I was alone in the ladies room. Then some girl stepped out of one of the cubicles. She washed her hands. I felt her look at me. So I glanced back. Then she approached me and touched my shirt. “Grabe, ang laki na sayo ng shirt mo hehehe” She smiled and then she left.

Let it be known that yet again I do not know this woman.

Scenario 3: After going number 1 (lol) I stepped out of the cubicle and proceeded to wash my hands. There were two women there. They were talking. As I was fixing myself, one of them said, “Posible kayang maging kaparehas ko siya ng katawan?” she pointed at me. Then the other girl said, “Oo naman! September palang eh! Kaya mo yan!” The other girl continued, “Ang sexy sexy na niya oh!“

I laughed nervously. And bowed a little to them to say that I’m leaving. Awkwuuurd.

So there. I don’t know these women. We just happen to be in the same place at the same time but apparently, they saw or have watched my weight loss mission. It’s heartwarming to know that strangers notice the improvement. Heartwarming and kind of creepy at the same time.

I could understand how they could be baffled though. I started out around 140lbs and trimmed down to 112lbs in half a year. I didn’t take any kind of drug (I tried though, but failed miserably lol) What I said was true, diet and exercise. It just so happens that I can be very obsessive and passionate about certain things.

In any case, it’s STILL weird for me to be approached/ambushed like that in the ladies room. Is that a common thing? Damned if I knew.

Anyway that’s it for now. Will post before and after pics later. LOL

By now you would think that I hated the book. Au contraire, I loved it! Well, I didn’t love it all the time, there were times when I asked myself “Is this chapter necessary? I bet it isn’t” and then after finishing the book, I realized that it really wasn’t necessary. *sadface* But I really did love it. I enjoyed the thrills, the suspense, and the downright wrong and disgusting things I had to face by reading the book.

One thing that I would probably never be able to forget about this book is a kid by the name of Patrick Hockstetter. I was in the office that time, reading on the green couch we have over there. And then I started reading about Patrick Hockstetter stroking his friend’s penis. These are kids by the way. 11? Not sure.

So I was a bit irked but I sucked it in (lololol) and figured this too, shall pass. And then came the next few scenes where King lovingly described how Patrick killed his baby brother by smothering the baby’s head in a pillow.

My stomach wanted to give in and I was murmuring stuff like “no, oh god, no no please no.. oh god oh god oh god” Good thing my officemate was used to me reacting loudly like that whenever I read.

But Patrick’s adventures did not end there. He also tortured bugs, pricked their little bodies and then played squishy games with roadkill. He also locked dogs and cats and other animals inside a fridge and got a hard-on in watching them die a slow and agonizing death.

Good god.

The book was good, though. It totally reeled me in. So much so that I puked a little bit of what I ate after reading Hockstetter’s affair with the leeches. After reading this, I had this overwhelming urge to watch the movie adaptation. I wonder if they included Hockstetter in it. Hmm.

Now that I’m done with It, I am starting with the graphic novel craze. I’ve finished reading Identity Crisis and Day of Vengeance and I have 2 or 3 more graphic novels lined up before I jump to Murakami. And Preacher. And Barthes. OMG I have so much reading to do! Not complaining though.

A few things of note:

Goldilocks – man… What. A. Bitch. In Fables, Goldy is a trigger-happy woman of the revolution. The annoying kind. She’s just the type of tyrant who will sooner blow a hole through your head than have you start a sentence with “But…”

One exchange made me laugh so hard though. Goldy was talking to the The Three Bears and was trying to convince them of the importance of the cause that she is fighting for.

Goldy: Don’t you get it yet? After all my doctrinal lectures? When one of us is enslaved, all of us are.Yes I could move away but I choose to stay here with you. Your cause is my cause.

Don’t let Goldy fool you though, what she’s really after is power. She just wants to rule the farm.

Goldy: *turning to Papa Bear* Do you think I share your son’s bed only because it happens to be “just right”?

Papa Bear: No, it’s because Papa’s li’l Boo Bear is hung like a—

Goldy: I do it because it’s a powerful and vital political statement!

Sure Goldy, sure.

Fables: Animal Farm is filled with comical treats like that. I can jot down a couple more that really made me shamelessly laugh out loud in the office but then I’d have to check the book first to properly quote it, and I’m lazy, so.

In this volume, we see Snow White as the dense blockhead. Insurgence is happening right under her nose and she still thinks everything will be okay. However, she redeems herself by being totally awesome in the last part of the book. The animals, all being fully armed, had their weapons aimed at her. She was standing there, prim and proper and calm. So very calm. She simply commands them to put down their weapons. The animals scoff at her saying that she’s outgunned.

Snow White: You dumb bastards. I’m Snow White! I run Fabletown and I’m never outgunned!

*Snow White flips her cellphone*

Snow White: Kill the barn.

*GLORIOUS EXPLOSIONS!*

Ohhhh yeah.