ICELANDISH

Sidewalks and You: A Survival Guide

2012-05-20T00:13:00.002Z

I know a thing or two about navigating the mean streets of Reykjavik. I live downtown, sans vehicle--like some kind of goddamn hippy, and I'm a runner and occasional bicyclist. So I thought I'd share some pearls of wisdom about sidewalk hazards and how to avoid them or at least come out mostly unscathed.

"The fortress wall":
Being from such a sparsely populated country with a predominant car culture, Icelanders have never really learned the whole "fall back to single file" thing when approaching oncoming pedestrians on sidewalks. This is a great source of amusement and frustration to many expats living here, especially those who have lived in actual big cities with many tacit pedestrian norms.

So what happens is you get this group of people, at least two or more, who form what I call "the fortress wall" that take up the whole fucking sidewalk. And they do make direct eye contact with you (an Icelandic trait) so they KNOW you're there. But it's like playing Chicken. There is absolutely no effort by the wall to move over enough to allow you a human-sized passage.

You can do one of three things:
1. Go out of your way and walk in the street. You pussy.
2. Having moved over to the side, hoping that someone gets the point and does the same, just hold your ground and expect a blunt impact. Have you ever played the game Red Rover?
3. STOP. Just stop moving. Fiddle with your phone or whatever. But just stand there in the sidewalk. This interrupts the game of Chicken and really confuses people. You will watch as the others frantically try to rearrange themselves to walk around you. It's fun.

Note 1: I've found that loudly clearing the nose (as in covering one nostril and blowing really hard), coughing up phlegm or making other bodily noises will help break up a wall when jogging. And obviously, I try to avoid busy streets for such activities.
Note 2: Tourists are also guilty of forming walls, although they're usually staring off at buildings or maps so chances are they don't even notice you. They too are busy being Inspired by Iceland.

Strollers (Prams):
These are the size of Hummers in Iceland. I suppose they're gigantic because otherwise the Icelandic weather would rip them to shreds or blow them away Wizard of Oz style. A typical Icelandic stroller could probably be used to transport ten people in a developing country. (It is worth noting that an average Icelandic two-year-old is roughly the same size as a teenager in some parts of the world.)

Since half of the Icelandic population is under three years old (not sure, just made that up) you will undoubtedly meet several strollers on the sidewalk. Particularly on weekends, when pram-pushing mums often travel in packs of two to four, forming the dreaded "fortress wall", only more heavily fortified. Because the strollers are like megaliths, you will be reduced to options #1 or #3 above. For entertainment, watch as a group of strollers approach each other. Total mayhem.

Cars:
Yes, really. It's sadly common that I'm walking down a sidewalk and encounter a car (usually a huge jeep, of course) that is backing onto the sidewalk to park as I'm just steps away from impact. God forbid anyone should have to walk a few meters from a designated parking area. As Iceland is known for creative parking, you will just get used to having some type of vehicular obstacle to maneuver around.

Other obvious stuff:
Downtown Reykjavik has plenty of character, and this extends to the sidewalks. You'll see a lot of sunken stairways and window wells of cellar apartments and there is no city ordinance to enforce railings or covers for these so you've really got to watch your step, especially when you're stumbling home from the bars. (I wish I had a statistic for how many people fell into these.)

And in winter, some sidewalks have heated sections but otherwise the surfaces turn into an icy hell due to the constant snow-melt-freeze cycle. Since sidewalk salt doesn't do much good the city doesn't even bother applying it. (Elderly folks be damned!) So invest in some decent, albeit dorky, ice cleats or rubber traction out-soles that can snap on to the bottom of your shoes. They were big sellers this past winter.

Above all, use common sense. And be glad that Iceland is not a lawsuit-happy society.

Realities of Life in Iceland: Part 1

2012-03-26T21:26:00.001Z

I have no idea if there will be a Part 2. Bear with me.

You can go jogging past Björk's house and think nothing of it. In fact, you as a jogger—outside in the elements—are more of an oddity than Björk, and people in cars will stare at you with looks of pity, scorn or confusion.
You want to punch people who ask if you know Björk upon hearing you live in Iceland.
You have a new appreciation for trees (if you didn't already).
After a while, you just give up on weather forecasts. Today might start out sunny but bring gale-force winds and bitch-slap-you-across-the-face horizontal rain guaranteed to obliterate your pores. Tomorrow is likely the same. And the weekend. And next month.
You make fun of people who comment about the weather on Facebook, doubly so if they live in Iceland and should be accustomed to #4 by now.
Umbrellas are futile.
The expat community is a revolving door; friends come and friends go.
You may be told "no" but the answer may magically change to "yes" if you bring an Icelandic friend or partner.
If you didn't know how to cook before you moved here, you learn quickly. And then you learn how to get creative with ingredients.
You discover that Sriracha sauce is the best thing ever for bland traditional meals.
You reminisce about customer service in other countries.
It's hard to walk down the main shopping street in Reykjavik without running into at least one person you know, even if you've lived here only a short time.
You often wonder how humans have survived on this island for over 1,000 years, especially before electricity and the internet.
You go for a 2nd or 3rd or 4th university degree—just for something to do—and because it's cheap. You may not finish, but you won't care if you don't.
If your main form of daily transportation is bicycle, people will regard you as either a saint or a crazed hippy. Or as someone just too fucking cheap to just buy a car like everyone else.
No one seems to know proper sidewalk or biking/walking path etiquette.
Pedestrians and jeeps are mortal enemies.
Trips to grocery store veggie/fruit sections are morbid adventures.
You are astounded by how many people at your workplace are related to each other.
You don't try to have a conversation with someone at a party until they/you are drunk.
Thinking of excuses to get out of attending confirmation parties becomes a hobby.
You don't tell many people other than close friends or family (or your boss) that you're going on holiday in the U.S. because you don't want everyone and their cousin asking you to bring things back for them, like shoes, ipads, phones, laptops, odd food products, makeup, etc.
You have sandals or open-toe shoes in your closet that get about 3 uses per year.
A new fad hits the island, and you watch the chaos ensue in bemusement as you patiently wait for the craze to die down.
You go to a shopping mall just to be able to do some walking in bad weather, not to actually buy anything.
You know how to pick out Icelanders from other tourists at airports.
You watch a lot of foreign TV shows on your laptop.
You start to hoard your old clothes because you never know when something will randomly be in style again.
Few people go to the gym for a proper workout; it's more about meeting people and looking nice in your new gear. Sweating will totally ruin the 30 minutes you spent on your hair and makeup.
If some asshole answers their cell phone during a movie at the cinema, no one wants to be the meanie who scolds the asshole. Because maybe the asshole is a friend of a relative, etc.

The land of perpetual winter?

2011-06-08T22:35:00.004Z

It seems ICEland is living up to its name lately.

As my fellow expats in Iceland are so painfully aware, we've been having a bit of a cold snap here on The Rock. Actually, "a bit" is an understatement. It's just fucking cold.

While it's true that no one visits or moves to Iceland for the weather (except maybe people with heat sensitivity or excessive sweating) this is just getting ridiculous. It has barely cracked 10 degrees C (50 degrees F) since one glorious week in the beginning of May. As I write this post it is a balmy 6 degrees.

The biggest problem is that the last two summers have been "unusually nice" (as many Icelanders have told me) and so by comparison, this summer is not living up to the new high expectations.

Now, I'm not one to obsess about the weather because I'm holed up in an office most days but I've since taken up a crazy hobby of training for a half-marathon in August. And you know what? Cold, rainy, windy weather ain't good for the joints and muscles. Nope. I was forced last week to buy fleece-lined "winter running tights" at an excessively inflated Icelandic price. (12000 ISK for 50 Euro tights.)

One of my old college buddies and Facebook friends recently posted a haiku she wrote about the heatwave that's steaming up Wisconsin. In response, I wrote this about our sorry excuse of a summer here:

Cold is getting old
Waking up with stiff ankle
Not my cup of tea

This probably doesn't need to be explained, but I was never a poetry major in college.

Global warming: taking a toll on the Icelandic farming industry...

2011-02-12T16:33:00.003Z

...causing the hot, steamy farmers to sit around nude in haystacks:

"You can leave your hat on..."

The original image source and article can be found at: http://www.dv.is/frettir/2011/2/9/allsberir-baendur-fara-alla-leid-med-fullri-reisn/

BONUS POINTS for the first person who comments on this post with the Google Translate version of the headline. (It's hilarious--many LOLz guaranteed.) Try it now at Google Translate.

EXTRA BONUS POINTS for coming up with a creative new caption for this photo. Go!

Note: After posting this, I found a condensed English version of this story at Iceland Review. In a nutshell, farming and tourism haven't too lucrative for these guys so they've resorted to Plan B. Oh, and ladies -- there will be a calender too!

A little rant about the joys of shopping in Iceland or importing stuff from the free world

2011-02-03T22:58:00.001Z

This is what I think of when I'm forced to do any shopping in Iceland:

Here's the thing: my boyfriend owns two pairs of jeans. Only two! Seriously. Meanwhile, I have how many pairs? I lose count. But I digress. Anyway, these jeans are going on three years old, which means that after near-daily use, they are wearing to threads. Threads! Keys are falling through the front pockets. There are impressions in his back pockets, perfectly formed in the shape of his wallet. It's time for new jeans to join the family. Oh boy.

Therein lies the problem. Shopping here--as I have ranted about in great lengths in previous posts--is really like entering a world of pain. It's a small island, OK? Stuff is imported at high cost and then due to general lack of competition the stuff is marked up to an even higher cost. Then there's a 25.5% VAT levied on the stuff. And now the stuff has become prohibitively expensive. For new jeans in Iceland, we're talking about 15000 - 20000 ISK on average, not even for designer denim. You don´t even want to know how much that costs.

To get around this obstacle, most people residing in Iceland simply take 1 or 2 mostly empty suitcases abroad and stuff them full of Target or H&M or whatever store the merciful retail gods have presented to them. Socks, underwear, jeans, computers, iPods--you name it, it's all fair game. Naturally, at customs in Keflavik Airport, nothing is "new". And sometimes, unassuming guests coming to Iceland are given a formidable shopping list by their host(s) in Iceland. (Thanks, Shannon!)

But lacking the time or money for a trip abroad or lacking any visitors from "the free world", sometimes a person has to bite the bullet and [gasp] buy stuff here. After a largely unsuccessful trip to one of Reykjavik's two shopping malls, my boyfriend decided that maybe he would just order some cheap jeans from American Eagle Outfitters in the US and just pay the exorbitant shipping fees. BUT here's how that would work out:

1 pair of men's jeans (on sale!) at AE: $35
AE's fee to ship to Iceland: $50
SUBTOTAL: $85

But wait, there's more!

Jeans & shipping: $85
VAT @25.5%: $21.68 (This is obviously converted to ISK by this point)
NEW SUBTOTAL: $106.68 for a $35 pair of American Eagle jeans.

There may also be an import duty assessed to this shipment but it's hard to calculate what that would be, mostly because I'm not up to date on all the laws and bylaws and technicalities of the Tollstjóri, the Iceland Directorate of Customs. However, by checking out the Iceland Post website, I found this handy-dandy little toll calculator, courtesy of Tollstjóri http://www.tollur.is/upload/files/calc_netverslun(20).htm

According this calculator, there is a 15% import duty on the package. That works out to $12.75. But then when I went back to double-check my USD-ISK conversion of the VAT in the toll calculator, I found that my original VAT estimate was off. The toll calculator first adds the 15% import duty to the shipping costs and purchase cost of the product and THEN it calculates the VAT. So now we have this:

"cheap" jeans from AE: $35
shipping to Iceland: $50
import duty @15%: $12.75
REVISED SUBTOTAL: $97.75
VAT @25.5%: $24.93
GRAND TOTAL FOR A PAIR OF CHEAP $35 AE JEANS: $122.68

FUCK! SHIT! World of pain!

And this is why I have a lot of clothing from second hand stores and clothing swaps, folks.

The Tollstjóri can also charge a fee to just open a box to examine the contents and value--even if it is marked as a "gift" from your mother. They do this because even gifts valued over 10000 ISK are subject to VAT and import duty (only on the difference on the amount above the 10000 ISK threshold). The fee for opening a package can be something small like $5 but it's still insulting. But sometimes--if a minion at the Tollstjóri feels altruistic that day--then maybe there's no charge.

Once I had to pay 800 ISK for the privilege of them ruffling through a package from my mom that contained (no kidding) a Green Bay Packers jersey as a joke and three boxes of Craft Mac 'n' Cheese (not as a joke). I thought this was annoying, yet somewhat hilarious. More recently, my friend Shannon sent me a "hipster mustache" that she found for $3.50 at a grocery store in Portland, OR. It was sent in a padded envelope along with a quirky magnet and my spare keys (that she forgot to return after visiting us in Iceland). This package was also opened by the Tollstjóri but they found the kindness in their hearts not to charge me for it.

Fake 'hipster mustache' from Portland, Oregon: $3.50
Knowing that someone at Tollstjóri was thoroughly confused by a package containing a fake mustache and set of keys: PRICELESS

She's baaaaaack...

2011-01-23T17:49:00.000Z

Um, hello. It's me. Remember me? Yeah, I haven't updated my blog in 6 months. Fuck!

And, by the way, I never eventually moved to Denmark, which--if you've been following this blog--was sort of the plan back in August.

So I'm still here. I never left. I'm still hanging out in Iceland, battling fierce winds, crazy jeep drivers, and leggings-as-pants people. And petting the adorably slutty cats in my neighborhood. And making fun of Eurovision contestants. You get the point.

There's really no good excuse for not updating this blog. I mean, other than the fact that I was wallowing in indecision during the autumn months. And the fact that I have both a master's degree program to attend to plus an actual job with responsibilities and deadlines and all that jazz. Oh, and we had a few out-of-town visitors in the fall, which was pretty awesome. And I finally got to partake in the Reykjavik Independent Film Fest (RIFF) and Iceland Airwaves off-venue concerts. So, yeah. I've been plenty busy.

So why didn't Denmark work out? Long story. Let's not go there. However, I am missing out on being on the continent with easier access to other European cities and somewhat normal retail prices. And bicycling on excellent bike-lanes.

Anyway, I missed the blogosphere and I'm glad to be back, if only in limited capacity. It's hard to keep so much sarcasm bottled up...

Denmark loves Bill. And I bet Bill loves Denmark.

2010-08-19T09:10:00.000Z

I thought it was pretty awesome back in July when I visited the Danish embassy in Reykjavik and found a HUGE framed photo of Bill Clinton visible behind the service desk. Those Scandinavians love Bill. You can even order "the Clinton" at Bæjarins Beztu, Reykjavik's famous little hot dog stand by the harbour.

So now that I'm in Denmark this week, I've stumbled across another food service establishment touting its Clinton connections--Baresso Coffee, a Danish specialty coffee bar chain (think the Starbucks of Denmark). These photos are from two different Baresso locations (yes I am a coffee addict)...

The man loves his fast food joints...

Apparently, Bill had a cup of "Java Jampit" in 2001. Big milestone, folks.

If any of you readers happen to be Danish, please jump in and comment about how you feel about Bill.

summer blogging FAIL

2010-08-04T00:44:00.000Z

Why I've sucked at blogging this summer...

Besides my full-time summer job and all the obligatory events that define an Icelandic summer (in-law gatherings, pretending to enjoy oneself during summerhouse weekends, barbeques, rampant drinking, etc.) we are busy packing our stuff and selling furniture in preparation for our big move to Denmark. (Need furniture? http://reykjavikcheapstuff.blogspot.com/)

I´m so unbelievably fucking tired.

My head is spinning 100 mph these days. But the good news is that we'll be on holiday starting in two weeks! Well, truth be told it's half a working holiday -- we'll spend a week in Copenhagen searching desperately for apartments then another leisurely week in France, eating les baguettes and being tres chic...

So hopefully I get some time to post some updates about our adventures and misadventures in the "free world" (my expat-friends' nickname for the countries outside of Iceland).

Attack of the Zombies!

2010-07-15T00:51:00.000Z

This is why it's so awesome to live in 101 Reykjavik...

I came home after work to find this letter tucked in the mail slot of our front door:

Basically, it's telling the residents of the streets Freyjugata and Baldursgata that tomorrow (July 15) starting at 8 a.m., there will be a film shoot...with zombies! Friggin' zombies! How cool is that?

I don´t know the word "frýnilegur" but I think they´re telling us that these zombies are not "cute creatures" so please don't let them scare the shit out of us if they happen to appear briefly outside our windows. Awesome.

I wonder if they need extras in the scene? I make a damn good zombie in the morning hours...

Not Inspired to be Inspired Tonight (Sorry, Iceland)

2010-07-01T22:59:00.002Z

While I'm sitting comfortably at home under a fleece blanket on my couch with a giant Toblerone staring at me (and a sore throat), there is this concert happening downtown Reyjavik (like 8 blocks away) in the lovely cold drizzle. From what I can tell from the live webcam, there are a few hundred fresh-faced, lopapeysa-clad Icelandic youth huddled together with their cans of shitty lite beer. Only a few are wearing rain jackets. (It is rare for Icelandic youth to be dressed in weather-appropriate clothing. That is like míkið uncool.) Meanwhile, Glen Hansard with his handsome red beard is belting out some acoustic song on stage. To be honest, I don't really know who Glen Hansard is. Does that make me old? Old and lazy? Old, lazy, and un-hip? Will my 101 postcode residence be revoked?

Or maybe I'm just indifferent about the lineup of the concert. Damien Rice is the headliner. Once again, I don't really follow Damien Rice. Most of the artists performing tonight are Icelandic artists of varying genres, including one who made this video that drives me nuts. If you like cute, quirky, squeaky-voiced singers crooning about Spiderman, then perhaps it's for you. I do like some songs from Hjaltalín and a few other bands, but it's not enough to tempt me out my warm little blanket cocoon. All I can say is that I can't wait to read Bob Clueness's rant on his blog after the concert. Please, Bob, don't hold anything back!

The concert is the grand finale of the Inspired by Iceland campaign, which was spearheaded by the Iceland Tourist Board after our pesky volcano pissed off a lot of air travelers back in April and May. They are people that gave the world this video, which irritated some uptight Ice-folk because they said it gave the impression that Icelanders are always bathing naked in hot springs. What's wrong with that?

Another one bites the dust...

2010-06-29T23:23:00.001Z

Here we go again.

At some point this year, sooner or later depending on official paperwork, I'm moving to Denmark. My Viking man got himself a PhD position at a university in Copenhagen, so that's where we headed. An Icelander and an American--quite possibly two of the most unpopular nationalities in Western Europe. Awesome!

When we moved to Iceland two years ago, he reassured me, "if it sucks, we can always move". That was only a few months before the Kreppa, so obviously things did start sucking shortly thereafter.

The first year in Iceland was a nightmare; we lived in a very drab suburb (Garðabær) where I felt very cut off from other expats and society at large. (Remember that Reykjavik has no mass transit besides a marginally-efficient bus system, so for a car-less foreigner in a suburb, that's like a prison sentence.) The second year improved exponentially: we moved downtown, I developed a network of interesting and fun friends (thereby shifting the in-law to friend time ratio back in my favor), and I dumped Icelandic studies in favor of a more useful masters degree at Háskóli Íslands. Which incidentally is also taught in Icelandic. But it's a cheap degree. And I picked up some freelance work, so I could afford a few beers now and then at some neighborhood cafés. Friends! Cool neighborhood! School! Work! Yeah!

Since I'm only halfway through my masters degree and because we FINALLY got a life in Reykjavik, I am slightly ambivalent about this move. Mostly it's because my fragile psyche cannot handle another Garðabær situation. I hate suburbs in the US, and suburbs in other countries are equally depressing. So we made a rule: we don't need to live in the coolest, most hip downtown neighborhood, but there will NO depressing, uppity suburbs. I will not be a Range Rover-driving Stepford Wife.

Also, have you heard Danish? I should be able to read some because some words are similar to Icelandic, but I can't picture myself actually saying anything without bursting out laughing at how ridiculous I sound. (Sorry, H.) Most of the expat blogs I've browsed from Denmark have listed this as a thorny issue. Note to self: must find potato to insert in throat... (Sorry again, H.)

I am also a tad bit leery of living in another Scandinavian country. Scandinavia in general is very safe, family-friendly, and all about being cosy. But Scandinavia is also--how shall we say--homogeneous. In societies that are very homogeneous, and very proud of it, integration is very difficult. This may explain why foreigners tend not to last for more than a few years in Iceland. (Even if they speak the language fluently.) It's very hard to penetrate the social circles here, and I've heard the same for Denmark. I fully expect the vast majority of our friends there to be other expats and international students. (And there's nothing wrong with that.)

But now for the good things about Denmark: biking, beer, mass transit, trains/ferries to other European countries, masters courses taught in English at universities, Legoland, and goat cheese is available in shops!

Still, I'm afraid to let myself get excited, because I fear the crushing disappointment that comes with the "grass is greener" sort of optimism of moving to a new place. When I heard that we were moving, I thought I would be much more excited because Iceland is just not a good fit for me. I don't coo over infants and my idea of a fantastic hike is San Francisco. And I'm not into cakes and ice cream. Or knitting. Why haven't I been deported already?

I think this move is going to be an exercise in setting realistic expectations and contingency planning. I'll definitely use the valuable lessons from my move to Iceland.

***

Shining some light on the Reykjavik drinking culture

2010-06-20T22:12:00.001Z

Drunk people are fun. Especially drunk Icelanders, who all seem to undergo a radical personality shift over the course of a few drinks. (We're talking about ordinarily reserved, somewhat stiff people turning into sloppy, super-friendly masses that love to sing and dance.) But even when I'm not among the inebriated, it's still great fun to be out at bar closing time in 101 Reykjavik to see the wasted youth, tragically hip as they are, stumbling home from the clubs, usually arm-in-arm with a new one-night-stand.

Bar closing time tends to occur around 6:00 a.m. in these parts, although from our street near Skólavörðustígur, a steady stream of liquored up Icelanders (and a few happy tourists) usually starts around 2:00 a.m. People tend to start drinking at house parties, due to the high cost of alcohol, around 9:00 at night before hitting the bars after midnight. So if you're a tourist in Reykjavik, and you're at a bar before 11:00 p.m., you're apt to think, "these people are so lame; no one goes out for a drink." Oh yes, they do.

Drunk Icelandic guys in penguin suits (presumably a graduation party). Credit: Internet.

This morning my boyfriend and I awoke at 5:00 a.m. for a nice, early Sunday drive to the airport. (For him, not me. I'm still stuck in Iceland, dammit.) As painful as that was, it was hilarious to drive past the drunk people, stylish in their glossy outfits and sky-high stilettos yet sweaty and pale, doing the walk the shame. The special thing about the weekend drinking culture in Iceland is the fact that the sun doesn't fully set in the summertime, exposing drunken nighttime behavior in all its glory without the courtesy of dimmed lighting. It's really strange to see mobs of drunk people in daylight--it's almost like being back home in Madison, Wisconsin during a Badgers football home game...

This video is a good depiction of summertime weekend partying in Reykjavik. The lady filming it is even wasted herself. Good job!

Bar closing time in Iceland always reminds me of scenes from the movie 101 Reykjavik or the documentary How do you like Iceland?. It's a veritable blend of humor and despair that plays out every Friday and Saturday night. Expect massive hangovers.

Another "Type" of Expat Confusion

2010-06-12T20:04:00.004Z

After 2 years on The Rock, I've become accustomed to quite a few distinctly Icelandic things: horizontal rain, baby-mania, the skinka phenomenon, wild weekends in 101, obsession with cakes/ice cream/hot dogs, jeep assholes, scary highland roads, sheep everywhere, summerhouses that aren't quite summery, wide open (and mostly treeless) lava-scarred landscapes, a fervent disregard for rules, and--most importantly--some of the nuances of the Icelandic language. I've experienced a lot, dammit.

But the ONE thing I just can't get used to is the Icelandic keyboard. You see, at my office I'm typing away for 8+ hours a day on an Icelandic keyboard. And I say "typing" loosely. It's more like hunt-and-peck and a whole lotta backspace key action. Then I come home--back to my laptop's US keyboard--and I find myself hitting all the wrong keys because I've been using an Icelandic keyboard all day. What is the secret to switching from one system to the other? Am I just getting old and unable to make adjustments?

The biggest difference between the Icelandic and US keyboards is the punctuation keys. For example, the following are in different locations: @ " & / * ( ) = - _ \ + ? : ; And the apostrophe is weird too--on the Icelandic keyboard, I have to shift and hit the key with the accent (the accent for letters like á, ó, í, etc.) but it doesn't work so smoothly. And the quotation marks look all funky too. It wouldn't be a problem for writing all in Icelandic and using Icelandic punctuation but at work I'm creating materials all in English, so it's just an efficiency drag.

The Icelandic alphabet contains 32 letters--not including C,Q,W, and Z--so as you can imagine, the keyboard is quite crowded (see image below). Luckily, the Icelandic keyboard retains the letters C, Q, W, and Z because those are used for foreign "loan words". I imagine that somewhere out there, some grumpy old nationalistic curmudgeons (the people that honestly believe everything Icelandic is best í heimi, or "best in the world") are bemoaning the fact that the Icelandic keyboard contains foreign letters...god forbid those foreign influences threatening the language!

The Blogging Blackhole

2010-06-10T22:27:00.003Z

So we've officially entered that season when blogs slip into a looooonnnng coma. It's ironic because there's so much going on and I finally have some inspiration yet there's never enough time to craft an intelligent sounding blog post detailing all the fun and exciting things I'm doing (or even the non-exciting things I'm doing). My excuse for not posting regularly is that the excessive sunlight makes me retarded (sunlight is my kryptonite; I work best in vampire-like conditions).

Or maybe it's the fact that I've gone and gotten myself a fancy office job for the summer. Don't get me wrong--jobs are great and I'm fortunate to be employed these days--but office jobs and constant deadlines have a way of zapping one's energy levels and creativity. Thus I come home after a day in the office and maybe jog a mile or two before mindlessly watching episodes of Big Love on the media player.(For what it's worth, them Mormon folks are crazy.)

I shouldn't be making excuses--I am a terrible blogger. I will just admit that now. There, I said it! Leave me alone! I really don't know how some people manage to update their blogs every day...or even three times a week for that matter.

So, to make up for my lackluster performance since late May, here's the run-down of the crazy stuff I've done:

ATV excursion in a lava field in which I discovered that I really like muddy, dirty activities involving speed
rafting trip in a fucking freezing river (Hvítá) by Selfoss in which I discovered how sexy I am in neoprene suits. Unfortunately, I also lost all feeling in my extremities for a few hours (thanks to certain coworkers for trying to kill me--I swear). Saunas are my bestest friends!
was convinced by good friend to hike up to Iceland‘s tallest waterfall; this involved a lot of steady walking with a trekking pole, a barefoot crossing of another fucking freezing river, and then getting lost in an Icelandic mini-forest (a rare feat, I assure you.)
started a pseudo exercise and diet routine, which is bound to be a complete failure. Besides my lame attempts at jogging, I'm also trying to cut down on red meat and sugar, an impossible task since grilled lamb, hot dogs, and ice cream are mandatory foods in Icelandic summers. (I might be deported for not eating enough of these staples...)
Eurovision parties. Je ne sais quoi. Supreme tackiness. Awesome Turkish band that reminded me of a Mad Max movie. Need I say more?
The Reykjavik City Council elections in which an actor/comedian was elected to the seat of Mayor. I normally don't give a shit about Icelandic politics because other people give a shit so I don't have to. See my pal Virgile's blog for an awesome rant about local politics AND Eurovision.

And just this evening I took a trip with a few colleagues to Stokkseyri, where we checked out the recently-renovated Ghost Centre and nearly starved to death as we were fed a continuous supply of free beer by a local brewery. Oh, the horrors! Free beer and no bread basket or crisps! And yes, I've finally had some dinner now but I'm still buzzed. (I promised myself no more blogging under the influence. FAIL.) And in case you're wondering, it's not commonplace in Iceland to visit a museum about ghosts and elves and be fed free beer. It's just one of the perks of my day job. P.S. Beer totally enhances supernatural experiences. Another tip: If you've gone a long time since your last meal and you don't want to get wasted too quickly, try Freyja, an Icelandic micro-brew with a zesty citrus & coriander taste that's only about 4.5% alcohol.

Eurovision Update: Please DON'T vote for Bosnia

2010-05-29T20:04:00.000Z

Please please please DON'T vote for Bosnia...he reminds me of Nickelback. Thanks.

Iceland's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...

2010-05-21T23:59:00.001Z

...and they're like "it's better than yours...já takk"

The boys, in this case, are Viggo Mortensen (já sæll!) and Stephen Fry, two exceptionally awesome lads in my book (for different reasons, obviously). Yeah, so they're involved in this little project called Inspired by Iceland, a collaborative campaign by Iceland's tourism industry to let people know that Reykjavik is not Pompeii. You see, people have been scared of coming to Iceland, and I think it has less to do with volcanoes and more to do with the prospect of being forced to spend extra time in crappy airports. Speaking of airports, Iceland's international airport is actually rather pleasant and recently got an award for not being crappy.

So, let's talk about Viggo. Have you seen Eastern Promises yet? If not, put the laptop down (NOW) and go watch it. There is one particular scene at a bathhouse and...never mind. Let's just say Viggo's in fighting shape. Yes sir.

Let's hear what the man has to say:

Viggo Mortensen is inspired by Iceland from Inspired By Iceland on Vimeo.

Explosive new video!

2010-05-19T21:49:00.001Z

Yet another awesome video to come out of the recent Eyjafjallajökull eruption: This one is a bit long, but you MUST have the sound on so you can hear the explosions. That is the absolute highlight of this video. Oh, and watch for the random guy in the video who always seems to be hiking too close to the crater--the crater that's exploding and spewing out big chunks of rock and molten lava. (At least he's wearing a helmet, right?) From what I can tell, this video was created by a German specialty-travel company that organizes treks to volcanic areas across the globe. Lebe gefährlich!

And now, for your time-wasting pleasure, I present to you some nerdy (and somewhat useful) volcano-related links:

NERDY STUFF

Web cams of Eyjafjallajokull: http://eldgos.mila.is/

Ash fall in

Iceland

: http://en.vedur.is/earthquakes-and-volcanism/articles/nr/1885

Ash cloud advisory (

) for aviation (ash flow direction maps): http://www.metoffice.gov.uk/aviation/vaac/vaacuk_vag.html

Vedur.is (Icelandic Weather Service) updates on volcanic activity: http://en.vedur.is/earthquakes-and-volcanism/articles/nr/1884

Earthquakes in the past 48 hours (near Eyjafjallajökull): http://en.vedur.is/earthquakes-and-volcanism/earthquakes/myrdalsjokull/

Iceland

weather forecast: http://en.vedur.is/weather/forecasts/areas/

University of Iceland – Institute of Earth Sciences “Understanding Volcanoes”: http://www2.norvol.hi.is/page/ies_understanding_volcanoes

USGS (US Geological Survey) – Volcano Hazards Program: http://volcanoes.usgs.gov/publications/2010/iceland.php

FOR TRAVELERS

Updates from Icelandic Civil Protection and Emergency Management: http://www.almannavarnir.is/displayer.asp?cat_id=413

Iceland Tourism Board Website – updates on eruptions and tourist safety: http://www.visiticeland.com/DiscoverIceland/WhatsOn/View/neweruptioninsouthiceland

Icelandair – flight status updates: http://www.icelandair.co.uk/information/media/newslist/announcement/item430206/Volcanic_ash_from_is_closing_airspace_(_UK_&_Scandinavia)/

Iceland

Express – flight status updates: http://www.icelandexpress.com/volcano/

Visit Reykjavik website (in case you’re ‘stuck’): http://www.visitreykjavik.is/desktopdefault.aspx

ICE-SAR (Iceland Search & Rescue): http://www.icesar.com/

Safe Travel (service of ICE-SAR) – useful emergency info for everyone: http://safetravel.is/index.php

Sea Change

2010-05-18T23:33:00.000Z

As Iceland Review has been reporting recently, Iceland is raining babies these days and nearly every woman of reproductive age in Iceland (that's a mighty wide range as people start young here) has got a bun in the oven, a baby in a stroller, or is just being hounded by her in-laws to hurry up and get ólétt.

This "wall of children" used to cover the remains of a burned-down bar on the corner of Lækjargata and Ausurstræti in downtown Reykjavik. It left no doubt in the mind that Icelanders are mad about babies.

By the way, Iceland has a lot of terms for "pregnant", and it's funny how the literal translations can all be perceived as borderline offensive to a woman whose tummy is too big to see her feet:

óléttur: "un-light"

ófrískur: "un-fit"

fullur: "full" (sort of like an eating-too-much fullness)

þungaður: sort of like "thick" or "heavy"

hlaðinn: "loaded"

efnisríkur: "content rich"

Well, with descriptions like that, who wouldn't want to be með barn undir belti (with child under the belt)?

The answer? The Icelanders of 1,000 years ago.

Yeah, they weren't so keen on having too many kids filling up the longhouse using up scarce resources. I was doing some topical research on Iceland's adoption of Christianity in 1000 A.D. for a side project (don't ask) when I stumbled upon this in Wikipedia (I know, I know, it's not a "real" scholarly source):

"Once the church was firmly in control in Iceland, horsemeat, infanticide, and pagan rituals practiced in private were banned.... [and about the infanticide] ...infanticide used to be widespread around the world, and the practice of exposing "surplus" children was an established part of old Icelandic culture. It was strongly believed that there was a limit to the number of people the island could support and that rearing too many children would bring disaster for all; see carrying capacity."

Since Iceland currently numbers around 320,000 inhabitants for an island the size of a small US state, I would say they haven't quite hit carrying capacity yet (but I'm not even going to get into carbon footprint, food/water stability or other global overpopulation issues here) thus, unless some catastrophe strikes or continued economic pressures cause the government to significantly roll back its generous social services, then we'll be seeing high birthrates coming out of Iceland for quite some time. (It is already the highest of Europe.)

Although I sometimes suspect that Icelanders haven't evolved much (gastronomically or personality-wise) since the days of the Vikings, I guess some things have changed quite a bit.

Drowning in ash? NO. Drowning in photos? YES.

2010-05-16T23:32:00.000Z

Photos! photos! More photos! Are you sick of that volcano yet? As you can see, clearly I am not.

Yes, as irritating as that naughty ash cloud is for the people stranded at European airports, it certainly is a lovely sight for us island-dwellers. And by the way, if you had plans to visit Iceland this summer, don't wimp out and cancel your trip. It's really not necessary. Seriously. Contrary to what your local news sources may be telling you, we're not all covered in ash here. Far from it. Especially Reykjavik, which is at least 150 km to the west (2 hours by car). And contrary to what the Icelandic president told the BBC, Katla is NOT erupting and is NOT currently showing any signs of an imminent eruption. Oh, and Hekla is also NOT exploding.

So there. We are fine. Thanks for asking. Let's move on to some lovely photos now, shall we?

1. My second Eyjafjallajökull roadtrip:
The first trip to the volcano involved me, two friends, a Yaris, fabulous sunglasses, a frightfully cold day, and unfortunate roadblocks at Hvolsvöllur. This time it was me, my handsome boyfriend, fabulous sunglasses (again), lopapeysa sweaters (requirement for Icelandic countryside trips), awesome West Coast gangsta rap from the 90s (for ironic contrast), and one loaded V-Dub. And no roadblocks! Thus, we could drive past the clear skies and relative normalcy of Hvolsvöllur and into the eerie, ashy landscapes near Skogar.

First, we stopped and snapped some pics at Fljótshlíð, a scenic farming district in south Iceland that has gained popularity in recent months for its volcanic vistas (also location of the best webcam for live video). We then briefly visited the Country Hotel Anna in Moldnúpur--at the foot of Eyjafjallajökull--for a brisk, partial hike up the ash-laden mountainside followed by a well-deserved hot cocoa at the hotel restaurant. Yes, you read that right -- we walked up the same mountainside that's currently spewing ash right and left. "Why", you ask? Because we can. Finally, we made a short stop to Seljavellir (near the historic Seljavallalaug pool), where we donned our dust masks for a few otherworldly photo ops. Check out my Picasa album if you enjoy mediocre amateur photographs:

Fun with ash clouds!

2. "Úr iðrum jarðar" photography exhibition:

This photo exhibition at Reykjavik's Gallerí Fold features the recent volcanic activity at Eyjafjallajökull and Fimmvörðuháls. Over 50 magnificent photographs by 23 photographers are displayed until September, including two very talented friends of mine. Fellow expat and talented photographer Julia Staples snapped some AMAZING shots of Eyjafjallajökull for the Reykjavik Grapevine when it first started to dump ash over South Iceland. Another friend, Icelandic photographer Brjánn Baldursson, captured a particularly stunning shot of the 'lava falls' at the first "tourist" eruption, which you can check out on Brjánn's Flickr site.

And since this exhibit is focused on the volcanic activity, I thought it was very clever that the gallery offered the guests of the opening day some hraun and gos (hraun means lava, but is also the name of a very crunchy chocolate wafer candy, and gos means gas technically but that's also the name for soda beverages like Coke.) There was also a bucket full of fresh volcanic ash, which visitors could scoop into snack bags and take home as a souvenir. Rosalega snilld!

3. I hear ashy water is good for the skin.

This Icelandic photographer took some seriously cool shots of the old Seljavallalaug swimming pool at Seljavellir, an area that has been hard-hit by the ash fall. This gentleman's photos are surreal, but with a touch of humor. Seljavallalaug is Iceland's oldest swimming pool and is often featured in Icelandic advertisements due to its secluded location in a picturesque valley.

4. Time-lapse video going viral on the Interwebs:

Iceland, Eyjafjallajökull - May 1st and 2nd, 2010 from Sean Stiegemeier on Vimeo.

I think it must be mandatory for people who create homemade videos of the Icelandic wilderness to use a Sigur Rós song in the background.

5. Boston Globe -- mind-blowing images:

My photos look like a f**king joke next to these images compiled by the Boston Globe. This has been around for at least a month, so if you're one of the 50 or so people in the world who hasn't seen this yet, then get on it.

But...I'm a lady!

2010-05-15T01:25:00.000Z

I friggin' love the ladies' bathroom at the English Pub in downtown Reykjavik. (I may or may not be slightly drunk as I write this post...)

The ladies' room at the English Pub is awesome. I should know since I spent a considerable amount of time there tonight. In fact, every time I went down there, I couldn't help myself from snickering. And let me tell you -- it's hard to do your business when you're giggling. Damn you, happy hour drinks!

I felt like this "lady" whenever I entered through the semi-decadent, pseudo-Victorian ladies' room door:

Several times this evening, I had to stop myself from saying aloud in a fake-British accent, "But I'm a lady!". No matter how old I get, I never seem to get over the fact that I can't actually fake a convincing British accent. Not that it stops me from trying...and laughing at my own failed attempts. British accents always seem like a great idea after a few pints...

By the way, I ALWAYS judge a bar by the quality of its bathrooms. The English Pub passes the test (at least before midnight) just by the fact that the bathroom door makes me think of a Little Britain character. That is a total WIN in my book!

Eyjafjallajökull: Just One of Many

2010-05-11T11:52:00.000Z

Fun factoids -- courtesy of www.vedur.is, Iceland's chief meteorology website:

List of recent volcanic eruptions in Iceland

Eruptions in Iceland in since 1902

2010 Eyjafjallajökull
2004 Grímsvötn
2000 Hekla
1998 Grímsvötn
1996 Gjálp
1991 Hekla
1984 Krafla
1983 Grímsvötn
1981 Krafla 2 eruptions
1981 Hekla
1980 Hekla
1980 Krafla 3 eruptions
1977 Krafla 2 eruptions
1975 Krafla
1973 subaquatic eruption 5 km south of Landeyjar coast
1973 Heimaey
1970 Hekla
1963-1967 Surtsey
1961 Askja
1947 Hekla
1938 Grímsvötn
1934 Grímsvötn
1933 Grímsvötn
1929 Askja
1927 Askja
1926 northeast of Eldey
1924 Askja
1923 Askja
1922 Askja 2 eruptions
1922 Grímsvötn
1921 Askja
1918 Katla
1913 Austan Heklu
1910 Þórðarhyrna
1903 Þórðarhyrna
1902 Grímsvötn

On why a sane person doesn't buy a laptop in Iceland if they can help it...

2010-05-04T18:07:00.001Z

I have a very simple contingency plan in the [very tragic] event that my laptop dies:
(1) Go to Icelandair's website (because I have no alternatives)
(2) Book airfare to US
(3) Buy laptop at very competitive price
(4) Grab a few other supplies that are in short supply on The Rock
(4) Spend the remaining time enjoying the company of friends and/or family. This step usually involves a lot of eating, drinking, and embarrassing photos
(5) Return to Iceland, and stock up on booze in the duty-free shop by the baggage claim

It's very simple. It's a win-win situation: get new computer, spend time with good people. Not to mention that I get to re-discover the joys of Mexican food, margaritas, cheese curds, microbrewery beers, inexpensive red wine, Chinese takeout, Whole Foods market, Target, etc.

Most importantly, it makes good economic sense for me as an expat.

Consider this:

HP Pavillion DV6-1325
specifications: Pentium Dual Core T4300 (2.1 GHz), 4GB DDR3 RAM (8GB max), hard disk SATA 500GB 5400 rpm, a Radeon Mobility HD4530 512MB GDDR3 dedicated and up ‘to 2.3 GB Turbo Cache, a screen 15.6”WXGA HD Bright View LED Backlight with a resolution of 1366 × 768, a webcam with microphone, a Light-Scribe DVD burner, card reader 5 in 1, a keypad, 2 – Altec-Lansing speakers and interfaces Wi-Fi b / g, HDMI, Firewire, ExpressCard54, VGA, Infrared, Headphones (x2) Microphone, Gigabit Ethernet and USB 2.0 (x4 combo with 1 e-SATA).

Cost in France: less than 600 euros (roughly $800 or so)

Cost in Iceland: 189.995 ISK (that's gonna set you back nearly $1,500)

Cost for very similar model (HP Pavillion DV6-2170us) in US: $800

Imported products in Iceland are subject to a whopping 24.5% VAT, which is already figured into the price and thus explains the incredible markup. Not the mention that there are few competitors to force prices down for consumers.

So why not just take the price difference ($1,500-$800 = $700) to invest it into something enjoyable, like a vacation to see loved ones perhaps. The price difference is even more remarkable if you're buying an Apple MacBook Pro (339.995 ISK - $1,700 = roughly $940) Meanwhile, the cost of the airfare back to the states is usually in the $800-$1000 range. So it's almost a wash. Plus, by purchasing airfare from an Icelandic airline, I am still adding value to Iceland's economy. Everyone wins. Don't you love a happy ending?

Of course, I realize this option of flying off to a foreign country for a shopping trip doesn't work for everyone. And I suppose you could accuse me of being a narcissistic, materialistic consumer (flying to the Evil Empire for buying things and all), but if you're reading this blog, then I must assume that you're on a home PC or laptop, which someone in your household paid good money for. Alternatively, some people feel that buying a crazy-expensive laptop gives them a weird sense a national pride. Good luck with that. Someone has to pay for the kreppa after all...

Profiling the Skinka and Hnakki

2010-05-01T19:01:00.002Z

As a public service for my non-Icelandic readers, I've decided to do a special post today focusing on the Icelandic societal phenomena known as skinka and hnakki.

Skinka is an Icelandic term describing a certain segment of the (usually young) female population whose tastes in clothing and fake tanning are rather tragic. Skinka girls typically originate in the suburbs of Reykjavik, and are often found--in packs--at one of Iceland's two shopping malls, scouring for bright pink, shimmering, butt-hugging spandex garments. The skinka girl can be identified by her orange-ish skin with 'raccoon eyes' eyeliner, stretchy Eurotrash outfits, and over-processed bleach blond hair. She also likes massively crappy pop music and probably watches American Idol (yes, sadly it is broadcast in Iceland) or the Icelandic equivalent, Idol stjörnuleit (Idol Starsearch).

Unfortunately, skinka girls have a powerful hold on Icelandic society, as most of the retailers at Iceland's two shopping malls cater to the tastes of the skinka crowd, leaving other shoppers in a bind. Sadly, there is a huge gap in Icelandic fashion; there is either the high-end designer boutiques, which average consumers can barely afford, or skanky skinka shops, where classy people avoid altogether. The people stuck in the middle stock up on all their clothing essentials on overseas vacations.

Here is a visual, which shows how an ordinarily attractive girl (left) can become a skinka victim (right):

For those of you in the UK, a good example of skinka would be Katie Price (aka Jordan).

The Urban Dictionary defines skinka as

"Skinka means ham in english and icelanders use that term because the skin of a pearson that has gone to many times to a sun salon is all wrinkled like a ham.

A "skinka" is a girl that is super tanned, with bleached hair and dresses like a skank, showing as much of her boobs and thighs as possible. But that is a bad case.

Skinka is more commonly used when referring to a girl that has too much make up on, like a drag queen, and dresses like she's going to a club in miami when the temperature calls for much warmer clothes.

English: He only thinks she's hot because he has a thing for skinkas.

Icelandic: Honum finnst hún bara heit útaf hann fýlar skinkur.

English: You are such a skinka

Icelandic: Þú ert svo mikil skinka"

Meanwhile, the male equivalent of skinka is referred to in Icelandic as FM hnakki, or simply hnakki. Hnakki is pronounced like NAH-KEE and its literal translation is neck. Some say that the term originated out of Selfoss (small town on the south coast) for the boys with bleached, spiky hair, over-tanned skin, and an unfortunate taste for crappy rock bands like Nickelback. (The FM part refers to the radio station 95.7*, which occasionally plays Nickelback-type rubbish.) These boys also are known to spend a disproportionate amount of their income on American pickup trucks or tricked-out Ford Mustangs. In the US, these boys would be considered to be an odd blend of rednecks and metrosexuals, which, if you think about it, is sort of an oxymoron.

To see an example of hnakki, check out the blog Pale is the New Tan. Also, Iceland's gossip magazine Séð og Heyrt runs rampant with both skinka and hnakki people.

Wiktionary defines hnakki as:

Etymology

From Old Norse hnakki. Origin of the slang sense is unknown.

Noun

hnakki m (genitive singular hnakka, plural hnakkar)

1. nape of the neck

2. (slang, pejorative, neologism) a stereotypical grouping of superficial juveniles associated with sport, fitness and tanning, that often bleach their hair and dress fashionably- similar to a jock.

As one would expect--given these groups' adoration of hair bleach and awful fake tans--skinka girls typically pair off with hnakki boys. And then they make little skinkuhnakki babies and the cycle perpetuates itself, thereby guaranteeing a lifetime demand in Iceland for hair bleach, tanning creams, and crappy, tight-fitting fashions.** THE END.

*Thanks to some comments and other concerned parties, this was corrected to reflect 95.7 and not 97.7 as I had previously written. Radio station 97.7 is sooooo not as terrible as 95.7.
**Apparently, you can find plenty of skinka and hnakki people in New Jersey, USA. In fact, you can witness such phenomenon on the show Jersey Shore. True story: in 2000, when I was doing a semester abroad in London UK, I met another student in the exchange program at a bar in central London. She was from New Jersey. She was wearing a cow-print mini-skirt and fake leather knee boots and had a very Barbie-like bleach blond ponytail held up by some serious hair spray. She asked where I was from. I told her I was from Wisconsin. She was like (seriously),"WOW this must be so weird for you to be in a city and all." (said the girl in the COW PRINT skirt...)

Ellen DeGeneres plays "Icelandic Volcano or IKEA Furniture?"

2010-04-29T13:23:00.001Z

I love Ellen.

Watch as Ellen compare Icelandic names to IKEA furniture (roughly between1:20 and 4:40):

Volcanic Airways: it was only a matter of time...

2010-04-27T11:57:00.003Z

In the aftermath of the most expensive volcanic eruption in history, and the subsequent media hype over the constipated European airspace, you knew it was only a matter of time before someone turned this ordeal into a video game or movie.

I'm still eagerly waiting for the movie to come out...I'm imagining something produced by Jerry Bruckheimer with explosions, crappy rock music, fiery plane crashes, and very bad actors (this is an understatement).

At least we already have the video game!! And with that, the Vulkie Awards Committee feels compelled to automatically give the prize for Best Volcano-Inspired Video Game to 'Volcanic Airways'. I'm so glad that there are tech-geeks in this world with a little creativity, free time, and sense of humor to design such awesome time-wasters. I really didn't want to study for my final exams anyway.

This game has been spreading like ~~herpes~~ wildfire on Facebook today. And I must comment on how awesome the music is. As I'm writing this blog, the music from the game is still playing and it gives me a special sense of urgency. Hurry! Write faster! Gaaaahhhhhhhh!!! It makes me feel a little like Indiana Jones. You'll understand what I mean -- you can try it out here:

Volcanic Airways

Escape from the Icelandic volcano's ash cloud in your airplane!

Play this free game now!!