Ideas and Moments

Happy budday wifey!

2012-03-07T23:21:00.003-08:00

My lovely wife,
Happy Birthday!!! So happy to be with you on this day.
Ours has been a long journey. Almost five years since we met, and I still fall in love with you every time you smile. You have been such a great companion all these years. Even marriage has not bee able to change that :)

If I go on to describe all the beautiful moments that we have had together, I'd probably be typing till your next birthday. I just want to tell you that there are very few people in this world who are so beautiful, so pure, that they can only be a source of happiness for anyone around them. You are one of those special ones dear. I look at you and I know that life is good.

Thanks dear for everything!

tera chehra kitna suhana lagta hai
tere aage chaand purana lagta hai

tujhse milke imli meethi lagti hai
tujhse bicchhadkar shehed bhi khara lagta hai

Always be with me,

Yours,

Rajeev

Why I don't copy in exams...

2010-01-11T15:12:00.000-08:00

I never thought that not copying in petty class exams and not signing proxy signatures for attendance for my friends would be such a big differentiating factor even while studying at Post graduate level. I am not interested in getting into ethical debates because I believe that each one has a unique way of looking at things. I do not believe that 4 or 5 marks lesser in a 'quiz' (that’s what a class test is known as, here, in my MBA institute) would make a difference in my life. But many people do think so and that is why they copy. Or maybe they do because everyone does. I do not know the reason why they copy. But I sure know the reason why I do not. Allow me to share it with you.

I copied for the first time in the first unit test examination in the seventh standard. And it was also the last time I did that. I do not remember anything about the subject other than the fact that I was not being able to answer a question worth 2 marks in that paper. I was horribly worried that I would get only 98 marks out of 100 which could push me down to the second ranked position in class. It’s amusing to sit back and think that I actually worried about such things when I was a kid. I have come a long way though. I attempt only about 50 percent of the paper now a day.

Back to 1998: I was almost on the verge of crying when my ‘best friend’ Nihir patted on my back from behind. I looked up and was beginning to turn, when I was dumbstruck by what I saw. Nihir had placed his question paper with the answer written on it, right beside me, on my bench. I almost shuddered with nervousness. "How could you do that!", I mumbled to him with utter disbelief. "Everything is fine. Just write the answer.", he replied with the highest order of composure. I frantically looked around for our invigilator Mrs. Vijaya. She was at a safe distance. Then, for reasons still unknown to me, I did the most courageous thing I had done up to that moment in my life. In a flash, I picked up my question paper and kept it on Nihir's bench. I had never copied upto that moment but this thing was getting too exciting to miss out on. We had successfully exchanged question papers.

I took a deep breath. Nobody could stop me from getting full marks now. I would get the first rank this time. My mom would be so happy that I "defeated" Valli, the girl who always stood first in my class. I copied the answer. I submitted the answer sheet. I walked out of the examination hall, still keeping a distance from Mrs. Vijaya and joined the crowd emerging from the classrooms. In a way, I actually had ‘joined the crowd’.

Two to three days went by. That night, a dinner table discussion wandered onto the topic of ‘cheating’ in exams. I felt uncomfortable as my sister narrated stories of students being caught and punished for copying. I was trying to concentrate on the food in front of me when my Mom looked at me and casually asked, “Do they copy in your school too?”. I almost spilled some of the food off the plate. I looked up and I met her eyes. I stared into them for a couple of seconds. I was overwhelmed. “Not really”, I stuttered as I fixed my eyes on the plate again. “Anyways, I know you would never copy. I trust you.”, She said. “Rajeev is my son.”, She told looking at my sister.

I finished my dinner. Then, I cried a lot in bed.

Every time, a friend asks why I am so ‘touchy’ about ethics, I say to myself, “It’s not about ethics. It’s about my mother.”

P.S. : I am sorry Mom I never mustered up the courage to tell this to you till today. And thanks, for making me what I am.

20 things I have learnt at my MBA institute

2010-01-08T05:56:00.000-08:00

It is easy to stick to many of your principles if you are not afraid of being different.
You don't have to talk everyday to the persons you love. They understand.
Kuch toh log kahenge...logo ka kaam hai kehna...
Each second in your life matters. Only till it lasts.
Things are not as beautiful as they seem. Things are not as bad as they seem. They just are.
Management is nothing but common sense. That is why it is tough.
The best of talent in India is being wasted for money.
Some people are smart. Some are not. It doesn't matter.
There are genuine people every place you go. Learn from them.
My father is my best friend.
Business number nahi...business log hai...sirf log...
The aim of competition is not winning but improving.
Success doesn't matter. Humility does.
We need to be more conscious of the fact that we will die some day.
People do what they know is wrong for two reasons. It is easy. Everyone does it.
No one is good or bad. They are either as you want them to be or they are not.
Not sounding your opinion is not being weak. Sometimes, it takes a lot of strength.
It is not always necessary to ‘take a stand’. Sometimes, just try to ‘sit and listen’ to others.
If you do not believe in God, you have not stared at your mirror long enough.
Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost...

Ideasnmoments reloaded...

2009-12-13T04:56:00.000-08:00

Why is it that when you decide not to do something, you feel like doing it even more?
I have to return to blogging.I have to blog now more than I ever did. I had not blogged much since I joined IIM C and after that bad phase of summer placements, I decided to quit it altogether. Its like... I fought up with an old friend and decided not to talk with her.And now, I realize her value. That is how it is always supposed to be. Maybe that is why we have bad times in life. So that we realize how good life has always been.
Maybe it does sound shallow after that emotional last post.But as my dad says, "Truth is what you feel to be true at this moment" and 'I feel good.' and so, I am back.

Hey!How have you been!

...

2009-11-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

Its been two long days and 40 companies without a single shortlist. Being in one of the most prestigious institutes in the world, I did not expect my summer placements to be like this. But only I am to blame. I did not perform well during graduation and I cannot change that.
The problem is I keep talking. I keep talking about money not being important. I keep talking about being an entrepreneur. I talk about being ethical and moral. I keep talking about believing in myself. I just keep talking. I probably do not deserve to talk this much without ever achieving anything in life.
This will be my last post on this blog. Ill blog after this only if I feel I deserve to. Or else Ill be quiet.For the rest of my time.
Thanks to all those who read this blog all these days.
Rajeev

Hey buddy!

2009-09-13T07:18:00.001-07:00

Great work buddy! you have been selected to be the 'Featured blog of the month' in the IIM C campus magazine Inquest! I never knew you were that good :)

Although I like some of your posts very much.

Like the one story about the stranger who met you in Bangalore!
http://ideasnmoments.blogspot.com/2008/07/kai.html

or the one where your own Mumbai welcomes you in the most unique way!
http://ideasnmoments.blogspot.com/2008/09/welcome-to-mumbai.html

and of course your mushy love story!
http://ideasnmoments.blogspot.com/2008/08/love-deserved.html

Hope people like these too :)

Keep in touch pal!
Rajeev

Zeroing in...

2009-05-12T01:15:00.000-07:00

I have been studying about serial killers as an attempt to understand criminal psychology as part of research for my book. Honestly, this knowledge has shaken to the roots, my beliefs and understanding of human behaviour and the rules of the world we live in.

For an ordinary person like me, it is tough to grasp psychopathic behaviour. I cannot possibly digest the fact that a woman wouldn't let her child's wounds heal, by plucking at his stitches, because she liked the doctor. I cannot think of a person successfully convincing his brother to exchange identities for escaping trial and then leaving him to die in prison. There are many more examples, much more disturbing, but this is not the place to enlist them all.

Dr. Robert D. Hare, the famous criminal pychologist, enlists the symptoms of psychopaths. He says, one of the major symptoms is 'the lack of remorse and empathy'. 23-year-old nurse Beverly Allitt killed at least four children and injected twenty-plus others with potassium or insulin with an intent to kill. The sole reason was to seek attention and potray herself as an angelic and caring nurse. She showed no signs of remorse on being caught. As an ordinary person, this questions my understanding of 'conscience'. As I have been taught, right from childhood, to follow my conscience, it comes as a jolt to know that psychopaths 'lack conscience'. What could possibly be the guiding power for their actions then?

I know that it would amount to taking this thought process to a completely different level, but I would not hesitate in saying that it questions my faith in goodness and God. For years, evil is known to exist although it logically contradicts the concept of an omnscient, omnipotent and benevolent God. All my attempts at theodicy fail to explain evil that exists in a serial killer's mind and that almost bestows him with extra ordinary mental prowess to commit henious crimes. An omniscient God would have predicted the crime and an omnipotent God would have prevented it.

Indian philosophy attempts to explain the existence of evil through the concept of Karma, the belief that evil exists because people get what they deserve; in other words, if someone suffers or falls ill, that is because they committed a sin that merits such punishment. However, considering the number of times I have heard this question "Why do bad things happen to good people?", I would surely conclude that there exists no good person. This theory implicitly assumes the existence of a single authority to judge the good and bad but does not really tell why the bad exists.

Another theory to explain the existence of evil is the argument for free will. It says that even though God is omnipotent, its manifestation in the real world would amount to supressing the free will of humans capable of taking moral decisions. God lets evil exist so as not to interfere with the 'free will' that he has bestowed on human beings. The problem with this theory is the primary assumption that 'free will' exists. Consider William L. Rowe's famous example of natural evil: "In some distant forest lightning strikes a dead tree, resulting in a forest fire. In the fire a fawn is trapped, horribly burned, and lies in terrible agony for several days before death relieves its suffering." Did the 'free will' of the fawn exist? If commiting a murder was an action of 'free will' of the killer, wasn't the 'free will' of the victim as important?

I am confused as of now as to why 'bad' exists but my logic says that it does. For the simple reason that if the all of the the word came from nothing (zero), there has to be 'bad' with the 'good'. (Only a positive with a negative could make a zero) Going by this reasoning, I see 'evil' as proof of existence of God. A classic example of logic contradicting logic.

Guilt

2009-05-06T04:34:00.000-07:00

I have been researching about Indian politics and especially about Narendra Modi as part of my quest for a genuine story for my book. I have gone through many articles describing how Mr. Modi has brought Gujarat from being a famine ridden poor state to a glowing manufacturing and industrial hub. It makes me swell with pride as a Gujarati myself, seeing how a state, within a short span of seven years, can reach such heights so as to become a model for the rest of India.
However there has always been this blemish on the clean saffron kurta of Mr. Modi - The Godhra riots. For a lay person like me, it is quite tough to decide as to who is speaking the truth. I have gone through speeches by luminaries like Mr. Anil Ambani, Mr. Ratan Tata and Morari Bapu who can't stop praising Mr. Modi as the most dynamic and efficient leader of India. And on the other hand, I have gone through the videos released by tehelka.com that were recorded as a part of a sting operation. They clearly indicate that Mr. Narendra modi had 'blessed' the riots and allowed those thousands of people to be killed.

(http://www.tehelka.com/story_main35.asp?filename=Ne031107spycam_videos.asp - This is the link to the sting operation videos of the rioters and conspirators describing how they killed and massacred Muslims and how they enjoyed the same. They can upset you. So I am not posting these videos here)

The supreme court has lifted the stay and fast tracked investigations in Godhra related cases under the supervision of a special investigating team as of now. These investigations take time but I, as a common man got my answer when I saw this video. I know this cannot be presented as evidence in the Supreme court but it is enough to let you know the truth even if it is not spoken. View it and decide for yourself.

Stop cribbing!!!

2009-05-05T08:50:00.000-07:00

I was on my way home today evening when this hapened. I was enjoying my ride in an air conditioned Volvo bus, one of those operated by Bangalore municpal transport. Believe me, they are one of the best forms of public transport you will see in India. As the bus came to a halt at one of the stops, a middle aged person entered the bus with a folder in his hand and started distributing pamphlets. He smilingly handed over one to me too. It was a survey form. Apparently, BMTC (Bangalore municipal transport) is planning to provide food services in buses. The survey consisted of questions such as "What should be the ideal price of breakfast in bus?" and "What could be the food items included in the lunch/dinner?" and some others. It would not have taken more than five minutes to fill up the answers but alas, I didn't have a pen. I turned to the person sitting next to me. He looked to be older than me but his form said that he was a 'student'. That commonly happens with me. I am 5 feet 2 inches tall, with a round face and do not at all look like an IT engineer working since the last two years. I politely asked for a pen. He kept staring at his form as if he hadn't heard me. I was about to repeat my request when he, still looking at the form, blurted out, "Why do I have to fill this? Why do they waste our time in such things? Zabardasti ka naatak (Just a bogus exercise forced on us!)". I smiled at him trying to comprehend what was so irritating about that simple form. It just asked what you would like to eat. Is it that tough to answer?

But I have found this to be a common way to let out frustration. Every time I enter the gates of the tech park I work in, I find some one or the other cribbing about the "stricter than required" security. " Why do you have to check my bag every day? For a bomb? Do I look like a terrorist? I am working here since the last three years, for God's sake!", they shout at the poor security guard who wouldn't even understand half of that english and whose sole aim is to do his job and get his bread for the day. And then even if a small cracker bursts inside the premises that day, that same poor guy has to answer where it came from.

The problem is that cribbing is so prevalent that it is almost taken to be correct by most. If you do not crib, it means you don't know the facts. If you do not criticize, it means you are weak. It doesn't matter if cribbing is all that you do. But crib, you should. . How can a negative reaction to a negative thing result in something positive? The famous Lalu prasad yadav wanted to protest against the forced vasectomies that were carried out on innocent people by government orders during the emergency. What did he do? He became the father of nine children (I don't remeber exactly whether it is nine or eleven. I just hope it is nine) Is that really going to help things? Is that what you expect from a sane human being (leave alone the fact that he is one of the most prominent leaders of our nation)? And he doesn't shy away from this fact, instead uses it as a means to woo his voters.

What I am trying to ask here is, "Are there actually as many problems around you as many as you think are? And if they do exist, is a negative sentiment from your side going to help come to a solution?"

The next time you feel like complaining about something, just take a deep breath and think calmly how could you go about preventing the same. Remember, just complaining is the easy way out. Those who have succeeded in life, did more than that.

What makes things tough!

2009-05-05T02:20:00.000-07:00

Have a look at these two videos and you will know that there is only one force that makes things easy or tough - You!
Both these are cricket videos, a game where its easy to lose one's nerves. (especially when we are talking about the IPL 20-20 format!)

A perfect example of what panic can do to you

A perfect example of what you can do if you don't panic

Remeber, even a split second is long enough to take the correct decision as long as you believe it is. There is always enough time if you don't waste it. Never Panic!

Rakhee ka swayamvar

2009-04-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

The news

Reality television becomes more real than ever before. Miss Rakhi Sawant is to choose a groom for herself on national television through a reality show. And guess what, she has got more than 12000 'applications' in 20 days since the show was announced!!! For Rakhi, the whole matter is simple enough. 'Log paper mein advertise nahi dete? main TV pe de rahi hu!' is her simple logic. She even goes as far to say that if Sita could have a Svayamvar, why can't she! (Not that I can think of many other similarities between her and Sita!)

The show

Over the duration of the show, the prospective grooms will be brought together under one roof and put through a series of challenges that have been created considering the criteria identified by Rakhi herself. Each week, the grooms will be put through tasks that will test their personality, character, physical fitness, talent and also their 'compatibility' (read IQ levels) with Rakhi. Additionally, Rakhi will be joined by a host of her celebrity friends (friends who couldn't find her a groom otherwise) for certain tasks, who will help her make her decision. In keeping with 'tradition', Rakhi will also visit the homes of the prospective grooms to get to know their families better. All through the series, viewers will help Rakhi decide, by voting for or against the prospective bridegrooms. The final week will present the wedding celebrations in all its glory from the Mehendi to the Sangeet and culminating in a real-life wedding for Rakhi with the groom that she has chosen. Apparently, it has all the makings of a popular reality show! And I am sure NDTV Imagine will be able to garner huge TRPs given Rakhi's excellent track record in this field and corresponding skill set. I salute the person who came up with this idea and recognized the business opportunity that lies in here.

The problem

The problem lies in the trivialization of something very important: marriage.

Apparently, Rakhi feels that she is a cultured Indian lady with a respect for Indian values and that the time has come when she got a companion and had a family life. Good thought. What I fail to understand is the need for a reality show to turn this idea into reality. As far as statistics go, 100% of women in the world who are married have chosen their grooms without a reality show. And they have done reasonably well.

Or it can be concluded that Miss Rakhee finds herself so incompetent of judging people that she needs people SMSing her the right choice. Not to mention, the large scale cost of the marriage and 'Sangeet' (and what not) that will be covered by the sponsors.

Or the reason could be that Miss Rakhee needs a wider choice. People from 18 to 35, engineers, doctors, NRIs, businessmen and then she can choose the best of them. I wonder what she was doing all these years in life when she could not find one life partner and now she is confident of going through this 'wide choice' and making up her mind before the sponsors decide that the TRPs have fallen enough and the show needs to be stopped.

Or as Rakhi says, she wants to 'solemnize the marriage' before her fans who have always been with her. Well, inviting these many fans would have been tough, had she been having a 'regular marriage'. So why not just change the groom instead and cash in on television's reach to 'invite' everyone. Smart thinking!

My advice
I perfectly understand that Rakhi Sawant does not care about the views of lesser mortals like me, but its my blog! So I write what I feel.
Ask yourself Rakhi Sawant, " Do you really believe your marriage deserves to be nothing else but a means of entertainment? Do you really believe you could find a life partner by making him do tasks on television? Do you really believe people care for your marriage any more than any other reality show? Do you really believe that you will be happy doing this? "

If the answer to any of these questions is 'Yes', then congratulations Miss Rakhi. You are in the perfect place at the perfect time.

The conclusion

I conclude that Rakhi Sawant is indeed interested in marrying. I however cannot think of a reason why she wants a reality show for that. All I hope is, the show does not get record breaking TRPs. Other wise... Rakhi might go in for a second season!

9 Films that influenced me most

2009-04-30T04:31:00.000-07:00

They say books are a man's best friends. I do not completely agree. I find myself more attached to movies rather than books. I have been at leisure the last one month and have seen at least 20 odd movies. Here is a list of nine movies that have influenced me the most in my life. I have also mentioned the highlights of each below the name. If you have not seen each of these, you are missing something very beautiful.

Swades
Sharukh khan, The music

Dead poets society
Robin Williams, The screenplay

Memento
The concept

The Matrix
The concept, The special effects

Mumbai meri jaan
Paresh Rawal, The simplicity

Saw
The suspense, The last ten seconds

Anand
The dialogues

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
The concept, The story, The screenplay

The pursuit of happyness
Will Smith, The last scene

Please post your favourite movies in the comments or the shout box. I would love to know about good movies I have missed.

Jaago re!

2009-04-27T01:52:00.000-07:00

The 15th Loksabha elections are underway. Two phases are already over. Campaigning is at its peak. The microphones are screeching loud. The crowds are roaring louder. Politicians are turning into celebrities. Celebrities are turning into politicians. New friends are being met with with warm handshakes. Old ones are being tipped cold shoulders. Youngsters are being wooed. The aged are being 'shoed'. Money is flowing but the stock market is quivering. The candidates are sure but the experts are shivering. Every one is winning but no one is smiling. The stage is set for the declaration of the results of the greatest reality show in India, 'Kaun Banega Pradhanmantri!'

The 'Jaago re' campaign has had its effect on me and I have been thinking about the elections. Allusion to the Kavka's toxin puzzle is not uncommon when discussing elections. Let me explain. Suppose you are a handsome young man (It is okay if you do not feel the need to 'suppose' this. It can be true in a few cases). An eccentric billionaire places before you a vial of toxin that, if you drink it, will make you painfully ill. The billionaire will pay you one million dollars tomorrow morning if, at midnight tonight, you intend to drink the toxin tomorrow afternoon. He emphasizes that you need not drink the toxin to receive the money; in fact, the money will already be in your bank account hours before the time for drinking it arrives, if you succeed. All you have to do is. . . intend at midnight tonight to drink the stuff tomorrow afternoon. You are perfectly free to change your mind after receiving the money and not drink the toxin.

The questions is can you intend to do something you know you wont do.

Compare the billionaire with the 'electorate' (we, the people responsible for choosing the government). Compare the toxin with the 'manifesto' (the promises each party has made to us).

If you are the young person standing in the elections, can you really intend to fulfil your promises after your victory knowing that choosing not to do so will not not affect the result at least for the next five years?

If the candidate is immoral enough that the answer to the above question is 'no', then what are the mechanisms by which people can try and correct the wrong decision that they have made. Or at least be aware that they have made one. What I am trying to suggest here is that the two months of elections are not as important as the five years before them. Perceived capability is not as important as accountability. What would really help people in making better decisions is equipping them with tools to have comprehensive knowledge about the government's working. An example would be the 'right to information' act of 2005. Though public access to government records is limited in many ways and also a slow process in India compared to US and Europe, it is a great start. Google has come up with a website giving complete details about each candidate this time. (http://www.google.co.in/intl/en/landing/loksabha2009/). I urge people, especially my younger friends, to use these tools from time to time to keep track of what their elected candidates are doing. As we follow the IPL and as we follow the stock markets, we ought to follow politics.

People argue that that all this wouldn't really help in voting as far as Indian politicians are concerned. No candidate is better than other as far as morality is concerned. A few days back, the Delhi daredevils won and in an interview, their captain Virender Sehwag said, "When my bowlers were going for runs, I told them to bowl in the right areas. I told my boys, if they hit you on good deliveries, that's fine." Have this attitude. Do not grumble about bad results before doing everything that you can, to avoid them. Believe me, you will never have to grumble then.

P.S. : The statement of the toxin puzzle is taken from Wikipedia.

Hmm...

2009-04-24T00:31:00.000-07:00

I have not posted since many days, the reason being that I am a little dazed by the things that keep happening with me. Importantly, I got admission in IIM Calcutta. The initial excitement was followed by apprehension and now I have resigned to helplessness. I had taken CAT with the intention of being able to return home by getting into a good MBA college in Mumbai. Never in my wildest dreams, had I seen this coming. Getting into an IIM was an impossibility, leave alone getting into IIM C. But now that it has happened, let's see how it goes from here. Anyways, I have been enjoying this vacation of sorts. The ongoing IPL, my new playstation , moneybhai.com (the Indian stock market simulator) and loads of movies are things that have kept me busy.

I have this dream of getting a book published. I have been thinking about a suitable story. I know that the coming two years will be the most hectic ones of my life and I will scarcely get time to devote to my book. Yet, I aim to come out with at a least one draft of the complete book by the time I pass out of IIM C (Assuming I do :p). I shall be trying to get the main story in place in the coming month as I will get a bit of free time before June. June 12th is when the sessions at kokalta start.

Let's see if I can pull this off. Two years of a rigorous post graduation course. One creative aim. Me.

P.S.: There is a shoutbox to the left. Any suggestions/ comments regarding this and you could just put them in there. Please do. I value them.

A sumptuous meal

2009-04-13T02:07:00.000-07:00

I work in a big building in one of the biggest IT parks in Bangalore. And there is a big canteen on the top floor of this building where I have my lunch everyday. It costs 20 rupees and is worth exactly that much.

Every afternoon, I get the lunch coupon and join the queue. I pick up a plate and keep moving. Each plate has three small compartments and one big one in the centre. The first person behind the counter puts two chapatis in one of the small compartments of my plate followed by one serving of rice in the adjacent one. The second person puts a spoonful of curry in the third small compartment followed by a papad in the central big one. I curse them silently for putting so little in my plate and filling up the big empty space with a papad. The last person asks whether I want curd rice. I refuse and move ahead to one of the empty tables. I finish my lunch and go about doing my work. This happens everyday.
Today, while standing in the queue, inadvertently, I was holding my dish with the smaller compartments towards me and the bigger one towards the person who was serving. This is opposite to the manner in which I hold the plate everyday. I got two big servings of rice and curry in the central space and the papad was placed above the rice.

I realized that we often get less because we lack faith that we could get more. Even if God wants to give you more, he can't, probably because you are not holding your plate right. Just turn your plate and see.

A five star experience

2009-04-06T02:52:00.000-07:00

Today I had my lunch at a posh hotel. A colleague who had just returned from Netherlands was treating us. Somehow, I feel uncomfortable at such places. It is a weakness I need to overcome. One thing I need to learn is dining etiquette (and even its spelling, in case it is wrong here).

As we entered, we were met with one of the broadest smiles I have ever seen, that running across the face of the steward welcoming us. It was almost as if he was expecting us. "This way, Sir.", he led us into the plush interiors and gestured towards a table for four. We walked towards the table, trying our best not to make it sound like a tap dance on the polished flooring and I was about to take a seat when I realized that I needed to wait for him to pull my chair back before I sat. He obliged and I tried to settle down in my seat. I had no clue why there were, in front of me, four different types of spoons, two different sized plates and one bowl of water with four rose petals floating in it.

Feeling a bit unnerved, I blurted out, "Menu please".

"Its a buffet Sir.", he replied.

"Oh, of course." , I said trying to remember what was the last time I had spoken something as stupid. If I had, that is.

To begin, garlic soup was served at the table. Luckily, my friend started with it before me. Other wise, I would never have known that the big fat spoon placed beside my plate was specifically for the soup. But that was not the only thing about having lunch (something I have been practising since 22 years now), that I didn't know.

I didn't know that I needed to take a new plate for each round while dining at a buffet restaurant. The American gentlewoman kept staring at me with disgust as I took two large servings of my favourite "paneer butter masala" in the same plate I had used before. She didn't notice the sheer pleasure on my face when I smelled my favourite dish. She was worried about the plate.

I didn't know that it is wrong to bend while eating. My friend accidentally dropped a spoon. A waiter, definitely more than fifty, bent down under the table and picked it up. I felt awkward not moving an inch.

But then there was one more person there who didn't know things. I noticed a tall, well built foreigner having his meal a few tables away. He was holding the piece of naan in his left hand like a pizza slice. With his right hand, took a spoonful of rice, topped it up on his 'pizza' and then ate it! He continued this for the whole volume of rice that he had taken and then ate the little curry he had in his dish with a spoon! But there was not the slightest sign of diffidence on his face. In fact, he was enjoying his food almost aware of the fact that it is not supposed to be enjoyed in that manner. As the waiter came to clean up, he smiled at him. He said, "Indian food! Great food!" and patted the waiter's back. Surprisingly, it made me feel better.

I realized that confidence does not arise from knowing what is correct. It is a result of being ready to be wrong. It is the courage to see humour in one's own mistakes and the faith that they can be corrected. It is the silent understanding that the purpose of life is not to succeed but to enjoy.

Thanks...

2009-04-02T05:09:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my life, I have tears of happiness in my eyes. My name is in the final list of one of the best MBA colleges in Mumbai. Thanks God.

"ek khushbu aati thi ... main bhatakta jaata tha,

reshmi maya thi ... main takta jaata tha,

jab teri gali aya, sach tab hi nazar aya,

mujhme hi woh khushbu thi, jise tune milwaya.

maula maula... maula mere maula"

karmanye waadhi karasthe

2009-03-29T13:25:00.000-07:00

One of my dear friends has gifted me this wonderful book, 'The joy of becoming God'. I just finished reading it. It says that the three greatest obstacles in the path to reach God are,

a) fear

b) insecurity about future

c) doubt over one's inner self

Rightly so. It's seemingly so easy and yet so difficult to surrender oneself to God. It reminds me of this harmless time killing exercise that I had tried some time back.

Try this on an empty street when there are not many around you to notice. Look down the street and ensure that there are no obstacles in the path ahead. Now close your eyes and try to walk down the road, straight, for about half a minute. As soon as you close your eyes and take the first few steps, a fear will creep in. You had a good long look at the path ahead of you, but now, with your eyes closed, you will start doubting yourself. Your feet will try their best to move away from the straight line. Or at least, you will feel so. You will slow down, your steps will become smaller. Your mind will conjure up an invisible obstacle that will always seem to be nearing. And before you realize, your eyes will be open.
You will smile to yourself, realizing the futility of this seemingly stupid exercise. You will tell yourself that surrendering to God does not mean blinding yourself but rather using eyes given by Him to find your way.

But wait a minute! Compare this to each passing moment of your life. Do you really believe that we have the power to see what lies ahead? Do you really believe that there exists anything that could be called as a 'fool proof' plan? Each one of us walks down the street of 'time', blind folded. We can 'predict', but we cannot 'see' the future. But the problem does not lie here. The problem lies in the fact that we seem to be worried about it. The problem lies in the fact that we forget that He has given us complete freedom to use our 'present', the same 'present' that was the once the 'future' we worried about. The problem lies in the fact that we lose faith that He is the one who will create the path ahead. The problem lies in the fact that that we do not realize that it is not the eyes but the heart filled with faith that can see this path.

Two simple things will see you happy.

a)Live the present moment in the best way possible.
b)Leave the next moment to God. He will take care of it in the best way possible.

I know I sound foolishly romantic when I say that life is that easy. But give it a try. A genuine one.
a) Study hard for your next exam and once you have written it, tear away the question paper. Don't bother discussing your friend's answers.

b) Give your best shot at the next assignment at office. Don't expect increments or even appreciation.

c) Reach the meeting place on time. Don't worry about your friend getting late.

d) Hit the gym daily. Don't bother to weigh yourself every evening.

e) Accept your mistake in front of your Boss. Don't worry about his temper.

f) Tell the lady that you genuinely like her. Don't worry about her reply.

The greatest of people were so successful because they were so engrossed in their 'present' that they had no time to worry about what was going to come. Live this moment for the beauty that lies within it. Seize this moment, right here. Because, in a moment, it will be gone.

Dare to have faith. Dare to shun doubts. Dare to surrender.

God will never let you down.

The Ultimate Addiction

2009-03-28T01:07:00.000-07:00

One of my poems, 'The Ultimate addiction' got published on Boloji.com. Please read on. Hope you like it :)

Each breath, governed by caprice.
Each step, shadowed by uncertainty,
and yet so hopeful, yearning for light,
as it is always to come.
It goes on...
Hurling in the deepest trenches,
and then making way to the top.
Meeting and learning on its way,
for a purpose, but unrevealed.
It pushes on.
Falling in love and getting seduced,
getting sucked into the vacuity,
just to be burped out as coldly.
And all over once again
It tempts on...
More euphoric than cocaine,
more benumbing than morphine,
more exalting than alcohol,
more intoxicating than lust,
yet moral.
Each day I step out,
I have now begun enjoying this,
almost getting addicted to this.
fresh,
whimsical,
but hopeful,
Life.

A prayer

2009-03-25T00:56:00.000-07:00

I have been busy with the MBA entrance procedures for the last six months. By God's grace, I scored well in the written exams. I am almost finished with the interviews with the last one on 27th. Now I sit back and wait for the results. My father always says, "There are two things required for success, 'hardwork' and 'luck'. Just don't let each realize that the other exists. When you work, forget that 'luck' also plays a role. And when you have finished your work, forget all your efforts and leave everything to 'luck'." I have done whatever I could do. Now, I pray.

maula maula, maula mere maula... tere dar pe jhuka hu, mita hu, bana hu

daraarein daraarein hai maathe pe maula... marramat mukkadar ki kardo maula

sar uthake maine to kitni khwahishe ki thi.. kitne khwab dekhe the, kitni koshishein ki thi

jab tu rubaru aya, nazrein na mila paya... sar jhukake ik pal mein maine kya nahi paya

tootke bikharna mujhko zarur ata hai... warna ibaadat wala shahoor aata hai

sajde mein rehne do, ab kahi na jaunga... ab jo tumne thukraya, to sawar na paunga

I accept whatever you say God. With a smile.

P.S. Thank you Mr. Prasoon Joshi for giving me words to pray.

A letter

2009-01-01T05:52:00.000-08:00

I didn't even realize. I woke up today and you had gone. Why?

I had this dream yesterday, that you would leave me this morning. Somehow I knew it.People told me too.Some were even happy about it.I was just hoping that you would stay on. Just for a little bit.For the little I had done for you. A little more time.

I remember seeing you for the first time in my sister's wedding. It's been twelve months now and I have felt you each moment, with me, talking to me, smiling at me, crying with me, surprising me each time.

You made me leave my home for my job.I hated you for that until I realized you made me value my family and kin more than I ever did.

You saw me growing into a software professional which I was content with. That's when you made me realize I needed to push further.You motivated me to go for further studies. You made me study hard for it. You even made me feel better when the results weren't encouraging. You inspired me to blog. You even made some friends read it.

You got me my first PDA. You got me my first laptop. You made me feel the power of money. And then, its worthlessness.You brought tears in my eyes when I was alone. You made me smile with my new friends. You taught me to feel. It felt good.

You made me love. Myself. For what I am. For what I am not.

You taught me much more than everything I had learnt till now.

You changed me. For the better.

'Main jahan rahoon, Main kahi bhi hoon, Teri yaad saath hai..'

Thanks Two thousand and eight. I'll always remember you.

I am sorry :|

2008-10-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to myself that I haven't blogged for the last couple of weeks. Actually, saying that I haven't, would not be completely correct as there sure are a couple of posts in drafts. Uncertainty about whether I should publish them or not arises from the emotional turmoil that I am going through at this period with one month left for the most important examination of my life. Focus on the studies and related application procedures are taking their toll on something that really doesn't deserve that - my blog.

I shall not be able to blog for the next couple of months or maybe I will, but not more than a couple of times. I am a bit disappointed but I promise to myself to return to blogging as soon as possible.

P.S.:Two of my friends asked me why I was not blogging now-a-days. It felt good.

Why Me!

2008-09-16T07:52:00.000-07:00

I have a problem. Or so it seems. I keep making mistakes in filling forms and stuff like that where data needs to be filled in correctly. May it be making an online reservation or registering for some exam, I seem to be surprisingly and rather consistently successful in making errors. The other day, I booked an air ticket with the boarding point and the destination interchanged. I needed to fly from Mumbai to Bangalore but I got a ticket from Bangalore to Mumbai. I realized this just two minutes after pressing the 'submit' button but it cost me a thousand rupees. I know that people reading this would have a rather bad impression about my IQ levels but then I would rather settle for that than actually having low ones.

I took two professional certification exams this year. In the first one, I needed to give the address for the delivery of the certificate. I gave the wrong one. I called and I mailed a number of times for the next couple of days before I could get the correction made.In the next exam, I wrote each word in the address as carefully as I could, checking it more than a couple of times.Just that, I made an error in spelling my surname. So when I got my certificate with the wrong surname, I had to apply for a new one. I had to get two identification proofs scanned and mailed along with the mark sheet. It did not cost much but it was frustrating. When I got the corrected certificate, I realized that I needed the number of the demand draft that was used to make the payment for the examination fees. I needed it to apply for the reimbursement of the examination fees from the company that I work for. Of course, I didn't have the number. I visited the bank and they asked for something even more impossible, the exact date on which the DD was made. It took me more than a dozen wild guesses and an equally wild service manager to get the DD number.

That evening, I was very disturbed. The question that haunts each one of us at some moment of our life, seemed to be having its share of moments in mine. "Why does it always have to be me?", my voice cracked as I spoke over the phone to my father. He replied in his ever so soothing voice, 'Happens yaar. ('Yaar' is a hindi word for 'friend'. I am lucky enough to be considered and treated as a friend by my father.) That is how we learn. And all it cost you to get those mistakes corrected was a little bit of money and a little bit of time. Be thankful that you could get your things done at the end of the day. There are many people who do a hundred more things than what you did today to get something that they deserve, but don't. Don't worry about what you have lost, especially if its money. Be grateful for what you have got. After all, all that matters is your smile."

It felt good hearing those words. Then I had a good night's sleep.

P.S.: I am writing this post for the second time. I forgot to save it the last time. I keep making mistakes like these. But I am happy that I could write it again. And somehow I feel, this one is better than the last one.

Welcome to Mumbai!

2008-09-09T04:35:00.000-07:00

I could not blog for the whole of last week. I had been to Mumbai, my hometown, for the Ganpati festival. Since I moved to Bangalore for my job, this was the first time I traveled home in a train. The obvious reason was that air fares had doubled since the last time I had flown. The twenty four hour long journey by train was a boring one and also after getting down at Mumbai, I had to board a local train to take me to the suburbs where my home is located. It was seven in the evening as I stood for the ticket in a long queue. I was happy that I would be home in an hour more, but fairly troubled thinking of the next sweaty fifteen minutes that I would be standing in this queue. One thing that Bangalore can definitely boast of getting the better of Mumbai is the cool and pleasant climate here. I hardly remember sweating in Bangalore (for climatic reasons, that is). But the hot and humid weather in Mumbai forces you to have good habits like always carrying a handkerchief or having a bath in the evenings. Also there are some other things about Mumbai which, according to me, are exclusive. One is ‘Attitude’. I’ll explain.

As I boarded the train that would take me to my home in about half an hour, I decided to stand at the open door for this while. It is a pleasure that only Mumbaikars will identify with. There is some sense of adventure unconsciously associated with this act of placing yourself deliberately near the edge of the entrance in a speeding train, which not only makes it enjoyable but also gratifying, if I may say so. As the comfortably filled train sped towards its destination and as the wind blew right into my face, I was enjoying my new hairstyle with my hair, at their longest, almost flying behind me. I was looking at the small passing bright lights that managed their way through the darkness in even the smallest of houses along the sides of the tracks. It was then, that I heard someone.

It was a blind man selling lottery tickets. Not an uncommon sight in the local trains of Mumbai, these small time vendors have a tough job up their sleeve. Struggling one’s way through crowded trains and shouting with all of one’s might to sell something that would get him not more than that afternoon’s bread is not very pleasant, more so for this person who could not see. I heard as he loudly talked about the tickets in Marathi, the local language. He told that they were the last four tickets left with him. Each was worth a mere five rupees and could get the buyer a million if he was lucky. Smiles spread across the compartment as this announcement was made and I think I saw a hint of a smile on the blind man’s face too. He knew not many would fall for such a trick but every person has to do some things which he knows won’t work, for reasons that he knows won’t cease to exist. He had to have dinner that night and those four tickets were his only hope.

And then another blind man entered the compartment from the other end. This one was selling peppermints. Surprisingly, he didn’t seem to be making efforts to attract attention. He moved slowly, feeling his way around, towards the lottery seller. He stopped by him and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Could I get one?” he asked in Marathi. “Sure!” was the reply and the ticket was quickly exchanged for a five rupee coin. This happened just as the train reached the station where I was supposed to get down and the man who bought the ticket too followed me. As he alighted slowly, the lottery seller called out behind him, “The results will be out in tomorrow’s newspaper.”

The man who had just got down behind me, murmured to himself without looking back, “I don’t have money for the newspaper. I just gave it to you for your dinner.”

I turned back and looked with utter astonishment as the man let go of the ticket and it silently fell to the ground. And with the same silence, he made his way past me. He was a stunning example of the attitude that this city carries with itself.

Each one has his own problems. But the realization that some one else also does have his own bunch of concerns, is important. May be we can’t solve our own problems. That should not stop us from trying to ease difficulties that other’s could have. The blind man, that day, saw something that no other person could see. He saw an empty stomach. And he filled it in his own little way. It was as if he said to me at that moment, “Welcome to Mumbai!”.

For you

2008-08-24T04:28:00.000-07:00

This Sunday was again a bad day. With twelve weeks left for my post graduate entrance examination, its high time I start scoring above ninety percentile scores consistently in the practice exams that I take every weekend. But I don't even seem to be getting closer. In fact, I started off with good enough scores, but now with every passing week, I am moving in the wrong direction. The last time, I scored in the eighties and this time I am expecting even below that.

Its no use analysing my weaknesses and my hopeless test taking strategies, at least here, as no one reading this blog would be interested. As somebody very wise has said, "You will stop thinking about yourself when you realize that others don't." But the point to illustrate is that I still find myself with plenty of time and intent to blog and enjoy it too. It makes me happy to think that I spend some time for myself.

I feel each one of us does have a liking for some type of creative stuff. Some may enjoy playing music, some (like me) may like hearing good music. Some may want to take up blogging or they may get to painting landscapes or they can sing melodies. The means do not matter. The pleasure of enjoying what one does enjoy, does. Also, it does not matter whether we are good at it or not. If some thing is a product of one's happiness and pure expression, it is sure to give others the same. And for that matter, others' judgements should not be of concern when one does something for his own self.

The problem arises when we start thinking about results and consequences. For example, I check my google AdSense account every now and then to see how much money this blog has made for me ( It somehow doesn't seem to be increasing) . The people who get to do something that they love and also make it a means of earning their living are very lucky indeed. Every one of us sure cannot manage that. But that should not be a reason to lose your love. I should blog even if no one reads it. Maybe when I am old, I myself will sit back and enjoy reading this stuff. Maybe this blog still wouldn't have reached the payout limit of google AdSense ( I am 100 away from 100$ ). Maybe I wouldn't have earned a penny. Maybe I would have lost a few. But I still would like to read these posts. It would be nice meeting myself again.

Do somethings for yourself that you feel would make you happy. They will.