Ideas By Chuck

Dyslexia Through The Looking Glass

2010-02-09T20:31:00.000-08:00

I was listening to a guy called Dr. Gabor Maté on this hippy liberal radio/tv show called Democracy Now. He was mainly discussing the correlation between people having been abused as children and drug addiction, but he also discussed several other disorders such as ADD that he believes also stem from trauma in early childhood development, and not genetics.

The more I listened to him, the more I believed that a little theory, a little hypothesis of my own that I have been turning over in my head for a while, may have more validity than I ever imagined.

I have been contemplating the idea that mirrors are the cause of dyslexia, that those of us who were exposed more to mirrors as babies and young children are more likely to have signs and symptoms of dyslexia.

Mirror + Baby = Dyslexia

A couple of things point me in this direction. One, most dyslexic people are of average or above average intelligence. This intelligence, this ability to learn, could very well be the thing causing the problem. A sponge will soak up gasoline just as well as it will soak up water, but most rocks won't soak up either. Does that make any sense? Two, the very nature of the disorder along with an increase in the number of people showing symptoms taking into account the increase in the number of mirrors per capita in the last 100 years.

Of course, I am me, and I don't have any kind of psychology, physiology, or even a pimpology degree. I am not any kind of doctor, and without any kind of credentials, I am not very likely to land any kind of serious grant money to study this hypothesis. Moreover, even if I did conduct some sort of airtight scientific study, everyone would probably ignore it... I don't even wear glasses, and the mirror industry probably has some pretty strong lobbying power in Washington.

If you are studying these kinds of things, and or you are Dr. Gabor Maté, I really think you should pursue this hypothesis. Of course, I would like some of the credit, and maybe some money if you win the Nobel Prize or a MacArthur Genius Grant or something.

P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck does not cause any kind of major neurological disorder... I don't think. Subscribe Here.

P.P.S. I used to show more signs of dyslexia when I was better looking and looked at myself in the mirror all day long, so if you are dyslexic, stop looking at yourself in the mirror, and your dyslexia will probably go away. That's right girl! Turn your back on that mirror!

P.P.P.S. Have you checked out ChuckMcCarthy.com or started following my Twitter, @ideasbychuck?

P.P.P.P.S. I think Democracy Now should change their name to Democrazy Now. It's a little catchier.

Super Supers

2010-01-31T14:31:00.000-08:00

Over the last couple of months, I have worked on a few "viral video" campaigns. I acted in, produced, and directed (as much as one can direct something like this) a project to promote ADASport.com that involved a bunch of people going into an Apple store and playing with stuffed animals. If you want to check it out go here. I also acted in and worked in the production of a video featuring comedian/pundit Mo Rocca, promoting a global temporary housing company. You can see that one here. Yeah, I made the thumbnail.

I have also been working on developing a bunch of branded content concepts. Branded content is basically a return to the single sponsor TV show, like the good old days when Tide and other detergents sponsored "soap operas." This is the inevitable evolution of advertising in conjunction with online video content. As it becomes harder and harder for a video to "go viral" it is more and more important to build fan bases. One-off "viral videos" still have a place in the world, but branded content is where any major advertising investments should be made.

Wow. Boring! And don't think that I don't know what you are thinking. You are thinking that it seems like I have been way to productive for someone without the time or energy to do anything, but I never said that I didn't have the time, energy, or passion to do anything, just to make these ideas reality. Checkity check yourself!

What is Super Supers?

I started thinking about Super Supers right after I did the video for the global temporary housing company, and it is designed as branded content for either a global temporary housing company, or a hotel chain.

The basic concept is that a couple, some handsome youngsters, or a couple of hot chicks, travel around from apartment complex to apartment complex, or hotel to hotel, and check up on them. Yeah, like building supers. Get it?

It's basically a travel show, which people love (they do have their own channel), but a travel show that highlights the sponsor's locations and services. Did you know that the Millennium Hilton, Bangkok boasts sweeping city views (apparently also a perpetual puddle-see below)? Did you know that the Ritz Carlton, Berlin is an unforgettable 5-star hotel just steps from Potsdamer Platz. I wish I knew what Potsdamer Platz was, don't you? Think about it.

What's that? You think this idea needs a little twist?

Here is the twist. At every location visited, the hosts place a sticker with a special code on it in a secret place, someplace that no one would ever look without having seen the show (someone finding it without having seen the show won't know its importance anyway). The code will be redeemable online for sweet prizes, real prizes, not like a key chain or some 10% off coupon. This will encourage people who travel a lot for business to watch every episode and pressure the person who books their travel arrangements to book them rooms at the sponsor's hotels.

I know you can sell this to someone, so go make a pilot, and remember that even though I now have a real job (Brand X Group), I could still use some of that money, so please send me some.

P.S. There is still time to subscribe to Ideas By Chuck. It's quick and easy. Click here.

P.P.S. If you were scared to hire me to think for you before, back when I was a lone gun, but now you are thinking you would like to hire me, contact me at TheBrandXGroup.com

P.P.P.S. Have you bee keeping up with me on ChuckMcCarthy.com? Why not?

P.P.P.P.S. I did a guest writing stint on LiquidGeneration.com for the last couple of weeks.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I am still on Twitter. @ideasbychuck

Texting Implants

2009-12-12T14:29:00.000-08:00

I have been on Twitter for a while now, and the most amazing thing to me about Twitter is the fact that Shaq tweets. This does not amaze me because he is a pro athlete, or because he never struck me as someone that had all that much to say, but because he tweets from his phone. If I have trouble texting and twittering on my phone with my little fingers, I can't imagine what it is like for him with his giant thumbs. You can't be a giant without giant thumbs. Trust me on this one. I looked it up.

Maybe he has an assistant to whom he dictates his tweets. Maybe he has some sort of special Jitterbug/Sidekick hybrid. Maybe he pays his cousin Larry to tweet for him. Who knows?

I have tried to ask him how he does it, but he has never responded, which makes his twittering even more suspect, but that is really beside the point.

All I know is that unless he has a little Orlando Magic left or Kazaam was actually a documentary, Shaq is not texting without making more than a few errant key strikes.

The main point is that Shaq got me thinking about how to make texting etc. easier for people with big, meaty thumbs like me... me and Shaq.

What did I come up with? What is my idea?

Teflon implants that go under the skin of the thumb to create a raised bump, allowing for easier texting with little or no inconvenience and or maintenance.

Is this taking texting too far? Is this turning twittering into torture?

Some of you are probably asking these questions, and some of you probably think that this is crazy talk. Maybe you don't believe that anyone would ever want to undergo a surgical procedure to enhance their texting skills. I would like to feel the same way, I really would, but have you seen the surgical procedures that people are getting for no apparent reason, for no practical benefit?

People are getting everything from calf implants to horns. Horns. If there is someone out there making money on horn implants, then I think you can easily turn this idea into cold hard cash. Of course, the devil is in the details (don't know if that was a pun or just cheese factor). Perfecting the process and making it affordable is the key.

There is a market for this. Make it happen. Make lots of money, and really, seriously, please don't forget to think about sending me some.

P.S. Virtually all the words and phrases on the SideShaq phone were taken from his Twitter.

P.P.S. Not so very long ago, I got to hang out with someone much smarter than me, Mo Rocca. Here is proof.

P.P.P.S. I know I just said that people are getting implants for no reason. I would like to say that I do support some types of implants, even if they serve no practical purpose.

P.P.P.P.S. You know how you can find out about all my new ideas with little or no inconvenience? Yeah, subscribe. Click here to subscribe.

Toilet Terraforming

2009-10-25T22:30:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been working on tons of different projects, but every day I take time out to think, to ponder, to touch my oversoul... to think and reflect in my own way.

Where do I take this time? Do I go to the woods, to nature, as suggested by the traditional Transcendentalists?

No. I do my pondering on a much smaller pond than Thoreau's Walden. I do most of my really deep thinking in the same place and position as most of you... on the toilet.

Recently, I was philosophizing, and the oversoul reached out and touched me... Not like that! No... but it did touch me... deep down, and this idea came to me, this idea that has to be my single most viable and marketable idea to date. It combines two things that people love: gardening and pooping. Moreover, this idea promises to enrich and simplify people's lives with minimal effort. Everything I just said can be summed up with one symbol: $

What is this brilliant idea?

A planter that replaces the lid on the back of your toilet, allowing you to grow flowers or herbs in your bathroom, allowing you to get in touch with nature while you are getting in touch with your crossword puzzle, Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, and your deep philosophical ponderings.

I know. I know. You have no gardening skills at all. You have killed everything from ficus to ferns, from daisies to daffodils. You either overwater or forget to water your plants. Here in lies the beauty of this idea, you never have to water these plants! A wick hanging down into the toilet reservoir soaks up just the right amount of water to keep your bathroom garden perfectly watered.

Think about it. You could have a little herb garden or wonderful smelling flowers growing in your bathroom, acting as living potpourri. Try telling me people don't like potpourri. Go ahead try. You can't! People don't just like potpourri, they love the word, "potpourri." Next time you go to a party, drop the word, "potpourri," and see what happens.

Are you a naysayer? Do you think this idea won't sell? Try telling that to the guys who invented the Chia Pet. They will laugh in your face, take this idea, and make another couple of million dollars, because the price points are perfect and this idea has that kitschy quirky "it factor."

In my research for this, I came across a self contained herb garden selling for $180.00. If there are people out there dropping that kind of cash on herbs that you can't smoke, then I know you can move at least a million units of the Toilet Gardener® for $19.95 at Walgreens or $59.99 at Brookstone.

Don't let the Chia Pet guys laugh in your face. Take this idea and make millions of dollars with it... and send me some of that money, or at least a complimentary Toilet Gardener®, so I can rename my toilet, Chuck's Pond.

P.S. If you subscribe to Ideas By Chuck, something magical will happen: You will get to read Ideas By Chuck without the worry and hassle of opening Safari, Internet Explorer, or Firefox. Click To Subscribe.

P.P.S. I am on Twitter - @ideasbychuck

P.P.P.S. I have a movie script about vampires. Vampires are so hot right now. If you are the head of a major studio or a not so major studio looking for some new vampire blood, let me know.

P.P.P.P.S. As you can see, I did find one reference to a retro toilet designed to hold a plant, but I am sure that the self watering mechanism was not a part of their design, and that is the genius part of this idea.

Megan Fox Saves The Day

2009-10-06T16:08:00.001-07:00

This is another one of my ideas that is a little less about personal gain, and a little more about furthering mankind's journey towards the goals of humanism and building a better, stronger society. I want to make the world a better place, and I know many of you feel the same way. Think of me as an NPR underwriter with no money.

But, enough about me being a bankrupt philanthropist. I have figured out a way that California can solve it's current budget crisis, saving thousands of jobs, ensuring continued funding for social programs, and maybe helping some little kids learn how to read, because even though it is possible to teach yourself how to read, it helps to have a teacher.

Now, I know many of you are smart enough not to live in California. That's okay. I am sure that California isn't the only state with budget problems, and if your state has a lottery, you can try to make this happen there too. I am just going to use California for this post because I live here, and so does Megan Fox... not together... yet...

Here is the idea: Lotto scratch tickets featuring semi-tasteful nude photos of Megan Fox. Semi-tasteful, because everything Megan Fox does is semi-distasteful, and we love it.
You would scratch to reveal her naked body. There would be several different photos. The photos could be printed as silver holograms, so people couldn't scan or photograph them easily. Only 1 in 5 would actually show her naked body. All the others would either be winners, or you would find her in a sexy lingerie. This would encourage people to buy multiple tickets.

Of course, it doesn't necessarily have to be Megan Fox, but she is the sexy chick of the moment, and I feel like, for a couple of hundred thousand dollars, she would be interested in helping little kids learn to read. After all, if they can't read, they can't read her amazing quotes. Plus, this might help her make some friends.

"I have no friends and I never leave my house." - Megan Fox, Times of London, June 2009

Think about it. You have to be 18 to buy lotto tickets and pornography, so you wouldn't have to send out any special memos to 7-11 workers. These tickets would have a certain amount of collectibility. People who wouldn't normally buy lotto tickets would buy these for the novelty etc. California has already tried to broaden their lotto market by teaming up with the entertainment industry, selling scratch tickets featuring bands like the Seal and the Goo Goo Dolls (yeah really) and movies like Mad Money. I know that I am not just speaking for myself, when I say that I would choose a naked Megan Fox over a turtlenecked Diane Keaton any day.
Even better than expanding the market here in California, there would be a secondary market for already scratched tickets on the internet, selling to Megan Fox fans all over the world, so this would bring money into California, not just act as a voluntary tax. The collectibility factor might even lead to tickets being purchased and never being scratched.

Now, I know some people are going to have a problem with this, but those are the same people who already have a problem with the lottery. Yeah, yeah, gambling is a sin. Nudity is a sin... Oh wait... Is it? Really? Where does it say that in the Bible?

Make this happen and you will make a lot of people happy... a lot. Make it happen! Do it!

P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck makes a lot of financial sense. It is free. Click Here.

P.P.S. I am on Twitter: @ideasbychuck

P.P.P.S. Megan Fox, I am single, so if you ever decide you want to drop the B.A.G., look me up.

P.P.P.P.S. Sometimes, people forget to look at all my past great ideas. There could be an idea just waiting for you!

P.P.P.P.P.S. If Megan Fox won't do it, I am available.

Lego Clothing

2009-09-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

I have been away for a while. Did you think that I had left the internet forever in an attempt to save the economy? This couldn't be further from the truth. Believe it or not, I have actually been sucked deeper into the internet. Besides, I wasn't saving the economy with my spending before I became one with my computer.

That said, I have a new and exciting idea that could make you super rich and maybe even... famous.

Have you ever said to yourself, "Self, I wish that this dress I am wearing was a little tighter, or looser... Oh! I don't know! I just wish it was a little different. I mean, I like this dress, but..."?

I know you have, because you were talking about a dress, and since you were talking about a dress, you are probably a woman, a transexual, or a cross dresser, three types of people known for their inability to accept things for what they are. Well, what if you had a dress that you could easily change? Would that make you happy? I know... Yeah.. Okay, lets just imagine that you can be happy. Yeah? Now? Okay.

Lego Clothing would be that dress.

Lego Clothing would be clothing easily assembled from small, connectable and interchangeable pieces, allowing people to easily design, redesign, and alter their own clothing just like playing with Legos.

There have been many attempts at modular clothing, from the ever cheesy Abercrombie + Fitch zip off pant leg cargo pants/shorts, to the more fashion and gimp forward 120 zipper dress, but all of the examples I have found fall short of the versatility and simplicity of Legos. You can do better. I am not saying this is going to be super easy, but I am confident you can do it, even if you have to team up with Lego to get it done.

The clothing would come in kits just like Legos, with instructions, and the person assembling them can follow the directions to a tee or not... kind of like Ikea furniture, but not following the directions won't mean your bed falling apart while you are having sex with a Puerto Rican race car driver or a girl who insists on chanting, "Oh You're a big boy just like CHASE! JUST LIKE CHASE! JUST LIKE CHASE!" the entire time.

You might have some reservations. Here are some envisioned FAQs along with answers.

Q: How will someone wash and dry all these little pieces without them getting lost?
A: Simple. In a specially designed washing bag.

Q: What if I am retarded and or have no hands, and I can't assemble my own clothing, but I still want to buy this product?
A: "Lego tailor shops" will no doubt spring up, employing 10 year old boys to assemble and alter this clothing.

Q: I don't like anything that involves imagination, innovation, or having my own unique style, is this product for me?
A: No.

Many people in the world are on a constant quest for their own unique style, and I can't throw a rock without hitting a girl that who would like to be on Project Runway. Why do you think Lifetime just payed $150 million for the rights to it?

Make this happen, and you will not only make money, you will make fashion history! But don't forget to think about tossing me some of those billions of dollars. I will even model for you.

P.S. It is so hot right now to subscribe to Ideas By Chuck. Do it now! Click here.

P.P.S. I am trying to change the world with my fashion project. Check it out here.

P.P.P.S. If you want to know way too much about me, check out The History of Chuck.

P.P.P.P.S. Yes, I am still on Twitter @ideasbychuck.g7sh4kv9md

The Internet Is Killing The Economy

2009-08-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

I think a lot. I have been thinking about a lot of things. I have probably been thinking about too many things, because there are a lot of things going on in my life right now.

One major thing that I have been thinking about, that I think we have all been thinking about is the economy.

The country seems to be slowly climbing back out of this "downturn" in the economy, but sales are slow across the board. People just aren't buying. But, wouldn't you know it, have an explanation beyond the obvious, and more importantly, a solution.

It's not just consumer confidence that is down, but more importantly, consumer desire. We as a society are not clamoring for the same endless amounts of crap to fill the holes in our souls in the same way that generations of Americans before us were.

Why?

A majority of Americans have gotten pretty deep into the internet. I know I have. Now we are filling the holes in our souls with online role playing games, social networking, porn, blogging, and a laundry list of other widgets, gadgets, and applications that are all serving to distract us from buying real stuff. For many people this "Second Life" had already quickly become a first life taking up all the time that they might have spent shopping before. All it took was this economic crisis to cement the transition from the material world where most people are losers to the virtual online universe where anyone can be a king, a queen, an elf, or even an ogre king deep in the woods.

Why blow all your money on a new car when you are getting chicks by posting pictures of Chuck Norris riding a unicorn? Why buy a new stereo system when your earbuds plug straight into your laptop and sound great? Why worry about stylish new shoes when you already have a pair that you hardly ever use?

Maybe you are saying to yourself, "Hey, I don't play no faggy nerd role playing games. I ain't all sucked into the internet." Guess what. You are. Even people like you who want to pretend like they don't play role playing games are playing things like Maffia Wars on Facebook or engaging in something similar on the NASCAR community website.

Plus, if you are reading my blog, you are probably pretty deep into the internet already.

So what is the solution?

I know that companies have been pouring hundreds of millions if not billions of dollars into the internet, jockeying for search engine rankings, developing newer, slicker websites, and paying top dollar to have these very same games created to keep people coming back to spend more time on their site and in turn see more advertising. Damn that was a long sentence, and I didn't even mention porn. If you ask me, without porn, there would be no streaming videos etc. on the internet. Long story short, a lot of money has been put into building the internet up and getting people to get on it, and you know this man. But, if companies want to see people buying real stuff again, they are going to have to rally against the internet.

I recommend PSA's, pop up windows reminding people how long they have been online, big clocks on websites, celebrity endorsements against the internet, and if you want to get shady, paying off cable and phone companies for strategic network failures, slowdowns, and or viruses... if no one could get online the day after Thanksgiving... they might just go shopping.

We have to get people off the internet and get them to the mall! Unless, that is... they are checking out IdeasByChuck.com.

P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck is still patriotic. Click Here.

P.P.S. I am now on Tumblr, so you can easily reblog me all over the place. Just be sure to go buy a new purse or watch afterwards.

P.P.P.S. Molly and I are still working on getting our own reality show. You aren't too late to the party. Go to BoyMeetsBlogger.com to find out more.

Boy Meets Blogger

2009-08-12T12:59:00.000-07:00

I am sure that all of you, my millions of fans, will remember that a while back I had an idea for a reality show staring me. Well, yeah, I know I have tons of ideas, so if you don't remember, you can click here.

Unfortunately for the viewing public, and all those would be reality show moguls nothing has come of this idea...yet.

But, since I let that idea float out into the world, like a Scooby Doo shaped mylar balloon spiraling to the heavens, I have been in contact with a bloggirl (that's pronounced blog-girl not blo-girl) named Molly McAleer or Molls. If you have been paying attention, you know she interviewed me for her web show, The Molls Show.

Now, I never met Kurt Vonnegut, but I can't imagine him not accusing me of having a brain to big for my own good. Thoughts started to swirl through my brain, thought of some sort of show about me and Molly hitting the mean streets of Hollywood like Laverne and Shirley, trying to make it our way, but in Hollywood, not Milwaukee. Well, these thoughts just kept swirling around in my brain until I finally told Molly about them...

YOU GUYS GOT LUCKY! She liked the idea, and together we came up with this:

Title: Boy Meets Blogger
Genre: Reality
Logline: The Hills meets Real World: Season 1 meets the Internet.

Back Story:

Molly McAleer and I were brought together by a plot line ripped from the pages of a terrible romantic comedy script.

Molly saw a flier for my website IdeasByChuck.com, took a picture of it, and made fun of me for it on her blog MollsSheWrote. She said that I was clearly just some guy trying to get a book deal by using budget fliers with quaint hand-drawn illustrations. My friend Mack saw her post and sent it to me along with this message, "This girl saw your ad. She is famous on the internet."

I found Molly on Twitter, and asked her if she had even looked at my website. She hadn't, so I bugged her until she checked it out.

When she finally really read my site and discovered that I am pretty famous on the internet too, she asked to interview me for her web show. I said yes, and made her a $5000 tshirt to show that there were no hard feelings.

We finally met in real life, hit it off, and discovered that we had a lot in common... way too much in common...

Synopsis:

Boy Meets Blogger would be about internet personalities, Chuck McCarthy and Molly McAleer teaming up to create new, high concept blogs (think stuffwhitepeoplelike.com) and other internet projects in an attempt to land a book deal or something even bigger...

Research for these new blogs would take them from the mean streets of LA to Hollywood clubs, dive bars, and car parks and everywhere in between, while revealing the day to day drama of their lives that will whip audiences into a frenzy of speculation over their relationship... Is there something more than friendship there?

Yeah? Yeah? Yeah, I know, pure gold right? This show has the two things that people are looking for these days, web ties and awesomeness.

Take this idea and run with it! Make it happen! If you need something to pass around to get people excited about this, you can send them BoyMeetsBlogger.com.

P.S. Subscribe to ideas by chuck before there are too many people on the internet and we stop letting people in.

P.P.S. Go Go Lucky Pants! You know what I am talking about.

P.P.P.S. Have you checked out decepticondoms.com?

P.P.P.P.S. I am on twitter now. @ideasbychuck. I promise that even my inane chatter is still fairly amusing.

The HoverDuster

2009-08-05T00:37:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing in this world that I hate unabashedly with great passion, it is dust. I hate dust! I hate it more than anything in my day to day life. I hate dust more than the thought of another Transformers movie.

A couple of months ago I decided to try to figure out a way to defeat dust, and thoughts of dust have been consuming my mind for the last couple of months. Dust. Dust. Dust.

Many dusty thoughts have gone through my mind in the last couple of months. I have thought of everything from a spray on shield that you could peel off your possessions like a snake shedding it's skin to simply killing everyone in the world, since %90 of dust is actually human skin... but most of my ideas seemed a bit... impractical, not to mention immoral.

Then I started thinking about the Roomba. You have all seen the commercials for the Roomba or known some single guy with too much money from winning Merv Griffin's Crosswords, who bought one to feel like he was in Star Wars.

Though I have to admit that the Roomba is much more effective and durable than it might seem, it is still only really effective for already anal people who live alone in single level apartments with hardwood floors. It's not going to deal well at all with big cereal spills, lots of dirt, shag carpet, or little kids.

But, imagine a robotic blimp duster with Roomba-like programing floating through the air, constantly dusting your furniture (if you have been working on this concept for 3 years and have written your post doc dissertation on indoor wind currents effects on autonomous robotic sensor arrays, I am sorry)! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the HoverDuster.

Maybe you don't think that a blimp can move with enough agility to do the job. Maybe you should watch this video of a flying saucer blimp narrated by a guy with a lisp.

Wasn't that cool? If this guy can make a flying saucer that can reign down business cards like manna from heaven, I am sure you can get the HoverDuster up and running... though it might take the brains of a couple of Roombas and kidnapping a couple of kids from MIT or Caltech.

If you can get the HoverDuster into stores and on sale for under $100.00 by this Christmas, you will sell millions of them. I will even buy one if you aren't classy enough to send me one along with a couple of million bucks. The Go-Duster is your strongest competition. Come on.

P.S. Subscribe to Ideas By Chuck today and you will be subscribing before tomorrow. Click Here.

P.P.S. Cameron Balloons and DragonFly are two companies to approach about teaming up to make the HoverDuster a reality.

P.P.P.S. The fact that the paparazzi aren't using this thing to get pictures of Tom Cruise making out with dudes is substantial proof that the whole clash between the paparazzi and celebrities is manufactured.

P.P.P.P.S. If you work at iRobot makers of the Roomba, you should really bring this idea up in your next meeting. If you don't, then I don't think you are smart enough to be working at a robot company.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I am taking over Twitter. Follow me.

Laundry Marketing

2009-07-26T23:25:00.000-07:00

The other day, a magical thing happened. I did laundry at the laundromat.

NO! That is not the magical thing!

I did laundry and when I got home, I found that instead of losing a sock, I had gained a promotional t-shirt for some musical called "Lost In Hollywoodland." It has a cartoon drawing of a devil on it... kind of a rockabilly vibe. I inspected it and read it very carefully, trying to remember if it was mine... maybe I just forgot about going to a rockabilly musical about the devil. I paid some serious attention to this t-shirt. I don't think I have ever inspected a piece of clothing so well.

You should know that I consider laundromats to be part of the seventh level of hell, hot, poorly lit, depressing, full of crazy people, hot, bad soft rock, and for some reason, dirty. But, finding this shirt got me to thinking about this idea.

I started thinking about how effective slipping promotional t-shirts or towels into people's laundry could be, especially for certain thing like movies, bands, restaurants, and possibly detergents. Half the battle in advertising is to get someone to pay attention to what you are saying, whether they believe you or remember your message is secondary to getting people to pay attention, and finding that shirt in my laundry had definitely gotten my attention.

Imagine if Fox Searchlight had sent street teams out to laundromats to slip a couple of thousand "Vote For Pedro" t-shirts into people's laundry before the movie came out. The movie was huge, but what if they had been able to plant that buzz out there in people's wardrobes long before it's release?

The key is making really cool shirts. This might be a perfect arena to implement hidden agenda hypercolor shirts. These hypercolors would come out of the dryer looking like plain white t-shirts, but when they cool down, a slogan or message is revealed.

Pairing this idea with the right product is just as important as putting the right socks together, and there are infinite possibilities, so I can't go into all of them. Obviously there is a certain demographic that goes to laundromats, and certain products you would never want to associate with laundry even if only millionaire super models washed clothes at laundromats.

Take this idea and build your guerrilla marketing company around it. Make tons of money. Maybe you can hire me, and give me some of that money.

P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck is still super cool, so SUBSCRIBE

P.P.S. Drink lots of fluids.

P.P.P.S. I am on twitter- @ideasbychuck

Intimidating Uncle

2009-07-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

I know you have all been waiting for yet another reality show idea from me. Guess what. I was waiting for another reality show idea from me too, and as luck would have it, I had one... I had one in my back pocket all along and didn't even realize it until just now.

As some or all of you, my billions of adoring and sexy readers, know, I have another blog called Intimidating Uncle, where I basically bring down the law on little kids. I play the roll of the Intimidating Uncle.

You know the Intimidating Uncle, the uncle who always said things to you that you only half-way understood but could tell from the tone of voice that they were either blatantly or mildly insulting, the uncle who wouldn't take any of the crap you would get away with around your parents, the uncle who didn't believe in unconditional love, the uncle who intimidated the crap out of you (in some families this roll is played by a close family friend).

Here is the idea: Intimidating Uncle the reality show.

Title: Intimidating Uncle
Genre: Reality
Logline: Super Nanny meets Wife Swap meets Uncle Buck.

Synopsis: Parents are sent on a vacation for a week leaving their children in the care of an uncle, an Intimidating Uncle, giving the uncle a chance to bring his brand of discipline down on the children. The Intimidating Uncle tries to whip the kids into shape, the parents get a much deserved break.

This has smash hit written all over it because it is basically playing off the same formula as several other very popular shows like the ABC hit shows Super Nanny and Wife Swap, but it also has the advantage of being able to showcase resorts and other vacation destinations. Can you say advertising dolla dolla billz yall? Plus, if you cast the right uncles, single and moderately handsome (like me), you can broaden the shows appeal and demographic.

P.S. You better subscribe to Ideas By Chuck... or else!

P.P.S. I have to thank my friend Ben for pointing out/opening my eyes to this idea. If you want to produce this, you should bring him on as a co-producer. He knows his stuff, and he is somewhat of an intimidating uncle himself.

P.P.P.S. I am still doing things on Twitter. Follow me if you want to - @ideasbychuck

PitchMen

2009-06-28T10:52:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when your favorite AS SEEN ON TV pitchman dies? Can't see yourself watching TV stoned at 4am ever again? Are you looking for an answer?

How about an Ideas By Chuck IDEA? What's that?! Stay tuned to find out more!

When I heard that Billy Mays had passed away, I got sad. But then I thought to myself WWBMD? Billy Mays would dry his tears away with a Zorbeez™ the AS SEEN ON TV super absorbent towel, and turn this tragedy into opportunity.

I know what you are thinking! How can you do that? Well Sharon, in the next few paragraphs I am going to tell you about an amazing new idea that can turn your life around and that frown upside down! So stick around and find out how!

Now, I am sure that you are all avid followers of Billy's Discovery Channel show PitchMen, a brilliant combination of advertising and drama, but where will this show go now that Billy is gone? Do you really think that Anthony "Sully" Sullivan can carry the show by himself?

Say it with me! - I DON'T THINK SO!

Sullivan can't handle all the pitching by himself, so who will carry the show? Who will step in to sell fine products to the good people of America? Who will make offers even sweeter by doubling what you get for the same price for limited times? Who will throw in additional amazing items at NO EXTRA COST?

WHO WILL FILL BILLY MAYS' SHOES?

Vince Offer, A.K.A. The Shamwow Guy? No! His image is so dirty that even OxiClean™ could get it clean. His recent arrest for attacking a prostitute has knocked him off the short list. Vince Offer?

Say it with me! - I DON'T THINK SO!

Ron Popeil of RonCo fame? No! He is too old! He's so old, he could have invented breathing. Do you think America will trust a guy that old?

Say it with me! - I DON'T THINK SO!

Say, Sharon, do you remember when I told you that I had an idea? Say folks, do you remember when I said I had an idea? Well, here it is!

PitchMen should be turned into a search for America's Next Big Pitchman!

What do you think about that folks? Just imagine watching the exploits of 15 unknown pitch men and women as they try to become the next Billy Mays! And don't forget about all the amazing product placement that this makes possible! Doesn't that sound exciting folks?

Say it with me! - I DO THINK SO!!!

The show would be hosted by Anthony Sullivan and each week a panel of judges randomly composed of stoners, housewives, and the unemployed would decide the contestants' fates. Special guest appearances by Ralph Nader could also be a regular part of the show.

Act now! If you are a Discovery Channel Executive Producer, Anthony Sullivan, or someone else at Sullivan Productions, and you use this idea to make millions, please send me some of that cash +S&H. Sorry, no CODs. Hurry! Act now and I will throw in another idea for FREE! The special limited edition Michael Jackson sequin covered Ove Glove!™. This is a limited time offer, so act now!

P.S. Subscribe to Ideas By Chuck and for a limited time I will dedicate one of my prayers for Billy Mays to you for FREE.

P.P.S. I was sad about Michael Jackson too, but with ideas like the vibrating yoga ball, I think you all understand why I had to make this mainly about Billy Mays.

P.P.P.S. I am still on Twitter. Follow me - ideasbychuck.

MasterDaters

2009-06-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this is my 75th idea, and I know some of you are wondering when I am going to either become super rich, and or give up on this whole ideas blog thing. If I am bad at one thing, it is giving up. Men who refuse to give up on other people's ideas are zealots, fanatics, and obsessive compulsive. Men who refuse to give up on their own ideas are men of vision. I say, "men" because I am a man, and my friend has a hat that says, "men of vision" on it, but you can put a "wo-" in front of all the "mens" if you want to. There are definitely some women of vision out there too, but I am a man, so I want to be a man of vision. Long story short - I'm not giving up yet.

For this Special Edition 75th Idea I am going to give you, my millions of loyal readers, an idea that I actually worked on selling to someone before I got sidetracked. I almost had the time, energy, and passion to bring THIS idea to life.

MASTERDATERS - A multi-platform dating spectacle.

MasterDaters is a speed dating event with combined with Iron Chef, Wipe Out, Singled Out, and Monday Night football. Participants go on a series of speed dates while having their moves and mistakes documented and analyzed by snarky commentators using all the modern sports coverage tools such as screen graphics and instant replay. Michael Buckley and Greg Behrendt could be a good host duo, especially if their hair can be brought under control.

The show would also feature rotating special guests such as Dr. Sue, Dr. Drew, Dr. John Gray, Neil Straus, and other relationship experts, plus a roving on-field reporter (the usual hot chick with big breasts, raspy voice, and a slightly checkered past brandishing an oversized, overly phallic microphone). She would interview participants of interest as they move to their next date.

The main point to make about this show is that there are no winners or losers, well... at least not in the usual game show sense of these words. This is more about the spectacle, the event - People meeting People. There would be a live audience, a DJ, lights etc. and the show would be filmed at a hot club.

Every episode ends with a big dance party.

INTERNET TIE IN - Everyone wants this so bad!

The show would tour from city to city, and would be promoted like a big party with a MTV Spring Break vibe, single people flocking to it for the chance to be on TV, meet other singles, and party. Participants would be chosen from the crowd like the Price is Right, and casting would be fairly loose. Every person chosen to be a participant would be given a profile on the MasterDaters singles networking/dating site in a special "as seen on TV" section (obviously, this could also be worked out as a partnership with Facebook or Myspace).

Everyone else who comes out will be strongly encouraged to join the MasterDaters site etc. and they will all have to go to the MasterDaters sight the next day to check out the branded Cobra-Snake-like photos of themselves from the crazy after party.

Unlike other dating shows that are very LA-centric until they run out of people in LA claiming not to be actors, this show would reach out to the rest of the country. You like someone you see on the show they shot in your city, you can go online and contact them. Plus, the large amount of contestants on each episode would present a wide variety of interest for the viewing public.

Get this show on TV, and get your diamond bedazzled checkbook out to write me a check with lots of zeros involved. This is going to make someone a ton of money because done right this show can tie together live events, television broadcasts, and web content in a very cohesive and powerful way that sponsors will be fighting tooth and nail to get a piece of, and after all, that's what it's all about, gettin a piece!

P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck might make you sexy. Click Here.

P.P.S. Check out my interview on Courtesy Flush. Click Here.

P.P.P.S. Check out my interview on The Molls Show. Click Here.

P.P.P.P.S. Check out my interview on TBTL live tonight 8pm Pacific or recorded if you aren't reading this on 6/22/09. Click Here.

P.P.P.P.P.S. If you want the PDF one sheet for MasterDaters, contact me through Twitter.

3-D The Movie

2009-06-07T16:31:00.000-07:00

Some people have been calling Seth Rogen the next Tom Hanks, and for a while now I have been pushing the idea that Tom Hanks and Seth Rogen will be in a movie together soon. It just seems like some movie executive's wet dream. I even made a shirt that says, "Untitled Tom Hanks/Seth Rogen Project." This is one movie idea that I think I can really will into existence, especially since it is basically like predicting that it will rain sometime in the next year.

Recently, I started really thinking harder about it and came up with a title and plot for the film. I also decided that the movie should be shot in 3-D because all the movie studios have hard-ons for 3-D because it gives people a reason to actually go to the movies again.

Title: 3-D The Movie
Genre: Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy
Logline: Be Kind Rewind meets The Majestic meets Doc Hollywood.

Synopsis: Party boy Barry Bender (Seth Rogen) is on top of the world until his trust fund's entire stock portfolio tanks and everyone abandons him. He contemplates suicide, but as he climbs out onto the ledge of his lawyer's 54th floor office, he gets a call from Jerry Reynolds (Tom Hanks), his long lost older brother that he never knew he had. Jerry explains that their father just passed away, leaving Barry half of everything he owned.

Barry travels to Bozeman, Montana for his father's funeral and to survey his newly acquired assets. Barry is feeling pretty good until he discovers that all he has inherited is half of a floundering second-run movie theater. With nowhere to go, he decides to stay in town and try to sell his half.

Barry and Jerry clash at first and Barry sticks out like a sore thumb, and wants out as fast as possible until he meets the beautiful, mysterious, and slightly nutty Shali Patel (Freida Pinto). Sparks fly, but she wants nothing to do with his party boy, do nothing lifestyle. He has to change to win her heart.

Eventually, the brothers find common ground in their love of movies and Barry comes up with a whacky plan to turn the theater around. They make every movie they show "3-D" by hiring actors from the community theater including Shali Patel and using kooky DIY special effects - spraying water on the audience during Jaws, shaking the seats during Earthquake, etc.

The "3-D" movies are a hit. People start coming from miles around to see experience their favorite old movies in this new, wacky way. It is such a big hit that a giant movie theater chain comes to town and offers to buy the theater. At first, Barry jumps at the chance to get back to his old life and says yes to selling the theater. Shali overhears him agree to the sale and storms off. Barry realizes that he would rather stay in Bozeman with her than leave. He runs after her, only to discover that she has left town, and that she is the heiress to a hotel chain fortune.

With Jerry's help, he is able to track her down, and the movie ends with him coming out on stage at a charity screening of When Harry Met Sally that Shali is attending in Hollywood. Barry professes his love for her. Jerry meets Meg Ryan, and they instantly click.

The four of them live happily ever after.

Are you ready to write this yet? Are you ready to executive produce it? Are you ready to act in it? Tom? Seth? Doesn't it have "hit" written all over it?

Selling Points:

1. 3-D! The studios love 3-D!

2. Tom Hanks and Seth Rogen get butts in the seats.

3. Using footage from old movies would save money in the production of the film, and also boost DVD sales, rentals, and downloads of those movies.

4. America is F'n jonesing to see Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan on screen together again.

If you decide to write the script, please give me a writer credit, and if you sell it, please give me some of the money. Actually, try to get some points. I'll take one point.

P.S. I heard that Stephen Hawking subscribes to Ideas By Chuck. Besides being paralyzed and confined to a wheelchair, don't you want to be like Stephen Hawking? Subscribe.

P.P.S. Freida Pinto is so hot!

P.P.P.S. Why do Indian women hate me?

P.P.P.P.S. I am on Twitter, and it seems to be going well. You can follow me if you want. Click Here.

Zingerade Spicy Lemonade

2009-05-29T14:54:00.000-07:00

Do you want to start your own bottled drink company, but you're worried that the market is saturated? There are tons of teas, tonics, sodas, sport drinks, colas, waters, ales, punches, potions, and elixirs out there on the market. Where could you possibly fit in? What kind of market share could you possibly hope to dig out of that mountain of refreshment?

You have your heart set on starting your own drink company don't you? Don't you? Yes you do. Yes you do. Don't you?

Lucky for you, you know me, and I can tell you a drink that no one is bottling, no one is marketing, no one is selling, and yet hundreds of thousands of people are drinking. What is it?

The master cleanse lemonade, made from lemons, maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and of course, water. If anyone is selling this pre-made, I can't find it. I would brand it "Zingerade." Zingerade.com is available, it sounds cool, and conveys the general vibe of the product. It is slightly cliche, but so was Powerade, and that was put out by CocaCola. Give me a couple of million bucks and I will come up with a better name (that is an offer for CocaCola too).

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that the master cleanse lemonade sounds really gross. Well, it is actually pretty good. I have never been on the master cleanse, but for some reason every woman that I know tries to do it at least three times a year. Most of the time they fail, but I have had many chances to taste the spicy lemonade, and I like to take chances. It has a definite zing and a taste that just keeps giving. A unique flavor is hard to find, but this is one that is sitting right there giving you the finger.

Even if it tasted like total crap, it has medicinal properties. We all know that if you tell people something is good for them, it can taste like poop mixed with tartar sauce, and they will still drink it or eat it. Cayenne pepper quells hunger and boosts your metabolism. You don't have to be on a seven day fast to want to drink something that will stop you from eating seven twinkies between lunch and dinner while helping you burn more calories.

The convenience of this drink would attract anyone doing the master cleanse, and though it might sound crazy, there are tons of people out there not on the master cleanse or trying to lose weight who would drink Zingerade. People who smoke or drink heavily crave spicy foods because their taste buds have been killed off (I know all you drinkers are already thinking about what this would taste like mixed with vodka). Why do you think Bloody Marys are so popular?

Even if you hate the product just think of the marketing campaigns.

"Spice up your lemonade! Spice up your life! Zingerade!"

"Zingerade! The Juice with real Juice!"

"Jump-Start Your Lemonade! Zingerade!"

"Drink Zingerade or DIE FAT AND ALONE!"

You don't have to be a genius to see that this has some real potential. Make this idea happen. Make some money. Make your bed. Make out a check to me for two million dollars.
P.S. You really should subscribe to Ideas By Chuck. If you don't who will?

P.P.S. Zingerade and vodka is great.

P.P.P.S. If I can follow a chair that reports every time someone farts on it, you can follow me. Click here.

Bluetooth Walkie Talkie Headset

2009-05-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

This idea is like a very, very, very good brownie recipe. I am basically just telling you the ingredients for success. You don't have to go find a secret ingredient. You don't have to learn a new way to bake the brownies. All you have to do is go get the ingredients and bake them up into the best selling brownies the church bake sale has ever seen, singlehandedly raising the money for the youth group's missionary trip to Belize.

To tell you the truth, I almost didn't put this up as an idea because it feels very simple and specific to TV/Film production, but then I thought back to my Magical Binder idea, which took the world by storm, and I had to share this with the masses as well.

When most people here the two words, "walkie" and "talkie" together, they think about toys in the shape of Mighty Morphing Power Rangers or Hello Kitty with an average life span of about four days and a range from here to the Smith's backyard, but there are people who still use walkie talkies in real life, to do real work. I am one of them.

In TV/Film production we use big, bulky, serious walkie talkies. The walky talkies we use make effective weapons, withstand serious abuse at the hands of some very cranky people, and will pull your pants down if you aren't wearing a belt.

Here is the idea: a bluetooth adapter for walkie talkies that would allow you to use your bluetooth headset with the walkie talkie.

There are several different headset options for the walkie talkies we use. Some are clunky and make you look like Janet Jackson or a drive through manager at McDonald's, while others are much less clunky but make you feel like you have just been plugged into the Matrix. I want a bluetooth solution.

I know the technology exists out there to make this happen, so go make this happen. If you create a bluetooth adapter, send me one. I will make sure that you sell a bunch of them right off the bat through my connections in the world of TV/Film production as well as sexy ninjas.

Also, remember, if you make a lot of money off of this idea, you should send me some of that money. It will make you feel good. Remember Edgar Allen Poe's tale, "The Telltale Heart."

P.S. Subscribe to Ideas By Chuck before I get so famous you hear about me from your grandmother.

P.P.S. Isn't that ninja sexy?

P.P.P.S. You can still follow me on Twitter.

Pickpocket In Your Pocket

2009-05-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

"Please, Sir, I want some more... interesting and interactive video games that might help me meet people rather than curl up into a ball of fat and self pity on my couch."

-Oliver Twist (kinda)

Most games are more fun to play with other people. Computers have become pretty good at playing with us, but are not as much fun to tease and cajole with before and after. It's this comradery and social interaction that makes playing games with others more fun, even if you don't quite know your opponent, through game play, you get to know them.

“Games are a compromise between intimacy and keeping intimacy away.”

-Eric Berne (some Canadian guy)

Recently I have been playing a lot of Tetris on my phone (high score on Ultra - 20,092). It keeps me from calling and texting people obsessively when I am alone and lonely. If only I could play Tetris while drunk, if only.

Tons of people play video games on their phones now. In fact, almost everyone with a cell phone has a game on it that they play. The sad thing is, most people play these games when they are alone in a crowd, when they are sitting in a waiting room or on a bus, train, plane, or boat surrounded by dozens of other people.

What if there was a video game that helped people interact?

Here is the idea: A pickpocket video game that would detect other players in a certain radius of the player, via bluetooth. Players would collect money and items that other players would try to steal out from under their noses.

I could spend all day telling you various ideas for rules such as 'puzzle protectors' and 'guard dogs' to make it more exciting etc. but that would take ALL DAY. However, one aspect of the game that might make it more interesting, and would make it more profitable for the video game distributor would be the fact that people would actually pay minuscule amounts of money like five to ten cents for the items in their virtual purse or wallet.

This doesn't seem like much money? If Apple had loaded a game like this onto every iPhone for free from the beginning, there would be around 45 million people out there playing this game. If each one of those people decided to buy a virtual iPhone to put in their virtual pocket for 10cents each... Yeah, $4.5 million.

This kind of game could be designed to work on almost any phone on the market, and almost every phone on the market now has bluetooth built in for headset communication. Of course this kind of idea could easily be adapted to an existing game such as World of Warcraft, as some sort of add on.

P.S. Subscribe to Ideas By Chuck. You will regret it, but like sex with an anonymous stranger.

P.P.S. I still haven't gotten a call from U2. So hurt.

P.P.P.S. Sure it won't be as fun as iBoobs, but what could be?

P.P.P.P.S. Twitter is still being misused by millions, but if there is anyone you should follow on Twitter, it's me, ideasbychuck.

Gay Grizzly Adams

2009-04-26T10:52:00.000-07:00

A while back, I started talking to a bear trainer about Grizzly Adams. As our conversation unfolded, I learned many interesting facts about this American icon. My curiosity peeked, I rushed to the internet, to my Google for more information. And, with every new tidbit of information I gathered, a suspicion, a theory, a wild and unprovable accusation grew stronger in my mind.

The more I have found out about Grizzly Adams, the real Grizzly Adams, the more and more I have come to believe that he was gay.

So what? Many great men in history were probably gay, so why do I care about Grizzly Adams? Because! Silly! Operating on this assumption, you have the foundation for one of the greatest gay Hi-jinx movies ever! Move over Priscilla Queen of the Desert! Move over The Birdcage! Move over PEARL HARBOR (directed by Michael "Boo Bear" Bay)! There's a new queen in town!

I guess before you run off and write this movie, raise a couple of million dollars, produce it, and distribute it, you should know a little something about Grizzly Adams.

John Capen Adams or Grizzly Adams was a real man who trapped and trained bears in California in the mid 1800's. You can read more about him here.

1. He wore leather jumpsuits with tassels, and adorned himself with colorful feathers.

2. He paraded through the streets of San Francisco with his bears.

3. He left his wife and kids to move to San Francisco and live with bears.

4. He was a shoemaker before moving to the woods to live with bears.

5. He loved bears.

Sure, this is some pretty weak evidence, but other "biographical" films have been written and produced with much less information on their subjects. Don't ever let the truth get in the way of your story. After all, what are movies but long, entertaining lies. Moreover, there has already been a very popular, successful, and totally inaccurate movie and television series based on the life of Grizzly Adams. The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams was a total reimagingineering of his story, not to mention, pretty gay its self.

Although I am very sick of seeing him in movies, and I wish he would just go away and form some sort of foundation for children and only be seen or heard from once a year for his annual telethon, I can't imagine a better actor to play Grizzly Adams than Will Ferrell.

Make this movie happen! Do it! Do it! Do it!
P.S. If you don't want to subscribe to ideas by chuck, don't click here.

P.P.S. The same bear trainer who told me about Grizzly Adams told me about a guy getting his calf bitten off by a zebra. Long story short, zebras are dangerous.

P.P.P.S. This was not meant to be offensive to gays or lesbians. I am sorry if it was. If you are a gay or lesbian filmmaker, you can probably get some grants to make this movie. The imaginative rebranding of an American icon as gay must be on the top of some special interest group's list.

P.P.P.P.S. You want to hear about things like me going to the bathroom? Follow me on Twitter.

America's Goth Talent

2009-04-20T14:32:00.000-07:00

Do you feel as if the spirit of Amalasuntha has forsaken you? Well, you aren't the only one. But thy luck is bound to change before the feast of the Beltane, if you are able to sell NBC on my new show idea: America's Goth Talent.

Sure, you might think that there are enough talent shows on TV right now what with American Idol, America's Got Talent, Dancing With The Stars, America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, So You Think You Can Dance, Top Chef, Who Wants To Be A Super Hero, and many others already on the air, but you would be wrong (sorry). None of these talent shows showcase talents such as ritualistic mutilation, suicide poetry, channeling demons, or endurance crying. There would be some crossover acts such as contortionists, sword swallowers, and flame jugglers, but really this would be the only place for many talented youngsters to shine, in a dark and brooding way of course.

I am not going to pretend that there haven't been shows before that have given us a glimpse into this world. Ripley's Believe It Or Not! hosted by Dean Cane definitely shined a sallow light into the dark underworlds of the goth subculture, but the it lacked the elements of competition and soul raping that the other competition shows reap and sow with every waning moon. Plus, Dean Cane, though a nice guy I am sure, came off as irrelevant, disconnected, and douchey as the host. I guess there was supposed to be a juxtaposition between Mr. Perfect and the freak-show, but it always just struck me as awkward.

I would tap Jim Rose to host the show. He has a little bit of experience with this kind of thing, and I think he can juggle.

One selling point that you can use when approaching NBC is the fact that they can use the same set and judges for America's Goth Talent as America's Got Talent. All they have to do is put some fake cobwebs up and use more spot lighting. David Hasselhoff already kind of looks like an old elven woman, the other guy has the British accent that all goth kids wish they had, and Sharon Osbourne is already practically a goth goddess.

Advertisers and sponsors would include the surgical stainless steal industry, leather, any cosmetic companies who sell cheap black eyeliner, gothic teddy bear manufacturers, colored contact manufacturers, fang manufacturers, and journal makers.

P.S. Subscribe to ideas by chuck, or I will send the demons of hell after you. Just kidding... or am I?

P.P.S. If you want to hear about the most boring and inane moments of my life, click here.

P.P.P.S. Marilyn Manson's song The Dope Show would be the perfect theme song for the show. Not just because Marilyn Manson is a major goth icon, but because it is one of his only songs that I have ever been able to listen to all the way through, and it is actually pretty catchy.

Bonjour Date Night

2009-04-10T13:51:00.000-07:00

Online dating is booming. Booming. People are looking to the silicon circuits to get their hands on some silicon circles, if you know what I mean.

Sure online dating is convenient and cheaper than regular dating, or going to a bar or church to try to pick up chicks. You don't have to pay for gas, food, or drinks (that church wine isn't really free). You have a certain amount of anonymity and safety. Plus, you don't have to feign interest in the arts or belief in god. You just have to have a nice picture of yourself and learn how to type "LOL" without thinking.

This is of course also the problem with online dating, misrepresentation. People use pictures of themselves from 10th grade or the last time they had a full head of hair and didn't have a double chin, and if the picture is recent there are a host of different techniques that people have quickly mastered to make themselves look better, from only posting pictures taken from more than fifteen feet away, to the always effective "Myspace angles." Moreover, don't every forget about Photoshop. With Photoshop I could make myself look like a Jewish Mel Gibson if I wanted to.

What if you could have the best of both worlds? What if there was a dating service that would let you talk to and choose who you wanted to talk to and meet through your computer, while at the same time being able to see them in person? Wouldn't you be interested in that? Don't you think other people would like that too?

Here is the idea: a bonjour dating night.

If you have a Mac, Bonjour is a program that you have on your computer ( Mac or PC is one of the eHarmony 29 levels of compatibility). Bonjour is part of the iChat program. Basically, when you log into it, it allows you to see and talk to anyone who is using the same wireless network as you and signed into Bonjour. It is a pretty nifty tool for file sharing etc. Even if you don't like this idea, you just learned something.

Basically, you would have a night at a coffee shop or somewhere like that with free WIFI. All the singles interested in participating would log onto Bonjour and chat away. If you meet someone you like talking to enough, someone you are interested in, they are sitting right there. They can tell you where they are, or you can tell them where you are. If you like each other enough, you can talk in person. They are right there, so there can be no misrepresentation, at least as far as appearance is concerned ( this does not take into account any whigs, pushup bras, or fake noses ).

Moreover, the singles participating are most likely from around the area, so you don't end up in a long distance relationship with a French model, or being asked to go sailing in the Adriatic as a first date by a Greek dignitary. In the very least you could meet some people from your neighborhood ( smart, cool people with Macs ).

P.S. Subscribing to Ideas By Chuck is hip and cool. I heard that Don Johnson was a subscriber. You want to be like Don Johnson? Subscribe.

P.P.S. Monique, if you are reading this, I still miss you. If you ever get your green card for modeling, please let me know.

P.P.P.S. I am thinking of giving up freelance thinking, so if you own a think tank and have any openings, let me know.

Disappearing Ink Cartridges

2009-04-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

Sure, I know what some of you are thinking. You read the headline, and you are thinking that I have lost my edge. You are thinking that this is the stupidest thing you have ever heard of. Maybe you think I fell down some stairs into a tub of stupid. Maybe you want me to give up. Maybe you think I have lost my edge. Now you are really starting to believe that I have lost my edge because I have said it three times now.

Well, I hate to tell you this, but you are wrong. I said edge three times for good luck and for any U2 fans out there who might be searching for their guitar hero. Later on in this post I will even say guitar again, so that this blog post will show up as being very relevant for anyone searching for The Edge's guitar (there is a method to my madness). This is the most brilliant idea I have ever had.

Yeah, and let me tell you what the idea actually is before you start judging me and it.

Idea: print cartridges that are filled with ink that disappears completely after a certain and finite amount of time.

Why? What good would that do?

Most information these days is stored electronically, and many printed business documents are only actually relevant for a short period of time. If you had ink that would disappear after a certain amount of time, you could reuse some of the paper without having to actually expend the time, effort, and materials to recycle it.

Not a good enough reason for you?

How about this one?

Everyone these days is worried about identity theft and fraud. Wouldn't it put your mind at ease to know that documents such as bills with your personal information on them would not last for more than a couple of weeks? Aren't you sick of shredding documents? I know I am sick of hearing you shred documents.

This kind of thing could really give the first company to adopt it a real... edge. I know there are more than a couple of banks out there at the moment that could use this kind of advantage, but I wouldn't wait for them to do something smart like listen to me.

You should take this idea and run for it. Sure I don't have any chemical formulas to share with you, but if Jerky's Joke shop has a pretty good formula already, you can probably come up with something.

P.S. Check out the left side of the screen. Can you find the word, "subscribe" there?

P.P.S. I bet Bernie Madoff wishes he had used some of this disappearing ink in his records. He wouldn't have gotten caught by Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman. Oh, wait... hmmm.

P.P.P.S. If you want to get the most boring and inane updates on my life, click here.

Rosetta Bone

2009-03-15T17:32:00.000-07:00

Do you want to make money? Do you want to bring the world closer together, I mean really CLOSER together? Do you want to facilitate and encourage learning? Do you really want to make money? Do you want to make lots of money?

One summer I was lucky enough to be part of a study abroad program in Italy. I lived in Cortona, Italy, a small walled city made famous by the book "Under The Tuscan Sun." I ate, drank, danced, studied art, made love, and summoned from the bricks and stones of this ancient city on a hill the spirits of my ancestors around me like a magical cloak of destiny. Yeah, I drank a ton.

While I was there, I came across some Italian pornography that was laid out like a live action comic book, with narration boxes as well as thought and dialog bubbles guiding the reader through hardcore erotic adventures.

A scholar at heart, I set about translating these stories. Would Rocco figure out where Sophia had hidden his keys? I wanted to know, and though the plot lines were less than complex, they were more than titillating. You know what I mean.

It was at this time that I first started thinking about an erotic language learning system, and so this idea was born:

Rosetta Bone, an erotic language learning system.

If you don't see how amazing this idea is, let me give you some hardcore reasons that this idea will lead you to be showered in gold (not to be confused with a golden shower).

First, porn plot lines are simple and repetitious just like every language learning system. If you have to hear about Federica getting a dress for the school dance, getting ready for the dance, going to the dance, dancing at the dance, leaving the dance, and remembering how great the dance was, wouldn't you at least like to see Federica get double teamed by Luca and Anthony after the dance?

Second, learning while in a state of arousal and through multiple modes of stimulation has been proven time and time again to be the most effective way to learn. If you don't believe me, you can go do some research on your own. This Northwestern University study might be a good place to start.

Third, most people going to another country for a short or long period of time want to know how to get three things accomplished in the native tongue: get food, find a bathroom, and get sex. All porn is, is eating, swallowing, and, well I won't go on with that, but if you don't get the idea...uhh...uhh...you probably shouldn't be reading this.

Speaking purely to the making money aspect of this whole thing, people love porn. Your system could be totally worthless and ineffective on the language learning side, but if it is hot porn, people will still pay money to see it.

Carpe Denari!

P.S. You should subscribe to Ideas By Chuck. I don't get a portable TV, Garfield phone, or a trip to Epcot Center for getting a certain number of subscribers. I just don't want you to miss my next big idea.

P.P.S. You should start with Latin. Why? Cause it's the HARDEST!

P.P.P.S. Talk Dirty: Spanish and similar titles are already a bestsellers. This is not a big leap.

P.P.P.P.S. Don't you want to know what those Dutch chicks are saying? Don't you? REALLY! Make this idea reality!

College Satellite Radio

2009-03-01T22:22:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been thinking about radio. Radio. Radio.

The talk radio station that I listened to closed up shop recently, and I miss it. Sure I started listening to it because I broke the antenna off my car, and it was the only station that would come in, but I had come to love it, kind of like the way Mallory almost loved Skippy that time they got trapped in the basement, or the way Karl came to understand Steve a little more that time they got trapped in a box car. You can't love what you do not know.

Now I am lost. I have actually been listening to Ryan Seacrest in the mornings. I keep hearing about a show called Kevin and Bean, but I can't seem to find it. They must not say their own name a lot, which I consider a good thing, but it is making it harder for me to figure out what channel they are on when I get in my car at 5:30am.

Anyway, I have been thinking about radio, and hearing a lot of stuff about satellite radio and how it isn't making any money. Some of you might know that XM Satellite radio was absorbed by Sirius not to long ago because they just couldn't cut it.

Why can't satellite make it? Why aren't they making cash money? Why isn't the fact that they can curse and you can hear the same person cursing anywhere in the country selling subscriptions?

Listen up Sirius and XM corporate grunts. I am going to tell you something that will help you shoot to the top of the corporate ionosphere. If you have a consulting firm, you might also want to take notes or just print this out.

Why aren't people clamoring for satellite radio?

There is not enough of a difference in the quality and the product for people to care enough to pay. Who is going to pay $10 for a slightly larger orange when the slightly smaller orange is free? Terrible analogy I know, but maybe you get it.

Here is my idea to make satellite radio a money maker: Sirius XM needs to designate 20 or so channels for crazy people, alright, not crazy people, but just anyone who wants to pay $2000 to be on the radio for a year. Give them each one hour a week to do whatever they want with.

What does this do?

First of all, it will raise over $6.7 million if all the spots are sold.

Second of all, you will instantly create a 3360 person street team, hustling, annoying, bugging, throwing tantrums, and pestering every single one of their family and friends to subscribe to satellite radio.

Third and most importantly of all, it will make better use of the advantage that satellite has over regular radio, which is the lack of censorship. Let the crazy guy get on the radio to mutter about flying saucers for an hour. Let the preacher get on and rant about God hating everyone but dogs named Sue. Let the guy with Tourett's Syndrome finally get his shot at being the Wolf Man.

Wouldn't you tell your friends about a crazy guy named Chuck with lots of crazy ideas or a radio show that consisted completely of records being played backwards?

It would be very similar to college radio or YouTube. Everyone who wants their shot gets their shot.

P.S. Subscribe to me, so you will be the first person on the block to find out my airtime on satellite radio.

P.P.S. $2000 a year is less than $40 a week, which is less than 10 packs of cigarettes in most parts of the United States.

P.P.P.S. Go watch UHF if you have any doubts.

P.P.P.P.S. Do you remember when the gang on Saved By The Bell found that radio station hidden deep inside Bayside High, or did I just imagine that?

Hybrid Vs. Inbred

2009-02-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

Fair warning, this is one of my more socially conscious ideas, so no big payday. But, if you work for Tesla Motors, Toyota, Zap Cars, or any other hybrid/electric car companies, you will probably be interested in this, as you have a vested interest in seeing it happen. Listen up, and get ready to act on my unsolicited advice.

As many of you, my hundreds of millions of adoring readers, know, I am very interested in the environment. I have had several ideas about ways we could save the world from getting McDonald's to place the first franchise on the moon to candy cane chopsticks. I care about the environment and the world not dying. I care, so I think that President Barack Obama needs to invite the head honchos from NASCAR to the White House and have a little chat.

What should this chat be about? President Barack Obama needs to strongly encourage them, in Dick Cheney kind of way (guns, sticks, water and car batteries), to allow hybrid technology to be used in NASCAR race cars.

Why?

Well, the way I see it, we need some competition to get us competing again. I keep hearing Chevy touting its NASCAR win record, but you don't here them bragging about their sales records. Competition breeds innovation, and we need some innovations. We need some better cars.

Now I know some of you are having your doubts. Why should Obama get involved? Presidents don't need to get involved in sports. Won't this change the spirit of NASCAR? Do I look fat in this outfit?

In 1905, President Teddy Roosevelt extended a similar invitation to the White House to all head honchos of American Football at that time because so many men were getting seriously injured or killed playing the game. He suggested several rule changes and modern football, one of the most popular sports in the world, was born.

So you see, Obama would not be the first President of the United States to take more than a casual interest in a sport. He would be following in the footsteps of a man with a big stick. There are three big guys up in Detroit that are dying, and he might be able to save them with a few rule changes.

Here is another history lesson. NASCAR was borne from bootlegging. Bootleggers were doing whatever they could to make their cars go faster and longer and they started competing against each other. The whole point of the sport, the competition, is to make your car go faster and last longer. The drivers are athletes, but the cars are the real stars.

If you were to go back in time and tell a bootlegger that his car would go 100 more miles on one tank of gas with a hybrid engine in it, what do you think he would say? Do you think he would turn up his nose at that? No. The cop cars can't chase you if they are out of gas. Do you really think that any serious bootlegger would ignore whatever advantage he could get?

This needs to happen. I went to school where Deliverance was filmed, and let me tell you, there are some smart hicks, hillbillies, and rednecks. They just need the right kind of motivation.

A few years ago it was blasphemy to even think about Toyotas competing, but today they do. Letting hybrid technology into the mix will not stop the cars from going fast, fans from getting drunk. It will not make the promo-girl-car-models that look like they can't possibly achieve an orgasm without having at least one hand on the hood of a car during sex disappear. There will still be burgers. People will vomit, and cars will still crash.

We need to start competing if we want to compete. I don't know if I am the first person to say that. It sounds like a Yogi Berra quote, but it is true. If you are the Secretary of State, you might want to whisper this into President Obama's ear at the next cabinet meeting.

P.S. Subscribing to IdeasByChuck might just save my life.

P.P.S. I love funnel cake.

P.P.P.S. I love funnel cake, and yes you look fat in that outfit.

P.P.P.P.S. Funnel cake is so good! Why is it so good!

Ideas By Chuck Reality Show

2009-02-09T15:20:00.000-08:00

This one kind of speaks for its self, but I will expound.

Picture this: "MythBusters" meets "The Apprentice" meets "I'm With Busey," but more interesting and sexy.

Cameras would follow me around through my depressing yet interesting daily life, while a team of producers, lawyers, businessmen, and scientists are hard at work trying to make money off of my ideas. It's a juxtaposition kind of thing.

I wouldn't get any real cash from the show unless one or more of my ideas proves to be lucrative. This is probably leading some of you to think that if the show is a hit, I should get some money since it was my idea in the first place. True, but I would make an exception for the actual show, though I do want a creator credit.

What makes me think that my life is interesting enough to carry a reality show?

Well, I live in Hollywood, which seems to be where most reality shows take place. I might not be Paris Hilton, but I have seen her limo, and I know where Club Hyde is. Yep, I live in Hollywood, so you can check that off your list. Hollywood: Check!

I work on TV shows and commercials and write and produce my own internet shows and commercials, and I could name about a dozen shows on TV right now that are about either TV shows or advertising agencies (if any producers of Mad Men are watching, I look good in bell bottoms and could have the most amazing mustache for a guest spot on Mad Men). Interesting job: Check!

I am an artist. I draw, paint, and write music. More importantly, people buy my art and love my music... love it... love. Superstar artist: Check!

I have interesting friends. Sure, everyone thinks that they have interesting friends, but do you have friends who have started a new carnocentric holiday season? Do you have friends who destroy the morning show circuits with awesomecore like my old band mates the Attractive Eighties Women? Do you have friends who have built their own villages, done photo shoots with America's Next Top Model winners, or travel the world just trying to have sex with women? Well, I do have these friends. I don't know why I have any friends at all, but I do, and they are pretty interesting and so hawt! Hawt friends: Double Check!

I even have my own clothing line, drawnika. Check it out at drawnika.com. You are pretty much a loser out here in Hollywood if you don't have your own clothing line. Clothing line: Check!

Sorry for tooting my own horn, but if you aren't going to toot your own horn, what is the point of having your own reality show? Right?

Toots own horn: Check! Check! Check!

Pluses for the producers:

1. I already have a pretty strong web presence and a good amount of content built up.

2. Any products that I have invented will get advertising before they even hit the market, and fans of the show will want to support my ideas, that is if they like me.

3. Picking a guy out of obscurity is sensational, and the show will definitely get some pretty good free publicity. Plus, there are sure to be bloggers going nuts either with praise or hatred for a fellow blogger plucked from the crowd.

4. My ideas are good.

5. Women and gay men ages 45-60 love me.

If you don't jump on this, you will be asked to leave the tribe (that was a reference to Survivor and not Judaism).

P.S. Subscribe to my blog. The more people that subscribe, the more subscribers I will have.

P.P.S. Floss daily.