Idle Worship

Even Brett Favre Knows What a Putz He Is

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:55:00 +0000

If you are going to rot multiple professional football organizations from the inside while robbing them of millions of dollars, at least you will be given the opportunity to further pad your bank account by making light of the miserable circumstances that you created for fans and teammates with your out of control ego and fading football skills in the service of hawking flatscreens for a soon to be defunct retail outlet.

This blog post is sponsored by Yu Wan Mei.

All About Me

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 01:52:00 +0000

From the outset, I have made no bones the nature of this blog. It is intended to be nothing more than a compilation of self-indulgent navel gazing. This is likely the reason why it has taken me nearly a full calendar year to realize that other members of the genus Homo have happened across my ramblings. But now that my eyes have been opened, it is time to salute these fine upstanding citizens for taken note of the internet's highest quality detritus.

Since I began cataloging poor quality videos that amuse only me, I have received 7 comments on this corner of the internet wilderness. One was a spam comment that I deleted while 3 more are were from relatives that pitied my sad, lonely, and ignored musings and threw me a bone. But then I put up a post about the upcoming G.I. Joe movie. Surprise, surprise, I hit a sweet spot for the blogosphere. 2 of the comments are even relevant to my post. So thanks Marc and Kyle. You have proven that every now and then, the needle can be found in the haystack, even when the haystack is larger than the great state of Alaska. And specifically to Kyle, you have obviously put some thought into your comment and in the spirit and tradition of great internet debate, I respectfully deem your opinion the moronic regurgitation of an obviously mentally feeble individual in need of institutionalization. Who will feed you when you mother passes on? Actually, I see what you are getting at but I stand by my concerns over casting. My problem with Duke isn't so much about age but the blandness of the actor. And despite your contention, I still feel Cobra Commander needs the gravitas that only comes with age. But I am prepared to be and hope to be wrong.

In honor of my most popular post, I present video from Cobra Commander's ill fated run for President. I imagine his plan for a weather control device would have been as beneficial to the future of this country as the Iraq War and the latest version of a stimulus package. Oh, and the Oscars were completely unwatchable.

This blog post is sponsored by Prescott Pharmaceuticals.

And the Oscar for Pretentiousness Goes to....

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 03:33:00 +0000

Way back in the early days of the internet, I used to maintain an unvisited outpost of self-indulgence. A lot like...no...exactly like this blog (hence the reason the original site and the blog share the same name). One game I used to play purely for my own enjoyment was selection of personally sanctioned movie awards. The only qualification for consideration for my prestigious awards was that the film had to make a minimum of 100 million dollars. My motivation in doing this was that I found the Oscars to be less and less representative of reality. I also found them less and less watchable but that is another story. It seemed that as the movie industry began to loss that aura of exclusivity and superiority, the individuals responsible for the Oscars felt they needed to try harder and harder to separate themselves from the rabble. To distinguish themselves. To justify their existence. To establish that they maintain some singular skill and knowledge that the proletariat do not possess. The only way to do this of course is to summarily dismiss any movie that garners popular acclaim in favor of monotonous, ponderous, navel-gazing art house fare that rarely plays outside of L.A. multiplexes. Where once the Oscars honored true classics that are still beloved and watched today, the present day Oscars select movies that were never actually viewed by people who weren't paid to do so and are forgotten to time immortal as soon as the poorly watched telecast ends. Pollack, Atonement, Babel. These aren't good movies. Under any circumstance. They're not even watchable. And the grand tradition continues this year. Despite incredibly popular pieces of art like WALL-E and Dark Knight, we get nominations for Milk and The Reader. Sure, popularity does not equal quality - Twilight and Harry Potter any one - but if a piece of celluloid is really supposed to represent the best work from a period of 365 days, shouldn't someone actually be willing to watch it? As a final proof of how bad this year's nominees are, I give you the following video. The largest moneymaker of all the nominees isn't even original. It is a puffed up, padded, and pompous rip off of a much better movie. The Raspberry Awards have more relevance now a days than the Oscars.

On a side note, given the lobbying, pandering, and slandering that goes into a successful Oscar campaign, you almost have to wonder if this video is the product of the makers of Gran Torino or something.

This blog post is sponsored by Binford Tools.

One For The Other Thumb

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 01:00:00 +0000

The great Santonio Holmes accomplished two grand feats tonight. First and foremost, he brought home the Steelers sixth world championship, putting them in front of the coked-up Cowboys and the nancy boy Niners. Second, he kept us from a world that would call Ben Roethlisbeger a Super Bowl MVP. It is really disgusting how lazy the Talking Heads can be when it comes to this perfunctory responsibility. Just give it to the winning QB no matter how he actually played (Exhibit A and B - the Manning Brothers) regardless of how they actually played or, when the QB is a vanilla non-celebrity, give it to the team's media darling and pre-game talking point (Exhibit C - Trent Dilfer and Ray Lewis), again, regardless of what actually happened on the field. It is like the only information these guys had to go on was the final score.

"What - the Ravens won? Well, I bet Ray Lewis had a lot to do with that. He had to. He is an incredible force of nature. At least that is what the teleprompter is telling me. That and he will kill me."

In honor of tonight's hero, I give you the following video. I found it pretty interesting when I first saw it. It details a part of the country that few people see and where Santonio is from. Abject poverty buried in the swamps of Florida. Just an hour or so from one of the richest zip codes in the country, these small towns exist as if they are in another world (say a third world). Of course, you can't be sure how accurate all the "facts" of the story are. In today's world of manufactured news, a good story trumps truth every time. No one doubts that this little nowhere ville is a hot bed of football talent, it is the tale of the rabbit chasing that I have my eye on. I would like to believe it is just as it is reported (in the sense that I like deeply rooted traditions that have real history and meaning - not in the sense that I like poverty and drug addition). But something in the back of my head says most of it is a production for the camera. About as genuine as the tryout episodes of American Idol. If there is one lesson we can take away from this story, it is don't be the bunny.

This blog post is sponsored by the Paper Street Soap Company.

Here We Go

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 19:54:00 +0000

I am willing to risk jinxing it in favor of showing my supreme confidence that Big Ben will not do his typical Brett Favre impersonation and the Steelers will be the defacto league champion by the end of the day (Does it really matter who the NFC puts up - the Super Bowl happens today at 6:30). The only thing that gives me pause is that all of the talking heads seem similarly convinced that the black and gold are moving on and anytime all the talking heads are convinced of something, it invariably doesn't happen. Despite that misgiving - Ladies and Gentlemen, your soon to be six-time Super Bowl champions, the Pittsburgh Steelers.

This blog post is sponsored by Callahan Auto Parts.

And To All a Good Night

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 22:33:00 +0000

Sometimes nothing beats the classics.

This blog post is sponsored by Bailey Brothers Building and Loan Association.

Glad to be Wrong

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 03:14:00 +0000

Apparently, I was overly pessimistic in my last post. Instead of choking mightily, my fantasy team, on the back of the dependable DeAngelo Williams, came from behind for a dominate 15 point win in the championship game. Instead of whining about what might of been I was able to send gloating videos, like the one below, to my vanquished foe. Let's just say I am not a gracious winner. And well I shouldn't be. After many, many, many fantasy leagues over the year, this is my first championship in a competitive league. So I think I am going to enjoy it as I clearly possess the unmatched managerial and strategical skills necessary to stand head and shoulders above my so-called peers. I just hope they present more of a challenge next year.

This blog post is sponsored by Buy N Large.

This Is How It Ends?

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 01:52:00 +0000

After 16 long weeks of setting line-ups, scouring the waiver wires, turning down ridiculous trade offers, dealing with the dubious activities of a ethically questionable commissioner, and racking up big points and a spot in the championship game, my fantasy team decided to take the week off. Anquan Boldin breaks his face earlier in the year and takes a week off to get over it but a sore leg keeps him out of the most important game of year. The Ravens defense waits until this week to play like a team of elderly steroid freaks and unconvicted criminals. Oh wait...check that last one. Anyway, they stunk up the joint and I am left with an empty feeling.

This blog post is sponsored by Omni Consumer Products.

Real-Time PCR, More Than Meets the Eye

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 01:52:00 +0000

I have already written about two high-production value, web-only, musical advertisements for the tools of science. Well, now Roche Applied Sciences has taken it to the next level and produced the eagerly awaited sequel to Transformers. And in a huge twist, - SPOILER ALERT! - the Decepticons have apparently taken on the shape of the DNA double helix. Although, if that is the case, why would the Autobots take the shape of a machine that makes more DNA? So many questions. I guess we will just have to trust the genius of Micheal Bay and wait until the official release date to get all of our answers. For now we will have to make due with this Roche-sponsored trailer. I don't know if this CGI-heavy advert makes me want to spend several thousand dollars on a PCR machine, but it does make me want to watch WALL-E again. And it continues this new tradition of spending a ton money on commercials that noone other than the dedicated nerdy will see.

For a point of contrast, let me also offer-up this truly awful example of attempted viral marketing by Promega. Matching this effort with the four I previously presented is an insult to the other four. They look to have had $5 and a Big Mac as their production budget. Even by YouTube standards this is sad. Heck, I am not entirorly sure that some undergrads didn't do this to fill time between running gels and pirating movies. I wouldn't even embarrass my blog by including this commercial if it weren't for an OCD-like drive for completeness. So in the interest of cataloging all of the efforts of the biotech giants to use new media to sell their wares, here is "Vlad in the lab".

This blog post is sponsored by the Ajira Airways
.

When Shows are Nothing but Product Placements, the Commercials are the True Entertainment

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 03:25:00 +0000

I continue to contend that the best advertisements never make it to our TVs. Whether it is because they focus on too narrow a target audience (like lab coat clad test tube jockeys) or they are a tad bit too edgy (how this stuff is considered too edgy when the questionable content is bleeped out and shows like Grey's Anatomy are allowed to continue their assault on all that is good and descent I will never understand), we are missing out on some quality salesmanship. If my argument wasn't strong enough already, I now have two new pieces of evidence to present to the court. First is a combination of two of my most favorite things - geeky science in-jokes and boy bands (Why oh why have you forsaken us N*SYNC). If Eppendorf had the gumption to pony up the money for a TV broadcast for these entertaining productions, every kid would be asking Santa for a pipette in their stocking. For under the radar commercial number two, I give you a movie house exclusive. Not sure why this one hasn't seen the small screen yet. Catchy tune, funny lyrics. What am I missing? Is it the explosive combination of Wal-mart and Coke? Those two revelutionary brands being on the screen at the same time too much for the average consumer? Anyway, now that the commercial is on YouTube, I can finally learn the words to the new Christmas classic, "Joy! Enough to go Round". "My judo coach, my allergist, my MySpace friends, my Twitter list."

This blog post is sponsored by the Nakatomi Trading Corporation.

The Economy Does What Good Taste Couldn't

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 05:32:00 +0000

Today was an historic day in South Florida. The scourge of taste buds and stomachs alike has finally been defeated. R.J. Gator's has closed its doors. Sure, the novelty of eating gator meat makes for a nice change of culinary pace but not the way R.J. Gator's does it. I ate there once. Quite a horrible experience. All the food, including the non-gator items, was drenched in grease. My stomach was not happy that I subjected it to that greasy mess. It complained about it, quite loudly, for the rest of the night. My stomach and the gators of South Florida sleep a little more soundly tonight.

This blog post is sponsored by Goliath National Bank.

Typical McCain Voter

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 03:46:00 +0000

That horrible elitist Muslim terrorist is going to take my guns and tax my food stamps.

Our long national nightmare is finally over.

This blog post is sponsored by Hope.
(Yes, yes, I know this is incredibly cheesy but come on. The Republicans are out of office. I had to say something and I have a complete lack of creativity and originality.)

If These Walls Could Talk, They Would Scream in Pain

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 04:56:00 +0000

The reason my fantasy football team is so mediocre is because it is filled with interception machines and men that like to beat up on women instead of real studs like Chris Cooley. Just don't get between him in and a football unless you want a hole in your chest.

***On a related note - Can the talking heads finally acknowledge that Brett Farve is an overrated albatross to the team cursed with him and not an elite quarterback?***

This blog post is sponsored by Initech.

You Are What You Eat

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 02:56:00 +0000

If Hallmark created Valentine's Day then Hersey's has to be responsible for Halloween. The one time of year when it is socially acceptable to load your children up on sugar and high fructose corn syrup. But other than the all natural, life giving goodness of corn syrup, what is really going into the bellies of your little ones when they gobble down their spoils. Sure, we know what's in an apple (razor blades) but what about Laffy Taffy. It can't all be vitamins and minerals. There could possibly be something unhealthy mixed in with those real fruit flavors. Thankfully, an artist has given us a detailed view of the innards one popular confection. Those high-pitched noises you hear every time you eat a Gummi Bear? Their screams. And since we are the topic, enjoy some other Gummi Bear-related entertainment.

This blog post is sponsored by Gringott's Financial Services.

You Sunk My Battleship

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 01:38:00 +0000

Trailers are often the best part of a movie (see National Treasure 2 and Indiana Jones and the Retirement Home of Doom - subject of upcoming blog post). All of the best scenes cherry picked and strung together with a melodramatic voice over to give it gravitas. It has become an artform of sort. It seems it is easier to create a quality trailer than it is to make a quality movie. Heck, they keep convincing me to see Nick Cage movies (It has all been down hill since Con Air). Plus trailers allow you to save $20 and 2 hours of your life while still getting the same level of enjoyment. Is it any wonder then that there are some high quality trailers out there for movies they will never make? How could the movies ever live up to these comic gems? Add in the blatant name checking of my favorite childhood diversions in the first trailer, and I was sold. The second trailer - well just in time for Halloween is a ho rror movie that no one wants to see.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Goin' Rogue

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

This blog post is sponsored by Rich Industries.

Vice President of these United States

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 01:06:00 +0000

Much ink has already spilled detailing the many, many, many reasons Sarah Palin has no business being elected to the second most powerful office in the world. I get that there is very large segment of the U.S. population that feels they have no horse in this race. Already viamently opposed to supporting anyone from the donkey party or anyone who doesn't look like themselves, these individuals find no solace in a doddering, aged, and angry career politician who has betrayed everything he supposedly stood for in his futile pursuit of a lifelong dream. Despite thoroughly unconvincing lip service to the far right, the head of the conservative ticket has a record that is anything but. Therefore, this disenfranchised minority has irrationally latched itself on to a totem. No matter how undeserved the adulation maybe is immaterial, having something, anything that could potentially represents them and their beliefs in a world that they firmly believe is out to get them (watch out for that liberal media conspiracy) is all that matters. And that is how we arrive at this point. A golden calf by the name of Sarah Palin. In a world of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. But at some point doesn't common sense have to take over? Can't the lunacy of unquestioning Palin support finally be tempered in light of a wealth of evidence that she is not "The One"? I guess not.

One silver lining of the rise of Sarah Palin, is the truly classic comedy it has inspired, both intentional and not. Of course the most interesting and I guess depressing aspect of the now ubiquitous Tina Fey skits is that the funnest lines aren't scripted. They are words actually spoken by the real thing. What we find to be so hilarious is in fact the idiocy that we should be worried about having the keys to our kingdom. Now, I am not so narrow-minded as to confuse sounds bites for the true character of a person but what we have seen really doesn't support Palin's position as the great white hope. Even when she is participating in the fun, issues of concern are held to the light. Her comment to Lorne Micheals in one skit that she doesn't think her press conferences would go like that is just wrong. She is running for Vice President. We should know what her press conferences would be like. But we don't. Because her handlers don't allow her to have one. The person that is expected to be able to run a country can't be trusted to answer unscripted questions. Well, I guess I can understand that. Just look below to see how her one on one interviews went. Just imagine her in front of a crowd of reporters. Well, I am glad that the powers that be at least allowed her to do those limited questions and answer sessions. Otherwise, what else would we have to laugh at.

This post is sponsored by The Bluth Company.

A Real American Movie - GI Joe

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:20:00 +0000

My two favorite childhood cartoons/toy lines were the Transformers and GI Joe. So, I was suitably stoked when the Transformers live action movie was first announced. Thankfully, I was not disappointed when the final product arrived on the big screen (as long as I block out all of the scenes involving John Turturro). Now the men with the kung-fu grip are also heading to the silver screen (sometime in the summer of 2009). Hopefully they take the big budget approach and do this thing right (Lots of explosions, little talking, and maybe a weather control device that is broken into 3 pieces and scattered to the far corners of the world). With a live action He-Man movie also on the way, all we need now is a Thundercats extravaganza and my entire childhood will have been successfully mass marketed to a new generation.

Most of the casting for the primary roles has now been announced. For the most, the cast looks like a strong mix of notable character actors. People that should really provide some color to their cartoon-inspired roles. There are really only a couple disappointing or unusual choices though. I would have liked to have seen a more firmly established personality inhabit Duke, the alpha dog of the Joes. The selection of another bland, nameless, generic Hollywood boy toy to head up this effort seems to be a step in the wrong direction. Joseph Gordon-Levitt has done fantastic work in movies like Brick and the Lookout but doesn't seem to have the size or the age to pull off the Cobra Commander. I guess the choice of a prepubescent Duke required his nemesis to also be on the younger side. But again, a less than stellar casting choice. Overall, though, I would give a thumbs up to the cast. The international flavor is a nice touch. Marlon Wayans does seem like an odd choice but I imagine they wanted some comedy relief and he is just as good as anyone for that role. Although, I can think of some other G.I. Joe team members that would be better for him to portray for laughs than Ripcord. Shipwreck was always one of the cutups on the cartoon. Why not him? In choosing the Joes and the Cobra members to include in the movie, they did grab all the big ones. Flint and Lady Jaye must have just missed the cut on the Joe side and Serpentor and Dr. Mindbender would seem perfect for a sequel (Here is hoping this movie warrants one). I just hope the movie does not become the Ninja show. Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow kind of took over the G.I. Joe comic book series. As a final show of the level of geekiness I have for the G.I. Joe world, I have matched up the actors from the movie with there cartoon counterparts. Others have done this but those lists are already out of date.

The Joes

Channing Tatum as Duke

Rachel Nichols as Scarlett

Dennis Quaid as General Hawk

Ray Park as Snake Eyes

Saïd Taghmaoui as Breaker

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje as Heavy Duty

Marlon Wayans as Ripcord

Cobra

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the Cobra Commander

Christopher Eccleston as Destro

Sienna Miller as the Baroness

Byung-hun Lee as Storm Shadow

Arnold Vosloo as Zartan

Don't Let the Door Hit You on the.......

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 01:40:00 +0000

All I can say is it is about time. The town of Green Bay can finally celebrate their freedom from the tyranny of one Brett Favre. The man that single-handedly robbed the nation of the Superbowl matchup everyone wanted to witness has mercifully decided to hang it up. Sure, there is going to be a portion of the Cheeshead nation that will miss his errant lame duck bombs every Sunday but the Packer organization can finally have a game plan that doesn't involve the quarterback running around like a chicken with his head cut off before closing his eyes and throwing the ball up for grabs. Now, I recognize that the man was one of the best quarterbacks for a 3 to 5 year period but since then he has been little more than a juiced up Don "Magic Man" Majkowski riding on the good will of a single Super Bowl victory (same number as the immortal Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson). During that time he has built up numerous reasons to forget that period of above average-ness and come to see him as overrated and object of scorn. Here are my personal top 6 list of reasons I never want to see him mentioned as one of the game's best.

6. The last play of his career perfectly summarized his career.
5. John Madden's Man Crush
4. Making a mockery of Micheal Strahan's sack record by giving him a fake sack.
3. Addicted to drugs and an alcoholic but noone seems to care
2. His joke of a consecutive games streak record where he would sometimes play a single play and then come out (also hopped up on pain pills).
1. All-time leader in career interceptions just above luminaries like John Hadl and Vinny Testaverde

Update : The fine minds at ESPN see the truth about the overrated career of Brett Farve. At least those people at ESPN that weren't hosting a three hour retrospective/deification of the man.

The one good thing about Brett Favre...best wooden acting by an overrated Quarterback in a comedy classic. (The embedded video appears to be non-functional, so go here to view it)

Childrearing Techniques for the 21st Century

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 03:41:00 +0000

Exceptional steps must be taken to properly raise your child in an increasing violent modern world. To aid in your defense of your child's health and well being in the face of this ongoing offensive comes these new childcare products sure to be essential components of any caring parent's arsenal. Want to take your baby for a walk but a worried about stray bullets from drive-by shootings. Worry no more when the little tike is outfitted in his own Kevlar vest and bullet-proof stroller. Want to help your child stand-up to the playground bully. Outfit him in full riot gear and he will be able to quell any grade school uprising. Now, if we could just convince the government that our toddlers should be able to pack heat as well, then, we as parents, could rest easy knowing our children our properly equipped to face the world. Just ask these guys.

Because you care about your child's safety, you wouldn't trust he or she to any pimply-faced teenager or kindly hobo when you and your baby's momma need to go out on the town to celebrate your 50 cent an hour raise at the local KFC. Instead, hard-partying, meth-dealing parents should consider the use another revolutionary parenting device, the baby cage. Combine this with everyone's favorite babysitter, the television, and parents can enjoy a guild-free weekend bender secure in the knowledge that their little one will be properly sedated and free of the dangers of electrical outlets and your liquor cabinet. It sure beats the alternative of locking the kid in the car where busy bodies bar patrons can kill your buzz by calling the cops. As evidenced by the clip below, utilization of the baby cage in early childhood results in a healthy, happy adulthood.

Guns Don't Kill People, Free Access to Guns Kill People

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 14:17:00 +0000

Being that we are in the midst of an active political campaign that latches onto the latest headline in a desperate attempt to generate their own top of the fold notoriety, it is hard to believe there has been almost no conversation on gun control. Granted that the Democratic Party has become an impotent imitation of Republican opposition, but you would think the recent spate of mass shootings would be ceased upon for political capital. There is no defensible stance for the resistance to reasonable gun control. Sportsman can still have their guns but they don't need automatic weapons to kill Bambi's mom. Registering ballistics reports for every gun sold doesn't invade anyone's privacy, only makes catching criminals easier. Delaying the purchase of a gun months to do full background checks including declarations on mental history and use of psychoactive drugs doesn't negatively affect anyone other than looking to exact immediate vengeance on someone. If you want a gun, you need to prove you can handle it. I understand that the economy and Iraq should be center stage but how about some thought about getting our gun culture in check. Want to know how out of control it is, see the ad below.

RU-DY! RU-DY!

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:24:00 +0000

What can I say, I am a sentimental fool. I get misty eyed at the end of It's a Wonderful Life and don't even get me started on the end of Charlotte's Web (when all those horridly ungrateful baby spiders start leaving Wilber). Add a sports theme to the mix and you had me at hello. Come on, a boy and his dad connecting from beyond the grave over a game of catch. What stone visage could stand up to that? So, when Samwise Gamgee finally overcomes long odds and seemingly insurmountable obstacles to realize his lifelong dream of playing for Pope-worshiping Golden Domers to the chant of "RU-DY! RU-DY!", I became an instant fan of the movie. And believe it or not, this moment of lilliputian triumph actually happened. Below is the actual, real-life Daniel "Rudy" Ruettiger footage and the Hollywood dressing up of that same action.

An Apple a Day

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 13:15:00 +0000

If there is one company that knows how to produce a catchy advertisement, it is Apple Computers. I guess you have to be good at selling an image when your business model is predicated on convincing people to shell out hard earned for over-priced, under-powered, proprietary, closed system technology. Apple is especially good at IDing cool new musical ditties that stick in your head like a starving brain sucker (my sisters always seemed to have one of those on their heads as children). If radio stations were this good at putting enjoyable music on the air, people might still listen to them. But then again, that is the way it is with all technology advertising. Convincing people to pay way to much to buy something they can't possibly use to its full potential. I have an iPhone that can synthesize food from air, diagnose disease, and fight crime at nights as a masked vigilante but I use it mostly to call my mom. Hey, but at least the $600 price tag came with a felling of self importance and belonging. And now a few of my favorite tech commercial parodies.

Sold on Science

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 22:06:00 +0000

Despite being a multi-billion dollar industry, you will never see an ad for a biotechnology company run during the Super Bowl. Up til now biotech ads have be relegated to the science geek ghetto of hard core, full frontal, peer-reviewed science journals. This meant of course that they always took the form of an exceedingly dry, stationary, 2-D solicitation. But thanks to the wonders of the internet, biotech companies can now finally enter the 19th century realm of moving pictures. And based on the geeky humor of these ads by microarray producer Illumina and general biotech supply company BioRad, biotech is ready to go straight to the big leagues. Come on, there are more people doing PCR than will ever drink PepsiMax (now with extra carcinogens).

Terry Tate - Office Linebacker

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 02:22:00 +0000

The hype for Super Bowl commercials has come to equal Super Bowl itself. We have been led to believe that millions of people watch the game just for the commercials but then again TV talking heads tell us a lot of things that aren't true. But it really seems that the water cooler quality of the Super Bowl commercials has really decreased over the last couple of years. Of course, I do view the commercials of Super Bowls of yesteryear through those rose colored glasses of nostalgia. In my day..... In reviewing past commercials, I saw a number of ads that I have a fondness for (Monster.com, EDS, and Budweiser) but not many greats. My favorites from this year had to be the Night at the Roxbury referencing Pepsi Max commercial (never funny as an SNL sketch but always amuses me when it is performed out of context) and the Barkley-Wade T-mobile ad. Of course nothing in this year's disappointing crop can equal the Terry Tate sales pitches introduced during the 2003 big game. Now that is quality pseudo-entertainment.

The NFL Writers Ran out of Good Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Idleworship) — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 15:23:00 +0000

The NFL season started with so much promise. Unlike so many past parity-stricken years, there appeared to be at least four truly dominant teams, one of historic proportions. We were on a path to some epic football clashes to conclude the year. But like a TV series (X-Files and hopefully not Lost) or movie (Independence Day because aliens use Macs) that develops a killer hook but does not have the intellectual wherewithal to pull off a satisfying conclusion, the NFL season died a painfully slow death of dashed hopes and squandered potential. None of the great match-ups materialized. Not one. We did not get Packers v. Cowboys, Colts v. Patriots, Cowboys or Packer v. Patriots. Just a bunch of mediocrity mindlessly meandering through the playoffs. At least the Super Bowl provided the hope that we would be able to observe history, even if it required replaying a game from just five weeks prior with a team quarterbacked by a guy that looks like the least intimidating member of a high school marching band (probably plays the French horn). Of course, to be consistent with the rest of the playoffs, the game was an underwhelming snooze-fest involving a Patriots team that came ready for a coronation ceremony instead of a football game. The whole season quickly went from historic to forgettable in the span of 5 weeks. And we won't even get into the 4th down non-holding call that allowed a vastly inferior Jacksonville team to triumph over the mighty and deserving Steelers. The only good thing that came out of this year's playoffs was this YouTube clip. It makes perfect sense to me that Hitler would both be a Cowboys fan and own a T.O. jersey.