If I'm Not Fat, What Am I?

Training With A Goal

2012-02-23T06:47:00.000-08:00

When I started exercising and eating well, I had one goal - lose weight. This has been a good motivator for me for 3 years, but it's kind of a never-ending type of goal. I will eventually get to my goal weight, but even then there is maintenance. I've made healthy changes to my lifestyle that I know will last for the rest of my life, but some days the "lose weight" goal just isn't enough.

I always looked at exercise as something I had to do. Burn calories, work my muscles, get my endorphin fix - and I usually enjoy it. By now, I am a complete exercise junkie and can't imagine my life without it. But, when you have no specific physical goals, choosing an exercise is really open. What do I feel like doing? How long do I feel like doing it? It leaves room for slack days and lighter workouts, which is fine - in moderation.

Yesterday, I went for a short run (4 miles). It was a very pleasant day for February, but it was windy, I was tired, the route I chose started out with a mile long climb up a huge hill. There were a lot of reasons (excuses) for me to just stay home. I needed more time to study, it was my only time to myself pretty much al week, the house is a mess, etc.

I went for a run. Not because I really wanted to, but because I am training for a goal. When a marathon is looming in the not-so-distant future, every workout is planned in advance. Everything I do must serve some purpose in getting me prepared for this massive task. The food I eat becomes fuel for these workouts and nothing more. Losing weight right now would be nice - and make me slightly faster - but it's not the focus. Everything is about the marathon.

I struggled with that short run. I did not want to be out there, and it took a while for my mind to calm down and enjoy it. The first moment I really enjoyed was reaching the top of the huge hill at mile 1 and seeing the gorgeous view. You can see the whole town, including the river and a large farm with the mountains in the background, and it was beautiful.

Even after that I struggled. After building a little distance, I have found that it takes me longer to warm up and get into that "I could go forever" place. It takes about 3 miles, so until then every step was a question.

"Why am I doing this?"

The answer - to run a marathon.

Anyone who runs knows you have good days and bad days, and the distance isn't the only factor. I ran 10 miles on Saturday, pushed my speed on the hills, and got back 5 minutes before my goal. And, I felt great the whole time. I was focused. I kept pushing, and I enjoyed it.

Yesterday's run should have been easy. A quick, little jaunt out in the sunshine. But, it was one of the worst I've had in awhile. Maybe it was stress, not enough sleep, water, food - who knows? The point is that I'll do it even when it's not ideal because I have a goal.

And, when I finish that marathon, it will have been totally worth it.

Motivational Quote Time!!!!!!!

I've Stopped Caring

2012-02-16T03:29:00.000-08:00

Losing weight and getting healthy and fit has made me care more about a lot of things - myself, other people, my job, etc. My heart is so full now that some days I feel like it might just burst. I try to focus on these things daily because it makes me appreciate my life and realize how lucky I am.

Yesterday, I realized I had stopped caring about a couple things. Really stopped caring. Not the "I don't care..." when in the back of my mind I really still do.

I don't care about the number on the scale.

I've said this before, but I always used to have this nagging need to know how much I weighed. Not anymore. Lately, I have been so busy that I forget to weigh myself. After a week of forgetting I weighed myself and found that I am back down to where I've been for a year. Not my ideal weight, but the holidays are officially gone. I realized that I just don't care. Sure, I have a goal weight, and I will probably weigh myself again at some point. My journey is not over (but honestly it never will be). I am comfortable where I am right now, and I have more important things to worry about.

Like my first marathon and getting certified as a trainer.

So, until I am done with those goals I'm not thinking about anything else. I'm not "falling off the wagon". The only time I've been on a wagon is at the hay rides at a local fair. I'm still eating clean and exercising. I'm doing what makes my body feel strong and healthy. I am fueling my workouts and training. I don't need a number to tell me that I am doing well. My body will do that for me.

I've also stopped caring about what others think of me. Really, actually stopped. When I was heavy I said I didn't care but obsessed about it constantly and probably made up things far worse than what anyone else was thinking. As I shed the weight, it was still hard to ignore the voice in my head saying that I was being judged, what will they think, you don't look like her, etc.

Everyone has struggles. Everyone. We're all so wrapped up in ourselves that we don't have time to pass judgement. If someone does, they're probably insecure and scared, and they should be pitied.

When you love yourself it doesn't matter what others think. When you are challenged and working hard to achieve a goal, it doesn't matter if someone thinks your goal is stupid. Two things recently helped push me to this point of not caring. They seem really small and insignificant, but when I internalized them I was freed from being judged because now I won't let anyone judge me.

The first was a line in a book about smart marathon training. The author was talking about people who run marathons and how they seem to take pride in being the weird outsider - because honestly everyone else thinks we're crazy. I know I've been called crazy a lot since committing to this, and I take it as a compliment. It made me feel good to read this. Like I had finally found something that fit me. I've always been a little different from everyone and often felt like an outsider, but it was never a good thing. Now it is. I'm doing something that a lot of people would never, ever consider doing. And, I like being different.

The second thing that really helped me is the quote "If you still look pretty when you're done, you're doing it wrong" - usually accompanied by a picture of a woman drenched in sweat and absolutely spent from a grueling workout. I love it. I do a lot of my workouts at the local high school and one thing I used to struggle with was staring teenagers. They can be incredibly rude, and it would immediately send me back to my high school days - which were not fun at all.

Lately, though, I just don't care. Fine. Stare if you want. Think what you want. I just destroyed my lifting session with some weights that I couldn't lift a month ago. I just ran some crazy hills on a 7 mile run, and that was my short run.

I just love who I am now. I love my body and its strength. I don't care that I have 20+ pounds left to lose. I don't care how I look when I'm walking around town soaked in sweat. I feel amazing. I am amazing.

I wish I could just give this feeling to everyone. It is so freeing. I know how hard it is to not love yourself and feel like the world is judging you. I wish self-acceptance was easy. All I can say is that you don't have to care about certain things. People only have the power to judge you if you let them. The scale can only ruin your day if you let it. You are so much more and worth every bit of love you give yourself. And the more love you have for yourself, the more others will love you.

I think you're awesome.

Rewards For The Soul

2012-02-11T19:40:00.000-08:00

I admit, I am pretty obsessed with my health, with exercise, and of course with food. Lately it seems like I have been focused solely on my new goals, eating clean, and exercise.

And, that's a good thing.

But, that's not all there is to life, and sometimes I have a hard time seeing past it all. Losing weight, getting healthy, training for a marathon - these are all huge, life-consuming things, but sometimes stepping back, relaxing a little, and enjoying something else can be just what is needed.

Tonight was absolutely amazing.

A little background info: I work for an after school program. I direct plays for middle school students in a small, rural town where there is no theatre program for that age group and not much for high school either. I created my part of the program about 7 years ago from nothing, and I work with basically no budget. It's not easy to create something out of nothing, but we manage to do it. This year I increased our shows to 3 because I had such an amazing group of kids.

Tonight was the last night of our 3rd show. I save money by writing my own scripts for the kids. Being a writer comes in handy when you can only afford performance rights for one show per year. I was really excited about this script as soon as it was finished. I shared it with a couple of my students last spring, and they got excited, too. By the time we had auditions in December my entire theatre group was excited.

This show has had so many problems it is mind-blowing. I won't list them all here, but for starters we had 5 weeks to rehearse (we meet twice a week for 2 hours at a time) and during our 5 weeks we had 2 vacations. Immediately after casting the show we had Christmas break. I asked the kids to learn their lines without really expecting them to do it.

They came back 70% off book.

The program closed for a week at the change of the quarter and then remained closed for a week after because a water pipe burst and destroyed the program's main office.

I got every single kid to come in during that week for rehearsals.

The week of the show, the state big wigs for the program came in, and we had to add a performance a day early.

The kids pulled it off amazingly.

Then came the shows. During our second performance (one we do during the school day for the entire middle school) a student threw up after doing her scenes. There is a nasty sickness going around the school. She pulled it together and made it back on stage for her last scene and the final bow. That night she was too sick to do the performance, so another student stepped in after learning the lines in an hour.

They're both in 5th grade.

Today, one of my leads was sick, but she rested all day, came in, and did an amazing job.

There is nothing like a play to bond a seemingly disjointed group of kids. They're not all friends outside of theatre, but when they are there they work together and support each other. Age, grade, sports, popularity - none of that matters. It is amazing to see.

My favorite thing is watching them succeed. They know when they're doing well, they respond to laughter from the audience, and it gives them even more energy. Their faces when they take their bows and afterward greet the audience are priceless. I feel so much pride in those kids, and tonight I was overwhelmed by their generosity when they gave me a personal gift instead of the standard flowers.

Providing this experience for them is the greatest reward. Watching them grow in confidence makes me happy because I remember how difficult middle school can be. Giving the "weird" students a place to be accepted and be part of a group warms my heart.

Watching a middle school play and forgetting that they're kids because they are so completely their characters = amazing.

This week has been rough on my eating/exercising goals. Show weeks always are. I didn't have a lot of time to exercise, I had to miss some classes, I got stressed, and I didn't always make the best food choices.

But, this week has been extremely good for my soul.

Jumping In

2012-02-08T03:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a big day for me. Nothing overly exciting happened, and it wasn't anything that anyone else would have noticed. But, for me it was huge because I just put myself so far out of my comfort zone that I am still filled with butterflies this morning.

Thanks to our tax return, I was able to do 2 things that I have been wanting to do for quite some time.

1. I signed up for the marathon!!!!!!! And, I am a complete bundle of nerves and excitement. It's one thing to think about doing a marathon or even to tell people that you're going to do it. It's another to plunk down $100 (nonrefundable) and commit. My trainer is beyond excited and was rattling off everything I need to do to train properly (which immediately made wonder what I was thinking). My husband, who is always supportive, though not always vocal about it, has been very, very vocal and supportive. He's switched completely from "you're crazy" to "you can totally do this". I definitely appreciate it, since I am really feeling crazy and need to hear that I can do this. It's a huge commitment, but I also know that nothing will compare to the feeling of completing it (aside from having my kiddos - nothing will ever outrank that). I'm also pretty confident that I can do it (under all the nerves). I've got 3 months of complete focus, and then I can say I completed a marathon - how cool is that?

2. I also finally ordered the study materials for my ACE personal trainer certification, and I am so excited to get started. I'm so ready to learn more about it and to be able to train people for a living. I normally love the job I have now, but I am burned out right now. The idea of a job I love and can fit around my life sounds amazing. I get a week off next week, so I'm sure my love for my current job will return, but right now - change is looking pretty good. I got an email from ACE and it looks like I can complete the program in 3 months (it's going to be an interesting 3 months).

So, the next 3 months are going to be pretty intense, but I am excited. It's all new and interesting pursuits, and while it is scary to jump into something you only kind of understand, change is good. I'm ready for change.

Meditation In A Snow Globe

2012-02-05T06:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went for my first solo long run, and it was amazing! As I started out, the snow was falling and our road hadn't been plowed, yet. The snow was ankle deep, and I was questioning whether or not this was a good idea. Luckily, the next road I came to had been plowed, and running got a lot easier.

My first challenge came at mile 1 in the form of a huge hill that rose steeply for about a mile and a half. I knew it was going to be tough, but I hadn't planned on the snow. My feet were slipping, and the snow was blowing in my face. I started to get frustrated, but I remember the first time I ran in snow and that my trainer had said that you couldn't focus on speed when running in snow. It was just about doing it. So, I stopped being frustrated and just went. I got to the top and felt great. One major challenge was past, and I was feeling strong and ready for more.

After another short, flat stretch I started up the second hill. It was steeper than the first one and comprised of several steep, short rises in a row. These made me nervous because oncoming cars couldn't see me, and I had already encountered a couple drivers going way too fast on the slick road. So, I ran faster up the hills. It was hard, but I felt better when I reached a place where I could see what was coming.

This whole time the snow was falling, and it was gorgeous. I've always loved watching fat, fluffy flakes falling first thing in the morning, and being a part of it, instead of watching through a window was amazing. I felt like I was in a snow globe. I felt peaceful and happy as I ran. I was so glad I had decided to run that morning.

Around mile 4, I reached the top of the gigantic hill and also crossed the line of snow. The snow was not falling up there, and the sun was shining on the snow-covered trees. It was a beautiful sight and added more spring to my step. It's a sight that is beyond description. The sun was golden, and tree branched covered with a fresh dusting of snow is one of my favorite parts of winter. I was still feeling great and amazed at the beauty around me.

I reached mile 5, which was the place I had decided I could turn around if I felt I needed to. It was colder at the top, but I still felt pretty strong. I didn't want to turn around, yet. I wanted to do my 12 miles. I climbed another short hill and started back down. The 6 mile mark was halfway down the hill, so I had to turn around and start going back up mid-hill. It was tough, but I felt re-energized when I got to the top. As I started back, I was excited to be on the second half of my run, but I was beginning to feel the familiar ache in my back and I was worried I would have to walk soon.

Miles 7 & 8 were tough, but I kept going. I didn't really think. I just put one foot in front of the other. Just after mile 8, I crossed back down into the snow. It was gorgeous and no longer blowing in my face. I was feeling better. My aches had disappeared, and I felt strong. I was surprised by my thoughts at this point. Normally, I would be thinking about the aches and pains, my slipping feet, and food and a hot shower. This time was different. I was thinking about how lucky I am. I'm lucky to live in such a beautiful place. I'm lucky to have a healthy, strong body that is capable of running so far. I am incredibly lucky to have a husband who supports my goals and children who gave me kisses when I left and would run to embrace me when I got home. I kept thinking of all the wonderful things in my life. It was meditation in a snow globe.

The next 3 miles passed quickly. It was almost all downhill, and I was really enjoying every minute. There was a small hill at mile 11, but I did it with no problem. I started back toward my house feeling slightly achy and excited to be home soon. This was my only struggle. I started thinking about being done and tried to run faster. It worked fine when I could run on the road, but every time a car passed I had to move into the deeper snow at the edge. It slowed me down, and I slipped a lot. I was beginning to get frustrated, though I tried not to.

My final challenge was a small, steep hill about half a mile from my house. I had told myself that I could walk it if I wanted to. I was pretty amazed that I had run the whole distance without stopping to walk, but I was getting really sore. Every time I had to run in the snow, my feet slipped and pulled on my aching hip flexors. Walking sounded great.

But, then I thought about how good it would feel to run the whole thing without stopping. There was hardly any distance left, and I knew I could do it. So, I did. I powered up that hill, slipped my way along the road, and was thrilled to find that our road had been plowed. I ran home, waved to my neighbor, and stumbled inside, where I was immediately greeted with hugs and kisses. I felt amazing and accomplished. I had survived my first solo run, and I had pushed myself and run the whole distance. I felt a lot better than I had before, and I was confident that with consistent training I would be able to do a marathon. It no longer seems as frightening or impossible.

And, I enjoyed every bite of my guilt-free sushi afterward :)

Going Solo

2012-02-03T03:40:00.001-08:00

I have a plan for Saturday that I am so excited about, yet I am also a little nervous and apprehensive, too. This week I have really started focusing on my goal of completing a marathon at the end of May, and I decided to do my long runs on Saturdays when I have time and my husband can watch the kids.

The thing that is exciting and scary about this, is that it will be my first solo long run. My trainer has been guiding me and pushing me when I needed it. She's waited for me and encouraged me, and I appreciate her so much. But, she's not training for a marathon. She's done several already and has no interest in doing another, and I wouldn't expect her to.

And, honestly, I wouldn't want her to.

This is something I am doing for me. I want to test my limits, exceed them, and have that moment of pure satisfaction and pride. I want (and need) to do this on my own. I definitely needed the push and the support. I needed someone to plant the seed that a marathon was even possible and that I might be capable. But, now I need to let go.

I realized this week that I have been relying on her to go running. I was only running once a week when we scheduled a run together. If I am going to do this, and do it right, I need to run more often, and I need to run alone.

I'm excited. I picked a route and tracked the miles. There are a couple killer hills, but I'm kind of excited about tackling them. There are a couple huge hills in the marathon, too, so good training. Plus, the hills are in the beginning, so I get to look forward to almost all downhill running for the last 2 miles. I'm excited to go alone, go at my own pace, and push myself. I haven't really done that, and it sounds great. I'm looking forward to a little time alone.

I'm shooting for 12 miles this weekend. I know I can do it, and I don't want to push too hard too soon, especially not on my first solo long run. I've learned a lot about fueling and eating for recovery since the last 12.5 mile run, and I think I have a good plan for that, too. I'm bringing something small and high GI for the run. I have a drink and a shake that my trainer recommended for immediately after, and we're going out for sushi for lunch. I was discussing post-run meals with my trainer, and she said high GI and protein and that sushi is a good option. (She knows I love it.) We were planning to go out anyway, so this seems like it will work out well. I'll let you know how it goes.

I am already learning so much about myself and my body, and I find it all fascinating. The human body is such an amazing thing, and so is the mind. I can't wait to see how far I can go and what else I will learn during this process.

Marathon Training - Only 8

2012-01-31T03:53:00.000-08:00

After running my first 12-mile run last Monday, my trainer wanted me to taper back down to 8 and run it at a much faster pace. I was totally fine with this. I actually ran about 12.5 miles, though I didn’t know it at the time, and it kind of wrecked me for a few days. It taught me how very important it is to properly eat for recovery and that I still have a lot to learn before I am ready for this marathon.

So, after a week of recovery I was ready to run again but happy that I only had to run 8. I found that incredibly funny the first time I said it – “Only 8”. The first time I ran 8 miles it felt like a huge achievement, and now it is a nice, easy run.

Well, usually it is. The challenge yesterday was to run it at a much faster pace than usual. I am a slow runner, and my trainer wanted me to keep up with her and another running buddy for the whole 8 miles. I have to admit that this worried me a little, but as always I gave it my best shot.

It went better than I expected. I had chosen my playlist carefully and only chose songs that were fast, made me want to run, and made me feel strong. I know that most people say not to train for a marathon with headphones, but I’m not looking to set any new records. I want to finish, and music pushes me and makes it a lot more fun.

For the first couple miles I kept up with them easily. In fact, I was kind of wondering if they were purposefully going slower to make me feel better, but I know that’s not my trainer’s style. I just had to accept that I am making gains and getting stronger. Yay!

Our running buddy had to walk for a bit because her shoes were bothering her, and it felt strange to not be at the back of the group. I kept feeling the need to slow down, but every time I forced myself to pick up the pace. It was tough. Every step made me wonder how long I could keep it up. The nice thing, though, is that it wasn’t all a struggle. I actually had moments of feeling like I could keep that pace for the whole distance, and that helped keep me going.

I kept up with my trainer for the first 4.5 miles before the aches began to set in. I felt great about this. It’s the longest I’ve been able to go at that pace, and each run seems to be adding to it. It gave me hope that a marathon will be possible with proper training and eating. I was already thinking about my next longer run, and I wasn’t even done running.

I did slow down a bit for the last 3 miles, but I was never as far behind my trainer as I usually am. It felt great to run in the cold air, and my feet stayed reasonable dry. When I finished the run feeling good and without stopping to walk AT ALL, I wanted to do a little victory dance. I felt amazing.

I definitely see how runners build up their miles and how it becomes easier the more you run. I’m feeling really strong and determined right now, and though I know I won’t always have a great run, I feel confident that I can do this. I don’t mind admitting that I find the marathon terrifying and daunting, but I also think I’m going to learn a lot about myself during the process. I’m excited to do something that is completely for me, and when I finish I will have achieved something that I can be incredibly proud of.

So, there’s my recap of my “Only 8” run. This week I am adding more days of running because you can’t really train for a marathon only running once a week. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes. :)

Don't Let Fear Stop You

2012-01-18T07:57:00.000-08:00

I’ve decided to run a marathon.

That may be the most terrifying sentence I have ever written because by putting it out there, I am committing myself to the biggest challenge of my life. I am committing to grueling long runs and learning through trial and error the best way to fuel my body for such a feat. I’m committing to running with a very large group of people when I am normally a small race kind of gal.

There are a lot of things about running a marathon that scare me, but I’m not going to think about them too much. You know why? Because fear is what holds you back from greatness. From amazing accomplishments and lasting change.

I’ve said it before, but I think it deserves repeating, especially at this time of year when so many resolutions to get fit and healthy are beginning to fizzle out. You cannot let fear stop you from achieving your goals.

There are a lot of reasons to be scared.

Changing your eating habits is scary. What if you can’t always go out with friends for pizza? How do you face the many temptations of holidays or family functions? What if you don’t eat perfectly 100% of the time?

Losing weight is scary. What if your spouse, partner, family, or friends don’t like the new you? What if you start getting more attention from strangers? What if there is no fat to hide behind?

Exercise is scary. What if you don’t do enough? What if you get hurt? What if you can’t take the pain? What if you’re not doing it right?

Having goals is scary. What if it takes too long to achieve them? What if you realize you don’t want it enough to work for it? What if you fail?

Notice that all of these fears start with “What if?”.

Stop wasting your life wondering what if and just go for it. Fear is the thing that keeps you on the couch. Worry is what makes you quit two weeks into January. So stop thinking about it and just act. I know this isn’t an easy thing to do. I am a natural thinker/worrier, but there is a difference between addressing real concerns and creating obstacles that have never actually existed. Most of what you’re worrying about won’t even happen, and if it does, you deal with it, learn from it, and grow.

Changing your eating habits doesn’t mean that you’ll lose friends, or if you do, they probably were not the kind of friends you needed anyway. Some friends might be willing to support you and go to a healthier restaurant or plan an outing that isn’t centered around eating. Taking care of your body is not something to be ashamed of, and if anyone likes you less for it, you should closely examine their reasons and whether they are worth keeping around. As far as handling family functions and eating perfect 100% of the time – stop stressing about it! Remember that anything is acceptable in moderation. No one is going to eat perfectly 100% of the time. That is just setting yourself up to fail. Select one favorite indulgence, have a serving, and leave it alone. We stop tasting most food after the third bite anyway, so you’ll get the satisfaction without all of the extra calories.

If you are overweight, the best thing you can do for your health is lose weight. Usually friends and family will see this and support your efforts. It may take a little time for them to adjust to the new, active you, but give them time. Their support is there, and they will still love you when you’re healthy. The scariest thing about losing weight is the loss of invisibility. Overweight people tend to use fat as a shield. The larger they become the more invisible they feel. Trust me, I’ve been there. I used to feel like I was the only one who felt this way, but many people suffer this feeling of invisibility. When the fat begins to disappear, many struggle with feeling exposed. It can be hard to suddenly always be seen. The thing is, once you start taking care of your body, you feel better. Being noticed, while scary at first, is a nice change. Having confidence is an amazing feeling, and the better you feel inside, the more you’ll have to share with the world.

Jumping into exercise, like many of us do once January 1^st comes around, can be an intimidating experience. Don’t go hard and burn yourself out in the first few weeks. Slow, sustained progress is lasting progress. Start with what you can handle. You don’t have to do it all at once. I certainly didn’t jump out of bed one morning and decide to run a marathon. I started with walking (at home in front of my TV) for 10-20 minutes three times a week. When you’ve been sedentary for years, any movement is going to make a huge impact. Starting simple also limits your chances of injury. Just remember, if it is actually painful stop doing it – if it burns, keep going! If you ever wonder if you’re doing something the correct way, ask a trainer or find a video. The Internet is filled with great videos on the proper form for any kind of exercise.

Having goals isn’t that scary. Knowing what you have to do to achieve them can be. Before I started to lose weight, I had vague goals. I wanted to “lose weight” but had no plan for how to do it or how much I needed to lose. I had a lot of dreams about my future career, but no plans for making it happen or inclination to step beyond the dreaming phase. Once you begin making specific plans and mapping out the steps you need to take to achieve them, you have a responsibility to complete those steps and achieve your goals. It’s a great feeling. Taking smaller steps makes your goals seem a lot more manageable, and it is a much more realistic approach. Small steps aren’t failure. Failing is letting the enormity of what you want to do keep you from even starting.

Sometimes along the way you may find that you no longer want to strive for a certain goal. Examine your feelings and your reasons. Are they just excuses because you are afraid? Or, are you moving in a new direction with your new found self-confidence and no longer have interest in your old goals? It’s okay to re-evaluate your dreams as long as you are not just too afraid to try. My plans for the future have definitely changed since I started this journey, but it is not because I am afraid. In fact, my new goals are much more terrifying because they are more challenging, and I’m going to have to learn something new.

Whatever your fears may be, face them. Do not let them control you or define your success. Anything is possible if you want it bad enough.

Never Give Up

2012-01-08T10:11:00.000-08:00

Anyone who reads my blogs will know that my first 10-mile run was not the best experience. Nor was my first run in snow/ice/wind. Both runs had my rethinking my plan to run a half marathon in the spring, and I was even questioning whether I liked running at all.

Luckily, I’m extremely stubborn. I hate failure, and I will stick with something until I get it “right”. I also know that bad runs happen, and they make the good ones that much better. So, I knew I would run again. Still, I struggled with the motivation to get back outside in the frigid VT weather.

My trainer and good friend called me up yesterday and wanted to go for a run. She gave me a couple options, and I decided to go for the toughest one – a 10-mile loop that involved a huge hill that went for about a 1.5 miles in the middle of the course. I knew it would be tough, but I wanted a challenge.

I was feeling pretty good about running. I’ve noticed that the outcomes of my runs have a lot to do with my state of mind going into the run. If I am prepared mentally, they go a lot smoother.

I envisioned the run, though I wasn’t sure about the end of the route because I had never been on that road before. I told myself I could do it. I told myself that if things got too tough, I could walk, and I would not beat myself up over it. I also hopped on the computer and read motivational quotes, which I usually repeat to myself as I’m running. I was ready.

It was perfect weather for running. 39 degrees, light rain – which may seem kind of nuts, but I get extremely hot when I run, so cooler temps work for me. We started out well. I remembered my iPod this time, so I had a nice steady beat to run to. I felt like I was running faster than usual, but it felt comfortable. I kept up with my trainer for a lot longer than usual. She’s been running forever and could probably walk at my normal running pace, so I was pretty happy to keep up with her for the first three miles.

Around mile four we encountered “the hill”. I had been focused entirely on this hill the whole time we were running. It is massive. It rises steeply for about a mile, tapers off a little for a small stretch, and then climbs steeply for the last half mile. And, it looks even more daunting standing at the bottom. Still, I was determined to run most of it.

And, I did. I had to walk a little on the last steep stretch but not very much of it. I felt amazing when I reached the top. Not only had I done it and still felt pretty good, but I also realized as I was running the hill that I was keeping a much faster pace than usual. I am a slow runner, and I was amazed to realize that I was keeping a pace I had only been able to hold for two miles before. This time I’d held it for 5.5 miles! I was ecstatic.

The second half of the run was a true adventure. The road leveled off for a bit before we turned onto a dirt road. My trainer had not done this loop in four years, and her memory of the hills was not very accurate. We climbed another fairly steep hill, and she told me that soon we would get to a farm and the road would be almost entirely downhill back to her house.

Not true!

We climbed an extremely long hill and passed the farm. It was starting to get dark, and the road was slick with the rain that was now beginning to freeze. I have never run in the dark before, and a dirt road in the middle of nowhere Vermont is a very dark place. We barely have streetlights in town. The only lights out there were the lights of the houses and the occasional passing car. I was extremely glad to have my reflective vest on.

At the top of the hill it leveled off again before beginning another long, twisting climb, and I kept wondering where this glorious all downhill part of the run was. It was dark now. I couldn’t see my trainer, who was about a quarter of a mile in front of me, unless a car passed us. The rain had turned into big, fluffy snowflakes, and I ran with my mouth open, trying to catch them on my tongue.

It was at this point that I thought, “This is absolutely insane”. The nice thing about running is that once you’re out there, you have to keep going. There is no choice. The snow that had been my nemesis during the previous run was now my motivation to keep running. I knew I had several miles left, and running would get me there faster.

I had to walk in places because the hills seemed never-ending, but I ran a lot more than I would have if it had been sunny and warm outside.

Finally, we reached the top of another hill and could see the glow of streetlamps on the road below. We had finally reached the downhill part of the run, the last 1.5 miles. Going downhill was tough as well. It was slippery, and we had to go slower than we wanted to. My hips were beginning to ache through the numbing cold, and my mantras had dissolved into thoughts of a hot shower, dry clothes, and cheese pizza. All I had to do was keep running.

Of course there was another small hill before we descended back into town, which seemed like a cruel joke, but I didn’t stop. I kept running, and even though I was aching and exhausted, I felt better than when we did the flat 10-mile run before. I felt strong and capable, and I was proud of myself.

After a brief and slightly scary encounter with a plow truck, we made it back to her house. The snow was thick, and my clothes were soaked. Still, I felt amazing. I had faced something that almost destroyed me before. I tried a much, much harder run, and I accomplished it with far more ease. Most importantly, I did not give up.

More and more I find that running is teaching me lessons that pertain to every aspect of my life. No matter how difficult the challenge, giving up is not an option. It’s only through struggle that we make gains and grow. It’s okay to fail as long as you learn from it and try, try again. You can fall, cry, and vow to never do it again, as long as when faced with the challenge again, you go for it and never give up.

Running On Ice

2011-12-30T14:06:00.000-08:00

My first winter running outside has been a mild one so far. For a state that usually has snow by Halloween, we’ve been having some strange weather this year. Mild, rainy November led to a mild, almost warm December and the concern of not having a white Christmas (unacceptable in VT).

Two days before Christmas, Mother Nature delivered just enough snow to make the holiday beautiful and perfect. A few days later, I woke up to rain, which melted most of the snow and then turned into a sheet of ice as the day grew colder.

That afternoon, I met with my trainer to lift and run a nice, though hilly, 3-mile loop. It was snowing at this point. Icy crystals that burned my skin as the wind blew incessantly against my face. I secretly hoped to postpone my first snow/ice/wind run, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. My trainer thrives on extremes and challenges, and she was pumped to get out into the blinding white world.

Every step was a challenge. The ice under the snow made traction impossible, and every time a car passed, I had to jump off to the side into ankle-deep snow.

I could say that I loved it. When it was over, I did love it. I always love the feeling of accomplishing something so out of my comfort zone. But, that’s the thing about leaving your comfort zone – it’s uncomfortable. It’s not fun. It doesn’t feel enjoyable while you’re in the middle of it.

My legs burned in places that normally didn’t hurt. I was acutely aware of the pressure on my ankles and the burning in my shins and calves. My legs were already worn out from lifting heavy, and I struggled with every step.

I tried to stay focused and repeat positive mantras to myself, but my frustration got the better of me. I complained and whined and briefly became the kind of person that usually drives me crazy. I managed to pull it together and finished the run. Once I was done, I could appreciate what I had accomplished. I did something new and difficult, and I finished what I started. And, more and more, I find that’s what I must learn to accept.

I hate to fail. I hate not living up to my own expectations, and it makes me angry to struggle. Slowly, I’m learning to let go of my ego. I’m learning to see the progress in the struggle and even in the failing. It’s a great way to approach anything in life.

It’s not always about being fast or having the perfect run. Sometimes, it’s just about putting one foot in front of the other – and trying not to slip.

Acceptance and Paying It Forward in 2012

2011-12-20T07:20:00.000-08:00

Losing weight is hard. This is definitely not new information for anyone who has ever tried it. Fighting cravings and temptations covered in chocolate is hard. Forcing ourselves to exercise consistently is hard. Making the right choices is a daily struggle, and you sometimes find yourself completely consumed with calorie counting. But, we do it because we know it’s what we should do. We battle with our insecurities and habits, and we lose weight.

It’s extremely difficult in the beginning, but with consistency and conscious effort, it does get easier. The healthy choices become routine. It takes less effort and thought. You make the switch from an unhealthy person to a healthy one. Here is where you encounter another difficult part of weight loss – accepting the new you.

When most people think about weight loss, they envision the end result, a slim, happy new person. They don’t consider the emotional turmoil weight loss can cause. They don’t really see that person as being the same they are. I know I didn’t.

After losing 70 pounds, I was much smaller and healthier than I had been in years. Physically, I felt wonderful, but there was still a constant state of negativity around me. I couldn’t see my progress. I couldn’t accept and believe compliments, though I was getting quite a few. I didn’t see my new abilities as anything remarkable. I was told over and over that I was inspirational, but I felt the exact opposite. I looked only at the struggles and the mistakes.

It took me a long time to address my negativity issues. I always pretended to be happy in public, but I rarely felt that way. I was ashamed of not knowing how to be truly happy. It took listening to a long rant from a pessimistic relative to make me realize that I needed to change. I didn’t want to be like that for my entire life. I wanted to be happy.

I started consciously countering every negative thought with questions and really trying to find the root of my unhappiness. I started questioning why I couldn’t accept my triumphs as much as my failures, and quickly realized it was a fear of pride.

I never wanted attention when I was overweight. I wanted to be invisible. I was afraid to call attention to my achievements because I didn’t want to seem conceited. This wasn’t a completely irrational fear. In fact, when I first started openly showing pride in my accomplishments, I was met with a lot of negativity and condescending remarks from a person I valued as a friend. It set my efforts back a bit, but eventually I tried again.

The thing I finally realized is that it’s not conceited to believe in yourself. If you don’t think you’re inspirational, who will? It’s okay to inspire people, and you shouldn’t blow off the compliment if it’s given to you. Inspiration comes from all kinds of people and all types of achievements. Celebrate your successes and let others draw from your example. It’s okay to be noticed.

As you become an inspiration to those around you, you need to make one final change. You have to accept the new person you have become and your new role in life. There is no more hiding. You are out there, and people are going to notice. So, embrace it. Love the new you and try to help others find the same success. Once you’ve gotten healthy and confident, it feels too good to keep to yourself.

On The Biggest Loser the trainers and past contestants always talk about paying it forward. The choice to embrace the new you and help others with their journeys is a great way to ensure that others benefit from your new healthy lifestyle. You’ll influence more people than you know.

Love the new you. Be confident. Pay it forward.

Wishing you happiness in 2012!

Not Quite Broken

2011-12-10T13:37:00.001-08:00

I’ve been running for just over two years, and I am just now beginning to really get into it. I started out training for a 10k because a friend asked me to and because I was still trying to drop pounds. I knew running was serious calorie burning, and I ended up really enjoying it.

Since then, it has become one of my favorite exercises as well as a great way to keep track of my progress. I do speed work mostly and measure my progress in the number of sprints and the time it takes me to recover. Lately, I’ve started working on distance. I’ve decided to run a half marathon in May of 2012, and my trainer is working with me to increase my miles. So far, I’ve done 5 miles, 8 miles (twice), and last week I achieved a major milestone – 10 miles.

I wrote a blog about my first 8-mile experience immediately. It was one of the best runs of my short running career. I was beyond proud of myself, and that pride carried me for a couple weeks. I felt amazing, unstoppable, and fit. It was a life changing moment for me, and I finally felt like a runner.

The 10-mile run was a big one and affected me even more than the 8. Still, it took me almost a week to process it enough to blog about it. I thought I was prepared. I’d run 8 miles twice, and the second was almost as good as the first except for a nagging pain in my shins for the first 3 miles. I rested all weekend before attempting the 10. I ate well and kept trying to visualize myself running it. I was focused and ready to go by Monday morning, and even a steady drizzle couldn’t dampen my enthusiasm.

What I was not prepared for was the mental and emotional strain. Running 10 miles with nothing but your own thoughts can be pretty intense. Still, I did pretty well until around mile 7. It seemed like all the pain set in at once, and suddenly I was struggling to lift my feet and keep moving forward. I was discouraged and disappointed in myself, but I kept trying to stay positive and just keep running.

I’ve been working a lot on being positive lately, but the emotions that came up during that run were intense. I could not completely push them away, and with nothing else to focus on, they soon forced their way to the forefront of my thoughts. I haven’t been that negative in a long, long time. Not since I was still well over 200 pounds. I got really down on myself. I cried. I got angry with myself for crying, and then I cried some more.

By the time I reached the last hill, I was beyond thoughts. I was pure emotion and pain and more exposed than I have ever wanted to be. I had less than a mile to go, and that one steep, little hill was all that stood between me and the end of the torture. I was convinced that the run had destroyed me. I hated everything and never wanted to run again. The hill was a welcome sight because back around mile 8 or 9 I had decided that I would walk the hill.

Normally, I hate walking when I am doing a run, but I was beyond that point this time. I just wanted to stop running. NOW. Of course as soon as I reached the top of the hill, I saw my trainer and was filled with anger and disgust with myself and also dread because I knew I had to run again.

We started running, but I couldn’t breathe. She kept trying to talk to me, but I couldn’t respond. I was fighting with every ounce of my being to not cry, to pull it together, and not break down completely. I wanted to finish.

She saw it immediately and asked me if I was okay. I nodded. I couldn’t talk. I kept making these weird noises as I tried to gasp for air and fight back tears. I was so unprepared for that and so scared to be that vulnerable.

I did finish the run. I was drained physically and emotionally. I could barely move enough to change into warm, dry clothes and get a snack. I saw a lot of people, and they all kept congratulating me and saying how proud I should be. I felt like I was doing something wrong because while I knew I should be proud of myself I didn’t feel that way. I felt awful. I felt like hiding, and I was embarrassed to be around my trainer.

It took a few days for that to pass, and I am still struggling with disappointment that I know, intellectually, is stupid and wrong. I think I’ll get to the point where I am proud of myself. I’ve already made plans to try again in a couple weeks. It’s going to be better next time because I know what it will take.

The thing I took from this experience is something my trainer has been telling me forever – when your mind has given up, your body will keep going. I thought I knew my limits, but I never challenged them until that day. Now that I have, I feel like are changing. I broke through a wall and now have a bunch of new challenges to face. But, strangely, I’m glad about this. I hope I always challenge myself and learn new things about myself because I improve every time. I know I can do this run again, and I know that a half marathon is absolutely possible for me.

Now, I’m doing something I never thought I would – I’m considering a marathon.

*image from www.sparkpeople.com

Strength Training - You Should Do It!

2011-11-29T07:31:00.001-08:00

Strength Training
What images do these words conjure up for you? Big, sweaty men, grunting and popping veins? The crazy huge guys on the Strongest Man competitions? Scarily buff women with muscles that would intimidate most men?

worldsstrongestman.net

Me too - until a year ago.
When I started working with a trainer, she immediately wanted to start me on a strength training program, but I was resistant. I wanted to lose weight. I didn't want to get huge. I was intimidated by the massive weights and bars and all the other strange contraptions in the gym.
I did eventually give in, and I am so glad I did.
I love strength training. It is now my favorite type of exercise, and I look forward to my heavy lifting days every single week. I may not always feel up for a run, but I am always up for lifting weights. The reason?
Everything I thought about strength training was wrong. So very, very wrong.
Women are not designed to bulk up. Female bodybuilders have to use crazy concoctions of protein powder and intense daily lifting to achieve their overdeveloped physiques. For the rest of us, lifting will make you stronger and help you develop nice, lean muscles and make you look great in a tank top. Woo hoo, sexy shoulders!
Did I mention that strength training burns major calories?
It's not immediate like cardio. You burn less lifting than you do running, but studies have shown that you continue to burn calories long after strength training. Plus, the more muscle you have the more calories you burn during your daily routine.
As far as being intimidated by the equipment, get someone to help you. Trainers are a great resource, and if you have access to one, make the most of it. If you don't want to ask for help or don't have access to a gym, use simple tools like dumbbells and an exercise ball or even just use your own body weight.
Don't exclude strength training from your routine. It is as essential as cardio, and you will see the benefits in everything you do throughout the day. Lifting kids, groceries, moving furniture - everything gets easier with strength training.

8 Miles

2011-11-14T18:35:00.001-08:00

Imagine the happiest of happy dances, and that is what is going on in my head right now. Not my body. I'm too sore and exhausted for that, but exhausted in the good way. My muscles are spent. I love this feeling.
Did I mention I ran 8 miles today?
Before this, I had completed a couple 10ks but never anything longer. The farthest I had ever run without stopping was 5 miles, and it was on a completely flat bike path. Today, my friend/trainer emailed me and asked me to go for a run. I was up for it. We're having an unseasonably warm November, and I want to be outside as much as possible. A few weeks before we did the 5 mile run I mentioned before. Other than that my running was only sprint work.
She said I should push myself and do either a 6 or an 8. I had to pick the 8. She's run a couple marathons. No excuse I had would have been a good one, and I kind of wanted to try it. I've got the goal of running a half next year, and I need to start trying some distance.
I'm so glad I did. I had one of the best runs I have ever had. I went into it believing that I could do it and do it well. I felt great. I felt strong, and I was well past the 6 mile mark before I even thought of walking. It was amazing.
Sure, I wasn't fast. I plodded along behind my trainer, watching her get far ahead and stop to wait for me. But, I didn't stop. We were done an hour and a half later and lying with our feet up against the wall of the school laughing.
I was so proud of myself. I'm not usually the type to talk about my accomplishments, but I have been telling everyone I see. I haven't been this proud in a long time.
This is what it's about. Weight loss is nice. I like seeing the number go down, but I get hung up on it. This is what it's really about. Self-love and pride. Giving our best and working our hardest to accomplish a goal, and the sweet taste of achievement. There are so many, much more worthy goals. I want to run 10 miles, a half, who knows, marathon someday? I never would have considered it before, but now I know nothing is out of reach. Feels fantastic.

What If? So What?

2011-11-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

I love the days when I am completely in tune with my body, and exercise seems easy. Yesterday was one of those days, but it didn't start out that way.
When I got up yesterday morning, I was sore. An hour of lifting heavy is intense, and I topped it off by teaching my Zumba class. I was feeling every minute of it. I honestly dread Thursdays once in a while. An hour of sprint work is exhausting, but add on 45 minutes of yoga and an hour of Pilates, and it makes for an exhausting day. I was already tired, and my limbs felt heavy. I wasn't looking forward to it.
For a minute the old me came back, and I thought of every excuse I could use to get out of going to Yoga & Pilates. But, luckily, the new me answered every excuse with a much better reason that I should go.

I feel great after I work out.
I never regret a workout.
All 3 classes benefit my body in different ways.
Yoga will stretch me out after sprinting, and it feels so good.
Pilates will give me the abs I want.

All of these reasons worked for a while, but the thought that stopped my excuse making was that I needed to be fit to be a good Zumba teacher.

I absolutely love it. I thought teaching would be fun, but the idea terrified me for a while. I had all of these 'what if' thoughts in my head, and I put off starting a class for months. The main concern?

What if I mess up?

Really? That is what kept me from something that has completely changed the way I look at myself?
It was stupid. I know that now. Other people tried to tell me before, but I had to take my time and figure it out for myself. You know what I realized? 'What If's are powerless against 'So what?'

So what if I mess up? I'm human and far from perfect. So is everyone else. They may like you better for it.

And, I was right. I've messed up. During my first class I had to start one song over because I mess up so bad. We laughed about it and kept going. I had a blast.
I love every class. It's even better than I thought it would be. I was kind of selfish before. I thought teaching Zumba would be fun and something I could do that would work with my schedule, and I would have a guaranteed workout twice a week. I thought it would be nice to help people, but I didn't really know what that meant.
It's become the most important part. I love it when they're sweating and their muscles are burning, and they're still smiling. I love when they really enjoy a song and practice the moves at home. Most of all, I love how happy they look at the end of class.
I'm so glad I didn't let a 'What If' stop me.

I did all of my training yesterday, and it was one of my best days in a long time. The sprint work was hard, but not as hard as it had been the week before. I tend to notice my gains suddenly, and this was one of those days. I felt like I was flying.
Yoga was excellent. I was tight from running and needed a good stretch.
Pilates was awesome. I was very focused on my movements and breathing, and I worked really hard. Still, I was able to accomplish to certain moves with much more ease than before. I felt really strong.
I love the new motivation teaching has brought me. My trainer told me it would happen, but I didn't really understand. It's wonderful to help others get fit, and I need to set a good example.
Walk the walk...
And, I know I can do it.

What's Your Choice?

2011-10-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

The positive and negative influences of the people around you can make or break a healthy lifestyle. Let's face it, this whole healthy living thing is tough. It doesn't get any easier if your support system is, well, less than supportive.
Nothing brings out the nay-sayers faster than an attempt to lose weight. For some reason, certain people enjoy discouraging the attempts you make to change. Maybe they're worried you won't have anything in common if you ditch the heavy restaurant meals and start cooking at home more often, or maybe they're bitter over their own numerous attempts to diet. Whatever their reason, they are quick to judge your own healthy choices, and they will try to derail you if they can. Some offer forbidden foods and pressure you when you try to resist. Some will try to get you to skip a workout to go out to eat with them. Some want to plant that small sense of doubt in your mind and watch it grow.
No matter who they are, these people are not worth your time. Maybe it's a subconscious choice, and they will stop if you sit them down and have a frank discussion about your goals and needs. However, if they don't respect your choices even after you have discussed the issue and continue to belittle you and sabotage your efforts, you're left with two choices.
1. You can take their words to heart, let them define you, give in, give up, and fail.

OR

2. You can use it to motivate you, try harder, and then let it go.

I hate backing down from a challenge, and hearing someone say that I "can't" always makes me want to prove that I "can". I'm stubborn like that. I hate the idea of allowing someone else to define me.

No one else can put limitations on your greatness. Only you can do that.

So, find the good people in your life and share your journey with them. Seek out the people that believe in you and have your back no matter what. Find a friend to workout with, so you can be accountable. Talk to your spouse and kids about healthier meal options and limiting the amount of junk food that comes into your house. Find the friends that build you up instead of tearing you down. The ones who cheer you on when you succeed and hold your hand when you fail.

They're the ones worth listening to.

I'm very lucky to have a great support system. I have active friends, a husband who has joined me in living a healthier lifestyle, a family who cheers me on and is proud of my accomplishments, and a trainer who has become a dear friend and always knows when and how hard to push me. I've also found a great, supportive online community (because no one in my circle of family and friends wants to talk about health 24/7) at www.sparkpeople.com. I honestly would not be able to continue this lifestyle change without all of these wonderful people. Their support is vital to me.

When it's all said and done, only you can define who you are, but a good support system makes it so much easier. Keep the ones who make you feel good about yourself and motivate you to become even better. Let go of the ones who try to tear you down, or at very least, use their negativity to fuel your efforts. You don't have to be anything other than you. Be the best you possible.

Mmm...Chicken?

2011-10-24T10:51:00.000-07:00

If you told me three years ago that my main sources of protein would come from chickens, I would have laughed in your face. I hated chicken. In my family chicken is described in words that I will not type here, but let's just say...it's not a good review.
Fast forward to now, and you would find at least a half dozen frozen chicken breasts in my freezer, several in the fridge, and cartons upon cartons of eggs. Things have clearly changed.
I always kind of liked eggs, but I only ate them once a week - at the most. They also always seemed to end up fried or thrown into a large amount of mayo until you could barely taste the egg. But then I discovered fresh eggs. Did you know they taste at least 100 times better than store bought eggs? It's true. The color is also a much more vibrant and somehow more satisfying shade of yellow. And, they have become a main part of my diet. I eat at least 2 eggs every day, and I consider myself lucky to live in a place where a lot of people raise chickens. Fresh eggs are easy to find and cheaper than the ones in the grocery store.
But, let me get back to my long-time nemesis - chicken. I grew up on red meat. My parents cooked a lot of pork, too, but I never really ate it. I was an all red meat kind of girl - oh, and pile on the mashed potatoes while you're at it.
No more. It was a difficult change to make when I finally started eating healthy. I wanted steak and hamburgers (not to mention hot dogs and other processed meats), but the thing is, they're higher in fat and calories than their feathered counterpart. I knew I had to make the change, but I dreaded a life filled with bland, boring chicken.
I like making chicken that doesn't taste like chicken. Smother it in anything, and I'll eat it. I have to be careful, of course, because most of the yummy sauces are also fat and calorie bombs. Here are three ways I incorporate lean, healthy chicken into my diet and still enjoy eating. Because, honestly, what is the point if you're not enjoying your food?

1. Chicken Quesadillas
I have to have spicy food in my diet, and these quesadillas have become a core part of my diet.
- Cut chicken breast into strips and put into a plastic bag or bowl with Mrs. Dash Southwest Chipolte seasoning. Shake until the chicken is coated. Bake at 400 degrees for 10-12 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through.
- Spread 1tbs. of green salsa (or red, but I am addicted to Mrs. Renfro's green salsa - mmm...spicy) onto a whole wheat tortilla. Cut up one chicken strip and add to tortilla. Sprinkle with 2-3 tbs of shredded, low fat cheese. Fold the tortilla in half.
- Bake for 8-9 minutes at 400 degrees, cut into wedges and dip into salsa or 1-2 tbs. low fat sour cream Yum.

2. Chicken Broccoli Casserole
This is quickly becoming a favorite in our house. My kids love it, and it is a great, filling meal without incorporating a ton of carbs, which I try to avoid after 4pm. It also makes a great, healthier substitute for chicken, broccoli alfredo.
- Bake 2- 1lb chicken breasts at 420 degrees for 20-24 minutes or until chicken is cooked through. Chop into bite size pieces.
- Steam 2 cups of broccoli and chop it into bite size pieces.
- Mix chicken and broccoli in a casserole dish with 1/4 c. low fat sour cream and 1/4 c. low fat shredded cheese.
- Sprinkle with panko bread crumbs mixed with 1-2 tbs of the shredded cheese
- Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes until the panko is brown and crunchy.

3. Chicken and Brown Rice
This simple dish is healthy and filling without taking a ton of time to prepare. Great for those busy days!!
- Bake 1lb chicken breast at 420 degrees for 20-24 minuts or until chicken is cooked through. Chop into cubes.
- Put 1 box of Uncle Ben's whole grain brown rice into the crock pot with 1 container of chicken broth, chicken cubes, mixed veggies (frozen works fine), and salt and pepper to taste. Stir and cook on low for 4-8 hours.
Quick, easy, and delicious!

There are three of my chicken solutions, and I have to admit that I have started to enjoy the once-dreaded fowl. However, if you just can't stand the stuff, don't worry. Pork, fish, beans, and eggs are all great, low-cal sources of protein. Yummy, too, but I'll save that for another blog :)

Four Essential Components of Lasting Weight Loss

2011-10-16T16:27:00.000-07:00

Losing weight is not easy. If it was, there wouldn't be a zillion different weight loss products on the market, and we would all be thin, fit, and healthy. I knew when I started my weight loss journey that it was going to be terrible at times. In fact, I focused on that as I made the decision to do it. I couldn't see the amazing gains and triumphs at the time. They came later.

I developed a mantra for the tough times - Consistency, Hard Work, and Determination. I even chanted it to myself during my first 10k, when I was jogging as slow as a person can jog up a never-ending hill. It got me through that hill and a lot of other set backs.

Consistency - It is absolutely necessary if you want to keep the weight off for good. Any sudden drop in calories or increase in exercise can cause momentary weight loss, but to really see results, you have to create healthy habits. Exercising regularly and following a healthy diet most of the time will lead to a happier, healthier you and become habits for life - a much longer life.

Hard Work -

“Nothing ever comes to one, that is worth having, except as a result of hard work.” - Booker T. Washington

If you want something bad enough, you'll work for it. That's what brings lasting weight loss. There is no magic pill, no miracle diet. You don't need anything but your own will. Put in the extra effort and reap the benefits. This may seem daunting at first, but the good news is, the more you put in, the better you feel. Then you want to work even harder.

Determination - You wouldn't get anywhere without it. The willingness to work hard, to push your limits, and to overcome fears is supported completely by determination. Choose to fight for yourself every day, and you will find a whole new person inside.

So, there are the three things that got me to where I am now - 80 pounds lighter and a thousand times happier. But, the title of this blog is Four Essential Components of Lasting Weight Loss.

I haven't forgotten the fourth component. It may be the most important of all, and it is the one that I figured out last. It's Positive Thinking.

I lost a bunch of weight. I was working out almost every day and working hard. But, I wasn't happy. I still saw the old, fat, miserable me when I looked in the mirror. I still hated myself and felt like everything could be so much better than it was. I focused solely on the negative and paid very little attention to the many joys in my life. I was in a really bad slump.

The change happened when I started actively trying to turn my thoughts around and see the positive in every situation. It didn't come easy at first, but the more I tried, the easier it became. I started to see myself as I truly am, and I accepted it. I can now picture my future, and I have confidence in myself for the first time in years.

It makes life so much better. I'm happier and more content. I enjoy each day, and I feel like my head is a lot less cluttered with negative thoughts and noise. I'm a lot more peaceful.

Consistent healthy choices and the willingness to work hard helped me change my body and my life. Looking for the good in life made me calmer emotionally. I would recommend these things to anyone. They're free, and they depend solely on your thoughts and actions. You are in control. Go for it now. Don't waste another minute of your life.

It's Never Too Late

2011-10-13T06:54:00.000-07:00

Change is hard. We all know the anxiety caused from even the smallest changes in our daily routines. It's frightening to try something new, but as I've said before, change is also the only way to grow and become a happier, healthier person.
I've been trying some new things lately. I just taught my first Zumba class, and it was everything I hoped it would be. My class was great. There was a wide range of ages, but they all had one thing in common. They were new to Zumba. I could tell they were nervous. I was too, but we worked together and figured out the steps. We were all sweating at the end of the class, and there were a lot of tired smiles.
I loved it. I liked sharing my love of exercise with others, and it made me even more determined to become a personal trainer. I think I've found my course in life, and though it is completely different from what I imagined doing "as a grown up", I am so excited about the future.
I feel like I wasted a lot of time being afraid and insecure. My twenties are gone, and I feel like I never really lived. I existed. I got through the days, but I didn't enjoy much of them. I really feel like I am present and living my life now, and it is mainly because of the new challenges I set for myself.
Yesterday, my trainer and I switched back to lifting heavy, and I was nervous. I expected to struggle. She handed me 25 lb. hand weights and told me to do chest presses and flys. I waited for her to help me. Last time we lifted heavy, I struggled under those weights, and she had to assist me. Not this time. The first time I lifted them above me, I felt like a new woman. I not only lifted them without help, but I did two full sets of each exercise. My pecs were shaking by the end, but I felt great.
How did I go this long without feeling the glow of pride and accomplishment?
The thing I find the most astounding is that I am young. I'm 30, and I am making these changes. Some people go through their entire lives just existing, hiding behind fears and insecurities. Some people die before ever understanding the sweet satisfaction of giving their all and doing their best. It's so sad.

It's never too late to try something new. To change. I am so proud of the women in my class last night for trying a new (and somewhat scary) thing. They worked hard. They messed up. They laughed. By the end, I think they got it. I hope it's the beginning of a better life for each of them.
If you still don't think you can change, if you still think that it's too late, and you're past your prime - well, check out this woman. Ernestine Shepard is the Guinness Book of World Records' oldest female bodybuilder. She is 74 and has a body that 20 year-olds would envy. The woman has a 6-pack! She's won bodybuilding competitions and run numerous marathons.
And, she didn't start until she was 56.
Age is just a number. It's your mind that makes the difference. Try something new. Embrace change. Just go for it. It's never too late.

Entering Phase 3

2011-10-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

Want to know what I've been up to for the last seven weeks?

This: Jamie Eason's Live Fit Trainer - Phase 1

And, that's just Phase 1.

The Jamie Eason Live Fit Trainer has been an awesome experience. I found out about it through http://www.sparkpeople.com. It was a challenge, and I signed up immediately. I'd been lifting weights once a week and was looking into adding more strength training into my weekly workouts. This challenge came at the perfect time.

The Live Fit Trainer is a workout program and clean eating meal plan. It is broken into three phases. Phase 1 is strictly strength training. The workouts are scheduled 4-5 times a week with 2 or 3 rest days built in. I loved these workouts. Each one worked a large muscle group as well as a small one and took about 35 minutes to complete. I found it easy to fit into my day, and the progress was amazing.

Phase 2 involves more intense strength training with more focus being placed on individual muscle groups. They're scheduled for 5-6 times per week and are longer, including abs and a half an hour of moderate cardio. It was slightly more difficult to fit these workouts in, but I found that if I split it into two workouts, it was more manageable. These workouts were tough, but they made me feel incredibly strong. I can feel the growing strength in my muscles, and everyday tasks have become easier.

Phase 3 is next, and I am both nervous and psyched for this part of the challenge. The workouts add sprinting and plyometrics - two of my favorite things. They're hard, but I love how I feel when I'm done. It's an intense workout, and they're up to an hour and a half in length. I'll let you know how I do.

The Live Fit program is designed for people who go to a gym. I had to modify some of the exercises or replace them with ones I could do at home that worked the same muscles. It wasn't that difficult to modify the workouts, and most of the exercises were easy to do at home or at the gym. Jamie also provides a couple of at home workouts.

The clean eating plan is interesting, but I've had some difficulties mostly for financial reasons. Sometimes, you have to make do. Still, I am interested in clean eating. I've tried to clean up my own eating as best I could, and I made sure to stay in my calorie range. It's made me feel a lot better, and I have great energy for the workouts.

In Phase 3, she adds carb cycling to the meal plan. Carb cycling is used to confuse the body and keep it in a fat burning zone. It sounds somewhat complicated, and you have to weigh and measure everything you eat. Still, it could be the jump start I need to get my weight loss going again.

Overall, I would recommend this program to anyone. It starts out simply, and as you progress through the weeks, you build the strength necessary for the next phase. In addition to lean muscles and an overall improvement in health, this program will make you feel more capable and confident in every day life. It make you feel tough. It's totally worth the time and effort. Try it. You will amaze yourself.

Thank you, Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T06:44:00.000-07:00

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." - Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs was one of the most amazing people of our time. He revolutionized the way we do everything. From home computers to ipods and ipads, he changed the way we write, study, communicate, and live. I marvel at the amount that he accomplished in a short span of time. The man was forward-thinking, and I admire him greatly.
For a long time, I was the opposite type of person. I tended to focus on the past. History fascinates me. I love old British authors and any movie where the women wear bustles and the men have more pieces of clothing than any one person needs.
Lately, I've started to change my way of thinking. While I think that it is necessary to always remember the past, it can cause you to get stuck in a rut. It's too easy to dwell on the past. It's comfortable. It's safe because it has already happened. There is no fear or anxiety attached to remembrances.
Looking forward is scary. Plans, dreams, and goals are all frightening because you have to work to get there. The bumps and detours are still waiting for you, and you will have to fight to get through. But, forward is the only way you can go. Living in the past simply means that you will never grow, never change, and that's all life is. We grow and change with every new experience. Sometimes the hardest trials are the ones that will benefit you the most, if you let them.
Life is never going to be easy, but it can be exciting. Looking forward will bring you closer to your goals and bring happiness and balance to your life. I know I always feel better about myself when I am working toward a goal, even if it gets hard and seems impossible at times. It's the triumph over difficulties that moves you forward and grows your self-esteem.
I've never been the type to do what anyone tells me to do. If you tell me that something is a better choice for me, I'm probably going to do something else. I'm stubborn like that. But, I think there is an upside to it. Through all the struggles and setbacks (and some of them have lasted for years), I have stayed true to who I am. I am living the life I was meant to live, and I haven't entirely figured it out. That's what life is about. Ups and downs, growing and change. There is no right or wrong way to do it. You just stay true to yourself and live.
Thank you, Steve Jobs, for sharing your ingenuity with the world and not being afraid to dream. There need to be more people willing to do the same. Go for it.

Motivation

2011-10-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

mo·ti·va·tionNoun

1. The reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.

2. The general desire or willingness of someone to do something.

Motivation is something we all struggle for from time to time, but it is essential to losing weight and staying fit and healthy.

This is the first step. You have to want to get healthy, or you're not going to do it. You also need to know what your real motivators are. Lots of people want to lose weight so they look better. They want to be skinny or fit into a certain pair of jeans. These are good motivators, but it helps to have some reasons that are not based on outward appearance.

My life has been a constant battle with my weight and dieting. For a long time I only wanted to lose weight to look better, please others, and be a certain size or number on the scale. It didn't work. Once I found a motivation that was real and connected to me emotionally, I started to see the weight fall off. Three years later, it's still gone, and I am healthier and fitter than I have ever been.

What is your biggest motivation?

It could be setting a better example for your kids, being able to run a race, feeling better and more energized, taking care of current or future health issues. Whatever means the most to you is what will get you out of bed and into the gym every morning and keep you eating healthfully throughout the day.

One thing is definite. It needs to be something more than just a number.

So, what do you do when you hit the inevitable slump and struggle to keep pushing on?

It's different for everyone. Usually, when I'm feeling down and not interested in exercising, I'll convince myself to do something small - 15 minutes of exercise. By the time I've done that, my endorphins have kicked in, and I usually go a lot longer. But, if I stop at 15 minutes, I'm fine with that. I set a goal and achieved it. I accept it and move on. Something is always better than nothing.

Listing your motivations and goals can help, too. Setting up small steps to achieve larger goals will make it all seem possible, and focusing on what you're working for, will make you work a lot harder.

No matter how many times you lose your motivation, keep trying. The determination to never give up will refuel your motivation, and you'll find new strength within yourself. You'll be achieving your goals in no time!

Motivation is just one of the many mental components to losing weight and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Determination and habit are two other very important pieces to the puzzle. Once you know your motivations, make your actions habits, and be determined to never give up. Fall, yes. Fail, yes. But, never, ever give up.

Fear of Change

2011-10-02T09:55:00.000-07:00

I think most of us are creatures of habit. I know I am. I get into habits in my nutrition and workouts that become too comfortable. That's when I know I need to change things up.
The fitter I become, the more options are open to me, but it also brings a lot more fear. I've never been this fit before. The idea of going beyond this point can be terrifying because I never thought I'd get this far. I'm trying to envision a version of me that is confident, strong, and focused. It's an intimidating thought. It's easier to stay where you are. Change is hard. And necessary.

Once you change, you can't go back. You become someone else. Someone better. Even though I fear it, I try to embrace change. I try to always be working toward my goals, and every change gets me that much closer.
I'm looking at the future right now. I'm starting to seriously consider becoming a certified personal trainer. I think I'd be good at it. I'd really like to help other people. I'm trying to imagine my life if I make this change. It would be a great change and a good life.
So, what's holding me back?
Fear. It's a completely different kind of life, and I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid to go back to who I was.
This is where the choice is made. I can take the easy way and stay where I am. Or, I can take the risk, change my mind, and face my fears.
Who knows what will happen if I do?

Change Your Mind

2011-09-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

Nike got it right. They've been known for decades by the slogan Just Do It, and I think there's a good reason it's stuck around for so long. It pertains to every aspect of life.

We limit ourselves far too often by our own thoughts and doubts. It's so easy to think of things that you can't do, and we rarely spend time thinking about what we can do.

I can't run.

I can't exercise with a group of people.

I can't lose weight.

This is a very short list of the limits I used to put on myself. It all seemed too hard. When I was at my heaviest, even leaving the house seemed to take too much effort. I would park my butt on the couch and watch TV all day, only getting up to use the bathroom or go into the kitchen for a huge, calorie-laden snack. I didn't want to make any effort. It was too hard to be social, to find a job, to eat better.

It was too hard to live my life.

I wasted years. My twenties are a hazy blur of binges and unhappiness. It wasn't until I had another life to take care of that I understood what I needed to do. I needed to completely change my life, and that meant changing my mind.

Sometimes, you just have to take a risk. Only you know what's risky for you. A lot of the risks I took may seem pretty simple and commonplace to others, but for me, they were major steps toward a better and happier me.

I will never like vegetables. This was one of the first steps. Little by little I started to incorporate veggies into my diet and experimented with different ones until I found some that I could stomach. If I didn't want to eat them, I would make myself anyway.

I can't stop eating sweets. This was a tough one. I have a major sweet tooth and even now have my moments of weakness when I overindulge. I haven't given up sweets completely. I don't believe in an all or nothing mentality when it comes to food. That was my dieting mindset before, and it never worked. I did stop for a month to break my sugar addiction and slowly added a few sweets back in. This is something I still struggle with, but I'm willing to work at it.

I can't run. I've believed this for most of my life. Running was always part of the things that made me the most uncomfortable as a kid; gym class, team sports. I told myself I couldn't run. I couldn't be as fast as the other kids. This mentality followed me all through high school and college. By the end of college, I was obese and unwilling to even walk most of the time. When I started to lose weight, I was still afraid to try running. Part of me wanted to because I had read about the huge number of calories you burn with running, but I was too scared to start. One day, a friend asked me to train with her for a 10k that is held in our town every year. I had 8 months to get ready for it, and she sent me a training program that seemed easy to follow. I decided to do it.

The first time I ran a mile was a major turning point in my life. I had decided to do something and did it. I felt incredibly accomplished and proud. I stuck with my training all winter, even when I thought I might die of boredom on my treadmill, and I got through the 10k. I wasn't even last! Now, I love running. It makes me feel great and helps me figure out a lot of things in my life. It has changed me completely.

I could never exercise with a group. The idea of working out with a bunch of other women was enough to send me running in the other direction. I've always been too concerned with what other people think of me, and I used to believe I was constantly being judged. I saw a sign for a local Zumba class and really wanted to try it, but for a long time, I was too terrified to even call the instructor. I had lost about 40lbs when I went to my first Zumbathon. I decided I had to try it, and I figured the bigger the group, the less focus would be on me. I almost didn't go in. I stood outside feeling like I was going to throw up and going through the list of reasons why I should just go home, but in the end I walked inside and found a place in the back of the room, near the door in case I needed to get out fast. In reality, there was no focus on anyone. Everyone was busy worrying about themselves. It was very freeing to feel like I could hide in the group and sweat like crazy without being judged.

This was probably the biggest turning point in my life. I started going to Zumba regularly. The class was smaller, but I still felt fairly comfortable. Through that class, I found out about a boot camp that was being offered by a local trainer. In a moment of unusual bravado, I signed up. I committed myself to meeting twice a week at 5:30am for brutal butt kickings that made me realize how strong I really was. I could sprint. I could keep up with some of the younger and fitter women there. I also met the woman who would become my trainer and good friend.

Since then, I have joined other classes. I go to kickboxing and Pilates every week, and I've really started looking forward to my time with the other women in the class. It's fun, and it's nice to be social after spending my entire day with kids. I've become a different (and much better) version of myself, and I love the new me. It all happened because I changed my way of thinking. It wasn't easy, but forcing myself to take on new challenges has taught me a lot about myself. I'm finally living my life.

Change Is Good

2011-09-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about change a lot lately. It's been three years since I really started working on losing weight the right way, and it's been a year since I started working with a personal trainer. I've made a lot of changes since then - all for the better. My body has changed in ways I never imagined, but it's the changes in my thinking that really amaze me.

Here's some of the changes I've made so far:

1. I've lost 78 pounds. This one is kind of the mother of all changes. Everything else is a by-product of my initial goal to lose weight.

2. I can run! Like a real runner! It took me a long time (and even a couple races) before I considered myself a "real runner". I know I am now. I've been injured for the last two weeks, and I am craving a good run.

3. I eat veggies. A LOT of veggies. When I was a kid potatoes, corn, and cucumbers were the only veggies I could stand, and I only ate them occasionally. Now, I love most of them and have to have them several times a day.

4. I am not afraid to workout in a group. This was a major one for me. I'm a shy person. I don't like drawing attention to myself - or I didn't. My first group exercise class was terrifying. I went to even more classes and still felt like I was going to puke before I walked in the door. The thing that changed it was working out with my trainer. We do a lot of our workouts on the local high school's soccer field, and there are usually other people around. She didn't let me slack or hide or run away. After a while, I barely noticed they were there.

5. I am not afraid to be myself. I used to worry constantly about other people - what they thought of me, if I sounded/looked stupid, etc. Now, I don't feel that way. I don't feel judged by anyone, and if I do get uncomfortable, I think about the things I've accomplished in the last 3 years.

6. I'm putting myself out into the world and sharing my work. I'm an author/playwright and dreamed for years about being published. I was too scared to try. As my confidence grows, I'm starting to define myself as what I've always wanted to be, and I have published a few of my books and plays. People are starting to see me as a writer, which is exactly what I want. I feel really good about my newest book, which is available here: The Last Witch of Norg Hallow

7. I love exercise, and I'm not afraid to try new things. Okay, maybe I am sometimes afraid, but I do it any way. I've fallen in love with strength training, especially lifting heavy. Lately, I've been doing a new strength program in addition to lifting with my trainer, and I am seeing great results and learning a lot about my body. I like to reward accomplishments, and I've got my eye on these to complete my strength training needs.

8. I've become an optimist. I'm planning a blog about this later. It's not an easy transition, but it can happen, even if you start out a complete, hopeless pessimist like I did.

9. I've become a role model. My kids like to exercise. They know about healthy food choices and usually make them. I've also found that the students I work with have noticed the changes I've made. My trainer and I also work out in the high school weight room, and some of the high school girls have definitely taken notice of two women lifting some pretty big weights.

10. I'm happier. So much happier.

I could go on with this list, but I'll stop at 10 for now. Maybe I'll do a changes blog #2. Who knows where I'll be in another year.

What started me thinking about all this was the changes I'm noticing now. My body is shrinking, and I am finally starting to see the smaller me. I've had a hard time with this until now. I'm also finding that I am less dependent on my trainer. I've been doing exercises - tough exercises - on my own, and it's growing my confidence. I'm starting to think about becoming a trainer and helping others discover what I have discovered. It's something I never would have considered before.

So, yeah. Change is ~~good~~ great.