If Paintings Could Talk

They picked targets who were as well-dressed as they...

Sun, 18 Jan 2015 19:12:23 +0800

They picked targets who were as well-dressed as they are.

(“A Balcony, Boulevard Haussmann” by Gustave Caillebotte, 1880, oil on canvas)

“Oh don’t worry, we’re just playing a round of...

Sun, 18 Jan 2015 14:24:10 +0800

“Oh don’t worry, we’re just playing a round of piñata,” he said when Jane asked about the axe.

(“The Execution of Lady Jane Grey” by Paul Delaroche, 1834, oil on canvas)

“Nah, I don’t think your jaw is that big; you just...

Sun, 18 Jan 2015 09:36:20 +0800

“Nah, I don’t think your jaw is that big; you just need a little countouring.”

(“A Classical Courtship” by Auguste Toulmouche, 1853, oil on canvas)

The stretchers were dual-purpose: (1) to bring the food in, and...

Sun, 18 Jan 2015 04:48:31 +0800

The stretchers were dual-purpose: (1) to bring the food in, and (2) to carry out those who passed out from having too much to drink.

(“The Peasant Wedding” by Pieter Bruegel the Elder, 1566, oil on panel)

“This is it,” she fumed, “this is the last...

Sat, 17 Jan 2015 21:04:00 +0800

“This is it,” she fumed, “this is the last time I’m buying my kids permanent markers.”

(“La Blouse Roumaine” by Henri Matisse, 1940, oil on canvas)

He had a meeting in an hour but his clothes dryer was broken;...

Sun, 11 Jan 2015 20:36:00 +0800

He had a meeting in an hour but his clothes dryer was broken; perhaps the wind could help?

(“Pushkin’s Farewell to the Sea” by Ivan Aivazovsky and Ilya Repin, 1877, oil on canvas)

Before the rabies vaccine was discovered, stray dogs had right...

Sun, 11 Jan 2015 10:24:00 +0800

Before the rabies vaccine was discovered, stray dogs had right of way.

(“Le Pont de l'Europe” by Gustave Caillebotte, 1876, oil on canvas)

Contestants getting ready at the World Stone Throwing...

Sun, 11 Jan 2015 07:25:00 +0800

Contestants getting ready at the World Stone Throwing Competition.

(“Greek Girls Picking Up Pebbles By The Sea” by Frederic Leighton, 1871, oil on canvas)

Their excitement over the business lounge’s comfy cushions...

Sat, 10 Jan 2015 22:29:00 +0800

Their excitement over the business lounge’s comfy cushions and fancy curtains dissipated as soon as they heard that their flight was delayed.

(“The Dreamers” by Albert Joseph Moore, 1882, oil on canvas)

Too old for the rattle, her parents decided it was time she...

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 08:36:32 +0800

Too old for the rattle, her parents decided it was time she played with big girl toys.

(“Plagues of the Garden” by James Hayllar, 1870, oil on canvas)

Just mow the lawn this once, please? (“Orpheus and...

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 22:21:18 +0800

Just mow the lawn this once, please?

(“Orpheus and Eurydice” by Frederick Leighton, 1864, oil on canvas)

It being Opposite Day, it was their turn to read their father a...

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 20:47:00 +0800

It being Opposite Day, it was their turn to read their father a bedtime story.

(“Visit to the Unhealthy Teacher” by Nikolay Bogdanov-Belsky, 1897, oil on canvas)

Her self-portrait school project was complicated by the fact...

Wed, 12 Jan 2011 03:33:00 +0800

Her self-portrait school project was complicated by the fact that she didn’t have enough crayons to color in her face.

(“Little Schoolgirl” by Henri Le Fauconnier, 1907, oil on canvas)

She had always wanted a leopard-print skirt but her plans were...

Tue, 11 Jan 2011 02:41:00 +0800

She had always wanted a leopard-print skirt but her plans were foiled when the young man woke up.

(“A Naiad” by John William Waterhouse, 1893, oil on canvas)

Her sleep was much more restful the more geometric patterns she...

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 10:32:06 +0800

Her sleep was much more restful the more geometric patterns she had in her room.

(“Sleeping Woman” by Felix Vallotton, 1899, oil on board)

When her television broke, she had to resort to watching from...

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 01:17:42 +0800

When her television broke, she had to resort to watching from the neighbors’ window.

(“Behind the Fence” by Pierre Bonnard, 1895, oil on cardboard)

Martha the milliner found that secretive bald men make the best...

Sun, 09 Jan 2011 00:34:31 +0800

Martha the milliner found that secretive bald men make the best customers.

(“Chaste Suzanne” by Felix Vallotton, 1922, oil on canvas)

He knew it was time to get a bigger collar when he ran out of...

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 01:56:00 +0800

He knew it was time to get a bigger collar when he ran out of space to pin his medals.

(“Portrait of Étienne-Maurice Gérard” by Jacques-Louis David, 1816, oil on canvas)

When the much-awaited son never came, he had to settle with...

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 01:47:00 +0800

When the much-awaited son never came, he had to settle with dressing his daughters like him.

(“Place de la Concorde” by Edgar Degas, 1875, oil on canvas)

The caretaker would insist that he often saw the lady in the...

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 01:25:00 +0800

The caretaker would insist that he often saw the lady in the stained glass window knocking to be let out but his claims were dismissed as delusions of a madman.

(“Maude Adams as Joan of Arc” by Alphonse Mucha, 1909, oil on canvas)