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How Many Red Flags Can I Hit?

2012-01-24T18:38:00.000-05:00

I follow this blog called 100 Red Flags. They're working on a list of 100 things that makes a girl un-date-able. Considering I'm happily married, and I'm way past giving a crap about whether people like me because of the things I do or don't like, I consider it an achievement when I qualify for a red flag.

I'll keep updating this every so often as they release more red flags. Here's the list for now:
Updated 1/28/12.

#100 & 99: Coming Soon

#98: She won’t eat chicken wings
I'm allergic to corn and egg whites, which can make eating out rather difficult. Every once in a while, I'll get a craving for a specific restaurant or food, so I'll go to their website to check out the ingredient list. Recently, I looked at Buffalo Wild Wings website, and found that in their allergy list, they actually include details about which foods contain corn! I have another restaurant to add to my regulars list. So, obviously, chicken wings are no problem. No red flag here.

#97: Coming Soon

#96: She’s never seen Braveheart, Gladiator, or ‘300’
Okay, what straight female doesn't want to see grown men in skimpy outfits being all manly? That's not the type of guy I'd date, but I have no objection to a bit of eye candy. I actually used to have a crush on Mel Gibson, back before we all knew how crazy he was. No red flag here.

#93-95: Coming Soon

#92: She’s obsessed with chocolate
I'm currently (okay, still, 4 years later) in the editing stage of my novel, Sweet Addiction, which I consider to be my best work. The book is all about chocolate. I'd call that a red flag.

#89-91: Coming Soon

#88: She’s run more than one marathon
I haven't even run a 5K. I'd like to some day, but I don't ever see a marathon in my future. Really, it actually sounds kind of boring to me. Definitely no red flag here.

#86-87: Coming Soon

#85: She’s submitted an application to be on Reality TV
No worries about a red flag here.

#84: Coming Soon

#83: She considers shopping a hobby
I hate shopping. I like having new things, but I hate dealing with shoppers. Having too many people in one area overloads my senses and exhausts me. Absolutely no red flag here.

#82: Coming Soon

#81: She studied abroad in Paris
If given the chance, I would have, but it wouldn't have been at the top of my list. So no red flag on this one.

#80: Coming Soon

#79: She’s obsessed with pink…
I'll award myself with this red flag, but it's not to the point that the author specifies. I like to accessorize with hot pink. I love my hot pink mirrored sunglasses, my hot pink Chuck Taylors, my hot pink bra, etc. I also own and only occasionally wear a hot pink long sleeved shirt, a hot pink hooded sweatshirt, a hot pink Turtle Hospital t-shirt, and a pink Lurch for the Cure t-shirt. I like the look of hot pink and black together, and I often wear all black. Also, I think pink is kind of taboo for a non-girly-girl to wear, so I like the audacity of it. I think the author was referring to princess pink, and frilly girly stuff, which doesn't apply to me, but I like hot pink enough that I have to own up to this red flag.

#78: Coming Soon

#77: She works in a mall and is over the age of 20
Never worked in a mall.

#75-76: Coming Soon

#74: She wears slutty Halloween costumes
I can't say I've never worn a slutty Halloween costume, but it's not a regular thing. I prefer to be creative, which sometimes means sacrificing any physical attractiveness. So I probably don't qualify for this one.

#73: Coming Soon

#72: She’s a one-upper
Nope, that drives me nuts. I'm pretty sure I'm not a one-upper, and if I am, please tell me.

#71: Coming Soon

#70: She’s never had a one night stand
Technically, no. I'm not objected to having a one night stand, it's just never really happened to me. So, I qualify for this one.

#69: Coming Soon

#68: She’s an Apple groupie …
I just got an iPad, and I love it. But I'm not switching everything over to Apple, it's just too expensive, and I'm a cheapskate. No red flag for me.

#67:  Coming Soon

#67:  She's an artist...
Updated 1/28/12. Jackpot!! This guy is reading my blog, or he Googled me, didn't he? As a graphic designer, I think it's pretty safe to say I totally hit this red flag head on.

#65:  Coming Soon

#64: She only dates {Insert: Race} guys…
I love men too much to cut down the pool like that. Hell no.

#63: Coming Soon

#62: She has never smoked pot
Technically, I qualify for this one. I have never smoked pot nor ever had any inclination to. But I have had friends that did, and I've gotten contact high. Honestly, I didn't enjoy it. Not my thing.

#61: She’s dated an athlete
Not my type. I wouldn't turn a guy down just because he's an athlete, but I'm not really an athlete's type either.

#60: Coming Soon

#59: She was homeschooled
Another reason I'm never having kids is because I wouldn't have to time to at least supplement some of their schooling with my own. I don't think I'd want my kids to be fully homeschooled; I'd want them to experience the difficulties in life so they're prepared for the big scary world out there, and I consider public school to be one of those difficulties. Upon reading post on this one, I don't think my opinion about what I would do to my kids if I ever had them (which I won't) effects my status on this red flag. And I wasn't homeschooled myself.

#56-58: Coming Soon

#55: She doesn’t have any good-looking friends
Definitely no red flag here.

#54: Coming Soon

#53: She throws her own birthday parties
I'm ashamed that this red flag applies to me. I've thrown most of my own adult birthday parties. I've even had one that pretty much no one came to. It was at a state forest. We were going to camp there, and people were welcome to camp out too, or just come party. One friend said she couldn't find us. The other came with her husband and dragged along their friend who had come to visit them. Of course, my husband came with me. We had fun, but I was feeling pretty friendless that day. My last birthday party made up for that, but I still worry every time I set anything up.

#51-52: Coming Soon

#50: She doesn’t call her dad
I'm a terrible daughter. I email my dad, and usually end up talking to my step-mom. But I don't really call anyone, I'm not a big fan of telephones. I'd rather text or email to make arrangements to see each other in person. Also, my mom and dad divorced when I was 5, and a few years later my dad ended up moving 100 miles away for his job. I don't doubt that he loves me, and he's a great dad, but we've never actually talked on the phone a lot. I get the red flag on this one.

#49 She still believes in Weapons of Mass Destruction
Heh, no.

#47: She owns a horse
Nope. Actually, I'm ashamed that I can be uncomfortable around horses. I'm an animal lover, and I really want to be good with horses. Unfortunately, I've had few chances to interact with horses, and not all of the times have been pleasant. One time, I went riding with friends on a guided trail through the woods. I had a hard time getting up on my horse, and the saddle never felt like it say right. Near the end of the ride, the horse kept pushing my left leg up against trees, and I couldn't get him to get away from them. I don't know if I wasn't guiding him right, or if he just wasn't paying attention to me, but either way, it makes me feel like horse riding isn't for me.

#46: Coming Soon

#45: She went to Notre Dame
Heh heh. I'm from the South Bend area, but my family didn't think highly of "Domers." No red flag here.

#44: Coming Soon

#43: She has fake boobs
Nope, these babies are real.

#42: Coming Soon

#41: She can only cook with an oven
I can cook. But I can REALLY bake. I told my husband about this one, and he vehemently disagreed with the author. I make a mean cookie, but I also make an awesome lasagna. Red flag on this one, and I'm proud of it.

#40: Coming Soon

#39: She carries hand sanitizer in her purse
Red flag on this one, but not for the reason the author specifies. I hate having wet hands, and you never know what you're going to get in public bathrooms. When it's a roll of plain old paper towels, I'm fine. But sometimes it's the paper towels that only allow you to take one the size of a toilet paper square. Sometimes it's those crappy hand dryers that couldn't dry a desert. Sometimes it's those high force hand dryers that will probably turn into robots and take over the earth. Sometimes it's a reusable towel that's always wet. Sometimes you get nuthin'. It's just easier to hit my hands with sanitizer and get the hell out of there.

#38: Coming Soon

#37: She wears granny panties more than once a week
I don't really keep track of my panty-wearing, but I don't think I qualify for this one. If I'm wearing granny panties, it's because I'm a cheapskate. I've probably inadvertently bought the wrong thing, and I refuse to not use something I've paid for. Possible, but not probable, red flag.

#36: She posts more than once a day on Facebook
Sometimes, but not often. More likely if I've been drinking. I don't think the red flag qualifies on this one.

#34-35: Coming Soon

#33: She’s from Texas
Nope, I'm an Indiana girl who'd rather be a beach bum.

#32: She doesn’t like to fly Southwest
I love Southwest. I fly Southwest nearly exclusively. I'm a cheapskate, I like that I get to pick my own seat, and I like that the customer isn't always right.

#31: She carries condoms in her purse
Not anymore (obviously), but I used to. I disagree with the author on this one. There's nothing wrong with being prepared. I'd rather have a condom handy than miss out because the dude didn't. And I have the short term memory of a goldfish, so I'm likely to forget to replace it if one gets used. In addition, what if there's something wrong with the first one? NOT carrying a condom is a huge red flag in my book. I'll proudly claim the red flag on this one, but retroactively.

#30: Coming Soon

#29: She buys high-end hair products
This goes in the "Guys are stupid" department. I see no problem with buying a $15 bottle of shampoo if you like it and it works well with your hair. And the author clearly doesn't realize how much these hair care products really cost. Sure, I can spend $2 on White Rain, look like crap, and use it up in 2 weeks. Or I can spend $10 on Redken and make it last 6 months. I'll own up to this red flag.

#28 She’s a bartender
I've never been a bartender. I've thought of it, but that's about it. No red flag here.

#27: Coming Soon

#26: Coming Soon

#25: She constantly checks her cell phone during social situations
I don't do this, but that iPad in my purse certainly calls to me sometimes. Since I resist the urge to break it out most of the time, I don't think I qualify for this red flag.

#24: Coming Soon

#23: She has changed her allegiance to a sports team
I don't really have any sports teams I follow to begin with. I do watch soccer, so that may come up in a future red flag. But no red flag here.

#21-22: Coming Soon

#20: She has a flat screen TV made by Vizio
I haven't checked the brand of my TV, but I'm awarding myself a red flag for this one. I don't care what brand my TV is, but unlike the author's assumptions, even when I was single, I wouldn't be thinking about whether or not my TV would impress a guy.

#18-19: Coming Soon

#17: She cries during commercials
Nope.

#16: She pats her pizza down with a napkin
Nope.

#14-15: Coming Soon

#13: She refuses to sing karaoke
I'll award myself this red flag, because I'm very reluctant to sing karaoke. I've only done it once. I'm not sure I'd stick to my refusal, but I'd decline at first. My self confidence would have to be built up or clouded by alcohol.

#1-12: Coming Soon

What I'm currently playing

2012-01-07T16:07:00.001-05:00

I've been a video-gamer since I got my Nintendo when I was 8. I played it on a tiny little black and white tv. So when I got my first Gameboy, I was never phased by the baby-poop-green monotone screen.

I can't believe that I don't share the games I'm playing more. Since Christmas is not long past, I think this is a good time to share.

Dragon Age II
I heard a lot about this game before I got it. It's right up my alley, and very addicting. Total slacker fuel.

Rise of Nightmares
This game is a lot different from the other Kinect games I see, and that's a good thing. It's more like an interactive horror movie. (Hm, I wonder if I can write a horror game script. Do people do that?)

Dance Central
Wow, this game kicks my butt. I'm so out of shape. My goal is to dance for at least a half hour every morning. It's funny, for as much as I hated 80's/90's rap music, I find that those are my favorite songs to dance to. It must be the nostalgia factor.

Fitocracy
This isn't so much a video game as a real-life leveling system for exercise. You're awarded points for exercising, and there's acheivements and quests. It's exactly up a gamer girl's alley. If it doesn't let you join, let me know, I think I can send out invites.

2012 will be a good year

2012-01-02T16:47:00.000-05:00

Wow, last year was quite a year. We had extreme highs and lows, but in the end, we came out okay.

The best part is, this next year is going to be awesome. How? Well, I'm not so sure yet. But I know it will be, I can just feel it.

Coming into the new year, I feel empowered and excited. There are so many things I want to do. I just need to pace myself and try not to take it all on at once.

First step: finish Brains for the Zombie Soul (a parody of Chicken Soup for the Soul). I'm getting there. There's just a little bit of writing left, then editing. I need to have it all done and ready to publish by the middle of February.

Next step: Combine LiquidBrainoCreations.com with an Etsy page. Add Brian's drawings. I'd like to have this done by March, if not sooner.

Why do both of these have such an early deadline? Because we'll be selling Liquid Braino jewelry, my previous book, Helpless, and my new book, Brains for the Zombie Soul at HorrorHound Weekend in Columbus. Look for us next to our best booth buddies the Zombie Rights Campaign.

Don't worry, I won't be bored after March. April is Script Frenzy, and I still plan to try my hand at a script for the first time. Right now, I plan to take the easy way out and adapt Helpless into a screenplay.

After April, there's still plenty of things left on my to-do list. I still plan to go back to school for marine biology. I have a ton of sewing projects that have been sitting in a basket for months if not longer. And I'd like to find a way to get out on or in the water at Monroe Lake too.

At the very least, I won't be bored this next year. Today I already made some great progress on Brains for the Zombie Soul.

But it's not all work. I think perhaps it's time for a Rise of Nightmares run... Hey, don't I recognize that voice?

Dear Diary, Last Night I Had A Good Dream

2011-12-14T17:30:00.000-05:00

This is a post probably better for a diary entry.

I had an awesome dream last night that I haven't been able to get off my mind today.

But first, let's talk a little bit about dreams. Sometimes something seems perfectly normal in a dream is impossible to describe in real life.

One thing that happens to me regularly is that one person in my dream is actually two people in real life. In the dream world, this person can be two separate people at once. It's not like the one person is the other, or this is a new person that's a combination of the two. I would guess it's a little like being insane and knowing it: the closest thing in real life that I can equate it to would be seeing and recognizing person A, but knowing it's really not person A, it's person B.

Because of this strange dream phenomena, I'm hesitant to publicly post this dream. In it, my husband and Gideon Emery (yep, him again, I'm not quite sure why he's popping up so much lately) are the same person.

I don't want to give the wrong impression here. If you've read even a handful of my posts, you've probably figured out how much I am in love with my husband. In addition, although I find him attractive and am sure he's a wonderful guy, I am not expressing any desire to have an intimate relationship with Gid. Finally, the whole thing seems stalker-ish and obsessive-fangirl-ish, and that's not the type of person I want to be. This isn't a fantasy that I consciously made up, I'm just telling the dream like it was.

At any rate, on to the dream.

I was in a bedroom just like my grandma used to have before she moved down to Florida, complete with the mirrored vanity. I had just turned 19.

Gid came up behind me and said something to the effect of, "I know you've wanted me to kiss you. Since you're of age now, it's okay. I didn't want to give the wrong influence to your little sister."

Then he held my face and I wrapped my arms around his neck, and we had this long passionate kiss. It caught me off guard, because I was expecting just a polite, compulsory kiss. Instead, it was so intense, that we tried to fall back onto the bed, missed, hit the floor, and didn't stop.

When we finally parted, we both said, "Wow." I was a bit dazed from it. Then we started comparing notes about the kiss. It felt exactly like one of Brian's kisses, but then I thought, "Oh wait, this IS Brian."

Afterwards, Gid went to take a shower in the bathroom directly across the hall, and left the door open. I started cleaning up the bedroom, picking things up off of the floor. It was like we were just a normal couple, and I treated him the same way I would treat Brian.

When he got out of the shower, he came into the bedroom (already dressed) to get ready to go to an audition or shoot or something. He was talking about quitting something, and I thought he wanted to quit Merlin. (No, he's not on Merlin in real life, but he was in the dream.) I clarified, and then said it was good that he didn't want to quit Merlin. The show was doing so well and giving him tons of exposure.

He got up and sat on the bed, but he was totally Brian at this point. I continued cleaning up the room and chatting with him, just like, well, just like I did last night before bed.

Interpreting this dream is pretty easy, actually. And it has nothing to do with Gid. It's just a manifestation of something I've had on my mind lately.

So now that I feel like I've uncomfortably posted too much information already, I might as well keep going. I can't be the only married woman with this issue.

My husband loves me, and I'm sure he still thinks I'm pretty. My self image is probably generally lower than it should be, and lately I've had the desire for someone other than my husband to find me attractive. How weird and insecure is that? I don't necessarily want someone other than my husband to kiss me passionately, but I want someone to want to. I admit, it's a bit pathetic.

Ah, the problems of a hopeless romantic.

I'm One of Those Adults that Thinks They Understand Teenagers

2011-12-08T17:30:00.000-05:00

While reading 5 Terrible Things You Can't Stop Your Children From Doing on Cracked.com, I thought that some of their explanations missed the mark. Maybe it's because I don't have kids of my own, but I do remember being a teenager. The teenage years suck, and no one understands you. Notice, I didn't say adults don't understand teenagers. No, everyone has their own things going on in their heads at different rates, especially between the ages of 12 and 20. I am a teenager sympathizer and wish more people would give these kids more credit.

At any rate, back to the article.

#5. "I'd never let my kid out of the house, dressed like that!"

"John Cheese" makes a good point here, that kids are trying to be grownups, not sluts. I'm surprised he didn't address a more important point: it doesn't matter what your kids look like when they leave the house.

My mom didn't want me to wear makeup. She still doesn't wear makeup. So I did what most other teenage girls do who aren't supposed to be wearing makeup: I left the house without it then put it on when I got to school, or my friend's house, or whatever. Then I washed my face before I got home.

As a freshman in high school, I dressed grunge, just like everyone else at the time. I was wearing jeans with holes in them, topped off by a flannel shirt, t-shirt, or baggy sweatshirt. And then, overnight, I got boobs. I went from a training bra to a D in my sophomore year. I had something that all the other girls wanted, there was no way I was going to keep hiding these babies under sloppy shirts. So sure, while I still had on jeans and a flannel shirt when I left the house, as soon as I got out of view of my front door, that shirt was unbuttoned to show off the tight fitting tank top I had on underneath.

Cracked gave this picture as an example:

Sure, she was probably wearing this when she left the house. That sweater is perfect for covering up a tight crop top. That skirt not only covers up the mini skirt underneath, but parents also can't see that the boots are knee high "sexy" boots. Or maybe wearing the mini skirt underneath would be too obvious. You bet she's carrying a purse. In addition to the makeup hidden away inside, a mini skirt fits nicely even into a small purse.

It doesn't matter what you tell your kids to do. They're going to do it anyway. Speaking of...

#4. "I'll never let my kid hang around that crowd!"

Confession time: When I was 16, I dated a 29 year old. Before you start calling him a perv, keep in mind that, other than my husband, he was the best boyfriend I ever had. He respected me, he never pressured me, and he gave me some life lessons that I had never gotten from my parents or friends (like being friendly to cashiers and wait staff). In fact, he knew it was wrong and wanted to break the relationship off, and I convinced him not to leave me.

Did my parents want me to date someone that much older than me? Of course not. So I didn't tell them. I would go out with friends, then meet up with my boyfriend afterwards. Eventually I got found out.

My point for this is the same as #5, it doesn't matter what you tell your kids to do, they're going to do it anyway.

#3. "I'll never let my kids around booze or drugs!"

This is the one that my parents got right. They never told me, "Don't do drugs," or "Don't drink." They told me, "It would be hypocritical of me to tell you not to do drugs. I can only tell you that I tried them before and would not recommend it. They're illegal, which can get you in trouble, and I'm not bailing you out of jail. And never bring them into my house." On alcohol, "If you drink, don't drive. And you still have to be home by curfew. And I'm not bailing you out of jail." On smoking, "I'm not paying for your cigarettes. Or to buy you a car. Or anything else you don't need. So you can choose to waste your money on cigarettes, or you can save up for the car you want so badly."

Did it work? Yeah, pretty well. Sure, I tried all of it, most just once. I didn't see the appeal, and since my parents already figured that I'd try it, I didn't feel like I was being a rebel.

So, it goes back to my point, teenagers are going to do it anyway. Lead by example and make sure they are informed about what to do when things go wrong.

#2. "I'll never let my kids touch a gun!"

I was raised in a hunting household. Guns were par for the course. I knew how to shoot when I was 9. I had my own pellet gun to go rabbit hunting with. I'm on par with John Cheese here. When I saw a gun as a kid, I knew about gun safety, and it wasn't anything special. So I wasn't interested.

So again, lead by example and make sure kids are informed. In this case, keeping them away from guns is worse than sheltering them from them. If they know what they're doing, they're not going to freak out when they see one, and they'll know what to do around it. They'll have respect for guns. This is a case where good peer pressure works.

#1. "I better never catch my kid fighting!"

I got in a fight in 5th grade. At the time, I had a friend named Stacy, and both of us thought we wanted to be part of the cool crowd. Some of the "cool" girls said she could be part of their group if she fought me.

That day, I hid in the bathroom for a while. I wasn't scared of getting hurt, I was scared of hurting my friend. Not physically, but emotionally. Friends don't fight friends. Finally, I realized that if she wanted to be a part of that crowd, I'd have to do this for her, and it would make her happy.

So I went out to recess, and there was a big group assembled in the middle of the track. She had all the cool kids on her side, and I had 3 kids on mine: My boyfriend at the time (elementary school boyfriend = walking home together and spending recess together), my friend Mary, and my still-best-friend Jessica. Stacy and I circled around each other for a while, then I grabbed her arm, pinned it behind her back, grabbed her other arm, and tried to pin her to the ground. But I was a tiny kid, and never got her down.

Why did I do that? One, I didn't want to hurt my friend. But also, my stepdad was also teaching me how to fight. I already knew that it was better to subdue my opponent than to swing.

But even as a little kid, I was a lover, not a fighter. Everyone was surprised that I got in a fight. Anyone I tell this story to is surprised now.

Sure, I got in trouble at school. They sent a note home to my parents, but I told them before they could get the letter (I learned it was always better for them to find out from me than someone else). Their reply? "Did you win?" My friend and I made up after that, and she didn't get into the cool crowd, but we lost touch in middle school.

My point is, you can't protect your children from everything. Like I've been saying this whole time:

They're going to experience it one way or another anyway,

And when they do, it's better for them to know what to do. The hard, gritty truth, not some ABC Family Special BS.

Naked Wrestling

2011-12-01T12:35:00.000-05:00

Look ma, I'm blogging!

National Novel Writing Month is over. I won by hitting 50,000, but my book isn't done. Typically, Chicken Soup for the Soul books have 101 stories. Brains for the Zombie Soul is only at 75 stories. I'm going to take a few days off to catch up on all the things I didn't do in November, then go back to writing.

I did hit 50,000 before John of the Zombie Rights Campaign, which goes to prove that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

So now, it's time to give my poor little blog a little love. In traditional fashion, let's continue with a dream from last night. I think this is the first time Facebook has been in one of my dreams. Even then, having Facebook in a dream is pretty lame.

You know how you get in a discussion about something and someone says, "Did you see that internet video about...?" which then leads to someone having to share another video, which then leads to someone else having to share one, and before you know it you've been watching YouTube all night? In my dream, I was over at someone's house and we were sharing videos. I wanted to show them one that had been posted to Facebook by Gideon Emery.

Let me take a break here and mention that Gid has popped up in my dreams before. Dream Gid has always been a super nice guy, which is the impression that I get from him in real life. It's not that he wasn't nice in this dream, but I don't think this is a realistic interpretation of him.

Back in the dream, when I clicked on the video, instead of getting the one I expected, it was a video shot from Gideon Emery's cell phone instead. He was at a party and everyone was obviously drunk. At some point during the party, someone suggested naked wrestling.

The video was of Gid and this pretty girl with short hair naked wrestling, and she was really giving him a tough time. They weren't really naked, Gid was wearing a Speedo, and the girl was wearing this butterfly wings thing that covered up the naughty bits. I thought that wasn't really naked, it was cheating, but it wasn't like I didn't enjoy the video. I also felt bad, because this was obviously something private that Gid hadn't intended to end up online, but again, I didn't stop watching.

That's it. So what's the dream mean? I think my subconscious is just in the mood for a little bit of naked wrestling, if you know what I mean.

NaNoWriMo 2011

2011-10-11T19:29:00.001-04:00

Red Lipstick

2011-09-19T12:50:00.001-04:00

Saturday night, we went to see the Bloomington Burlesque Brigade perform at Jake's. It was fabulous, as usual, and lived up to all my expectations. The women are beautiful and talented, and the addition of the jazzy Burly-Q band has been wonderful.

I love going to see the B3's shows, and haven't missed many.

The human body is beautiful in all its forms. Sure, burlesque is sexy, but I go because it's beautiful.

But speaking of sexy, the sexiest thing about burlesque is the confidence these women have. They love their bodies and are absolutely having fun. It doesn't matter whether or not they fit traditional standards of beauty, that they enjoy what they do makes them gorgeous.

I envy that confidence. I wish I could go up there and perform, but I know I don't have the self confidence, not only in my body, but in my ability to perform as well as they do.

By extension though, they make me feel pretty. I'm normally a slacks and minimal make-up type of girl. I used to not wear make-up at all, but I feel more professional when I wear it. My shoes are normally flats, boots, or recently, I've befriended a pair of hot pink Chuck Taylors.

Sometimes I like to be a bit more girly though, and going to a burlesque show usually persuades me to primp a bit. I might wear heels, or a skirt. I'll probably wear a top that emphasizes the "ladies." (Though they do that themselves normally anyway.) There might be a bit more eyeliner around my eyes, or a less subtle eyeshadow, or thicker or darker mascara.

Violet Phoenix is great at working the crowd before shows. She talks to every table. Every time, she tells me that I look beautiful, or pretty, or fantastic, or whatever. I'm sure she says that to every lady there, but it's a surefire hit. I don't think it's a gimmick either, I think she makes sure to find something beautiful about every woman there, because she always sounds so genuine.

It was the same thing at the last show, she worked the crowd before the show, and came around again during intermission. Again, she said, "You really do look fabulous tonight. It's your makeup or something."

For probably the second time ever, I was wearing red lipstick. I never thought I could pull off red lips. I tried once, for a promotional picture, and it looked terrible. It was the wrong shade. My husband saw it and told me not to put the picture up, which I was thankful for. I like it when he saves me from embarrassing myself.

But my husband doesn't like it when I wear make-up. For the most part, that's good. I don't have to wear skirts or heels or be girly; he likes that I don't primp. Sometimes I want to feel (traditionally) sexy though. Sometimes I want to line my eyes and wear fuck-me heels and have red lips.

Brian hated the red lipstick I wore on Saturday. I don't think it was a case of wearing the wrong color. I should've taken a picture, because I think it looked good. He just doesn't like the look of makeup, and although he can deal with the natural look I normally use, the red lipstick was just too much for him.

By time we got there, I was feeling a bit insecure. So when Violet Phoenix came up to me and told me I looked beautiful, that was the hit of confidence that I needed. By the time the show was over, as usual, the gorgeous, talented women on stage made me feel pretty.

Thank you Bloomington Burlesque Brigade for yet another wonderful show.

The 8th Year of Marriage is Better Than the First

2011-07-25T16:47:00.000-04:00

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my husband?

He's supportive and silly, impulsive and cooperative, loving and independent... He accepts people as they are and doesn't judge. He's wild and wacky in some of the same ways I am, and in some ways that I'm not.

I truly feel that there is no one else out there more suited for me.

SOFT

by Braino

A soft loving touch,

So tender and passionate,

That arouses love.

That never seems to end.

Whose kiss is a magical thing in itself.

Loving ares that fit as no other has,

Leaving pain and fear behind.

A voice that I cherish with all my heart.

A woman of beauty and grace,

Whose love is centered on me,

But returned a thousand fold.

My girl that rules my world.

The one I love,

Heart and soul.

The woman I call my love.

Expecto Patronum

2011-07-14T19:30:00.001-04:00

Harry Potter is so pop-culture now, I expect everyone knows this spell. In case you don't, Expecto Patronum is used to ward off Dementors, which are bad dudes who guard the wizard prison and generally suck all the joy and happiness out of you. Also, if they kiss you, they will suck your soul out.

Expecto Patronum is a difficult spell to cast, and requires you to think of your happiest and most joyful memory. When it is successfully performed, a silver form will come out of your wand (Harry's was a stag).

I'm only a casual Harry Potter fan. I've read and enjoyed all of the books, but haven't seen most of the movies. With as strong and mesmerizing as the Expecto Patronum spell is, I can't help but wonder what memories I would use (Harry has to try several before he finds the strongest one), and what form my Patronus would take.

I've often said if I had my wedding to do over again, I'd do it differently. It might surprise some people that I would have preferred to do less. We had a small wedding with a renaissance theme. My aunt was my maid of honor, Brian's friend Marc was his best man, and we had no groomsmen or bridesmaids. The ceremony was in a park, under the willow tree that Brian and I often sat under when we started dating. Afterwards we had little cakes and some sparkling juice (public park = no alcohol allowed) in the park without any music or dancing. The next day we went up to the Bristol Renaissance Faire. All in all pretty simple. Even though I tend to be a hopeless romantic, I wish I would have skipped all of that. Looking back, now we wish we would have went straight down to Key West, eloped on a ship, then enjoyed the rest of our honeymoon together.

Although, if we had done that, we would have missed out on our friend Christian officiating. He did a wonderful job and helped everything run smoothly.

Which brings me to what I think is my happiest memory: Our first kiss as husband and wife. Everything and everyone disappeared and there was nothing in the world except us. Anything else was darkness, and the only source of light radiated from the spot where our lips touched, and it was brighter than any other light that ever existed. I was slowly brought back to earth by Brian's blue eyes: the first thing I saw when I opened my own, and filled with the love that I felt in my own. In that moment, I was so filled with joy, I thought I would burst; I was too happy to even cry.

I never used to be a wedding-crier, but now, if the bride cries, I'll cry too, remembering that moment.

If the Patronus is based on my happiest moment, it would be a unicorn. Not a pansy unicorn, but a strong masculine one, built similar to a Clydesdale. Sorry, you don't get to know why, some things are too sacred to share.

So, what happy moment would you use to cast Expecto Patronum, and what would your Patronus be?

Fantasy Date Night with a Celebrity

2011-07-12T17:30:00.002-04:00

Sgt. Scott Moore, a Marine serving in Afghanistan, asked Mila Kunis to the Marine Corps. Ball via YouTube, and she agreed to go.

How awesome is that?

So of course, I have to ask the next logical question: Who would you ask to the Ball? (After your significant other, of course.)

My knee-jerk reaction is Johnny Depp. And it sounds like something he would do. The problem there is that Johnny Depp is so freaking famous. How much time would I actually be able to spend with him? And would he enjoy himself? It doesn't sound like his sort of "thing." I'd rather go to a concert or casual party or something like that with Johnny Depp.

It would make more sense to turn my focus to the three celebrities I'm all fan-girly on: Neil Gaiman, Gideon Emery, or John Barrowman.

I would rather do something more quiet with Neil Gaiman where I'd be more able to soak up his genius. Dinner, a meeting at a nice quiet cafe, or a simple shopping spree at a bookstore. Possibly preceded by a movie, it would be great to get Neil Gaiman's opinion on a movie we'd just seen together.

Gideon Emery doesn't seem like the Ball-going sort either. He'd be a good dinner and a movie date too. Or something outdoorsy, I have a feeling he'd be fun to bike and hike or something like that with. Sometimes I get urges to do something silly and youthful, like play at a playground or mini-golf, and he seems like the type that would go for a little impromptu frivolity.

Which leaves John Barrowman, and when it comes to going to the Ball, he'd be my choice. First of all, from what I've seen, he'd have fun and make sure I had fun too. It probably helps that he'd wear a kilt. So what if he's gay, it's not like anything would happen anyway. I'd just be able to have a good time with a hot date.

So, who's your celebrity date to the ball?

Why I Don't Wear Linen Straight Skirts Anymore

2011-07-08T17:13:00.000-04:00

"Honestly? That skirt doesn't look good on you. It reminds me of a potato sack."

It was a morning just like any other. I got dressed, and asked the question most men loathe to hear, "Does this look okay?" When he said no, guess what I did? I gave my husband a grateful kiss, and went back to the bedroom and changed into something less bag-looking.

Some women would be offended if their husband said this to them, but I'm grateful. I went into that day looking good, instead of wearing something less flattering. Instead of looking fat, frumpy, unshapely, or un-classy, I don't want to look bad, I would rather have an honest opinion. By advising me on my fashion mistakes, he's not ordering me to wear one thing over another, he's not controlling my wardrobe or my life, and he's not being degrading; he's being helpful.

We value the honest communication we have with each other. It's a good balance of truthfulness, without any insensitive comments or hurt feelings. That's one of the things that makes our relationship work so well.

I also know that he prefers my hair long, he likes me to wear skirts, and he doesn't like it when I wear makeup. As much as I value his opinion, a couple weeks ago I chopped my hair off to shoulder-length, I haven't worn a skirt in weeks, and I wear makeup to work every day. I do what I can to make him happy, but I have to make myself happy too. But that doesn't mean I don't want to know, because I really do. Second to my own opinion, it's what he wants me to look like that counts. I have no one to impress but myself and him.

But it goes both ways. He knows what pairs of jeans that I think make his butt look great, that I like it when he's clean shaven, and my favorite shirts for him to wear are his button-down ones. And he still wears whatever pants he happens to grab, along with a holey t-shirt, and is currently sporting a beard. (Blech, I really dislike the beard.) I still love him unconditionally. And sometimes, he still dresses up and shaves for me.

Which brings me to the inspiration for this post: I read another blog post that asks, "What if your man asked you to lose weight?"

First of all, Brian hasn't asked me to lose weight. He knows how much I would like to slim back down to a healthy weight, he knows how much I'm working towards that, and he motivates me. He also knows how bad I feel about my weight, and he has two things to say about it. "I want you to do what makes you happy," and "I didn't marry you for your looks, I love you for what's in your head," (and then he backtracks to say that doesn't mean I'm not pretty [at which point I pat him on the head and call him a good boy]).

Part of my answer would depend on his insinuation in the question. Is he worried about my health, or is he worried about how I look? If he was worried about my health, I would take the question seriously, but I would also expect his help to make up both healthier. If he was worried about my declining attractiveness, I would be offended. Losing weight isn't about changing an outfit or foregoing eyeshadow, it's not a quick and easy fix. Also, weight isn't a choice between red or blue, or short or long.

But the best part about all of this is that I don't have to worry. He's not going to ask me to stop eating Ben & Jerry's "Everything But The," although he might ask, "Are you going to regret eating that whole pint?"

Because he isn't going to force me to be who he wants me to be, he's going to encourage me to be who I want to be. And that's why I love him.

Bitching

2011-06-22T18:06:00.001-04:00

Man, I am bitchy today.

I didn't get enough sleep last night, and it is sure making me grumpy. Here are some of the things my mind is filtering out before they make it to my mouth...

Guys, if your shorts cover your knees, whether they're just long or you're sagging them, they are no longer shorts. Generally, pants that end below your knees but above your ankle are called capris. Get some friggin' shorts that fit.

I was driving through a residential area, and a daycare group was walking back to their building from the public pool. They were crossing the road at a crosswalk like a nice little line of ducklings. I slowed to a stop half a block away from them. The teacher walks out into the middle of the road and puts her hand up signalling me to stop. What? Not only was I already stopped, I was two to three car lengths away from them, it was obvious that I had no intention of coming anywhere close. It's like telling a dog that's been hit by a car to play dead.

Forget you, T-Mobile and Radio Shack! Brian's phone and SIM card got into a domestic dispute yesterday. I tried to act as a mediator, but divorce is inevitable. Time to get a new phone, and quick.

Forget ordering from T-Mobile, it would take at least a week to get here or would cost enough to buy 2 phones.
Going to the T-Mobile site on my Blackberry redirects me to a log in screen. Since I'm on prepaid, my account isn't authorized to log into T-Mobile's mobile site. There is no option to go to their regular site, or do simple things like locate the nearest store.
Using a Google search, I finally get into the T-Mobile store locator, and search for stores that carry their prepaid phone kits. They say that I can buy one from our local Wal-Mart. They are wrong, which of course, I didn't find out until I drove across town, while already bitchy.
They also suggest Radio Shack or Target. I try Target, but they only have the high end phones in stock, not the type that Brian wants. So I hop onto Radio Shack's website. They claim that they do carry prepaid T-Mobile phone kits, including the basic cheap phone that we're looking for, and that it's in stock at out local store. Happy day? Oh hell no, the big liars. I get to the store to find out that not only do they not have them in stock, they haven't had them in months.

The only reason I stay with T-Mobile is that they are the only cell phone provider that has the prepaid options I want. I can pay by the minute or text, not by the day. There's no service charges. And they have a 24 hour unlimited data pass for when I want to actually use my Blackberry as a smartphone. Maybe I should switch to AT&T. Oh, wait...

Finally, I am friggin' sick of so-called graphic designers who don't know the basics of printing. Making the brochure that your mom wants for her business look pretty does not qualify you as a designer, especially if you don't know what bleed is. When people ask what I do and I respond, "I'm a graphic designer," I get 2 reactions:
Genuinely impressed. "That's cool!" Well, not really, my days are mostly filled with making other people's substandard work printable while trying to stay in their budget. But sometimes, I do get to genuinely create something that I'm proud of, so I won't burst their bubble of thinking the design world is a glamorous one.
or, "I'm a graphic designer/I used to do graphic design." Most of these people have pasted a picture that they stole from a website into Microsoft Word and called it print-ready.

The major problem I have with the graphic design world is that going to school for it is useless. In school, they teach the elements and theory of design, but none of the practical stuff. And the people who don't go to school think that anyone can do it, because someone who hasn't taken a single design course can make something just as pretty as someone who has. That doesn't mean that either of these people can make it printable.

But we've all got to start somewhere. I love to teach, so when someone is having a problem getting something to the point that I need it, I have no problem showing them how to get there. I don't even charge for it, although it's saving them money in the long run, so I probably should. The people that I have issues with are the ones that act like I don't know what I'm talking about. I have the silly assumption that people will want their materials that they've put all this time into designing to come out as sharp and nice as they can be.

I'd love to teach a Printing Essentials class at Ivy Tech or something.

Although after reading my long rants like this, I don't think they'd want me to.

Leaving on a jet plane

2011-04-27T21:50:00.001-04:00

I'm on a plane, and I'd guess we're somewhere over Georgia. Brian's sitting next to the window this time. Every few minutes I glance out the window and squint through the clouds. When I see the big squares of land, I go back to reading.

I used to require that I sit next to the window. I also would walk up 10 flights of stairs to avoid taking the elevator. I'm claustrophobic. But I also want to scuba dive.

I tried scuba diving once. A rep from the local scuba place (in the middle of friggin Indiana) had come to our property to let us try it out in the pool. I didn't like it at the time. The bottom of the pool was boring and I missed coming up to the surface. And well, I felt trapped.

But I want to swim in the coral reefs. I want to see turtles and dolphins and manatees in the wild. I want to help them and save them from the things we humans subject them to. It will be a lot easier to do if I can get over my claustrophobia.

The plane just turned a little, giving me a good look at... more land.

So I'm doing it. I still hate elevators, but now I can ride in one without cutting into my palms with my fingernails. I can sit in the middle seat on the plane with my try table down and my seatbelt on. The anxious feeling of being in a cramped space full of people I don't know is dulled. I still don't like it, but as long as I have a seat, this little 3 ft by 3 ft square that I can temporarily call my own, I can bear it.

Looking out the window through the clouds again, I don't see the square plots of land. Are the clouds too thick? Then I see it, a squiggly line down the middle of the window, the shoreline dividing the land from my beloved ocean.

The kids across the aisle are excited, pointing out the boats and counting them. But I'm not looking at the top of the water, I'm looking through it to the shades of blue below.

I'm anxious again, not only to get away from all these people, but to be out in that water, floating where my feet don't touch, feeling absolutely free.

Fangirliness

2011-04-07T12:30:00.001-04:00

A fangirl (or fanboy) is someone who has gone beyond fandom and is obsessed with a celebrity or character. It's manifested mostly in teenagers. Somehow, I missed that rite of passage and am going through it now.

I think everyone has something from their teenage (or younger) years that they or their friends were obsessed with. The first thing that comes to mind for me is the way all the girls fawned over New Kids on the Block. I remember playing with my friends where each one had picked a member of the group and we were playing that we were out on a date with them. I didn't understand the obsession at the time (not that I didn't play along).

Instead, I started looking for my own celebrity beau, someone I at least had some attraction to. At that point, there was a new TV show called SeaQuest DSV, a sci-fi flick that takes place on a submarine. One of the crew members was a genius teenage kid who had invented a device that allowed people to communicate with dolphins. That character was played by Jonathan Brandis.

I followed my friends' example and then some, plastering Jonathan Brandis posters all over my locker and my bedroom wall. This is the first time I'm admitting this: I wasn't that into him. Sure, he was cute, and I was a fan, but I wasn't the fangirl that I had made myself out to be. This was in middle school, and at the time I 'liked' two boys, so I used collecting Jonathan Brandis posters as an outlet, he was a "safe" crush.

Over the years, I've been a fan of many things, but I never really would've called myself a fangirl. And even now, when I describe myself as a fangirl, I'm referring more to my obsession with something than to the way I act. I'm not going to act stupid and silly about it, and most people won't know, perhaps maybe with the exception that I mention these things in conversation a little more than what's normal.

What makes me describe myself as a fangirl is all the things that go on in my head. I'll find myself thinking about it in the middle of the work day. It turns me into a daydreamer, where I've found myself staring into space thinking about it. I can't wait to get home to indulge in whatever form the obsession takes. I want to say it's like love or lust, but really, it's like an addiction.

My fangirldom started with Gideon Emery. Brian had picked up Final Fantasy XII for himself, but after watching him play for a while, I had to start my own game. At the time, I thought I just liked the game, that's not too unusual. But during my lunch break, I found myself looking up clips from the game to hear Balthier's voice. From there, it led to looking up the voice actor, his own YouTube videos, a CD of songs he recorded, all of his screen work, etc. I was hooked, a fangirl, even before he responded to my fan mail. In every fangirl's head, she's created an image of what her obsession is really like. I found out that Gideon Emery was nicer and more courteous than I even imagined. I'm now a lifelong fangirl. Considering I blog about my dreams, and it's inevitable that my favorite actor would come up in my dreams, I've blogged about him a little bit.

My other fangirldom is two-fold. It's safe to say I'm a Doctor Who fan, and I have been since I saw my first Doctor Who episode (a Tom Baker one on PBS in the 80's). Thanks to the new Doctor Who, my obsession has been renewed. I hesitate to call myself a Doctor Who fangirl because I'm not as obsessed with the show as much as I could have been, I guess. But I really should call myself a fangirl, I do have the theme as my ringtone and "EXTERMINATE" as my message tone on my cell (which scares the bejeezus out of me when it goes off in my nice quiet office, which is hilarious). And I went through all the episodes that Netflix has streaming, watching on average 5 a week.

So sure, one episode a night isn't too bad. That is, unless Captain Jack Harkness was in it, then it was much more likely I would miss sleep to watch "just one more episode." And after I devoured all the Doctor Who, I moved on to Torchwood. Torchwood is good, but admittedly, not as good as Doctor Who. But oh, Captain Jack Harkness! And then it happened again, I googled John Barrowman. I've looked all through his site, and I still go back, thinking I might have-- hoping that I missed something. I'm following @Team_Barrowman on Twitter. I hear all about his UK and BBC appearances, and the Atlantic Ocean breaks my heart a little each time.

And of course, the clincher is that I dreamed about him last night. The dream itself has faded, but it was a pleasant one. I know I'm now one of thousands (fangirls and fanboys), but I think it's fair to say that I'm now a John Barrowman fangirl.

Why am I getting these celebrity addictions now? I'm sure plenty of people would say there are worst things to be addicted to; at least I don't do drugs or smoke. But I'm still not used to this. The only other thing that has affected me this way is being in love with my husband. In fact, I wondered if this was some form of unrequited love, or simply lust, but honestly, I think addiction is a better term.

Fever dreams

2011-03-16T20:52:00.000-04:00

I'm sick again. I never get sick, and this is the second time I've been sick in a month.

Last time I felt miserable for a week. This time it's been much more intense, but I don't think it will last as long.

Monday, I was just feeling blah. Yesterday, I woke up with a sore throat. But as the day went on, I got more tired, generally achy, and had a killer headache that just kept getting worse. I had the Bloomington NaNoWriMo Writing Group, so by time I got home at 9, I was wiped. My head was pounding, and I had gone from freezing and shivering all day, to suddenly burning up. I forced myself to eat a sandwich and went straight to bed.

I'm pretty sure I had a fever, and I think it broke during the night, because at one point I was sweating so much the sheets were wet. So of course, I had weird dreams.

First, a little back story. Every year we use our tax return to travel to Florida to visit my grandparents. It's our vacation for the year. They live somewhere that we enjoy visiting, plus we get to spend time with them without tiring them out too much (I hope). My grandma is 79 and kicking. In fact, I think she's more independent than she's ever been in her life. My grandpa is 88, and in the words of my grandma, is "doing okay." He's had quadruple bypass surgery, hip and knee surgeries, and he doesn't think as quick as he used to. Last year he had just got home from being in a live in therapy after having surgery.

Also, last night right before I left Barnes & Noble, I noticed this hot guy sitting in the seating area behind where we were. He was attractive, but not mind-consumingly so.

So in my dream, we were going down to visit my grandparents. Grandma had been in the hospital, but she was supposed to be out before we got there. When we arrived, they hadn't released her yet. So we visited with my grandpa all day while waiting to be able to either visit or pick up Grandma.

Their house was laid out much like the house they had for much of my life. It was a ranch style with an enclosed back porch. Two doors led out to the back porch, one from the family room, and another from the mud room off of the kitchen. But in my dream, the kitchen, mud room, and family room were a coffee shop.

Sometimes we were sitting with my grandpa, and sometimes we were sitting with friends. The whole time, we watched the drama play out at another table. A sorority girl came in with her frat boy boyfriend. Another guy, who was like a young version of a used car salesman, was intent on picking this girl up. It was to the point that he was being extremely rude to both her and her boyfriend. By the end of the day, the slimy guy had succeeded, and a fight was about to break out.

In the porch area, the guy that I had seen at Barnes & Noble was sitting, and I kept making excuses to walk back there. By the time we were ready to go inside, the hot guy had taken his shirt off, like it was a perfectly normal thing to do.

The dream ended with us closing up the part of the shop that would have been the kitchen area, but the rest of it stayed open. Then we were going to go try to see Grandma.

Today, I'm feeling better, especially compared to last night. I'm using sprays and taking Aleeve to help with my throat, although it's still very swollen. I don't have the headache any more. But I do think it'll be an early-to-bed night.

Any Day Resolutions

2011-02-17T17:30:00.002-05:00

My New Year's Resolution this year was not to make New Year's Resolutions. Instead, if I want to improve something in my life, I should do it now, not wait for some unspecified date.

So says the procrastinator.

But I'm not doing too bad. Sure, I'm not keeping up with posting a picture every day for Mostly365, but now I'm carrying my camera around with me and taking more pictures in general.

Now I have resolved to get fit. I used to be the annoying hyper person with tons of energy. Now I get sore after the simplest bit of physical activity.

No more. The weather has warmed up and eliminated my excuses for not getting out more. The first stage of my plan is to work more physical activity into my everyday life. I walked to work the past two days. Unfortunately, I don't think I can walk every day, I have regular commitments after work that I can't be late to. I can walk more days than drive though, and that's something.

I'm also trying to do more things that require me to get Up and Out more. Two Fridays ago, I went to the West End Girls show at Uncle E's with Audrey, and danced just a little (and tripped over the stage just a little too - I can be a complete klutz). Last Saturday I went to the Bloomington Burlesque Brigade's Valentine's "Be Mine" show. And this Saturday, I'm going to the MasqueRaise ball.

Today, I also received in my Google Reader feed an unexpected bit of motivation. Neil Gaiman wrote a blog post about fitness and not being an exercise person (among other fascinating things). It made me realize, I can do this, it can't be that hard. Just a little bit of exercise every day.

(And Dresden Dolls just came up in my Slacker player, how appropriate.)

So, as part of my Up and Out plan, I'm probably going to be blogging a bit more about my exercise efforts. I'll try to keep it interesting.

P.S. I finally started a Tumblr page. I'm looking for followers, so come friend me: http://mzhartz.tumblr.com/

A Dream About the End of the World

2011-01-23T11:54:00.000-05:00

I had a weird and interesting series of dreams last night that I just want to record down somewhere.

It started out at Dark Carnival. It was in a theater that was attached to a mall that was also a school. It was a Sunday, and I had missed the first two days. Brian was with me, but hanging out with friends most of the time.

It was set up so that there were seats outside the theater to wait in. Then when a movie came on that I wanted to see, I went inside a theater that had fewer seats. There was also a haunted house type thing connected to the theater. The movies were so good, I ran screaming out of the theater twice. They felt like you were really there.

After the movies were over, I went back out to our seats in the waiting area, but Brian wasn't back yet. I thought that was weird, because it was award time, and the people he would have been hanging out with were back. None of the movies that had won awards were any I had seen, so I pulled out my notebook to make notes on them to blog about. After a while, Brian still hadn't come back, so I decided to go look for him.

I went out into the mall/school, and my boss was the head teacher, and she was handing out packets that had a calendar and organizer in them. When she handed one to me, I took it without opening it, and continued to look for Brian.

Well, the packets were a ruse set up by an alien lady who wanted to destroy the earth. They would get everyone out in view of the doors which let in a bunch of light. Then she rigged these sun reflector things to give a concentrated dose of solar energy which would destroy the earth. But in my packet, I had accidentally gotten a chalkboard eraser, which somehow led to me covering my eyes with my arm when the reflectors went off. That caused her plan to fail, and time to go backwards until right before the packets were handed out.

I found my boss and told her what was about to happen, and suggested we put erasers in as many packets as we could. She agreed, but I ended up finding a whole bunch of erasers that she hadn't done anything with.

The alien lady found out about my plan and changed hers to still work even when people were covering their eyes. In fact, she sat next to me and covered her eyes too when she detonated the reflector. She ended up arranging it that people who got erasers were people who she could use to either help her invent new technology, or as soldiers and captains in her army.

The blast also put us many years into the future, and everyone got there at different time points. When I had arrived, she was already training her army. And I was imprisoned on a desolate earth. They landscape outside the windows was bleak and lifeless, but the stands where the reflectors were still stood. The alien lady's territory extended out beyond the stands, but after that, a great war was going on with another alien civilization.

As I watched out the window, I saw this creature out by the reflectors that was like a cross between a cheetah and a hyena with really long legs. I asked a girl what it was, but she said she had to report to combat training, so she didn't have time to explain.

I followed her out to the training area and told her I was going to escape. She didn't have faith I could make it, because I had to cross the training grounds to get out. That meant getting around machine guns and laser pulse guns, but I ended up making it out. I found one of the cheetah creatures, and although it couldn't talk to me, it did this kind of mind meld thing. It showed me that not all the planet was desolate and at war, that there was this area of forests and life.

I found my way into an area that was on the edge of a forest, where there was a building. Inside the building was a small group of people that had escaped before. They had turned it into a museum of human life, and the head honcho walked around naked to show off his humanity.

The dream kind of dissolves from here, turning into something about living in an apartment (which was also part of this museum) with my mom, stepdad, and sister, and my sister being in the bathroom. Then I tried to take a bath, but couldn't figure out how to shut the water off.

Like I said, this wasn't one dream, just a series of dreams. I don't remember exactly where each one stopped and started, but in some cases, it seems kind of evident. All in all, really weird, but has the potential to be a story. Or Doctor Who episode.

Sweet Addiction Teaser

2011-01-18T19:06:00.000-05:00

My next novel, currently in the editing process: Sweet Addiction

Chocolate. Cocoa. Cacao. Fudge. It doesn't matter what you call it, if I'm caught with even half an ounce, I could face a minimum of 4 years in prison. It's ruined my life and cost me my job, my house, and my husband. I hate it. I love it. I need it. I have given everything I have for the experience of that musky sweetness that melts onto my tongue and fills my mouth.

Mostly365

2011-01-03T22:19:00.001-05:00

I'm joining my good friend Webguy (hey Web, want me to link to you here?) in the Mostly365 project, to take and post a picture everyday. Since it's the 3rd, I had to play a little catch up. I took some pictures at a New Year's Eve party, so I think I can justify using one of those for the 1st. Then I took 2 pictures today.

I've got something set up to make a new post every time I put up a new picture, but frankly, I don't know if it will work. So if you'd like to follow my blog, check out my album below, or subscribe to my Mostly365 album RSS feed.

I Feel Like An Astronaut

2010-12-27T08:59:00.007-05:00

The most romantic thing my husband said to me over Christmas? "I got my Starbucks order."

I love Bloomington. Out of anywhere in Indiana, or even the Midwest, I'm glad I live here. Sure, I'd rather be somewhere warm near the ocean, but Bloomington ain't bad. But one of the downsides to living in Bloomington is that the closest immediate family member is 2 hours away. When we moved, I wanted to live closer to my dad, instead I'm pretty much the same distance away in the exact opposite direction.

But most of our family is still up in the South Bend area, which is a four hour drive for us. Southern Indiana is beautiful to drive through, but the landscape north of Indianapolis is BORING! We've found ways to make it a bit more interesting, like taking smaller highways that go through interesting little towns. Mostly, we still hate the drive.

There are things I love about the drive though. The top one being that Brian and I just talk for 4 hours. We spend time together doing nothing but driving down the road and sharing dreams, creating stories, and just... talking. Sometimes we'll put on music and sing together, off key and with the wrong lyrics. And sometimes we put on a CD of standup comedy and laugh together.

One of our favorites is Christopher Titus' "Love Is Evol." He says at the beginning:

I have to warn you about tonight's show. Tonight's show will either fix your relationship or destroy it. And either way, you're welcome.

So of course, we listened to it this time. He talks about past relationships, the good and bad, and it's hilarious. At one point he talks about having big dreams as a kid, but they go away as you grow up and face reality.

I'm gonna be an astronaut. No, I'm gonna drive an ice cream truck. No! I'm gonna drive an ice cream truck in outer space! And then my dad saw that I was full of hope and joy and thought, "well, that's not gonna work, you little fruit."

He also wishes for a relationship Starbucks, where you could order your perfect mate. Of course, he talks about his new girlfriend, and that he got his Starbucks order.

I want everybody I know to be happy, 'cause guess what; I have found my ice cream truck. And I feel like an astronaut, 'cause every day with her is a day in outer space.

So Brian turns to me and says, "I got my Starbucks order." And then he lists it. But you don't get to know that part, that's for me.

Out of all the gifts I got this year, that's the one I'll remember the most. This year for Christmas, I got my ice cream truck.

Oh, and Thank You Christopher Titus.

The state of Terrainier

2010-11-30T08:25:00.000-05:00

Today is November 30th, the last day of NaNoWriMo.

I wrote another 2,000 words last night, and decided to unwind before going to bed by watching some TV. I'm watching the first season of the new Doctor Who, the ones with Rose, with Christopher Eccleston as The Doctor. Last night I watched the episode where Rose goes back in time to prevent her father's death.

It's excellent writing. By the end of the episode, even though they're not "together" per se (Rose even says, "Why do people keep thinking that?"), they are obviously in love with each other. I suppose that's the way people thought of Brian and I before we started dating. And of course, all of this is going on amidst action and science fiction and the world ending. Doctor Who isn't thought of as a romance, but it's still there.

That's what I just spent 68,572 words and counting trying to do. I've been trying to capture that feeling of uncertainty, the longing, the complications of falling in love while battling with, well in this case a post apocalyptic world. Instead, I think I will have spent 70,000 some words world building without any character development and a cardboard plot. I've been telling instead of showing, and I just haven't been able to get into the groove this year. I haven't been able to capture and convey that feeling of falling in love and all the complexities that go with it.

Tonight, I'll write another 2,000 words or so. (Really, I'd love to write 4,000, to end with 72,500, but that may too lofty of a goal.) I have a town being attacked by land pirates and a gruesome revengeful death to write, plus possibly a pregnancy and a train coming to town. I don't know if I'll get it all in tonight.

If I don't, I'm not continuing it tomorrow. I'm shelving this one until the day I'm ready to rewrite it. I don't think as it is, it's up to even a fair level of quality. It has to wait for another day, to wait for the muse to touch it.

Until then, tomorrow I go back to work on Sweet Addiction. I'm itching to get back to it, and someday I may actually call it finished. Then I'll start on the whole new adventure of critiquing and finding an agent and everything else that absolutely scares the hell out of me. But I'll worry about that later, I need to finish the book first.

[Side note, yes, I am a certified geek. I scored 49% on the Geek Test for goodness sakes.)

National Novel Writing Month

2010-11-01T10:32:00.004-04:00

It's baa-ack! Sure, I can't update a blog with any regularity anymore, but I know I can still bang out 50,000 words by the end of the month.

This year, in addition to writing, I'm also the Municipal Liaison for Bloomington. I was afraid I'd come across as too controlling or bossy, especially since we didn't have an ML last year. But instead I've felt appreciated. I think I've got all the write-ins planned, and even got a little help with some outside Bloomington events.

I was hesitant to do fundraising this year because I have little money of my own to work with for the Bloomington events. On my ML wish list is writer fuel (food and coffee) to share with Wrimos (participants), miscellaneous prizes, several packs of NaNoWriMo Merit Badge buttons or stickers, and a ML tshirt.

But I decided that I'll toss the link out there as well. If you'd like to sponsor me during Nano, please make a donation at http://www.gifttool.com/athon/MyFundraisingPage?ID=1891&AID=935&PID=177528http://www.gifttool.com/athon/MyFundraisingPage?ID=1891&AID=935&PID=177528. Your donation will go towards free creative writing programs for kids and adults in classrooms, communities, and libraries around the world.. The cause near and dear to my heart is the Young Writers Program; I love to see young adults given a forum to unleash their creativity.

This year I'm writing a post-apocalyptic romance, and am currently calling it Terrainier. 60 years after the Arctic Flu killed 95% of the human race and cleared the cities, Terrainiers compete with Land Pirates to ransack the cities for useful materials. It's natural that a Terrainier and a Fixer would become partners, but falling in love isn't the only matter that complicates what should be a professional relationship.

So here I go! Write On Dude!

Seeing A Past Love

2010-09-19T21:45:00.002-04:00

My first love was pretty much a secret romance. Yet he taught me so much about relationships, and about life. I couldn't have asked for a man who acted with such grace. I am indebted to him.

But I was young, and new at this love thing. I took advantage of him. I didn't give him the respect he deserved. He never said anything about it. We split because we both found someone else.

We stayed friends for a little while, but soon we grew apart. We moved, changed email addresses, the ties were gone.

Since then, I've wanted to tell him that I'm sorry. That I did him wrong. I want him to have only the best.

This weekend, I saw him again. Although I had practiced it a million times in my head, when I saw him, I didn't know how to approach him, what to say. To make matters worse, I didn't expect him to do what he did: nothing. He ignored me, pretended like he didn't know me.

I think he would've left without saying a thing to me. But I had to at least say hi. And that's all I got. "Hi Michelle." I think I murmured a greeting back. And then he was gone.

Brian knows all about him. He knows how much I've wanted to see him again, make things right. He knows that somewhere in my mind, I hold on to the hope that we could be friends again. I'm jealous of Brian and Angela, that they still have a friendship (and why shouldn't they? Even though she's my husband's ex, she's an awesome person).

Since Brian's heard so much about him, I wanted to introduce him to my ex. I wanted to know that my ex is doing well. He was there with a beautiful woman that I can only assume is his wife. I wanted to tell him congratulations and wish him happiness. And I wanted to apologize, maybe even talk to him again.

I've thought about looking him up, passing on my contact information, just in case he ever wanted to talk to me again. But I know it's best to just let him be. Maybe I'll run into him again under different circumstances.

The DUH moment that made our suppers easier; and Delight by Braino

2010-07-26T10:17:00.009-04:00

"What do you want for supper?" "I don't know, what do you want." "I don't know, what are you in the mood for?" "I don't know, I chose last night, it's your turn."

Around 6:30 every night, we used to have that conversation. And then neither of us would decide, and we'd end up eating something lackluster after 9 pm just because we know eating is a necessity. Our cupboards would be full, but finding two things that went together to make a meal without having to run to the grocery store was difficult.

But we haven't had that conversation in over 2 weeks.

I usually go grocery shopping on Saturdays (along with everyone else. But hitting the grocery store after Farmer's Market, which is only on Saturdays, just makes sense.). So on Friday night, we pick 6 meals for the week. I write them down and stick it to the fridge. Then when the dreaded supper time comes around, instead of the, "what do you want?" "I dunno, what do YOU want," conversation, we just look at our menu. And everything we need to make it is already in the house. In addition, strangely enough, it's making me a better cook.

I know, most people reading this are probably going, "Um yeah, I've been doing that for years." We're a little slow on the draw, okay? We're both pretty impulsive, and especially since I found out about the food allergies a few years ago, I often want to avoid the stress of cooking.

Two more weeks of this, and it'll officially become a habit. I will have organized a part of my life, yeah! As long as it doesn't turn out like all my other efforts to get organized usually do: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html (At least I'm not alone in this.)

Oh, and I realized I never hit Publish on the last poem:

DELIGHT

by Braino

A delight, pure delight,

That is what she is.

One in a million.

An extreme joy to be near.

An angel whose light I need.

The one who cares for me.

A rare pleasure

For me.