If You Only Knew...

Comical but wrong

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 00:33:00 +0000

I have no words for this

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 19:18:00 +0000

SAW THE ''HOTS'' GIRL IN CHIRCH , TO DAY.
AND I SEE ME FEEL SO TRUN ON WANT TO TUOCH MY SHELF. BUT I did't. good thing to bacuse her mom was next to her she SEXY TO THINK LOOK LIKE WAS 18 OR 19 I LOVED THE SMELL OR HER PEAFERM IT MADE
ME FEEL SO NICE. I WANT TO KISS HER EAR, AND HER LIPS AND HER NCEK. THE END

This week in TV

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:27:00 +0000

So I haven't written here in quite a while but I feel as though its time to share some of the trashiest TV I've seen in quite some time. So let's take it from the top.

Little People - A show that's just plain wrong. Let's follow handicapped people, midgets, and document their life and have a good laugh while they go through their everyday struggles. Such as driving a full sized vehicle and getting in a car accident.

World's Strictest Parents - I've seen two episodes of this one. On the first a girl who didn't know her own clothes size loved giving her mother a hard time and of course the mother was a single construction worker. The other boy on this show came from a single parent household as well, he was living with his father who couldn't control him. The kid was known for "tagging" and his favorite method was spray paint. He shows up to the new parents household with a handful of condoms. Now really did you think you were gonna get any, get a life.

Next episode, a bucktoothed nasally skateboarder whose mothers name was Feather, nuff said. Girl on this show was a stuck up princess that got everything from a VW Beatle convertible and it was ok for her to have a mini fridge stocked fully with alcohol and regularly smoked weed with her friends in her parents garage. They got placed on a working dude ranch. Skateboarder starts off with a bang and says "Damn", he gets to carry hay. Also saying God or Lord outside the context of praying was a felony. "Oh my God" was grounds for punishment.

Rob & Big - I have to say this is my favorite show. Just hilarious but I can't get over how he makes his money and continues to make it. I'm looking for a way to make his money on a continual basis. Just to give you an idea, one of his episodes was him reading a Guiness Book of World Records and then beating 23 of the worlds skateboarding records. Amazing.

Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory - Started shortly thereafter Rob & Big had to be cancelled when Big (Rob's bodyguard had a baby). More money involved and now he has a warehouse converted into a skate park with a tennis ball cannon. Again, where is the money coming from!

Brooke Knows Best - Not gonna lie, thought she was hot some time ago, now I realize she is a Frankenstein of a woman with the most messed up family. Her mother, Hulk Hogan's ex-wife, is now dating one of her son's friends and he's in his 20's...normal. Anyway Brooke's roomate Ashley was offered while at a bar to be given $20,000 to come on some guys boat whose she's never met before. Brooke somehow agrees, gets shipped to the Bahamas without knowing its an orgy cruise and then jumps ship while in the Bahamas and catches a ride home on some fishermans boat who dumps them off the shores of FL and they float back...not lying.

True Life - I've seen some crazy stuff on True Life and honestly they're all sad and/or pathetic. Some are just plain wrong and disgusting. 21 year old named Unique, has a baby of her own and inherited 4 of her siblings as her own after her mother committed suicide. Also each sibling has a different father. She's "super" excited to go out on a date and I started to feel for her cause she seemed into this kid. Found out the kid is 20 something, has a cane and has dated girls with kids before...odd, yes I think so. Unique though does find herself in an unfortunate and "unique" position in life and I hope the best for people like this. Actually I believe in welfare for these types of people, since she had no control over her current situation. Her younger sister though that couldn't keep her legs closed, sorry no remorse, your choice...go struggle.

The worst of all JERSEY SHORE. How can ANYONE approve of this show. Self-proclaimed "guidos" camp out on the Jersey Shore with the other trash (people included in that trash). Live together in an orgy-house, take steroids, workout, tan, and oh yes they work. At a T-shirt making store front. The biggest problems in the house, one roomie got pink eye and another roomie hooked up with another roomie that another roomie was "pushin up on". Really I'm not exaggerating...this was the episode. Also the best line of the show was a threat from one female to a male in the house. "I'll cut you're hair while you sleep."

I really don't know what to say to these shows but seriously how can any exec look at this as a lineup and say....yes that will work...lets bring it to air. Get this shit off the TV.

Perfect

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:16:00 +0000

Probably one of the funniest things I've seen in a while

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 20:04:00 +0000

http://morningwoodacademy.com

Thanks Family Guy

You've got to be kidding me

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 17:36:00 +0000

I swear this client has it out for us. How about you take a look at the other firm??

Hey G-Man lets list out the things you have directly contributed to in the last, lets say, 3 months. I bet you're name got on more things than you really had an impact on.

Two things for ya bud....

1. The internet is not part of this project or even project scope, so no need to make it look like you're doing work...the entire room knows your surfing the web.

2. Wireless does not work from the bathroom....also you office isn't the bathroom.

Oh but who am I to judge.

Question

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:03:00 +0000

Why is it that women prefer to use a straw when drinking from a plastic bottle of soda?

Pic of the year

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 19:43:00 +0000

Today's Lunch

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 19:44:00 +0000

Today on the menu was the delicious:

Falnk Steak Grill Special

That's it!

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:56:00 +0000

Here's my past two days in case anyone cares...I more or less just have to vent.

Yesterday I went to get a sandwich from the deli across the street. They make a mean wrap...anyway. I walk in, things look pretty typical, 3 people behind the counter, and about 2 people in line. (This is where my troubles begin) All of a sudden the bell rings as a group of what appear to be 8 Asian tourists walk through the door all led by a rolly-polly gal in a green blazer. A shriner leprechaun? Who knows but what I do know was that she was in charge of this parade. I've just placed my order and am standing near the corner waiting patiently for my sandwich when one of the Asian senior citizens asks me if I'm in line for "tickets." I knew right from the get-go this wasn't going to be good seeing as I work at a grocery store for years and sold Lottery tickets and knew how long and how much those elderly drove me up a wall with their inability to place a proper bet, but had no problem spending their entire social security check in one fell swoop. Luckily (well I guess its all in how you look at it) they weren't there to buy Lottery tickets but train tickets...oh yeah! So the Leprechaun yells back how do we want to pay for this...of course silence because their hearing aids must have been on low, so Lucky decides well we will pay seperately.

UM NO YOU WON'T. Ya well they did which resulted in mass confusion and me waiting an extra 15 mins for my sandwich. So long that the guy who made the sandwich didn't even realize he had made my sandwich and asked me if he could help me. To which I responded "Ya I'd love to pay for my sandwich..."

That was yesterday....fast forward.

Today was when I was supposed to have my annual review. Today would mark the 7th rescheduling due to a number of conflicts...hey not much that can be done and I get that...but now I'm just dying to find out what's going to be said seeing as its now been over a week since its initial scheduling. From the looks of it, it will now be at some point next week...we shall see. I bet you're all wondering how I started my day though. Well I was supposed to have a Drs. appt but of course dumbass forgot to delete the old entry of the doctors visit and went to the previously scheduled dates appt. Traveled into Boston for no reason other than the ride, wasted $9.50, and just about half a day. So what did I try and do....well get breakfast of course since I hadn't eaten anything all day figuring I would have blood work, don't want to throw those numbers off! I find Dunkin Donuts....seems like a solid answer to my grumbling stomach. They recently got Flatbreads and Iced Tea...sounds delicious and even somewhat healthy...PERFECT. I stand there and pick out my Flatbread...Turkey Sausage. NOPE sorry we're all out, how about Veggie, to which I responded "That sounds FANTASTIC." Felix was confused, too bad I didn't know the Spanish translation. I ate my cardboard Flatbread with a smile on my face, but hey, the iced tea was just delicious.

I get back to work, do my catch up work seeing as I lost half a day with the wonderful train schedule that for some reason had me waiting about an hour for the next train home. Now of course I'm getting hungry so I walk over to the same deli as the day before, no ones there obviously because its 2pm. Get my sandwich and I'm out...things are looking up. Didn't buy a drink because I know we have water back at the office. I walk up to the water bubbler....OF COURSE ITS EMPTY.....wtf why not...anyone else want a jab? Luckily there are more than one in the office.

TGIF

Bye

Almost forgot

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:18:00 +0000

On the way down to CT again I caught another humorous road sign:

Caution
Depressed Storm Drains

You would be too if you got run over all day. You can laugh now.

Just another day

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:11:00 +0000

The weasel is making cameo's like nobody's business, not sure he does much of anything. He likes making a lot of noise. Just so we're clear he's the guy who thinks he's funny and is really loud in order to draw attention to himself but the person that nobody likes. He's slippery...that's a good adjective for him.

Oh and by the way G-Man has made about 30 trips to the Munchkin box today....there's only 25 in the box. Of all the people here...he's the one that could use them the least.

Oh its her birthday!

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 18:04:00 +0000

It's a P-Point's Twin bday today! That means cupcakes for everyone...well not really, especially if G-Man sees them...and believe me he already has! I'm not sure who was more excited for the 'extra' sweets today....G-Man or the Twin.

It's only a matter of time!

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:47:00 +0000

Got Munchkins today with our coffee for the group. I strategically placed them on person away from him. I'm just waiting for G-Man to pounce on them...I know what he's doing, he's just waiting for someone to pop that box open and its on.

Come on are you serious!?

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 22:47:00 +0000

As you can see by the end of this post, its pretty much the end of the day. G-Man has already had one donut....but thinks he's sneaky and gets up and approaches the box of donuts. There's one left...a jelly donut! Oh he's all excited. So what does G-Man do....cuts the donut in half of course! Just before cutting it I.B. (off by one...do the math) says "Ay G-Man, in Mexico we would say 'Stop stuffing the Pinata'" The room bursts out laughing and G-Man is mortified. To make him feel better the PITA Fidget (different from PITA previously mentioned) goes and cuts the half in half. Now seriously who is gonna eat a quarter jelly donut that two different people have touched!

Hey...there's donuts out there!

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 21:43:00 +0000

G-Man has been behind closed doors for quite a while today in meetings. All of a sudden he came out of the office he was in like a bat out of hell and charged the closed box of donuts....well guess what. There was a boston creme with sprinkles left! He literally inhaled that poor thing.

Things only continue to get better

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 20:18:00 +0000

Last week as a result of UAT we had another office where we took care of training. I went to visit cause there was a cutie in the class...not gonna lie. Anyway this office is literally a good half mile away from where I'm supposed to be located. So today I'm starting to get bored/in need of a break so I decide why not go to the bathroom on the other side of the building just for kicks. So I make my 15 minute journey down there to find what you ask? G-Man just finishing the washing of his hands. Now some of us may say 'Thank you' for using that bathroom and not fogging up our room causing the fire alarms to go off. Now that I think about it as you make you way down that hall the smoke detectors are blocked off due to construction, probably why he went down there and the rest of us didn't have to be evacuated. If you hadn't already guess G-Man is rather large and I swear he does nothing all day other than surfing the net, which has been proven on at least two occassions by management here. LOVE when that happens.

I'm still baffled though as to why G-Man was so far away from here, maybe he just had the same idea as I did, to get away, but I think it was an attempt to make the others in the room he was doing 'work' when in reality he was just going for a nice LONG walk. He really aggrivates me. Speaking of people that aggrivate me...

There's this Asian kid whose always struting around the cafe downstairs. Thinks he's the shit with his shirt unbuttoned and his hair all greasy. Hey kid, I'm not impressed, get a life. I'm convinced he probably uses about 90% of the products this company produces on himself.

Ok so final thing I swear. Now I always volunteer to go and get the coffee for the group and like the good people we are, we always offer to buy for the 'other team.' Now things are awkward enough, yet they continue to add to it. Like seriously, who orders Latte's from Dunkin Donuts. Oh hey here's another idea, why don't you offer to go and get the coffee one of these days! Yes this would require you to stop surfing the net and take a break from Power Point for about 5 minutes...I know hard to deal with.

I have a serious question

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:34:00 +0000

G-Man....what size shirt is that?

Boost! mobile reference

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 15:40:00 +0000

Do you remember those Boost mobile commercials...you know the phone service that was like Nextel's competitor for a while that was the pay-as-you-go alternative...ya well they went out of business, yup bankrupt. But again looking around the office today I thought of a reference towards it and if you knew the location of my current client and the situations surrounding the working environment you might actually find this comical.

Hey G-Man....where your belt at?

This client is amazing

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:36:00 +0000

I almost forgot to mention that the women at this company, I guess if they're my age you could call them girls, are simply amazing. It's truly what helps me wake up in the morning and get my ass to work.

Girl in the room today is looking fineeee.....too bad she's married!

My job puts the 'fun' in dysfunctional

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:25:00 +0000

Now in no way is this a description of my actual job, but what actually goes on around me on a daily basis. Today there was a meeting with the CFO of the client and needless to say the room was empty for a good portion of the morning. Of course before the meeting there was an impromtu visit by the CFO to say hello to everyone. Now my teams stays seated while he comes in because there really is nothing to be discussed with him, other than hello, good morning, how are you....the basics. Within 10 seconds of the CFO walking in the room the "other team" members were up and about - in hopes of brown nosing some more...you know, more than the usual. The best part about this was that "the other team" members were completely ignored and then the CFO made his way down stairs to take part in his presentation. It couldn't have been scripted any better.

Shortly thereafter another guy walks in the room, he thinks he's a big shot but if you ask me all he does is follow around the CFO and make him happy, in one meeting he even translated for the CFO in the sense of "What he meant to say was...." Give me a break dude, that's not gonna get you anywhere in life. For those reasons we'll refer to him as Weasel.

Anyway...he walks in the room and puts salt on the fresh wound, walks right over to G-Man from the other team and catches him AGAIN surfing the internet (two days in a row!), oh it was just classic. Then the little Weasel sits down next to G-Man to further discuss and look into just what exactly is so important that he must be surfin the web during billable hours. Well he's looking for an apartment of course! How important is that!? I bet you his bill rate is something lie $300/hr. Maybe its time they perform a cost/benefit analysis on the importance of them on this project...they seem to be really good with Microsoft Excel anyway, may as well put their "skills" or lack there of to work. The way that it was left between G-Man and Weasel was "I'm still not paying for you on Friday's." This was the first attempt by their team to actually be on site for a Friday, I know this is a huge undertaking by them, because I'm sure they are usually on a beach somewhere...although G-Man...I'm not so sure that would be such a good idea for.

Did I mention for the most part my team gets along great with one exception....every so often we fight like a married couple.

Just another day! At least I can say I have fun at my job!

They're selling it downstairs

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 19:57:00 +0000

G-Man's at it again...

Someone was wise enough to purchase a literal ton of candy from downstairs since today in the cafe there was a candy company selling a literal candy store of options. In the office or "room" today there is every type of candy a child could imagine.

Twizzler style candies with flavors like watermelon, green apple, pina colada, etc.

One of the Powerpoint twins gets up, as if they hadn't previously noticed there was candy in the room and says, "Oh what flavor is that?" Then the flood gates were open.

"It's green apple"

G-Man to the rescue, "[All excited] Oh green apple!"

This is too easy, I work at an improv asylum.

Certain as the sun, rising in the East

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:55:00 +0000

Last night the crew went to the Westchester Dinner Theater on behalf of the client in hopes of a group bonding experience slash to get our minds off work. It started with an open bar that lasted exactly one hour, followed by dinner that was actually really good. We were placed in a double box on the VIP level and even given a shout out by the MC of the nights festivities. Pretty cool overall to say that least. The performance was actually pretty good and I will admit I had my doubts, but it was enjoyable all and all.

The highlight of my evening though, had nothing to do with the play, but more the conversations that were happening in and around the large dinner table. Now granted we have many different people from different areas of the world, for example. We have reps from China, Mexico, Turkey, Philippines, and the UK. Now this converastion in particular has to do with a US rep and a Turkey rep and it went something like this.

Background: There was a discussion going around the table focusing on the orchestra and how it was produced and where it was located in relation to the stage. For the purposes of this story I will disguise the names of the individuals with the US rep being PITA, the Turkey Rep being Sexy Man, and a fellow consultant from "the other team" as G-Man. I personally think it was all pre recorded but my opinion doesn't matter here....on with the dialogue.

PITA: I wonder where the orchestra is located because the music is just beautiful. I don't even see a pit in front of the stage where they could be located.

Sexy Man: I bet you that its recorded and then they just play it back. I think they are also making it look like they are speaking and the voices are pre-recorded too.

PITA: [Very aggitated] They would never do that...you see in America we have standards as they pertain to Broadway, it is considered illegal to record music or voices in a performance, they must speak or sing them live.

G-Man: Hey do you remember back in the day that band who got caught for lip syncing...

Sexy Man: [Very excited to be a part of this conversation] OH YES! Vanilla Ice..no!?

PITA: [Aggitated again] NO! Oh what was their name....

G-Man: [Excited] Melly Vanelly!

PITA: [More aggitated] NO! Milli Vanilli

G-Man: Yes that's it...the group who had other people sing for them behind the stage.

Pita: Ya that won't ever happen again....speaking of which, that Britney Spears is a mess.

[End Scene]
------------------------
This was quickly followed by

"Oh he has a man crush on Justin Timberlake"....something I don't deny, actually I embrace!

This was then rebutted by PITA:

"You Justin really is a nice man, he has done a lot of good and he's very respectable, the best thing he did for himself was get rid of that Britney Spears."

For those of you who don't know PITA is an acronym.

Now you may know why I call her Pain In The Ass.

[Queue curtain and bow]

Day-to-day Activities

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:20:00 +0000

So as per usual I'm on site at a client, I mean that is what I do for work. I enjoy traveling, in fact I love it. If I could travel everyday, I'd do it. While on site at this client we're with another consulting company that does more project management, or as they like to call is 'Management Consulting.' Believe me its vague for a reason. I'm not going to go into that in too much depth, we'll save that for later.

So yesterday one of the other consultants from the "other team" noticed there were sweets in the room. Well he made a bee-line to them, there was no thought process in that decision, I can assure you. So most people would look from afar and decide, oh ok that looks tasty, or ehhh I don't really like chocolate....not this guy. He had to pick up each and every one and inspect closely, which involved him touching them and then putting them back down.

Judging by his spectacular physique, I'm going to assume he has little to no allergies.

I love American Gladiator

noreply@blogger.com (Evan M Leffler) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:26:00 +0000

American Gladiator Face Plant --- YES!

It's too bad they don't show the after because his face was gushing blood. Granted he had a 6 second delay so he was catching up but......Oh yea...he lost.