Currently Cultivating

Ushering in 2019: A Life Update

2019-01-06T15:41:00.003-08:00

It's been a hot second since I put fingers to keyboard in this space.

I've missed it. A lot.

But I didn't have the bandwidth for much other than PA school this past semester.

I'll start by saying PA school is everything I thought it'd be and more. I knew it'd be hard, and it is, but with a little finesse it's more manageable than I expected. I've found a certain rhythm to things, especially since I'm over that first semester hurdle. (We had an interim semester of sorts between mid-November and Christmas break which more closely resembled what our schedule will be like from now until clinical rotations.) I feel so fortunate to have the cohort I do. We get along exceptionally well, so much so that many of them quickly became my friends both in and out of the classroom.

I've come to really love the South. The winters are mild, which is nice, but still hit that freezing mark often enough that I can appreciate the seasons. The universe guided us to the perfect apartment with an insanely easy commute, and I have unexpectedly found myself feeling very at home here.

Kiddo's internship in California has been an awesome adventure for all of us. He's learning and growing more that we ever expected at this point, and is finding out who he is and what he loves in the process. We have been incredibly fortunate that Husband has been able to make that his home base, because let's face it: he's still a teenager who needs parental support. And while this arrangement is amazing (I'd be worried about him ALL THE TIME were he living alone 2500 miles away), it's not always easy. Husband and I, at our longest stretch, didn't see each other for 8 weeks. That was tough.

Still, as with anything hard, we learned our lesson and intend to stick to our 4-6 week limit between visits. It's not always easy living alone (even an introvert needs a hug once in a while, you know?), but the ability to focus solely on school sans mom/wife guilt was a gift. I'll be forever grateful for the opportunity to adjust + learn + grow at my own pace. As of now we don't have any plans for Husband to move here full time. We remind ourselves that this is but a short season in our marriage, and we'll both be better for it in the end. Bonus: reunions are that much sweeter because all we care about is being together.

For Christmas I flew out to California and we spent a week at Disneyland + Universal Studios. It was lovely and I came back with my bucket filled. Second semester officially started on the 2nd, but they kindly transitioned us back with a day of narrated PowerPoint lectures. First semester had a more fluid schedule, so I'm adjusting to 6-8 hour days which primarily involve sitting in a classroom listening to extensive PowerPoint lectures.

All in all I'm so happy to be here in the finally stages of a looong journey. I have a ways to go, for sure, but it's a blip compared to what it took to get here. 2018 was a whirlwind, but so many amazing things happened in just 12 months. I can't wait to see what 2019 has in store.

Though I'm not a New Year's resolution kind of gal, I've made some goals for myself this year. Self care went down the drain first semester, and understandably so, but I've started the year with a Whole30. I've done a few and they always help me press the reset button. I'm only on Day 5 and I feel loads better than I did going into it. It usually takes a couple weeks to feel a difference, which suggests my body wasn't very happy with the way I was treating it. My hope is to continue following the eating principles of this plan after the 30 days, but with some modifications to ensure my success in the long run. A 90/10 kind of thing.

Also on the list:

Improve my sleep hygiene considerably (it's been baaad) // more FaceTime dates with my husband and son + more regular visits // better organization (academic and personal) // decreasing my cell phone use, particularly mindless Instagram scrolling when I'm stressed/bored/tired (one day a week spent with my phone put away, perhaps) // adding in more exercise...even if it's just a short walk to the mailbox between study sessions // no clothing/beauty purchases for at least 90 days // removing 5 items from my house each week

It sounds like a lot, but this is totally doable with my current schedule...and will lend itself to a better overall existence. Which in turn will have a positive effect on my academic performance.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. I've missed my interaction with all of you. I've missed writing for pleasure. I'm happy to be back to both.

See you soon.

Sarah

Seen, Heard and Bookmarked: Orientation Week

2018-08-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Just like that, I'm almost through orientation week. Which means next week things start getting real, real fast. My emotions have been all over the place: butterflies of excitement when I least expect it; fear of what's to come (and more fear over my ability to incorporate the fire hose of information that'll be coming at me); pangs of loneliness when I climb into an empty bed at night. Fortunately the moments of melancholy are few and far between these days.

Our apartment is losing its newness and becoming more familiar with each passing day. The boxes are all emptied and our belongings have found their places. Every evening candles burn with familiar scents, replacing the smell of new carpet and freshly painted walls. It's smaller than the home before it, but I like the simplicity and coziness of it's size and location. And while a lot of the art and chotchkes are tucked away for another day and/or another home, the space still very much represents who we are and what we love. The second bedroom is unoccupied, as is the sunroom/office, but they'll be furnished and ready when the boys eventually make their way back.

This morning at orientation we had a financial expert as a guest speaker. He was dynamic and real and funny, and now I'm insanely motivated to create an updated budget + get back to our debt snowball after a long hiatus. We also heard from a panel of 3rd year students in the midst of their clinical rotations. It gave me a serious case of the tingles. I can't wait to practice medicine! There's a lot that stands between me and The Dream, but I'm making a conscious effort to only focus on today—to enjoy the process and immerse myself in the experience. I have an exceptional group of cohorts I'd like to get to know better, and I enjoy learning so darn much; it would be a shame to miss out because I was always looking ahead. Living in the now hasn't always come naturally to me, but I'm getting there.

Last night after class I came home, put on comfy clothes, and...meal prepped. I know. I wasn't expecting that either. Though orientation is far from rigorous, I'm mentally exhausted by day's end. There is a lot of information being thrown at us, and little context regarding how to apply it just yet, so it all feels very big and speculative. And let's not forget: the buildup to this week has been a long time coming, so it'll take a moment to wrap my mind around the fact that it's all finally happening in real time. I'm processing and increasing my bandwidth by the hour these days. Anyway. I chopped veggies and cubed cheese and made myself a lettuce-wrapped turkey sandwich for dinner. I packed my lunch for today and went to bed before midnight for the first time in months. Progress.

This weekend will be more of the same. On the agenda: sleep, (more) meal prep, and maybe a facial? Relaxation! The sooner I finish normalizing this life of mine, the sooner I'll acclimate to, well, life as I now know it. So while I'm saying yes to social engagements and yes to opportunities in an attempt to immerse myself in this amazing experience, I'm also saying yes to well-being and quiet time and ritual. Because those are important, too (maybe more so?).

In the meantime, here are some things I've seen, heard and bookmarked as of late:

Speaking of meal prep, these 20 On-the-Go Paleo Lunches look awesome. (I'm getting back to eating Whole30/Paleo as much as possible.)

The Instant De-Frizzer by Living Proof is helping sooo much with my hair in this hot, humid climate. In combination with their Nourishing Styling Cream, things are staying a lot smoother. (It's been raining heavily the last few days, so I need all the help I can get.)

This Summer Cobb Salad with Coconut Bacon looks bonkers good. (I've been craving veggies...turns out there is such a thing as too many catered box lunches.)

On the recommendation of my fellow students, I bought an iPad Pro and pencil tool this week which will allow me to take notes directly on our PowerPoint slides. Advice or suggestions on apps or ways to use it that will optimize my experience? (I loathed to buy more technology, especially after the expense of upgrading my laptop, but it seems invaluable for anatomy.)

Clever Ideas for Organization and Storage in Small Spaces is right up my alley since moving across the country into a much smaller abode a month ago.

I haven't been hungry for breakfast on the mornings with an earlier start time, so these macadamia nut butter packets have been bridging the meal gap. (I eat it straight out of the packet.)

Easy Refrigerator Dill Pickles (I could eat pickles for breakfast, lunch and dinner!)

A fascinating New Yorker piece on the concept of "financial resentment."

I had a rare chocolate craving last night...this Vegan Chocolate Peanut Butter Freezer Fudge would definitely do the job.

How to Make Friends, According to Science (Interesting stats! I'm meeting a lot of new people right now...)

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Seen, Heard & Bookmarked: The Art of Settling In

2018-07-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

We're getting there. In a flash of productivity I emptied out those last few lingering boxes last night and boy what a difference a few boxes make in a relatively small space. Paper and cardboard also invite/harbor those bugs the South is known for, so there's a very practical reason to banish them from our apartment. It's slowly starting to resemble a place someone would live in and call home and what a relief that is. Next up: clearing clutter from surfaces and hanging our art.

We've accumulated a lot of lovely, unique art over the years and my favorite way to display it is through densely arranged collage walls. The bigger the wall the better. I like the aesthetic of a cohesive collage where the art provides the color, so I've replaced/painted all our frames to be either black or white. (Black is usually living room art while white goes in the bedroom/hallway/loft space/etc.)

I like art to be our wallpaper, but I'll be honest: I've never tackled such a small space. I oscillate between thinking it will look cozy or completely overwhelming. I'll have to follow my gut on this one and have the spackle on standby should it go the latter direction.

Husband leaves for a business trip this coming Monday, returns home on Friday, then both him and Kiddo head to California indefinitely the following Monday. Husband and I made a goal to go no more than 6 weeks without seeing each other, but I don't know when I'll see Kiddo next. If things go well with his internship—and I hope they do—it could be Christmas. And though I'm so grateful for this opportunity before him, our whole family dynamic is about to change. It's weird, sad and wonderful all at once. To be able to embark on this journey that involves rigorous study and very little free time without the guilt of neglecting my family is a gift. Mom guilt is no joke, you know? Wrapping my head around all this is another matter entirely, however.

My goal over the next two weeks is to wrap up lingering homework, explore our new neighborhood, and relax. Read! I'd love to devour a book for pleasure. I'm also going to put some business casual outfits together, (re)start a long-term Whole30, and establish a low maintenance beauty routine that fits into this new climate. Though I'm not out in the sun a lot, my skin has already taken on a more golden hue which necessitates some new foundation. My skin and hair are totally different here, both good and bad, so it's time to adapt product-wise. I've been primarily makeup-free since my LASIK procedure in early June, but I like feeling a little more polished most days. I think it will help me feel put-together and create a sense of routine I so desperately need.

Also on the list? Sleep hygiene. I've yet to fall asleep before 1a since we left the PNW. Time to create a routine around bedtime as well.

Here are some things I've seen, heard and bookmarked this week:

While unpacking the living room I caught up on Molly's new show, Girl Meets Farm. It's adorable, of course.

3 Ways To Keep Humidity From Ruining Your Hair // I'm currently using Living Proof's Nourishing Styling Cream, which I've had for a while, but I'm eager to try Kate's other suggestions.

This simple embroidery hoop wreath tutorial is so, so lovely.

Rethinking the concept of happiness. (I have read and reread this post. Profound + thought-provoking. I've always struggled with society's definition/expectations when it comes to happiness re: what it looks like and how to obtain it.)

For the homebody moms out there. (Me.)

I have a tub of Lush's Big shampoo—I love sea salt shampoos—and look forward to trying this one after I use it up. (via Ashley)

One of our favorite restaurants in Portland—Batter Griddle & Drinkery—serves a bonkers good chicken and waffle. Husband always mused over the buttermilk syrup they served on the side. A homemade version recently landed in my blogroll.

After a lot of research I decided to replace my old Patagonia messenger bag with the Räven 28 Backpack by Fjäll Räven right before we left Portland. I hadn't put it to proper use yet, but this week I walked to a nearby coffee shop and holy moly it's comfortable! (Dandelion is currently sold out, but I'm in love with it's bold, cheerful color...a departure from my normally neutral tones.) I highly recommend this backpack.

I started the Something in the Water audiobook on the tail end of our road trip and play it while I unpack. I can't to see where the author goes with this story. (Intrigue from the start!)

First piece of mounted wall art: my DIY faux succulent wreath (on the wall above our bed) // Pottery Barn has a ready-made version.

Have a great weekend!

Post-move musings

2018-07-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

We made it! A kid, a cat and a dozen or so houseplants all made the trek from Portland to Atlanta. Husband and I are only slightly worse for wear, both physically and emotionally. Now we are on the other side of the move—the side which goes mostly unconsidered until you're in the thick of it: unpacking. Though we downsized our belongings considerably, our apartment is feeling very small right about now. IKEA + some strategizing and we'll get there.

The packing, the goodbyes, the 5-day road trip, the movers unloading all our belonging, the piles of boxes...it was all so, well, intense. What's left after the dust settles is exhaustion and all the emotional stuff you didn't have the bandwidth to process. Melancholy begins to set in. I'll admit: the first couple days were rough. I miss my friends. My neighbors. My coworkers. The normalcy. The lump in my throat didn't want to budge. We left a place we loved. People we loved. We had created a life for ourselves—a life we could have lived long term—which made it the hardest move we've made to date. Today is one week to the day since we were handed the keys to our new life and things are looking up.

This move is a good thing. An exciting thing. I'm thrilled for this next chapter. And you know what? In a few short month (weeks, even) this life will begin to feel normal, too. The blunt edges of change and heartbreak and self-doubt have begun to soften just a little bit with each passing day. New joys will be discovered and a routine established. Still, it's important to recognize the unsettling nature of this in-between phase. The period where I wake up in the morning to unfamiliar surroundings. I don't recognize my belongings in this new space. I don't know where to put the plants without them withering in protest. I have no idea how two bathroom boxes will fit under one small vanity. Once the storage shortage is worked out and some art is hung, I have no doubt this space will begin to feel like home. It's the in-between, you see, and I'm in it.

When you are on the verge of the post-major-life-change melancholy it's important to find routine. Husband urged me to get out of the house for a few hours the other day and I'll admit: a couple hours spent paying bills and returning emails from a coffee shop down the road did wonders for my outlook. Before heading out I dug my blow dryer out of a miscellaneous bathroom box so my hair somewhat resembled my own mop for the first time in over a week...at least until I stepped outside. (If you have fine, shoulder-length, wavy hair and live in the South, send help.)

This particular apartment—our apartment—was slated for remodel when we put down our deposit back in April, so last week we were handed the keys to a practically new unit. And that's nice. Neither of us have been apartment-dwellers in 12+ years, so for the past few months we've been thinking back to the shabby spaces of our early adulthood with more than a little trepidation. This is nothing like that. Still, returning to apartment living after all those years has left us to relearn the etiquette of living above another person's home. Don't drop that box! Walk quieter! Turn down the television! I am perhaps overly concerned with being a considerate upstairs neighbor—that will moderate with time, I'm sure—but no one wants to be that guy. The one whose noise level prompts a note of complaint left on the front door.

All in all we were so fortunate in finding a place to live. The complex overall is perfect for us. It's within 2 miles of the college and has one of the most reasonable commutes of all the places we looked at. It's established and tree-lined and has a sunroom that's just right for Mario's office. There are walking trails and the whole esthetic is very lovely and tree house-like. It's quiet. It's a mere 5-minute walk to restaurants and grocery stores. It has all the amenities one could possibly need to live a comfortable life and I feel so lucky to have landed in the right place at the right time. Looking back, we needn't have worried that it would all work out. It typically does no matter how much we fret beforehand.

Our new washer and dryer were delivered on Saturday, so I'm making my way through mounds of dirty laundry sorted onto the living room floor. We sold our old set back in mid-June, so it's been a while and we've been sweating a lot; we've reached critical mass if you know what I mean. (Side note: we went back to a top loader and it is bomb.) The ritual of doing laundry—sorting + washing + folding—all feels very normal. I'm looking forward to drawers full of clean clothes which is not something I normally consider. (Clean laundry = normalcy + routine!) All that said, I'm dressed in something besides cutoffs and a wrinkled t-shirt today so I'm feeling pretty normal-ish. Also, I found the box containing the contents of my underwear drawer a couple days ago, so I no longer have to borrow my husband's boxer briefs.

I'm going to admit something: I've been quite apprehensive about starting over socially. I received an orientation binder in the mail before we left, which includes the profiles of all my cohorts. It's a young class this year and I find myself stationed as the second oldest in the group (though there are still a lot of people also in their 30s). Age has never been something that has been on my radar. Truly. I don't dread birthdays and we have good friends that are much older and younger than us. People generally warm to me and I have no reason to believe this will be any different. I suppose it's good old vulnerability at facing this big, life-changing, scary endeavor that is behind my sudden insecurity, but nevertheless it's been on my mind a lot over the past few weeks. With Husband and Kiddo leaving for California in a couple weeks, I'll be flying solo to the family-friendly events. Vulnerable.

In an attempt to remediate these feelings, I put myself out there and posted to my program's FB page in order to connect with my future classmates. My hope is that we can meet up and become familiar with each other before orientation. Those of us without family can sit together at events. Sure enough, I got an overwhelming response from others who not only want to meet up in the coming weeks, but will also be sans significant other for one reason or another. Historically this sort of thing hasn't come naturally to me—putting myself out there socially—but I'm leaning into my discomfort + anxiety. Moving to a new place is hard + uncomfortable + lonely and I'm working to temper those feelings with proactive behaviors. Act the way you want to feel is my current mantra. Bonus: perhaps I'll stumble across the perfect anatomy partner before classes start.

So. This is the story, exactly one week in, of how I changed everything for the perfect reason. It hasn't been easy, but it sure will be worth it. Melancholy be damned! The next several weeks will involve last minute paperwork, writing essays/book reports, exploring our neighborhood and Atlanta as a whole, and finding that perfect place to study. There's a coffee shop within walking distance of our apartment that serves avocado toast. I know.

Until next time, friends.

P.S. If you get the opportunity to road trip across the United States, do it. It's gorgeous. Minus a cat and a moving truck that only goes 40mph on hills. But seriously. Do it.

Seen, Heard and Bookmarked

2018-06-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

We're entering crunch time around the homestead. The movers come on Tuesday, and the next day we jump in the truck and drive our belongings 2000 miles to our new home.

I've been choosing studying over packing this week in the hope of finishing, or nearly finishing, my online course that's due before orientation. Student loans have been applied for, utilities have been changed, check-ups have been had, and we're as ready as anyone can be.

Except for the packing part.

Today. I'm starting today. Or tomorrow. One of the two.

Meanwhile, here are some things I've seen, heard and bookmarked lately:

Moving houseplants across the country (wish me luck)

How to Avoid a Life of Regret (a reminder to chase our dreams)

A new laptop backpack for school in a very cheerful color.

Welcoming back an old friend (via a great essay)

I'll be dressing business casual a lot more, and I needed close-toed flats to wear for orientation, professional engagements and patient encounters. It was harder than I thought it'd be to find comfortable ones I like. Target for the win! I'm loving these and these. (They go with everything.)

Luxury plant lighting for those apartment corners lacking natural light.

Why Suicide Isn't Selfish (beautiful. aching. I read it over and over again.)

Girl Meets Farm premiers Sunday! Yay! I have my DVR set!

This little cabin (all the heart eye emojis!)

Happy Weekending!

Thought bubbles.

2018-06-21T16:40:00.001-07:00

T minus 6 days until The Move.

Lists and planning instead of stressing whenever possible. Agonizing over leaving friends and neighbors and a region we love must be kept strictly to a minimum.

Some of the things we wanted to do before we left aren't going to get done. (And that's okay.)

Because this is what the pursuit of The Dream looks like. And boy do I want The Dream. We've worked hard for The Dream.

So.

Chin up young lady; let's do this.

Kiddo is a high school graduate. An adult but not yet an adult, you know? He has an internship lined up, which starts in late July. I'm still trying to imagine what this new life will look like sans Kiddo, and initially sans Husband. Because he's headed to California, too, to get said burgeoning adult settled. I'll have nose to grindstone anyway, tucked away in library corners studying anatomy and pharmacology and all the other med school subjects my brain will have to somehow absorb.

Life isn't going to resemble anything I've ever known and that's confusing + daunting. But also exhilarating in that new-car-smell kind of way.

After spending 18 years nurturing a child, I don't know who I am without him.

Who is he without me?

I'm about to find out.

Thankfully the world is small these days and he's always just a click away.

(We're going to change the world, that kid and I.)

Last weekend we piled a lot of stuff on a few tables and peddled them to our fellow citizens.

We had a lot of objects we didn't use or want or need and when it was all laid out I felt more than a little shame. But also relief to be done with it.

I have a renewed resolution to be more proactive about evicting clutter.

We also made a fair bit of money.

Win-win.

Life feels complicated right now. But when I lay in bed at night, mentally preparing for a new day, I realize it's not. When you're about to leave a place you love, to start a scary new adventure, what's important has a way of surfacing over and over again despite your attempts to bury it in stress, worry, and to-do lists.

We have so much to get done, but spending time with friends—properly saying goodbye—is of the utmost importance. It's okay to put down the tape gun and meet my girls for drinks. I have one week left with them and a month from now there is zero possibility that I'll look back and wish I'd spent that time packing or studying. Not a chance.

I've been warned many times: prepare your family for the rigors of the program. Make them understand your lack of availability. Though I can't really, truly wrap my mind around it until I'm in the trenches, I believe them. I'm steeling myself mentally. Mario gets it. Which makes time together now so darn important. Like, front-of-the-line important. We're working in impromptu breakfast dates and running errands together whenever possible. We're going to be empty nesters in our late 30s, after all, and our connection must never be neglected. We've had practice being apart and working long hours, so I'm optimistic we'll cross this bridge better than most.

Leaving the Pacific Northwest is the hardest move we've made so far. Probably because we've yet to find The Place—the region we'd consider putting down roots and living out the rest of our lives in. We felt that here. We talk about coming back. We plan to come back, as much as one can with so many unknowns. For the first time we feel like we are leaving our forever home and that is hard. The people and places have captured our hearts and now we are walking away. For better things, of course, but it's a strange feeling.

I have to remember: if we stay, our lives will be never be more than they are now. Which would be okay if we both had achieved our goals. That's not the case. So we do what we have to for The Dream to be realized and if the universe wants us back here we'll find our way.

But I also want to be open to other adventures. Because there are still a few places we haven't seen and they could capture our hearts as well.

The perfect job could come up in an unexpected place.

We're welcoming any and all possibilities, which isn't always so easy when what we already have is so, so lovely.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

-Mark Twain

Seen, Heard and Bookmarked: This + That

2018-06-01T06:30:00.000-07:00

This is our first free weekend in a while. Sans social or parental obligation, we'll probably devote our time to our ongoing garage clean-out + closet/drawers purging. Hopefully we can carve out a little time to go exploring. Because Portland we're going to miss your guts. (Though Atlanta is no slouch when it comes to things to do, see and eat.) We've also started watching Shameless on Netflix, so there's 4000 hours of that to watch, too. #priorities

In the midst of finishing up my last week of work and all the other things we have going on, I decided to get Lasik. I've been wearing glasses since 4th grade and contacts since the age of 14, so my brain is like Whoa. My eye drop regimen is no joke, but so far it's been a pretty painless ordeal. (At 5 days in, I think I'm over that initial healing hump.) I'd been strongly considering laser vision correction for about a decade, and went from emailing my eye doctor to having the procedure in a span of less than two weeks. Game changer.

I'm 3 1/2 weeks into my ketogenic diet and so far, so good. I haven't lost weight, which is OK (unless I'm having a moment of impatience/doubt/insecurity), but this morning I slipped on a pair of jeans I couldn't button a month ago. And besides the ancillary issue of the number on the scale, I feel so much better. My belly isn't distended after meals, my wedding ring fits better, my mind is clearer, I have zero cravings, and I love the food options. (I have yet to feel deprived.) I have a ways to go when it comes to things like sleep hygiene and less screen time, but a lot of issues have taken care of themselves in the few weeks of following this lifestyle.

I'm officially switching from a PC to a Mac! This week husband and I sat down and ordered my new school laptop after casually deciding on size, etc over the last few months. We upgraded the RAM and memory and picked out a few must-have accessories . . . it will be ready for pickup at our local Apple Store in a couple weeks. I was hesitant to make the switch (price! learning curve!) but I've been overwhelmingly advised that this is the right choice if I want a laptop that is easy to use and will last for many years. Experiences making the switch? Yet another thing I foolishly added to my plate?

What's new with you?

Here are some things I've seen, heard and bookmarked lately:

Graduation announcement how-tos. (We botched a couple of these steps. Oops.)

A favorite new (to me) keto recipe blog.

I'll use this planner consistently! (though will I, really?)

Finding your own perfect self care (the husband/wife weekend dynamic she describes is spot on! Mario and I have the exact same struggles.)

On the hunt for a laptop backpack that's comfortable, sleek and not too sporty. Fjall Raven and Herschel Supply Co. make contenders.

washable paper (I'll take one of each, please.)

bucket list item

A solution to deal with the lack of natural light in the inner rooms of our Atlanta apartment (our foliage can roam free!)

Growing your Instagram kindly (a 4-parter)

all my accent wall dreams coming true

Have a great weekend!

June

2018-05-30T10:43:00.000-07:00

Friday is my last day of work. Two more shifts and I officially go from "employee" to "grad student." It's weird and wonderful and finally starting to feel very, very real. I was accepted back in October, and it's been life-as-usual since, so I'm only just beginning to really, truly wrap my mind around all the impending life changes. Because our actual move date is June 27th, I get a lot of A month off! How great! comments. And though I'm enormously grateful to be able to excuse myself from the workforce well in advance of starting grad school, June is going to be a doozy: Kiddo graduates from high school (with all that entails); sorting through, eliminating and packing up all of our belongings (downsizing!); participation in a neighborhood yard sale (so.much.work); finishing up that intensive online course due before orientation. Oh, and that little thing of driving a cat, a kid, a car and a moving truck across the country.

What I'm saying is, it's a lot. Equal parts overwhelming and exciting. (Mostly exciting!)

A couple times I've wondered if I should have left my job a couple weeks ago, then realize these trains of thought I engage in are pretty darn irrelevant. An unwise use of bandwidth, quite frankly, because at this point it is what it is and there's no use imagining otherwise. So.

Just to recap, mostly for my own benefit: I've been waiting for this so long. Sooooo loooong. I went back as an undergraduate student at the ripe old age of 28. I had an elementary schooler, a husband, a house and a dog. Since that time I've graduated, researched, moved across the country, and worked my tail off. It's been a long road—quite bumpy at times—but an invaluable one. In January 2017 I attended a soul-crushing interview and questioned everything. Just a few months later I picked myself back up, applied elsewhere, and was accepted into my pipe dream program. Little old me is going to a Top 3 school! And I didn't have to sacrifice a thing: the faculty/staff are the best, my cohorts are diverse and interesting (lifelong friends will be made, no doubt), and we get to live in the one region we've yet to explore. This was absolutely meant to be. (All of it.)

Leaving our friends and the PNW as a whole is sad for sure, but the new opportunities before us are absolutely amazing.

Here's to enjoying the next month.

To taking things as they are.
To letting the little (and big) inconveniences/annoyances/worries go.
To tackling one task at a time and doing it well and to completion.
To carving out time for myself, no strings attached. (Because it's not selfish to enjoy life.)
To spending lots of quality time with Kiddo. (Sans homework or chores or other parenting drags.)

I will let go of the relationships/items/emotions that aren't necessary or mutually beneficial.
I will commit to scheduling time for self care like I would any other appointment.
I will date my husband and make my marriage a top priority.
I will use up that pottery studio punch card (and finally make that perfect pho bowl!)
I will say yes to every opportunity to have drinks with the ladies.
I will do more things that make me happy. (And not shy away from things that challenge me.)

I will act the way I want to feel.

Let's do this, June.

Going Keto

2018-05-16T14:50:00.001-07:00

Like many of you, I've spent a fair amount of time considering my weight. And while I've yet to figure out what my perfect body composition looks and feels like while still enjoying real world food (important!), I know that what I have been doing isn't working.

For the past couple years I've done pretty regular Whole30s. They are stringent and require a lot of prep/planning, but I always appreciate the boost in energy and decrease in bloating. My wedding ring and waistband inevitably squeeze my skin a little less by the end of the month. But. (And there's always a But.) It felt nearly impossible to enjoy a date night with Husband or grab dinner on the go with Kiddo while sticking to it. If I forgot my lunch I agonized over what I could actually eat from the hospital cafeteria. Food became a near obsession and part of the "reset" process was a fair amount deprivation when it came to the foods I enjoy. That being said, it worked well for me and I've long-since established that ultra-low carb diets suit my body very well.

With PA school less than 11 weeks away, I started to think about my lifestyle. If establishing a rock solid workout and food routine feels hard now, it'll be darn near impossible once I'm knee deep in an intensive grad school program. The fact is, the time has come to change the language from "diet" to "lifestyle."

It comes down to one fundamental issue: I want to be my best self from here on out. I've done a lot of hard work to get where I am, and I want that feeling of accomplishment to be reflected in all aspects of my life.

In an attempt to bridge what works for me (low-carb) and what I can live with (real food in the real world), I landed on a ketogenic lifestyle. And while it requires a good deal of planning, I'm finding it to be the most manageable [restrictive] food plan I've every undertaken. This will not be true for everyone, of course, but for me it's been completely livable. I'm not naturally a sweets person—I much prefer savory/rich foods—which is why it may be such a good fit so far. I can also find keto-approved foods anywhere, even on the go. (If you are unfamiliar with the ketogenic diet, you can get more info here and here.)

I'm 10 days in, so I'm certainly not seeing dramatic changes at this point. Nor do I expect to. (I took an initial weight and will check it again only at 2 week intervals, if that.) I'm taking a wait-and-see approach to this whole affair; unrealistic expectations are out the window. Do some people lose 20 pounds their first month? Sure. Will I? I'm not counting on it. As long as I don't let my mindset settle into wants instead of needs, I will be able to evaluate the efficacy of this lifestyle as it pertains to my body. I'm giving it 30 solid days—following it to a T—and then I'll reevaluate.

I had one rough day last week—Day 3, I think—where I had zero energy. I literally felt like my limbs weighed 100 pounds each and I struggled to do the simplest tasks...like showering or combing my hair. Otherwise I've experienced a noticeable uptick in energy.

As far as food goes, I've planned well. I have two cookbooks that are my go-to, and the internet contains a treasure trove of keto information. I pick out a handful of meals, make a list, and grocery shop. At the very beginning I bought staple items at a natural food store, but otherwise everything else has been readily available at my local grocer. Zero niche food items that are hard to find, cost a fortune, and never get used up. I do have to track my fat, protein and net carbohydrates, but I have a great app for that. Because I can have cream in my coffee and plenty of fat + protein, I have yet to feel deprived or hungry. I'm adept at abandoning grains, sugars, and legumes thanks in large part to Whole30, but I haven't experienced any of the usual cravings I've had on past eating plans. (There is a fair amount of overlap between keto and Paleo diets.)

Last week we traveled a couple hours away for an event Kiddo was involved in. Mario and I decided to grab lunch before heading back, and I'll admit: I found myself pretty frustrated trying to navigate a restaurant menu for the first time. Did it take longer to peruse the menu? Yes. Did it take creativity? A little bit. Did I have to make requests and substitutions I normally would not make? Of course. In the end I had a fully-loaded cheeseburger, sans bun, with a side salad. And wouldn't you know...it was totally and completely satisfying. Husband commented that he didn't miss the bun one iota and we both observed that the bun actually masks some of the underlying flavors. (He's jumping on board for 30 days as a show of solidarity. He's a good egg, that one.)

I'll update you as the month (and beyond) progresses and let you know what my experience has been. The good, the bad and the ugly. Promise. But my hope is that this continues to be a great experience and I can continue this lifestyle for the foreseeable future. If I can make this way of eating a habit now, hopefully it will carry me through school and into my career. Fingers crossed.

I'm keeping an open mind.

In the meantime, these are the things that have made my success thus far possible:

Simply Keto by Suzanne Ryan // My go-to for advice and recipes. Hands down my most treasured resource. She also has a keto calculator on her website, Keto Karma, to get you set up.

The 30-Day Ketogenic Cleanse by Maria Emmerich // Also an amazing cookbook and overall resource. Her recipes are delicious and advice solid. She does not include dairy in her keto diet, but I've been consuming it in moderation. (Dairy often does me wrong, so I'm being careful.)

Swerve sweetener // I have a very strong aversion to sugar alternatives. I find the flavor/aftertaste to be unpleasant and I can detect even the tiniest quantity in a food. (Stevia included.) This stuff is different. One bag will last a long time, isn't very expensive, and I absolutely can't tell the difference. It's pretty much magic. (The confectioners type blends seamlessly into everything.)

Lily's Baking Chips (waaay cheaper when bought locally, in my experience) and Guittard Extra Dark Chocolate Chips (easy to find)

Carb Manager app // Scans food barcodes, has a decent food library, and allows manual entries. I can even copy a whole meal from one day to the next if I'm eating leftovers. It's unusual in that it tracks net carbs which is rare among other food tracking apps but essential to following a keto diet. The app is free, but I paid about $9 to try the premium membership for a month. It has a few more features and lets me sync my Fitbit. If I like it, it's $40 for a year to keep up the premium features.

Magic Pill // I watched this documentary last weekend, on the recommendation of a friend, and I was both moved and educated. I certainly understand the faults in our food system, but there were things I didn't know or completely understand. As the credits rolled I found myself encouraged and uplifted! (It was akin to Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, Food Inc., and Forks Over Knives. I happen to enjoy food documentaries.)

Fat bombs // Sound gross, taste delicious. And it's amazing how something so small can satisfy my hunger and/or sweet tooth for hours. Pinterest is a source of endless recipes. (And for all things keto, for that matter.) There are even fat bomb cookbooks!

When it comes to specific questions, if you've thought it someone has asked it on Reddit.

I'll also note that a hallmark of this diet is measuring your ketones for the purpose of establishing whether or not you're maintaining ketosis. I have determined that this is not a valuable tool in my case. The evidence showing that these tests provide accurate results is shaky at best. I'm following the rules and trusting that my body will tell me the rest. I'm not interested in pricking my finger or peeing on a test strip. Everyone is different—there is no right or wrong—I've simply decided to rely on weight loss, my energy levels, and a feeling of well-being to determine if I'm on the right track.

I feel obligated to note that this diet is not without controversy. At my last routine doctor's appointment I was chatting with my physician and she mentioned the efficacy of the ketogenic diet, but quickly followed up with "but it's too hard." I can see where she's coming from. So far that has not been my experience at all, but for many people it's simply too restrictive. That's why I'm entering into this with a completely open mind. If this way of eating works for me and I decide to adopt the lifestyle, I will follow up with routine blood work in a few months to make sure my numbers have remained within healthy ranges.

More favorite products, recipes, tips and tricks to come!

Lately (+ Victoria, BC)

2018-05-10T13:26:00.003-07:00

Our life these days, in numbers:

// Today my one and only kiddo turns 18. He is legally an adult and yet...he's still so young in so many ways. I've yet to wrap my mind or emotions around that one.

// June 1st marks the end of my return to the workforce after nearly a decade spent being a mom (and later, a student). In 3 years I'll return, but I'll be working in my dream career.

// Aforementioned kiddo graduates from high school in 4 weeks.

// In 7 weeks we'll close the door on these last 4 years and make the 5 day trek from Washington State to Georgia to start our next chapter.

// My graduate school education starts in 81 days and runs for 30 months straight. <insert wide-eye emoji>

A trip to Victoria, BC at the first of the month marked the last big event before we head off on our new adventure. It was four and a half lovely days spent with my two aunts and two of my cousins; a girls weekend full of food, sightseeing and laughter. I'll treasure that trip for many years to come.

Now that it's over, it's time to start the arduous process of downsizing + moving a household across the country. Weekends from here on out will involve a lot of garage cleaning and stuff sorting. I'm also tasked with finishing my pre-orientation assignments, filling out all the paperwork and jumping through all the hoops; meanwhile I'll be carving out as much time as I can to spend with our PNW friends. We'll also be celebrating Kiddo's many milestones! Motherhood is so many things, but most of all it's magical. (She says, while trying not to cry her eyeballs out at the local coffee shop.)

There's a lot that will happen in the in-between and I'm brimming with excitement . . . but also more than a little overwhelmed with all the things that need to be accomplished.

If you need me, I'll be daydreaming about a pretty little place called Victoria. If you haven't been, book a trip! Especially during springtime!

Things to do in Victoria:

// Butchart Gardens
// Victoria Butterfly Gardens
// Harbour Air Seaplane Tours
// Tea at the Empress Hotel
// Shopping in Downtown Victoria

It's Getting Real

2018-04-17T13:26:00.000-07:00

We've reached a point in this in-between space where the butterflies in my belly come more frequently. The months ahead are starting to take shape and plans are being solidified. In other words, it's getting real.

We booked the movers.
I put in my notice at work.
A yard sale is tentatively scheduled.
My pre-req assignments are well underway.
We signed a lease on an apartment.

I've talked a lot about graduate school and my journey to become a Physician Assistant. I wrote about my acceptance into the Dream Program. But I've never really talked about the details. (Quandaries regarding the complexity of my internet presence, always.)

Along with so many amazing + scary + exciting life changes on the horizon comes the biggest of all: we are moving from Portland, Oregon to Atlanta, Georgia the last week of June.

We are feeling all the feels, and Husband and I have engaged in a fair amount of bickering over the last few weeks. I am the primary instigator. I'm prone to feeling defensive and worrisome and comments are taken to a place where they normally wouldn't be. Where does a cross-country move rank on the list of most stressful life changes? It's up there, and rightfully so.

In between now and then we need to downsize our belongings to go from a 2400 sqft house with attached 2-car garage to a 1300 sqft second floor apartment. (We opted to rent a garage for extra storage, but it's considerably smaller and although close, it's not immediately adjacent to our apartment.

Oh, and my one and only Kiddo is graduating from high school. (Welp.) Fortunately one of our best family friends has offered him an internship at his business, and we are excited for this amazing opportunity. I'm also incredibly grateful that his transition into adulthood is off to a smooth start. (Though there will be many bumps, I'm sure.) It's one less thing to add to the pile during my own transition into graduate school. For at least the first few months after we move he'll be living in California. I have a lot of feelings about that, too. Mostly happy, some sad. Motherhood: the emotional minefield.

Life changes, they are coming in spades around in here.

Most of all, I'm so darn excited for what's to come. When you work for years to achieve your goal—and reach the desired outcome!—then go back to living your normal day-to-day life for the next 9 months...well, let's just say there have been a few moments of impatience on my part. (But also not wanting things to change because we are in a really lovely phase right now. Minefield!)

Spring break week we went down to Atlanta to apartment hunt and explore our new city. We stayed at the most adorable Airbnb cottage right next to the college and had the opportunity to get to know the immediate area. I had set up 6 apartment tours in advance, and we stopped by others sans appointment. By the second morning, 8 apartment tours in, we were feeling pretty overwhelmed. So we went back to where we started—literally and figuratively—and re-toured the first complex. We needed a specific floorplan to accommodate our needs, and as luck would have it someone had given notice that very morning. It's being completely remodeled and on July 1st we will start calling it home. (We decided paying a little more each month for upgrades like granite countertops and brand new kitchen/bathroom cabinets is definitely worth it.) Everything fell into place in that way it often does, and I couldn't be more thrilled. And at only 1.8 miles from campus, it had one of the shortest commutes which is not nothing when it comes to Atlanta traffic.

While we were there we played + ate at Ponce City Market (soooo fun!), brunched at Ria's Bluebird + sampled the gourmet popsicle scene (yuuuum!), and visited Georgia Aquarium (amazing!). We've lived a lot of places, but never in the South, and we are super excited to explore our new region.

Time to start stocking up on shorts.

Seen, Heard & Bookmarked: Life Lately

2018-03-09T17:18:00.002-08:00

The ebb and flow of late has felt very different. After travel, life always takes a moment to regain its equilibrium. My work schedule has been lighter some weeks, based on Husband's travel schedule, and I'm feeling like less stress + more time spent being a mom is a lovely way to lead up to a very hectic next phase. So these days I'm more apt to say no to a work schedule that doesn't work for our family.

This weekend I hope to find my way back to the ceramics studio after a month-long hiatus. I'm also taking Kiddo on a long driving lesson to the beach. He's motivated and doing really well, so we are finding every opportunity to get in some practice time. The weather is supposed to be in the 60s and sunny! Little signs of spring are everywhere in the PNW: morning sunshine coming through the bedroom window; blooms popping up along fence lines. I feel like I'm coming alive again after a long nap.

In the meantime I'm working my way through an assigned medical terminology class and rediscovering how I study best. Too loud, too hot, uncomfortable chairs, no food...the journey to find the perfect coffee shop for optimum productivity is a challenge.

I hope you all have a great weekend! Here are some things I've seen, heard and bookmarked lately:

Right after we got back from Grand Cayman I underwent oral surgery due to the dental trauma I mentioned in my last post. Part of the post-op protocol is a hefty round of antibiotics. My body is still struggling to recover so I'm downing all the probiotic-rich food and drinks I can. Happy Mountain's Peach Blossom and Townsend Tea's Lemon Ginger Cayenne kombucha for the win.

Starting a ketogenic diet on Monday. I consider it an elaboration on my Whole30 habit, but hopefully with a little more fat loss. This cookbook explains everything and the recipes are delicious no matter how you eat.

I couldn't resist these Desert Friends slip-on shoes.

I came down with a wicked upper respiratory infection at the end of our trip. Starbucks' Medicine Ball Tea came to my rescue before our flight home and many times in the days to follow.

DIY abstract painting

Falling in love again with the Calm app. I bought a year-long subscription last spring and it has been worth every penny. Sleep stories for those restless nights; guided meditations to help me achieve my mindfulness goals.

The Boys Are Not All Right (As the mother of a young man, this was gripping + made my heart hurt.)

Date Night Mushroom Fettuccine (um, yuuuum!)

After falling down an iPhone game rabbit hole this past week, I'm switching to grayscale and making a concerted effort to avoid excessive screen time. (Which makes me feel icky both physically and mentally.)

A Woman, Her Body (short but profound)

This lovely but neglected notebook set just became a brand new set of gratitude journals.

Finished this novel last night. It was riveting + confusing + odd + introspective. I'm still digesting my feelings and interpretations. Next up is this book, chosen from a prerequisite reading list. (But looks really good, assignment or no.)

Watching this movie, also the subject of a prereq essay assignment. (I read the book for a class my sophomore year of college and was utterly fascinated.)

Coconut Carob Bars (sugar-free!)

Starting Sunday, we are going to each choose 3 things to donate, sell or throw away each week. Hopefully this will lead to better habits, less clutter, and a less stressful relocation. Loving this article, 32 Items In Your Home That You Can Get Rid of Right Now

In early February I decided to get a closed earring hole re-pierced. While waiting my for my turn at the parlor I started looking at a model showing all the different ear piercings. Twenty minutes later I left with a very spur-of-the-moment "daith" piercing that is still pretty sore. Trying this cleaner based on the reviews. (Advice? Should I just take it out?)

Grand Cayman Saves the Day(s)

2018-03-08T16:27:00.001-08:00

Early and mid-February gave me a run for my money. Work was particularly trying in so many ways; I was in a bit of a personal funk (ennui, perhaps); someone backed into my car, breaking the taillight and bumper; I experienced a dental accident that was extremely traumatic. (I'm sure I'll write about it once the personal tragedy of it all wears off a bit more.)

In the middle of all this arrived our yearly trip. Husband's company, a luxury goods company of sorts, puts out an incentive trip every February for their clients who meet or exceed sales goals. Since Husband works at the corporate level we are asked along. Aside from the company's 5-year trip hiatus during the recession, we've been going every year since our mid-twenties. These trips have allowed us to explore the world; places we would probably not have seen otherwise at this point in our lives...or maybe ever.

I'll be honest: these trips can be socially fatiguing for someone like me who requires regular periods of solitude. Hundreds of people, some familiar some not, chatting you up during every waking hour. (Often to talk to you about your husband's many merits.) If you are walking to the beach sans makeup, sunhat pulled low, chances are someone is still going to recognize you.

I've certainly become more social as I've advanced through adulthood. Being partnered with an (extreme) extrovert for 15 years has changed me a lot in that regard, but so has maturity and a dwindling sense of shyness. My thirties have made me more comfortable in my own skin; I relate to others in social settings with a fluency I ever thought possible way back when. Because humans are humans are humans: we are all pretty much the same when you get down to it.

If all else fails three glasses of red wine make for a snazzy social lubricant.

I am so grateful for this perennial opportunity to spend time with my sweet husband in his element. He is universally adored, but sometimes I can get caught up in the less glamorous moments of marriage whilst single parenting + working during his business trips or sharing a home amid conference calls being conducted in the adjacent room.

A free vacation somewhere warm and sunny in mid-February . . . I am forever filled with gratitude for this privilege. I won't likely be able to attend the next couple years, so this trip was extra special and cherished.

I'll admit: when we departed for Grand Cayman I was not at my personal best. In fact, just a couple days prior I was displaying a drastically uncharacteristic lack of resilience. Husband had spent the previous weekend quite concerned about my mental fitness and I was questioning everything. Fortunately it (mostly) passed after a few intense days and a change of scenery was much obliged.

The water was unrivaled: jewel-toned blues and greens that sparkle and mesmerize. The locals are lovely and kind. The beaches pristine. My marine biology-loving self kissed the head of a baby sea turtle and the "lips" of a stingray. Grand Cayman is what you see when you imagine paradise.

The third night in we were to attend an event and I was experiencing mild apprehension stemming from lingering emotional upset. Mentally I still wasn't totally present. Once we got to the venue I had a cocktail...and then a few more. Before I knew it I was chatting and dancing and letting go. Finally. Letting go of all of it. After the event we hit up a local bar where I met a group of locals who were kind, welcoming, and generous with their life stories. And just like that I had a new perspective. My life is good and those crappy moments in time are so extraordinarily temporary. Not everyone has that luxury. I needed to have my grit stoked and boy did I get it.

I came back home motivated, re-energized, and ready to prepare for all the exciting things to come.

For so many reasons, Grand Cayman will hold a special place in my heart. Specifically, it helped me get my groove back.

Seen, Heard & Bookmarked

2018-01-29T15:55:00.000-08:00

I have an hour before my last pottery class and all I want to do is blog. To put virtual pen to paper. And so here I am, tucked into a corner table at a little coffee shop down the street from the studio, perched in front of my laptop. This certainly won't be my opus, but gosh it feels good—like a long stretch after you've been curled up on the couch.

Last week I made a trek to Texas to interview at a potential grad school. It was a 2-day affair and as I made my way home last Saturday night I found myself feeling tired, teary, and emotionally tangled. I also felt conflicted.

Sunday morning I woke up to absolute clarity. A good night of sleep and my instincts were back on point. My gut told me the program that accepted me back in October is The One. And my gut hasn't wavered for one single second since. I am relieved and feeling confident now that the decision has been set in stone. This week I started my deep dive into all the assigned pre-work and it has been onward and upward ever since.

Wednesday brought my first 11a-11:30p shift at work. Let's just say I'm not a fan. That time frame seems to combine the worst parts of each shift into one. I agreed to try it for this schedule but imagine it will be a short-lived affair. Though I want to work, and more importantly make money in this interim period, I have other priorities too. Like my sanity, my preliminary coursework, and my family. So while my goal is still to work about 24 hours/week, I'll be looking for a different combination of hours to achieve that. Sometimes you just have to say no.

We are leaving for Grand Cayman in about 3 weeks, and I'd like to spend the time we have before that re-centering my wellness routine. (Establishing a solid routine, more like.) Husband and I are each going to pick a couple recipes to prepare for the upcoming week and I'm committed to wholesome (mostly Whole30) eating for all 3 meals. That way I won't get too derailed due to our vacation and can transition back into good habits when we return. I've stopped waiting for everything to be "just right" before starting these things. Right now is as good a time as any.

In the meantime, here are some things I've seen, heard and bookmarked lately:

Justin Timberlake + Chris Stapleton forever and ever amen. I first became acquainted with this unlikely pairing a few months ago when I stumbled upon their awesome CMA performance on YouTube. And now they have a new single which I'm equally smitten with. (The music video is good.) I'm not a country music fan by any stretch, though my music preference has a wide range, but I've been listening to the complete works of Chris Stapleton on Spotify often. His voice hits me deep down in my soul.

Egg Roll Soup (Come. On.) It's on the menu for this week.

Adding collagen to my daily routine for a number of reasons, primarily joints + skin. (I went with this one.) I'll report back.

Saving this Spätzle and Cheese with Hot Dogs recipe for one of those comfort food kind of days. (Very occasional cheating is a-ok.)

5 Hairstyles for Short Hair (Mine has vacillated between chin length and shoulder-skimming for the past 2 years and I don't see that changing. It is my hair's perfect length.)

Ben & Jerry's Non-Dairy ice cream. So many new flavors, kiddo loves them!

How to Supercharge Your Dopamine Levels

This Loaded Kale Salad looks right up my alley.

Decided to try blue light blocking glasses to help with electronic eye strain + sleep hygiene. They help so much! The ones I ordered on Amazon are out of stock, but these are very similar.

Obsessed with these apple (and pear!) chips.

Organization, simplification and downsizing.

2018-01-14T12:02:00.000-08:00

This year I was especially prompt when it came to putting away the holiday decor. Though I totally understand those who leave their tree up throughout January (a less jarring transition into the New Year and glum First Month weather), I like to make the transition a quick one for practical and emotional purposes.

This year is a little different. We are facing the likely prospect of apartment or condo living for a few years starting this summer. We will be living as close to my grad school as possible to limit time spent commuting, which places constraints on our housing prospects since both programs are in very urban areas. Plus, we are feeling a strong pull to simplicity: someone else mowing the lawn; a smaller area to clean; walking distance to amenities; an on-site gym; etc. But that also means whittling down our belongings to fit in a significantly smaller space. The plan is to have a yard sale this spring/early summer, but a lot of sorting has to occur and decisions have to be made before that can happen.

I decided I wanted to start this process early and tackle it as organically as possible as opposed to putting aside entire weekends to sort through all the totes in our garage. So last fall I resolved to go through our holiday decor as we put it out and took it down. This past weekend I sorted through everything we didn't use and put items into boxes labeled for donation or a yard sale. Then I carefully packed up the stuff we do love and use and put them into labeled totes. What was once many boxes and totes with zero organization became a succinct storage system so we will know where everything is when we go to look for it in the future. (One tote for fall holidays, one for Easter, several for Christmas and so on.) What we were left with was a fraction of what we had before and I feel just fine about that.

This is absolutely the way to tackle the problem of stuff! We usually do it just prior to moving which inevitably ends in copious amounts of stress and a good dose of arguing. Four days before a cross-country move is NOT the time to be deciding the fate of that box of broken ornaments from your childhood. (Our previous moves have felt like last minute adrenaline-fueled affairs and I'm eager to do away with that particular habit.)

And just like that a project I've been avoiding for years was completed in a couple days. Because it seemed so much bigger in my head than it actually was.

I've had Marie Kondo's The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up in my nightstand for a year but have yet to read it. (I'll get to it next!) Still, I've seen enough interviews and read enough articles about it to understand some of the core principles. A big one for me is taking the time to evaluate individual objects while sincerely considering its value in my life. I also have to be honest with myself about why I hang on to certain things: is it really the love of an object that keeps it in my life or an unhealthy emotional tie I need to sever? I went through that process, briefly, as I put all the holiday decor away and cleaned out totes. Do I love this? Do I see myself using this for years to come? Is it going to hold up? and other such filters crossed my mind before deciding its fate. It works.

We did a giant stuff purge when we moved from New Hampshire to the Pacific Northwest 3 1/2 years ago. And yet so much still remained. (Enough to have a lucrative yard sale this past year.) We also have to consider that we are going to be transitioning from a 2400 sf house to something, well, much smaller, so we will have to be even more committed to letting things go. Which can be so very hard + anxiety-inducing. We have accepted that we will likely need to keep a storage unit for a few years, but we don't want that to be an excuse to keep stuff we aren't passionate about. Our future selves will thank us for tackling this now.

I got the ball rolling early on and that feels good. Now it's just a matter of keeping up the momentum as our moving date grows nearer. There are so many question marks in our lives right now that I don't want to add more stress to the mix. Slow and steady is the key, I think.

This year I resolve to be surrounded by only the things I love, to have less clutter, and to spending less time worrying about the state of our stuff.

All the feels in the New Year

2018-01-12T10:50:00.001-08:00

The first part of January was over in the blink of an eye. Kiddo had a gloriously long Christmas break, and Mario and I each took a week off of work so we could focus on family time. I remember sitting in the living room on January 1st reflecting on how perfect this break seemed; the first in a long time to really stand out. I felt so connected to our family. Before I knew it the decorations were being stowed and life resumed its normal rhythm. Kiddo went back to school, I went back to work, and Husband left this week for an extended business trip.

At one point during the drive home from Montana my belly exploded with butterflies thinking about the year ahead. Mario just accepted a promotion at work and is chartering a new(ish) course in his career; Kiddo graduates from high school in about 5 months; and the culmination of nearly a decade's worth of work means my life's goal will be realized starting this summer.

For all the anxiety and frustration that has bogged down periods of my life, I look back and see how fortunate I've been. This life and my relationships have afforded me some amazing opportunities: the ability to stay home with my son (and also work, when the time was right); to travel; to attend college (and now grad school); to explore my many creative interests; and to establish rewarding, lifelong friendships throughout the country. I didn't often see it for what it was when I was in the thick of it, and sometimes I find that regrettable. Life could have turned out so differently, and not necessarily for the better, a realization that has instilled a deep appreciation for the less sunshine-y periods in my life. Because they were important, too.

Over the years my memories of the hard times have softened—the sharp edges becoming rounded—and what is left is profound gratitude. Gratitude for a husband who becomes more beautiful with time, both inside and out. True story: the other day I was meeting him for lunch in downtown Portland. I looked up as I entered a crosswalk and met eyes with a man whose attractiveness nearly stopped me in my tracks. A half second later my brain processed that it was my very own husband. It was an impactful moment and I've mentally relived it numerous times since that day. Because, you know, daily life and work and dish duty sometimes get in the way and you forget just how enamored you are with each other. The fact is, my fondness for that man has grown exponentially since the day we said I Do and I don't take for granted the fact that not everyone is so fortunate in their relationships. I have total equality, love and support from Mario and I strive everyday to make him feel just as loved. (Though my intensity makes me considerably less easy to love, I imagine.)

Last weekend we met up with some friends for an afternoon. We played pool (flashback to my friend's basement rec room in high school!), ate, and chatted. There was so much laughter. On the drive home my heart ached with the thought of packing up and leaving the life we've made here. We are uprooting ourselves again for all the right reasons—for the sake of an amazing future—but the heartache is real. I love the PNW, Portland, and all the amazing people we have in our lives because we chose this place to call home. Feeling equal parts excited and heartbroken is a strange place to live emotionally, but I'm trying to let all the feelings have their moment of recognition as they pop up.

Work has been tough lately. The end of the year is the busiest for the surgical services department, with people scheduling procedures before their deductible resets in the New Year. January has been busy, too, with flu season raging and traumas and unscheduled procedures. Last week I stayed several hours past my shift to assist with a deluge of emergency cases, finally crawling into bed at 2a feeling mentally and physically depleted. Yet I feel this intense responsibility to work more. To pick up all the extra shifts, to change my direct deposit to savings, and to throw money at our account for my remaining months in the workforce before school starts. This pressure is solely self-imposed, but powerful nonetheless.

In a matter of 6 short months I want to pay off every cent of debt we carry and have a savings account that is bursting at the seams. Come July I want to set all of our bills to autopay and not think about them once while I'm in school. And yet, that's completely unrealistic. An unfair expectation that only serves to create more stress and strife. The fact is we are in the best place we've ever been financially, making it the perfect time to leave the workforce for a few years. But the subject of money is complicated and emotionally charged and I am prone to overextending myself for the sake of possibly stowing away a few extra dollars. I imagine a lot of it originates out of guilt: I'll be taking on significant debt in the form of student loans and relocating our family for the sake of my dreams. (Mario doesn't feel this way at all, and reassures me all the time. Though guilt is guilt is guilt.) That internal drive that has led to my successes in life has a dark side: it often provokes me into putting unnecessary pressure on myself to make everything just right. It's an overarching lesson in self compassion I work toward perennially. Perfectionism aside, this coming endeavor is a big one; an undertaking that will require a great deal of time, money, and sacrifice. I am working to mentally prepare for all it entails, as much as one can having not yet personally experienced its intensity. In the meantime I need to cut myself some slack and prepare in a realistic way, which means accepting imperfection for the sake of sanity. As much as I'd love to enter school with zero life interruptions and every possible scenario and snafu accounted for, it's simply not how life works.

Earlier this week I received an email from my program. It has our class roster, complete with the photos taken during our interview session, and several essay assignments. We are roughly 7 months out from our start date and already there are books to read, documentaries to watch, and a 17-week medical terminology course to complete. Upon reading the email it all became very real. Soon we will be shopping for new technology (switch to a Mac?!), tools of the trade, and a white coat (with my very own name on it!). There will be financial aid packages to negotiate and a house to pack up. Where will we live? (Apartment/condo vs house?) What plans will Kiddo make post-graduation? (Work, college or both?) What will life look like for us this fall? What do I do with my houseplants? When do I give my notice at work? Butterflies + anxiety. Butterflies + anxiety. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Compounding matters is a choice I made about a month ago: I accepted an interview at another program. There were two pipe dream schools, you see. A year ago when I was compiling my list of potential programs in preparation for the upcoming application cycle, I had a definitive Top 2. I thought I'd likely be invited to interview at one of them, and I was right. I have a seat with my name on it and have been absolutely over the moon since finding out. Mid-December I received an invitation to interview at my other top choice program. In the end I decided to go for it. Next week I will once again hop on a plane, suit in hand, to go through the arduous interview process just one more time.

Here's the thing: this second program costs $30,000 less overall and is in a state with no income tax, which combined would save us tens of thousands of dollars over the course of our time there. If I am accepted (the big IF), and my gut tells me there is a clear winner, money will not factor into my choice. However, if I'm presented with equally excellent options I'll likely be changing programs. Which leaves me feeling unsteady and uncertain. And more than a little guilty for even considering somewhere else in light of the amazing opportunity already awarded to me. (Again with the guilt!) In the end this is the absolute right decision and what is meant to happen will come to be. My life goals are too important to not thoroughly vet every amazing opportunity that comes my way. In addition to being nervous, I'm also incredibly proud of myself and humbled by my fortune. I've worked really hard and it feels amazing to have these highly competitive programs recognize my efforts.

At the end of the day these are First World problems, at best. As word gets out at work that I was accepted to PA school, I have been inundated with questions and comments by my coworkers. The physicians tell me how hard is it to get into a program (agreed) and others lament about how much they want the same opportunity. ("Yes, grades matter." "Yes, you have to have a degree first." "Yes, it's very competitive." and so on.) I am one of the fortunate ones who had the drive and ability to jump over the many hurdles this process has presented. (And the stamina to keep pursuing The Dream, always.) The fact that I have a rock solid support system in place allowing me to take on this venture hasn't escaped me for a second. Some have it easier, but there are many, many more who've had it harder.

And so I'm feeling all the feels and thinking all the thoughts. I'm putting the impending assignments on hold until the final decision has been made. Instead I'm actively trying to focus on the right now. Parenting a teenager, holding down a job, learning to throw pottery, and trying not to look too far ahead. There will be a time and a place for that.

Holiday Cheer: Saying goodbye to martyrdom + adopting (more) flexibility

2017-12-30T16:25:00.000-08:00

Last night we pulled into the driveway after a whirlwind week of holiday celebrations. I'm a little worn out but also really pleased with how our holiday season has played out.

We celebrated our family Christmas Eve last Friday evening, and Christmas morning on Saturday the 23rd. After opening presents and enjoying our usual Christmas morning rituals, we packed up the gifts yet to be given + our warmest winter clothing and made the 8+ hour drive to Montana.

Christmas Eve was spent with lifelong friends who have long since become family. Christmas morning was spent in a hotel room, where we opened our stockings and a few small gifts delivered by Santa. It was intimate and lovely and, despite my previous concerns, I didn't feel like we missed out on anything. After breakfast we hopped back in the car and made the drive to my in-laws' house. After two days spent visiting with family and friends, we were again on the road heading back home.

Tomorrow evening we are headed to a friend's house, cheeseboard in hand, to ring in the New Year.

During those long hours on the open road, and in the hours since, I've reflected a lot on this holiday season. It didn't fit into those tidy ideals I had for celebrating family traditions, but it didn't leave me in want, either. This disparity can be summed up by the title of this post: I stopped being a martyr and allowed myself to view the holidays, and our celebration of them, with a lot more flexibility.

When I use the word martyr, I don't mean to imply that I worked my fingers to the bone for the sake of sympathy. But in years past I did take on too much which inevitably led to stress + misery + resentment. I consider myself a thoughtful gift-giver, which means I put a lot of effort into finding that perfect present. In addition, I'd go above and beyond with the wrapping and the stocking stuffers and homemade ornaments and, and, and. Especially after I went back to work full time, Christmas began to lose its joy at my own hand.

A few tweaks in my expectations made all the difference:

1. This year I made wrapping a family affair. We all gathered in the living room one evening, put on a movie, and wrapped all the gifts for family and friends. Then Kiddo and I did the same for Mario. Then Mario and Jared did it for me. No one person was relegated to the bedroom floor to wrap solo. There was one night last week when I worked until 11p then came home and started tackling a bunch of lingering tasks. That was a little taxing + stressful, but nothing like I've experienced in years past.

2. We have some lovely neighbors who bring over homemade treats and trinkets. We love to reciprocate, but the responsibility usually fell on me to make it happen. This is in part because Husband travels for year-end company meetings and doesn't share a strong affinity for holiday baking. Though let's be clear: I didn't often ask for help. (Which he would have done without hesitation.) Instead I took it all on at the expense of my own enjoyment. This year I picked out three simple recipes: a spicy pretzel-nut mix, gingerbread caramel sauce, and Puppy Chow snack mix. I bought all the ingredients, printed the recipes, and...asked for help. With the exception of the caramel, the boys made the rest while I was at work. Kiddo had a longer than usual Christmas vacation, so it was the perfect way for him to pass the time sans electronic distraction. I didn't feel the need to match our neighbors/friends in effort or number of treats made and that was such a relief.

3. I'll admit this year's Christmas ornament project briefly got the better of me. (This is not unusual; I'm trying to change my ways.) I decided to create some 3" and 4" embroidery hoops. I picked out some cute printed fabric bearing woodland creatures and embellished them with laurel wreaths, flower crowns, and pine boughs. I started early and was able to move through them quickly since they were small and simple in design. It was also my first foray into freehand embroidery, which was fun + exciting. Only, some of them needed to have the fabric pen markings I made rinsed off (+ drying time), then a felt backing attached, then wrapping... I didn't have enough time or hoops for everyone in my life to receive one. At 2a, while cutting out felt circles, it came to me: not everyone in my life needs to receive one. My brother-in-law's girlfriend whom I've never met? Not so much. My good friend who loves my embroidery and always wants to see my work? Yes! And just like that I'd eased the strain I'd put on myself. As much as I want to please everyone, I can't. Nor should I. (An overarching life lesson that applies to nearly every facet of my interaction with others.) My embroidery hoops are a labor of love and I a) don't want to burn myself out and have it become a chore and b) only want to give them to people who appreciate the craftsmanship (needlepoint isn't everyone's style, after all, and that's okay).

And so goes the story of how I managed to make this Christmas more family-friendly and less stressful. Save for a mild panic that set in a couple days before we left for our road trip, in large part caused by my overcommittment to work in the weeks leading up to Christmas, this year was much calmer than in years past. Fewer presents, more time spent as a family, and less commitment to unnecessary obligations was the key to more peace all along.

Next year will be even more simple, I imagine. I'll be finishing up a grueling first semester of grad school, we'll be living in a new region, and our lives will be very different. Which makes me that much more grateful that we're moving closer and closer toward minimalism with each passing Christmas. Because, as it turns out, simplicity = joy.

Next up: Packing up the holiday decor. Organization, simplification and downsizing.

Holiday Cheer: Handmade Gifts

2017-12-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

Homemade gifts have become a staple in our house over the years. In the past they were often associated with whatever craft we were exploring at that time—we've since settled on hand embroidery (me) and woodcarving (him)—but the gifts were always well-received and often elicited a conversation about the ins and outs of our chosen craft.

With grad school on the horizon I will probably have to step back from homemade for a few years, but our aspirations for a simpler, more meaningful holiday season will not fall by the wayside. In fact, less time and an all-encompassing focus elsewhere means we will likely lean toward minimalism around the holidays for a period.

Some of our tried-and-true handmade Christmas gifts, which are fun to make + encourage family time + make the recipient feel loved:

Ornaments // My tree is covered in messy, hard-to-identify ornament projects Kiddo made throughout his preschool and elementary years. Every so often they need to be tended to with some glue or a needle and thread, but gosh if I'm not smitten with each and every one of them. Turns out, friends and relatives feel the same way about our adult creations! I've done an ornament project for the last 8 or so years, which we give to close friends and family. With Pinterest and Instagram, inspiration is everywhere. Bonus: it scratches that holiday crafting itch. (You can find some of my past ornament projects here, here, and here.)

Gift Your Hobbies // Over the past couple of years, I've gifted embroidery pieces. In the past it was jewelry, paper crafts, wool felting, crochet, and various other pastimes I explored. Husband carves beautiful wooden spoons by hand, which the recipient always treasures. I'm currently enrolled in a pottery class which includes unlimited studio time, firing and glazing. I didn't take advantage of those benefits in the early weeks of the course, but now I'm in the studio as often as possible which means many of my family and friends will be getting bowls and mugs this year. Will they be perfect? Not a chance! But they'll love them just the same and think of me every time they use that vessel. Whatever you're into (or have always wanted to try!), find a simple project and cross two things off your list.

Bake // We live in close proximity to a lot of neighbors that have become friends. I want to spread cheer to them during the holidays, and do so by making treats. I buy pretty canning jars and other inexpensive holiday containers in various sizes (which are gifts in and of themselves) and fill them with homemade treats like snack mixes, roasted nuts, caramel sauce, and cookies. Bonus: I get to bake without sweets lingering in the kitchen. (This Homemade Almond Roca is a perennial favorite!)

Share the love // If you know a friend would enjoy learning a new craft, make them a kit! With embroidery, for example, I would print a pattern (Pinterest is chock full of free patterns!) and include coordinating thread, the appropriate size hoop, a scrap of fabric, and a pack of needles. (Total cost: less than $5.) You could even make it more elaborate by including a cute tote bag, sewing scissors and/or a needleminder. Same goes for candle-making, wool felting, knitting/crochet or any other low maintenance craft: The supplies are simple, cost very little, and are readily available. (If it's a craft you enjoy yourself, you probably have almost everything on hand.) Even better? Include an IOU for lessons.

Framed photos // I had copies of Kiddo's senior photo printed on high quality matte photo paper and grabbed some simple frames from IKEA. Grandparents and other close relatives will get a photo all ready to hang.

More handmade gift ideas:

Giant knit blanket // This DIY video makes it look very doable.

DIY hanging holiday lanterns, which I think would be cute year-round.

Mini candles // I took a candle-making class recently and loved it! I picked up some mini Ball jars + scents, soy wax and wicks from CandleScience, all of which were relatively inexpensive and make a lot of candles. Every one of us in the class made a Blue Spruce candle—it seems to be a universally loved scent. I've been throwing around the idea of making mini candle trios for when I need a more substantial gift.

Martha Stewart's 54 Gift-Worthy Christmas Cookies

DIY Mason Jar Snowglobes (adorable! + adaptable to be non-Christmas themed!)

Infused Vodkas

DIY Wool Mittens (using old sweaters!)

Give me all your ideas!

Seen, Heard & Bookmarked: An Ode To Bloggers

2017-12-06T10:33:00.002-08:00

There's a strange phenomenon that occurs in our household: the only time I will ever experience car trouble is when Mario is (far) away on a business trip. I've been fortunate not to have too many snafus when it comes to my car, but rest assured if it's going to happen Mario will be no less than 1500 miles away.

After working swing shift at the hospital last night, I crawled into bed shortly after midnight and awoke before dawn to get Kiddo up and going for school. We got in the car to head out and...nothing. Google said I have a faulty brake switch which has disable the push-button start on my car. No matter how easy the fix, Kiddo rode his bike to school on a frosty morning and I got to ride in a tow truck. (Which was quite fun + fascinating, actually. A virtual shout-out to Chris, the sweetest, most helpful tow truck driver I'm sure there ever was.)

So here I am, perched at a Starbucks adjacent to the auto shop, waiting to see if they can get me back on the road today. Otherwise, Enterprise. As long as I make my 2p massage appointment. For the love of all things holy, I can't miss that appointment. After pulling a muscle in my upper back this past weekend, I'm still experiencing difficulty turning my head to the left. (You know that most uncomfortable 'I slept on my neck wrong' feeling? I've had it for four days. Oy.)

I'm a hot mess, in case you couldn't tell.

In an attempt to look at the bright side, had this not happened I'd likely still be sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing of value. Instead, I'm perched at coffee shop listening to the complete works of Chris Stapleton (I'm obsessed!) and catching up on my neglected blogroll.

The blogosphere is chock full of beautifully talented writers, crafters and decorators. (These days the 'blogosphere," to me, includes platforms like Instagram.) After all these years I'm still awed by the artistry. Here's to you, bloggers.

Gingerbread men with character via The Pretty Bee (my mother-in-law is gluten-free, so these cookies may be making the trek to Montana with us this Christmas)

Clarks Shoes + Star Wars via Dominique (because girls love Star Wars, too)

Gourmet syrups, honey + condiments via Sprouted Kitchen

Drawn to the Long Sleeve Harper Tunic via Reading My Tea Leaves (+ these heeled clog boots!)

Are We Living In a Culture of Flakes? via Camille Styles (thought-provoking!)

Dynamite Plant Power Sushi Bowls are on my short list, via Pinch of Yum

how i shut my mind off lately via Free & Native (some I already do, others I'm going to try)

Nut Butter Coconut Chocolate Tart via A Cozy Kitchen (delicious-looking + dairy-free!)

Buttered Hot Cocoa via Tales of Me and the Husband (I've yet to try the coffee trend...)

Have a good week!

(Note: Apparently this post was published but only half the content was saved! I should be better at this by now...)

(Update: In case you were wondering, my "Steering Column Lock Actuary" went kaput. Apparently it's super common in cars with push-button ignitions. It disables the whole car and (welp) cost $1200 to replace. In lieu of gifts, this year we'll just take turns riding in my car.)

Seen, Heard + Bookmarked: Saying Goodbye To Fall

2017-12-01T07:00:00.000-08:00

The leaves of the Pacific Northwest are having their last hurrah this week. The landscape is still alight with reds and yellows, and I'm absolutely loving this extended autumn we're having. We're on our third round of raking leaves in less than a week, and I have since decided to let the trees go bare before attempting another yard cleanup.

Last week we celebrated Thanksgiving with good friends and their lovely extended family. In the days since, the turkey bones have become broth, the tree has been dressed, and those little embroidered gifts I'm planning this year are in the works. Late fall/early winter are a calmer, more reflective time for me + the weather encourages nights in wearing comfy clothes. (Hurray!)

Husband has his usual end-of-year business travel, which means we will see his face once in two weeks. Fortunately my current position at work allows me the freedom to tailor my schedule based on the needs of my family, so I worked half my normal 8-hour shift this week and was home in time for dinner + bedtime.

Also, can we have a moment of gratitude for the inventor of the CrockPot? Ingredients thrown in before work, dinner ready when I get home. I wish I'd maxed out its potential earlier in my adult life.

And speaking of dinnertime, I've had my game face on this week. I started to refocus my nutritional goals earlier this month, but now I'm fully in Whole30 mode. I food prepped like a boss on Monday and had all the ingredients necessary to get through the week cheat-free. What I love about Whole30 is the ability to pick it back up at any time; I feel the benefits in just a couple of days; and I can bend the rules and still be successful (i.e. date night dinners out, a touch of soy sauce or sugar when absolutely necessary, etc). Every time I get back to eating this way, I immediately wish I'd never stopped. It takes a fair amount of effort, but it's totally worth it for me. And honestly, the more consistently I do it the easier/more intuitive it becomes. (The Whole30 breakfast tacos pictured above are so good + easy.)

Here are some things I've seen, heard and bookmarked lately:

Golden Soup (It was simple, Kiddo ate TWO servings, and it was satisfying. I subbed chicken broth for water to add some oomph. A second batch is in the works.)

The most darling face to hang on a wall.

I made this Crockpot Mississippi Pot Roast last week and it was a hit! (I served it over mashed potatoes.)

Came across a new (to me) clothing website. Loving this and this. (any experience with them re: quality, etc?)

My favorite dairy-free coffee creamer. (It has been difficult to find at times, but I think it's becoming a mainstay at my local Whole Foods.) Nutpods is a very close second.

Gift giving has been on my mind (and this blog) a lot lately. This article on changing or ending gift giving habits is awesome.

Adding Cherry Chocolate Nut Cookies and Lemon Drop Candy Cookies to this year's Christmas cookie rotation.

The softest sweater to run errands in. Resisting the urge to wear it every.single.day. (I'm wearing it today.)

Digging the whimsy of glitter accented ankle boots (still not sure on what occasion I will wear them, but alas). I recently came across styles at both Toms and Anthropologie (my personal fave).

Loving these locally-made smocks, aprons and pinafores for holiday baking.

A Crispy Jalapeno Popper Dip recipe to add to our Christmas Eve appetizer rotation.

This Embroidery Hoop Wreath Tutorial is swoon-worthy.

Holiday Cheer: Finding and Keeping It

2017-11-29T12:41:00.001-08:00

Since taking our family trip to Disneyland last month, we are embracing opportunities to spend time together with even more frequency. We've seen two movies, in the theater, in the last 10 days, and this past Saturday night we wandered into downtown Portland to pick out some gifts and enjoy a family dinner out. We are ahead of the curve this year, which has meant less stress and more togetherness. It's how I always want the holidays to play out, but this year we are actually making it happen.

The last decade or so I've been gravitating toward a simpler Christmas. Over the past 14+ years we've had numerous discussions with well-intentioned family members about embracing quality over quantity when it comes to holiday gift-giving. Despite my best efforts, most years it was necessary to accept unwanted gifts with a loving heart then donate the items to charity after the holidays (or return them, though they seldom came with a receipt). This year my husband's siblings and their families are meeting at my in-laws' home, which means travel for most of us. Because of that it was suggested we only do small stocking stuffers for one another. This is a wonderful alignment of ideals, and I'm excited to receive less, spend less, and take on less this holiday season. Besides, assembling gift bags/stocking stuffers is my love language!

With the ongoing goal of a more meaningful, less materialistic holiday season, I've leaned into the idea of mixing homemade gifts with store-bought trinkets; gifting experiences over objects whenever possible; and sharing good tidings with neighbors and friends without adding more stress + expense to an already hectic season. (I am prone to trying to outdo myself every year. It's exhausting)

Over the next couple weeks I'm going to share some tried and true methods for satisfying my perfectionist + overachiever tendencies while preserving my sanity and ability to pay the electric bill. (If for no other reason than to reread these posts when I lose my marbles and need a reality check.)

This first post involves general ground rules I've laid out for myself (or aspire to, anyway). Some are simply thoughts or life lessons surrounding the holidays.

Christmas Cards/Letters // Sending out a yearly Christmas card, in my opinion, is totally optional. Still, I like to share what's been happening with family and friends who live far away, but have never been a fan of holiday letters (writing or receiving them—though everyone is different and so are their circumstances). For many years I have opted to do a 2-sided holiday photo card (Snapfish has great coupon codes). I gather up my favorite iPhone pics from the past year, the ones that most reflect our lives and activities, and let the photos tell our story. This year, for instance, I included a selfie of me wearing a sweatshirt bearing the name of my new grad school. Tale told, little effort.

Coworkers/Teachers/Etc // When Kiddo was in elementary and middle school, he only had one teacher and a small group of support staff that we gave gifts to during the holidays. I would get really elaborate some years, depending on my mood, and it often led to unnecessary anxiety and expense (those gift cards add up!). High school is a whole different beast, so we've moved on from individual gifts. Instead we donate goods, services and money to various school organizations throughout the year. And never underestimate the power of a sincere thank you email.

Instead of gifts, consider organizing a lunch for all the teachers and staff. Websites like Perfect Potluck make it simple to get people signed up, and even the often less recognized staff are celebrated. Similarly, you could organize a cookie/bar potluck where teachers can come and create a mixed plate of treats to take home to their families.

I have a lot of coworkers who have become close friends, and they will receive a small handmade token of my affection. Since changing positions this last summer, I have new coworkers who I am naturally much less close to. I haven't decided what, if anything, I'll do for them, but if nothing comes to mind I'm giving myself permission to just pass along verbal well wishes. (Let yourself off the hook!)

Gifts in Lieu of a Relationship // First and foremost: Don't do it. That being said, I step into this emotional minefield every.single.year. I have a family member that struggles through life. This person has children who also struggle. For the sake of my own mental health, I have to separate myself from the situation and therefore have little interaction with them throughout the year. But come Christmastime I think of the lack of gifts they may receive due to a variety of circumstances and my heart hurts. That's when I start trying to fill the emotional void with gifts. This year was no exception. The gifts have already been purchased, but next year I'm making a promise to myself to send a Christmas card and some kind words.

Giving Trees // They are everywhere and such a great way to give to others. There are two at my work, and I usually pick one tag for each of us to fulfill (though I want to help all the people!). I love watching Kiddo select gifts for another child! Last year I picked a tag for an elderly woman requesting knitting supplies. I no longer crochet but had loads of unused yarn, so I bought a decorative tote and some small knitting tools and gifted her my entire yarn stash. Win-win!

Gift Experiences // This has become a big one for us. Instead of receiving material objects we likely won't treasure forever, we create memories that last a lifetime. Is there a place you've always wanted to visit or a concert/play you've always wanted to see? Make that the gift. If you want something tangible to wrap, put the tickets, a map, or related travel necessities under the tree. Very early on in our marriage Mario gave me a gently used first edition copy of Wicked. Tucked inside its pages were two tickets to the show. When I see that book up on the shelf, I still think of that night. It is hands down one of the best gifts I've ever received, yet it lives on primarily in my memory.

If you have suggestions about navigating the holidays with family, friends and acquaintances, I'd love to hear them!

Next time: Handmade Gifts!

The Holidays: Less stress, more compromise.

2017-11-26T17:40:00.001-08:00

My husband and I have contrasting personalities. The epitome of opposites attracting, over the years our differences have served to highlight each other's unique individuality, while softening the edges on our respective qualities that could use an evolution. Our upbringings, our life goals, our social dynamics, our parenting styles—it's all so different.

We lock horns with some regularity, but the love is profound. Mario is my safe person; I absolutely adore my husband, quirks and all. We laugh a lot more than we bicker and that's not nothing. That being said, this introvert often struggles being married to an extremely extroverted man. Most often my idea of a perfect Saturday night is curling up on the couch with Netflix and some takeout; much less so for him. A bustling up-and-coming restaurant is more his scene. Still, we make it work. Not only that, we are really good at it most of the time. A lot of compromise, yes, but I also think our interests have merged significantly in the 15+ years we've spent together. I'm a more social, mellow version of my old self, and he's a more grounded version of the man he was a decade ago. We are often told by friends and family how awesome our relationship is and I feel the same way.

We have been immensely successful merging two very different personalities into one marriage—most of the time our differences don't play into our daily life—but occasionally an issue will arise that brings into stark contrast just how fundamentally different we can be.

Discussing our Christmas vacation plans is one such issue; I feel a strong pull to tradition, and he feels a strong pull to his family and friends.

This year I'm feeling nostalgic: Kiddo is a senior and I'm taking every opportunity to embrace the holidays and their prospective traditions. I went all out for Halloween, and even broke my own rule and started decorating for Christmas before Thanksgiving. I want this year's festivities to be really, really special. (Possibly to the point of creating unnecessary pressure + stress for myself.) I want the richness to come from tradition and time spent together, and my goals have not changed in regard to reducing material objects and embracing simplicity during the holidays.

Husband is also feeling nostalgic, but is pushing very hard to spend Christmas with his family in another state. I'll be honest: it has caused a fair amount of discord over the past couple weeks. After a bit of a standoff, we decided to spend Christmas Day with his family. I'll still have my family traditions, but it will look a little different and follow an alternative timeline. It wasn't an easy concession for me to make, but sharing a life involves give and take.

I have no doubt we will enjoy a lovely holiday road trip and time spent with family and friends. We always do. Nevertheless this situation has brought to light a lot of personal conflict that can arise during the holidays. How easy it can be to fall into the trap of consumerism, competition and obligation, all of which rob us of our joy.

The decision has been made and I'm going to work very hard not to ruminate on all those little compromises. Sometimes the vision has to change, no matter how grudgingly that change comes about. This is life and love and goes hand-in-hand with the commitment to spend your life with another person. At the end of the day Mario is what is most important. His happiness and vision count, too.

The tree went up this weekend and I'm creating Christmas-y little corners around the house. My childhood traditions of appetizers-for-dinner on Christmas Eve + cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning will carry on...on a different day. Because at the end of it all it's about family. Christmas morning in a hotel room is still Christmas morning if we are together. Oh, and just because we are seeing extended family on Christmas Day most certainly does not mean we need to abandon our goals of a simpler Christmas by showing up with an armload of presents. (Or likewise receiving them.)

Here's to embracing tradition, with flexibility, and putting others before ourselves. And here's to handmade gifts, embracing new opportunities and making memories. (And to never, ever keeping score in a marriage.)

Some thoughtful articles and ideas I've been reading and taking to heart these past few days:

Stress Less About Giving

Ground Rules + What I'm Really Gifting This Year (Erin has so many wise words on the issue of Christmas and gift-giving.)

Gracious Gifts (applicable to children and adult gift-giving & receiving)

Coping with Holiday Stress (yes!)

Saying Yes (to Mickey Mouse)

2017-11-16T15:56:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday I was scheduled to interview at a prospective grad school in the Southeast. However, having been offered a spot at one of my two Dream Programs, I ultimately decided to cancel any upcoming interviews. (I still haven't decided if I'll interview at my other top choice program, given the opportunity.)

And though I'm absolutely sure of my choice, and have formally accepted and financially secured my seat in the program, it felt wrong to turn down an opportunity. Any opportunity. When you've worked toward something for so very, very long, taking all those classes to earn that degree, years spent working in the field, carefully considering and writing each and every admissions essay—pouring your heart and soul into all of it—writing a Dear John letter to a prospective grad school (who wants you!) is a scary thing to do. About 10 days of anxiety + mild wretchedness ensued.

But I believe in the dream. It's happening. Now it's time to relish the relief and profound honor that comes with a) achieving your biggest life goal thus far and b) having the admissions board of one of the top programs in the country unanimously decide that you should attend their institution. (so.much.gratitude.)

These next 7-8 months before life gets turned on its head, as it has many times before in our journey through life, are precious and I'm treating them as such. Family time comes first these days, over work and those niggling obligations that arise in everyday life. Let's be real: Life + parenting + work + marriage can be taxing, and it's easy to get caught up in all of that. I'm making a concerted effort, everyday, to put tradition, motherhood, love, and creative endeavors first.

And while I'm working very hard to say no to commitments that are not mutually beneficial (going into work at dinnertime, without notice, because they are short-staffed—no), I'm working equally hard to say yes to opportunities that will bring about joy (a friend calls and asks if I can come over and talk + needlepoint with her for a couple hours one evening—yes).

So instead of racking up 5000+ airline miles in 36 hours going to an interview I no longer needed to attend, we used that time to take a mini family vacation. In less than two weeks my solo interview morphed into 3 days at Disneyland with the boys. (A shout-out to Mario for being like-minded and supportive when it comes to whimsical vacation planning and unscripted adventures.) We used those 5 days to reconnect, unplug, and focus on being with each other. There was plenty of bickering, as travel can often bring about, but for the most part it was just plain magical. (Spontaneous hugs + impromptu conversations about life with a teenage boy is the definition of magic.) It was the reset we needed both as a family and as individuals.

Here's to saying yes to those moments that could easily pass you by. Here's to saying yes to a little extra expense and a little time off for the sake of family. Yes to family, always.

Oh, and yes yes yes to edible sequins on your churro.

Neede + Craft: How the love affair began

2017-11-04T15:30:00.001-07:00

A couple Fridays ago I hosted Craft Night at my house. A group of nurses/coworkers and I decided to start getting together on a regular basis to work on existing projects and teach each other our respective hobbies. This was our second meeting, and we've yet to craft a single thing. The conversation flows, as does the wine, and before we know it the night is over. It's rather wonderful.

Since it was my turn to host, they got to see my various embroidery projects for the first time. All the hoops I've kept for myself are hung around our room and the upstairs loft area; colorful reminders of the evolution of this craft in my life. I'm thankful every day that I finally (!!!) found my ideal creative pastime; seeing my embroidery projects from their perspective was a reflective experience.

It all started two years ago when I decided to take on little 3" hoops for my annual Christmas ornament project. Only, I'd never embroidered before.

I came across some Sublime Stitching patterns and floss at my favorite craft store in Portland, snagged some muslin remnants, and went to work. They were so simple! I read a couple tutorials + watched a few how-to videos and back-stitched my way to some very cute little works of art by mixing and matching different elements and tracing over handwritten words I lightly etched on the fabric with pencil. The Sublime Stitching patterns can be found here and here, but the deer pattern is no longer available from Amelie Henrie on Etsy. (Though maybe she'll relist it for the holidays?) Fortunately my iPhone photography skills have improved since that time as well...

Feeling confident fresh off my ornament-making success, I also decided to stitch a sweet 6" deer hoop for my mother-in-law as a Christmas gift that year. It was still beginner-level, but a good way to expand on what I'd already learned.

Wild Olive's ornament patterns are also a favorite!

I'm posting this now not because Christmas tunes are are already playing in our home—I'm an after Thanksgiving holiday season purist—but because now is the time to start these sorts of projects. Especially if you're a total novice like I was.

Email me your suggestions and favorite pattern artists and I'll add them to the list! Also! I'm certainly not an expert, but I'll tackle any questions you send my way.

Seen, Heard & Bookmarked: Embracing Fall Traditions

2017-10-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

The last couple years I've scaled back on the hubbub around holidays. Fewer presents, less decor, more handmade, and simpler celebrations. This year, however, I'm focusing a little more on traditions. As a result I found myself in the garage digging out the holiday decor bins. I put up a few Halloween-related things. Then a few more. Our house is pretty darn festive right about now and I'm not the least bit sorry.

I think this craving for holiday traditions stems from the realization that this is Kiddo's last year at home before he adventures into relative adulthood—whether that be work or college has yet to be determined—and I want to squeeze every last joy out of this phase in our lives. Grad school acceptance means tunnel vision for the next few years; all the more reason to enjoy these moments in the meantime.

Here are some fall-related things on my mind:

Our neighborhood participates in "You've Been Booed," where you leave a basket of goodies on a neighbor's doorstep and they do the same for others. It's such a fun tradition!

When the weather gets cooler, cozy house clothes are my jam. Especially when I can run Kiddo to school in them and still feel somewhat put together. These joggers and this pullover are the newest addition to my comfy clothes arsenal. (so soft!)

Husband will be out of town on Halloween, and Kiddo is too old to trick-or-treat, so we'll be passing out candy together. I decided we should dress up just because. LLama + The Flash...hold on to your hats, kids!

I made this easy peasy pumpkin french toast a couple times last fall and it is bonkers good. It's back on the menu.

Watching Gilmore Girls for the umpteenth time, as I often feel drawn to do in the fall, and adoring this mug. (Am I dating myself to admit I watched all the seasons for the first time when they were on television?) Also, this mug!

An adorable DIY paper haunted house. (Made into a pumpkin diorama!)

Trying this Slow-Cooker Butter Chicken. (Thanks, Bridget!)

Putting together a skeleton paper doll kit by Paper Source. (Bought locally and not available online...similar here.)

Searched high and low for the perfect couch blanket—a binge-watching-Netflix kind of blanket—and I finally found it! Garnet Hill's Plush-Loft blanket is the winner. We love this blanket! I routinely have to stop Kiddo from smuggling it upstairs...

A sweet autumn embroidery pattern I'll leave up on the wall year-round.

Stopped into a shoe store in Portland the other morning after pottery class and bought a pair of Joules Wellibob ankle rain boots. It was love at first wear and they've been on my feet almost every day since. (Mine are the Clematis floral print, but I also love the other color options. Bees!)

Happy (early) Halloween!