Yay. I saved $4. I'd rather have the coffee.

It’s not a bad idea. In fact it makes perfect sense. It’s math. Don’t spend a dollar today, you’ll have that dollar tomorrow.

It’s good savings advice, but it’s lousy overall business and life advice. And people often confuse the two.

Let me explain.

Give-it-Up Earnings

There’s a way to “make” money that I call “Give-it-Up Earning.” It works like this:

Give up your daily latte, you’ll save that $4. Give up going out to movies and you’ll save that money.

What the financial coaches never seem to mention is this obvious fact: Going without coffee and movies will save you money, but will also keep you from enjoying a coffee and a movie.

Let’s take this give-it-up earning viewpoint a step further and you’ll see how quickly it breaks down. Because you can save all sorts of money if you:

• Skip meals
• Never buy new underwear
• Don’t feed your pet
• Take the bus instead of using your own car
• Move to a scummy part of town and pay less rent
• Refuse to buy chocolates for your significant other
• Tell your kids they were bad all year and so get no presents at Christmas

Yeah, you can save a lot of money this way. You’ll also be extremely unhappy and surrounded by dead pets.

The Solution is Bigger, Better, More

The proper way to engineer your finances is to look bigger, better, more. Not smaller, cheaper, less.

Do you want coffee? Be productive and make coffee money.

Want that “useless” trip to the movies? Be productive and make your movie money.

Want to spoil your kids at Christmas? Be productive and make present money.

The magic of this is that, given certain freedoms, you can always expand. You can always try harder, be productive as hell, make the money for what you need and want in life.

But inversely, you cannot always continue to shrink. There’s only so much you can give up to save money. Before long, you’re down to the barest of necessities and probably not enjoying your environment all that much.

I haven’t seen the Rulebook of Life recently, but I’m fairly certain the purpose of life isn’t to skate away at the end with every last penny you could collect.

It sounds much more fitting that one uses life to do and produce great things and earn a fat, stinky pile of money for it.

When I dare to dream big, I start running up against this limiting factor and thoughts of my own inadequacies, potentials, abilities. It feels like there’s a ceiling there sometimes, you know? Like I can only do so much.

But I’ll be damned if I know how much that is just yet. Because whenever I get brave and push up against that ceiling, it moves. Maybe just a little tiny bit. But it always moves.

Probably there’s no ceiling there at all. It’s just some gossamer, artificial thing I manufactured to act as my excuse factory. If there’s a ceiling there, even one of my own creation, somehow “I can’t,” “I’m only human,” and “I don’t know” become valid excuses.

But they’re not.

The interesting thing is, I’ve never failed at anything in life. But I have given up. And those are two vastly different things with a similar result.

What if we’re all Supermen? What if we can do everything we think we can, even those magnificent things that frighten us by their very scope?

Getting up, eating our Wheaties and going to work, we’re not often pressed in such a way that we find out who we really are. Or to move through that non-existent ceiling.

Probably the only difference between us and Superman is that he was pressed one day, and he found out.

And having found out, he went on to live accordingly.

OMG. Was that me?

In last week’s post about Fear, I said this:

When you make a decision you’re going to experience some result. What matters is if it’s the result you want.

Now, that sounds brilliant. In fact it is brilliant.

However, there’s sort of a problem with it: fear is often so bad, so raw and tangible, that it feels like avoiding it is the only real option.

I knew a lady who was so afraid to make a presentation at work that she refused to do so. Her boss told her it was part of her job and not doing it would be grounds for dismissal. So she quit.

She had these options:

A. Make a presentation to your colleagues
B. Have no job

Refusing option A, she went for B.

In such a case, my wonderful advice of “just ignore it and get on with life,” would have earned me a punch in the groin. And deservedly, too.

So what does she do? Take a bit of control.

Grabbing Fear by the Thingamajig

There is something that all fears have in common: unknowns & uncertainties.

Fear loves uncertainty and eats it up like a rabid porcupine. That’s probably not the best metaphor, but you get the idea. The more you’re unsure of, the more you might be afraid.

So a great way to control feelings of fear is to remove as many variables as you possibly can.

Practice, Practice, Practice

One of the best fear-killers is practice. I’ll give you an actual scenario:

I flunked my first driver’s test. Badly. I hadn’t practiced and I was so nervous I couldn’t even think. I stalled the car just getting out of the parking lot. Then I stopped on train tracks at a red light. And while trying to parallel park, I hit the curb and stalled the car again. By that time the driver-test lady had used up all the red ink in her pen, so she cut the test short and told me to head back to the DMV before I killed everyone. So I headed back, driving into head-on traffic in the wrong lane. Brilliant.

For the next year, I was a bag of panic. Every single time I thought of retaking the driver’s test, I’d freak. I was so afraid of the driver’s test that I wouldn’t even practice driving. And I had it all justified in my head that driving was stupid and there was nothing wrong with taking the bus for the rest of my life thank you very much.

Then one day I got tired of being a giant wussy.

So I started practicing driving out on my own. That was illegal of course, but I didn’t really care. We lived in a small Oregon coastal town then. And as you small-town folks know, small-town cops are always too busy helping Franny find her spatula and responding to UFO reports to bother with hooligans like me.

Not my actual car.
Mine wasn't quite this sexy.

That’s how I practiced driving. Every single day, I’d break the law, go out in my car and practice driving around the neighborhood. I practiced everything: stopping, starting, braking, parallel parking, driving in reverse, being smooth, you name it. I got pretty good at driving.

And one day I came home smiling and said, “Hey, Ma. I’m ready.” And I was ready. Excited even. And on the day of the test, I had a tiny bit of nerves, but mostly I was nervous because I really wanted to score 100%.

Baby Steps

Sometimes we’re thrust into a whole mess of responsibility that seems a bit much to take. If you’ve never given a public speech before, starting with a sold-out arena of 50,000 people might be a big first step.

Start small, if it helps.

I’ve heard of public speakers who practiced their craft by standing up and talking to their families. It’s a great idea.

From there you can progress to a group of 15 friends, then a group of 15 strangers, and so on.

Make a Decision

Sometimes, fear comes about because you’re being a wishy-washy sally and not making up your mind to do something. And in such cases, part of the fear comes from that state of limbo itself. You might recognize this scenario:

“Should I go to dinner with that guy? Oh jeez, I don’t know. I just can’t make up my mind. I’m so nervous about it.”

But then you make up your mind and you say, “You know what? Screw it, I’m gonna go meet him! Why not?” And all of a sudden you feel better?

Like a BandAid

I think you might be familiar with this method, which could also be called the “let’s get it over with” method.

Instead of worrying about your dentist appointment for two months, see if they have an appointment tomorrow.

Instead of putting off your public engagement for three more weeks, during which time you’ll pace holes all the way down to Hell, see if you can do it this Friday instead.

Familiarity Breeds Awesomeness

Guess what public speakers and UFC fighters have in common?

They show up early.

And there’s a great reason for it…it fights nerves

Public speakers go up on the stage, stand at the podium, do a sound-check, walk around the empty seats in the audience, familiarize themselves with the environment. This removes variables, which remember is fear’s favorite snack.

And UFC fighters show up at the fight venue, walk around in the ring, jump on the mat to see how it feels, etc.

Believe in Yourself

Probably this is the only rule of the whole list that really counts. I think it puts responsibility and ability right where it belongs: with you.

Just believe in yourself. You’re certainly capable of a whole lot more than you think you are. So maybe you get really uncomfortable with Situation A. Well, if you go out and confront Situation A, you’ll face it.

And by facing it, at the very very least you’ll acquire a bit of confidence and some warm-fuzzies that you had the guts to sack up. And the next time you face Situation A, it probably won’t be quite so bad.

But if you avoid it…ooh. That’s bad news. Because next time Situation A comes up, not only will you have the original fear, you’ll also have the new knowledge that you “couldn’t do it last time.” Double whammy.

Life might very well present you with a series of challenges. Backing down from one makes it easier to back down from the next. This weakens your foundation as an all-powerful being, eh? And before you know it, the floor falls out from under you.

On the other hand, facing Aunt Marge, even with her curlers in, makes you able to confront more in life. After a while you can even take on Aunt Marge and Uncle Pustule at the same time.

That’s money right there.

FEAR.

Good old fear, here we are again. It comes not-so-cleverly cloaked in post titles such as:

• How to get over the fear.
• Negotiating with fear to get your life back.
• Moving through fear to achieve your goals.
• 8 ways to harness fear’s energy like a frickin’ windmill.
• What’s that smell? Oh that? Don’t worry, I just went fear in my pants.
• “Mommy, I can’t sleep. The Fear Fairy is making a sandwich in my closet.”

(You wish other people were coming up with stuff that good.)

I swear, if I had a dime for every breakthrough method for living with fear, I’d have at least enough money for a sizable burrito.

Well, instead of just complaining about it, I’m going to continue complaining about it while also giving you my unsolicited opinions on how to stop this madness and get on with life once and for all. You’re welcome.

Fear 101

First off, what is fear?

It’s an emotion. Like happiness, or sadness. It happens to not be a very fun emotion, but it is one nonetheless.

You’ll notice, if you’re paying close attention, that I just put fear-focused life-coaches out of business. See, because fear isn’t a bridge you can “traverse.” It’s not a mountain you “get over.” And it’s certainly not a used car salesman that you “negotiate with.”

It’s an emotion.

The bitch about emotions is that they come about by living life. Happiness is a reaction to awesome things happening. Sadness is a reaction to sad things happening. And fear, well, that’s what you feel when you think stuff is scary.

Life and emotions… they’re inextricable from each other.

If you want to feel no emotions, don’t be alive. (Disclaimer: That’s not a suggestion. I’m talking hypotheticals here. Sheesh.)

So excluding death and nonexistence, we’re left with one option: feeling different emotions.

If you want to feel different emotions, do things differently than the way you’re doing them.

Fear, decisions and you

Now that I’ve delivered that happy news, let’s look at what we do about fear.

Nothing. At least not directly.

Here, let’s start this off with an example, as it’ll help you see where I’m heading with this tirade. And it’ll also show you that I’m not “one of the lucky ones” who was born with the amazing capacity to feel no fear.

I’m afraid of flying

Fact: I’m afraid of flying. I hate it. You know the part I hate most? The part between getting on the plane and then getting off again hours later. I don’t just hate taking off or landing or the smell of those awful TV dinners they serve. I even hate making the reservation, knowing it means I’ll have to fly.

Problem: Recently I had to get to Florida from Seattle, a six-hour flight.

Result: I could either fly to Florida or decide not to.

Here’s the mental process that went on in my head (and this might drive it all home for you, seriously):

• “I have to get to Florida.”
• “Fuck me if I’m driving or sitting on a train for a week.”
• “Shit. Looks like I’m flying.”

Or, if you prefer a more stick-it-on-the-refrigerator-for-the-kids version:

• What do you have to do?
• What are your options?
• Make a decision and get on with it.

See where fear is in there? Nowhere, that’s where. It’s got nothing to do with it.

It doesn’t matter why I’m afraid. It doesn’t matter how I can harness it, what it feels like “deep down inside”, if I fill out your online coaching questionnaire, what it has to do with my cerebral cortex, or if it’s Freud’s left nutsack that’s responsible.

I either get on the plane, or I don’t.

Fear has a role, I guess, but a fairly minor one. Like the dude in the stands at the football game, whose entire contribution was showing up naked and holding up a big foam #1 finger.

Fear is a residue, a piece of baggage, a key fob. Fear is the little fish that rides around on the bellies of majestic sharks.

It’s nothing in comparison to you, the real you and what you decide to do.

YOU decide on your life. You’re the driver. Maybe you decide not to fly because you’re afraid. Or maybe you just go right on and fly anyway, urinating and white-knuckling it the entire way. It’s your call.

The very important thing to remember is this:

When you make a decision you’re going to experience some result. What matters is if it’s the result you want.

Let’s put this baby to bed, for now

Here it is, one more time: The Good Stuff:

• Look at what you want to accomplish
• Figure out how best to accomplish that thing
• Make the decision, get on with it and assume responsibility for all that that entails

Every second you spend traipsing through fear’s garden of yuck is a second you waste on being alive.

Fear sucks, but it just happens to be part of life sometimes. It comes about when things are changing, often for the better.

So go out, make decisions, choose your paths and take responsibility for how that affects others and yourself.

And if your life coach ever brings fear up, tell him I say he’s fired.

Yeah, Charlie, but what do we actually DO about fear?

Now, as a warning, we’re going to talk about this fear thing once more. Next week I’m going to put up the defining post on the practicalities of fear in life. And I’ll even give you some ideas on mitigating it a bit.

I mean, for all my grandiose talk about just getting on with things, fear certainly makes it uncomfortable to do so sometimes. It can lead to poor decisions and a life going the opposite direction from where you intended, and that’s no good.

So we’re also going to talk examples next week. Practical, real-life examples. We’ll look at what happens when you make decisions based on what you want, and what happens when you decide based on avoiding fear.

Until next week!

Doctors and internet specialists have just discovered an awful new disease called Subscriberitis.

It infects people of all races and income levels, but those most susceptible are young, very young, elderly, middle-aged, super old, male, female and anyone who subscribes to newsletters and blog feeds they don’t need.

There are many symptoms of Subscriberitis, including but not limited to:

• A full inbox
• Rapid and psychotic bashing of the “Delete” key
• Repeated dishonest use of the “Mark as Read” function
• Fear that your feed reader must be malfunctioning
• Paranoid suspicions that people update their blogs for no other reason than to piss you off
• Flagging interest in the affairs of others, even family
• Also dry eyes, cotton mouth, shriveled privates, swamp foot and constipation. Possibly also stunted growth and death.

Luckily there’s a free and somewhat ticklish self-exam you can perform in the privacy of your own home…

How to know if you have Subscriberitis

This simple and 100% accurate exam can be completed by simply answering Yes or No to the following questions:

• Do you have too many blogs to read?
• Do you even care about all those newsletters?
• Can’t be bothered?

If you answered yes, no or maybe to any of those, you have Subscriberitis really really bad.

Luckily there’s a cure.

How to cure Subscriberitis…at least for a little while

If Subscriberitis is the unprotected exposure to too many blog posts and newsletters, a logical cure would be to just get rid of a bunch of them.

And that’s exactly what we’re going to do. It’s time to start practicing Safe-Subscribing.

But wait! We don’t want you unsubscribing to everything under the sun or doing something you’ll regret later. Take IgniteLiving here. Unsubscribing to this blog would be a terrible life decision.

So, here’s a handy system that can help you determine…

Which subscriptions to keep and which to throw out.

1. I mean, really? Do you even read it anymore?
It’s painfully obvious, but why not just dump the ones you don’t read? I had a bunch of blogs in my RSS reader that I didn’t read for months. There was even one in there about math. Math?! What the…I’ve never even heard of that.

So a couple times a week, without even glancing at them, I’d highlight a handful of these feeds, click “Mark as Read” and go on my way. After a while, I realized I can save myself a bunch of time and just unsubscribe altogether.

2. Money, honey
Does the newsletter or blog subscription make you money? Does it increase your bottom line? Does it help you in any way to improve your business?

3. Time
Any newsletter or blog post is an investment on time. You have to read the stuff, right?

Well, is it worth your time? Does spending 15 minutes reading the information improve your life by 15 minutes? Will those 15 minutes have a return on investment? Or does that time just disappear, leaving you with nothing but a lasting rash?

4. Must-have Interests
I love playing guitar. It’s more than a hobby, but not at all related to my business or income. But that said, there’s more to life than money, and I can’t live without a bit of frivolous guitar immersion. It’s a must-have for me, lest I lose my angelic disposition.

And that’s the dividing line right there: is it a must-have or just a frivolous infatuation?

I mean, for three days last year you took a passing fancy to earthworm reproduction and the migratory patterns of cabbage, and now your feed reader looks like you’re preparing for a quiz show.

These and a bazillion other subjects don’t really warrant invasions into your life whilst you’re busy getting your show on the road.

And in those times when you do need a quick fix, well, that’s what Google’s for.

5. Happiness
A lot of people like TheOnion, a website devoted to humorous fake news. And certainly a lot of people visit YouTube. While neither TheOnion nor YouTube give us much, if any, monetary return on our investment, we don’t need to live spartan lives either. A certain amount of laughter and frivolity is absolutely as necessary to us as money and food.

Do the newsletters and blogs you subscribe to at the very least make you happy or provide laughter you might not otherwise get?

6. Broken Record Phenomenon
Here’s an example of the Broken Record phenomenon. I used to follow a guy who had great info about increasing sign-ups to your site and newsletter. I watched a video he made, learned about strategic spots to place sign-up forms and some resources to put in my sidebar.

Fast forward a couple months, now he’s got another handful of posts up and a dozen other videos and guess what they’re about? Strategic newsletter sign-up areas and sidebar resources. It’s a snooze-fest all up in here now. Deleted.

7. What happened to the old you?
One fella I used to follow focused on 3D modeling, something I’m rabidly fanatical about. And it’s not the most popular topic, so I was thankful I’d found him. But he suddenly changed tack on me, and pretty much all he talks about anymore is pinball. Yeah. From computer modeling to pinball.

I believe that’s the first lesson of How to Misuse Your Audience 101.

8. Is it an aggravation?
A while ago on Twitter I saw this witticism:

“Wealth impedes knowledge.”

And I just sort of went, “Gosh, really? That’s idiotic.” And because it was said by a guy of at least a little influence, I started envisioning all the kids out there taking it to heart, saying: “Hey, Pa, I hope I’m dirt-poor when I grow up so I can be really smart.”

It’s very petty of me, but I hate seeing stupid information like that because I get all bent out of shape and cry like a little baby. (Hey at least I’m honest, right?) To keep from losing the limited sense I still have, I don’t subject myself to the festering pustules on the underbelly of the web.

If it’s an aggravation, it’s probably best to be rid of it.

To be cured, you have to act

You brought Subscriberitis upon yourself, and only you can get rid of it.

If any of this seems complicated, just remember this simple bottom line:

If you don’t need it, don’t read it, and don’t get any joy from it, toss it out.

Also remember this:

It’s your inbox. What shows up in it is your responsibility.

I really hope the above helps you manage your Subscriberitis a bit better. With time, dedication and ongoing vigilance, you can expect to be cured and experience a full recovery.

Oh, and also remember to apply lotion. It’s got nothing to do with the cure, but it’s still nice.