Big hugs to my MIL for letting me use a ton of her paper and printer ink the first night we’re out in the hill country for the long weekend. You’re the best!

I want to do a pre-acceptance speech right now–Thanks to all of my peoples.  My friends and family have been so supportive even though all I’ve talked about, thought about, or written about is this dang ol’ book.  I have 331 pages done in something 16 days, now that I really look at a calendar and the dates I started saving drafts.  But most of all, I want to thank whatever ghost possessed me to start typing and typing.  No, that’s not it.  I have to thank my husband most of all, who sparked this whole thing by telling me that I have it in me to write a book and on the way back from my cousin LG’s baby shower talked plot points and direction of the book.

I honestly didn’t think I would come back to writing.  My first degree is in creative writing, then I got my master’s in landscape architecture.  It was in poetry, so not quite the same thing as full-length fiction, but I took enough classes to know when I’m making sense and when I’m too convoluted.  And for a long time there, my writing was impossible to read.  I was too abstract, trying to inject meaning into every phrase.  So much so that it was like trying to decode some CIA message about a broken heart.

Then something happened last September.  I got the itch to write again.  I felt apologetic towards writing; I was slightly embarrassed for pushing it away and wondered if it would have me back again.  Now we have come around to the other side and there’s stuff running around in my head again.  I got the crazies out (more or less) and I remember what it’s like to dream up a scene from scratch, and entertain myself and hopefully other people.  It was a lot like tapping into my childhood self playing with dolls.  I even remember growing out of that phase and wondering what storyline I ever made the barbies do besides make out.  I seriously couldn’t remember.  Then writing this book, it was like some other part of my brain took over, and the story unfolded, coming to me as much as a surprise as it would be to someone who read it.

Come to think of it, that’s a lot like giving birth.  You let the part of your brain that knows how to give birth take over.  I guess there’s a birthing section and a book-writing section.  Who knows what else is in there.

I also wanted to thank you guys for stopping by my corner of the Intertron even when I had to take a break.  When I could, I popped back in, and I got so many sweet comments and likes letting me know you’re still thinking of me, that you still wonder what EB, Hubs, and I are up to.  I still get a dillion hits for my braces post, which I will never understand.  EVERY DAMN DAY I get 25 to 30 hits on that one.  But there are enough people stopping by to give me warm fuzzes, right above the area with a warm fuzzy growing and bouncing around in my uterus region.  It makes me want to do both, if I can figure out how to split my time between the book and the blog.  Both are fun and rewarding.  Who needs to work for a living, right?

This is what we’re up to. They’re the best, and so patient with me for checking out during long periods of the day.

I hope you dudes have a super duper memorial day.  No drinking and driving!  That’s what your friends are for: to chauffeur your drunk ass around.  Remember, there are kiddos strapped innocently to car seats in cars surrounding you, and there are preggos who tote those kids in car seats around.  And we don’t want to be hit by your foolishness.  I’m pretty sure the rest of the population (who might be a little more sturdy but still don’t deserve to be crashed into) is with me on this one.

First Draft Jells.

Gently down the do,

Mamma Jells.

I went to my monthly prenatal checkup and saw Dr. Andrea Campaigne, the other half of Nurture OBGYN.  I saw her when I went to OBGYN North for my last pregnancy, but you can’t help becoming attached to the person who actually guided the tiny human out of your body, so Liane is who holds my heart for that.  I will see either one when A2 is born, depending on who is on call.  I would just like to announce that I would be perfectly happy with either one.  They make my heart sing.

I have been getting those random comments from people now that it’s safe to assume I’m actually pregnant and not just drinking too much booze.  Part of me loves that the guy in the fruit department helping me find tangelos asks when I’m due and then volunteers that he has 4 boys.  This is fun, babies connect you to strangers, and everyone gets excited about new life hidden under a layer of mystery, skin, and amniotic fluid.  The other half of this story is the urge for a stranger to quantify how big my belly is.  It’s an insult to some women to say they’re huge; while for me, saying I’m small is a little tough to swallow.  I’m eating plenty, I promise…but that’s where my brain goes.  And so those comments stick with me and I vent to my OB or midwife (whichever is seeing me for that day), asking for confirmation that I really am gestating the very best I can.

Luckily, Andrea says that I am measuring perfectly for 22 weeks.  And she also said that people can be shit-talkers and not to listen to them.  That’s my kind of advice.  Then she gave me a book to read to A2 in utero–it’s a Dr. Suess book, reworked by his wife, specifically to stimulate the baby’s brain now that she’s hearing a lot more.  (Oh, Baby, the Places You’ll Go.)  Rhyming is supposed to be like doing mental aerobics.  I’m very excited for this, especially since I can double up and read to EB while reading to my tum.

I’ve put on 12.5 lbs, give or take, since I never seem to have a scale around and can’t ever remember what I weigh normally.  I honestly think that’s pretty healthy, but I am fascinated by how front weight is making me walk a little differently.  My vision is obscured a little when I look at the ground to make sure I’m not tripping over or stepping in anything.  And, as was pointed out to me at my appointment, my round ligaments are strained and hurting me.  Well, I said it hurts on either side of my belly from my belly button to my cooter and she told me what that was.  Now I bring it up in every conversation so people are impressed that I have such things and know that they’re hurting me.  And also because they hurt a lot, so it’s on my mind.  Basically, I have a uterus the size of a basketball sitting in my pelvis.  And my BEBE is the size of a cup of milk (Andrea’s analogy).  So the first half of the pregnancy is making space for my little astronaut, and now she’s filling in that space.  Quickly.  So this growth spurt has put a strain on my round ligaments.  Go figure.

I’m trying to become less sedentary.  I have motivational issues when it comes to movement right now.  I want to lie around, eat grapes, and write more of my book (I’ve gotten to page 262 after 15 days).  But I’m sleeeeepy so I need to do something to activate my body and not be a slush bucket while giving birth.  So I confessed my sins (eating ice cream and not exercising) and Andrea granted forgiveness.  She said it’s never too late to move, and eating ice cream does not gestational diabetes make–especially since I didn’t have it last time.  Then she made sure I was eating other things during the day to fully grant my forgiveness.  I do; I’m good.

At this point I could totally see napping on a concrete stoop. She’s a crafty one, my EB.  Then I made her move because all of the blankets and pillows were getting dirty from our unusual bouts of Texas thunderstorms.

Here’s my first bit of exercise since 2010:

• Yesterday I walked for 15 minutes at a wagon-pulling pace
• Today I went to prenatal yoga
• Then Hubs and I signed the fam up at the Y; I splashed in the pool with EB while he did real things like run on a treadmill and impress me
• I swam 2 whole laps before EB flipped out that I wasn’t over in her area anymore

Proof that I wore my yoga pants for actual yoga. And that I need a longer shirt.

Not too shabby.  A little footnote to my sporadic posts?  I pee when I sneeze.  It’s that time of the pregnancy.  But maybe that’s another kind of exercise I need to work on.

Oh, I almost forgot and don’t feel like organically inserting this in a previous paragraph: in prenatal yoga, the teacher was talking about the 2nd chakra, the reproductive area, and focusing our stretches on that zone.  Perfect right?  Well, working on all of them is important, because the baby part is attached to everything.  Regardless, this chakra is connected to dreams and desires.  So we talked about what we desire while giving our introduction (it was a small class and preggos are chatty).  While other future moms were talking about wanting to be the healthiest they could be for their unborn child, I was off thinking about this book that is being written by my hands and I’m finding out what will happen as I type it.  So I talked about this ridiculous surge of creative juices that I’ve been experiencing, since there seems to be an imbalance between my energetic juices.  The teacher said that the chakra is also tied to writing, journaling, and creating.  So little A2 has flipped a switch in me to make things.  Thanks, BEBE.

EB being creative, too: making my mother’s day card at school with her awesome teacher.

So I hope you kind folks of the Intertron understand why I haven’t been posting as much, since I want to save it for getting this book out of my system.  There are only so many hours in a day, and I suppose only so much juice of the creative kind to use up in one day.  There will be other posts besides belly updates in the future.  I just will kick myself if I skip these updates, you know?

Miss yous guys.

Writing Jells.

Well, I accidentally skipped a week.  I have one more thorn in my side on my belly photo project.  On the upside?  I’m exactly on time with this week’s belly post!

I must give some thanks to my darling EB, who has been occupying herself every morning until 9:30.  I haven’t slept this late in years, even when Eebs stays with her grandparents.  It lets me stay up during my afternoon nap time to write on my book, which I’m now at 130 pages.  Out of perhaps 320.  I remember barely making it through a 10 or 20 page paper for college with weeks to write the damn thing.  I guess if you’re just letting your brain fart out a story, as opposed to checking references and making sure you’re citing everything properly, it goes a lot faster.

I have a nudger inside.  Fully nudging on my insides, and growing so much that my belly button is fully smooth and making the transition to the outside.  It’s not been this clean in over 2 years, since the last time I had an outie.  You know what I miss though?  My linea nigra!  Where is my damn belly line?  I loved that mark.  It was baby body art.  Mine swerved right before it got to my navel.  And then it went away around 4 or 5 months after delivery.  I wonder when that shows up  during pregnancy?

I can no longer lean forward in a chair.  EB has a tiny chair that’s strong enough for an adult to sit in, but it’s not wide enough to spread my legs and let my belly fit through.  And it’s getting harder to sleep on my side, even with a pillow keeping me from rolling completely on my belly.  That was the first thing I did after delivering EB: slept on my stomach.  Relish it, non-preggos!  Sleep on your face for me!

In other news, it’s teacher appreciation week.  I really appreciate EB’s teachers.  They’re the sweetest, they genuinely like her (who wouldn’t?), and they taught her to count to ten.  So I made them brownies and I’m going to volunteer at nap tomorrow so they can get a special lunch.  This could either go smoothly–I used to work at a daycare for 5 years and nap was the best for catching up on reading and mindlessly patting a kid to sleep.  Or, and I see this as a 90% chance, EB will be awake when I get there, not be able to sleep, wake up all the other kids, and havoc will ensue.  Oh well, I already wrote the teachers a note telling them how much we love them (separate from the brownies) so hopefully they won’t be mad at me.

I gave the teachers about 1/4 of this. That should tell you something about me + brownies. It’s a 16 x 22 pan. Whaaaat.

Update:  I know I haven’t pressed publish yet, but I took a break in the middle of the post to eat some sushi with my family during half price happy hour and then got home to a UPS guy delivering a mysterious something.  I didn’t remember ordering more paranormal romances, and I saw a bunch of emails from Amazon from my mom ordering things like how to make cheese.  She’s about to retire and is getting goats.  Don’t ask me why we share an Amazon account, it’s just always been that way.  I kind of like seeing the kinds of things she orders, actually.  Anyhoo, I get this box and bring it into the kitchen.  I planned on opening it even though I was sure it wasn’t mine.  Lo and behold, my MIL ordered me chocolate for mother’s day!  It had ice packs inside and everything!  I already ate half of them and Hubs only gets to eat some if I’ve already taken a bite out of them.  I love sampling them over eating the whole thing in one bite.  It’s how I roll.

Surprise! I love chocolate. And I can’t keep secrets from anyone, so I’m shocked when anyone can keep a secret from me.

Charbonnel et Walker chocolates. charbonnel.co.uk if you want to order your mom/wife something delicious at the last minute. I wouldn’t blame you.

But that doesn’t explain why the brownies are already gone.  I made them on Tuesday.  It’s for the BEBE.  That’s also what my MIL said, incidentally, when I called to thank her for the surprise chocolates.  And side note:  shouldn’t I be the one sending chocolates to my mom and MIL?  Tisk, tisk, Mama Jells.  I need to get my act together.

Go hug your mother!  Every day, not just on Sunday.  But especially Sunday.  I get to see mine next week for a belated mother’s day slash early birthday lunch with my cousin LG.

An everyday hug. My favorite.

Future-Diabetes Mama Jells.

You know it’s my dream to get such a big reaction for my homemade blanket. Good thing my cousin so cool.

I have been saving up these pics from making my cousin LG’s baby blanket that I gave to her at her shower over the weekend.  It was my first foray into this kind of sewing project.  I usually crochet my baby blanket gifts, but I had some really cool fabric and I just went for it.  I’m pleased to say that it turned out looking like a blanket.

Those who know me understand that I go through some periods of intense focus on certain projects in my life.  Some might call it obsessive (like my therapist) and I have worked hard all of my life to even out the focus to include the regular things, like working and cleaning the house, or whatever isn’t pulling all of my attention.  But I have to say that when I do allow my obsession to kick in, it’s the most satisfying thing in the world, even if I’m not productive in other aspects of my life.  These obsessions include, but are not limited to the following:

• TV show marathons
• book comas
• crochet projects
• working on this blog
• creative writing
• crafty things
• Facebook
• gossip blogs

Now, you might notice some of these things as topics on this blog already.  In fact, when I started blogging, I posted relentlessly for the first few months.  I have had to work on not checking my stats constantly (Hi, my name is Jells, and it’s been 5 days since I’ve last read my daily hits) and have had to curb my need to tell you every little thing about my life 5 or 6 times a day.  I have had several areas of focus that have held my attention over the last several weeks.  I finished this blanket in one day (the details are coming after this rant, I promise), I started reading an entire paranormal romance series, then started writing a book.

Yes, I said I’m writing a book.  Obsessively writing a book, I might add.  After 4 days, I’ve written 90 pages, double-spaced.  I’ve never written a book before, but I just did a boot camp on absorbing a fun, addictive storyline told 10 different ways, so I feel pretty good about having enough of a story for the required word limit for submission.  But in case you’re wondering where I am, I have moved on from spending every second devouring books on hot vampires being hot.  I have another series I’m waiting to start until after I finish my book, or else my story might lose its way.  I’ll post sporadically, but I’m still here.

The finished product. A 30″ x 40″ baby blanket.

Here’s what you need:

• a yard each of two different kinds of fabric (wash it first!!  I learned this the hard way.)
• 30″ x 40″ cotton batting (it’s the padding on the inside of the blanket)
• thread to match
• a sewing machine (DER)
• pins to hold the fabric in place
• an iron
• an afternoon free of responsibilities and children

Here’s what you do:

• Cut your batting to size (mentioned twice above).  I measured mine against a crib mattress and it fits pretty well.
• Cut your inner fabric to fold over the batting by about an inch.   So for you math whizzes out there, that’s 32″ x 42″.

Fabric underneath and batting on top before I folded it over.

• Pin fabric in place and iron the overlap.  When you get to the corners, make a miter and pin.  There are much better sources for how to do a good miter than this post.  I just winged it.  I folded it together and cut it.

Fabric pinned in place, ready to be ironed.

Get it nice and crisp so that you have a clean edge.

• Sew a stitch all around to keep this fabric in place.  Remove pins as you go.  You don’t want to iron or sew over them because it ruins things.  Trust me.

A picture of my corners. It doesn’t have to be perfect on the bottom layer, but you don’t want it bulky with the extra fabric. Cut off what you need to to get it clean.

• Once the bottom layer is in place, place the other fabric on the other side.  A good tip for getting the fabrics to line up is to fold the fabric in half, the put a pin in the corner of the fold.  Then do that to the other fabric.  You can gauge if the pins are lined up and have an even overlap on all sides.
• This is a self-binding blanket, meaning you use the top fabric to bind.  That’s one reason it’s so easy.  Another reason it’s easy is because it’s a faux-quilt.  You don’t have to make all the squares, you just stitch the squares in to a) keep the fabric together and b) give the fabric texture like a quilt.
• I left 1″ of fabric for the binding.  Iron this crease, then fold fabric under for a hem.  It’s a double-fold like any hem would be.  Keep measuring, ironing, and pinning as you go along all of the sides.

Fold over the fabric so that you create a binding of 1″.

Pin and miter the corners.

• Use a pretty stitch like this for the top fabric.  I’ve seen hidden stitches, but this is easier and you don’t have to do it by hand.

Iron the binding/hem before you stitch.

I chose this stitch. It’s pretty.

• Hand-sew the mitered corners.  If someone knows a better way, please tell me in the comments.  This was my one blanket downfall.  I’ve never mitered before!

I was able to get a straighter stitch by pushing the needle through like this.

• I used a 5″ diagonal for the cross-stitching.  I used a T-square to measure 30″x 30″ to get a good square.  Use fabric pencils that will wash out so you can draw on the fabric.  From the X in the middle of my 30″ square, I started measuring 5″ out from there.  Then stitch on a basic straight stitch.  I didn’t end those perfectly, so any tips on how to end those in the comments would be super.  I bet I should have done the cross stitches before I did the self-binding, but whatever.  It turned out pretty.  Be sure to backstitch these, dolls.

Marking the squares.

Sewing the lines.  Notice that I couldn’t just follow the dots since the fabric wasn’t lined up for that.

• Present your blanket last or next to last so that you can have people come over and fawn over your handiwork.  If there’s a homemade blanket opened right after yours, get ready for a bubble bursting.  And that’s only happened once.

EB decided she wanted to keep the blanket instead of giving it as a gift to her future cousin. I had to do a switcheroo with her blanket to keep the fussing to a party-minimum.

• Yes, the reason you give a gift is out of love, not out of expectations of people telling you how impressed they are.  But it’s a nice bonus.

Mommy and Daddy to-be. Wuv.

Crafty Jells.

34 weeks!  That’s insane.  Where has the time gone?!?!  I am officially down to my weekly appointments.  I went on Monday and had an ultrasound done to determine her approximate weight.  So far, she is 5 lbs, 8 oz (though it feels like 20)…with 6 weeks to go.   My due date is still on track for June 11th!  I’m rooting for this day because it’s my 11 year wedding anniversary.  And also Hubs’ cousin KG and her mom, Darlin’s birthday.  It’s full of important stuff!

My wee one is still moving like crazy.  I swear at night she sleeps sideways.  There are two distinct lumps…what appear to be a head lump and a butt lump.  My stomach looks like a camel’s back instead of a soccer ball.  And I KNOW there aren’t two in there.  Lol.  The ultrasound showed that she is (or at least was at the time) head down and turned in the ready position….well at least she was showing the doctor that she knows what to do.  :)  I LOVED feeling the lumps!  Little A-dubs isn’t big enough to poke out at angles, so I can’t wait to do some manhandling of your belly on Friday when we drive in!  And good job for Little P for getting head down!  I have a friend that’s going to have to do a version soon because hers is thinking about making an entrance breech.  

I still haven’t kicked this stupid sinus infection.  Still have a completely muffled ear.  So.  Annoying. I have now finished my second round of antibiotics and nothing has improved.  Boo!  Wait, you’re sick again?!  For your shower!  Effing eff for you.  Stupid hormones making sinus cavities swollen and susceptible to infection.  And my gestational diabetes apparently isn’t being controlled enough with diet alone.  I still think its because I’m still fighting this infection.  But the doctor was not satisfied, so I’m now taking a low dosage diabetic drug.  At least I don’t have to inject myself with insulin.  I would not have been able to do that!  Instead, I have to take 2.5 mg of Glyburide at bed time. Seems to be working.  My fasting reading this morning was 77!  Because of the gestational, they want to do a quick ultrasound each week.  Is 77 good or bad?  

My belly has grown so much, it feels like it is stretched to capacity!  It is starting to tighten up several times a day.  It doesn’t hurt, but it is uncomfortable.  My doctor said that they are contractions probably caused by her movements.  I’m not sure what Braxton Hicks contractions feel like, but I’m guessing that’s what this is.  Yup.  Your uterus is a muscle and it’s exercising.  I get little ones where I get an off-centered, hard lump.  It’s slightly distracting when walking around.  My nights are getting more restless.  I toss so much it is impossible to get uninterrupted sleep.  Its so hard to get comfortable these days.  I may complain, but it is certainly worth it.  And I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.  Oh, and my birthday is this month….and I will be 37 weeks exactly on my birthday!  Yay!!!  Happy birthday month, dear!  It’s pretty cute that you will will have such a close bday to Little P.  And that A-dubs and Little P will be 3 months apart!

Picture to follow…once DG gets home…otherwise it will just be another mirror shot.  (Enclosed are the mirror shots.)  Btw…I am UBER excited about the shower!  And no, I wasn’t prompted to send an update by your post tonight.  Ok, that’s not true.  At. All.  Lol.

I like to live vicariously through my friends and family, and my family that are my dear friends.  So I am PUMPED that LG is so close to the end!  And I feel pretty special that she’s let me include her in my little ol’ blog with updates.  Pretty soon I’ll have her birth story to add to my collection!

BBCF Jells

Do you know about the Jelly's Belly tab above? You can see my belly grow right in front of your eyes. And the balloon should be shrinking, believe it or not.

I’m almost halfway done with this wonderful ride of carrying a child within my body.  To be honest, it makes me a little sad that the countdown is coming.  Call me crazy.  But I quite like the feeling of the gentle kicks that Hubs was able to feel for the first time yesterday.  Little BEBE even kicked EB when I was carrying her (much to the chagrin of my shoulder/neck stab-stab-stabs), and I think it might’ve been a territorial “get off my mama, whoever you are.”  But maybe little BEBE already knows her big sister and was saying hello?  Who can say.

Mmmmmm. Mangos sound delicious right now. Image from pregnancycool.com

I feel like I popped.  This bump shows and I no longer have to keep a hand on it so people don’t just think I have a beer belly.  That it’s, instead, a baby belly, thankyouverymuch.  I can’t believe this is the last time I’m going to be pregnant (unless you want to build an extra room or two onto our house and pay off all of our school loans…and grow me an extra arm for crossing the street with 3 children in tow.)  I thought the same thing last pregnancy to make me really appreciate this short time in my life.  That I couldn’t believe I would only be pregnant one more time after EB.  41 weeks (I had that extra one for extra EB-baking) is the blink of an eye.  It’s basically a school year.  That’s nothin’.  And I only have 4.5 more months.

Time for the summer months that I missed out on last pregnancy!  I get to wear a bikini at the pool and bask in the sun like a turtle.  I only got 2 or 3 excursions while Eebs was holding on a little longer, and I think April of 2010 was extra warm here in Austin for me to be able to pull off sunbathing.  Or maybe I didn’t care and wanted my belly to soak of those wonderful warm rays.  Now I get to lie around at Barton Springs to my heart’s content for months.  And float and float, which is so nice for the extra weight I’m finally feeling.  Well, now that I re-read this, I have to admit that we got in the pool pretty quickly with Eebs.  She was 2 or so months the first time we took her to the neighborhood pool.  Barton Springs is a little cold for her (and me) but it’s so nice to look at and lay near.

Speaking of laying around…I did this (see image below) last week.  That’s 7 books.  In 7 days.  Sweet Addie kindly checked up on me to make sure I still existed.  I’m not sure I did at the time.  I’m trying to slow down because I only have 1.5 more before I have to cough up the full list price for the most recent installment of the series.  I love paying a penny to $4 for a book, tops.  NOT $10 + shipping.  Let’s see if I can be patient.

I left this with MIL who will pass it on to my Aunt L. We share books around here. That's one reason I like actual books over e-readers.

I also ordered the 50 Shades of Gray series.  Keeping my book list raunchy, that’s right.  Last pregnancy all I wanted to do was catch up on Dexter (the show and the books) so this one has a decidedly different tone to my laying about.

EB is in the “No Sh-t” phase.  Meaning we can’t say things like “sh-t” or anything else I’d hyphenate to protect your precious eyeballs.  Hubs and I can literally say any word and EB will repeat it, or say it over and over until we deem it (enthusiastically) correct.  We talked about clouds and sticker burrs and yellow flowers.  Anything around her, she wants to know the word for.  It’s so wonderful seeing her delicious brains soak up the world around her.  She’s fearless about absorbing and repeating info.  Hence, no cursing around the child.  Or I’ll give you a side-eye with all the cursing inherent in my squint.   That’s right, buddy.  I really don’t have that aimed at anyone BTdubs.  I might even be threatening a side-eye to myself.  It’s possible.

Guess how long this hat stayed on.

I’m going to my cousin LG’s baby shower this weekend!  I’ll show you the blanket I made her next week that you must be frothing at the mouth to see.  Nope, not yet.  And it didn’t even shrink after I found out you’re supposed to wash the fabric before you sew it into something precious!  The craft gods were with me on this one.  I’m excited to document her belly region for to share since she’s stingy with sending me them.  I mean, I have only had two guest updates with pics!  Unacceptable, says the gal who bombards you wonderful readers on a mostly-weekly basis, if I can remember to do it.

The BEBE’s name will be of the initials AA, but it doesn’t seem to make as much sense here on the blog.  Double-A?  A2?  A-Dubs?  EB is true to life because we do have about half of her friends and fam who call her by her initials.  I actually stick to her whole name in most cases because I want her to know her name.  And now she  uses the third person when talking about herself.  George would be proud!  Help me come up with some rendition of the BEBE’s blog nickname so no stalkers hunt down my fetus and find out where she’ll go to daycare in 5 + 18 months.  No creepers!  Stay back!

I could be pregnant forever.  Or at least carry someone else’s kid for them so that I could keep being pregnant.  Would you be able to be a surrogate?  Or are you done and done once the BEBE pops out?

Jell’s bells

EB yelling "I you!" in her phone. Which means "I love you, but she misses the one word she should probably be saying.

Last week, I think it was Tuesday, I was walking around my yard.  Out of the blue I got this stab-stab-stab in the right side of my neck and into my shoulder, which is strange, because that’s not where the baby is.  I did what I always do when something of this nature comes up – I tried to ignore it and see if that would make it better.  It didn’t.  By Friday I decided Mama Jells needed to go to the chiro.

I have mixed feelings about getting my back and neck popped.  I love it a little too much.  I would go every day to get my fix if I could and would pay my last pretty penny to get it done.  I might even sell my cars, house, and children.  (Hubs stays because he’s the one doing the work around here.)  So I really have to be under duress to open that door to my own personal crack.  Shut up, you knew it was coming.

Aunt L filling a makeshift kiddie pool. EB is ever so pumped.

I went and Medicaid doesn’t cover the guy I went to.  I figured I would be going just once and his price isn’t horrible for one visit.  Like $50 for the second visit (it gets cheaper after the first hit!  Wait, isn’t that backwards for what goes down on the street?) and it went by a little too fast, if you ask me.  I felt immediately better then much much worse.  He told me to put heat on it and get a massage.  Now you can see my other vice.  Massages.  Once someone tells me to go get a massage, how can I not immediately go?  I got a yelp deal and had 80 min of pure bliss.  No really, I am a tough cookie to massage because I want as much pressure as humanly possible, elbows and knees and such.  And this gal brought her A game.  I almost cried from pain/pleasure of knot relief.  I felt immediately better then much much worse.  Effing eff.

EB was telling Aunt L about her Brobee shirt from Darlin' (Hubs' aunt) that she never wants to take off and will pull out of the hamper to wear again.

All weekend out in the hill country visiting my mom and aunt and Hubs’ parents has been stab-stab and by today I was feeling a mite better.  Just when I realized I was 2 hours late for my follow-up chiro appointment.  I went back and got more pops, only to hear that he wants me back every 2 weeks until my last month of pregnancy, then every week.  I was like, hold on, dealer, Mama’s poor and was just trying to get by with a little somethin-somethin popped and loosened.  Then guess what.

They don’t like to tell everyone this because they would be out of business, obvsly, but I can qualify for financial hardship to finish my treatment.  Basically I write what my bills are, have proof of my income (Medicaid counts and shows we bring in jack sh-t), and then I decide what I want to pay and how often.  Whaaaaaat.  I nearly cried and what they wanted me to pay for the original deal (2 free out of 10 for about $400.  NO.  Cannot.  Cannot do, sorry, back.)  and then I nearly cried again that I could pay something like $10 a treatment if that’s what I deem appropriate.  Those damn hormones.  They’ve been getting me during commercials and Vampire Diaries, too.

Squeeeeeeeee!

So I’ve got a free (well, affordable) pass to get my back popped my whole pregnancy.  This is wondrous, because a doctor told me to do it.  However, I cannot for certain say that this will solve my back problems because I can’t immediately say that things are better and then they stay that way, and I want instant and continual relief.  And this will only get worse because I realized the pinch is from holding my 30 lb child.  I have to hold her above my belly because my hips now blend into a bowling ball of a stomach.  She and I are only getting bigger in the next 4.5 months.

Are you even surprised that this bundle of coo-coos is giving me a pinch? At least it's a literal pain in the neck and not a metaphorical one. She's kind of the best thing ever.

I know that I’m also going to get hip pinches, because that’s how I roll when I get swole with child and she starts descending and hanging out a week past my due date, so a general maintenance sounds so special.

Poor EB though.  She doesn’t ask for much, but she likes to be carried past the cafeteria and into her room at school.  And she likes to jump into my arms when I get there to pick her up (she no longer hits the closest kid upon my arrival – she’s so grown up!).  And occasionally I have to carry her if she dead-weights me while walking somewhere, which is actually turning into more than occasionally since she’s TWO!  That’s what 2 year-olds do.  But if I can help it, I get the nearest person to hold her for me, or put her in the car seat.  Holding my child is unavoidable, even in the condition that my condition is in.

Sidenote:  EB has been singing.  And it’s the cutest thing ever.  She sing’s Row Row Row Your Boat (but skips the word boat and then says good job Mama at the end) and “Plants and flowers get their powers from water, flowers get their powers from water” from Yo Gabba Gabba.  It might be because Hubs and I sing that one all the time because of the hispanic cactus that yells “Water!” intermittently during the chorus.  I’ll try to capture it on video soon.  Adorbs.

19 week belly update tomorrow.  It’s my last one from the upside of the hill.  Thursday is 20 weeks!  Halfway, suckas!  I should probably edit some of my profiles to say that I’m not trying for that 2nd kid anymore, but I don’t want to jinx anything.  Those edits might not happen until after she comes out.  Because fingers should probably stay crossed all the way through labor, K?

Pinched and cracked-out Mama Jells.

One sounds way more fun than the other.

Yesterday I got EB some gummy vitamins because her pedi said she was old enough for them now.  Especially since she’s the pickiest picky eater to ever pick through a meal, I figured we needed to get on this STAT.  So I give EB one yesterday and keeps asking/signing for “more.”  I ate one myself, and I must say, they are delicious!  And Hubs admitted to me last night that he downed 3 before the night was over.

I think we need to get some gummy bears in the house or her vitamins will be all gone in a week and we’ll be all hopped up on vitamin c, among other things.  And I’m doubling up by also taking prenatal vitamins!

Which got me thinking.  Why the heck aren’t there gummy prenatal vitamins?  I am pretty sure they make adult gummy regular ones, because they should, but what about for the moms-to-be that are craving that little sweet snack?  Every night I get in bed with my jug of water and give a side eye to my bottle of vitamins on my night stand.  Because I’m not a great pill taker.  I spend about 5 minutes trying to get that thing in the back of my throat to get a good swallow.  I have never been good at taking pills, actually.  I was able to take my first one at age 13.  By wrapping bread around it.  Effectively making it bigger.  I don’t even.

Hubs snickers at me when he sees my head bobbing around trying to down the thing.  So I need to invent a gummy prenatal vitamin to reduce pill-taking embarrassment (I really don’t care that much that he’s laughing at me – I would, too).  The question remains:

What shape should the vitamin be molded into?  A fetus?  A boob?  A placenta?  A uterus?  Would I be the only one that appreciates the hilarity in chomping on such things?  Maybe something nicer like a piece of fruit that the gummies are flavored by?  I personally think the funnier the better.

I need to go get a big bag of gummy bears now.  To go with the ice cream in my freezer that I’m totally about to raid as soon as I press publish on this piece of brilliance.  You know you wish you thought of it.  Now someone needs to make it and give me full credit.  Checks can be made out to EB’s college fund.

You’re welcome, world.

Brilliant Jells.

UPDATE:  I didn’t wait on the ice cream.  Already eating it.

We went for the gender sonogram today at Nurture OBGYN to see my super fabulous midwife Liane.  Hubs was even able to go, but the grandmas weren’t.  We tried to film it but I think I took out the memory card from my computer without properly ejecting it and now it’s telling me there are errors.  I can’t believe that’s actually a thing.  And I normally am remotely careful about actually ejecting it!  Argh.

So.  The gender.  I know you are dying to know (are you?)  because we have been counting down the hours to this appointment.  My mom texted me a bunch this morning telling me she could hardly get any work done until we call her with the news.  I wrote back that that’s how I’ve been feeling for the last 3 weeks!  That might be laziness that coincides with the funnest part of having a baby besides getting the actual baby part.

It's a girl!

I know, whaaaat?  I have no sense of these things, for myself or for anyone else.  I think I told y’all that my parents have both boasted that they knew my bro was going to be a boy and that I was going to be a girl and that they have never been wrong on such things.  Well, they thought EB was going to be a boy, and then new BEBE was also going to be a boy.  Then they crack me up by telling me after the fact they actually thought the opposite.  My mom totally called me back later today and tried to renege on her guess by saying she just told me that because we were so certain we were having a boy so she told us what she thought we wanted to hear.  That’s not how guesses work, Mom!  Silly goose.

I have literally said “silly goose” 6 times a day for the last week.  EB has apparently grown feathers because it’s been a nonstop sillyfest.  Ok, here’s the EB update: my 2 year old can count to 10 and she came home with a fever today.  What 2 y.o. can count that high?  Is that normal?  You know what I mean.  Should I sign her up for Harvard right now is what I’m saying?  Maybe after the fever breaks.  It’s been making her even sillier and I think we need to keep it together for the Harvard application video of her counting to 10.  That’s how toddler enrollment works I’m pretty sure.

Why does this sweet potato look so scary? Image from pregnancycool.com/18-weeks-pregnant

My update: I have put on 8ish pounds.  The wee babe is about 5 oz and we saw her chewing during the sono.  Chewing or smacking or talking.  Or smack talking.  And wiggling and lounging.  I think those are her options in there.  All of her parts are inside and in working order and she is right on schedule.  I am 18 weeks, 5 days and she’s measuring 18 weeks, 6 days.  Perfecto.  I’ve got this gestation thing down!  Meaning I’m barely thinking about it.

Have you wondered where I’ve been the past couple of days here in blogland?  In a book coma.  I’m in the middle of my 4th book (paranormal romance series, remember?) and the 5th came in the mail today.  I’m averaging 250 pages per day.  You guys better blog about vampires making out so I can get back on WP and read slash comment on your blogs!  And I give myself a break of a couple of hours before starting the next book by gobbling a few chapters of Jenny Lawson’s book (aka the Bloggess).  So I’m multitasking with books.  Some might say that sounds busy, how the heck do I get anything else done?  First of all, I couldn’t be making myself less busy.  I’m literally laying down on the comfort of my bed under a throw with a beverage and a bowl of ice cream not doing anything else like working or cleaning the house.  I say it’s for the BEBE.  The BEBE wants me to lay on my ass and eat ice cream and read about hot vampires.  Obvsly.

Hubs has very sweetly not complained the I’m not getting very much done for our business but will request one or two errands with the incentive that “It would really help out the business.”  I told him he could just tell me in a less subtle way or even say I should probably be working more than 2 hours a day on a good day because we’re in this together.  See?  I know what I should be doing.  And I’m straight up not doing it.  I guess that’s what you would call calling in pregnant.  To myself.  Since I’m my own boss.

I’ll resurface in a  few more days once I am done being submerged in my raunchy books and then I’ll be all sad that I didn’t string them out any longer.  I’ll need you guys!  I’ll feel deprived and not know what to do with myself.  So I’ll catch up on your blogs and you’ll get a dillion likes and comments from me all at once.  It’ll be like I’m stalking you!  Won’t you like that?  And I’m talking to each and every one of you that tells me how excited you are about knowing that we’re having a GIRL!!!

Hazzah for EB’s hand-me-downs!  Hazzah for sharing a room until the girls are 18!  The fates were kind to us.  Pobre Hubs though.  He’s a smudge disappointed, but excited nonetheless.  He just started picturing a boy and talking about man things while off-roading in the woods and wearing baseball caps and not shaving. We’ve outnumbered him!  It’s 5:1 including the pups.

This is either how you get dads watching Bridget Jones’ Diary or little girls watching Hobo with a Shotgun.

Mama Jells.