Illinois Divorce Blawg

Illinois Divorce Blawg - Closed

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy Gosteli Helm, Attorney) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 14:14:00 +0000

The Gosteli Law Firm is now closed.

Namaste.
Kristy

Illinois Grandparents Denied Court Ordered Visitation

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy Gosteli Helm, Attorney) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 14:00:00 +0000

Even in Illinois, with the best attorneys on your side, enforcing visitation can be a real struggle. I used to live and work in Springfield, Illinois. Read an article here from the Springfield Journal-Register that discusses how even court-ordered visitation is hard to enforce.

I know most of the attorneys in this article, and they are considered some of Springfield's finest. But, it just goes to show you that even the best attorneys can't "make" visitation happen. And, that simple fact is one of the hardest things for me to accept as an attorney. And that simple fact is an even harder one to accept for a parent or grandparent being denied visitation.

Call the Gosteli Law Firm today at (855) 4IL-ATTY (445-2889) if you are involved in custody or visitation case, or if you have questions regarding other family law matters. Or you can visit our website at www.gosteli-law.com.

Judge Lynn Toler & Divorce During The Holidays - Illinois Divorce Attorney

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy Gosteli Helm, Attorney) — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 01:16:00 +0000

Never is child custody and visitation more difficult than during the holidays. I realize Christmas and Thanksgiving have passed us by, but, most children are still on holiday break. And, I am a big believer in "Better late, than never."

Was your holiday was marred with messy divorce, child custody, or visitation issues, and clashes with your ex, and your ex's family? Are those painful memories are still with you, kind of like getting a stupid song or commercial stuck in your head? You keep playing those horrible scenes with your ex over and over again, wishing you had done something or said something differently. Afterwards, you probably told yourself, "I never want to have another Christmas like this one ever again."

I have been there. And, I know how bad it feels. And, I know knowledge is power. And the one who fails to plan, subconsciously plans to fail.

So, if you and your family celebrate the holidays, and you have a child custody and/or visitation order, click here check out this article from Judge Lynn Toler, on Yahoo!. Her article provides some no-nonsense advice on how to deal with the stress of divorce, custody and visitation during the holidays.

If you are dealing with Illinois divorce, child custody, or visitation issues, call the Gosteli Law Firm at 1-855-4IL-ATTY or 1-618-740-0430 today to find out how we can help protect your legal rights.

And, always remember, if you are being abused, ask for help. Call 9-1-1. Go to your nearest hospital. No one deserves to be abused. There are always ways you and your family can get help.

Texas Lawyer and Estranged Husband Dead; Possible Murder-Suicide Investigated

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy Gosteli Helm, Attorney) — Wed, 15 Dec 2010 11:00:00 +0000

Marital break-ups affect everyone, even lawyers. The stress is hard on everyone. Domestic violence should never be ignored.

The Gosteli Law Firm handles cases in Illinois involving domestic violence, divorce, and parentage.

Read the article here from the American Bar Association which talks about Texas lawyer whose marriage was on the rocks, and who died because of it.

Illinois Lawyer Sues Ex-Fiancé for Jilting Her Four Days Before Planned Wedding

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy Gosteli Helm, Attorney) — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 14:33:00 +0000

A Chicago lawyer is suing her Ex-Fiancé because he dumped her four days before her wedding.

According to the article in the Chicago Tribune, she had spent nearly $95,000 on the wedding. Yes, you read that right. $95k. She says that he has not wanted to marry her for over a year, but led her on, and because of his lies, she is entitled to be reimbursed for her wedding expenses.

If you are spending that kind of money for your wedding, consider a prenuptial agreement. The Statute of Frauds states that no one can be reimbursed for a promise to marry, unless that promise is in writing.

Call the Gosteli Law Firm at (855) 4IL-ATTY (445-2889) to find out if a preuptial agreement is right for you.

Read the article from the American Bar Association here

Ignoring Your Anger Can Make You Sick - Illinois Divorce Attorney

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 11:00:00 +0000

Anger is a touchy subject to discuss. Understandably. No one wants to feel it, or deal with someone who is angry.

But, do you understand how important it is to feel anger? Do you understand how stuffing down your emotions, your anger, and your responses to anger can make you physically ill?

Living with an emotionally abusive person can make you physically ill, particularly if you are repressing your emotions in order to live peacefully with that emotionally abusive person.

Is there any wonder why stuffing down your emotions can make you physically ill? Is there any doubt that the stress of worrying about that person who threatened to kill you might actually TRY to kill you can make you sick to your stomach, cause you to lose sleep, lose your appetite, give you a headache?

There are many ways to deal with your anger. Some people recommend breaking glass, or taking a bat to old cars or old computers. But that requires a special area, and requires some form of clean-up due to the broken glass, equipment, etc.

I recommend throwing beanie babies against the wall to get your anger out. They don't leave marks on the wall, don't require clean up, and they make a really satisfying thud against the wall. You can throw as hard as you like, and don't have to worry about the damage. Try it. You might be surprised at how well it works. And, how much better you'll feel.

There is a good article at about.com talking about repressed emotions. Click here to read more.

Contact the Gosteli Law Firm for help with your Illinois divorce, custody, and visitation issues.

The picture is courtesy of www.inmagine.com.

Emotional Abuse is Still Abuse - Illinois Divorce Attorney

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 06 Dec 2010 11:00:00 +0000

Both men and women can be victims of emotional abuse. This type of abuse is the most pervasive because it leaves no marks, no bruises, no evidence, no trace of anything.

Except.....the words repeat over and over in your head. That's where the bruises are, where the marks are made, where the evidence is.

Many abusers apologize for those hurtful words, thinking that makes it "okay." And friends, and family may not believe you, if the abuser only says those things when no one else is around, and acts so wonderful when someone else is present.

But, don't let anyone convince you otherwise - those hurtful words are abuse, and when repeated, do far more damage than a punch or a slap or a kick. And, abusers don't realize those words said to Mom or Dad hurt the child as well. And, in essence, they are teaching the child that abuse is okay. And, the victims, allowing that abuse to continue, are also teaching children that abuse is okay, and teaching the children not to speak out against abuse.

Abuse, whether in the forms of words, or physical action, is NEVER okay. Just because the person didn't try to kill you doesn't mean it's okay that the person SAID they were going to kill you. It is NOT okay that a person said s/he was going to kill you in front of your children. Those children heard those words. Those children were terrified that someone they love, a parent, just said s/he was going to kill the other parent. That is ABUSE. And it is NOT okay.

Remember the old saying: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" I think it should say, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will ALWAYS hurt me."

Here's an post from about.com that talks about how emotional abuse is NOT okay. Click here to read more.

Call today to find out how the Gosteli Law Firm can help if you are in an abusive relationship.

Photo from www.fotosearch.com

Men Suffer Depression During Divorce

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 11:00:00 +0000

A recent article from about.com states that men suffer from depression during a divorce more than women do. Click here for the article.

I agree with this article. The problem is that depression has such a stigma to it. Men don't want to appear anything less than strong. Everyone struggles with divorce, no matter how easy it is to sign the papers, and even if there are no children involved.

Why do I say this? Because divorce means you have failed, in some way, as a partner, a lover, a friend, or as a parent. And, no one accepts failure or defeat in relationships easily. It simply is not in our nature. And, if it were so easy to admit and accept failure or defeat, we wouldn't have the overwhelming popularity of reality tv shows pitting lover against lover, parent against parent, man against woman, human against human.

I always advise anyone going through a divorce to talk with a professional counselor or therapist (same thing, just different word). It's tough to admit that we failed at being married. And, don't think that going to a counselor will diminish your chances for custody.

The rule in Illinois for custody in acting in your children's best interests. Certainly we can agree that going to a doctor or therapist for a mental health check-up is far better for your children than sitting alone, in the dark, crying your eyes out. Or, for men, getting into fights, and yelling at everyone.

So, go on, be a man! Go to the psychiatrist or therapist, and get some advice on how to be a better person, a better partner, and a better father. What's the worst that can happen? The psychiatrist could tell you that you're a little depressed, and need to take a pill once a day, so that you can be your old self again. Or, worse yet, the doctor could tell you that you're great, you're doing a great job as a parent, and it's your ex-partner who lost out on the best thing she ever had.

Your children look up to you. Teach them that seeking help in times of need is a sign of strength, not weakness. Teach them to love themselves as much you do.

Call today to find out how the Gosteli Law Firm can help you resolve your Illinois custody and visitation issues.

Love Is Not Easy - How Far Will You Go For Your Child? Illinois Divorce Attorney

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 11:00:00 +0000

Divorce brings out all kinds of feelings and actions. We say we love our children no matter what, but do your actions match your words? Are you truly willing to do whatever it takes to keep your child healthy?

Consider the following questions, and answer each honestly, Yes or No.

1. Would you jump into an ice cold stream to save your child from drowning?

2. Would you give up one of your kidneys if it would save your child's life?

3. Would you sell all your worldly possession to pay for costly life-saving surgery for your child?

4. Would you change your diet if your child's doctor diagnosed your child with diabetes?

5. Would you give up smoking if your child had a high risk of lung disease or asthma?

6. Would you forgive your child's other parent to help your child develop a healthy self-esteem?

7. Would you let go of the past to give your child a healthy future?

8. Would you let go of bitterness/anger if your child developed anxiety symptoms?

9. Would you use impulse control if it would teach your child to think before he acted?

10. Would you give up being right so your child would not feel caught in the middle?

Love is Action.......Not Words!

Thanks to the Parent Place of Springfield for this list.

Can I Date While I Am Getting Divorced in Illinois?

noreply@blogger.com (Kristy Gosteli Helm, Attorney) — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 11:00:00 +0000

Yahoo Shine! recently posted an article here about how fast Christina Aguilera began dating right after her marriage ended. And pictures are all over the web showing Jesse James dating Kat Von D right after his marriage to Sandra Bullock ended. But, those are celebrities, right? What does that have to do with you, fighting with your ex about custody and visitation, or in the middle of a divorce? It should be a warning that, just like celebrities, you, too, will be judged by who you date when it comes you are involved in a custody dispute.

In Illinois, only those people who have an effect on the child's life may be considered by the court when determining who will have custody of your children. So, if you are dating, and are not introducing the children to your date, you will be seen as doing what is in the best interest of your children. In fact, most therapists say the best policy is to not introduce your children to a new girlfriend or boyfriend until you have dated that person for at least six months. Why so long? Because you do not want your children to get attached to someone that might go away. And, like it or not, the first few people you date after your break-up are likely "rebound" dates. Six months of dating gives you time to figure out if your date is really the type of person you want around your children.

Remember, your children are still dealing with their parents splitting up. Children are resilient, but they take time to come to terms with the new situation - different house, different schedules, different feelings. They are still trying to figure out what they did wrong to cause the two of you to stop loving each other. Children typically blame themselves when things go wrong. It is not logical, and may not be reality. But that doesn't matter - they are your children, and you want to act in their best interests - not yours. And acting in your children's best interests means having some fun, and dating, but no introducing the date to the kids for at least six months.

In a custody, divorce, or visitation case, the judge does not care about you, or your ex. The judge is only concerned about the best interests of the children. And, any activity which does not have an effect on children does not typically concern the judge. However, the father who introduces every date to his children, telling them to call the girlfriend, "Mommy," will not impress a judge. Neither will the mother who brings the new boyfriend to court, and who lets the boyfriend spend more time with the child than the father. It simply is not the best position to take if you want to gain custody of your children. Because that position will get you labeled as "having a revolving door on your bedroom," and "putting your own needs before those of your children." For Illinois parents, stability is very important element when the courts are deciding who should have custody of the children.

Taking either one of the above positions, you, the dating parent, will be seen as unstable, and selfish, choosing to put your needs above the needs of your children. Any attorney with these facts at his/her disposal, will argue that you are definitely not a responsible parent, and that you should not be granted custody of your children. You must understand that in a custody battle, all is fair in court and law. Your every move will be under a microscope and will be examined and dissected, in excruciating detail, by opposing counsel if you and your ex cannot agree on custody.

So, here's the plain, hard truth: dating during divorce doesn't really hurt, but it definitely does not help your custody case. Being single for a while never hurt anyone. If nothing else, it gives you the opportunity to catch up on your reading, rebuild your self-esteem, and allow you to spend some much-needed time with your friends that you may have been ignoring.

Oh, yeah, one more thing: definitely turn off your social media pages. The last thing you want is opposing counsel getting their hands on your Facebook pictures, or your myspace pages, or your tweets. Any attorney worth his or her salt will use those pages and those pictures to imply that you are drunk or high, or partying far more often than you are sober. Unless you are made of money, time spent on Facebook during a custody or visitation battle is just not worth the legal fees it could possibly cost you.

Call the Gosteli Law Firm today at 618-740-0430 to find out how we can help you with your Illinois divorce, custody, visitation or parentage case.

Kate Gosselin says "divorce anger" affects her children

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 16:45:00 +0000

Earlier this month, two of Kate Gosselin's children were expelled from kindergarten, and were being homeschooled. See my previous post here. Kate now reports to CNN that the children have had a rough year, and were acting out due to pressure and "divorce anger." Click here to read the article.

I've posted before about the warning signs for children here. And, I've talked of how you can help your children develop new traditions for the holidays here. I think the most important lesson of all, in the midst of divorce, is that no matter what changes, you always love your children.

If you can tell your children, and remind your children, that in the midst of everything, no matter what, you love them, and that will never change, I believe that you and the children can work though anything. Not that there won't be bumps in the road, and tears, and anger, and probably lots of anger.

I've dealt with hundreds of divorced parents over the years, and I'm a divorced parent myself. I've seen what a consistent demonstration of love can do for a child's self-esteem. I do believe that children feeling loved, and knowing they are loved, no matter what the circumstances, makes for well-developed healthy children, who grow up to be well-developed, healthy, self-sufficient adults.

Warning Signs of Depression in Your Child - Divorce or Separation

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 11:00:00 +0000

No one wants their children to be depressed. And, divorce or a separation is hard on children, too.

Here are some warning signs for depression in children:

Frequent sadness, tearfulness, crying
Hopelessness
Decreased interest in activities; or unable to enjoy previous favorite activities
Persistent boredom; low energy
Social isolation; poor communication
Low self esteem and guilt
Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
Increased irritability, anger or hostility
Difficulty with relationships
Frequent complaints of physical illnesses such as stomachaches or headaches
Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school
Poor concentration
A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns
Talk of or efforts to run away from home
Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self-destructive behavior

This list is from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

(This list is provided only for informational purposes. The list is not provided as a medical treatment, nor as a diagnosis, and should not be considered as such.)

Getting Along with Your Ex When You Have Kids

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 12:00:00 +0000

I don't know how many ways it can be said: divorce is hard. It's hard on everyone - Mom, Dad and the kids.

When you're not married, but you've got kids together, and you split up, it's sometimes even harder.

the website about.com has some great advice on how to get along. It's what I've been telling my clients for years: take care of yourself physically, go see a therapist, and find ways to relieve your stress

It isn't easy, but it works. Trust me, your kids will thank you for it in the long run. And, that is the important thing - doing what is in the best interests of your kids. I know your goal is to raise happy, healthy kids. This article will help you accomplish just that.

Click here to read the article from www.about.com

Divorce - Here To Stay?

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Sat, 20 Nov 2010 20:52:00 +0000

A recent poll found that 4 out of 10 people think marriage is obsolete and going the way of the dinosaurs. See the results here from the Pew Research Center, and posted by the Associated Press.

Yet, Huffington Post just started a section that is all about divorce. As Nora Ephron (of "Sleepless in Seattle," "Silkwood," and "When Harry Met Sally" fame) says, "Marriage comes and goes, but divorce is forever." Check out the new divorce section from Huffington Post here.

Anyone who has been through a divorce or a break-up knows the truth in Nora Ephron's words - divorce IS forever. But, if marriage is no longer viable, doesn't that mean that divorce is a thing of the past too?

Creating New Traditions When Parents Divorce or Split Up

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 18 Nov 2010 11:00:00 +0000

At this time of year, holidays and traditions abound. If you're struggling with a divorce or a family split-up, the last thing you want to think about is having a "happy" holiday.

Even though your family is undergoing a major change, it is very important to create new family traditions in your new family home. Your children need stability, and need activities to look forward to.

So, when your heart is breaking, and you don't have much money, how can you possibly create your own family traditions? Well, here are a few suggestions to get you started:

1. Let the kids help create new traditions. Talk to them about what you always did for Thanksgiving, or Christmas or Easter when you still lived all together. Ask them what THEY want to do to celebrate this holiday with you. They may want to keep parts of the tradition from before, or change it completely. Let them have a choice. The more involved they are in the creation of the tradition, the more they will want to continue the tradition.

2. Remember this is just as stressful on the kids as it is you - maybe even more so. Keep plans to a minimum. You will have tired and cranky kids on your hands. The last thing you want is some complicated plan that no one will enjoy. There is nothing wrong with a new tradition of watching a favorite movie, eating popcorn, and drinking hot chocolate, all while dressed in your favorite PJs.

3. Don't be afraid to ask for help - from your family, your friends, even your kids! Ask the kids to help clean up, do the dishes, peel or clean veggies for dinner. The kids always feel better if they feel needed. If you are so strong and so competent all the time, no one will feel that you need them around.

4. If there are too many painful reminders to create a new tradition in your home, consider finding a whole new change of scenery. A mini-vacation, a trip to the park, or a night in a hotel eating junk food in bed and watching cartoons might very well be a well-deserved break, and a brand-new tradition for you and your children.

5. Be realistic. You aren't the Simpsons, but you aren't the Brady Bunch either. Nothing is going to be picture-perfect, especially the first year. Just take lots of pictures, and enjoy the time with your kids.

Remember: they are kids. They are not your ex, nor your friends telling you what or what not to do. Just recall how often kids play with a box that the toy comes in, rather than the toy itself. All it takes is a little imagination, and the simplest thing (watching parades, reading a special story, making chocolate milk, and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the couch) could become you and your children's favorite new family tradition.

Kids' Rights During a Divorce OR 10 Things Divorcing Parents Should NEVER Do!

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 11:00:00 +0000

Kids have rights. Kids have feelings. Kids love BOTH of their parents.

We, as divorced parents, know these things. Yet, it is so very easy to forget this when you're in the middle of a custody battle, or arguing, AGAIN, with the other parent about child support or visitation schedules.

But, if kids could tell you, these are the things they would say:

I'm just a kid, so please......

1. Do not talk badly about the other parent.
2. Do not talk about grown up stuff.
3. Do not talk about money or child support.
4. Do not make me feel bad when I enjoy time with the other parent.
5. Do not interfere with my visits with my other parent.
6. Do not argue on the phone or in front of me with my other parent.
7. Do not use me as your messenger.
8. Do not treat me like an adult.
9. Do not make me choose between my two parents.....for ANYTHING!
10. Do not make me spy on my other parent.

I know this may be hard for you at times. Thanks for showing how much you care about me by not doing these things.

Love,
Your child

Kate Plus 8, Kate Gosselin's children expelled from school for rage issues

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 01:03:00 +0000

It appears that divorce is taking its toll on the Gosselin children. Reports from CBS News and from TV Guide and from People have surfaced that two of Kate Gosselin's children have been expelled due to 'rage issues,' and Kate is now homeschooling them.

Divorce is hard on children. It is not unusual for children to begin "acting out" to get their parents' attention. Many children believe that divorce is somehow their fault. The children may be acting out to get their parents back together to deal with the situation. It is really important during this difficult time for parents to be polite, work together, and not to fight in front of the children. Otherwise, children begin to learn that the only way to get results is to raise your voice, yell, say mean things, or even resort to physical violence to get their way.

What they see, is what they do. Don't let your emotions get in the way of doing what is best for your child. Be sure that you utilize impulse control so that your children learn to think before they act.

Domestic Violence Approved in the UAE

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 12:00:00 +0000

Violence solves nothing, in my humble opinion. But, the ruling from the United Arab Emirates is shocking, and sickening.

The courts have ruled that husbands may beat their wives AND their children, as long as they do not leave marks.

Check out the story here on the Family Law Professor Blog

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 12:00:00 +0000

The numbers are up. According to the latest statistics, one in every ten Americans is raising his/her grandchild. See the recent study here conducted by the Pew Research Center studies focused on social and demographic trends.

Thanks to Family Law Prof Blog for the heads-up.

Legal Separation: Clinton County & Clay County, IL

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 09:00:00 +0000

What is a legal separation? In many ways, it is just like a divorce - decisions are made how to split up the marital estate: real and personal property, children, income, etc. But, it is different in that typically, you cannot be removed from your spouse's insurance, real property is not typically sold, and it is not "permanent" in the same way that a divorce is permanent,. i.e., you are in fact, divorced, and the court separates all the marital property between you and your spouse. About.com has some great articles discussing the difference between divorce and separation. Click here to read more.

I have many people who call me asking about legal separations. Before the Great Recession, the belief among attorneys was, "if you're gonna split up, you might as well get divorced." In today's economy, however, many folks are utilizing legal separations taking advantage of the lower costs involved in a separation. Typically, there is an agreement between the parties when legal separations are involved. And, although I'm not a tax lawyer, I know there can be monetary advantages to a legal separation, as opposed to a divorce.

And, some people just don't believe in divorce. In those cases, legal separation may give you everything you want, when you can't live with your spouse, but, can't live with the thought of a divorce.

Call The Gosteli Law Firm to find out if a legal separation is right for you. 618-740-0430 xt 1

VAP - Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity: Richland County & Marion County, IL

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 06:00:00 +0000

Signing a voluntary acknowledgment of paternity is a big deal. Also called a VAP, signing one removes your chance to challenge the paternity of a child with a DNA test. It is a contract, and it can't just be cancelled like a subscription to Netflix. It is important to know this because if you find out later that your woman lied to you, and you're not the baby's father, you've got a tough fight ahead of you.

If you sign a VAP, understand that you only have two years to fight the VAP. And, the only way to overcome the VAP is to hire an attorney, and prove that the contract, the VAP, was signed under duress (a gun held to your head), coercion (she threatened to tell your wife, or your friends something embarassing, and won't do it only if you sign the paper), or fraud (she signed your name on the form, or you can prove she lied to you, without a DNA test).

The VAP has all this information on the bottom of the form. Be sure you understand what you're giving up, and the responsibility that you're taking on before putting your name on a piece of paper that will change your life forever. You have the right to have a DNA test done before signing the form. One can never be too careful.

I Want Joint Custody: Clay, Clinton & Marion County, Illinois

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 13:06:00 +0000

Lots of parents get worked up about custody labels. And that concern is completely understandable because it's your child. In fact, clients often start out saying, "I'm not agreeing to anything but sole custody." Most people believe that joint custody means that the parties have equal time with the children, and no one has to pay child support. But that simply isn't true. Custody labels are just that - labels. It is important to have the proper wording to identify and enforce your parental and visitation rights in your custody agreement.

Make no mistake: it is really difficult to understand that a court "awards" custody of YOUR child, the one you helped raise, and love, and protect with all your heart and soul, to either you, the other parent, or to you both, jointly. That concept is tough for anyone to swallow.

But, the truth is this: there are three levels of custody, and they can be mixed and matched.

Sole custody means that one parent has complete control over the children's education, medical treatment, and religion.

Joint custody means that both parents have the decision making power over the children's education, medical treatment, and religion.

Shared custody (rarely awarded) is when two parents live very near to each other, and the child lives equally at both residences. This means that each parent has a complete room, and all the amenities for the child, and that neither party receives child support.

As I said, this is RARELY awarded for two reasons: 1) the parents must be wealthy to afford the same amenities; and 2) the child will constantly be moving, and will never have one place to call home. That sounds great until you have a teenager who constantly "forgets" and leaves school books at the other parents' home, and realizes this, only at 10:00 p.m., when the other parent is likely already in bed. (And, yes, that really happens.)

Keep in mind that the courts can only award what is labeled "joint custody" or "shared custody" if the parents get along and communicate extremely well. If the two of you have filed motions, or testified that you do not get along, and cannot communicate easily, the court is prohibited from labeling your custody agreement "joint custody."

I have a number of clients who want "joint custody" but cannot talk with their ex without a fight. In that instance, there is no joint parenting agreement, but the terms of the "joint parenting" agreement are written into the Marital Settlement Agreement without using that label. In those cases, one parent is labeled the "primary custodial parent," or "residential custodial parent," while the other parent is labeled the "non-custodial parent."

In these instances, the Marital Settlement Agreement will simply state that one parent is the residential custodian or primary custodian, and identify the other parent as the non-custodial parent. This type of agreement contains all the details to address how the parties will share decisions about the child(ren)'s medical care, religious upbringing, and educational needs.

So, remember: it is just a label. So make sure that your Marital Settlement Agreement identifies and protects your legal rights as a parent. The Agreement must include all the details regarding custody and visitation specific to your case. This is very important to help reduce miscommunication (read: arguments) and confusion (read: police called because of fights over who gets the kid) while raising your child(ren) in two separate households.

Lowering Child Support in Marion County & Clinton County, IL

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 06:00:00 +0000

In today's economy, every dollar counts. This is true whether you're paying child support or receiving it. If you lose your job, or have to take a paycut, be certain that you file a Motion to Modify Child Support. This is VERY important if you're paying child support. Otherwise, if you lose your job, and stop making payments, you can be held in contempt for such a failure, and be ordered to pay your ex's attorney's fees.

Draft up a Motion to Modify Child Support, and state the reason why you need the amount lowered - lost job, took a paycut, or are paid by commissions, and the economy has destroyed your income. You need to provide documents, such as a lay-off notice, or show paychecks to show loss of income. If you've applied for unemployment, be prepared to pay out of that unemployment. Or if you're denied unemployment, be sure to provide that letter to the court, too.

But, here's the problem: if you voluntarily left your job to get out of paying child support, that won't get you off the hook. See, the law in Illinois says that you can be required to pay the amount you are ABLE to make. It takes a little effort, but if your former boss testifies that you just quit, or made comments that you want to get fired so your old lady doesn't get any of your money...... Well, let's just say that kind of speech doesn't typically impress judges.

But, definitely be better safe than sorry. If your income decreases, go to the court before the court comes to you.

It's All About Perspective - Bad Week for Clarence Thomas

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 17:05:00 +0000

I have said it before - as a divorce attorney, I can just "sense" when things aren't right between two people. Maybe it's because I've grown cynical in my job. Maybe I'm just one of those "wacky" people who just "senses" things. (Yeah, it's all right - I've been called weird plenty of times before.) But, it's all about your perspective...

For Clarence Thomas, as for most people going through a tough time at home, when it rains, it pours. And, Clarence appears to be in the middle of a monsoon, typhoon, tsunami, hurricane, and a few tornadoes this week.

First, his wife calls Anita Hill. Then, his "ex-girlfriend" decides to come from behind the curtains, and tell the world about their five-year affair, as well as his affinity for big-breasted women and pornography. Now, the media reports that his nephew has tried to commit suicide, and had to be restrained and tasered during his hospital admission.

Click here to read others' thoughts on why Ginny Thomas called Anita Hill. Note divorce/marital problems are listed as No. 2. (Yeah, weird people can be right too!)

This is why I tell clients that it's all about perspective. Always remember that when things go bad, it can always get worse. Just be thankful you're not a U.S. Supreme Court Justice in the middle of a family melt-down, and the media's current ~~victim~~ focal point.

Illinois Domestic Violence Cases - Admissibility of 9-1-1 calls

noreply@blogger.com (Unknown) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 06:00:00 +0000

In a domestic violence case, whether it's an Order of Protection, a Civil No-Contact Order, a Restraining Order, or a criminal charge of domestic violence, admissibility of evidence is important. In particular, officers, dispatchers, and 9-1-1 call tapes can make up a big part of the case, and the testimony.

But, how do you get those tapes into evidence? If the person isn't there to testify about what happened, it's hearsay and it's not admissible. Furthermore, in Crawford v. Davis, 541, U.S. 36, 53-54 (2003), the U.S. Supreme Court talked about the inadmissibility of evidence as hearsay when it's "testimonial" or created for the purposes of litigation.

And the argument has been made that 9-1-1 calls are testimonial because they are given by an individual who is being questioned by an agent of law enforcement, i.e., a dispatcher who answers the phone at the police department. However, the U.S. Supreme Court determined in Davis v. Washington, 547 U.S. 813 (2006), that 9-1-1 calls are not "testimonial" when the person is frantic, is calling for help for an immediate emergency, and is not calmly answering questions put forth by an agent of law enforcement for the purposes of future litigation. The U.S. Supreme Court held that it's one thing to calmly answer questions in an interview, but it's quite another when a person is screaming into the phone for help because someone is trying to hurt them, or someone in their presence. Id.

In Illinois, the First Circuit held that a 9-1-1 call, pursuant to the Supreme Court's ruling in Davis, did not constitute "testimonial hearsay" when the contact with the dispatcher was volunteered for the purpose of initiating police action or criminal prosecution. People v West, 311 Ill.App.3d 28 (1st Dist. 2005).

Also remember that such testimony can be admissible under the "excited utterance" hearsay exception, as well as the "business records" exception. It can also be admissible under the "past recollection recorded" hearsay exception. In a custody case, or an Order of Protection case, there are few things that sway a judge more than hearing a 9-1-1 call in which a frightened individual is reporting an incident of violence.