I'm a real lady

I fell in love with an ugly bastard

2011-08-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

Okay ladies

I have a sad story to share with you. I want everyone to send me some encouraging words because I'm in a dark place right now. As you know I spoke about a very sexy man in my previous posts and I thought I'd track him down and see if he was interested in me. I'm crying right now, the keyboard is wet.

I've been communicating with who I thought was the man pictured above for months. I poured my heart out to him, sent explicit picture's, and did some naughty things for him on cam.
After a while I started to feel that maybe this person wasn't actually the sexy man in the photo that I had fallen in love with. He never wanted to meet in person or go on cam.
After pressing him, I finally receive a photo of who I'd been talking to over the last few months.

Can you believe this!!!! I was shell shocked. The guy wasn't even rich. That's what hurt the most. I thought at least he'd be a sexy, rich, computer nerd. Instead it was this guy (pictured above). He hadn't had a job for years and wanted to feel better about himself by pretending to be someone he wasn't. I cried for days over the loss of my tanned bejewelled foreign looking lover.

Girl Talk - I'm sad, someone rich save me :'(

IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!!

Okay I just receive some new and shocking news. It turns out fat bastard was actually a lesbian in disguise. I mean, there is nothing wrong with having some fun with a lesbian, once in a while but I prefer the hard cock of a REAL man!!.
Turns out the person I had fallen in love with was actually this person (pictured below).

No wonder she was pretending to be a guy. What a weirdo. And to add insult to injury she wanted to hook up with me and bring her girlfriends along. After I found out she wasn't rich or powerful I said no. And thank god I did. You wouldn't believe who her girlfriends were.

Apparently they like to make love in these exact outfits. Not that there is anything wrong with kinky outfits but this is taking it too far.

Okay, this heart broken blogger is signing out for now. Keep sending me encouraging emails, it's keeping my spirits up.

Girl Talk - Glad to not be as fat as forklift girl

My Boss wants a blow job!!

2011-08-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

Okay girls

This is surely a problem that most ladies would have faced during their working career. What to do if the boss wants a blow job?

Now, I have to say right now that this picture (above) is not my boss. If this guy was my boss I'd wouldn't even time to say yes and remove my chewing gum before I had his cock in my mouth. But... and this is the question I want some ladies to responded to, what do you do if you're boss is either ugly or has a small cock?
I've asked myself this question many times and I never seem to be able to cum to a conclusion. Let's go through the options.

Small dick

Okay so if the cock is small, what's the point of blowing him? If there is no enjoyment, I don't see why I should give him a blow job.

I kinda feel that it's worth losing your job if the cock is small.

Ugly, but has massive cock

Okay, so this is a real dilemma. He has a big dick, so you'll get plenty of fun time with it but the guy is just plain ugly. I have to admit that I have submitted to ugly boss' with large dick's before. I gave the experience a 5 out of 10. Meh, at least I kept my job

This is a picture of my last boss (above). IT director of a large software firm. Don't be fooled by his ugly looks. His dick was like a third leg. I had to call my grandma in to help me with it. Hahaha

Lesbian boss

Okay, I think we all know the answer to this. Unless your boss is dog ugly, you should always go down on her if she wants it. Any opportunity to lez it up is a good opportunity. Here is an example of a boss you don't want to go down on. Just find another job.

I'm not even sure if this is a woman!!! Okay ladies. Please leave comments of your experience's and what you did.

Girl Talk - Trading sex for a well paid job is worth it!

How to pick up girls

2011-08-15T20:13:00.000-07:00

Hi to all my male readers

I'm going to be writing about an all important subject. How to pick up women. Here are some fail safe tips on picking up women.

Being rich helps

Girls will spread for a rich guy almost 100% of the time, no matter how ugly you are. It's obvious this chick (below) is only interested in one thing. MONEY!!!

Fat chicks - purchase forklift

If you wanna pick up a fat chick. Bringing your own forklift will get you a date pretty much every time. Women like to feel their needs are being looked after and this is a perfect example of going that extra mile to score a date.

You're the only one for me

Women love mushy talk. Here are some more examples that will help you get ahead of the pack

Your hair looks sexy
Your tits look nice
Can I hump your leg
I like ear sex
I wanna throw flour on your fat roll and fuck it
Can I lick your face
Fuck me now I'm desperate
When I masturbate I think of you, mostly!!
I will trade sex for food
I wanna have a 3 way with you and your ugly sister

Dressing for the occasion

It's important to dress well. Women like to feel that their prospective mate is well groomed because they want to know their children will be successful like their father.

Check out how sexy this guy looks. I would let him do me in front of the supermarket.

Keeping in shape

Women like men who look after their bodies. I say the more the merrier.

Ohh baby. I would let this guy jizz on my face.

Okay men. I think that's enough advice. You should be able to go pick up all the ladies you want now.

Girl Talk - More money means cock size is less important

I'm a drunk lady

2011-08-15T16:31:00.000-07:00

Okay Ladies

I got very drunk last night and apparently there are some "embarrassing" pictures going around. Firstly I just want to say that any publicity is good publicity as far as I'm concerned because as you know I'm a singer/actress/dancer/slut. I feel that if you're going to get drunk you should really make the most of it. Hopefully some rich guy will take "advantage" of you while you're sluttier than normal.

Here is a funny pic the boys have been posting on their FB pages, I let them think one of them drew the word fun on me, but I actually drew it on before I went out that night. I was hoping for some action but alas, men these days are too considerate to take advantage of a drunk woman.
When I was a young lady and attending catholic girl school my teachers taught me that drunk women get more men. Obvious the silly bitches didnt know what they were talking about because I only got fingered once and that was because I pretended to accidentally roll onto some guys hand as a bit of a hint.

I got a bit desperate later on and tried to lez it up with one of my girlfriends but she was too drunk and fell asleep.

I thought that maybe the guys would get excited and do us both but all they did was take pictures. Take note ladies. Taking your top off and lezzing it up isnt enough to get men to take advantage of you. Now I have proof!!! At least the guys said I was entertaining. I should charge next time. Or at least ask them to let me blow them. Hmpf

Okay ladies, I have another party to go to tonight. I'm thinking I'm just going to turn up naked with bag of condoms. If that doesnt get me laid I dont know what will.

Girl Talk - Being a lesbian turns men on.

I wanna be a cougar too, when i grow up!!!

2011-08-08T22:48:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon an inspiring woman on the internet and I decided than when I get old and ugly I wanna be just like her. There are some important things to remember if you want to pull off a true cougar look. Let's examine them all in detail.

1 - The look

This says everything you need your potential prey to know. It says, I am hot, horny, ready, and tonight you are going to be all mine young lover. Cougar's need to focus on what's important, Getting sex!!!, because let's face it, they aren't getting any younger ;-). You can see that this lady is 100% focussed on her goal.

2 - What's on offer

Basically everything is on offer. Men want to know that if they are going to hook up with an older lady that they will be treated to the full service.

Leave nothing to chance. Men get picky when you are older and if you can get an edge over your rivals then you should! Leave nothing to chance.

3 - Outfits are important

When you dont have much on offer. Having a large range of sexy outfits can be the difference between taking your friends sexy son home or not.

Some men like to be spanked when you get them home. Obviously this lady is ready for anything. Sitting on your man's face just doesnt cut it anymore. Work it ladies.

4 - Outdoor sex

What's more thrilling than sex in the great outdoors? And let's face in ladies. If they want it outside. You must give them what they want, right?

Notice this lady in employing the first 3 strategies. GRRRRR

Okay ladies. Tune in here for more great advice from your favorite blogger.

Girl Talk - Outdoor sex is fun

How to stalk men properly

2011-08-08T19:27:00.000-07:00

Okay ladies

I have been thinking about this topic for a long time and given the amount of personal experience I have on this particular subject I thought I should share my wealth of knowledge.

Tip 1 - No means Yes

Often men don't really know what they want so you have to convince them that what you want is what they want. Sometimes it takes a bit of persuasion to bring them around. I often dress up all sexy like so they can't say no.

Who could say no to that? Right girls. And if this fails bring your brother along. Men feel more comfortable if the brother (see below) approves of his sisters choice.

Tip 2 - Steal his undies

Men will often get excited if you steal their undies. They like to feel wanted and this is the best way to achieve your goal. But what to do with all the undies? File and categorise them of course.

I always remove the labels in case the police come. This way they cant prove who previously own the undies. It's funny how all the men i stalk love batman. Boy will be boys :-) haha

Tip 3 - Make yourself prettier than his girlfriend

Looking good goes without saying ladies. My advice is make your hair look great and always use too much makeup.

This is the face I use to lure them in. It's the blue steel of stalking. Men like dominant women, it turns them on.

Tip 5 - Know the enemy

Okay I think this is the most important. All the men I stalk always seem to have a girlfriend, and let me tell you now ladies, she's never going to be as pretty as you.

I like to draw pictures of them and then burn the pictures after. I want them to feel the pain I feel. :'(

Okay, that seems like enough to go on

Good luck with your stalking ladies and post comments on any success stories.

Girl Stalk - Stalking one is never enough.

Max von Sydow - I will have his babies!!!

2011-08-08T18:57:00.000-07:00

Okay ladies

I'm sure you all have been following the Tudor's T.V series like I have and I want to talk about one of the sexiest male actors I have ever laid my pretty blue eyes on.

Max von Sydow!!!!!

All I can say is WOW!! Hahah what a hunk. Max can throw flour on my fat roll and fuck it anyday because I'm his. And if any of you bitches out there want him you will have to go through me grrrr.

How can someone not get any cuter than this. I love his cute little face and wrinkles and that frown. I just want to have his babies, like right now.

I'm planning a trip to see max next week and I'm sure he will met me. I mean I'm hot riiight. Plus I'm slutty, that helps. Tehehe. So I'm thinking that maybe I should bring some ropes and some chloroform just in case he decides he doesnt want to quietly. Once I have him in the trunk of my car I'm sure he will see things my way.

And in case things get tricky I'm bringing this bad boy

Thats my husband Steve. He said he didnt mind if I kept Max in the basement as my sex toy and future father to my next 5 kids. Sigh!!

Okay, I just called Max through his agent and he wouldnt talk to me. I mean I'm really getting angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do they always resist me. I've only killed one of my victims and he wasnt anywhere near as sexy as Max.

Okay ladies I have a long drive ahead of me to see Max. Wish me luck

Girl Talk - I'm only crazy on Tuesdays

My grandma's a predator

2011-08-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

We all have them and you know who im talking about. I'm talking about aunties who refuse to grow old gracefully and in some cases it might even be a grandma like the one I have.

Check out this picture of my grandma, if anything says "Take me, I'm your's for a glass of vodka and a lift home", this picture does. She's a complete predator. I brought home 3 guys one night and went to have a shower and pretty up, by the time I got back she was banging all of them. I couldn't believe it.

And if you thought my grandma was bad check out my mom.

How can I compete with that!! I just want her to take a break from stealing my boyfriends. I once told police she was responsible for 10 local murders and paid off some credible witness' with blowjobs just so I could her off the scene for long enough to get some guy to get me pregnant!! OMG The thing's a lady has to do these days to score a man is incredible.

Lucky for me I have myself a lovely guy who's not attracted to my mum or grandma.

Yours always

Girl Talk - One drink and I'm anyones!!

Dont be afraid to slut it up

2011-08-03T17:58:00.000-07:00

Hi girls

My new topic for today is picking up men. As we all know it's hard to pick up men unless you are rake thin and if you aren't naturally attractive you have to paste it on thick. Men love too much makeup, it hides the fact that you are probably NOT their type. Okay here we go.

Tip 1: Lots of lipstick. Lipstick is great and men love to see it smeared all over their (You know what) tehehe and who doesnt love giving men what they want. I know I do. My night isn't complete unless I feel wanted my a man,sexually. Because ultimately isn't that what being a women is all about? :-)

I think this sums it up well what men expect when it comes to lipstick.

Tip 2: LOTS!!! of clevage

Okay ladies, this is important. Men need to know what's on offer. It's like a used car salesman not letting you drive the car and expecting you to want to buy it. Therefore, show as much as you can without looking like a 2 dollar hooker, heheh. Personally I dont suck for less than 3 dollar, but hey, I'm worth it. Anyway here is what men expect and you all know that upsetting men is a carnal sin.

Okay, I think this lady has it just about spot on. You can never show too much. And if you have rollup's, dont worry, men aren't picky.

Tip 3: Get him drunk

Okay, I think we have all been there. It's late and all the good men have been taken and you're standing around looking like dogshit drying in the sun! No one wants to be in this situation. Therefore pick the closest guy to you and if you dont have date rape drugs handy, just ply him with as much alcohol as you can, without getting him so drunk that his little man wont work when you get him home. Embarrassment!!!! Been there done that.

If he tries to kick you in the face while pissed off his head, dont stress, it means he loves you.

Okay ladies, this is me, signing off.

Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Girl Talk - One man is never enough!!!!

Tehehe

2011-08-02T22:52:00.000-07:00

Hi there ladies

I have no idea what to write but seriouly I stubbed my toe on my pillow and I think I'm going to have to go to hospital OUCH!!! Some hunky guy SAVE me!!!! Hahaha

This is a picture of me. How ugly do I look!! I think I need to lose weight. One sec... Okay I just lost my lunch, I feel thinner already. :-)

If anyone wants girl advice I'm like the worlds best listener.

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Girl Talk