I'm a REAL LIFE mom.

Why Women Need Fat

2012-01-12T05:00:00.000-08:00

* This is a paid review for BlogHer Book Club but the opinions expressed are my own.*

I'm not much for educational reading, but when this book came down the pipeline, the title intrigued me. I second guessed signing up for the review b/c I thought it would be boring and tell me a bunch of stuff I already knew, and didn't want to hear again.

Most of you know that almost 2 years ago, I began an aggressive attack on my weight. I was over 200 lbs, and desperate for SOMETHING that would work. I found a quick solution in the HCG diet, and dropped over 80 pounds cumulatively over the course of about 9 months (there were some gains in between rounds on the diet!). I got as low as 145, and was absolutely thrilled with my new body, but there was one problem. The promise of resetting my metabolism, and being stable at 145 forever, was broken. While I watched friends have great success, and I followed all of the maintenance rules, my weight continued to climb, in spite of the fact that I was eating basically only meats, veggies and dairy, with occasional indulgences in carbs. I couldn't, for the life of me figure out why I couldn't keep my weight down. So that was what made the decision in the end for me, about reading this book. I decided it couldn't hurt to hear what they had to say.

What they had to say blew my mind. This book unveils the truth about our food pyramid, why it was developed the way it was, and what's wrong with it. It's all just as I thought: One big conspiracy. The richer getting richer, and the fatter getting fatter. Though the writer's tout evolutionary beliefs (which I don't support), the science behind their claims seems solid. They go into detail about why women have bigger thighs and behinds, and why after having a baby, it's so hard to lose weight and keep it off. They also go into detail about what is actually in the store-bought foods we are consuming, and how harmful it is to our bodies, and our waist-lines.

We've all heard the craze about eating organic, but aside from pesticides on our veggies, I've never really understood why we needed to move in that direction. This book has completely enlightened me, and our family is taking steps to move into a more natural, clean way of eating. I am excited, though nervous because we have to do this on a tight budget, but I think it can be done, and I'm so thankful for this book, and the light it has shone on lies we've believed about healthy eating our entire life.

Take a look at the page on Blogher for it here, and definitely pick up a copy when you can. It's brilliant.

Oh The Places We Sleep III

2012-01-07T10:10:00.001-08:00

Christmas Cheer

2011-12-24T06:36:00.000-08:00

Seriously, i'm an emotional shmuck from Dec. 1st until the 31st. I don't know why. I woke up this morning and after a few moments, tears began to form in my eyes as I thought about family and Christmas, loved ones who've gone to be with Jesus, and just the general idea of Christmas spirit.

We are hosting Christmas this year, for the first time ever. Today we are going to go to the Christmas Eve service together (well, Rockstar will be working there, all day...) and then from there plans are a little sketchy as to when the rest of the nieces and great nieces will be arriving. At any rate, having family in our house, loads of presents under the tree... It's just fun, and I've never experienced it like this before. I think that is why I'm not bemoaning the fact that my own family is missing from the equation. It's exciting to host Christmas. Of course I miss my family, but this is a good distraction. Plus we had my mom out here just a few weeks ago, and that was such a special time, I'm still holding that one dear.

Speaking of my mom, her condition isn't great. She had another unconscious episode again and has lost driving privileges for another 6 months. Please pray that the Dr.'s can find a good solution. There is talk of surgery, but as a last resort only.

There is potential rising that a very well known literary agent in the Christian industry who may be taking a look at my first manuscript. I am trying really hard not to freak out and lose my head over it, nothing is for sure, and at this point, I would just appreciate some constructive criticism from someone with experience. But honestly, I'm SO excited. I never thought that writing would be such a big deal to me, but it is. It's a HUGE deal. Sure I've written some songs, 2 or 3 that I'm REALLY proud of, but that is WAY more difficult for me than sitting down and pounding out an intriguing story. I don't know why it comes so easily. Sometimes after an hour or two of writing I sit back and look at how many pages have been typed and I don't even know how my characters got to where they are... like my fingers have taken on a mind of their own and just worked it all out for me. I love it. It's like this enormous high. So anyway... I'm a little excited ;)

I am anticipating good things from this next year. I have been learning and growning and experiencing so much, and though there will always be more steps to take to get closer to the Father, and to true knowledge of who He is, I feel like I am closer than ever before, and I am falling in love with Him in new ways as He reveals more beauty about His character to me. I am excited about where we are headed.

I hope this season is calm and full of joy and love for you and your families. Merry Christmas!!!

The Shepherd's Story.

2011-12-18T10:20:00.000-08:00

The Christmas ponderings that I blogged about last have consumed me of late, and so, I wrote this. My very fictional imagining of what that night may have looked like.

It was an unusually cool night in the fields. I pulled my cloak tighter around me as I walked along, following the path of the lamb that had strayed from my flock. I knew exactly where he'd gone, and I knew it wouldn't be long before he would start to panic, even though he'd wandered to this same spot a dozen times before.
"Stupid lamb," I sighed, clambering up a rock and peering over the edge. I could hear his bleating before I saw him. I heaved myself over the rock and landed with a soft thud in the dry grass.
"Come on, you," I prodded him gently with my staff, and if one could see relief in a sheep's face, this was it. I heaved him up over my shoulders and, with ease, for I'd done it before, found my footing on the rocks and climbed back over them.
He let out a soft bleat of thanks once we'd got back to the rest of the flock, and I let him down, certain he wouldn't wander off again this night.
"Maybe we should just move them all over there?" My friend, and fellow shepherd, Jacob, asked.
I shook my head. "We'll only be here a little while longer. He doesn't wander far. I just expect it of him. He runs off, and I go get him. I don't mind." I watched as the little lamb frolicked back into the herd. I shrugged. I really didn't mind. If he was prone to wander off in a new direction every time, it might get a little more irritating, but, it was part of the job, being a shepherd.
Jacob shook his head at me and turned to survey the rest of the flock.
I sat down beside the fire and warmed my hands. "It's cold tonight. That's strange."
"I was thinking that too. The fire should keep the coyotes away though, we can get some rest."
I nodded, my thoughts far away from the flock, as I thought of my family, miles away. I was sure that my sister was sharing the wool blanket with my mother on this night, adding whatever warmth she could to the old, frail body that housed my mother's illness. It was only a matter of time before Andrew, my brother, came from town with the news of her passing. I dreaded it. I wanted to be there, yet I wanted to be here. I didn't want to watch her die, but I didn't want to miss her last moments either. She, and Andrew, had insisted that I tend to the sheep, that I go about my normal duties. We couldn't afford for me to just sit around and wait for her to die. As I'd left the last time, she'd had such hope in her eyes, even as the rest of her body betrayed her.
"Go, Mattias. Go herd your father's sheep," her voice had croaked. "And remember, keep those eyes open. He is coming. He is coming for me first, and then He is coming for you. Messiah is coming. Praise be to the God of our ancestors. It won't be long now."
Mama's hope was founded in Him, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I wasn't sure exactly why she held so tightly to beliefs that were so old, and prophesies that had seemed outdated and unfulfilled. But she swore up and down that they were true, and she taught us those stories from the time we could form words with our little lips.

Beside me, Jacob settled down for the night, one hand across his chest, grasping the sling shot over his shoulder. I looked quickly away from him and scanned the darkness in front of us.
"Please come soon," I whispered, watching my breath curl in the moon and fire-lit air. "If you are coming, do it soon."
I was envious of my mother's hope. Even though she lay dying, in physical agony, she had clung so tightly to this hope. A king was coming for us. He would come, and everything would change. She dreamed of a better life for us, but I couldn't imagine what anyone could do to change our situation. Nothing would bring back my father, he'd been gone for a year--which was why she was adamant that I continue to tend his sheep--we had to respect his life's work. My brother stayed home and worked the fields, and Abigail tended to Mother, which was an all-encompassing job. Cleaning sheets of waste and vomit, sometimes forcing broth into her... I suppose it was much better to be out here, in spite of the monotony and the stench of the sheep.
I longed for what my mother had taught us to be true. There had to be something more than this. There had to be redemption somewhere. We had worked for years to pay off our small land, and my father's herd, and for what? To continue to work for it so that we could survive. It wasn't that I expected everything to just change, for us to gain wealth and fame, but... this hope that my mother had... I needed it. I was confident that without that hope, she would have passed much earlier, and in some ways, I cursed it; she shouldn't have suffered as long. But if you looked into her eyes, you saw not a woman suffering, but a woman at peace with where her God had brought her.
It amazed me, and I wanted to experience that same kind of peace.
Yawning, I stretched out my legs and laid my head back. I could hear the sounds of the animals settling in for the night, so I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, with a hand clenched around my sling shot.

"Mattias! Wake up! Mattias!" Jacob was shaking me awake, his voice urgent.
"What? What is it?"
"Something's out there!" He pointed frantically. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and sat up, waiting for my vision to focus. Jacob was loading his sling shot, ready for a fight.
"Is it a coyote?" I asked.
"I can't tell. I just heard something. Get ready."
I stood up and pulled at my own sling shot, and as I was searching my pockets for a stone, I froze. The cool dark of night was suddenly erased by an intense warmth and blinding light as a figure climbed the hill to where we had slept, minutes before.
"What's going on?" Jacob whispered.
I couldn't speak. I felt like my heart was being seized, and heat spread through all of my limbs.

"Do not be afraid," the figure said in a voice louder than humanly possible.
I searched, but I couldn't recognize features, only the shape of a body, but the voice-- it seemed to command heaven and earth. The sheep were, unbelievably, still asleep, none of them moving or aware of what was going on.
"I bring you good news, of great joy that will be for all people!"
It was Him. I knew it. He had come. My insides began to burn like fire, and my throat closed up. I felt a tingling sensation creep through my cheeks and to my eyes.
"Today in the town of David, a savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord."
I fell to my knees, my jaw hanging open as the voice continued to reverberate around the hillside.
"This will be a sign to you: you will find a baby, wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
I wouldn't have thought there could be any more light than there already was-- he was brighter than the sun, and standing only a few feet from us, but suddenly it was as though the entire earth had been lit, and thousands of figures filled our eyes. Before I knew what was happening, I was face-first in the dirt, crying out with the chorus of angelic voices, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peace to men on whom His favor rests!"

She was right. My mother had been right. If this was really happening, and there was no time to question it, the Messiah was here, and everything was going to change.

As quickly as they had torn through the darkness with light like I'd never seen, they were gone, and the night was quiet and dark, and the sheep, still lay sleeping.
I pulled my face out of the dirt and saw that Jacob lay in the same position as I.
We looked at each other for a fraction of a second before frantically pulling ourselves up, and taking off down the hill, in the direction of Bethlehem, without a thought to our flock of mindless sheep.
Nothing else mattered. We ran as fast as we could, covering the miles between our herd and the town of David.
I lost a sandal and cut my foot, but hurried on. It seemed as though I wouldn't have been able to stop even if I wanted to. Jacob matched my pace, even after he fell and twisted his ankle in a hole in the ground. Together we hobbled on as quickly as our injured feet would carry us, not a word passed between us. We seemed to know what the other was thinking. All that mattered was reaching our destination. We could worry about our bruises later.

Finally we reached the city gates. Panting, I held out my hand and stopped him before we walked through them.
"You know what this means." I turned to him, sure that the fear showed in my face.
He nodded, hope and fear mixed together in his own features.
"If he's really there--"
"Who are we? That they told us?" Jacob marvelled.
I shook my head and stared at him. Jacob, who was the rebel of his family, but my best friend. He was currently not speaking to his own father, who had pledged him to marry a girl in the next town over. Jacob was in love with my sister, but that made no matter to his father. And then I, who had so little faith in what we were now seeking, and who had questioned the very truth of it so many times, who had wanted it to be true selfishly, so that my mother could be saved, so that our pain and struggle could be erased.
"What will he think of us? Who are we to bow at His feet?" I whispered.
Jacob took a deep breath and clamped his hand on my shoulder. "We're here, Mattias. We've abandoned our herd to see this King. Angels of the heavenly host told us where to find him. That doesn't just happen. Let's go."
Breathlessly I nodded and we stepped through the gates of Bethlehem. I looked to the left, and he to the right. We had no idea where the baby would be, all we knew was that he would be in a manger. There were hundreds of stables in town. Would we have to search all of them? I knew before posing the question, that if it came to that, we would. We would search until we found him.
Jacob gasped and pointed. "Look."
A huge star, as though miles closer than the others, shown down into the city.
"He's there." I whispered. I don't know how I knew it, but I did. We set out in the direction of the star, which stayed unmoving as we jogged through alleys and dusty streets.
The town was quiet with sleep. It was the middle of the night, so we had to tread carefully so as not to wake anyone. Only our soft footsteps, and labored breathing filled the night air.
And then we heard it. Jacob froze and grabbed my arm. Immediately I felt a sob reach my throat. A soft newborn cry pierced the stillness, and the star was just overhead.
A humble stable stood before us, soft light pouring through the cracks in the walls.
"God of heaven and earth," Jacob whispered, pulling me along. I was suddenly overcome with fear and guilt. All of the anger that I had hurled at the skies when my father died, and then again when my mother became ill. How many times had I rolled my eyes when she'd proclaimed that this night would happen. How many unbelieving prayers I had whispered, in desperation. And He was being revealed to me, on this night.
Jacob continued to drag me towards the stable, and I fought an inward battle. I wanted to run away, but I wanted to run towards him too. I was scared. What would this king say to me? What would the Savior think of me?
We got to the door, and Jacob pushed it open slowly. It made a creaking sound and I heard a cow grunt at the disturbance.
A young woman lay in the hay, flushed and dirty, her clothes soiled from the birth. Her tired eyes were on us as we approached, she smiled as though she had been expecting us. A man, considerably older, knelt beside her, wiping her face with a wet cloth and then, there was the manger.
Suddenly every thought that had plagued me just seconds ago, vanished and my heart was pounding faster than it ever had. I rushed the manger and fell to my knees for the second time that night. Grasping the sides of it with my hands I wept as my soul rekindled it's childhood belief, and I knew, I just knew, that this was Him. Messiah had come, just like Mama had always said. I couldn't even look at him at first. My tears blinded me, and I couldn't speak for the sobs that shook through my body.
I could feel splinters digging into my skin because I was gripping the manger so tightly. I'm sure it was shaking along with me, but the baby didn't cry, he made a soft gurgling noise, and I felt his tiny hind tap gently against mine. I looked up then, directly into his eyes, as his fingers curled and uncurled without any control.
"Messiah," I whispered. He cooed again, and I swear, he looked at me, and in his eyes I saw things I can not even put into words. He knew all of my fears, and all of my failures, this tiny little baby, but still he drew me in and I felt that warmth seep through my veins again. I don't know how she knew it, but Mama had been right. I imagine, in much the same way as she knew, I knew that though things might look the same on the outside, everything had changed. Nothing would ever be the same again. I began to pray in a way that I never had before, praising the Father of creation, and receiving the mercy that this child seemed to exude.
The man leaned forward and touched my hand. "Would you like to hold him?"
I was dumbfounded. Me? Hold the Messiah? I shook my head fervently. "I can not, sir. I can not."
He smiled softly and nodded. "I understand."
As the little fingers uncurled, I reached in my hand and touched them. Immediately they closed on my finger, and I drew in a sharp breath. His touch was warm, and seemed to reach into my very soul. There was no question who He was. Relief like I'd never known flooded through my body.

Hours later, though neither of us wanted to leave, we felt the time had come for us to return to our herd. The woman, Mary, was exhausted, and her husband, Joseph looked concerned for her. We pulled ourselves away from the manger and the baby who had consumed us--become a part of us-- and bid them farewell.

"Jacob, I have to go home. I have to tell Mama." I said as we walked away from the stable.
"I know. I'll go back to the herd. Come when you're ready."
I nodded and once again, began to sprint, this time towards the country side where my family lived.
It was closer than the fields, and took half as long to get there. Abigail was pacing outside when I got there.
"Thanks be to God, Mattias!" she exclaimed and came running to me. "I just sent someone for you. It's happening. Mama," she said with tears in her eyes.
My heart stopped and I raced past her and through the doorway, ignoring Andrew, who sat on a stool with his head in his hands.
"Mama," I cried and fell at the bedside. She was so pale, and I could hear the labor in her breath.
"Matt--" she whispered, and turned her eyes to mine. She gripped at my cloak and her eyes filled with tears. "He's here."
"I know, Mama. I saw him! You were right. He is here. Tonight!"
She smiled a feeble smile. "I prayed that I would live to see your faith restored. You have seen Messiah?"
I nodded vigorously. "Mama, I'm sorry that I ever doubted your faith. I'm so sorry that I ever spoke against you."
Slowly she reached a decaying finger to my lips. "No time for that. You have seen Him, and now I am going to see Him." She beckoned me closer and I leaned in, and kissed her cheek hard.
"I love you Mama. Thank you, for what you taught us. For how you raised us. For who you are."
"He's here, Mattias," she said again, and with a smile that no dying woman had ever smiled, she breathed her last breath.
I sighed and wept for what felt like the thousandth time that night. But there was no more despair in my tears, there was no more fear for what had been or what would be. The Savior had given me the hope I had longed for, and my mother had passed on her faith to me. They were the greatest gifts I would ever receive.

What if They Ran?

2011-12-15T13:24:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is about Christmastime... if it's psychological, or spiritual, or if it really is just 'something in the air', but man alive do I get sentimental and contemplative. All I have to do is see Christmas lights and I get weepy. Hear those jingle bells ringing on the radio, and my heart is full. I don't get it. I don't know why I can't harbor this feeling all year, and be drawn to tears each time I think about the birth of my Savior.

I've been pondering what it must have been like for God to sacrifice His son for us. I know it's kind of a useless thought process, because He's God, and I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like for a Supreme Being to give up His Supreme Son to save a bunch of humans.

At first I thought it must have been just the worst thing ever. It would be for me, if I had to lose my son, or worse, choose to lose him. I just can't imagine giving him up for someone else. Ever.

And then I thought about the fact that God knew His Son would return to Him, and that Jesus' physical pain was only temporary, but what it would do in the spirit world, and what it would do for us, was eternal. Does that really make it any better?

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His one and only Son..." has started to take on a new meaning for me, a more intense one, one that I still don't fully grasp or understand. Does it mean that He loved us more than Jesus? Or maybe not, since He knew that Jesus' death wasn't the end, but actually, the beginning... er... the new beginning? I don't know what it all means exactly, but it's weighing heavily on me that He wanted relationship with us so desperately, wanted us to know His adoptive love so immensely, that something drastic had to be done. He had to give a gift that couldn't be out-given... and so He gave His Son.

I've also wondered about the shepherds and the wise men who showed up in Bethlehem (probably many nights after the birth, because apparently they were really far away and on foot.). I wonder about when the angels appeared to them, and they saw the star... I've always pictured them slowly making their way, maybe even hesitantly. But, what if, when the angels appeared and told them about Jesus' birth... they dropped everything and ran?

I mean, I think about myself, right now. If I knew Jesus was coming, and it wasn't going to be a rapture-like event... and someone came to me crying, "He's HERE! JESUS IS HERE! He's at Barnes and Noble!" (because, I mean... why not? It's a beautiful store, and there's a starbucks knock-off!) I would drop everything and run.

I imagine, now, that the wise men and the shepherds ran as fast as they could to get to Jesus. That they had to take regrettable breaks because they had winded themselves too quickly, or cut their feet on rocks or prickly weeds. I imagine that they were out of breath and filthy by the time they got to him, and that when they got to his manger, they probably fell to their knees, weeping with exhaustion, pain, and unspeakable joy. "It's Him! It's really Him!"

How would it have looked to the owner of the stable? Did he know that his meager stable housed the One who would change everything? What would he have thought, to see some ragged wise men (who are always portrayed in beautiful garments and crowns) and a few straggly shepherds rushing to the stable where the baby had been born? Would he have had any clue as to what was really going on?

I love how my heart holds this season so dear. I love that I am so misty-eyed during Christmastime. I love thinking about how magnificent that night must have been in the heavens... for, though He was born to die, and I can't imagine what the Father must have experienced in that moment when Jesus left heaven and came to earth, with only one fate ahead of Him, it was the night that hope was born for mankind.

I just have an image of the Father peering down through the clouds, and seeing the wise men, and the shepherds, weeping at the manger of Jesus, in full recognition of who the baby was, and the Father is nodding his head in appreciation, for they are glorifying His Son. His willing Son. His beloved Son, who would change history forever.

Bittersweet

2011-11-30T21:12:00.000-08:00

It is bittersweet here tonight.

Tomorrow marks the end of a lovely two-week visit with my mom. Seriously, it's been really good. Tension has not risen above a moderate level, we haven't driven each other crazy, the kids haven't been too insane, we pulled off the surprise off the century, celebrated everyone's birthdays, Thanksgiving AND Christmas! Two measly little weeks, but we did it all.

Sure, I'm tired, and sure, I'm looking forward to having some down time, some alone time in the mornings when Bucket watches Netflix while I have my Mommy-Time with the Lord. Yes, it will be nice to not have to work at being in a perky, good, adventurous mood. It will nice for things to be a little bit more dull during the daytime.

But I'm still sad. I will still miss her, and I will still fear that this will be the last time, and I'll probably still regret things I said, or ways that I reacted, and time spent apart while she was here.

Maybe it will always be like that with her. I will always miss her, but I will always be a little thankful for the distance... if only it weren't quite so far away, and if only it weren't quite so long until we see her again.

If there are any teenagers out there right now... Cherish your moms, and when you grow up, stay within logical driving distance! It is so hard to be far away, and you just never know what's going to happen.

Tomorrow she leaves, and I don't know when I'll see her again.

Jewels in the Rough.

2011-11-26T07:07:00.000-08:00

Malachai 3:14-18 TLB (Life Application Bible--Tyndale)

"Then those who feared and loved the Lord spoke often of him to each other. And He had a Book of Remembrance drawn up in which He recorded the names of those who feared him and loved to think about him.

"They shall be mine," Says the Lord Almighty, "in that day when I make up my jewels. And I will spare them as a man spares an obedient and dutiful son. Then you will see the difference between God's treatment of good men and bad, between those who serve Him and those who don't."

Study Note:

3:17 God's people are called jewels. A jewel is made from raw material that is exposed to time, heat and pressure to change it into a valuable gemstone. The stone must then be cut in order for its real beauty to be seen. A craftsman takes a stone and chips away a rough edge, minimizes a fault, polishes and puts it into just the right setting to display its beauty. Be willing to allow God to make you a jewel; ask him to chip and polish where needed; and be patient while he works. Be sure you are ready to change, because when God begins to make a jewel, He doesn't stop until it is perfect.

Me:

Wow. (Check this verse out in other translations, it's pretty beautiful.)

The Best Thanksgiving

2011-11-25T12:43:00.000-08:00

For some people, going to football games is as generic as a can of Great Value green beens. As normal as standing in line at 1 am for Black Friday or Boxing Day sales. But not for us.

I grew up in a house where the mantra was "Watching football is next to Godliness, and may even be tied into it." My mom is one of the most dedicated Believers that I know. She's also the biggest football fan that I know. On Monday nights and all-day Sunday, shouts of "GLORY!!!!" could be heard as she literally shook the house with elation that her team had just made an incredible play, or won a game. It was a spiritual experience to watch football with her.

"Come on Lord, just let them get it. Come on baby, get him! Get HI--WHOAAAAAAA!!!!"

She used to quiz me on the teams, she'd say a state, I'd say the team name, or vice versa. This was back in the day when the Raiders were in L.A. and Steve Largent was the poster boy for the Seattle Seahawks. I felt proud that I could keep up, I knew this was the one thing in life that sheloved outside of our family and Jesus.

I had a dream of somehow, for one of my mom's birthdays, trying to find a connection so that she could meet Steve Largent. We were involved in an MLM at the time and had big dollar signs in our eyes, anything was possible. Well, we quickly learned that we are not sales-people and that God had other ways in which to provide for our needs, and so my dream of introducing my mom to Steve Largent, died.

I always remembered that my mom would say, "I have no desire to see a game live, unless I got to coach! I prefer to watch it at home, without all the people." So when the idea came up, to try and take her to a game when she was visiting here, I wasn't sure if was a good idea. On top of her claustrophobia, she has very serious heart problems, to the point that she has a defibrillator inside of her, and is on one of the most dangerous heart medicines out there, which is actually sold over the counter as rat poison.

On top of trying to decide if she would realy enjoy going or not, we would have to come up with the money to buy the tickets, which... to get a decent seat (and we would have to in order for her to enjoy), would be ridiculously expensive for this very low-middle-class family to pull off. I thought about asking people to help, but then I thought that would be frivolous... especially since she's said she prefers to watch at home.

Some things have happened with her health in the past few months and it has become obvious that we really need to cherish the time that we have with her, and treat it as though every moment could be the last one. This has taken it's toll on me. She has always been one of my best friends and the thought of waking up in a world where she isn't, well, I can't even write about it. I prayed and prayed and prayed, and then remembered, her 65th birthday is in January, and she has mentioned that it will be a hard one, because she wil likely have to spend it alone. When these dots connected, I prayed some more and said, "Lord, I think she would really love this, even though she has said she wouldn't. I really think this could be huge, and if it's going to work, I need your help." We asked and asked anyone we knew with connections to getting tickets, but everyone had already sold their extra tickets. A man from our fellowship had sold his tickets, but gave us the number of the ticket broker he sold to. Rocky called him, and the tickets were out of reach cost-wise. We would have to ask for help. I had so much anxiety over it working out, and so much trepidation as I hit "send" on a number of messages and emails to people around Canada and the U.S., asking for people to donate so that we could make this happen. Times are hard all around the world, and I didn't want anyone to feel pressured, but I really needed them to step up in order to make it happen.

Well, they did step up, in huge ways. The Lord floored me with His provision for this surprise, even so much as giving us favor in the eyes of the man whom we bought the tickets from. He gave us the tickets we wanted, for the amount of money we had, even though it meant that he would barely profit from them at all.

So, we had the tickets, next was to work out the logistics, keep the secret, and lie like we've never lied before! This woman... she has to know everything. She wants the answers to details that I didn't even know existed.

Here was "The fake plan"

Josiah was going to Rocky's sister's house for the night b/c his little cousin Ava would be there, and they have so much fun together. We would go to Misty's house early on Thanksgiving Day for lunch, pick up Josiah and then head back to our house for Thanksgiving Dinner.

The "Real Plan"

Josiah was going to Misty's house because he's too young to enjoy football, and it would be too hard to contain him at the game. We would wake up on Thanksgiving Day, and head out to the game, ready to surprise my mom with the tickets as we exited from the highway.

"What happened"

All week long, my mom asked questions about the day. "What time are you going to put the Turkey on? Are you going to stuff it? What time will we be back from Misty's? Can I watch the game there? Will we have to interrupt the game to come home? Can I run upstairs and check scores? When should I peel potatoes? Can I buy tickets online to go tour Cowboys Stadium? Why should we wait? I really think we should buy them online RIGHT. NOW. So what time are we going to Misty's? And when will we be home?"

All she was thinking about was her precious football games. If you watch the NFL, then you know that yesterday, there were three games being played. One in the morning, afternoon and evening. She had previously said, "I don't really care about the afternoon game, the morning one and the evening ones are important."

I wasn't affected by her lack of excitement over the only game that she was actually going to see, I just had this peace in my heart... she wouldn't care once she knew. But over and over she reiterated, "The afternoon game isn't a big deal. I'll watch it with Rocky because it's the Cowboys, but the other two games are the ones that matter."

Slowly over the week she began to loosen her grip on those games. "Julie, it's really not a big deal. I can catch highlights online afterwards for the morning game. Maybe if I could just find a way to watch the evening game? Because those to coaches are brothers and, that's just going to be neat!"

So I weaved my web of lies and assured her that we would do all we could to make sure she saw her games, and I rolled my eyes at her incessant detail questions.

The morning of, after I saw that she had picked dress shoes to wear, I snuck into her room and grabbed her tennis shoes. She saw them behind my back and looked as though she was about to start pestering me with questions, and I quickly snapped at her, "DON'T ASK ANY MORE QUESTIONS!" and as I ran down the stairs, she called after me, excitedly, "Am I going to get to throw a football?????" I grinned, and prayed a silent prayer that we had done the right thing.

We got in the car and "headed to Aunt Misty's house", while in actuality we were driving in the opposite direction, towards Cowboys Stadium. As we got to the exit, I began talking about her 65th birthday, and she got a little sad and mentioned a few people that she knew would visit with her that day if she divluged that it was her birthday.

I pulled the wrapped tickets out of my purse, hit record on Rocky's phone and said, "Well, maybe we can pretend like today is your 65th birthday." She got a look on her face that is the face she gets when she feels like she is getting a "consolation prize". That look that says, "That's special, but it'snot my birthday, so let's just forget it." But I pressed on.

"We've been lying to you all week, mom. I know this isn't the game that you want to see, but it's the game you're going to see."

I had to turn the camera back on to catch her as she shook with tears and held the tickets to her face, which is an action she makes with objects that she cherishes, something that holds memories for her. I wrote the names of the people who donated on the back of a birthday card that was sent for her, and she kissed the list of names, and cried again. She was actually dizzy with excitement, due to her blood pressure dropping so quickly, but she recovered easily, and we had lunch at a restaurant near the stadium and then began our trek to look for parking.

When we actually got into the stadium, which cost in the realm of 1 Billion dollars to build, and she saw the field for the first time, she pulled my arm and whispered, "I was just thinking that this feeling, that the only thing I could compare it to, would probably be when I see Jesus for the first time." That's just so her. Jesus and Football. They're all she needs ;)

Through the whole game, she kept shaking her head, saying, "Unbelievable!" We asked her a few times, "Would you rather be at home watching?" And she said, "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" She even said, before the game started, that now she was a Dallas Cowboys fan. At one point, she leaned over and said, "I feel like the Lord is saying, Happy Birthday, Dotti."

I'll admit, when things looked grim for the Cowboys, I prayed. "Lord, I know you don't care about sports, but you made today happen for her, YOU did this for her, please let them have a win, just for her?"

With seconds to go, the Cowboys scored a field goal that gave them win we were looking for. It would have been more glorious if there had been a triumphant touchdown, but I only asked for a win, not a glorious one. ;)

A fun little fact, the man that we had originally been connected to for tickets, the one who gave us the number of the ticket broker... we ended up buying his tickets from the broker, and were sitting right beside his familiy. We had actually never met them before, Rocky and he spoke on the phone, and the wife and I only talked on facebook a few times about the game. As we were walking in to the stadium, about to take our seats right beside them, she texted me and asked, "So? Was she surprised?" and then we sat down, she looked at me and said, "Are you Julie?"

It was such a neat, fantastic day, which ended with a quick Thanksgiving Dinner at Misty's (so wedid eventually eat there, just not when I told my mom we would.), and my mom caught the score of the 'most important game of the day'.

I am so thankful for all of those who helped us with surprise, and I sincerely wish you all could have been there to see her beaming face through out the whole day. But even though you weren't there, you were a part of it, and that is huge, and she is so thankful, so blessed and still, so overwhelmed. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Thank you Jesus for loving my mom, for watching out for her for all these years, for being steadfast and strong when she is weak, and thank you that she is still here, and that we got to do this amazing thing for her, and thanks for the WIN!

Review: Sea Change by Jeremy Page

2011-11-17T14:30:00.000-08:00

*This is a paid review for The Blogher Bookclub, but the opinions thus forth are my own.*

Oh my gosh you guys, this book was so brilliantly beautiful. From the very first paragraph, my mouth was gaping open. I had to keep checking to make sure it was written by a man, because... who knew men could be so detailed! Jeremy Page totally floored me with his use of description, he more than adequately painted the scenes that ebbed and flowed through this book.

The story is about a man on the other side of a tragic event that ripped his family apart, and how he copes with the losses. I was awestruck by the creativity in the story-line, and how the main character, through his own imagination realizes that no matter how things had been different, no matter what he could have prevented, certain things still would have occurred.

I feel like I can't give a whole lot away to the story, so much of it is kept from the reader, and revealed in snippets throughout the book, which adds to the intrigue.

The theme is tragic, and readers will definitely feel the emotions involved in the story, but they won't be left depressed or teary, even though the ending of the book leaves much to the imagination. Where I am usually very dissatisfied with those types of endings, this time I felt like it was justified, and that all was right in that fictional world I'd just glimpsed.

Check out the book and Jeremy Page at: www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-sea-change

All By Myself...

2011-11-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

I was hit with a wave of loneliness today while on the way to Costco, both of my kids asleep in the backseat.

It was really sudden and surprising. I thought about a lot of the relationships in this season of life, and how none of them even hold a candle to some of the relationships of season passed. I got really sad, and I felt this cloud-like thing start to fill up my mind. I felt all these things being spoken over me.

You still don't fit in.

No one gets you.

They've all been friends for so long, and you just expect to be included in that now?

You'll never have friends like that again.

You don't actually belong in the place that you think you do.

They don't miss you like you miss them

Wow. The fact that I just came up with all of those lies right now, that I actually heard in my head as I was driving .... yes, every single one of those things played through my mind like a record (remember those?), and I started to cry.

I got a hold of myself rather quickly, because, a.) I was about to walk into a store and b.) I had to go church after that. I know that the enemy was attacking me where I was vulnerable in that moment, and I climbed my way out of his ambush, but there is some tiny little truths that fed into these lies.

Because of what we have been through in the past 8 years, my person has been taught that it is dangerous to trust people. Because of the culture and atmosphere of the fellowship we are now a part of, I often feel like who I am is offensive. There are things about me that are not acceptable when shown in certain lights.

These two HUGE things have made it very difficult for me to be. I have been struggling, on and off ever since we came home from Colorado, trying to figure out who the heck I am in this new community. My context has changed, but I haven't. Maybe that's why I have had such a hard time blogging. I opened this page up to even more people and then realized -- wait what if I say the wrong thing? What if I make some deep, emotional proclamation and it is then used against me?

In some ways, I have alienated myself. In others, I just don't feel safe. I guess I have some more (does it ever end?) inner healing to do.

Dear Diary.

2011-11-01T06:34:00.001-07:00

I am so thankful that Facebook wasn't around when I was a teenager.

Can I get a witness?

I can't even imagine the rants I would have gone on in high school ... and they sure wouldn't have made my life better ...

I have a few teenagers in my life (and on my facebook), and man oh man ... it just makes me so incredibly thankful that we had those old fashioned things called diaries back then instead of www.pickyoursocialmediaoutlet.com. Because then at least, the only person besides me who typically read the deepest darkest frustrations of my ninth grade was my sister, and she only cared because she could tease me about it later. The whole world didn't know that my heart was breaking over the current love of my life (It broke a lot, and I wrote about it A LOT.).

But if we'd had facebook and blogs back then ... geez. I don't even want to think about how embarrassed I would be now, or how many friends I would have lost for the sheer lack of grace that I might have exhibited, if given the freedom to air my angers to the world.

There are a few girls that I know that don't use Facebook in such a manner, but ... I definitely would not have been one of those girls ... I'm still a "wear it on my sleeve" kind of processor, unless it's deeply personal, like my marriage or something, but at least now I second-guess myself a lot more often, and even though I think through all kinds of things that I could post, or how it would sound if I were to post my feelings in a status update, I don't actually do it. I have in the past, and have gotten in trouble for it, rightly so. So maybe I'm still learning, but all I'm saying is that I'm just glad I wasn't given these kinds of outlets in high school. I would be so much more embarrassed today by my teenage self than I already am!!!

Pure Excitement

2011-10-31T06:02:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 3:12

"Now we can come fearlessly right into God's presence, assured of His glad welcome when we come with Christ and trust in Him."

This verse came alive to me this morning. A lot of verses have been lately, as I've been really taking the time to digest them and let them sink into my heart. I've always had a hard time simply reading the Bible, feeling like I needed some sort of higher learning to unravel what it all meant. There are certainly times when that would be amazingly helpful, but my mom encouraged me to simply read and journal, so that's what I've been doing, and today, this was my verse.

I have so often refrained from coming before the Father because I am scared of what He would say or do to me. I loaded up on all kinds of condemnation until I got to the point where I figured the Lord was so disappointed in me for not spending time with Him, that actually going through the motions of trying to spend that time, would only further disappoint our relationship.

This morning as I read this verse, I saw the Father as a puppy ... I know ... I'm not a fan of reducing Him to that either, but it's just a mental picture to show how excited He is when we come to spend time with us!

All puppies want is love and affection and to be with someone, play together ... the D.A.D still desires that more than anything else in the world! This image of the Father makes me see that He is excited to see me. He is anticipating the moment when I sit down in my overstuffed chair, pull out my Bible, journal, devotional and pen and then lift my face to the heavens.

No matter what has gone on the during my day to that point, or my week, or my mind, the Father is excited to spend time with me.

There absolutely will be times when our moments together include correction, and re-direction, but He does not desire for us to fear Him in such a way that we are afraid of His responses, but to fear Him in our respect and desire for His correction and redirection. The level of love that He has to pour out onto us during our quiet (or loud) moments together does not change based on our transgressions. It remains the same, and His desire to be with us, to continue to shape us and form us and create around us doesn't change either. I see Him waiting in anticipation for us to arrive at His feet, even if we are burdened or guilty, yet again.

We do not have to fear coming to our Daddy because He loves us more than anything, and He is excited to be with us, to show us the right path and to walk with us down it.

Uno Dos Tres, Catorce!

2011-10-29T12:02:00.000-07:00

I have had about ten different blog posts playing through my mind since I wrote about not blogging as much anymore, but the time and motivation to write still evades me, and I don't think to write the ideas down, so just like when I tell my kids to do something, the ideas go in one ear and out the other.

*sigh*

I have been dizzy for about two weeks on and off. I have days where it lasts for hours, and days where it just comes and goes a few minutes at a time. I finally went to the Dr. for it this past week and he said a word that instantly made me feel two things. Old and helpless.

Vertigo is actually not that uncommon, and even though as a child I thought it meant that a person couldn't even stand up... that they'd just fall over, it is simply glorified motion sickness. This is what I am dealing with now. It's incredibly frustrating. It feels like it takes all my effort to just to focus on standing still and walking in a straight line. I'm incredibly light-headed and often have to steady myself on walls or counters and what not. I get frequent headaches, and windy days are incredibly challenging!

The medicine for it is basically dramamine (gravol for Canadians), but that stuff totally knocks you out, so I ca n't exactly take it except at night.

I'm thankful that it wasn't anything more serious, but, I was hoping for a quick fix as well... not a "You'll just have to live with it until it passes."

So if you see me out and I look at you a little cross-eyed, its simply because I'm trying to figure out why you're running in circles around me!

Things I Ache For

2011-10-26T06:56:00.000-07:00

My mom

Family

Colorado

Snow

Vacation

Rest

A maid

A published book w/ my name in the author spot

Sleep

An end to injustice everywhere (Fine. World Peace.)

Where I'm Headed

2011-10-25T06:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging very much ... all three of you left I'm sure have noticed. Once I figured out that Blog Stardom wasn't for me, and I released myself from the pressure of blogging all the time, being funny as often as possible (which turned out to be not that often), and not writing too many spiritual posts in a short time frame, I found that I'd somewhat lost the blogging spirit.

So much has changed in my life in the past 7 months, besides moving cities and jobs and communities, buying a house, turning 30, my 'spirit man' if you will (no, not like a spirit guide, but like... my soul), has been satisfied in other ways than blogging, and has needed other outlets.

I'm not giving up on blogging, but you might notice that my ads are gone. Part of the contract w/ my ad company was that I had to blog a certain number of times per week, and I just began to find that way too stressful, and I was failing miserably. They kindly allowed me to demote my membership, so I no longer have the blog ads, but am still affiliated with them in other ways. I heaved a huge sigh of relief with this change, because I had been blogging because I had to, not because I wanted to.

So, while I'm not reading or writing blogs as often as I used to, I am still here, and will continue to be when inspiration hits. I haven't lost interest in you or your life, my life has just suddenly turned a different direction, and I haven't the energy to put in that I used to have.

I just wanted to let anyone out there who still reads know what's up. Also, to give fair warning, I believe that my posts will become more spiritual in content as the Father is hard at work in my heart, reshaping belief patterns and exposing things in my life that need work. You know that I am nothing if not transparent about such things, and I just believe that by being open about my process, others may find comfort or healing or a stepping stone in their own walk with the Lord. I know I definitely find that in other friend's openness.

So that's where I'm headed. :)

It just HAS to be said.

2011-10-24T06:24:00.000-07:00

If we're friends on Facebook, you already know, I post frequently. But there are a lot of things that I DON'T post because when I go to type it in, I realize, the world doesn't really need to know this. But the thoughts play through my mind incessantly, and I feel like someone needs to know... so today, that someone is you. Here it is, the Facebook status that has been waiting to happen since Thursday afternoon:

I finally broke down and bought skinny jeans -- something I swore I would never do -- and they are the most comfortable jeans I've ever owned. They're stretchy and soft and, I think I'm in love.

You are now free to go about the rest of your day, as am I, now that I've shared my joy with someone else.

Your welcome.

Wait a minute Mr. Po Po.

2011-10-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Small-Town Texas Police Man,

Your car is equipped with these handy little things called FLASHING LIGHTS and SIRENS. If you are in a hurry, off to go back-up a fellow officer of the law, or to respond to some kind of situation, then it is the understanding of the general public (sorry general public to drag you into this... we are one and the same though...) that you should use the tools you have been equipped with in order to be about your business.

Flailing your hands frantically at me whilst driving behind me, trying to get me, I assume, to speed up is not the way to expedite your needs.

You see, I was already concerned because I had yet to see a speed limit sign on the road I was driving, and then I looked in my rear-view mirror and saw you behind me, and of course my natural reaction is "Oh s**t am I speeding?"

Of course had you put on your lights and sirens, I would have panicked and expected to be ticketed, but at least, after you'd sped by me and then pulled into the parking lot ahead behind another officer's SUV, I would have understood, "Obviously he had somewhere to be."

But, no, instead you motioned at me from behind, irritatingly. Acting like every other civilian driver on the face of the planet, myself included.

I have a natural, ingrained respectful fear for people in your profession, you are, after all, the law. But I mean... if you're just going to act like I do when I'm a frustrated driver, and not use your tools for what they were designed for ... then ... could I at least get some flashing lights on my car?

Seven.

2011-10-11T19:20:00.000-07:00

In honor of Ironman's seventh birthday, here are seven things about him.

1. On the eve of his 7th birthday, he decided to take a cue from "The Diary of a Wimpy Kid" books, and at 9:15 pm, he woke his little brother up and told him it was time for school. It took 2 hours for Bucket to go back to sleep and Ironman got in HUGE trouble. We won't be reading those books anymore.

2. He beat our entire family at bowling tonight, and it was the first time he'd ever done it for real (not on the wii.). I feel it important to include the fact that he and Bucket both had bumpers up.

3. Walking down the hall the other day in line with his class, he saw his old 1st grade teacher (he had to switch into a new class b/c there were too many kids in 1st grade and they hired a new teacher, whom we LOVE.) and said "Hey Mrs. W, guess what I learned today? I have MAN BOOBS!"

She laughed and said, "Wow! You need to tell your parents that!" He shook his head adamantly and said, "No, they don't need to know. Just you." Then he looked around and noticed the rest of the kids in line and said, "And I guess all these other guys do too."

4. He is better on the balance board for the Wii Fit than I am. I mean, insanely better. I don't know if it's cuz I have about 90 lbs on him or what, but it's sad.

5. He is getting a bow and arrow for his birthday and he's going to freak out. (Strict supervision of course.)

6. His teacher said that he is a very good friend, and is very considerate of others. Makes this mama proud.

7. He is absolutely brilliant, and I can't believe it's been seven years since we met him for the first time. I'm still in love.

This Is My Song.

2011-10-02T19:03:00.001-07:00

If my life were a movie, this would be the theme.

Alone.

2011-09-29T11:27:00.001-07:00

Aaaah. Mondays and Thursdays are precious to me. My five for-sure hours alone on those days are magnificent, and I guard them carefully. It's not that I do anything fabulous ... now that I have the internet back, today I caught up on this season of Parenthood (fabu as always!), and on the very first Monday that I had to myself, I wrote for the entire time I was alone. It was awesome.

I try really hard not to plan anything with anyone on these days because, they are the ONLY hours I get to spend alone every week, and for someone who really really enjoys being alone, they're not much.

I am truly blessed to have these precious 10-11 hours a week to myself. The fact that we are (mostly) surviving on one income, though times are always tough, is something I often take for granted. Of course, the other option would end up costing us more money than I could bring in -- putting the kids in day care and getting a job -- so that's what college is for ... Well shoot. ;)

My goal for this year is to get my first book published. Whether it's by my own hand, or whether I find someone who thinks it's worth something, I don't really mind either way ... I just want to get it done. I want to find out if there is something behind my passion, something that can actually make us some money some day.

Then maybe, when Bucket is in school too, and I have scads of hours to myself every day, I won't feel so guilty about indulging in them. Maybe they'll be some of the best hours I've ever spent, because while fully enjoying the peace and quiet of my home, I'll be furiously telling tales that I've spent years dreaming up in my brain, and providing a better life for my family.

That's the plan anyway. Fingers crossed.

I Can Breathe Surf Again!

2011-09-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

Finally.

The internet is back on.

You would not believe the debacle.

I don't have the energy to write about it now, just wanted to say that I'm back and will have quality content back tomorrow, after I catch up on the last 2 weeks of Premiers!

Life, disconnected.

2011-09-17T13:16:00.000-07:00

Due to the fact that AT&T made a mistake with our account, our internet is off until Friday. So frustrating, and I have to go to the store and try and get them to figure out their mistake (or make up for their lies!!!! *ears steaming*), and frankly, I hate confrontation, especially on a corporate level.

So that's what's up, why I've not been posting lately!

Will be back soon... for anyone still listening! :)

What I Know

2011-09-08T07:23:00.000-07:00

Today is Bucket's first day of Pre-K at his new school in CowTown. His first day of actual preschool, where he knows no one. Of course, as expected, he jumped in with both feet and stuck the landing.

I on the other hand... as I began to walk back to the car alone, realizing that this was the beginning of a new phase for me, lost it.

Not only is it a new school, it's not our old school. I sobbed for the friends and family there that I miss. Not only does this mean I have 2 days a week with about 5 hours totally child-free, it means it's 12 hours a week where my baby doesn't need me. I sobbed harder for feeling like I don't know who I am because of that. It means that we are closer and closer to Kindergarten for him, which will mean a TOTALLY different life for me, one that I have no idea what it will look like. It means, that, as if buying a house wasn't enough, we are THAT much more invested in being right here.

Immediately fear began to set in. What if we made a mistake? What if we do something wrong? What if someone else does something wrong again and we have to take the fall again? What if all of these things happen and God uses them as punishment and we lose our house and ...

Then I thought of my new friend's almost 2 year old little girl, who is so beautiful and beautifully named "Jubilee". My friend told me that Jubilee has a method of self soothing that she learned from her parents: When she is upset, or scared, she clenches her fists and repeats, "I know, I know. I know." She does that because whenever she is scared or upset, her parents pick her up, hold her, pat her back and say lovingly, "I know, I know. I know baby."

Those words started playing through my mind and I had to struggle to focus on what I know. I know that I am not an orphan, and that I am not a slave. I know that I am the favorite daughter of the Most High King, and that He has a storehouse full of all my wildest dreams. That He has more than enough provision for me, and that while sometimes I need redirecting, and yes correction, that He doesn't hold my mistakes over me, and He doesn't look for opportunities to hurt us.

I know that He promised to bless us as we took this flying leap of faith to move, change jobs and almost everything about our life. I know that the enemy is going to do whatever he can to thwart those plans, but ... because I know all of this, I can claim and have peace.

I'm taking deep breaths now this morning, clenching my fists and squeezing my eyes tight, chanting, "I know, I know, I know." That's the only way I'll make it.

To Vent or not to Vent.

2011-09-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

Do you ever find it really hard to censor yourself? There are so many times when I want to vent to someone, but there is no one to listen... except the 458 friends on Facebook. Except that I usually want to vent about ONE OF THEM, or I would be saying something that would offend SOMEONE.

I wish there was a safe place that I could go and just scream about things, where no one would take up offense, they would just hear what I have to say, validate that I'm allowed to feel that way, and then send me on my way.

I don't want to be brought into balance, I don't even necessarily want to discuss it, I just want someone to HEAR me, and not freak out.

But alas... these things I have to keep bottled up because guaranteed, if I started a rant about the way little girls dress these days, or if I chose an opinion and stood on a pedestal about it, someone would come try to knock me off of it.

I'm not saying my opinions are the law, I just want to be able to have them, and speak them without being skewered for them.

But I suppose we all want that, and I suppose I would react to someone if they stood up about something I opposed... I don't know. I'm not very confrontational, but sometimes I just want to say. "THIS MAKES ME SO MAD" and know that the fact that it makes me mad, isn't going to make someone else mad.

Now I just need some product placement

2011-09-06T07:16:00.000-07:00

We finally painted our living room. We argued over colors for months, and then Rockstar's sister gave us the brilliant idea to use metalic paint to paint stripes. We wanted stripes to begin with, and using metallic was just the inspiration we needed! Days later... multi-toned gold stripes on the wall!

Now, where that painting was, is a decorative mirror, that reflects the kitchen.

This is where my whole "I might be a little bit crazy" mentality kicks in.

If I stand at the sink, I can see myself in the mirror, with the cabinets behind me. I've never seen myself in my kitchen before. It feels like I'm watching a TV commercial. My kitchen is really pretty in that mirror, and so naturally I have to smile and look equally as pretty, so that the commercial is believable.

I have yet to actually DO a commercial from my kitchen sink, but... I know it will happen sooner or later. This is crazy me. I don't know what else I can say!