I'm Feeling Bloggish

Waiting For Buses

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Thu, 19 May 2011 23:34:00 +0000

One of the more irrational pet peeves I have is related to buses. There are a lot of completely rational reasons to be peeved about buses, but this is different. This is really about people 'waiting' for buses. What bugs me is when people step out into the street to look for the bus they are waiting for. I suppose I may just have an intense concern for other people's safety, but I think it has more to do with just finding it pointless. It doesn't make the bus arrive any faster, and if you are in that much of a hurry you should just get a cab. Why should I care if your head gets lopped off by a passing motorist? It may be just the idea that there is an inherent (if not immediately present) amount of risk to stepping into a busy street, and to do so for something so fidgety and useless just makes people look like fools.

Maybe I should drink less coffee before blogging.

The Creeper

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Wed, 18 May 2011 22:01:00 +0000

Since President seems fond of taking "stalker" photos of his chaos companions (look for chairs), I thought turn-about would be fair play.

I had just thrown a tennis-ball down the sidewalk. Easy pickings.

Current Thoughts on the Presidents

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Wed, 18 May 2011 16:01:00 +0000

First of all, yay President Obama for bringing down Bin Laden...even though we never saw the body due to some lame story about being buried at sea. Seriously WTF was that all about? Keep up the good work!

No research was done for this statement other than my Twitter feed.

As for the OTHER President, well, right now he's just a jerk. Oh sure, once upon a time he gave me some spiffy notebooks, but he also accused me of being a child molester just because I challenged him to be creative. Then on numerous occasions I saved his ass while his internet was out, and then took me off the blog to put up some stupid guest account he dared people to use. To top it off, the pictures of sad bears that were promised me, that an entire household aesthetic has been on hold for, are yet forthcoming. Seems rude to promise sad bear pictures and then go gallivanting off to forests and such. And yet I still gave him an awesome Poop Log (uh, no, a poop 'diary', but I should give him the other) and a free Apple remote. Finally he acts like I'm like some 2-bit blog spammer who just willy-nilly ejaculates his URL into his blog comments, when he should know better AND after giving my posts a facial with several links to his posts.

Maybe the extra effort of hiding his foot odor from his boss is getting to him.

It's not just me, he is also letting down his faithful followers by slacking off on his blog. "Hey Pres, see if stranger91409 will fill in for you HUH!?" So I'm declaring this "Hate on President Week"! Ok, maybe just "Day", that's going to be too much work. Plus, I still kind of like him, in that arch-nemesis kind of way.

I'm going to steal all your followers too! Ha-HA!!! Assuming you approve my comments so they can see my blog URL.

Death and Taxes

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Tue, 17 May 2011 22:01:00 +0000

I had to look this up, but it was Benjamin Franklin who said,

"In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."

Everyone loves a colorful turn of phrase, however, it could be said that a number of homeless people have found their way around the second one; although I'd take taxes over sleeping in the street. And you can believe Walt Disney is frozen somewhere, but he's still dead.

What brought this to my mind was a thought that there were at least two other fairly certain things you can count on...that people will ignore walk signals if they can get away with it, and women will willingly mangle their feet in the name of fashion, and yet no famous people have created a pithy saying about those two.

Chotchkies or Tchotchkes?

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Tue, 17 May 2011 16:01:00 +0000

The battle to correctly spell this word has been going for centuries! Ok, maybe just a few months. As it turns out, it makes for a rather interesting story which really does nothing to clarify the issue. Unfortunately, since this was yet another abandoned post from about a year ago, I have absolutely no idea what that story was or why it was interesting, so you'll have to use your imagination or wait until I have one of the "eureka!" moments and blog about it before I forget again.

Maybe President remembers, but I doubt it.

Dear Netflix and That Jackass On Market Street

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Mon, 16 May 2011 23:32:00 +0000

This was actually an abandoned post about Netflix discontinuing streaming service with the CD they sent out so you could stream video on a Playstation 3 and how because the jerk who sold me the PS3 through Craigslist did not disclose that he was selling me the UK version, Sony wouldn't let me play content from the Netflix app on the PS3 because it believes I'm not in the US (which also prevents playing US DVDs). It's a non-issue now since I use my Boxee Box to stream Netflix, but I really enjoyed the title of the post and wanted an excuse to publish it.

Aren't run-on sentences great?!

Snacks on the Moon

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Mon, 16 May 2011 16:01:00 +0000

While grocery shopping recently I made an interesting discovery in the snack aisle, you can now have a bowl of popcorn without creating any dirty dishes!

Orville, still innovating even after being dead for several years.

So, while Arthur C. Clarke was imagining traveling to Saturn in 2001, we are just now getting our throw away popcorn bowls in 2011, and I can't help but wonder that if we took all the inventing power that has given us the Pop Up Bowl, the Slanket, and the eight Justin Bieber iPhone apps (that's all the farther I could count before feeling nauseous) and put it towards space travel technology, we could probably be eating popcorn on the moon right now.

The fact that Bieber videos exist yet we have no moon colonies sickens me.

Frozen Toast

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Fri, 13 May 2011 23:04:00 +0000

I recently bought a new toaster which has several special settings, one of which is "Frozen Toast" which I would think would be impossible or at least some kind of time/space paradox. Either you've made some toast and then put it in the freezer and then put it back into the toaster, which is just stupid, or you have some frozen BREAD which you want to toast, but requires heat and burning to achieve thus rendering the toast the farthest thing from frozen.

Maybe I should try the setting...maybe it actually DOES freeze the toast and I'm being silly.

See...true story!

WT...Wifi

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Fri, 13 May 2011 22:57:00 +0000

I've been watching my weight closely lately because I need to loose...mumble mumble...pounds before I die. I have a fancy scale that actually connects to the Internet and records my weight on a number of fitness web sites. This morning it wouldn't work due to a problem, I eventually discovered, with my wifi network which got me thinking about how dependent I am on the Internet to the point I can't even weigh myself without it.

Ok, that was three sentences. I may have to modify the new rules.

Floating

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Fri, 13 May 2011 22:56:00 +0000

I really want a deprivation tank like the one Ben Affleck had in the Daredevil movie, but my apartment complex would probably consider that a "waterbed" and not allow it. It just seems like it would be cool to be floating there, maybe have some music piped in, and get a waterproof iPad. It would be kind of like being a vampire or Michael Jackson or is that redundant?

Too soon?

It's ALIVE!

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Thu, 12 May 2011 02:42:00 +0000

I know what you're thinking...and your mother would be ashamed. Besides that, I bet you thought I was dead, or at least the blog was, and to tell you the truth so did I. So, I bet you're wondering...what's the latest special at Red Lobster, and I'd tell you to stop daydreaming and PAY ATTENTION! You are also probably suffering from ADHD or you are 5 years old. Getting back to the blog, I was getting pretty frustrated on a number of levels from lack of readership to lethargy towards writing, but I kept wanting to come back to it in some form so I decided to give it another shot.

As you can see, I've done what any good marketer does when a company wants to reintroduce a product that has already been on the market but not done well...I've put it in new packaging. Unlike those products, however, I do plan to make some changes. I changed the theme to be simpler and less distracting, but my first choice looked too much like President's blog, so I had to choose something else. In the end, I decided I would just do the exact opposite of him out of spite for making my theme decisions more difficult. So I went with a darker theme and reversed the columns around. Take THAT President! I also settled on Courier for the title font, in sort of an homage the history of journalism where typing away at a typewriter was the way to get the word out...also take it away from President who is into that sort of typewriter thing.

[Meant to put a venomous meme picture here but couldn't find one I liked. Also lost 30 minutes looking at LOLcats.]

To make it easier to get posts out the door, the new format will be posts no longer than TWO sentences...until I change my mind. Perhaps a picture occasionally. It will be a little like Twitter in blog form, maybe or maybe not completing a whole thought. Let's see how that works. Maybe I'll occasionally rant longer about something, but it's the detailed posts that usually hang me up. At least I hope to have something new on a regular basis, even if it is just a stupid picture.

From the first line of results for "stupid picture" on Google...same row, George Bush.

Energy Displacement

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 18:23:00 +0000

In the incredibly unlikely chance that anyone still hits this blog to see if it was updated, you should know that I am expending all my writing energies on this stupid blog. Apparently I'm some kind of sucker.

Why? I have no fucking clue. I get ignored just as thorough there as I do here, so it's a mystery of subconscious proportions. I probably just feel sorry for President and his lack of internet. I mean, not having Internet would probably kill me, so I may have to invest in a home generator for when the killer solar flare hits us in 2012. Ok, I realize that will not, by itself, sustain the life-giving Internet, but if I start backing up the Internet now I may have enough to keep me busy for a while. I probably won't back up President's web site though.

Ok, so going with my usual zig-zaggy stream of consciousness, here is the trailer for Sucker Punch which is a totally awesome movie with hot girls that know how to kick some ass! I'm really looking forward to it. I could stand to have my ass worked over by a sexy ninja gal.

After you watch this, go watch in it in HD on a big screen. You'll thank me.

Blogurgitations: The Things Nightmares Are Made Of

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 21:00:00 +0000

Before I start, don't get me wrong, I have a lot of good Japanese friends*, some of whom are a bit quirky at times (I'm talkin' bout you Akira). President Wishnack claims to be part Japanese, and he IS quirky, but I don't think he counts as a friend, especially after he posted this.

I do admire the Japanese for a lot of things, but sometimes they do shit that...well...makes you wonder what fucking planet they are really from. I seriously doubt I will ever eat at this restaurant. The one benefit would be that I could throw up into my chair.

The video below is all in Japanese, including the text on the YouTube page, but the title roughly translates as:

Long Distance Service 1 Terenoido

"Terenoido" is kind of like saying "telephone droid", the idea being that this thing would be live in your home replicating the movements, expressions, and sounds someone else makes from their phone/computer, in order to create a more interactive experience. Here, have a look...

If you are not totally freaked out by this paraplegic, albino slug hanging out in your living room, you have some serious issues. I would probably never sleep again, fearing that I would wake up with this thing already gnawing up to my knee.

Yeah, no thank you Japan.

On the other side of the coin, Japanese engineers have also developed a "supermodel" robot. At least that one has boobs.

*yes, believe it or not, I am friends with Miho and she is one of the top actresses in Japan. She is super awesome! We also have the same birthday. I wish she would move to the US.

---
UPDATE: Ok, ok...amidst a veritable uproar, I went looking for a more reliable source of information, and in my defense, many blogs about the restaurant make the Japanese connection. I finally went to an article at Time online and there was no mention of Japan.

But seriously, have you watched animé? I still say the Japanese have some scary shit going on in their heads.

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 20:31:00 +0000

I was recently asked to expand on a comment I made about reinventing myself when I came to San Francisco. This post is practically the entire response and required some concentrated musings of the past, so I figured I'd get the most out of it and make it a post.

Trashcan-butt-pig-bank-thing approves this reused text!

This [reinvention] is a tricky one to explain, in part because it was almost 13 years ago, and frankly I didn't have a particular plan. At the time I made the decision to move to SF, I was living in El Paso. I had moved out there to, of all things, start an internet based business. An amateur photographer friend who was working at Ft. Bliss had just had a gallery show of his work and had started networking in the art scene in El Paso. Long story short, we decided to start a business creating custom designed web "galleries" for artists and set up online stores so people could buy their art online. I think it was a great idea that was ahead of its time, but two of the partners in the venture dropped out to go to graduate school (including my friend) and I was left holding the bag. I had been the web guru and site designer and had no interest in the other management aspects at the time, so abandoned the project. We did manage to sell off the files for the web sites that were built for the current clients, so it wasn't a complete financial disaster. I then started looking for regular work in El Paso and the surrounding area, and quickly realized it was not the place for a technology geek. I decided I had two choices, go back to Chicago where I had some tech contacts and look for a job there, or throw caution to the wind and go to SF and try to find a job to establish myself. I was highly motivated to choose SF due to the proximity to Lucasfilm [where I ended up working for 4 years much later], so that is what I did. I gave myself two weeks to find a job and booked a bunk at a youth hostel downtown [ironically I now work just a couple blocks from the hostel]. In less than a week I had a job and the rest is history.

What you need to know to understand the 'reinvention' aspect is that this was perhaps the biggest risk I had ever taken. Outside of the El Paso gig I had stayed pretty close to home and friends and had a safety net. I didn't consider El Paso much of a risk, as much as an extended vacation of about a year. I had just recovered from a car accident and was still on crutches when I went to El Paso. If anything, I went there because I was stir-crazy, but I also thought it might be fun to go somewhere new for a while and see what happened with a startup done on the cheap. So with very little money, my Powerbook 180c, a suit, and no idea what I was going to do when I got there, I booked a flight to SF. Other than Chicago, SF was the only other big city I had lived or worked in. Anyway, somewhere along the way I decided that I had to approach living in SF differently. I didn't have any safety net other than just bailing and going back to Chicago, and I knew I'd have to be more aggressive in my job searching then I had been before. I guess you could say I was somewhat unhappy with my life, but more because it seemed kind of aimless. I didn't have a plan for anything. I felt a little like Michael J. Fox in The Secret of My Success, but without the rich Uncle giving me a job. So, I felt I needed to present myself more professionally and assertively. The idea is that I thought I could better reinforce this behavior by changing little things like which version of my name I used, the clothes I wore, etc. I think overall the process was useful, but it turned out that SF in general is pretty relaxed, and my first co-workers were very casual and didn't act very "professional", so I eventually relaxed as well. In the end, I'm not sure much changed as a result of my attempt to change myself outwardly, but I think I have changed considerably as a result of living and working in SF. I still occasionally like to step back and look for things to change in my life, to make sure I'm not getting too complacent or dull.

Does this count as complacent?

My recent move to the new apartment was probably the current extension of the reinvent procedure, including getting in better shape, riding my bike more, and exploring more of the city. I think something has to happen with work soon too, but right now I'm focused on the personal stuff.

The Push

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 05:34:00 +0000

So this month has been a blog record breaker for me thanks to President Wishnack and his pedophilia accusations. Silver linings and all that. Frankly, I was hoping for the whiskey. I had a record breaking day, week, and month which until recently didn't matter much to me. I was hoping to break 100 visits to the blog for this month, but then I got lazy about posting, so I may just have to offer up another challenge and see where that gets me...or maybe blog more...Hahahahaha, yeah right.

Why are hits important? It's not like I have sponsors or ads from which to make money. That's not why I write, at least not currently. Really, I only started this blog to keep practicing my writing skills, the idea being I could write anything I wanted here. I also wanted a venue in which I could rant whenever I wanted. The funny thing I discovered about writing is that it is not nearly as satisfying if nobody is reading it. I also find myself writing to an audience instead of to myself because I know other people 'might' read it, so it almost demands a response.

Pretty much any time I hang out with President Wishnack, I have to listen to him obsess about his hit count for the day until a smoke break or alcohol distracts him. I'm not even sure why he cares, come to think of it, but it has apparently infected me as well, although not as severely. What irks me most is that out of 70+ visitors to the blog this month, there were maybe two people responding if that. Now maybe I should be satisfied that someone came to the blog, but how do I know they read it? How do I know it impacted or inspired them? Why does it even matter to me?

I guess it is about receiving some kind of validation. Knowing I'm not crazy or that my random thoughts made someone else think, would at least indicate that I wouldn't be just as well off in a coma. What is it that makes some people want to make people think in order to reach out to them? I have no idea but I bet I will have no more than two people offering their opinions about it.

"I'm thinking of something beginning with the letter 'P'."

A Tale of Perversion

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 16:00:00 +0000

Well, I have to say, I am very disappointed in all of you. There is a very good chance that you have arrived here after reading this post. And you probably are thinking one of two things:

1. Those bail bondsmen work quick.

2. America has loose morals and will let anyone walk the streets.

I is innocents I tells ya!

A couple things you should know about me is that I would never defile a vintage Star Wars figure, and, while I have dated someone 15 years younger than myself, they were legal and were not male. They also broke my heart guaranteeing I would never date under the age of 30 again. And honestly, I'm not a big fan of naked children...hell, even cherubs make me feel queasy.

Frankly, the response to this story has only proven that you, not I, are the horrible, depraved individual. Sensationalism is the killer arrow in the tabloid journalists quiver of bait...and you people fall for it every time. Your morbid curiosity and eagerness to swim in the filth of exaggerated storytelling is the hallmark of our society and the reason we still don't have flying cars. Seriously, more money goes into porn and video games than any other industry. I'd show you the studies, but you just think I fabricated them to support my convictions.

And to what do we owe this piranha-like frothing of internet traffic...or to WHOM rather?! It's this man...

Seriously, all he thinks about is McDonald's french fries, when he isn't maligning characters.
(even his clothes are McDonaldsish)

And yet YOU, the gullible public, are willing to eat up any grandiose story he is willing to throw out at you, like chum in shark infested waters. Ok, seriously, I've got some kind of seafood action going on...which only goes to prove I like women!!!

Note to self: Don't blog while drunk after soul-crushing defamation of character.

The REAL truth of this whole story is that it is an elaborate cover-up to mask the horrible guilt that the President is trying to deal with for STANDING ME UP TO GO JOIN A CULT! Oh sure, we were going to have a couple of beers...maybe some pizza...enjoy some traditional Hawaiian music...BUT NO! This guy was off fraternizing with his new spaceship-worshipping puppets...probably dancing around in robes all commando-style and having orgies and Kool-aid.

Ok, I have to admit the orgy part doesn't sound bad. But I'd be very careful of ANYTHING you read on this guy's blog. Seriously...he has issues.

One Step Closer To Homeyness

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 16:00:00 +0000

I'm still digging my way through possessions after my move two months ago. Anyone who has moved recently, unless you are this guy, knows that moving means having a trickle of boxes all over the place for several months...unless you have a basement where you can dump it all for the next 10 years. Seriously, nothing helps you reduce clutter and figure out what is really important like moving to a smaller space.

Within the last week or so, I have made some major strides in getting the living area presentable. Most of the boxes are gone and I can freely move furniture around. The "entertainment center" has been up and running almost since day one. I'm really digging the TV stand I got which raises the LCD TV up and allows me to tilt and rotate it. Also, there is more room for my gaming consoles and chotchkies.

The Great and Powerful LCD!
(too lazy to Photoshop Oz into the screen)

So, order is slowing coming to the apartment, but like the Dude's rug, I needed something to pull the room together. Really, in my case, it was more about making a creative, symbolic gesture that this was "home". I had already known what it was going to be for some time, but it took several years of it resting in storage and the impulse to dig it out and unpack it for it to become a reality. Unlike most of my previous dwellings, I wanted this new one to say a little more than "I like Apple and movies" with my various framed posters. I wanted the expressions to be a little more subtle, a little more varied, and a bit more...three dimensional.

Voila! My first 3D wall sculpture, AND the first thing I put on my new walls.

What makes this sculpture even more significant, beyond the catharsis of designing a new home, is that this sculpture used to hang in my grandparents home. I remember it very clearly as a child being fascinated by it and the fact that it was more than a picture. I was always careful, but it was fun to touch. It is basically all sculpted brass, copper, and wire. The picture doesn't have the best lighting but shows off the color tones the best. It has a very warm tone with it's golds, oranges, and browns. It very much reminds me of my favorite season, Fall, which I essentially gave up by moving to California. I had found out, in my childlike curiosity, that it would make sounds if you touched it. The tiny echos of metal and vibrations. It also seems strong and fragile at the same time. And it was this attachment that prompted me to acquire it when my Grandmother passed away, as it had also hung up in her newer home for many years before she passed. So like the illusionary raindrops that hit the brass umbrellas, memories and feelings drip off this sculpture creating ripples in my mind and heart. It's the first thing I have hung up that makes me think...."home".

Where Trivia Comes From

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 16:00:00 +0000

I'm sure some of you think that Trivia comes from Trivialvania. You are obviously stupid and I don't want you reading my blog. On second thought, I think I only have two readers in spite of having three subscribers, so go ahead and read it, but as soon as I have thousands of readers, please go away. Seriously.

Where was I...oh yes, trivia. According to most dictionaries, trivia is defined as...

pieces of information of little importance or value

It is arguable that any piece of information that exists has, or has had, some significance at some point in time, otherwise why would it even exist?! Trivia, whatever it's original purpose now finds it's primary purpose is to drive millions of alcoholics, or would-be alcoholics, to bars and pubs across the nation in a socially acceptable manner. It is for that very reason that I tend to latch onto odd bits of trivia I stumble upon. I'm not officially an alcoholic yet, but I have lofty goals of achieving it.

Here is the place in the post where I bring "trivia" and "stupid" together in a way that looks like I planned the whole thing from the beginning. Many years ago, before everything was in Wikipedia, people would actually discover new things that people had never seen or heard about before. These people were probably rich, or stupid, or...well, I already said "rich" didn't I. Rich people probably discovered a lot because one, they had the money to do it, and two, they were the only ones who could take four month vacations without their family starving to death. Anyway, these people were probably "on safari" complaining about the heat when they saw an odd thing standing next to a tree, that had a very long neck, and was yellowish with brown spotty patches. Being not particularly clever people, they saw SPOTS and LONG LEGS as the dominant characteristics. The one thing they knew had spots was a leopard. Disney had not yet released 101 Dalmatians apparently. Also, the one thing they knew had knobby, long legs was...a camel. So being the amazing, creativity-barren people that they were, they called this creature a camelopard. Brilliant.

Have you guessed what it is yet? (What blows me away is that my spell-checker actually knew how to spell camelopard)

Anyway, this is the odd video that turned me onto this bit of trivia along with an alternative to my stupidity theory.

Heh...the new, compact, selfish dog.

What's even more interesting is that I was led from the previous video to THIS one..

Seriously, nothing could be cooler that having trivia eventually lead to a hot woman with a sexy foreign accent. Probably what is even sexier is that she actually knows the history of the camelopard, rather than a far-fetched theory, which puts her one up on the rich, stupid people....I mean Greeks. See I learned more trivia. I also learned that David Mitchell has some other funny stuff and even better, he has an iPad/iPhone app for his rants. See, now I even squeezed some tech in there.

So, if you bothered to read this all the way through, you are probably not as dumb as when you came and if you keep it up I won't have to kick you off after those 1000 readers pile up.

There is also a good chance you are watching those other Hot For Words videos and have a woody.

The Gifts That Keep On Taking

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 01:17:00 +0000

Gift-giving originally started out, I'm assuming (what, I'm a researcher?), not as show of warmth, but as a bribe to the gods for better crops, health, or to win the lottery. I mean, what was around to give as gifts? Rocks?

Ogg: Here, I got you rock.

Moog: I got rock.

Ogg: Now you got spare rock.

Moog: I have pile of rocks in back.

Ogg: Oh.

Leaving cartoon caveman behind and looking at recent history, people find a lot of excuses to give people gifts. Anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas are examples of just a few of the "frivolous" class of gift-giving. In the case of baby showers, weddings, and house-warmings; the object is to get some free stuff because something had just cost you a shitload of money and you can't afford diapers, food, or really ugly pottery.

Now most of these occasions are genuinely altruistic, but I have noticed a growing trend that I find unsettling. People now give gifts, but rather than just giving you the item for your own pleasure, they attach some kind of requirement or prerequisite that you must agree to before getting your gift.

Recently, I was given a gift by President Wishnack, which I thought he had done out of the goodness of his heart...I should have known better. He gave me iPhone shaped notebooks.

At least it wasn't ticking....THIS time!

Now at first glance this seemed to be a thoughtful gift, recognizing my love of Apple's "i"Products, but looking deeper into the subtext it became obvious that this was a gift born of MALICE and GREED. First, he is aware that I had suffered my second iPhone robbery very recently, so he gives me three iPhone-shaped notebooks to mock my misfortune. Then there is the PS: which clearly implies that the gift was given with the express purpose that I post more blog posts for his enjoyment. Not to help me, but to take his mind off his dreary, mind-numbing phone job. This is but one example of a gift given with a condition attached, thus revealing himself as my arch-nemesis, which I had always suspected.

Next, I was recently given a pre-housewarming present by a couple of friends who had been teasing me for weeks that they had gotten me the "perfect gift", raising my expectations to a crescendo. What they got was indeed very cool...but it had a price!

For the foodie geek in your life.

Knowing I was a Star Wars fan, I was presented with Star Wars themed cookie cutters and pancake molds, but with the stipulation that I had to make cookies and pancakes for the gift-givers. Wait, whose gift is this anyway‽ By the way, as much as I like the villains in Star Wars, why is Yoda the only good guy included? R2-D2 or C-3PO would make fine cookies, and I'd personally think a Han Solo frozen in carbonite pancake would be delicious with some carbonite colored syrup. So one of these weekends I have to go get pancake and cookie mix to appease my "benefactors", who will probably insist upon having bacon or sausage as well. Suddenly I am burdened with cooking a meal and dessert. It seems people are so desperate to get something themselves, they have to attach an automatic return gift with their show of good will.

It is not as though this is anything new, really. Many people who run in much more influential social circles than I will play the game of 'I'll get you something, but you have to get me something too'. This also generally involves out-gifting other present buyers to gain higher favor or recognition. At that level, giving gifts is more of a competition. I also once had a girlfriend who appeared to be of a generous nature, willing to spend quite a lot of money on presents for me...only to turn around and insist that I spend an equal or greater amount on presents for her. Nevermind that she made 3 times my measly income at the time. I didn't mind buying gifts, but it was the standard I was expected to live up to that bothered me. It wouldn't matter what the effort or originality of the gift was, it was the the net worth she was concerned with. Oh, and generally I had to pick from a pre-made list. Needless to say, it took the fun out of making lists for Christmas, as well as shopping and getting presents. I'd have preferred she just spent her money on herself and save me the trauma of shopping at Christmas.

I wonder sometimes if the spirit of gift-giving is completely lost, or if I have just become jaded. I think once it becomes something expected or required, due to a holiday for example, the act looses its luster. Of late I have taken the opinion that gifts should not be churned out, but spontaneous. If I happen to see something I think someone will like, why should I have to store it in my closet and take up space until Christmas comes up. Why should I be forced to find a lame gift for someone because it is their birthday? It just ends up that I can't think of anything appropriate, so I just get a funny book or t-shirt. I think we should ban predetermined gift-buying holidays and just be spontaneous about it. We may get less stuff, but I think we'd actually find out who really cared enough to pay attention and get more meaningful items.

And then I also wouldn't have to cook.

Pizza Cheese

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 17:18:00 +0000

Has it ever occurred to anyone that pizza cheese is one of the few things that can look all stringy and gooey, and still look appetizing?

I was pretty shocked that pizza cheese has its own Wikipedia page, but even more so to find it said this...

"Pizza cheese may also be a snack cheese of dubious quality..."

This slice is just waiting to burn the roof of your mouth.

Yeah, sorry, that all I could come up with on "pizza cheese".

Sober Poop Moment - Number 1

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 19:02:00 +0000

Alternate title: When did it get so complicated‽

I know what most of you are thinking. I have the word "poop" and "number 1" in the title, and someone will invariably make a comment about which is it, number 1 or number 2? And it will happen on the second post as well for obvious reasons. Hopefully most of you will be mature enough not to go there, but then who am I kidding.

Know your audience.

Normally I would leave the feces-related reporting to more experienced individuals, but this is all-out war!

So, if you happen to follow my blog, you'll know that I moved recently. Until now, I have not yet had a chance to exploit this for the blog. I've never lived in a particularly fancy place. I have my standards, but as long as I have a frig, stove, working toilet and shower I'm pretty much set. My new place, in contrast, is in a fairly new building and one of the reasons I moved was to gain some "luxury" amenities. Definitely one deciding factor was the dishwasher. This is not only an awesome timesaver, but probably will help me prevent health-code violations. Also, there is no door on my new kitchen to hide the stacks of dirty dishes.

There have been many wonders in my new apartment, but none more confusing than what I found in the bathroom. Now, I've been to many bathrooms, so it's not like I'm a water-closet newbie or anything. I've even used a urinal in the Vatican.

I guess you're expected to kneel when you use it.

However, when I got to my new toilet, I was greeted by what was to me, an unusual sight. Rather than the typical flush handle that one would expect, there were instead two buttons! Now at this point I was feeling a bit like Sylvester Stallone in Demolition Man when he is in the future trying to figure out how the three seashells work.

I would have gotten a better picture, but the buttons are right under a shelf. Brilliant planning.

Apparently, the buttons are supposed to help you conserve water. The button on the left with the half-filled circle is supposed to flush half as much water as the button on the right. Nevermind that I have to memorize which button is which because I have to stick my hand underneath a shelf to press them. Now if it's one thing I appreciate about going to the bathroom is that it is relatively simple. Your body pretty much knows what to do and does it. The disposal of those bodily functions should be equally simple. Now, with this system, each time I go to the bathroom I need to stop and make a decision...do I need a half flush or a full flush for this particular visit? I have to make decisions and struggle with issues all day, now you are going to complicate my bathroom experiences? My solution, and the irony, is that I pretty much pick the buttons at random and probably use the same amount of water either way. Seems like if I push the 'half' button, I have to press it a second time anyway, so why complicate my life with flush choices‽ Now if one button flushed with red water and the other blue, THEN they might have something. Make flushing fun and colorful. I could choose my flush based on my mood. Was it a good bowel movement? Ok, blue then. For those constipated visits, red....although that could have repercussions I won't go into here.

So in the end (heh, had to GO there) lets keep the bathroom simple eh? Although a butt-massage option might be nice.

Experiments In Duplication

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 22:32:00 +0000

(In some circles, this might be referred to as plagiarism, but those circles are jerks)

to the fella' in india who found this blog by googling "synonym and palindrome for ship detection device," i'm sorry to have let you down with my whiskey-infused poop lectures and complaints about financial corporations and umbrellas.

i'm sure that's not what you were looking for.

but if you're still reading, the answer is RADAR.

you're welcome.

for everyone else, check out the billboard liberation front's improved version of the mcdonald's advertisement.

i'm sick of it. as seen at cala foods on california and hyde.

wellp, with that said, it's time to drink whiskey and poop. (poop is a verb in this sentence, not a noun.)

kbye.

If it helps justify any of this, I DID see the sign first-hand WITH the guy who took the picture and wrote about it, AND we discussed it (sortof). Also, he bought me at least two of the beers I drank last night which I think contributed to me forgetting two other great blog post ideas that I had on the way home from bar-hopping. So there!

Raiders of the Lost Boba Fett

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 18:57:00 +0000

I have finally completed the move into the new apartment, and the horrifying experience has left me with many tales to tell...mostly ones where I am ready to strangle someone. Here, on the other hand, is a tale of rediscovery!

The one thing I can say about moving is that it gives you the opportunity to look through boxes and closets that had been undisturbed for months, if not years. As a result, it gives you a chance to play archaeologist with your belongings. I was fine without Nazis storming my bedroom to stop me from finding that t-shirt I thought I'd lost, but I wouldn't have minded finding an attractive, young woman tied up in my closet....ahem, but we'll get my fetishes at another time. The process of finding a long-lost tchotchke, or even something you had forgotten you even had, can make moving a little more bearable...until until you have to figure out where you are going to put it.

(how many of you knew "tchotchke" began with a "t"? Come-on, be honest.)

Almost everyone has too much of something. For some it's little, ceramic Scotty dogs; or books by French poets that they can't even read; or hatred of the Proletariat...but for me, it tends to be Star Wars figures, robots, and stuff made by Apple. I probably have more Star Wars toys than most kids, but then I HAVE been collecting since 1977. Most are in storage, but a number of favorites grace my desk and shelves at home. One of my favorites has always been Boba Fett. I mean, who doesn't love a mysterious guy in full body armor who doesn't take shit from Darth Vader. In fact, Boba Fett originally had a smaller part as a generic bounty hunter, but he was so popular, the character was given a bigger role. One day, while playing...I mean, adjusting my Jango Fett figure, it dawned on me that the Boba Fett figure that usually had a prominent place on my desk was GONE!!! -GASP!- -HORRORS!- I spent quite a bit of time looking for him with no luck. I was convinced Jango had dispatched him to gain the #1 spot on my desk...which he did. As a result, the search for Boba was made a top priority!

Yes, my priorities are a bit messed up.

Months went by, and I finally began to let go and assumed Boba had been carried away by a ninja pigeon or something. Life went on and I cluttered my desk with other items like bills and stuff I would "look at later".

Flash forward to this weekend as I stacked the last of the boxes from my old apartment into my new one, approximating the home of one of those people from that Hoarders tv show. Like most people, I expected to pack neatly and orderly, with proper labels on the boxes indicating contents. That probably happened for the first box but the rest involved shoveling items into boxes, bags, or suitcases. At the end, I was left with an apartment of boxes with unidentifiable contents, and the search began for those vital items that I need from day to day...like my PS3 controller, a bottle opener, and my iPhone charge cable. This scattershot search technique led me to many remarkable discoveries, but none so profound as the revelation that Boba Fett WAS NOT LOST!

"What?! I went out for some chicken & waffles. How long do you THINK that takes when you are 3 inches tall?!"

I also discovered that I had a Mace Windu figure I forgot I even had. Sorry SLJ! I expect to have many other fanciful discoveries in the next few weeks, some of which will be ushered by "top men" to a warehouse referred to as "Goodwill" or eBay, so I won't break my toe when walking from my bedroom to my living room. (picture withheld because, trust me, it looked bad and nobody wants to see my feet)

Dear John Letter

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Thu, 06 May 2010 22:25:00 +0000

Dear Richmond District,

What can I say, it's been great. We've had an amazing 12 year relationship, but I just feel I'm in a different place now and need a change. It's not you, it's me.

When I first came to San Francisco, you were there with your cheap rent, larger apartments, and close proximity to the beach and the park. That is what allowed me to stay in this fantastic city, but it also made me complacent and reluctant to try new things. You made it all possible, but now you are holding me back. It has taken me a while to realize that.

Close enough.

Also, some of your friends are just plain annoying with their loud music upstairs, yelling, honking, and stumbling home drunk and waking the entire neighborhood.

I still remember the good times eating at Bill's Place, Tommy's, Drunken Sushi, movies at The Four Star, the great produce at 25th and Clement, the friendly guys at Tiger Liquors (whom I may have gotten too acquainted with in the last couple of years), and walking into Royal Ground where everyone greets you with a smile, and they always know what I want and how to make it. I think they order Amaretto syrup just for me.

There were also some odd times, like when I locked myself out of my apartment, and in broad daylight got a ladder out of the garage and climbed into my second story apartment through the kitchen window...without anyone blinking an eye! And then there was the time nearly every pair of pants I owned was stolen from the laundromat across the street. Awkward.

And then there were the bad times. The closing of the Alexandria theater and the Coronet (ok not in the Richmond but I went there a a lot) cars flipping over and plowing into one another at the intersection below my window at 2 am, the 3 year old kid who knocked on my door asking me dial 911 because of the fight his Mom was in and having to explain it to the cops before they led the boyfriend off in handcuffs. Also unpleasant was the time immediately after that when I wondered if the guy would come back and beat the crap out of me.

-sniff-

This move was a long time coming. I will be closer to work and downtown, and best of all I will be able to almost completely eliminate MUNI from my life! Long have I suffered the evil, sweaty, stinky, slow, unpredictable grip of San Francisco's mismanaged public bus system. There will be new sights, new sounds (hopefully quieter ones), new stores, new people, and new experiences. I'm hoping friends may even want to come over to my place to hang out. I'm sorry Richmond, but you were isolating me from the world.

I'll miss you and won't forget you. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me.

No, I don't understand why it says "goodbye" on his stomach either.

My Job, Apparently

noreply@blogger.com (Techboy) — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 00:27:00 +0000

Ironically, in spite of my handle TechBoy that I use here, I seem to rarely talk about tech. I suppose that is because I talk tech just about everywhere else. I started this blog to sort of balance that out and give the other half of my brain some exercise. According to this blog posting, however, that isn't good enough, so I feel inclined to inject a little tech related musings today. Maybe I'll throw in a little more tech once in while, just to keep some people from nagging me.

I would imagine that the biggest and most prevalent tech news is the release of the iPad last Saturday. However, rather than talk about how awesome it is and go on about all the apps, I thought I'd set the Wayback Machine and take the iPad back to some of my early techie days and speculate what reactions I'd have.

"But Mr. Peabody, this isn't the Wayback Machine!"

"Shut up Sherman or I'll make you pick up my poo again."

The year is about 1995. I've had a Macintosh IIci for about 3 years and traded it in for a refurbished PowerBook 180c color laptop which had a screen an inch or two smaller in each dimension than the iPad. The World Wide Web was pretty new and you could only make your own website by learning how to hand-code HTML. The first WYSIWYG editor for HTML was coming out, called Adobe PageMill. It seemed nice, but really mangled the code so that going back in and customizing by hand usually took longer than if you had just built it that way in the first place.

The laptops of the time really give you a good comparison...

PowerBook 180c: 7.1 lbs

iPad: 1.5 lbs

PowerBook 180c: 2.25" thick

iPad: 13.4 mm thick

PowerBook 180c: 8.4" diagonal screen

iPad: 9.7 inch diagonal screen

PowerBook 180c: $4,110 (new)

iPad: $499 (new)

So there are a few figures to give you an idea of how far we've come. No wireless or broadband internet yet either. 300 baud (yeah, I know you have no idea what that means) telephone modem.

My friends and I were geeky enough, but if you had arrived from the future and handed us the iPad, with a transdimensional link to the current day internet....I don't think we would have bothered leaving for college. I think the only reason we spent any time away from our Commodore 64s and TRS-80s was because you couldn't do a lot with them, and the games sucked. However, we managed to loose a lot of time to them anyway. Does anyone remember "light pens"?! Now we just have fingers, but we thought it was way cool to be able to draw on a television screen. Yes, television screen. You would hook up your computer to your television. Ok, I reset the Wayback for high school...that wasn't 1995.

To be honest, I'm not sure how things would have been different with the iPad. My friends and I generally just were excited to play with new technology. I'm not sure we would have seen it as life changing, although seeing what technology could do, we might have been more inspired to invent things that would use it. That, and we would have bought a shit-load of Apple stock and be billionaires!

The iPad is really a device for today, with it's social networks and need for immediacy. We gobble content as fast as we can download or browse to it, although there is a lot more garbage content now with an emphasis on entertainment and time-killing rather than education.

"The new Apple Store is great isn't it?!"

"Yeah, but it sucks that they make you buy the spacesuit just to see the new iMonolith."

PS: Here's some crappy Atari games from the time too.