I'm Not Superwoman...I Only Look Like Her

Dispassion is the Fashion

2011-09-06T19:28:00.001-04:00

My definition of manners is quite simple. In fact, it falls right in line with the Golden Rule, “do unto others as you’d have done to you.” Be kind to others and they will be kind to you. It is a simple theory with the core revolving around basic manners. Again, it is simple…right? Well, it used to be. Nowadays the Golden Rule seems like such a foreign concept that I wonder if humanity and consideration really ever existed or are they illusions from a time long passed. Despite this, I will not change my values, nor will I lower myself to be like those who have none. I have come to be unsurprised by disrespect, as it seems en vogue these days. Dispassion is the fashion. It is painful to know that the protocol for etiquette is to be self-centered and rude. Instead of people saying, “Please may I,” it is now a demand of what is wanted minus the please. Moreover, do not even think about hearing “thank you” as I am convinced that those words might turn someone’s tongue to dust if they even mutter one syllable. It can drive you insane if you think about it. I keep wondering how people can survive being so self-absorbed and obnoxious. In fact, I truly feel sorry for those who conduct themselves so sophomorically, as they will never know true generosity and gratitude. I even pray that they will see the light and realize “you can catch more bees with honey than vinegar.” I hope God hears my prayers. I also hope he gives me the strength to keep my feet on the ground, so I do not lift one of them to kick some asses! I’m not Superwoman…I just look like her!

Word up...Peace Out

Tips for the Doctor

2011-04-04T23:17:00.000-04:00

I have noticed that some patients are unaware of the proper exam room etiquette while at his or her Doctor’s office. I have compiled a list of tips to help some out there be more graceful, shall we say, while at their examinations.

Weight: You are not the only one who dreads being weighed at the doctor’s office. It sucks, but trying to weigh yourself and not letting your Nurse do it will not make it better. So don’t do it! Let your Nurse weigh you. In addition, you can tell your Nurse to subtract as many pounds as you want from your weight for clothes, shoes, the lunch you just ate, etc. but it will not be done. However, if it makes you feel better to announce your deductions go right ahead. One more thing, no scale will ever give you the weight you want, so nice try on blaming the calibration of the scale.

Blood Pressure: Good blood pressure is 120/80, optimal is 110/70. First, any Nurse worth her salt will not tell you your blood pressure unless it is the blood pressure obtained…he or she does not just arbitrarily shout out numbers because it’s amusing. Second, it makes no sense to argue with your Nurse by stating your blood pressure is never as low as the number they have gotten especially when the value was in the ideal range…why would you be upset with normal blood pressure? Moreover, it is absurd to say your blood pressure is high when it is in optimal range…it’s optimal range...can’t get much better than that!

Problems: It is fine to bring a list of issues you would like to discuss with you to your appointment…a list…not a novella of every ache, pain and odd-looking poop you have ever passed. You and I both know how irritating it is to wait, wait and wait to be seen for your appointment. This can be minimized by people not saying “oh by the way, one more thing doctor” and having the one more thing turn into a vomit of medical problems.

Medications: Know your medications. Saying that you are taking everything the doctor prescribed is not an answer when asked what medications you’re taking. 9 times out of 10, you are not taking some of the medications on your chart. Do not get mad at the Nurse for going over them one by one, and don’t get angry when he or she has no idea the name or dose of the little blue pill that you take in the morning. Little tip, if you say you take a medication everyday it means you take it daily not when you remember it. If you say you take a drug as needed, it doesn’t mean you take it once a year if you have it in your house. Also, it is not considered an allergy to a medication if you say you just won’t take it because you’ve heard it’s bad, or because your friend took it and she got a rash, so you think you’ll get one too if you take the medication.

Body Care: When seeing your Doctor know you will be coming in close contact with people, and assume you are going to have every orifice checked. Strange sounding I know, but if you wash all areas, trim things and shave parts ladies won’t have to make excuses for the bushes growing on their legs and men won’t have to explain why their toe nails look like eagle talons.

In summary: Do not speak to your Nurse unless spoken to; do not say stupid things; and groom yourself. I hope you have found my tips helpful in a graceful sort of way!

Don't Feel Guilty...Feel Pleased

2011-02-28T21:07:00.000-05:00

What is a guilty pleasure? Of course, I understand the definition per Webster and I do love a good oxymoron, but I cannot comprehend the guilt in the pleasure. Think about it, if you partake in something that makes you feel delight, why should you feel badly? Moreover, if you do feel downtrodden about what you have done, then can you really say that the thing is amazing or pleasurable in the first place? I don’t know about you, but the amazements in my life are certainly not things that cause me remorse. For instance, I find it very gratifying to stuff myself with a plethora of Taco Bell bean burritos while watching reruns of Family Ties. Now some may say I should be embarrassed because I enjoy the exceptional taste of warm tortillas with cheesy goodness inside, or some may say I should be ashamed that I find sitcoms from the 80’s refreshingly simple and entertaining. However, I feel very pleased with my fast food indulgences and television show preferences. Therefore, I think the phrase guilty pleasure should be changed to glad pleasure or gladly pleasured… for those on the freaky side. The next time you tell someone in secret about some trashy television show you watch or some funky thing you do, don’t whisper…shout it out and say, you are glad for your pleasure!

Word Up...Peace Out--Susan

Light Up The Shade

2011-02-25T15:50:00.000-05:00

All women have unique and multifaceted personalities, and we have the capacity to use those traits for good, evil or to be just plan annoying. I try very hard to be respectable, but I have found that even when I am being the best me I can be, other women still get persnickety with me. Apparently, the new “term” for this is “throwing shade.” When someone else is in the spotlight or does something well, and another woman cannot handle it, for whatever reason, she “throws shade” on the other in an effort to minimize the sunlight that is shinning on someone other than her. However, some cannot stand to have others good deeds highlighted that when they try to throw the shade they end up chucking pitch-black midnight at others! It is pure insecurity. I used to feel sorry for women who lacked self-confidence…but I am uninviting myself to that pity party. Being a grown woman of 30 plus years, I find it terribly maddening when other grown or overgrown women have to act their shoe size and not their age.

This harkens back to my post “Don’t Hate Celebrate.” Almost every day, I feel the breeze of icy female disdain, because many women have been programmed to hate and not celebrate. We have to switch the channel and change this archetype. For some women who are utterly contemptuous at not being the star of the moment, I am sure “throwing shade” is progress for them. Congratulations…keep on truckin’. The bottom line is this: someone can only put you in darkness if you allow it to happen, so let the candles of genuineness and genius inside you burn so bright that others will have to wear sunglasses to look at you.

Word up…Peace Out---Susan

Set Your Inner Child Free!

2011-02-25T08:00:00.005-05:00

As I took a shower this morning, I found my mind relaxed and wandering off. As my brain rambled, my thoughts became stuck on one thing...something I used to do as a child. I held the shampoo bottle as it if was an Oscar and gave my acceptance speech. I found it very gratifying accepting the award for best actress and best score of which I wrote and sang. I of course made sure I thanked the Academy and all of the industry people who brought me to that moment. I gave a nod to my husband and God. It felt so good playing in my childhood imaginary world that I allowed myself to win an Emmy, Grammy and Tony as well. Each acceptance speech was more stunning than the last. To top it off, I made sure I was on the best-dressed list at each ceremony…Joan Rivers had nothing on me! It was the best shower I have ever had. I think I will make that my new tradition on Sundays…act like a child for 10 minutes. Maybe next week I will use the bar of soap to give my imaginary friend a call…the last time we talked she was living next door to Big Bird and on her way to a vacation at Fraggle Rock. She and I have a lot of catching up to do!

Word up, Peace out--Susan

Angels Help Us in Strange Ways

2011-02-25T08:00:00.004-05:00

So...I noticed that my mother-in-law had a few scratch off lottery tickets that she had not "done" yet. Being that I am considering petitioning the Olympic committee to add speed scratching lotto tickets to their esteemed athletic roster, I was anxious to have her rub the silver crayon type coated cards. She won a few dollars and I was ecstatic! So much so that in our travels today, I made my husband stop at a gas station so that I could buy a few myself…for some of us winning the lottery is the only chance at retirement we may have. So I scratched and I won $2! Whoo hoo! I was over the moon! Then I scoured off the varnish on the next ticket and holy mother of pearl I won again! This time I hit the jackpot...I won $100! I felt like Charlie finding the last golden ticket! I could not believe my eyes and my husband certainly did not believe me until I cashed it and flashed the cash. I felt so lucky. Then, I realized luck had nothing to do with it. I rarely wear an opal ring that belonged to my Grandmother. Not because I don't love the ring, but it only fits on my pinky finger and I am so afraid I will damage it or it will fall off. But today I was compelled to wear the ring, and I believe that my winnings were a small reminder to me that she is always with me and watching over me whether I'm wearing the jewelry or not. I am at peace knowing that I am watched over and protected by my Grandmother, a true Superwoman that I hope I can emulate.

Word Up...Peace Out--Susan

Don't Hate....Celebrate

2011-02-25T08:00:00.003-05:00

Strong women need to support each other. But how do you know if you are tough enough to do that? Ask yourself this question: when another woman gets something I want, what do I do about it? Some of you may say that you would congratulate her for her achievement. Some of you might say that you would not congratulate her because your jealousy is too overwhelming to do so. Then there are the few that will congratulate the woman, but then do everything you can behind her back to diminish her prize. What is your answer? Depending at what time of my life this question was asked of me, I would have picked each of the options at one point or another. Then I grew up. I began to understand not only the meaning of self-confidence, but also how to employ it in my heart and soul. I learned that pride is a good thing...and I am the only one that controls that pride. So now, who I am today, I celebrate the win with and for the person. I know I am not a hero and cannot win every trophy possible, but my self-esteem is not wrapped in accolades, so when I do not get one, my spirit remains intact. I’m not Superwoman…I’m just trying to look like her.

Word Up...Peace Out--Susan

Got the Bird...Don't Fly Off the Handle

2011-02-25T08:00:00.002-05:00

Do you ever feel like the world is flipping you off? Such as, you are driving and someone cuts you off then has the nerve to go at least 10 miles under the speed limit while in front of you. Perhaps you are headed to the checkout line at a store, and find the one line with only one person in it, then think, "Yes, I am awesome to find this short line that no one else has seen." Then you realize that everyone else did see the line and noticed that it is not a short line because the cashier is speedy, but because the checker is taking her time inspecting and commenting on the items on the conveyor belt. Perchance you have had a desire for an onion bagel with vegetable cream cheese and when you go to the drive through you are advised the toaster has been turned off 2 hours before closing time. Then the next time you get the craving you go back and the toaster still has not been turned on...one week later...this time in the morning.

In each of these situations, I wonder what Superwoman would do. Well, for the inconsiderate driver she would be happy she was cut off since she is a skilled driver and would not bring an accident upon the slow poke. For the cashier, she would be happy to have a moment to have a conversation with someone about nothing of importance like produce and cosmetics. And the bagel, she would be grateful that the toaster was unavailable for use, as she knows she does not need the extra calories anyway. Those are not quite the responses I would have. I would remind myself that God watches over children and fools and would take peace knowing the idiot driver would be twice blessed. The cashier, I too would hold a conversation about the air freshener or cheese that I am buying, because if I do not speak of my acquisitions I would be telling her to "stop manhandling my goods and pack ‘um wind bag!" Lastly, I did experience the bagel flip off...literally. The first time that I was told the toaster was off, I accepted it since I was at the store late and I drove away. The second time I asked if the on switch could be pressed since it apparently has not been in a week’s time. The response, "No. Would you like to try a flat bread sandwich?" To which I again drove off.

Though my actions or thoughts would not be perfect, the outcome would be the same: No car accident on the way to the grocery store; where no cashier was insulted in the line of duty, and Dunkin' Donuts saved on their electric bill. I'm not Superwoman...I'm just trying to look like her.

Word up...Peace Out--Susan

Resting in Peace

2011-02-25T08:00:00.001-05:00

Death and dying...never an easy topic to discuss, but why? I have realized that since a family friend just passed to the ever after how death can be a gift. When someone’s ailments would cause them to suffer and not have any kind of quality of life, the greatest relief is when God calls that person home. My faith tells me that our loved one will not be alone when the calling comes. I believe an Angel is there reaching out a hand to guide our loved one to see our Father. How can that be a bad? To know that when it is time we will all get to see the face of our Creator and feel the warmth of His embrace. That is the moment when we will know true peace. So for our friend, I am not shedding tears of sorrow...they are tears of joy that he is relieved...he is free...he is home. Dance your jig dear Boyd...dance away!

--Susan

When You Don't Feel Well...Pretend You Do

2011-02-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

So...I had a Hysterectomy. Whoopee! I told my OBGYN the "lady" problems I was having, what I wanted to do about it, and after 5 minutes of conversation I was scheduled for the surgery. The surgery was simple: 3 holes in my abdomen/pelvis area, a little CO2 in the abdominal cavity, some manipulation of funky tools and poof...uterus gone! Then an easy recuperation. Physical recovery about 2 weeks...emotional recovery...well that was never discussed. I was the one who wanted to get the useless, painful organ ripped from my body asap, so what's my problem? Hormones I thought. Nothing a little increase in the Prozac won't help, but it didn't do the trick. Add in a little more caffeine and that will keep me chemically energized. It did, but after my work day ended the feelings came back. "Crap" I said, "now I have to actually face these emotions and deal with them." Since I'm not Superwoman I can't just get over the sense of loss and feelings of needing to cry a river for no real cause. Therefore, I'm going to fake it 'til I make it so to speak. I shed my tears, freaked out and now I'm ready to sell my stock in Kleenex and keep a smile on my face. Even when I want to bawl like a baby because I'm one body part light...I'm going to smile instead! I'm not Superwoman....I'll just look like her.

Word up...Peace Out--Susan