Imaginary Figments

Premonitions of the Heart...

2010-04-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

After about three hours of driving, the same feeling of restlessness re-emerged. The rain had stopped, and the crescent moon wasn’t the same… it had become pale and dim. I started to focus on the road ahead. But a familiar distorted voice kept reverberating at the back of my head… different sounds concocted into an undecipherable melee. Eventually I realized that everywhere the light from the headlight of the car fell, it formed the same old oddly familiar shadows… A child holding the finger of a man and walking… the child tightly clinging on to the man… promising deep inside that he would never let him go…

“No… These are nothing but figments of my imagination…” I told myself, “There is no logical explanation to all these”. But the human mind is fragile… It believes everything its subconscious induces it to believe.

I was still half an hour away. My pessimism had finally taken its toll. The engine spluttered and died down, and refused to start. Just my luck. I got out of the car and started walking in the direction of my destination. I turned back and looked for the last time at the goddamn car at the distance… fading away into the darkness. Just then, a patch of light appeared at the horizon. A motorist. Since my destination was only a few miles away and he was going in the same direction, he agreed to give me a lift.

The sound of sirens nauseated me. The farmhouse wasn’t the same- peaceful, tranquil. Ambulances and police vehicles painted the ambience in red and blue. A stretcher carrying someone was being lifted into an ambulance. Then I realized that my every superstition, however weird they seemed to be, weren’t without cause…

It was my father.

The Touch Of Eternity

2009-08-05T09:32:00.000-07:00

It was just a touch- a faint innocent touch which empowered me
To break the bounds of solitude which pained me every moment, and touch the sky
Just a mild lone touch- a truly unexpected touch which stupefied me
Out of my loneliness that was ever prevalent, and made me fly so high

Gone was the distracting commotion, and I delved into the outer realms
Gone was my blasphemous outlook, and a divine new aura engulfed me
Intermittent mirages flashing apparitions of a life without problems
Came into existence, leaving behind sweet refrains that would forever be

Sudden pangs of separation emerged from beyond the horizons of my euphoria
As soon as it departed, leaving behind lingering shadows of its presence
It overwhelmed me with inexplicable intricably concocted perpetuated symptoms of insomnia
And broke the conspicuous impenetrable facade over my inner self, insinuating me into delusions

Then came the imminent imperative which hovered above the zenith of my perception
Was it the beginning? Or the end? Or the beginning of the end that would forever be?
Abstract, awry figments of imagination filled up my mind with misleading conclusions
25th September 2007- on that eventful day, I finally realized that I felt the touch of eternity...

Heliocentric Dreams

2009-08-05T09:19:00.000-07:00

Defying the evident reality
Daring to dream beyond possibilities
Sincerely hoping to attain alchemy
In every field devoid of negativities

Clinging on to the ruthless hand of the clock
As it ticks on, towards a bright future?
Not swaying against odds, firm like a rock
Shunning false delight, and momentary pleasures

Radically opposing all thoughts of failure
Conjuring up dreams from the ashes of pain
Reaffirming faith and abiding by procedures
To re-ignite belief, and to make it remain

The driving motive behind all actions
Seems to combine with the heart and soul
The magnanimity of the slowly realizing satisfaction
Tends to eradicate the long distant void as a whole...

My last days...

2009-07-31T22:33:00.000-07:00

Tugging away at the intangible threads of my sanity, my emotions run haywire. “The time has come…” whispers the barely audible voice deep down my conscience. Trying to keep my thoughts from running amok, I try to gather what went wrong, that left me in such a turmoil, by slowly reassessing the paraphernalia of events… events that hound me till date, a mystic concoction of occurrences that are for long renegade.
As if experiencing a séance, my mind gets transferred back to 2007… Momentary intermittent flashes of the past conjure up a scene… which I soon realize I have no control over. “You want to know how it all started, don’t you?", it was the same voice again “It was YOU all along…Blind to the poignance of reality…blissfully imagining everything to be starry and bright…until reality slapped you in the face and made you realize that everything comes for a price…either you pay the price, or lose what you desire the most in the world…someone you cant live without…”
The year 2007. Everything else seems to have taken a backseat… A familiar figure on the board is trying to explain to us the tetracovalency of carbon. Random words like ‘bond’, ‘hybridization’, ‘electronegative’ float around in the air, and almost instantly I realize that I’m in a mess. I wish I had studied. Suddenly, I could see it all- The humiliations faced, the disillusions, the mistakes committed, and yet the infinite zeal to win someone’s heart…somehow.
The year 2008. 10th January 2008. The most significant day of my entire life. If I’m anything at all today, it would be just because of that day. I fondly remember my state back then- high on the spirits of euphoria… sincerely believing that nothing can go wrong. And that condition prevailed till date…till April 2009… But God had other plans.“I’m leaving…”“But…when…how…where?” “Away. I’m leaving this goddamn place”“When will you return?”“Never. I hate this place from the deepest core of my heart”“You wont return? Not even for me?”“No... wait…please don’t cry”“Even for me???...you wont come back for me…[*Sniff*]?”“I wont come back FOR you… I will come back, only to take you along”
Suddenly, everything went blank. It was the omnipresent voice again. “Isn’t it very common, that you find yourself wide awake, staring at the ceiling, with numbness setting in? It all started when the Cupid’s Arrow struck you…your grades degraded, the demarcation between morning, noon and night faded…all because you could not get the affection you were seeking. But eventually, when Lady Luck did shine upon you, you achieved what you desired…but you failed to realize an inconspicuous but undeniable fact- You had to leave the State. Everybody does. Flowers begin with petals, but end with thorns… Now there’s only one thing to do. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE”
Now everything became clear to me. The time was nearing. The anxiety of separation was building up within me. Emotions tend to rule out logic… ‘reasoning’ becomes an alien word. No amout of consolation or inspiring hopes can eradicate or nullify the pangs of separation. The pain becomes a part of you. I could feel the voice still vibrating inside me… Desperate to break free…“Fine,” I told myself “I’ll live MY OWN LIFE”… The vibration stopped. “I’ll live my own life FOR HER…”