Imperfect Scrawls

Cyber Love

2014-06-30T02:42:00.001+08:00

You beeped "Hi" and my "Hello" shifted from sappy jokes to maudlin visions of romance.

I hate cheesy conversations but ours just tickled my walled and calloused heart.

I asked for the truth but you chose to deceive me.

I soared into cloud nine but you pulled me down with your lie.

Your avowals drowned me but your melancholic past breathed air into my choking heart.

And I gave you that second chance we both deserve. I can't help it, I have affinity for the broken.

Maybe because I see a part of me in you that was never loved, trying to fit in and hungry for home.

I decided to love you despite it all and when I saw your imperfections, I have loved you even more.

It was a choice up to now I'm elated to have made.

Even though you are someone from the other side of my monitor, I have learned to love you.

I love you not because our dirty talks aroused me but because your intelligence is sexy.

I love you not because you have wits but because your silly jokes make me genuinely laugh.

It seems like I have known you my entire life and we agree on almost anything.

I love to hear your voice and pixelated face at night.

I love how your voice sounds, so boyish and sweet although it cracks sometimes due to crappy connections.

I love the way you sweep off your bangs and how you grin although at times it freezes.

I love you not because of the superficial things you can offer me.

But it's because of the admirable traits you don't know you have.

And finally, when I saw, held and kissed you that night, I just knew it was you.

To me you are amazing. I wonder why some people can't see that but I guess that's their problem, not yours.

I am glad my impulsive typing on the keyboard turned a simple Hi into quixotic I love yous and a promise of forever.

I love you my cyber love and I'm looking forward to our infinity.

Reverie

2014-05-24T02:29:00.000+08:00

Thoughts are in disarray like this chaotic head of mine. I want them organized, put them into writing and transform them into a poem so sublime it'll make you envisage that it's all about you. Yet you keep running in my head, round and round. You make me forget the words but I'd trade those thousand words just to see your silhouette. Your visage radiates in my head it blinds me but in a good way. Don't you ever get tired? I don't think so because I won't let you. I want you there. No, I love you in there even if it meant sleepless nights. You wake me up in the wee hours and it seems prevalent these past months. You are my first thought. I wake up because of you. It's always you. I love you and I never want to end this euphoria, not today, not in forever. The fire you kindled in my heart is always burning, walloping. I wish you could see it, feel it.

I love you and I miss you. Everyday. Believe me when I say I do.

Share My Sunrise

2014-02-06T16:19:00.001+08:00

The winter chill of this Arabian desert is piercing me from skin to bones.

I can't wait for the sun to rise.

I can't wait for it to envelope this cold and foggy morning with it's warmth and glow.

How it scares the shadows wrapping the small mosque not far from me is truly picturesque.

How it makes the tips of the dates' leaves sparkly is captivating.

My view here is magnificent as I wait for the tots to come.

I wish you're here with me, sharing this breathtaking moment together.

I hope one day we could have memories of watching the sun rise and seeing the world wake up with only our synced heartbeats as melody.

Maybe one day I can finally whisper I love you while we stand hand in hand under the blue and tangerine sky.

Remembering 2013!

2014-01-02T21:36:00.001+08:00

A happy new year!

It's been a long while since the last time I visited and posted something on this blog. I was occupied with work, friends and family, making goals and fulfilling some of my dreams. I'm glad to be back!

The 2013 was very dramatic for many of us especially to many of my countrymen who were devastated by the supertyphoon Haiyan. My heart goes to them and with that I realized that many of us are fortunate to be able to make it to another day. We all had our share of ups and downs and 2013 for me was more of making major decisions in life.

I finally decided to let go and forgive those who have hurt me and done me wrong. I'm glad I did because it would've been a waste of great memories and precious times if I hadn't done so. It's a nice feeling to finally able to move on and let go of the bad experiences of the past. :-)

When 2013 commenced, I decided to make some of my plans into actions. However, I got a bit hesitant to start because of the risks. After many contemplations, I decided to try. I started makig things happen and checked some of the items on my bucketlists. I quit my job that I kinda like. It was a battle fought hard and when I thought I was losing, there's always this Hand that always told me to not stop.

2014 is a new year and a new challenge. My motto is to think positive and let the flow of life take me to where I want to go. Cheers!

Of Hospital and boredom

2013-02-08T14:36:00.001+08:00

I watch a maelstrom of medical professionals and patients walk past by me. With age and probably my inadequate care for myself has led me to this hospital twice in two months. Nothing serious though. I'm just taking advantage of the healthcare benefit provided by the company I'm working for. Why am I writing this? I'm not used to going to hospitals and I'm just plain bored waiting for my X-ray results.

Quarter Life Crisis

2013-01-16T09:09:00.000+08:00

The year 2012 was another year of fulfilling dreams, changes, heartaches, realizations, moving forwards, independencies and having fun at the same time. Well, at least for me. It was my silver year and although I consider 25 to be still a young age, I admit I'm alarmed at times thinking about what's ahead of me. Yes, I really had a great time and am still enjoying the life and opportunities being offered as a single and young woman but there's a nagging feeling in me of what would it be after all these? I guess this kind of feeling is normal at this stage since many of my peers have started to settle down already. However, this doesn’t mean I want to get married soon. What I'm feeling is about establishing a good and well-off life for the future. This is probably one of life's crisis that we need to face. Quarter life crisis lang ang drama? Maybe. So to keep me a happy bee, I will enjoy life as it is and at the same time start setting long term goals and take them seriously. *wink

A Week With Family

2012-12-01T22:31:00.000+08:00

My sister and I had been waiting for November to come because it meant seeing mom and our younger brother. For sis, it had been over two years since she last saw them. The week before their arrival, we were pretty excited and had to decline a few social invitations.

I'd trade a 1 week all expense-paid trip to Italy just to spend a day with my family whom I haven't seen for months or years and I know many would do the same. weh? ;-P

Moi, brother and Mom.

Sis and Mom

Moi and Brotha

We spent the days roaming the metro, splurging a little and more quality time. The week spent with them was one of the happiest. ♥

“I sustain myself with the love of family.”
― Maya Angelou

*photos taken using my phone

Explore. Dream. Discover.

2012-11-24T17:57:00.000+08:00

It was quarter past 7pm. Everybody was scurrying, the usual hubbub. A faint breeze fanned our faces as we walked towards the bus stop. Small beads of sweat formed my forehead. That bustling evening was extremely humid. He puffed a smoke as we waited for his old friend. We were both giddy, we knew that we can almost taste the one thing that we were dreamin' of. After a couple of puffs from the cigarette he was hitting, the wait was over. We took a cab and went southwest. Where we're headed was unfamiliar but that didn’t rub the excitement we felt. Three songs had finished when we took a stop…

A part of my favorite quote by Mark Twain.

…and under a starless black sky of November 20th, I finally got inked.

I need space

2012-06-18T16:44:00.002+08:00

These past few weeks had been fun but at the same time extremely exhausting. Rainy season is here but it's still hot as hell everytime Mr. Sunshine says hello. Life here at my small space is not what it's supposed to be and I'm not a happy camper anymore. I'm looking for a new place and these are the pictures that keeps coming back to my mind everytime I think about it.

But seriously, I just need a space where there is solitude and comfort. After spending days, money and effort, I finally found one. A bit expensive for what it's worth but it'll be fine. I'll be moving in next month and hopefully, everything will turn out great for me. I'm crossing my fingers.

The Wanderer

2012-05-20T14:57:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've been thinking about riding a bus, getting on a train, a plane or simply walking down on an unfamiliar street in a totally strange land. I can feel that the wanderer in me is itching again to go someplace and explore a whole new world. I'm mulling about leaving the same work environment where I am in for the past 4 years of my life and live like a nomad. But I know that's something that I should think over and over again before making that final and huge decision of where I should be. A friend once said that once you experience being in the BPO industry, there's no turning back. Yes that can be true especially when you're being paid more than the usual rate. But I know I'm the only one who can make that final call especially when we're talking about my happiness. Why am I writing this? Maybe I'm just tired of doing the same routine 5 days a week or maybe I'm not just happy with what my current work has to offer. I don't know but one thing's for certain, I crave for adventure and new experience and yes this is one of the major reasons why I keep on moving from one place to another. When I was younger, I said that I want to be in a corporate world and wear those uncomfortable suits. It felt so perfect back then but now I feel unsure about it anymore. Maybe I can do both, work in a corporate world and at the same time be a spontaneous traveler. Maybe do the same thing as what Sarah Jessica Parker does in the movie "I Don't Know How She Does It" or perhaps become a travel writer. Maybe I can also do what one of my favorite local travel blogger does. Work online and travel to places where I want to go. I can be very indecisive and maybe this is one of those times which is brought about my being bored at work. I shouldn't be complaining about my current job because I'm more than blessed enough but I hope there's more to it than this. If things don’t go my way, then at least God, make me love my work and the environment where I am in right now.

Summer Fun

2012-05-18T14:21:00.001+08:00

Summer heat should not be the reason not to have fun.

Spent the last part of summer with hometown friends. Of course, pig-outs, long talks and laughs are all part of the fun. Long time friend Raiza and her BFF finally decided to take a risk in the big city. With all those efforts of finding jobs, new place to stay and all the things in between, I'm hoping that success will soon come their way.

The company's annual Sportsfest was fun. It was a big break from all the stress at work and we all knew that we had a great time.

Whether it be expensive fastfood chain or really cheap food house just outside the office, it's time to treat ourselves. Had fun eating out and talking with office-mates.

The Greatest Job in The World

2012-05-13T22:06:00.006+08:00

A lot of people say that the best job in the word is being a mom. You get no monetary gains but you can have all the happiness and joy that you can have without paying a single dime. I'm not a mother myself but I know that this is true. I can attest to it because I have a lot of friends who are moms and I can see the glowing happiness in their eyes as they tell stories of their kids. Most of all, I have experienced that great motherly love in the arms of my mom.

This special day I just want to say Happy Mother's day to my Mom and to all the mother's out there!

Happy Birthday Ding!

2012-05-09T08:00:00.000+08:00

My sister's celebrating another year and I hope she'll have a blast! I haven't seen her for years and we sorely miss her. (cheesenaks!) My brother and I call her Manding because my parents say that it's a Filipino tag used by younger siblings as a sign of respect to their 2nd older siblings similar to Ate and Kuya. Manding may often times not be the wisest when it comes to making decisions but definitely she's the most caring, kindest and compassionate sibling I've known. Yeehaw!

Sissy and I way back.

I miss her crazy and lunatic antics. I don't know when I'm going to see Manding again but hopefully sooon. I am wishing you all the best in life and may you have all your heart's desire!

What's currently happening?

2012-05-04T10:08:00.002+08:00

For the past few months, I've been complaining how hot it is and yes, it still is hot as hell where I am at right now. I'm suffering from cough and cold due to this extreme weather and hopefully it will subside soon. But lately there are signs of rain already since summer's going to end in a couple of weeks. I don't know if that is something I should look forward to or not because when it rains here, it rains hard. Since summer's going to say farewell soon, I've bought a cheap voucher online for an end-of-summer getaway to hundred islands, Pangasinan. I'm not saying anything yet but I hope it all goes well.

I've been telling myself to save since the beginning of year however I am really failing. But I am saying no to negativity because every second is a time to get up and everyday's a fresh new start. I'm not raising the white flag and I'm going to save, save, save!

Everybody's noticing that I am gaining weight and I know they're telling the truth. Alarming!!! I know since the beginning of time that I can't resist the power of food that's why I'd been hitting the gym, jogging or doing cardio exercises. I've got enough time yet I don't know why I'd stopped going to the gym. I really need to do something about this. Therefore, I am saying hello again to gym next next week. :-)

House-life is troubling me lately. As I've indicated before, I'm renting a small space with a roommate. I've got no problem of having a roommate but I wish I'd been lucky enough to have a considerate one. If she reads this,well Hello! This roommate have asked me a favor to have her sibling stay for a month without paying extra before they move in to a new apartment. I took her word and not the slightest bit of hesitation on my part because I have a family too and I understand how Pinoys are so family-oriented. But I never thought that with that favor, she would be tagging misery along with her. When we started living together in one roof, I've noticed her being 10x slobber than I. I took that for granted because that's too shallow of me to think about. But what I can't stand is how her laptop's speaker is set to the highest volume. I've bought headsets for my own because I'm thinking that loud noises would disturb her and our neighboring rooms. Unfortunately, we're not on the same mindset. When her sister came, my slowly deteriorating peace has finally turned to chaos because the noise they create had doubled up. Not only that, I feel like I'm being deprive of space and things I paid for. If she can't pay for an extra head, I would gladly appreciate sensitivity and consideration as a fair enough share. If she can't even afford that, well then, let hell come loose! I'm not the type who wants to be stepped down especially when I know that I have all the rights to complain. I'm not saying anything yet to her because she's an educated woman and I believe that educated people don't need to be told. I know her sibling's stay will take longer than a month and if nothing changes after giving her hints that I'm not comfortable with all these stuff anymore, then it's time to drop the bomb and I don't care if it'll hurt her or not. I'm hoping things will get better really soon because I don't want any trouble.

I'm hoping for a better and happier days ahead. ☺

Sweltering Hot!

2012-04-26T12:37:00.000+08:00

These days, umbrella, water bottles, fan, AC, and etc are my best weapons to beat the heat. Even late at night when the sun is down, the heat is causing a lot of us some sleepless nights. Look at the temperature:

Yesterday was even hotter at 36.3 degrees Celsius. Darn! Now I'm hoping for rain to come on this drought.

It's officially summer so let's keep it cool!

Movie Date

2012-04-13T18:11:00.003+08:00

Movie watching is an entertainment, a great way to kill time and just like reading, this activity is one of the best ways to learn something new. Since the creation of film-making, movies have brought and they continually impart stories that make us laugh, cry and brings in different kinds of emotion as if we're part of the movie itself.

My 5 Best Movies

Forrest Gump

Starring: Tom Hanks

Directed by: Robert Zemeckis

Genre: Comedy-romance, drama

Forrest Gump: My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

Mrs. Gump: You have to do the best with what God gave you.

Apocalypto

Starring: Rudy Youngblood

Directed by: Mel Gibson

Genre: Action-adventure

Flint Sky: Fear is a sickness. It will crawl into the soul of anyone who engages it.

Jaguar Paw: We must go to the forest. To seek a new beginning. Come, Turtles Run..

The Reader

Starring: Kate Winslet, Ralph Fiennes, David Kross

Directed by: Stephen Daldry

Genre: Drama

Professor Rohl: Societies think they operate by something called morality, but they don't. They operate by something called law.

Michael: I'm not frightened of anything. The more I suffer, the more I love. Danger will only increase my love. It will sharpen it, forgive its vice.

Shutter Island

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio

Directed by: Martin Scorsese

Genre: Psychological thriller

Teddy Daniels: Which would be worse? To live as a monster or die as a good man?

The Green Mile

Starring: Tom Hanks, Michael Clarke Duncan

Directed by: Frank Darabont

Genre: Drama

John Coffey: He killed them with their love. That's how it is everyday all over the world.

Paul Edgecomb: We each owe death. There are no exceptions. But, Oh God, sometimes the Green Mile seems so long.

Old Paul Edgecomb: I guess sometimes the past just catches with you, whether you want it or not.

These movies are mind-bogglers and captured the attention of their audiences. Definitely a must-watch!

Stereotyped

2012-04-12T05:15:00.000+08:00

Drive, motivation where are you? I once had you but you're gone. Time's fleeting and there could be no other time to have you both but now. You always cast that light, spark and color in every dark and dull corners of the corporate world. Come and take me away from this unhappy and routine-oriented pit hole that I am in right now. Or perhaps transform it from a mundane to a competitive , professionally goal-driven and blissful paradise. If not, at least make it a haven of money trees where I can see it overflowing with my fruits of labor and not a labyrinth where scams, deceptions and lies thrive or rot.

-confessions of an unhappy and bummed employee

Shepherd, I Thank You

2012-04-03T08:22:00.003+08:00

I grew up in an environment that recognizes the significance of Holy Week. My kin's not a band of Saints nor a group of religiously perfect believers. However, everytime this special week comes we're always expected to follow certain Filipino traditions and be the best sheep that we can be. This is one of the best times to contemplate or remember the sacrifices of the great Shepherd, of how He sacrificed His life to save and protect us from eternal damnation. My initial thought in writing this post was to thank someone I know like my mom, my whole family or a friend. But as the thoughts continue to flow and words started to spin, I realized that without the sacrifices and love of our meek, kind and humble Shepherd, we wouldn't be here thanking the people that we love. Therefore, this post is for the only begotten son, Jesus. He did change my life. How about yours?

I Thank Him.

March Madness

2012-03-25T17:56:00.002+08:00

My social meter for this month is higher than usual. I've got the opportunity to re-meet, talk, eat and have fun with amazingly wonderful people.

After many months of not seeing and talking with each other, I finally met up with my BIG (literally :-D) sister. Ate dropped by in town for work and to make the most of her visit, we met up and had sisterly bonding (cheesy).

Bilbil and katabaan moments with Ate!

Also, I got to see my old highschool friends and schoolmates again after 8 long years. We got to reminisce about the past when days were young and innocent, talk about our lives after highschool, share stories and news about what's currently happening and just say anything stupid.

Chikahan and takaw moments.

There had been a lot of changes at work. I'd been from phone to chat to phone to chat and now back to phone support. This means that I was transferred from one team to another.It was totally crazy.

Meet my new teammates.

Not only was I able to chitchat with people physically but also virtually. With technology, communication is a whole lot better bridging the distance between family and friends. March 2012 is a pig-out and socially active month.

A Filipino Movie

2012-03-19T18:01:00.002+08:00

I'm not the greatest patronizer of Filipino movies and it has been quite a long time since the last time I saw one. When I checked the latest in the film industry, one Filipino movie caught my eye probably because old and vintage tickle my interest. In addition, it's a drama-horror film with a different kind of twist.

*I don't own this photo

I love how the visuals were presented, how the characters were portrayed and how the plot was nicely done. I know there could be better movies than this but I like it and it's the kind of movie that made me ponder after watching it. Plus, it was a movie treat from a friend!

Staying Strong

2012-03-07T17:57:00.001+08:00

There are times that we would undergo some kind of emotional turmoil, times of dips instead of dives. However, if we take it positively, it would made us come to our senses that there is an oasis waiting at the end of this long desert road. We must not forget that the power of the Ever Omniscient is always there constantly reminding us that things happen for a reason, a better reason. I have known and seen people who have experienced emotional downfall. Those who stood up strong have indeed become a better person. They showed the world a kind of attitude, talent and skills that I never thought they possess. It is true indeed that what hurt us wouldn't kill us but would make us stronger. So if you're feeling down and think that it's the end of everything, think about the happy times, the people who's always there for you. Most of all, think about yourself. You have already reached this far. Don't let one ungrateful experience ruin the million achievements that you had and will have. Pick yourself up and let the world know that you're still alive and kicking.

First Stop?

2012-03-07T08:06:00.003+08:00

I finally got my hands on this little brown book. The question is:

When and where is my first stop?

Love Month

2012-02-29T05:45:00.006+08:00

I wonder why people are so ecstatically inlove everytime February comes when every month can be a love month. There should be no special month to love because love can sweep us off our feet anytime of the day unexpectedly. However, that Valentine fever was fun. A lot of people seemed so happy, glowing with love and so eager to tell their love stories. Anyway, this month's a stressful month for me at work and I barely had enough sleep due to a crazy shifting schedule. More self discovery as well and travel plans in mind. Speaking of travel plans, I can finally go home middle of this year and something I really look forward to. Yey! This year, I hope to go to places I've never been to. Starting off, Laguna.

After tackling a lot of stressful things at work lately, it's refreshing to unwind, relax and have a great laugh.

*From Makati,Metro Manila, it would take around an hour or two to reach the province of Laguna including light traffic. There are public buses around Quezon City that one can take but we opted to rent a van for convenience. Upon reaching the vicinity, you can already see the beautiful Mount Makiling towering the town. Laguna is known not only as the birthplace of the Philippine's National Hero but also for its hotspring resorts. In Pansol, Calamba City where we are headed, I noticed that streets were narrow. Since Calamba City is known as the resort capital of the Philippines, you will be overwhelmed with so many private resort choices once you're there. The trend is, you will rent the whole resort so that you and your family or friends can have fun and dip in the water privately. All you have to do is pay for the place which includes a pool, rooms, kitchen, recreation area, etc. Food? You need to bring your own food and beverages and cook your own dish.This is great for group or family outings, teambuildings and anything of that sort.

It's a leap year and my 2nd year on Blogger! Cheers! To celebrate, I've changed the look of my blog to a simple yet elegant-looking theme. I'm loving it and more years to come for my blogs.

I'm just happy today because I woke up from a long slumber of deception. I realized that I've been chasing the wrong things when I should be letting the right things catch me. Now everything's perfectly clear to me and thanks for the experience, I've learned something new. More great things to come and I'll just enjoy life wherever it leads me. ☺

Bading Goodbye

2012-02-07T18:08:00.003+08:00

The rain is about to pour and a light breeze is blowing making the leaves fall and flutter to the ground. It seems like the weather and I is one. It is sympathizing, expressing the feelings I can't show. The darkness is slowly crawling its way out, consuming the light and I know anytime today the sky will cry. The streets were lonely and empty when I passed by except for the random vehicles and civilians passing by. I heard muffled voices inside those brick homes. I traversed with my normal walk feeling a little heavy inside. No, I was and I'm still feeling heavy. I am back at this lonely place where all I can see are the four, paint-peeling walls. But nothing is lonelier than what I am feeling right now and perhaps I am the loneliest being on the planet. My heart's crying inside and it's sore. I want to cry and I wish my eyes are welling with tears but there is no more to pour. I'll just let the sky cry for me. Let it flood until all these hurt are washed away. I wish I could do more than just sulk but what good will it do? It wouldn’t change the fact that you're going to fulfill your dreams somewhere and you're taking all my dreams away because you are everything I dreamed for. I wish we are actors in a movie where I can say "stay" and you'd say "I will." But this is reality and a lot of non-fiction stories do not have happy endings. Maybe in time I can say goodbye but not now.

Changes

2012-01-31T19:39:00.002+08:00

I looked at the date and just realized that it's already the second month of the year. When you are occupied, time really ticks fast. Fortunately, it wasn’t a wasted time. Walking down memory lane, I can see that January was indeed the beginning of change for me this year.

Career wise, I decided to move to chat support. Though I'm back to taking calls for the past two weeks, I know that I'm already a part of a different team and work routine. Maybe I'm just so fed up of taking calls, that I want to try something new and something different from what I'm currently doing. This career change also means acquiring a new skill which is a good addition to my resume and an improvement to my professional marketability.

For the last 3 years, I have been planning to get my passport but due to laziness and probably unwillingness, I wasn’t able to process it. What's the use of planning when there is no action? But after 3 years of planning, I finally made a move to process it through online appointment. After setting the appointment, I went to DFA all by myself in this unfamiliar place. Gladly, it didn’t take a whole day to process it and in a few days time, I will be able to get my hands on that little brown book which is my primary ticket to tour the world.

When it comes to health, I've been going to the gym and have been doing a one hour jogging regularly. I've been meaning to do these last year and told myself that I should really do it this year. It's not only about losing weight but it's also about being more conscious to my health especially that my line of work is prone to illnesses.

It might sound superficial to include physical change but physical appearance is also a factor that can make or break a person's confidence and outlook towards life. This year, instead of going straight, I opted to go for dyed curly locks. Hair is our crowning glory and when we change our do, it really makes a huge difference on how we look. I like it and so does a lot of people.

Change of Attitude? Well, I've been telling myself lately to refrain from seeing the bad side of people. I'm always reminding myself that one mistake is not enough to forget their good side. I'm also pushing myself to become emotionally stronger because I think that there is no point lingering on something that will only bring us hurt. Thus, I told myself to always move on and know that there is a rainbow after the rain.

I have always been open to changes and new ideas . This year, I am widening my doors for better changes and greater ideas and opportunities. I am looking forward to experience something new and different.