The first print I want to share with you is super hip! This print features the geographic coordinates of your city and your partner’s city. You can pick your own colors and the final product is a 12×12 print with a black or white frame. Purchase it here for $45.

City Coordinates Print by DefineDesign11 on Etsy

This long distance relationship art print is so elegant.  You can pick your own colors to make a personalized 8×10 print. Purchase it here for $20. There are options upgrade the size of the print if you wanted something larger.

LDR Art Print by GoodNightOwlDesigns on Etsy

This one is sold as a travel poster, but it works perfectly for people in domestic (USA) LDRs. It’s a fully customizable 11×14 print.  Purchase it here for $25.

Travel Print PaperFinchDesign on Etsy

Finally, this custom art print for is perfect those of you in international LDRs. I love maps and though this 11×14 print was especially pretty. Purchase it here for $28

LDR Map Print by breedingfancy on Etsy

There you have it–four beautiful prints representing your relationship that aren’t too “lovey dovey”, making them perfect decor pieces.  Do you have any art on your walls that represents your relationship?

As someone who’s in an LDR and who lives on the opposite side of the world of her family, I’m begging you to think on this.

When we fall in love with someone who is far away, it sometimes feels like both the impossible, and the most exhilarating mountain to climb all rolled into one. On one hand, there are the incredible lows of missing one another, of not getting to touch, kiss or simply be together. On the other hand, there is the intense high of that precious one to four weeks together. The time spent travelling together, learning about each other’s lives. Of being a privileged insider into your loved one’s innermost workings and being.

And we plan, sometimes impossibly, a life together, one filled with laundry, daily arguing, and deciding on the best meals for dinner.

I don’t think there’s anything which brings out a relationship’s needs faster than an LDR. It requires all the skill of communication that takes many people years to develop even when living together. It requires patience, love, and understanding.

And it also includes knowing what is important to you, and what is flexible.

After a point, perhaps with all the planning, you may wonder if all the work to close the distance is worth it. And you know what? That’s a valuable question. Don’t shortchange it.

What IS valuable to you? What makes that person you want to live with forever worth it.

I can feel the eye-rolling from here. Bear with me. What makes it worthwhile to you, to give up everything in your country, which can include anything from favorite foods to beloved family/friends?

Some people say love is unselfish. I disagree. It requires looking at what is selfish to us, and knowing if we can work within our limitations. It’s NOT selfish to be close to your family, and need to stay and ask them to move, or to ask for a compromise. Being in love doesn’t mean you HAVE to sacrifice everything that’s important to you.

It’s about priorities. And thinking about your future as you want it, regardless of others. And knowing that there are some things you can handle, and some you can’t.

And as always, a sense of adventure, because having an international love is an adventure all of its own.

Don’t be afraid to have standards for what you can and cannot stand. Don’t be ashamed to say “this is enough, and it needs to change.” And never, ever be ashamed to be who you are. Because in the end, that’s all you have. And all your partner has as well.

And any love that grows within two people’s competing needs is truly special indeed. And that is why an LDR is even more precious than words can describe – because despite all of those needs, wants, and more, it survives.

Love long and prosper, my friends.

Marisol Dunham has been a freelance writer since 2007, and now lives with her once long-distance boyfriend in Australia. An American wandering the bush, she writes about her life and writing ventures on her blog at http://www.madunham.com/. You can find her on Twitter at @maridunham.

Something she said struck deep, resonating with me, and something I’m sure so many of us who’ve moved realize as well. Talking about the relation of homesickness and nostalgia, she says:

“…Increasingly people discover that they really can’t go home again and that’s kind of the basis of our modern sense of nostalgia.  I think technology had a lot to do with that when you could take the steamship home and go to your village and realize that it had changed during your absence, or you had changed during your absence…or taken the Transcontinental Railroad home and see that your little town in Massachusetts wasn’t what you remembered.  People realized they couldn’t go home again and that became this new sense of nostalgia that what people are longing for today is a lost past and home is located somewhere in that past, but it’s irretrievable.  In contrast, the homesick want a lost place that they can go back to, it’s only a gulf of geography that separates them, whereas the nostalgic is separated by a gulf of time.” ~Susan J. Matt, To The Best of Our Knowledge interview

Deep inside, I knew that once I left home, it would never be the home I remembered. I experienced this when I left for college; upon returning for Thanksgiving, I was struck by how different things were.

Despite my homesickness, part of what I missed was something that could never be retrieved—the inevitable flow of time had worn away at the ways of my childhood home. Although the people I love and the places I held dear remained, I already knew there was no going back to the place I remembered.

And yet, knowing things will change, regardless of whether we’re there or not, is almost welcome. Life for everyone we know doesn’t stop when we leave, or remain frozen until we return. Life continues, and we don’t have to be afraid to miss it, since we’re experiencing it ourselves.

Even if it isn’t in our old beloved haunts.

Marisol Dunham has been a freelance writer since 2007, and now lives with her once long-distance boyfriend in Australia. An American wandering the bush, she writes about her life and writing ventures on her blog at http://www.madunham.com/. You can find her on Twitter at @maridunham.

1) Sometimes, the simplest things will REALLY get to you.

After being here a year, I still manage to forget that life here doesn’t run the same way it does back in the States. When having to pick up a prescription refill, I discovered they don’t store my information at the pharmacy (called the chemist here), and I had to bring in the paper prescription every time I refilled. No one had told me this the first time, and I was fairly certain I’d thrown it away with the bag three months ago.

To add to this, getting the prescription refilled required getting a doctor’s visit, which takes about three weeks where I live due to a shortage of doctors.

Luckily, it turned out I kept the information since they’d switched me to a medication, but it was a forcible reminder of how one cannot assume with any interaction.

2) Homesickness doesn’t go away, but you adjust.

There are some days where I feel like jumping on the first plane home. Not because of any particular difficulty, but because my family and friends in the states are amazing, and I miss them terribly.

The funny thing is, if I were to leave here, there are plenty of friends and family I’d miss here, too. And planning something with them keeps the homesickness away.

3) You aren’t who you were a year ago.

Every experience you’ve had, good and bad, will be with you forever. You’ll learn life lessons, some of them going deeper and cutting harder because of the unfamiliar surroundings.

Then one day, you’ll be going through town and nothing will seem odd. The buildings are the same old, the scents familiar, the people ones you’ve seen elsewhere.

And then, it hits. This place has become home. A place filled with problems and benefits, annoyances and joys. Maybe it wasn’t what you expected, but it’s okay.

So, was the year wasted? Not in my case. How about yours?

Marisol Dunham has been a freelance writer since 2007, and now lives with her once long-distance boyfriend in Australia. An American wandering the bush, she writes about her life and writing ventures on her blog at http://www.madunham.com/. You can find her on Twitter at @maridunham.

Crazy jealousy nearly ruined my relationship.  I’m married now, but my husband went through a period that almost tore us apart.  I was jealous of every woman in the world at that point.  He could hardly even talk about his mother without me getting jealous!  I’m ashamed to admit it ever happened–I’ve practically blocked that time period out of my head. If I was able to overcome such strong feelings of jealousy, you can too.

How to overcome feelings of jealousy

Talk about it.  It might seem awkward to say “Hey, I’m jealous of _____. Can we talk about it?”, but it’s a lot better than the accusations and sessions of questioning that usually come with jealousy.

Keep yourself busy.  Developing some hobbies and participating in some activities can help keep your mind away from those jealous feelings.  Instead of sitting at home thinking “I wonder what he/she is doing right now…”, you’ll be busy doing your own thing.  I found that this helped me avoid jealous thoughts and also improved my confidence.

Work on your own insecurity.  Most episodes of jealousy stem from our own insecurity. You’re not actually jealous of your boyfriend’s female coworker, but rather a little insecure about yourself.  Try to build your own confidence; after all, you’re amazing!

Manage anxiety.  If you manage the stress and anxiety in your life outside of your relationship, you’ll be less likely to overreact when feeling jealous.  Meditation and exercise are two of the easiest and most effective strategies for dealing with stress.

See a professional.  Sometimes jealousy and insecurity can be so intense that you can’t beat those feelings on your own.  If you’ve tried the suggestions in this article and still find yourself struggling with jealousy, it may be best to seek professional help.  If you are a student, you can often get free counseling at your school’s health center.

How to handle a jealous partner

Stay calm.  I know you want to yell at your partner and let them know that you’re sick of the paranoia and sick of the questioning.  That will just make the situation worse, though.  Try your best to stay calm.

Reassure your partner.  As long as your partner is actively working on calming their feelings of jealousy, do your best to reassure them.  Jealousy often stems from insecurities, so do your best to make them feel secure and confident about your feelings for them.

Encourage them to reexamine their behavior.  Calmly ask “How would you feel if I questioned you like this?”  and “Have I given you any reason to distrust me?”.  Asking them to step into your shoes can help them realize how insane their behavior has become.  Remember that the realization can be painful; for me, it came with lots of embarrassment (and still does.)

Have you dealt with jealousy in your long-distance relationship? How did you overcome it?  Share your story in the comments section below.

“No American should be forced to choose between their spouse and their country.”  -Andrew Sullivan

CNN’s Fareed Zakaria recently did an interview with writer Andrew Sullivan about being gay and HIV positive and trying to immigrate to the United States.  When he was first set to immigrate to the US in 1993, he found out he was HIV positive and was denied a green card.  Now, you can immigrate to the US if you’re HIV positive, but the issue of gay marriage and immigration is still unresolved.  Sullivan is legally married to his American spouse in Massachusetts and Washington D.C., but because immigration is a federal issue, these marriages are not recognized and he cannot be issued a green card based on marriage.  Many couples (including In Love Abroad readers) are facing this same problem.

You can watch the interview and read some comments from people in similar situations here.

It’s everything you’ve worked for. So why all the butterflies in your tummy?

Moving is a big change. And like any big change, there are some challenges ahead for the new person in town. Luckily, there are ways to prepare for them. Below are some pitfalls and tips on how to handle them.

You’ve traded one long-distance relationship for another (your family and friends).

And you miss them. It’s natural. You’ve plonked down in somewhat unfamiliar surroundings, and you don’t have your safety net.

Start by organizing weekly or monthly Skype calls with your family and friends. Emails can feel impersonal, and you’ll want to hear some friendly voices. Even ordering minutes on Skype to call their phones if they don’t want to video chat is very economical.

I get to talk to my family, but I feel lonely here.

Again, completely normal to have feelings of isolation and loneliness. Remember all the things you did to find friends in your old home? It’s time to start all over again. Religious organizations or volunteering are great ways to meet people. So is looking up the local boards for any activity groups you find enjoyable – perhaps Tai Chi or pets is your thing. Find other enthusiasts nearby, and invite them for coffee.

Finding a job can lead to some friends through co-workers. So can bar-hopping, or even travelling.

Another great way to find friends? Look for other new migrants. There are many expat boards you can join which have meet-ups. And these people can hook you up with all sorts of things a new expat like you may need.

Planning weekly activities and giving yourself a full schedule are also important. The less time on your hands to sit around and think, the less time there is to think about home. Keeping busy will integrate you better into your new community.

We speak different languages, and I’m struggling to communicate.

This is another common problem. Even if you’ve taken some language classes, it feels very different when talking to native speakers. Sign up for more classes in your community. Watch local TV – no cheating! Listening to people, even with them speaking quickly, will help. Again, finding the expat community will help as well, with people to help explain things and share tips and tricks for making it easier.

Going to the store (or wherever) leaves me feeling overwhelmed and confused.

Having to really realize you’ll have to pick out a whole new line of food, washing brands, and so on, can feel really overwhelming. All of these decisions, big and small, can feel like they’re hurtling at you all at once. And they are. Trying to explain this to someone who hasn’t been in this position can feel even more frustrating and futile.

Cut yourself some slack. Some decisions are important, and others, like figuring out which brand of detergent you like, are less so. Give yourself permission to goof up with your detergent, and just try what looks good. It’s ok to not like it and pick another.

And feel free to express your frustration to someone who understands. You’ll probably be swapping funny stories about purchasing mishaps in no time.

Marisol Dunham has been a freelance writer since 2007, and now lives with her once long-distance boyfriend in Australia. An American wandering the bush, she writes about her life and writing ventures on her blog at http://www.madunham.com/. You can find her on Twitter at @maridunham.

After Amir and I spent a few nights pinning in bed next to each other (each with our own laptop, of course), I was determined to find a better way to pin together.  After some playing around, I realized that Pinterest is perfect for long-distance couples.  Instead of emailing pictures to each other and then trying to save them in organized folders somewhere, you can pin together.

Getting Started

First, you and your partner must both have Pinterest accounts.  Right now, Pinterest is still invite only.  You can request an invite and wait a couple of days or I can invite you.  Leave the email addresses that need invites in the comments section or use the contact page to submit them to me.  If you leave your email address in a comment on this post, I’ll delete it as soon as I send the invite.  No spam!  :)

Okay, both Pinterest accounts ready?  Now, start setting up some boards that you can work on together.  Some board ideas:

• Our house for decorating ideas for your future place together.
• Our wedding to share all sorts of wedding ideas from food to venue to music to the dress.
• Future vacations for places you want to travel together.
• My day for each of you to share photos you took throughout the day (in real time).  Make sure to include the date in the caption.
• Random for all those funny .gifs and cute pictures.

Adding another person to a board

To make a new board, click “Add +” on the homepage, then “Create Board”.  Under “Who can pin?”, choose “Me + Contributors”.  Start typing your partner’s name to find them, then click “Add”.

If you already have the boards made, you can go in to them and choose “Edit Board” near the top.  Then, simply change the “Who can pin?” setting and save it.

Commenting together

From there, you can each start adding pins and leaving comments.  Remember, you can change the caption of the pin even if you’re repinning it from someone else.  Amir and I have an “Our House” together since we are currently saving to buy our own place.  It’s fun to think about future decorating style.  Here is an example of some of our pins (and commentary).

We don’t always agree on everything, but we have a lot of fun discussing the decor!  If you’d like to take a peek this board of ours, you can see it here.

Go pin!

What are you waiting for?  Get pinning!  If you have any good ideas for Pinterest boards you can share with your partner, please let everyone know in the comments.  I only provided a few starter ideas.  You’re also welcome to share a link to your Pinterest account in the comments.  I love new friends.  :)

Fighting in person is ugly. Fighting while apart, however, is a mind and heart crusher. Things get blown out of proportion, anger goes further when we can’t read body cues, and a single word can thrash our feelings.

photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar

Everyone fights. And when people live long-distance, it can be harder to convey things which are much easier in person. Here are some tips on handling fights when you’re apart from one another.

1. Don’t argue over IM or text… wait until you can actually talk about it or at least elaborate in an email.  IM and text can lead to too many misunderstandings because you can’t hear the person’s tone of voice.  Sometimes sarcasm or resentment is imagined that’s not there when fighting over IM/text.  

2. Not seeing body language can be a plus. You know when you have a fight with someone, and they make that one face that just drives you nuts? Yeah, not a problem here. Instead, use the lack of body language to your advantage. Speak honestly and use clear, concise language to get your meanings across.

3. Take a step back. If your fight gets heated, or simply leaves you tongue-tied, agree to a temporary truce to calm down. Then pick a time to come back and speak to each other about the problem. Use “I feel” statements, and try to refrain from saying “You do this”, as it will make a person defensive.

4. Write it down. I suggest writing two things down. First, spew out all the angry, unfair language you want in a private journal, to get the heavy feelings out of the way. Then, once your head is clear, write down what about the fight made you angry and why. Then when you discuss it, you can explain in clear words rather than searching for the right words to use whilst in conversation.

5. Agree to disagree. Understand that when a fight happens, you don’t have to agree for it to be a success. The important thing in a fight is to understand the other person’s platform, and to part on respect for that person. Agreeing doesn’t matter; respect for their opinion, even if it’s different, is what’s valuable.

   
   

The Final Say — Two Important Things

The best defense against fights is a good offense. Take the time when there’s no fighting to set some ground rules on how to handle fights. Any of these tips we mention above work even better when both partners understand the framework for solving issues.

Don’t think that things will all be better when you close the distance.  It’s better to face problems head on instead of thinking “It’ll be all better as soon as we are short-distance”. Blaming all your problems on the distance is no good.  

Marisol Dunham has been a freelance writer since 2007, and now lives with her once long-distance boyfriend in Australia. An American wandering the bush, she writes about her life and writing ventures on her blog at http://www.madunham.com/. You can find her on Twitter at @maridunham.

Hi everyone!  I just wanted to write a quick update to let you all know that In Love Abroad has a Facebook page now!  Come visit us:

http://facebook.com/inloveabroad

I thought Facebook would be a great place for everyone to come together and talk about their relationships.  I also hope it becomes a home for questions and couples seeking advice.  Too often, requests for advice get lost in the comments section of this site.  Please come join the page and say hello on the wall.

–Élan