In Love With An Airman

Expectations

2013-04-13T09:42:00.004-05:00

When I was pregnant I had some expectations for the type of mom I wanted to be. I expected to give birth naturally. I expected to be a breastfeeding professional. I expected to be happy and have it all together. But my expectations fell short - and I realize how having these expectations only made my current situation that much harder. I ended up having a last minute c-section when my doctor discovered Jelly Bean was breech. My milk did not come in for days and I was not producing any colostrum and now I have an oversupply that hurts his tummy and makes him cry all the time. And lastly - I am a little weary of posting this here, mostly because only a few people in my real life know this - but I have postpartum depression.

I first started noticing that what I was feeling after the first two weeks of JB being born was not the normal baby blues. I have not been able to sleep very well, I've been lashing out on Lieutenant when I get upset, and I've made a lot of silent threats against myself. I felt very very wrong and definitely not normal so at JB's appointment yesterday I told his pediatrician. I took a questionnaire and it found me within a moderate range of PPD. I'm worried and nervous because I don't want to be judged and I don't want to take medication since I breastfeed. But I love my son and I love my husband so something's gotta give.

Other than that, everything has been good here. JB is 9lbs 1 oz and growing like a weed, LT became a 1st Lieutenant on the 5th (Woo!) and we also were able to baptize JB into the church.

Anyway - I just really felt like writing this out because I needed to put it somewhere other than inside of me. I have no idea what the future holds but I am trying not to have so many expectations.

It's time to get real, readers.

2013-03-31T21:37:00.003-05:00

Today has been an exceptionally hard day in Motherhood Land. Jelly Bean has been fussy all day long, my back is in excruciating pain from constant sitting and bending and it has just been a no good, very bad day. On top of that I'm too busy preparing for house guests to relax - we have JB's godfather coming down for his baptism/LT's promotion ceremony next week.

I'm just so exhausted...more than exhausted. The only thing that is keeping me from absolutely screaming into the pillow is writing here. I just need an outlet that isn't going to affect JB in any way because its not his fault that he has gas or is over tired or whatever the hell is going on with him that he can't communicate to me.

I'm also struggling with the reality of this c-section, postpartum weight and this giant pooch that wont go away so I can't even wear normal pants. And I'm supposed to pin on LT's new rank when I feel like a giant cow? Ugh. I wish I had a magic wand that would just shrink me down because I feel miserable. Nobody wants to wear maternity jeans a month postpartum. Hell, I will probably have to wear them for a few months. SO frustrating...

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom but everything feels like its piling on top of me and I'm suffocating.

He's Here!

2013-03-27T12:31:00.002-05:00

Our little Jelly Bean was born on March 5th - so this is super late, but a new mom has no time on her hands!

LT and I went to the hospital for a scheduled induction and seconds before my OB was to break my water she says “Uh oh, we’ve got a problem.” Que panic mode. As it turns out, Jelly Bean was breech. She told me I had two options, either A) Manually try to move him or B) C-section. I, wanting to avoid c-section asked her to manually move him. Holy hell did that hurt! All that pain was for nothing because he didn’t budge. They began prepping for my c-section. As LT and I sat in the room, his face was filled with worry and I could do nothing but cry. This was everything that I had feared since day one of learning I was pregnant. I walked into the OR and they put the epidural and morphine into my back and began surgery. I did not feel anything – not even pressure – and before I knew it, my son was born!

He was born at 11:01a.m. and weighed 6lbs 4oz. We happily went to our room where Jelly Bean and I spent most of the time learning how to nurse. I had no milk and barely any colostrum and that is when things took a turn for the worse. He started losing weight and became so lethargic that he would not wake up to nurse. After two frantic days of him eating the bare minimum I caved and allowed the nurse to give him two feedings of formula to get his energy level back up. I again cried as this was not what I wanted to do. I spent the third day with lactation consultants, crying and trying to figure out what I could do but we were discharged that day to figure it out. All they told me was try to get him to wake up, fix his latch, try to pump and give formula if all else failed. Well all else was failing last night around 6pm as he wouldn’t wake up to feed. I sat on the couch for half and hour crying as I tried desperately to feed him anything, including formula. Around 9pm my breasts started to produce milk so I immediately put him on to nurse. He took a few gulps and perked up immediately.

He is three weeks old now, about 7 pounds and we are still having some issues with nursing due to oversupply, ironically! I love my son and I can’t imagine my life without him, so without further ado – here he is!

Best in Class - Shutterfly Yearbooks!

2013-03-04T12:30:00.005-06:00

In the past I have written about Shutterfly yearbooks and I think they are such a cool idea. With our little one on the way umm..TOMORROW..I have been wanting to create a book for him that we can keep forever, one that can showcase how things were before we arrived. Shutterfly's yearbooks are really great for those of you will school-aged children though - in the age of Instagram and Twitter I think people forget to have actual hard copies of photos or albums that are not online.

This can be done easily with the yearbooks to preserve those precious school memories. OH! And I've been seeing people uploading their child's artwork on Pinterest, and this is a great idea for the yearbook! De-clutter without having to sacrifice their art!
If you would like to order one of these yearbooks, simply click this link and get those creative juices flowing!

(This is a sponsored blog post by Shutterfly - though all opinions expressed in this piece are my own.)

Baby news and new layout!

2013-02-22T14:29:00.003-06:00

Sooo many exciting things are occurring in our household!

On Thursday I went to my 38 week appointment and my OB informed me that she believed I would go into labor by next week. Here I am officially freaking out! Since finding out, I have started cleaning the apartment from top to bottom. Literally...I cleaned the top of the refrigerator, the inside of the refrigerator, the carpets, the pantry, all of the laundry that needed to be done, counter tops...I still need to dust. Boy oh boy do I need to dust!

I was talking to LT last night and told him how inadequate I feel about being a mom. I think a lot of the feelings are just nerves but some of it is just trying to wrap my head around the fact that I am going to be responsible for this tiny human. It is so different carrying a child and then actually having them around. Sure, I've had practice with my nieces and nephews but the experiences I had with them will not compare to the ones I will have with my son, simply because he is mine. I just want to feel confident that I can do this - that I can be a mom, but then again what brand new mom feels really confident?

LT has his promotion ceremony to 1st Lieutenant in April and then that same weekend we are baptizing Jelly Bean so his best friend is coming out to be the god father. I'm excited for all of the new changes we will have soon.

Speaking of changes, I am working on a new layout for the blog but probably won't put it up for a while since I will be so busy. I definitely want to keep things simple though.

Here's to 2013 starting off awesome!

Dogs are kind of like kids...

2013-02-03T20:34:00.001-06:00

Our labrador has really been testing my patience lately, which in hindsight I guess is a good thing since I will need all the patience I can find once Jelly Bean gets here. But back to the dog...

She has been testing the grounds of getting on the furniture lately which she knows she isn't allowed to do. She does it as stealthily as possible, putting one leg up at a time. We often don't end up noticing until we realize its far too quiet in the apartment.

She's also eating the contents of the bathroom trash - dryer lint, cotton balls, used q-tips (EWW!) and I admit that the fault is mostly on LT and I. I ask that he shuts the bathroom door, which he always forgets to do, and he requests that I just throw everything away in the large trash. Well what is the point of having a bathroom trash then??

I am thankful for her mischief though, as much as it may frustrate me at the time, because she is preparing me for ALLLLLL the things that Jelly Bean is going to get into. So instead of being angry I am going to count my blessings. Its also way too hard to stay mad at that face!

I am not a "Kindle" mom.

2013-01-27T19:50:00.001-06:00

Earlier today LT and I were discussing getting books to read to Jelly Bean and I told him I had found a few online for a decent price. He suggested to me that I just find a PDF version online. For some reason, it bothers me! I grew up with a love of books...I love the way they smell, the way the pages sound when you turn them, the way they feel in your hands. I just cannot get into e-books.

Another reason I do not want to do e-books is because I'd like for Jelly Bean to have as much time apart from electronics as we can. I know that there are some great educational applications on the iPhone but I just can't justify letting him sit there playing on it all day.

I know I will probably get a lot of grief from "seasoned" moms saying I will give in once he reaches a certain age but I just don't think that's the case. I want to be able to do with him the things that I did as a child, such as finger painting, sidewalk chalk, and using a single box as a fort. I want him to use his full imagination instead of clicking tiles on a keyboard.

I guess this is why I feel like we should get actual books for him. I want him to be able to understand all of the things that I love about books and how much I treasure each book that I own. I want books to be an experience for him instead of a novelty.

This isn't to say that I am going to keep him away from electronics forever. In fact, LT and I want to get him a Super Nintendo once he reaches a gaming age. I want him to know all of the classics like Super Mario Bros. and Donkey Kong before he graduates to FPS games like his daddy plays.

Anyways, am I crazy here or is how I am feeling justifiable?

668 square feet of hell

2013-01-22T23:29:00.002-06:00

Here I am, nearly 34 weeks pregnant and about to go on a rant.

We've lived in this tiny one bedroom apartment for two years now and have been pretty comfortable. That is, until I went and got knocked up by LT. Now that I am about to give birth and there's going to be another human being around, we are both feeling the heat. That heat is coming from the sheer claustrophobia that we are experiencing in here.

Could we move out? Sure we could! But LT outright refuses to. He says he does not want to move when we are only going to be here for another year..that and he likes his extra money every month. And yet he keeps complaining how things are not set up the way he wants. Well tough cookies - you have a choice and this is what you're choosing. So we'll all be cramped for the sake of your fat wallet. UGH.

I love LT, I do, but sometimes he really makes selfish decisions. Yes, he does make the money for our family and yes he does pay the bills, but why the heck does that mean he gets to make all the decisions? It drives me insane.

So here I am at freaking 11:30pm racking my brain trying to figure out where I can possibly put all the useless crap we own so that we can live comfortably. I have absolutely no more ideas of where we can stuff our STUFF. We have a shoe closet, a linen closet and a laundry closet. All three and packed to the brim with things so much that we don't dare open the doors for fear that everything will come tumbling out. We have already purged items that we no longer find useful and we still have too much stuff.

We do not have a dining room, we have a small living room and even smaller bedroom. What I wouldn't give to take a sledgehammer to our balcony (that we don't even use and can't store anything outside because of all the bugs) and build a wall just to get a little more space in here.

*Sigh* I wish I could update this blog with some good news but I'm just so frustrated right now that I can't think of one nice thing to say.

I suck.

2012-12-18T11:57:00.004-06:00

Where have I been....where have I been?! I've been freakin' busy! I severely suck at blogging and at this point I don't care...much. At 28 weeks pregnant, getting ready for Christmas, Jelly Bean's arrival, full time classes..I barely have time to process everything that is going on in my life lately.

I wanted to say that I promise to update once we get the 3D ultrasound on Thursday but we'll see how likely that is! For now, just know I'm still alive!

FREE Treat Greeting card! One day only!!

2012-11-19T08:42:00.000-06:00

I was approached by Treat.com (Shutterfly's new greeting card brand) to give away one FREE greeting card to my readers! With the holidays fast approaching, and there always being a birthday or special occasion, a card is a great way to let that special someone know that you're thinking of them! The cards are also fully customizable!

Here are some examples:

The offer for one free Treat card is good only for one day so get it while you can! The code to use is TREATBLOGR.

(Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post where I was compensated but all opinions are my own)

Holiday Photo Cards!

2012-11-13T13:52:00.001-06:00

Its mid November and that means its time to get ready for the holidays. For me, it means planning and prepping for the annual family Christmas photo, especially now that I am expecting! For my cards I use Shutterfly's Photo Christmas Cards and they came out looking great last year. I wish I could show you guys the card but it is packed away from last year and my pregnant self can't lift the boxes without Lieutenant's help, but when I can get to them I will update this post so you can see what I was working with. But in the mean time you can check out their special offers.

While I don't have the actual card, I can show you our photo - its low quality since I snagged it from Facebook.

The reason I use Shutterfly over other programs is that the quality of the cards are great and the shipping time is amazing. Last year I got a little trigger happy and was able to send all the cards out December 1st. I will try to be a little less hasty this year though! I encourage you all to check out Shutterfly and get prepped for the holidays early so you don't have to scramble later!

As a bonus, I will be giving away $100 off $100 or more (excluding tax) so that you can get holiday cards as well :) To enter, all you have to do is leave a comment on this Facebook post, the winner will be notified at the end of this month.

*Promotional disclosure - I am being given compensation for this blog though all opinions are my own.

I could be stressed or..

2012-10-25T18:40:00.003-05:00

I could be stressed or I could be thankful. I learned this lesson tonight. I read a friend's Facebook status saying how she was thankful for her situation even though it was hectic, crazy, and downright cry worthy!

Minutes before this I was cursing and scrubbing dog vomit out of the carpet. She had just take her heart worm and flea pill with a little too much dinner. She's a labrador so she doesn't think to chew her food - she inhales it.

So hear I am after a day of errands, cleaning, serving up dinner and the moment I get to relax, I can't. But then I read that post.

I am thankful for my sweet, though sometimes headache-inducing dog who after puking on my floor, gave me a sad and sorry look and walked into her crate willfully so that I could clean it up. I am thankful for my wonderful husband's quick thinking to get the big chunks (sorry for the visual) and also thankful that we had the money a while back to purchase a pseudo-steam cleaner for the carpet so that I didn't have to scrub on my hands and knees.

Most of all I am thankful for my friend that posted her thankfulness in a time of stress because it caused me to step back and think about what really matters. My dog is fine now, the mess is cleaned and we are all okay. So yes, I could be stressed...or I could be happy and move on. I think I will do the latter from now on.

Too busy to blog?!

2012-10-24T19:24:00.001-05:00

Where have I been?! Mostly I have been focusing on school work - no time to blog at all! I had a paper due last week and starting another, on top of working on a group assignment. Life has been hectic to say the least.

But the good news is I am almost 21 weeks pregnant!

Look at how round I am hahaha! Today was the first day that I actually felt some real movements that I could not attribute to gas. It feels like our SON, yes a BOY, is drumming below my belly button. It is the most magical feeling ever.

Lieutenant and I went to pick out a crib and fell in love with it even though it was 3/4 the size of our couch. Since we live in a small one bedroom apartment, the crib is in the living room. We are going to get a bedside bassinet in the beginning though. I feel grossly unprepared but he assures me that everything is going perfectly. He is going to be a great father!

As far as stress goes in our lives, there really isn't anything. Our relationship is solid and we are happier than we have ever been, financially we are doing okay even with the impending birth, and despite our Labrador being a pain in the butt and chewing on things she shouldn't be, everything is okay. We may not have it all but what we do have is perfect for us right now. I'm sure financially it may get rough at times but as long as we stick together we will be okay.

It makes me sad to read things certain people are posting about how their children and spouses/significant others are a burden to them. I don't understand why these people are choosing to have children or MORE children if they feel like they add nothing to their lives but stress. Your partner should be there to support you and vice versa and your children should be loved regardless. They didn't ask to be brought into this world so why make them feel bad for things that ultimately they cannot control? Lieutenant and I went through a LOT before we ever decided to get married and definitely to be having our son. Jelly Bean was planned but not for three years but we are okay with that and thrilled by it. We would never make him feel bad about him arriving a little earlier than expected.

Anyway I just felt like I needed to get that out. It has been bothering me for the last couple of days and I wish I could say it all to the actual person but I know it will fall upon deaf ears.

Worries.

2012-09-25T10:49:00.003-05:00

Lieutenant is finally home and it has been a busy week. On his way home he got into a small collision so we have been dealing with that, finding out the sex of the baby (WOO!) and just trying to get our lives back to normal. He had a hard time with integration the first couple of days which was weird to me because he was only gone for the length of a less than half a deployment. He went back to work today though and I went back to figuring out meal plans, doing enormous amounts of laundry and planning for my next semester in school. I really want college to be over but I still have a ways to go and its frustrating. I know college is done at your own pace but in all reality I should have been done in August. My goal is just to buckle down and keep going, class by class. It may take me a year but I'm going to finish. I wish I had done community college first and then transferred to save myself a lot of debt but I can't go back now. I will be paying off this student loan until I'm 90.

We are also trying to move into a bigger apartment in January since the one we are currently in is extremely small and we won't be able to afford living on base. We would be completely broke for four months though so we probably won't be doing much celebratory things this Thanksgiving or Christmas. Lieutenant may fly out to Vegas to see his family but I would be staying here to save money. With my current job I make enough money to pay all of my bills but LT said that after the baby arrives he wants me to quit my job and be a full time stay at home mom while continuing school. I don't want to put the financial burden on him but he won't be able to handle the baby on weekends when I work while he is continuing his master's degree. We really need a miracle at this point financially. I feel bad that we got pregnant right now even though I know how much of a blessing it is, despite LT telling me I should never apologize for that. I just want us to be happy, healthy and financially stable and I feel like everything is crashing down on us.

Yearbooks! An update

2012-09-17T21:54:00.000-05:00

Last March I wrote a blog on Shutterfly yearbooks and was approached again this year to follow up on them. Not only is it a brand new year for school-aged children, but so many changes happen over the course of the year. This year it is a little different for me since we are expecting our first baby and the yearbook seemed like a great way to preserve our memories of our first born. We will be using the Shutterfly yearbook to document our pregnancy and birth story, including some milestones that he or she will go through. We have even thought of documenting the first year of the baby's life this way.

I am definitely one of those not very crafty people so the more I can shortcut online, the better! To learn more about Shutterfly and their products you can visit their Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ among other avenues.

(This post was sponsored by Shutterfly, though all opinions are my own.)

Pregnancy Survey: 15 Weeks

2012-09-17T12:37:00.001-05:00

Woo 15 weeks!!!

How far along? 15 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: My scale is wrong! All I know is I'm eating regularly and hoping to gain weight by October 10th.

Maternity clothes? Pants and shirts when I'm at work, boxer shorts and tank tops at home.

Stretch marks? Nothing new to report

Sleep: I sleep okay but the body pillow is not a miracle worker or anything. I am constantly overheating and throw the covers and pillows on the floor.

Best moment this week: Knowing I am going to get a 3D ultrasound!

Movement: Nothing yet :/

Food cravings: Pancakes and fruit roll ups still!

Gender: Just a few more weeks til we know! We could find out earlier but I want Lt to be there.

Labor Signs: Nope

Belly Button in or out? Innie, wide, I hate it.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on and still pretty loose

What I miss: Greasy food

What I am looking forward to: The ultrasound!

Weekly Wisdom: Go to bed earlier

Milestones: Easing my way in to the beginning of the 2nd trimester.

Current events.

2012-09-17T11:05:00.001-05:00

Before posting my 15 week survey I just wanted to blog. Lieutenant will be home this week and I couldn't be more excited or thrilled. Even though we got to see each other during his TDY, it has been really difficult without him. Lexi had a very hard time too and had a lot of anxiety which caused her to act out. Lately she has been very calm, quiet and friendly which takes a lot of stress off of me.

Posted in the AFB yard sale page on Facebook was an ad for a free 3D/4D ultrasound for a start-up company. I jumped on the opportunity because I've always wanted to get one done. I knew space was limited so I made sure to call and email them. I was one of the lucky few that got in! My appointment is Thursday morning but Lieutenant won't be back by then so I will have to go alone. I am debating getting the sex of the baby put in an envelope so we can find out once he gets home or waiting until he goes to the doctor's office with me in October. They also will be giving us $30 off of our next appointment with them just in case Lieutenant wants to get one done further in the pregnancy.

I have tons to do this week - everything from cleaning the entire apartment from top to bottom, making sure all the laundry is done, going full on grocery shopping for the first time in months (meaning all of his favorite foods) and then preparing for another semester in school. My semester is from October to January and I need to get some classes done before the baby gets here. I think that I will take two classes for the first half of the semester and maybe one or two for the second half. I have about 72/121 credits completed and I just really want to get it over it. I would have had 12 extra but they did not count when I transferred from UNLV. The first and only thing I am going to focus on after graduation is paying off my student loans. I owe a ridiculous amount and I am not going to make Lieutenant pay a dime for them because its my responsibility. But it also gives me an initiative to start a college fund for our child. I don't want them to have to suffer and struggle and owe the government for their entire life just because they wanted to further their education. I had to take out two credit cards in addition to my student loans and small grants just to pay each semester. I am in the process of snowballing my credit card debt and car note and when I complete those I will start putting all of my money toward the loans. Ugh, so stressful.

Well I'm starving! Time to go eat and then fill out the 15 week survey!

Back to business.

2012-09-14T15:37:00.002-05:00

I'll admit, I'm a bad blogger. How many blogs have I said that in? A lot! I used to have the reader app on my phone and would obsessively read other blogs but then life happened and blogging took a back seat. Today I read through some and was surprised at all of the changes. Their lives, too, had changed dramatically. Babies, weddings, school-aged children! It reminded me of how much life goes on no matter how long you try to take a break from it.

My purpose for blogging was to share our story and I haven't been doing a very good job of that. Sure, I've updated major events here and there but the major events only make up a percentage of our lives. Its the little moments that tell the real story; the behind the scenes parts.

I need to make a goal for myself to blog at least a couple of times per week, especially when the baby is here. I might even set blogger as my homepage to help me keep this goal. So here's to highlighting the little moments.

Pregnancy Survey: Week 14

2012-09-13T21:08:00.000-05:00

Okay so I have one day left of this week but it still counts!!

How far along? 14 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: According to my scale, I've lost weight which worries me.

Maternity clothes? Pants and shirts! So comfortable!

Stretch marks? Nothing new!

Sleep: Got a body pillow but still waking up a little. It is not as bad though.

Best moment this week: Feeling good at work for the first time.

Movement: I thought I felt something today but it could be gas.

Food cravings: Pancakes and fruit roll ups.

Gender: We find out in a few weeks.

Labor Signs: Nada

Belly Button in or out? Innie but its wide and I STILL hate it

Wedding rings on or off? Still on!

What I miss: Sushi

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the sex!

Weekly Wisdom: Orange juice and greasy food don't mix

Milestones: Entered the 2nd trimester!

A vent post.

2012-09-12T16:33:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted my 14 week photo or survey yet just out of laziness but I felt like I needed to come here and blog. Earlier I was on the phone with Lieutenant and he kept making random noises and jokes amidst Lexi barking. I flipped out after Lexi snapped at my finger because Lieutenant's noises were instigating her. He told me to calm down but I couldn't...no, I was so frustrated! I lamented to him that all day long all I hear is her barking and then when we get the chance to talk, I don't want to hear stupid noises or impressions...I simply want to have a conversation. I don't think that he realizes how alone I am here. He has friends and other students that he sees every day while I'm in the apartment with Lexi. Have I made a large effort to go and make friends? No, to be honest, because I'm just painfully shy. I feel like once the baby is here it will be easier for me to make friends but the problem is I just don't have the guts to put myself out there.

More than anything, I would rather be home where my siblings are. Where I can see my nieces and nephews and talk to my family about anything. It is so difficult being a military spouse in that sense. When Lieutenant is on a TDY or a deployment and I don't really have friends and my family is 1200 miles away..its rough. Lexi is supposed to be a companion but every day she just becomes more of a pain in the ass with her constant barking. I can't even sneeze without her barking at me as loud as she possibly can. I hate to say it but as much as I love her, sometimes I would like to get rid of her. I really hope her attitude fades as she ages because it is way too stressful on me to hear barking 24 hours a day whenever I breathe incorrectly.

Anyway, I just needed to come here and vent a little. I feel like its better to get it off my chest than to harbor it all inside.

Cravings! ALL the cravings!

2012-09-11T20:09:00.004-05:00

My body has suddenly shifted into full pregnancy mode! Not only has my baby belly started blooming but I've craved everything from beef stew to cheesecake in the span of an hour. Yesterday my craving for pumpkin pie was so bad that I drove to the store JUST FOR PIE. I ate some today and got mildly disgusted by it. I feel like I am eating a normal amount but not really gaining weight. I'm thinking my scale is wrong though. It does have me worried, especially since my next doctor's appointment isn't until October. I just want to make sure that Jelly Bean is okay.

Lieutenant will be home within two weeks which is amazing! Even though I got to see him for a week I miss him terribly everyday. Its pretty amazing how much we've grown together. The other night I was thinking of how it used to be in high school. I attracted too many boys and all their drama and when I met Lieutenant there was NO drama. That is, until I decided we should just be friends, but that is all over and done with. The point is, we're happier than we have ever been before. We don't fight and when we have small arguments we always figure out a solution. I am definitely blessed to have such an easy going guy.

Texas weather is also starting to suck less so that is a plus. I absolutely despise summers in Texas but when Autumn and Winter come along I am one happy gal. There's nothing better than crisp air and a slight breeze! So ready for the seasons to change and to watch the changes my body is making to accommodate my little passenger.

Pregnancy Survey: Week 13

2012-09-04T11:19:00.000-05:00

How far along? 13 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: No weight gain yet!

Maternity clothes? I just bought a pair of pants today. Good Lord Jesus they are comfortable.

Stretch marks? Nothing new, I just started using my Bio Oil again!

Sleep: Tossing and turning, waking up and needing to get a body pillow!

Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat today and learning how healthy me and baby are.

Movement: Just my stomach turning and sending my food back.

Food cravings: Baked potatoes!

Gender: I feel like it could go either way this week

Labor Signs: Nada

Belly Button in or out? Innie but its wide and I hate it

Wedding rings on or off? Still on!

What I miss: Hot dogs

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the sex in 5 weeks!!

Weekly Wisdom: Stay out of the heat!

Milestones: Almost to the 2nd trimester!

Testing my patience

2012-08-30T18:41:00.001-05:00

Owning a labrador is a lot of work. And by a lot I mean hair pulling, door slamming, command spewing work. Lexi is in all respects, Marley. She barks constantly, sticks her head in the trash, pulls on the leash wherever we go and just last week she ate one of my favorite earrings. I am at my wits end with her and have tried absolutely everything from obedience school to leaving her with a trainer for an entire week. I'm tired of having to say "No Bark!" all day long and when she doesn't listen I have to put her in time out which doesn't do anything. I'm ready to pull my hair out. It is just too difficult trying to raise a 1 year old feisty labrador while pregnant and ALONE.

There are days when I beg Lieutenant to come home because I'm in tears from having to do everything on my own. I honestly don't know how I will ever survive a deployment with her and a baby. Living on the third floor of an apartment building makes things even worse. She doesn't have a yard and I have to walk up and down three flights every two hours to let her use the bathroom. With Lieutenant here, the responsibilities are shared. Sometimes I feel like giving up on her.

But then I remember that these days of teenage-hood will pass, and that one day when she's too old to fight me, she will learn to cuddle. I remember that she is loyal to us and loves us so much that she is a constant protector.

I will remember her as a baby:

And a teenager:

when she is old and tired and give thanks to her for testing my patience, giving me the practice of being a mommy to love no matter what.

Therapy in writing.

2012-08-29T22:03:00.001-05:00

I'm a terrible blogger. Sorry...sometimes I forget that this even exists. This week has really been a whirlwind. After my week vacation, coming home and having to reintegrate my life became too much to handle. I was trying to take care of myself, the dog, the apartment...all while feeling helpless. With Lieutenant gone I realize just how difficult things are and just how amazing it is to have a team mate. He is truly my rock and when he's here, everything seems so simple and perfect.

Today was a very difficult day because Hurricane Isaac made landfall in the area where he is training. There were at least five tornado warnings, heavy winds and rain and a lot of surge flooding from the ocean. I tried to keep it together because I know how stress is bad for the baby. He was able to communicate with me throughout the day which helped put my mind at ease but I was still worried.

Another struggle I am having is not being around my family. Not only did I miss the birth of my niece one year ago, but I also missed my nephew's birth this week and will miss another nieces birth in two months. It hurts me that I can't be there but we simply can't afford it. I'm also sad because I know that nobody in my family will save to come down here to see our baby. While I realize everyone is struggling with money right now, we can't be expected to come up with $500-$1000 to fly home, especially with a newborn. That is something that I think my family knows but doesn't understand.

At this point I have kicked up my feet and am pouting - but we knew this day would come. We knew what Lieutenant joining the military meant but man, is it a hard pill to swallow. We have to give up a lot but we are taken care of and are so grateful to be a military family. I am grateful for my husband's willingness to devote his life to his country and despite all the hardships we will go through in life, I will never regret the decision he chose to make, and the decision we chose to make together when we said "I do."

I really should blog more, this post was so therapeutic for me.

Pregnancy Survey Week 12

2012-08-29T21:59:00.002-05:00

Oops! I missed a week, but for good reason! I was on a Babymoon with Lieutenant. We spent one fabulous week together on the beach! I definitely needed the vacation from work, the dog and the apartment. Besides, I missed my husband so incredibly much and it is true what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder.

How far along? 12 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I honestly have no idea...my home scale is wrong.

Maternity clothes? Bought some maternity shirts but still cant find maternity pants that I like.

Stretch marks? Nothing new but I missed an entire week of using my Bio-Oil so I have to get back in the habit.

Sleep: Still tossing and turning.

Best moment this week: Being with Lieutenant and having him rub my belly.

Movement: Nothing yet but at times I get a strange feeling.

Food cravings: Pasta! I really want the Fancy Spaghetti from Houlihan's but I don't want to go alone.

Gender: I'm still thinking it will be a boy.

Labor Signs: Nothing at all

Belly Button in or out? Innie

Wedding rings on or off? Still on!

What I miss: Sushi :(

What I am looking forward to: My 13 week appointment

Weekly Wisdom: RUN to the bathroom. RUN.

Milestones: Feeling more like a mommy!