On Mother’s Day, I attended church, where mothers were honored. We saw a video of what life would be like without mothers. The video attacked men by showing what buffoons they are and how everything would be messed up in the household and with children without the guidance of mothers. I could just watch Everybody Loves Raymond if I wanted to hear this message. On Mother’s Day, society honors mothers for being empowered females without whose guidance and wisdom the world would fall apart. But in the process of honoring women, men are denigrated. It is as if there is only so many accolades to go around in the world, and since it is a zero sum game, men must be ridiculed so women can be honored.

In church there was nothing about honoring women for being supportive. No recognition of those women that are good “first officers” for supporting their husbands as “captain.” (God forbid any mention of the word “submissive.”) We ignore the good woman under the leadership of her husband. Her support of the father of her children is not mentioned. Have churches forgotten the concepts of headship and hierarchy?

On Sunday evening, I watched a TV show on 9/11, terrorism, al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden’s recent death. I was struck that the heroes were men; husbands and fathers. They acted with courage and willingly gave their lives. They were leaders and they saved many lives. They sacrificed themselves out of a sense of duty to preserve and save the lives of women and children. There were no empowered women in these stories, so why do we honor women for being empowered when that is not their primary value? These men honored their wives and mothers with their sacrifices.

These messages are subtle. I have a good mother and reflecting back, she has done well being supportive to my father. My father was the breadwinner of the family, and they’re still married to this day. My mother is wise, educated and has worked hard in the home and in raising children. I don’t need to honor her for being an empowered woman, but for being a good mother and for being a faithful wife to my father.

So I honor my mother for the good woman that she is, and not some fantasy caricature propagated by society and the churches.

Father’s Day will soon be upon us. I predict that mothers will not be ridiculed on Father’s Day. Rather, fathers will be honored for their support of the family, for being good husbands to their wives and maybe for being a father to his wife’s children.  Their financial support will likely be mentioned. Leadership and headship will not be mentioned. There will be admonitions for them to be better fathers and be more present for their children and wives.

Men just laugh and accept these messages. This is backwards. We should honor women for being supportive and honor fathers for being leaders.

I have stumbled across an aspect of Game that is very effective with women. I call it Music Video Game. This is very useful in the initial stages of a relationship but I think it should be used in LTR or Marriage Game as well. The premise is to move a woman’s emotions when you are not present. YouTube has a huge amount of music videos. Music moves the heart of a woman. Really, it doesn’t matter much what she FEELS as long as a man is moving her emotions, and is adept enough to guide her emotions. He must also revel in riding the wave of her emotions – only a foolish man sets off an underwater earthquake without preparation for a tsunami.

The buildup is critical to a woman, so take your time and FEEL this. If you can’t slow down enough to process this post, how do you expect to tolerate and revel in the emotions of a woman? The music video starts slow, but let it build! Let your heart be moved so you can learn to move her heart. A man must not REACT to her emotions, even those he incites. A master will learn to influence and guide her emotions. Remember a fire is started from a spark so be patient until her fire is self-sustaining.

Why would a man want to develop these skills? Duh! Women are more pliable and amorous after experiencing an emotional rollercoaster. A man can choose to go for a ride or be the designer and operator of the ride. Someone has to be in charge while she is riding the rollercoaster, so the only reasonable choice is the one with feet planted firmly on the ground: THE MAN. If the man is not in charge, then there is no one in control.

This is a glimpse into how to influence a woman’s emotions. I find great nuggets of wisdom in country songs, so bear with me.  Here Willie Nelson sings I Never Cared for You.

Here are the lyrics:

I know you won’t believe these things I tell you
I know you won’t believe
You heart has been forewarned, all men will lie to you
And your mind cannot conceive
Now all depends on what I say to you and on your doubting me
So I’ve prepared these statements FAR FROM TRUE to fuel your disbelieve.
The sun is filled with ice and gives no warmth at all
The sky was never blue
The stars are raindrops searching for a place to fall
And I never cared for you

I doubt that most women will realize that most everything in this song is a lie, even though it is clearly stated. This is a good example of push-pull too!

I might email this link to this video to a woman if I wanted to convey a message of caring but at a distance. She might misunderstand but my cover is the REAL meaning. By her confusion and reaction, I could learn much. She could pursue me, she could shun me, she could be hurt. But really… consider the words! If she takes it at the surface and can’t understand ANY depth of meaning, then I have learned something very important. I can get a data point on her perception abilities and bust on her if she misunderstands the clear message, because she only has the ability to scratch the surface.

The traits I look for in a woman are unique and not all men will seek the same things, so each man must test a woman for compatibility with what he desires. It is very effective to move her emotions via links to YouTube videos in order to see what transpires. Plausible deniability will allow any man to use something similar. If it doesn’t work out, just feign ignorance; tell her that it felt like a good song that spoke to your feelings at the time you sent it. (Yes, the FEELING crap can work in a man’s favor too.)

So in summary, take delight in inciting long distance tingles by emailing YouTube music video links.

I recently stumbled across some old episodes of Gomer Pyle – USMC. We all think of Gomer as a Beta doofus, but there are some important lessons that can be learned from him. The key thing is that Gomer always controls his reality. He never REACTS to the reality of others. He is so oblivious that his reality dominates and by doing so he confounds others.

My favorite episode is “Captain Ironpants.”

Of course Gomer does almost everything wrong, but his reality is never usurped. He is noticed because he shows up. Gomer speaks his mind, no matter how stupid he may be. But in the end others come around to his way of seeing the world. It’s hilarious. This is one of the best examples of Frame Control I have seen. After all, Frame Control is merely a man maintaining his own reality and not accepting the reality of another person. It is easier to see this aspect of Game when the other aspects are absent.

Also, there is an example of storytelling and how it captivates the woman. Gomer’s dominant reality has a profound effect on her. The stern Capt. Ironpants is covering up her femininity. Gomer leads by treating her as a lady and eventually it prevails and she realizes her femininity, but not for Gomer. As we all know the Gomer does not get the girl.

I am not advocating Gomer Game, but all of us know guys that need Game, especially in their marriages. These guys pedestalize women, as does Gomer. Introducing these guys to Gomer Game, the concept of controlling their own reality and not REACTING is a good start. It may set them on the path to further improvement of their lives for the benefit of themselves, their children and the women they love.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Yesder, a Man and a Woman had a discussion. It went something like this:

Woman: I am a Princess and entitled to be a Queen, but now will also be the King.
Man: But you don’t have the dangly parts between your legs so you can’t be the King.
Woman: Silly King, don’t you know that the dangly parts are bad and oppressive.
Man: But the King has always had dangly parts.
Woman: Yet it is the Princess Queen that has always provided meaning to those dangly parts and given them reason to rise and provide service.
Man: Yes, that is true.
Woman: Yet you have used those dangly parts in the service of other Princesses and for your own amusement.
Man: Yes, but it has always been so.
Woman: I must control your dangly parts for the good of all.
Man: Is this for the best?
Woman: It is for the best, and only a Princess King without dangly parts has the wisdom to perform this miracle.
Man: How will you do this?
Woman: I do not have dangly parts but have always controlled them for their true purpose.
Man: I am beginning to understand. Tell me more.
Woman: Your dangly parts scare me.
Man: But do not my dangly parts excite you too and give you pleasure?
Woman: Only when I can control them.
Man: But I also built you castles and made it so you could relieve your private functions without trekking outside through the cold to the shelter covering the hole in the ground.
Woman: You offend me because my functions do not stink, only yours do.
Man: Hmm…
Women: You shall continue to do those things for me as well as for all other Princess Kings.
Man: I’m not sure if this is a good arrangement.
Woman: If you resist, I will no longer minister to your dangly parts.
Man: How about if we just share in the Rule?
Woman: FINE, but I still must have control of your dangerous dangly parts.
Man: OK.
Woman: To demonstrate equality, from now on after I ask for something you can respond with the name of our Kingdom as a confirmation that we make decisions jointly.
Man: Yesder.

This male reply has evolved to our modern term “Yes Dear.” And thus the Patriarchal Hierarchical Kingdom evolved transformed devolved into a Democracy Gynocracy.

In order to build a lasting structure, posts should be firmly planted in holes. Many individual posts permanently planted in many individual holes will support the structure of civilization. Such a civilization structure is built on a firm foundation.

There is a phenomenon called frost heave, where over time the post is slowly ejected from the hole and ends up on top of the ground. When this happens on a wide scale, the structure of civilization is prone to collapse. A post without a hole is somewhat useless and without purpose. Another phenomenon is a hole that becomes like quicksand which tends to keep sucking the post in deeper. No post can support much weight under this condition. This is unfortunate but is still subject to frost heave. Sometimes seemingly good posts are planted in good holes but the post becomes rotten over time. This too is unfortunate.

It is best to plant new posts in new holes. It is possible that a post can be planted in a different hole, but that changes the structure of civilization. While these posts can still be useful, the structure of civilization is weakened. Never forget that it is less than ideal when different posts are planted in vacated holes.

Sometimes a post will uproot and temporarily plant in a different hole, this weakens the structure of civilization, but usually not to the point of collapse. Often the post is replanted in the original hole and the structure of civilization can still be supported. Still, it is not good when this occurs.

It is just unimaginable for holes to move around to move from post to post. Posts cannot support the structure under this absurd scenario. If this were to happen the fabric of reality would become distorted and the laws of physics would need to be changed. The structure of civilization would be warped to such an extent that collapse may be eminent.

It doesn’t work for a hole to become a post, or a post to become a hole. Two posts together are inconsequential. Two holes together serve no purpose.

A solid post needs a good tight hole, and together the two can support a lot of weight. Yet it is better for the hollow post to be planted in a loose hole, because even that can support some weight.

When the structure of civilization is properly built, the posts support the roof, which keeps the rain out of the holes. Not every post will fit in every hole and not every hole will accommodate every post. This is just a fact.

Even a lone post in a hole without the roof will keep the rain out of the hole. Such is the case with fences which also protect the structure of civilization.

Ironically, a post that has been planted in many holes still can be somewhat useful in a good hole, but a hole that has seen many posts gets oversized and sloppy from the rain and continual replanting of posts. This makes for a weak foundation.

Sometimes a situation arises where there are many hole-less posts and post-less holes. This is a travesty and serves no useful purpose.

Not every post is sound. Some of the posts are rotten at the core. It may be hard to discern from the exterior, but usually can be determined because they ring hollow or with a thud, if care is taken during evaluation. It is such a waste to plant a rotten post in a perfectly good hole.

But even with all these considerations, it would be ideal if most posts were permanently planted in holes and most holes were permanently filled with posts. So the post and the hole are equally important but must be evaluated using different criteria.

I recently posted a Field Report about my encounter with a Latina woman and Obsidian commented extensively. His comments are valid and got me thinking. No one can really see their own self objectively. Some parts of the self are so dear that they cannot be seen by self-examination. Even looking in a theoretical mirror will not reveal these self traits because they are so essential to a person’s self identity. We see what we want to see in our personal mirror. The only way to recognize such things is if someone else points them out. This is not always welcome because most of us do not want to acknowledge our own shortcomings. It shakes a precious self image and even self reality when others point things out. Most people cling desperately to the notion that “I am fine just as I am and I should be loved for just who I am. I do not want or need to change to be loved because that would not be the real me. In fact I won’t even show others the real me, but instead will present a false me. The false me can be rejected and not threaten me because they are not rejecting the real me.”

Herein lies the foundation of the problem. This is why many guys reject Game – they do not want to put forward a different self than the false self they are currently using. Putting forward a real self requires courage which few men have. They want to be who they currently are and not need to pretend to be some Alpha guy with Game to find a good woman. They want to be selected and liked for who they are (or who they are pretending to be by putting forward a comfortable false self). They are Special Snowflakes. This is obviously a self limiting belief system which leads to self-sabotage of success.

There is another factor at work that sabotages success. It is of no avail if a man knows all about how to do something but the image of success does not exist in his reality. If he protects his real self and improving his real self is too scary, then the knowledge matters little.

So if in my reality, I can’t see myself as a man that can easily approach women, that can easily escalate, that can easily get a phone number, that can easily develop rapport, that can easily cause tingles and that can easily bed a woman after doing all this, then this type of success is impossible. No matter how much I know and believe that other guys can do it, if I don’t see myself as that kind of guy, then it will not happen for me. This simply does not exist in my reality so it is impossible. If it is impossible I will self-sabotage to confirm my reality.

If I don’t see myself as worthy of being able to pull an HB9 or HB10 in my reality, then this is impossible no matter how many HB9s and HB10s I approach.

I was divorced after a long nasty marriage. Why did I choose the woman I married? It is simple – my reality was one of scarcity and I thought that was the best I could do. So my first recovery step was to change my reality from a scarcity model to an abundance model of woman. Even if I choose only one, there is an abundance of women, so I do not need to put up with shit or settle for just any woman that will have me.

Once I started to get my mind around that, I needed to change my reality to being a guy that could approach woman. This took time and I needed to be forced to do it. I had always been the “nice guy” standing back waiting for some nice girl to notice me and what a great guy I was. I would do all kinds of things for her to show my gratitude and earn her affection. This was my reality, and the first measure of change away from this was the hardest. I had to say goodbye to that old self and grow a new self that would be equally real. This is an evolution more than it is an abandonment.

I had to vow to myself that I would no longer be that old self, and the first steps to change were painful and gut wrenching. Then after practice, I accepted the reality of me being the guy that approached women. The next step was challenging my reality of whether I was a guy that would sexually escalate through use of innuendo, banter and kino. I forced myself to do that and learned by trial and error. There were several women with which I wussed out. I learned from my mistakes and failures. Now I’ve got that handled. A side thing was to change my “nice guy” reality to the bold guy that goes in for the kiss and the bold guy that is not afraid of breaking some social taboos in interacting with women. Got that handled.

My Field Report came at the time I was just initially becoming comfortable with all that. But still I did not see myself as the guy that could escalate and bed a woman that same night. That was not my reality and was not the kind of guy I was. So of course that makes such a thing impossible and self-sabotage takes over.

Do I see myself that way now? To be honest, I am not sure. I value my Catholic faith and have studied it more deeply, but I am also more open-minded yet traditional than most people. I do not aspire to be a guy that gets lots of notch counts. Still I like women and am realistic and discerning. I continue to challenge and reflect upon my self-limitations. I have expanded my experience and now I see this as part of my reality, but this allows me to choose whether to do it. I no longer need to self-sabotage out of a belief that it is impossible for me. I struggled with this as I have struggled with many things. Change does not come without struggle. And certainly not all change is good, so struggle serves as a conscience too. I leave it to each man to embrace his own struggles. To cease to struggle is to subdue masculinity.

So in summary, why did things turn out as they did with the Latina? It is simple…. I self-sabotaged because doing the impossible was beyond my reality and who I saw my self to be.

Many men reject Game because they see it as needing to become (or do) something outside of their reality and sense of self. This is like being a special snowflake because their self is cast in stone. Their current self is critical to their reality so a change to that self becomes impossible. Is Game pandering to women? In a way it is, but it is just marketing and advertising your self. For all the Moralizers out there, it is not immoral to decide to become a better self. For all the Bumblers out there, adjust your reality so you don’t keep self-sabotaging.

Become a sex-worthy guy! Notice the two words there. The second word is WORTHY. This is not so you can be worthy of her, this is merely striving to increase your self-worth. As a worthy guy become a destroyer of pedestals. Also realize that just because you can bed her and this exists in your reality doesn’t mean you have to. But you must stop using the self-sabotage to confirm what is impossible in your reality. Make an honest choice to bed her or not. Be a man and honestly know you coulda but chose not to, if that is your conscious decision. A strong man can make choices and he must in order to revel in the world of abundance that opens before his eyes.

EVERYTHING OUTSIDE YOUR REALITY IS IMPOSSIBLE, SO FIX YOUR DAMN REALITY. But realize these changes must be done incrementally. You cannot make the wholesale change by reading this article once and then change yourself over a weekend. It is going to take a couple of years and will be fun and challenging for you. Get started! Those men that achieve the highest level of Game all began somewhere.

Originally published at The Obsidian Files on March 22, 2011.