In My Pants

Date Kiss

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 04:00:00 +0000

I was excited and surprised when I was told thru the grapevine that a really hot guy, V, was interested in me and wanted to know if I was on facebook.

My cock kind of flipped a little the first time I met him, a week previously. He was really ripped with olive skin. He said that he worked out all the time, and that he didn't masturbate because the extra testosterone helped build his leg muscles, which he was focusing on developing. I told him that he was crazy and should get laid. I suppose that he thought I could be the answer.

He added me on facebook and we met together to 'hang out' for the evening, which eventually became a movie evening. We saw each other a few days later and went for drinks. After our second meeting, I realized that I had discovered nearly everything about his personality. I made him believe that I wanted to keep on seeing him in hopes that soon his muscular, olive arms would be wrapped around my slender body. I had never been with anyone so beautiful, though he was shallow as a salt flat in the sun. V is for Vain.

We went out to a club and he drunk-drove me home. He kissed me in the car but couldn't stay.

The last time I saw him we had gone to a jazz show and he again drove me home. He has control issues and doesn't like to be driven. I slipped off my seat-belt and leaned in to give him a kiss goodbye. He said he was sorry, he was drunk the night before. He didn't want to kiss me.

I gave him a tour guide smile, said goodbye, and walked to my apartment without looking back.

Greedy Top

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:35:00 +0000

This is sex the way I like it. Greedy top, selfless bottom.

A nearly 18 minute video where the restless top, a college frat, playfully tries out a bunch of positions with his boy toy. I dare you not to cum. My favorite part is at the end when the top finally climaxes, and the bottom goes back down on him again. He wreathes in ecstasy.

What did you think?

Catch up

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 03:02:00 +0000

I was busy with errands all day, and by the evening I was feeling pretty wiped out. I heated up some leftover stir fry and watched some TV home makeover show, naked. My apartment is chik and modern so I'm not taking any advice from these home shows. I crack a beer and switch to the news.

I should call my boyfriend, I think. I haven't talked to K all day long. He's out of town tonight, and we won't get to see much of each other for around a week. I call him out of obligation, not because I particularly care what he has to say but because I'm worried that he's going to figure out I don't need him all the time.

I enjoy the upper hand.

Dating K

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 05:40:00 +0000

I'm dating this guy, K. He's really funny and cute. He' s got a pudge and brown hair, and is 6'.

I don't love him, but I do like him quite a bit.

I like that his quick wit and intelligent humor makes me laugh hard. That's one of the things that I like most about him. I dated a few guys before K and had a hard time finding people who could make me laugh. I could make them laugh no problem, I'm quite funny and talented. But they would just sit across the dining table and wait for me to do something else clever. I began to feel like a clown. Those relationships never went anywhere, except a kiss, which I shall discuss in lavish detail LATER.

K makes me laugh. He's got a warm and genuine smile. He's got stage presence. He's very feminine, I don't think that he would enjoy dressing up in woman's clothing. He is content to prance around with flair.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm dating such a fag.

Two Halves

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 06:08:00 +0000

Listen while you read.

A fairly large shift in my life is fast approaching and I'm getting ready to come out. And it's exciting! I'm doing some research online, looking up resources on coming out and reading stories. It's very encouraging to read stories from people who have been in my exact same situation. Right now I'm in the 'coming out to oneself' stage. It's a time of deep introspection and serious thought. It's like a business meeting where no body is allowed to leave until a proposal, or charter, is written in full and everybody agrees. Pizza is delivered, and some executives fall asleep in their chair.

I don't think about being queer so much at work or in public situations any more. Perhaps I'm finding an equalization by spending time researching and contemplating the future. It will be a terrible disappointment if I have to delay my debut as OUT.

Progress

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 06:17:00 +0000

Listen while you read.

My 'coming out' is advancing quicker than I originally predicted. I told my good friend that I am gay. I just out and said it. We had spent the day together on a common task, and spent and sprawled on the floor I got a little quiet, and then said it. And then I smiled, a nervous smile and looked into her eyes, and she was also nervous, and didn't say anything for a split second. Then she said "Ok, cool. I'm bisexual."

What the fuck.

"Yeah, I like to make out with girls. I've been doing it for years!"

I could have shit a brick.

We spoke at greater length about it. She said that she didn't suspect it from me, and I said the same about her. I honestly didn't! This was total news to me! And then I realized that the shock and awe that I was experiencing was probably the exact same that she was. It was a great moment of solidarity. We both promised to keep each other's secret a 'secret.'

I'm going to be relocating in the next few months. I have decided that I am going to come out once I make the move. I don't want to make it a huge announcement. I don't want to have to take up people's time and then shock them with the news. Honestly, I'd rather just show up to a wedding with a boyfriend at my side and create a mini disaster in the midst of a happy event.

Ernest and Bertram

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 07:59:00 +0000

Funny and true.

Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 06:18:00 +0000

Listen while you read.

I've been doing a lot of gay research lately. Gay and bisexual movies mostly, from a list that I've compiled off of IMDB and am slowly downloading via bittorrent.

Some titles include:
The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life of Ethan Green
The Fluffer
Ken Park
Eating Out
Another Gay Movie

I was getting tired of quick and dirty porn, pointless sex without any context except a poorly lit concrete corner. In fact, there's barely any frontal nudity in these movies, except for Ken Park, but the actors look like they're underage (they're not) and it's all about dysfunctional people in the 'burbs, which is entirely unmasturbationial. In fact, the only movie that I wanked to was Another Gay Movie but that's because there was a hot double fuck at the end.

I watch because I want to see life from a different perspective, even if it's a farce or a bad script. I've been very sheltered, was raised with black and white worldview glasses that basically suck. I've been exploring during my adulthood, and these movies are another avenue of exploration.

What have I learned form these experiences? Well, for one, fem-bots bug me to death. And I really like seeing straight boy's get fucked.

(Holy shit, that's a lot of movies! And all this in only 5 days! Plus, I watched "They Holiday" which was just gay. In all three senses of the word. Except the homosexual one.)

Dreams

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 05:31:00 +0000

Listen while you read.

I slept restlessly last night. I dreamed that someone I know found this blog, and word of my 'sexual deviance' spread like wildfire throughout my social network. I thought about my mom reading this space, and how devastating it would be for her. She wouldn't make it past the word 'cock' but it would be enough for her to disown me. I also had dreams that there were people trying to figure out who I was, linking this space to reality, in an effort to ruin me. While mostly unpleasant, I've been dwelling on it all day and have come to an obvious conclusion; talking about sucking cock is difficult when that act has only existed in your head and been concealed for a dozen years.

Yesterday's post is the first time, in my entire life, that I have articulated to myself or anybody else how I feel. Although, I told God earlier this week in a conversation we had in my room.

When I was imagining this space, I thought that it would be somewhere which I could point people to, and that they could at their own pace come to understand me. But then I wrote about muscular jocks and wanking, and I quickly realized that I will never be able to share this website with anybody that I know. This is alright because it's serving another purpose, which, as I mentioned earlier, is getting these thoughts, these actions, into the light of DAY.

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 08:20:00 +0000

We're just organic bodies with needs. We need satisfaction, and shouldn't ignore our bodies.

Out Logic

noreply@blogger.com (Sexy Dork) — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 06:30:00 +0000

Listen while you read.

An Introduction

I am not your average guy. I am unique, in that most people I know, and most people I meet, are either intrigued or repelled by my differentness. I'm skinny and under-muscular, but I think that I have a great personality and I'm a good friend. I am Christian, but I swear, too. I open myself up to see the real person behind the clothes and hair product. I don't have a hard shell, nor do I hide behind a tough guy persona, because I don't have anything to hide.

But I do have something to hide. I am a double agent in my own life. Deep down, I am gay, but I'm living in a straight man's world.

By day I go along with straight life with my friends. I talk about getting married and having children. I think that I will be a great father. I'm in love with a girl, and she knows it, but I don't know if she loves me back. I am not dating and don't want to any time soon, but I have wonderful friends whom I love dearly.

By night, I fantasize about men and masturbate to daydreams in which I'm a main character, and am fully out. During the day I will notice beautiful women with long and luxurious hair and edible smiles, and I let out a whistle and turn to my co worker to talk about 'her' when she's out of range. I also notice attractive men, and shudder under my breath. I work in customer service, and my friendly smile doesn't flinch an instant. When I tilt my head forward, my ball cap covers my eyes and I can stare at their crotch, looking for their phallic outline.

In high school I was teased because everyone thought that I was gay, and it bothered me that I was so transparent as to let the secret slip. Of course, I denied it. I never dated because, raised as a Christian, dating was evil (along with music, alcohol, and having girls in your room.) I embraced my religion wholeheartedly and hid my homosexuality under a vale of condemnation, while still being 'myself' (my soft centered, not quite masculine and not quite feminine, asexual self). Eventually, most people stopped assuming I was gay once they saw me campaigning against gay rights and gay marriage, or arguing against natural homosexuality in debates. I really was an extremist. And after every heated debate, I would return home and stroke to the thought of getting stuck in an elevator with a muscular jock, and offering to help him 'pass the time' until help arrived.

And so it is these two I (plural...I's?) which are fighting for control. The 25 year old me must make sense of it all, because one day I'm going to slip up and kiss my best friend, or massive amounts of porn will be found on my personal laptop, or I'll get AIDS, and it will be too late to explain on the offensive who I really am. Thus, Out Logic is born this evening to help me verbalize (literary...ize?) my ongoing thoughts of how on earth I'm going to bring my beauty and my beast together so that I can feel WHOLE.