If you’re like me and have the privilege of paid time off (PTO), it’s important to understand what it is and why you have it. Don’t take it for granted, PTO is part of your paycheck.

Unless you have unlimited PTO, it accrues over time; meaning each day you clock in you’ll get a few more hours of free time to take at a later date.

It’s more than the ability to take a random Friday off thrice a year, or something you take when there’s a family emergency. You work for it, PTO is part of your benefits package, and if you don’t use it, then you are leaving money on the table.

There’s no pride in not taking all of your PTO, you might as well tell your manager you think you make too much money. Your employer is basically saying you’re good enough at what you do that they’ll pay you to sit on your ass for a bit. You’re gonna say no to that?

Burnt out at work?

Recently I was struggling at work. I don’t mean struggling to pay attention in meetings, I mean I was Googling “how to fake my own death.” Opening my laptop in the morning felt like powerlifting, and my motivation was nonexistent. I wasn’t so much letting things fall through the cracks as ripping up the floorboards and throwing them down.

Instead of..you know..doing my job..I called everybody in my life, expressing my unease, my distain for corporate life, and swearing I was going to quit. Some empathized, most called me crazy, but my mom had some great advice: take a break.

What did she tell me?

• If you’re so exhausted you need a nap an hour into your shift, or have to main-line caffeine, you need time off

• If your mind is crowded with cynicism, self-deprecation, and frustration, you need a break (and probably a therapist)

• If you’re underperforming, take hours to do menial tasks, or just don’t give a shit, you need a vacation

I know, taking time off is a trendy topic right now; but there’s a difference between your CEO saying it’s okay to take a break, and them giving you the day off. That being said, many managers have been more open to letting employees take the time they need to reset. So what are you waiting for?

There’s always a reason to not take a vacation: coworkers aren’t taking them and you want to keep up, you want people to think you’re a hard worker and somehow PTO goes against that, sometimes we’re just really busy. What’s more important than any of those excuses, is prioritizing yourself and your needs. The time to use PTO is the second you need it!

Benefits of taking time off

1. Improve productivity, Improve creativity, perform better

You don’t redline your car every time you get behind the wheel, so why do you redline yourself every time you sit at your desk? An extended break will actually hit the internal reset button and get you back into a zen state of mind.

The inability to walk away from work is actually a symptom of burnout, and time off is just what the doctor ordered to help. When you return to your desk, you’ll find your focus is back to where it should be, as will your motivation to perform well and ability to do so efficiently!

Not only will time off make you more productive and a higher performer, it can boost creativity as well. We all know the feeling of staring down a screen for hours, waiting for that creative breakthrough to come to us. News flash: it’s not.

When we get in a rut, it’s almost impossible to think creatively and solve problems effectively. A break from work, our phones, and our monotonous lives can actually help us to look at problems differently, and imagine more creative solutions to them.  

2. Address & Prevent Burnout

Burnout is a silent workplace killer, costing businesses upwards of $125 billion dollars per year in healthcare costs. That’s not even the worst of it, as it will also leave you irritable, fatigued and depressed, while dropping your engagement and performance into the toilet. Unfortunately there’s no pill that will cure burnout, but there are other ways to manage it.

If you’re already in the midst of a battle with burnout, it’s time to step away. You won’t be able to get back to normal until you change your environment for a bit and look beyond your professional life. Whoever thought romanticizing workaholics was a good idea probably owned a bar.

Once you come back to work, it’s time to put you first. You may have a million things on your to-do list, but you need to consistently take stock in your energy levels and rest when needed. Building habits that serve your wellbeing like frequent exercise, spending time with friends after work, or not checking your email past 5 PM will go a long way to preserve your mental welfare.

If you don’t put self-care into practice once you return, then before long you’ll be right where you are now: burnt out like a full ashtray. Creating firm boundaries between your professional and personal life, investing in hobbies, and discovering your passions will help bring vibrancy back to your life and keep it there.

3. Feel happier

Finally, taking time off will make you happier. Although we rarely admit it, our mental health can be fragile. If you’re like me, you can wake up on top of the world but a few passive aggressive emails and a botched client call later, you start spiraling.

I’m not saying that you need to take a month off every time you have a bad day, as resiliency is necessary for success. But when bad days turn into bad weeks, and you start to struggle to remember why you took that job in the first place, then maybe it’s time for a break.

Time away from work will give your body a break from the constant stress or anxiety, and soon enough your worry will start to melt away. When you come back to work with a calm, level head, and start sticking to those habits we talked about earlier, you’ll find you can manage burnout and in doing so, start feeling happier! Remember, we work to live, not vice versa.

Vacationing during COVID

Time to address the elephant in the room: COVID-19. In an era where shaking hands could kill somebody, it makes sense that vacations look a little different. Yet, now that we’re isolated from friends and family, and our apartments act as offices, gyms, movie theatres, and bars; it’s more important than ever to get outside your normal environment.

You don’t need to fly to Cabo to take a vacation, sometimes a vacation is not logging on at 8 AM. Just because you can’t travel the globe, meet strangers, or stay in whatever hostile you can find before sundown doesn’t mean you need to be working all day, every day.

Rent a car and discover your new favorite hiking spot. Go hit the slopes and burn off all that pent up energy. Stay at home, read a good book and cook a hearty meal. Just get mentally as far away from work as possible. Delete Teams or Slack from your phone, turn off email notifications, and set your Out of Office auto-reply so that your colleagues and clients know you’re not to be bothered. You need to fully separate from work, or else you won’t be able to reap all the benefits vacations bring.

I do want to stress that when you’re enjoying your time off, remember PTO is a privilege. Our brothers and sisters in the service industry are risking their lives to help you relax, so treat them accordingly. Now is not the time to be the dick to people trying to survive, I’m sure they wish they could work behind a computer and had a savings account of time off they could take. Maybe add another 5-10% on your tip, or just tell them how much you appreciate them.

Chronic Illness

“So this guy is a total loser. Well, let me tell you the story of another loser!”- Otter

I spent a lot of time in my head as a teen. Something of an introvert, I struggled in social settings and was more than happy to stay in my comfort zone.

At this point in my life, I saw myself like Delta Tau Chi saw Flounder in Animal House: a nerd, an outcast. Although I thought of it as an awkward phase, my self-image was nonetheless skewed early on.

These feelings were amplified when in August of 2011 I showed up for my yearly physical and to my surprise, was immediately sent to the hospital. After managing to grow 3 inches while dropping 30 pounds, my pediatrician was both shocked and frightened.

After many tests and many more months of waiting, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease; a chronic illness that causes one’s immune system to furiously attack the entirety of their digestive tract. The relief of finally having a name to give my illness was short lived, as over the next six years my body continued to reject every type of treatment my doctors tried.

Chronic Pity

“My advice to you, is to start drinking heavily.” – Bluto

Although there were times I felt well, my health was slowly deteriorating and I always feared that my condition would get dramatically worse. In 2017 those fears turned to reality. Over the next two years followed a string of surgeries that left me missing part of my small intestine, my entire colon, and my sanity.

I had panic attacks like you have a morning cup of coffee. I began seeing a therapist and was quickly diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety. My steady decline had turned into a free-fall.

By this point, my distorted self-image had boiled over into a deep self-hatred. My body was failing me and my fragile mind was beginning to fracture. I would sleep as much as possible to escape the self-deprecating thoughts dominating my mind, only to wake up in a real-life nightmare. I started to wish I wouldn’t wake up.

I was sleeping only a few hours a night, my body struggled to carry my own weight, and my mind overflowed with cynicism. I turned to weed and gin to numb the pain, and distract myself from the wicked bastard between my ears. The abusive decisions I was making turned into habits, and before I realized it I was headed down a very dark path.

There are plenty of examples, but debatably my most ignominious moment was when one of my best friends invited me to her graduation party.

I had about 10 too many gin & tonics, fell down more than a few times, fought with anybody trying to help or quiet me, and ended up having to pay for the family carpet to get cleaned. I’m sure you can connect the dots there.

I should have been celebrating her accomplishments and enjoying the last chance to see my friends before moving across the country. Instead I went full melt down: actualizing my self-loathing, embarrassing myself, and worst of all ruining what should have been her night.

Chronic Gratitude

“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life son.” – Dean Wormer

Looking back, I see that I was screaming for attention. I wanted people to look my way and feel bad for me. Then I wanted them to save me, as if they could reach down and lift me from the pit I dug myself. To my disappointment, life doesn’t work like that.

It’s called self-care for a reason, nobody can save you except yourself. But, you can’t do that until you want to, and you won’t want to until you’re grateful for what you have.

After years of self-loathing I woke up one morning and, instead of falling into my normal thought traps, pondered why I was having these thoughts in the first place. I called my brother for counsel, then, following his advice, ate some magic mushrooms and took a walk through Golden Gate Park.

Everything was so beautiful and full of life. I sat down at the Conservatory of Flowers here in San Francisco and was blown away at how happy the world seemed around me.

What are they doing that I’m not?

Why am I always beating myself up?

How can I finally break out of this rut?

Somewhere along this trip I stumbled upon the tough pill inside of a shit sandwich that I had to swallow whole: I wasn’t acting this way because of my illness or my depression. I was choosing to act this way because I didn’t like me, and was pitying myself for it.

I didn’t ask for a faulty asshole, but by focusing on my illness I missed the opportunity to take better care of my body. Instead of lifting bottles to my mouth and eating sleep for dinner, I could’ve been lifting weights and eating healthy.

I didn’t ask to have any organs removed, but by focusing only on the literal shit bag I’ll have with me the rest of my life, I missed the new lease on life that surgery offered me. After years in and out of the hospital I was finally able to live my life again, except I chose not to. Until now.

Shit happens and regardless of how you feel about it, when it happens to you, then it’s your responsibility to deal with it. You can focus on the unfortunate circumstances that have presented themselves, or you can find something to be grateful for and blaze your way forward.

We tend to focus on what’s holding us down, not what’s lifting us up. But once you start to focus on the bad and ignore the good, you surrender control of your life. You start living through the lens of your self-pity.

If you’ve ever gone on a hike, you know it’s much easier to walk downhill than climb uphill. The same goes with life. It’s easy to fall into the victim mentality, it’s difficult to be grateful when you feel wronged. But believe me, gratitude will change your life. I know because it changed mine.

The next time you feel the urge to complain about work, whine about your relationship, or cuss out your roommate; take a second to think about what you have going for you. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s hard. Really hard.

But doing something as simple as taking five minutes to write down three things you’re grateful for will empower you to back control of your life, and future. Once I started doing that, I stopped focusing on the storm outside, and reminded myself flowers need rain to grow.

That party I ruined? Well, my friend forgave me. Maybe she saw what I couldn’t see in myself, maybe she’s just too nice. Probably a little bit of both. I dwell on that night to this day; every time I think about it, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and rightfully feel like an asshole.

But then I say, “if she can forgive me, I need to forgive myself.” Feeling like a fool would only bring me back to my past selfishness. Being grateful for our lasting friendship reminds me that I still have a lot to live for, and a lot of good to do here. As do you, my friend.

Michael Jordan says that fears are often an illusion and while I agree to some extent, fear still feels pretty real to me. Even though I recognize that 99% of the time there’s nothing to be afraid of, fear still manages to show up to the party uninvited.

Millions of years ago, fear was a necessary emotion that could mean the difference between life and death, evolution and extinction.

Now that we live in furnished houses and get our food pre-killed at the grocery store, there’s not much of a need for it anymore. Yet it still exists, telling us that we can’t, we aren’t.

Let’s take a look at three common fears that the majority of people face:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of rejection & embarrassment
• Fear of the future

In this series, I will be taking a look at the major fears that prevent people from bettering themselves or pursuing their dreams.

Today, I will start with the fear of failure.

Fear of Failure

If you find yourself shying away from applying for that promotion, convincing yourself that an idea isn’t worth pursuing, or asking yourself “what if it doesn’t work out?” then you have experienced the fear of failure.

The most common ways people experience this are:

• Avoiding new projects or difficult, but rewarding, paths in life
• Lack of confidence and self-deprecating thoughts
• Being consumed by ‘what ifs’

The root of this fear is different for everybody. For me, much of my fear of failure stems from worrying how my failure will be perceived by others. For most of my life up to this point, I was afraid that if I failed, I would be seen as a failure.

Because of this, the only goal I had as a young adult was to wake up and get high. A fun goal to have at 18, but not very sustainable at 24. Eventually, I woke up and realized my lack of ambition was coming from an aversion to failure.

How could I overcome this fear? Not by playing it easy. I have always loved telling stories, and helping friends work through their personal issues. I decided that by sharing my insights and life experience, I might be able to help people with their own problems. Thus, In the Bag was born.

Dealing with Fear

The most important step in dealing with fear, is facing them. When faced with the fear of failure, you’ve got two choices:

1. Listen to the voice in your head saying you are destined to fail, then quit
2. Acknowledge it, then continue on despite it

Avoiding the situation that is causing your fear may curb any feelings of anxiety in the short term, but will make them exponentially worse the next time you’re faced with that situation.

Contrarily, acknowledging that you have the fear helps to give it a name. Once it is established what you are afraid of, you can go to work on overcoming it.

Let’s say our mutual friend is an aspiring author, with dreams of one day having their pro-choice memoir “How to Lose a Baby in 10 Days” on the NYT Best Seller’s list. After a few months of writing, our friend starts having some negative thoughts.

Should I really pursue this?

What if people hate my story?

This is stupid. I’m stupid.

It’s important to note that fear and self-doubt are natural, but letting them prevent you from reaching your full potential is catastrophic.

Once you start to acting based on the internal monologue trying to shield you from failure, fear wins. The thoughts will always be there, but, they are just that: thoughts. They don’t have any power over us until we let them instruct our actions.

Facing the fear of failure will help you realize the worst case scenario is most likely, not that bad. It will not, however, remove the fear from your life. Nothing will ‘cure’ you of it, but by redefining what failure, and success, look like you can mitigate the emotional effects.

You do this through setting realistic expectations. Failure is a subjective noun; however you define personal success will have a direct impact on how you define failure.

Often times, we define success by terms that are outside of our control. Back to our friend, their goal of being a NYT Best Selling author seems productive, but they are focusing too much on the outcome. Doing so is creating the anxiety they are feeling in the form of fear.

So much of what goes into being a best-selling author is out of their control; the publishing house’s marketing budget, where the book is located in retail stores or search results, the number of sales made. All of the responsibility lies in the hands of outside individuals.

A better goal would be to plan the arc of their story, create a daily writing schedule, and start writing. By focusing on the action, not the outcome, they have direct control over their success or failure.

Sure, they might not get onto any best sellers lists, they might not even sell a single copy! But by redefining what success looks, they turn failure into a learning lesson.

They might have made no money, but now they have a consistent writing habits and the mental fortitude knowing that they can complete what they set out to do.

Maybe they realize now there isn’t much of a market for pro-choice memoirs, and decide to find a new genre.

Maybe they realize that writing altogether isn’t their bag, and choose to explore new passions.

No matter what way you look at this example, failure was a good thing. Our friend learned about themselves and their passions, and can now move forward with their lives however they want.