In the search of love

The Entertainment Professional by the guest blogger

2011-06-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

The contents of this post may be offensive to women and is for mature audience.

As my friends and I sat around the BBQ sipping our beers. One of my friends ,who is a fan of Denny Crane from Boston Legal, boldly stated "An angel in the bedroom and a freak in the kitchen." Suddenly the topic changed to women and dating. I guess this topic was just a an ego booster for men at the BBQ, since most of the guys were married and would most likely never cheat on their spouses.

John started bragging about the previous woman he had been with he was into cougars. He said some on his experiences it was pretty hard to top, Tim Butted in with his stories. His stories was lame.

Jose I think took the cake when he started with his stories about Love. He worked as a bookie and prior to that worked in the entertainment industry. He met his wife in college, fell in love and married her. They lived happily ever after, that is until he discovered she was sleeping around with a black gentleman with a ten inch penis and he later found out she was also cheating on that dude with another dude, who had a twelve inch penis. Jose told his wife that since she cheated on him he would go party like a rock star and screw like a porn star and that’s what he did.

Now Jose was separated he was back on the horse and dating again. He blurted most musicians who write about love and dating I think are influenced by me. When we asked him what he meant he said have you heard the song Dating a porn star that was me. when we said that was totally bullshit. He went on to say Im in Love with a stripper that song is dedicated to him because he also dated a stripper.

There was one particular girl who completely captured him. she was a model and actress. Jose looked at ceiling above him smiled and said her eyes would melt an Eskimo’s ice pack. Her lips would make ninety year old men behave like sixteen year old boys begging “blow job please”. Her swinging hips, while she walked on the street, would make men get into car accidents. Her breasts would make homeless men masturbate on the street. Now Jose took his eyes away from the ceiling and looked at me and said“ yeah she was something”. Well we all knew that Jose dated some pretty fine women from model to wanna be actresses. But the one he said he loved and still love was a girl from a swim team in TN.

I guess Jose was a player, he closed up saying don't hate the player hate the game. He dated models actresses, musicians, porn stars, strippers and athletes and career professionals so I guess Jose was in living in the moment.

The First Cut Is the Deepest

2011-04-08T01:01:00.000-07:00

The First cut is always the deepest. This weekend I will try to forget the hurt of that cut cause I will be meeting one of the girls that my family has arranged my marriage with. We have been talking for a while but but meeting for the very first time.

This meeting is causing me to have Butterflies in your stomach. I shared my fears with my friends and a friend shared with me a few lyrics from a song it went some thing like this Butterflies in your stomach You know, it could be worse Yeah,You could have a caterpillar up your nose. The song goes on to say how one can overcome the butterflies in your stomach.

I guess its just normal to have a butterfly in your stomach, we just have to channel the butterflies to spread their wings and fly away. I guess from my perspective the butterflies are mainly because of the fear of rejection. The fear of rejection normally causes me to do crazy things, I hope that changes.

The one crazy thing I have realized is when some one gets close to me I tend to run away. Am i going to run away from the situation cause I am scared of getting hurt? I am hoping this time I take the risk and face my fears and don't run away cause I think there is a chance that some one will say no in the future. Why wont I realize that they are getting close to me to compliment me not hurt me.

dose one have a choice in an arranged marriage?

2011-04-01T17:17:00.000-07:00

The million dollar question is, dose one have a choice in an arranged marriage? In most modern arrange marriages I would have to say yes.

The bride and the groom have a choice to say no or decide to say yes. I have had a few friends who have had their marraiges arranged. in one instance a friend of mine saw over 500 gals before coming back to 134 and when he saw her again he said yes.

He explained to me that some time it takes a second glance to say yes

The process is

The boys family is refereed a girl by family or friends, and are given her resume and picture
The family takes the proposal to the girls family who has the young mans resume and pic as well
The girls family dose their due diligence
The boy and girl are introduced (normally in the presence of family) at the girls house
The girls family then will ask the girl if she likes the young man
If she says yes then her father will call the boys father and ask the father if they can visit the family house. If She happens to says No the father wont call back
When the girl and her family visits the boys house they bring a gift. This time the boys boys father will ask his son the same question
The girls family will invite the boys family for Lunch or dinner the accepting of the invitation dose mean a tentative proposal
The girl and the boy are never left alone all the face time they get will be in the presence of others

It may be hard making a decision when you have the presence of others around you, but you do have a choice at every stage of the process. its your decision what is you make of it is also up to you.

In most cases when the marriage is arranged and if it reaches stage 5or 6 of the arrangement process the % of the marriage going through is high. The high % is mainly due to the fact that the boy and girl are relying generally on the wisdom of others. I guess the wisdom of others help cause then you are not blinded by the other persons looks.

Geust blogger Raman

2011-03-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

My work has given me the opportunity to meet a lot of interesting people from various walks of life, religious backgrounds and lifestyles. As I spoke with them I discovered that having my marriage kind of arranged was a great icebreaker, and my social circle mushroomed each time I retold my story.

I personally think an arranged marriage assisted through technology is a good idea. I feel it would be easier for me to share a life with someone who understood my upbringing and culture.The scary part however of arranged marriage to me is the big S.

Most religions and civilized societies will agree that sex is an integral part of a marriage. “It’s also nice to have a spiritual and family connection with your mate, rather than one that begins in a bar and ends with sex.” A good % of American couples have sex on the third date and I may just see my fiancé three times before we get married. I would not be able to share with you what sex in an arranged marriage is like so i asked a friend

“In an arranged marriage you have to cross the hurdle of just sex. Once you past the hurdle and build a trust and respect for the physical relationship to blossom. It may take time but once that time is elapsed you would have the most intimate physical relationship.”

Some one who had an arrange marriage

Sexual Health I have been told can be improved naturally through the practices of Tantra Yoga and tantric sex. Besides having a strong body/mind/spirit connection, every loving couple should also enjoy multiple, powerful sexual orgasms, which stimulate and increase the secretion of the pineal and pituitary glands.

As things were getting serious two of my friends took me aside and gave me the rundown on the birds and bees. Combine an Indian upbringing with a Catholic-school education, and my knowledge of sex was limited to "It is a sin." Despite blushing profusely and begging them to stop, I completed the crash course, one of my friends who armed with the Kama Sutra, which he had downloaded onto my PDA made some good laughing.

The long drive

2011-03-20T08:09:00.001-07:00

Against all rules that I had made about not driving more than 15 mins on a date, I decided to drive 10 hrs over one weekend to actually see if we had a few things in common.

We met for lunch and had a nice conversation. The one thing that I felt after the lunch was the uncertainty and the fear of rejection. Not getting a call over the weekend, I called mid week and reached an answering machine now my uncertainty grew, but there was some kind of a assurance when she called back over the next weekend and we had a great conversation.

That evening I called my father and told him what had conspired during the week. He told me to see how it goes after few dates to see where it goes from there.

For some one who wants answers right away and likes instant gratification, I did not like the process where I was not in control of the situation.

The arranged marriage system has worked for a lot of people over a long period of time. Weighing those pros and cons I guess it worth finally listening to those older than me and taking their advice in this matter and see where it goes

The spread sheet from a guest blogger

2011-03-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

One of my former supervisors suggested a spreadsheet. He told me that the best way to eliminate prospective marriage partners is by creating a table based on points. The points are given based on the ideal qualities that one seeks in a partner.

The candidate with the highest points will be the best match for marriage.

One of my friends professes to have tried this method and has claimed that the spread sheet is a great insight into finding the right partner.

CANIDATES SHORTLISTING PROCESS

Person ®	A	B	C	D	E	F	H
Topic ¯
Age	2	2	3	4	4	4	2
Education	4	4	3	1	1	3	2
Job	3	4	2	1	1	3	2
Income Potential	3	4	3	1	1	3	3
Upkeep	2	1	3	4	4	2	3
Attractiveness	4	2	2	3	2	3	4
Chemistry	3	3	1	1	2	2	2
Readiness for marriage	4	4	3	3	4	3	4
Intuition	4	4	2	2	2	3	3
Artistic creativity	4	3	2	3	2	4	4
Spirituality and religion	4	3	4	3	4	2	3
Entertainment/ fine dining enjoyment	3	4	2	2	2	3	3
Support given in my opinion	4	4	2	2	4	3	4
Music choice	3 All kinds	4 Country	2	3 All kinds	2	3 All kinds	3 All Kinds
Total	47	46	34	33	35	41	42

An additional 10 points is at stake for each short listed candidate. The 10 points is awarded based on personal interview / face to face meeting to see the connection with others

Guest bloggers

2011-03-11T18:04:00.000-08:00

In upcoming weeks we will be featuring a few guest bloggers. This is being done to give the readers a different side and different viewpoint on arranged marriages.

the next 2 mails from the last gal

2011-03-04T19:20:00.000-08:00

She wrote

Hope u had a good time in ## .. When do u return to ##?

I went to India in march of this year after ## yrs ... Was totally amazed by all the changes esp ###### airport ... Looked like a different airport. But The traffic in ##### is horrendous. I'm hoping to make a trip home in early ####. Are u planning a trip to India anytime soon?

My brother lives in ######## about 200 miles from where I'm now ... That's really nice. Do u have alot of family in the ### ?

It would be great if we could talk sometime my cell is

His Reply

Thanks for the mail. Hope all is well in ##.

I dropped you a line a couple of mins back i guess u were busy. by the way my # is ########## just in case the voice message I sent was not clear.

I love the last couple of days in #####. spending some quality time with friends and just having a blast. I leave for home tomorrow and will be there late tomorrow evening.

I was actually planning to go back in December of this year but decided to postpone the trip. I went back in 07 after like like 4 years.

Wel I was gonna keep this mail short that way I guess we will have a lot more to talk abt, not that I run out of topics.

hope you have a great day ∧ talk to u soon

Following the exchange of # we continued our correspondence via the phone

The search goes on

2011-02-25T19:10:00.000-08:00

Nice to hear from you. Hope you had a nice weekend .... Mine has been kind of crazy as I have just moved from #### to ##### spent most of the day unpacking luckily family came over to help.

Where in ##### did u live?... I grew up there... In ####. My family is also from ### as you may know. I have been in the state for about # years now... Was in ###### for 3 yrs for my school then was in ###### and worked in a #### and now in ########.

I have attached a picture
Hope u have a great weekend
Bye

His Reply

Hi

Thanks for the email and the picture. I was visiting family and friends back in ###### this holiday.It was fun other than the drive from one place to another, It seemed like every one was on the freeway.

I grew up in ########, and we moved to ###### but we visited ###### pretty often. I visited India back in 07 and could not believe how it changed over the past few years. I recently moved to ######## so I know how that goes. I guess I am still living out of suitcases.

How long ago since u visited #####? Do u have family close to you in the ##3?

Hope you had a great holiday

Email from a friend

2011-02-18T20:18:00.000-08:00

Info: Wife Wanted??

###### – here is some info on ####....give her a call – I hear she is fun and really nice -

Name: ##########

Age: 27

Born: ####
Height: ###
Education:

Bachelors in #######- ######## Engg College, #####, Mumbai

Masters in Computer Science - ################################

Employment:

Team Leader in the ################3 (a financial services company.), at #######. ##### leads a team of software developers engaged in building customized software for their customers, ##############

Residence: #########

Extra-curricular: loves to dance, go out on trips/hikes with friends, socialize.

Spirituality: Faith is of utmost importance. Goes regularly for retreats, Singles conferences, is involved in the parish community and goes on mission trips to Mexico.

Contact Email: #############@#######.com

CellPhone: ##############

___________________________________________________________________

Further communication was conducted via phone conversations

Some Correspondence from the gal that googled me

2011-02-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

Thanks ###### for this pic and for adding me on facebook. I have a better idea about how you look. You probably do too about me. Hope you are having a good day at work.You will probably get the impression that I party a lot when I mention I have another party to attend this evening, then two on Friday and one on Saturday. Its all Christmas parties-diff orgs.

Talk to you soon,
#######

TXT correspondence

Him: Thanks foe the mail I guess thats a better Pic of me in a good way, or is it a bad way lol
Her: Just the way you are. Nothing good or bad about it. Who am i to Judge huh? Besides its not like we can take credit for how we look- what we become thats a different story
Him:True that you throwing me a curve ball
Her: haha so what are your plans for the weekend
Him:Football and poker on a Saturday night Church on Sunday and getting ready for the week
Her: Party with the Friends a sleepover , some school work and lil baby sitting on Sunday evening and
Him: Enjoy the party
Her: Will do will txt you when i get back
Him: have fun
Her: Good night hon I'm back home the club was nice. I enjoyed dinner. Sweet dreams
Him: Night night am calling it a night 2 babe.

The Next day as He called her
Her: Hon i am in class til 7
Him: Cool give me a buzz if you wanna chat after
Her: Sure will babe

She calls later and they chat for hours

Wow googling me

2011-02-04T06:26:00.000-08:00

In the past, whenever I have gone on a date or have dated someone, they have never actually googled me, have never done a background check, or checked my credit report. I guess it’s a whole different ball game when you it involves a matrimonial prospect.

Now that I have changed my dating profile and have become a little more serious in life, I guess I can’t bluff on any cards. I knew the arranged marriage stuff and the legit marriage site, with over 20 million marital success stories to their credit, was something to be seriously considered. I was expecting to talk to prospective matches and to get to know them. I thought the website approach would be a little different from a traditional arranged marriage, where intimate friends and family members take on a considerably more decisive role in the matchmaking process. Now, it’s just gone hi-tech; no talking to friends or a pastor/priest, or to the elders from the community that know you. Instead, that proverbial “letter of recommendation” comes from a background check conducted via a google search. A positive result invites for further exploration from both interested parties.

Below is the letter of how my google-search actually impressed someone:

Hi ,

You have a very unusual name -any interesting story behind it?. Incidentally my father happens to be from ##### as well. Would you mind elaborating on what the acronym "#####" stands for? Never mind. I did a g-search. So you were in California before you moved to Kentucky?. Also found out that you are the PD at ####. Very impressive.

Well my number is ### -### - #### would like to talk to you too.

Hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving.

Are you for real

2011-01-28T06:17:00.000-08:00

One of my friends saw my profile on an Indian dating site, and I get the strangest call:

Friend: Are you for real?
Me : What up? what am I real about?
Friend: You set up a profile on a marriage site and it does not even look like you’re serious.
Me: Serious about what? I don’t get it
Friend: That site is not some dating site for some cheap one-night stand or where people go to to get some sick fantasy with cougars and all. I know you don't do all that and your really trying but you need to change that profile. In my opinion if you don't change your profile you're not gonna get any hits. I think you have never filled out a dating profile before.

He went on to critique my profile and told me how I should get serious. He went on to say I was not on some dumb dating site and that I needed to be serious about it. He did not like one of my lines that read

“I am not an actor not a star , don’t drive a sports car but I hoping so much you will say it doesn’t matter any way.” He also did not like my pic among other things.

He said, "I know you get in the poet mood sometimes and that you’re a lyricist and all. I know you like to be creative, but this is a serious matter. This is your life you’re talking about, not some cheap bimbo. Not one of the whack jobs like you dated in the past. Are you serious about it? Then you better make the changes."

I decided to take his suggestions and made the changes and the hits started coming in.

He was right, but as I chatted with some of the gals, I told them about my headline and they actually liked it! They thought I was funny. So I guess I had to merge the funny me with the serious me.

I haven’t found her yet. I am still looking.

Dating sites

2011-01-21T20:24:00.000-08:00

There was no reply last week.

I was thinking. I sure live in a world of fantasy and think a lot of the what if's in life. As I waited for an answer, I realized if I am looking for emotional stability; I should not close one door just to open the door at the other end of the room. Why can't I have the two doors open and have some cross ventilation?

I thought my options should be kept open. Whatever God wants. If I meet Ms. Right through arrangements done by others, so be it. If i meet her through some freakish coincidence or online or a friend, so be it.

So with that in mind and since all my American friends said i should fall in love and we live in the 21st century, I decided to reopen my dating website and browse it whenever possible.

My research

2011-01-14T06:37:00.000-08:00

I found out that the groom's family is supposed to take the proposal to the next step, so I decided to wait a week and email her parents.

the following is the email:

Dear Mr. and Mrs.********

My parents and I were wondering whether your daughter and family would like to proceed forward with the proposal. We would appreciate if you could keep us posted either way.

The Anticipation

2011-01-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

The anticipation was killing me. I thought I would stop looking after one. I stated talking to my friends finding out if it was normal not for them not to reply back. I started to talk to my friends/confidants and get their advice. These are their conversations in brief:

The first friend: (my adviser as a friend) I called up one of my friends who had his marriage arranged. I spoke to him for a while. He gave me a piece of advice: he said dont count your chickens before they were hatched. He went on to tell me it's a good option and I should pursue it. Talk to her ask her parents if you can take her out to dinner.

The second friend: I spoke to another friend who told me I need to be emotionaly attached and 4 beers later He made a comment like "she's hot." I said I like the compliment but remind me if she becomes my wife not to leave her alone with you.

The third friend (The older friend). His suggestion tell your parents not to pressure-ize you. I don't know where he got that from.

The fourth friend: (The American gay one): I dont know how you can do this. I think you should date her and fall in love and have an arranged love marriage. It was not makeing sense me. It's an arranged marriage. I just don't uinderstand how the arranged marriage system works. While in America most love marriages end in divorce, you are going to take an equally risky chance by spending the rest of your life with some one you don't know.

The fifth friend (My former business partner) Arranged marriage is better than love marriage you should definitely look into it.

My confidant: (My American boss) I dont know how some one can have their marriage arranged. I think I don't understand your culture. Maybe it will work. Give it a shot.

My Mom Emails Her mom

2010-12-31T09:51:00.000-08:00

Wow. She's cute.

I thought it would be better for my mom to write back instead of me, so I asked my mom to reply from my email. She did.

On Sat, Oct 24, 2009 at 6:36 PM,

The email read

Dear ####,

Thank your for replying to my son's email. My name is #### and we live in Glendale, CA.

My husband lives in Colaba, Bombay. #### is 5' 7" and he is an only child. My mother is a Goan from Charao and father was East Indian.

She forgot the pic so email 2 was sent

On Sat, Oct 24, 2009 at 6:38 PM,

I sent the last email without a picture by mistake. Please find an attachment of my sons picture.

They actually wrote back!

2010-12-24T21:20:00.000-08:00

I was suprised and excited by the response from the ad in the "Examiner."

Hello ,

Thank you for your email.

Our elder daughter, #####, is 28 years old, 5'2.5" and wheatish complexioned. She has completed her B.E (Computer Science) from Goa and then M.S (Computer Science) from Detroit, US. She worked as a consultant for #### in St. Louis for about 9 months and then took up a job as a software engineer in the Operating Systems Group at ##### . in Cupertino, California. She has been working with since about 2 years.

I am a Doctor, now having my private clinic in Margao. But have worked in Bombay (Sion), Dandeli and Muscat before settling down in Goa. My husband worked in Muscat for about 20 years in a private company and has now retired. Our younger daughter has just completed her MBBS.

We are Roman Catholics, originally from Baga, Velim, Salcette, Goa and have been residing in Margao for more than 20 years.

I am hereby sending across a picture of ##### and if you are interested, it would be nice if you would send across your picture as well.

Thanking you,

Sincerely,

The First Ad Reply

2010-12-17T06:07:00.000-08:00

My parents forwarded the matrimonial advertisement in the examiner regarding your daughter.

Further to your advertisment in the examiner my details are

Name: ##################

Date of birth: XXXXXXXXXX

Qualifications: B.com Management Studies, Mumbai university,

Masters in Advertising &and Public relations, KC college ,

Dloma in advanced computing art(CDAC),

Global Logistics Management Program at CSUDH( Cal State University Dominguez Hills)

Experience:After having worked in india for two years after graduation as an event coordinator and public relations executive and as a creative services consultant he migrated to the usa in may 2003 and has been there ever since. I currently have my green card and after two years will be applying for his american citizenship. I have been working in the usa as the director youth affairs and public relations with alocal nonprofit in california.

Other details: both my parents are practicing Christians and have brought up in the Christians teachings.

My father owns an event management company. My mother is in the usa and is helping out in the church activities. I am the only child.

If you are interested in taking this matter further I would be obliged if you could send me your daughters resume, and photograph

The Decission to reply

2010-12-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

I guess I was tired of me being single. Tired of having all my friends get married; of me being the third wheel every time I hung out with them. I just could not take another failed relationship. I had actually grown up and was considering replying to a matrimonial ad sent by father back in India. I guess I was tired of trying to find love on my own. Tired of surfing dating sites and dating incompatible women. So 2 failed engagements and 3 stalkers later, I finally was man enough to ask for help, or was I?

My cousin was actualy the one planted the seed that made me realise I needed help. She had just lost her father and she initiallty broke down. She was just 23, but was bold enough to ask the family to help in finding a boy for her. I opposed the idea at first. but since she was the only daughter, and I am the only son, we were similar. I began to think; I actually looked at what made her take the decision to reach out to family, and it made sense.

So I was deciding to reply to the ad, but was that the right thing to do?

Was me asking my parents and family to help in finding me a bride, a good decisions?

These were the questions I had to answer

My parents mail to me

2010-12-03T05:30:00.000-08:00

After a disagreement with my parents in 2007 I told them never to even bring up marriage again. As time went on, it healed the wounds, and we started communicateing again.

On Fri, Oct 23, 2009 at 9:52 AM, I received an email from my father. He was diplomatic and did not want to tick me off again, so it read:

Dear Son,

It's been a long time since I heard from you. Actually, I came across a very interesting matrimonial advertisement in the "Examiner." If you are interested, you can reply directly to the email address given or call on the mobile number given. The extract of the advertisement is as follows:

"Parents of R.C. Goan spinster 28 yrs. 5'2.5", wheatish complexion, postgraduate, working in U.S.A. Visiting Bombay/Goa in December, invite alliance from bachelors with good family background, working in U.S.A. Kindly reply if interested with details and photograph to ########################"

So now the ball is in your court; if you wish to reply go ahead and either Email or Callon the Email address given or the mobile number given.

bye for now

luv & rgds to all out there,

I want a pre nuptial agreement (a letter from a young man to his family)

2010-11-26T20:57:00.000-08:00

Dear Dad

Hope you are doing well and I hope things are well on the business side. I will be visiting India shortly and I know the family has lined up a few marriage proposals for me. I think it should also be made clear to the prospective proposals that I want the bride to sign a prenuptial agreement before our marriage.

The reason I ask is because I plan to say in the United States where the divorce rate is high. I don’t think that money should be the criteria in a marriage, but I also think that it would not be fair to the family, for her to have a stake on what the family has build up. By this I mean the property in India.

The prenup is just to protect the family assets which I will inherit some day. Since we are just four cousins and will be inheriting the family’s assets I think my other cousins should also have a prenup before marriage.

What the pre-nup will state will be listed below

· All family inheritances from either party will not be liable for division during a separation or divorce.

· The spouse is not liable to receive proceeds from any venture prior to the marriage. This will include sale or purchase of assets or property held by one of the members of the contract.

· Spouses shall not be held accountable for loans or debts of his or her spouse prior to the marriage.

· Any trousseau received will be in the name of the party who it is given to or gifted to.

· In the case of a trousseau the party who is bringing it into the relationship shall have absolute control over it. The other party will not have any say as to the investment of the assets from the trousseau unless requested by the party who is bringing it in to the relationship.

· Neither part will be eligible for spousal support.

· The parent having custody will receive support to bring up the children.

· In the event of the demise of one of the people to the contract all the assets of the said person will be inherited by his/ her children

· In the absence of children being born to the said parties of the contract. The property of the said part will be inherited by the other if they are still together. If there is a separation or divorce all the assets will donated to a charity of his or her choice

The disagreement.

2010-11-19T12:45:00.000-08:00

In July of 2007, I went to India and actually met some prospective matches. I said yes to one of them and started to be a hopeless romantic; I started to count my chickens even before I saw the eggs.

She said NO 3 days before I left back for the USA. I was mad and had a big fight with my father. Me being the guy who wants things as of yesterday and never having being told "NO" made me even angrier. I did not approve of her telling me at the last moment.

My dad said her reasons were family-based. My answer was she has to live with me and me with her, and with no one else (read: relatives).

In this fight I told my parents never to bring up a match again with me. I guess i was afraid of rejection.

Trousseau / Dowry, the next step after prenups

2010-11-16T12:44:00.000-08:00

This Post is by a guest blogger Mr. Jude Pereria.
The views of the blogger do are not the views of the owner of the blog. The owners of the blog do not approve of the Dowry system

What’s my worth? This was the question that that came up one day as my friends and I sipped on some tea / coffee at Starbucks.

I don’t know why we were discussing this issue. It started off as a joke but turned into a serious discussion. One of my friends jokingly suggested I find him a gal who would give him a huge dowry. Among the Hindus and the Indians, the dowry is given by the bride’s family. It is normally for the bride’s upkeep. Among the Muslims, the dowry is given by the man to the bride to show that he is serious about the marriage.

I personally am against dowries. But then again prenups aren't a popular thing with the ladies either. In the past I have been offered a dowry with various proposals. I rejected taking any dowry from the prospective bride's family. To most people, the offers I turned down would have made for a comfortable lifestyle. As I turned down each offer, my friends back in India thought I was crazy. I guess I was a good catch.

The offers I received

The first offer: I see this one as the merger of two family businesses. This was my ex-girlfriend. Her father has a shipping business. She was the youngest of four daughters.

According to the family's customs, as the youngest daughter, she would inherit all of her father's assets. This would amount to the two offices in Mumbai and the family property. Her father had set up offices for the other daughters. One was in Australia, Canada, and at the time, Japan. I guess I was going to get the one in India if I married her. My family would have also benefited from various contacts granted to our companies. (Total net value: three million dollars +)

The second offer: It was brought to me by a friend. The proposal was for his friend’s sister. I had a Master’s Degree by then. and I was already involved in the family business. The girl came from a very traditional Hindu family. She was the only daughter. Her family owned commercial fishing trawlers off the cost of India. She was only let to study till the seventh grade for a fear that she may fall in love with someone and spoil the family name

Her family offered me a luxury car, a house in the suburbs, cash and gifts totaling to 2.5 million dollars

Offer three: This girl was my secretary in my dad's business. She was a Hindu and we worked together. Her family owned a chain of grocery stores and a dealership for bikes.

I was offered a bike and free groceries for life and all profits from one of the stores and dealership.

Offer four: There was only one proposal that I remember that did not come with any dowry. At the first meeting I made it clear that I did not want a dowry when her father asked me how much of a dowry I sought. Her father said we respect that and that he would not give any dowry. His daughter would nonetheless still be given her share of the family wealth of $ 250,000 in jewelry and gifts.

Although I had refused to take the dowry and my family made it clear that I did not need it, all the proposals however that came to me were with a dowry. When we said that we did not want any they just said it is a gift; if you don’t want it then you can put it in our daughter's name.

Traditionally the dowry is given for the bride’s upkeep and to help with the marriage expenses.

I guess I was a pretty good catch and was worth a lot.

The first advertisment reply

2010-11-12T10:47:00.000-08:00

dear madam,

further to your advertisment in the examiner and the telephonic conversation we had on in the evening hours I am pleased to give you my sons details:

son's name: #####################

his date of birth: xxxx

his qualifications: b.com management studies, mumbai university, pgdbm in advertising & public relations, kc college mumbai, diploma in advanced computing art(CDAC), mumbai university, computing accounting,mumbai.

experience:after having worked in india for two years after graduation as an event coordinator and public relations executive and as a creative services consultant he migrated to the usa in may 2003 and has been there ever since. he is currently processing his papers for his green card and after two years will be applying for his american citizenship.he has been working in the usa as the director youth affairs and public relations with the all nations christian ministries in el monte, california. presently he is working on an assignment in kentucky and will be there till may 2007.

other details: both my wife and myself are practicing roman catholics and so ziren has been brought up in the roman catholic teachings and is also a practicing catholic.

i am in business and have my own event management company. my wife is in the usa and is helping out in the church activities. he is the only child.

if you are interested in taking this matter further i would be obliged if you could send me your daughters resume, and telephonically confirm the same to me as i do not have an internet connection at home, so that i could forward the same to my son

thanking you,

yours sincerely,