in this is hope

snapshots of life

2013-04-01T22:58:00.001+08:00

cos today's been one of those 'blah' days, i thought i'd unearth this blog and write about what i feel about teaching... then i decided that it won't be wise, and i might as well give thanks instead... cos as much as these past 3 months has been difficult and roller-coaster-ish.. there've been too many blessings to count

December 2012

just to leave the country

i had fun... can't believe one of my class kids said it wasn't age appropriate for him

beautifiul wedding of two amazing friends

my bf spoiling me for christmas

somehow all the stash for christmas was girly - i think it's a ploy to make me girlier

finally took the time to go to gardens by the bay with the bf - blessed to have free tickets!

January 2013

signed up for the 2XU run... so started running more intensively and dropped my phone. thank God the new year came already and i could use my LDS to pay for it

February 2013

homemade rose with love =)

yet another friend's wedding - and a hilarious picture taken at their photobooth

March 2013

the most amazing birthday present i've ever gotten - and yummy too

i got to eat myself...

and play with LEGO

and got a huge and awesome surprise from a friend =) think the postage cost a bomb... so blessed to have friends like her

fake lego... just got it on a whim cos of the fun we had making the big ben.. this was difficult and tiny though!

good food with good friends

Iggy's (an awesome birthday treat by the bf)

Just yesterday @ 2XU run

i survived the 10km run! next goal - half marathon

had Macs bfast after the run and took this just to commemorate this hilarious moment where i disfigured his pancakes on a whim

2013-03-22T01:46:00.002+08:00

I am tired.

There are so many things that i'd like to write about... but just have too much work and no bandwidth - and then i'd probably forget to write entries in the times when i actually do get a break (therefore the silence on this blog heh.) it's been a blessed term, hectic, with an incredible amount of favour...

3 days of hols left till term 2. I desperately need to recharge my soul and see His supply in my life.

bye bye Rock Auditorium!

2012-12-17T00:17:00.001+08:00

it's so much easier to post a status on facebook or even a photo on instagram nowadays but reminiscing always needs a long wordy blog post.

today at the 'farewell rock party' (if you're wondering, it's cos NCC is shifting out of its current auditorium and into the Star) there was extended 4th service worship, all the pastors made an appearance, people were busy snapping photos...

and amidst that i was meeting old friends, people whom i grew up with in youth ministry, meeting the friends of these friends (albeit awkwardly cos the church is so big don't really know half the people you recognise) and thinking about how i've spent the last 12 years growing up in the ministry and attending services at this very auditorium

i'm not really a sentimental person so didn't really spend time taking photos: much prefer to look back, take stock... and forge forwards knowing that God has gone ahead and each step of the way will be better. so... i ended up people-watching and just seeing how God has so impacted the lives of the people i've grown up with - esp. all those who've become leaders and stuff... He is just so faithful.

best of all, i got to drink a cup of teh tarik 'tarik-ed' by Pastor Dan himself (and took a pic of him making it... which i won't post haha).

not that the cup was impt... or cos he is "Pastor"... but it just warmed my heart to know that in the midst of this growing ministry, the people whom feel 'furthest away' on the platform simply have that heart for serving God and serving others. the personal touch from pastors has perhaps disappeared with each additional thousand that has entered our doors... but the heart of service and love remains. and that's our true calling isn't it? to serve others with the gifts and callings He has placed in our lives - just as Jesus serves us.

haha and at the same time i saw my generation of leaders serving others in just the same way... my friend Christine who serves in RSM (our usher ministry) went to flip prata and serve people while the prata man was off busy doing something else. crazy!

it's just such a different spirit and so precious... may i keep growing in it and keep walking in His love for others whatever the capacity i'm in. there's no time to look at these people in their current greatness and feel envious... but its time to sow seeds in the lives that i can touch with all He has given me. and hey! one day i'll perhaps be in their shoes wondering how in the world God brought me there... and filling teh tarik for people =)

Happy Children's Day!

2012-10-06T13:48:00.005+08:00

Awesome relaxed past two days... so blessed!

Thurs:
half day in school helping to facilitate the ACES day programme and just hanging with the kids. granted the night before was a mad rush to prepare their gifts. but twas fun going around being a blessing =). Then got to spend unplanned time with the bf due to a series of unfortunate events happening and all our other plans being cancelled.

in the midst of cutting cards and sticking chocolate

Fri:
Went for a swim with the boy... then had my first EXCELLENT lunch in Singapore. So far all the good food has been just -good- and not comparable to the things i've had a chance to try in London. Well this lunch was comparable in price too ($60++) but food and service was top notch. Where? Les Amis @ Shaw Centre.

So in commemoration of lunch... photos!

First there was bread... white, walnut, and sea salt, of which i have no picture. the sea salt bread was something of a cross between a croissant and a brioche and marvelously fluffy

fresh butter, tomato butter and crushed sea salt

Then the amuse-bouche...

Salmon canapé

ZQ's appetizer, the eel had just the right amount of seasoning while maintaining its original flavour - and not fishy at all

Lightly smoked eel "tiède", garlic croûton, ratte potato salade

my disassembled appetizer - every bite had a different and distinct flavour, and every bite was perfectly balanced with each other

Confit "Bengal Bay" prawn, marinated red beets, celeriac, horseradish cream

ZQ's main course - which he liked but i thought wasn't very exciting. i must say the dish really brought out the flavour of each individual ingredient in a ... for lack of a better description... natural way

Crispy skin guinea fowl, savoy cabbage, coco bean, smoked onion ragout

from the dish above - this was the cabbage, bean and what we think is mashed potato

my main course, again looking disassembled - what i thought was mashed potato was actually cauliflower lol!

Pan roasted Challans duck breast, brussels sprouts, cauliflower purée, speck-onion glaze

And then there was dessert:

coffee that we asked to be served with dessert

didn't think ZQ's dessert was very special, but it was very well done

Tarte tatin, hazelnut and aged sherry liqueur

and mine... effectively a disassembled lemon meringue with ice cream. with awesome rich individual flavour

'A fancy lemon tart', thyme ice cream

white space

2012-09-13T18:01:00.002+08:00

here in the Singapore education system the creators of the curriculum have created something called 'white space'. supposedly it's free time in the curriculum for teachers to spend time with the kids, prepare fun activities/ carry out said fun activities (which take up huge amounts of time). it's particularly useful for science teachers who have tons of experiments to carry out but only have about 6 periods a week (i.e. 3 hours) -about half the amount of time that teachers have with the kids for math/ english.

i think on the whole teachers need this white space - not just in the curriculum so that we can 'do more stuff with the kids' but real free time to properly plan and think about the things we care about. just read an article recently that says to 'take all the vacations you can' cos it's when you're fully rested and your mind drifts back to work that you start to want to learn and try to find ways to improve your productivity. tell me about it man... i haven't the time to think beyond what i would be doing in the next hour.

anyhow today on the way home i was feeling quite pleased with myself cos i created some artificial 'white space' for myself. i put down that red pen and ignored the pile of marking that was beckoning... and just left.

so here i am blogging about what i was thinking about on the way home

- i really should know the rationale behind everything that i do in school - but i don't actually know (my poor kids... if i don't know the rationale, how do they find purpose in what they're doing?)

- it's not sufficient to plan your time such that everything fits beautifully, your schedule is within your comfort zone where you know you can do well in everything you agree to do.
that's probably self effort - effort that demands minute control over everything such that everything can turn out in a perfect manner akin to one's expectations. (i must say at this point that this is something that i tend to do and get stressed out over cos i find that i "can't cope" with my own standards)

trusting God's grace on the other hand is to know that none of this can be done in the first place without Christ in you. for if God doesn't bless your work then all is in vain. commitment-wise... 'commit your works to the Lord' - know your limits, don't overcommit your time, but trust God that He will cause you to surpass your wildest dreams of success. He will bless the works of your hands (even when you're rushing and never feel that it's good enough... haha i'm speaking to myself here)

- i need to do my marking... i wonder if i balance everything i need to mark/ plan in a single stack on the floor if it would end up taller than my table. maybe i should try it tomorrow. hahaha.

ok back to work, and time for a run =)

counting blessings

2012-09-03T14:53:00.001+08:00

haven't had enough time this quarter of the year to really appreciate all the things that have happened. and so many awesome things happened amidst the busy-ness. i just wish there was more time to really savour every moment and blog about em as they come... ohwell.

some snippets from this season (boy not included haha). really see God's hand in everything... in the midst of the problems and the demands, and moments of awesomeness like these. just wanna stay thankful for all He has done =)

Chor leaders meeting celebrating Crystal's bdae

meeting oldtime lovely friends (i stole this photo off whatsapp haha)

my teachers' day stash on the last day of school =)

women's leaders gathering... and making this was the bonding activity - awesome creative stuff!

the dessert that crystal made and brought for the potbless

too fast too furious

2012-08-20T22:59:00.001+08:00

it seems like this not having time for myself is becoming a recurrent thing with my current schedule - thus the silence over here

was just lamenting that it's a public holiday and a long weekend but it's been so busy i actually have trouble remembering all that i did these last 3 days.

but just as i was complaining to God i was prompted to think about how fruitful my life is - all the projects at work (there is always an overwhelming number of things that must be done as a teacher), being a leader at church (which also means more growth/ responsibility/ things to do), newfound love... and just living life with people

with every demand on my life and my time - it seems that there's a fruit

so i guess the real challenge for my walk with Him is to have that awareness of His presence and a dependence on Jesus... to just be in that state where i can ask before every decision or starting on a piece of work - to wait for the still small voice and direction... and to remember it's not about me, but about his provision

it really is a NEED to prioritise time with Jesus so that everything works smoothly man.

“The Lord God has given Me
The tongue of the learned,
That I should know how to speak
A word in season to him who is weary.
He awakens Me morning by morning,
He awakens My ear
To hear as the learned.
~Isaiah 50:4

He HAS GIVEN... :) need to meditate on the provision man!

fruit comes in all shapes and sizes

2012-06-07T01:09:00.001+08:00

i've been too busy with school to post... and i've been too lazy to post anything this school holiday cos they were all passing thoughts and i didn't want to have to sign out of all my email accounts just to sign in to blogger (terrible reason right? haha)

anyway. i was having tea with some friends

and we were sharing about what we've been doing the last couple of months - i was telling em tt i recently 'got promoted' to be a leader in choir so life has gotten quite a bit busier with the added responsibilities.

and j said 'wow charity, just a year or so ago when we last had tea you were planning to audition for choir and worrying that you wouldn't get in'

wow indeed! i was floored... cos God is just so good. It's been a crazy busy year - i'm so out of my league... all Glory to Jesus! there were many nights of weariness, helplessness and prayer and 'i can't do this' whines... but so many things have happened in such a short span of time with such great favour and success.

so here's a quick snapshot... to thank God for:

-amazing working relations with my colleagues
-being given opportunities to sing @ church & serve in a greater capacity
-being picked to take on different roles @ work (it really doesn't make sense for them to pick me for some things considering how i'm always asking so many 'huh how to do???' questions and making mistakes)

the view from the treetop walk @ Bukit Chandu when we went for the P4 camp recee

singing in the easter item @ church

the product of many saturdays of labour with Sha & the beautiful ppl who came specially to help

having a successful gala dinner @ school (after a ton of last min changes)

back to basics

2012-04-28T23:23:00.001+08:00

sometimes worship and praise erupt out of the joy you feel.
when there's that spontaneous song keeps ringin in your head... and there's this bright hope in your heart... cos you know that you know that God's on your side and nothing can keep you down.

then there are the times where the worship comes first and the joy comes later.

this worship is cos you know in your heart that you're redeemed, cos the work has been finished. even if circumstances say otherwise. you worship cos you're grateful to have gotten this far even if you can't see the light at the other end.

you make that choice to jump, to clap, to sing cos god is worth it.. even if that jump is weary and the clapping is halfhearted. and in the midst of tt praise... God floods in and all those cares are lifted off... and you find that joy again... and the song on your lips.

worship is wholehearted surrender.

it's term 2 week 6

2012-04-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

i've been somewhat escapist these few days...

got a mountain of marking on my table... some ongoing projects at school, not enough time to settle them... cos i'm settling some fight between my kids half the time.

and yet i don't do anything when i'm at home.
and yet i don't think i'm at rest.

need to take hold of those thoughts and bask in Daddy God's presence again. i don't know how other people do it, but i really can't work when i'm feeling sian.

i had a random thought about whether cutting would relieve the pressure again. silly i know. it's not even my thought. go away devil shoo.

girlyness... hmm

2012-04-15T21:21:00.001+08:00

i'm escaping the report book comments writing so i've decided to write on my blog instead haha.

been thinking about 'girl rights' recently... (cos i bought purple eyeliner on a whim lol.)

you know, the right to make the guys wait while you stare into the mirror in the toilet and fix your makeup/ hair.

i was just reminded of what a guy friend said to me once - that waiting is the guy's responsibility... and he'll wait for as long as the girl takes to makeup/do hair/ whatnot to look good.

i never knew that before!
i always thought that getting out of the house as fast as possible was the way to go. (as long as i was wearing something and my hair wasn't sticking out at a weird angle!) but i never really thought much about what he said until i started serving in choir and spending at least 30min on makeup on sunday mornings...
and so i'm just getting the revelation that God created all us girls to be beautiful - and we're meant to take care of our temple, make it look attractive as a part of what He has blessed us with.

i think being in the choir has grown me lots lol... from the uni days where the bros nicknamed me mgtg (more guy than guy)... to being onstage and being comfortable with makeup and all. funny how things go huh?

lil snippets of happiness

2012-04-03T21:14:00.000+08:00

been staring at this lil bag...

can't help but feel blessed and loved that i'm remembered

yet it brings an incredible emoness at the same time cos i recall the days in London all at once and can't help but compare it to life now.

need to see/ feel/ hear/ live in that same kind of contentment again. but it's kinda difficult over here.. where discontent is the one emotion that people express openly. ah well. i guess remembering London makes the current 6 years of bondage feel more worth it =P

eyes on the prize

2012-03-30T22:59:00.001+08:00

these last two weeks have been incredibly exciting/ challenging/ heart-stopping/ painful/ crazy.

every step of the way i've realised tt i really can't make it through my own efforts... they'll just never be good enough.

like...
-the standard of the exam paper i set
-what people think of me at work
-how i manage expectations & people (this one really really need grace man)
-how i really don't have it all together and tend to screw up in the little things

then there were the 'what-ifs' that came to my mind this week, wondering how things would have turned out if i had made a decision back then out to say i felt rather than following my fear of the consequences - to put my heart out there and trust God to keep it safe rather than trying to guard it all by myself

but Jesus really comes through in times like these. saw it in the grace and the favour extended at work... in the stability of my heart in those broken moments where i had to come to terms with my shortcomings... in peaceable resolution of conflict in the times where i couldn't cope...

so i'll keep my eyes on the prize... Jesus Christ... and He'll come through for me.

let my steps be directed by God's will and not mine. and i'll surrender that person who managed get in so deep in my heart (without me realising it till now) to my First Love... and trust that His plans for me will always work out for good and for His glory.

happy unbirthday!

2012-03-11T00:00:00.001+08:00

my birthday passed... in a flurry of activity and no great presents or celebration or whatever. boring right? the actual day itself was DISGUSTINGLY BUSY.

that said, all the well wishes and random remarks made it bearable... and my kids waited quietly in class just to wish me happy birthday =) so sweet right? to those who remembered and made a point to say something/ do something - you made my day =)

and to God... who orchestrated a leaders meeting that was sprung on me at the last minute in the midst of the business - thank You... i absolutely needed that to refocus and keep sane.

well for now the term madness and exam madness has ended (hooray it's the march holidays!). i can finally breathe again and enjoy my year-older-status heh.

someday maybe

2012-02-28T20:07:00.000+08:00

had a conversation with one of my kids today...

boy: miss kam, maths is so hard! what was your worst subject? or your best subject?
me: er i don't know... i got all As in primary schcool
boy: so good! what school you go?
me: oh i went to this school, same as you
boy: har. then what secondary school you go
me: raffles
boy: then after that?
me: also raffles
boy: but then raffles is the very good that one right?
me: mhm
boy: so good one, i sure cannot go
me: it never hurts to try right?
boy: cannot one lah, all my subjects so lousy.

i was mulling over this convo on the way home today - wish that i could've told him that his worth isn't in his grades or in what school he gets into... wish i could've told him that his worth comes from his creator - and that his creator loves him, that he isn't a mistake even if he's failing school, that he is made for something great. after all, i never believed i would amount to anything even though i got all straight As and went to good schools.

honestly... only Jesus matters...

only by grace

2012-02-18T22:21:00.000+08:00

i was humbled this week and awed at God's favour in my life - i was running to class (cos i left my kids alone to get some stuff from the staffroom tt i forgot) and a girl said hi to me. I vaguely registered the 'hi' but i actually didn't know her =/ oops. then i overheard this as i continued speeding past...

friend: who's that?
girl: i just said hi to my favourite teacher

like... omg i can't remember her name and i'm her fav teacher??? i'm guessing it must have been from last year's 'Super Relief Teacher' experience where i taught every single class in the morning session as an internal relief cos they didn't have a class to give me.

but. seriously... THIS MUST BE GOD.

you know you're loved when...

2012-02-14T22:54:00.001+08:00

someone gets you free coffee!!! haha.

http://weheartit.com/entry/14449151/via/tiatyra

well that's what Jesus got me today. i went to starbucks instead of getting bubble tea (prompting?) then realised that my friend sent me a starbucks promo while i was in the queue! one for one coffee+cupcake set =) so i got my drink to tide me through the marking... a drink to tide me through tmr... and a yummy cupcake to top it off.

Life Cycles

2012-02-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

i've been on this topic for quite some time in science... life cycles - how life just keeps repeating and growing and repeating

so now i've a penchant for linking things with arrows ⇒ like so

anyway... today i was just thinking about responsibility (mainly cos i just received news of increased responsibility recently)... and i can't wrap my mind around it. i'm just so underserving of the position. i'm new, noob, make blunder upon blunder... yet here i am experiencing grace upon grace

and here it is, represented with arrows:

i prioritise rest in God ⇒ God increases me ⇒ people see and increase responsibilities ⇒ i just have to prioritise rest in Jesus' finished work cos i can't cope ⇒ God increases me ⇒ people see and increase responsibilities ⇒ i just have to prioritise rest in Jesus' finished work cos i can't cope ⇒ God increases me ⇒ people see and increase responsibilities ⇒ i just have to prioritise rest in Jesus' finished work cos i can't cope

so awesome.

i do wonder

2012-01-27T22:29:00.000+08:00

today as i was finishing up work (or packing up to bring work home lol) i had a random thought:

i'm really not very much good at anything but studying

and then a secondary thought:

i wasn't THAT great at studying... yeah i'm smart, but so are the people i grew up with

hmm... so come to think of it... what exactly am i good at?? defo not teaching... i'm still as noob as it gets.

.
.
.

i guess i should just become good at depending on God.

eyes on me

2012-01-25T23:01:00.000+08:00

"EYES ON YOU!"

at least that's what i've trained my kids to say.

i keep encountering this problem in class - i give out a worksheet, and everyone gets busy writing their name, looking at the questions, and then i get at least 10 questions of the same kind, all asking 'how to do this teacher?' well. usually i try to preempt them... give out the worksheet, get their attention with 'eyes on me', give the instructions, go through a few examples... and then off they are on their own.

and i was just thinking on the way home that i'm probably like my kids when it comes to life. i hit a roadblock... and i spend all the time trying to figure out a way to solve it, pull my hair out... and maybe, eventually, ask God 'how to dooo? what do i do next?' ... God's probably like me on the other end, saying 'eyes on me' but i'm too preoccupied to notice. and He just repeats that and waits (with much more patience than i have in class) and waits till i finally look up and away from the 'problems on my desk' and he can finally guide me through the process till everything is solved.

hmm.

my current occupation

2012-01-17T19:48:00.001+08:00

lol. that's probably the opinion of my students... 'why is there always work for us to do??'

that said, i have a few plastic boxes of THIS on my table at work

cool? the kids get to bring em home and grow them into beetles to learn about the life cycle. this part of the education system i absolutely love. though i must say the mealworms shit a lot and are smelly and take up space on my table =P

Lord help me be an educator, a leader, a mentor... not that dude who goes into class and lectures boredom cos it's in the syllabus.

the end of 'hell week'

2012-01-07T23:01:00.004+08:00

i have survived the first week of school... and even manage to nua the whole day away today =)
part of this rest was spent watching fireproof and one line of the theme song caught my attention

"love is peace in the middle of a war"

maybe everyday at school is a battlefield... being a teacher is like firefighting
but Christ in me the hope of glory - my peace in the storm

2012-01-02T17:53:00.000+08:00

here it is again.
the time to look ONLY to JESUS
and say that the country i'm in doesn't matter
the people i'm surrounded by do not dictate who i am
the amount of work i need to do doesn't matter
the amount of time i have to do that work doesn't matter
how i perform DOESN'T MATTER

Lord teach me to not get caught up in the busyness of life. this should be where i'm at everyday

heart matters

2011-12-31T02:28:00.001+08:00

saw this on fbook and thought it was quite cool. we all identify with that kind of sentiment once in a while right?
but well. without the heart... then there's no real reason for living is there? everything would be emotionless and sian. (i say this but i'm still struggling with mine on a daily basis)

on a side note, i was totally absolutely floored at school today - and not in a good way
2012 is looking to be a challenging work year: last class (ALL THREE CORE SUBJECTS OMG), challenging kids (thank God i'm the co-form teacher instead of the form), english department (a very busy department!), staff welfare committee, the usual CCA stuff

man. Lord. help me see that the giants are my bread... and that Your grace is sufficient for me, Your strength made perfect in my weakness (heck. everything that's got to do with work is a weakness as i see it)

[edit] department's changed... just so the info on the web is correct lol [/edit]

simply worship

2011-12-28T02:07:00.000+08:00

this home-alone for a week thing is rather liberating

suddenly it's just me and God.... no more hiding cos the parents might just choose an unfortunate moment to walk in/ ask me to do something in which case i'll have to discreetly wipe away the traces of my communion with God and go on pretending that life's cool and i've got it all together

nah. i really don't have it altogether at all... and i'm finally ready to admit it to myself. worship, cry, pray, disintegrate, whatever.

hello Daddy... i'm home now. sorry i ran away.