In this wonderful life...

live now

2010-07-31T17:45:00.003-05:00

so.....

2010-07-30T00:04:00.001-05:00

I've seen several bloggers create collage-type picture posts. I've decided this is a good option for when I take lots of pictures. For instance, in Brent's birthday dinner post. I probably had 15 more pictures I could have added.

I was playing around tonight, creating some, and I made the one above..and the one below....

necklace details & brent's birthday celebration

2010-07-29T02:01:00.004-05:00

Thank you all for the sweet comments on the necklace. I feel very lucky to have it, along with Cohen's prints :)

{bold & colored words are links you can click}

I have the company details for the necklace. I think these type of things make wonderful keepsakes. The company is called Meadow Hill and here is their website. There are several options if you click "Thumbies" and "Buddies".

Brent's birthday was a few weeks ago, on July 12th. I did a fun post about him here. He has mentioned maybe doing a guest post on the blog, soon. I think he needs some convincing. Team?

Some of our family and friends had a small dinner on July 11th. We had a good time. I tweeted several fun pictures but never uploaded them all off my camera. I now have.

As I've probably mentioned before, Brent loves to sing. He really is a great singer. I did take video of him singing this night. HOWEVER, I didn't realize you would be able to hear me singing as well. So, as I videoed him, I sang along. Therefore, I was closest to the phone camera...you can hear me over him. Not cool. I'm AWFUL!!! Anyways, he serenaded us for a few hours.

Speaking of singing, I got an email from a friend (who knows Brent has talent in the singing department) on Brent's birthday (which the friend didn't know). The friend works for american id*l some. He asked if I had any video of Brent singing that he could give to producers. I was like...well, what luck! Today, he turns 29 and last night, I completely ruined the video! Well, 29 pushes him out of the AI opportunity. It was comical.

At least that doesn't stop him from singing for all of us. When I say us, don't worry, I'll get video of him singing to post for you to hear.

I know there are lots of pics. The little ones are just fun to photograph. I also know my camera settings were a bit off, as I still haven't really learned how to work it with the changing light. We were at Brent's stepbrother's house.

my mom made a yummy cake
Penny, Lucy, Kyle & Jess came :)
Lucy wanted those balloons
Taylor talking to Penny
Taylor & Beaux (Taylor, Beaux and Tatum are our nieces and nephew)

Triston, Beaux & Jonathan
us:)

tatum dug in..with her face...while she was waiting on a fork haha
she loves her face poses

Cohen's footprint around my neck

2010-07-27T20:31:00.001-05:00

I've been meaning to post this necklace for a week or so now. I was so excited when it arrived and I love having it around my neck. I've gotten so many wonderful necklaces/charms. I can have a piece of Cohen, all the time, around my neck.

I have some pictures, that I will post soon, of Cohen's little feet and hands getting their prints made :)

This necklace is extra special because it is is Cohen's actual footprint. In the funeral home packet, there was a booklet of little keepsakes. This necklace caught my eye. We were able to take one of Cohen's footprints, taken the day he passed, and have it put on the necklace.....(I probably should have wiped my finger print off before the pic : /).

There were 3 sets of prints made in the hospital of his hands and feet. The company was able to scan a foot onto a computer and then to their machine, to print the necklace.
Pretty sweet, huh?

I'll be sharing my other necklaces soon :)

weekend festivities

2010-07-27T00:04:00.001-05:00

{First of all, sorry for all the 10385 grammar mistakes I had in my last, tiny post. That's what happens when I post in the wee hours of the morning! I think I corrected most of them today when I read the post : / }

We had a nice weekend and I hope you all did too!

Unfortunately, Brent's grandmother passed away this weekend :( She would have been 90 years old this fall and she lived a wonderful life. I really enjoyed getting to know her. She was so sweet! We are excited for her to meet Cohen :) I bet he loves all his grandparents so much.

Friday night, we ordered in dinner from our gift account and watched Brooklyn's Finest. It kept my attention but it was just not my kind of movie. It was too violent for me. We also watched Dateline. We love Dateline. We love 20/20 and Primetime, too, but for some reason the 20/20 didn't record :(

Saturday morning I went to my sister-in-law's baby shower. She is expecting baby Paxton in October :) While I was at the shower, Brent hung out with his step-brother (husband of the momma-to-be). I left before she opened gifts, but I think she got some wonderful things.

How cute is this watermelon?!

These are from a local cupcake store. I didn't know they had the mini ones!
The diaper cake was SO cute!

sweet hubs :)

On Saturday afternoon, we went to Penny's baptism and after party. It was beautiful and lots of fun. I wish I would have snapped more pictures but I got a few good ones! The after party was a luau at the pool with super cute decor.

Miss Penny...
loved the center pieces...
Big sister, Lucy

table runner

Lucy was still carrying around one of these straws the next day :)

Sunday, we picked up our house for an open house. We then ran some errands and attended a coney eating contest. Yep, man versus food. Nope, hubby nor I participated. I couldn't actually watch the men stuff coneys into their mouths for more than a second or two..ick. It was still a fun time!

The weekend always goes by a little too quickly.

Today, I had lunch with Jessica, which is always lovely.

If you follow me on twitter, you may have read about my excitement for our nieces and nephew to return from their trip. Brent and I saw them for a few seconds tonight, but they were sleepy and ready for/in bed. I tweeted that I needed another outing with the girls like this one. Those pictures always make me smile.

Packet #2 of insurance EOB's arrived today. There were 62 of them in the package. HA.

I attempted to come up with something to cook for dinner without pots, pans, mixing bowls, etc. I only got as far as a salad. Then, I bought the ingredients and realized we didn't have a knife. No kitchen = not so fun. I did pick up a rotisserie chicken from Target, which was delicious.

I go back to work two weeks from today. Scary.

I'm glad you all liked king Curtis. One of the funniest little kids!

I'm going to attempt to go to bed early tonight. We will see!

a good laugh

2010-07-26T00:55:00.006-05:00

Another Monday is here. I'm hoping this will give you a good laugh.

Brent is always showing me funny videos he finds on You Tube. Usually his friends send him clips or he finds them by browsing. Most of them usually make me giggle. Brent can quote King Curtis. This one is great. This little boy is a hoot!

I have no idea if Wife Swap is scripted or not. I've seen several episodes on Lifetime and some are hysterically funny and some just don't seem real, they are so crazy. Nonetheless, more reality entertainment.

I hope that you all had a good weekend :) I'll recap ours soon.

Visitor From Heaven

2010-07-23T01:41:00.003-05:00

I've had lots of people email me poems, songs and other forms of encouragement (besides their own words). I love them and I think everyone would be lucky to read them. I've decided every now and then I'll post one....with a sweet picture or few, of course.

This is a song by Twila Paris. Here are the lyrics and it reads like a poem.

Visitor From Heaven

A visitor from heaven
if only for a while
A gift of love to be returned
We think of you and smile

A visitor from Heaven
accompanied by Grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place

With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came

A visitor from Heaven
If only for a day
We thank Him for the time He gave
And now it's time to say
We trust you to the Father's love
And to his tender care
Held in the everlasting arms
And we're so glad your there
We're so glad your there

With breaking hearts and open hands
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came

Lyrics and Words by Twila Paris
Thanks, Heather

I know these pictures are happy ones and sad ones. I don't mean to make you sad. However, I just felt like they were some that fit these lyrics/poem.

{Cohen arrives :) 6.7.10}

{the first time I held him}

{first family pic}

{the day he was born..he had just arrived to Children's from Parkland. 6.7.10}

{6.8.10 - going to see him at Children's...before I was discharged from Parkland.}

{Cohen goes to Heaven. Last time to hold him. 6.18.10}

What we've been up to....

2010-07-22T03:20:00.003-05:00

As I previously mentioned, I've not gone back to work yet. I will return a full two months after delivery because of my c-section. For a week or so I didn't get too bored but then I found myself looking for things to do. The past two weeks we've been working some at the other house so that has kept me somewhat busy. I'm also reading some, working on my list for thank you notes, watching some soap network, eating too much, etc.

I had my 6 week postpartum appointment. Actually, I guess it was about 4 weeks. Everything looked pretty good. My incision is healing nicely. I was going to start Metformin for my PCOS, but the day after my appointment I got a call that my liver enzymes were elevated. I was scheduled to have an ultrasound on my gallbladder a few days later. I guess gallbladder issues are pretty common during/after pregnancy. Everything checked out okay. I'm now scheduled to have my liver enzymes tested again in 3 months. I won't start Metformin until they show to be okay. My doctor thinks that more than likely the enzymes are elevated from the surgery and pain. I never really thought of a c-section as a major surgery until I had one. I've had lots of emails about PCOS and endometriosis. You can read more about mine here.

Anyone had these liver enzyme issues post pregnancy?

Oh, I must not leave out the part where a lady FOLLOWED me to the doctor's office because she thought I followed her too closely when she was going 9 mph in our neighborhood. I was behind her for about 45 seconds until we turned on the main street and I had my own lane. I only followed a LITTLE closely in the neighborhood because that's as slow as my car would go without stopping all together. She honked at me when I got in my own lane and me then followed me. She proceeded to pull up behind me in the parking lot at my doctor's office. She was SO rude and said, "I just had to come see what you were in such a rush to get to". I didn't use any curse words though I let her know I was currently at my doctor and why. She said "yeah, RIGHT" and drove off. The nerve!!! What if she were to have had a gun or what if I would have had a gun? Well, not that I would have had one, but what I were to have been someone else. Regardless, you just DON'T do that!! I know as soon as Brent sees which house her car belongs to, he will be leaving a note on her door.

For those of you who emailed me in regards to my cabbage tweet, I think it helped me! It took a few days but even so, there was major decrease.

In my last post I discussed my sister in law taking me for some retail therapy. My therapy came in pretty cosmetic style....

I love nail polish. You would think as many bottles as I have, I would wear it non-stop. I don't always. But I do like to have it, and options at that, when I want to wear it.
{All Essie ~ Aruba Blue, Splash of Grenadine, Chinchilly, Turquoise & Caicos, Lapis of Luxury, One of a Kind} I saw a few of these looking pretty on Summer's hand and sure enough, I looked them up when I was in the store. What did we do before iphones!?!

This blush caught my eye and I thought it was pretty. I don't like glitter/shimmer all the time but I do like this.
{Lorac ~ Flaunt}

thanks sister :)

Some of my besties gave me a goodie package before Cohen was born. Katie's mom gave us some gift cards to some great restaurants. Brent and I have enjoyed getting out of the house and dinning out, with no expense! Thanks, Cookie!
Before Olive Garden on Brent's birthday {7.12}......
Speaking of eating..... Since we are in between houses, we don't have a kitchen with cooking supplies, utensils, plates, etc. When we got home from Dallas, one of our good friends set up a week or so of food deliveries from other friends and family. On top of that, she set up a gift account at a local delivery place that picks up from restaurants all over town and deliveries right to your door. People made donations to that account. It has been SO nice not wondering what we are going to eat or feeling like I should have a meal cooking. We have such amazing friends and family!

I'm reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett and so far I really like it. I read lots of blog posts and tweets about it so I thought I would give it a try. I've not read a book in so long. Hopefully things slow down a little bit so I can read more.

If you have any must reads, feel free to let me know or link me to your book post!

I've been sorting through pictures of Cohen that my mother-in-law took. I still always love looking at them no matter how hard it sometimes is. I love looking at his little nose from the side and his little face the second he was born. I'm still planning to do more posts.

We've gotten some AMAZING emails, cards and goodies in the mail. I got a card with some shells a sweet reader picked up on the beach when thinking of us. Quite ironic that Brent and I helped to baptize Cohen using shells. I'm going to post some pictures of the goodies soon.

I'm ready for this week to be over. It's had too many ups and downs already. However, I am excited for the weekend. We have a few fun things to do. My sister-in-lawish, Mandy, has a baby shower. I couldn't find a picture of us on this computer or I would post it. I'll snap one at the shower. She is a super cute pregnant gal. We also have two 1st birthday parties. We aren't going to make it to them. There are a few scheduling conflicts, but honestly they are for sweet little boys turning a year old. Brent and I just aren't sure our hearts are ready for that. Both families are good friends and we know they will understand. We are attending a Baptism for Penny and it will be wonderful. We had so much fun last year at Penny's sister, Lucy's Baptism. The after party theme last year was Mad Hatter and a certain american idol also joined us. Here is a picture of Jessica and I from Lucy's Baptism after party....

One of my bf's, Whitney, is hosting a giveaway with CSN. Click here to enter :)

Since it is after 3am now, I'll attempt once more to go to bed. I hope you're having a good week.

What will I say?

2010-07-21T02:03:00.010-05:00

Since I've been home from Dallas I've had a few people trying to get me out of the house. It took me a bit. I couldn't get past that dreadful black dress search, or the fear of seeing people I wasn't ready to talk to. No offense to anyone, and it wasn't anyone in particular. I just wasn't ready. I'm doing better now. I've seen quite a few people we know. I may have even seen people I don't know....that know. I have no idea. Obviously people know or will, but it's that feeling of not knowing what they will say or what I will have to say in return. And it's not that Brent and I can't talk about it at all. Sometimes we may even bring Cohen up. We are just perhaps guarding our emotions more right now. It's been much easier for us to get things out on this blog versus verbally to anyone.

I've not gone back to work yet. I am going back in a few weeks. The thought of that is a bit dreadful as well. I do marketing. I probably visit 30-60 people per week. Will they know? I have no idea. Am I'm scared of them asking me how my baby is? Yes. Do I know how I will handle it? No. Will I get asked five times in one day? I have no idea.

My sister-in-law has gotten me out for some attempted retail therapy. Let me just tell you, there is not much you can buy clothes-wise post pregnancy. I learned that quickly. Well, I say quickly. I kept trying on, and thinking, "why won't this fit!?"...um hello, Megan. There are LOTS of things that aren't quite like they were 1o months ago, the last time you tried on clothes. It is taking me a bit to realize, it took 10 months to develop all these extra lovely lady lumps (and chub), they aren't just going to go away in 4 weeks, 6 weeks, etc. I've had a hard time with the fact that if anything is snug, it automatically makes me looks as though I'm pregnant. That's just the way it's going down....the same way it came up (my tummy, formerly baby bump)..though maybe a bit quicker going down. I never thought I would say, I wish I just looked fat. I know I could get those comments on how it takes time. I TOTALLY know that, don't worry. I don't want you all to think I'm complaining about my body for beauty purposes. Totally not the case. Again, it's the fear of ....what will I say. What will I say if someone asks how far along I am or when my baby is due. I know that happens all the time post pregnancy. I've had one person in the past few weeks insinuate I was expecting. I held my breath and tried to walk away from her as quickly as possible.

ps - Now that I can actually see all of my tummy, I did find an area of two or three stretch marks. It's light and small, but honestly? I hope it stays. Why? It was part of my 9 months of Prego Mego with Cohen.

HOW do I thank people!?!? I have probably 1500 people I could try to contact via email, phone, thank you note, etc. Some of them I know, some of them I don't. The Send Love to Cohen blog and facebook page seriously take my breath away. Well come to think of it, the comments I've gotten on here do as well. I could read comments and wall posts over and over again every day. There are thousands of people who have thought of and prayed for us, and of course, I would like to thank everyone. I hope that you all know how much we appreciate you. People are just amazing. I can never seem to express myself verbally as well as I can in writing but even then, what will I say in a thank you note? Words can't even express. Also, many people have made donations to Cohen's Memorial Trust. Some of the names and emails I recognize and some I don't. It's almost like I'd love to know each person personally simply so I could thank them from the bottom of my heart. I don't care if the donation was $5 or $50, it will help tremendously.

When people ask about Cohen's medical bills, because they have, what will I say? Are they a lot? Yes, very much so. We have insurance but we don't know what percentage they are paying just yet. I can say I got round one of the insurance EOB's in the mail in a package. Package, not envelope. There is a stack. They are what they are and they're still coming.

What will I say when people ask me if and when we are going to try to have another baby? Because people are asking. Brent and I know what our plans are and we pray that God leads us to what His plan is. Brent and I knew what the other wanted to do without even asking. Then, of course, we talked about it. We know it's human nature to judge. That's the basis on an opinion. Judgment and opinions are based on what you think you would or wouldn't do/say, etc. I'm the same way. Brent and I have not fully discussed what I will blog in detail just yet, but we do know people may have their differing opinions and pass judgment via comment. It scares me because I know how fragile we can be right now.

I know this post was in the form of a question. However, I know no one can answer these questions for me. They've just been on my mind and I wanted to post it. I don't turn off comments often but I'm going to for this post. It's not that I don't want to hear your opinions, but I'm thinking that you, as well as I, know that you don't know until you're faced with it. Just like I didn't/don't know what I will say..until it happens. That's life.

I will say that I know some of this won't ever go away. I'm okay with that. These questions we will be asked, and the answers we will give, will just be part of Cohen being in our life. It's just in a different way. Yes, it will be sad but I know it will bring happiness too.

{Children's Medical Center photo shoot. I think I was about 38 weeks.}

Romans 8:17-18

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

Baby Blue

2010-07-19T23:48:00.002-05:00

I've always been a big fan of the Dave Matthews Band. I've seen them tons of times and I had heard this song. I have recently had several people email me about it. I was scared to listen to it now as I knew it would take on a new meaning. It does. It is a beautiful song. Yes, sad.

Confess, your kiss still knocks me off my legs.
The first time I saw you was like a punch right through my chest
and I will forever, cause you’ll forever be
my one true broken heart, pieces inside of me; and you’ll forever, my baby be.

You will rest your head, your strength once saving.
And when you wake you will fly away,
holding tight to the legs of all your angels.
Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eyes,
your blue, blue world, you're my baby blue.

Confess I'm not quite ready to be left.
Still, I know I gave my level best.
You give, you give, to this I can attest
You made me, you made me.
You and me forever, baby.

You will rest your head, your strength once saving.
And when you wake you will fly away,
holding tight to the legs of all your angels.
Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eyes,
in your blue, blue world, you and me forever.

You will rest your head, your strength once saving.
And when you wake you will fly away,
holding tight to the legs of all your angels.
Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eyes,
in your blue, blue world, you and me forever.

if you want to hear......

bloggy gathering & weekend recap

2010-07-18T23:58:00.008-05:00

hi everyone :)

I hope that you had a good weekend. Ours was good. My only compliant is the HEAT!! It is so, so HOT here!!

On Friday afternoon/evening, I met with some blog friends/real life friends. They are actually all "IRL" friends now! Katie M, I actually grew up with. She and Jessica are two of my best friends. Jessica grew up with my husband and we've been spending lots of time together since I moved here a few years ago. Seven of us attended the get together. We don't all live in the same town but we were able to find the time to all make a meeting time work. I've met with all these girls before except for Katie S (not pictured). We had a fun time hanging out and chatting. Here is a pic we snapped. I'll be honest, at first, I was in the middle. My shirt looked like a sack, though. I had to move so that I wasn't the big round orange in center, haha. I think the girls agreed once they saw the picture ; p

Lindsey, Megan, Katie, Jessica, Me & Emily
Thanks to Lindsey for hosting!

After the bloggy get together, Katie M and I met Brent at our house. One of Brent's older brothers (kind of), Matt, has a band and we went to see him play for a bit. Brent loves singing, as I've mentioned before, so he sand a song with him. Sonya (Matt's wife) snapped these pics....

Brent singing..
Brent & Matt

Saturday morning Katie headed home and Brent and I headed to the new house. Reminder...in the spring, Brent and I decided it would be best to put our house for sale. We didn't know what would happen with our financial situation and such with Cohen's unknown amount of time in the hospital. Brent's grandmother moved in with Brent's mom, so he and I are moving into her house. The house is very old and needed a few things done to be livable for us (air conditioner, paint, clean, etc.). Our house is still for sale :( We are hoping and praying it will sell soon. With medical bills and such, it's still in our best interest to sell it.

Luckily, we have wonderful friends and family who have helped us over the past few months at the new house. Once we got back from Dallas, we rested for a few weeks and have just started working back on the house again. My parents helped us on Saturday and we got a lot done. I will do a post soon that shows some of the progress we have made since this post (the before pics).

Here is Brent over the weekend cleaning the floors...
We took Elton over to the house for the first time. He wasn't sure what to think. We had to keep a close eye on him because of some wet paint!
The kitchen is not what I'm use to. It's tiny! Fortunately, there is a little room off the side of the kitchen that I can use as a pantry and storage. The fridge is also in it. My dad and brother put some shelves together while I was in Dallas. Today, I did some arranging and here is the first one. Sasha, cake plates? ;)
Speaking of shelves, this is just a little cute one. It has some sort of white marble looking shelves. I was thinking of painting this, the wire part. I MUST become more crafty with paint. I've got several pieces of furniture I'll be posting pictures of in the future. I need input and direction. Can I just spray paint the shelf below with spray paint??

On Saturday evening, we went over to Brent's sister's house for dinner. I know I've had a lot of readers who have let me know they are new readers. Brent and I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew that live less than a mile. We are able to spend lots of time with them and they are precious! We are moving a little bit across town but I have a feeling we will be making weekly tripS over ;)

Beaux taking a bath - he is 8 months and he is a chunk!
I caught the girls playing on our iphones last night. It's amazing how good they are at working the phone. The play lots of fun kids games.
I think Brent was showing them a game here.....

This morning Brent golfed and I rested. We then got the house ready for an open house. We worked at the new house for a few house. Hopefully, we will be staying there soon!

It was a nice weekend but they all seem to pass too quickly.

I can't believe it's been a month since Cohen went to Heaven. Sometimes it still doesn't feel real. Most(all) of the time I just wish my baby was here. I wake up thinking maybe it was a dream. Thank you all for sweet comments on the video I posted. I could seriously watch it non-stop.

{6.7.10}

{6.18.10}

I'm finally getting around to replying to emails. I know a few of you have emailed me wondering if I got yours. I have and I so appreciate them!

Have a good Monday.

Bloggers & Businesses Send Love to Cohen!

2010-07-16T07:50:00.001-05:00

Hi everyone! Jessica here, again, from In the Sky with Diamonds.. and Send Love to Cohen

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU HAVE SHOWN MEGAN & BRENT OVER THE LAST FEW WEEKS! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!

So many of Megan's blog friends have contacted me wanting to help out in some way, its truly inspiring! There are a few other ways that you can continue to help raise money for M&B's medical bills...

I hope everyone who ordered from the Stella & Dot Send Love to Cohen fundraiser are receiving their new pretties and loving them! Maybe every time you wear your new jewelry you will take a minute to think of sweet Cohen :)

Danielle from The Design Girl contacted me and wanted to donate as well. She is an amazing designer and has done some AWESOME blog makeovers! She held a week long fundraiser you can read about HERE.

I was recently contacted by juliethefish Designs. Julie has generously offered to donate 30% of her profits from NOW until July 31st. Julie created a beautiful necklace for Megan a while back and I could not be more thrilled that she wanted to help M&B out! Her designs are absolutely fantastic! I hope you all participate!

Julie wrote:

I met Megan through a special necklace her friends ordered for her through my shop. See it HERE. I began to follow her blog and Cohen’s story. Like thousands of others my life and heart were touched by Megan and her sweet Cohen. I am grateful that Megan and Brent share so much of their lives with us, the readers, and that they shared Cohen’s journey on Earth. I am inspired and uplifted by their love and faith. When baby Cohen passed my heart broke for them and I longed to help in some way. Sometimes there just aren’t words that help or heal. I believe that God is watching over their family and prayers are the best gifts I can offer. I will be donating 30% of the profit from my shop from July 10-31. www.juliethefish.etsy.com No promo code necessary, just order & 30% will go directly to the Marshall family through Cohen’s Memorial Trust.

Natalie from Nat Kat Designs is selling sets of 12 note cards (monogram or single initial) for $20 (including shipping), now through the end of July, and all of the profit will be donated to Cohen's Memorial Trust!! We all need cute stationary :) There are two signs that will be printed on white in the color of your choice. See HERE

**************************************

Melissa from Chocolate Bliss is donating 40% of all her profits for the entire month of July to Cohen's Memorial Trust! WOW! Super yummy chocolate goodies :) She can ship where ever you are (+shipping) and also caters events. See HERE

****************************************

There may be more to come!

Thank you all for the love and support you continue show Brent, Megan and their angel, Cohen :) The proceeds from all fundraisers are going directly into Cohen's Trust account in order to help pay the medical bills.

XOXO
Jessica

Cohen opening his eyes for mommy :) (video)

2010-07-15T01:03:00.007-05:00

I read the first post I did on Cohen's last day in the hospital quite often. One of the first few times I read it, I realized I didn't mention something that was so special.

On Thursday afternoon (the day before Cohen passed), they decided to remove the paralytic medicine. Cohen had been on this most of his stay in the hospital. He was considered to be in a medically induced coma. I got to see him without the paralytic the day after he was born and not again until the day before he passed (which is what I'm posting about).

Sweet Mrs. Preppy had brought dinner and as I was visiting with her, when the concierge clerk came to tell me they needed me to get back to the room. Of course my heart dropped. When I arrived back to the room they told me they just wanted me to be there for him opening his eyes :) The paralytic had finally starting wearing off enough for him to squeeze his little hands and open his eyes. We have several sweet videos but I want to share one that melts my heart...

When I talked to Brent about posting this video he said "it's sad" :( It is sad, but I still am thankful to have it. I'm still sad when I see it and I probably always will be. But I am glad I can look at his beautiful eyes opening whenever I would like.

You can listen. It's short, but sweet. You will hear both Brent and I and then a nurse in the background. I was tickled he opened his eyes when I started talking. I also like how Brent told me to tell him to get some sleep :) It was a wonderful feeling, with lasting memories, to have had his little eyes be opening some and for his hands to squeeze ours... those last 24 hours.

I miss him.

Unda the sea

2010-07-13T23:41:00.005-05:00

well not really....but at the aquarium :)

This past Saturday, our friends, Katie, Erik & Molly, came to town for a visit! We met them at the aquarium. I've lived just a few miles from this aquarium for three years and had never been. Jessica and her little ladies also joined us. It was nice to get out of the house for the day and spend time with our favorites :)

My big camera battery was dead, but Brent used one of my others to take LOTS and LOTS of pictures of all the aqua life. A few of the people pictures came from Katie.

Brent took a ton of pictures so I'll probably have a second post in the future. I was pretty impressed with his pictures.

Our group...

I'm not going to lie, for a brief moment, I thought...oh my gosh. I MUST crop the lower part of my body OUT of this picture. Then I thought, okay Megan, you did just have the baby. You do appear to have child bearing hips now. That is okay. That is normal. (I know everyone is different...but I'm still waiting to see if mine go back : /) Just thought I'd throw that out there...in case you wanted to know what I thought...which I'm sure you didn't. haha

So much fun! I would have told you all the names of these creatures, but I haven't a clue. I think aqua life is beautiful but I'm scared to death of the ocean. It's just one big, beautiful, SCARY place if you ask me. However, I will sit on the beach any day.

*I finally posted a new recipe on my food blog today :0

happy birthday to my husband :)

2010-07-12T16:54:00.009-05:00

Today is my wonderful husband's birthday :)

If our old pictures weren't in storage, I would totally post more young Brent pics. The one above, I just happen to keep in my wallet :)

He is 29 years old today.

I've debated on how sappy to make this post. Well, because, I'm pretty sappy right now.

I've debated on just writing this as a blog post or writing this as though I'm writing it strictly to him. That would never really be the case...because you all reading it.

I think I'll save the sappy stuff for his card. Your welcome :) (readers and brent)

So, I'll say a few things.

I love Brent.

He is the best person I know.

He is the best daddy I know.

He is the best dog owner I know.

He is the best friend I know.

He is the funniest person I know.

He is the best non-famous singer I know.

He loves me, I know.

I'm lucky, I know.

He is the best uncle I know.

He would do anything for anyone.

To me, he is pretty much perfect :)

In September, we will have been together 8 years.

In October, we will have been married 4 years.

In June, Brent got the best, most perfect birthday gift.

>Even though Cohen isn't with us here anymore, Brent taught me so much while he was. I'm excited for our kids in the future. They are lucky :)

Last night, we did some celebrating. I have a lot of pictures, but for now, here are two.....

us...
the birthday boy......

I could go on and on....and on and on about Brent...but since I love pictures...and they ARE worth a thousand words, here a handful of pictures from the past 8 years....they aren't in any particular order....

when we first got Elton....
I started laughing so hard when this popped up...I had to post it....
popped collar (intentional)

spa on our honeymoon
honeymoon in st.lucia
st.lucia..
:)
when elton was a pup:)
hahahaha. I think this was 04ish...tacky sweater party...
Brent & Judd
I love that he likes to cook....and he's cute while doing it....
my 26th birthday - Jan. 2010
he LOVES the razorbacks....
he loves his nieces

Once I give Brent his gifts, I share some with you. They're fun.

Happy Birthday, honey! I love you!

Pretties that smell good

2010-07-09T15:39:00.005-05:00

When I woke up this morning I could smell something sweet. I couldn't figure out what it was. I walked around the house wondering if I spilled something or left a candle burning. It became apparent to me what the sweet smell was after seeing what you will see in the pictures below. It was all the beautiful flowers! I love flowers. Not only are they making our house smell yummy, they are still alive. Some have been here two weeks. That's a long time for some flowers to last in a vase. I have had to throw a few out but don't worry, luckily, I take pictures of everything. I snapped a pic of most of the arrangements that came.

Thank you all for the sweet words on my last post. Brent and I did, and do, read each and every comment and email. No, I've really not been replying to emails (yet..maybe?), but I HAVE enjoyed reading them. If I was magical and very wealthy, I would send flowers to each and everyone of you to say thank you for your love and support!

{the brutons}

{mom's yard}

{marshall & lyndsey}

{lindsey}

{mom}

{kyle & callie}

{lauren, blinda, jeff, john & jesse}

{jason & emily}

{these were in the house when we got home & I think they were from kristen and/or sandra. they put lots of little mini vases all throughout the house of flowers for us to come home to}

I think I will like to look back and see these pictures. We have such thoughtful friends and family :) Bloggers are included in words friends, of course.

Now, it's probably time I start looking for thank you notes in bulk.

Happy Friday.

I'm not still getting to hold his hands and fingers....
{6.18.10}

but I'm holding his sweet blankets and stuffed friends. They are pretty and smell good :)

{yes, I had to fit a sweet picture in the post:)}

Cohen's last day in the hospital pt 1

2010-07-07T01:47:00.009-05:00

I struggled with a title for this post. I had "Cohen's last day" and I didn't like the sound of it. True, it was his last day. It was his last day at the hospital and it was his last day with us physically....on earth. It wasn't his last day to exist with us. So, of course, I'm not ever going to blog that way either. And even though I have "part 1" above....I have no idea how many parts there will be, or if I will even indicate parts. The parts and pieces of our last day at the hospital with Cohen will never all be posted. I'm not sure that would be possible. Our 12 days of memories with him could never all be posted either. I think of new things all the time that didn't occur to me at the actual time. Maybe I'll blog them as they come to me, maybe I won't.

I'm already struggling to type this post and I've tried to write it so many times in my head. I struggle to see these pictures. I love the pictures though.

Brent and I did not have a choice as to whether or not Cohen would stay with us on earth or if it was his time to go to Heaven. God answers prayers. I think you will find that evident in this post. The decision was made for us and we are thankful for that. We prayed for Cohen to be healed. Believe me, we are unimaginably sad that he isn't here with us. However, we are so thankful that he is where he is, healed and thriving. He is playing with his friends and our grandparents are rocking him to sleep at night. The good news is, we get to see him again someday. Not a day will go by where we won't think about him and miss him. We have so much of him in our hearts. We also have precious pictures of him. We will see him in the faces our of our future children. We hear music that reminds us of him. I could go on and on.

Gosh where to begin. The last post I did when we were in the hospital, Cohen was starting dialysis. That was on June 17th, a Thursday.

On Thursday, after my blog post and right around the time Cohen started dialysis, Brent and I went to the cafeteria to get food. Soon after, we got a call from my mom that the social worker just ran into the waiting area looking for us. She got on the phone and told us that that the doctors were having trouble with Cohen's breathing tube and were having to stabilize him. We went back up to the floor and met with the social worker and one of the doctors. At the time, there wasn't a known reason for what happened when they switched the breathing tube that day. He started to crash. They stabilized him and his vitals went back and the dialysis went on about it's way. The doctor basically went over the fact that there were many little things that just weren't helping or improving Cohen's state. Overall, the dialysis had to work. Many things had to work and not fail. I'm not sure if I've indicated before, the dialysis wasn't the type of dialysis that most everyone may be familiar with, hemodialysis of the blood. Cohen's was the peritoneal dialysis.

In all honesty, I'm not sure if it was after the Thursday incident or when...but around that time, I remember feeling that we may be losing him. It made me sick to think but I thought my baby might be dying. It seemed like even if there was word of improvement, it always had worse news to follow. We just kept wanting to know why wasn't he getting better? Why when he had good news did bad immediately follow? When was there going to be good news?

I will add that Cohen could breath some (maybe even mostly) on his own, but the breathing tube allowed him not to have to work so hard. The goal was for him to rest and heal.

We aren't sure how successful the dialysis was as it was only administered for about 24 hours before he passed. It was pulling some fluid off of him and that is what he needed. It would have taken time for anyone to know if it was or would work. He was SO swollen from all the medications and procedures. The tissues being swollen from fluids (meds) is known as edema. He had to have those procedures and medications throughout the week to survive. Unfortunately, the things that were helping, were also hurting him at the same time. The medications were poisoning his liver & kidneys and fluids were causing him to get the edema (swelling). With abundant swelling, it makes it difficult, if at all possible, for organs and such to work. Double-edged sword was a term we heard many times while in the hospital.

They (and when I say "they" I'm meaning doctors and nurses) . They did tell us that had it been one of us...Brent or I......anyone, etc. We would not still be alive having gone through so much in such a short time. Each procedure, each surgery, anything..... we had to hold our breath and wonder if he was going to make it. He amazed us over and over again. We had to sign at least one consent form before each surgery confirming we knew just what was happening. It was a risk but one that had to be taken.

On Friday, June 18th, we were listening to Cohen's round (when the doctors and nurses talk in front of his room about what's going on at the time with him) and hearing how his levels and such were doing. They felt some of the swelling had gone down so they needed to replace his breathing tube. They needed to put a bigger tube in since there was more open area around the current one. They can do a lot of procedures in the room as it can become sterile. They told us we could suit up and just stay in the back on the couch and it would be an in and out deal. Well, the entire time Cohen was in the hospital, I had an extremely hard time watching anyone do anything to him. Brent knew that and most of the staff probably did too. So I said no, let's just hang outside the room.

About that time, one of the head doctors said he could go over a few things and chat with us while they were doing the tube change. We followed him to a consult room. I knew partially what he was going to say. The dialysis has to work. His liver and kidneys have to kick in. Mostly, and hopefully, all things we'd heard from another doctor the day before. He gave us several scenarios. Each one was harder to hear. The last one consisted of Cohen being on dialysis for weeks or months and it still not doing what they needed it to do. They didn't know, and they couldn't know, the outcome. The doctor told us without a doubt, as time went on, it would get harder if he didn't get better. They could be doing all these things and he might not even get better. They simply didn't know..but at the same time, he said they wanted us to try to prepare for, essentially, the worst.

I knew. I knew each and every day would get harder if Cohen didn't heal. So obviously if he wasn't healing, he would be getting sicker and that was harder on his little body. I just tried so hard to process the WHY in all of this. Why wasn't there a guarantee dialysis would work? Why would he maybe have a long road ahead of things appearing to be improving to find out they're not and won't? The days would be hard simply not knowing. I knew Brent and I didn't care how hard the days would be on us! The thought of the days being hard on Cohen is what we hated to consider. I think the only thought about us was that yes, it would be hard on us knowing that we may spend 24 hours a day with him only to have him leave us 2 weeks later, 2 months later, 2 years later. How was that not supposed to cross our mind? It did. We were scared. We didn't care about the hard days, we just wanted his little body healed. We were willing to be at the hospital as long as we needed to be.

I also knew they didn't ALWAYS know when he was in pain. Pain is a fine line. When in a medically induced coma, they check pain with a flash light by looking at the pupil and also by seeing if his stats/vitals rise. He might be in pain then. When his pupils were big, they up his pain medicine. Of course, if they ever had any doubt, they took action. My motherly instinct was to fear pain for him.

After that conversation with the doctor, we cried. We had cried a lot over the past 11 days, but this time felt different. We knew that Cohen had to start showing signs of getting better. The scenarios were scary. We knew that it was a lot for his little body. He had already proved to be such a fighter and now he had so much left to do it seemed. We wanted him healed and we didn't really know if that was happening at all. As I cried, I put my face in my hands and just prayed and prayed that he would be healed and that his little body would have no pain. I prayed that if he couldn't be healed here on earth that he be healed in Heaven. I wanted so much for Cohen to be here with Brent and I but I felt ready for God to show us his plan without the scary scenarios. I thanked God each and every day, many times, for my time with Cohen. In that moment, as I prayed for healing with no pain, I also felt the urge to thank God for my time with Cohen and for blessing me and so many others with Cohen's life.

We walked out of the consult room and around the corner to his room. We didn't even make it down the hall to his room and the nurses began running out of the doors yelling that they needed help. Not a vision I ever wanted to see. Was this really happening? This was the simple breathing tube procedure they had invited us to stay in the room for. We didn't continue to walk. Of course, I immediately start crying and saying I can't watch. I couldn't even handle seeing the staff run in and out yelling so I turned around and starting walking as fast as I could the opposite direction of his room. Brent wanted to be there but didn't want to leave me alone. We got back to the consult room quickly and Brent got my mom. One of the nurses came following close behind us and told Brent and I we just really needed to go ahead and come to Cohen's room. To us, of course, that meant he might not make it. We got partially back down the hall and I didn't know if I could keep going. I stood sobbing watching the doctors and nurses outside his room...who were standing and watching the doctors and nurses on the inside of his room. And I'm not sure if they knew at that point they were going to stabilize him or not, but they told me I should go sit back down. I felt like surely they knew they were going to stabilize him or they wouldn't have sent me away. I just couldn't process anything. I don't know what I was thinking. I went back to the consult room with my mom and Brent went to Cohen's room. Me, my mom, our social worker and a chaplain waited for what seemed like forever. I just kept thinking, is this really happening?! Will they will come get me or should I just go back ...even though they told me to come to the consult room!? Finally, Brent and one of the doctors (who we had just met with ab0ut the scenarios) came through the door. Brent was in tears, but he or the doctor managed to get out that Cohen was stable. Then, Brent cried out "he isn't going to make it."

I can't really tell you how I felt when Brent said those words. I'm not sure there are words that describe it. I still cry when I read them. In that moment, I didn't think that just 30 minutes before I prayed for Cohen to be healed. I had been praying for that all along. Those are things that came to me in the hours to come. During our last few hours with Cohen, I knew it was what I prayed for, but it still hurt so bad.

The doctor explained Cohen had gotten a tear in his trachea. They aren't sure when it happened or how it happened, but it was not repairable in Cohen. They had already gone over everything they possibly could. We asked as many questions as we could cry out in hopes of some possibility of them fixing it. There wasn't any possibility on top of everything else Cohen had going on. We wondered when, where, why and who. I knew. I knew this was it for the trying-to-fix-something-that-can't-be- fixed. There wasn't a fix that Cohen would survive. There were no options? How was that possible? He was sick. It was time for him to be healed without having to fight. Had his trachea not torn that day or the day before, they determined it would have. He was so swollen and so fragile. He was also on the fence for high risk of major infection. His chest was still open from his heart surgery. I could feel that the doctors felt like had it not been this, it would have been something else. They never told us that and we knew they would keep trying no matter what to save our baby. They had always told us that. They would not give up. Except, now they they had no options.

The doctor told us he thought he could keep Cohen going long enough for our families to get there...but to call them right away. He said however the rest of our day needed to be, they would make it happen. From that time on, we had about 6 hours left with our little guy...

Here are some pictures all from our last hours with him. I have many more and I will post more.

Brent's mom took these pictures. She asked us and we said yes. We had pictures throughout the week so why not the day he goes to Heaven. It was our last hours with him and though we will have the memories in our hearts and heads forever, we also can look at the pictures. Brent's mom is also an on-call photographer for NILMDTS (Now I lay me down to sleep). It's an organization that has photographers come in and take pictures of families when an infant may be passing away or stillborn. They offer many other things as well.

The beads you see in this post, and more to come, are part of the "Beads of Courage" program. Cohen earned LOTS of beads during his stay at Children's. I will do a post on that soon.

We highly believe the staff at Children's was amazing and did everything in their power to help Cohen. They were so wonderful to him and to us. We are very thankful to them for helping provide that time we had with Cohen on earth. Though I know it's not in their code to shed tears (that's how the medical field works), they did. To us, that means a lot. They truly fought for our baby.... as they do every baby.

There are more posts about Cohen's last day in the hospital to follow. He was baptized. We got to look into his eyes and hold his hand. He squeezed our fingers. We got to bathe him and change his diaper. He got his footprints and handprints made. We got to hold him as he went to Heaven. I know they will be hard posts to create but I know that I want to. I think he did such amazing things and touched so many people. I will continue to share him. He is part of so many people and it's a feeling that still gives me chills. And though I'm sure it's probably the saddest thing I'll ever watch, I do love the slideshow that was made for his memorial. I will post that at some point as well.

I did type this, but Brent has read it and he did help me.

Though I typed this yesterday, Cohen would have been a month old today, the 7th.

Thank you all for everything. My days are seeming a bit brighter, though I still have lots of tough moments. We have felt so much love and support from all of the readers of this blog and it really does help!

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. ~ Isaiah 43:2

Almost back....

2010-07-03T18:40:00.009-05:00

to the blog....

First of all, thank you all SO MUCH for participating in silence for Cohen on Thursday. There are many different types of silence and they are all appreciated. I've been thinking about how to say thank you...but I'm simply at a loss for words. My words turn into tears and well...those don't really get typed out. Just please know our family is SO grateful for the thoughtfulness and prayers that everyone has surrounded us with!

I have lots of posts I'll be working on that I'm actually excited to share.

We are going to be working on a post that talks about Cohen's beautiful memorial that took place on Thursday. It was just wonderful and everyone (Jessica) did an amazing job putting it together. We are also going to work on a post that shares some of Cohen's last day we spent with him :) We have sacred moments and memories..and thankfully, pictures too. We've shared so much with you all and will do a post that shares a piece of that time as well. Actually, you can probably bet you will see quite a few Cohen pictures forever on this blog :)

As you may remember, Cohen listened to music a lot. We played music for him when he was in my belly. At the hospital, Brent had his iPhone by Cohen almost 24/7 playing music for him.

Though Brent and I have never been big Boss fans, Brent is certain Cohen loved this song....Brent used Pandora on his iPhone. It seems as though every time we walked out of the room and back in, this song would be playing...

Bruce Springsteen - My City of Ruins
(push play if you would like to hear:)

{6.18.10}

I had not even read the lyrics until now. I like them...

My City Of Ruins
There is a blood red circle
On the cold dark ground
And the rain is falling down
The church door's thrown open
I can hear the organ's song
But the congregation's gone
My city of ruins
My city of ruins

Now the sweet bells of mercy
Drift through the evening trees
Young men on the corner
Like scattered leaves,
The boarded up windows,
The empty streets
While my brother's down on his knees
My city of ruins
My city of ruins

Come on, rise up! Come on, rise up!
Come on, rise up! Come on, rise up!
Come on, rise up! Come on, rise up!

Now's there's tears on the pillow
Darlin' where we slept
And you took my heart when you left
Without your sweet kiss
My soul is lost, my friend
Tell me how do I begin again?
My city's in ruins
My city's in ruins

Now with these hands,
With these hands,
With these hands,
I pray Lord
With these hands,
With these hands,
I pray for the strength, Lord
With these hands,
With these hands,
I pray for the faith, Lord
We pray for your love, Lord
We pray for the lost, Lord
We pray for this world, Lord
We pray for the strength, Lord
We pray for the strength, Lord

Come on
Come on
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up

I hope you all have a good holiday weekend.

Cohen's "newspaper clip"

2010-06-29T11:27:00.006-05:00

Michael Cohen Marshall

Born in Dallas, TX on June 7, 2010, the first child of Megan and Brent Marshall, Michael Cohen Marshall came into the world at 7 lbs. 6 oz., with a hearty cry and a congenital heart condition. He was known as The Mighty Cohen in his short little life, for he endured multiple surgeries and procedures. For twelve days, Cohen fought with the heart of a lion, but on June 18, 2010, his little body could not match his fighting spirit. He was delivered into the Kingdom of Heaven at 8:35pm in his parents’ arms. He was loved and adored by his parents, their families and friends every day of his life. Cohen touched thousands of lives with his story. The world came to know him through Megan’s blog and many felt they knew him long before he was even born. Sometimes the smallest feet leave the biggest footprints in this world and Cohen has left a lasting impression on us all; he was truly an amazing little boy. His parents want to thank all of his supporters, doctors, nurses and prayer warriors for their care, concern, support and prayers. Cohen is survived by his parents: Megan & Brent Marshall; Grandparents: ............................... Aunts: ...........................; Uncles:......................; and countless cousins, family and friends. Services will be held Thursday, July 1...............

{yes, these are his sweet feet...taken 6.18.10}

{This sweet picture is in the paper, too. It was taken before he passed, also on 6.18.10}

It's in today's paper.

I've had a hard time saying obituary. I don't think I have said it. I hadn't typed it out until now. I think I've been saying newspaper clip.

Brent's mom wrote it. I took out names and such because of searching purposes.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

John 11: 25-26 "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die..."

A week ago

2010-06-25T15:44:00.004-05:00

I can't believe it has been a week. We are going to Dallas when Brent gets off work. We will come back with our little guy tomorrow.

His memorial service will be next Thursday, the 1st.

Still not completely back to the blog...but maybe soon.

Proverbs 3:3-6

3 Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

4 Then you will win favor and a good name
in the sight of God and man.

5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

6 in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

I love this picture. It was taken a few hours after he was born. He was in route from Parkland to Children's.

{6.7.10}

Thank you all for your continuous thoughts & prayers. We certainly feel them.

Thank you Tahnie for hosting the Stella & Dot fundraiser Jessica posted about below. Jessica has emailed me about several other fundraiser requests. People are amazing.

Hi! Jess here...

2010-06-22T15:53:00.001-05:00

Hello friends! Its Jessica, again, from In the Sky with Diamonds... Megan & Brent are taking a bit of a break from the bloggy world to be with each other right now. They will be back soon, don't you worry your pretty little heads :)

As the sponsor of Send Love to Cohen, I wanted to take a minute to THANK YOU for everyone's love, support, and kind words surrounding Megan & Brent over the past few months. The outpouring of love on both Send Love to Cohen Facebook and Send Love to Cohen blog has been, well, nothing short of amazing. Every time I logged on, my heart swelled reading each and every touching comment. It is incredible to see how many lives that beautiful little baby touched in his time here on Earth. And even though he is in Heaven now, I know he will continue to change lives and help others (through CHD research) far into the future.

I just want to remind you to keep checking both Send Love to Cohen Facebook and Send Love to Cohen blog for updates and ways to help Megan & Brent. Don't forget that we have set up the Baby Cohen Memorial Trust, that will be used solely for expenses relating to medical bills and assistance to the Marshall family during this time of need.

Also, I wanted to share with you an other amazing opportunity to help Megan & Brent. One of Cohen's many friends contacted me yesterday wanting to help. I was touched by her kindness and generosity. This is a wonderful way to help out Megan & Brent, I hope that you will all take a moment to have a look and participate if you feel so inclined!

I was contacted by Tahnie, a stylist for Stella & Dot. She has experienced the hardship of mounting hospital bills, herself, and felt compelled to offer up some assistance. She is donating 30% of sales from her Stella & Dot website from NOW until July 6th. The money raised will be donated to the Baby Cohen Marshall Special Needs Trust. You can learn more about Cohen's Memorial Trust HERE. Please visit Send Love to Cohen for more information and a letter from Tahnie.

Again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for supporting and loving Megan, Brent & sweet angel Cohen. They were amazing parents to Cohen and have shown incredible strength and poise through the hardest of situations. I know they appreciate every single one of your thoughts and prayers.

XOXO
Jessica

2010-06-21T00:48:00.002-05:00

Thank you all for your love, support, thoughts and prayers. Megan and I will return to the blog soon.

Sent from my iPhone

Starting Dialysis

2010-06-17T12:53:00.001-05:00

They decided to start dialysis today on Cohen. He has so much fluid and since his kidneys and liver aren't functioning properly to rid them, they must do something to flush the system out to see if his kidneys and liver will start working. We certainly pray this works! It's hard to tell right now what kind of failure his kidneys and liver have at this point. The failure is due to the procedures he has had to have and the drugs he has been on in the past week.

Luckily, he has been weened off a LOT of the meds. So far, his vitals have been holding. The scary one for Brent and I seems to be the amiodarone. This was the medication he was put on after his cardiac arrest last week. It helps pace the heart. Well, it's toxic to the liver and/or kidneys. So, they took him off of this yesterday morning. They do have some on standby if he starts to have any arrhythmias. We also pray this doesn't happen. That cardiac arrest really set him back.

They do have a concern that there could be an opening or tear between his PD cath and chest tubes. If this is the case, the dialysis fluid can get up into the chest cavity. It shouldn't be harmful but it won't allow the dialysis to work as it should. So we REALLY need for the dialysis fluid to drain out the PD cath so that it focuses on the area that needs to be flushed!

Please work dialysis.

Thank you for praying for our sweet baby!!!

Here are some pictures we took this morning.....

aren't Cohen's pups cute? The blue one is BT and we are still working on a name for the other one. He looks just like Elton! My brother got it for him.
they are keeping a close eye on him....

sweet little hands....

While we try to wait patiently, we will snack on these thanks to the Gross'. Thank you guys :)

We've gotten lots of sweet treats in the past few days! We are loving them! Also snapping pics to post of them.

I'll keep you updated.

Cohen update & random pics

2010-06-16T01:40:00.002-05:00

Cohen has been stable for about 48 hours:) We think he has gotten some good rest. His acidosis (lactic acid) levels have gone down about 6 points in over the past two days. That is a major answered prayer! They are hoping his calmness & resting will help him heal after his busy first week. The kidneys and liver have taken hard hits with the meds and procedures, so our specific prayer now is LIVER & KIDNEYS - PLEASE PLEASE START WORKING.

There are tons of levels and stats I could go over with you all. They all mean - we need the liver and kidneys to work. The heart cath put a lot of dye into Cohen's body. The dye is hard on kidneys and liver. He has had two heart caths but on the second one, they had to put twice as much dye in.

They may start dialysis tomorrow. They are still making some decisions as to the best option for Cohen right now. He needs time. He needs time but time can also make things hard if they get worse. We had a few bad minutes this afternoon ...mostly of worry. However, we are thankful Cohen has had a peaceful two days of rest. We just sit and stare at how sweet he is. I did snap a few with my rebel that I'll post in a day or two.. I have a few iphone pics below. Yes, he is cute no matter how the picture was taken :)

Cohen's stats are showing that his heart is probably working with the heart surgery he had on Wednesday. His BT Shunt and TAPRV repair are doing as they should, as far as we know. Now, we have some obstacles that hopefully Cohen can pull through. He is trying so hard and I know that's all he can do.

He wants to be awake with us so bad. He opened his eyes this afternoon and yesterday morning. It's not a terrible thing but he really shouldn't be doing that. So, they increased his paralytic. His eyes are pretty.

I've snapped a few pics in the past few days I thought I would share with you guys. Sorry, they are all iphone..not always the greatest in darker light situations. I'll try to keep my point and shoot close by. My rebel isn't always quickest to whip out. Cohen has gotten some sweet and soft gifts I'll be posting pics of those soon, too.

This is currently my favorite necklace....

Here was our sweet little guy yesterday......... (I'm still avoiding putting the open chest pics on blog)
They have his sweet pup, BT, resting by him and keeping some lines propped up nicely.

As I've mentioned, Brent is all on top of his notebook. It keeps us up-to-the minute on Cohen's stats and when the doctors do rounds he has questions to ask and things to write down. It's a great thing for us to keep up with everything.
We have been using this wagon to tote around some things to car/room/waiting room in attempt to get organized. It's been in my sight for a day or two now and I keep thinking that hopefully Cohen can take a ride in it someday when he has no cords :)

After one of Cohen's procedures, one of the nurses, April, put these sweet little booties on him :) I thought they were adorable! They came with a matching hat.

I was sitting on the couch the other day and this is what I saw.....

Another sweet pic... Brent was making a list with Cohen of the professional baseball teams. We plan to take him to a game at each stadium.
The past few nights, on one of our best friends, Natalie, has come up to visit with us :) Tonight, she brought us some yummy dinner...some of our fav in Dallas. This picture is from the week before Cohen was born but I forgot to post it. We went to dinner..

We are having a few visitors here and there. Natalie is the only one we've had really come sit for a bit. We've had a few sweet people swing by briefly and we have a few people requesting to bring us meals. So thoughtful. As far as Cohen's visitors, they still don't want many people back because of risk of infection with his open chest. His daddy and I are pretty protective as well. Hopefully, we will get there.

I continue to get emails asking how Brent and I are. We are still hanging in there too! We have the best reason in the world to be strong so most the time, we're okay. I'm still sore and having some pain but definitely up walking more. I was HATING the wheelchair. Still using it for long distance hallways and such. Cohen probably has enough milk to share with a small army. So that is a pretty repetitive process that I'm so trying to stay on top of every 3 hours.

Once again, thank you all for the prayers and spreading the word about Cohen's situation. God is in control and I know he is touching others lives through Cohen. I've certainly enjoyed reading the emails/messages hearing about it. I know a lot of you are blogging, tweeting, etc about Cohen and though I may not be commenting on it, I so appreciate it. If I come across one, I always so Brent as well. At some point, I'd like to have a link to all the posts on Cohen. I'd love for him to be able to read them all in the future. So, someday...watch for a post requesting your link if you have posted about our family ;)

So just a reminder, the kidneys and liver must start working. We need that tinkle to start!

I thought I'd share this text from Brent. As many of you know, I love ICEEs...and I love Super Target. I came up to the waiting room the other day when Brent was still back in the room and I got this text...

Cohen turns a week old :)

2010-06-14T08:55:00.004-05:00

[real quick, someone mentioned spam popping up..yucky spam..on my blog..I don't get any of that since I have a Mac, but if you are seeing any of that, will you let me know?}

What a week.

{notice, I put the post time for exactly 8:55am..that's when he was born a week ago.}

I did a post HERE early Sunday morning as a refresher of what Cohen has been going through all week. As of today, he is one week old. As of Saturday, he had gone through 4 surgeries in just 5 days. As of Sunday(yesterday), he has gone through 5 surgeries in 6 days. Yesterday seemed to be scariest because they told us basically he was on the edge.

They really wanted to find what they were looking/hoping for.

Well, they didn't find it. It wasn't there....what they were looking for.

Where do they go from here? They being the doctors. We still have faith they are the best.

I can't even tell you what all the doctor who did the heart cath today told us. It was true stuff but it was scary stuff. Life and death stuff. Not easy stuff to hear.

First of all, I know some of our nurses read this blog...As I've mentioned before, I know I'm not the best at writing all these terms and explaining them. I understand what I hear but as far as getting everything out verbally or on the blog, I'm not always the greatest. I'm a good listener. Anyways, if you see where I'm wrong on a term or something I'm saying, I'd love for you to tell me so I can correct it ;)

Cohen has been having high levels of lactic acid. This can also be called acidosis. To read more about lactic acid you can go HERE. So, it has to do with blood flow. Acidosis leads to the risk of sepsis, which is an infection in the blood.

So, yesterday doctors began trying extra hard to figure out the cause. Cohen had a procedure done on his esophagus to determine if there was a tear or leak somewhere within the esophagus or tummy that could have been causing or elevating this lactic acid levels. They found nothing there. They then decided to go in for a second heart cath.

Heart caths are hard because of the dye they use. It is not good for the kidneys. Pray his kidneys and livers are strong because he has had two heart caths in 6 days.

This heart cath was an extensive one compared to his first. So, double the dye :( It was one that made the doctors nervous to do on him since he had been through so much, but it was a measure they had to take in order to determine if the blood flow from the heart was over pumping and causing the acidosis. Perhaps an extra collateral artery. Well, there were no missed collateral. The good thing found in this heart cath, everything was working properly with the heart. Prayers are being answered with his little heart!!! You guys have been saying them since mid February and we can't thank you enough.

However, they are dumbfounded as to what is causing the acidosis. There are TONS of things that could have actually caused this...but for some reason, they aren't showing up in his labs, cultures, tests, etc. The doctor said that Cohen has had so many "insults" (surgeries, procedures, CARDIAC ARREST, etc) this week that there is a number of things that could be causing it. But why aren't they showing up to indicate where it's coming from? (specific prayer!) There are lots of infections that could be causing this. Once again, not showing up. The cardiac arrest really set him back the doctors have straight out told us. As for the "insults", they were all things that had to be done in order for Cohen to have probably made it through this week. There is nothing we have done, there is nothing the doctors have done...to cause this.

He needs time. He needs time to heal and time for them to figure out what is going on. The sucky thing is, without them knowing what is going on, it's hard for them to tell us how long he has.

Those conversations were NOT pleasant ones with those two doctors today.

They are going to go ahead and go forward with dialysis in order to get some of the fluid drained. They are hoping to wait just a bit but it could start sometime tonight. It's already 1:30am (as I type this) so we will see. Brent is going back in about 30 minutes to see how things are.

We are trying to keep our faith. We have moments but we are pulling one another through. Brent has been amazing and totally catches me when I fall. The falling hurts...and it happens in the blink of an eye. We aren't giving up and the doctors aren't giving up. Clearly Cohen isn't giving up. I'm pretty sure Brent and I both can hear it in the voices of the doctors that they are pretty surprised he has made it through all of this in the past 6 days. Thank God he has and for all the prayers surrounding him.

The doctors and nurses really encourage us to ask questions and understand what is going on. Brent is amazing at this. I'm doing good (better). He googles things, writes questions downs, etc. He writes Cohen's stats down almost around the clock. I think it even helps the doctors, on occasion, to hear perhaps another possibility. Everyone is racking their brain in order to try and figure out what is going on. I'm able to ask questions based on conversations we have and I'm slowly but surely...quickly...learning more and more...every hour.

I also want to mention how amazing of a daddy Brent already is. If I were up and walking 100%, I would so have my camera and video recording him singing to Cohen, talking to him, playing him music, making up jingles, etc. It is the sweetest thing ever. I can only stand by him for a few minutes at a time before I start hurting. I still chat with him and rub his little arms and legs.

I would love if I got an email with a similar situation on this acidosis business. How awesome would that be?! I've gotten SO many emails from blog readers who have been in some sort of similar situations regarding heart babies and things we are going through.

It breaks my heart to see Cohen so swollen. I've gotten use to the of wires, cords and even the open chest (okay, that is still tough). But man, when you see your little baby so swollen, it's hard. He looks so different then I first remember him, that very first time. He looks miserable. He isn't. He can't feel this stuff and he won't remember it. Thank God. So, I do have pictures, but I won't leave you with those. I LOVE my delivery pictures. I LOVE the slideshow! Here are a few pics from it....and HERE is the slideshow if you haven't seen it :) (There is also a link under header in right corner.)

We got the sweetest, coolest, most creative goodie basket from our wonderful friends today. I have got to take pictures of it still. We've started playing the with the toys and eating the snacks so I need to whip the camera out ASAP! Did I mention it came with our favorites? CONEYS!

Cohen has gotten a few other super thoughtful gifts. He loves them. Luckily, he can have anything besides flowers. My mom got him his first balloons yesterday.

I will try to keep the updates coming and we would so graciously appreciate you all continuing with your prayers. We do believe they are working. We are just praying Cohen's little body can handle everything. A specific prayer can be to determine what is causing the acidosis and for Cohen to be able to fight it off.

My friend Kirsten emailed me this verse and I love it. I know she knows a lot of what I'm feeling as she has been through a lot of this before.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.