in which i forget how to remember

dead pigeon studios

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 00:37:00 +0000

i enjoy missing you when you are not around.

grandmother

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 18:49:00 +0000

i watched my dim reflection in the glass on the front of the cabinet last night as the needles reminded me how to feel. i look very thin. my cheekbones are ever more prominent and my eyes look hollow. my arms are wiry and muscular and my joints look over-large. i do not have the same face i did a year ago.
my history is dying around me and i am looking like someone new.

exhausted.

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 02:52:00 +0000

i am stuck. i cannot work because i cannot settle and i cannot settle because i cannot move in to my permanent room until monday. if i were truly nomadic then i would be fine but i am not moving, either, i am just stagnating, waiting. on pause. i have been on pause for months now and i am tired. it's not the kind of tired that goes away with a good night's sleep or a day off, it's the kind of tired that settles in and won't leave because there is no way to eliminate its source.
so very tired.

permanent

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 03:54:00 +0000

i do not know how more permanence will treat me.
transience suits me so well...

pretendtwin

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:16:00 +0000

rauschenberg to your johns.
keep coming back to the truth of that.
it's more and more everyday.

perche voi?

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 00:26:00 +0000

They all die with their eyes open. Sometimes they shudder as their breathing ceases. Their muscles tense and then go slack, and quickly they are no more. Terminus.

a list of things to make:

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 17:09:00 +0000

- silk shirtdress
- linen sundress
- linen flounce skirt
- redbean cookies
- topographic map bags
- lung cancer cake

ache

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 09:29:00 +0000

i want to read all of your letters.
i want to read everything you've ever sent to me, every word.
i can't.
you say that light feels like things radiating from the chest, and dark like things crushing it in. everything radiates from my chest. great auroras bursting forth.
i don't know where to begin.

crepuscular

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:16:00 +0000

last night i saw bats.

this is going to be a wonderful summer.

kinski cat

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 18:53:00 +0000

bicycle

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 16:29:00 +0000

my body is a patchwork of bruises and scrapes in various stages of healing, and i am thrilled to be made of meat.

maybe not

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Fri, 30 May 2008 23:54:00 +0000

the most important thing is that you do no harm.

new

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Thu, 22 May 2008 06:55:00 +0000

pretend you don't know me

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Tue, 20 May 2008 04:58:00 +0000

tonight i picked dandelions and blew them at the stars like kisses. i can measure happiness in tons and i can find my own way home.

spre

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Wed, 07 May 2008 07:22:00 +0000

drove home. rain misting slightly. legs ache, feet ache, mind aches. i smell like sweat, not all mine. i stubbed my toe and i probably bled a bit on my sheets.
i've sloughed off skin like some reptile.
healthier than i have ever been.

roadkill

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 18:39:00 +0000

1 raccoon, curled by the side of the road with chin resting on paws, looking peacefully asleep

1 robin, accompanied by its still-living and perplexed offspring

2 fat prairie dogs

1 crow, upside down with wings splayed and feet curled

1 coyote, nose to the sky

2 deer, a buck and a doe, bisected by the double lines

winding

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:28:00 +0000

i drive home on what used to be a farm road. desolation borders fresh tilled fields. the suburbs rub shoulders with fallow soil and horse pasture.
there is a barn that tilts to the right at a 45 degree angle next to a gutted house on the back of a flatbed. horses fly through mud in high spirits and cold mornings and the light makes even the mcmansions look like home.

things i am doing

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 08:41:00 +0000

- modding a milliken hi-speed 16mm camera so that it will not freak out when i use single perf film in it.
- making monsters out of felt.
- missing SIJ
- wishing on dust motes

...

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 11:28:00 +0000

i forget now why i opened the window to type something in the first place. i am reading about magic and worrying ever so slightly about my dear friend who will soon be on a trans-atlantic flight to italy from whence he had best send me a postcard. my thumb hurts where i stabbed it yesterday and i seem to have forgotten what i was thinking.

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 15:10:00 +0000

a shadow of an echo remains of what was once a tidal wave
and i am struggling to maintain a sense of decorum
my right arm is connected directly to my heart
and the heat of my mind is cooking itself for lunch

twins

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 09:43:00 +0000

we sleep curled around one another like two cats in sunlight, our breath mingling and our bodies as indistinguishable as our minds. i don't remember what it took to get here but there is no going back. he told me earlier that our relationship is the most obscure and confusing thing he has ever been a part of. not confusing to him, of course, confusing to everyone else. how can you explain it, really? it's like being lit from the same spark.

things i like today

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 23:19:00 +0000

1. felt. specifically, the way that felt feels when i pull it apart. it's unpleasant in the most delightful way.
2. bats. i always like bats, but it's getting towards the time to see them again and they've been popping up an awful lot lately, in unexpected places.
3. strawberry jelly on tortillas.
4. parasites.

passive

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 04:11:00 +0000

the lines cross and cross again and slowly the pattern of my days becomes the weft and the warp and time passes. tapestries made of time and thought.

imaginings

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 01:14:00 +0000

somewhere and somehow i thought i was more than the sum of my parts. more than bone plus meat plus blood plus electricity plus a few assorted oddments and bits. more than energy in equals energy out. somewhere in that equation i thought there was a soul. 21 grams that mysteriously disappears between lifespark and dead ember. i was mistaken. the sum of the parts is the soul and the self. the electrical current that flows through this meat, the meat itself, the blood and the bile and the bone, that is the soul. the lifespark is not separate from the body or the mind. the three are inseparable and turning off one turns off the others as well. it is a simple switch to flip off, but it requires a key to turn back on.

the shiny golden men

noreply@blogger.com (libi) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 18:48:00 +0000

i think i have to.

the oscars:

best picture - no country for old men: okay. totally okay with this. it was a dead heat between there will be blood and this, so i am totally okay with this.

best actor - daniel day lewis: uh, duh. i mean, really. there was no question here. at all. no one else had a chance.

best actress - marion cotillard: okay, i guess. i mean, i wish laura linney would have won, but that was based more on finding 'la vie en rose' boring than really on the performances, so totally acceptable.

best supporting actor - javier bardem: i suppose. i would've chosen tom wilkinson, as far as an actually masterful performance rather than a cleverly creepy one. but bardem haunts my dreams, in terrifyingly erotic ways, so whatever.

best supporting actress - tilda swinton: it was her or ruby dee. and she was very, very, very good.

best director - joelethan coen: i see why. i would've chosen julien schnabel, but that's okay. 'the diving bell and the butterfly' nearly made me vomit, i can't see the academy being able to stomach it.

adapted screenplay - joelethan coen: yeah. definitely. no question on this one.

original screenplay - diablo cody: ugh. i despise diablo cody. juno was cute and clever. i would've preferred ratatouille if they wanted cute and clever, though.

original song - glen hansard (once): thank god. the rest of the options were horrible.

original score - dario marianelli/atonement: okay, it was the best of the options given. there is no reason that they shouldn't have nominated 'there will be blood'.

cinematography - robert elswit (there will be blood): yes. totally okay with this. would've preferred 'the diving bell and the butterfly', as it was actually creative cinematographically, but 'blood' was unquestionably the most conventionally exceptional of the bunch. 'the assassination of jesse james' was also exceptional, creatively. but unusual doesn't get rewarded, unfortunately.

editing - christopher rouse (bourne ultimatum): seriously? no, really... 'diving bell' should've won here. or at least 'blood'. blech.

costume design - elizabeth: the golden age: you know, i really don't care that much. hooray for neck ruffs? i think this is awarded based on the amount of fabric used.

art direction - sweeney todd: okay, i totally accept this one. it was a cohesive fantasy world, and the most evident use of art direction.

animated feature - ratatouille: give ratatouille best original screenplay so that persepolis could win this. good lord, pixar shouldn't just AUTOMATICALLY get the oscar. persepolis was better, overall. and they used an old animation stand. whatever.

animated short - peter and the wolf: sure. they pick the boring one. tutli-putli should have won. or moya lyubov. both were more accomplished.

live action short - the mozart of pickpockets: yep. no question here. at all.

documentary feature - taxi to the dark side: i'm just glad fucking sicko didn't win.

documentary short - freeheld: you know, i really don't like documentaries. documentary shorts are even less interesting.

foreign language film - the counterfeiters: eh, mongol was more interesting. this is such a throwaway category, anyhow.

visual effects - the golden compass: well, i suppose they were choosing between evils?

makeup - la vie en rose: they can't exactly give it to norbit, now, can they.

sound editing - the bourne ultimatum: again, totally unacceptable. it seems like they were forced to choose between 'no country' and 'blood' and didn't want to, so they chose something else. which is ridiculous. 'blood' should've won here.

sound mixing - the bourne ultimatum: yeah, 'no country' should've won here.

ah, yet another catalogue of why i hate the academy.
i feel sick.
brakhage, anyone?