Inappropriate Halloween Costumes

Yellow Brick Road Halloween Costume

2010-01-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #155

Shoddy, painted grocery bag-like construction informs the Yellow Brick Road Halloween Costume. Dated, outside of aging baby-boomers, the Yellow Brick Road Halloween Costume is lay-it-on-the-tracks lame. These days, it's all about Wicked and soylent green Elfaba. This yellow-bellied costume is possibly successful when paired with high-quality Dorothy, the Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, Toto, et. al, and for over-the-top, freakish pictorals of Elton John songs.

Rooster Cock Hat Halloween Costume

2010-01-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #154

Cock-a-doodle doo! You're sure gonna be heckled in this Rooster Cock Hat Halloween Costume. More snicker-worthy than a red South Carolina Gamecocks cap, the Rooster Hat Costume appears to be regurgitating a mighty happy Joe. Yuck! Bird lover? Penis envy? Just a douche? I really don't want to figure this one out so strut on right back from where you came from, Feathers.

Dick in a Box Halloween Costume

2010-01-04T09:03:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #153

One, you make a hole in the box... The Dick in a Box Halloween Costume pays homage to the viral SNL digital short starring Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake as a junk-obsessed 90's ballading boy band. I don't know if it's too ridiculous for my tastes by the Dick in the Box sketch only hooked me with the "no hands" construction of the shiny-bowed package. I prefer "Motherlover" 10 to 1. The Dick in a Box Halloween Costume is an almost-but-not-quite choice for those nerds with a discerning sense of humor wanting to impress the middle class everywhere.

Freshman 15 Fifteen Halloween Costume

2010-01-03T18:11:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #152

Look, okay, some of us Froshes didn't gain 15 pounds from beer guzzling, like the Freshman Fifteen 15 Halloween Costume suggests. Maybe the jerks in administration thought that it was okay to take $40,000 a year from us while feeding us carb-loaded slop. The Freshman 15 Fifteen Halloween Costume features a muffin top spilling over a peek-a-boo thonged miniskirt that was popular, oh, like 8 years ago. Sure, you'll see plenty of midriffs and skin at those ever-packed freshman keggers but, especially in winter, most of those poor lasses will be huddled together, shivering and wondering how come the kollege let in so many geeks and gee, frat boys are kinda gross. Seriously, this looks like something Steve (Ian Ziering) would have been forced to wear in his K.E.G party boy ways during the last season of the original Beverly Hills 90210.

Cock Block Halloween Costume

2010-01-03T02:04:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #151

The Cock Block Halloween Costume most disturbingly marries cavalier suggestive slang with a children's toy. On no he didn't! In this case, however, I think the average viewer may just understand the effect you're going for because, indeed, wearing a baby's alphabet block around town is potent a sexual deterrent. Nice rooster cock detailing on block face. But does the wearer have to look so dang surly? I'd go with a more pouty-frustrated look.

Clapping Cymbal Toy Monkey Halloween Costume

2009-12-31T18:49:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #150

The Clapping Monkey Halloween Costume most derangely illustrates the wrath which any right-minded house dog exhibits when tearing into the mangey fur of a chirping simian toy. I know. I've witnessed it first hand. And this monkey, with its mini-cymbals (the most annoying percussing instrument outside of the triangle), red striped inmate/elf pants, doofus red cap and constipated expression is a true study in freakdom. Only a bona fide sociopath would don this tailed costume.

Geico Caveman Halloween Costume

2009-12-30T16:46:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #149

The Geico Caveman Halloween Costume is one ugly mother. I hate those beasts and I hate this mask. With dead eyes, buck teeth, caterpillar eyebrows, greasy hair, baggy eyes and a bushy beard, the Caveman Halloween Mask looks less like a simple tool adept link in man's evolutionary chain and more like a fat, brainwashed slob of some cult's brethren. This thing is scary a hundred ways to Christmas. Higher species will reject it.

Card Shark Halloween Costume

2009-12-29T11:10:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #148

Hee hee, a shark is devouring a compulsive gambler in the Card Shark Halloween Costume. I mean, AHEM. Shark attacks are a serious world-wide problem afflicting legions of stoned surfers everyday. Lest we not forget man's rightful place at the top of the food chain, RIP Crocodile Hunter. Actually, the Card Shark Halloween Costume is a rare instance where an idiom is clearly and humorously illustrated, save for the wee-bit-too-lame deck of cards on the shark's flippers. The Card Shark Halloween Costume has another advantage of mostly hiding the wearer's featurers. Even in the chance that he is a tool with an ingratiating sense of humor, you won't have to look at him. CHOMP.

Anorexia Halloween Costume

2009-12-28T09:57:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #147

The Anorexia Halloween Costume (Anna Rexia Halloween Costume) is the ultimate exploitation of disturbing diseases. Some companies also refer to this costume as the Nicole Riche Halloween Costume which is just plain wrong. The Anorexia Halloween Costume exploits serious social, psychological and physical illness and all under the guise of a skeleton-plastered nurse's uniform. Medical professionals can sometimes wield their knowledge to become the sickest, most hypochondriacal ones of the bunch but unless the wearer of the Anorexia Halloween Costume is stick-thin, these duds will just appear to be from the Graveyard ER collection. Another example of a play on words not quite translating in the visual realm.

50 Cent Halloween Costume

2009-12-27T16:57:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #146

Move over Eminem Halloween Costume, there's a new white rapper in town. Check out the 50 Cent - Fitty Cent Halloween Costume and be the envy of your cul-de-sac. Crafted in lovely dull-gray foam, the 50 Cent Halloween Costume features a bullet-ridden goateed Babe Ruth in baseball cap on the squishy coin. Be sure to wear your own do-rag and snarl as you strut around Creamcheese, USA but watch out for the neighborhood brats with BB guns 'cuz you know a couple kids out there will want to make this outfit way realistic! Ain't no amount of Vitamin Water gonna save you now, homes.

Anita Waxing (I Need a Waxing) Halloween Costume

2009-12-09T08:17:00.000-08:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #145

Let's go Europe, let's go! The Anita Waxing Halloween Costume (I Need a Waxing) proudly displays a noticeably suspicious mop of fluffiness tumbling out of the southern regions of a bright red swimsuit / unitard in the manner of "female" Eastern European Olympiads circa 1985. Perfect for feminist-loving, anti-Brazilian males who've never laid eyes on a Victoria's Secret catalog. With this version's life guard / Baywatch-bright swimsuit, the whole costume is a complete Pam Anderson meets Grizzly Adams magnificence.

Note: the LeAnn Rimes wig is sold separately.

Octomom Halloween Costume

2009-10-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #144

The Octomom "Womb Raider" Halloween Costume posits Nadya Suleman, America's favorite baby-obsessed, collagen-friendly, Angelina Jolie-lookalike, with Mrs. Brad Pitt's star-making turn as Laura Croft in Tomb Raider. Octomom features plastic tubby babies - presumably ammunition for or against the paparazzi and social services - affixed to the most bad-ass snugly ever... a criss-crossing ass-kicking bandolier which is perfect for anyone refusing to take nature's no for an answer.

The Octomom "Womb Raider" Halloween Costume is available from Rickys.

Sewer Rat Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #143
I generally abhor life-size animal costumes for their cloying attempts to cuddle us to death but I detest the Sewer Rat Halloween Costume for a completely different reason... it's just so greasy. Taking a page out of a condemned KFC playbook, Sewer Rat dons a wife-beater shirt for added authenticity. All too reminiscent of one of the most hated characters from children's literature - Templeton from Charlotte's Web. The head emerging from the mouth also evokes a powerful gag reflex.

Scarface Tony Montana Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T11:35:00.000-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #142

The Scarface / Tony Montana Halloween Costume is the quintessential college man's milieux, right up there with beer pong, corn nuts and illegal hazing... that is, way overplayed. Heavens knows why we need to glorify the thug life,l even with someone as sharply dressed as Tony. Guaranteed, if you show up to the party as this guy, you'll meet at least five others. So if you want to sail around South Beach, you'd better be damn sure you're the most smokin' one if you ever want to score an Elvira.

Trophy Wife Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #141

A Trophy Wife Halloween Costume? Like gag me with a martini olive. That is so 1980s. Really, it's the year of the cougar, baby. The Trophy Wife Halloween Costume places a Dynasty-esque creature on a literal "trophy" base and has poor blondie confined like some pathetic American Gigolo reject. Let's hope Trophy Wife is someone's bad idea of a joke or else y'all need to get off of your yacht and go straight to the therapist's chair.

A perfect portrayal of The Real Housewives of... Orange County, Atlanta, Yellowknife, wherever.

Oompa Loompa Halloween Costume for Child

2009-10-13T11:14:00.001-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #140

Yikes! As if the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory didn't do enough to distort the already freakish Oompa Loompas. That mistake of nature Willy Wonka himself couldn't do any more harm than getting entangled with the creepy Oompa Loompa population. While the new version loses the tri-tipped orange afros of yore, it adds a sharp, coldness to an already disturbing omnipotence. This child-size version of the futuristic evil space Oompa Loompas features a super shiny, surely non-breathable fabric. Snooty expression on child's face extra.

Big Top Circus Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T11:11:00.000-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #139
Yup, this winner's got Ringling Brothers red-striped big top tent wrapped around his groin with an elephant trunk protruding where a happy oh-no-he-didn't might be. Guys, really, y'all are way to obsessed with your own equipment and to associate it with a family-fun circus? Ew. Crowds are going to skip the shows in all three rings. Seriously, Dumbo would not approve.

Party in My Pants Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T11:08:00.000-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #138

The Party In My Pants Halloween makes a most creepily trash-tastic pairing of rainbow balloons and ten-for-a-dolla white skivvies. A low-brow representation of a low-brow idiom, Party In My Pants guarantees to clear the room faster than a nerd in the girls' locker room. With its perverse clown stylings, the only exposure Party In My Pants is going to get is run and hide the children kind. Mark my RSVP as no way, Jose!

Sausage and Meatballs Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T11:06:00.001-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #137

Sausage and Meatballs Halloween Costume. Mamma mia! Stay out of the cucina! The Sausage and Meatballs Halloween Costume, served right by the outfitter's Long John Silver, exploits the stereotype that Italian men are nothing more than a raging tube of carnal appetites. Craftily delivered by a smiling dark-haired guido in a "Longuini" apron, the Sausage and Meatballs Halloween Costume distorts perfectly delicious Italian cuisine and serves it up in a coming-on-way-too-strong manner directly from the streets of Roma. Oh dio.

Sarah Palin Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T11:04:00.001-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #136

Oh women politicians, are we ever going to take you seriously? With the suggestive Sarah Palin Huntress Halloween Costume, the answer is no way, babe. Setting human decency back to pre-Neandratholic times, this short-dress-rifle combo is an exercise in ridiculousness. Propagating the inherent mental challenges of game hunters, the Sarah Palin Halloween Costume is asking to be run back to Russia. 'cause that's next to Alaska, right? I mean, sheesh, with such a little bitty hemline inappropriate for any outdoor sport, it'd be more uncomfortable than a teen pregnancy scandal, trooper firing scandal, intelligence scandal... you take your pick. I'd remark that this costume is out of mode but it's just like the lady herself... annoyingly resurgent.

The Sarah Palin Halloween Costume is available from Rickys.

Penguin Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T10:55:00.000-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #135

Um, those cute March of the Penguins and Happy Feet movies are how old now? For the love of all that's natural, please, waddle where nobody can see you in the Ginormous Penguin Halloween Costume. Ever seen that episode of Cheaters where the cheater is busted in the Bumble Bee costume at Halloween? It's about as attractive as that, oversized red bow tie or not.

Beerman Superhero Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T10:53:00.001-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Cotume #134

I'll take a double. If an underwear-on-the-outside with tights super hero costume wasn't adequately indicative of drunkery, the Beerman Superhero Halloween Costume brings all the elements of terrible frat party icon-worship to an obvious head. Beerman totes a sixpack and has a holster of beers in reserve tethered to his waist. The bright yellow wristbands and leg warmers are a bit of a mystery but I guess you can't expect sharp stylings from a boozehound. The bad Bono beer goggle-mask? I don't think all the beer in the world can make those look like a good idea.

Michelle Obama Halloween Costume Mask & Wig

2009-10-13T10:50:00.001-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #133

Anyone thinking they're going to flounce about town as America's sassy sweetheart in the Michelle Obama Halloween Costume Wig better get a brain check on what Halloween is all about. Superb class? Brains? American-made style? Perfect for an upstanding citizen, not for a Halloween Costume. Oooh, J. Crew. Scary. Ha. Nothing but a drunken conservative debate-team attempt. Target also has a Michelle Obama Halloween Costume Mask which is truly horrific.

Michael Jackson Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #132

Throughout his career, both music and personal, the King of Pop, Michael Jackson paraded around in a host of brow-raising outfits. This fire-enging red Thriller livery highlighted in the Michael Jackson Halloween Costume is a nice example of Jacko's opulent, out-there modus operandi... one that in its extreme saw his downfall and ultimate demise. Come to think of it, Brittney Spears had a similar look in her Oops, I Did It Again / fire phase. Sigh, maybe shiny red things should be omens to peak performers to slow that circus down! The bright white glove in the Michael Jackson vinyl bonanza is extra troubling, drawing a Mickey Mouse parallel and evoking disturbing childish images. The low down? Just beat it.

Junk in the Trunk Halloween Costume

2009-10-13T10:43:00.000-07:00

Inappropriate Halloween Costume #131

"My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps." At least the Junk in the Trunk Halloween Costume isn't nearly as annoying as the Fergie song. Actually, I like the Junk in the Trunk Halloween Costume which cheekily turns funny slang into an amusing costume. Junk in the Trunk starts by over-accentuating the badonkadonk, adding an awful faux zebra-geometric print dress and finishing it off with a tacky rear-end trunk compartment complete with license plate, giving the whole ensemble a Jersey girl just arrived in Vegas feel. Will Joe Schmo viewer get that it's a Junk in the Trunk? Well, you have fun explaining it to him. The Junk in the Trunk Halloween Costume is available from Costume Kingdom.