In 'Arry We Trust

John Terry Loses His Cool After Spurs Fans' Abuse At The Lane

2010-04-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

I will not waste your time with a report of the Arsenal game; you all watched it with me, revelling in the ecstasy of victory. Indeed it was a thing of beauty: the melodies of vitriol spewed forth at Judas harmonising with the deafening boo's, Uncle Wenger's leathery old face contorted in disbelieve and disappointment and all set to the beautiful strains of 'We beat the scum 2-1'. Oh and the bitter irony of our two youngsters banging in the goals against an Arsenal defence that enjoyed its vintage years immediately after the defeat of the Armada. 'Arsenal kids'? Only a lingering fantasy in Tony Adams' alcohol ravaged mind. When archaeologists dig up White Hart Lane in thousands of years they will believe we worshipped young Danny Rose as a deity and they wouldn't be far wrong. If the boy never pulls on the shirt again he will still live on forever in Tottenham folklore. In the words of Andy Gray 'Take a bow son, Take.A.Bow'.

I went up to Chelsea expecting little. The injury list looked serious, Chelsea looked strong, 5 wins in 5. We would be tired I thought, just watching the lads since Sunday had me knackered. "Don't expect any favours" went the texts to my scum and Man Utd 'mates'. What actually occurred had me and 30,000 others delirious; two derby wins in two, Top 4 chase back on, the big boys running scared. We didn't just beat Chelsea; we pinned them down, bent them over and gave them the kind of violent and senseless rogering that would have George Michael blushing. It was wonderful,seriously, truly bloody marvellous. Shunted from my usual seat to the South Upper I found myself hugging a balding, sweaty middle aged man like a boy re-united with his biological father (Dad, if you're reading this, please get in touch...sigh...). On 70 minutes they were piling out of the away end, on 80 it was an endless stream leading all the way back to the days when they scrapped for points against West Ham.

Yet one of the most joyous events of the afternoon was the fall and fall of John Terry, beamed out to millions of England fans and all under the watchful eye of Fabio. Once upon a time Terry was a great player, a professional even, but on Saturday he lost every battle; mental, physical and emotional. The result, an early bath as the terraces rang out with adulation for his heir apparent Michael Dawson. Our captain was superb yet again, inspiring confidence amongst all around him. He dealt with the physical presence of Drogba just as easily as the nimble footed, lightweight assaults of the Arsenal. If he doesn't have a place on that plane I will slap Capello personally. Anyway more on him and Ledley (England partnership?) at a later date.

I should perhaps take this opportunity to yet again point out the role the fans have to play in highly charged fixtures like this. Who cares whether Terry actually deserves the abuse he gets? The Premiership is as much of a psychological battle now as it is physical or tactical. In this respect our fanbase are veritable Chess Masters. The Chelsea captain could not escape from the boos, the chants reminding him of his humiliating family life and the accusation he had 'let his country down'. His tackles grew wild and his distribution sloppy, culminating in a confrontation with a fan at half time. His challenges on Defoe and Pav were cynical and his final, fatal lunge at Bale was born of frustration and ineptitude. It was our Welsh prodigy who made the run, who fell to the challenge, yet the target was us. For that gentlemen, I applaud you.

My only slight grumble was at Kaboul. He is a useful player with excellent strength and a surprisingly decent vision and turn of pace. He is however, not a fullback, and spent much of the game being turned inside and out whilst looking lost going forwards. Not your fault lad, you do try hard but we really miss Charlie who made the position his own. As for the rest of the team, exemplary to a man. Thudd and Luka bossing the midfield, BAE looking the player he was at the beginning of the season, Bentley making good runs and tracking back very well. Gomes just showboating with his saves (seriously, watch them again, 'its so easy at the Lane'), Bassong and Dawson rock solid and even Pav leading the line well (albeit it with the finishing powers of an anorexic at a buffet). Defoe still not at peak sharpness but an excellent penalty. Oh yeah and that Welsh kid making the heart shape.Only kidding Gareth, God I heart you too, more than I ever will any woman.

My evening was spent at the Bill Nicholson, smashing down pitchers of booze and screaming out Tottenham chants as yids danced on tables as far as the eye could see. If our seasons ends now it will not all have been in vain. Another memorable year, keep the good stuff coming...

In'ArryWeTrust

"Sol Sol Wherever You May Be..."

2010-04-14T03:41:00.000-07:00

Three days have passed since Black Sunday and it has taken me until this morning for it to fully sink in. I have exhibited all 7 stages of grief beginning with denial "That pitch was a disgrace, they'll replay it, surely???' and ultimately ending in acceptance - reciting over and over again the tired mantra of the Tottenham fan "There's always next year, there's always next year...". I have composed my thoughts and have forced myself to watch the game again. What I saw surprised me.

All this talk of us not turning up was brushed aside by our exhibition of total domination - corners, shots, passes, possession. I can still hear the barking of my moustached primary school football coach from the sidelines 'If you don't let them have the ball, they can't score!!'. Yes, they had a few breakaways but our pressure was constant and un-abating. The post match slating of Crouch (for which I have been guilty of in the past) seemed non-sensical to me. He should have made more of a couple of headers but he was hassled and marked effectively all game. His distribution and hold up play proved incredibly useful in the build up to attacks. Not only did he score the equaliser *Google searches 'how to make petrol bomb' followed by 'Alan Wiley referee address'* but he squeezed a tight header against the post and was only denied more goals by an excellent David James. Dawson's slip, Crouch's goal, the penalty that never was - all factors beyond our boys' control, the result of unavoidable errors or incompetent decision making.

The pitch was dreadful and whatever anyone says this favoured a weaker Pompey side, whose only apparent casualty was the far from clinical Dindane. Sometimes you have to sit back, stick one finger skywards and just curse the footballing Gods for their rampant antisemitism. We didn't lose because the players didn't care, we lost because somewhere in the grand scheme o thins we were meant to. With this in mind I was up bright and early; shaving off the facial hair borne from mourning and washing the salty tracks of tears from my cheeks. Its done.Over.Buried. THIS is where the season turns and the buzz of adrenaline is constant.Let's hope our boys feel the same...

I will keep my thoughts on the Arsenal match brief. We are still without Lennon and have now lost Palacios, who was unreal in the same fixture last season(the final factor in me crossing the Wiley family off my Christmas card list). No Jenas, no Woody, No Niko, with Charlie, King and Thudd all doubts - hardly the kind of news that inspires great confidence. Yet Arsenal aren't without injuries and we must hope Wilson's brother from another mother, Alex Song, is not present to toughen up Arsenal's soft centre. However, the main point of this article is a request to the fans. We all heard the atmosphere at Wembley, and credit where it is due to the Portsmouth fans, they are superb. It seems impossible to belief that level of support didn't have some part to play in Pompey's incredible sense of fight and energy. Our boys will be hurt after Sunday and our loud support should be a demonstration that we still believe - that the fans know they are capable.

More importantly I think the Arsenal players should be subjected to some of the roughest abuse of their lives. The North London derby at White Hart Lane prides itself on being the most hostile and emotionally charged fixture of the scum's calendar, we should do that tradition proud. The Arsenal team might have experience but they are still young and lacking the leadership of Fabregas. I chance the fierce atmosphere combined with the pressure of the title race have every chance of converting nerves into errors.

But please, I beg you, save your most potent vitriol for dear old Judas, marching back into the stadium where he made his name, cloaked in the red and white of shame and betrayal. I need not remind you of his behaviour, the money he cost the club, his abandonment of the fans who used to sing his name and his pig headed refusal to accept any fault. I ask you to leave your insults burnt into his conscience for eternity, not for our own sense of vindication, but because he is weak and he will crumble underneath it. Arsenal's defence can be unlocked without a ball even being kicked.

Audere est Facere - Never has a phrase been so poignant...

InArryWeTrust

Darren Bent's Inflammatory and Immature Swipe at the Tottenham Faithful

2010-04-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

Lets not talk about last Saturday. I don't know whether it was injuries, fatigue, poor tactics or pre-occupation with the FA cup but the lads just didn't turn up and we were well and truly dominated by a frantic Sunderland side. Whatever it was, and despite the damage it has done to our chances of the Champions League, I have done my mourning and am looking forward to this April's rollercoaster of fixtures. However, there was something from the Sunderland game that has left a rather unpleasant taste in my mouth and looking at the forums I am not alone.

There was never any question Bent would score against us. Not only was it sod's law but, as the statistics show, the guy is good at hitting the back of the net. It was also no surprise that the goal would mean a lot to him, after a prolonged transfer and a very public spat with 'Arry. Yet the way he reacted after both goals was beyond me. For those of you unable to get hold of the highlights (in particular with the first goal), Bent scored and made a deliberate bee-line for the away support. Running past the Tottenham fans he turned and made a talking gesture with his hand whilst pointedly thumping his Sunderland badge. The reaction from the travelling yids was unsurprisingly furious and he was fortunate not to be struck by a bottle thrown from the crowd.

Now don't get me wrong, there are a few reasons for Darren to feel slightly aggrieved. Arry's Sandra comment was, in hindsight, ill-advised, although unfortunately probably accurate (another one for the 'Darren Bent Howlers Xmas DVD'). Then there was the issue of his transfer which took a number of weeks to complete and ended in a famous foul mouthed rant on Twitter. Perhaps someone should have informed him that football is ultimately a business and our notoriously savvy chairman was merely (and understandably) driving to drive up the price. He got what he wanted, slated Redknapp and the board in the media but even then couldn't let it lie. His goal celebration was aimed directly at the fans themselves, designed to cause fury, and I just don't understand why.

My friends tell me he was cheered during the warm-up and I remember him being applauded at the corresponding fixture at the Lane. Sure he was criticised by some fans during his time here for some dire misses but just ask Crouch, and even Defoe, how that feels because I hear both players criticised in the terraces week in week out.

Bent's celebration was unprovoked, unnecessary and put the safety of the stewards and fans at risk. I see no difference between his celebration and that of Adebayor, who suffered far worse abuse from his own fans. Adebayor ran further but Bent made a deliberate policy of running away from his own support to the Tottenham end, even adding and hand gesture abscent in Adebayor's celebration. For all his faults, one only need look at Robbie Keane's attitude to his former clubs upon scoring, to see how a real professional acts.

Bent is, I'm told, quite a big reader of fan sites so if you are reading this, well done Darren. You have turned a large body of fans with no hard feelings against you (dare I say many were actually happy for you) fully and whole-heartedly against you. Real professionals control their emotion and can deal with the pressure. You have shown yet again you cannot handle either; so come this Summer, don't waste too much time sitting by the phone...

InArryWeTrust

Tottenham Prepare For Their Finest Hour

2010-03-24T16:55:00.000-07:00

The observant amongst you will have noticed that I have not paid this blog much attention of late. The old excuses flow easily off the tongue; work's hectic, people to see, places to go, but the truth is, my silence comes from the dreadful, all consuming fear that has plagued me for weeks. The fear that comes with every hard fought point, the fear of the giggling, euphoric maniac jumping up and down inside me with every passing game, the fear of daring to believe that maybe, just maybe, this is it. Last night, as the strains of "Que sera sera" echoed around the Lane, I gave up. The beast within cannot be contained by good sense, experience or civility any longer. I will admit it, I believe!

The Tottenham I watched tonight were superb. Not because of the result nor all the cute passes; the incisive cross field balls and delicate flicks. Instead it was the Tottenham team that started the second half that gave me an incredible and irrepressible feeling of hope. We began the game looking lacklustre and clueless. The passing was slapdash, there was no passion, no desire, no drive to win. The midfield was wide open allowing Fulham onto us and they fully deserved their lead at the break. Modric was guilty of missing tackless and being caught out of position leaving Palacios looking shaky and the defence exposed. The natives were growing restless, howling with rage at every bottled header and shirked second ball. As the whistle blew for the end of the first half, the chorus of whistles and boos drowned out the applause of the visitors.

Old Tottenham would have left the field heads bowed. They would have whinged they were being unfairly treated by the fans and would have played the next 45 as though they had been hard done by. Indeed, the charicature of 'Arry so many of you are so keen to drive out of the Lane with your pitchforks would have sat tight, stubborn in the knowledge Crouchie would 'do a job'. Well douse your torches and put down your scythes my heathen peasant comrades. 'Arry risked the wrath of Niko and BAE by throwing on Thudd and Bentley after half time. When Charlie hobbled off to join our injury ward (now being managed by the natural disaster branch of the Red Cross) 'Arry threw on Pav. This was just the kind of gamble that exposes managers to extreme criticism when they backfire. Decisions like that take guts and for all our wonderful ability, it is guts and graft that wins trophies.

I won't bore you with individual player reviews as I'm sure you were all with me in the stands or screaming "Yido Yido" at your TV screens. However I will throw out two quick synopses. Firstly, the 'Zamora for England' lobby can sit down at the back along with the Bent fan club. Fair play, the guy slotted in a great instinctive finish but Bassong had him in his pocket for the rest of the game. Throughout the second half Zamora was out jumped and out muscled by our Cameroonian youngster. Such was the effectiveness of Bassong's defending that the usually placid Zamora ended up lashing out in sheer frustration and getting himself (and inexplicably our man) booked. Then there was Eidur, the 'striker who doesn't score goals'. Two in less than two games says differently. Yet even more impressive was his linking of the midfield and, in the second half, his distribution in the hole behind the two front men. He looks in exceptional shape, brushing off tackles and holding up play without breaking a sweat. Before the ball even reaches him he seems to know where the next pass is going, kind of like an Icelandic version of X-men's Dr Charles Xavier. On top of this, the guy is a veteran of the domestic and European competitions, something that shows in the intelligence of every run and pass. Come the end of the season, the Iceman's cool head may have a huge influence both on and off the field.

Every week seems to be another blow for our boys in Lillywhite. Woody, King, Lennon, Modric, Huddlestone, Defoe; the spine of our team, have all spent long periods on the sidelines. Yet when a man drops, another steps proudly into his place in a style matched only by communis...sorry 'The People's Republic of' China. I can't be the only one wondering whether this Lennon bloke was actually any good in the first place. Down to the 'bare bones', playing in dreadful conditions on rubbish pitches with players in unfamilar positions and still the steam train rumbles on.

The big three as well as the clash with City will be huge for this club, but I finally feel ready to scrap with the big boys. Rather than going a goal down, curling up into foetal position and letting the kicks rain in, this Tottenham are straight back up, spitting blood in their opponents face and screaming "F*cking come on then!!". As ever, the support last night was literally unbelievable and when Eidur scored even the Paxton was rocking. I left with my hands trembling, my voice hoarse and a bigger headache than John Terry's publicist. I'm not saying we'll get top 4 this year, I'm not even over-confident about the FA cup. However after all the years of hurt, I finally feel we are laying the foundations of a club we can all be proud of.

InArryWeTrust

Tottenham's Unbeatable 12th Man Wins Us Another 3 Points

2010-02-22T09:23:00.000-08:00

Gents apologies for my recent absence. I have been involved in lengthily discussions with the tabloids over a fee for the pictures sent to my sister and mother by what I have to describe as 'an anonymous Chelsea left back'. Based on the evidence presented to me...lets just say he's no Ledley King.

A rain soaked quagmire in Wigan is hardly the characteristic setting for a fairytale, Pavlyuchenko is hardly the name of a Prince but Sunday afternoon saw an ending that would have had Walt Disney bawling his eyes out. Ok, so the result was no 9-1, in fact it wasn't even a particularly impressive performance, but there are a couple of things that I felt compelled to record to posterity.

First of all it was nice to see us having a bit of luck. Defoe was so far offside for the goal I thought he was having a chat with Kirkland. Indeed, the way he reluctantly picked the ball out the net ready for a freekick said it all. Perhaps the linesman couldn't see through the downpour, perhaps the occasion of a packed DW stadium got to him, perhaps closet Spurs fan Gordon Brown had had one of those 'chats' with him at number 10. Anyway who cares. As 'Arry said afterwards 'sometimes ya get em, sometimes ya dunt'. We usually don't, this time we did, Huzzah!

Secondly something must be said about Wigan's impressive recreation of the Somme. Paul Merson, shortly before wrapping a red and white scarf round his neck and eating a prawn sandwich, claimed the conditions were most likely to hinder the home side's 'flowing passing game'. In fairness, both teams deserve a medal, and possibly counselling, after completing 90 minutes in conditions resembling the toilets at Glastonbury. When I saw little Luka strip off his tracksuit I felt genuine dread. My mind flashed forward to a vision of him, thrashing wildly, shoulder deep in mud and squealing out for Krancjar and Charlie. As it was, he proved an inspired substitution, unlocking the Wigan defence with some determined running and incisive passes.

Then there was Pav. I am not going to start waxing lyrical about our grinning, blonde mulletted Russian. At times he looks lazy and disinterested, like a considerably less technical Berbatov, albeit one who knows what a smile is. Indeed 'Arry has hinted time and time again that he doesn't put in full shift in training and has made it abundantly clear he is infuriated by his lack of English. Still, we are easily won over and after Leeds and now Wigan he must be given his chance. 'Arry need only remember the plight of Bentley and Bale before writing off Pav. Indeed, rumour has it the board were considering a bid from London Zoo for Bale before his run in the team; they have since focused their attention on acquiring Emile Heskey for the donkey enclosure. The way the players mobbed him says much for the kind of character he must be. We will need every striker firing on full cylinders in the push for fourth, Pav could still become a spurs legend.

However, for me, the most memorable aspect of both the Bolton and the Wigan game was the fans. This wasn't Fulham, this was the mythical 'North' where cannibalism and Viking raids are still commonplace. Yet, there they were in their thousands, a sea of white and blue. As both home teams struggled to fill even half their stadiums, we were there, packing a whole stand and drowning out the wind and rain. I can claim no credit having watched both matches desperately hungover on the sofa but it was enough to bring a tear to the eye. Even as we disappeared without a trace in the first half at Bolton, the fans could still be heard loud and proud driving the team on. Lets not kid ourselves, for all Arry's protestations to the contrary, for all his claims of 'im trainin really well this week', it was the fans who had Pav put on. As the game wore on the chants became too persistent to ignore, and what a fine bunch of tacticians we all are. There are clearly backroom forces at work at Spurs but you could see from Pav's celebration just how much the fan's support meant to him. Many things are beyond our power as humble supporters, but the adulation of the fans is the ultimate goal of every player, and chants of 'Super Pav' might just dissipate our Russian's homesickness come summer. If only Crouch was as good as our support...

InArryWeTrust

Peter Crouch: Ready for the Chop?

2010-02-09T07:17:00.000-08:00

Forget Bale, there are times when I think our whole club is cursed!

Who can possibly forget Lasagne-gate, where our aspirations of Champion's League glory slipped from Martin Jol's chubby sausage fingers on the final day of the season. My enduring memory is watching Carrick play a long ball forward, a look of horror and disbelief suddenly sketched across his pained face. One hand grasped the back of his sagging shorts, the other gesticulating wildly at the bench as he waddled towards the dugout sobbing 'Martin...its happened again'. Then of course there was the phantom goal that Mendes scored against United. Clattenburg petrified by the prospect of actually making a decision appeared to put his faith in democracy. "Ok all of you who think it wasn't a goal, jump up and down and wave your red scarfs in the air...hmmm ok I think that's fairly conclusive". Even the linesman, suddenly struck down by Wenger-itis, claimed he could not see, instead standing as stiff as John Terry looking at the 08/09 Chelsea WAG calendar. Factor in all the last minute deflections, slices, penalty decisions and general mishaps, and we have every reason to feel somewhat aggrieved. Something tells me that somewhere in North London, a withered old mage known as "Uncle Arsene" is mixing up his next anti-Tottenham hex; complete with eye of newt, wing of bat and still warm y-front of a French academy player.

The Villa game appeared to be just another display of how unlucky we can be. With the number of shots we had, the possession we maintained and the pressure we applied, O'Neill should have been scuttling back to the Walkers stadium, pleading to be put in charge of a decent team. Yet somehow we came out having dropped another two points at home after a comfortable performance. Contrary to what many media outlets (especially the clueless, hideous American agencies drawling about team's "powerful offence" and "awesome set plays") have stated, we were excellent on Saturday. Daws and Ledley were imperious, keeping Heskey, then the enormous man-mountain Carew in their back pocket. Bale continued to demonstrate his phenomenal talent whilst Corluka, despite appearing to spend the game fossilizing was solid as ever. In the middle, Huddlestone and Palacios roamed freely, breaking up play and spreading the ball for counter attacks. Even Bentley had a decent game, his habit of pirouetting every four paces actually becoming rather endearing.

Another two points dropped, another case of the Tottenham curse...right? Actually I'm not so sure. Admittedly important decisions appeared to go against us as Foy stumbled awkwardly round, his tight shorts stuffed with Arsenal's unspent "transfer budget", but such excuses cannot continue. For all the talk of needing a back up keeper, a midfield enforcer and a central defender, I think our real problem lies in our self proclaimed 'strongest area'. Whilst Defoe can be painfully inconsistent, he is a natural goal scorer and has added several pounds of physical presence to his game. Sure, he's no Drogba in the air but the drivel about dropping/selling him I have seen on some forums are as mindless as Zokora's running. He is one of the few strikers in the league who can be anonymous for much of the game before springing up and slotting a couple from no-where. Instead the real issue appears to be the role of second striker.

The jury is still out on Peter Crouch but the metaphorical collection of silver haired pensioners and acne riddled students are beginning to tutt and shift awkwardly in their seats. 'Arry proudly stated "the lad won nearly every header" against Villa and he wasn't far wrong. The only problem was that every header rolled lamely out for a throw-in or was blasted forwards with wild optimism. For much of the game we would have been far better hammering a large wooden stake into the ground and trying to ricochet long balls off it. An old football coach of mine, that's right I'm going all ITK on yo asses (next week...how to win over the woman you love) used to train Crouchy during his time at Southampton and said for a boy of his size he was incredibly weak in the air. Instead, he suggested the other players lay the ball to his feet where he was considerably more adept. Yet, time and time again, slick counter attacking football is exchanged for hoofs up the field. Crouchy is a tidy footballer and is still enormously useful in the air but he is quite simply not fitting into our current style of play.

We are left with one of two options. Either we persist with Crouchy but make a deliberate policy of playing as though he is 5 foot nothing or we change the strike partnership. I hate to sound sensationalist but at such a crucial time of the season, these big decisions need to be made. It is clear that we need a high profile goalscorer in the summer but who is the man to partner Defoe up front and lead our forlorn hope of Champions League football?

Gentlemen, I lend you my ears...

In'ArryWeTrust

Tottenham's Transfer Window: An Unmitigated Disaster?

2010-02-02T06:16:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks have not been particularly positive for us Tottenham fans. Aside from a brief lift against Fulham we have been struck down by a set of results more disappointing than a tour of the Emirates trophy room. It should be stated that a draw away at Birmingham is by no means a disaster. Yet, having had the lion's share of possession and a couple of chances to put the game to bed; tucking up little Chucho with a kiss on the forehead and a traditional Ecuadorian folksong, we managed to blow it in extra time again. Corluka's languid style always strikes me as equivalent to one of those muzzled dancing bears typical in Eastern European circuses, gyrating lamely to the wheezing of an accordion. The equalizer did little to banish this image as, when the killer ball was delivered, he appeared to be scratching himself against the back post, totally oblivious to the game of football going on around him. Such is the curse of the entire Tottenham team who appear to treat extra time as some kind of encore; an electrifying curtain call filled with rash challenges and needless killer balls.

Despite this, it wasn't all bad. The filth from down the road have gone down in the history books as the first team to be defeated in 3D. And defeated they were, not by a small margin but in "trousers pulled down and bum spanked by Mummy in front of the older boys on first day of school" style. Special commendation must go to Gael Clichy who's idea of a tackle seemed to be running alongside his player hurling handfuls of grass and daises at the ball. Arsenal's effeminate defending was enough to make the usually flamboyant and limp wristed Nani look like some kind of muscle bound, John Terry-esque animal. Talking of John Terry...actually lets not go there...

The potential saving grace of our 2010 was the January transfer window. As soon as 'Arry was quoted as saying this would be "a quiet one", we were instantly linked to every player under the sun. Van Nistelrooy and Huntelaar up front, Sandro and Muntari in the middle; Joe Cole, Anton Ferdinand and Lionel Messi all warming the bench. Instead, the spinning, merry carousel of transfer dealings has left many feeling underwhelmed, disgruntled and wanting their money back from the long haired, chain smoking ride operator. But was it really that bad?

My major criticism would be the lack of an experienced CB signing. Woodgate and Ledley now have a total of about three effective limbs between them and cannot be relied upon to lead the backline. For all his improvement, I still do not see Dawson as capable of mentoring Bassong in the same way C*mpbell did of King, or indeed Ledley did with Daws. An older, more experienced signing, even on loan, would have been the perfect remedy to see us through to the end of the season. Dawson still has costly lapses in concentration and, as the Leeds game demonstrated, often his decision making lets him down. He needs a player with a cool, old head beside him to curb his wilder instincts and underlying indiscipline. Instead we have got Kaboul, who for all this talk of improvement, is still young and may have been made to look good by the abysmal players either side of him.

Another worry is the lack of cover in midfield. With Sandro now, inexplicably, staying in Brazil for another few months, the burden of midfield enforcer falls heavily onto the shoulders of Wilson and Thudd. 'Arry clearly has as much faith in Jenas as Mrs Terry does in her husband (cue lawsuit) and with O'Hara now back on loan, our famous squad depth is looking distinctly shaky. Once again many have suggested that Kaboul has been brought back as a cover for DM. Personally the thought of an unproven Pompey player one injury away from responsibility for the spine of the team fills me with about as much confidence as Terry's marriage vows. Yes I know he's "big" and he's "physical", but so's that fat Portsmouth fan with the cow bell - surely worth a punt on a pay as you play??

However, the rest of the movement has been, on the whole, positive. Naughton will finally get the first team experience he deserves at Boro. I have always rated him but he won't develop jogging up and down the sidelines and having awkward conversations with Pav on the bench. I'm also glad to see Hutton getting to the chance to prove himself. 'Arry seems pretty set with the dancing bear so this move may help bring about a genuine competition for the right back spot next season. As regards the recall of Walker, you need only look at the comments from Blades fans on the article "Tottenham's £8 million mystery man", to see what a prodigious talent we seem to have on our hands.

The most important exchange of the window was undoubtedly Keano for Gudjohnsen, and this is a move I am particularly happy with. I remember Gudjohnsen from his time at Chelsea and always had a grudging appreciation for his intelligent link play and devastating through balls. All my Chelsea friends (we all have to make compromises) look back on him with a bleary eyed nostalgia and there are even allegations that John Terry showed respect and deference to his wife. At 31 he is past his prime, but he is a player that never relied on pace, athleticism or the other fickle trappings of youth. 'Arry may really have struck gold this time.

As for Keano, well what is there to say? There was a time was looked upon you as a loveable rogue. When you pointed wildly, spraying spittle over the referee after you'd fallen over the ball; we laughed and cheered you on your way. When you celebrated your goals with that camp half-hearted flip, not one man stood up and questioned your sexuality. When you mumbled incoherently during interviews, eyes flickering involuntarily like an Irish 'Rainman', we all nodded and concurred. I really do wish you the best at your latest boyhood club. If it works out then perhaps Levy will be able to roll around in a bathload of paper thin, mostly fraudulent Scottish notes come Summer. If not then there's a very comfy looking seat on the bench that a chap called Bentley is kindly keeping warm for you.

For reports on Naughton/Walker: http://inarrywetrust.blogspot.com/2009/12/tottenhams-8-million-mystery-man.html

In'ArryWeTrust

Gudjohnsen's bizarre first introduction to the Tottenham squad

2010-01-29T06:02:00.000-08:00

"Great to 'av you on board Eidur" said a beaming Harry as the two men walked casually down the corridor toward the dressing room.

"Honestly Harry there was never any doubt in my mind once I heard Spurs were in for me. West Ham offered a great package but I really didn't like the way Mr Sullivan kept taking pictures of my wife" said Eidur, his face racked with a mixture of confusion and concern. "Anyway" he started, shaking off the unpleasant memories, "I'm just excited to be back in England again and looking forward to meeting the rest of the squad"

"Oh they're a great bunch of characters 'ere, real nice group of lads" Harry rambled affectionately "You've got nothing to be worried about".

After a brief moment's silence they reached the door of the dressing room. "The boys have just come in from some drills, follow me". Harry pushed the door gently open and beckoned Eidur into the room after him with a sweep of his hand. The Icelandic forward shuffled in and was confronted with a buzz of happy chitter chatter and laughter; the various Tottenham players spread out on benches, jostling each other and taking off their muddy boots.

"Right first fings first" Harry proclaimed "You'd better meet Ledley our captain". Harry led Eidur through the bustling crowd of jovial Tottenham players and beckoned towards the corner of the room. "Ledley...Ledley I've got someone 'ere to see you". Eidur glanced around, unsure of where to look, when his eyes were caught by movement from behind a white medical curtain. With the scrunching of synthetic material and a metallic scrape the curtain was drawn back by a haggard old woman draped in Eastern European shawls and there, on a treatment table, lay Ledley King. Encouraged by Harry, Eidur tentatively walked forward and extended a nervous palm.

"Welcome to Tottenham" Ledley began, shaking Eidur's hand enthusiastically "Harry had mentioned we might be getting another striker on boar...", his voice trailed off.

Eidur stood transfixed as the elderly woman proceeded to smear the unpleasant looking contents of a bucket over Ledley's knee; chunks of ochre coloured offal splattering onto the dressing room floor. Turning pale and clearly feeling nauseous Gudjohnsen looked up at Ledley, managing to splutter, "Is that...is that...placen..."

"Part of my world cup preparations?" beamed the giant centreback "Yep sure is, Olga here is going to make sure I'm on that plane to South Africa".

Gudjohnsen suddenly looked perplexed: "But surely with Terry and Ferdinand fit, and players like Upson waiting in the wing..?"

"Right well thats that fella's" Harry quickly interjected, dragging Gudjohnsen away forcibly by the waist. The old woman cowered beside Ledley hissing protectively and making threatening gestures with her withered, leathery old hands. "Don't mention the world cup" Harry mumbled under his breath to Eidur "Only thing that keeps the poor lad going".

"Well" Harry proclaimed, instantly cheery again "Suppose you'd better meet the rest of em". They walked a couple of paces before Harry stopped and pointed out some of the other players.

"Those there are your striking partners". Near some benches Peter Crouch stood with his eyes closed and his arms outspread; bare feet submerged in a pile of MiracleGrow, face pointed up towards the fluorescent strip lighting. Defoe scrambled round his feet, attentively sprinkling drops from a pink watering can onto the compost.

"And there's the team captain Robbie". Eidur gazed over as Keane emerged dripping from the showers, nothing hiding his flabby palid body, and proceeded to wind up his towel into a tight looking spiral. With no warning he began to charge stark naked around the dressing room, whipping his team mates mercilessly whilst emitting a series of incoherent shrieks and giggles. "No Robbie please, not again, we don't like it" pleaded Jenas effeminately as his delicate thighs were lashed.

"Erm shouldn't we do something?" Eidur said, looking concerned.

Harry bellowed with laughter "That's just Keano doin' is thing. Great for team morale, the others just love it!"

The diminutive Irishman's rampage continued, flaying Alan Hutton's backside as he desperately struggled to put on his StarWars Y-fronts. Eventually Corluka lumbered over, pinned the writhing, wild eyed Irishman to the ground and tore his towel in half.

Harry chuckled away to himself "Those lot ey?". He looked at Eidur and rolled his eyes. "Actually, I might av a little treat for you fella come over ere". Eidur followed reluctantly, his expression fraught with anxiety and doubt. Harry pushed aside a couple of players and shouted over at a couple of younger looking characters sitting on a bench together. Bale and Modric who were giggling away contentedly, playing 'Cat's Cradle' with a bootlace, looked up, and Harry beckoned Luka with an authoritative finger.

"Ere we are Luka" said Harry, ruffling the little midfielder's hair "I've got another Croatian for you to play with". Both players looked at each other, utterly bewildered. There was a small silence. "Go on get in there, don't be shy now" laughed Harry as he pushed the two players together uncomfortably.

"But Harry, Im not Croatian, Im Icelandi..."

"Course you're Croatian Eidur" said Harry pushing the players together with even greater force "Why the hell do ya think I signed ya?". The two footballers were now gasping for breath, Modric began to admit an impossibly high pitched scream before biting Harry and scuttling away to hide behind one of the urinals.

Harry grasped his hand and emitted a stream of obscenities before turning to Eidur and apologizing. "Right well that's about that, just one final thing...don't go talking to that Russian lad, he's bad news. Bad attitude ya see? Lazy" Harry tapped his head.

"Why is he in that...cage?" Eidur questioned, looking more than a little perturbed by his experience thus far.

The gaunt looking Russian sat hunched in a restrictive metal enclosure, the tatters of a Spartak Moscow kit hanging from his protruding bones. With what seemed like an exhaustive effort the man raised his doleful eyes up to Eidur and, in heavily accented English, spluttered "Please...help...me".

Eidur stood mouth agape, horrified. Harry noting his reaction stood there nodding sympathetically. "Don't worry son, I don't av a bloody clue what he's sayin either".

A long silence ensued as Eidur slowly shook himself to his senses. Harry glanced agitated at his watch "Sorry lad but I gotta dash, any questions before I go?"

Gudjohnsen looked down, trying to take it all in, "Yes actually...does he always do that?". The striker pointed at his leg to reveal a partially clothed Michael Dawson, thrusting wildly, tongue lolling out at the corner of his mouth with a vacant smile stretched across his face.

"Ahh I think he likes you" Harry chortled as he headed towards the door "Told you you'd fit right in..."

The door banged shut.

The Most Important Game of Tottenham's Season

2010-01-27T13:25:00.001-08:00

The Fulham game was like losing my virginity all over again. The performance was, apart from some occasional half hearted forward thrusts, a flaccid and desperate disappointment. Yet, when it was all over (slightly earlier than expected) I was flooded with the same relief and confidence I felt all those mont...sorry...years ago.

Liverpool and Hull had placed doubts in the mind of many a Spurs fan over our ability to last the season. On one hand there was our inability to break down 'park the bus teams', tapping gently and feebly on their windows rather than smashing Bentley's porsche into the side and mugging every terrified pensioner on board. Then there was the criticism we lacked the mental strength to take on the top teams, utterly devoid of the belief and confidence needed to get a result. Fulham has not changed either of these factors. We still spend much of our time against these types of opposisiton looking as clueless and panicked as Sol Campbell in a brothel.

However, Tuesday's game was an enormously reassuring experience for a packed White Hart Lane. Finally, the curse of Gareth Bale was lifted. The monkey that has clung onto his back for so many games can now return to its seat in the Upper West stand, next to the rest of Gareth's siblings. Bale was excellent yet again and the way he took it in turn to applaud every stand at the final whistle showed just how much the result meant to him. He has the fitness and pace to sprint up and down that left flank like no-one else. He also is strong and useful aerially for someone who (hopefully) still has a lot of growing to do. Yes, his positioning and defensive decision-making can be dodgy but many people fail to remember he's still only 20; such mental elements rely on gametime and experience, neither of which he has been blessed with. The real reason I like Bale though, is that the opposition are scared of him. He is capable of lifting the entire tempo and atmsophere of a game with one run and the prospect of Lennon and him galloping down their respective wings makes me feel good in my special area.

I would like to say (as many of the papers incorrectly reported) that Bentley had a cracking game and has put himself back into contention. In truth, watching him was rather like watching your club-footed child playing sport; you are caught between desperately wanting him to do well and screaming 'take that f*cking special case off'. All his desperately ineffectual flicks and spins would be great fun if we had been 5-0 up but they often put his team members under pressure and were greeted with howls of derision from the crowd. He put a few decent balls in but his free kick was lucky, his pace is laughable and he just doesn't look capable of fitting into the team. £10 million from Wet Spam will do nicely. Whats that Mr Sullivan? 10 quid and a pair of Zola's used undies? You sir have yourself a deal!

It gives me even greater delight to inform you that both Sergeant Wilson and Luka put in the kind of performances we have not seen of late. Palacios was back to his best; charging around bellowing Honduran war chants and felling the Fulham midfield with tackles that would have had the Conquistadors rowing desperately back across the Atlantic, pantaloons round their dainty ankles. Modric, who is still settling back into the team, also looked like the old Luka we all know and love. He was the heartbeat of the midfield; dinking delicate balls forward, cutting inside and generally causing trouble with every touch. Perhaps even more encouraging was the understanding that was evident between him and Bale. Stories abounded of Gareth finding a banana in his locker before the game alongside a note scrawled in poor English saying 'we can be friend??' Bale, utterly perplexed, scanned the dressing room and noticed little Luka strapping on his size 4 boots, giggling shyly and hiding under his fringe; something beautiful was born.

It wasn't all good news. Defoe has begun to get frustrated in a way that not even Katie Price can remedy, having wild pop shots in his attempt to break his apparent 'goal drought'. Crouchy is always a useful outlet but for God's sake someone buy that lad a gym membership, get him bicep curling the team oranges...anything!! It continues to astound me that this caricature we use as a 'target man' could be outjumped and pushed off the ball by some of the vertically challenged gentlemen you often (accidentely) come across on specialist adult sites. King was imperious at the back again as was Dawson, but the latter's distribution was dire. Stick to heading it Daws, and if I see you trying to play one more impossibly Beckham-esque cross field ball, I'm going to rip out your knees and give them to Ledley.

All in all, it was an unspectacular and competent performance which in many ways could define our season. Not only have we put breathing space between us and Liverpool but players who are integral to our team, seem to have recaptured the form we require of them to suceed. One game is one game, and this is Tottenham. Anything can happen from here but the signs are positive. Can we make the Top 4?? Probably not, but after the last few games I was starting to see our name engraved onto a shiny plaque saying "7th place". Bring on Birmingham and Villa.

In'ArryWeTrust

Why Tottenham are NOT a Top 4 team!

2010-01-20T14:26:00.000-08:00

To say I'm absolutely fuming after that result would be like saying George Michael is "a little bit camp" or that Tevez is "not very good looking". I am absolutely, manically, psychopathically, kick a young child in the face livid.

This was it, our big chance to break the jinx that has lain heavy on our shoulders for 16 long years. Liverpool were not only without Gerrard and Torres, they were also without Johnson and Benayoun. Up against a high flying, technically gifted, full strength Tottenham side were the global superstars of Darby, Degen, Ngog and a long haired Greek gyps...sorry I mean 'traveller' who's name no-one can pronounce. It was set to be an embarrassment for Liverpool; their season so far akin to some kind of hamstrung, mortally injured deer writhing helplessly, bleating loudly, just wanting to be put out of its misery. You can almost picture Defoe and Crouchy jostling each other "You do it Crouchy, I can't, its so pathetic it just seems wrong", "No Jermain I don't wanna kill it, its lookin' at me, STOP IT FROM LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT".

Let's get one thing out the way first: Howard Webb continued his glorious tradition of screwing over every Tottenham performance he officiates. Primarily there was the inexplicably disallowed goal. A goal so blatant that even Andy Gray hinted that his beloved Gerrard FC might have 'gotten a wee bit of luck there'. Then there was the yanking of Crouch's shirt and the eventual bundling of him to the ground by Kyrgiakos, clearly a Liverpool free kick. The second appeal, a blatant trip on Crouch, surely a penalty? Webb, eyes darting side to side with fear at the noise of the Kop, points authoritatively to the bemused looking linesman, stood with his flag firmly down, whimpering something about offside. Every time Crouchy won a header he was 'backing in' or' using his arms', Howard Webb mincing up effeminately after the infringement and having a word with Peter, telling him he was too tall and it was unfair on the other players. I'm fairly sure I saw him blowing kisses at Rafa after the final whistle; waving like a lovestruck pre-pubescent girl and making the 'call me' sign with his fingers. When I see a letter from a "Mr H Webb" complaining about Tottenham's new stadium plans the pantomime plot will be complete.

Yet the truth, and this is the part that really hurts, is that we just weren't good enough. Once again we showed that when the pressure is on and when the fight gets tough, we sink and disappear without a trace. I hate to say it but I was actually happy when 'Arry brought Keane on. Yes he ended up being fairly ineffectual but big games need big characters and we have those in enormously short supply. For all the lovely passing and possession football, it seemed as though every player went in thinking 'Oh well, its been 16 years, if we don't win this no-one will care'. I hate to subscribe to the knee jerk media circus line of claiming Tottenham 'lack mental strength' only to then claim they've 'come of age' next time they win, but the evidence is stacking up. Liverpool had about as much genuine quality as a sleazy backstreet in Bangkok but they wanted it more, plain and simple, and that won them the game.

Our tactics did not help. Kranjcar has been a revelation since arriving and Modric is held up by most football fans as a world class talent but neither are out and out wingers. When played together, their penchant for cutting inside leaves the centre of the pitch enormously congested. 20 players all bunched together in the centre circle hacking each others legs in the vain hope of touching the ball may be one of Phil Brown's more sordid fantasies but it is not the way we play and certainly not the way we win. We look at our most dangerous when balls are being pinged out to the wings and play is being stretched. It worries me just how much we miss Lennon when he is out; his pace and the width he gives us are absolutely crucial to how we play. Both Modric and Krancjar went missing for us and the sooner we have a Gio or a Danny Rose to bring off the bench and shake things up the better.

I'm not going to run through the game exhaustively as I'm sure you all watched it but for me there were two small highlights. The first of these was Bale who really is starting to look like a great talent. His defensive weakness wasn't apparent as he tracked back well, looking good in the air and in the tackle. Going forward he was excellent as usual, invariably beating his man and putting in some dangerous crosses. Tottenham are still yet to win a Premiership game with him in the starting line-up and I have to clamp my hand firmly over my mouth everytime I see the teamsheet to stop a hysterical "BURN HIM" escaping. That said, he is playing well and growing in confidence; the sooner we banish this ridiculous concept of a hex to the dark ages, where it belongs, the better. I was also impressed with Hutton and, as I have said before, would be sad to see him go. He offers a considerably more combative and mobile option than Corluka who spends much of his time staring into space or crafting clumsily constructed daisy chains with his giant hairy paws. I know Hutton is reported to have serious personal issues but he goes in for tackles that make Joe Jordan wince and is never afraid to stick his head on the ball. Unless Naughton or Walker make the step up, 'Arry would be advised to keep him in the squad.

To move back briefly to my original point, Tottenham have scrapped for that elusive fourth spot for many seasons now, always failing for the same reason...we were not good enough. Well now, on paper at least, we are. We have a strength in depth that most manager's would sell their youngest daughter for and have a number of players who could slide easily into a Top 4 line-up. Yet, the reason we will not make the Champions League this season is that others want it more than us and over the course of the season that will inevitably overpower sheer ability. Man City will eventually break the top four and Aston Villa will always be knocking on the door. Next season Everton will be up there as will Sunderland and a free spending Birmingham. If there was ever a season to break the cartel this is it. Liverpool hasn't scuppered our season, it has just placed those familiar doubts in our mind. We still need a world class striker to partner Crouch and Defoe, we still need a midfield enforcer to give Hudd and Palacios competition but most of all we need the guts and desire to see things through. I am doubting you lads, prove me wrong!

InArryWeTrust

Lets all laugh at the Top 4!!

2010-01-14T03:43:00.000-08:00

This transfer window has hardly been a Tottenham fan's dream. The Sandro saga rolls on with his agent, club and year 7 maths teacher all pitching in with cast iron quotes about how his 'dream move' to England is 'hours from completion' whilst also stating he will under no circumstances be leaving Internationale. Generally speaking though, it has been quieter and more timid than Luka Modric doing karaoke; little clawed hairy hands nervously gripping the microphone, emitting occasional high pitched squeaks of fear.

The usually boisterous tabloids have acted like an unpopular 15 year old child at his first houseparty; sitting quietly in the corner,hair spiked up for the occasion in one of dad's best shirts, glugging Tesco value vodka in the vain hope of Dutch courage. Suddenly, just as the party begins to wind down and people lose interest, our underage "rep top" boozer will stumble forward, vainly mumble something incoherent but undeniably sexual to the lead cheerleader and then projectile vomit against the wall.

Picking aside the hearty chunks of carrot and turkey twizzlers, the Flamini story is an interesting one and certainly a viable proposition (especially at a Krancjar-esque £6 million steal as quoted). However, we should all view the majority of stories as we would a vomiting child; with undoubted curiosity but ultimately with a sense of repulsion and disdain.

Fortunately for us, our buddies from the Top 4 appear to have teamed up to make this a week of unbridled hilarity for us humble Tottenham fans. First, both Man Utd and Liverpool have treated us to displays of startling incompetence in the FA cup. Berbatov continues to shower himself in glory with his tenacious, work horse displays that have made £30 million look like a veritable snip, and Tevez has demonstrated exactly why Sir Alex let him go; with his on-pitch sulks, unwillingness to track back and inability to score. Liverpool not only lost Gerrard and Torres to injury, they also...erm...lost...to Reading. Truly with characters like David N'Gog and the devastatingly on form Ryan Babel ready to step into the breach I tremble at the prospect of our Anfield fixture. Don't worry Pool fans, only another 4 and a half years left on Rafa's contract.

Meanwhile Chelsea have caused snorts of laughter amongst city types with allegations they are now "debt free". Even the kind of child who sat picking his nose and daydreaming about matron in GCSE business studies isn't fooled by the conversion of debt into equity. Its almost as ludicrous and see through as that idea of Gordon Brown's to print money in a recessio...oh no wait...he actually did that?

Just as I was about to lie back in bed and light up a cigarette, sweaty and exhausted after such generous entertainment from the media hacks, one last story caught my eye. Remember the cheeky chappie pictured? Fresh from his adventures at Notts County under Sven (although I believe he was occasionally on top) I felt a clump of honey nut cheerios catch in my throat as I read of his "re-transfer" to Ar5ena1. Now we all have our feelings about dear old Sol and that deeply unfortunate misunderstanding that saw him forget to sign a contract with us and made him the most expensive Bosman transfer of all time..*breathes slowly, red faced. Opens up Campbell's wikipedia page, taps away on keyboard, giggles*...but, even putting our feelings aside this is a laughable transfer.

I watched Campbell at Portsmouth and he was so wooden that they might as well have just put a dining room table on the edge of the box (at least it might have worked against Keane). Campbell is not only painfully slow, old and lacking in match fitness but, the Notts County debacle is a decent sign his head isn't right. How he will cope against the quick feet of players like Defoe or the pace of Agbonlahor goodness only knows, but one injury may make this Tottenham's fans wet dream a reality. All this has left Wenger looking tighter than Allardyce's waistband and the fury of Arsenal fans on the forums has been a joy to behold.

Anyway I'm just off to take a phonecall from Murdoch's solicitor. Let us hope and pray this insanity continues. Shock 'pay as you play' contract for Greavsey anyone?

InArryWeTrust

Something to keep Spurs fans smiling

2010-01-12T05:14:00.000-08:00

Goodness only knows why our Liverpool fixture was cancelled considering no snow had fallen in several days. Unconfirmed reports suggest the local aid services were overwhelmed by patients with fingers frozen to hubcaps but in truth we most likely fell foul of the World of Warcraft playing, sport hating virgins of the red tape brigade. One cannot help but picture a group of unfortunate looking men with clipboards and moustaches walking around outside Anfield mumbling with discontent as they section off puddles of snowmelt with fluorescent Biohazard tape. Whatever the reason, here we stand with a dearth of football fixtures and a transfer market about as dynamic as dinner with Avram Grant.

However here is a little treat for you all. Admittedly we are no longer in fourth spot following last nights "Tevez Show" and have been rocked by the injury to little Lennon but let us not forget last seasons plight. At the turn of 2009 we were still clawing our way up the table in a manner as tediously frustrating and deeply humiliating as Sol Campbell's dreams of Premiership football. This compilation is one of the best I have seen and captures the mood of last season perfectly. Love him or loathe him, you have to have respect for the way 'Arry has turned the club around. Lets hope with a few more 'triffic' results, this season can be one to remember. Enjoy!

In'ArryWeTrust

The Wealth of Young Talent at Harry's fingertips

2010-01-04T09:05:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the recent delay in posting, I have spent the past couple of days with my head as far down a toilet as Bentley's head is up his own arse. Just thought I would share a few observations from the Peterborough game, please as ever feel free to disagree:

1) The Tottenham faithful - Ok ok so the atmosphere for much of the game was flatter than Susan Boyle but once again we have outdone ourselves by being one of the only fixtures in the country to sell out. Peterborough, with the greatest respect, were hardly the champagne derby fixture that every spurs fan was hoping for but there was barely an empty seat in the stand. Special mention should go to the reception given to Pav when he came off the bench. We have all read the comments he has made in the press and like him or loathe him, most feel he was never given a proper chance. The standing ovation he received and the deafening chant of 'Super Pav' were not lost on him as he clapped the crowd in return and threw himself at the ball for his first corner. Equally heartwarming was the almost homoerotic relationship Gomes continues to enjoy with the south stand responding to chants of "we love you Gomes we do" by thumping the badge and saluting the terraces. I truly hope reports linking us with James are the daydreams of bored and lazy journos. Gomes fully deserves his jersey and is fast becoming a Spurs legend; it would be both unwise and unfair to bring in another qualified keeper to 'mix things up'.

2) Tottenham's number 2?: Peterborough's Joe Lewis was superb from start to finish and it is little wonder that Capello has taken an interest in him. I have my doubts that Cudicini will ever represent Tottenham again and our number 2 slot is glaringly empty. I have previously stated that someone like Scott Loach would be an ideal signing and Lewis is in a similar mould; young, ambitious and homegrown. His reflex saves were top notch and his 6 foot 6 frame makes for a commanding figure. As chants of "Tottenham's number 2" echoed round the ground I realised I wasn't the only one incredibly impressed by the young keeper. Let us hope 'Arry looks very carefully into the alleged story that he has been offered for sale.

3) Robbie Keane - Once again the only comments I heard from the stands about Robbie were negative. At times when he was over in our corner people were shouting loud and abusive insults at him, many of which must have been audible. Everyone is entitled to an opinion about Keane; he is the ultimate Mr Marmite, but no true fan would ever treat him the way he was treated on Saturday. Personally I would agree with the majority that Keane is no longer good enough to help the club push up the table and despite the arguments about him boosting team morale I would sell him if the right offer came in. Yet one thing no-one can deny is that Keane works incredibly hard for the team and he deserves credit for that alone. Much has been posted about his reaction to the penalty he scored, looking downcast and world weary but how many players can keep their head high when they have lost the love of the fans? If Keane is here to stay then he needs the our vocal support on matchdays to recapture his form, if he is on his way out let us at least give him a positive send off. The move to Liverpool was a mistake but Keane is a Tottenham legend and does not deserve the level of hatred he is being forced to endure.

4) The left wing conundrum - There was a time when an injury to Lennon spelt disaster to a Tottenham season; this time it has spelt only opportunity. Krancjar has been a revelation since joining us and as things stand I would not bench him in favour of Modric. The gap that has opened up on the right hand side allows 'Arry a perfect opportunity to nurse Modric back to full health without having to drop the excellent Krancjar from the team. Modric's future is in either the centre or the left hand side of midfield but he was very comfortable playing out on the right and one assumes this is where he will stay until Lennon's return.

5) The wealth of young talent - I published an article on Naughton a couple of weeks back and had a good response from Blades fans all of whom seemed to rate him. It was obvious to see their criticism that he is still a little light weight for the Premiership but he's still young and can learn much from Defoe in the battle to bulk up. Aside from this he displayed excellent pace, composure and awareness. If he continues to improve I would expect to see him seriously pressuring Charlie in a season or two's time.

Danny Rose was often referred to as 'the left footed Lennon' because of his blistering pace and poor final ball. Yet apart from one ballooned cross I thought he played very well. His control and first touch were impeccable even when dealing with difficult passes and he demonstrated an ability and a willingness to take people on. Peterborough's right back had an absolute nightmare trying to close him down and the penalty came as no surprise. If 'Arry can get his staff working on Rose the same way he has done with Lennon; focused running and final delivery especially, there is no reason why a few seasons from now we can have the fastest wing attack in the country.

Bale, for me however, was the stand out performer. I fully realise the constant criticism he is unable to defend but there was no evidence of this particular failing on Saturday. Certainly he will come up against tougher challenges than Posh but he stood up well, was decent in the air and put in a couple of impressive slide challenges. Going forward he was excellent, linking up well with Hudd, Keane and Krancjar. The second and third goals were his own creations and he looked a threat whenever he was on the ball. What a terrible shame we no longer need a left winger as Bale is certainly beginning to look the part. Once again he needs serious work on the training ground in basic defending but fantastic to see the boy displaying the talent we all know he has.

Leeds up next and hopefully another run out for some of the fringe.

In'ArryWeTrust

A Polite Request for Darren Bent: Sit Down and Shut Up

2009-12-30T04:17:00.000-08:00

You might have noticed that Darren Bent is scoring goals this season. With half the season gone his brace at Sunderland puts him a solitary goal behind our little pocket rocket in the race for the Golden Boot. You would have to be living under a rock not to have heard the sickly sweet praise being heaped on him by the chest waxing, teeth whitening, perma-tanned metrosexuals on MOTD. Suddenly there are calls for a place on the plane to South Africa. After all, he's scoring goals, that means he must be good..right?

I never disliked Darren Bent as a person when he was at Spurs. Unlike Berbatov he covered plenty of ground, chased up loose balls and genuinely looked like he gave a toss when he scored. However, few Tottenham fans will look back in bleary eyed nostalgia at the 'good old days' when Benty was spearheading our attack. At best he was the kind of player who didn't suit our style of play. Playing the ball over the top or lumping long balls forward for flick ons has never been (and hopefully never will be) the way Tottenham play. At worst (and probably closer to the truth) he was out of his depth. The pressure of playing at a top club, the looming spectre of his price tag and his pairing with considerably more accomplished players left him looking distinctly average.

I can hear the 'Bent for England' lobby now, checking their stats through spectacles steamed up with nerdish indignation "He scored goals for you...he was your top scorer". Yes, Bent scored goals for us but what the stats don't tell you is how many times he missed headers, ballooned simple shots and wasted golden opportunities getting the ball trapped under his feet. The number of times a move would build up over several minutes only for Bent to run it out of play or shoot hopelessly wide are too numerous to recall. When I think of his name I do not think of his goal tally, I think of the frustration and fury I felt watching him, the howls of derision from every other fan in the stand and the laughter of my mates at the pub everytime he blew a chance.

Despite all this I felt no bad feeling towards him and was happy to see him linked with a move away in the summer. Before we could wish him all the best my news now feed was flooded by reports of his foul mouthed tirade on Twitter. I can understand the frustration and uncertainty involved in such a prolonged transaction but this isn't Championship Manager, this is real life with real money. Tottenham is not just a football club, it is a business, and an incredibly successful one. Levy was only doing his best to get a realistic return on our admittedly inflated purchase price.

Since his move, in every interview I have watched he has dropped in references to Tottenham and 'Arry in particular. All have been negative, not only about 'Arry and his management style but about the dressing room, the board and the club itself. A true professional would stand tall and let the goals speak for themselves. They would have the self-respect not to be drawn into bitching about a former club in the media, the dignity to remember who took a chance on them in the first place. Defoe spent more time on the bench over the course of years than Bent ever did yet when he moved to Pompey there wasn't one negative remark, only a profound sadness that things hadn't worked out how he had wished.

My most fervent desire is that Bent gets a place in the England team so that millions of people all round the world can see what a thoroughly average and mentally weak player he really is.

InArryWeTrust

Tottenham v West Ham: A pitchside view

2009-12-29T02:10:00.000-08:00

I have not made it to White Hart Lane as much as I would have liked this season. I along with 24,000+ other fans have sat patiently on the season ticket waiting list for time immemorial; every season shuffling up to Master Levy, the foreman of the workhouse, thrusting my grubby hands forward grasping a cheque for 1000 shillings and, head bowed, hopefully pleading 'Please sir, can we have some more?'.

I am reliably informed that yesterday was a 'London derby' and the very fact that we scoff at this shows just how far we have come as a team. The atmosphere was decent but not electric, it was only the Hammers fans who (as we consistently reminded them), treated it like a cup final. Fair play to them as well, they sung all the way through and apart from the moronic abuse thrown at 'Arry and Defoe it was good value. The same cannot be said of their team. Even before the injuries they looked weak and afterwards they were utterly toothless. The last time I watched a team that poor at the Lane it was Newcastle and we all know how that ended. You had to spare a thought for Diamanti who seemed to be trying to play us himself. Always sad to see an established team drop but come the end of the season I have no doubt they will be in the desperate scrap to stay up.

Tottenham did not deliver a 3-0 Man City-esque performance; at times it was lethargic and staler than Arsenal's trophy cabinet. However, from start to finish we had the game completely under control, and never looked like throwing it away. Huddlestone and Palacios were embarrassingly dominant in midfield in the abscence of Parker and it was little surprise to see the Hudd given man of the match. When given time and space there are few better, he pinged balls out faster and more accurately than some of the uniquely talented ladies I have watched on late night Japanese television. For once he actually seemed to be employing his formidable physical strength, bumping players off the ball with ease. When Huddlestone is good he is a joy to watch and probably deserved a goal. That said, the lad has a turning circle matched only by the Titanic and when pressurised by a more tenacious midfield has a tendency to go quiet. Palacios was not back to his best and his distribution was erratic but he cleared up well and put in some challenges worthy of the Colosseum. It is difficult to express how important he is to us and, if we are going to push on next year, 'Arry has to put an arm round his shoulder. Lennon was excellent and there were genuine media reports that Ilunga had suffered friction burns to his leg trying to stop him. Every time he got the ball he skinned his man and put a ball in; must surely have booked himself a ticket to SA. Modric, apart from his goal, was not at his best and ran out of steam towards the end. He may have the face and the physical strength of a 15 year old girl but its fantastic to have our little Croatian locksmith back. In truth, we looked quicker and more creative when Krancjar bounded off the bench, long hair rippling in the December breeze, the slightest hint of stubble clinging to his sculpted jawline, eyes like pools of ink, luxurious lashes teasing the lane with their delicate flutters...aherm...anyway *slowly takes tissue and dabs on lap*, after so many years of makeshift wingers (Thimothee Atouba anyone??), 'Arry now has a lovely problem out on that left hand side.

Up front Crouchy and Defoe were quiet. Crouchy has a fantastic ability to stand 6 foot 7 and jump 5 foot nothing, getting beaten for headers all afternoon. His aerial ability is useful for set-pieces but otherwise he can shift those feet quicker than Keano doing his Riverdance tribute so why we can't just play it to him on the ground baffles me!?! Defoe drifted in and out of the game but the result was typical of him. After a silent twenty minutes his characteristic pop shot was parried and he lashed the rebound past a startled Green, almost ripping the net clean in the process. Defensively we had very little to do. BAE overlapped well whilst Charlie continued to demonstrate his almost telepathic understanding with Lennon. I imagine 'Arry forcing them to cuddle in the dressing room; little Lennon lying in foetal position on Charlie's bearded lap as he growls out Croatian lullabies, rocking him ever so gently. Absolutely fantastic seeing King Ledley back. He didn't put a foot wrong all game and more encouragingly managed to play the whole 90. Dawson, with the exception of Huddlestone, was the stand out performer. Impeccable in the air, threw himself into every tackle and passed intelligently. It was incredible watching him screaming at King to get back in position and marshalling the backline like a true Lillywhite captain.

A fully fit squad (almost), confidence high and sitting in 4th place with half the season gone...

InArryWeTrust

Merry Xmas Yids

2009-12-25T03:11:00.000-08:00

Fellow yids, as we are so often reminded, this time of charity and peace to all men is not a universally happy experience. There are the alone, the estranged, the poor and then of course the humble Tottenham fan. The charge for greatness always seems to hit the buffers around this time of year, with us dropping more points than Gomes does catches. Perhaps it's down to the Hudd's "festive plumpness", the Keane family's Christmas "golf trips" or the distraction Crouch faces as a body double for Will Ferrell in 'Elf'. Yet for once we have much to smile about this year:

1) Here we are half way through an already epic season and we sit in fifth, two points off third and four points off second.

2) A win this Boxing Day will guarantee a top four slot.

3) Both King and Modric are in contention for starts.

4) Sky Sports showed pictures today of the lads messing around having a snowball fight at the training ground. A happy squad is a successful one...

Oh and finally, in Arry's latest interview he described what a 'triffic squad' he had and said he was looking forward to 'a quiet transfer window'. Expect more movement than Crouchy's robot dance and more enquiries than after one of Wenger's school visits.

Merry Christmas Yids!

InArryWeTrust

Arry's Christmas List - Part I

2009-12-24T11:54:00.000-08:00

If I were Father Christmas what would I buy dear old 'Arry to keep him happy this festive season?? I'm under the impression that most of the presents he receives come in the form of heavily stuffed brown envelopes so how about something a little bit different this year. Here is my version of our man's player wishlist:

GK: With his comically large hands and a nose that could smell the future Gomes started his career with Tottenham as a joke, the Premiership's clown keeper. Yet, over the last few months he has come on leaps and bounds, to the point where it is difficult to think of a better reflex shot stopper in England's top tier. His command of the box and aerial abilities have matured under the guidance of Tony Parks and it has been a long time (fingers crossed) since his last howler. Perhaps more importantly he has formed a mutual bond of affection with the club and the fans. I will never forget the South Stand singing to Robinson "Robbo Robbo give us a song" at which point all eighteen stone of him swung round hands raised and belted out "Stand up if you hate Arsenal". Gomes has not quite reached such levels of adulation but seems content at the Lane and his crossbar warm-up never fails to elicit cheers.

I personally have great faith in Gomes and feel he is a top class keeper. However, with Cudicini now crippled with man's greatest fear, a wrist injury, and the Academy boys failing to shine, it seems new blood is needed as backup. No proven keeper worth his salt is going to be content warming the bench for us and spending money on an old keeper seems to be a wasted investment. We need a young and raw keeper who will be willing to train hard and wait his turn. Whilst I would dearly love to see our improved scouting network turn up a generic South American wonderkid, I think we should look a little closer to home. Scott Loach may not be a household name but he is held in high regard by Watford fans and pundits alike. From the little I have seen of him he looks to be in good form this season and is only being kept from the U-21 jersey by Jo Hart. He has openly stated he would jump at the chance to join Tottenham, presumably on the understanding he would only be back-up. If the price is right this may be money well spent.

Thoughts??

InArryWeTrust

Tottenham's £8 million mystery man

2009-12-23T03:55:00.000-08:00

I can't have been the only Tottenham fan raising a bemused eyebrow when, this summer, the Tottenham website proclaimed itself 'happy to announce' the signings of Kyle Walker and Kyle Naughton from Sheffield United for an eye watering sum of money. Using every tool available to a prestigious ITK such as myself (by which I mean Wikipedia, Youtube and Champ Manager) I scoured the virtual world for information on these two dubiously named characters. I expected a babble of excited anoraks speaking in hushed virtual whispers about Sheffield's best kept secret (excluding widespread community incest). In reality there was so little information even Comolli would have thought twice before having a punt.

I shall leave young Master Walker out of this on the basis that he was purchased for one of two reasons:

1) As a deal sweetener - With numerous clubs showing an interest in Naughton and Everton weighing in with a bid, 'Arry flogged the remainder of his 'genuine rolexs', jumped in his Reliant and motored up to Bramall Lane. The sum for Walker himself is believed to be nominal but with the promise of a loan back it was money in Kevin Blackwell's chubby little hands and a great incentive to deal with us and not Everton. A kind of buy one get one free (a little bit later on) deal.

2) As a future prospect - At the time of purchase Walker had only just broken into the Blades first team and had featured fleetingly for the U-19s. Throwing him into the physical and psychological side of the Premiership would be as about as irresponsible as letting Bentley park your car. He was never bought as the kind of player who could nonchalantly stroll into the 1st XI but as a bit of a gamble. Perhaps he will come good, more probably he will not but even to Levy, a man tighter than Tom Jones's face, £1-2 million isn't a lot of money. He's getting games for United, the Championship is more competitive than ever and all that experience can never be a bad thing. Watch this space...

So back to the real star of the show, Kyle Naughton. Despite his name he was not born in the Deep South, does not appear to favour caravans as a place of residence and does not (currently) have a pony tail. He is actually Sheffield born and bred, impressed throughout his academy days and even Arsene's professional team of child trappers were sniffing round him. 7-9 million odd is a lot of money for a left back, especially for one with no top tier experience. Pundits claimed he would play 'an important and immediate' role in 'Harry Redknapp's Tottenham project'. 5 months later and just one first team appearance in the 94th minute has left me more than a little perplexed. Anyone got any ideas?? I watched him pre-season and thought he looked quick, intelligent and incredibly composed on the ball for his age. We have Hutton as cover for right back and Bale as cover for the left, so Kyle is left bumping round with the reserves and the Academy boys. Why not a run out in the cups? Why not a loan?

Sitting in the reserves is never good for a player, both mentally and physically, especially not at an early stage in a player's development. That said, maybe his luck is about to turn. With Hutton being shoved out the exit door and BAE off to confront anonymous Cameroonian fans at the African Cup of Nations there is suddenly space on the bench. I am led to believe Naughton is a right back but is not afraid to play on the left. An injury or a couple of shockers from Bale, or Charlie being forced to play in the middle and suddenly there is a nice little shaven headed space in the first team. We have a unenviable reputation at Tottenham for ruining young talent and this cannot continue. Levy is a generous benefactor but we aren't Citeh and splurging money on 'complete' players is unsustainable. Come this January I'd love to see Naughton pulling on a Spurs shirt and getting some first team experience.

He doesn't have to be magic, I'm not expecting miracles.

That said it is Christmas...

In 'Arry We Trust

Ready to give up on Tottenham?

2009-12-17T09:03:00.000-08:00

I wonder if there is a statistic about the average life expectancy of a Tottenham fan. There must be a fair number of stress induced strokes "Oh God Gomes is coming out to claim a cross", cardiac arrests born of sheer unadulterated ecstasy "We put how many past Wigan?" and more than a few broken hearts "I am NEVER eating lasagna again". Yet surely the greatest cause of Tottenham related fatality is years and years of utter exasperation. This season has been both a blogger's wet dream and worst nightmare. Usually after a thoughtful morning ride on the fetid sweatbox that is the Northern Line and a couple of pints with my fellow yids I feel myself to be an authority on Tottenham's failings and the obvious solutions that dear old 'Arry (bless him, he is getting on a it) has missed. Just last week I thought I had cracked it. Tottenham had developed the 'professionalism' and 'discipline' to break down the league's strugglers but still lacked an inner confidence needed to beat the big boys. Two results down the line and I find myself as confused and frustrated as Cheryl Cole on her Honeymoon. Yes Wolves defended well but we looked utterly toothless. What happened to that gritty streak that saw us rip apart Wigan and had Jordan screaming 'Freeedddooommm' in delight on the side of the pitch? Suddenly when taking into account Everton and Man Utd in the Carling Cup I began to feel that familiar old shiver of fear. The same I used to feel when I saw Bent in our starting lineup...

Yet just as I had compiled my thoughts into something relatively coherent rather than the stream of vitriol that would have Allardyce blushing, Man City happened. I was actually down watching Ricky Gervais in Brighton during the game and spent the whole two hours thinking "Enjoy this, it will be the last time you feel laughter and happiness until West Ham get relegated". I pictured the texts flooding onto my phone, the league table being posted on my facebook by my gooner 'friends' and I thought about the MOTD boys shaking their heads and using cliches more worn out than King's knee. Gingerly I edged into WalkAbout to see the last 10 minutes and was instantly surrounded by revelling Spurs fans. I watched the delicate flicks, the crisp cool passing, the deliciously accurate crosses and wondered for a moment whether White Hart Lane had been magically relocated to Rio De Janiero, such was the Samba football on display. I found myself staring at the screen greeting every cute move with claps and giggles like a pre-pubescent girl at a Westlife concert.

Everything I had carefully planned to whinge about was being rectified by the cool, fluorescent glow of the television. BAE playing with passion yet composure(not to mention that priceless nutmegging of Adabewhore, Palacios throwing in tackles like the good old days and Crouchy having the ball played into his feet rather than hopeful lumps up the pitch. It wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Still too many stray passes, still too many overcomplicated moves, and just one run from Petrov brought back familiar fears about our inability to defend against pace. Yet this genuinely looked like the kind of Tottenham side which could break the stranglehold. Bassong is talented but still learning however, in the absence of Ledders and Woody, Dawson is fast becoming not only a fine commanding centre back but also, a fine captain. I cannot remember ever seeing true leadership emanating from a Tottenham player in the manner which came so naturally to Viera and still does from Terry. The injuries to our two lynch pins may actually be a mixed blessing, if Dawson continues to mature and improve I sense the makings of a Captain Fantastic and White Hart Lane legend.

Last Saturday I wanted to recall O'Hara and shove him in BAE's position, to try a five man midfield with Modric as link man, and I wanted to write to Daniel Levy asking for one last little portion of his children's inheritance in January. Now, as ever, I am just another confused spurs fan not daring to believe we might actually be good enough...

Cue hairloss, palid skin and a world weary look...the slow inevitable transformation into Gary Megson...

In 'Arry We Trust

Tottenham Hotspur: The Season so far...

2009-12-10T09:33:00.000-08:00

Gentlemen, first things first, apologies, I realize I have been off the blogging scene almost as long as if I'd "broken a bone in my leg". Not that you are at all concerned with my personal life but I have had quite a manic time of late. Up until now my Internet connection has been about as effective as Arry's botox injections. Fortunately, after a series of Joe Jordan-esque phonecalls, Mr Murdock was kind enough to quickly button up his trousers, bid Arsene, Alex, Rafa and Carlo farewell and gift me with all the wonders of a Sky Internet and TV package. 'Oh Brilliant' I thought 'just in time for the Everton game'...as if we needed another reason to hate Murdoch.

There is far too much ground to possibly cover in one post. There was the systematic dismantling of my self respect as I sat, the only spurs fan, in a Croatian bar, watching Chelsea dissect us like an inquisitive and playful child with an insect. Then there was the gut wrenching sight of Fabregas waltzing through our backline with Palacios and King, our two great, tough tackling, defensive rocks made to look like Titus Bramble. And then...well...thats it really. Lets be honest, when looking at the season so far its been a great success. This was always going to be a tough year with Man City spending heavily in the summer and Villa dealing well in the transfer market but, nearly half way through and we're up in fourth place punching with the big boys.

This appears to be a very different spurs side to the one I have watched utterly exasperated for the last few years. The Tottenham of old upped their game against the Big Four, usually still losing but putting in plucky performances that, for once, won acclaim in the media. The same Tottenham would then grind out sloppy draws against West Brom and Derby, throwing points away against teams we should easily have put to the sword. This season we have been outplayed by United, Arsenal and Chelsea (although never by as much as the scoreline has suggested), making schoolboy errors that have cost us dear. Yet, far more encouragingly, against the so called 'lesser' teams of the Premiership we have taken leads, defended them and put the game to bed, tucking them up like Wenger doing his nightly rounds at the Arsenal U-14s Lodge. Christmas has never been kind to our dear club so lets hope the apparent crisis of confidence we showed in front of goal at Everton was only a temporary blip.

Are we a top four team? Maybe. We certainly aren't a top 3 team yet but Liverpool are looking like a genuine casualty this season. My only worry is that a couple of nasty injuries and we are in a very sticky situation. Despite my initial reservations Krancjar has been a fantastic replacement for little Luka but I still feel we lack quality cover in key positions. With the continuing rehabilitation problems affecting Ledley and Woody all we need is an injury to Dawson or Bassong and we are back to the dark days of Huddlestone anchoring our backline. I also can't help but feel Defoe is our only prolific striker. With Pav nearing the exit door, I just don't believe that Keane and Crouch are capable of spearheading a top four goal rush. And then there's Lennon. One broken leg and we'll have a whole season with Bentley on the flank. Lets hope for some clever and cost effective re-enforcements in January.

In 'Arry We Trust

Why we all love 'Arry

2009-09-17T03:20:00.000-07:00

Fellow yids, this time tomorrow I will be basking in the luke warm temperatures and (apparantely) torrential rain of the Croatian coastline. Most believe that I will be there in the hope that my body, currently resembling a Spurs shirt (white with the mildest touch of yellow), will be transformed into the bronzed hue of the big eared, crisp eating one. However, the true reason for my trip is of far greater importance. During my travels I hope to find myself in a little village outside Zadar, walking up a dusty track to a farmhouse with wooden shutters. With a shaking hand I will knock firmly on the heavy oak door and step back respectfully, head bowed, waiting for a response. Suddenly comes the rasping noise of bolts being drawn and the gentle creak of ancient hinges. From the darkness of the doorway emerges a small, grey haired woman, hunched slightly; the woman who gave us Little Luka. Overwhelmed by emotion, bleary eyed, I will rush forward seizing her in a familial embrace then leaning forward ever so gently I will whisper 'Thank you' and depart.

Whilst the last paragraph has as much truth in it as an 'Arry press conference "Peter Crouch? Never 'eard of 'im. No the chairman's not made an approach. Utter rubbish...garbage", I am indeed going away to Croatia for a week. I promise to return having unearthed numerous footballing gems and wearing the scars of being a victorious England fan, but in the meantime...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZcDTl4bYAY

Cracks me up everytime I watch it, and just to make it even better it was live on Sky Sports news. This interview is part of the reason I love 'Arry. He doesn't mess around, he doesn't mince his words (at least not to players) and he's never afraid to express his opinion. With football increasingly filled with perma tanned prima donnas, both on and off the field, its nice to see someone from the old school still doing his thing, and so far, doing it well.

In 'Arry We Trust

Tottenham's Future: In Safe Hands??

2009-09-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

Stop press, hold the phone, the delightful carousel that is Tottenham's transfer policy has spun back into action. There we all were, plodding on with our daily lives as expressionless as Phil Brown after his latest Botox injection and then 'Arry stings us with a blinder of a transfer. Tottenham are apparently 'delighted to announce' the signing of some lad called Walker. No, not our shaven headed defensive prodigy but a man old enough to be his father who looks like he woke up on a park bench . I introduce you to Jimmy Walker, the newest addition to Tottenham's young ambitious title challenging squad...(pause for rapturous applause)...erm yeah I thought as much.

Well lets look at his career credentials. 9 years at Walsall and 5 years at the Spammers (with 13 only appearances). Hardly the kind of stuff that makes the earth move. Oh wait I'm forgetting he did have recent first team experience...with Colchester on loan. 'Arry have you been taking your pills properly?

Perhaps in light of Gomes's injury this was just the managerial equivalent of 'double bagging' but this transfer worries me. It seems strange to me that under the financial stewardship of Levy, a man so notoriously tight he makes Alan Sugar look like Father Christmas, we would want to expand our strict wage bill with more goalkeeping cover. No doubt Walker is on a relative pittance of a wage, bumbling along on four figures a week, poor old chap, but his signing serves to highlight a far deeper problem.

Two or three years ago Ben Alnwick was an exciting prospect. Not the type that had Lineker and Hanson bouncing up and down like Zokora on speed, but the type of player who looked talented, solid and with the character to succeed. His form during his Sunderland days was impressive and he even saved a Robbie Keane penalty. One should note this was back in the days before Keane went to play for his boyhood club Celtic...oh sorry I mean Liverpool. Alnwick played well in a poor Sunderland team and was only kept from a consistent place by the rising star of Joe Hart. At the beginning of this season I was not surprised that he was loaned out to Norwich, after all he could not expect much football behind Gomes and Cudicini, and, after all, loans are an important part of any young players development. It has always seemed to me that Alnwick was the obvious replacement to Cudicini when the time came for him to move to a plush retirement pad in Naples. When Gomes was injured, that comfy looking empty seat at the Lane with “Goalkeeping sub” written on it seemed to have a natural successor. Cudicini was (and is) a more than capable deputy for Gomes and the injury was only predicted to be a month long affair. So why wasn't Alnwick recalled?

The simple answer is that neither Alnwick or Button (who has represented England at U-19 and U-20 level) were considered good enough to warm the bench. The panic measure of bringing in cover may have been justified if Gomes's injury had ruled him out for the season but there he was in the dugout, kitted up, for the United game. Alnwick and Button may not set the world alight but if the Academy are not capable of producing players worthy of providing two games worth of cover then I despair. Either that or Cudicini will be on his way in January...

In 'Arry We Trust

Tottenham's Number One?

2009-09-02T08:06:00.000-07:00

Am I the only person who is disappointed with yesterdays transfer activity?

At the end of a quiet day 'Arry emerged to talk to reporters looking as worn out as King's knee and the only announcement to be made was the signing of Niko Kranjcar. Well I don't know about you lot, but I smell a rat. Kranjcar is talented, professional and hardworking. He will fit in easily into the squad aided by Charlie and Modders and fills a position which has long been a problem. To top it all off we grabbed this Croatian international, premier league proven 'fantastic player and great lad' for £2.5 million. What the hell has happened to our club? Over the past summer we seem to have only made sensible, coherent signings that address real problems and give our squad good all round cover. Whatever happened to those assertions that Ronaldo (at the height of his powers and before becoming clinically obese) would soon be plying his trade at the Lane? The best the press could come up with were some very tenuous links to the Real Madrid subs bench. After a few excited days of frantic keyboard tapping, it was all quiet on the forum front. Not even an enquiry about Messi or the offer of a youth coaching contract to Wenger paid for in weekly instalments of Worthers Originals? Indeed it is quite a strange feeling being a Tottenham fan sitting second in the table and with a hungry, talented, ambitious squad ready for whatever comes.

Instead of grumpily mumbling about the incompetence of a director of football, being overcharged for average players and lacking cover in key positions, the perennial sceptics known as Tottenham fans suddenly find themselves without a purpose in life. I wander the streets unshaven, reeking of special brew stumbling from person to person asking them if we maybe spent too much on Bassong, is Alex Inglethorpe the right man to lead the Academy, was your tea cold at the Birmingham game as well? We find ourselves screaming at the elderly post office clerk about a 1p rise in second class stamps, petitioning the government repeatedly to stop medical testing on guinea pigs and talking about the 'good old days' under Christian Gross with a bleary eyed nostalgia. I awake every morning with a new feeling I have never felt before. A feeling of warmth that I have since had explained to me is called contentedness. Yet just when I thought I would end up a bitter, miserable old man after Tottenham completed their 14th consecutive title, good old 'Arry has thrown us a bone.

Some blogs have misquoted or misunderstood 'Arry but I listened to his interview yesterday with great interest and in no uncertain terms it seems he is interested in bringing James to the Lane. Of course there was the usual statement about how Tottenham already had “two perfectly good goalkeepers” but rather than denying any enquiry had been made with a guttural cry of “utter tosh”, 'Arry instead responded that a deal “was never going to be a possibility”. If the spurs ITK's (and following suit the mainstream press) are to be believed then 'Arry did try to re-sign James and the proposal was quashed by Daniel Levy on the grounds of James's negligible re-sale value. At the Pompey end there was the statement that 'no official bids were made' but questions about the widely reported swap deal involving Cudicini were met with a wall of silence. So it appears that by means of cash or swap, 'Arry did attempt to bring his old charge James to North London. I was relieved to feel the delightful fuzzy feeling of the last few weeks receding.

First of all I should state that I think Cudicini is a very good keeper, and a worthy backup for any team in the Premiership. He was at fault for Birmingham's goal but he cannot just be expected to walk into a team after a lengthy absence and enjoy a Uri Geller-esque telepathic understanding with his back line; plus something tells me you wouldn't want to see what was going on in Hutton's head. I feel he has fitted well into the team and has demonstrated some fantastic reflex saves as well as a decent command of his area. It always surprises me that no-one else has come in for him but their loss is our gain. I personally would not want to swap Cudicini for James and not just because Carlo is 4 years younger. Yet James surely wouldn't be content warming those rather comfy looking benches during a World Cup year, suggesting he would, at the very least, have been rotated with Gomes.

Gomes had his moments last season and I was unfortunate enough to have been at White Hart Lane to witness some of them first hand. There has been the flapping at crosses, his uppercut on Corluka and who remembers this one...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEz9lgPfSSE

There were those who had written him off by January as talk of various replacements intensified. I myself wondered what had happened to the man who had single handedly knocked us out of the UEFA cup and was hero worshipped by the PSV fans. The press ridiculed him, the so called experts slated him, and the fans cheered sarcastically every time he made a save. Yet somehow, when no-one believed in him and when he was held up as a clown and a joke, he turned himself around and set a club record for clean sheets. James is undoubtedly a good goalkeeper, even at his age and most of the forum debates have verged on whether he is 'better' than Gomes. The truth is, that fans can argue for the rest of the season over who is a better shot stopper/best at coming for crosses etc but that is as pointless as trying to understand Joe Jordan's interviews. The fact of the matter is that Gomes has looked the lowest part of his career in the face and has risen above it. With his cheeky grin and the kind of nose that can smell the future he has become a firm fans favourite, putting in some top quality performances between the sticks. On top of this he has proven he's got guts, something 'Arry promised he would give to the team. If our loveable Brazilian Pinnochio is sold off to make way for James it will be a betrayal of all the hard work and character both he and Tony Parks have shown both on and off the pitch over the past six months. Let's hope January never comes...

In 'Arry We Trust

The Lost Left Generation

2009-08-29T04:29:00.000-07:00

Tottenham's transfer policy is hardly the envy of the Premiership. The amount of money we have pissed up the wall on unproven and ultimately useless players can only be explained as Levy's form of self-harm. Generally it takes one of two paths: the unpolished foreign gem or the home-grown British youngster, and neither have met with particular success. On the foreign scene there was Atouba, Taraabt, Prince Boateng, Rocha, Gilberto and the one who's name even Dumbledore fears to speak...(in hushed whispers)...Rebrov. I am all for bringing through and blooding English youngsters but our policy of judging and nurturing talent seems to be equally flawed. First there was Darren “Tw*tter” Bent and whilst the donkey got goals, most of them were off his shin, the side of his face, his elbow etc etc. Hardly £18 million worth of Premiership gold. Bentley has been another expensive 'flop' and can be added to the likes of Routledge and Ricketts in promising so much and delivering so little. There are exceptions of course, with the stand out candidate being little Lennon, and some of the academy boys (Bostock and Rose especially) are showing a good level of development.

Yet in no position has this transfer policy failed us more than where we most need it, the difficult left side. At the moment 'Arry seems to be content with Modric pulling the strings out on the flank like the little Croatian puppet master he is. A number of people have criticised this saying Modric is 'wasted out there', citing his weak left and his tendency to cut in. Personally I disagree. The great problem Tottenham has experienced over the last few seasons is the inability to boss the middle of the park. With Sergeant Wilson adding some much needed bite and rumours of another enforcer like Sandro being brought in, we should not risk softening our centre with a lightweight Luka. So for the time being, until we get the little fella into the gym and on the same stuff Defoe is taking, Modric should stay on the left. However, when that most controversial of all topics 'squad strength' is mentioned we find ourselves with a problem. If Modric gets injured/suspended and with O'Hara out on loan, suddenly the burden falls onto the diminutive shoulders of Dos Santos.

This boy is surely the greatest example of a 'typical' Spurs buy. Unveiled to the Tottenham faithful with the fanfare of being Ronaldinho's successor, he was going to set the Premiership alight. Fair play to him, he's young and he came into a struggling side. On top of that every player should be given a season of grace to 'adapt' to our fine and apparently quite physical league (try telling the SPL that). Nevertheless, for whatever reason, 'Arry doesn't like him; first shunting him off on loan to Ipswich and then trying to flog him to Pompey. The persistent rumour is that he is a big drinker and rocks up to training late and hungover. If that is the case why hasn't he been fined, why haven't the press made more of a fuss? A far more coherent reason can be seen in the breakdown of his transfer to Pompey when he failed a medical. Suddenly it seems as though Barca may have known something we didn't. The spurs medical staff knew he had knee problems but perhaps these are considerably more serious than first thought. You don't have to be a be-spectacled, bald club chairman to realise a crocked teenager won't make much at market. Glue factory anyone?

In much the same way, our other great left sided prospect Gareth Bale has faded into obscurity despite indications of interest from Milan and Martin Jol. Maybe the Tottenham staff are more superstitious than we had previous thought. Perhaps our young monkey faced prodigy is locked inside his house whilst 'Arry, pitchfork in hand, leads a jeering, torch bearing mob chanting 'Witch, Witch!'. This, however, is unlikely. Mr Redknapp hardly seems the type to believe in 'a load of old tosh' about jinxes and curses. So, injuries aside, why has Bale failed to even feature on the bench? Benoit Assou Ekotto does not have an understudy and in the Darlington game Hutton was forced to shift over the the left. Safe to say he looked more uncomfortable than Cashley Cole when being questioned about his great friendship with George Michael. The lad showed a bit of rashness in his positioning and tackling but I, and many others, thought he looked like a good prospect. Clearly, with persistent ITK reports of bids for Petrov and Belhadj, the club do not feel that Bale and Giovanni are up to the task.

Dos Santos looked good against Doncaster but if there are problems off the pitch then let him go. The last thing we need is another heavy boozer who might lead our dear, naïve Ledders into trouble again (I'm fairly sure it was Dos Santos framing Ledley anyway). I would like to hang on to Bale, he's still young and can play anywhere on the left flank. Oh and he hits the ball so sweetly it brings tears to my eyes...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqhoK0QWAXs

However if the boys at the top think he doesn't cut the mustard then so be it...

In 'Arry We Trust

Will the real David Bentley please stand up

2009-08-28T15:48:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time the skin headed, tattooed ex-cons we all refer to lovingly as the Yid army were reduced to excited giggling children with the news that we had brought 'Beckham's successor' to the Lane. Cheeky grin, perfectly coiffured and with the initials 'DB', this was fate surely? £15 million of the Levy children's inheritance, one year on, and what do we have? The kind of expensive bench warmer that allows Shevchenko to sleep at night. To make things worse, hours after posing for pictures looking like he had taken fashion advice from El Hadj Diouf, we are informed he decided to wrap his Porsche 911 around a lamp post and was promptly arrested for drink driving. One can only assume that Redknapp's already ruddy complexion reached colours previously unknown to man when news of the event reached him. Yet even before this unfortunate incident the Bentley fan club was hardly trumpeting record numbers of attendees. 'He's arrogant', 'He doesn't give a sh*t about the club', 'Redknapp could get up and down the wing quicker than him', were some of the more polite comments made about dear old David over the past season. By the end of reading this stream of vitriol I almost expected Mr Bentley senior to pop up and admit he was an accident.

I'm as guilty as anyone for jumping on the bandwagon. I remember spraying spittle all over the bloke and his child in front every time he gave the ball away. I remember cheering sarcastically when he was subbed off along with 30,000 odd other fans. I remember using the phrase 'I hope he never pulls on the shirt again' as I tore up my ticket...oh no wait...that was about Bent. But now, after much soul searching, I have a confession to make; I think we should give Bentley another chance.

Forgetting his off the field antics Bentley is by no means the complete football player. For one, he is slow. Compared to our revived pocket rocket Bentley looks like he is slowly fossilizing out on the right flank. He always tries to do too much, every pass has to be a killer ball. Yes yes David we all saw the goal against Ar5ena1 but lets be honest, it was probably a cross anyway. On top of that he doesn't get stuck in, rarely tracks back and doesn't want to head the ball in case it jeopardises his Brylcream sponsorship. All fair criticisms but none of them worthy of exiling the guy from the team permanently. He lacks pace but this is probably because he has never needed it. Blackburn Bentley passed around players and had the kind of off the ball movement and vision that left defenders metaphorically nutmegged. Yes he tries too hard but surely this is understandable. Bentley comes from an entire family of spurs fans and carries the enormous burden of his price tag. He was brought up with the same story we all were, that Tottenham play beautiful,slick passing football, and this shows up in his game. He perhaps doesn't get stuck in as much as he should but then nor did Count Berbula at United until the press and fans got on his back.

There is no doubt Bentley has problems and many have said he has fallen in with his old gang from his days with the scum. After the drink driving incident the statement on the spurs website mentioned the 'personal and professional wake up call' it had given DB. Originally I scoffed but now I'm not so sure. Rumours from ITK's about Bentley being the first on the training field and the last off are becoming too persistent to be ignored. Then there was the Doncaster game, creating three of the five goals and banging the fourth one in himself. Bentley is a confidence player, pure and simple. He needs an arm round his shoulder, a run in the team and for the fans to be singing his name. A few games will enable him to get back his swagger and to build up an understanding with Corluka in the same way Lennon has. That said, Lennon is untouchable at the moment and it is difficult to see where Bentley could fit in. Perhaps shifting Lennon over the the left and bringing Modric in to play in front of Palacios...who knows?

Call me a romantic but there is nothing better than the villain becoming the hero, the return of a prodigal son. He looks hungry to get on the pitch and prove himself, the same kind of hunger that seems to be spurring Defoe on. If Bentley gets his chance, I'll be cheering him on from the terraces. If, that is, he gets his chance...

One last roll of the dice..?

In 'Arry We Trust