Inclusive Ceremonies: Celebrating Life's Important Moments

Pamela and Scott's Wedding Video

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 04:16:00 +0000

I am thrilled to be able to share this video of Pamela and Scott's wedding.

(The ceremony starts at about 2:20.)

Transitions 2011-2012

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 22:26:00 +0000

It was my great pleasure to end 2011 and begin 2012 with two wonderful weddings.

Karen and Wes

On New Years Eve, Karen and Wes were married in an intimate at-home ceremony surrounded by their family and friends. We told the story of their meeting in Germany and how they faced the challenges of a long-distance relationship before starting a life together here in the States.

In attendance were Wes’ son and daughter and the beautiful bond this family shares was also a central theme to the ceremony.

Wes and Karen exchanged vows they had written themselves and Wes’ sister Jill expressed everyone’s hopes for the new family by reading a traditional Irish blessing.

It was a lovely evening.

Happy New Year!

Read My New Years Story

Pamela and Scott

Yesterday was a day of firsts, my first wedding of 2012 and my first wedding in Central Park.

I met Pamela and Scott over a Skype call from my NJ home to their home in Scotland. They’re such a fun couple with a love story that includes him asking her out via text message while he was locked in a bathroom.

Pamela and Scott’s beautiful winter wedding took place in the Ladies Pavilion in Central Park. It was a crisp, cold afternoon with the light diffused by clouds.

When I spoke to them initially, Karen had mentioned possibly having her mother attend the ceremony via Skype. When I spoke to Scott, before the ceremony, he said that they had been unable to arrange it. Happily, I had a backup in place. It took several tries but I was able to establish a Skype call from my Samsung Galaxy Tab and Pamela’s mother was able to see the wedding.

Scott and Pamela exchanged traditional vows. Their ceremony included their love story, a lot of laughter, and excepts from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis de Bernieres and the Apache Wedding Prayer.

"Mom! I'm married!"

After the kiss, the ladies of Harmonia Strings played New York New York—a fitting ending to a beautiful ceremony. Then Pamela and Scott took a moment to say hello to her mom in Scottland.

I have to extend a note of thanks to photographer Katje Hempel. Having done ceremonies at the Ladies Pavilion before, she was able to recommend the best way for us all to arrange ourselves for the ceremony. (See her amazing ceremony pictures here!)

Thanks also to my husband who was my photographer for the day.

Midnight in the Garden of Cherry Cheesecake

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 05:51:00 +0000

I was thinking recently about how, after a long day, me and my dad would sneak off to the local diner late at night for hot chocolate and desert. The diner is gone and Dad lives halfway across the country now. So Wookie and I came out because it's still a nice way to end a long day.

They Laughed, They Cried, They Got Married!

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 04:59:00 +0000

Tonight goes down as one of the best weddings to date.

Aidan and Jon married in lovely outdoor, evening ceremony surrounded by friends and family. There ceremony centered on family and the generations of love that were an inspiration to Jon and Aidan. Tears flowed freely as their mothers, Joyce and Gwynne gave heartfelt readings with a little motherly wisdom mixed in. There was not a dry eye in the room.

The mood shifted quickly when Jon was so moved by his vows that he snuck in a quick kiss and Aidan said, “not yet!” The laughter that followed filled the space and beyond! (My husband/roadie heard that joyous ruckus from the parking lot!) Such a wonderful reminder that weddings are about joy and laughter is voice of joy.

All that love was enough to warm the chill of this suddenly chilly autumn evening—though the space heaters helped too!

I got to work some great people tonight. Carissa and Frank from Stone House at Stirling Ridge were fantastic as usual. I had the pleasure of working for the first time with Rashana of The Bridal Party and her team—one of whom had been a guest at another wedding I celebrated! It’s always nice when that happens. I want to also mention Steven and Chris from Penguin Music who provided the lovely ceremony music.

Finally, a huge thanks goes to my sound engineer, roadie, and husband, Paul. After a long day at his own job, he did the heavy lifting to get my PA system set up and later taken down without my having to give it a second thought. I do a fair amount of running around before a ceremony and not having to add setting up the sound system to that list lets me concentrate on the ceremony and my clients. Nights like tonight would not be the same without his help.

Twice the Smiles!

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 03:40:00 +0000

It’s been a busy week and I am just now getting a moment to catch up. I’m just back from a wedding and the 14-pound cat next to me insists that I catch up on this blog!

Last week I had the rare pleasure of celebrating a baby blessing ceremony for not one, but two honorees! Grace and Justin had just turned one when their parents Kelly and Brad gathered friends and family together at Le Chéile in New York City.

Their ceremony incorporated blessings from the world’s traditions along with very heartfelt—and pragmatic vows from Brad and Kelly that expressed the reality of parenthood as well as their hopes for an amazing life for Justin and Grace. Those vows echoed the vows from Kelly and Brad’s wedding as they draped the sash from their own wedding handfasting around Grace and Justin to symbolize how their marriage vows now sheltered the whole family.

Oil, water, roses, and a feather for blessing,
the handfasting sash and gifts for Justin and Grace

Guests wrote wishes on stars that were presented to Justin and Grace in beautiful star boxes painted by their mother. The room itself was decorated with stars hanging from the ceiling. We celebrated Grace and Justin being made of star the same stuff as stars (as we all are) and how brightly they shine.

There ceremony also included readings from guideparents, Heather and Andrew, and their daughter Mia—who did a wonderful job reading a poem by Shel Silverstein, Listen to the mustn'ts.

I think I may suggest to clients in the future that they consider having these ceremonies when the babies are about one. It changes the ceremony wonderful ways. The best part of the ceremony, by far, was Justin and Grace themselves. They sat in highchairs of honor throughout the ceremony. It was an amazing experience as we were all speaking to them, not just about them and they followed every word. They smiled and waved, clapped when they heard their names and participated fully in their own ceremony.

It was a perfect day.

Congratulations to my Staten Island Couples!

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 22:20:00 +0000

On Saturday, I had the pleasure of officiating two weddings in Staten Island.

Tuscan Gardens in Snug Harbor
©Cristina Kollet 2011

First was the wedding of Amanda and Frank at the beautiful Tuscan Gardens at Snug Harbor.

Someone drew this heart
in crayon at the altar area at
Amanda and Frank's wedding.
©Cristina Kollet 2011

Amanda was escorted down the aisle by her father and her son Max. Frank's father read from Corinthians on the subject of love. It was a beautiful afternoon for this lovely, simple, ceremony centered around family.

Richmond County Country Club
©Cristina Kollet 2011

No amount of interstate traffic could keep Janet and Mark from celebrating their sunset ceremony at the Richmond County Country Club. I was honored to see their family in action, with Cousin Ann coordinating vendors and participants and even several of the gentlemen guests lifting one of the elderly guests on a chair to the start of the aisle for the processional.

Mark and Janet's ceremony was about love and faith. They entered to a duet of singers with Janet and Mark meeting in the center of the aisle and walking together to the altar. It was a beautiful and touching moment. After a moment of remembrance and candle lighting for loved ones passed, they made their vows as the sun set on their single lives and the moon lit the first moments of their marriage.

Congratulations to Amanda and Frank and to Mark and Janet! Thank you for letting me be a part of your weddings!

Congratulations Kate & Matt!

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 19:25:00 +0000

Kate & Matt

It was my pleasure to co-officiate today at the wedding of Kate and Matt at the Park Savoy in Florham Park.

I shared the honors with Rabbi Tobin in a ceremony that balanced the wishes and traditions of both the bride and groom.

The ceremony was performed under a Chuppah an included the telling of their love story, the reading of the Irish Blessing by the couple's six siblings/inlaws, the signing of the Ketubah (signed before the ceremony but mentioned during the ceremony), a wine sharing (aided by the mothers of both the bride and the groom), a show of support by all gathered and the traditional breaking of the glass.

It was a beautiful day and I was so happy to be a part of it. I wish them the very best!

Kids in Ceremonies

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 04:00:00 +0000

Last weekend’s baby naming ceremony, for baby Jonathan, was a wonderful experience on a number of levels. I love these ceremonies. So much joy, but without the stress and pressure so many feel at weddings.

This was my second time with this family. Two years ago, I celebrated the naming of their first son, Matthew. Saturday’s ceremony was also a celebration of Matthew's new status as big brother and their cousin Alex's status as godbrother.

When including children of any age in a ceremony, it's best to be open to the possibility that things will not go as planned. Children can get nervous. They might misinterpret instructions or forget what they are supposed to do. I always tell clients that if we're okay with whatever the kids do, everyone else will be too.

Gifts for Baby Jonathan
©Cristina Kollet 2011

Of course, kids can also bring something very special to the ceremony, which is what happened on Saturday...

This ceremony involved a gift exchange between the older boys, Matthew and Alex, and baby Jonathan. Such an exchange is symbolic of the gifts the older child(ren) will share with the younger sibling and the rewards of being a big brother or sister or a godbrother or sister. Primarily though, it’s a way to show the older siblings that they are important and appreciated for their place in the family.

With younger children, the easiest gift to the baby is a piece of artwork. Matthew made a lovely finger painting. Alex's painting was shaped like a fish. In setting up the ceremony, the gifts were placed on a table along with other ceremony props.

Alex's "Murf"
©Cristina Kollet 2011

Truth be told, I did not notice the Smurf till Alex's mother pointed it out to me.

You see, when Alex learned he would be giving his cousin/godbrother a gift, he decided to give Jonathan something he, himself, loved. Alex had been talking about giving the baby his ‘Murf for weeks. Such a simple and beautiful gesture from one so young.

When the boys presented their gifts, it was a beautiful moment. We ended the gift exchange with applause for Matthew and Alex—a simple way to show them how proud we all were of them.

We also included the rest of the kids—cousins and friends in the ceremony by giving them noisemakers (horns and clappers) to play when we officially introduced baby Jonathan at the end of the ceremony.

In the end it was a beautiful ceremony. I hope to be a part of future celebrations with this family.

Here are a few simple tips to help make including children in ceremonies a pleasant and rewarding experience for everyone:

©Cristina Kollet 2011

Have realistic expectations and be prepared for the child to have other ideas.
Involve children in ways that are simple and can be worked around—giving and receiving gifts can be spoken about if the child becomes shy or distracted.
Even very young children can be included in rituals like candle lighting. Have them stand with or be held by an adult who will do the honors for them.
Have one or more adults who the child is comfortable with on hand to take care of the child if he/she gets nervous or fidgety and needs a change of venue.
Remember that the event being celebrated is a milestone for the child too. They will have their own feelings about the milestone and the ceremony. Ask how they feel so you can respond and plan accordingly.
Don’t expect the child to make pledges, promises, or vows—this is especially important in weddings where families are being combined because children may feel pressure to please but may not be ready to make those promises. Adults can make vows to the child, but even they should be offered with no expectations on the child’s part.

Remember that no matter what happens including your child in these family celebrations is a memory your family can share for years.

Baby Naming...the Sequel!

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 00:10:00 +0000

It is my goal, and the goal of many of my colleagues to become the 'family celebrant' to my clients. This means that I'm not just hired for one ceremony, but rather called upon whenever the family has a special moment or milestone event to celebrate.

I'm taking a step toward that goal with the ceremony I am working on this week. In 2009, had the honor of helping a family welcome their son Matthew into their community. Now I'm writing a ceremony to welcome his little brother Jon.

There are a few general types of ceremonies to welcome babies--namings, blessings, and welcomings. Each has their own focus, though they can also be combined and they all have the same core goal--to introduce the child to their community of family and friends.

The ceremonies for this family are baby namings. In this type of ceremony, special attention is given the meaning of the child's name and the reasons it was chosen.

It is by happy coincidence then, that today I came across this blog post, What's in a Name? in the blog Bones, Buried Treasures and Beliefs. It provides some interesting food for thought on the subject of names and how often we do or don't think about what they mean.

Happy reading!

Love Wins! Celebrating Marriage Equality in NY

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 04:19:00 +0000

Yesterday I got to witness history. I went into Manhattan to celebrate and show my support to couples that were finally getting the right to be legally married in the state of New York.

©Cristina Kollet 2011

This is a big deal. Here in New Jersey, where I live, we have Civil Unions. When I have ceremonies for these couples. The commitments they make to each other—and to society at large when they embark on life as a family—are the same as straight couples. The paperwork the witnesses and I sign is exactly the same too, but for one detail, the words “Civil Union” at the top instead of “Marriage.” The love and commitment is the same, the rights and recognition by the State of New Jersey, is not.

And yet it’s better than nothing.

The information on these is the same,
the names make them unequal.
©Cristina Kollet 2011

I saw this family walking

to the Clerk's office and I

knew I was headed in the

right direction.

©Cristina Kollet 201

But in New York, couples can now be legally married! No explanations to people about how it’s “the same thing.” It is one thing—marriage. And this was reason to celebrate. So in to New York I went.

Several of my Life-Cycle Celebrant® colleagues were also there as were, I was pleased to note, officiants of various other types—all of happy to show our support. Because, while they couples now have the legal right to marry, there are still many who will refuse to do so.

I arrived around 8:00AM and the line was already long, snaking back and forth through a labyrinth of temporary gates that wound single file around the building, then back and forth along the north west side, till finally couples rounded the corner onto Worth Street and their goal, the entrance to the New York City Clerk.

The couples lined up waiting to get married.
©Cristina Kollet 2011

©Cristina Kollet 2011

There amidst the Art Deco splendor of some of the city’s most beautiful buildings, the air was festive. Couples and their friends and family waited patiently, chatting amongst themselves and checking in with the staff members who were checking off names of couples who had registered for the lottery and won the opportunity to be married that day.

(New York has a 24-hour waiting period between picking up your marriage license and when you can be married. This can be skipped with a judicial waiver and many judges volunteered their time to make that happen. The lottery was put in place in answer to a very high demand for marriage licenses and in anticipation of the crowds. Only those whose names were chosen were guaranteed a wedding at the Clerk’s office on July 24. But it all turned out well, as you’ll see.)

Doors were set to open at 8:30 and as the moment approached, it was like New Years Eve! Everyone counted down to this new beginning, full of hope and promise.

Supporters were on hand and enthusiastic all day.
©Cristina Kollet 2011

I made my way around to the front of the building where the supporters and press waited. Police where there sorting people out. “Are you pro or con?” I was asked. Definitely pro, I was directed to where people were lined up across the street. (The cons were ensconced on the next block. I’d seen them when I drove in. Supporters easily outnumbered them 3 to 1. In fact, as the day work on, I heard several people asking if there even were protesters because they were completely unaware of their presence.)

The first couple to exit, married!
©Cristina Kollet 2011

It was like that for every couple. Over the course of the day, the enthusiasm of the supporters never wavered. As people left, more arrived to take their place. They carried signs of support, gave gifts to the couples, showered them with rose petals and confetti and cheered them on.

©Cristina Kollet 2011

Every couple received a standing ovation!
©Cristina Kollet 2011

By the afternoon musicians arrived to serenade the couples and keep the festive mood. And still everyone’s eyes were on the doors and for every couple that came out, there was applause!

My favorites were the older couples—some of them in walkers ad wheel chairs. I had to ask myself, how long must they have waited? Had they ever even believed this day would come? I was so happy for them and so was the crowd.

A long wait finally over. This was the first couple to be married.
©Cristina Kollet 2011

©Cristina Kollet 2011

Reporters were circulating everywhere. I spoke to Voice of America and the LA Times. They wanted to know, were gay and lesbian weddings any different than straight weddings? I answered, no. I’ve been doing Civil Unions in NJ since they became legal and every ceremony was about love and commitment and hope for the future.

©Cristina Kollet 2011

I have to extend kudos to the City of New York. When I heard news of the lottery, I thought they would end up turning people away. Certainly they would have more couples wishing to marry than the lottery would accommodate. I came prepared to perform weddings on the spot should I come across couples who had both their marriage license and the judicial waiver but no ceremony.

I’m happy to say that my services were not needed.

By around 1:30 I heard one of the officers say he’d received word that the clerks would probably take everyone who came today. And sure enough, by the time I left, around 4:30, the line was gone. From what I can tell every couple that came and wanted to was able to get married. How wonderful! Well-done New York!

The entrance after the last couple had entered.
©Cristina Kollet 2011

I stopped back today with my husband on the way to another errand. The fan fair was over. The signs and supporters, musicians and supporters were all gone. The barriers that had formed the pre-wedding maze were neatly pushed away to clear the sidewalks.

©Cristina Kollet 2011

Inside, the office had a few couples, but there was no line. It was back to business as usual, just with more variety.

By this point I had already read about lawsuits being filed as the “other side” tries to step in and take away these rights from people who waited so long. It’s sad really, that these people should live in so much fear that they have to try to shut down anyone who is different from them. I would never want to live that way.

As we left, we passed a young lady in the outer hall. She was grinning as she straightened out her dress. It was flowing and full of color. We heard her say that she felt she “should” be wearing a dress and that her girlfriend had “asked her” but she’d been caught unprepared.

I think it was a lovely wedding dress. I hope she and her wife are happy tonight.

©Cristina Kollet 2011

All Things Being Equal… Celebrating Marriage Equality in New York

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 22:21:00 +0000

©Cristina Kollet 2009

On Sunday, July 24, 2011 Inclusive Ceremonies, along with Dana Zipkin of Ceremonies By Dana will be heading in to New York City to offer our services to the (no doubt) hundreds of couples who will be lined up to get their marriage licenses as New York’s new Marriage Equality law takes effect. Throughout the city and the state a host of out Life-Cycle Celebrant® colleagues, along with other officiants, will be doing the same.

I am thrilled to be present and participating on such an important day for these couples and families. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to fall in love with my husband and know we could not be married. And while I won’t pretend to know the joy and relief these couples feel to finally have the chance to be recognized and share the same legal rights as straight couples, I do share in their happiness.

Over the last five years, it’s been my honor to preside over civil unions here in NJ, but I truly hope that we achieve marriage equality in this state soon. There is a definite feeling of separate but not equal when you look at a certificate and it has all of the same information on it but says “Civil Union Certificate” instead of “Marriage Certificate.”

I can tell you as the officiant that the vows these people make are no less heartfelt than those of couples whose form says marriage. And since, as a Life-Cycle Celebrant®, my job is to learn and tell the couple’s story as well, I can say that the stories of gay and lesbian couples are no different than those of straight couples—they meet; they get to know each other; they fall in love. They face the same big questions about committing their love and lives to one another and at the end of the day, they all want to be families. Their purpose is to care for each other and have someone who cares for them. I can think of no reality in which that does not make the world a better place.

So this Sunday we go forth, to offer congratulations and support, and to say if you need someone to create a ceremony that honors your love and your journey, perhaps I’m the person for you.

It’s going to be a great weekend!

For up to date information on Marriage Equality in NY and specifically events in NYC (Clerks offices, hours, etc.) check out NYCgo.

©Cristina Kollet 2010

Have an Alternate Plan for Outdoor Ceremonies

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 03:29:00 +0000

©Cristina Kollet 2011

Yesterday we celebrated the wedding of Stephanie and Mike in a beautiful outdoor ceremony under light-grey skies.

There was a moment when it looked like we might have to go indoors. A light sprinkling of rain fell as I arrived at the venue. Even if it only rained before the guests arrived, that would mean wet seats, and wet ground. Wet ground might mean no PA system, no music. Luckily, we had that option of going indoors if we needed to.

Outdoor ceremonies are popular and Mother Nature certainly adds a beautiful and often meaningful backdrop no matter the time of year, but it is essential to have a plan B. In fact, among my first questions to coupes are “is it an indoor ceremony or outdoor?” and if it’s outdoor, “do they have space for the ceremony inside if it rains/snows/is too hot/too cold/ too windy/ etc.”

Some things to consider:

If you’re ceremony is at a restaurant or catering hall, make sure that the venue not only has space available for your ceremony to move indoors but that the space will definitely be available for you and will hold all of your guests.

If your ceremony is at home, can you fit all of your guests inside? Will you have to move furniture? Will you have a rain date instead? Will you rent a tent?

If your ceremony is at a park or on the beach, again will you rent a tent? Is there an alternate location or a rain date?

When we got married, we had our ceremony in a local park. Our reception site, a local museum, could not accommodate the ceremony. Our “rain plan” was to have the ceremony with a limited number of people at my mother’s house and join everyone for the reception where we would recite our vows again before the guests. Luckily we didn’t have to do that, but it’s the kind of scenario we needed to consider with over a hundred guests invited (many flying in) and only room for twenty at out backup location.

Another, smaller, ceremony I officiated, a civil union on the banks of the Hudson River, was a rain or shine event—and rain it did. We performed the short ceremony with the grooms, myself, and the witnesses under umbrellas in near monsoon conditions!

In the end, we all hope for the best—and usually get it—where the weather is concerned. BUT added planning can give you peace of mind should the clouds roll in.

5 Things to Keep Guests Riveted During Your Ceremony

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Mon, 30 May 2011 20:53:00 +0000

So many times, I meet clients whose first priority is that the ceremony be “short.” It doesn’t take much discussion to discover that their main worry is people being “bored.” So many of us have been to cookie-cutter ceremonies that have little specifically to do with the people we’ve come to see.

But do you really want to skimp on your ceremony? Instead, make it personal and take the time to really soak in the moment.

These five tips can help.

Tell your story—Telling your story during the ceremony serves a few purposes. For you, it’s a trip down memory lane—a chance to relive the journey and how you got to this moment.

It’s also a chance to take your guests along with you. They may know your story, but know one knows it like you do. Let them in and make them part of your story,

Involve your guests—This more than just having one or two people do readings. Address your guests, thank them for being there and give them a chance to voice their support. A simple question like “Do you promise to be there for this new family as they face the challenges and adventures ahead?” gives everyone a chance to participate in your ceremony rather than being a passive audience.
Keep it personal—Let your ceremony reflect your interests. Speak from the heart and get creative with readings. You don’t have to stick to traditional vows unless they are meaningful to you. Personal vows will set the tone for your journey ahead and let your guests know what is important to you.

If you include readings, use readings that mean something to you. Choose a favorite poet or song lyrics. Write a note to everyone gathered. Let someone write and read something to you.

©Cristina Kollet 2008
Let your ceremony reflect your personal interests and stand so everyone can see and hear you!

Let them see and hear you—So often couples get married with their backs to the guests. Facing each other lets you focus on each other and lets your guests see your faces and hear you vows. (If guests speak different languages, make sure everyone can follow along.)
Keep it balanced—Make sure there is something in your ceremony that speaks to each of you. Not only will this keep the ceremony meaningful for all involved, but it will let guests who only know one of you, get to know the other participant(s) as well. If you’re including different family traditions, look for ways to show the shared symbolism of each. You’ll be surprised how many things different traditions have in common and so will your guests!

Multilingual Ceremonies: How to include everyone when not everyone speaks the same language

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Mon, 23 May 2011 18:03:00 +0000

On Sunday, I had the pleasure of performing a wedding for a very special couple. She’s from Turkey, he’s from Argentina, and the wedding was in New York. Between both families and the assorted guests the gathering before the ceremony sounded like the Tower of Babel.

I centered the theme of the ceremony on the universal language of love. But with neither set of parent’s speaking English the question was, how do we create a ceremony that everyone can understand?

Here are some ideas from this and other ceremonies for how you can make any ceremony inclusive of all your guests.

Use symbols everyone can understand: This is especially easy for weddings where clothing, position of the wedding party, rings, and a kiss speak to many cultures. But you can look for common symbols for other ceremonies too.

©Cristina Kollet 2009
Use symbols that cross cultural and language barriers.

Have a printed translation*: This weekend’s couple had programs with the entire ceremony translated into Spanish and Turkish. I could see the parents of the bride and groom following along as we went.

Here is where gestures can also be helpful. For example, I touched my heart whenever I spoke of love. I think doing so connected with those who could not understand what I was saying, and also gave a visual cue to help them find their place in the translated script as we went along.

*Life-Cycle Celebrants like me will work to have as much of the ceremony as possible accounted for in the script. Having the script ahead of time will make it easier for you to make translations. Let your Celebrant know this is part of the time-line so you can work out a schedule that lets you finalize the ceremony script in enough time for you to translate it and print copies.

Speak parts of the ceremony in all languages: You probably don’t want to do this for every word of the ceremony. The ceremony would be too long and you would lose the attention of guests and participants. But translating crucial parts of the ceremony can make everyone feel included in those moments.

In this weekend’s wedding, the couple made their vows in English and also in the languages of their families. So the bride repeated her vows in Turkish and the groom repeated his in Spanish.

In a baby naming, you might translate the part of the ceremony where you explain the baby’s name or where you speak your hopes for the child. In a funeral—or any ceremony really—you might give a reading or song in two languages.

The goal is to have moments in the ceremony that everyone can connect to. When you do this everyone present can share in your special moment and feel included rather than feeling like an audience.

Welcoming Baby Mia

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Sat, 21 May 2011 21:43:00 +0000

Today was a beautiful day for a baby blessing!

It was my honor to be the Celebrant for beautiful baby Mia and her family in a ceremony created by Mia’s mother, Veleka. It’s always a pleasure to work with clients who want to create their own ceremonies. I offer assistance and guidance as needed throughout the ceremony creating process and in the end the clients get exactly what they want.

Today’s ceremony was held at the beautiful Sayen House and Gardens in Hamilton, NJ! (Special thanks to Dale, who works there for shuttling the gear and me to the gazebo!)

©Cristina Kollet 2011

Mia slept through much of the ceremony as her father Charles held her. The ceremony featured music, appointment of the godparents, a wish box, and a blessing with water infused with flower essences.

Wrapping up the ceremony was the release of two white doves and a surprise as Veleka sung In My Daughter’s Eyes to Mia. What a touching moment! I was so honored to be a part of this celebration.

©Cristina Kollet 2011

Post Script: Normally, I am hesitant to include animals in ceremonies but I was impressed with Dave from Kaila's Love Doves. He was great to work with and the doves were a lovely addition to the ceremony. I may have to rethink my position on this.

15 Things to Keep in Mind for Outdoor Ceremonies and Events

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Mon, 09 May 2011 18:49:00 +0000

Tis the season to celebrate in the great outdoors! Whether you are holding your ceremony or event in your backyard, the beach, a public park, or an outdoor space at a restaurant or catering hall, there are several things to consider to ensure your event is all you want it to be.

Bad Weather and Alternate Location—Whenever my clients tell me that they are planning an outdoor ceremony, the first question I ask is “what is your rain plan?”

©Cristina Kollet 2007

Weather is unpredictable no matter the season. I’ve done ceremonies under a blazing sun and in the pouring rain. And sure, you can get married in a typhoon as long as you have your paperwork and willing witnesses, but it’s best to have a backup plan.

Most venues and restaurants that offer an outdoor space will have an indoor space as a backup—but you have to ask about it.

©Cristina Kollet 2011

If you’re planning a ceremony in a park or on the beach where will you go if it rains or is too cold? Will you rent tents and canopies? Have you let the guests know where to go and how they will be notified of the switch? Do you need to set a rain date? Do your vendors know your plans?

Good Weather—Even when the skies are clear, you need to consider the comfort of your guests. If it’s likely to be hot, bright, and sunny, is there a place nearby where waiting guests can get some shade? Even the nicest of days can leave everyone parched. Have a couple of coolers of bottled water on hand and clearly labeled so everyone knows they are welcome to quench their thirst.

Getting There is Half the Fun—Make sure you make it easy for your guests and vendors (florists/musicians) to find your event site. If the venue has more than one outdoor space, specify yours in the invitation. (“We’ll be in the courtyard on the left side of the building.”)

If your ceremony is in a park or other public space, this becomes even more important. Give guests and vendors specific directions as to what park entrance to use, where parking is and how to find your ceremony site once they get there.

If possible, mark your site so everyone can find it. Follow park rules and make sure that you make no permanent changes and that whatever you put up leaves the park with your group.

Maps are also useful.

Finally, if your ceremony site is off the beaten path, a long walk from parking, or involves a steep climb, let everyone know so they can plan their arrival and clothing accordingly.

Taking a Stand—Are your guests sitting or standing? Consider the length of the ceremony, the age and health of the guests and the location. If you’re at a restaurant or catering hall, this is not a likely problem. But if you’re on the beach or in a park, you need to consider whether you will have to provide chairs and, if so, the logistics of providing seating be it rental chairs* or, for small groups, chairs you provide yourself.

*Note: If you’re rending chairs make sure the provider understands where your ceremony is and will deliver to that exact location. If you’re providing the chairs, remember you’ll need to carry them in and out. Add that to your timeline.

©Cristina Kollet 2007

©Cristina Kollet 2009

Who’s Coming? Consider who’s coming as you make the final decisions as to location and seating. Will your elderly grandmother or 8-month pregnant sister be able to make the walk to the location? Will your uncle with the new hip be able to stand the whole time?

Note: Remember that time includes the time everyone gathers, the ceremony, and time after for mingling and photos.)

Will there be children present? Are there any potential safety hazards (water, plants, wildlife, terrain) you might need to privately make parents aware of?

Noise—As you’re scouting locations, and even as you look at restaurants and catering halls, don’t just look—close your eyes and listen. Is it quiet? Can you hear people from other parts of the venue? Is the surf very loud? Is it windy? Can you hear traffic? Are you near an airport? Will you need a PA system to be heard? Can you have one there?

This water wheel was lovely but we had to ask that

it be turned off for the ceremony as it was too loud.

The flip side is to consider the noise your ceremony will produce. Local rules (and logistics) will dictate whether you can have music and/or a PA and if there are times when you can’t make a lot of noise.

When You’ve Got to Go… If you’re having your ceremony at a park or beach, are there rest rooms for you and your guests? Are they close enough to your event site? Are they adequate? Clean? Do you need someplace to change? If children are present, is there a changing station? If you’re planning your ceremony months in advance, are you certain that the rest rooms will be open for your ceremony?

What to Take with You—Consider everything you, your vendors, and guests have to carry in and out of your ceremony location. Chairs, cooler, ceremony props, PA, instruments, tents, decorations, bug repellant, flashlights, sunscreen, etc. Can you bring it in, get set up and get it all packed and out in the time allotted. Will you need help? Will you need to change clothes for the ceremony and wear something else for set-up and tare-down?

Dressing the Part (You and Your Guests)—Consider your ceremony site when deciding on the dress code and wardrobe for ceremony participants. Make sure that you and your guests will dress appropriately for the location.

For example:

High heels make for lovely pictures, but they also sink into wet ground** and aren’t practical for walking on dirt paths.

Three-piece suits are dashing, but when temperatures climb to 100 degrees, even the best man will be more comfortable (and just as handsome) in dress shorts.

Tulle is a lovely fabric for dresses but a walk in the woods can turn it into a bug net.

**Bonus Hint: Three Solutions to Soft Ground

· Prevent it: Talk to the venue about not watering the morning of the ceremony. This worked for a ceremony last year at a golf course.

· Put down boards for the ceremony participants to stand on.

· Heel protectors—While I haven’t seen them in action, they are worth investigating if you’re attached to heels despite the terrain.

Sunrise/Sunset: Timing is Everything—If your ceremony is centered on sunrise or sunset you need to decide when is the absolute last minute you’ll get started. Are there people who HAVE to be there? Which is your priority?

You’ll also need to consider positioning. The image of the sun setting or rising between the bride and groom as they kiss is the stuff of movie magic. But staring into the sun makes it difficult for your guests (and your Celebrant) to see.

Consider positioning your ceremony with the sun rising or setting to the side and scheduling enough time to get that special picture after.

Tools for Planning Your Sunrise/Sunset Ceremony

· A compass

· Complete Sun and Moon Data for One Day

Let There Be Light—If your ceremony will take place at sunrise or sunset, remember that people will need light to see by coming and going. Consider lighting the way with glow sticks or suggesting to guests that they bring a flashlight.

Permits—Public spaces such as parks and beaches often require permits for use of the space for ceremonies and other gatherings. Make sure that you acquire any required permits and that you have them with you on the day of the ceremony.

Fire and other Regulations—In any public space, you need to be aware of the regulations for use of fire, noise levels, and even unexpected things like bird seed, which is popular for weddings, but banned in some parks to preserve the local plant life. Be sure to discuss any restrictions with your officiant and other vendors so your plans can be tailored to fit the location.

Note: Many state parks are (especially in NJ) require you to carry trash out with you so remember to bring a few trash bags to clean up decorations, etc.

Landmarks for Later: My husband can spot the exact place we stood in the park on the day we exchanged out vows. He had the presence of mind to look for a landmark and now we can revisit that spot any time despite the changing seasons, and landscape (as they remodel the park). Look for an unchanging landmark or capture the coordinates with your GPS device or Smart Phone so you can go back later for other ceremonies or just to remember.

More Power to You: Just because you’re at a restaurant or catering hall doesn’t mean that you can assume the outdoor space will have power. If your PA or music provider requires electricity, ask the venue if there is an outlet available. How often do they use it? How close it is to your ceremony site? Do they have extension cords available or will you need to bring your own?

It sounds like a lot to think about. You want the location to be remembered for your event, not the event remembered because of issues with the location. Keeping in mind the items above that pertain to your ceremony or event can go a long way to making your special day easier for you and a pleasure for all involved.

I'm Published!

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 01:09:00 +0000

Celebrant Foundation and Institute Association members are contributing weekly articles to Spirituality and Health Magazine's weekly newsletter.

I also had the opportunity to write this week's offering. You can read it here: Replenishing the Well: Sustenance Rituals to Get You Through the Winter

On the Subject of Bullies

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 03:05:00 +0000

I'm taking some time from the usual posts to repost this from my other blog. I think too many people are or have been effected by this issue.

Back to the usual ceremony news soon.

-Cris

Congratulations to Fulvia and Anthony!

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 04:16:00 +0000

On July 17, I had the pleasure of officiating at the marriage of Anthony and Fulvia at The Renaissance in Staten Island.

It is a pleasure when I get to participate in the wedding of a more mature couple. Fulvia and Anthony wanted to share a very specific message with their guests, that it's never too late to find love. There's was a celebration of finding love from a place of experience. They celebrated with a unity candle and readings.

I was particularly honored because they chose, as one of their readings, something I wrote a couple of years ago.

On Love

When a person experiences and recognizes being truly loved and accepted for who they are, and they are dealt with honestly on that basis, they feel free to relate to others the same way.
In turn they can expect to be treated with love and acceptance in all their relationships, with no exceptions or substitutions.

A person who experiences this holds them self and others to a higher standard, a standard that may not be easy, but is a courageous and powerful way to live.

The key is recognizing that this is the way you want to live. Some people find the model for it in their relationships with family, friends, or romantic partners, and some people find it first in their relationships with themselves.

However we find it, we are setting a higher standard for ourselves and our world.

Argentina Passes Gay Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 17:00:00 +0000

Kudos to you Argentina!

Half my family is from Argentina. I have to say, this makes me very proud.

More Vow Renewal Fun! Dana and Mark married 5 years Friday!

noreply@blogger.com (Cris) — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 18:58:00 +0000

I often think about what the best part of this work is--and I give different answers depending on the day.

Today, the best part of being a Life-Cycle Celebrant® is that I get to help good friends celebrate the important events in there lives. I met Dana when she was a student in my Celebrancy class. We've become close friends and it was my honor to be asked to officiate her and her husband Mark's vow renewal on Friday.

Her ceremony was short, sweet and very personal. Truly a collaborative effort, she and her husband Mark sent me outline of what they wanted, with vows and some parts fully written. I wrote their love story for the beginning--the abridged version because they wanted the ceremony to be brief. I also framed the unity ritual they had chosen--the ritual sharing of pizza bagels to honor their Jewish and Italian heritages.

It was a perfect evening, a small group of family and friends gathered in Mark and Dana's living room along with their little daughters--who added the music of their laughter throughout. It was wonderful.

It was a different ceremony than the one Paul and I had two weeks before. (By the way Dana and Mark were married two weeks after us by the same Celebrant--Cindy Reed. ) Which goes to show that like all ceremonies, a vow renewal is what you make of it.

That's two vow renewals in two weeks and I received an inquiry this past week about another. I hope that shows a growing trend. Because love should be celebrated every chance we get.

On Having the Ceremony You Want

noreply@blogger.com (Cristina Kollet) — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 15:06:00 +0000

I read a great blog post this morning (thanks to fellow celebrant Dorry Bless for passing it around). 'I Had an Atheist Wedding'

In it, the author writes about her and her husband’s journey to have a ceremony that was true to them, rather than settling for the religious ceremony that others would have preferred they have. She talks about how difficult it was and the lack of resources available to them as they wrote their ceremony.

Being a Life-Cycle Celebrant for a few years now, I've become accustomed to giving clients what they want, in terms of ceremony. I think it's important to remember though that many don't know this option exists.

I know what it's like. When my husband and I were planning our wedding five years ago, I didn't know what we would do. We had too many guests flying in to drag everyone to city hall. I didn't want to fake it in a church we didn't belong to and would never return to.

I wanted a wedding ceremony that focused on what Paul and I shared. I'll always be grateful that my mother found the Celebrant Foundation and Institute (then Celebrant USA) and that we able to have a ceremony that suited us. Our Celebrant, Cindy Reed, gave us exactly the ceremony we wanted and inspired me to take on this work myself.

I hope that as we grow in number (there are more than 400 graduates of the Celebrant Institute to date) that people take advantage of our services and, maybe more importantly, that society as a whole comes to realize the value in meaningful ceremony again--and that it has to be meaningful to the participants/honorees. Ceremony by wrote, without reason or meaning, serves no one in the end.

Renewing Your Vows--I Highly Recomend It!

noreply@blogger.com (Cristina Kollet) — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 17:45:00 +0000

If you have ever exchanged vows in a wedding or commitment ceremony, you know what a powerful experience it can be. I am here to tell you that a vow renewal can be just as powerful.

Yesterday my husband and I renewed our vows on the fifth anniversary of our wedding. It was wonderful. We had a small, intimate, back yard ceremony hosted by my sister and her family and surrounded by good friends--and bubbles, courtesy of my beautiful nieces.

After a relaxing dinner, and as the evening cooled, Paul and I read the vows we had had exchanged five years ago--with a few minor changes to make them more timely. Then we exchanged roses as tokens of thanks and said thank you to each other for all those things, little and small that say "I love you" and help us get through the day.

It was, for me, a wonderful and powerful moment. We knew the vows before hand, because we had heard them before. But the thank yous were a surprise, mine to him, his to me.

Our ceremony was fun, light-hearted, and very us.

I think that in this very hectic life, it can be a good idea to stop, reflect on how you got to where you are, and thank your partner when you're both mindful and present in the moment, together.

As with any other ceremony or celebration, a vow renewal can be as lavish or as simple as you want it to be. And unlike a wedding or civil union ceremony, there are no rules at all! No prerequisite number of witnesses, no paperwork, no words that must be said.

You don't have to wait for a "big" anniversary. You don't even have to wait for your anniversary. Do it when you feel the desire--or the need. Do it in the company of family or friends, or just the two of you. Make of it what you want.

The under sea theme that we chose for our original wedding ceremony is still strong in our lives today, so we carried forward reminders of our wedding with subtle touches--our original vows, a sign in book left over from our wedding reception, and glass fish that had been purchased as decorations for the reception became our cake toppers on our ice cream cake.

But a vow renewal can also be a new beginning--with new vows and a celebration of new directions in your life as a couple and a family.

In just a couple of weeks, it will be my honor to act as celebrant for my good friends Dana and Mark. I can't wait. And I hope to be performing or even just assisting with many more vow renewals in the future.

Sometimes the only thing better than saying "I love you" is saying it again.

Even Celebrants Celebrate

noreply@blogger.com (Cristina Kollet) — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:08:00 +0000

This Friday will be my fifth wedding anniversary. Paul and I had a whirlwind courtship that led to us being engaged 18 days after we met and married a year and half later.

Our ceremony was held in a park I'd often played in growing up. Friends and family flew in from Ireland and across the US. It was 100 degrees in the shade that day and I didn't notice as we made our vows.

In addition to being the beginning of our wonderful marriage it was the beginning of my journey as a celebrant. I'd never hear of Life-Cycle Celebrants® before we met the wonderful Cindy Reed, who performed our ceremony.

Now I get to enjoy life with a husband who is perfect for me doing work I love. Life is amazing!

So this Friday, Paul and I are going back to the park, to stand where we stood that day and say our vows once again. We're also going to tell each other 'thank you' for those things that mean so much to us--because sometimes when life gets busy thank yous are taken for granted, or spoken but not heard.

It will be a simple ceremony, but it will suit us. And after we'll gather with friends and family for a celebration. (Hosted by my terrific sister and her husband.)

Some people think you have to wait for the big anniversaries to renew your vows. I say, do it whenever you think the time is right!

At Last! Dana and Hussam May 29, 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Cristina Kollet) — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 00:51:00 +0000

One of the things I love best about being a Celebrant is telling my clients' love stories. Dana and Hussam are an amazing couple and a lovely example of how people from two worlds can find common ground and love.

When Hussam proposed, he did so by carving "will you marry me" into a book with a laser and hiding the ring inside. Dana and Hussam had the book on display at their wedding.

Their ceremony included statements of support from both their family and their community of friends and family, which was very important to them. We also took a moment to remember and acknowledge family who could not be there, but who would celebrate with Dana and Hussam later.

Finally Dana's sister honored Lisa honored the couple with the gift of song by singing At Last by Etta James. What a wonderful gift!

Congratulations Dana and Hussam!