Incoherent Everyday Blahs.

Daydreams of a Writer Wannabe

2012-02-16T18:01:00.000+08:00

I look at my ringless fingers and imagine a big, glittering diamond ring on my left ring finger, creating prisms across the room's walls whenever touched by the the light. I couldn't resist and drew a band around the finger with my violet colored pen, adding a one-peso coin sized diamond as its decoration. My seatmate looked at me with curiosity. I snatched my hand away from his view and gave him my best imitation of Lady Gaga's poker face. Mind your own business, buddy.

I pretended to focus on what the speaker was saying; something about rich media banner ads being the next best thing to TV ads. The speaker wore thick red-rimmed glasses, her hair in a tight ponytail, and her eyebrows arched to perfection making her look like the wicked queen in Snow White. Her hands were moving in cadence with her voice to emphasize the point she was making. I couldn't help but notice that she had two rings, each on one hand. On the right was a cocktail ring - one of those fashionable big fancy rings that usually meant nothing - while on the left was a silver band. If there was a stud there, I wouldn't know. It was hard for me to see it from where I was sitting.

What was wrong with me? I signed up for the seminar to have a better appreciation of how advertising can work in the Internet. Somehow, I find myself conjuring images of my dream wedding proposal, 20 minutes after the presentation began. Maybe it's the speaker's fault. Her demeanor lacked warmth; she seems detached like she's alone in the room without ten pairs of eyes looking at her. Or maybe it was the tone of her voice. It has that machine gun quality, intrusive and hard on the ears. Or maybe it's really me. My lack of interest, my pretentious attempt to become enthusiastic over something I don't give a shit about.

The smell of brewed coffee fills the room. It was a small room with full blast air-conditioning that reminds me of Mt. Pulag. I'd rather be anywhere but here. I look around and see the same look of boredom in the other attendees' faces and realize I might as well be looking at myself in a mirror. I absently tap my pen on my wooden desk, eliciting dirty looks from the speaker and from other participants. I raised a hand up in apology.

What I really want to do is to write, to invent stories. I imagine myself completing my first short story collection, a novella filled with stories of love, of war, of simple epiphanies that shape one's life. Or maybe a story about myself: of my quest to find my own "bramasole" and how I found my place under the sun - whether Tuscan or not. Jonathan Safran Foer will visit me and we'll exchange story ideas over espresso in an Italian piazza. I envision myself winning the Nobel for Literature and delivering my speech on how this book, this collection, is my legacy to mankind.

The speaker delivers one of her machine gun monologues and the only word I was able to capture was 'catapult'. Catapult, to jumpstart. I sigh at my choice of synonym. How can I catapult my writing career when my time is eaten by my 9-5 job? I cannot afford to write full-time. What with no time, no house to call my own (I'm not homeless, I mean I'm renting), no savings fund to lean on, writing needs to take a backseat and I have to continue this pretense of paying attention to the seminar if I want to move up the corporate ladder and keep the lifestyle I'm living now.

I pull my jacket closer to me as the air-conditioning bites into my skin, as if it was someone's hand, reaching out to pinch me awake from my daydreams. Someday, I will write that collection. That someday will come and I will have my day. But for now, I'd have to be content with writing concise ad copies and attending seminars to fill up my days.

Sabado (Part 1)

2012-02-14T12:12:00.002+08:00

Nagising siya dahil sa nakakabinging putok ng machine gun mula sa kanyang panaginip. Sa totoong mundo, tila isang sanggol na walang tigil sa pag-iyak ang kanyang alarm clock na nakapwesto sa mesang katabi ng kanyang kama. Buti na lang at panaginip lang ang lahat, kanyang nasabi sa sarili.

Bakit kaya ganoon ang mga panaginip? Kadalasang hindi lohikal. Weird. Maliban sa huling bahagi ay wala na siyang naalala pa sa kanyang panaginip. Kasali pa nga ang kanyang mga alagang pusa doon. Sa panaginip tatlo ang alaga niya, pero sa totoong buhay dalawa lamang. Ang putok ng baril ay galing sa dalawang kapitbahay niya na nagtungo sa tapat ng kanilang bahay. Isang babae at isang lalaki na parehong nakatakip ang mga mukha. Tinawag niyang 'Jenny' ang babae ngunit ang lalaki ay hindi niya kilala. Wala naman talaga silang kapitbahay na Jenny ang pangalan at lalong wala silang kagalit sa kanilang komunidad. Mula sa nakabukas na bintana ay isinuksok ni Jenny ang machine gun upang magpapaputok. Dali dali naman siyang dumapa malapit sa bintana upang saklolohan ang isa sa kanyang mga pusa na nakaupo sa ilalim nito. Sakto nga lang at naitabi niya ang kanyang kaliwang tenga sa baril kaya halos wala siyang marinig matapos nitong pumutok. Sa puntong iyon ay nagising na nga siya.

Kaunting inat at bumangon na rin siya mula sa higaan. Sabi ng wall clock, alas-otso ng umaga pa lamang. Napaaga ang gising niya, kadalasang alas-10 na siya gumigising kapag Sabado. Alam niyang imposibleng bumalik pa siya sa pagtulog, lalo na't malinaw pa sa kanyang isip ang bangungot niya kanina.Wala din naman siyang planong lumabas o gumimik nang ganuon kaaga.

Lumabas siya mula sa kanyang kuwarto at marahang binagtas ang hagdan pababa, patungo sa unang palapag nang bahay. Lumangitngit ang kahoy na hagdan na tila nagrereklamo sa bigat ng kanyang katawan. Luma na talaga ang kanilang bahay; ilang bagyo na din ang sumubok sa tibay ng pundasyon nito. Kung sakaling bumagyo ng malakas o kung, wag naman sanang loobin ng Diyos, lumindol ng mahigit pa sa 6 ang intensity sa Richter scale, posibleng masira na nang tuluyan ang bahay na tinatawag nilang tahanan sa mahigit na 15 taon.

Natanaw niya si Puti, ang kanilang pusa, tila hinihintay siya sa unang baitang ng hagdanan. Maliksi itong umakyat at nang umabot sa kung saan siya nakatayo ay naglambing na tila hinahalikan ang kanyang talampakan. "Magandang umaga, Puti. Ngayong araw ka na ba manganganak?" malambing din niyang tanong dito. Isang mahinang 'nyaw' ang isinagot ni Puti at lalo pang ikiniskis ang sarili sa kanyang binti. Sabay silang bumaba ng hagdan at dumiretso siya sa kusina kung saan nagtimpla siya ng kape.

Kape. Hindi lalampas ang isang araw na hindi siya umiinom ng kape. Dalawang tasa sa umaga at isa sa merienda. Isa ang kape sa mga ritwal niya sa umaga, Sabado man o hindi.

(Itutuloy...)

OHMAYGHAAD #2 or the Daily Countdown to V-Day

2012-02-07T11:32:00.000+08:00

I am 25 years old and ~~I am single~~ I’ve been single most of my waking hours. It’s not something that I am ashamed of. What with the scarcity of real men (figuratively and literally) nowadays, it is not an abnormality to find yourself without a boyfriend these days. I know a lot of women who can relate to this. Women who are fulfilled in their own chosen paths; strong women who recognize that life is indeed sweet and that it can be sweeter when you have someone who loves you (and who you love back).

There are certain norms in society that makes a 25-year old woman feel old which men will never be able to feel until they’re pushing 40. It would be hypocritical to say “F*ck social pressure.” because I do feel the pressure of my own biological clock ticking away. More than that, it is that feeling you have that you’ve done most things happily on your own, in your own way and that you want to share these things that make you happy with someone else. This is not desperation talking for the sole reason that “wanting to have someone” and “will die If I will not have someone immediately” are not the same things.

Yes, this post was conceived because Valentine’s Day is just a week away. Most of the time, we singles say that it is just one capitalistic event. Let’s admit, though, that it also makes us contemplate on why we are still single. If you don’t feel this way, lucky you. For me, however, (and for most of my friends) discussions about singledom begin on February faster than you can say 'leap year'. And yes, I admit that sometimes, at the end of a tiring day it would be good to have someone whom you can share the details of your day with; someone who’ll make you swoon every time he smiles at you; someone to simply hold hands with. :)

My 3rd LitWit entry: Cruel rejections

2012-01-25T14:06:00.002+08:00

I wasn’t really in love with him when he asked me to be his girlfriend. The question seemed to pop out from nowhere. After all, we were just two friends having a drink after our summer class. We were both intoxicated and the beer seemed to cloud our college minds into incoherence. So, I said ‘yes’. I thought to myself: Sure. We’ll probably forget this when we’re sober. But then, as we made our way home, he took my hand in his and I remembered thinking that that moment will be etched forever into my memory.

Summer came and went. We were suddenly seniors on our last semester. Graduation was just a few months away from our grasp. I look back at our happy days and see myself sitting on the low steps of the university theater, laughing at something he said, his hair soaked in sunshine, his eyes dancing with the same joy I felt. Those were the happier times: holding hands at the shopping center, endless conversations about music and our dreams, a kiss on the cheek when it was time to go home.

We had our share of fights, too – every couple has. Ours was like a game of hide and seek. Every time I try to confront him, he runs away, hibernates for days, and wouldn’t speak to me unless I apologize first. I’m not saying that I’m blameless. I was pretty emotional back then, too. Most of the time, I was the one starting the fight.

We broke up one day. I cannot remember the exact reason why. This particular fight happened before graduation, resulting to a decision to end things. Deep in my heart, I was hoping that, somehow, we’ll fix this and get back together again. There wasn’t a thing I wanted more back then. Graduation day finally came and I found myself politely exchanging pleasantries with him – too polite for people who were supposed to be still friends.

Days after, we were both invited to an out-of-town celebration for our block. Fast-forward to a couple of beers and I was really drunk. I found myself sitting beside him, slipping into an easy banter, and then slowly slipping out of the crowd. He kissed me; I started to cry. In between sobs, I told him how much I missed him and how much I wanted for us to be together again. To my horror, he shook his head and I watched as his face hardened. He started to walk away without a word, made his way back to where the others were happily celebrating – everyone oblivious to the fact that my world was tumbling over.

My foolishness did not stop there. As soon as I regained composure, I joined the group, faking a smile as if everything was right in the world. The night wore on with endless supply of alcohol, making everyone as intoxicated as ever. I decided to try again; I had nothing to lose anymore. I saw my chance when we were getting ready for bed. In my drunken state, I begged him to stay with me. In front of everyone in the room. I was beyond caring. I begged and I pleaded. I repeated the words over and over, over and over, until the sense of desperation swallowed me whole that I had to stop and catch my breath. He just sat there, his eyes averted with a faraway look that I will always remember. “Just please go to sleep” was all he said. He turned away from me, left the room, leaving a silence so complete it was almost deafening.

Goals for 2012

2012-01-03T15:50:00.000+08:00

Learn how to use chopsticks.
Belly-dance
Learn how to swim. -> carry over from 2011
Learn how to surf.
Acquire a passport. -> carry over from 2011
Join four LitWit Challenges (and win!). --> 1 out of 4 :), if you want to know what a LitWit challenge is, visit Jessica Zafra’s site: www.jessicarulestheuniverse.com
Go to the gym every weekend.
Climb 2-3 mountains
Volunteer or donate to PAWS
Watch one movie a month (haha)
Go on ‘artist’ dates.
Write more. ( I, actually, have a new blog dedicated to my literary uhmmm pieces lol : all-original.tumblr.com).

2011 Year-end Survey

2012-01-02T10:46:00.000+08:00

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR?
The JnJ Team on numerous 12f Friday nights :)

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend/s)
My true blue high school clique.

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEW FRIEND/s?
Teejay! I’ve known him for some time but only last year have we been close.

3) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Mt Pulag, 2922 masl lol

4)LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Honestly, when I found out that the office will be moving to Bonifacio Global City

5) BEST HOLIDAY?
Bohol adventure in november!

6) YOUR SONG FOR 2011?
This is an old song but it’s still my theme for 2011 – To the Moon and Back by Savage Garden

7) MOVIE FOR 2011?
Mission Impossible 4!

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINE'S WITH AND WHERE?
I can’t remember haha, but probably I was by myself (though not lonely).

12) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
Unfortunately, wasn’t able to attend the office Halloween party due to a meeting :( But supposedly, we were boy/girl scouts from the movie ‘Up’.

13) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
Shakeys lol.

14) KISS OF THE YEAR?
None :)

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Learn mountaineering!

16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR 2012?
Give everything my 100%. And write my bucket list.

17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Dance like there’s no tomorrow.

18) TV SHOW/s OF THE YEAR?
SECRET GARDEN!!!!!

19) MOST LOYAL FRIEND(s)?
ta-da! Ivan and Zan :)

20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
Did one thing that scares every so often.

21) NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION?
Watch more movies!

Anibersaryo

2011-12-09T16:59:00.003+08:00

Kahapon ang anibersryo ng una nating pag-uusap. Isang taon na ang nakalipas mula nang mapansin ko na nag-eexist ka pala. Alam ko naman na nandyan ka pero nung araw na yun ang unang araw na naging konkreto sa akin na parte ka pala ng mundong ginagalawan ko.

Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit kailangan kong isulat ang akdang ito tungkol sa’yo. Gusto ko ngang sabunutan ang sarili ko habang itina-type ang sulat na ‘to. Madalas, iniisip ko kung ano bang saloobin mo tungkol sa’kin pero ngayon na-realize ko na masyado na kong matanda para isipin pa ang opinion mo. Ang mas mahalagang tanong ay kung gusto ba kita at hindi kung gusto mo ba ako.

Palagay ko naman alam ko ang sagot sa tanong na yun. Ebidensya na nga ang blog post na ‘to o. Kaya lang kasi, yung level ng pagkagusto ko, araw-araw nababawasan. Kasi ayoko naman ipilit. Ang awkward kasi, parang ...”

(Post ended by writer because of nausea)

This made my day!

2011-12-06T10:07:00.001+08:00

Thanks sweet someone (whoever you are)! :) Nice sampling effort too for CBTL, if I may add. :)

Breaking Dawn in Bullet Points

2011-11-24T17:29:00.003+08:00

I was never a fan of the book but I’ve watched all the movie adaptations of the Saga and I think that this is the most impossible movie of all. I cannot comprehend how a vampire can impregnate an 18-year old woman. Technically, vampires are dead right? So how come? How come? (Pun not intended).

Does Stephanie Meyer have necrophilia? Who makes love to a vampire? Apparently Bella does (and is sooooo excited and nervous in doing so, if I may add). The jitters I don’t get since she might as well have been copulating with an iceberg and the iceberg doesn’t even feel anything anyway.
I know Twilight is fiction but I think the author uses ‘fiction’ loosely. Classifying your work as fiction doesn’t mean you can propel all your daydreams into reality.
Great make-up though, Bella’s deterioration was convincing. When she was ‘reborn’ as a vampire and her face started to blanch, my mind was screaming; “This is a subtle promotion for Kristen’s new film, Snow White.”
I liked how they brought back some of the music from the past installations. Might not be a fan of the movie but the Twilight OSTs are nice to hear. I have to admit that I swooned during the part when Edward and Bella were exchanging vows with the Iron and Wine song playing during the scene. That’s about the only thing I extremely liked. All other things in between were okay at best and unremarkable at worst.

I thought I'm done with this

2011-11-23T15:28:00.002+08:00

This is maddeningly irritating and blissful both at the same time. I must be going crazy. It’s like my face muscles have an on/off switch whenever you’re around. I mean, it begins to stretch into a smile on its own, like it’s on some sort of tonic.

The fact is, I cannot decide whether to ignore you or not. I’ve been fence-sitting for a while now. Experience tells me to cross you off but instincts (read: hormones) tell me to reconsider. You’re not the perfect person I’ve envisioned you to be. Yes, I’ve been foolish enough to think that way. For someone who has sworn off idealism, that’s not only foolish, that’s naïve.

There’s enough evidence to say that I’m better off without you. And besides, I don’t want to compromise whatever friendship we have. That sounds like a very convenient excuse, doesn’t it? I’m not really convinced with my reasons, too. All I know is that I look for you when you’re gone and that I’m sincerely very glad every time I see you.

Uh-oh, there goes my facial muscles again. :)

Random musings under a November sky

2011-11-18T16:25:00.002+08:00

Less than a month from now before I turn a new leaf. I will be 25 years old in a few more weeks and I can’t help but feel excited. Yes, excited for the new things in store for me and for the adventures that will come my way. For me, being 25 means making more decisions that will be directional to, more or less, what I want to do for the rest of my life – not only in my career but in all aspects, too. It signifies an era of maturity-in-progress but not necessarily old age. After all, I want to preserve that childlike wonder and the thirst for trying out things I’ve never done before.
Eight days. Eight days until I go on a Bohol escapade. Can hardly wait. This might be the last major trip/vacation I take in 2011 and I believe I deserve it. It’s been so long since we planned this trip and finally, we are eight days away from making it a reality. Hopefully, the weather improves by that time.
Have you noticed how fast November is passing? It’s almost the 3^rd week and next thing you know December’s just right around the corner. I haven’t had a proper weekend during the past three weeks. It’s just really crazy at work this time of the year with all the 2012 plans being plotted. But I am happy that, finally, tomorrow (Saturday) I won’t be working but enjoying the day with friends at the movies. And I’m thinking of going on leave next Wednesday or Friday to treat myself to a pampering day (haha ang arte) and then do all the errands – which is a lot- I have to do before I leave for Bohol. J

Things I've Never Done

2011-10-18T10:58:00.005+08:00

I’m 24 years old. And I’ve never:

Been to Singapore (more like, I've never been out of the country)
Skinny-dipped
gotten a tattoo
Seen “The Phantom of the Opera” (both the play and the movie)
Painted on a canvass
Watched an Azkals game or any football game for that matter
Kissed a stranger
Made cake pops
Donated blood
Achieved my ideal body weight
Dyed my hair blue
Drank beer in Germany
Hollered at the top of my lungs on top of a mountain
Written a novel
Played basketball
Seen the Oblation run
Said “I love you” to my little brother (even though I do love him very much ♥)
Eaten pizza in Italy
Played an electric guitar
Had a fish for a pet
Had a passport

For more "Never Done it" lists, visit these blogs :) And, go on, do your own list too!

Wifely Steps

Life Candy

Mama's Losin' It

Photos from here:

1. Marina Bay Sands - Singapore - Merlion, 2. Azkals Pitik-tenga, 3. Pizza, 4. Phantom and Christine art, 5. Basketball at Value City Arena, Columbus, Ohio, 6. Oblation

Mortal Causes*

2011-09-30T12:02:00.003+08:00

I’ve wanted to write about death for some time now. A couple of unexpected ‘incidents’ that happened to people I know really got me thinking, not only about death’s inevitability, but of its thief-like quality.

When you’re young, you think of death as something that mostly happens to people who’d lived a full life already. Or maybe to people who are past the prime of their lives. Certainly, death isn’t hounding someone who’s barely out of college, someone who just got married, someone receiving her first pay check. You think to yourself: “I’m young, I’m invincible.”

That’s how I used to think. Now: paradigm shift. The knowledge of someone a couple of years older getting sick, slowly deteriorating, and having a respirator as his only connection to life is a big wake-up call. I’ve also heard of someone pass on in his sleep – his young wife dumbfounded about what to do next. And of course, a recent celebrity lost her spouse to a fatal illness. This child-star turned actress is about my age and I’m sorry that she has to deal with the grief of losing someone on such a young stage in her life. Things can happen so fast – unexpectedly fast. One time you’re alive and kicking and the next moment you don’t know what hit you.

All these things gave me a taste of my own mortality. You never really know when the reaper will get you. Yes, I’m kind of scared thinking about it but that doesn’t change the fact that death is real and to it age is just a number. I don’t want to creep you out guys; I’m just sharing a realization that is often put aside because of fear. Yes, we know it will come but we still take each moment for granted. So as ‘gasgas’ this might sound: smell the coffee, say “I Love You”, live like it’s your last day, live without regrets, learn to say “no”. Always ask: if this was my last 24 hours on earth, what would I want to do? How do I want to spend it?

*Post title borrowed from Ian Rankin’s Mortal Causes, the seventh novel of the Inspector John Rebus series.

*Image from here.

Up Up Here We Go: The Mt. Manalmon Experience

2011-09-28T11:20:00.003+08:00

Nightfall, rain, and steep, muddy trails are a novice climber’s worst nightmare – and all of these present as we climbed up the mountain last Saturday. The ecstatic feeling was mingled with fear as we trudged blindly into the realm of Mt. Manalmon. I barely noticed the weight of my backpack; my full concentration was on the sticky marshland which tends to engulf my two feet and makes falling face first into the mud an absolute possibility. It wasn’t that hard to concentrate anyway, when you realize that to your left is a ravine and your life’s on the line, quite literally.

The “I Care for Manalmon” climb was made possible by the Bundokero mountaineers, a group that we met during the Pulag overnight hike. It was a climb for a cause: an outreach to grade school students preceded the trek and we were mandated to take all trash down the mountain as we made our descent. Mt. Manalmon is a level 1 mountain. They say that on a good day, 1 – 2 hours were enough to reach the summit which is two minutes away from base camp.

This is my 3^rd mountain and my post-Pulag mentality (read: self-assuredness) told me this will be peanuts. Level 1? Yakang-yaka. How come I never learn! When you’re at the mercy of Mother Nature, there’s no such thing as easy. I’ve got to say this ranks second to Mt. Batulao, in terms of difficulty. The trail was full of surprises, an extreme adventurer’s heaven. Slippery boulders, shallow marshes, thorny plants, rivers with overwhelming currents – name it and Manalmon has it.

Joining Euge, Teej, and me were Shara and first timers, Che and Mike. The day before, we went shopping for outdoor sandals (those Sandugo/Tribu types) because we knew that we will be crossing a river along the way and regular rubber shoes will not do. This turned out to be a good thing because we had to go through areas flooded with mud. Unfortunately, Che’s sandals gave up on her and there was a time when she, brave girl that she was, had to walk barefooted on the trail.

It was still raining when we reached base camp and we had no choice but to pitch our tents in the wet grounds. Good thing, Euge brought garbage bags and raincoats which we used as earth mats to prevent the water from seeping in our tents. There was little time for socializing that night as the rain continued to pour down in isolated bursts, confining us to our tents. When I woke up, the sun was already shining. No sunrise watching, unlike in Pulag :). Nevertheless, the view at the summit was breathtaking; you can see the Madlum river below, snaking its way across the area. This is always my favorite part – reaching the summit. There’s such a feeling of elation and all your day-to-day worries seem to be far away.When I'm at the top and all the lushness is before me, I always tell myself that this is the reason why I climb.

The way down proved to be as challenging as the ascend. More swamps, sneaky trails, and rivers on the way down. Despite these, I was enjoying myself. Climbing a mountain, for me, is always rewarding. It boosts your self-confidence (in a good way) but also teaches you how to be humble since most factors will be beyond your control once you start hiking.

Another highlight for me was dipping into the river when we were nearing the end of our descent. Refreshing is an understatement. We were even reluctant to get up when the group decided it was time to go on the trail. Then came the scariest part for me - we had to pass through a cave. If it weren't necessary I would just definitely walk away but unfortunately it was the only way we can reach the community at the foot of the mountain. When you have to go, you have to go. I was in a cold, clammy sweat all the time we were inside the cave. But once outside, I was really thankful to see that we have reached our destination.

I've conquered my third mountain! How cool is that hahaha! Upon close inspection a day after, I have a slew of wounds on my feet and legs, bruises on both knees, and sun burn to top it all off. But I'm not complaining! These are my battle scars and I'm proud of them.

I'm sorry I don't have photos for this trip. But my friend Che also did a very good account of our experience in her blog and there are photos in her post, so you might want to check it out: http://cheden.multiply.com/journal/item/36/its_the_climb

And this one, if I become a Zombie

2011-09-02T14:49:00.004+08:00

:)

2011-09-01T17:41:00.001+08:00

Apparently, this is how I look like if I become fat. Haha!

This is who I am... according to Flickr

2011-08-31T13:44:00.003+08:00

The concept:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste the html into your blog or Flickr stream.

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Looked up your flickr name and see what pops up.

Thanks Toni of http://wifelysteps.com. :)

Photos from here:
1. Camille, 2. Chocolate, 3. High Tech High North County, 4. chiffon-a-line-short-or-long-hot-yellow-2010-new-bridesmaid-dress-bm-0195, 5. Jensen Ackles, 6. Cruiser, 7. Edinburgh Photography, Royal Mile, High Street, 8. Ice Cream, 9. Marine lieutenants, pilots, by the power tow-plane for the training gliders at Parris Island's Page Field, S.C. (LOC), 10. Mountain Sunrise Landscape, 11. Risk taker, 12. 09 - Camille Birthday 2011 - April 2, 2011

Desiderata

2011-08-12T11:07:00.001+08:00

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

The Road to Caleruega and Tierra de Maria

2011-08-08T16:01:00.005+08:00

I woke up to a rainy Saturday morning and received an SMS from Zan saying: “It’s raining hard. Can we reschedule?” Our plan was to go to Caleruega and Tierra de Maria that day. It was 6 am and we were supposed to meet up at 7. Given that I got home late the night before and still wanting to sleep, I replied: “Sure. Let’s resched.” And then, I went back to dreamland.

Around 10 am, I was awakened by my phone, notifying me of another SMS from my friend. The weather had a complete turnaround by then and Manila was back to being its sunshiny self. This time the SMS said: “Let’s go. I’ll pick you up in an hour.” And so I hurried down the stairs, drank some coffee, and showered quickly.

A month has passed since we planned this trip and I wasn’t excited about the destination itself but more so of the journey. We would be cruising down the roads with 90s music on the radio - the music of our teenage years – happily musing about the scenery, the recent happenings in our lives, and our plans for the near future. I was with my two best girl pals – Melai and Zan- and I knew that that day would be awesome. Of course, our constant boy friends (Ivan, Nick, and Patrick) were surely missed, but, sometimes, girls need to have some time alone with their girl friends, right?

The weather was crazy. When we got to Nasugbu, we were greeted by overcast skies and knew that soon the rain would fall. Luckily, the rain held on until we reached Caleruega. If you’ve heard about the place, I’m sure most of what you've heard are beautiful reviews of the place. And I agree, the place is beautiful but I think it’s kind of overrated. I think churches around Metro Manila (i.e. San Sebastian, Manila Cathedral, San Beda) are equally beautiful as Caleruega. Minus its bucolic setting, Caleruega loses its edge. To be honest about it, I was sort of spooked by the place. Blame it on the gloomy atmosphere with the wind whistling its angry song in the background. A goose walked over my grave when I walked down the dark corridor inside the visitor center (I’m not really sure if that’s what they call that building but it’s the building in front of the parking space, the one that greets you once you enter the premises).

Rain started to drop as we made our exit to Caleruega. We drove back to Tagaytay to visit Tierra de Maria. An enormous image of Mama Mary, 50-feet to be exact, welcomed us there. You can also check out who’s your patron saint based on your birthday there. Mine is Saint John of the Cross. Our visit to Tierra was very brief because it was already 5.30pm and the church was closing down. There were still many visitors, though, and each was falling in line to say a prayer to the Lady of Manaoag.

We ended our Tagaytay-Nasugbu cruise by having dinner at Mushroom Burger. It was my first time to eat there. I ordered the Pinoy burger with cheese, mainly because it was the one variant with no veggies on them (hehehe). It wasn’t 100% mushroom but a mix of longanissa and mushroom. I’m not a fan of neither mushrooms nor longanissa but, surprisingly, I liked it.

It was a great day. I don’t know when our next road trip would be but I’m already wishing I could fast forward time to that day. I am always thankful for these simple days when I spend time with my friends because they always help me rediscover myself. They know me better than anyone else. Hmmm…maybe even better than my parents do *wink*.

*Sorry, no pictures for now. Will post some later. :)

At times like these I know I need to write

2011-08-03T17:06:00.003+08:00

I know I need to write whenever I feel so restless. It helps organize the jumbled thoughts and feelings tumbling inside my head, if not quiet down the unrest I feel inside. So here goes...

Sometimes, I feel like my life is a series of montage – everything goes by so fast I can hardly keep up. I’m here one second and gone the next. My mind keeps wandering away and, lately, I’ve been thinking about what the hell it is I would really, really like to do with my life. Some friends say this is a natural occurrence for a soon-to-be 25 year old – the proverbial ‘quarter-life crisis’ phase. But, honestly, I’ve been thinking about this for such a long time now, even before I hit 24. I guess it just so happened that I’ve reached my saturation point as my 25th year is approaching. Nevertheless, quarter-life crisis or not, this hollow feeling of uneasiness is too strong it is almost tangible. Maybe this is a consequence of listening too much to Stacie Orrico’s ‘More to Life’.

Aside from feeling a bit down lately, I confess I haven’t been productive at work as well (read: half-hearted attempts at finishing outputs, hitting the snooze button more than I should, and then dragging my late ass to work on weekdays). I think this is a low point in my career. To tell the truth, I want to do good, to be better, to suggest mind-blowing ideas – and I know I can if I tried harder. The problem is I don’t know if I’m ready. I know, that sounds a bit like an excuse – a very stupid, very lame excuse. But it’s the truth, anyway. I’m not ready to step up because I don’t know if this is what I want to do for the next 40 years or so. I’m not ready yet because I haven’t even tried anything else aside from this field. I’m not ready yet because all my life I’ve been so serious about everything that now I just want to bum around and do nothing. Live off on what little savings I have. Do something that does not involve major brain exercises for a while. This is so easy to say on paper but knowing myself, I’d probably wait until I have a concrete plan before throwing my life in the wind. The very antithesis of what I’m trying to achieve.

Don’t get me wrong, the root of my growing unhappiness does not spring from the work that I do. It’s a case of “It’s not you, it’s me.” It’s me who doesn’t know what she wants, me who doesn’t want to grow up, me who isn’t ready to face up to the challenge yet.

I'm not really sure how to end this post because there's really no resolution coming up in my mind. I'm like Odysseus trying to find Ithaca for ten long years. Hope someone or something helps me along the way.

The Mt. Pulag Project

2011-07-27T11:09:00.004+08:00

The breathtaking sunrise at the peak of the highest mountain in Luzon is worth the hypothermia-inducing weather at Camp 2. Mt. Pulag is the second mountain that I had the courage to scale and, so far, I have fallen in love with its valleys and peaks, the rolling hills, and even with the unpredictable weather.

The climb was never too difficult especially when you're accompanied by two of your good friends. Being the only girl in our group, I was, nevertheless, 'pampered' and spoiled by Teej and Euge (uyyy, rhyme haha!). It was also awesome that the other campers who joined the hike and trail leaders were a cool and happy bunch that, instantly, we made new friends.

As I said, the hike itself was not too difficult because there were clear pathways and the incline was not too steep. What was rather challenging was carrying a 35L (or 50L bags in the case of my two kuyas) bag all the way 2,922 masl. It was, on an average, 1 - 2 hour hike to reach Camp 2 where the whole crew would be spending the night before the much-anticipated peak assault.

When we reached Camp 2, we were immediately greeted by a cool breeze that later on signalled the coming of rain. It was soooo cold - the coldest I have ever experienced in my life and I am not exaggerating. I was ordered (coerced) to stay inside the tent under my warm sleeping bag as my brothers prepared dinner. Dinner was composed of Nido soup, Spam, and brown rice (which took an hour to cook haha!). It was the best soup I've tasted and I didn't even bother to cool it off because I was practically shaking. I guess the highlight of the night, aside from the delicious dinner, was the view of the night sky. The stars were the only illumination we had during that night and even if it was occassionally drizzling, the sky remained bright. Unfortunately, there weren't any shooting stars but we did see Venus and The little dipper that night.

Dawn was another story. If it was cold during the night, it was freezing by dawn. Before I could get out of the tent, I'd put on 6 layers of clothing, 2 socks, a bonnet, gloves, and a scarf. I was afraid I could not move around easily because of the layers but I did get on without difficulty. We commenced the assault at 3.30am and reached the peak of Pulag around 5 am. It was pitch black with only our head lamps/flashligths providing guidance. An occasional cloud or two would pass by and it would be zero visibility for a second. Upon arriving at the peak, we drank coffee while waiting for the majestic sunrise.

Back at camp, Euge unfolded his cooking skills and made us breakfast - scrambled eggs with basil and cream, corned beef, and brown rice. Heaven on earth! :)After decamping, we trudged on as we descended one of nature's wonders. I was one of the first hikers to complete the descent - I guess when you haven't taken a bath for 2 days, you'll be motivated by the promise of being able to take a bath - no matter how freezing the water is - at the ranger station.

Thank God that we did not experience any extreme weather conditions while trekking. I would definitely go back to Mt. Pulag. Cliche as it may sound but up there, I realized how beautiful simple living is, how nice it is to go back to the essentials. In this day and age of excess, Pulag taught me how to live with what I cannot live without and do away with things that I do not need at all and would only make my journey heavier.

My Muse Visited me Today

2011-07-01T16:19:00.001+08:00

Check it out:

http://about.me/camsrodriguez

Ambivalence

2011-07-01T12:23:00.001+08:00

So let the wind carry
my soft whispers into your heart,
and tell the words I long to say
But couldn't.

Me, the fragmentary girl

2011-06-22T22:26:00.002+08:00

Hi Cams,

Whatever happened to that girl who wanted to pursue a career in writing? Or to that girl who wanted to enroll in guitar lessons? And to that girl who wished to learn how to drive? And to bake? And to cook? Well?

I know you believe in being all that you can be. But this has got to stop. The proverb didn’t say “Be all that you can be all at once.” I think it takes time – baby steps and doing one thing at a time. And if I may ask, do you really really really want to be good in all these things? To keep yourself interesting, you say. To be as creative as you can get. I see your point but won’t you end up knowing a bit of everything but never good enough in all the things you know? Remember the old saying: Jack of All Trades, Master of None.

Your brain is scattered all around, dear girl. I can feel a quarter life crisis waiting to happen. You have to find your niche. Do not lose your focus and try to do all the things you think you want to do all at the same time. Unless you set your head straight, you won't be able to find me.

Love,

Your inner self

It's Friday but We're still in the office :/

2011-05-27T20:06:00.003+08:00

It's payday Friday today! But, as they say, there's no rest for the wicked. That's why the strat team is still working...and working...

Cathy trying to shoo me away...to no avail. :)

Eugene is busy...blogging (like me!). Just taking a breather.

Jonna is proud of her beautiful charts. lol. :)

Here's to Friday nights! :)