Incompetent Os

Thirty Three

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sat, 30 Nov 2013 18:24:00 +0000

Diarrhoea is the worst thing that can happen to mankind.

There is nothing more to say.
Happy bowel movements until next time.

Thirty Two

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Fri, 11 Oct 2013 18:52:00 +0000

Os is back after a short (?!) break.

This is what studying genetics does to you. It’s tough to imagine what’s going on and funny if you think of the possible conversations between various cells inside your body; and within the cell, too. So, guess what did the polysome tell the nucleus? Polly wants a cracker! Lol ;)

Until next time, don’t cry over spilt milk. It probably carried mad cow disease.

Thirty One

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Fri, 13 Sep 2013 18:30:00 +0000

Now there is a huge confusion here.

I have always wondered, when eventually, somewhere down the line (maybe decades from now), when I am finally able to start my own clinic, should I call it retina detachment center or retina attachment center?

I think that's a fundamental challenge in opening up one's own setup. I asked an orthopaedician friend who told me that he would prefer to call his fracture center rather than plaster center. That solves his problem.

Os will be back next time, meanwhile clean the streptococci on your screen.

Thirty

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Tue, 03 Sep 2013 18:38:00 +0000

Personally, I think bad handwriting is something in the genes, one can't really help it. Sometime ago, (in fact long time ago) I read something about (the fact that I can't remember as much means it was really a long time ago) bad handwriting being linked to one of the Freudian defense mechanisms (deprivation during some weird sexual stage). Any one has any idea about it?

Ha! I would love to trick a smart guy with this visual acuity chart once for fun, honestly. I wonder if someone has actually done it ever. More some other time, bye bye for now!

Twenty Nine

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sun, 01 Sep 2013 19:15:00 +0000

Well, this is technically not a part of Incompetent Os, but I found it funny nonetheless.
This is actually a modification of another joke - which I found difficult to draw.

More on this some other time - keep those sodium pumps functioning.

For those who drop by, please leave a comment - they are very valuable!

Twenty Eight

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 13:55:00 +0000

Don't blame me, I have exams approaching.

Speaking of flashes and floaters, I wonder whether non-mammals ever develop cataracts or retinal detachments. I bet, a bird with a squint shall look funnier than an ant with conjunctivitis.

Anyways, see you another day.

Twenty Seven

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sat, 13 Oct 2012 17:45:00 +0000

Continuing the anti-social mood is fun especially after a long period of quiescence.

I’m damn sure someone in this whole universe must have coated his/her enemies’ birthday cake with kerosene or a similar inflammable material. Or at least thought of something similar. I can’t think of a better birthday gift on such an occasion considering the possibilities of the birthday knife being very clichéd. Gagging with a large cake piece is another option, but it sounds more delicious than dangerous.

There are 2 lizards that live just outside my room near some weird plants whose existence I never understood. Luckily for me, their progeny (who are actually large in number; how promiscuous lizards can get!) have migrated to our neighbour’s and probably giving them a tough time.

Some people deserve lizards pushed down their throats, right? Well, this excludes people who love eating them. Another way of getting even with people is infesting their bath towels with ticks and mites. While these experiments seem to involve a lot of wild life, hot coffee is something easily available. Ask your enemy to hold the cup with one hand and you must start pouring the coffee from above. Obviously, you should not pour into the cup, duh.

If you can think of more anti-social messages, please let me know. There are more smart asses around me than the number of ideas I have.

Meanwhile, make sure your optic nerves are not getting divorced. Lawyers are expensive these days.

Suspended Animation - Update

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sat, 19 May 2012 18:03:00 +0000

Os is going to be back very soon.

Yes, you heard it right.

Meanwhile, don't stop that peristalsis...

Twenty Six

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Thu, 27 May 2010 05:49:00 +0000

It’s been long since we last met. Yes, just like Pott says correctly, life is full of shit. After going through a lot of personal trauma in the last 3 months or so, I think I’m finally out of this huge mess. It’s taken a lot of toll, but I guess everyone doesn’t get it on the platter.

I hope that others who are still not out of this shit find their way soon. It’s terrible being in there and I’m glad I’m out before any visible scars. Strangely, some people who have got whatever they needed are still not satisfied and are eager to jump into shit again and again. Ewww.

On a better note, there would be some good Os’s coming your way in this ‘season two’. You may probably have to refresh your memory and I’m sure you all won’t feel like fish out of water on this page. I hope happier times are here again, for not only me, but everyone out there.

Until next time – remember to churn your food after putting it in your stomach. You can’t trust anyone these days.

Twenty Five

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 19:28:00 +0000

(In case you have a poor memory, don’t worry. Refer to cartoon no. 22 to experience the Eureka moment.)

This cartoon makes me nostalgic and reminds me of my first year in medical college, especially because the convocation is around the corner.

This week and the next is going to be busy; lots of work needs to be done in order to organise a good convocation and come up with an interns yearbook. Time flies! But then, life goes on. Year after year, we’ll have Gonecases taking up medicine and writing their experiences for others to read.

Someone recently said that only those who have enough time or are intoxicated enough can come up with something as crazy as Os. I totally agree. Which is why I have concluded that the best life is the one spent in a quiet corner of the earth, where there is no rat-race, no rushing to work, no pushing-shoving and there’s enough time for oneself. I can’t imagine myself being so busy that I cannot do what I feel like doing.

Peaceful, eventful existence.

Suspended Animation

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 15:43:00 +0000

You heard it right.

Os and all other inhabitants of Voracity are in a state of suspended animation. It's highly likely that it'll take almost half a month to set things right.

Readers are requested to stay calm and not panic. Meanwhile, in case you are really desperate to fill that deep hollow within you (pun not intended), you can read some comics mentioned on the left side panel of this page. I read them often; they're worth every byte your modem downloads. Plus they're updated quite often.

Shoo.

Twenty Four

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 14:38:00 +0000

I might scribble something in this space in a few days.

Still freaked out.

Twenty Three

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 17:10:00 +0000

I’m socially retarded. I’ve got nothing more to say :(

Edit (in response to comments)

I thought you guys would forgive me for cutting short the text that accompanies the cartoon.

The rant, 'I'm socially retarded' was the day I went to a nice Bandra Chinese joint. It has little to do with Gonecase; though it has a lot to do with my profession. Anyway, the entire story sounds pale now.

I know quite a few people who love dominating, foul-mouthed women. This cartoon was supposed to poke fun at them.

Anyway, I'm a lot myopic. So see you later. Pun suspended. Oops. Intended.

Twenty Two

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 15:57:00 +0000

I hope you remember Dr. Serclage. I think most people have a memory better than mine – at least that’s what my pharmacology textbook has made me realise.

At the moment I’m really freaked out – it’s after I drew the cartoon I realised that Gonecase has one foot in the air, sort of. Never mind, as long has both his hands are in the pocket. His own pocket.

Twenty One

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 16:37:00 +0000

I have a reason to believe that most medical students are perverts, if not anything else.

Some purists may be up in arms against me after reading this; it might offend some geniuses. But, dudes, you haven’t paid me for anything.

I can cite some examples, but I won’t – because I know one of you is just waiting to report this blog and put an end to my creative bravura. Creative – haha :)

Until next time – remember that a horse can’t bend its knees. If you can’t too – go for a DNA test.

Twenty

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 18:59:00 +0000

Some people have started to believe that I’m anti-human.

But I still think that many people deserve a deep poke with the beak of a bird on their skull when they act sick. So if you still think I’m anti-human, there’s more. I can come up with something worse.

It’s just that I’m too bored to elaborate now. Maybe some other time…

Nineteen

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:33:00 +0000

Marathi is one of my favourite languages, especially for its slang – though I can’t speak much of it (oops! Did RT hear me?).

I’ve been abused countless number of times by this certain clerk in my college office in Marathi. She’s given me choicest gaalis, much to my entertainment. I didn’t even have to pay her, like I did for Dean’s signature. The best part is that when I laugh, it irritates her even more and a vicious cycle sets in. Sometimes, another aunty who sits next to her comes to her aid and spews more venom.

If you irritate people to a great extent, many times they suddenly stop screaming. They fume so much that words don’t seem to flow from their mouth. That’s called success. At this point, their blood pressure is so high, that they burst at least 100 capillaries in their brain. Poor them

Until next time, remember to look into your plate while eating.

(If my posts seem shorter and end more abruptly than usual, blame it on the exams. They're too close for comfort.)

Eighteen

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 13:23:00 +0000

(Sorry for being so truant – a blood sucking culex gave me dengue and took away nearly 3 lakh platelets/ cmm last week.)

From the above cartoon, I might appear sort of antisocial to you. In fact, most of this blog depicts antisocial stuff which probably rips apart intestines of some good Samaritans. In case your intestines are affected too, you better buy a pack of chromic catgut. It’s more difficult to use than latex, however.

Once you’ve read this, you’ll probably shut your PC and go for a walk on the road. Just be more observant this time. Nine out of ten people will bump into you on the pedestrian crossing and they won’t even turn back to say sorry. One happy-go-lucky uncle carrying a hard attaché might fracture your knee as they run into you carelessly. If you don’t pay attention, someone might just spit on your toe. Most cars tend to take a reverse and hit your butt just when you’re walking past them. Tell me frankly; at least once, didn’t you by mistake discover someone’s chewing gum stuck where it shouldn’t be? In a train, have you not been trampled upon by a man busy talking to a stock market agent? I love being antisocial – I love hating such people.

Oh ya, after a long time, you’ll get two cartoons per week again; at least for the next 3 weeks.

Until next time, just check; I think your pet praying mantis is actually an atheist.

Survival of the Sickest

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 17:34:00 +0000

Unfortunately for you guys, Os is still alive.
If you're missing Os like you're fish out of water, manage with that ventilator for some more time.

If you hate this space but you're forced to read it, blame it on your karmic comeuppance, dude.
You have my sympathy. Seriously.

Until next time, hopefully your appendix will stay in your abdomen.

Seventeen

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 18:12:00 +0000

Some people are really desperate.

The reason why this post might probably lead you to believe that I have recently developed a low threshold is my posting in gynaecology. I’m not a chauvinist, but you got to believe me when I say that women in this department are as useless as that piece of garbage stuck at the bottom of your bin.

After some path breaking analysis, I have concluded that most women in gynaecology are so weird that they end up divorcing their husband, unless he too is a gynaecologist (and therefore, as weird, duh). Or they never get married. As far as male gynaecologists are concerned, they are either gay or effeminate. This is my opinion; I plead you, don't care a fig for what I have to say.

Coming back to the topic, oh wait, there is no topic. By the way, ever heard of barking monkeys? Come with me, I’ll show you sometime.

Until next time, till your teeth are stuck to their gums…

Sixteen

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 18:15:00 +0000

My parents used to call me a cockroach when I was young. Simply because I had this unusual habit of feeling hungry at around 1 am – everyday, without fail, when everyone was, obviously, fast asleep. I used to hunt for food in the kitchen, refrigerator and the good old snacks cupboard. I don’t know why I’m reminded of this sick fact now.

I’ve read somewhere that cockroaches are fast; coordination between their four (or is it more?) limbs is amazing. I can’t imagine how some people can actually eat them… yikes.

I hope you know what you’re supposed to do when you get a feeling that your commode is hungry. So what if it’s 1 am?

(This is probably the most random stuff I’ve ever written. And posted.)

Fifteen

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:32:00 +0000

I hate people who give unsolicited advice. Especially on issues that don’t matter to me much.

Last week, I was posted for swine flu duty (H1N1, to be precise). If you are a Mumbaikar, you would know that the BMC has started this swine flu helpline, a 24-hour telephone line (108) where one can call and get emergency information on this disease. For 5 days, I was one of the ‘doctors’ from KEM recruited for this job. I had night duty on all 5 days, from evening 8 to next day morning 8.

The phones rang like hell. People called like crazy and I had to solve weird doubts. Basically, I was convincing them how their non-specific symptoms are not related to H1N1. So far so good.

Then it happened.

A guy called up at 1.30 am, well past midnight. He sounded old; like a retired man who had no work whatsoever. And started giving me unsolicited advice. I explained to him that this was a helpline number and was meant only for people who require information. But he didn’t care. He started giving me advice instead. He told me how people should not panic. I agreed to him. He told me that media is creating an unnecessary hype. I agreed again. He told me how America should take up responsibility. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I asked him again, “Do you need any information?” I mean, any sane person wouldn’t call up at 1.30 am if it weren’t serious enough. But this man went on talking! He asked me why there is only one laboratory in Mumbai testing samples. I gave him reasons, which are quite valid, but he wasn’t in a mood to listen. He went on talking some gibberish and I had no choice but to respond. I tell you, if I meet that man in person, I’ll break his canines.

In the end, when he was gratified, or at least seemed so, he asked me, “Doctor, tell me one thing; isn’t this phone line toll-free? Thank god!”

Fourteen

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 09:36:00 +0000

(That’s Puss – the good-for-nothing cat.)

Thirteen

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 04:46:00 +0000

We were attending a microbiology practical class and a rather mean lecturer was describing certain parasitology slides. There was this particular slide, which was supposed to harbour eggs of a certain disgusting nematode. I was told to identify the eggs in the slide. I looked desperately but did not find any product of conception in the slide. All I could see was magnified faecal matter.

The lecturer was furious. She was confident that the slide contained more than a million eggs. She shoved us to one side with her pointed elbow; muttering something, she proceeded towards the microscope. “You people know nothing. I’ll only have to adjust.”

Haughtily, she adjusted the light and fine power. She searched. And searched. She was so lost in the slide that she didn’t realise it had been more than 20 minutes. We stood behind her, waiting eagerly for the Eureka moment. But, nothing happened. I’ve heard an average Indian sex lasts for about 20 minutes. And here we were standing looking for some eggs smeared with shit which probably were, nonexistent.

Frustrated, we decided to teach her a lesson. One of my batch mates took a step ahead so as to stand right behind her. Meanwhile, rest of us huddled in another corner, waited with bated breath, like what cows do in a storm. All of a sudden, he uttered a loud ‘boo’!

The lecturer was shell-shocked. We couldn’t control our laughter. We were thrown out of the lab – but at least we were no longer hunting for some promiscuous worm’s progeny.

(If you haven’t noticed, today is a Friday and this is the thirteenth strip. What luck.)

Twelve

noreply@blogger.com (Aniruddha Agarwal) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 17:29:00 +0000

For some odd reason, coffee sells less than nimbu paani in our canteen. So much so, that by around 3 in the afternoon, Shetty actually runs out of nimbus. But not coffee powder. Or milk. And this is not funny.

I miss the French Vanilla at Starbucks. But I don’t want to risk my life by trying out Shetty’s coffee.