India Play

Gravity putting up a fight.

2013-02-04T00:42:00.000-08:00

A while back, Ludic Research decided to monetise their collective Intestinal Fortitude to relieve the Clueless Coots, that throng the Indian Stock exchanges (despite being unable to count to 16 without taking off their shoes!) of their Clueless Cash.
Things went swimmingly for some a while.. and much sun,fun,wine and women were partook by all.
But lately Gravity, as usual, seems to be fighting to regain some of that lost respect. As more folks have took notice on twitter etc. and unable to digest Dart Chimps trumping heavy artillery of white/brown StockMkt "experts".. started suspecting Human hands behind the Darts. This actually neatly fits in with the way human minds love to build a Story to "make sense of" / "understand" anything it cannot either.

In view of such slanderous narration, we re-summarize some suicidal Rules drafted for the Chimps to live by :

Trade a bigBoys' instrument.. no avoiding Alpha(human) males.
Trade all the time.. no sitting on Sidelines.
Broadcast all Trades.. no Shrinking Voilets.
Point and Laugh at all others.. no man-made Modesty.
Commit Blasphemy every day.. no Divine help sought.
Stay Alive..no Dying.

The issue at stake is.. can monkeys beat the nasties ?
Back to Darts now.

What happened to Gravity ??

2012-02-21T06:30:00.001-08:00

4 months have passed since we gave the 3 primates a new set of darts to play with and instructed the back-office staff to enter BUY and SELL orders for NIFTY futures based on where the darts landed.

(Of course it wasn't as simple as it sounds.. intricate maps were drawn on the wall and a Sextant played major role in predicting the future angle of NIFTY Futures )

But the levitating Equity Curve here (as chronicled in the Twitter live feed in the sidebar) begs the question .. Where is the fcuking Gravity ??

Now looking for Insurance Policies on the Chimps' Dart throwing Arms. :(

The Loudest Stopped Clock..

2012-02-14T22:57:00.000-08:00

Till recently, Nouriel Roubini was just another unhappy, funny talking, middling, middle aged middle Eastern, with a large middle, who spent his waking hours prognosticating apocalyptic events with a knowledgeably serious air and sparse hair.

For years he'd been waiting in the rain for the law of probability to catch up with his doomsday fairy tales but his little ship just wasn't coming in.
But he kept pitching away.. rain or sunshine.. Nouriel had a newReel every week.
Katerina, Trade deficits , Alien invasions, Govt spending, Consumer not spending, GWBush coverting Muslim , Housing price decline, Internet causing cancer.. Our man NoReel tried and tested hundreds of imminent reasons for Financial Armageddon 5 days a week and realized the louder he yelled from higher soap boxes .. the better it worked for his morning hangovers.
And so he kept plugging away while trying not to worry about his diminishing hair and sex life.

And suddenly the US housing market ACTUALLY went into DECLINE !!!!!!!!!

ALL RISE..

His tide was in and Dr.Doom's face was lit up like a Christmas Tree!

NewReel was his name and Ladies was his game !

Suddenly the World looked around for heroes whoSawItComing.. (At Wall Street ,of course .. nobody saw it coming ) .. and that was where our STOPPED CLOCK quietly scored loudest.

Unequivocally the LOUDEST stopped clock wins.

Though, what the world forgot is that a Stopped Clock remains Stopped and since 2008 ignoring NoReel "stoppedClock" Roubini would have paid off immensely.

When you add up that nobody paid heed to him earlier .. and not heeding him later would have recovered all and more.. begs the Question.. what real purpose does a Stopped Clock serve ?

Why Fools Multiply fast in Banking..

2012-02-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

More than a hundred years a bearded gent called Herbert Spencer noted "The ultimate result of shielding man from the effects of folly is to people the world with fools.”.

Many years later, another bearded(though clueless) gent Benjamin Bernanke, obviously never having heard this, saved every upright bag of Tripe posing as a well dressed Banker from quick Darwinistic decapitation.
..and the Planet continues to house, feed and pay for them. :(

Why White Man can't make money in India..

2012-02-07T05:00:00.000-08:00

Every shade of white man periodically gets unhinged about "The India Story" and suddenly realizes his lackluster performance in developed markets can only be sexed up quickly by taking his awesome skills to the Third world and taking some money off them clueless Natives.

These serious looking, serious talking fools can be spotted easily in the Indian metros during every Bull market, as apart from the giant Bulls-Eye painted on their butt, they are uniformly dull :

They ONLY "invest" Other People's Money.. no skin in game as THAT would involve faith in own abilities!
They are always Salaried or otherwise fixed remuneration to ensure their "investing" or "allocating" (lack of ) skills do NOT have to keep home fires burning.
They mostly are sidelined goats that have realized NOBODY wants them to trade/invest money in any developed markets anymore.
Their firms have large near interest free cash to "deploy" and Emerging Markets looks like what everyone is talking about.. and our clueless "specialist" is quickly called into a meeting where a ticket to Mumbai is urgently arranged ( because Value has Emerged in India you know..).
The size of the funds he needs to get working are inversely related to his ability to locate his ass in the dark with both hands.

Thus armed our alpha generating alpha-male hits the ground running and before you know every Rascal, Rake,wankStain, Politico-Business Scumbag who'd been shooed away from every known source of finance in the country (even Public Sector Banks for Chrissake !!) .. suddenly finds himself awash with foreign "smart" money liquidity.. FII, P/E, QIP, FDI.. put near any three English alphabets in together and chances are there is whiteManMoney standing behind it.

Thus it is this suddenly emerging Bull Market .. the white losers of last year are forgotten and no sooner do they slink away to lick their Third world Rupee wounds that a new crop of history impaired Lotharios descend on the country with Bernanke's freshly printed dollar bills to play BULL.

On The Other Hand .. at least they get to look and sound knowledgeable for some time and forget that useless feeling they grown up with .. even if fleetingly.

The "Strong Stomach==Fat Wallet" trading strategy

2012-01-20T22:56:00.000-08:00

Sometime back we had started posting Live how the testosterone charged Luddic trading team was molesting Indian Nifty Futures for personal gain on Twitter (also visible in the sidebar on the blog).

How has that worked for the past 3 months ?
Up about 70% as they poke and paw her.. not bad for 3 chain Smoking dart Throwing Chimps !!

For any skill impaired, chronic losers who read this blog we would advise, firstly, figuring out what this twitter thing is all about, creating an account and finally clicking "follow" the monkeys.

All you need is Intestinal Fortitude and the ability to count upto 20 without removing your shoes.. and trading success can be yours.

Riding on the coated tails of the simians,though a little smelly, would result in the following :

Your bowel movements will improve drastically.
Your wallet may finally stop looking like a leaky bottom, anorexic, third world child.
Your love life may improve owing to increased Libido from successfully fondling Ms.Market.
You would also,inadvertently, add to the bananaFund of the Chimps by populating the Dumb money chasing the Primates' momentum *after* they've grabbed the baby.

A note of caution though.. this may not last long as the monkeys are getting fat and bloated on the abundant Bananas (from recent success) and in fact taken to throwing bananas at the Dart board ( and at female Luddic Research staffers) instead of the Darts as required .. making Market predictions slightly wobbly :(

Shine On you crazy Diamond

2012-01-17T02:42:00.000-08:00

A Nil Ambani has been unable to bask in his trademark awesomeness for a while now. What with all his flunkies(Presidents,VPs etc.) been caught with their pants down trying to corner 2G licenses, floating offshore shells, transferring large funds into dubious other shells, using his family wealth to prop his companies shares through dodgy offshore funds.. all behind our man's innocent back.. but shockingly, some fools are actually insinuating *he* may himself be involved somehow.. the thought !

Adding insult to injury, first the clueless Indian public stopped him from further *unlocking* value in his 29,808 businesses/subsidiaries/shells by not showing any interest in enriching themselves by participating in his growth to the moon.(Overseas Exchanges long been out of bounds for the billionaireBros owing to Myopic accounting and transparency rules that frown upon creativity in books).
Secondly, for incredibly bovine reasons Indian bankers are balking at lending(practically riskless this) to his spawn of blueChips even while he routinely announces mostly Rs.50,000 crore kinds of investments whenever he is asked to step onto a stage at a public function across the Indian countryside.(Foreign banks shied away much earlier as too much hilarity ensued when books of accounts were tabled and the solemnity of the occasion vitiated when Project Finance comically turned into Projected Finance)
Thirdly, this same little bookKeeping issue (actually insignificant in the glorious projected long run of the ADAG) has been keeping the unimaginative bidders from beating down his door whenever he magnanimously offers them awesome assets on a platter.

A lesser man would have long gone under in these circumstances .. but then Billionaires are no ordinary mortals. So our Cat quickly ran a couple of (half)marathons (and, as usual, somehow managed to clock better times(never officially available) than ordinary mortals who passed by his butt many miles ago).. and got busy planting gameChanging postive spins in Indian media before dawn and looking for honest bankers who understand Projections and Growth rather than old school accounting retards.
Happiness revisits the Empire as the market notes how the Indian cowboy now has far sighted Chinese Bankers partnering in his glorious future.

We Are B.A.C.K !

2011-12-29T22:43:00.000-08:00

Couple of years spent resting on our laurels and blowing ill gotten cash on intoxicants and other exotic fruit.. the team was running a tad low on cash,bananas and wanting another go at the Maaarkkeeeetts :).

Pointing and laughing at "investors'" and stock market "analysts'" small appendages while taking their cash is a joy unrivaled on this planet.

In appreciation of a few readers concern about our demise and their own trading/investing losses, we're publishing live on twitter trade updates for a nifty little program for(what else) Nifty futures.. free beer ;)

The Honey-Banana trade.. duh.

2009-07-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

It has long been the desire and misguided aspiration of the toiling masses to get some inside dope on how the hedge fund cats trade and make their testosterone charged billions while the unwashed run around towns wearing ties, holding meetings, doing lunches, sucking up all and sundry .. but still falling far short of the hedgies' easy coin.

To address a universal desire of the clueless retail crowd .. "give me a tip..how to make money in stocks?" .. we part with a little gem we have been milking to sheer boredom..I swear if anyone says fade Madhu-Kela ( that's what Honey-Banana translates in Hindi to..) one more time I will strangle him.. but the fact remains that has been the sitting duck trade for most of the last year and a half.. and just about the easiest money to be made in the Indian markets.. fading the worst momentum chaser in post Independence India.

The fact that Madhu-Kela heads Reliance Mutual fund(purportedly the largest fund in India) also ensures you get plenty of liquidity to frolic in .. but you just need to hang a little longer as he starts believing his own vision and market impact as vindication .. and then it gets really fun.

The reason we divulge a trade secret is .. you know a strategy's time is nigh when your maid's (unemployed) husband conspiratorially confides madhu-kela trade that he heard from the building's maids' (unemployed) husbands' Punters Association's grapevine.. yup the Honey-Banana trade might be nearing the end of it's run.

Apart from stuffing up his fund's coffers with junk promoters' (great visionaries all..but that's about all) offerings or buying overpriced scrips religiously at market tops he regularly scouted across the countryside on weekends during the great Indian bull run .. he spent the last year disbelieving the correction ( proudly proclaiming last year Reliance Industry was his biggest holding .. then priced >2500 ) .. then finally getting out of his bullish clown suit at the bottom .. and to complete a comedy again proclaiming on CNBC after elections that he was physically getting bullish ..shouting bullish .. after the 40% run up !!..

What is there to say .. for all the wannabes out there who've always wanted to, but never been let in to play with the big boys .. you may as well partake this little rustic charm Indian opera.

We also read a limited life span to this strategy as it is only so far a man's small town charms, labored attempts at coherent speech and eager beaver company "visits" can cover up for lack of upper deck density.. and may not be long before their own clueless auditors get worried about certain peers in Satyam audit team having to shift into govt. provided habitat in Hyderabad for merely being "misled" by their client..

So enjoy the last few spades of the Honey.B contrarian cash.. too many drunks at this punch bowl now.

Indian Comedy Show

2009-06-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

It would be hilarious if so many clueless, hard working retail investors(aka stockfools) were not hurting..uhm.. actually it *is* hilarious because of such participants in the market.

The market needs fools to survive..no fools means no markets.. there is no other way the semi-literates from nondescript towns in the impoverished countryside turn up in Mumbai and grind away at plying the "share bazaar" for many, many years and suddenly find their little daily gaming the suckers is slowly turned into one of the biggest markets with plenty of 'foreigners' ( wise men these) suddenly throwing large wads of OPM(other people's money) into the casino to see if some nice personal bonus could be had..

At Luddic Research we have identified a key parameter that distinguishes Developed markets from Emerging Markets viz. EMs just do not part fools from their money as decisively as developed markets ruthlessly do.. there.. that's a key defining feature which has aided the rise and survival of folks ( who's have had to make a living hustling tourists in Rajasthan/Gujarat etc. for petty cash if had not chanced on the shareBazaar for some quick cash years ago).

And so they held forth on their views of the market to the myriad adoring fans, investors, minions and media who saw Harshads and Ketans as piedPiper reincarnates ( As an aide was heard whispering to a genuflecting investor beneficiary ".. his shit don't even stink").

But the disruptive white and yellow foreigners ( who longTermInvest with the conviction and longTermness of a parakeet) have over time put a pall of uncertainity on the cosy little arrangements with their little cartels/promoters/regulators/bankers that our odorless fertilizer producers had cherished and nourished back in the day when fools were born many a minute and they had never needed to wipe their own asses.

But this overseas non stability is a spanner which is put to paid many a fond megaloDream of many aspiring global giants/groups/houses that are having to face up to some honest money making.

So all over the world, the fund Chimpanzees were in denial all the way down and 25 sigmaed the "butNobodyNeverSawItComing" to anyone who'd listen.. all the way down..

Just when the Rhesus majority were forlonly accepting a slow and multi Year kind of recession wherein Library science would offer more action packed careers than moneyManagement.. just when conventionally mediocre wisdom (and hell even Easy Al) were coming around to the notion they'd been wrong all along.. the market just got up and ran away..

Now this posed a new quandary.. they were all underinvested now (to put it mildly).. and the market was making a massive surges.. last year they'd clung on by their finger nails on the "noOneSawItComing" boat.. and relative returns to index were still only single digit negative .. everyone was in the same boat.. But missing this rally would be curtains .. your "investors" would surely start questioning your new found onlyABearMarketRally wisdom very, very soon.. it was now up 45% since you'd started bleating about that !

And so emerged the third stage.. the primates' swarming the global markets ( yes.. yes.. Emerging Markets.. outperform.. decouple..RealEstate.. growth story.. go.. go.. go.. ) with their remanant cash of last year's boom,boom raising to try and see if now some performance can be had.. cannot miss this one.

It is getting comical and none so as one of the local boom, boom experts Madhu Kela of Reliance Mutual Fund... who's been convincingly holding out for a recovery from Index 20,000 last year and then after a "correction" of 10,000 points when he'd finally started getting worried about the longTermStory and got into rumored 30% cash.. the market upped and ran away.. so our man was on TV to announce he is savegely bullish again.. ( mostly hoping might see some recovery in his outstanding small and medium cap picks ??) and our feeling is he is having to buy, buy, buy to get back over his inadequacies all over again... it was getting a bit iffy announcing those profitable quarters for the country's biggest (Rs.80,000 crore)($15B) fund manager while the markets were tanking 60%.. eh? but then that's the reason we are decoupled here.. one gets a lump in the throat when we dwell on this one pedigreed Bull.

And as usual the astute fund "managers" have nailed it again this time.. and correctly gotten onto the next bull run.. such is the rush to equities that reportedly, awed by the seeming success of orangutans in this industry .. a delegation of marsupials(?!!) has been spotted at the bourses grappling with the basics of Decoupling.. longTermGrowthStory.. RealEstateAlwaysGoesUp.. FundamentalStrong..InfraStructureStory.. etc. to guide, lead and advise the Investors .

At Luddic Research .. we attribute the orgastically rapid upsurge in Market Indices to the rapidly dwindling forest cover in regions from where most stock experts seem to hail from .. as indeed our models show shocking, shocking correlation.

Bovine Immortalilty

2009-05-31T10:24:00.000-07:00

Downtown Mumbai has perked up a fair bit.. the pall of morbidity that hung over the city for months just completely lifted a few days back to once again allow the sun to blaze down in glory and the days are sweaty energy again!

Casual visitors have noticed the resurgence of the familiar lovely stench which emanates from the city and the male populi, which'd been missing owing to the (gnawing fear inspired) goose bumps most investors( long term variety) had broken out with in those bleak days.. the absence of this familiar, homely stench only added to the fish-out-of-water feel for the mostly pompous, breed of rotund semi-literates who'd long dominated the Indian investment scene.
And the more astute visitors did notice, indeed.. cold sweat does NOT smell.

Happily, those uneasy days are behind us and the heady glorious-future-ahead feeling is back again much to the relief of the long suffering better( and usually fatter) halves of the aforementioned investors.. family life was beginning to border on bizarre longTermFundamentals' dissertations to nervously receptive spouses and bewildered domestic help.

So much for the scare.. haha.. we all knew .. gotta hold on for the long term.. and we all came out smelling of roses as sure as we knew we would.

Most reception area staff in the financial district report increasingly brisk gait of the investment "professionals" high-fiving into the offices each morning to take partake the punch bowl.

The world stood back and watched in awe as the Indian markets blew the lights out violently to get back on the destined trajectory to global dominance manifest in last year's bull run.

In fact, so short was the (inconvenient) interruption to the Great Indian bull run that the usual comedians, the Japanese investors were still in the process of getting onto the bus of the last bull run and had just about finished wiring the money, for their awesome real estate and pharma plans, to some of the most upright turbaned local beards and the ilk.. and so the usually derided Japs may just find themselves in the unfamiliar situation where they are in early onto a bull run.. notwithstanding it being the next bull run long after the original detected by their slow antennas and entirely unplanned for.. the next bull run just hit the straggler Japs in the behind.. :)
..that's how short the bear market was.

Meanwhile Indian promoters are promoting amazing profits ( hell, even Jet Airways declared a profitable qrtr.. maybe Mallya next up ) .. and the banks show record profits with record low NPAs ..lovely, lovely.

Lastly, the Bombay Stock Exchange finally got the municipal permission to start work on the long overdue Bull Temple dedicated to the (long neglected, compared to his women and relegated to pulling bullock carts in the streets) Bull God outside it's premises with a 6 meter Bronze Idol already commissioned to experts in South India..

The experts are back on TV and clueless Fund managers are trying hard to look clued up.. and the foreign monkeys are grabbing RealEstate QIPs again.. low hanging fruit for lower hanging funds.. normalcy is on its way.. back to the old normal .

Now if only Obama/Bernanke can get Joe American to borrow more, consume more and worry less .. we will all be rolling again.

Brave Indian Investors

2009-02-24T05:14:00.000-08:00

Bravery has been a tradition in this land of fearless warriors, just rulers and almighty gods since time began.. in fact bravery was widely practiced in India when European natives were still running around in crude,(very) smelly diapers in their caves.. and don't even get us started on the native American "braves".

So, quite clearly we were far ahead of the planet in any feats that precipitated much chest thumping and the ritualistic hopping dance.
Since paleolithic ages the fairer sex in India has suffered from chronic weak-Knee syndrome resulting from being exposed to much chest thumping and ritual dances, which invariably accompanied the multiple acts of bravery and valor of the hairy chested alpha males around campfires.

As time progressed, the feats became less bloody, in a way, but left the ladies no less awe struck by the sheer, inherent heroism they were exposed to.. and to this day the knees of the Indian women remain arguably the weakest on the planet.

The stock market index has fallen from the heady, frothy 21,000 level to the current, irrational 8,500 (and falling) .. but the braves (a.k.a the Indian retail investors) have stood their ground.. they have rallied behind any and every "expert" on the telly advising them not to panic, not to sell in panic.. long term investors have nothing to worry .. this is in fact a time to buy.. short term volatility is to be weathered.. no need to panic for the "investors" with a horizon..

So, drawing upon their generations of genetic fortitude, the braves did not panic and nobody sold any.. week after week , month after month the shares kept falling .. equity kept vaporizing .. but nobody wanted to panic.. *nobody* could ever accuse a brave of selling in panic.. this after all was what the experts were saying (in any case it felt better to live bravely in hope).. also the two greatest truths were on their side too:
1. How much lower could the stock fall?
2. It was too late to sell ( yet again as it gets after every 1000 point drop since 21,000) ?

Deeply intertwined with the bravery chromosome of the Indian investor is the recently identified handOfGod sheath that most Indian investors are blessed congenitally with.. and recent studies by Luddic Research have shown clearly the average God is much, much more inclined to protect and guide the Indian retail investor and his long term investments rather than any other comparably clueless random clown in other random markets.

As it stands now.. the Indian investor has halved (to be kind) his networth but discovered new pools of bravery in his soul, hitherto unknown, which he should cash in, in short order, as the markets inevitably recover, carrying his brave ass back to the glory and fortune.. and we'll all have a hearty laugh about these trying times.

The only disturbing sign is the new Luddic report out, that talks about an increasingly frequent observation of new cartilage in some urban Indian women's knees that is leading doctors to predict irreversible elimination of the weak-Kneed syndrome in Indian retail Investors' spouses.

To reiterate the Brave Mantra :
1. How much lower can ________ stock go ? (fill in your errant stock)
2. It is too late to sell. (again!!).

Lastly the two premier Stock exchanges NSE and BSE of India have finally succumbed to the pressure from members and started interviewing various hermits, sages, gurus (non financial type) , priests and god men ( basically anyone with a more direct line to the three reigning deities in charge of financial matters ) to be appointed as floor chanters and supernatural put sellers to put a firm floor under these errant prices.

The Dumb Japanese "Smart" Money

2009-01-30T04:13:00.000-08:00

For years we'd been taught and narrated in low awed tones about the brilliance of the Japanese in business, in negotiations, in quality, in manufacturing, in work ethic, in attention to details, in kinky sex, in kinky foods, etc. etc.. it was mythical status

Books were written and management gurus born just on their "expertise" of the Japanese way. Legend had it they looked at every possible angle of a deal in 27 different ways and discussed each aspect of each way in 3 diff meetings with 3 different interpreters to gain their fabled holistic bird's eye view (despite admittedly short physical stature).. and at the end of it would utter succintly.. "Ahso, Ok.. I buy" .. sheer genius.

Thusly, the Nipponese folk lore travelled the world and some washed ashore on Indian shores where unsuspecting locals (though they can't differentiate between a Korean, Japanese , Chinese or even Nepalese to save their life).. completely believed in the legendary genius of Shinto.

And then news broke about two turbaned Yoyos up North leaving the small army of Daiichi Sankyo management holding so many proverbial bags after intensive due diligence meetings at Ranbaxy offices, that even the interpreters had to help the CEO carry the bags out.

The news was sensational for two reasons .. one, this turbaned community, locally, are widely parodied as the Indian Polish jokes and regularly at the other side of any bag holding event..( and innately talented at such).. secondly, these two spiffy beards were as good at running Pharma companies as Paris Hilton would be at running a biotech firm.
Their father and erstwhile CEOs grew and ran the company, that fell into their clutches after firing all such, which they promptly hocked to the first bidder(after much emotional soul searching, they did admit).That the monkeys were the famed "Japanese" just got them even more emotional.

So the yellow, globe trotting, business leading, opportunity spotting, deal making chimpanzees got oversized bags this time to hold. at Rs. 700 + a share .. which we learn made the globally expanding giant Daiichi Sankyo sputter to a $3.7 billion loss on the writeoffs owing to the turban fomented losses, as the share strangely plummeted to under Rs.200 a share.

As it stands today the same clueless wonder turban, Malvinder Mohan Singh, is still at the helm ( this is the famed inscrutible Japanese strategy at work) rumor has it the CEO Takashi Shoda ( still the CEO as the board dither through their 27 rounds of due diligence to identify the cause and assign an asian scapeGoat) has blamed it all on all interpreters unable to correctly understand the final sale figure spoken through excessive facial hair, as it were.
But, a promise was a promise (japanese honor thing).

But this was weak defence at best and the Nipponese Board (known to nip buds swiftly) made a ceremonial presentation of the ceremonial Samurai Sword to Takashi "cookedGoose" Shoda hoping he will see the light and do the honorable thing (and save them the next 26 iterations of studious meeting rituals).

So what have we, Nomura, another diligent, oriental Goliath had teams of gooks in suits swarming the financial capitals looking for thoroughly vetted deals and valuations when even the Arabs ( historically the second last to the party) finally realised that daft head gear and high oil prices does not add much to IQ and they had gotten these fine financial sector deals not because only they had money , but because only they had dumb money.(note: Luddic is currently doing detailed research into Arab and other cloth-head-geared-investors' investment talents and will shortly publish same)

So the Yellow Smart Money came into play yet again at Nomura ( historically, always on cue, and historically, always the last to the party) to "invest" in Iceland, Madoff, Lehman, RealEstate.. Merrill , name it and the wannabe Jap global opportunistic investment manager is there, loaded with the hard saving Japanese housewife's cash to shovel into another "Branded" deal making. ( Only brands will do, Japan understand only brands).. and promptly declared another $3.8 billion loss after paying all sorts of primates at Lehman their bonuses for last years circus feats.( In fact if I'm not wrong the head orangutan of Indian ops so endeared himself to the nips they took him back to Tokyo on a promotion to be part of the RealLargeLosers club at HO as befits his performance here )

As Luddic Research has long identified.. when the Japs start buying anything.. go short and go double short.. these well dressed gents from the east are here for a dose of some serious Acute Financial Pain which is an (little known but quickly spreading) Oriental sexual Fetish !!

Lately, I'm beginning to think the Japs just don't get and it's not just the language.

Satyam, Ethics and Platypus.

2009-01-07T09:23:00.000-08:00

So the weeks toiled by as we watched our shorts happily run circles around the long term investors (who were taking full advantage of the amazing buying opportunity that seemed emerged and was visible only to them chosen few) .. while we lay back with a beer in the hand and toes in the sand.

Through oct/nov/dec of '08 the delinquents that flock the Indian financial markets kept themselves and their clients entertained and excited by strange bottom calling dances in different titillating tones that long term investors favor and excitedly pointed to the riches that lay just beyond the corner now that they'd called the bottom expertly and precisly. .but strangely the shorts still made money.

Of course every cabbie (and his maternal grandmother) in Mumbai knew that the worstIsBehindUs.. succour was at hand as come January 2009 the markets would rise and all would be hunky dory.

Half the planet was going .. worstIsBehindUs..worstIsBehindUs..worstIsBehindUs.. to their favored tune from their favored pulpit.. aah it was good to give solace to so many with these simple words..
The other half (of the planet) basically couldn't read and had no access to TV.. or they'd known too.

The US.. we all know that's where it's all at.. declared that the shit had failed to hit the fan and much rejoicing followed announcements by all kind of old fogeys and geriatrics who had, for years, confounded the masses with their stock picking skills , and such gents announced their investments and genius with amazing personal bottom calls (..on live TV sometimes).

Things were gung ho .. the US Govt. was in charge and (though a tad lacking in Iraq) the world felt good ex-Wallstreeters were running the show and would fix things in no time.. yup, time to partake the historic buying opportunity brilliantly identified by people who so obviously knew.

India, not to be left behind, took up the bugle call with gusto.. and soon the dormant dolts (local stock market experts) who'd been left looking morose and bereft for much of last year took up the baton and galloped around to whichever TV studio would have them, to announce yet again (so what) that the worstWasBehind and the time for selective buying was Now!! .. no matter nobody quite knew what this "selective" was.. but it sounded good and sharp expert.

Through the end of 2008 and first few days of 2009, a straggly bunch of bovines could again be seen heading for the bourses to much "expert" cajoling and prodding .. and the deeply underwater fund "managers" watched with cautious joy as they saw the oxen being herded in.. they needed relief.. the pain was bad.. how long can you keep markToMarkets, a la Madoff.. some had even started feeling some guilt..

No matter, the bull market would revive.. there was too much longTermStoryIntactness and too much IndianGrowthStory fundamentals to start getting worried about temporary events.
..as they all told each other.. if not India where will capital go?

And all along Satyam( that beacon) was winning Global Golden Peacock awards for Corporate Governance.. aaaw shucks, though there was stiff competition from many, many other (strangely all Indian) equally worthy, well governed corporates.

So it is really no wonder the stars of global investing game(and fame) like Aberdeen Asset management and Fidelity were the proud owners of much stock of this high potential and multi awarded powerhouse.

Then the Satyam Chairman broke down one morning.
..brokerages with their tens of research "analysts" who diligently followed the stock and issued myriad "BUY" and "OUTPERFORM"s suddenly found themselves bent over and receiving.

At Luddic Research, one of the foremost zoological behavior research shops in India.. even the freshly inseminated mice embryos in our labs knew, Satyam and its mustachio wonder chairman Raju were professionals and ethical.. that much the embryos imbibed post fertilization.

As research grunts at Luddic quickly zeroed in from their regression digressions .. the Great Indian growth Story.. the DeCoupled econnomy theory.. the Infrastructure Boom lasting decades.. the promiscuous Indian middle classes' demand bonanza.. these were all concepts that germinated in the heads of certain pale skinned, farsighted and swashbuckling emerging markets' focused Platypus who quickly got the brown Indian looking at his future and prospects through the same duck billed (or bird snouted) outlook.

Overall, as Luddic's regressive digress proved .. most foreign fund managers and their cousins(read hedgeFund mgrs, PE boys) showed distinct traits very closely associated with the above mentioned Platypus flat foot..snouted.. ungainly walk.. webbed feet.

.. but what really clinched their classification on the Indian subContinent was simply their subsequent performance in the markets :

They lay eggs.. mammals but lay eggs. (egg== 0)

.. sadly, Darwinism is catching up and fast.

So Chairman Raju's tear stained letter also sent shivers down the multiple aspirants for the corporate governance awards in this pious land.. news emerges that most of the high growth boys, in this global profitability hot spot, have suddenly taken off to their favorite temples in their choppers for special cleansing rituals before they rewrite the carefully doctored exceededExpectationsYetAgain results they'd planned this quarter and tackle their suddenly chickening Auditors.

In fact the Industry body representing the top 20 houses in India plans to meet the govt. to plead for more time to un-Cook their books and warns that failure to do so can be catastrophic for Corporate profitability and India's long Term Growth targets.

Indian Corporates Update = I.C.U

2008-10-25T06:37:00.000-07:00

Things got a little rough this friday.

Patient long Term Investors got a bit worried.. in fact Luddic Research has long laughed straight into the face of anyone who introduced himself (don't see many chicks in this game) as a long term investor.. so geddafuggoutt been the standard response followed by uncontrolled mirth whenever some pompous (and always bearing a loss on his investments) schmuckturd announced he was not worried.. it will recover.. he is in it for the long term.. fundamentals are still strong..

.. but even we were getting tired of laughing at these dull, pitiful fools and finally the Gurkha watchman downstairs was given strict orders not to let any long term investors in.. one grows sick of same old.. and these dullards could drive the Dalai Lama homicidal.

So, as I was saying these (formerly) amazing long term clairvoyants' simple minds got a little jolt in terms of faith and most promptly lined up at their favorite temples and deities' feet for a frenetic chanting session with bleets for mercy between every shloka.. O' mighty protector.. why this great test you put me through.. you know I suffer.. give me just one chance to breakeven.. I will never play the markets.. never watch cnbc.. never average down.. O' Lord.. just this time.. OK.. atleast give me a little bounce to exit GMR..at least this much?

But what brought this sorry state about? Luddic Research points out to a deep underlying white man conspiracy to undermine the growing BRIC and especially the quickly emerging, brown global clout.
This became even more worrying to the western business world when even half witted, semi literate Indian promoters like Tulsi Tanti ( Suzlon) ,Kishore Biyani (Future group), G.Mallikakrjuna Rao (you guess right GMR), plethora of Real Estate tycoons.. as well as businessman Daddy's progeny like Ambani wunderBrothers, Kumarmangalam Birla, Ratan Tata, Vijay Mallya, exhibited multiple talents and core competencies far beyond any business leader ever to run Intel, GE, Microsoft, ABB, Unilever, CocaCola, IBM kind of small cap, small vision companies could fathom(leave alone envision and execute)..
..well these westerners plotted long and careful how to bring down these Incredible Indians crowding out the rest of the planet on the 10 richest persons list.

According to some reliable sources, these boys just plain pulled the money out when they knew it would hurt the brown man most.

And all along this country was jiving to the most popular tune in the nicely appointed offices of fund "managers" of various shapes, sizes and amazing hand shaking/networking techniques..

..the Indian growth story is Intact..the Indian economy is decoupled.. the Indian markets are decoupled.. the Real Estate prices go only Up in India..the growth rate will only get higher from now on.. the Index is going to 25,000.. and then to 28,000.. and finally 50,000 is now visible in the imminent future.. we will be rich and mighty and brilliant..we are decoupled.. we are decoupled..

.. this tune had everyone dancing and clapping and tears of sheer joy streamed down the more emotional fund managers cheeks.. privately, most of these fund managers realised they had underestimated their own worth in the previous plebian years.. Oh why did I live less brilliantly all these years.. anyway now I will not be denied my destiny.. yes, there will be a private jet someday(even that fool G.Mallikarjuna Rao has one)..oh yeah!!

Heady days to be in the fund management business in India, those were.. it did not matter what type of fund.. Hedge, FII, Mutual, PE, Prop,..hey even the local committee Fund you formed with your neighbours and uncles.. you were part of that WASPish(though brown) mastersOfUniverse you'd seen in Gordon Gekko.. and you worked hard to look the part..even their spouses started wondering if was the same dull sap she'd married!

(It got so bad that ordinary hand pumping, social networking, schmoozoids like our bearded accountant Ashok Wadhwa(Ambit) felt left out of the loop entirely, quickly floated a money management gimmick and felt it important to pull favors with CNBC to announce his view (..whotf is really interested in that, really) that the market looked close to bottom and would not go below 14,000 in any case.( looks like a bad start Ashok, eh?)

No summary of Indian Fund managers is complete without mentioning the sheer number of fools ICICI has released into the Indian fund management scene where their bull market genuis just pyramided incessantly into higher and higher positions( and a rather faster rate of higher self esteem and self worth) that made these gaboons some of the largest participants in the Great Indian Funds story permeating every organisation in some position and cluelessness.
(The latest and greatest example is JP Morgan's new CEO.. of course not to blame for it's coming ills ..she just joined for crisssake.. but she was heard expounding immediately on her plans to grow JP Morgan as far as her eye could see double quick..in true ICICI alumni fashion).

But what about the real drivers of the great Indian Growth Story?
The assorted bunch of "promoters" and "family run" tycoons who leapt from oblivion into global "smart" money destinations .. who were shown charts extrapolating their growth well into the ceiling by the very westernised "smart" money smooth knowalls.. slowly it is dawning on these yoyopreneurs their go getting drive is got up and gone.. and it is time to take a hard look at the books. The books are suddenly looking increasingly messy and piled with large debts and much larger urgently required (and completely unavailable) funding.. and the fact the asset side is piled with such crap at such valuations that only blind monkeys who passed accountancy are willing to sign off these books(though extracting dozens of bananas more now).
Seriously denting the announced growth plans of the "promoters" is that the only believers left in company balance sheets are the research analysts from vernacularly headed and named brokerages or the public transport commuting regulatory officers.

You know things are bad when you realise the Ambani boys have not announced a single multi-billion project in a completely unconnected industry for the past 10 days.. that is scary..

It is shocking that the market did not get weak kneed with schoolgirl delight when Reliance Industries unveiled the latest cooking extravaganza of profit growths etc. etc. at twice the industry average with lovely chutzpah.. the bovines actually got selling this stock..never fear, Muckesh is gonna settle some scores monday.. we hear he was forced to fork out Rs.1400 for a chunk of carefully planned increase in stake (as usual, much lower than market price for instant gain, when it was decided by the board) and cannot stand being played at his own game ..so market puts him out of pocket by Rs. 400 , eh.. he is gonna show who's the Daddy now.

Junior ofcourse has his work cut out after bravely announcing Reliance Energy(now Infra) buyback at Rs.1400 a while back .. being forced to buy at Rs.1100 + as they had to sheepishly confess and blink back tears as shares disappeared below Rs.400.. all that buyback cash gone poof.
A-nil is ofcourse dodging calls from a certain Spielberg over at Hollywood who wants to know when is the $500 million turning up and recently making unflattering comments about third world wannabes trying to get into the white glamour scene..when they cannot pony up the cash.. what else you need these suckers for.

Also looks like Junior's plans to buy an English football club may have to be postponed till be can run up his various ventures' share prices up.. it's not easy to stay in the 10 richest men of the world .. that this wunderbrother pair have realised.

About our Real Estate "promoters" and their comical overseas moneybags .. let's just say "Property prices in India are not coming down" is the official word and these orangutans are giving sleepless nights to the usually smug and confidently forging ahead Private Equity types whose grasp of ground realities is scaring the privates out of them.

The captain of this floundering ship, our own Finance minister has taken to putting on his best starched whites, shawl on his shoulder , hair dyed a debonair black and spending long hours in TV studios rather than the minstry trying to exhort the unwashed masses to buy some stocks .. or at least do not sell.. as he put it plainly.. every seller should realise that each time he sells someone is buying.. ( well greatIndianGrowthStory types have been buying intelligently all the way down from 21,000 index levels).
His latest ministerial feat, delivered with his customary elan was this account on thursday.. that he'd personally called the (shaking with adulation) Chiefs of 7 main public sector banks and told them to "lend aggressively".. to anything that had a pulse.. and the Chairmen had assured him to a man .. they were just waiting for a potential borrower to walk in ..Oh yes Sir,yes Minister.

As usual .. this is the bottom ..yup, the fundamentals of this country remain strong.. yawn.

p.s. coming soon..
Indian Funds Update = I.F.U

Unbelievable..

2008-10-12T01:36:00.001-07:00

This amazingly clear thinking article was written in sept 2003!!

Today, we realised how many quadrillion times more painful it has been for the (very small percentage..very) thinking Americans than for us thinking Indians to watch the fools run our respective countries and economies amok... we are after all third world..and probably deserve such bankers/RBIs/SEBIs /Finance Ministers/ Mutual fund managers/ Portfolio managers/ Financial advisors etc.

Sometimes you feel the financial rewards of separating these fools from their money is not reward enough for being right.. compared to the anger you feel at the clueless schmucks still spouting drivel from their behinds..
Oh yes, the worst is over !!.. again!!

2 points from the article:
1. The Great Indian Growth Story seem to have taken off largely due to US Fed's largest monetary expansion in history.. and at the worst possible stage of a Big Kondatrieff cycle.
2. The Great Indian Growth Story now starts looking like the Great Indian Rope Trick.

Finally a little comfort:
Finance minister P.Chidambaram is working on urgent Govt. bailouts for the following key pillars of Indian La-La Land on whom the growth story hinges:

Real Estate Companies: All firms with more than 2000 half-finished, semi-finished or even half planned projects across the country whose old loans are long overdue and cannot get fresh loans and have no more PE suitors and whose share prices have fallen over 70 % and who haven't sold anything in last 2 months BUT who have not reduced prices at all.

InfraStructure companies : Who have projects in every nook and corner of the development phase and have no lenders in sight and whose PE investors come for meetings in wheel chairs and who have no basic qualifications and who have lofty aspirations for Nuclear projects and (this one is strange) who belong to Andhra Pradesh state (as our hero G.Mallikarjun Rao of GMR).

Private Sector Banks: All banks in this sector who have been worthy pillars of the immense wealth creation last year who unfortunately now need to show some profits(or hide losses better) and whose growth is coming back to bite their butts and whose global plans show distinct bag holder status and whose management is infested with ambitious, equal oppurtunity program fallouts and whose loans dot the countryside with worthy borrowers and whose CEOs exhibit youthful good looks.

This step is reqd as the global FIIs and PE funds have been complaining about their horrible, horrible losses due to unsophisticated "investor" behavior lately..making it difficult to keep their faith in India's Growth Story (and more importantly their jobs).

..Who can forget the swelling of pride Indians felt when the minister sagely dissected the US financial turmoil at Davos .."It was a regulatory failure."
..and promptly proceeded to get Indian banks to cut Interest rates on his return.

Lastly , from our DRIP stable .. comes the reassuring sounds of the far thinking Chanda Kocchar of ICICI Bank pronounces yesterday:

"The NPA levels continue to remain where they have been even in the last quarter. Even as we report earnings for Q2, you will not see anything untoward as far as the NPAs are concerned."

"As far as NPAs are concerned, we are not seeing any increase in it, and the corporate sector profitability is still holding up and the repayment and payment obligations are all coming absolutely on time. So, on that count there shouldn’t be a worry at all."

..All I can say is if the legal framework was halfway as effective as the US .. she would have thought twice before incriminating herself like this.

But this is India and the Growth stories remain Intact for very long ..thanks to the Decoupling.

Also as usual .. Again it is too late to sell now.. let it recover a little bit.. just a little.. pls GOD!!

The Sarah Palins of ICICI bank

2008-10-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

The current banking turmoil has been especially hard on western female bankers who had built stylish little careers and lifestyles wafting cluelessly amongst less pretty male counterparts.

..but alas, style and intelligent sounding drivel only works in bull markets when quite a few bankers are diagnosed with abnormally large brain cells that explains their enhanced financial acumen.. and such visions somehow evaporate at the end of bull markets.

Lovelies such as Erin Callan, Zoe Cruz, Sallie Krawchek.. are sorely missed for their exceptional skills, strategic vision and grasp of this faltering sector.. but even more for objective reasons.

Let us be clear.. these stylish things are confined to the banking world and their skirts have graced no trading seats except as talented "managers" of trading teams and stunning, exciting meetings they presided over. It was all very very stimulating.

Luddic Research reports an interesting analysis of the factors that make women get raises (and in turn makes them rise) in Wall Street's "high" finance and present a convincing argument how Sarah Palin would undoubtedly have risen far above three and possibly higher because of her (GodBlessHer) disconnect from reality and simple questions..

..as also her "doggone it" style would make it virtually impossible to fire or demote her.. since his decisions were mostly God's will.. and there is a litter of five(and a sixth derivatve) to feed..

But she has the rallyTheTroops talents to boldly make Grand asinine decisions and megalo visions that would put many a banker to shame.

Coming back to our local banking femmes, who though severely looks challenged have nevertheless dutifully tried to grace the financial pages with their vision and grasp of the banking /financial exploits and achievements.

Few months back Luddic Research had identified ICICI bank as a worthy torchbearer of the Great Indian DRIP Story that would eclipse the BRIC folly in short order .

There was this truly gifted leader KV Kamath of many talents and evergreen matinee idol looks who by some strange twist ended up running a bank instead of singing/ dancing around trees in romantic Bollywood musicals.

As expected, not one to let dull banking offices dim his magnetic attractiveness, he quickly embarked upon a mission to surround himself by female managers of all hues and their vision to think beyond their makeup and saris. It greatly helped that the bevy of financial birds surrounding his jet black hair added zest to all official gatherings, conferences and Industry meets that this visionaries from ICICI came to spend most of their waking hours gracing.. sure beat dull number crunching back in the cubicle.

So the growth trajectory of ICICI was clearly dominated by market share/growth/ think Big kind of excitement that just saw opportunity in any thing that walked or had a pulse .The game was to grow so fast and furiously that the nobody could ever calculate how much bad loans, capitalized expenses , NPAs etc. were buried under the ever piling books.
.. the rate of growth had to ensure nobody within the bank(much less a regulator or analyst) would ever be able to figure out the real profit (using the term very loosely) since inception.

This bank quickly caught the fancy of young and old, big and small, native and foreign.. wow.. what a growth trajectory and ..wow, what a visionary (and youthful) management team..The Indian growth story soon became synonymous with this bank and its conspiciously feminine Generals who rushed in where male bankers feared to lend.

The assortment of Chanda Kocchars, Kalpana Morparias, Renuka Ramanathans and such became household legends in this country for their far reaching insights and ability to shovel cash out into the countryside..

The corporate strategy meetings were fairly brief and everyone was totally on the same page:
.. mostly a session of complementing the management on their looks , jewelry and dresses(where did you get that.. very pretty!!) was towards the end punctuated with the agenda..
..OK that's decided now 12,000 new ATMs this year, 4500 new branches this year..finance KingFisher airlines to go global (airlines are the best users of our cash, we loooove Vijay Mallya .. he's dashing and dashes well..plus we couldn't find a bigger lemon than this airlines) .. lend to every car, house, salaried, two wheeler, Freddie, Fannie, Lehman , Builder, Construction company, SME this country has or if the growth targets falling short .. create these borrowers from the country side.. India is woefully under borrowed.

.. it got to a point that if anyone in the world (yes word got out) wanted to borrow and had difficulty answering some fairly simple questions .. he knew some ladies in India who had growth plans to match and cash to burn.. all he needed to do was answer some fairly simple questions at Sarah Palin's altitude and walk out with the cash.

Small wonder the bank seems to be involved in "offshore subsidiaries" who seem to have a little subPrime problem..

.. and the bank seem to be holding realEstate assets and such loans (at cost ofcourse) that reach into the furthest corners of the India.

..and the bank seems to have millions of lovely grass roots type of two wheeler and small loans which will likely pass on to next generation of original borrowers(and collection agents) before fully repayment.

.. and of course the housing loans book of ICICI bank across the country to strictly deserving applicants has proudly been hailed as the single biggest reason for unlocking the value in the Indian Real Estate sector which had for previous 50 years remained locked and hidden .

But sadly , the current turmoil has not gone down well in the envisaged growth plans of the Bank and unless quickly rectified by large Govt. bailouts, threatens to reveal certain accounting gymnastics at ICICI that could quickly disturb the composure and the hairStyle of KV Kamath.. and the confident noises Ms.Chanda Kocchar has been making to scotch any rumours.

For starters Ms.Kalpana Morparia has hopped across to JP Morgan (good timing surely!) and quickly announced grandiose ICICI style plans for expansion there.. much as in fashion of clueless American firms trying to monetise the enigmatic growth story of India that every one is sure of and can sense but nobody can actually pin it down. (When was the last time a white man actually took some profit out of an "emerging markets" ?.. tho we are not complaining ;)

So as all the other DRIP pillars have wilted these past months .. ICICI in that ingrained, go-getting manner has gone for the floodgates where others merely dripped.

What Kamath missed in his zest for youthful self-image and quest for visionary sounding legacy, was that you just cannot rustle up girls from the countryside and perch them in nice offices in Mumbai to do anything more useful than answering the phone or adding color to offsites.. no matter how debonair your looks or how dark your hair.

As per Luddic Research , the true measure of robust health and vitality in any company ( especially Banking) is inversely proportional to the percentage of top management coloring their hair artificially to bolster market share through misdirected Libido..

..just don't work.

Lastly, there is a rumor gaining ground here that ICICI bank is really an American Bank.

Morgan Stanley & Monsoon Capital : Feathers flying & Turkeys trying.

2008-09-17T07:37:00.000-07:00

For quite a while now, we have been keeping a steady eye on this global zoological bunch who've managed to pass off as a finance and investment firm wherein the careful eye did reveal a while back , the startling underlying reality that it was a bird pen for largish, puffy birds who loved to dress as suits.

Since those early days , the seeming success of these orniths ( distinctive for their awkward gait and useless views) despite their odd practice of providing every MD's cabin with private sand-box to immerse his head and views in those head-y days..oh yes!..we confess.. MS Ostriches and Monsoon Capital's Turkeys made it look so easy that we floated our own little UnHedged fund.. to try and ease the pain of cashConstipation so many Indian bulls seemed to be suffering from .. they needed relief and one which ensured they never be put into that pain again..the poor suffering bulls needed a cash enema..and needed it hard.

So we did copy their model a bit, yes.. but improved on their feathered fetish with a more hirsute pursuit.. and have to admit the westAfrican Baboons have wildly exceeded our X.

But recently the softly humming, big bird beehive of smooth, oblivious and cluelessly unflappable activity that was the hallmark of Morgan Stanley's investment genuis in this country, started showing alarming signs of disarray and disruptions and you can understand the sand and feathers flying around in downtown Mumbai's financial district can cause even the most longTermStoryIntact bulls to look up nervously from their plodding..yup, the flying feathers and large flightless birds in suits suddenly didn't look right.. especially when visitors reported the MDs' new ritual of collectively putting their heads together and in into the central sandBox at the Head Office for the entire trading hours.. the rumours were now rife..could these really be Chimps pretending to be Ostriches??..gimme a break.. just the markets overshooting again.

Though on a positive note, Monsoon Capital seems to have put together another India specific fund from entirely fresh crop of investors and plans to expoit the fantastic new Inflection emerging in this country.

As we had noted in March:

"The Monsoon India Inflection Fund LP has dropped 28.3% this month, through March 20. That leaves it down 45.9% so far in 2008, Prakash wrote in an update to investors. MarketWatch obtained a copy of the letter."

..and Gautam Prakash, one of the sharpest turk(ey)s in this business, quick learner from mistakes that he is, is aptly naming his new attempt as the "Monsoon India Deflection Fund LP" ..to deflect any disgruntled criticism or attempts to enforce prior claims .

..smells like some American largeBird Flu, if you ask me..

Indian stocks bottom again !!

2008-09-10T08:37:00.001-07:00

As most every half wit knows, India is a great long term story..in fact a fantastic opportunity that is evident to everyone and their portfolio managers.. a certainty..clear as day.

So, what now ails the "smart" money from getting onto this gravy train.. especially when it was this very "smart" money that enlightened the clueless natives about the glorious economic future that lay ahead .

So the foreign "smart" money came in plane loads.. saw the crowds around the airports.. smelt a mega opportunity.. met up with the "promoters" and convinced the poor saps to look beyond their quick buck, corner cutting, short termist, scummy businessman outlook and get a little "professionalized", "corporatized", "organized" and soon "private Equitized".

So the ordinary Indian Business Galoot suddenly sat up and started pestering his staff to quickly tell him how much was a million dollar in rupees..in rupee lacs ..in rupee crores.. this started looking good from his angle.
For years he had had to bribe, fleece, lie , beg and finally cheat and steal from his share holders and unsympathetic bankers( the salaried class ha!) to fund his gaming the system and suddenly these young "smart" money foreigner gents ( who obviously knew something he didn't ) wanted to throw easy cash at him and his "business" at lovely "valuations" that only they could calculate oh sooo accurately.. it just excited him.

And thus the great Indian growth story was on.

Everyone and his neighbour got this "smart" money in their companies.. at ever more exciting "valuations" and "stakes".. and they even pitted some "smart" money against each other ( so much "smart" money and so little time) to bid that wee more naughty "valuation".. oooh it was heady.

..And then suddenly the "smart" money which had been confidently and in suitably impressive tones been sermonizing on the equally impressive reasons why India was "decoupled" from turmoil back home .. this same "smart" money quickly lost that knowledgeable sheen to plunge to panicked hen levels shockingly naive even vis-a-vis the retail investor losers who'd succumbed earlier to loss of faith in the Long term.
To be fair the "smart" money boys did hold on to InForTheLongHaul song and dance for as long as their religious faiths allowed (and some faithfuls hold on even till today) .. but it does get difficult to hold onto the original positions after being fired from your firm or (as increasingly seen lately) the entire "smart" money firm going under, in this completely unforeseen Emerging Markets' mess.. gets a little tough to finance Indian real estate companies in these circumstances.

And that seems likely what ails the smart money.

Now fortunately ..and after a long 2 week gap of no "analyst" and market "expert" calling a market bottom.. we have had some sane voices explain in serious tones that the worst seem to be over as far as the Indian stocks are concerned and they do not expect further down moves..

This is a big relief as many of our clients have had trouble sleeping without being able to find a single reassuaring voice after all day of scanning news and TV to confirm their hope that this looks like the bottom.. you know these poor "investors" have been holding onto their stock "investments" since Sensex 19,500 that it cannot go lower and no point selling now..after this much fall.

Well we have been busy at Luddic Research at our UnHedged Fund what with hiring and training a couple more west African Baboons to expand our core Research team and as these two specialise in special situation shorts, their dart throws have just handily beat the market ever since.

Finally further to our latest discussions with Prashant Bhatia, the analyst virtuoso over at CitiGroup .. it is likely he will join our fledgling Unhedged Fund in the newly created important position of the Chief decoyTurkey for holding forth in the financial media about the Indian Banking sector and sometimes regaling the girls with his historic US banking upGrade calls that are now folklore..notably Lehman Brothers..We got us a legend !!

Lastly, we are now a bit worried about India's first authentic Warren Buffet , who modestly confessed he has never lost money in stocks (surpassed Warren too here).. is a bit missing in action for past few months .. and his lovely face and priceless pearls are no longer being cast in the financial media.. hope all is well..since no corpulent bulls on TV means no sustainable bull moves in Indian stocks.

But then Rakesh Jhunjhunwala knows Sensex will be 25,000 by 2010 and 50,000 in 5-6 years.. so why worry about this short term noise.. eh?

Though,we thank the lord the Bottom is finally reached again..was getting a little rough.

The Great Indian BandWagon Jam.

2008-08-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

Currently, there looks like a bit of a gridlock in the various Indian investment bandwagons' traffic.

It has been rather trying in the recent past for the captains of various bandwagons(even hand carts reported) to keep together the flock of believing "investors" and roll the wagons towards the heady future ( filled with pelf and prosperity) that looms ahead for any "long term" believer.
In fact, most annoyingly, these formerly docile "investors" have lately been behaving like a bunch of frightened hens leaping off the bandwagons with exaggerated flapping of wings and loud squawking at the slightest hint of market downturn. This is in sharp contrast to the saner days witnessed in this "fundamental" wonderland even a couple of months back when any slowing attracted even more "investors" to leap onto the Bandwagons from the sidelines.. hell if the rural rustics were hesitant or bashful, there were plenty of foreign "investors" wanting a ride into town.. good times loomed large just ahead !

And now .. all the BandWagons..the "growthStory" bandwagon, the "fundamental" bandwagon, the "value emerging" bandwagon, the "decoupled" bandwagon, the "landBank" bandwagon, the BRIC bandwagon, the "retail play" bandwagon, the "realEstate" bandwagon, the "infrastructure play " bandwagon.. all, but all bandwagons are having trouble keeping even the longest-term-outlook hens onboard.. and we confirm witnessing leaps executed by considerably weakened and frail "investors" off above bandwagons at considerable loss of limb and dignity ..to totter off into the bushes for much more sedentry lives.

What tugs at the heart strings is the degree to which aspirations of the nation and its entire financial community ( alongwith their former captive flocks) have deflated in hope and scope.

What has definitely aggravated the disruption of the careful travel schedules of these above bandwagons has been the disturbing and widepread discoveries that virtually all such bandwagons, originally thought to being piloted by finely attired and glib Clairvoyants, turned out to be OPM (Other People's Money) smokers who all along had had their heads up a certain orifice which offered an entirely cocooned and comforting world view of their abilities and worth.. these new revelations have derailed some rolling momentum, yes.

So the ordinary "investors" ( let's be clear here.. these are investors who believe in the long term camp and are not some ornery, short termist kind of gambling punters looking to make quick large profits in double quick times ) were surprisingly left holding the proverbial bags and sitting on suddenly uncomfortable bandwagons with increasingly ludicrous looking pilots whose natty attire no longer glossed over the fact where he (yup.. all He here) got his insider insights from.. and it left the investor disturbingly disturbed about his (recently golden) future.

Well the entire country's roads today are strewn with every variety of bandwagon in various stages of breakdown and disrepair with the pilots/drivers looking much the worse after being extricated from their self-absorbed, internally fulfilling OPM orgies...suddenly exposed to harsh sunlight .. and it is plainly traumatic.

The "experts" again see the valuations as very realistic and tons of sideline money is going to come into play and the bandwagons will roll again and .. and much merriment will ensue.. but one gets the worrying impression about the bandWagons looking more like clownWagons.. complete with corny uniforms and hats.. and headed nowhere!!

..but reassuringly , the sidelines are even more crowded now with all that cash(oooh yes..) ..waiting to rescue the markets.
Remember, we are all Long Term now.

Say it together now..
Long Term investors have nothing to fear.

The Chimps are back.

2008-07-24T05:47:00.000-07:00

[Announcement] : Chimpanzees buy Indian Stocks at 14,800.
BSE Sensex today: 14,777.
NSE Nifty today: 4,433.

There we said it ...so there is no mistaking.

Not into dispensing common sense( disguised as high sounding financial acumen) free of cost.. we have taken this unusual step of actually divulging our "take" on the market owing to the following reasons:

The plethora of sorryAssed "investors" who, having lost their shirts and shoelaces in the recent bull market, that have signed on as Luddic clients in hope of recovering some "investments" before their wives discover their indiscretions to neighborhood rattling public spankings.
The rash of value that has emerged in Indian stocks.
The reforms are back on track.
Everyone else is buying this rally.. the bang is back.

As is evident from the state of this country's economy and markets.. the bovine don't get it..ever.

And shockingly the "analysts" seem to be getting the message too finally..

UBS:

The Swiss bank lowered its year-end Sensex target to 15,500 points from 19,600 previously.

HSBC:

HSBC also cut its year-end target for 2009 to 15,000 from 21,000.

The good part is these marsupials still have their jobs or we would be hard pressed for targets.. and the good fortune that follows such targeted investments.

..but our personal experience with analysts and fund managers has been less than lovely.. for over 5 months after (getting ppl invested at Index 21,000 odd) , they assured :
20,500 "..buy this dip"
19,500 "..just a correction buy this dip.."
18,500 "..even better value buy this dip.."
17,500 "..average down your cost .. buy this dip.."
16,500 ".. bottom is here now .. buy this dip.."
15,500 .. cannot locate the man..phone switched off.
14,500 .. still no guidance.
13,500 ".. take the matter into own hands .. hold for recovery."
13,000 ".. cannot go lower.."

Suddenly , Govt survives confidence votes and the bulls' confidence is back.. Finance minister is back in saddle and economy is once again in good hands..evidence? his quick and astute analysis of the Oil situation..within hours of the vote.

...and our "analyst" is back..
...14,500 .. the market has bottomed .. just buy every stock flat out.

.. and this time of course, he can be trusted.

Strangely.. the Real Estate sector's value is still not being priced fairly.. apart from some far sighted turkeys like Lehman Brothers giving Rs.750 odd crores ($175 mil) to equally far sighted developers like Unitech .. um.. who are ideal partners considering identical farsightedness, but more importantly identically collapsing stock prices.

Reliance Industries : Target Price Tars

2008-07-15T06:43:00.000-07:00

Reliance Industries, as all Indians know is the Indian growth story, the India shining that make our chests swell with pride and (nearly) make Mukesh Ambani richest man in the world (well at least till the growth story was intact) .

Reliance Industries is such a central part of this country's scheme of making it into a developed, white nation that every fund manager worth his "grasp of the investing climate" quickly loaded up on the stock in his portfolios within the first few hours at the job..to many gasps of sheer admiration from the gallery.

It surely helped the stock Picking Process of these fund Managers' exhaustive due diligence that the media everyday sang paeans for the Reliance Pack, its visionary founder, his offsprings and the glorious path that lay ahead.
In fact so entwined is the future of this country with this family's visionary projects, visionary plans, visionary accounting, visionary shortcuts that certain Politicians (cutting across parties) were roped in to try and pass a bill in the Parliament allowing the Groups' corporate colors be changed to the tricolor national flag colors .. in fact the only reason it fell through was the bitter wrangling between the different politicians (on opposing brothers' sides) on which brother gets the colors and which gets the national emblem.. and when a national daily threatened to actually go public with such an agenda in non positive light for the Reliance Group ( unheard of in itself).. the duo decided to postpone Sovereign ambitions a tad.

So off they went about their business.. announcing project after project, investment plans after investment plans ( all running parallel..time is of essence here).. till nobody in the investment world, or the many analysts of different hues and colors who follow Reliance stock, could even keep a tab on all the projects or group companies or cross holdings or cash flows or ratios or even which growth projection incorporated which cash flow from which project into which companies balance sheet.. in fact it is suspected the situation within Reliance offices is just as chaotic and they all finally put together some nicely sloping ( upwards at an appropriate tilt) numbers every quarter to throw at the aforementioned analysts who then keep their home fires burning by deftly analyzing the same and turning up the next morning to announce their expectations exceeded (again!) in excited yelps on TV to coax some appropriate gymnastics on the Co's ticker tape..
..and the country sits back with warmed cockles and marvels at the wunderBrothers.

But lately, as the country's "investors" grapple with having to put up with sharing space with certain non-bull variety of farm animals.. who were allowed in ( a mistake in hindsight) into the stock market jamboree during the euphoric rise( of course their bovine cash helped) to add meat to the momentum..well these non-bulls (turns out most were actual, real sheep!) have now caused significantly more damage on the down move than any good on the up move.
..and Reliance, renowned far and wide for its abilities to manage growth, manage profit margins, manage tax loop holes, manage successive Govts. , manage accounting exponentiality, manage media, manage analysts and not the least manage its' share price.. had to face actual uncontrollable down moves in the scrip.. cannot the clowns see the profit margins, the growth , the projects..

That's the problem with sheep.. no reasoning .. they either move up or they move down.. and all of them.

So it began innocuously enough, more expectations exceeded more projects announced, more regulatory environments smoothened, more growth planned .. the analysts got down to work ..
since it was soon after the heady top of 21,500 on the SENSEX .. and the media was still quivering with the last spasms of the high .. corpulent, local Warren Buffetts were competing with each other to envision higher SENSEX 25,000 ..30,000 .. 50,000 (..in fact Luddic's Researchers, having failed to correlate anything(worthwhile) except unrequited libido to the market's 2 year gushing.. concluded that the lower had the visionary Prognosticator's self esteem been before the bull market.. the higher he seem to project the Sensex on his "investment" horizon.. *sigh* those were the days.

In these heady days.. our "analysts" ( OK, I use the word loosely..very loosely).. but then analysts by definition are loose losers who would be on the streets with tin cups if they actually traded their analysis.. so these "analysts" in this still quivering market.. just went about outdoing each other with their Reliance Target Prices.
To be fair for the last 2 years any analyst who upped his target when a stock dipped a bit was soon given his own cubicle, own appearance on TV, own herd of bulls to prod with his newer and higher target..so it was not surprising the highest "target" won the best cubicle/bonus/herd.

Sample some of their efforts to claim their rightful places in Analytic History :

ICICI secs in June : Reliance Ind Target: Rs. 3060
ShareKhan in April : Reliance Ind Target: Rs. 3196
India Infoline in Jan : Reliance Ind Target: Rs. 3316
India Infoline in Mar : Reliance Ind Target: Rs. 3198
Angel Broking in Apr : Reliance Ind Target: Rs. 3344

The analysis is not easy and any clueless john groping around to catch a quick 20-30% on his investments knows he is in good hands when he goes through the Target announcements - these are typically liberally garnished with serious doneMyHomework words like YOY, EV, EBIDTA, FY 4QF, FDEPS..to start with. that make normal English redundant and superfluous.
In fact we think the Angel broking guys have a good handle on the analysis situation in this country ,what with having beaten down the other wannabes hands down with a 3344 and the best narrative to boot :

" ..RIL stock is available at 18.7x FY2010E FDEPS of Rs 139.1. "

what more does an Investor need before pulling the trigger.. this is a sitter !!
In fact they wanted to fine tune the Target to Rs. 3344.15 based on the FDEPS of Rs.139.1 but the stenographer seems to have missed out in the draft announcement.

No Analyst story is complete without our old cat PN Vijay of PN Vijay Investments, who has for decades sagely advised investors how to invest and who ( along with his equally geriatric flock) unfortunately seems to have boughtEveryDip right from 20,500 to 12,900 and still holds basically Reliance in all his portfolios.

What brought this post about was the recent unfortunate events witnessed in the Indian financial capital Mumbai's streets when certain hooligans and antiSocial elements(though we strongly suspect many were mere investors in disguise) owing allegiance to a local, political, Uncle's offshot nephew's Party, stormed the cubicles of the abovementioned Analysis houses and dragging the (formerly)Target Happy Analysts into the streets and onto waiting donkeys ( you are seated facing back) quickly tarred and feathered the quivering (very different quivering , this) analysts before a loud and longish parade through downtown Mumbai.( In India cops can take a very long time coming).

Needless to say, it has been a while since anyone has announced Target(or getTar) Prices in this city and mostly offshore analysts are being used to announce any new Targets.

Update : Owing to recent macroeconomic issues, Angel (or Fairy) Broking has (through an outsourced analyst) lowered its Target for Reliance Industries by Rs.7 (was actually Rs.6.65, but steno.. ) to Rs. 3337 as they announced:

".. since FDEPS is now looking like Rs. 138.76"

..meanwhile the Reliance Industries scrip hit Rs.1977 today ?

Don Victor Niederhoffer (Don,not Down )

2008-07-07T10:40:00.000-07:00

That's right. Don Victor just got Quixoted by the panel of judges at Luddic Research for this decade.. and going by his momentum the next decade's title looks sealed too.

Victor as we all know has shown untiring brilliance in volatile performances of many kinds in his personal, professional, sports, love and trading life that would have stretched the imagination of even Obama's pastor(of AIDs is a conspiracy of the US govt. against Blacks!! fame) into hitherto uncharted territory.
Victor was/is a brilliant mind that just kept on pitting his obvious(and harped on) brilliance against the oxen that populate the financial markets in (as is evident) not only emerging markets but also the most developed and sophisticated markets operated by man.
Now how these Oxen and other lumpen elements have managed to gatecrash the mathematical and well "counted" world of Vic is another debate- whether the entire volatile and non-rational behaviour of these markets can be educated into non-medieval impulses through proper vetting of IQ levels of the players thus enabling reward structures directly linked to the depth of thought in investment/ trading strategies.
Sample this..while the rustics and the bovine have been buying shares that go up and selling shares that go down to good effect .. Victor here has been spending quality time with trees in California (studying similarities between tree rings and market cycles), imagining identical flow and ebb between musical symphonies and market trends(he even took a violinist to a strategy pitch with his clients in his heydays), pinpointing structural replication of Cathedrals in chart formations, etc. when he is not taking cues from long dead fictional characters ( anything alive does not qualify as it would be competition and Victor is nothing if not superior).

So, Victor Q. had this simple(and as usual brilliant) money making trick.. keep selling long shot put options (a bet prices will not go down) in a rising market and pocket the premium every morning.. soon he was better than anyone in selling puts in daylight hours.. every time market fell he sold more puts and when the market rose( as it always does ) he made more money.The sheer brilliance boggled the watchers .. people shook there heads in amazement.
Then Oct 87 crash happened and wiped out Vic's little firm(and investors little cash) as also all the years of option premiums he had collected brilliantly.So he had to hock the family silver and all.. but that's not all..he was back a few years later and kicking serious ass with his volatile brilliance .
This time he was a far more Educated Speculator(having written a couple of books to that effect) and studied musical and sand patterns more vigorously to decode the mystical natural cycles of the stock market.
So some fresh turkeys gave him some money (to put an end to the violin performance at the minimum) and after a couple of years of heart pounding gyrations Vicky Q. promptly doubled down a bet that never came back.. leading to the last study of tree growth circles (circles which eerily resemble his worldIsMyOyster pet vision, which alas never materialized owing to poorly gated paddocks around the stock market) and the locals were witness to the sadly familiar sight of turkey meat deliveries from the Niederhoffer farms.
Down for the second time, Don Niederhoffer realized that only lesser men learn from failure and the better men do not learn from 2 failures, while the best of course never learn from anyone or anything (except maybe a cathedral or B-Flat minor).

DonVic's trading philosophy can be summed up in 3 words (Markets go Up)..because in between his tree ring study and musical model building he divined that markets have always ended up if you take a longer term view.. if it shows lower close,just increase your long term definition.
In fact, his "counting" showed that last century it was up a million % and why would it be different.. so always bullish is the way to riches.
Well Don has had to deal with certain irritants like various sets of "investors" left dead or dying on the wayside in the short term in his long term march to the million % returns , having to hock his family silver to get over some short term problems an finally to spend more time in the botanical gardens than trading due to lack of trading funds while lesser traders are rolling in billions of trading profits with zero insights into California redwoods.

So the Don( formerly called the Chairman or "chair" in his eye opening sight ) spends his time in reading and gently critiquing books wherein his intellect comes through clearer than whatever the original author was trying to say..and lapping up the sycophancy all other posters on his site shower him with ( actually dulls the pain of those daily maulings handed to him in the market).

What one finds on the website lately is the amazement and the surprised giggles of Victor Q. on a near daily basis at the fresh low the markets are making when he had ordained the markets always need to be bought.. if lower, more so.. if still lower, still more so.. till they come back up and prove you're the Daddy now.
As he potificates here :

..I kept wanting to say "Et tu, Tyler?" because I don't believe in bear markets, and always believe it's right to buy, especially at times like this.

Going through his posts on the site( apart from some fairly intelligent and many entertaining reads) one gets the picture Don Vic is like prancing about and brilliantly picking off pennies from the path of the SteamRoller that is unrelenting and unperturbed by the intelligent thought coursing through the brilliant prancer in it's path.. it knows it gets all in it's path..thinkers and non thinkers alike.

Now, after many an hour of analyzing this interesting example of human behavior Luddic Research has figured out that Don Vic Q. has figured it out correctly .. but his trading strategy is only suitably for investors with a 112 year investment horizon and ability to fund equity draw downs of 21,800% to 65,300 % in the ensuing years.. but he is right.. this strategy may well be infallible.

..and for his unerringly always erring vision he got the Don title for this decade hands (and markets ) down.

GMR : a Global Giant is born.

2008-06-30T00:39:00.000-07:00

Infrastructure, Energy, Airports, Roads, Bridges, SEZs , Corporate jets, Cricket Teams .. it was a heady cocktail offering from the virginal Indian countryside was.. and that excited the excitable Fund "managers" and PE YoYos in that lovely, strange way.. the possibilities looked endless..and imaginations ran wild.

GM Rao the promoter of GMR group came from behind and upped the wunderBrothers of Indian business the Ambanis at their own game..Govt connected business strategy where "environment " management viz. Govt management is the simple and winning strategy.
Some say it was his flourishing mustache (that both the Ambanis admittedly, can never dream of growing) that quickly opened many a door for GMRao and soon as he dyed it a blacker than black shade he was the cats whiskers in Infra plays.

While lesser corporates and honesty hobbled MNCs battle it out to win over customers and marketshares.. our local business "promoters" know the big game is the political game and the fools that represent the people's choice (and of course the people's interest) are the fools to win over for a cut of the great Indian booty (before the textile wrapped FinanceMinisters /PrimeMinisters /NonMinisters hand it out all out to farmers in the hinterland).

And the results are evident.. while the P&G, HindLevers,Batas, ABBs etc. of the world battled it out gamely and honestly to sell some product and grow at a non-Indian (i.e. non exponential) rate ..our boys in blue just pole vaulted into the upper end of the global rich based on castle building expertise in non terrestrial contexts.. which to their glee sold like hotcakes amongst the global alpha hunting community of smallish "managers'' with largish visions of their abilities and worth who enhanced their self image in direct proportions to the value they dished out in their latest stake acquiring.
Things got so bad the promoters had to necessarily expand his vision and potential for his business to 1500x of whatever he had fondly decided last night to meet the excitement of the fund across his table today. "..yes, he agreed the potential was there.. if funds like you came aboard , definitely the world would soon be our oyster.." ..the show was on the road!!

So was the fate of the GMR group.. their propulsion into the corporate jetting, mustachioed promoteroscenti was in no small measure due to the Funding frenzy of the Funds that would make India into a economic behemoth..though disturbingly, Luddic Research has identified them as a bit early in the emerging of India. Consequently these fine Funds who had visions of being heralded as the far sighted cowboys who came into India, saw the coy opportunities, sowed a few(quite a few they imagined) wild oats and went back victorious to knighted lives in the cigar and brandy circles back home.. sigh, those were heady days.. and no "play" was too far fetched to let loose your fertile imagination.. landBanking,deCoupling, valueUnlocking, growthStorying, infraPlaying.. the future was owned.

It was only a matter of time G.Mallikarjun Rao expanded his vision from jute making to larger extrapolation friendly plays. Such was his ability to leap into the play du jour , that he managed to sell stakes in his company at Rs. 240 per share to 49 (forty nine) leading institutional investors ranging from Citigroup( we all know how sharp these guys are) to old fogies like Soros .. and quickly announced planned investments of Rs.60,000 cr( abt $15 B) in Power and other lucrative sectors in the finest tradition of the noveau Indian Promoter chutzpah.

Well strangely these fineYoung alpha maleish investors have had to face up to the ignominy of seeing the share price dip to Rs. 82 (as we write) and despite every single analyst and fund Manager looking to average down, talk up and holdItforLongTerm, the shares of this golden Goose continue getting cooked.
The bovine participants of the Indian stock markets have refused to see light and participate in this fantastic Infrastructure play that is destined for untold greatness.( In fact the incumbent Govt. is looking seriously into the widespread rumors that bovine participants of the non-bull variety have infiltrated the markets and playing mischief with the oneVisionBulls' sentiments (who are important for this country's future global aspirations) and asked SEBI to rustle up some somnolent, Govt discard employees to look sharp and strictly ban any cattle without balls from the markets.. bulls are still to be allowed.

Evidence of the bullish prospects surfaced again today as the GMR Infra went out and bought a Dutch Power company and announced that owing to the recalcitrant behaviour of the semi literate investors in India it would look at overseas and western markets to fulfill its expansion dreams.. It's management and business acumen obviously puts it firmly onto a fast track to glory and riches and we have been advising all our clients at Luddic to buy every dip(since Rs.239).
The reasons are easy to see-

"The group has already set up an office in London as a preliminary step and has plans to start regional offices across the globe as it buys power plants in the US, builds an airport in Istanbul, and mines coal in South Africa. The group, owned by the 55-year-old Grandhi Mallikarjuna Rao, plans to earn nearly 40% of its income from international business.
The company plans to invest $10 billion (Rs42,880 crore) in the next five years to acquire overseas assets, Bloomberg reported last week. "

And it was only a little while back they had announced they were actively studying Nuclear Energy as the next foray (going by their expertise in Energy sector).

OK Infrastructure, Energy, Airports, Roads, Bridges, SEZs , Corporate jets, Cricket Teams.. and now Nuclear Energy..

..I got 3 words for G.Mallikarjun Rao .. Save Your Hair first.

Indian Corporates face waning Libido

2008-06-20T19:55:00.000-07:00

As Luddic Research has long identified, the Indian bull story was unique in that it was essentially fueled by a bedroom revolution rather than the conventional boardroom revolutions that have marked lesser efforts in the developed world.

From the origins in the financial centers of the country where brokers, bankers, FIIs, Domestic funds, PE funds, Hedge funds (essentially any funds etc. which were populated with smallish, shape/looks challenged individuals, having mostly suffered bullying in their growing years and virtually no success with women till *after* getting employed and even after.. minimal).. well these financial players suddenly discovered an activity that seem to enhance their self image and sense of manhood wherein they could see some of that alpha that males of their category needed to prefix .

Quickly their proclivity for announcing higher valuations, bigger portfolio/private investments (for smaller stakes) , growth projections, target prices etc. etc. spread to the industrial and corporate sectors where innocent semi literate "promoters" started seeing themselves as the second coming and soon swapped their long favored traditionally tailored, striped underwear with Jockey shorts (much to the amusement of their portly traditional wives).. but the point is, they drank the "projected" kool-aid and we all know when the rustics partake a drink they can quaff long and steady without stopping for breath.

And that is what essentially happened in the spread of the new everyStreetPavedwithGold gospel.. from the long suffering financial types' need for a moment in the Sun to the RealEstate Builders and other such sharpies recently taken to making windmills ( literally and in the stock markets ..till the blades cracked) they all took note of the ever green, young strapping looks (mostly because of jet black hair) MV Kamath(ICICI) and Mukesh Ambani(Reliance) and quickly concluded the fountain of youth springs from growth plans 3 times a day and even more grandiose growth plans next morning.. and the Indian Growth Story was on.

Most Indian business promoters knew they had an innate talent and ability to get into practically any business and quickly announce a few tens of billions of planned investments in the next mornings press. Their abilities and talents which by now spanned Telecom to Energy to Real estate to Retail to Infrastructure to Brokerages to Movies to Fund management to Private equity .. basically if they had heard of a business.. they were up to it.
Our Research shows that the mere occurance of so many talented Business Stalwarts( with the ability to straddle and excel at multiple unrelated industries) and all of them coincidentally born in the same country in the same century is a 1 in 100,000,0000,00000 chance (for the modelers - about a 37 sigma event give or take).

In fact in entire mankind's history we have only GE (GenElectric) which has even come close the emulating this kind of multi industry spanning talent that seem to be commonplace in the Indian Business houses..and passes effortlessly to their equally multi-talented progeny.

We are indeed living in the Golden era of Indian Business and it is a no brainer these wunderkids will soon be able to overcome these blips and continue with their stratospheric growth plans as planned and the current negativism in the markets will die out on the realisation this is just a little, temporary, short term pause in the overall growth trajectory being ably orchestrated by the dream team of our bedsheet wrapped Finance minister, guided by our economist Prime minister, who is in turn guided by our Italian Non minister..this trio is good at winning economics awards, elections and farmers.

But coming back to the temporary predicament of business "promoters" who have not been able to raise fresh equity, fresh debt, business prospects, confidence, in fact haven't been able to raise anything the past few weeks and prospects are only looking glummer going by the survey of male oriented grooming /manicure retailers, hair dye manufacturers and men's salons.

The younger Ambani of the amazing wunderBrothers, concerned with the collapsing equity market for his offerings ( has a boatload to sell yet, if he has to cover even 5 % of his "announced" plans, given that exactly zero of his companies makes any money at all), no much happiness, as in past, from bankers to be allowed to participate in his dreams, awkward questions about the fate of Rs.100,000 crore ($25 B) of happy "investors" money put to play in the stock markets by his sharp, far sighted team at the Reliance Mutual fund in the boom boom months.. all these developments would a lesser man, put on the back foot.. but that's the lesser man..
A-nil fired back with a mega Billion deal to hock off his loss making( for entire forseeable future) RCom to the South African ingenues, renaming Reliance Energy to Reliance Infra to participate in every other industrial ( and domestic/household too if has "growth" potential) activity undertaken in this country.. and called up Spielberg to fund his studios's sagging fortunes and build a global name for himself this lifetime.

The other heroic business "promoter" Luddic Research has pinpointed as one of the future leaders (alongwith Kishore Biyani of Pantaloon /Future group) ..Pradip Jain of Parsvnath Builders ..who despite the having announced Rs.60,000 crore investment plans in the best Indian promoter tradition a couple of months back (when his shares were "guided" into Rs.400 range..sadly Rs.150 range now) .. and having most of his capital raising and other abovementioned raising abilities severely hampered by the crass behaviour of the stock market cretins .. is clear in his faith :

I don’t foresee any softening in demand. I don’t foresee any kind of pressure in end user demand.

Related to prices, prices are bound to go up. There is no way that price can go down. Media keeps talking about softening in prices, I do not agree.

..see why Luddic Research hero worships this man.. this is after a 60% + drop in his share price and projects spread far and wide into the country side which need customers and more importantly funding.The future of this country is in good, steady, confidence inspiring and clear thinking individuals 'hands.

But.. we would also here like to put a public interest request for the good of the Indian "corporate" sector, the economy and most importantly the Promoters and fund Managers who have been caught in this nobodySawItComing downturn that is fueled by temporary inflation blips (no doubt will be remedied by immediate price controls on every commodity and maybe free food rations for the rural Indians for a few months into elections by our astute Fin minister.) who will then quickly be allowed to reduce interest rates as all "experts" had been forseeing such a rate decrease even 2 months back and we will all be happy and gung ho again..this time we will really show them what "decoupled" means.
In the meantime our appeal is to not poke too much fun at the TV "market experts", Portfolio managers and other serious faces who have been entertaining us for the past few months with their well meaning "research" and "support" levels and also please lose no opportunity to put in a " nobody could have seen it coming" into all your conversations with such soldiers .. maybe, just maybe they will internalize this truth and be able to offer some fresh "buy" candidates at this market bottom currently formed..maybe also bolster some flagging libido.

We need these local experts even more as there are signs even the PE funds are wising up to the situation at hand and (after some tough love from investors) will no longer pump cash into Realty and Infrastructure "plays" we had come to love and trust.

As we had advised our clients at Luddic earlier , we are now sure this is the bottom again and of course as we all "experts" know Long Term India is a fantastic opportunity.. we only need to weather the short term corrections and volatility.. no sweat.

..and soon,the Indian bedrooms will swing to the music of testosterone charged promoters and investors yet again..building a bigger, better, growth trajectory.

p.s. A grand, Govt. sponsored, week long, mega Yagna (vedic religious ritual) is being performed in some South Indian state as we write this to ensure the Gods are appeased and kept updated on our efforts.. the Govt is taking no chances this time around, esp with election s around the corner.)

p.p.s. A late report suggests that some muscular officers of the Finance Minister's office have visited the office which released the errant inflation report yesterday for some stern talking to and quick refresher of the patriotic oath these officers need to consider before spooking the entire country and putting at risk the hard work put in by countless "Promoters" over last 2-3 years.( as also personal reelection plans)